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(Father Joe snoring)
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- Father Joe, you in there?
- Yes. Come in, my son, coming in.
- Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
And my last confession was-
- It's fine if you can remember it.
- No, no, I, I remember.
I had to do my laundry, afterwards-
- Let's just say it was last Sunday and let's move on, okay?
Sins.
- Right.
Lying. A lot of lying to my parents mostly.
I also might have resorted to violence at one point.
- Is that how you got your black eye?
- Yeah.
(Pastor Joe laughing)
I'm sorry, I mean,
Nico, never pinned you as a fighter, you know?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Is the other guy okay?
- No, but I'm not the one who hurt him.
- That's all? - Yes, but-
- Five Hail Mary, five Hail Father.
That's for your penance.
- No. Okay. I'm not alone. I brought my parents.
- Your parents?
- Yeah.
- To confess? What they have to confess for?
- I have nothing to confess
that I don't feel 100% justified in doing.
And even then, none of it is sinful.
None of it.
Just got out of the hospital,
my own son thinks the next place I need to go to
is a church.
No disrespect, Father. This is ridiculous.
I go to church like a decent human being should.
- If I may-
- I'm telling you, Father Joe,
it's Vincenzo you've got to talk to.
(scoffs) Can't you begin to list the shit that he's pulled.
No disrespect, Father.
If I were you I'd skip penance entirely
and have him jump straight into hell.
Yeah, let the devil sort him out. See if I care.
And if he doesn't what? Then I'll just do it myself.
Just you watch me.
I mean, what the hell?
No disrespect, Father.
(Pastor Joe speaking in Italian)
- I don't wanna be here, Joe.
- Angelina might have mentioned.
- She mentioned anything else?
- Quite a bit, but I would like to hear it from you.
- It's been a hectic few days.
(waves whooshing)
(vocalist singing in Italian)
(phone ringing)
- Get it.
(phone ringing)
- [Voice Assistant] Call from Vitali Nico.
- I'll get it.
Nico, why haven't you called, (speaking Italian)?
Your father, he never does anything around here.
- The Yankees are on. Hello?
- Yeah, well, he never goes to the store.
He never listens.
Are you listening?
Be here at 6:00.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- A tiramisu for dissert,
and your favorite, meatballs, ground beef and pork.
No, no, no, no, love, no veal.
Don't be late.
- No veal? Meatballs need veal.
- (speaking foreign language), they were out of veal.
- Mm!
- Oh, stop it with this ding, ding, ding dong.
They kill lab rats.
- If I die, I'll be doing you a favor.
- I hate the sound of that back scratcher.
- Maybe you could scratch my back, huh? Huh?
Yeah, and you know, I'll-
- Don't start. I'm not in the mood.
- Come on. Come on.
- There's too much to get done.
- Hey, when is the last time we did it?
- Memorial Day.
I wore black a nightie in memory of all the people
who died for our country.
- Mm, how come we only do it on birthdays and holidays?
- We'll do it next time we go on vacation.
- Mm! - Hmm?
Out, out. I've got work to do.
(gentle music)
That's our newspaper.
- My yard, my paper.
- Your paper, (speaking Italian).
(puppy snorting)
Morning.
- And what do we have today?
- Yeah. Smell that eggplant.
Hmm, the bittersweet heavenly aroma.
- And you call this a lemon?
- I don't see you running to the store to find better ones.
- Morning, Angelina.
- Morning, Murray.
No birthday parties that need clowns today?
- Either that or those horror movies
finally killed a once proud and profitable industry.
- Where are you off to today?
- Think I'll enjoy this day off.
I'll be next door with Vincenzo.
- This is the saddest cup of coffee that I've ever seen.
- Oh, I guess I just don't have your magic espresso touch.
- Mm.
- Your nails look like shit.
- Well, thanks. So do you, minus the hair.
- The hair also looks like shit.
- I'll fix it tomorrow.
And I told you, soft pink polish. Not slutty pink.
I took it off the minute I got home.
- Well, you keep bitching,
you can go to that nail salon down the street for 30 bucks.
(phone buzzing)
- What is it?
- I'm tracking Murray.
- (chuckles) What?
- Yeah, there's an app.
- There's always an app.
Isn't it a little too much?
- Ah, I gotta see what he's up to.
- Relax, he's just going next door.
Have you found anything out?
- Not yet.
- She made me dig up on my succulents, right,
just so she had room
to plant the exact same thing she could get at the market.
This is all I have left.
Welcome to Angela's greenery. (growls)
- The stuff she grows tastes better
than the stuff at the store.
- Jesus, you sound just like her.
- How's your son doing? - Good. Nico's good.
He's coming over for dinner tonight.
And God help me, he's bringing a girl.
She's made me clean all day like the Pope is coming.
- From what I heard,
your wife seems to think you do nothing.
It's always, "I'll do it later."
- Really?
When's the last time you helped her in the house?
- I'm busy at work.
- You are a birthday clown.
- It's exhausting.
Don't start with me, you jobless-
- Retired.
(Murray speaking Italian)
- Hey, stop stealing my lines, you-
- I-yah!
(gentle music)
- Mm-mm-mm.
- Oh good. You're here.
Your son's finally bringing a girl over.
He won't even tell me her name.
Everything's a secret with that kid.
- A kid's 30 years old.
- It's all your fault.
You're the reason why Nico never brings girls around.
- You have scared off every girlfriend he's ever had,
except for Geena, the hyena,
who laughs at everything that anybody says
like she's heard it on "Fallon."
- Well, that hyena goes to mass every Sunday.
Ow, just behave yourself.
I don't need any more surprises. Out.
- So what exactly happens at that dinner?
- I'm getting to that,
but first, let me tell you, it's a whole other story.
- Something was up before we even got there.
- Yeah, you know, those, ah, what do they call them?
You know, they, they, they made a musical about 'em.
Mormons. That's what they are.
You know them.? - What?
- Okay, let me explain.
I just finished the getting the house ready
and they were gonna be there any minute.
(gentle music)
Is that, (gasps) Vincenzo, it's her.
- What? - Nico's friend.
She came early.
- [Vincenzo] By herself?
- Yes. Just put some pants on and get over here.
- I can't find my pants.
- [Angelina] I picked them for you. They're on the dresser.
- What about a shirt?
- Just put something on.
- Anything? - Yeah, yeah, anything.
- What about my jersey?
- No, not that, you idiot.
- You said anything.
- Well, (speaking Italian).
- Oh. - Hello there.
- Hi. It is so nice to meet you.
- Likewise. What's your name?
- I'm Chloe.
- Chloe. I'm Angelina Vitali. Nico's mom.
Although I wouldn't blame you for confusing me
with his sister.
- I'm sorry?
- Nothing. It was just a joke.
Are you Italian?
- I actually am on my mother's side.
- Grazia di Dio.
Come on in then, (speaking Italian).
- Okay.
(yelps) Oh, excuse me.
- Vincenzo, what are you wearing?
- Couldn't find the shirt.
- Chloe, this is my husband, Vincenzo.
- Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
- Mwah, mwah.
Never met a Chloe before.
Where's Nico?
- Nico? - Nico, our son.
Your boyfriend.
- Oh, you must have me confused for somebody else.
- What?
- Angel, you brought this woman into our house
without knowing who she was.
- Well, it's not like she stopped me.
- You immediately welcomed me into your house and-
- [Angelina] Hold on.
- "Life in a peaceful new world."
- Oh God. You are in a cult.
- No, I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
- Oh God, you're in a cult.
- Oh, right. - Out. out.
- [Chloe] I'm going. Quit the shoving.
- Vincenzo, go put a shirt on.
- I got a shirt on. - A real one.
- Hi.
I wonder who that was.
All right.
- Okay. Do I look okay?
- Yeah, I mean, it's fine.
- Okay great. - You look great.
(fabric ripping) - Oh!
- What's wrong?
Stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop.
I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.
- Oh, my God. - It's fine. It's fine.
- It's like, it's torn. - My mom won't care.
My mom won't care. It's fine.
It's okay. It's okay.
Really, actually, you'll really love her.
- [Lily] I know, but I-
- Hi, Mom. Who was that?
- That was, it doesn't matter.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- This is my girlfriend, Lily.
- Hi. Yes, and this is for you.
- Ah, what happened to your skirt?
- Ah, she got caught on a rosebush.
- It's embarrassing.
But your roses are, are fine.
- Oh, well, thank you for showing concern for my garden.
As long as you haven't trampled my eggplants, I'll live.
- No, I, you have eggplant too, that's-
- Eggplant, tomato, zucchini.
If it came out of the dirt, I grew it
and we're having it for dinner.
(Lily laughing)
- She insists on everything being very fresh.
Where's dad?
- I am here. I'm here.
- This is our son's girlfriend, Lily.
- It's so nice to finally meet you.
- You as well.
- My husband, Vincenzo.
- I'm liking you better than Chloe already.
- Chloe?
- Oh, nevermind Chloe. - Who's Chloe?
- Come with me.
I'm gonna find you something that isn't torn to shreds
to for dinner.
- No, no, no, I really, I couldn't let you do that.
I'm fine.
- I'm not asking.
I won't have anyone wearing less than their Sunday best
at my dinner table.
- Doesn't dad always eat in his boxers and his-
- Hey, hey, not when we're having guests.
- Follow me.
- [Lily] Okay.
- She'll be okay, right?
- Ey, yeah, yeah.
- This belonged to my mother.
- Oh my gosh. Are are you sure?
I, wow, this must mean a lot to you.
- Yeah, right, well, you know,
we moved (speaking Italian) to a nursing home years ago.
She refuses to take any of her old stuff.
She says they don't have room.
What the hell are we paying for?
- Well, it's absolutely beautiful.
So, thank you.
- It goes well with your hair.
- Oh, thank you. I actually just got it done.
- You can change in the bathroom.
- Perfect. (chuckles)
- [Commentator] So it won't be a chance now,
is the time for our first and third to-
- Well, you wanna start a conversation
with your old man, huh?
Why don't you ask how retirement is?
- Well, you didn't retire. Uncle Sal fired you.
- Ew!
Let's talk about you. How's the restaurant?
- It's fine. Busy.
- Lila seems nice.
- Lily. It's Lily.
- So where are you from?
- [Lily] Near San Francisco.
Ever heard of Martinez?
- Martinez?
- [Lily] It's where martinis were created.
- That's where Joe DiMaggio was born.
Oh, don't let Vincenzo hear you say that.
He idolizes that man.
Once you start to talk about, believe me, you'll regret it.
Are you by any chance Italian?
- [Lily] Oh, no, I'm not.
- Oh, that, that's, that's fine for now.
And your parents, do you, you keep in touch?
Are you close?
- [Lily] They actually passed away a while ago.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
No, in-laws.
- I'm sorry. What was that?
- Nothing.
- You're lucky the dragon hasn't chewed her up
and spin her out yet.
- I think they're getting along pretty well.
- How long have you and my son been seeing each other?
- He hasn't told you?
- Oh, it's easier to pull teeth
than have Nico talk about girls.
- Sorry. Do you mind?
Well, we've been seeing each other for about nine months.
- Ow. - Nine months?
And Nico hasn't told us?
What the hell's the matter with you?
- I mean, I don't know.
I'm an actress for starters.
- Oh, as if this town had a shortage of them.
- I guess I'm not the tidiest person.
- And you wind up with Nico, Mr. I rinse his underwear.
- Oh, I know, right? Did you teach him that?
- No, no, he picked that up on his own
when he started dating girls in high school.
- Nine months?
- Like we've been down this road before, right?
- Oh, not since you were in college.
- You know, you think that maybe you can reign her in
if like the spaghetti starts to fly?
- I have no control over her.
- She's your wife.
- She's your mother.
- You live with her?
- Yeah, well, she doesn't know everything
that happened in this house, neither do you.
- Look at him. (laughs)
- Oh my gosh, he's so cute.
- Can you imagine what my grandchildren will look like?
- Oh, grandchildren. Yeah, I can imagine. (chuckles)
- What do you mean by that?
- Nothing. (chuckles)
- You don't want kids?
- I don't, not want kids.
- And Nico knows this?
- You know, we actually haven't really talked about it yet.
- Do you don't see yourself like,
wanting kids in the future?
- I mean, gosh, maybe one day, like 10 years from now.
- 10 years? I mean, that's a long time.
I, I, you are not getting any younger.
- Oh wow.
You know, I was once married before
and one of the reasons we got divorced
is 'cause he wanted kids and I just,
I, I just wasn't ready yet for that kind of responsibility.
- Married? You are divorced and you didn't tell Nico?
- He knows.
Anyways, what do you think? How do I look?
- Like my mother.
- Okay.
- What is that supposed to-
- [Vincenzo] Ooh, look at you. Wow.
- Hey, is that Nonna's dress?
- Like she'd ever miss it.
I'll be right back.
- So, where you, where you been?
I mean, you know, nine months.
- Oh yeah, I've actually been working at the Edge Playhouse
in Santa Monica.
- Never been there.
Haven't seen a play since we were up in Hollywood.
Saw "Jersey Boys."
- Oh, so you guys, you don't go out very often?
- Oh, he doesn't take mom out, except to go to church.
- So what do you do at the Playhouse?
- I'm an actress.
- I'm an actor.
- You haven't acted in 20 years.
And that was a commercial for sales car dealership.
- I sang in that low-budget piece of crap.
- Prosecco time.
- Ah, thank you. - Of course.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
(Lily laughing)
- Oh, Mom, sorry. I forgot about you.
- [Vincenzo] Mm!
(Lily giggling)
- Sorry.
- Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
- Hmm, you know, Angela makes the burrata by hands.
- Oh wow, that's, that's amazing.
I think for now I'm good with just a drink.
Thank you. (chuckling awkwardly)
- Maybe he wasn't clear enough.
I made the burrata by hand from scratch,
slaving away all day in the kitchen.
All for this night.
- Okay, cool, so.
Hey, what's, what's going on at the theater these days?
- Well, we're doing auditions right now for a new play.
It's a romantic comedy.
- Oh, therapy shit.
- It actually takes place in Little Italy.
- Little Italy?
- Angela and I grew up in Little Italia.
- We lived across the street from each other.
- Yeah, parents moved there from Milano.
- His parents were from Naples.
- She's kept me in check ever since.
- I would love to have you swing by rehearsals one day.
It would be really great to have feedback
from an authentic full blooded Italian.
- That don't sound so bad.
Huh, a Little Italy.
Where are you from?
- Martin- - (clears throat), yeah.
- What?
- Martinez.
- What? No, you...
Oh, Joe DiMaggio is from Martinez.
- How could I?
- Hey, he was a god.
When I think about my hero, Joe, Joe,
nine-time World Series Champion,
13-time All Star.
1941, had the greatest sports record of all time.
A 56 game hit the streak for the Yankees.
Oooh, he was a real man.
- Don't come comparing Joe DiMaggio to God, huh?
That's sacrilege.
- Eey.
- I don't really think it is, Mom.
- You forgot everything you learned in church so quickly?
- I go to church more often than both of you.
- Well, when both of you go to church,
you can ask Father Joe if it's sacrilege.
- Well, is it?
- Huh?
- Sacrilege? Is it sacrilege?
- No. I already told Nico, it isn't.
- Haa. Oh, I knew it, mm.
Anyway.
- And while you're at it,
ask if your father needs to go to confess.
- What do I need to confess?
- I actually don't go to church.
- You don't?
- I'm an atheist,
so I think it would be kind of hypocritical
if I did. (chuckles awkwardly)
- Huh!
- Can we maybe just talk in private for like a second?
- Sure. Yeah. Absolutely.
- Why not here?
- Angela.
- It'll just be a second.
- Okay.
Excuse me.
- [Nico] What's going on?
- Why didn't you tell your parents we've been together
for nine months?
- Whoa. Whoa.
- And why didn't you tell me that they didn't know?
- Okay, can we just calm down for a second?
- Calm down? It's nine months, Vincenzo.
Okay, not to mention she's not Italian, okay?
She doesn't want children.
Oh, she's been married, divorced.
Oh, and the cherry on top of, (speaking Italian)
is that she's an atheist.
Her only redeeming quality is that she's an orphan.
- All right, I get it, for Christ's sake.
- I mean, it would be one thing if she was,
you know, Jewish or Hindu or a Muslim or,
or whatever the Travolta is to not believe in anything.
What kind of a person doesn't believe in heaven or hell or-
- God, Lily, I'm sorry, okay?
This is all my fault.
All right, my mom has these crazy Italian standards
and she's chased away all my old girlfriends.
- Oh, all your old girlfriends.
- Look, can we just-
- Eat dinner already?
Come on. For Nico's sake,
let's let it be and give her a chance.
Oh, please, you just wanna eat the meatballs
before they get cold. - Yeah, that too.
But let's, the two of us, let's be civil just for night.
- Yes, civil, but then civil, I can be civil.
- So, what do you think of Lily?
- Lovely girl.
- How long did you say you were seeing her?
- I don't know. I don't remember exactly.
- Oh, you don't remember?
What kind of an answer is that?
What, days, weeks, months?
Basta. Unbelievable. You're just like your father.
- Hmm. - Hmm. What's hmm?
What? Too much basil?
Too much oregano? Too spicy?
- It's good.
- It's good, but it's not great.
What, what does it need?
- It's great, Mama.
- Don't patronize me.
- All right.
Oh no, these are stale.
- The lady fingers are not stale.
My tiramisu is perfect.
- You put Marsala wine in that?
- What do you think, Mr. Know It All?
- You're never too old to learn-
- You know what, you never tool for me
to give you a swift kick in the ass.
Out. Out of my kitchen. - All right. Okay.
I love you, Mama.
- (speaking Italian), and the start of the show,
my Nonna's meatballs.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- Wow, Mama, this is, this is amazing.
- Yeah, I can see where you get your love of cooking from.
- And look what he does with it.
He wastes his genetic talents at some grease trap
that serves food.
I'm insulted, they call it Italian.
- Well, it helps pay the student loans.
- Well, the eggplant looks absolutely delicious.
- Mm. What about meatball?
- Oh, I, I don't eat meat.
- You don't?
- No. (chuckles awkwardly)
- What are you? Some kind of vegetarian, vegan?
- No, no, I just, I don't know, I just don't like it.
- You don't like it?
What kind of a stupid answer is that?
I mean? Who doesn't like meat?
It's like, it's like saying I don't like rainbows
or Frank Sinatra.
- Angela.
- Mama, (speaking Italian)
just, you know, calm down.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- I mean, you bring a girl over that you've been seeing
behind our back, who is not Italian, not religious,
who wants me to die without grandchildren.
And now she insults my cooking.
- Okay, Mrs. Vitali, I didn't say anything like that.
And I really don't appreciate-
- Don't, Mrs. Vitali me, you streaky broom-haired hussy.
- You said you liked my hair.
- Well, I was trying to be civil.
Let's just say that if things don't change around here,
you'll be sleeping with the fishes.
- Oh, Mama, come on.
Again, with the mafioso threats?
- Again?
- She's saying it just to scare you, all right?
It's not true.
- My papa's ex boss's younger cousin Alfredo,
has ties with the mafia.
I mean, you said it yourself,
what good is a starving artist and a slob for my son?
- Okay, well, this slob loves your son.
- Oh, so you love him now?
Has he told you that he loves you?
- Okay, we got that out in the open.
- Well, since we're opening up-
- The food's getting cold, let's eat.
- Let's say grace first.
- Lily's not- - Baby, it's fine.
- Everybody at this table says grace or no one eats.
(tense music)
(Angelina praying in Italian)
- Ahmen. Amen, ah-men. - No, no, just, not this.
(soft music)
- He'll never marry you.
- Okay, that's, you know, that's it.
That's it.
Look, Nico, I'm gonna be in the car.
Thank you so, so much for the food and the drinks
and the super colorful conversation
about the fishes or whatever.
But I know when I'm not wanted.
Goodnight, everybody.
- Bye-Bye.
- Why you're like this?
- Like what?
- Mean?
- Well, I don't like her.
- I like Lucy.
- Lily, Dad. Lily.
- I can see why you kept her hidden from us for nine months.
- Yeah, exactly.
And by the way, she's the one who wanted to meet you guys.
Okay, and I kept putting it off, putting it off
because I knew that something like this would happen.
- Well, it's not my fault
if she thinks she's in love with you.
- She is in love with me. I'm in love with her.
- You know that she's divorced, right?
- Yeah, and I love her anyway.
- Have you told her that you love her?
- Dad, please. This is between mom and me.
What are you even doing here?
- What?
- [Nico] You no help to anyone.
- Don't you dare talk to your father like that.
- You know what? I'm done. I'm done.
Okay? That's it!
And for the record,
your meatballs aren't as good as they usually are.
(tense music)
- 'Cause there wasn't any veal.
(gentle music)
- Hey. (chuckles)
- Hey.
- So I guess the dinner
with Nico's girlfriend didn't go so well.
- What makes you think that?
- We could hear it. Most of it.
- Oh, hey, Vincenzo.
Hey, you look wiped out.
- No, no. I mean, you know, long day.
Goodnight, Murray.
- Goodnight. - Vincenzo.
- Goodnight.
- Well, that was a train wreck.
- God, I know. Like, this has gotta stop.
My mom is impossible.
- It's not about your mom.
I'm not gonna let her get to me.
- Well, what's it about?
- I don't know. Me, you, us?
- What?
- I know the reason you didn't tell them about us
is because you were worried
that they were gonna scare me off
like all your other girlfriends.
But I'm not scared that easily.
- I know you're not, okay?
But it's not about that, all right?
You know, look, I don't need their,
her, her approval, but I'm their only son, all right?
And I've always been there for them,
and that's not gonna change.
- So you're worried that she's gonna hate me
if we stay together,
but she'll never forgive you for not leaving me?
Is that-
- Look, okay, no.
It's about commitment, all right?
I choose to be committed to you
and I have to be committed to them.
And at some point, I'm gonna have to,
you know, I can't keep those two things separate forever.
- Look, right, I'm really happy that you're committed.
But let's just face it, your mom wants me to disappear.
And even if she did warm up to me-
- She will.
- Okay, even if she did,
she's still gonna want a huge wedding and 10 grandkids.
And I'm not gonna let her bully me into changing
or rushing things.
I'm not, I'm not doing that. - You know what,
actually, speaking of rushing things.
- Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
If things had gone well tonight, I was gonna do this,
like, as a joke.
- Seriously?
You're asking me to move in with you again?
- Okay, I can see that you're more mad now than before.
And you thought I was gonna ask you to marry me.
- After all this talk about commitment.
- Okay, but this is committed.
- Yes, but it's not, it's not-
- But you love my place.
Why don't you just,
come on, take the key.
- No, no, no, Nico, I just want us to be happy.
- I am happy. We're happy.
What, what? You're not happy?
- Okay. Happy. Great.
Look me in the eyes and say that you love me.
Say I love you.
- Oh, come on.
- I love you.
That's it, you know? - Okay. All right. All right.
It's (sighs).
- It's on a blinking contest.
- Okay, look, I can't just do it on the spot, okay?
You know, you know how I feel about you.
- Then say it.
- I can't, I can't just say it.
All right, it has to mean something.
It has to be something special, okay?
It has to mean something.
Actions speak louder than words.
- Maybe that's your love language, but it's not mine.
- What does that mean?
- You know what?
I'm really tired and it's getting late,
and I think I should just go upstairs now.
Okay.
- Well, come on.
Do you wanna spend the night with me?
- No. Maybe tomorrow.
(gentle music)
- Uh, talk about the rough first impression.
- You don't know the half of it.
- Was she really as bad as-
- Yes, she was.
And no, I don't regret anything I said.
- So did they try to smooth it over at all?
- No. If anything, it got worse.
In fact, everything got worse.
I knew when I woke up that morning,
it was gonna be one of those days.
(Vincenzo snoring)
- Mm.
- Vincenzo? - What?
- Vincenzo, when was the last time you washed this blanket?
- I did the laundry two days ago.
- That's not an answer.
- Oh, okay. So I forgot the blanket.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Hm.
(Angela and Vincenzo speaking in Italian)
- I found this bra in the laundry room.
It doesn't belong to me.
(Vincenzo coughing)
- How am I supposed to know?
- Well, it ended up in this house somehow.
- Maybe it's yours.
- Does this look like any piece
of clothing I've ever owned?
- Mm, I remember back in '86.
- I'm calling the police.
- No, wait. Don't, no, don't call the police. Why?
- Well, because somebody could have broken into this house
and left this as a warning.
- Well, I think I saw that on "Columbo."
- Well, I don't see you coming up with an explanation.
- Maybe it's Lily's.
- What? - Yeah, Lily.
- Huh, that's her name, right?
- Yes, yes, but what are you saying?
- Last night at dinner,
she and Nico snuck out into the living room and maybe they-
- (gasps) Oh fuck.
- Exactly.
- That, that, (grunting).
(speaking Italian), what kind of hussy does that
right before dinner?
What has she done to my son
that he would even consider doing something like that?
That is not the way I raised him, let me tell you.
Although I'm sure there's a little bit of his father in him
that would stoop so low.
But even Vincenzo would never, not in my house.
- Angela, do you think we could maybe-
- You know, I woke up this morning,
I thought, you know what?
She's so rudely walked outta my dinner taking Nico with her.
You don't know anything to stop her, right?
You know, but I still felt
that I should do what's best for my son.
Wanna say, how am I supposed to react
when something like this happens?
- Ah, do you think we could maybe continue this conversation
when you don't have the scissors that close to my face?
- Oh no, I'm being careful.
- Okay.
- And on top of it all you would think
that if you did something so disgusting like that,
you'd be careful not to leave sleazy articles
of clothing behind. - Okay, well,
I think she was probably in a rush, Angela.
- Okay, wait, wait, wait. I'm getting a call.
Hello?
- [Murray] Min, are you there?
- Uh-huh!
- Listen, another job came up last minute.
I'll let you know when I'm done.
I have to go to another event.
- Oh, okay, I thought we were gonna do dinner and a movie.
- We'll order takeout and rent something on demand.
I just wanted to let you know before I forget.
- Okay. I love you.
- [Murray] Love you too.
- Hey, our mom says she wants you to do the balloon animals
before we cut the cake.
- That's what I'm here for.
And how are you doing, Mr. Man of the Year?
- You know I'm too old to have a clown
at my birthday party.
- Do you know I'm too old to be a clown
at your birthday party?
So let's get on with it and grab some cake.
- Um, so what, what are you gonna do?
- Oh, for one thing,
if I ever see that stronzo again, I'm gonna rip her-
(dramatic music)
That's her. (gasps)
- Oh, wait, wait.
What about, what about my hair?
- I'll finish it tomorrow.
I'm gonna go through the back door.
(Min sighing)
- [Vincenzo] Hey, that's a ball.
- She's back.
- Who? The Mormon?
- Lily, Nico too.
Get the bra. It's in the garbage.
- Why? - Just do it.
- Ciao, Mama.
- Back so soon.
- I forgot something.
- Oh, did you now?
- Yeah, I forgot to give you back your dress
or your mother's dress.
- Are you sure it's the same dress?
What did you do to it?
- I washed it.
I thought it was the least I could do.
- Oh honey, let's now go down the road
of the least you could be doing.
- Okay, Mom, I can see that you're back on one,
so we're gonna get going.
- What happened to your dress?
- I kind of fell in the bushes.
- Again?
Fine. Here, Take it.
Just keep the dress.
- Okay, wait, hold on just a second now-
- Oh no, Lily, this is a trap.
- Vincenzo. - No.
- Yep. - Vincenzo, where is it?
- [Vincenzo] I'm getting it.
- You know what you did, both of you.
- Okay, Mrs. Vitali,
I am really sorry that you don't like me
and then I don't live up to your expectations,
but that's, that's not gonna change anything.
- You wanna punish me? Is that it?
- I need to live my life.
I need to love who I love, for Christ's sake.
- The Nico I raised
would never take the Lord's name like that.
Gesu Cristo!
- Oh, well, now you're just being a hypocrite.
- It doesn't count. I said it in Italian.
- Doesn't count? I think it should count for double.
- I'll make up for it in confession.
Not that I would ever see her there.
- What does Lily have to do with any of this?
- Can we please not talk about me like I'm not in the room?
- Just take your bra and go.
Vincenzo.
- Wait, wait. - Bra.
- My bra.
- Yeah, the bra you left in this house.
- Okay, why the hell would I leave my bra in your house?
- Because you can't keep it in your pants.
That's why. - Oh, my-
- Mom, what? - Okay,
I honestly have no idea what you're accusing me of.
- It's not mine.
- Slow down.
Why do you think that this bra is Lily's?
- Vincenzo said,
Vincenzo said-
- Here it is. - Oh my God.
- What?
- Who is she?
- Who? Who's who?
- The owner of that.
- Well, I, you know, I thought that it was-
- No, no, I've never seen that before in my life.
- Oh, Dad, how could you do this?
- How could he?
I'll tell you how, because he's a man.
The man I married.
Man's stupid enough to think he could get away with it
in my own house.
- I don't know what you, you, you, you are talking about.
- Don't play dumb with me.
Who is she?
- Amore. Amore.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- Who is she?
(slap resonating) (Vincenzo yelping)
- Oh, all right, all right, all right.
You want me to tell you who she is?
You want me to be tell you who I'm messing around with?
Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you,
'cause I don't care what she tells you.
- Is it someone I know?
- Is Carla, Claudia,
Francescana, Loridana, Skarina.
Oh, Isabella?
- Those are all the ladies that go to our church.
- I mean, it's not my mother.
It's not a cashier who checks us out of the supermarket.
She's too young.
But don't think I haven't seen you checking her out.
It's not Min. She never do that to me.
- It is not her fault, okay?
- Dad, Jesus Christ.
- Who's Min?
Who's Min?
- It's the neighbor.
- Come on, Angela.
- Dad, leave her alone.
- Hey, Angela. - Hey, Dad.
- Talk to me.
I know my wife and this is not like her.
- Yeah, what'd you expect?
- [Vincenzo] Hey, you know what? I'm sick of being-
- You're sick?
Yeah, you're sick. - I'm sick.
I had a heart attack.
- Oh my God.
- Is not what I expected to hear from my physical.
- When?
- Last week. They told me it happened in my sleep.
- That's a mistake.
- It's not.
I thought I was tired and short of breath sometimes
because I was getting older.
- I had no idea.
- Why didn't you tell us sooner?
- How do you tell the people that you love
that you hear the clock ticking faster now?
- You listen to me, Angelina Maria Vitali,
you and I both know you're not going anywhere.
- I don't know anything anymore.
♪ I don't know what to say ♪
♪ Except to say I'm sorry ♪
♪ That I don't know what to say ♪
♪ And for wasting your time ♪
♪ Everything will be okay ♪
♪ Yes, I know it's scary ♪
♪ So I lie and say you'll be fine and I'm okay ♪
♪ Is that a really a crime ♪
♪ If I should lose you now ♪
♪ Tell me how I'm supposed to go on ♪
♪ If I should lose you now ♪
♪ Will I find it in me to be strong ♪
♪ If you should leave and I cannot follow ♪
♪ I'd like to believe that I'd grieve ♪
♪ And not wallow with sorrow ♪
♪ But I know there's nothing much else I could do ♪
♪ If I loose you ♪
- Oh my God. Angelina, I'm so sorry.
- It's fine. I'm okay.
I'll be okay.
- It was a shock to all of us.
I mean, I don't even wanna talk about it.
- Cheating is right up there with the stealing-
- Yeah, I know, but I didn't cheat.
I fooled around a little.
I know that doesn't make it better.
But what do you want me to do?
I, I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
- Especially after finding out about Angela.
- Well, still is one thing to cheat,
and there's another thing
to literally covert the neighbor's wife.
- You don't say.
- What did you do?
- I went over the next day and I did what I said I'd do.
I cut her hair.
- Oh, and in the end,
he does help her to get her business off the ground.
And she gets pregnant.
And well, they meet at the top of the Clock tower
and she shows him the pregnancy test
and they fall into each other's arms and they kiss.
Oh, I loved it.
Of course, Murray couldn't understand
why anyone would wanna spend 20 bucks to rent it.
- It sounds like a good movie.
- Is there something wrong?
- Hm? No, no, I'm fine.
- Okay.
Oh, how did it go with Nico's girlfriend yesterday?
- Hm. Well, where to begin?
For one thing, it turns out the bra's not hers.
- It's not?
- It's a mystery. I know.
It's a bit of relief, honestly,
knowing my son's girlfriend doesn't wear something
so pink and tacky
- Pink? Oh, you, you didn't mention that it was pink.
- I didn't? Oh, I must have forgotten.
That's a good thing I remembered.
- [Murray] Hey there ladies. What gives?
I thought yesterday was hair day.
- [Angelia] Had to reschedule.
Just coming from a party, Murray?
- No, I'm about to head out.
Grab a drink for the road.
I'll be home late again, honey, okay?
- Yeah, these parties always go late, don't they?
- You bet.
Oh, and Angela, I was talking to Vincenzo this morning.
- Vincenzo? Vincenzo who?
- Vincenzo your husband.
- Oh, right, that laos. And?
- Well, he told me about your heart attack
and about what the doctor said.
- What's wrong with your heart?
- Oh, nothing. It's a long time ago.
I didn't wanna worry anyone.
I was just trying to keep it a secret.
Unfortunately, Vincenzo is terrible at keeping secrets.
- Well, I just wanted to say how sorry that I am
that you got dealt such a bad hand like that.
- Well, thank you, Murray.
Did Vincenzo happened to mention anything else?
- No. Why?
Anything else has should be worried about?
- Mm, not at the moment.
- [Murray] Well, so long.
- So Angela, why didn't you tell me about your heart?
- Oh, you know, like I said, I just didn't wanna bother you.
It's fun if I keep a secret from you, isn't it?
- Yeah. No, no, sure, it's fine.
I just, well, what did the doctor say?
- Inoperable heart failure.
- What?
(dramatic music)
(Min screaming)
- Nico, come on. Get in the car.
- I have to go to work.
- I called them for you already.
I told them you have a family emergency.
- Mom put you up to this?
- Your mother is not talking to me now.
Come on.
Are you gonna get in the car, ain't you?
- Where are we going?
- Where nobody knows your name.
(bright music)
- Okay. All right.
- This a little bit,
I don't know, like fatalistic?
- No.
- Like, they're trying to make peace before mom is-
- No, it's not that bleak.
And this isn't about making peace or, or saying goodbye, no.
Your mother's not going anywhere anytime soon, right?
But if we can take the shock of this
and use it as an excuse for them to find closure,
it's important that happens right now.
'Cause pretty soon your mom's gonna need
the whole family behind her.
- Yeah.
- Everyone.
Look at me. Look at me.
Everyone, okay?
- I still don't wanna do this.
- Yeah, well, I'm not doing it alone.
(jazzy music)
- I, you, we, oh.
Kids these days.
Better watch where you going.
- Oh, Lucia.
- Oh my God. Call the cops.
- Nico, say hi to your Nonna. - Oh, lock him up.
Oh, I run over him. Good.
- (yelping) Okay.
- Nonna, you wanna watch TV?
- I am. Stai zitto!
- Okay, because the TV's not even on.
- Okay, Lucia, Lucia, I'm not in the mood.
What's he doing here?
- What do you mean what am I doing?
She's my mother.
- Yeah, but you can't stand her.
- She lost her feet, not her ears.
- Uncle Sal, thought you had town getting your tooth done.
- Yeah, it's still in the lab.
- [Vincenzo] Yeah, you know what?
You're gonna need another one,
if you don't leave- - I aint going nowhere.
- You better go somewhere. - You listen to me right now-
- How is your stupid sister?
- She's not stupid, Ma.
- Okay. All right. All right.
Enough with the-
(Lucia speaking in Italian)
- Your daughter's sick.
It's her heart. And it's serious.
- What? Where? When?
- She just told us.
It's her heart valve. I don't know much else.
- Why didn't she tell me?
- She was probably planning on it.
Nobody knew you were gonna be here.
- Look, Nonna, you need to see her again.
Right, the whole family has to be behind her right now.
- Only if she says she's sorry.
- If you wait for an apology,
there might not be a goodbye.
- How about we go over there for dinner?
- I hate meatballs.
- I'll have her make pot roast.
- There you go.
All right, I'll pick you up Saturday.
- No, it's my bowling night.
I better bowler than all of you.
- Your bowling days are over, Lucia.
Come see Angela. Bury the hatchets.
(gentle music)
- Vincenzo. - See you.
- Oh, Mama.
Oh, bye honey.
- Bye.
(Lucia sighs and laughs)
- Okay, good, so you think that Lucia is gonna come?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Look, no, Lucia is a, a tough character,
but Uncle Sal can convince her better than we can.
- Yeah, finally, he's good for something,
that good for nothing piece of sh-
Yeah, I know. I know.
Look who's talking?
- Yeah. You're in deep shit.
- Look, I, I can't think of a day
when your mother hasn't told me what to do and how to do it.
I mean, the day I was gonna propose, right,
she gets into the car, it,
no, no, it wasn't a car, it was an ice cream truck-
- Dad, Dad, come on, get on with it.
- Before I could put the car in gear, right?
She looks at me and she says,
"You look (indistinct), and you need a haircut."
We drive around. I finally park.
And as soon as I pull out the ring, I hear a siren.
And then this Mama Luke police officer
with the uni brow was banging on the window.
He gives me a ticket for parking in the red, right?
That kills the proposal.
And then your mom on the way home, she says,
if I don't marry her and buy her the ring she deserves,
she gonna go out with-
- Mara Churchet.
- With the long pinky nail. (sniffing)
He always wore a gangster suit.
His family was mafioso.
So what do I to?
I exchanged the ring for a bigger one on sale.
And I propose
wearing your mother's favorite pink shirt
that she bought me from my birthday.
- Yeah, I know the shirt.
- I'm in deep deep shit.
(door thudding)
- [Angelina] Vincenzo?
- Yep, up to my neck in deep shit.
- Mom.
- How did you know I was here?
- Little help from my friend here.
- Hey, you got the app?
- [Vincenzo] There's an app?
- There's always an app.
- [Lily] Nico.
- Oh, don't tell me.
- Hey. Hi. Hi.
- What is she doing here?
- Sorry, I didn't know that your parents were home or here.
- Do you have the app too?
- No, she lives down the hall.
- She, wait, what?
Wait, she live,
you two don't live together.
She lives across the hall.
- It's compli-
- It's complicated. - Yeah.
- (laughs) Okay, great, I'm glad we got that sorted out.
Now, where were we?
- I want a divorce.
- Right, that's where.
- Look, Mom, you're exhausted, you're emotional.
Just, we all are. - I've been thinking
about it all day,
and I think we need to live separately.
- I would rather spend a thousand nights on the couch.
- Oh, how chivalrous.
Serving (speaking Italian), Kingdom of Bastards.
- Okay, I think that you guys should just go home,
take some time-
- I'll go home when she goes home.
- What?
- No, you heard me, back down the hall.
- I'm sorry. What the hell did I do?
- Nothing. I still don't like you.
You're not right for my son.
- Okay, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not.
I'm here to support Nico
with what he's going through right now.
- What's he going through?
I'm the one who's sick.
- Angelina, you go home.
I will take care of all this.
I will make sure she leaves.
- Dad. - Oh my God.
- If you think taking my side is going to butter me up,
you've never been more wrong in your life.
- It's- - Mom. Mom.
- I don't need this.
- [Nico] Mom, come on.
- You know, I'm really sorry that she's sick,
I really am, but we can no longer ignore the fact
that your mother cannot stand me.
- No, no, no, no, look, it's not like that, okay?
She just loves me too much.
- Mm, amen to that.
- Okay, if that's love-
- Look, look, look, I don't wanna talk about this, right?
I don't wanna talk about any of it.
- You'd never wanna talk about anything ever.
- Oh, my lips are moving, right?
- Baby, please do not shut me out right now.
I know that you need someone.
- I don't need you right now, okay?
And I don't need anybody right now for anything.
Look, you shouldn't have been there
when my mom told us that she was sick, okay?
And you shouldn't have to be here
for my family's ridiculous drama.
I don't need a shoulder to cry on.
And I don't need you squeezing me so hard
that I can't breathe.
- Oh, oh, okay, so, so you can't breathe because of me?
So I suffocate you, is that-
- Lily, come on.
- Okay, great. Well, you know what?
You don't have to worry.
You can breathe now.
- Lily, look.
- Hey, did she just break up with you?
- No, no, just needs some space.
- Oh, so that wasn't a breakup?
- She's gonna take a break, I think.
- Huh! - Yeah.
- (sighs) Women.
- Yeah.
- Can't live with them.
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
(matchstick sizzling)
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
(flames humming)
(Vincenzo speaking in Italian)
- Oh, go get the fire extinguisher.
(Vincenzo speaking in Italian)
- [Angelina] No. Get it.
- Help, help, help.
- What on earth did you do?
- Mr. Wilson, get back inside.
- Keep your fire out my yard.
- [Angelina] We trying.
- You Vitalis do anything like this again-
- Get back inside. Out, out.
(water splashing) (Mr. William yelling)
You crazy Italians.
- I got it.
Those are my succulents.
- It's all your fault.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- Why will you do it?
- I was so angry he took something sacred from me, my trust.
And I wanted to take something from him.
- So you burned your own garden.
- Well, it was supposed to be a controlled blaze,
you know, to teach him a lesson.
Just wanted to get rid of his damn succulents.
He kept telling they needed water
and he hasn't picked up a hose in years.
- She told you that? That's not true.
Like the next morning.
Okay, how's it going outta here?
- Well, they had on sale your succulents.
You should be happy.
- Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I'm happy.
- Oh, yes, so now you decide not to lie.
Ooh!
- Okay, nope, nope. Okay, that's it.
You gotta go inside.
Okay, come on. I will plant these.
- No, you do it wrong.
- No, you can fix it tomorrow.
Come on. You're going inside.
- [Angelina] I'm okay. I'm okay.
- [Vincenzo] No, you're going inside.
(gentle music)
- Hey. - Hi.
- What's with the-
- Murray's.
- Come on. Tried to fix it
after what Angelina did to my hair,
and let's just say it's not pretty.
- So I guess you know that-
- That she knows. How much?
- Pink bra. You and me.
Look, I have to apologize to you for all of this.
- I'm not the one you should be apologizing to.
- Mm.
- We were alone together.
I mean, not together, together.
I mean, not that that's any excuse.
I mean, intimacy is,
and the first time was around nine months ago.
- (scoffs) I'm sorry.
It's funny how no one in this house can't keep anything
from me longer than nine months.
Go on.
- It was at our 4th of July barbecue.
And I don't know, Murray was never home.
He was probably seeing someone
for longer than I could even imagine.
And I, I don't know what came over me.
I, I was lonely and I was angry.
And I had had a few too many drinks and,
and we kissed.
I knew immediately that it was wrong.
And I just, I, I pretended it never happened,
which I tried to put it behind me, but,
oh God, last week I went to him.
And I just need,
I needed someone to be there for me.
The minute we realized what we were doing, we pulled apart.
And I swear, I swear to God, I swear on my life,
nothing else happened.
I suddenly realized everything.
And I, I started crying and I ran home.
You're not angry at me?
- Oh, I'm furious.
It could have been worse.
- You don't have to forgive me until you want to.
- I won't.
At least you owned up to everything.
That is everything, right?
- Does that mean you'll fix my hair?
- As long as you fix my nails.
- Okay.
(gentle music)
- I can see why you do nothing all day.
It's peaceful.
- I made you an espresso.
- No, you don't make it the way I like it.
- Yes. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
- Don't think I don't know what you're doing.
When you're this nice, it makes me uncomfortable.
- Well, you are stuck with me, amore.
So in the meantime, right?
I had an idea.
I got on the Google and I looked up bucket list.
- Oh yeah. That's great.
As if I'm not busy enough already.
- Hey, this heart thing, okay, it's a sign.
It's a wake up call. We don't have forever.
So let's see where this goes.
- Well, I always wanted to write a Vespa.
- Okay, we'll buy one. Rent.
I'll find a coupon.
Okay, what about taking up a new hobby?
- Like what? - Painting.
- Oh no, I'm awful at it.
- Mm. Creative free riding.
- What hippie wrote this article?
- Horseback riding.
- Oh, I wanna sing.
Not in the shower, but in front of people.
- It's perfect.
- I wanna sleep under the stars.
- Okay, good. We'll do it together.
You need to see your mother?
- Are you nuts?
- Okay. It's about closure.
- No, we don't need closure. We need a restraining order.
That woman is pure evil. Plain and simple.
- Okay, so she locked you in your bedroom
to finish your homework when you were in third grade.
- And when we started dating,
she threatened to give you third degree burns
at the dinner table.
- See, two of you are more alike than you think.
- What, that's completely different.
If you ever compare me to my mother again,
I will haunt you after I die.
- Hey.
Next.
- I want Nico to find another girl.
- How'd you know they broke up?
- What? They broke up?
- Yeah, they broke, I was there.
I mean, Nico said they're just taken a break,
but you know kids these days.
- Even if they're dating or not,
I wanna set 'em up with Geena.
- Crazy Geena? Geena the hyena?
The one with the-
- Yes, the one with the laugh, yes.
She's Catholic. She's Italian.
She's single. She loves my food.
And when he first brought her over,
she already picked up six names
for their future children.
- They were 19. They dated for a month.
She's nuts.
(jazzy music)
(Vincenzo yelling)
(jazzy music)
How are we gonna get Nico and Geena together?
- Let's invite her for dinner on Saturday.
- Because it went so well last time?
- No, I'll switch up the menu.
Pot roast, gnocchi, Pizza.
- Hush. You have me a pot roast, mm.
- And then came the dinner.
- (scoffs) Ay, the dinner.
- So this was another dinner?
- And if you thought the first one was bad, woo.
- We wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for that dinner.
- So just like last time,
I was almost done getting everything ready.
- Mm.
- I got two words for you, Mama Mia.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- Mama.
- Nicolino.
- You haven't called me that since I was seven.
I brought some manicotti.
- Just what we need, more starch.
- Oh, well, I thought that Dad told me, I-
- I'm kidding, it's perfect, (speaking Italian).
- Oh, I- - Hi.
- Lily, what are you doing here?
- I thought I was invited to dinner.
- Well, you're not.
I mean, you weren't.
- Well, I was hoping that we could clear the air.
And believe it or not,
I'm gonna need her here considering who's coming.
- Do you know who's coming?
- I'm so sorry.
Can I use your restroom real quick?
'Cause I kind of hurt my,
I kind of got a little-
- Let me guess, you tripped on the roses?
- Not the same bush.
- Fine. - Okay.
- All right.
- Nico, kitchen now.
- Wow, really weren't kidding about those carbs.
- Let's see where your father is.
- I still can't believe you knew how to download that app.
- Why, because I'm old?
Thanks to this I know where he goes to the bathroom.
Look, it says he's home.
- [Vincenzo] Home.
- Wow. It's accurate.
- Oh, what's, what's going on in here?
- First, tell me where you've been.
Second, why'd you tell me Nico and Lily broke up?
- Well, first, I was out.
And second, I was there, I saw the whole thing.
- I said that we took a break. We didn't break up.
- How am I supposed to know the difference?
- Well, any case, she's here now.
- She is?
I got it.
- No, stay. Nico gets it.
You stay here
and tell me what the hell you've been up to this time.
- Nonna. - Hey, Nic.
Ah, long time no see.
- Geena, what are you doing here?
- Oh, your mom invited me. She didn't tell you?
I know it's funny just before she called,
I was thinking about that one Halloween
we drove around all night
and then we had sex in the back of your car.
And then when your dad found us in the driveway,
we had to hide in the trunk naked. (laughing)
Do you remember? (laughs)
- No.
- Oh, right, that was a dream I had.
Still a night I will never forget though.
You're looking good, Nico.
- Mom!
- Can you believe this, after all these years,
I bumped into Geena at the market?
- That's great 'cause she told me that you called her.
- Oh, well.
Ah, Geena, come in. Make yourself at home.
Welcome. - Thank you so much,
Mrs. Vitali.
And should I call you Angelina, Angela or Angie?
- Mrs. Vitali is fine.
- Okay Angie.
And I was so surprised when you called to invite me
to dinner, after what?
A decade. (laughs)
- I thought it would be nice for Nico
to spend time with an old friend.
(Geena laughing)
- Oh, hello. Who are you?
- I'm Lily. Who are you?
- I'm Geena, Nico's girlfriend.
- Ooh.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. Freudian slip.
I meant to say his ex-girlfriend. (laughs)
- You're here why?
- For dinner. Angie invited me.
- She did.
- This couldn't be any more of a disaster.
(doorbell chiming)
- What, what?
- Hey (speaking Italian), you are home.
- Lucia, what a surprise.
- Surprise?
You are the one who took us up here.
You're an idiot.
- Mama, that's not what Vincenzo wanted us
to say to Angelina.
- I don't care what Vincenzo wants to say.
You moved the furniture around.
I don't like it.
- Nonna Lucia.
Hi, how are you?
- Hi.
Who are they?
- Oh, oh, this is my ex-girlfriend.
And this is my current girlfriend, Lily.
- (laughs) Oh, I take it back.
Tonight is gonna be a fun night. (laughs)
(Vincenzo growling)
- How could you do this?
- I did it for you.
- Ooh, something smells good in here.
Look, we'll have dinner
then I wheel mom right into the closet after dessert, okay?
- You promise? - Yeah.
I'm sorry about your heart, sis.
- [Lucia] What you gotta do to get some food in this house?
(Uncle Sal laughing)
- And that's how I ended up meeting my last boyfriend,
which he ended up cheating on me too.
And I will tell you,
nothing will ruin a relationship more
than doing the nasty on the side.
- Mm, this Gnocchi al pesto is to die for.
- Yeah, and Nico did an amazing job with his manicotti.
- Yeah, it's delicious, Nico.
- I taught him everything he knows.
- I hope not. (blows)
- This pot roast taste like shit.
- It was your recipe.
- It's giving me agita.
- Mom! - What?
Please-
- My mom, she has a great recipe for pot roast.
- Really, I don't remember your mother
ever cooking actually.
(Geena laughing)
- Oh my God.
- Yeah. No, she doesn't. (laughs)
But, but she collects the recipe cards
from her nursing home.
- Oh, I'd never live in one of those.
- Mom, you've been living in a nursing home
for the past 10 years.
- It's a retirement home.
- Okay. - Wait. Really?
In, in your condition?
- In my condition? What do you mean?
My feet? Who needs them?
I take very good care of myself.
- You do.
- Hey Nico, I'm so glad you dumped this one
because she is (speaking Italian).
- No, I'm actually,
I'm actually his current girlfriend, so.
- Oh, that reminds me, did Angie try to threaten you
with that whole mafioso shtick?
- Yes, Uncle Sal, she sure did.
- Oh, usually works every time.
- Also, he didn't get rid of me. I dumped him.
- What? - Mm-hm.
- Yeah, no, I just felt like we weren't really working.
We're different people now, aren't we?
- Yeah. Yeah. I guess kind of.
- You never come to see me.
- You told me I was dead to you.
- I said the same thing to your father
but he came to see me.
I know he's dead, but he came in my dreams.
- Oh my gosh, that is so sweet.
It's like soulmates.
Do you believe in that sort of thing, Lily?
Soulmates? Great beyond?
- Well, I, I, I,
the last time that I talked about my beliefs
at this table, it didn't really end very well.
So why don't we talk about,
I don't know, literally anything else?
Politics?
- (imitating buzzer) No.
- The weather, sports?
- Yeah, sports.
How about them Dodgers, huh?
- I changed my mind. Let's talk about politics.
- You just spit in my face.
Do that again. Do it again.
(Vincenzo growling)
- Hey, hey, Mama, geez.
Nonna is old. She's crazy.
I once saw her watching TV when it was turned off.
- You and your father never should have brought her here.
- You're right. She's awful.
But you shouldn't have invited Geena.
- You are right. She's obnoxious.
- But listen, being Italian matters.
Going to church matters.
- No, what matters is who I wanna spend the rest
of my life with.
- (speaking Italian), now you're talking
about spending the rest of your life,
you two were broken up two days ago.
- Just, we were taking some space.
I know this might not sound normal to you,
but when we have a problem, we look for a solution,
you know, instead of just yelling until the wall shake.
- I need a solution to try to get them outta my house.
- Yeah.
Geena, Nonna.
- Vincenzo, Lily, take your pick.
- Mom, hey.
- [Uncle Sal] That kills it!
- You come into my home, you disrespect my team,
and you have the audacity
to say the pick from saying a baseball.
- Joe DiMaggio was overrated.
He was married to Marilyn Monroe, for God's sakes.
Do you want know a real baseball legend?
Jackie Robinson.
- Yeah, you not compare the second baseman and a hitter.
- Come on, you- - No, Joe.
Joe has him beat balls and strikes 1500 RBI.
- Nobody cares about trick damn balls.
- Oh my God, there are so many other ways
you could have phrase that.
- Now, sit, the both of you.
- Okay, Ms. Hypocrite.
- Excuse me.
- Well, you can't really say, my God,
when you don't actually have one.
I mean, Angie told me.
- Okay, what is it with you people?
I mean, what does it matter who I believe in,
what I believe in, or what I don't believe in?
- You people, you realize that's religious prosecution.
- Oh my God. - It's persecution.
- See, Nico even agrees with me.
- No, no, I don't.
Ladies just please-
- Really? - For a decade.
- We have gone five Championship and you never had.
- Ei, ei, everyone cool it.
- Angelina, bring me some popcorn. (laughs)
- You are making up stories. - I'm right, you know it.
- Silenzio, all of you.
- [Murray] Vincenzo, Vincenzo, let me in.
- She told him. Tonight?
- No, she didn't tell him was going to tell him.
- Vincenzo, Vincenzo open up, you bastard.
- Okay, is somebody gonna answer the door or we're just-
- Should I go get it?
- Oh my God. - Oh!
- Nobody told me you could hire a clown
to a dinner party.
- Did you just break the lock on my door?
Did you just do that?
- Did you sleep with my wife? You son of a bitch.
- Hey, hey, you heard him, all right?
Get out.
(punch thudding)
- Oh my God. - Nico.
- Get out. (Lucia laughing)
- [Nico] Mom, are you okay?
Mama.
- Did she faint?
- Dad.
Uncle Sal, call 911.
- [Uncle Sam] I got it.
- Oh my God. - Mama. Mama.
- Good morning, Angelina. How are you feeling today?
- Much better.
- Well, you should feel very lucky.
- Oh, is that what got me here? Luck?
- I'm serious, your test results are continuing to improve.
- Oh, so she'll be able to come home today, right, doc?
- We'll see.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
- It's all right. She's with me.
- I never had a patient get a manicure
while we discuss their prognosis.
- Well, it's a nail emergency
and we are in an emergency room,
so just pretend like I'm not here.
- Okay.
We could talk about this later.
But we do need to move forward on the surgery.
Now that you are more stable, we should schedule it soon.
- Thank you, Dr. Gable.
- Okay.
- Oh my God, that dinner must have been awful for you.
- Believe me, it was.
- So I tried to break it gently to Murray, but-
- All I'm asking is you fix my nail and he fixes my door.
- Well, since we're not talking,
you'll have to ask him before he leaves, which,
(phone chiming)
(door thudding)
yep, he's home.
He's probably still packing.
(bright music)
- I'm sorry. Is now a bad time?
- What are you doing here?
- I actually came to see you.
- Me?
- And, and Nico.
I just wanted to let you know
that you don't have to worry about me anymore.
- Whoa, whoa. What do you mean?
- I really hope you feel better.
- Not sure when Uncle Sal's coming over.
- He said he is gonna come visit your mother tomorrow
at the house.
What happened with Geena?
- She texted, she said that it was a mistake to come over
and that I'm a mama's boy.
- Oh! - Yeah.
- [Announcer] Cardiology in terminal 4 south, report to OR.
Cardiology in terminal 4 south, report to OR.
- I came to see if your mom was okay.
- Really?
Well, yeah, she's fine.
- I also came to say that we,
we can't keep doing this,
- Lily, I'm sorry, okay?
It's just been really hard dealing with my mom
and I know I have made time for us.
- Nico, there is no us. There's just you.
And every time I try to be a part of your life,
you and your family just push me away.
And when I need to break
from all the crazy shit your family does,
no offense, Vincenzo,
actually, a little bit of offense.
- None, none taken.
- I get reeled back in.
- Well, it's not like I have a say in the matter, right?
- It's not just about you. It's not just about you.
I love us and I wanna know that you love us
because I love us with all of our issues
and all of our faults.
But you're just you.
So, you know, I guess I just have to be me.
- Lily, I-
- Hold, hold on, hold on, hold on a second.
Now, I just wanna be clear that that was a breakup, right?
That wasn't just taking a break.
- That was a breakup.
- Okay. Okay. I, I think I get it.
Do you still want me to help with the play,
the thing, Little Italy?
- Yeah, sure, why not?
You know, honestly, I really don't care anymore.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
- [Announcer] Neonatal resident to pediatric.
Neonatal resident to pediatric, please.
- [Vincenzo] I can't believe your mother took
all the leftovers while you were having a heart attack.
- [Angelina] She took the best Tupperware too.
- [Vincenzo] So what are we gonna do for dinner?
Pizza? - Veto's.
- [Vincenzo] No, Veto's is closed. Joe's?
- [Angelina] Joe's tastes like cardboard.
- [Vincenzo] Ah. And Nico, your restaurant, still open?
- [Angelina] Oh God. Not that crap.
Nico, why don't you cook something for us?
- What are we doing here? I thought taking us home.
- Over the past 48 hours after everything that's happened,
all two of you can do is talk about food?
- Whoa, we're hungry.
- If this has anything to do with what happened with Lily-
- It's not about Lily, right? It's about you.
- Don't use that tone with me.
- It's about you. It's about dad.
It's about your heart.
It's about dad's affair.
It's about Nonna.
It's about- - No, it's about you too.
You know, don't go blaming everything
on everyone but yourself.
- Okay, that's why we're here.
Okay, we're gonna go into that church.
We're gonna go into that confessional.
Now, I'm gonna go in first,
okay, but we're gonna work through this together.
- Bullshit.
- I'll go tomorrow.
- Okay. Then you're walking home.
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- (speaking Italian), you're gonna have a heart attack.
(family clamoring)
- (speaking Italian), okay?
Let's go. (sighs)
- You're shit. - You're some animal.
(gentle music)
- [Nico] And that's how we got here.
- Huh? - Huh? That's it. Huh?
I didn't get dragged out here for huh.
- Give me a second. I'm thinking.
- Just give penance.
I mean, I told you everything.
What else you want me to do?
- Listen, I wanna help you and your family.
The best advice I can give you is to live
in the light of the Lord.
He's going to give you the way.
- Okay, come on. Stop preaching.
- All right, fine, I will put it in lay terms.
All three of you need to look in the mirror.
Learn to commit. Learn to accept.
Learn to atone.
- Commit?
Now, all I do is commit.
I commit to Lily. I commit to my family.
Thank you, Father.
- Accept what? My son's love life?
My illness, my cheating husband?
As if I don't have enough trouble putting up with it,
now I've got to accept it.
- I will ask-
(Angelina speaking in Italian)
- Pray for you.
- Atone?
I mean, what more you want from me?
I'm on my hands and knees for her.
- Is not just about atoning, Vincenzo.
What you did is an extension of who you are.
- Atone for who I am?
I hate to break it to you, Father,
but you're not talking to the guy up on the cross here.
- There is a little bit of Him in all of us.
- If there's any of that in me,
I'm sure it's dying to get out.
- Is there is something else I can do for you, Vincenzo?
Okay, I can sit here and listen.
That sometimes works too. Let's do that.
You speak, I listen.
I will be quiet and silent.
(Vincenzo sighs)
- I don't know what you want me to say.
- I don't want you to say anything.
- I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God.
I don't know what he wants me to say to you.
- Ah, I know what you mean.
I ask for guidance and the best Father Joe can say is,
you know, "Figure it out for yourself."
- Mm, tell me about it.
- Right.
Was there ever a world in which you would've approved
of Lily and me?
- Nope.
But I know that wouldn't have stopped you.
And when I finally realized
that she was my only shot at having grandkids,
I would've come around with time
and patience and Prosecco.
(shushing) It's okay. It's okay.
We all mess up.
- I love her, Mom.
- I know.
- I love her, and I lost her.
- I know.
- I know, I have no right to be crying, right?
I'm sorry.
(sighs) You are the brave one.
Look at your life, right?
It's, well.
- It's a fiasco. Call it what it is, yeah.
But you have to stop beating yourself up.
You go above and beyond for your father and me.
You always have.
I never want you to stop living your life.
- Yeah. (sniffling)
- Nicolino.
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you.
- Thank you, Father Joe.
- [Nico] How was that?
- Next time I step foot inside a church against my will,
it's gonna be for my funeral.
- Ai, yeah, yeah.
(rain pattering)
(Lucia laughing)
- Lucia, Angelina's here to see you.
- Who?
- Angelina. Your daughter?
- Doesn't ring a bell.
- Just try to be civil-
- Civil. I got it.
(Lucia speaking in Italian).
- (chuckles) Love you too.
(Lucia sighing)
- Well, say something.
- You here for your Tupperware?
- I'm here to clear the air before one of us dies
before the other.
- Well, say you're sorry.
- For what?
- Just say it.
- Sorry.
- Apology accepted.
Now you can't blame me
if you die with an unclear conscience.
- And what about you?
Don't I get an apology?
- I have nothing to apologize for.
- Wait, what, a lifetime of belittling me,
a lifetime of making me feel
like I was never good enough for you.
Does any of that ring a bell?
- Lower your voice.
If that's it, I'm sorry.
- You are?
- Why not? Life is too short.
What do you want me to do? Cry?
Ooh. Oh, it's raining.
I didn't know it was raining.
I hate the rain. I hate it.
- I used to cry when it rained
because I thought God was crying.
Papa used to sing to me until it stopped.
- He was a lousy husband,
but he was a wonderful father.
- Why didn't you love him?
- I did love him.
- No, you didn't.
- I did. I loved him.
Is this what you needed?
I'm only asking because my show was on in a minute.
(gentle music)
Did we clear the air?
- Whatever this is, it's all I'm getting.
I think I'm okay with that.
I love you, Mama.
- You do?
- I said I love you.
- (laughs) I know you do.
(Lucia sighing)
- Hey, is this the Edge Playhouse?
- That's right. Can I help you?
- Yeah, I'm supposed to be here for rehearsal.
I'm looking for Lily.
- [Crew Member] Oh, she's right over here.
- Oh. Oh, great. You're here.
Sorry. Here. For you.
Thanks. Thanks for coming.
Hello? Yes.
Okay, so we gotta get the show on the road, no pun intended,
but some of the other actors have not gotten off book yet.
So we're just gonna do a couple of scenes
and then, you know, you can tell me what you think
of the performances, whatever,
and I'll tell the director.
- So, yeah, why don't I watch the scenes
and then I'll talk to the actors myself.
- That's really funny.
Don't do that, please.
But he is a plumber in a failing marriage
with his high school sweetheart, who is me.
And we live in an apartment in Little Italy, so,
you know, you'll get the rest room there.
- Okay. Good.
(exhaling sharply) Action!
- Over. Yeah, you're over there.
- Right. - Again, as always.
So where have you been?
- Work.
- Where have you really been?
- None of your damn business.
- You were with Francesca again, weren't you?
- I was just fixing the faucet-
- [Lily] No, you know she's my friend.
How could you do this to me?
- I don't have to explain myself.
I do what I want when I want. Capiche?
- You know, if you really love me,
you would own up to what you're doing
and you would stop hurting me.
- If I really loved you,
I wouldn't have been with her in the first place.
- So, how are you gonna make it up to me? Huh?
- Don't you get it?
There's, there's, there,
line.
- Nothing I can do.
- Don't you get it?
There's nothing I can do. It's over.
- You're the only man I've ever loved.
- Ciao, bella.
(tense music)
- Okay, so what did you think?
- Oh, it's awful. It's awful.
It's awful.
I mean, how stereotypical can you get?
This blow hard Italian American asshole,
unfaithful to his wife's not sorry.
What are you doing here?
- Calm down. We didn't write it.
- I'm sorry. I have to go.
Hey, it's ciao bella, you (speaking Italian).
- Did I- - You said it wrong, yeah.
- Did you walk home from work?
- Yeah, but the bus stop is not too far from here.
And, you know, Nico's the one with the car.
- I'm here to make peace.
- Yeah, right.
- No, I'm serious. I'm two for three.
First Nico, then my mother.
Hey, I'm in a hot streak.
- Well, I, I appreciate that,
but it's a little bit too late now.
(gentle music)
- I want my son to be happy,
and you've made him happier than anyone.
- I still don't want kids
- Ever?
- Well, I don't know.
Maybe, someday. I don't know.
- Okay. I can wait.
- I, I, I'm still a divorcee.
- Everyone's doing it these days.
I was ready to do it myself a couple of days ago.
- I still don't believe in God.
- It didn't stop Nico from going to church.
It won't stop me either.
- I still don't eat meat.
- I can use some of that plant-based meat
everybody seems to like.
When I tried, I spit it out,
but hey, you'll be the one eating it.
- I'm not Italian.
- After everything that's happened,
I'll tell you what matters to me.
You're good to my Nico. My son loves you.
And I'm not that blind to see that you both love each other.
Did you hear all that, Nico?
- How could you tell?
- I heard you breathing through the door.
How did you know I was here?
- Tracking app, it works both twice.
- It does. Huh? - Yeah.
I went by the house to look for you, you weren't there.
I need to talk to you.
- Oh. - Oh, we should.
- Let's go inside. - We'll go.
- Yeah. - Inside, okay.
- Oh, Angelina, (speaking Italian).
- I messed up big time.
I'm sorry how I made you feel, okay?
But I can fix it.
- And I know sorry will never be enough, but it's a start.
Angelina, I'm sorry.
- I love us. I love everything about us.
All right, I promise I'm never gonna let you forget that.
- And as God is my witness, I will stand by you forever.
- Oh, Vincenzo.
- Nico.
(gentle music)
- Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
in the presence of God Almighty
to witness the joining of this man
and this woman into holy matrimony.
Not to be entered into lightly,
holy matrimony should be entered into solemnly
and with reverence and honor.
Into this holy agreement they should become one.
- How long is this going to take?
(Uncle Sal speaking in Italian)
- Basta yourself. - If anyone knows a reason
this couple should not be in this matrimony,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
- I, oh God.
- Object, object,
- Object.
- Mom. - Mom,
you can't object to us renewing our vows.
We are already married.
- Oh, then what the hell am I doing here?
- Mama.
- Vincenzo, do you take Angelina to be your wife,
to have and to hold for better, for worse,
for richer and for poorer,
in sickness and in health until death to do you apart?
- I do.
- Angelina, do you take Vincenzo to be your husband
to have and to hold for better and for worse-
- For richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health, in good weather and bad-
- 'Til dead you apart?
- I do.
- Well, the rings our symbol
of your love and devotion, Vincenzo.
In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
I pronounce you husband and wife, again.
Now, you may kiss your bride, Vincenzo.
(audience applauding)
- Is that the birthday shirt I gave you
when we were dating?
- Yeah, you know, it's not like it was,
yeah, well, yeah, it means it's got some holes in it,
but I know it's your favorite.
Hey, where's the Prosecco?
(audience applauding)
(bright music)
- First of all, I wanna thank you all so much
for being here for the opening night of "The Plumber"
here at The Edge Playhouse.
(audience applauding)
Thank you.
But before you all leave,
we are gonna end the night with a very special performance
on the bucket list of our very inspiring guest.
So please give a warm welcome,
round of applause for Angelina Vitali.
(audience applauding)
- Thank you so much for sticking around.
My father and I used to sing this together,
especially during the holidays.
I know you probably can't wait to get home,
but I'm so grateful that you're here.
- Of course she pick this song, the Drama Queen.
- Mama.
- What?
Please.
(Angelina singing in foreign language)
- Wake up. The kids are coming.
Vincenzo, they're almost here.
Don't forget to get some eggplant from the garden.
- All right, go ahead.
- Nonna, Nonna.
- Hey, there's my Angela. Whoa!
- She couldn't wait to get here.
- [Angela] Are the Yankees on?
- No, they're taking a break.
Here, watch some cartoons.
All right, so what's on the menu?
- We'll find out.
- Meatballs, the recipe from me.
- (speaking Italian), what,
you think that actually makes you Italians?
(Vincenzo speaking in Italian)
- [Lily] I'm so sorry to offend you.
- I have no offense. You sound like my old man.
(Lily laughing)
Come have a look.
Aw, so precious. Is a Yankee fan.
- Her eyes are Angelina's.
- It's crazy how much she looks like her.
- Nonna came to see Daddy last night.
- Yeah, I had a dream about Mom.
- Please, you sound like Lucia.
- Oh, come on.
No, I, she was in the kitchen
and I went to go ask her a question
and she turned around and right then I woke up
and she was gone.
- She's here.
- She's always here.
- You're telling me.
Three years and I can still hear her yelling,
"Vincenzo, get your butt up off the couch.
Vincenzo, answer on the phone, (speaking Italian)."
- What's (speaking Italian)?
- That's for when you're older.
Watch the cartoons.
- I miss her more every day.
I wake up,
and she's not next to me.
Okay. Who wants eggplant?
- Eggplant, eggplant.
- Yeah! Nico, you gonna make us eggplant Parmesan?
- Ah.
- Wha, what, do I have to place an order?
Come on, Mr. Restaurateur.
- It is a favorite of Angelina's.
- Okay, fine. All right, eggplant it is.
(Lily chuckling)
- I'm gonna get some eggplant from the garden.
- Nice to see you, Dad.
- [Vincenzo] Okay. Hey.
(Vincenzo singing in Italian)
- Oh!
- Oh, oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.
The gate was open.
They delivered your paper, by mistake.
- What happened to my yard, my paper?
- I got a subscription.
By the way, I notice the succulents were in the front yard.
- Yeah, well, this is Angela's garden.
- I know how you feel.
It might be hard to believe, some days I miss her too.
- Thank you, Mr. Wilson.
- Call me Raj.
- Thanks Raj.
- Will see you around.
- Okay.
(Vincenzo singing in Italian)
- Hmm.
(vocalist singing in Italian)