WEBVTT FILE

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(gentle ominous music)

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Downloaded from
YTS.LT

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.LT

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(crickets chirping)

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(cardboard rips)

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- I don't give a shit what you say, Matt.

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The yellow sun may give
him plenty of powers,

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but there's no way it has
any effect on his dick.

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- The fact that you think for a second

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that the Bat's dick is bigger
than Superman blows my mind

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and has me questioning your sanity.

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Do you really think that the Kryptonians

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would send some baby dick fuck

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as the last representation
of their people?

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Known fact, though,

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House of El men, hung like meese.

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- You know what?

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I'm not gonna argue with someone,

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who thinks there's a
person in the universe

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that's packing as much
heat as Bruce Wayne.

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Mutants excluded, obviously.

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(phone trilling)

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(ominous music)

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(phone beeps)

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- Empire Toys.

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(phone crackles indistinctly)

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Hello?

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Empire Toys.

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(dialing tone beeps)

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- Dude, don't even go there.

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I know what you're gonna say.

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- It's been exactly one
year tomorrow, Chuck.

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- Yeah, and that shit had
nothing to do with us.

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- Ross had his heart
removed from his body.

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- And Ross worked here for, like, a month?

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I'm telling you, dude,
Cincy and NARC went crazy,

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and they murdered all those people.

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There's no such thing as Acula

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or any other demons for that matter.

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- No way, dude.

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The police completely cleared Cincy Nerd

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and NARC on all that.

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Plus, nobody's seen or
heard from NARC in a year.

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- Yeah, it's because Cincy
chopped him up, fucking ate him.

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(object clatters)

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Wind?

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- You're kidding, right?

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(tense music)

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(crickets chirping)

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(sighs) Rob left the door open again.

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(dramatic music)
(both gasp)

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- You guys are still here?

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- Holy shit.

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- What are you still doing here?

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- Full disclosure?

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I don't know.

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- Yo, he ate all the Scooby snacks.

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There's enough weed in
there to last us a month.

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The fucker owes us 80 bucks.

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- Just take it out of his check.

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- Don't say shit, we
can get sued for that.

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- All right, just take the trash out.
I'll give you a ride home.

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- The trash?

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Thanks, Matt.

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I love you.

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- Love you too?

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I love him.

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I love you too.

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(Matt scoffing)

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It's always something with you.

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- [Matt] Because you're
a fucking piece of shit.

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(Matt and Chuck arguing indistinctly)

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(suspenseful music)

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- [Matt] Oh, 100%.

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- [Chuck] Absolutely, you're sure?

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- Yeah.
- Okay.

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No joke, I'm taking the marijuana treats

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out of his goddamn check.

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- I'm surprised the diabetic
fuck is still standing.

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(tense ominous music)

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(bag thuds)

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(person whistles eerily)

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- Hello?

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(ominous music)
(feet scuffle)

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(flesh squelching)

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(Rob gurgling)

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(knife thudding)

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(Rob gurgling)

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(ominous music)

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(flesh squelching)
(Rob gurgling)

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(Rob wheezes)
(murderer pants)

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- Holy shit!

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(Chuck screaming)

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(tense dramatic music)

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- [Matt] Get the door, get the door!

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(Chuck screams)

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(door clangs)

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(feet scuffling)

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- The one time you're
right about something.

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It has to be murder?

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- Fuck.

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(buttons beeping)

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(ominous music)

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What do we do?

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What are we gonna do?
- You need to shh!

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Shut the fuck up.

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Give me your phone.

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- I left it in the back room.

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I was putting stuff on the website.

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- The one day you decide to go to work.

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- Just use your phone.

112
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- (sighs) I left it in the bathroom.

113
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- I always knew your poop habits

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were gonna be the death of us.

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- Just relax.

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Whoever that was, can't get
in without a key, right?

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(key clatters)

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(tense music)

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(feet thudding)

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(metal clinks)

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(flesh squelching)

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(murderer breathes heavily)

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(tense dramatic music)

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(pensive electric guitar music)

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(water sloshing)

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(water pattering)

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♪ I put the knife in my heart ♪

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♪ I don't remember to bite ♪

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♪ Over and over ♪

130
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♪ My hands forever tied
down watch as your smile ♪

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- Dad, can I have some eggs?

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- Oh, me, too.

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(TV presenter chattering)

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♪ I'm left over ♪

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♪ I don't want you to
be happy without me ♪

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- He doesn't love us anymore.

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(dog whining)

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♪ I don't want you to
be happy without me ♪

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♪ Happy without me ♪

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(Cincy Nerd sighs)

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- (sighs) Here we go.

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- They told us to bring
something that was special to us.

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We brought our favorite games
and toys, comics, you know.

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Next thing I know, they throw
it all in a box and bury it.

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(somber music)

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Well, guess what?

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They just dug it up.

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- (scoffs) Next.

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(mouse clicks)

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- And because no one has any
idea how she exploded heads,

151
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we're supposed to believe in possessions?

152
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We're supposed to believe in possessions?

153
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- (sighs) Jesus Christ.

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(mouse button clicks)

155
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- Those guys 100% killed all those people

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with that crazy chick.

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No doubt about it.

158
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Plus, one of them's bald,

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and there's a huge long
history of evil do-gooders,

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no do-gooders with zero hair follicles.

161
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I mean, we got Lex Luthor, we got...
- Next.

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(mouse button clicks)

163
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- I mean, I know for a fact that Cincy
and NARC they did not kill anybody.

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No, they didn't.

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- You got that right, Burt.

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- Maybe they did, I don't know.

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I honestly don't know.

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(mouse button clicks)
(bright music)

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- Demons have rights, too.
- Free the Princess.

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Free the Princess.

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Free the Princess!

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A crowd of protesters gathered
outside Retro Plaza in Bedford today,

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marking the one year
anniversary of the mysterious

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and tragic deaths that
shook the small town.

175
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The incident left several
dead inside Retro Plaza

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under circumstances authorities

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never fully explained to the public.

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Initial investigations centered
on two well-known figures

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in the retro collecting community.

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Cincy Nerd and Craig Roberts,
known online as NARC.

181
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(lips smack)

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(Cincy Nerd sighs)

183
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- I should get going.

184
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Can you take the girls to school?

185
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- Yeah, I can.

186
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Bye.

187
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- Thanks.

188
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I made 'em breakfast.
- Okay.

189
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(expectant music)

190
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- [Protestors] Demon season.

191
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Demon season.

192
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(hands clapping)

193
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Demon season.

194
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(hands clapping)

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Demon season.

196
00:09:45.766 --> 00:09:47.342
(hands clapping)

197
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Demon season.

198
00:09:48.453 --> 00:09:50.118
(hands clapping)

199
00:09:50.119 --> 00:09:51.230
Demon season.

200
00:09:51.231 --> 00:09:52.861
(hands clapping)

201
00:09:52.862 --> 00:09:53.945
Demon season.

202
00:09:55.651 --> 00:09:57.295
Demon season.

203
00:09:57.296 --> 00:10:00.796
(pensive music continues)

204
00:10:08.768 --> 00:10:10.828
- [Protestors] Free The princess.

205
00:10:10.829 --> 00:10:12.456
Free the Princess.

206
00:10:12.457 --> 00:10:13.814
Free the Princess.

207
00:10:13.815 --> 00:10:15.299
Free the Princess.

208
00:10:15.300 --> 00:10:16.869
Free the Princess.

209
00:10:16.870 --> 00:10:18.326
Free the Princess.

210
00:10:18.327 --> 00:10:20.708
(car rumbling)

211
00:10:20.709 --> 00:10:22.256
(brake clicks)

212
00:10:22.257 --> 00:10:24.307
- I'm not even supposed to be here today.

213
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(keys jangling)

214
00:10:28.162 --> 00:10:29.384
- [Protestors] Cincy sucks.

215
00:10:29.385 --> 00:10:30.721
Cincy sucks.

216
00:10:30.722 --> 00:10:32.064
Cincy sucks.

217
00:10:32.065 --> 00:10:33.081
Cincy sucks.

218
00:10:33.082 --> 00:10:33.914
(protestors booing)

219
00:10:33.915 --> 00:10:35.189
- Good morning, everyone.

220
00:10:35.190 --> 00:10:37.679
If you don't mind, please
leave some parking spots open

221
00:10:37.680 --> 00:10:40.919
for some actual paying customers.

222
00:10:40.920 --> 00:10:42.869
- You can't trap us on
the witch board, nerd.

223
00:10:42.870 --> 00:10:44.969
- She was a freaking demon princess.

224
00:10:44.970 --> 00:10:48.711
- Sounds like someone doesn't
want a woman in power.

225
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Free Acula.

226
00:10:50.531 --> 00:10:52.074
- [Protestors] Free the Princess.

227
00:10:52.075 --> 00:10:53.309
Free the Princess.

228
00:10:53.310 --> 00:10:54.453
Demons have rights.

229
00:10:55.530 --> 00:10:59.030
(pensive music continues)

230
00:11:06.810 --> 00:11:07.879
Cincy sucks.

231
00:11:07.880 --> 00:11:09.407
Cincy sucks.

232
00:11:09.408 --> 00:11:10.849
Cincy sucks.

233
00:11:10.850 --> 00:11:12.415
Cincy sucks.

234
00:11:12.416 --> 00:11:14.074
Cincy sucks.
(door thuds)

235
00:11:14.075 --> 00:11:17.658
(rock music in background)

236
00:11:18.750 --> 00:11:20.429
- Who the fuck are you?

237
00:11:20.430 --> 00:11:24.320
- Uh...

238
00:11:27.186 --> 00:11:28.045
(head thuds)

239
00:11:28.046 --> 00:11:29.253
- Ow.

240
00:11:33.270 --> 00:11:34.353
Who the fuck are you?

241
00:11:36.900 --> 00:11:37.733
Cincy?

242
00:11:38.670 --> 00:11:40.709
You're not supposed to be here today.

243
00:11:40.710 --> 00:11:43.113
- Yeah, I'm training the
new guy at Retro today.

244
00:11:44.352 --> 00:11:46.923
(sighs) It's 10:00 AM, Sam.

245
00:11:47.850 --> 00:11:48.783
10:00 AM.

246
00:11:49.770 --> 00:11:51.358
- [Protester] Cincy sucks.

247
00:11:51.359 --> 00:11:52.359
Cincy sucks.

248
00:11:55.920 --> 00:11:57.562
- You're still doing me later.

249
00:11:57.563 --> 00:11:58.930
(keypad clicking)

250
00:11:58.931 --> 00:12:01.541
- [Protestors] Free the Princess.
Free the Princess.

251
00:12:01.542 --> 00:12:04.304
Free the Princess. Free the Princess.
- Acula deserves better.

252
00:12:04.305 --> 00:12:06.689
- Free the Princess.
- Demons have rights, too.

253
00:12:06.690 --> 00:12:09.629
- This is our vintage video game section.

254
00:12:09.630 --> 00:12:11.976
Oh yeah, and whenever a
customer comes in, can you say,

255
00:12:11.977 --> 00:12:14.009
"Welcome to Retro, have a radical time."

256
00:12:14.010 --> 00:12:15.186
- Yeah, that's awesome.

257
00:12:15.187 --> 00:12:16.517
- [Protestors] Free the Princess.

258
00:12:16.518 --> 00:12:17.957
Free the Princess.

259
00:12:17.958 --> 00:12:19.408
Free the Princess.

260
00:12:19.409 --> 00:12:20.957
Free the Princess.

261
00:12:20.958 --> 00:12:22.488
Free the Princess.

262
00:12:22.489 --> 00:12:24.088
Free the Princess.

263
00:12:24.089 --> 00:12:25.717
Free the Princess.

264
00:12:25.718 --> 00:12:27.197
Free the Princess.

265
00:12:27.198 --> 00:12:28.317
- Oh.

266
00:12:28.318 --> 00:12:31.318
(protesters booing)

267
00:12:32.850 --> 00:12:34.679
- Boo longer or he won't sell.

268
00:12:34.680 --> 00:12:37.529
- Good afternoon, you little devils.

269
00:12:37.530 --> 00:12:40.409
You are on a dark path, a misguided path.

270
00:12:40.410 --> 00:12:44.399
But don't you worry, just a
few drops of my Jesus Juice,

271
00:12:44.400 --> 00:12:47.292
and you'll be seeing the light.

272
00:12:47.293 --> 00:12:49.193
Yes, yeah.

273
00:12:49.194 --> 00:12:50.990
(protesters jeering)

274
00:12:50.991 --> 00:12:52.393
- Fuck no.

275
00:12:52.394 --> 00:12:54.681
Fuck you, you motherfucker.

276
00:12:54.682 --> 00:12:55.599
Boo! Bitch.

277
00:12:56.881 --> 00:13:00.714
(protesters continue jeering)

278
00:13:06.781 --> 00:13:09.217
- [Protestor] Fuck this asshole!

279
00:13:09.218 --> 00:13:11.898
(protestors continue jeering)

280
00:13:11.899 --> 00:13:14.163
- Who's next?
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

281
00:13:15.116 --> 00:13:17.819
- No.
- Damn, selling out now.

282
00:13:17.820 --> 00:13:18.839
- If a guy comes in here

283
00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:20.489
with a big tub full of Beanie Babies,

284
00:13:20.490 --> 00:13:24.269
just tell him Dallas Vintage
Toys or 181 Comics buys them.

285
00:13:24.270 --> 00:13:25.559
It'll buy us a little bit of time

286
00:13:25.560 --> 00:13:27.329
before he comes back
around and tries again.

287
00:13:27.330 --> 00:13:29.339
- So no Beanie Babies then?

288
00:13:29.340 --> 00:13:30.419
- Cincy?

289
00:13:30.420 --> 00:13:33.539
So that bus just pulled up
into the parking lot again.

290
00:13:33.540 --> 00:13:34.372
- Dammit.

291
00:13:34.373 --> 00:13:36.299
All right. Hang tight, Mitch.

292
00:13:36.300 --> 00:13:38.729
- Yeah, hey, can I use the bathroom?

293
00:13:38.730 --> 00:13:39.719
- [Cincy] Sure, go ahead.

294
00:13:39.720 --> 00:13:41.783
- [Mitch] About to blow
that motherfucker up.

295
00:13:42.814 --> 00:13:47.814
(Mitch groaning)
(fart booming)

296
00:13:51.154 --> 00:13:54.237
(protestors yelling)

297
00:13:59.665 --> 00:14:00.497
- Anybody else?

298
00:14:00.498 --> 00:14:03.659
- No, Sabrina, come on.
- No! No!

299
00:14:03.660 --> 00:14:05.417
- Sabrina, you had good a life.

300
00:14:06.897 --> 00:14:08.699
Ah, good afternoon.

301
00:14:08.700 --> 00:14:10.229
- How many times do we have to do this?

302
00:14:10.230 --> 00:14:12.359
You can't sell drugs
in front of my stores.

303
00:14:12.360 --> 00:14:13.199
- Drugs?

304
00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:14.369
Who's selling drugs?

305
00:14:14.370 --> 00:14:18.423
I'm, I'm delivering salvation
to these misguided souls.

306
00:14:19.710 --> 00:14:20.909
- Whoa, whoa, what the hell?

307
00:14:20.910 --> 00:14:23.253
- Jesus rocks.
- Whoa.

308
00:14:25.088 --> 00:14:25.921
- No, no!

309
00:14:27.150 --> 00:14:28.750
That's it, I'm calling the cops.

310
00:14:33.690 --> 00:14:35.973
How long before this shit kicks in?

311
00:14:37.020 --> 00:14:40.409
- 30 minutes-ish, and
I'd get somewhere safe.

312
00:14:40.410 --> 00:14:42.539
Somewhere you feel comfortable.

313
00:14:42.540 --> 00:14:45.209
And until we meet again, may God hold you

314
00:14:45.210 --> 00:14:46.593
in the palm of his hand.

315
00:14:47.700 --> 00:14:48.532
And good luck,

316
00:14:48.533 --> 00:14:50.100
'cause you're in for a fucking ride.

317
00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:56.309
- I hate you St. Patrick.

318
00:14:56.310 --> 00:14:57.719
- And I love you.

319
00:14:57.720 --> 00:14:58.815
- Get fucked.

320
00:14:58.816 --> 00:14:59.648
(engine starting)

321
00:14:59.649 --> 00:15:02.249
- Empire Toys is dead.

322
00:15:02.250 --> 00:15:04.559
That's right, you heard it here first.

323
00:15:04.560 --> 00:15:08.969
Matt, Chuck, and Rod of
Empire Toys in Keller, Texas

324
00:15:08.970 --> 00:15:12.899
were found slain in
their very own toy store.

325
00:15:12.900 --> 00:15:14.399
- Holy shit.

326
00:15:14.400 --> 00:15:19.400
- And the police have zero
leads, which means one thing.

327
00:15:19.530 --> 00:15:22.679
The killer is still out there.
(bell jingles)

328
00:15:22.680 --> 00:15:23.939
Times are tough.

329
00:15:23.940 --> 00:15:26.399
And let me tell you, guys,
when times are tough,

330
00:15:26.400 --> 00:15:28.676
you could use the Toys of He-Man

331
00:15:28.677 --> 00:15:30.389
and the Masters of the Universe.

332
00:15:30.390 --> 00:15:34.319
My book, which is available
now in all bookstores.

333
00:15:34.320 --> 00:15:35.370
- Are you the killer?

334
00:15:39.339 --> 00:15:40.235
- Die!

335
00:15:40.236 --> 00:15:43.017
- Until next time.

336
00:15:43.018 --> 00:15:45.851
(engine rumbling)

337
00:16:01.140 --> 00:16:02.669
- We gotta close up.

338
00:16:02.670 --> 00:16:03.719
- Why, what happened?

339
00:16:03.720 --> 00:16:05.219
- Two words.

340
00:16:05.220 --> 00:16:06.483
Jesus Juice.

341
00:16:09.829 --> 00:16:10.661
(ominous music)

342
00:16:10.662 --> 00:16:12.933
Mitch, we're closing up early.

343
00:16:14.700 --> 00:16:15.533
Mitch.

344
00:16:18.931 --> 00:16:21.598
(ominous music)

345
00:16:30.739 --> 00:16:34.730
(tense dramatic music)

346
00:16:34.731 --> 00:16:37.738
(blood dripping)

347
00:16:37.739 --> 00:16:39.989
- (gasps) Oh, my God, I'm in the sequel.

348
00:16:39.990 --> 00:16:42.299
- Holy shit, she's back.

349
00:16:42.300 --> 00:16:43.499
Wait, what?

350
00:16:43.500 --> 00:16:44.789
- Um. Should I call the cops?

351
00:16:44.790 --> 00:16:45.622
- No.

352
00:16:45.623 --> 00:16:48.389
I mean, yes, of course, but
I can't be here for that.

353
00:16:48.390 --> 00:16:49.799
You need to deal with them.

354
00:16:49.800 --> 00:16:51.959
I need to get out of here.
Just tell 'em it was my day off

355
00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:52.859
or something.
- What?

356
00:16:52.860 --> 00:16:53.692
Why?

357
00:16:53.693 --> 00:16:55.109
What if they find out that you are here?

358
00:16:55.110 --> 00:16:56.489
- Listen, the police tried to convict me

359
00:16:56.490 --> 00:16:58.019
for all those murders last year.

360
00:16:58.020 --> 00:17:00.659
If I stay here, I am fucked.

361
00:17:00.660 --> 00:17:01.709
- Where are you gonna go?

362
00:17:01.710 --> 00:17:03.089
- I don't know.

363
00:17:03.090 --> 00:17:04.739
I do have one idea, though.

364
00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:06.640
Try not to blow anyone while I'm gone.

365
00:17:12.983 --> 00:17:15.449
(door clicks)

366
00:17:15.450 --> 00:17:19.679
- Well, look who it is.
- Look, I don't have time for this today.

367
00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:21.869
- Then just give me my uncle's knife back.

368
00:17:21.870 --> 00:17:23.579
- I don't have your uncle's knife.

369
00:17:23.580 --> 00:17:25.889
And from what I understand,
you sold it to Horror Freak.

370
00:17:25.890 --> 00:17:28.289
- Correction, I was
robbed by Horror Freak.

371
00:17:28.290 --> 00:17:31.240
Those two buff fucking bozos
knew they were ripping me off.

372
00:17:32.820 --> 00:17:34.409
- What's up, horror freaks?

373
00:17:34.410 --> 00:17:37.439
Man, we just got this
awesome movie prop knife

374
00:17:37.440 --> 00:17:39.149
from this fuckboy, Jordan.

375
00:17:39.150 --> 00:17:41.549
Man, we seriously ripped this fool off.

376
00:17:41.550 --> 00:17:42.839
What an idiot.

377
00:17:42.840 --> 00:17:45.689
But anyways, make sure to come
down here and check it out.

378
00:17:45.690 --> 00:17:47.340
Highlight your motherfuckin' boy!

379
00:17:49.140 --> 00:17:52.379
- Ouch! Yeah, it's not a good look.

380
00:17:52.380 --> 00:17:54.509
But like I've told you all year long,

381
00:17:54.510 --> 00:17:56.819
I inherited this place
when Eric was murdered

382
00:17:56.820 --> 00:17:58.049
with that exact same knife.

383
00:17:58.050 --> 00:18:00.500
- Then it's your responsibility
to make it right.

384
00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:03.689
Now, where is it?

385
00:18:03.690 --> 00:18:05.219
- Last time I saw your knife,

386
00:18:05.220 --> 00:18:07.503
it was sticking out of my fucking back.

387
00:18:11.550 --> 00:18:13.259
- So you admit it.

388
00:18:13.260 --> 00:18:14.643
You touched it last.

389
00:18:18.567 --> 00:18:21.809
(engine starting)

390
00:18:21.810 --> 00:18:24.959
- Hey, you think if I take
more of this, it would help?

391
00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:28.553
- They're gonna regret not
buying my Beanie Babies.

392
00:18:32.549 --> 00:18:35.216
(clock ticking)

393
00:18:40.675 --> 00:18:43.342
(pensive music)

394
00:18:45.437 --> 00:18:46.270
- Oh God.

395
00:18:50.117 --> 00:18:52.867
(truck rumbling)

396
00:18:55.278 --> 00:18:57.207
(comet whooshes)

397
00:18:57.208 --> 00:19:00.125
(intriguing music)

398
00:19:09.033 --> 00:19:11.103
It's green, let's go.

399
00:19:12.450 --> 00:19:13.283
Beep, beep.

400
00:19:16.530 --> 00:19:17.523
Go.

401
00:19:18.585 --> 00:19:21.335
(car horn honks)

402
00:19:24.454 --> 00:19:26.024
Ugh.

403
00:19:26.025 --> 00:19:29.442
(traffic lights beeping)

404
00:19:31.890 --> 00:19:33.749
Come on, man!

405
00:19:33.750 --> 00:19:34.923
Fucking go!

406
00:19:36.006 --> 00:19:38.620
(car rumbling)

407
00:19:38.621 --> 00:19:39.453
(car horn hoots)

408
00:19:39.454 --> 00:19:40.688
You're really fucking me here, buddy.

409
00:19:42.150 --> 00:19:44.252
- DJ, the light's green.

410
00:19:44.253 --> 00:19:45.736
- Ah!

411
00:19:45.737 --> 00:19:48.253
(lights whooshing)

412
00:19:48.254 --> 00:19:51.087
(Cincy screaming)

413
00:19:55.664 --> 00:19:58.497
(Cincy screaming)

414
00:20:06.412 --> 00:20:09.677
(Cincy grunts)

415
00:20:09.678 --> 00:20:12.511
(distorted music)

416
00:20:14.568 --> 00:20:17.318
(Cincy grunting)

417
00:20:18.778 --> 00:20:22.861
(voices whispering indistinctly)

418
00:20:26.148 --> 00:20:27.366
(wood creaking)

419
00:20:27.367 --> 00:20:28.475
- [Protestors] Cincy sucks.

420
00:20:28.476 --> 00:20:29.825
Cincy sucks.

421
00:20:29.826 --> 00:20:31.176
Cincy sucks.

422
00:20:31.177 --> 00:20:32.715
Cincy sucks.

423
00:20:32.716 --> 00:20:33.955
Cincy sucks.

424
00:20:33.956 --> 00:20:35.486
Cincy sucks.

425
00:20:35.487 --> 00:20:36.487
Cincy sucks.

426
00:20:40.396 --> 00:20:43.813
(Cincy groans and sighs)

427
00:20:45.300 --> 00:20:46.550
- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

428
00:20:47.430 --> 00:20:49.917
How am I supposed to
take down Acula alone?

429
00:20:49.918 --> 00:20:51.809
(Cincy breathing heavily)

430
00:20:51.810 --> 00:20:53.493
All my stupid friends are dead.

431
00:20:55.488 --> 00:20:56.729
(children chattering)

432
00:20:56.730 --> 00:20:57.723
Oh, shit.

433
00:20:59.490 --> 00:21:00.834
It's kicking in.

434
00:21:00.835 --> 00:21:01.667
(bell trilling)

435
00:21:01.668 --> 00:21:02.501
This is gonna suck.

436
00:21:06.090 --> 00:21:06.933
- Quiet down.

437
00:21:08.610 --> 00:21:10.409
Quiet down, class.

438
00:21:10.410 --> 00:21:11.253
Shut up!

439
00:21:16.050 --> 00:21:18.303
Welcome to Ms. Tillum's Time Capsule Day.

440
00:21:20.205 --> 00:21:22.024
(Cincy exclaims)

441
00:21:22.025 --> 00:21:23.952
- I remember this day.

442
00:21:23.953 --> 00:21:25.544
I remember this day.

443
00:21:25.545 --> 00:21:29.549
Time capsules. (echoing)

444
00:21:29.550 --> 00:21:30.993
Time capsule '89.

445
00:21:32.302 --> 00:21:33.402
Man, we were so young.

446
00:21:34.410 --> 00:21:36.059
- These are my Care Bear friends,

447
00:21:36.060 --> 00:21:37.833
and I'm going to bury them.

448
00:21:40.140 --> 00:21:41.999
- This is He-Man and Battle Cat.

449
00:21:42.000 --> 00:21:42.832
- NARC?

450
00:21:42.833 --> 00:21:44.189
- Rescue.
- What's a NARC?

451
00:21:44.190 --> 00:21:45.510
I'm Craig.

452
00:21:45.511 --> 00:21:47.009
('80s electronic music continues)

453
00:21:47.010 --> 00:21:49.383
- Seven Shakes going in a time capsule.

454
00:21:50.220 --> 00:21:51.989
- I'm gonna put my Game Boy in here

455
00:21:51.990 --> 00:21:53.493
because I just played the NES.

456
00:21:55.430 --> 00:21:56.680
- You're not my NARC yet.

457
00:21:59.460 --> 00:22:04.460
- Mark McGuire, Pete Rose, Roger
Clemens, and Kurt Chilling.

458
00:22:04.470 --> 00:22:08.249
I have four future Hall of
Famers going in the time capsule.

459
00:22:08.250 --> 00:22:10.679
- Did you rearrange my collection?

460
00:22:10.680 --> 00:22:13.289
Did you rearrange my collection?

461
00:22:13.290 --> 00:22:15.987
Did you rearrange my collection?

462
00:22:19.048 --> 00:22:21.135
(dramatic music)

463
00:22:21.136 --> 00:22:23.969
(Cincy screaming)

464
00:22:26.550 --> 00:22:29.549
- All right, miss, that's
gonna wrap up my job here.

465
00:22:29.550 --> 00:22:31.019
Reckon the boys in blue will be here soon

466
00:22:31.020 --> 00:22:32.459
to clean up that mess.

467
00:22:32.460 --> 00:22:33.629
- It's all good.

468
00:22:33.630 --> 00:22:35.339
Today was his first day anyway.

469
00:22:35.340 --> 00:22:37.349
And that bathroom, it
needed a clean up crew

470
00:22:37.350 --> 00:22:38.583
way before the murder.

471
00:22:41.940 --> 00:22:43.649
Anyway, have a good day.

472
00:22:43.650 --> 00:22:45.285
- Donny, this is Fife.

473
00:22:45.286 --> 00:22:46.118
(radio chatters)

474
00:22:46.119 --> 00:22:47.819
Yeah, we got another one.

475
00:22:47.820 --> 00:22:50.459
If we don't catch 'em
before they get to 13,

476
00:22:50.460 --> 00:22:53.110
then there's gonna be no
stopping the reign of Acula.

477
00:22:55.225 --> 00:22:58.058
(engine rumbling)

478
00:22:59.123 --> 00:23:01.710
(person shrieks)

479
00:23:01.711 --> 00:23:02.543
(body thuds)

480
00:23:02.544 --> 00:23:04.689
- (coughs) What the fuck.

481
00:23:04.690 --> 00:23:07.273
(gentle music)

482
00:23:08.123 --> 00:23:10.019
(NARC groans)

483
00:23:10.020 --> 00:23:11.720
Jesus Christ, you're a sore loser.

484
00:23:19.135 --> 00:23:24.135
- [Distorted Voice] Did you
rearrange my collection?

485
00:23:24.253 --> 00:23:29.253
Did you rearrange my collection?

486
00:23:30.133 --> 00:23:32.669
- Can you answer my question?
Did you rearrange my collection?

487
00:23:32.670 --> 00:23:34.150
- NARC?

488
00:23:34.151 --> 00:23:34.984
Oh.

489
00:23:37.140 --> 00:23:38.969
- Dude, is this fourth
grade Ms. Tillum's class?

490
00:23:38.970 --> 00:23:40.409
- Yes. Dude.

491
00:23:40.410 --> 00:23:41.579
I think the universe is trying

492
00:23:41.580 --> 00:23:43.875
to tell me something important right now.

493
00:23:43.876 --> 00:23:47.099
- (gasps) Libby Winks. (whooshes)

494
00:23:47.100 --> 00:23:49.443
- Okay. Michael, why don't you present?

495
00:23:52.380 --> 00:23:53.213
- Boston Mike.

496
00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:56.309
- Hey, I'm gonna put this g-genie.

497
00:23:56.310 --> 00:23:58.799
I'm mean lamp in the box.

498
00:23:58.800 --> 00:23:59.939
- [Both] A genie?

499
00:23:59.940 --> 00:24:01.889
- Michael, I told you to bring something

500
00:24:01.890 --> 00:24:03.479
that represents the 1980s.

501
00:24:03.480 --> 00:24:05.249
That looks super old.

502
00:24:05.250 --> 00:24:06.839
- I'm still gonna do it.

503
00:24:06.840 --> 00:24:09.419
- That's it, the fucking genie.

504
00:24:09.420 --> 00:24:10.529
- Fuck the Yankees.

505
00:24:10.530 --> 00:24:12.839
- Mike Swirl was real all those years.

506
00:24:12.840 --> 00:24:14.759
They just dug that thing up.

507
00:24:14.760 --> 00:24:16.803
I can get that lamp and bring you back.

508
00:24:17.880 --> 00:24:19.529
- But Cincy, I'm here.
(tense music)

509
00:24:19.530 --> 00:24:20.905
I'm here.

510
00:24:20.906 --> 00:24:22.379
Yo, yo, yo, yo.

511
00:24:22.380 --> 00:24:25.319
- Cincy, it's time to go home now.

512
00:24:25.320 --> 00:24:26.519
- I'm here.
(bell ringing)

513
00:24:26.520 --> 00:24:27.629
I'm here.

514
00:24:27.630 --> 00:24:28.463
I'm here!

515
00:24:34.397 --> 00:24:35.761
Cincy, Cincy.

516
00:24:35.762 --> 00:24:36.629
(Cincy exclaims)

517
00:24:36.630 --> 00:24:38.069
- Craig?

518
00:24:38.070 --> 00:24:38.903
What?

519
00:24:42.060 --> 00:24:43.649
What are you doing here?

520
00:24:43.650 --> 00:24:44.763
- I beat Jesus at UNO.

521
00:24:46.040 --> 00:24:46.873
- What?

522
00:24:47.731 --> 00:24:48.689
Fucking aye.

523
00:24:48.690 --> 00:24:51.359
Cincy and NARC back together again.

524
00:24:51.360 --> 00:24:53.099
We're gonna need some backup, though.

525
00:24:53.100 --> 00:24:54.929
Acula possessed someone else.

526
00:24:54.930 --> 00:24:56.219
We don't know who it is.

527
00:24:56.220 --> 00:24:58.203
- Okay, before we do,

528
00:25:00.390 --> 00:25:02.756
are my Scooby snacks still over there?

529
00:25:02.757 --> 00:25:04.264
♪ How the hell can I ♪

530
00:25:04.265 --> 00:25:07.065
(rock music continues)

531
00:25:07.066 --> 00:25:08.545
♪ Without cashing in ♪

532
00:25:08.546 --> 00:25:13.546
♪ My heroes have all died in battle ♪

533
00:25:13.936 --> 00:25:18.936
♪ So cut off my hands at the wrists ♪

534
00:25:19.561 --> 00:25:24.561
♪ The streets will run
red with our blood now ♪

535
00:25:25.212 --> 00:25:28.099
♪ The streets will run red ♪

536
00:25:28.100 --> 00:25:33.100
♪ The streets will run red with my love ♪

537
00:25:35.180 --> 00:25:40.180
♪ My vendetta black ♪

538
00:25:41.900 --> 00:25:43.042
♪ Lie ♪

539
00:25:43.043 --> 00:25:44.253
- Is that Burf?

540
00:25:46.260 --> 00:25:47.568
- Hey, it's your boy Burf

541
00:25:47.569 --> 00:25:49.619
and we're in Elm Street
toys in Allen, Texas.

542
00:25:49.620 --> 00:25:52.019
What you got for me today Elm Street Toys?

543
00:25:52.020 --> 00:25:53.343
What you got for me today?

544
00:25:54.180 --> 00:25:55.919
Man I can't wait to get in here.

545
00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:59.099
We're gonna kill it, man. We're
gonna find some killer toys.

546
00:25:59.100 --> 00:26:00.327
It's gonna be good.

547
00:26:00.328 --> 00:26:01.160
(bell jingles)

548
00:26:01.161 --> 00:26:02.879
- Hey, see if you can
get with Patrick tonight

549
00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:05.009
and get some more of that juice.

550
00:26:05.010 --> 00:26:07.679
- Oh my God. Look at this
leather face I just found.

551
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:09.967
This thing's fricking awesome.

552
00:26:09.968 --> 00:26:11.727
♪ He's on that jazz man ♪

553
00:26:11.728 --> 00:26:12.560
♪ He's on that jazz ♪

554
00:26:12.561 --> 00:26:13.679
- Hey, hold on. Gimme a second.

555
00:26:13.680 --> 00:26:15.599
I gotta get this fricking nerd out.

556
00:26:15.600 --> 00:26:17.078
♪ He's on the jazz man ♪

557
00:26:17.079 --> 00:26:18.379
The jiggy G-
- Excuse me.

558
00:26:19.800 --> 00:26:21.359
Hello?

559
00:26:21.360 --> 00:26:22.923
I'm sorry. We're closed now.

560
00:26:23.850 --> 00:26:25.019
- Okay. All right.

561
00:26:25.020 --> 00:26:27.186
Well, I guess we gotta go, guys.

562
00:26:27.187 --> 00:26:32.187
(ominous music)
(lock clicks)

563
00:26:37.300 --> 00:26:40.116
(ominous music)

564
00:26:40.117 --> 00:26:42.119
(object clatters)

565
00:26:42.120 --> 00:26:43.269
- Hello?

566
00:26:43.270 --> 00:26:46.270
(suspenseful music)

567
00:26:50.999 --> 00:26:53.157
- Ah!
(flesh squelches)

568
00:26:53.158 --> 00:26:55.908
(Brenda gasping)

569
00:27:00.587 --> 00:27:03.337
(Brenda gasping)

570
00:27:04.759 --> 00:27:05.359
- No!

571
00:27:09.628 --> 00:27:10.228
Please!

572
00:27:17.386 --> 00:27:18.537
(Brenda shrieking)

573
00:27:18.538 --> 00:27:21.329
- No, not Brenda.

574
00:27:21.330 --> 00:27:24.929
This addition to the body
count piling up in Texas hurts.

575
00:27:24.930 --> 00:27:26.669
A close personal friend of mine,

576
00:27:26.670 --> 00:27:29.339
Brenda Ortega from Elm Street Toys

577
00:27:29.340 --> 00:27:31.289
was killed this afternoon.

578
00:27:31.290 --> 00:27:34.499
I was toy hunting at a few
yard sales when I got the news.

579
00:27:34.500 --> 00:27:36.239
You can find those videos linked below

580
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:38.219
if you want to check
'em out after this one.

581
00:27:38.220 --> 00:27:39.839
Rest in peace, Brenda.

582
00:27:39.840 --> 00:27:41.703
Love ya. Bye.

583
00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:44.760
- Did we get a new wiener schnitzel?

584
00:27:46.380 --> 00:27:48.449
Ah, dude, how's my channel doing?

585
00:27:48.450 --> 00:27:50.403
Did it go full viral after I died?

586
00:27:51.538 --> 00:27:53.279
- Uh. Not so much, man.

587
00:27:53.280 --> 00:27:54.543
- Well, how's it doing?

588
00:27:55.825 --> 00:27:58.325
(Cincy sighs)

589
00:27:59.340 --> 00:28:02.399
- NARC is dead. Literally and digitally.

590
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:04.439
We haven't seen a single new upload

591
00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:06.989
on "Not another retro
channel" since his vanishing.

592
00:28:06.990 --> 00:28:08.909
But that is until today.

593
00:28:08.910 --> 00:28:11.669
Today we got to meet YARC,
a new YouTube channel

594
00:28:11.670 --> 00:28:14.414
with a completely new rebrand.

595
00:28:14.415 --> 00:28:17.415
(heavy metal music)

596
00:28:19.620 --> 00:28:22.710
- You are witnessing the
dawn of YARC. (laughing)

597
00:28:28.410 --> 00:28:29.973
- I was fucking hacked.

598
00:28:31.283 --> 00:28:34.619
(ominous music)

599
00:28:34.620 --> 00:28:37.620
(shop bell jingles)

600
00:28:40.620 --> 00:28:42.629
Yo, let me get your phone.
I want to do a video.

601
00:28:42.630 --> 00:28:43.679
- What?
- Yeah.

602
00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:45.573
- No, we're gonna keep moving.

603
00:28:46.500 --> 00:28:48.209
- Fine.

604
00:28:48.210 --> 00:28:49.709
But after we take down Acula,

605
00:28:49.710 --> 00:28:51.910
you're gonna have to
give some store credit.

606
00:28:58.602 --> 00:29:01.102
(gate clangs)

607
00:29:02.490 --> 00:29:04.229
- Now remember what I said in the car?

608
00:29:04.230 --> 00:29:07.199
She's just Jen now, not Acula.

609
00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:09.933
She's not possessed
anymore, so don't freak out.

610
00:29:12.070 --> 00:29:15.663
(sighs) She's a raging
lesbian. So no gay jokes.

611
00:29:16.851 --> 00:29:18.051
- (chuckles) You're gay.

612
00:29:19.221 --> 00:29:23.138
(suspenseful music continues)

613
00:29:29.101 --> 00:29:29.934
- 68,

614
00:29:31.561 --> 00:29:32.394
69.

615
00:29:33.252 --> 00:29:34.502
- [NARC] (chuckles) Nice.

616
00:29:37.837 --> 00:29:41.670
(suspenseful music continues)

617
00:29:51.630 --> 00:29:53.673
- Um. Hey, Jen.

618
00:29:54.540 --> 00:29:56.939
Um, this is NARC.

619
00:29:56.940 --> 00:30:00.093
NARC, this is Jen.

620
00:30:01.140 --> 00:30:02.013
- I remember you.

621
00:30:03.326 --> 00:30:06.029
(gun clicking)

622
00:30:06.030 --> 00:30:08.009
- She's scarier now than
when she was possessed.

623
00:30:08.010 --> 00:30:09.546
- Shut the fuck up.

624
00:30:09.547 --> 00:30:11.369
(Jen spits)

625
00:30:11.370 --> 00:30:12.903
- How'd you end up here?

626
00:30:15.416 --> 00:30:17.907
- It was that motherfucker
St. Peter up there.

627
00:30:21.270 --> 00:30:23.243
That's why I don't like Peter's anymore.

628
00:30:28.140 --> 00:30:29.493
Wouldn't even let me in.

629
00:30:30.600 --> 00:30:33.089
Said that he saw me kill 20 people.

630
00:30:33.090 --> 00:30:35.313
And before I could even defend myself,

631
00:30:36.360 --> 00:30:38.433
he kicked me in my fucking face.

632
00:30:39.660 --> 00:30:40.799
Fell back down to Earth

633
00:30:40.800 --> 00:30:42.450
through the Horror Freak ceiling.

634
00:30:44.130 --> 00:30:47.939
Then, I'm lying on the
floor and this asshole

635
00:30:47.940 --> 00:30:50.290
is fucking spraying me
in the face with Windex.

636
00:30:51.570 --> 00:30:53.189
- None of that matters anymore.

637
00:30:53.190 --> 00:30:57.629
The only thing that matters
is that Acula is back.

638
00:30:57.630 --> 00:31:01.443
It's time to clear your name
and save the fucking world.

639
00:31:03.840 --> 00:31:06.033
- All right. What's the plan?

640
00:31:07.230 --> 00:31:11.043
- Cincy has a plan, it fucking
sucks, but he has a plan.

641
00:31:15.120 --> 00:31:17.309
- We're gonna break into
our childhood school

642
00:31:17.310 --> 00:31:19.289
and steal a time capsule
that may or may not

643
00:31:19.290 --> 00:31:21.419
have a genie named George
in it that we're going

644
00:31:21.420 --> 00:31:25.233
to use to bring people back to
help us take this bitch down.

645
00:31:31.350 --> 00:31:32.183
- All right.

646
00:31:33.120 --> 00:31:35.343
I don't really know what the
fuck you just said, but let's do it.

647
00:31:37.020 --> 00:31:38.639
- Shotgun on the shotgun?

648
00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:41.343
- No, not those. Too obvious.

649
00:31:42.420 --> 00:31:44.673
We'll bring the modified ones.

650
00:31:48.912 --> 00:31:51.829
(train clattering)

651
00:32:06.542 --> 00:32:07.374
(glass clinks)
- Oh ho.

652
00:32:07.375 --> 00:32:08.729
God bless, God bless.

653
00:32:08.730 --> 00:32:11.159
Speaking of which, who blessed the batch?

654
00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:12.389
- What you talking about?

655
00:32:12.390 --> 00:32:13.222
- The, the batch.

656
00:32:13.223 --> 00:32:14.669
Was it Father Henry again?

657
00:32:14.670 --> 00:32:16.773
- Yeah. Father Henry did his thing.

658
00:32:17.880 --> 00:32:19.139
- You should have seen it today.

659
00:32:19.140 --> 00:32:22.079
So many souls to save. It was beautiful.

660
00:32:22.080 --> 00:32:23.249
- I bet it was.

661
00:32:23.250 --> 00:32:25.349
Even less customers for the store. Right?

662
00:32:25.350 --> 00:32:26.183
- Come and go.

663
00:32:27.300 --> 00:32:30.509
- Think another one of those retro freaks
was killed there today, you know?

664
00:32:30.510 --> 00:32:31.829
- Ah.

665
00:32:31.830 --> 00:32:32.909
That's, that's too bad.

666
00:32:32.910 --> 00:32:35.765
Well, hey, I hope their soul
found their way to heaven.

667
00:32:35.766 --> 00:32:37.199
- Yeah. Yeah, me too.

668
00:32:37.200 --> 00:32:38.699
But for now, let's lay low.

669
00:32:38.700 --> 00:32:40.259
Just stay put for the night, okay?

670
00:32:40.260 --> 00:32:42.599
- Stay, stay put. Like stay put here.

671
00:32:42.600 --> 00:32:43.559
This is the toy store.

672
00:32:43.560 --> 00:32:44.793
Someone was killed here.

673
00:32:46.680 --> 00:32:47.999
- Don't be such a pussy.

674
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:49.550
You have the Lord on your side.

675
00:32:51.030 --> 00:32:53.083
- That I do. That I do.

676
00:32:55.587 --> 00:32:59.105
(children chattering)

677
00:32:59.106 --> 00:33:01.479
(bell trilling)

678
00:33:01.480 --> 00:33:02.999
- Coast is clear.

679
00:33:03.000 --> 00:33:04.409
Stay down you dumb shits.

680
00:33:04.410 --> 00:33:05.969
She finds out a couple of 30 year olds

681
00:33:05.970 --> 00:33:07.859
are sneaking in and out of a school

682
00:33:07.860 --> 00:33:09.336
it's probably not gonna look great.

683
00:33:09.337 --> 00:33:11.699
- You wish we were 30?
Why don't we just run?

684
00:33:11.700 --> 00:33:12.903
- You wish we could run.

685
00:33:13.740 --> 00:33:15.989
- The fucking Game Chasers.

686
00:33:15.990 --> 00:33:17.939
- Who the hell are these guys?

687
00:33:17.940 --> 00:33:19.799
- [Cinch] Craig and I
went to school with them.

688
00:33:19.800 --> 00:33:21.989
- Hey, that's that that
motherfucker that hacked my channel.

689
00:33:21.990 --> 00:33:23.343
What are we waiting for?

690
00:33:25.624 --> 00:33:27.929
- Aargh! Keep still.

691
00:33:27.930 --> 00:33:29.159
- Yeah, let's go get 'em.

692
00:33:29.160 --> 00:33:31.439
I'm in the mood to kick some dicks in.

693
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:34.263
- Not here. I know where they're going.

694
00:33:36.014 --> 00:33:37.859
(ominous music)

695
00:33:37.860 --> 00:33:40.353
- Hey, Dana, are you ready to go yet?

696
00:33:41.370 --> 00:33:43.049
- I'll be right there.

697
00:33:43.050 --> 00:33:44.373
- [Both] It's taco time.

698
00:33:45.872 --> 00:33:47.933
(shop bell jingles)

699
00:33:47.934 --> 00:33:51.434
(ominous music continues)

700
00:33:55.580 --> 00:33:58.330
(metal scraping)

701
00:34:01.943 --> 00:34:05.422
(murderer breathing heavily)

702
00:34:05.423 --> 00:34:07.993
(Dana screams)

703
00:34:07.994 --> 00:34:09.151
(flesh squelches)

704
00:34:09.152 --> 00:34:11.992
♪ It's a day with no tomorrow ♪

705
00:34:11.993 --> 00:34:15.021
♪ A point of no return ♪

706
00:34:15.022 --> 00:34:17.662
♪ A time for endless sorrow ♪

707
00:34:17.663 --> 00:34:19.379
♪ When the stars no longer burn ♪

708
00:34:19.380 --> 00:34:20.223
- No way.

709
00:34:21.390 --> 00:34:22.222
You know what?

710
00:34:22.223 --> 00:34:24.629
I remember the day I figured out
we weren't getting our stuff back.

711
00:34:24.630 --> 00:34:27.209
- It was a lot easier getting
that than your NAS though.

712
00:34:27.210 --> 00:34:29.369
- Tell me about it. I'm gray now.

713
00:34:29.370 --> 00:34:32.969
- Hey, check it out. They
have all their accessories.

714
00:34:32.970 --> 00:34:36.299
The Dark Lord has blessed YARC this day.

715
00:34:36.300 --> 00:34:38.073
- He's actually missing the shield.

716
00:34:39.570 --> 00:34:40.403
- Shit.

717
00:34:42.551 --> 00:34:46.111
- We gotta ditch this motherfucker.

718
00:34:46.112 --> 00:34:48.779
(bells tolling)

719
00:34:55.043 --> 00:34:57.876
(expectant music)

720
00:35:02.430 --> 00:35:05.009
- Sam? You got here fast.

721
00:35:05.010 --> 00:35:07.349
- Cincy, what the hell is going on?

722
00:35:07.350 --> 00:35:09.179
What do the Game Chasers
have to do with any of this?

723
00:35:09.180 --> 00:35:10.169
- You'll figure it out.

724
00:35:10.170 --> 00:35:12.929
Just get inside and distract
them while we get the lamp.

725
00:35:12.930 --> 00:35:14.279
- Now it's time to see if Boston Mike

726
00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:16.580
was telling the truth
about that genie or not.

727
00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:20.763
- Fucking genie?

728
00:35:27.270 --> 00:35:28.619
- What's up?

729
00:35:28.620 --> 00:35:31.439
Game Chasers. Are they here?

730
00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:32.440
- What do you think?

731
00:35:42.345 --> 00:35:43.789
(upbeat music)

732
00:35:43.790 --> 00:35:48.790
- Oh my God, guys. Are you
guys like the Game Chasers?

733
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:52.323
- Why yes. Yes, we are.

734
00:35:53.427 --> 00:35:54.427
- I am YARC.

735
00:35:59.554 --> 00:36:00.721
- That's YARC.

736
00:36:01.556 --> 00:36:02.489
- YARC.

737
00:36:02.490 --> 00:36:03.840
I like YARC.

738
00:36:06.117 --> 00:36:07.349
This is so cool.

739
00:36:07.350 --> 00:36:10.679
Um. Oh my goodness, so much.

740
00:36:10.680 --> 00:36:12.179
Who is this guy?

741
00:36:12.180 --> 00:36:13.679
- Lady, we're grown men with beards.

742
00:36:13.680 --> 00:36:15.779
What makes you think we know
about the Care Bear Cousins

743
00:36:15.780 --> 00:36:18.359
introduced in the Care Bear movie, 1985.

744
00:36:18.360 --> 00:36:20.009
That's Lion Heart. He's
got some buddies here.

745
00:36:20.010 --> 00:36:21.629
Cozy Heart and Lotsa Heart with him.

746
00:36:21.630 --> 00:36:23.549
- Oh my God. Amazing.

747
00:36:23.550 --> 00:36:24.959
- But you know who else
has a lot of heart?

748
00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:26.493
- Who?
- Me.

749
00:36:27.587 --> 00:36:30.170
(sneaky music)

750
00:36:32.085 --> 00:36:35.085
(people chattering)

751
00:36:40.353 --> 00:36:42.929
- Man! You're a button
smashing son of a bitch.

752
00:36:42.930 --> 00:36:45.404
- Man, I'm gonna smash your butt.

753
00:36:45.405 --> 00:36:50.405
(fighters scuffling)
(people yelling)

754
00:36:51.411 --> 00:36:54.411
(footsteps tapping)

755
00:36:56.751 --> 00:36:58.439
- What now?

756
00:36:58.440 --> 00:37:01.439
- Well? Do we rub it?

757
00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:02.273
- You rub it.

758
00:37:03.420 --> 00:37:04.503
- We rub together.

759
00:37:21.930 --> 00:37:24.629
- Okay, now we do what we should have done

760
00:37:24.630 --> 00:37:26.219
in the first place.

761
00:37:26.220 --> 00:37:28.593
Let's blast this bitch
Acula back into hell.

762
00:37:30.022 --> 00:37:34.174
(table rumbling)
(glasses clinking)

763
00:37:34.175 --> 00:37:35.008
- Oh my...

764
00:37:36.821 --> 00:37:37.904
- [Genie] Yo!

765
00:37:40.981 --> 00:37:41.814
- George?

766
00:37:43.260 --> 00:37:45.323
- [Genie] Yeah. You know any other genies?

767
00:37:47.430 --> 00:37:49.349
- Do we have to rub you more to come out?

768
00:37:49.350 --> 00:37:52.229
- [Genie] Ain't no one
talked to me for 30 years

769
00:37:52.230 --> 00:37:54.269
and y'all think you can just rub your boy

770
00:37:54.270 --> 00:37:57.431
and I'm gonna hop out of this
lamp and suck y'all dicks.

771
00:37:57.432 --> 00:37:59.282
(footsteps tapping)

772
00:37:59.283 --> 00:38:00.629
(tap squeaking)
(water splashing)

773
00:38:00.630 --> 00:38:02.729
I'm getting a bath.

774
00:38:02.730 --> 00:38:06.239
Make your wishes and
leave George be, please.

775
00:38:06.240 --> 00:38:07.259
- Alright.

776
00:38:07.260 --> 00:38:08.729
First, we wish for all of our friends

777
00:38:08.730 --> 00:38:10.739
that were killed last year to come back

778
00:38:10.740 --> 00:38:12.590
and help us take down Acula for good.

779
00:38:13.560 --> 00:38:15.062
- [Genie] Shit.

780
00:38:15.063 --> 00:38:16.199
(laughs) Nice try.

781
00:38:16.200 --> 00:38:19.469
You can bring back one person per one wish

782
00:38:19.470 --> 00:38:24.163
per section 15.8,
paragraph four, volume 20

783
00:38:24.164 --> 00:38:26.999
of the Genie Union Handbook.

784
00:38:27.000 --> 00:38:29.892
- Okay, we really need to
think about this though.

785
00:38:29.893 --> 00:38:30.749
- I have an idea.

786
00:38:30.750 --> 00:38:33.239
- No offense, but leave
the planning to us.

787
00:38:33.240 --> 00:38:35.009
- No, Jen's right?

788
00:38:35.010 --> 00:38:37.310
We need to bring back
the most helpful people.

789
00:38:38.730 --> 00:38:41.339
- Genie, I wish for Ezekiel Vance

790
00:38:41.340 --> 00:38:42.839
to be brought back from the afterlife

791
00:38:42.840 --> 00:38:46.353
and help us take down the
demon princess Acula for good.

792
00:38:47.212 --> 00:38:48.282
(dramatic whooshing)

793
00:38:48.283 --> 00:38:51.283
(lightning crashes)

794
00:38:53.070 --> 00:38:54.749
- No way. Lame Pick.

795
00:38:54.750 --> 00:38:57.261
I wish to bring back Boston Mike.

796
00:38:57.262 --> 00:39:02.262
(dramatic whooshing)
(lightning crashes)

797
00:39:04.150 --> 00:39:06.090
- (screams) What the fuck?

798
00:39:06.990 --> 00:39:10.019
- We get three wishes and
Boston Mike is one of them?

799
00:39:10.020 --> 00:39:12.479
- George, is that you?

800
00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:15.449
- [Genie] All right bitches. George out.

801
00:39:15.450 --> 00:39:18.689
- Wait, we have one more wish, don't we?

802
00:39:18.690 --> 00:39:20.579
- No, Captain Underpants over there

803
00:39:20.580 --> 00:39:24.179
made the first wish back in 1989,

804
00:39:24.180 --> 00:39:26.939
right before he buried my ass
in the ground for 30 years.

805
00:39:26.940 --> 00:39:30.183
All right, I do three
wishes every 100 years.

806
00:39:33.720 --> 00:39:36.569
- Dammit, Mike! What did he pick?

807
00:39:36.570 --> 00:39:39.959
- [Genie] Unlimited
supply of Chinese food.

808
00:39:39.960 --> 00:39:41.910
- Why I don't eat Chinese food anymore.

809
00:39:43.279 --> 00:39:46.319
- (sighs) We brought you two back
to help us take down Acula.

810
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:47.159
She's not dead.

811
00:39:47.160 --> 00:39:49.469
- No! No.

812
00:39:49.470 --> 00:39:51.119
No, no, no.

813
00:39:51.120 --> 00:39:52.563
Acula killed me.

814
00:39:53.891 --> 00:39:55.503
(sighs) She won.

815
00:39:56.700 --> 00:40:00.269
And I'm too old and
tired to fight a demon.

816
00:40:00.270 --> 00:40:01.901
- [Genie] All right,
this one's on the house.

817
00:40:01.902 --> 00:40:04.970
(thunder crashing)

818
00:40:04.971 --> 00:40:06.239
- No.

819
00:40:06.240 --> 00:40:07.983
This is horse shit.

820
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:11.549
You idiots better have a plan.

821
00:40:11.550 --> 00:40:13.169
- Oh, we have a plan.

822
00:40:13.170 --> 00:40:15.299
Boston Mike, go check lost and
found and get some clothes.

823
00:40:15.300 --> 00:40:16.503
You look like shit.

824
00:40:20.515 --> 00:40:21.598
- [Genie] Yo.

825
00:40:25.140 --> 00:40:25.972
- Hey, sorry I'm late.

826
00:40:25.973 --> 00:40:26.806
Got the juice?

827
00:40:29.610 --> 00:40:30.663
It's a good batch.

828
00:40:32.100 --> 00:40:34.409
Now that everyone's hooked on the juice,

829
00:40:34.410 --> 00:40:36.779
no money for the stores.

830
00:40:36.780 --> 00:40:37.923
Perfect plan.

831
00:40:48.660 --> 00:40:50.610
- Hey, bud. Lost and found, you got it?

832
00:40:53.547 --> 00:40:55.259
(fingers tapping)

833
00:40:55.260 --> 00:40:56.093
- Here we go.

834
00:40:58.680 --> 00:41:00.123
Accessorize is important.

835
00:41:01.080 --> 00:41:02.328
Like that.

836
00:41:02.329 --> 00:41:03.934
Ugh, are you? Don't tell me, don't.

837
00:41:03.935 --> 00:41:05.582
No, ugh!

838
00:41:05.583 --> 00:41:07.633
Ugh, that was close. You see that, buddy?

839
00:41:19.650 --> 00:41:20.553
No pants?

840
00:41:25.380 --> 00:41:26.213
Thank you.

841
00:41:29.595 --> 00:41:31.345
Have a good day, bud.

842
00:41:32.217 --> 00:41:34.656
- Are you getting a fucking blow job?

843
00:41:34.657 --> 00:41:36.809
- Ah.

844
00:41:36.810 --> 00:41:39.183
- Wait, are you guys hiring?

845
00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:42.413
- Oh, she doesn't work here.

846
00:41:42.414 --> 00:41:45.247
(expectant music)

847
00:41:46.770 --> 00:41:49.319
- [Ezekiel] So what's
this genius plan of yours?

848
00:41:49.320 --> 00:41:50.879
- [Cincy] All right, here it is.

849
00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:52.169
Those three are gonna check the stores

850
00:41:52.170 --> 00:41:53.549
on the west side of town.

851
00:41:53.550 --> 00:41:55.559
We're gonna check the stores on the east.

852
00:41:55.560 --> 00:41:57.869
- [Jen] Ugh. Which one of you farted?

853
00:41:57.870 --> 00:41:59.729
- [Ezekiel] Hey man, I'm kind of hungry.

854
00:41:59.730 --> 00:42:01.049
- [Mike] Ooh, tacos?

855
00:42:01.050 --> 00:42:02.969
- [Jen] We don't have time to stop.

856
00:42:02.970 --> 00:42:05.039
- [NARC] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yard sale, yard sale.

857
00:42:05.040 --> 00:42:08.189
- [Ezekiel] So let me get this straight.
You had access to a genie,

858
00:42:08.190 --> 00:42:12.419
and instead of killing
Acula, you wished us back.

859
00:42:12.420 --> 00:42:14.309
- [Cincy] Um...

860
00:42:14.310 --> 00:42:17.271
- [Ezekiel] You didn't even think of
that, did you? Didn't even think of it.

861
00:42:17.272 --> 00:42:20.439
♪ 'Cause I'm tortured ♪

862
00:42:24.672 --> 00:42:25.589
- Fuck you!

863
00:42:32.883 --> 00:42:33.715
(car rumbling)

864
00:42:33.716 --> 00:42:36.299
♪ I'm tortured ♪

865
00:42:38.069 --> 00:42:40.819
(doors clicking)

866
00:42:43.859 --> 00:42:45.689
- Are you fucking kidding me?

867
00:42:45.690 --> 00:42:47.399
- You always stopping at a yard sale.

868
00:42:47.400 --> 00:42:50.009
- I know this guy. He
has really good deals.

869
00:42:50.010 --> 00:42:51.719
- Get back in the car!

870
00:42:51.720 --> 00:42:52.863
Get back in the car!

871
00:42:55.410 --> 00:42:57.259
- See, look, look, look.

872
00:42:57.260 --> 00:42:59.564
- Ah. Everything's a dollar.

873
00:42:59.565 --> 00:43:02.148
(gentle music)

874
00:43:13.740 --> 00:43:15.691
- Boston Mike's back baby.

875
00:43:15.692 --> 00:43:17.548
(bagpipe music)

876
00:43:17.549 --> 00:43:20.733
- Dude. Where's my fucking ladder at?

877
00:43:23.558 --> 00:43:26.189
(car rumbles)

878
00:43:26.190 --> 00:43:28.679
- Let me get two dozen tacos

879
00:43:28.680 --> 00:43:30.689
and put some of that
green sauce in the bag.

880
00:43:30.690 --> 00:43:34.529
- What are we even doing?
We need to get to the store.

881
00:43:34.530 --> 00:43:35.769
- I've been dead for a year.

882
00:43:35.770 --> 00:43:37.563
I'm a little hungry, okay?

883
00:43:38.520 --> 00:43:40.786
Oh, thank you. Green sauce.

884
00:43:40.787 --> 00:43:43.704
(train clattering)

885
00:43:55.456 --> 00:43:58.456
(suspenseful music)

886
00:44:13.974 --> 00:44:15.946
(ball thuds)

887
00:44:15.947 --> 00:44:18.697
(pair scuffling)

888
00:44:23.128 --> 00:44:24.295
- Woo hoo hoo!

889
00:44:27.121 --> 00:44:29.871
(blows thudding)

890
00:44:34.903 --> 00:44:37.736
(bodies thudding)

891
00:44:39.021 --> 00:44:42.021
(fighters grunting)

892
00:44:51.242 --> 00:44:53.992
(metal thudding)

893
00:44:56.373 --> 00:45:00.456
(suspenseful music intensifying)

894
00:45:03.022 --> 00:45:05.522
(pipe clangs)

895
00:45:07.421 --> 00:45:10.171
(blows thudding)

896
00:45:15.944 --> 00:45:18.694
(blows thudding)

897
00:45:25.027 --> 00:45:27.860
(engine rumbling)

898
00:45:34.948 --> 00:45:39.031
(people chattering indistinctly)

899
00:45:43.948 --> 00:45:47.775
(tape machine clicking)

900
00:45:47.776 --> 00:45:49.065
- Come on, dude. Go.

901
00:45:49.066 --> 00:45:49.898
Go, get out of there.

902
00:45:49.899 --> 00:45:51.179
- [TV] You have to leave. Yes.

903
00:45:51.180 --> 00:45:53.849
- So uh, Brenda from Elm Street,

904
00:45:53.850 --> 00:45:57.089
Matt, Chuck, and Rod from
Empire. They're all dead.

905
00:45:57.090 --> 00:45:58.169
- I saw that.

906
00:45:58.170 --> 00:46:00.430
Collectors are saying Acula's back.

907
00:46:00.431 --> 00:46:02.909
- Well, Acula killed
my brother a year ago.

908
00:46:02.910 --> 00:46:03.809
- What?

909
00:46:03.810 --> 00:46:05.879
- Yeah. I saw some of
my footage from Empire.

910
00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:08.339
Dude looks like an off-brand ghost face.

911
00:46:08.340 --> 00:46:10.679
- Ma, can we get some Ghost Face?

912
00:46:10.680 --> 00:46:12.633
- No, we got Ghost Face at home.

913
00:46:14.047 --> 00:46:16.649
- I'm gonna go check the door.
I'll be back in a little bit.

914
00:46:16.650 --> 00:46:18.419
- Shouldn't have said that.

915
00:46:18.420 --> 00:46:20.256
- You guys hear that?

916
00:46:20.257 --> 00:46:22.713
- Shh. Watching a classic.

917
00:46:24.846 --> 00:46:27.846
(footsteps tapping)

918
00:46:28.770 --> 00:46:31.231
- Aren't they supposed
to be open until 7:00?

919
00:46:31.232 --> 00:46:32.065
- It is.

920
00:46:33.265 --> 00:46:34.502
- I thought so too.

921
00:46:34.503 --> 00:46:37.603
- Hey, man. You're supposed to be
open for another hour. What's going on?

922
00:46:37.604 --> 00:46:40.090
- I know, guys, I'm
sorry, but I have to close

923
00:46:40.114 --> 00:46:42.599
early tonight. My
little girl has this recital

924
00:46:42.600 --> 00:46:44.459
and I can't wait to see it
and I'm not gonna miss it.

925
00:46:44.460 --> 00:46:45.596
Sorry again.

926
00:46:45.597 --> 00:46:46.480
(ominous music)

927
00:46:46.481 --> 00:46:50.398
(customers speak indistinctly)

928
00:46:55.542 --> 00:46:58.160
(flesh squelching)
(victim screaming)

929
00:46:58.161 --> 00:47:01.661
(ominous music continues)

930
00:47:15.548 --> 00:47:17.215
- I locked the door.

931
00:47:20.310 --> 00:47:22.310
- I'd like to see the killer get us now.

932
00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:24.393
- Not today.

933
00:47:27.292 --> 00:47:29.059
- (gasps) Oh, fuck!

934
00:47:29.060 --> 00:47:31.349
(ominous music continues)

935
00:47:31.350 --> 00:47:32.489
- Yeah.

936
00:47:32.490 --> 00:47:35.403
Can't believe the Empire boys
are dead. Yeah, it's crazy.

937
00:47:36.540 --> 00:47:39.269
Yeah, no, I'm, I'm up in their
booth right now at the mall

938
00:47:39.270 --> 00:47:40.889
looking through their stuff.

939
00:47:40.890 --> 00:47:42.269
- Man, forget about eating brains.

940
00:47:42.270 --> 00:47:43.773
I'd love to eat her ass.

941
00:47:44.878 --> 00:47:46.199
(man imitating zombie groans)

942
00:47:46.200 --> 00:47:47.033
Yeah.

943
00:47:49.397 --> 00:47:50.705
(suspenseful music)

944
00:47:50.706 --> 00:47:53.706
(footsteps tapping)

945
00:47:55.735 --> 00:47:57.703
(door thudding)

946
00:47:57.704 --> 00:48:00.371
(lock clicking)

947
00:48:04.814 --> 00:48:08.564
(murderer breathing heavily)

948
00:48:14.894 --> 00:48:17.394
(tense music)

949
00:48:18.463 --> 00:48:21.713
(footsteps clattering)

950
00:48:25.271 --> 00:48:28.021
(victim gagging)

951
00:48:28.955 --> 00:48:32.788
- [TV] Let's go. (indistinct)

952
00:48:33.682 --> 00:48:36.231
Hey Randy. Light these torches over here.

953
00:48:36.232 --> 00:48:38.609
(door squeaking)

954
00:48:38.610 --> 00:48:39.573
- Door's unlocked.

955
00:48:46.770 --> 00:48:50.099
- Oh, your plan sucks.

956
00:48:50.100 --> 00:48:50.932
- Fuck!

957
00:48:50.933 --> 00:48:53.163
- [Jen] Maybe the other
guys had better luck.

958
00:48:54.174 --> 00:48:56.757
(somber music)

959
00:49:05.760 --> 00:49:08.073
- Maybe we shouldn't
have stopped for tacos.

960
00:49:09.750 --> 00:49:11.163
- They were so good though.

961
00:49:14.070 --> 00:49:16.949
- You are two fucking idiots go upstairs

962
00:49:16.950 --> 00:49:18.423
and I'll go check downstairs.

963
00:49:24.980 --> 00:49:27.730
(feet shuffling)

964
00:49:28.949 --> 00:49:29.969
(objects clattering)

965
00:49:29.970 --> 00:49:31.619
- Hey!

966
00:49:31.620 --> 00:49:33.705
Sam's kind of a bitch, right?

967
00:49:33.706 --> 00:49:36.289
(light music)

968
00:49:52.224 --> 00:49:57.224
(footsteps tapping)
(light music)

969
00:50:04.773 --> 00:50:07.440
(ominous music)

970
00:50:08.541 --> 00:50:11.124
(feet tapping)

971
00:50:27.510 --> 00:50:29.110
- I know you're still down here.

972
00:50:31.080 --> 00:50:32.493
It's okay.

973
00:50:34.020 --> 00:50:35.013
I'm alone.

974
00:50:37.140 --> 00:50:38.223
Come out.

975
00:50:39.282 --> 00:50:42.363
(ominous music)

976
00:50:42.364 --> 00:50:46.114
(murderer breathing heavily)

977
00:50:50.460 --> 00:50:52.410
You're getting close to your 13th kill.

978
00:50:55.230 --> 00:50:58.593
I have two idiots upstairs
that we can add to your count.

979
00:50:59.700 --> 00:51:01.810
So how about

980
00:51:03.300 --> 00:51:07.233
we raise King Acula together?

981
00:51:09.860 --> 00:51:12.360
(Sam choking)

982
00:51:13.604 --> 00:51:14.663
(head thuds)

983
00:51:14.664 --> 00:51:16.183
- Your phone's ringing.

984
00:51:16.184 --> 00:51:18.389
(phone buzzing)

985
00:51:18.390 --> 00:51:21.273
- Uh, this might actually be the killer.

986
00:51:22.350 --> 00:51:23.943
Hello.

987
00:51:23.944 --> 00:51:26.339
(person speaks indistinctly)

988
00:51:26.340 --> 00:51:27.783
Guys, it's the killer.

989
00:51:29.464 --> 00:51:33.214
(person speaks indistinctly)

990
00:51:39.270 --> 00:51:42.063
Well, (sighs) I know where we need to go.

991
00:51:46.770 --> 00:51:48.270
- You know it's a trap, right?

992
00:51:49.470 --> 00:51:50.303
- Probably.

993
00:51:59.700 --> 00:52:02.367
(ominous music)

994
00:52:11.792 --> 00:52:14.625
(engine rumbling)

995
00:52:30.643 --> 00:52:33.060
(doors thud)

996
00:52:37.530 --> 00:52:41.609
I still can't believe
you two guys lost Sam.

997
00:52:41.610 --> 00:52:43.559
You better hope she's okay.

998
00:52:43.560 --> 00:52:45.693
- She's the one that wanted to separate.

999
00:52:47.850 --> 00:52:50.396
I'm gonna go get something out of her car.

1000
00:52:50.397 --> 00:52:52.210
(suspenseful music)

1001
00:52:52.211 --> 00:52:55.128
(traffic rumbling)

1002
00:52:59.550 --> 00:53:02.579
- Our winding paths will soon intersect,

1003
00:53:02.580 --> 00:53:05.043
and then the harrowing descent begins.

1004
00:53:06.840 --> 00:53:08.249
- Okay.

1005
00:53:08.250 --> 00:53:09.929
It's the same mixture
of drugs and holy water

1006
00:53:09.930 --> 00:53:12.030
you two used to take down Acula last year.

1007
00:53:13.029 --> 00:53:15.563
You have to weaken the demon
if we even stand a chance.

1008
00:53:19.230 --> 00:53:24.230
- Alright, Acula, this
time I'ma see you coming.

1009
00:53:28.307 --> 00:53:30.899
- So are you guys ready
to do this or what?

1010
00:53:30.900 --> 00:53:32.159
- Of course, dude.

1011
00:53:32.160 --> 00:53:35.309
We got the dream team and Boston Mike.

1012
00:53:35.310 --> 00:53:36.483
What could go wrong?

1013
00:53:37.320 --> 00:53:40.199
- Sorry. Did you say what could go wrong?

1014
00:53:40.200 --> 00:53:41.032
I don't know.

1015
00:53:41.033 --> 00:53:42.599
How about the fact Acula is most likely

1016
00:53:42.600 --> 00:53:44.519
gonna kill all of us, and then afterwards

1017
00:53:44.520 --> 00:53:47.609
we get to get butt fucked
by demons for all eternity.

1018
00:53:47.610 --> 00:53:50.159
- Wait, wait, wait. It's
that really on the table?

1019
00:53:50.160 --> 00:53:52.695
- Jesus Christ, Ezekiel,
is that what was happening to you guys

1020
00:53:52.696 --> 00:53:54.773
before we wished you back to Earth?

1021
00:54:01.980 --> 00:54:03.723
- Acula ain't getting me again.

1022
00:54:06.895 --> 00:54:09.562
(guns clicking)

1023
00:54:12.274 --> 00:54:16.191
(suspenseful music continues)

1024
00:54:26.880 --> 00:54:28.593
- We're all gonna fucking die.

1025
00:54:43.284 --> 00:54:47.117
(suspenseful music continues)

1026
00:54:59.323 --> 00:55:02.073
(chain clinking)

1027
00:55:09.255 --> 00:55:11.755
(door clicks)

1028
00:55:16.135 --> 00:55:19.968
(suspenseful music continues)

1029
00:55:32.354 --> 00:55:34.259
- I found the power.

1030
00:55:34.260 --> 00:55:37.199
- We still need to find an
object to trap Acula in.

1031
00:55:37.200 --> 00:55:39.750
That is if we're still
alive to perform the ritual.

1032
00:55:40.650 --> 00:55:42.329
- No more trapping.

1033
00:55:42.330 --> 00:55:44.073
Tonight we kill the demon forever.

1034
00:55:50.622 --> 00:55:51.455
Shh.

1035
00:55:52.740 --> 00:55:54.929
- Okay, what's the plan now, Cincy?

1036
00:55:54.930 --> 00:55:57.539
- This place is huge. We need to split up.

1037
00:55:57.540 --> 00:56:00.203
- He's right. What's the plan?

1038
00:56:00.204 --> 00:56:02.219
- All right, no one makes
a move on their own.

1039
00:56:02.220 --> 00:56:04.113
We need to do this together.

1040
00:56:05.070 --> 00:56:08.939
You two guys, go upstairs,
take the escalator.

1041
00:56:08.940 --> 00:56:09.993
But before that,

1042
00:56:11.857 --> 00:56:13.413
"Kill evil" on three.

1043
00:56:18.810 --> 00:56:20.433
- Oh, you guys serious?

1044
00:56:21.533 --> 00:56:22.889
- Come on.
- Yeah.

1045
00:56:22.890 --> 00:56:24.719
- This one's for you, Eddie.

1046
00:56:24.720 --> 00:56:26.609
- 1, 2, 3.

1047
00:56:26.610 --> 00:56:27.670
- [All] Kill evil.

1048
00:56:27.671 --> 00:56:28.504
- Shh.

1049
00:56:30.216 --> 00:56:31.216
It's not on.

1050
00:56:32.580 --> 00:56:35.837
- They're stairs. Just use them as stairs.

1051
00:56:37.405 --> 00:56:41.322
(suspenseful music continues)

1052
00:56:45.866 --> 00:56:47.389
- Shh.

1053
00:56:47.390 --> 00:56:50.390
(footsteps tapping)

1054
00:56:56.848 --> 00:56:59.598
- Dude, flip flops again. Really?

1055
00:57:02.379 --> 00:57:07.379
(gate clatters)
(elevator hums)

1056
00:57:28.698 --> 00:57:31.365
(gate clatters)

1057
00:57:35.758 --> 00:57:37.925
- [Ezekiel] You all ready?

1058
00:57:42.276 --> 00:57:46.109
(suspenseful music continues)

1059
00:57:57.621 --> 00:57:59.359
- Hey.
- Yeah.

1060
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:00.329
- [Mike] If my head blows up.

1061
00:58:00.330 --> 00:58:01.811
Don't leave me this time.

1062
00:58:01.812 --> 00:58:03.192
- Yeah.

1063
00:58:03.193 --> 00:58:05.227
(suspenseful music continues)

1064
00:58:05.228 --> 00:58:08.978
(murderer breathing heavily)

1065
00:58:29.698 --> 00:58:33.531
(suspenseful music continues)

1066
00:58:42.343 --> 00:58:45.614
(feet tapping)

1067
00:58:45.615 --> 00:58:46.948
- Anything?
- No.

1068
00:58:50.820 --> 00:58:53.403
(Sam whimpers)

1069
00:58:55.788 --> 00:58:58.455
(hopeful music)

1070
00:58:59.328 --> 00:59:00.587
- Is someone there?

1071
00:59:00.588 --> 00:59:02.816
Is someone? Cincy?

1072
00:59:02.817 --> 00:59:03.946
Cincy! Cincy!

1073
00:59:03.947 --> 00:59:05.030
Cincy! Cincy!

1074
00:59:06.279 --> 00:59:08.216
Please, somebody help me!

1075
00:59:08.217 --> 00:59:09.057
Please help me.

1076
00:59:09.058 --> 00:59:12.120
(Sam shrieks and whimpers)

1077
00:59:12.121 --> 00:59:14.539
Cincy! Please help me.

1078
00:59:14.540 --> 00:59:15.707
Cincy help me.

1079
00:59:16.870 --> 00:59:19.537
(Sam shrieking)

1080
00:59:21.651 --> 00:59:23.901
Help! Help, please help me.

1081
00:59:25.297 --> 00:59:26.130
Please.

1082
00:59:28.528 --> 00:59:29.729
Please somebody help.

1083
00:59:29.730 --> 00:59:31.687
Cincy! Cincy, please.

1084
00:59:31.688 --> 00:59:32.558
Get me out of here.

1085
00:59:32.559 --> 00:59:34.407
Get me out of here.

1086
00:59:34.408 --> 00:59:35.757
- Sam, what the fuck?

1087
00:59:35.758 --> 00:59:37.626
- He's gonna light me on fucking fire.

1088
00:59:37.627 --> 00:59:39.597
He's gonna light me on fucking fire.

1089
00:59:39.598 --> 00:59:43.069
(Sam whimpering hysterically)

1090
00:59:43.070 --> 00:59:44.653
Cincy, please help.

1091
00:59:49.021 --> 00:59:52.486
(Sam shrieking and sobbing)

1092
00:59:52.487 --> 00:59:55.570
- Uh uh uh. I don't fucking think so.

1093
00:59:56.409 --> 00:59:58.592
Did you bring water guns?

1094
00:59:58.593 --> 00:59:59.853
What am I? A gremlin?

1095
01:00:00.912 --> 01:00:02.559
I'm not allowed to get wet?

1096
01:00:02.560 --> 01:00:03.893
- It's not Acula. It's a ritual.

1097
01:00:05.350 --> 01:00:07.049
It's a ritual.

1098
01:00:07.050 --> 01:00:08.939
- 13th kill.

1099
01:00:08.940 --> 01:00:10.340
- What is she talking about?

1100
01:00:13.264 --> 01:00:14.849
- He's not Acula.

1101
01:00:14.850 --> 01:00:17.373
He's not raising Princess Acula either.

1102
01:00:19.740 --> 01:00:23.069
This ritual will call
King Acula to the world

1103
01:00:23.070 --> 01:00:24.663
and he'll rule for eternity.

1104
01:00:26.730 --> 01:00:28.983
It's the 13th blood sacrifice.

1105
01:00:35.640 --> 01:00:38.099
(Sam sobbing)

1106
01:00:38.100 --> 01:00:39.843
We are fucked!

1107
01:00:46.810 --> 01:00:49.739
(ominous music)

1108
01:00:49.740 --> 01:00:50.643
- You're too late.

1109
01:00:52.860 --> 01:00:53.943
- This asshole!

1110
01:00:54.930 --> 01:00:56.153
- What? Are you kidding me?

1111
01:00:57.510 --> 01:00:59.729
(scoffs) You guys didn't know
it was me the whole time.

1112
01:00:59.730 --> 01:01:01.479
I wasn't even trying to hide it.

1113
01:01:01.480 --> 01:01:04.503
I killed 12 people, you fucking idiot.

1114
01:01:05.528 --> 01:01:07.323
- Oh, I just don't know. Whew.

1115
01:01:08.307 --> 01:01:10.473
Are we gonna blast this fucker or what?

1116
01:01:11.310 --> 01:01:13.360
- Why don't we just kick this dude's ass?

1117
01:01:14.220 --> 01:01:17.009
- Won't matter. He's at 12.

1118
01:01:17.010 --> 01:01:18.659
Doesn't matter who the 13th kill is.

1119
01:01:18.660 --> 01:01:21.693
If anyone dies here tonight, Acula rises.

1120
01:01:24.506 --> 01:01:26.189
- You know what?

1121
01:01:26.190 --> 01:01:28.413
Fuck this guy. NARC's right.

1122
01:01:29.550 --> 01:01:32.357
Let's just kick his fucking ass.

1123
01:01:32.358 --> 01:01:34.347
- (laughs) Now we're talking.

1124
01:01:34.348 --> 01:01:35.339
(metal clangs)

1125
01:01:35.340 --> 01:01:37.504
- Oh damn. Oh shit.

1126
01:01:37.505 --> 01:01:38.539
(tense music)
- [Sam] No, Cincy.

1127
01:01:43.706 --> 01:01:45.275
- Fuck you, Cincy.

1128
01:01:45.276 --> 01:01:47.553
- (whimpers) No!

1129
01:01:47.554 --> 01:01:50.304
Oh no. (sobbing)

1130
01:01:51.930 --> 01:01:53.943
- Cincy Nerd, you arrogant fuck.

1131
01:01:57.570 --> 01:01:59.883
They came to save you with water guns.

1132
01:02:01.050 --> 01:02:04.019
I killed 12 people.

1133
01:02:04.020 --> 01:02:05.219
12 people!

1134
01:02:05.220 --> 01:02:07.889
And they came to save you with water guns.

1135
01:02:07.890 --> 01:02:08.820
What the fuck?

1136
01:02:10.650 --> 01:02:12.233
You stupid fucks!

1137
01:02:13.620 --> 01:02:15.663
I bet you were making videos on the way.

1138
01:02:17.850 --> 01:02:20.043
I bet you were toy
hunting on the way here.

1139
01:02:21.840 --> 01:02:23.690
What the fuck is the matter with you?

1140
01:02:26.310 --> 01:02:28.859
Welcome to the Jordan Show.

1141
01:02:28.860 --> 01:02:32.103
And this is Jordan's favorite scary movie.

1142
01:02:36.270 --> 01:02:37.683
You all disgust me.

1143
01:02:41.160 --> 01:02:42.689
You think you could just
get away with it too?

1144
01:02:42.690 --> 01:02:45.989
Everyone just lets you get
away with it all the time.

1145
01:02:45.990 --> 01:02:47.519
But not Jordan.

1146
01:02:47.520 --> 01:02:48.843
- Wait, he's not Acula?

1147
01:02:51.150 --> 01:02:53.999
- You Look for someone that's
maybe down on his luck,

1148
01:02:54.000 --> 01:02:57.839
needs a few bucks and
then you rip him off.

1149
01:02:57.840 --> 01:02:59.733
But that's not even what bothered me.

1150
01:03:00.990 --> 01:03:02.499
And you're just as bad as that.

1151
01:03:02.500 --> 01:03:03.419
(Sam whimpers)

1152
01:03:03.420 --> 01:03:05.639
That's not even what bothered me.

1153
01:03:05.640 --> 01:03:08.609
What bothered me is that you
go on the fucking internet

1154
01:03:08.610 --> 01:03:11.789
and call me a fuckboy.

1155
01:03:11.790 --> 01:03:13.919
Do I look like a fucking fuckboy?

1156
01:03:13.920 --> 01:03:15.959
Do I look like a fucking fuckboy?

1157
01:03:15.960 --> 01:03:17.853
Do I look like a fucking fuckboy?

1158
01:03:18.930 --> 01:03:21.879
Do I? No.

1159
01:03:21.880 --> 01:03:25.143
(chuckles) You social media influencers,

1160
01:03:26.520 --> 01:03:28.953
you vloggers, you collectors,

1161
01:03:30.300 --> 01:03:34.319
all of you think it's so cool

1162
01:03:34.320 --> 01:03:35.789
to just go around, make videos,

1163
01:03:35.790 --> 01:03:37.439
try to take advantage of your fans.

1164
01:03:37.440 --> 01:03:40.349
Tell 'em what to do, what to watch,

1165
01:03:40.350 --> 01:03:42.063
what to wear, what to buy.

1166
01:03:44.430 --> 01:03:45.333
For what?

1167
01:03:47.430 --> 01:03:49.079
To sell more ad time.

1168
01:03:49.080 --> 01:03:53.943
And then even today, with every kill,

1169
01:03:55.950 --> 01:04:00.362
you promoted more and
more of your own agenda.

1170
01:04:00.363 --> 01:04:02.219
(Sam sobbing)

1171
01:04:02.220 --> 01:04:04.413
Oh wait, there's more.

1172
01:04:05.850 --> 01:04:09.055
I almost forgot to tell you the best pa-

1173
01:04:09.056 --> 01:04:09.888
(door thuds)

1174
01:04:09.889 --> 01:04:11.515
- You have the right to remain silent.

1175
01:04:11.516 --> 01:04:14.213
(gunshots banging)

1176
01:04:14.214 --> 01:04:16.714
(Sam gasping)

1177
01:04:20.730 --> 01:04:21.563
Forever!

1178
01:04:24.985 --> 01:04:26.272
(somber music)

1179
01:04:26.273 --> 01:04:27.804
- Cincy?

1180
01:04:27.805 --> 01:04:28.638
Cincy!

1181
01:04:30.526 --> 01:04:31.650
Cincy get me out here.

1182
01:04:33.435 --> 01:04:37.075
Please get help.
(ominous music)

1183
01:04:37.076 --> 01:04:40.764
- Oh, honey, Cincy's not here anymore.

1184
01:04:40.765 --> 01:04:41.598
- What?

1185
01:04:42.450 --> 01:04:45.573
- The name's King Acula And you're fired.

1186
01:04:46.646 --> 01:04:51.646
(Sam screaming)
(flames hissing)

1187
01:04:51.750 --> 01:04:52.583
- No! See ya.

1188
01:04:54.021 --> 01:04:56.688
(Sam screaming)

1189
01:04:59.517 --> 01:05:00.869
- Ah! Sam!

1190
01:05:00.870 --> 01:05:01.863
- Oh Jesus.

1191
01:05:02.977 --> 01:05:05.553
(sighs) That was a fucked up dream.

1192
01:05:07.230 --> 01:05:08.063
Yeah.

1193
01:05:09.000 --> 01:05:11.583
All right, I'm gonna go check my subs.

1194
01:05:12.736 --> 01:05:15.736
(water splattering)

1195
01:05:20.705 --> 01:05:24.207
(toothbrush scraping)

1196
01:05:24.208 --> 01:05:26.791
(egg sizzling)

1197
01:05:30.990 --> 01:05:33.359
Craig. Holy shit, dude.

1198
01:05:33.360 --> 01:05:35.129
Oh my God. It's so good to see you.

1199
01:05:35.130 --> 01:05:36.869
- Yeah, dude, it's great to see you too.

1200
01:05:36.870 --> 01:05:38.013
You, you all right?

1201
01:05:38.943 --> 01:05:39.775
- I'm okay, dude.

1202
01:05:39.776 --> 01:05:41.729
I, I had a fucked up dream last night

1203
01:05:41.730 --> 01:05:43.799
and it's just really good to see you.

1204
01:05:43.800 --> 01:05:45.299
Anyway, I'm here for
the neck of pre-orders,

1205
01:05:45.300 --> 01:05:47.336
but I gotta take a shit.

1206
01:05:47.337 --> 01:05:48.569
- Oh.
- And I am afraid

1207
01:05:48.570 --> 01:05:49.589
of that bathroom.
- Yeah.

1208
01:05:49.590 --> 01:05:51.652
- I'm gonna use Horror Freak's bathroom.
- For sure, man.

1209
01:05:51.653 --> 01:05:52.485
Go around the back.

1210
01:05:52.486 --> 01:05:53.459
- Yeah.
- Go through the back.

1211
01:05:53.460 --> 01:05:55.409
Because there's some old man in there.

1212
01:05:55.410 --> 01:05:56.699
Creepy ass old man.

1213
01:05:56.700 --> 01:05:58.619
I'm pretty sure he's flashing Eric

1214
01:05:58.620 --> 01:05:59.895
and I think they're fucking, dude.

1215
01:05:59.896 --> 01:06:02.489
- [Cincy] Ooh. What the frick?

1216
01:06:02.490 --> 01:06:03.322
- Yeah. I don't know.

1217
01:06:03.323 --> 01:06:05.399
It's weird shit, but just
giving you a heads up.

1218
01:06:05.400 --> 01:06:07.977
- Yeah. Fuck creepy ass
old men, dude. Right?

1219
01:06:07.978 --> 01:06:09.419
- Yeah fuck creepy ass old man, dude.

1220
01:06:09.420 --> 01:06:10.739
- Good job, buddy.

1221
01:06:10.740 --> 01:06:12.783
That's why you are my NARC.

1222
01:06:13.650 --> 01:06:14.643
You're my NARC!

1223
01:06:16.410 --> 01:06:18.843
- Nerd. That's why you're my Cincy Nerd.

1224
01:06:19.693 --> 01:06:23.429
(sinister music continues)

1225
01:06:23.430 --> 01:06:26.883
- This is no ordinary witching board.

1226
01:06:27.720 --> 01:06:30.959
This is a vessel board.

1227
01:06:30.960 --> 01:06:34.679
It has been in my family for decades,

1228
01:06:34.680 --> 01:06:39.329
and it was last used to trap the presence

1229
01:06:39.330 --> 01:06:44.123
of a demon princess by the name of Acula.

1230
01:06:47.845 --> 01:06:48.678
- Acula?

1231
01:06:50.617 --> 01:06:51.806
Acula?

1232
01:06:51.807 --> 01:06:53.849
(sinister music)

1233
01:06:53.850 --> 01:06:55.400
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1234
01:06:56.670 --> 01:06:57.843
Not fucking again.

1235
01:06:59.460 --> 01:07:01.709
Fucking shit on myself.

1236
01:07:01.710 --> 01:07:03.993
Eric don't take that goddamn board.

1237
01:07:05.577 --> 01:07:08.160
(upbeat music)

1238
01:07:10.200 --> 01:07:12.989
- Whatever happened to predictability,

1239
01:07:12.990 --> 01:07:17.219
the milkman, the paper
boy, the evening TV.

1240
01:07:17.220 --> 01:07:20.013
Wow, that is awesome.

1241
01:07:20.850 --> 01:07:23.159
It's gotta be. This is amazing.

1242
01:07:23.160 --> 01:07:25.619
We could use this for
Ashley's going away party.

1243
01:07:25.620 --> 01:07:27.809
Do a seance and everything.

1244
01:07:27.810 --> 01:07:30.260
Yeah, freak the shit out
of everybody. I like it.

1245
01:07:31.710 --> 01:07:34.349
- Ash, babe, let's go.

1246
01:07:34.350 --> 01:07:36.029
- No way. This is your last night here.

1247
01:07:36.030 --> 01:07:37.480
You need to spend it with us.

1248
01:07:40.670 --> 01:07:41.998
(door creaks)

1249
01:07:41.999 --> 01:07:43.679
- Hey, you losers want to drink some beer

1250
01:07:43.680 --> 01:07:45.689
and do a seance tonight?

1251
01:07:45.690 --> 01:07:47.519
Hey, Eric's trying to
resurrect a girlfriend.

1252
01:07:47.520 --> 01:07:49.049
- A what?

1253
01:07:49.050 --> 01:07:49.882
- Cool.

1254
01:07:49.883 --> 01:07:51.658
Girls bring the candles. All right.

1255
01:07:51.659 --> 01:07:56.618
♪ It's the cry of the Banshee ♪

1256
01:07:56.619 --> 01:08:00.188
♪ Just like a siren's call ♪

1257
01:08:00.189 --> 01:08:05.189
♪ It's the cry of the Banshee ♪

1258
01:08:05.406 --> 01:08:08.839
♪ Are you ready to fall ♪

1259
01:08:08.840 --> 01:08:13.840
♪ It's the cry of the Banshee ♪

1260
01:08:14.147 --> 01:08:17.477
♪ She is leading me on ♪

1261
01:08:17.478 --> 01:08:22.478
♪ It's the cry of the Banshee ♪

1262
01:08:22.787 --> 01:08:26.687
♪ Such a beautiful song ♪

1263
01:08:26.688 --> 01:08:29.688
(rock guitar music)

1264
01:09:03.687 --> 01:09:07.908
♪ Sha Nana na na Nana na na na ♪

1265
01:09:07.909 --> 01:09:11.846
♪ Sha na na na na ♪

1266
01:09:11.847 --> 01:09:16.428
♪ Sha Nana na na Nana na na na ♪

1267
01:09:16.429 --> 01:09:20.395
♪ Sha na na na na ♪

1268
01:09:20.396 --> 01:09:25.147
♪ Sha Nana na na Nana na na na ♪

1269
01:09:25.148 --> 01:09:28.876
♪ Sha na na na na ♪

1270
01:09:28.877 --> 01:09:32.544
♪ Sha Nana na na Nana na na ♪

1271
01:09:37.055 --> 01:09:40.472
(soft suspenseful music)

1272
01:10:20.471 --> 01:10:24.304
(suspenseful music continues)

1273
01:10:59.933 --> 01:11:03.766
(suspenseful music continues)

1274
01:11:29.230 --> 01:11:33.063
(suspenseful music continues)

1275
01:11:58.984 --> 01:12:02.817
(suspenseful music continues)

1276
01:12:29.502 --> 01:12:33.335
(suspenseful music continues)

1277
01:12:40.992 --> 01:12:43.575
(upbeat music)

1278
01:13:02.963 --> 01:13:06.800
(upbeat music fades)

1279
01:13:06.801 --> 01:13:10.593
- God, I don't even, I know
how to talk about this.

1280
01:13:11.580 --> 01:13:14.462
Earlier tonight, we
started getting reports in

1281
01:13:14.463 --> 01:13:16.353
that there was a massacre.

1282
01:13:19.492 --> 01:13:21.470
I, I don't know what to do

1283
01:13:23.310 --> 01:13:25.739
other than at this point just pray.

1284
01:13:25.740 --> 01:13:28.649
Pray that the police
figure out what's going on

1285
01:13:28.650 --> 01:13:30.100
so they can put an end to it.

1286
01:13:32.760 --> 01:13:36.029
I wish I had more answers
than that, but I don't.

1287
01:13:36.030 --> 01:13:36.863
So...

1288
01:13:38.970 --> 01:13:41.129
Anyway, uh, guys, uh, just be sure

1289
01:13:41.130 --> 01:13:44.519
to hit that like button, subscribe

1290
01:13:44.520 --> 01:13:46.799
and um, bell notifications,

1291
01:13:46.800 --> 01:13:49.229
and also uh, down below, leave a comment.

1292
01:13:49.230 --> 01:13:51.580
Let me know what you
think about the massacres.

1293
01:13:53.310 --> 01:13:55.660
Stay strong and I'll see
you on the next video.

1294
01:13:57.630 --> 01:13:58.462
Cool.

1295
01:13:58.463 --> 01:14:00.449
Um. Hey, Jay.

1296
01:14:00.450 --> 01:14:03.389
Yo. Hey, man.

1297
01:14:03.390 --> 01:14:05.104
Empty out the van.

1298
01:14:05.105 --> 01:14:06.809
(chuckles) Do you even
realize how many toys

1299
01:14:06.810 --> 01:14:09.659
and games are about to be
on the market right now?

1300
01:14:09.660 --> 01:14:10.493
Retro.

1301
01:14:11.355 --> 01:14:12.629
Woo. Jackpot.

1302
01:14:12.630 --> 01:14:13.463
Let's go!

1303
01:14:21.946 --> 01:14:24.446
(eerie music)