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[synth music pulsing]
[synth music]
[Too $hort narrating]
No joke.
[Too $hort continues]
- Like I said, wild. - [synth music continues]
But I never thought too hard on it though.
To me, it was just one of those freaky things
that made the Bay so damn fresh.
[lightning striking]
[upbeat music]
Hi, I'm Sleepy Floyd.
Join me this weekend at the Oakland Coliseum Annex
for Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar,
sponsored by Psytopics Learning Center.
At my workshop, we'll teach you how to practice
mindfulness and relaxation under stressful circumstances.
Licensed Psytopics instructors will give you the tools
to connect to the cosmic life force
and give you the power to battle both inner and outer demons.
Trust me, you won't wanna miss Sunday.
So join me this weekend, all ages are welcome.
Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar...
- [all] ...will blow your mind! - [synth music]
[suspenseful music]
[hip-hop beat]
["Freaky Tales" by Too $hort plays]
[explosion booming]
[hip-hop beat]
[Too $hort] Chapter one...
- AKA, The Gilman Strikes Back. - [pencil scratching]
- [spring boing] - [pencil scratching]
[Doppler shift of car honking]
- [thudding] - [electricity buzzing]
- [car engine idling] - [vehicle passing by]
Yo, that movie was hella rad.
So grandpa knew about the vampires the whole time,
but didn't bother to tell anyone in his family?
Well, that's why it's fresh. You don't expect it.
All I'm saying, if you motherfuckers knew about some secret vampire shit
going off in the neighborhood and you didn't let me know,
we might have a problem.
Tina. I hate to break it to you,
but if there's a secret cult of vampires living amongst us--
We would be all up in that shit. Give me that.
- [truck horn honking] - Fair point.
- [man] Eat a dick, dyke! - Get out the truck
and see what happens! I ain't playing!
- Suck my dick, Black bitch! - Yeah, that's what I thought.
Keep driving!
- Bitch! - Fuck you want, faggots?
- Fuck you! - [yelling continues]
[Tina] Go back to Fresno, boneheads!
[man] We'll see you punks later!
[whooping]
[indistinct chatter]
- Fucking Nazis. - [indistinct chatter]
- Let's go. - [punk rock music]
Dude, you know I'm from Fresno.
Yeah, I've been trying to forget that.
So I was tailing this dude outta Lucky's yesterday.
Tailed? Like you followed some random guy?
Okay, you never followed anyone before?
[Kohlrabi] Hell, no, that's some psycho shit.
- [muffled talking] - [music muffled]
You ever tailed anybody, Luce?
Uh... No.
- [scoffs] Whatever. - [Kohlrabi] Okay.
[Tina] Stop looking at me like I'm weird.
[Tina] First time at Gilman?
No, I was here once. Wanna see my membership?
- [lighter clinks, flicks] - [indistinct chatter]
- No. - No way.
[tenor saxophone music]
[indistinct chatter]
Psych.
- [band performing] - * Let's go! ♪
["Bad Town" playing]
♪ They call it a scene, I call it disaster ♪
♪ Down here the kids grew up faster ♪
♪ Scared, they're scared to the bone ♪
♪ Like a pack of wolves they don't run alone ♪
♪ One-on-one, they won't look you in the eye ♪
♪ When the pack's together, you hear a battle cry ♪
♪ I saw it, 15-on-one ♪
♪ The crowd dispersed, the kid was done ♪
- * No! ♪ - [crowd] * No more! ♪
- ♪ No! ♪ - ♪ Bad town! ♪
♪ No more bad town ♪
- * No! ♪ - [crowd] * No more! ♪
- ♪ No! ♪ - ♪ Bad town! ♪
♪ No more bad town ♪
- * Yeah! ♪ - Oh, shit!
- Dude, are you alright? - Are you okay?
♪ Down there you gotta have a label ♪
♪ Just like a cattle in a stable ♪
♪ Knee-jerk reaction, I call it violence ♪
♪ Why speak out when you could be silenced? ♪
♪ Down there, out on the dance floor ♪
- Yeah! [laughs] - * Too much violence ♪
- * I don't want more ♪ - Whoo!
♪ Down there, out on the street ♪
♪ I can see the air, I can see the heat ♪
- ♪ No! ♪ - ♪ No more! ♪
- ♪ No ♪ - *Bad town! ♪
♪ No more bad town ♪
- ♪ No! ♪ - ♪ No more! ♪
- ♪ No! ♪ - ♪ Bad town! ♪
♪ No more bad town ♪
- [rock music on car speakers] - [yelling]
- [car honking] - [yelling continues]
- [suspenders snapping]
[yelling over each other]
[yelling, whooping]
- Let's go! - [yelling continues]
- [music stops] - [man] Hey, Troy!
- Yeah, meet me in the truck. - Alright.
- [Nazi laughs] - [footsteps pounding]
Yeah, Dad?
Did you know the guy from Splash
used to sell hot dogs at A's Games?
I don't eat meat.
I mean, I-I'm not trying to--
I'm saying, the guy from Splash.
- Did you see the movie? - The mermaid movie?
- Yeah. - Didn't see it.
Uh, what about Bachelor Party?
Do I look like somebody
who would see Bachelor Party?
First naked lady I ever saw was in that movie.
Your first? Right.
'Cause you've seen so many since.
I've seen a few!
[truck honking, approaching]
[men yelling]
- Oh, shit. - [yelling continues]
♪ All I know is that I do not know ♪
♪ All I know is that I don't know nothing ♪
♪ All I know is that I do not know ♪
[Josh] Fucking boneheads are back.
- Those Nazi fucks just rolled up. - Outside.
Fuck, again?
[footsteps pounding]
Come on, guys. Not tonight.
- Fuck you, Jew! Get the fuck-- - Here to volunteer.
And fuck you up!
♪ All I know is that I don't know nothing ♪
♪ We get told to decide ♪
- [grunts] - * Just like, as if... ♪
♪ I'm not gonna change my mind ♪
- [effort grunts] - * All I know is that I don't know ♪
♪ All I know is that I don't know nothing ♪
♪ All I know is that I do not know ♪
♪ All I know is that I don't know nothing ♪
- [crowd yelling] - ["Knowledge" continues]
♪ What you gonna do with yourself, boy? ♪
♪ Well, you better make up your mind ♪
♪ What you gonna do with yourself, boy? ♪
- * Running out of time ♪ - [grunting]
[indistinct yelling]
- [grunts] - [singer] Shit, man. That's enough!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
- [effort grunts] - [Tina] Lucid!
- [bracelet unclasping] - [Tina] Hey!
- [grunts] - [groans]
- Dude! - [Troy] Yeah, tough guy?
[Tina groans]
- [grunts] - [singer] Fucking bonehead!
[yelling] Hail Hitler!
Lay the fuck off, man. [grunts]
- [mic feedback] - You okay?
- Yeah. You okay? - Yeah.
- [mic feedback] - [urinates]
- Fuck you! Show's over, losers! - Losers!
- Bye! - Pussy!
[Nazis shouting]
- Later, punk faggots. [laughs] - [shouting continues]
- [packet crinkling] - [Tina wincing]
Oh, it's cold.
It's supposed to be.
- [exhales] - [chuckles]
- Does that hurt? - No.
Okay, tough guy.
I didn't mean it like that.
[packet crinkling]
Can I ask you a question?
- No. - Shut up.
[chuckles lightly]
You ever have a dream then realize you're dreaming?
- Nah. - I had one last night.
I was by myself in my room.
[groovy jazz music]
- Everybody was gone. - [whooshes]
It was quiet. [huffs air]
That's how I knew I was dreaming.
- [Lucid chuckles] - My house is never quiet.
So, I started dancing.
I was eating, I forget what,
- Pop-Tarts or some shit. - [crunching]
But then I was like,
"What am I staying in the house for?"
[spring boing]
The whole world was mine.
[bell dings]
So I ran outside,
I started flying and shit.
[soaring]
It was so rad.
[bell dings]
[animation soaring]
[jazzy music intensifying]
What would you do?
In a dream?
Yeah, it's all in your head.
You can do anything you want, no consequences.
[animation squeaking and popping out]
[animation bouncing]
[jazz music intensifies, stops]
What?
I-- Nothing. I was-- I was thinking,
I see you blushing, tell me.
[scoffs] I was, uh, thinking about flying.
That'd be... I'd fly too. That'd be so cool.
Oh, man, that's boring.
That's what you did.
Alright, if I'm boring, you're boring.
Whatever, Lewis.
Don't tell me.
- [knock on door] - [Tina's Sister in Korean]
[in Korean]
What'd she say?
- Nothing. - [footsteps receding]
You hungry?
[Tina's Dad speaking Korean] ...Eddie Money.
- Eddie Money? Yeah. - [Tina's Dad speaks Korean] Oh!
- "Don't you know who I am?" - [Tina] What?
[speaking Korean]
- What? - [Tina's family laughing]
[Tina's Dad speaking Korean]
- Uh-huh. - [Tina's Dad speaking Korean]
[chuckles] He was singing, you know? [laughs]
[Kelsey] We just have to keep 'em out.
No shit, we've been trying.
There's too many of 'em.
There are more of us.
- Yeah. - [all agreeing]
Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
- Cops. - Nope.
I did some research.
We can hire off-duty Berkeley cops for 11 bucks an hour.
- You called the cops? - To ask the question, yes.
Don't judge, all options are on the table.
That's why we're here.
To be fair, Berkeley cops are different from Oakland cops.
- We all know it. - You got that right.
Come on, guys, without Oakland cops,
- there'd be no Black Panthers. - [laughter]
[Kohlrabi] I'll call a vote.
Those in favor of hiring off-duty Berkeley cops,
raise your hand.
Opposed?
So where does that leave us?
We fight.
A fight is what they want.
We can't meet their violence with more violence.
- That's bullshit. - I believe in the ideal stenciled
on that sign back there.
But are you willing to fight for them?
No violence means no violence.
Once you pass through the doors.
Oh, so violence is okay outside?
What about racism, sexism, homophobia,
those okay outside too?
We're talking about Nazis, Larry.
- Yes. - I agree.
The rules don't apply to Nazis.
Dude, we got our asses kicked.
- Yeah. - We supposed to just take that?
Tina's right, this is our house.
We built it with our bare hands, and if we can't defend it,
- what's the point? - [member] Yeah, that's right.
[Kohlrabi] Alright, I call another vote then.
Those in favor of fighting the Nazis, raise your hand.
- [items shuffle] - [chairs squeak]
So, now I'm the guy who didn't wanna fight the Nazis.
- Fuck that. - [laughter]
- Yeah! [cheering] - Yes, sir.
[cymbals clacking]
♪ We won't take any shit ♪
♪ And we're not about to leave ♪
♪ Just 'cause you don't like ♪
♪ Who and what we wanna be ♪
- * Who are you to say ♪ - [thumping]
♪ What's wrong, what's right ♪
♪ If it's what it takes ♪
- * We're ready to fight ♪ - [blade zings]
["Ready to Fight" playing]
♪ Ready to fight, ready to fight, ready to fight, fight, fight, fight ♪
- ["Ready to Fight" continues] - [tools whirring]
♪ We won't take any shit ♪
♪ And we're not about to leave ♪
♪ Just 'cause you don't like ♪
♪ Who and what we wanna be ♪
♪ Who are you to say what's wrong, what's right ♪
♪ If it's what it takes ♪
♪ We're ready to fight ♪
[on TV] Connect to the cosmic emerald light.
Picture you are now floating outside yourself.
Look down and notice you are no longer anchored
by earthbound flesh.
♪ Ready to fight, ready to fight, ready to fight, fight, fight, fight ♪
- [clears throat] - [electronic feedback]
[dishes clatter]
What's this?
Open it.
What's the occasion?
Today's the occasion.
I don't know, just open it.
[accessory zings]
Dude! [chuckles]
It's fucking awesome.
I love it, thank you.
Of course.
Oh, shit, whoa-oh! [laughs]
Wait, you might wanna... You might wanna put that away.
- [grunts softly, chuckles] - [chuckles]
- [indistinct chatter] - [street bustles]
- Can I tell you a secret? - [people cheering]
I've never been in a fight before.
You're in charge of our security
and you've never been in a fight?
Yeah, whose idea was that?
I just volunteered to see free shows.
I never said I could run security.
You never said you couldn't.
Yeah, well, it was going fine for the most part
'til the fucking Nazis showed up.
How many fights have you been in?
I don't know.
More than zero, I know that much.
So, one?
- Two. - Two?
It was one too many.
So you lost one?
I lost them both, which was fine the first time.
It was a good life experience.
The second time just hurt.
How do you think you'll describe the third?
[car honking]
- [car revving] - [indistinct shouting]
Ask me tomorrow.
- They're here! - Shit, we gotta go.
♪ ...what's right ♪
♪ If it's what it takes ♪
♪ We're ready to fight ♪
["Ready to Fight" continues]
♪ Ready to fight, ready to fight, ready to fight, fight, fight, fight ♪
[electronic feedback]
- [footsteps thumping] - [suspenseful music]
[chain clinks]
[suspenseful music continues]
[snuffles]
[footsteps thump]
Hey, Jew!
You can hide behind a bunch of fags,
but that ain't gonna stop us from coming in.
[elastic creaks]
[suspenseful music intensifies]
Die, Nazi scum!
[indistinct yelling]
- [whooshes] - [screams]
[all yelling]
- [thuds] - [screams]
[yells]
- [yelling continues] - [groans]
- [grunting] - [blood splattering]
[groans]
- [grunting] - [groaning]
[yelling]
- [blood splattering] - [groaning]
[indistinct]
- [weapon whacks] - [groans]
- [whacks] - [thuds]
- [grunts] - [thuds]
[grunts]
[effort grunts, thuds]
- [grunts] - [blood splatters]
[Lucid groaning]
- [grunting] - [groaning]
[both grunting]
- [accessory zings] - [groans]
- [effort grunts] - [accessory zings]
- Ah, fuck, fuck, no! [screams] - [blood splatters]
- [screaming continues] - [accessory zings]
[both groan]
- [bottle shatters] - [flame blazing]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[rock music continues]
[indistinct yelling]
[trucks rev]
- [thunder crashing] - [thudding]
[glass shatters]
- [truck revs] - [all cheering]
["Rise Above" playing]
♪ Jealous cowards try to control ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
♪ They distort what we say ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
♪ Try and stop what we do ♪
♪ Rise above, rise above ♪
♪ When they can't do it themselves ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
♪ We are tired of your abuse ♪
♪ Try to stop us, it's no use ♪
["Rise Above" continues]
♪ We are tired of your abuse ♪
♪ Try to stop us ♪
♪ But it's no use ♪
♪ We are born with a chance ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
♪ I am gonna have my chance ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
♪ We are born with a chance ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
♪ And I am gonna have my chance ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
- [spotlight zings] - [transition whooshes]
♪ Rise above, rise above ♪
♪ Rise above, we're gonna rise above ♪
[transition creaks]
[thuds]
[footsteps thump]
[pointing plinks]
[swooshing]
[upbeat music]
[Too $hort] Chapter two...
- [distant traffic droning] - [horn honking]
- [indistinct chatter] - [laughs]
But how about that greasy saxophone-playing motherfucker?
I mean, he was fine, right?
Oh, I still believe!
Yeah, that shit was hella good.
Makes me wanna go to Santa Cruz.
But how come grandpa didn't tell his family
- about the vampires? - No, that shit cold, right?
I would be pissed.
So what now? You wanna go to Giant Burger?
Hell, yeah.
- Shit! - What?
Think I left my bus pass in the bathroom.
- Well, just go get it. - [truck horn honking]
Alright.
[man] Eat a dick, dyke!
Get out the truck and see what happens! I ain't playin'!
- Suck my dick, Black bitch! - Fuck you!
[Barbie] Yeah, that's what I thought. Keep drivin'!
- Fuck you, bitches! - Fuck you want, faggots?
[Tina] Go back to Fresno, boneheads!
- [horn honking] - We'll see you punks later!
[indistinct chatter]
You okay?
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
Nazis trippin' again?
I don't know how we went from Black Panthers
to Skinheads running wild in this city.
But all I know is somebody fell asleep at the wheel
- to let that shit happen. - People need reminding,
ain't nothing cool about being a Nazi.
It's 1987. You'd think people would know by now, but, no.
Fo sho. You and your friend.
I've seen you before.
You're in Danger Zone, right?
Yeah. You've seen us?
I saw you perform at the open mic night
at La Peña a few weeks back.
There was like ten people there.
I was one of 'em.
Hey, good news, it was not in the toilet.
Bad news, I think somebody pissed on it anyway.
- Who's this? - I'm Lenny G.
- Lenny G? - Lenny G?
- I work with Too $hort. - We know who you are!
Girl, he knows who we are.
- Quit playin'. - He saw us at open mic night.
There was like ten people there.
And he was one of 'em.
We got a show coming up.
Why don't you two come on stage,
spit some rhymes with $hort?
And why don't you shut the fuck up?
- Let the man speak. - What? He ain't being real.
$hort wanna try something new.
A battle rap section to the show.
And based on what I saw from y'all two,
I suspect y'all can hold your own with him.
And I suspect your suspicions are correct.
- We'll be there. - Cool.
You might wanna have something planned,
in case you get nervous.
[laughs] Yeah, we don't get nervous.
- Okay. We'll find out. - Right.
See you there! Thank you!
Shit, I'm nervous.
- Girl, me too! - [shoes clacking]
- ["Two Hearts" playing] - [crowd chattering]
We gotta stay ready 'cause they don't protect us.
These motherfuckers need to respect us.
Here's the question...
["Two Hearts" playing in background]
[exhales] What about this finale?
What about it?
I think we need to practice it again.
Ooh, we already practiced it.
[The Guy] Hello, ladies.
How about you cut the chit-chat
and practice getting me some ice cream here,
- what do you say? - What can I get for you?
Um, how's your bubble gum?
It's good if you like bubble gum.
Let me get a taste.
Mmm.
Yeah, I see what you mean.
Um, can you blow bubbles with this gum?
Yeah, I-I guess so.
[sucks teeth]
[rattles]
What else can you blow?
[exhales]
What's your favorite flavor?
- [Barbie] Um... - [The Guy's lips smack]
Oh, wait a minute, let me guess...
I bet you love the chocolate showers.
- Am I right? - [Barbie scoffs]
[tense music]
- You know what? - [tense music]
- [thuds] - I think I know exactly what's you want.
You look like straight-up vanilla to me.
Don't judge a book by its badge.
I've been known to have a sweet tooth for the dark stuff.
[car horn honking in distance]
Is that right?
What's the expression? Ah, that's it.
The darker the berry--
The harder the slap.
I don't think that's it.
You wanna find out?
What can I get for you today, officer?
[distant traffic droning]
Give me a sugar cone of vanilla.
- [thuds] - Great choice.
- Two dollars. - [hands thud on counter]
Aren't you forgetting something?
["Two Hearts" continues]
Looks like somebody's got a freebie comin' his way!
I'd like my hole punched, please.
- [door opens] - Fucking pervert.
- [door thuds] - Hey, could we get some help over here?
Oh, you want us to help you now?
Don't start with me, Jesse Jackson.
[thudding]
[sighs]
What can I get for you today, sir?
- [distant traffic droning] - [chair creaks]
[car door creaks, thuds]
Where's my rocky road?
They were out.
They were out of rocky road?
Yep.
So you didn't think to ask me if I wanted something else?
- Nope. - [distant whooping]
- Fucking bitch! - [car engine starts, revs]
["Two Hearts" playing]
Ay yo. Would you ever take a beginner class of Psytopics with me?
Psytopics?
- No, ma'am. - I mean, they say
- classes could help control your reality. - And you believe that?
You ain't never thought about changing your reality?
We can change it tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is,
what if there is more to free up here
in order to get free out here.
Okay, damn, that was deep.
I'll meditate on that one.
I guess you didn't hear about Yolanda.
What about her?
She worked at Psytopics
for, like, six months.
Then, one day during class,
she just started bleeding from her eyes and ears.
- [clicks tongue] Nah! - Yeah!
Ask Cherry, she was there.
She thought her head was about to explode.
- Yeah, that shit crazy. - [scoffs]
I mean, they at least gave her a refund.
Oh, I hope so.
[laughs]
["Love Come Down" playing]
[both laughing]
She sure shouldn't.
- [Entice] Did you see that? - Yeah.
Hey, um, we're Barbie and Entice.
We should be on the guest list.
Oh, yeah, groupies around back.
- [Entice] Groupies? - [Barbie] Oh, hell, no.
We ain't no groupies.
We're from Danger Zone.
[sighs deeply]
What's y'all name?
Entice. E-N-T-I-C-E.
Barbie. B-A-R-B-I-E.
[sighs]
I ain't got you on the guest list.
Shit, see, I knew that dude was lyin'. Damn!
Look, are you sure?
You're on the artist list.
["Love Come Down" continues]
The artist list.
Yeah,
that's us.
- Artists. - [chuckles]
Danger Zone.
- [flashlight clicks] - So, listen.
Green room's through that door, end of the hall.
Alright? Fo sho, have fun!
Artists we're... Artists.
- Ooh! - Where is it?
He said at the end of the hall.
Is this it?
Oh, shit!
[woman moans]
- I'm sorry. - Oh, come on, $hort.
[door creaks, thuds]
What happened?
$hort's in there.
For real? Then why didn't you go in?
He eating pussy.
Oh.
Maybe we should give him a minute then.
Maybe five...
ten minutes?
- [door opens] - [people chattering]
[door thuds]
- End of the hall. - Right.
[commentator] They can't wake Sleepy!
[indistinct shouting]
Sleepy Floyd is Superman! [continues indistinctly]
[Lenny G] Mothafucker called him Superman!
Hey, 'sup, y'all?
Danger Zone!
Can y'all believe this game?
- Sleepy goin' off! - Cool.
Hey, make yourself comfortable.
Y'all wanna drink?
- Sure. - No. Thanks.
[indistinct chatter]
Lenny, you know, we ain't really talk about money.
- Right. - [bottle cap clinks]
I was thinking 5% of the door.
Cool?
Hey, find me after the show, okay?
Alright, sure.
[commentator indistinct]
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, I just thought we was gonna go over it
at least one more time.
You'll feel it, okay, I promise you.
I need a bathroom.
[distant cheering]
[sighing deeply]
[Barbie knocks]
Come on, the show's starting!
Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute.
[Barbie] You sure you're okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, just-just gimme a minute.
[Barbie] Aight.
[sighs]
[chanting] We want $hort!
We want $hort! We want $hort!
Alright, y'all!
Give it up for the man y'all came to see!
Oakland's own,
Too $hort!
- [upbeat rap music] - [cheering]
♪ These are the tales, the freaky tales ♪
♪ These are the tales that I tell so well ♪
♪ These are the tales, the freaky tales ♪
♪ These are the tales that I tell so well ♪
♪ I met this girl, her name was Joan ♪
♪ She loved the way I rocked on the microphone ♪
♪ When I met Joan, I took her home ♪
♪ She was just like a doggy all on my bone ♪
What was going through your head in the fourth quarter?
Um, I wasn't really thinking at all, Jim.
It was a strange feeling, uh,
as if I left my body for a few minutes of it.
Well, you certainly were playing like a man possessed.
- Congratulations. - Uh, thank you.
I just wanna say hi out there to my mom,
and my girlfriend, Andrea, watching at home.
[Jim] We'll be right back
with the post-game show after the break.
[man] Before I went to Psytopics, my life was outta control.
I was on the street.
I didn't care about anyone,
and no one cared about me.
But everything changed
when I took my first class
at the Spiritual Learning Center.
I learned there's a cosmic force all around us.
Anyone can tap into it, even you.
It's not a joke, trust me.
If you wanna change your life, start by trusting your mind.
Start by trusting Psytopics.
♪ My girlfriend's name was Michelle ♪
♪ Her booty was bigger ♪
- * than a tail on a whale ♪ - Good to go?
- Yeah. - * When I freaked Michelle ♪
♪ I freaked her well ♪
♪ Her pussy got hotter than the flames in Hell ♪
So right about now,
- I wanna try something new. - [audience cheering]
I feel like battling tonight.
- [audience cheering] Yeah! - Who with me?
[audience cheering]
But I don't think nobody crazy enough
to jump on this stage with Too $hort!
Oh, wait, hold up, hold up!
I think we found somebody.
What's this WrestleMania bullshit?
Is Danger Zone in the house?
- Okay, that's us, let's go! - Oh, no, wait.
- They set us up. - What?
- [Lenny G] Where you at... - They wanna humiliate us.
What are you talking about?
Girl, they are calling us on stage, now, let's go!
I don't think they showed up.
They think we're a joke.
- Bitch, do you see me joking? - Danger Zone?
- I don't even know them. - [Lenny G] There they go!
Give it up for Danger Zone, y'all!
- [man] Damn, they crazy. - [scattered applause]
[indistinct chatter]
- Y'all ready, right? - Fuck, yeah, we ready.
Then let's do this.
[upbeat rap music]
- * Say, hoe ♪ - [audience clamors]
- * Yeah, you ♪ - [clamoring]
♪ Can I ask you a question? ♪
[man] Ask 'em, $hort!
- * You like to fuck? ♪ - [clamoring continues]
♪ Oh, you don't want me to talk to you like that? ♪
♪ Oh, you like to make love? ♪
♪ I saw you walking down the street so I had to stop ♪
♪ Turn up the radio and drop the top ♪
♪ I see you look so good and you're so fine ♪
♪ Young tender, would you be mine? ♪
♪ I put you in my car, drive you to my house ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a mack ♪
♪ I cold turn you out ♪
♪ I won't ask and I sure won't beg ♪
♪ Reach right over and rub your leg ♪
♪ I let my hand slide between your miniskirt ♪
♪ Put my finger in your panties, start goin' to work ♪
♪ What time is it, don't watch the clock ♪
♪ Lay back, baby doll, and I'll rock the cock ♪
♪ Funky fresh I am, and I always can ♪
♪ Freak nasty, I'm the man ♪
♪ I take you out to the finest restaurant ♪
♪ Buy you any damn thing that you want ♪
♪ You want flowers, I'll buy your ass a rose ♪
♪ But later on you're coming out with them pantyhose ♪
♪ You want gold, girl, what's next? ♪
♪ It's me and you, doing the sex ♪
♪ So now you know I'm just a freak ♪
♪ Give it up, baby, I can't wait two weeks ♪
♪ I want it all, don't say I won't ♪
♪ Get it, girl, now I'm telling you don't ♪
[cheering]
Come on.
[inhales] Nigga--
[audience groaning]
You got this, don't fight it.
- Just breathe, now, tell him. - [mystical music]
♪ Nigga, please, you provoke no feeling ♪
♪ You must've forgot the girls of whom you're dealing ♪
♪ We haven't the urge to get busy ♪
- ♪ Like those dizzy Lizzies ♪ - ♪ Who used to dance for you ♪
- ♪ You're through ♪ - ♪ I can't put it more blunt ♪
♪ Your vocab is restricted, you're addicted ♪
♪ To the words you inflicted ♪
- ♪ Time after time ♪ - ♪ Line after line ♪
♪ Talking 'bout the bitches that are on your mind ♪
- ♪ Do they call you $hort... ♪ - ♪ 'Cause of your height? ♪
♪ Or your width? Diss me, boy ♪
♪ I'll hang your balls from a cliff ♪
- ♪ Wrapped around a slinky ♪ - ♪ You're a dinky ♪
- ♪ It's an easy task ♪ - ♪ To the corner ♪
♪ 'Cause the curb didn't want your ass ♪
♪ Your name is Yuck Mouth, you don't brush ♪
♪ Gotta cover your mouth like this ♪
♪ They call you Yuck Mouth ♪
- ♪ You refuse to brush ♪ - ♪ No, sweetheart ♪
♪ You can keep that kiss ♪
♪ You're a freak with no tail ♪
♪ You have no ass, class, you can't pass ♪
- ♪ You're simply trash ♪ - ♪ You're a typical nigga ♪
♪ The kind you don't take home ♪
- ♪ This is Entice ♪ - ♪ And Barbie ♪
♪ From the Danger Zone ♪
♪ Like a short dog that carries fleas ♪
- ♪ You make my ass - ♪ Itch, twitch ♪
- ♪ Don't you wish ♪ - ♪ You could scratch it? ♪
♪ And grab it like you want it ♪
♪ The name fits 'cause you're all up on it ♪
- [echoes] * On it ♪ - [cheering]
- Alright. - [upbeat rap music]
♪ Yeah, check ♪
♪ Get mad if you want ♪
♪ I won't front ♪
♪ When it's time to hump ♪
♪ I won't be no punk ♪
♪ Roll your ass over and tap the butt ♪
♪ Too $hort, baby, all in them guts ♪
♪ I'm not your ABC, from the alphabet ♪
♪ Every letter I'll write will make your pussy wet ♪
♪ I'm a player, bitch, I thought you knew ♪
♪ Like every other nigga in my crew ♪
♪ I bump hoes, now it's your turn ♪
♪ Tell me, young tender, when will you learn? ♪
♪ I cold mack like pimps you know ♪
♪ Won't sell you dope or sell you blow ♪
♪ Just your average everyday straight bump up, bitch ♪
♪ My gold rings come from spits ♪
♪ Look, baby, you know what I want ♪
♪ You acting like it's that time of the month ♪
♪ Are you bleeding? ♪
♪ Can't think about sex ♪
♪ Irritated by your Kotex ♪
♪ We don't need to kiss ♪
♪ We don't have to fuck ♪
♪ I'll pull out my dick, bitch, you can suck ♪
[audience cheering, chattering]
- Let's see if y'all can top that. - Y'all better come with it.
- ♪ Punk, I'm not a tease ♪ - ♪ I'm not a skeezer ♪
♪ And most definitely not a dick pleaser ♪
♪ You're dreaming, and scheming, and fiending ♪
- ♪ For my lust ♪ - ♪ You don't have enough ♪
♪ For you I feel disgust ♪
- ♪ Wait ♪ - Small things I hate ♪
♪ For goodness' sakes ♪
♪ If I wanted someone small ♪
♪ I would masturbate ♪
♪ I'm not talking 'bout your height, weight ♪
- ♪ Or what you dream ♪ - ♪ When I say Too $hort ♪
- ♪ You know what I mean ♪ - ♪ You see ♪
- ♪ I need a man ♪ - ♪ Not a boy ♪
- ♪ To approach me ♪ - ♪ Your lame game ♪
♪ Really insults me ♪
♪ Your name is Too $hort ♪
♪ Or shall I say too skinny ♪
♪ If size were money, honey ♪
♪ You wouldn't have a penny ♪
♪ Little boy, you're not a player ♪
- ♪ I'm your savior ♪ - ♪ To try to get at me shows ♪
♪ Audacious behavior ♪
♪ You wanna bit of danger, step into my zone ♪
♪ You call yourself a dog ♪
♪ That's how I'll send you home ♪
♪ With your tail between your legs ♪
- ♪ Screeching and whining ♪ - ♪ Nigga say you got some ♪
- ♪ Nigga, please ♪ - ♪ You're lying ♪
♪ 'Cause to fight the feeling ♪
- ♪ There would have to be one ♪ - ♪ And mathematically ♪
- ♪ Me plus you ♪ - ♪ Equals none ♪
[audience cheering, shouting]
[Lenny G] Let's give it up for Danger Zone!
[audience cheering]
[bus engine revving]
- [both giggling] - Girl! [groans softly]
[upbeat music]
[upbeat electronic music]
[Too $hort] The third chapter...
[beeping]
[line ringing]
[receptionist] Dr. Seale's office.
[Clint] Dr. Seale, please.
[birds chirping in distance]
- [Dr. Seale] Hello? - Dr. Seale, it's Clint.
How is she?
I've been trying to reach you.
I'm afraid she didn't make it.
What?
I'm sorry to have to tell you like this.
We did everything we could.
What do you mean? She's dead? She died?
I don't understand. I was just there.
I'm sorry, Clint.
She took a turn for the worse.
There was just too much bleeding.
We couldn't get her back to the OR in time.
[tense music]
What about the baby?
She's in the NICU. Unresponsive.
We're doing what we can, but it doesn't look good.
Where are you, Clint?
There are some police here.
They'd like to ask you some questions
about the, uh, the incident.
[tense music]
[creaks, thuds]
[exhales deeply]
[suspenseful music]
Any requests?
[Grace] The Fly.
No. Nothing scary.
Sid & Nancy.
I wanted to watch it last year, but you said--
I hate that music. It's just noise.
- It gives me a headache. - [mimics]
Oh, I said that?
Yup.
And then I said, "It's not just noise.
It's actually about something."
And what'd I say?
[mimics Clint] "Yeah? What's it about?"
[chuckles] And you said?
"Emotional anarchy."
Cool.
You said that too.
And then we watched The Money Pit.
Which was not a bad movie.
That actor's from Oakland.
He used to sell hot dogs at A's games.
I shook him down in the parking lot after a game once.
I'm pretty sure it was him.
I'll see if they have it.
Be careful.
[car door squeaking]
[car door slams]
Clint.
Hurry back.
[door closes]
[suspenseful music]
- [sirens wailing distantly] - [distant shouting]
[sports commentary on radio]
Hello?
[store owner] Just a minute.
[Clint] What's the score?
[store owner] Lakers up big.
Damn.
You know, we got lucky against The Mailman,
but these Warriors cannot keep up with Magic.
- Yeah, well, you never know. - I mean, look,
I'm just a movie guy. I don't know much about sports,
but it's pretty obvious the brooms are coming out tomorrow.
- Can't win 'em all I guess. - No, definitely cannot.
Which is why we love the underdogs.
They're a projection of ourselves.
We're all just a bunch of losers.
We cannot kill Darth Vader,
and we cannot win a rumble against the Soviets,
and we definitely cannot beat LA.
And yet,
the underdog believes they can achieve the impossible.
Top five underdog movies, go.
- Oh, I'm actually here for-- - Let's begin with the obvious,
Rocky. Most people assume it's number one,
and I think it's best just to get it out of the way.
It's probably your number one, am I right? Nevermind.
Number four, it just came out last year,
it's already an instant classic.
You know where I'm going, right? Come on, basketball man.
Dennis Hopper, in the same year as Blue Velvet,
breaking our hearts both on and off the court.
Say it with me on three.
One, two, three. Hoosiers!
- I haven't seen it. - And you call yourself a basketball fan?
No. I'm just here for some movies.
And I'm giving them to you, Slim.
[scoffs] That's my job.
Number three.
- [slams table] - Let's have it.
The Dirty Dozen.
- I've seen that. - Underdogs
on a suicide mission to kill Nazis.
Works on multiple levels.
- Right. - Number two,
Sidney Lumet directed this courtroom drama
from a perfect script by David Mamet,
starring Paul Newman
at his incomparable ambulance-chasing best.
The Verdict.
- I heard that was good. - No, you didn't.
What you probably heard is that it is amazing.
So why haven't you seen it yet?
Are you even ready for number one?
You have no idea.
In his review of this 1979 film,
Roger Ebert wrote, quote,
"Movies like this hardly ever get made.
When they're made this well,
they become precious cinematic miracles." Unquote.
- Name that picture. - Look,
I'm not here to play Jeopardy. I'm here for some,
uh, specific titles.
I'm trying to provide you with an experience.
I appreciate it. Do you have...
Big Trouble in Little China?
Somebody just checked that out. Sorry.
For a more nuanced portrait of San Francisco's Chinatown,
I recommend Chan is Missing.
What about Tough Guys?
New releases. Anything else?
Ruthless People.
And?
The Color of Money.
[tense music]
And I thought you were here for the movies.
- How much? - Five hundred.
- Behind the curtain. - [thuds]
- Good luck. - [phone ringing]
Hey.
So what's number one?
I'll tell you when you come out.
Late Night Video.
No, some jackass stole our entire collection.
But have you seen Scanners? It's basically the same idea.
Yeah. See ya.
[clicks, whirs]
- [whirring] - [suspenseful music]
- [upbeat electronic music] - [clicks]
[volume increases]
["I Wanna Be the One" by Stevie B playing]
[sings along] ♪ ...when I'm all alone ♪
♪ I think of you and I'm feeling strong ♪
♪ I'm wishing you would just look my way ♪
["I Wanna Be the One" continues]
- [chips clacking] - [Blowhard] All in, assholes!
Call.
Call?
You're dumber than you look, Yung. You know that?
I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.
- Oh, yeah. - [group giggling]
[clears throat]
Goddammit!
[Clint] Ouch. That looked painful.
[Blowhard] Ah, shit.
[scoffs] Did that video dork let you in?
I bought in like everyone else.
[Blowhard] Okay, look. You saw that, right?
- Hella bad beat. I'm sorry. - [sighs]
Why didn't you say something when you came in? I...
I had the money ten seconds ago. It's still on the table.
You were in the middle of a hand.
[sighing]
Yung, do me a favor.
I'm sorry to ask this, but can I keep some of that
so I can get this clown off my back?
No, no, no. That's his money. I can't take his money.
What do you care? I'm gonna pay him back!
He's not gonna pay you back, Yung.
You're gonna have to hire a guy like me to rough him up for you.
It's a nasty business. Don't get involved.
[sighs]
[chair creaks]
Come on. What are you doing?
My job.
[sighs] I thought you retired.
Aren't you having a kid?
Hey, congratulations, by the way.
Thank you.
Ah, kids are the best. Changed my life.
What do you have?
Two boys.
No.
What do you have for The Guy?
Nothing.
You saw what happened. Yung took my money.
It's right there.
'Cause Asians are smarter.
Okay, listen. Check this out.
Careful.
Ah, er... [scoffs]
Courtside seats.
Game 4.
Warriors-Lakers.
These are worth at least a thousand.
Anybody know how much these tickets are worth?
Five hundred, tops.
What? No way, man.
We're talking about the showtime Lakers.
Jack Nicholson would pay a grand a piece.
Do you know Jack Nicholson?
No. But I'm sure I could make a few phone calls.
Alright? I think he'd be very interested.
- Okay. - Okay, what?
Make some calls.
If you can sell 'em, I'll wait.
[tense music]
Will somebody buy these?
- Mm-mm. - Please?
- [overlapping] - Two-fifty.
Kiss my ass, $250.
- Alright. Forget it then. - Forget you then.
Okay.
[exhales deeply]
I'll give these tickets to The Guy.
I'll say they're worth $500, more or less.
More. Definitely more.
But, okay, fine. Thank you.
You know it's not enough though.
[sighs] What?
It's not enough.
- Those are courtside seats. - Right or left?
Under the basket.
Right...
or left?
Come on, Clint. Is this necessary?
You want me to choose?
[sighs] Fuck it.
- [finger cracks] - Ow!
- [men] Ooh. - Fuck!
- [groans] - Ah, you're alright.
- Fucking A! Fuck! - This yours?
Fuck! [pants]
- Yeah. - [indistinct chatter]
- You okay to drive? Yeah? - Yeah.
Well, fellas...
[sighs]
I'm officially retired.
- [man] Yeah! - [Yung] Good luck, homie.
♪ I need you girl ♪
- * And I need you now ♪ - [door opens]
- [song continues] - [door closes]
[indistinct commentary on radio continues]
What happened to the other guy?
What other guy?
The other dude who works here.
He was gonna tell me the best underdog movie of all time.
I'm the only one here today.
No, there was another guy.
A little older. Maybe the owner?
But you're the owner, sir.
You've always been the owner.
I'm just fucking with you. That was Hank.
[chuckles] He's hella intense, huh?
Oh, he's just on his lunch break, so...
[suspenseful music]
[whirring]
[clerk] Uh, your nose...
Here.
Go Warriors.
[on radio] Credit to the Lakers. They just know how to win.
- [continues indistinctly] - [car passing by]
[car door slams]
Aw!
- [exhales] - You'll watch it with me?
Cost me 90 bucks, you bet your ass I'm gonna watch it with you.
- You bought this? - I ran the numbers, and I figured
we still come out ahead on late fees.
So?
[exhales] You know what this is?
A fist of fury.
It was a fist of fury.
Now it's just a hand. [chuckles]
- So no more punching? - No more punching.
At least not for money.
Well, damn, baby, let's celebrate!
Okay, but before we go to Reno, can we stop at Cody's?
This new lady at work said that she has this Psytopics book.
She said it'll change my life.
You don't need a book to change your life, baby.
[tense music]
Look at me.
[keys jingle]
[tense music continues]
You know who I am?
- No. - Look closer.
Subtract seven years from my face.
Now imagine,
I'm watching you kill my father.
- [punches landing] - [man groaning]
It ends when The Guy says it ends!
- [punches thudding] - [grunts]
[Antonio yells] Stop!
[tense music]
I'm sorry.
I'm not the same person that did that to your father.
[sobs] The thing is,
I don't care.
[tense music intensifies]
[gun fires]
- [bullet shells clink] - [grunts]
[breathing heavily]
Don't watch it without me, okay?
No...
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no!
[engine starts, revs]
[tires screeching]
- [intense music] - [siren blares]
Hey, mister, you wanna buy a tape?
I made this East Bay mix special for you.
Nah, kid, uh...
It's got Too $hort, and I know you like $hort.
Richie Rich, Tower of Power.
And if you don't like all that rap stuff,
it's got Sly and the Family Stone,
The Pointer Sisters,
Sheila E., The Grateful Dead,
Operation Ivy, and Metallica,
if you're a rock and roll guy.
Trade you for these.
Pleasure doing business with you.
[door creaks, closes]
[Tina] It's fucking awesome.
- [Lucid indistinct] - [Tina chuckles]
- I love it, thank you. - [Lucid] Of course.
Oh, shit, whoa-oh! [laughs]
Wait, you might wanna put that away.
[Dawson] You're late.
What's this?
Your fee.
It's light.
It's a taste.
Keep your taste, I want the entrée.
We got one more job for you.
- The Warrior thing. - The Warrior thing?
The basketball guys.
Can't talk about it here.
[utensils clink]
Yesterday was the last, last job.
I did it, I'm done.
Fuck you.
Okay, I do not have time for this.
You are 30 minutes late.
I'm gonna make this real easy for you.
You got two choices.
You take that envelope, give it to The Guy,
you pray he takes mercy on you,
'cause that is nowhere near your debt.
Might be enough to buy you another day.
How you pay tomorrow's up to you.
What's he gonna do? Make me break my own legs?
You've seen these younger guys in action.
Cooper, Tuck. They truly do not give a fuck.
They take a little too much joy in the work.
A lot more than you ever did.
And my second choice?
Slide that envelope back across the table,
do one more job with me and my crew tonight.
One more job. When's it ever end?
It ends when The Guy says it ends.
You forgot about door number three.
- There's no door number three. - [Clint breathes deeply]
Door number three is...
- [lighter flicks] - [tense music]
I see you in hell in a gasoline suit.
[chuckles]
Okay. [laughs]
Door number three it is.
You know what this means, right?
Everybody's on the table.
You, your family, your fuckin' dog,
The Guy's coming after everybody.
Well, I don't have a dog.
And my parents died when I was 15,
and my pregnant wife was murdered yesterday.
[tense music]
The Guy wants me, he knows where to find me.
But you may wanna warn him...
I got nothing left.
[tense music]
Pain, Clint.
Maybe you don't mind dying,
but he's gonna collect on that pain before you do.
Good.
I've caused a lot of people a lot of pain in this town.
Maybe it's my turn to bleed a little.
Can I see it?
[tense music continues]
Who's it for?
Nazis.
Aim for the neck.
[whirs]
["So Very Hard To Go" by Tower of Power playing]
[singer vocalizing]
[lighter flicks]
♪ Ain't nothin' I can say ♪
♪ Nothin' I can do ♪
♪ I feel so bad, yeah ♪
♪ I feel so blue ♪
- [keys jingle] - [engine starts]
♪ Mmm ♪
♪ I got to make it right ♪
♪ For everyone concerned ♪
♪ Even if it's me, if it means, just me ♪
♪ Wants getting back ♪
♪ 'Cause I can never... ♪
- [tires screeching] - * ...make you unhappy ♪
Clint Flood?
We need you to ID a suspect.
♪ No, I couldn't do that, girl ♪
♪ Only wish I didn't love you so... ♪
- [song stops] - [engine stops]
[commentator on radio] For the Warriors in this Game 4,
the backcourt will be Sleepy Floyd and Chris Mullin...
[continues indistinctly]
The underdog believes he can do the impossible.
Defeat the bully,
sell enough mixtapes to get out of the hood,
break enough bones to pay off his father's debt.
I'm done believing.
I'm gonna die today.
Most people go their whole lives not knowing when they're gonna die,
fearing death.
But I can say with certainty,
this underdog has seen his last day.
I'm okay with it.
My time has come.
[mysterious music]
And that's okay.
You hear what they found in the kid's car?
- What? - Psytopics Tape.
[Pierce] Psytopics? They do the freaky commercials with the green eyes, right?
[indistinct chatter]
[tense music]
[packet crumples, thuds]
Thanks.
[phone ringing]
[phone continues ringing]
[receiver clacks]
Yeah.
Okay. I guess you better tell him then.
It's for you.
- Hello? - [Dr. Seale] Clint?
Jesus Christ, it's Dr. Seale.
I have good news, Clint.
Your daughter is going to make it.
She's in stable condition, she's responsive,
she's very much alive.
She's alive?
Yes. Yes, goddammit, she's alive.
It's a fuckin' miracle.
Now get your ass back to the hospital
and meet your girl. You hear me?
- Yeah. - Are you coming back?
Yeah.
[tense music]
I just have to do, uh...
I just have to do one thing.
[tense music buildup]
Congratulations.
Looks like you have something left after all.
[tense music continues]
Number three, raise your head.
[clicks tongue] Yeah, just keep looking.
Take your time. We're not in a hurry.
Number three.
Step forward.
[breathing heavily]
[tense music sting]
[Payton] He's right in front of you.
[soft ethereal music]
It ain't him.
Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
I've gotta get my daughter from the hospital,
and pick another day to die.
[soft ethereal music continues]
[bouncy music]
[electronic music]
[Too $hort] Final chapter...
- [truck rumbling] - [shouting rowdily]
[truck horn tooting]
[upbeat punk music]
[snorting]
[roars]
Larry Smith, Rolling Fort, Mississippi.
Eight points per game, but rebounds are his specialty.
He scored 15 points in Game 3.
Has no parents in town,
but he's got a girlfriend sitting in his comped seats,
row 12, section C.
He had a childhood friend come in town last night.
Staying in some shitty motor lodge off Helgenberger.
[The Guy] That's some friend.
Chris Mullin, three-time Big East Player of the Year.
Guy's got a Gold Medal from the '84 Olympics,
but it's a high-risk, low reward collectible
from some guy nobody's heard of.
- [The Guy] Mmm. - It's his second season,
he already blew most of his bonus on booze.
He's a lush, and for what it's worth,
he's the only white guy on the team.
Okay, fine, leave him off the list. Next.
Purvis Short,
Hattiesburg, Mississippi.
What is it with this team and all these Mississippi boys?
Fun fact, he was the fifth overall draft pick in 1978.
You know who went sixth?
Do I look like a basketball encyclopedia?
Larry Bird.
- [The Guy] Wow! - Larry Bird.
Yeah, well, that is a fun fact.
Why are these teams so afraid to pick a white man, huh?
[thudding down the stairs]
Excuse me. Hey, Troy!
[Troy] Yeah, meet me in the truck.
- [Nazi laughs] - Yeah, Dad?
Now what are you boys up to tonight?
Just gonna drive around and shit,
maybe beat up some fags.
Cool, and do you need anything?
- [object clacks] - No.
- [keys jangle] - Are you sure?
Yeah, alright.
[keys jangling]
[sucks teeth] Thanks, Dad.
Just fill her up when you're done, okay?
[door creaks, closes]
Good kids, fine people. [inhales deeply]
Please, go on.
Uh, Purvis Short, they call him The Rainbow Man because--
'Cause he's a fag! [laughing]
Is that because he's a fag? [laughing]
Uh, he's got a unique arc to his jump shot.
Okay, okay, okay, listen, I'm gonna stop you there, okay?
Now, I respect your attention to detail, I really do,
but I'm gonna request from here on out,
no more fun facts.
Because I don't need to know
how many shots Terry Teagle made in high school in 1977,
what Chris Washburn was smoking on draft night last year,
or if Joe Barry Carroll's nickname is Joe Barely Cares,
then so is mine.
I only wanna know, A, where do they live?
B, what's in their house?
Is there anything worth taking?
And C, will the house be empty
on the night of the game?
Now with all that in mind, please continue.
Eric "Sleepy" Floyd.
He's an All-Star point guard out of Georgetown.
What did I just tell you?
Uh, he lives alone.
He's got a nice house on Skyline Boulevard.
His family's in town from North Carolina,
sister, brother, and mother, they're all staying with him,
and they all attended the last game,
so there's no reason to believe they won't be there on Sunday.
My source says that he's a collector of ancient Asian art.
He has a hidden vault in his house
with some extremely rare, extremely valuable items.
Well, well, well, how does he afford that?
[Travis] Well, he makes around 200 grand per season, sir.
Most players spend this on cars, coke, and pussy,
but he spent his on a fine art collection at Christie's
and I've got the auction logs to prove it.
- [basketball thuds] - [tense music]
Good, add his name to the list.
[suspenseful music]
He's fine, he'll be in there for hours sometimes,
eyes closed, just clearing his head.
[Travis] There's five of them.
[Tuck] So?
So Ted said there would be three,
sister, brother, and mother.
So there's a sister, brother, mother, plus a sister and a brother, who cares?
I just don't like when the intel's off.
You wanna find a phone, call Ted?
We're an hour from tip-off.
He's already at Teagle's house.
[birds chirping]
Well, what do you wanna do?
Fuck it. Let's go.
[suspenseful music]
[melodic doorbell chiming]
[door thuds]
[inhales, grunts]
[door thudding]
[Greg on TV] ...A.C. Green and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
[Too $hort] While these knuckleheads broke into Sleepy's house
looking for his art collection,
his girlfriend, mother, brother, sister,
and college friend from Georgetown
were settling in for Game 4 over in East Oakland.
Tickets! Who needs tickets?
I got two seats under the basket.
- [whistle toots] - [crowd cheering]
[Too $hort] To nobody's surprise,
the showtime Lakers dominated the first three games
and showed no signs of slowing down early in this one.
Just as this legend let go of this beautiful skyhook over--
- [whistle toots] - These porn star,
mustache-looking motherfuckers were snatching up his girl's jewelry.
By half-time, eight different crews
were hitting up eight players' homes
and I guess these cats didn't get the memo not to fuck
- with Chris Mullin... - [shatters]
...'cause they took homeboy's shit too,
including his 1984 Olympic Gold Medal.
- [thuds] - [dog barking]
And this piece of shit right here
killed Terry Teagle's regal beagle.
- [grunts] - [dog yelps]
And these dudes finally found Sleepy's secret vault.
I found it!
[Greg on radio] Michael Thompson meets Kareem underneath,
Kareem with a skyhook!
Great shot by Kareem, really nice pass.
[Too $hort] As expected, the Lakers continued to roll in the second half,
building a 14-point lead after three quarters.
- [crowd cheering] - About this time,
Sleepy's mom started feeling a little queasy,
it wasn't serious, but...
I shouldn't have had that second hot dog.
[Too $hort] You see, Sleepy's mom had recently experimented
with becoming a vegetarian.
In 1987, it proved difficult to sustain the practice
in small town North Carolina.
She had just reintroduced small doses of meat into her diet.
And two Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum hot dogs
- were perhaps one too many. - It was good though.
[Too $hort] Sleepy's girlfriend, Andrea Harris,
volunteered to escort Sleepy's ill mother home.
With the underdogs down 14,
Sleepy's Georgetown roommate, Kelvin Quick,
agreed to stay and return home
with Sleepy and his sister, Renee, after the game.
What happened next has been hotly debated over the years,
but this is the tale as I know it to be.
- [lightning cracking] - [zings]
[drill screeching]
[indistinct commentary on radio]
[Greg] Oh, my God, guys! Sleepy Floyd, he is on fire!
- [suspenseful music] - [engine stops]
[Andrea] Do you still want me to fix you some tea?
[Sleepy's Mom] That'll be good.
What is that smell?
Smells like something's burning.
- [Andrea indistinct] - [indistinct commentary]
[Andrea] Why is the TV on so loud?
[Tim] Who the fuck are you?
[Travis] Shut up and get on the floor!
- Get on the floor! - [Andrea screaming]
- [women screaming] - [gun firing]
- [Tuck] Fuck, man, we gotta go. - [footsteps thudding]
[Greg] Welcome back to the Coliseum,
where nothing is what as it seems tonight.
Lakers with the basketball! Throw by-- Stolen by Floyd!
He's in multiple places at once!
Sleepy puts the ball in the court...
[continues indistinctly]
...a layup. He scored!
[Jim] Unreal! He's unconscious!
[Greg] What a shot! Sleepy has 19 in the quarter,
and I need to catch my breath!
[Jim] So do I, Greg.
[Greg] All I can say is, Sleepy Floyd's mom somewhere
is mighty proud of her son tonight.
[tense music]
[mellow upbeat music]
- [revving] - [crowd cheering]
["Oakland" by Too $hort playing]
[Too $hort] Still high on his record-breaking fourth quarter,
a record that still stands to this day,
Sleepy and his crew decided to hit up Giant Burger
on MacArthur Boulevard.
They ordered six quarter-pound giant burgers
and a veggie burger for Mom.
While they waited for their order,
other customers recognized Sleepy
and a minor riot ensued.
Fun fact, I was there that night
with the Danger Zone ladies,
and I attempted to pay for Sleepy's order,
but Sleepy wasn't having it.
Instead, he paid for everybody's burgers and shakes that night.
["Oakland" continues]
[siren wailing]
[siren wailing continues]
[car doors thudding]
[Sleepy] Hey, hey, what happened? I live here.
Mr. Floyd, I'm very sorry.
We can't let you in the house yet.
Why? Yo, what's going on, is my family inside?
There was a burglary.
They attempted to drill into your vault,
but it appears they were interrupted before they got in.
I'm very sorry to inform you...
[Too $hort] His brother was shot,
but alive in a coma.
His mother was alive, but fainted from the shock.
His girlfriend, Andrea, though,
- dead on the scene. - [detective indistinct]
...Andrea didn't make it.
- [muffled tense music] - [muffled chattering]
[over phone] Hey, it's Chris Mullin.
They hit us all, but nobody else got hurt.
Can I talk to Sleepy?
Hey, Chris,
appreciate the call, but he--
he's not ready to talk to anybody.
[Chris] I understand. Tell him we're all standing by.
We're here for him whenever he's ready.
Thank you, Chris.
[receiver clacks]
[phone ringing]
Hey, we're all here for you, man.
Just let me know when you wanna talk.
[phone ringing]
- [receiver clacks] - Hello.
[Tina] I need to talk to Sleepy Floyd.
- Who is this? - Never mind who I am,
just put him on the phone.
Look, I don't know who you are, but we just had a tragedy here.
Okay? Sleepy's not talking to anybody.
I promise you, he'll wanna hear what I have to say.
Hey, I already told you, now is not a good time.
Call back later.
[receiver thuds]
- Who was that? - Uh, some chick said
she has something to tell Sleepy. I don't know.
[phone ringing]
- Hmm. - [glass thuds]
[phone ringing]
[receiver clacks]
- Who's this? - [Lucid] Is this Sleepy Floyd?
- Yeah. - Okay, listen to me.
- I know who killed your girlfriend. - [tense music sting]
[Too $hort] Turns out, these two punks overheard
some freaky shit over in San Leandro
earlier that day.
We have one last job for you.
- The Warrior thing. - [Clint] The Warrior thing?
The basketball guys. Can't talk about it here.
[Too $hort] They told Sleepy about "the basketball guys" comment
and how they followed this dude when he left the diner.
[Lucid] I mean, we were just fucking around, you know,
killing time with some Blue Velvet mystery-type shit.
We didn't really think anything was gonna happen.
But then we heard the news, and we thought you might wanna know.
[Too $hort] So they gave him the address, where they followed him,
before they had to hop off quick
and take care of some business of their own.
- They're here! - Shit, we gotta go.
- [horn honking] - Sorry for your loss,
- Mr. Floyd. - [line disconnects]
[receiver thuds softly]
Thank you both for being here.
I'm gonna go to sleep now.
[breathing deeply]
[sighs softly]
[keypad beeps, jingles]
[door clanks]
[door thuds]
[bell tolling]
["For Whom The Bell Tolls" by Metallica playing]
[roaring raucously]
[button clicks]
[lightning cracking]
[crowd roaring raucously]
Whoo!
[roaring raucously]
[lights clicking off]
[motorcycle revving]
- [lighter flicks] - [indistinct shouting]
[tires screech]
[engine roars]
- [sighs deeply] - [lighter clicks]
What the fuck is this?
["For Whom The Bell Tolls" continues]
You lost, boy?
Man asked you a question, son.
Now, I'm only gonna say this once--
- [blade thuds] - [Dawson groaning]
- [blade clinks] - [gurgling]
[splatters]
[gurgling, thuds]
- [blade clinks, whooshes] - [thuds]
[lighter clicking]
[blood splattering]
[thuds]
[whirring]
["For Whom The Bell Tolls" continues]
[tattoo gun whirring]
[muffled shouting]
- [whirring] - [men yelling]
- [blade clinks] - [tattooist groans]
[thuds]
You fall asleep back there?
- [flesh squelching] - [screams, groans]
[clinks, thuds]
["Choices (Yup)" by E-40 playing]
- [thuds] - [groans]
- [grunting] - [groaning]
[biker] Hey, who the fuck are you?
- [grunts] - [groans] Fuck!
- [yells, groans] - [thuds]
[plates clatter]
["Choices (Yup)" continues]
[sword whooshing]
[grunting]
[groans]
- [blade clinks] - [grunts]
[grunting continues]
- [groans] - [grunts]
- [groans] - [effort grunting]
- [groans] - [blood splatters]
- [blade thuds] - [screams]
[muffled shouting]
Come on!
[blade zinging]
[dramatic melodic music]
[groaning]
- [grunts] - [screams]
[grunts, exhales sharply]
- [sword clatters] - [exhales sharply]
[indistinct shouting]
- [indistinct shouting] - [grunting]
- [groaning]
["Don't Stop The Music" playing]
- [grunting] - [groaning]
[grunting, groaning]
[grunting, groaning continues]
[screaming]
[song stops]
[suspenseful music]
[blade clinks]
- [blade thuds] - [dog yelps]
[roars]
[flesh squelching]
[grunts]
[blade thuds]
- [flesh squelching] - [grunts]
[thuds]
[mouse squeaking]
[tense music]
[snake hissing]
- [mouse squeaking] - [breathing deeply]
[chuckling]
Anyone else seeing this?
Son of a bitch, that is nice.
Life's funny sometimes.
You realize, if she'd just stayed in her seat,
and watched her man play the best fucking game of his life, then...
that'd be mine.
And your old lady would still be yours.
[mouse squeaking]
[chuckles]
[sword whooshing]
[thuds]
Hey.
Good game tonight.
Sir.
Floyd's out there slicing people up with a sword.
Can you repeat that?
'Cause it sounded to me like you said
someone's in my house
and they're slicing people up with a sword?
Yes, sir, that's what I said.
We've got that cleared up, good.
- Who the fuck is Floyd? - The basketball player,
Sleepy Floyd.
- Of course. - I don't know how the fuck
he found us so fast.
Well, you killed the man's family, Travis.
You know what that means, don't you?
That means
you don't get to fucking decide
when he comes for his revenge!
You're on his timeline now.
Yeah?
[baby gurgling softly]
Is he still alive?
Tuck's crew busted him up pretty good in the van.
Not for long.
[Travis] What about Floyd?
Did you think about just going and shooting him?
Um, I dumped my piece in the bay, sir, just like you said.
And from a legal standpoint,
that was the right thing to do.
[cabinet thudding]
[baby cooing]
[The Guy] So...
- [gun clacks] - Let's teach this clown how to juggle.
Let's go.
[door clacks, creaks]
[intense ominous music]
- [axe thuds] - [groaning]
- [thuds] - [grunts]
[tense music]
[gun fires]
[door thuds, creaks]
Hey, asshole.
You ruined my party.
Now tell me something.
[squelching]
Did you do this all by yourself,
or do you have Dopey and Sneezy
hiding in a closet somewhere?
Huh?
Hey, Sleepy.
Wake up and die.
[ominous music sting]
[The Guy grunting]
- [The Guy groans] - [gun thuds]
- [tense melodic music] - [The Guy groans]
[groans, pants]
[The Guy groaning] No... God.
Oh, wait a second. I don't understand, oh, oh!
- [bone crunching] - [groaning loudly]
[intense melodic music]
- [The Guy groaning] - [zings]
Argh!
[body parts thudding]
[coughs, groans softly]
- [baby gurgling softly] - [soft tense music]
[baby cooing]
["The Order Of Death" by Public Image Ltd playing]
[clinks]
["The Order Of Death" continues]
[brake squeaks]
Dad!
- Hey. - [footsteps halt]
What happened here?
By the look of things,
I'd say your daddy fucked with the wrong warrior.
["The Order Of Death" continues]
[Greg commentating indistinctly]
- Sleepy Floyd is Superman! - [crowd cheering]
[motorcycle rumbling]
["The Order Of Death" continues]
[song fades]
[director] And... set.
[assistant] Background!
- [assistant 2] Marker. - [clacks]
[director] Action!
Hi, I'm Sleepy Floyd.
I recently scored 29 points in a single quarter
against the world champion, Los Angeles Lakers,
an NBA record,
and not everyone can do what I did.
After all, I am Superman. [laughing]
But if you put your mind to it,
you can achieve your goals too.
Join me this weekend at the Oakland Coliseum Annex
for Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake seminar
sponsored by Psytopics Learning Center.
At my workshop, we'll teach you how to practice
mindfulness and relaxation under stressful circumstances.
Licensed Psytopics instructors
will provide you the techniques to go deep within your mind
to defend yourself against the inner,
and outer demons in your life.
And for those attending the advanced session on Sunday,
you'll learn how to infiltrate and destroy your enemies
from the comfort of your own mind.
Trust me, you won't wanna miss Sunday.
So join me this weekend, all ages are welcome.
And if you're a racist Nazi scumbag,
you know who you are,
we have a special one-time-only free admission,
because Sleepy's Mind Wide Awake Seminar...
[all] ...will blow your mind!
["Underdog" by Sly and the Family Stone playing]
♪ I know how it feels to expect to get a fair shake ♪
♪ But they won't let you forget ♪
♪ That you're the underdog ♪
♪ And you've got to be twice as good ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Even if you're never right ♪
♪ They get uptight when you get too bright ♪
♪ Or you might start thinking too much ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I know how it feels when you know you're real ♪
♪ But every other time you get up and get a raw deal ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Say I'm the underdog ♪
♪ No I can handle it I'm the under
- * Underdog ♪ - [singer vocalizing]
- ♪ I'm the under, yeah ♪ - ♪ Underdog ♪
[singer vocalizing]
♪ Underdog ♪
[singer vocalizing]
♪ Say, I know how it feels to be played upon ♪
♪ See you at the party ♪
♪ But you're really, you're really all alone ♪
- * They just underestimate me - * Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I know how it feels when you're feelin' down ♪
♪ And you wanna come up ♪
♪ But you realize ♪
♪ You're in the wrong part of town ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I know how it feels to have to go along with ♪
♪ People you don't even know ♪
♪ Simply because there happens ♪
♪ To be a whole lot more of them ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Say I'm the underdog... ♪
Late Night Video. Hey, Corky.
Of course, we have it,
Raiders of The Lost Ark, I've got five copies.
Bring back the other one and make sure you rewind it,
'cause I'm gonna charge you. Yes, I am.
- Oh, [bleep] you too. - [crew laughs]
["Underdog" continues]
["Underdog" fades]
♪ What would it look like ♪
♪ What would it look like if we were free from this ♪
♪ Free from late-night bus rides that reek of piss ♪
♪ What would you do to get up out of this shit ♪
♪ I'd run away and I would never come back ♪
- ♪ I'm thinking... ♪ - ♪ What would it... ♪
♪ ...be like without the setups and letdowns ♪
- ♪ Chin up but chest out ♪ - ♪ To stand up but get down ♪
♪ We gotta stay ready 'cause they don't protect us ♪
♪ These motherfuckers need to respect us ♪
♪ Here's the question ♪
[all cheering]
♪ What would it look like ♪
♪ What would it, what would it ♪
♪ What would it look like ♪
♪ What would it, what would it ♪
♪ What would that life look like ♪
- [cheering continues] - * What would it look like ♪
♪ What would it, what would it ♪
♪ What it look like, what it look like ♪
♪ Tell me what it look like ♪
♪ If we took flight, if we took flight ♪
♪ Tell me what that look like ♪
♪ It would look like we move like ♪
♪ The rules don't apply ♪
♪ Feelings validated and our tears run dry ♪
♪ And when we speak the truth, they don't need the proof ♪
♪ All the women get a year's supply ♪
♪ 'Til the end of our lives ♪
♪ We can't take in what we're forced to do ♪
♪ If we got half the credit, that of course would do ♪
♪ What would that look like ♪
♪ Shit, sis, what would that look like to you ♪
♪ It would look like I wouldn't have to fight so much ♪
♪ Ice cold looks I'm feeling like I'm not so tough ♪
♪ But I'ma make it big 'cause my mind's made up ♪
♪ Baby girl, you ain't gotta give up ♪
- ♪ It looks like love ♪ - ♪ It looks like peace ♪
- ♪ It looks like you ♪ - ♪ And it looks like me ♪
♪ We gonna show the world what it look like ♪
♪ We gonna show the world what it looks like ♪
♪ What would it look like ♪
♪ What would it, what would it ♪
♪ What would it look like ♪
♪ What would it, what would it ♪
♪ What would that life look like ♪
♪ Tell me, what would that life look like ♪
♪ What would it, what would it look like ♪
[lights clicking off]
[all cheering]
[mellow upbeat music]
[music fades]