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[John Dower] So what's this appointment we're going to?
[Andrew Flintoff] I'm gonna go see Mr Haq.
He was the bloke who operated on me.
When I got flown into St. George's by air ambulance,
he did a five-hour operation on me.
And he's done more and more,
and I've had so many steroid injections into the scars.
It's unpleasant.
I had some other thing done, which was this plasma
where they effectively soldered my face, really.
Jury's out on that one.
And I know what's gonna happen.
Mr Manisali will be happy with the nose work.
Mr Haq will be happy with the face.
Everyone will tell me, "Oh, yeah, it's looking better."
I think the skin colour
- is settling on its own quite well. - [Flintoff] Yeah?
You know, it looks less red.
Yeah, I think all in all, it's a fantastic improvement.
The bit here, this feels strange.
This bit. It feels really baggy.
- Okay. - It just feels like it doesn't...
It's better than it was.
It just feels really strange, this bit.
- Can I have a little look? - Yeah.
Do that smile again.
Yeah. It's looking good.
Open wide, open up.
Bite together.
That's looking a lot better.
- Can you feel me touching you here? - Yeah.
And what about here, is that less...
- I don't feel that. - You can't feel that?
- No. - No, that's the skin graft.
So you might get some sensation back in the future, but possibly not.
Overall, I think it's the best I've seen you, actually.
- Really good progress. - Thank you.
Thanks.
Winds me up a bit...
because I don't think I'm gonna be happy with it.
And I'm appreciative of it.
They're both amazing.
But...
they'll never give me what I had back.
I wasn't happy with that then,
but now I realise it wasn't too bad, was it?
I just want people to be honest half the time, say, "Yikes.
It is a fucking mess," isn't it? [chuckles softly]
Don't know if they want that on Disney.
I've never heard Mickey Mouse swear.
[chuckles]
I'm still arranging it in my mind.
Still coming to terms with it.
Even though it's been 18 months.
[Dower] Just before Christmas 2022,
one of the country's most beloved sportsmen and TV presenters,
Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, was involved in a horrific crash
while filming for the BBC's Top Gear programme.
Over the course of the next year, he completely disappeared from public.
[Flintoff] You know, I still live it every day.
I'm still in the car every night when I go to bed.
And it's so vivid.
Not slept the same since.
[Dower] Effectively, you have a movie of what happened to you
playing in your head every night.
It's a movie in my head.
I've watched it as well.
- The actual footage? - In-car footage.
I've seen it. And I demanded it.
I wanted validation for myself.
"This is why I'm feeling that, this is why I'm so bad."
And the other side is when you talk about having a movie in your head.
In cricket, people talk about visualisation.
You're just seeing something.
To me, that's only a part of it.
So, because I was injured so many times, I couldn't really practise bowling.
So, I developed a way of practising in my head.
I just didn't see myself bowling.
I could feel it.
I could smell it.
I could feel how it felt.
Even, like, the ball leaving my hand.
Problem is, when you relate it to this,
even the memories of it are real,
to the point where I'm talking about it and I'm getting a bit jittery,
and I can feel the pain in this side of my face.
I can feel the phantom pains and...
It's like a bit of a curse, really.
[commentator 1] Here he comes.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[commentator 2] Oh, he's got him! Freddie Flintoff, the man!
[Vaughan] No one had as much talent, but I don't think many had as much doubt.
[commentator 3] Oh! Massive!
[commentator 4] We're witnessing something fantastic.
[Panesar] He had a celebrity-like status.
[Key] And he wrestled with that all the time.
[announcer] ...your host, Mr. Freddie Flintoff!
All right?
[Corden] Transcending cricket is almost impossible.
Freddie Flintoff, ladies and gentlemen.
[Corden] And he did it.
[Whitehall] You're a cricketer. You're not meant to be this funny.
[Lydon] But in his head, he'd never done quite enough.
[female newscaster] Freddie Flintoff has been involved in a crash.
[male newscaster] Freddie Flintoff has been taken to hospital.
[Rachael] All of a sudden, your whole life can change, like that.
[Flintoff] It's almost like I've reset.
I'm trying to find out what I am now.
[female newscaster] Freddie Flintoff was injured in a crash last year.
[male radio presenter 1] What happened?
- [male radio presenter 2] They won't say. - [male radio presenter 3] Big crash.
[male radio presenter 4] His injuries are life-altering.
[female newscaster] He's been silent ever since.
[♪ sombre music playing]
[Dower] In 2023,
Freddie Flintoff withdrew into the refuge of his home.
But as speculation grew about his whereabouts,
he started to make a record of his recovery.
Freddie felt compelled to tell people exactly what had happened with the crash
and its aftermath.
[Flintoff] One of the real frustrations, and this really hurt me,
was the speculation.
That's why I'm doing this now.
You know, just get it out there.
What actually happened.
I've lived under the radar for seven months.
The only time I'm getting out is for medical stuff.
And what I've done, I suppose, in this house, is become safe,
and been scared to step outside of it.
You want to be there for the kids and not miss stuff.
Fortunately, we've got four of them.
I spent all this time with a three-and-a-half-year-old.
He wouldn't come near me. I think he'd get frightened of my face.
Frightened of me.
That was heartbreaking.
I've got PTSD, and I get anxious.
For periods of time, I just find myself crying
for no particular reason.
Come here.
Good boy.
Where are you going?
[Dower] As the year passed, Freddie,
who had always resisted making a biographical film...
- Steve wants to throw a mic on you. - [Steve] Yeah.
[Dower] ...decided to open up about his career,
cricket, and life for the first time.
[Steve] I'm gonna take off a couple of hairs.
[Flintoff] It took years to grow.
[Dower] Should I call you Freddie or Andrew?
[Flintoff] I reckon Freddie would be good. Fred.
Fred.
It's strange, isn't it? Because...
obviously, my name's Andrew,
and then, since I was about 15,
I've just been called Fred or Freddie.
Because Andrew is probably more a reflection of me.
Quite introverted.
Just likes his own space.
But that would never have survived in the world of professional sport.
I knew that pretty quickly.
Lancashire have just completed
what could be a very significant move for the future.
They've signed a 16-year-old
who's rated the best young batsman of his generation.
[male reporter] Andrew Flintoff, 6'4" of cricketing potential,
has been playing since he was six.
He's represented England from under-14s upwards
and was in the first 11 at his club, St. Anne's, at 14.
I started playing county cricket when I was nine.
I've done all right ever since.
But each year, it's getting harder as you start to step up each age group.
[Dower] Fred said to me that you're one of the best coaches he's had.
He's very kind. I don't think so.
[Dower] I mean, he described you as his cricket dad.
Yeah, and he, to me...
I have three sons. He's my fourth son.
We knew about him when I was Lancashire coach.
His pace was menacing.
One that stands out is when he played for St. Anne's under-15s,
he scored 232 not out.
We have a broken window, five, six, cricket balls disappeared.
[Bumble] Because of his size, he had strength.
Big strapping lad who's bowled and bowled and bowled.
One half of his back was a man, solid man,
and the other half was a child.
Two different sorts.
So, then we talked formally about signing Andrew.
[Dower] I noticed that you call him Andrew.
- Yeah. - He's Andrew, Fred, Freddie.
There seems to be a few of him.
Yeah, I mean, "Fred" picked up in the changing rooms,
you know, Flintstones.
But I've sort of always called him Andrew, really,
particularly if I were giving him a bit of a bollocking from time to time.
[laughs]
[male reporter] I'm sure people have been expecting great things from you.
How have you responded to that?
When I first started, I struggled a bit with being so young.
But I've got better each year as I've gone on.
I was a shy kid growing up in Preston.
I was mild, I was meek, didn't say boo to a goose.
I remember going in the Lancashire dressing room for the first time,
surrounded by men,
not knowing where to put myself or what to say, really conscious.
They started calling me Fred.
And I started drinking. [chuckles]
And then I found this alter ego.
[crowd clapping]
[♪ dramatic music playing]
It's like a character I created
which loved the limelight, loved playing.
Loved it all.
Concentration. Big game, this. If we win this, we've won the series.
[Key] I would have been 17.
He was probably 18.
He was England under-19 captain.
And everyone knew of Fred, because from under-11s,
he was this lad from Lancashire that bowled fast and could smack it miles.
And you just thought, "This kid's better than us."
Now, sporting history was made at Old Trafford cricket ground yesterday
when a new world record was created,
and here with the evidence, Peter Stevenson.
Yes, this could become a collector's item in years to come.
It's the official score record
marking Andrew Flintoff's amazing innings for Lancashire at Old Trafford.
Only this filmed evidence of an over that produced a record 38 runs
is contained on this club security camera.
[Freddie] Being on the field,
it was almost like... I wouldn't say Superman,
but you know when he goes in a phone booth and...
It was almost like that, playing cricket, for me.
And when I walked off the pitch,
it was very different.
I'd go home and I was back to myself.
[Dower] There's two of you?
Oh, I think there's two, there might be more.
[laughs] Over the years, I think there might be more than two.
[Rachael] He introduced himself as Andrew,
and I've always called him Andrew.
We started talking, and then we didn't stop talking.
He was funny. I know he made me laugh.
Um...
And I think the more I was talking to him, the more I was like,
"Oh, you're really lovely."
[Dower] At this point, he wouldn't have been that well-known
- as a professional sportsman. - [Rachael] No.
I didn't actually know who Andrew was at the time.
Not in a bad way, but...
I can't put my finger on it.
There was just something about him that was different.
He takes it really negatively when I say it.
Like, I say to him "potential",
and he's like, "Oh, I have potential. You try to change me."
But I never meant that at all.
It was just something in him
that I knew he was just...
there was so much more gonna happen.
[Bumble] He had it all in spades.
And he's not one of them, and they're around...
a great player, but a bit of an arsehole.
No. Champion bloke.
You know, I tended to look after him a bit.
And just after his accident,
before they were sort of patching him up,
I saw him, and it took my breath away.
I wanted to burst into tears and give him a hug.
[Lydon] I've managed him for 16 years.
We always sit down and we strategise
and say, right, "In ten years' time, what would you want to do?
"What's the long-term objective?"
And it was always Top Gear.
Nothing will compare to his cricket career.
So when he got the opportunity, it was huge.
Thank you.
It's so good to be presenting our first show.
And we know Top Gear has had more rebirths
- than Doctor Who recently. - Yeah.
- [Rachael] He was... - But look, we've kept the little Dalek.
[Lydon] ...really buzzing.
He thought it was such a big programme.
I mean, it's liked by a lot of people, and a lot of people have grown up with it.
[both] Oh!
[Flintoff] Out of all the TV stuff...
Nice and smooth through it.
That was the one show I got competitive to get.
This, to him, was proper.
[Dower] And he loves his cars.
[Rachael] Yeah, he loves cars, too.
They let him try out different cars a lot, which he loved.
Whoa, you dickhead! You absolute whopper!
[Whitehall] You know, Fred is someone that constantly needs new challenges.
He's someone that definitely gets restless.
And I was so excited when he told me that he'd got that gig.
He felt like the perfect fit for the show.
This is one of the most horrific things I've ever done.
[yelling]
[Lydon] He kind of became a daredevil on the show.
He did most of the stunts.
And I think it's just because he naturally challenges himself.
[Dower] And what do you remember the day of the accident?
[♪ uneasy music playing]
[Lydon] It was just a track day.
I didn't expect there to be any issue.
[Flintoff] I remember everything about it.
In some ways, it'd have been easier if I'd gone unconscious
and then been unconscious for a week or two,
and then you wake up and your stitches are out.
But I remember everything.
I think about it, and now I'm back in that car.
It was a three-wheeler.
There's a reinforced windscreen about there,
and a bar which goes about halfway up my back, so I'm exposed.
I'm probably doing about 40 or 45.
They were showing me how to get the car going sideways.
And the wheel came up at the front.
[♪ tense music playing]
It's a funny thing, rolling a car.
Because it's the point of no return,
and everything slows down.
It's so weird.
I should know how to get questioned by people.
But I used to play cricket. I used to bat.
You get 0.4 of a second to make your mind up.
Where the ball's going, what shot you're gonna play,
how you're gonna move your feet.
And as it started going over,
I looked at the ground,
and I knew if I get hit here, on the side, then I break my neck.
If I get hit on the temple, I'm dead.
My best chance is go face down.
And then I remember hitting...
And then, oh... then my head got hit.
But then I got dragged out and the car went over.
And I went over the back of the car,
and then pulled face-down on the runway
for about 50 metres underneath the car.
And then it hit the grass and then flipped back in.
[♪ tense music playing]
I thought I was dead,
because I was conscious, but I couldn't see anything.
I was thinking, "Is that it?"
"Is that it?" You know what I mean?
"Seeing black for the rest of my days?"
And my hat came over my eyes. [chuckles]
So I pulled my hat up, and I thought,
"No, I'm on the Top Gear track. This is not heaven."
Yeah, it was...
Yeah.
And then I just looked down, and the blood started coming down.
And my biggest fear was I didn't think I had a face.
I thought my face had come off.
I was frightened to death.
I got a phone call, "Andrew's been in an accident in Top Gear,
"but we don't have much information.
"I think they might take him to the nearest hospital,
"but it sounds like it's just his teeth or something.
"I think everything's fine."
I put the phone down,
and I didn't think much of it to begin with.
But it just kind of escalated very quick.
I think it was about half an hour or 40 minutes, just in agony
till the air ambulance came.
[Breen] We had a call to an airfield in Surrey,
and Freddie was clearly very shell-shocked.
He had quite a significant facial injury.
I mean, it wasn't one, it was several and multiple.
He was in a lot of pain, so we gave him some pain relief,
and we transported him to our leading major trauma centre,
which is St. George's Hospital.
And it was just, "This can't be happening to me.
"This can't be happening."
I wasn't getting any information.
I didn't know...
how he was injured.
And I just started just grabbing all my stuff and thought,
"I'm gonna head to London,
"and then hopefully, someone will tell me where he is."
[Mr Haq] I was on call that day
and received a phone call from the A&E consultant.
A lot of the injuries we have are managed at a more junior level
before escalating to a consultant, so I knew something was up.
[Dower] How would you describe the injuries that Fred came in with?
[chuckles softly] Complex.
Very complex.
His injuries, overall,
for the past 20 years of seeing maxillofacial trauma,
I'd probably put up in the top five.
He had a mixture of hard tissue and soft tissue injuries,
broken teeth, lost teeth,
elements of the upper jaw bone that were also fractured and displaced.
His soft tissue injuries were very complex.
It's very unusual that you lose soft tissue,
that you lose skin.
And he'd lost a really significant portion of his upper lip,
the skin and some of the underlying muscle,
and also his lower lip.
[Lydon] They said, "You've got to just prepare yourself for going in."
Because at that time, he hadn't been to surgery.
[Dower] So, you were the first person at the hospital?
Sorry.
Oh, God. [chuckles]
I felt very helpless.
Just didn't know...
what to say that...
My job is to make things better
and fix things.
And I couldn't fix that.
[Mr Haq] These wounds were never gonna be clean wounds.
He's scraped his face along the tarmac.
There's gonna be grit, dirt.
And the initial surgery, it took about five hours.
[Dower] So, in that first five-hour bout of surgery,
you were already starting to try and rebuild the face?
Yeah. Yeah.
You just gotta get the anatomy back to how it was in the first place.
It's like a jigsaw puzzle,
and almost always, all the pieces are there.
In Andrew's case, they weren't.
[♪ sombre music playing]
When I did see him,
I walked in the room, and he was just in the bed,
and he was bandaged up.
But his eyes,
I've never seen someone so scared in their eyes.
And he just stared at me, and I just think he was looking at me
to know how bad he was.
So, to be fair, I totally pulled myself together,
and I just... didn't cry.
I just said, "It's fine, you're gonna be okay.
"I can't believe how amazing you look."
Before we got home, I did call the kids,
and I did say to them, like,
"You've just gotta be as strong as you've ever been.
"Your dad does look different at the moment.
"It's gonna get better,
"but I don't want you to look shocked and horrified,
"because that's gonna knock him."
And that was hard.
Andrew doesn't know I've ever done that.
I'm just so grateful to all of those people.
I've still got a husband,
the kids still had their dad.
I'm very aware that there are other people going through similar or far worse things
without the help that we had.
[Vaughan] I got sent the picture.
And I couldn't look at it.
That was awful.
Straight away, we're trying to make sure that Rachael knew
that we're all thinking about her and the kids.
[Rachael] I think you saw none of Fred at all.
He just literally just zoned out.
He didn't want to speak to anyone, he didn't wanna see anyone.
He just didn't wanna do anything.
It was like the lowest I've ever, ever seen him.
I remember texts going around,
and you're hearing cobbled together bits of things
that you've no idea if this is true or not.
Just keeping trying to reach out, just keeping trying to...
knowing that you're not gonna get a reply.
I was really desperate to see him
and had been messaging mutual friends that we had,
and they said he was just sort of taking some time.
And, yeah, just, like...
I wanted to give him a hug. [chuckles]
Through my cricket life,
I found myself in a lot of situations I didn't know if I could get through.
Always seemed to be able to flick a switch and get on with it.
I gotta find that switch again, because at the minute,
I... I don't know what I am.
Look out for the name of a 20-year-old, Andy Flintoff.
Congratulations to Lancashire's Andrew Flintoff...
He's the latest in a line of players making a name in the national side.
[Vaughan] Freddie was fast-tracked for the England team.
You gotta remember, English cricket,
they're looking for the next Ian Botham, an amazing all-rounder.
So anybody that could bat, bowl and field was just... "Get them in."
And Freddie had the capabilities to bowl 90 miles an hour,
whack the ball out of the park.
[commentator] Andy Flintoff has his first Test wicket.
[Vaughan] Exactly what every team wanted, in particular, the England team.
We needed that all-rounder.
Andrew Flintoff hit his highest score for England today.
The man being hailed as the new Ian Botham
smashed seven sixes,
and one of them went straight to his father.
[male interviewer] Some people are talking of you as the next Ian Botham.
I don't think I'll be the next Ian Botham. I just want to be Andy Flintoff.
If I do anything in cricket, I wanna do it as me.
[Key] He was very northern.
When you meet some people from up north, being a southerner,
they almost hide it. He didn't.
He was definitely one of the most northern people that I've ever met.
Cut him open and that man bleeds gravy.
You're from Lancashire. What would you say are the top qualities of any Lancastrian?
All my mates, everyone I know is a good drinker.
Good drinkers.
He had an ability to go out and drink
and then still perform the next day, and show off.
When he came as this young teenager,
he didn't drink at all.
You know, he just used to have this Coke.
And then he discovered alcohol,
and he made up for lost time, as well.
His staying power from an alcohol point of view was just ridiculous.
You'd joke that you're drinking shifts with him.
You'd go out at different times just to keep him company.
He was creating an atmosphere which I think helped other people thrive.
Because you enjoy yourself, you play your best cricket.
[Vaughan] I got to know him because I captained him
in Zimbabwe and South Africa.
And it really was a stag trip.
[Dower] In what way?
Fred had an amazing skill.
He could put about five bottles of beer in his mouth
and down them all at once.
And then he was very good at just necking a bottle of wine.
- What, in one go? - He could neck a bottle of wine in one go.
He's got an amazing gullet.
And he just kind of...
[gulps] And it's gone.
Yeah, we were all in awe of him. [laughs]
[Dower] And in that era, if you're a talented teenager,
it must be very exciting,
but it must be quite difficult to be fast-tracked in that way.
Oh, without any question, the '80s, '90s, cricket was an amateur sport
with a semi-professional setup around it.
So that's why he kind of got on this conveyor belt that went too fast.
I just thought he was thrown out there to the wolves a little bit too young.
[male reporter] England have long had problems
with their middle order.
Now it seems their major headache
is getting Andrew Flintoff's middle in order
as he fights the battle of the bulge.
[Flintoff] As a young kid, I was skinny.
I used to wear a T-shirt under my shirt to look bigger.
Then I got big pretty quickly,
and I just got an absolute kicking.
Became a figure of fun.
I was living on my own, and you go to the supermarket,
you just feel all eyes on you. "What are you putting in your thing?"
[male newscaster 2] At last, England's NatWest series is up and running,
and it was largely down to a young man
emerging from the most difficult week of his career.
[crowd cheering]
[male newscaster 2] Andy Flintoff had been accused of being unfit and overweight.
Andrew, there's no better way to answer the critics
than with a sparkling innings like that.
Yeah, I played all right for a fat lad.
I'd have a meal I didn't think I should have
and throw it up.
And then it'd become another meal and another meal.
And before I know it, it was like, thinking, "Shall I chuck my breakfast up?"
So, I was playing on empty all the time, there was nothing in me.
And I lost probably about 10 kgs.
And everyone was so happy with me.
So, then that started just being a lifestyle.
Fundamentally, with Fred,
because he's so big and his stature is so strong, you would just think,
"Come on, you must be so strong in everything that you do."
And I just don't think that's correct.
He's a human being that fundamentally just wants loving.
[Flintoff] I have moments where I forget
and I'm just living.
And it's so nice.
And then you just get a stark reminder.
I get a feeling all over my face because it's all tight and it's different.
I've got no teeth, or something will fall out of my mouth as I'm eating.
Or I look in the mirror,
and it all comes back.
You know, you say that your face is your identity.
But how many times do you hear people saying,
"It's what's inside that counts. It's not how you look?"
Bollocks, you know what I mean?
[Mr Haq] We change people's faces, we make people look different.
Patients find it difficult sometimes
to come to terms with their new appearance.
People will judge you the moment they see your face.
Within a couple of seconds, they will judge you.
Even down to how many millimetres of upper tooth show that you have.
How much of your incisor do you show?
Is it less than one millimetre?
Mmm, do I trust this person?
Are you a threat?
Are you gonna be a benefit to them?
Do you look like someone that's going to be successful?
It all gets targeted
and it all goes into your assessment of whoever is in front of you.
[Lydon] The one thing that we discussed was protecting him.
Because the press intrusion was significant.
Everyone wanted that picture.
They wanted to see what he looked like, because it was shrouded in mystery.
[Rachael] People were following us.
We didn't even know.
I had to take him to an appointment.
There was this car, it looks like a normal car,
but with a blacked-out window.
So they pull ahead of you as you're driving,
and then they can just keep taking as many photos as you like,
and you're totally oblivious.
It just made him wanna stay in the house more than ever.
[Dower] We were now several months into filming,
and on one of our visits to the house, Fred's dad, Colin,
brought around some of his old photo albums and scrapbooks.
[Dower] How come...
Cricket for you, Colin, were you a fan or a player?
I played. I played. Not very well, to be honest.
[laughs] But I did play.
And, like, Christopher, his brother,
and Andrew just came to every match at weekends,
you know, and they just became part of cricket.
[Dower] So, would you say, Fred, it was your dad who got you into cricket?
[Flintoff] Yeah, massively.
It's all I ever remember growing up as a kid.
And he was always down at the cricket club, cutting grass.
I remember driving a Cortina around the ground,
- cutting the grass. - [laughs]
- [Dower] What, a Cortina car? - Yeah.
[laughs]
[Dower] And these are all your albums you've kept along the way?
- Well, they're Andrew's now. - [laughs]
They won't be staying here.
Well, I've told your mum that
I'm not bringing them back. [laughs]
[Flintoff] You bloody are.
[Dower] Do they bring back any memories, Fred?
[Flintoff] A lot of it I can't remember.
[Colin laughs]
I'd sooner look at the photographs as opposed to the clippings.
[Dower] Did you ever think he'd become the player that he did?
[Colin] I always knew he's got something.
But I've only seen one player
that I would have put money on playing for England,
and that was Philip Neville.
- [Dower] The footballer? - [Colin] Yes.
He was something, wasn't he?
- [Flintoff] He was all right. - [Colin] Yeah.
- He could bat, he could bowl. - We're sat in his house.
Yeah. Yes, I know we are, but...
- [Dower laughs] - Yeah, yeah.
- [Dower] He's moved out, hasn't he? - Yeah, we bought it off him.
We don't keep him in the basement. You know what I mean?
He might want it back.
You don't know with Phil. He could be sat in a corner somewhere.
- You wouldn't know. [laughs] - Yeah.
- [Dower] He's quite quiet. - And also...
- You'd know if Gary was here. - Exactly. Oh, my God, he's...
[Flintoff laughs]
[Dower] Walking into this house, you wouldn't know
one of the country's greatest cricketers lived here.
Yeah, Andrew just doesn't like showing off.
He gets embarrassed sometimes of having stuff on display.
He'd rather just hide it away.
[Dower] As a cricket fan, I'd been excited to see Fred's personal archive,
but he didn't even want it back from his dad.
And it was revealing that the scrapbooks,
like the walls of his own house,
didn't have any reference to the 2005 Ashes.
A summer that would radically change his life.
You were one of those sportsmen that transcended the sport.
I mean, my wife has no interest in cricket.
But she knows who you are.
And yet, I've never seen a film about 2005,
which you're talking about what happened.
No, I've always been reluctant to do anything about 2005, about a career.
Why?
It almost feels...
It almost feels boastful, or...
It was a great time in my life, and I loved it.
And it's not the medals, it's not the accolades after.
Or the money, even, though, don't get me wrong, it's all right.
The treat is doing it.
[Dower] Looking back on 2005,
how would you explain to someone who knew nothing about cricket,
the significance of the Ashes?
Well, the Ashes is the history of the game, really.
You know, England versus Australia.
[commentator] Oh, is it? Is it the Ashes?
Yes! England have won the Ashes!
[Vaughan] So many years ago, the Ashes were put in the little urn,
and that's what we play for.
These are the Ashes, presented to the England captain,
the honourable Ivo Bligh, exactly 100 years ago.
[Key] An Ashes series is basically like the World Cup in football.
Your judgement as a cricketer is really only done in Ashes cricket.
Australia's cricketers have flown out for the most anticipated Ashes series
in almost two decades.
Leading his first tour to England as captain,
Ricky Ponting is keen to crush the old enemy's spirits early.
[Ponting] 2005 is undoubtedly the greatest Test series
that I ever played in.
When you're born, and you pick up your first cricket bat in Australia
and you have a game in the backyard,
it's an Ashes Test match that you're playing, it's nothing else.
It's the pinnacle. It doesn't get better.
And we go to England as the No. 1 ranked team in the world.
[Vaughan] This Australian side were a juggernaut of greatness.
So, we're up against it.
But we've got this young team
that's been brought together for about an 18-month period.
And the heartbeat of that team's Fred.
[male reporter] Bit of verbal jousting already,
Glenn McGrath's predicted a 5-0 whitewash for England.
We might as well not bother then.
Might as well go home.
[male news reporter] Time for all the talking to stop.
[announcer] Andrew Flintoff.
[commentator 1] Here's a moment for Andrew Flintoff.
He has been eager to be a part of the Ashes for a long time.
[Flintoff] Second innings, I went out to bat,
and I started putting pressure on myself.
But it was like I was matching myself up against Australia.
I've gotta do this, I've gotta do that, I'm doing this, everyone expects.
[commentator 1] Andrew Flintoff has much to prove.
[Vaughan] No one had as much talent as Freddie.
But I don't think many had as much doubt as Freddie.
[Flintoff] I'll never forget this from Ricky Ponting.
He's fielding right up close in front of us.
I was batting with Kev, Kevin Pietersen.
We had the same bat sponsor, Woodworm.
[Dower] Do you remember what you said to Freddie
when he came out to bat at Lords?
No. No, I don't. [laughs] No, I don't.
He says, "I bet the sponsor's really happy with these two fuckwits,"
or something like that.
I thought, "I'll remember that, mate. That will come back and bite you."
That was one of the things that you think, "I'm not having this."
I got out next ball.
[commentator 2] And that is the end of Freddie Flintoff.
[commentator 1] That's a disappointment for the crowd.
He's a big favourite, Andrew Flintoff, but he's gone.
The whole nation were expecting us to be very competitive.
And we get hammered.
[commentator 3] The Australians have won this opening Test match.
Oh, we were shocking. All of us.
I've never been in an England dressing room where I felt a team was so low.
And I think Freddie was embarrassed.
He was the pinnacle of our team, he had to perform.
I sat in my chair after the game, just shaking, just...
It all got too much for me.
I didn't know what to do.
There was a lot of talk about we all go back and play a bit of cricket,
and I was like, "Nah, we need to get away.
"The big fella needs to go."
So, he was sent down to a place called Bovey Castle.
I think to get on... [chuckles]
get on the gas.
[Flintoff] Didn't practise, didn't train.
Had some red wine, a couple of cigars.
I remember just thinking, "Oh, my God, is this okay?"
Like, "Should he be practising?"
It's just gone really wrong. Um...
But I think that was it, I think they wanted him to be...
back as Fred.
[Bumble] Edgbaston is a fortress for England.
You're one down.
Now we gotta get back.
[Flintoff] But you know what? This next match...
This is gonna be on my terms.
[♪ tense music playing]
And the first opportunity I got to score off Shane Warne,
he's lobbed one up.
Catch!
And I thought, "Six."
Just about got it over mid-off.
Just went over his finger for four.
I'm away now. That's it, I'm off.
[commentator 2] Good punchy hit, that.
My goodness me.
[commentator 1] Oh, that's a few.
Don't worry about that.
It was so much fun.
[commentator 4] And he doesn't know where that is, but it's gone for four.
It's gone for a six!
The crowd were going nuts.
[commentator 5] Oh, hello! Massive!
One of the most magnificent strikes you'll ever see.
Oh, wow. It's six more!
We're witnessing something fantastic.
But it was his bowling that was gonna help us win the Ashes.
When Flintoff came into the attack,
there was a buzz around the ground.
"This is gonna be tasty."
[Flintoff] It was one of them moments you take your cap off,
you take your jumper off.
I'm walking back to my mark, got an extra spring in my step.
I fed off the crowd.
You feel, like, 12-foot tall.
[commentator 4] Here he comes.
Oh, he's got him! Freddie Flintoff.
The man!
[Flintoff] I got a wicket early on.
And then Ponting came in.
[commentator 4] New batsman at the crease. He's Ricky Ponting, Australia's captain.
It's like, "Yes, please."
"Yes, please."
[Vaughan] Ricky Ponting, undoubtedly,
is the best player in the world at that time.
Every time Australia need a score, guess who comes out? Ricky Ponting.
And guess what he usually does? He gets a score.
[commentator 6] Listen to the buzz in this ground now.
I'm the captain and the No. 3 batsman,
and I'm expected to get out there and get the job done.
But Freddie was charged up.
[commentator 7] Oh, that's so close!
And it's not out.
[commentator 4] He's done it again, Andrew Flintoff.
He's got the crowd going, he's got this team going.
Oh, I say.
[Flintoff] Whether you're batting or bowling,
you're trying to get them to change.
You've got your method.
Who's gonna give in first? Who's gonna blink?
And I thought, "I'm not blinking here."
[commentator 4] He's having nothing of that, either.
Australia's captain is under extreme pressure here.
This might come across the wrong way,
but he actually seemed a bit more like an Aussie,
the way that he played his cricket.
That over, it's the best over I've faced in Test cricket.
[commentator 4] 90 miles an hour. He's pumped up, Andrew Flintoff.
Fred's bowled probably the best seven balls that you could bowl
to the best player in the world at that stage.
And at the last time of asking,
when there's been a no ball, so he's bowled an extra ball...
[commentator 7] Beauty! Yes!
Magnificent cricket from this man.
[commentator 5] Flintoff is turning this game around.
He did it with the bat first, now with the ball.
When his team needed him, he stood up,
and before I knew it, I was back in the shed for a duck,
and we were in trouble in that Test match.
It was like I could do anything at that point.
You're done.
[commentator 5] He's kicked his stumps.
Relief in the crowd,
certainly relief out there for England's players.
It's Shane Warne, dangerous Shane Warne who's perished.
[Flintoff] Now there's belief.
We can beat these... It's like, "Wow."
[commentator 8] Just one wicket by England to keep this Ashes series alive.
[Flintoff] I thought, "I'm just gonna win this."
I didn't. [laughs]
Steve did, Steve Harmison.
He got the last wicket.
[commentator 5] And it's caught!
What a victory!
England have pulled it off.
The crowd goes ballistic.
England have won by two runs.
[Vaughan] We'd celebrated a bit, and then he realised
that the Aussies' batter, Brett Lee, had been a trojan, really.
To nearly get Australia over the line.
And Freddie's always thinking of others.
[Bumble] It is battle out there,
but it's only cricket.
And sportsmanship has a lot to do with it.
And that was a great act of sportsmanship.
[Ponting] It's actually probably one of the great images of the game of cricket.
And it's an image that will be remembered forever.
[Flintoff] One of the things I was told as a kid
was you respect the opposition,
you respect the umpires, and there's plenty of time to celebrate.
Steve Harmison, he was told that as well, I think,
because he shook Brett Lee's hand first,
but nobody got it on camera. [laughs]
So, Steve sees the cameras, and he's like, "I did it first, didn't I?"
I said, "Yeah, but, Steve, you gotta know where the cameras are, son."
To be fair, I mean, the camera was always on him.
I mean, it was always on him.
Do you believe you can go on and win the Ashes now?
We've got to. Um...
- [crowd cheering] - I think they do.
[Colin] Being at that game at Edgbaston...
oh, it was incredible.
It was incredible.
[Dower] You must have been very proud.
Oh, you're not kidding. You're not kidding.
[Dower] That changed the atmosphere of the series, didn't it?
Yeah, it did, it changed the atmosphere, it changed the belief.
And it always felt, from that moment,
it's one-all, so we're right in it,
but the reason why I could speak so confidently as a captain
and say, "I think this could be done,"
was because of Fred.
Good morning, this is Today, Tuesday, 13th of September 2005,
and what we hoped would never happen has come to be.
- I'm sorry, Karl. - Is it really a good morning, Leila?
- Good on you. - I think it's a good morning.
England has won the Ashes for the first time in 18 years.
[male reporter] English cricket's finest hour
in a generation.
Cricket is suddenly cool, a sport that has risen like a phoenix
from the Ashes.
2005 was the summer we all pretended to like cricket.
And he was the reason for that.
He gave us these images
which are ingrained in our sporting psyche.
[Rachael] It was just amazing, the support.
Everything was just out of this world.
Andrew was loving it, was like life and soul of the party.
My main concern was Holly.
She was getting very near the edge of the bus,
I was grabbing her leg most of the time
to make sure she couldn't go any further.
"Just put her down!" Yeah.
But she was okay, thankfully.
He was having the best day ever.
[male reporter] Andrew Flintoff.
Man of the series.
Man of the night, by the look of it.
Yeah, it's been a great series.
If I'm being honest with you, David, I'm struggling.
Not been to bed yet.
Behind these...
Behind these glasses, tells a thousand stories.
[Vaughan] I remember walking into the press conference.
All the questions were about Freddie Flintoff.
That was Andrew's moment,
where Andrew Flintoff became Freddie Flintoff,
and it went like that.
[male newscaster 3] At just 28, the man they call Freddie
has the freedom of his home city.
Transcending any sport is really hard.
Transcending cricket is almost impossible, right?
And he did it in about six weeks.
[Rachael] All different ages were coming up to him,
recognising him and speaking to him.
[male newscaster 3] This school in Preston is where Freddie went.
Bowler, batsman, and all-round England hero.
[Colin] I was seeing cricket being played on estates I'd never seen before.
Kids playing cricket. It was unbelievable.
It was unbelievable.
England's Ashes-winning cricket heroes
have been honoured by the Queen at Buckingham Palace.
Sports Personality winner for 2005 goes to Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff.
[crowd clapping]
[Rachael] I just remember thinking then,
"Oh, my goodness, things have changed."
[Bumble] I see him as a quiet lad.
He's the people's champion.
I don't think he understood the adulation he got from the public,
which is who we play for.
That's why we play, to entertain all these people that turn up.
And so how would you describe Andrew Flintoff?
Entertainer.
He's an entertainer.
[Flintoff] Come on.
Come.
What's this?
I've got a dog now, he's called Quilly.
Good boy.
He's always happy to see you.
Good boy.
He's not really mine.
Come.
I'm like a puppy trainer for Guide Dogs.
I look after him and train him.
He's just always happy to see you.
Good boy.
When you need a cuddle or something like that, he's next to me.
[groans, exhales]
Not sure if that's Guide Dog friendly.
They said pick him up till you can't.
So, I can.
Go on.
I don't know what I'm gonna be like when I give him up.
Isn't he beautiful?
Busy, busy, go on.
Gets me out of the house as well.
Busy, busy, go. Go, quick.
- Busy, go. - [Quilly barks]
[Lydon] In the early days after the accident,
the only trips that he'd make were to London for his dental work.
He would come into the office after.
Most of the time, there'd be blood coming out of his mouth.
It was so bad.
And we'd have lunch and we'd try and make it a bit of a thing,
because he wasn't seeing anybody.
[Key] I was in London. His agent called me.
She said, "Fred's gonna come down.
"Don't say anything, but you can come and say hello."
And then as we're going in the lift to go up to whatever floor,
he comes in with Rachael.
And he's got like a...
this beanie hat and a complete scarf or mask over his face.
And he looks at me, he goes,
"Look at this, it's the invisible man." [laughs]
Right? And it was one of the first times I giggled.
I giggled because it was just him, and I was giggling.
And he says, "All right, let's have it then.
"When can we start taking the piss?"
And it was a horrific thing to say,
but from him, it was perfect.
[Lydon] That was the first time that he'd seen a friend.
I said to him, "We've got the first Test of the summer against Ireland.
"I just sit in the office at Lords, come and sit with me,
"no one will see you."
I just wanted to get him out of the house.
Got through that day,
and I said, "We've got the Ashes Test at Edgbaston.
"Come and do the same again."
[Rachael] He just enjoyed it.
And I think that was the start
of just getting back to a bit of normality.
One day, I got a call from Andrew,
and he said, "I'm full of drugs, but I wanna get back into cricket.
"I'm gonna get back in."
And so I called Rob Key.
You know, these lads playing now have watched him,
they've all idolised him.
I said, "Do you fancy doing some coaching?
"Just be aware, though, that this is the first time
"people are gonna see you and all of that."
And he's like, "No, no, I think this is the best way to go."
I got asked to coach England for the one-day series.
But the first session, I was in my room,
and I wanted to go down.
And I had about five or six goes at leaving the room,
and I couldn't leave the room.
The anxiety was just working overtime,
and then everything was crashing down on me.
And I was, like, in the bathroom.
I'd got my hands on the sink, "Come on."
And it was... And I've gotta do it at some point.
I know there's gonna be cameras on me, I know there's gonna be the reaction.
But I'm here. What am I expecting?
And I finally ventured out onto the balcony.
[camera shutter clicks]
No big, like, reveal...
like The Masked Singer.
[chuckles] It was just...
It's probably the safest place I could have done it,
with the best people.
For more than nine months,
the condition of Freddie Flintoff has been unknown.
Today, he was seen in public for the first time since the accident.
[male newscaster] This is the first glimpse we have had
of the injuries that he suffered in a high-speed crash last December.
[Flintoff] It was a way to put my face back in public.
It was the perfect win.
I think sometimes you find help when you least expect it.
What I love is that cricket is the thing that looked after him.
You know, when he's...
This is where I get emotional, but...
So then, everything that he's done, all the stuff he's gone away from,
actually, the cricket people sort of got behind him.
And... Anyway, that was it.
- [Dower] You offered him a lifeline. - Yeah.
I hate crying.
It's so annoying. I'm glad he's not here, actually.
[chuckles]
[Dower] It felt like cricket was offering Fred a route back to recovery.
And nine months after his first public appearance on the balcony,
he became one of the England Assistant Coaches for the T20 World Cup
in the West Indies.
But it meant taking a big trip away from the sanctuary of his home.
[Flintoff] It's such a good job.
I don't think I've smiled and laughed as much as this in a long time.
I've got to remind myself sometimes that I'm not one of the lads.
Because you just lose yourself in it all.
The fun in the dressing room, watching them play.
Seeing what they can do.
It's incredible.
But at night, I do go back to my room on my own.
And I'm left with my own thoughts and own feelings.
And they don't seem to be changing.
I still have my nightmares, and I still have problems with it.
If you ask me where am I aiming with this, where is it going...
I don't really know.
You know, everyone goes on these journeys.
You only go on a journey if you know where you're going. I've got no idea.
[Dower] How far do you think he can go as a coach?
[Key] He could coach for England, he could coach at the very, very top.
Because it's not all about just how do you play a cover drive.
It's actually about, how do you make better people?
How do you get people more robust, more resilient,
for life and the game that's coming for them?
And that's the sort of skills that he has in abundance, really.
He's talking from experience.
Because he's been through it all.
[Dower] What are your memories of the Caribbean as a player?
[Flintoff] I've got mixed memories of this place.
We'd had the Ashes, and we lost.
[commentator 1] Out! Gone!
[Flintoff] 5-0 defeat in Australia.
[commentator 2] The humiliation of a 5-0 defeat.
The England players, they'll be hurting.
[commentator 3] The worst Ashes defeat in 86 years.
[Flintoff] That was horrific. I was in bits.
Yeah, I've experienced both sides of it now.
At the Oval in 2005, you know, the jubilation
and the joy of winning the Ashes,
and then today...
I've experienced it on the other side, and it's not very nice.
It didn't matter who was captain,
they would have dismantled any team that went over there.
[Dower] So, who was the captain?
Freddie was the captain. [chuckles]
But he shouldn't have taken that on.
He was leading anyway.
He didn't need the armband.
[man 1] Okay, keep it that way, chaps.
With Fred, I think he thinks he can do everything.
He's a proud man and wanted to be captain for England,
but was it really the right decision for him?
Because there was so much demand on his time.
He could have just said, "Nah."
[Dower] What was the effect of that Ashes series on Fred, do you think?
Oh, I think it was huge.
Yeah, I do. I think it...
You know, it dented him.
[Ponting] Freddie was a very happy-go-lucky sort of cricketer,
and got out there and played with his heart on his sleeve.
You don't really think much about the psychological impact
that it can have on an opposition captain to lose an Ashes series 5-0.
You never learn these things about people until things like this film happen.
[Flintoff] I was drinking heavily.
It wasn't drinking to enjoy myself.
It was drinking to change my mood.
And almost like escapism. I couldn't handle it.
And from there, we moved on pretty much straight to the World Cup here.
[male news reporter] A dramatic batting collapse
against New Zealand costing them dearly.
[Flintoff] We got beat.
I was getting upset, I was getting angry.
So, I found a bar on the corner.
I got a rum punch, and I got another rum punch,
and another, and another, and...
I remember being hammered.
And I knew Ian Botham was staying on a boat out at sea.
I thought it'd be funny to go and surprise him.
So I started dragging this pedalo into the water.
The waves were choppy, I was getting thrown about.
I give it up as a bad job.
And a security guard, he came and got me out the water
and then took me to my room.
So, I woke up the next morning with, like, sand in my toes.
I was like, "What have I done?"
[♪ pensive music playing]
[Vaughan] "England's star falls off pedalo."
He's certainly fallen off something, his plinth as a hero.
[Panesar] We had an emergency meeting.
I'm thinking, "What's happened here?"
I think he was quite obviously embarrassed, you know?
It's like Hangover 3, isn't it? Except it's at the World Cup.
[laughs]
Just a big stag do.
[Flintoff] And they're hammering me about all sorts.
I wasn't in a good enough place to take this,
and I remember crying in that meeting.
And I went back to my room, phoned Rachael.
And she said, "You're a dickhead. Phone your mum."
I told him that he had to call his mum and apologise.
And I know we both got a massive bouquet of flowers the next day from him.
What I still don't really understand...
I know Andrew let people down
and he was stupid.
But I don't really understand why he was on News 24...
on the hour, every hour, apologising to the whole country.
Isn't there other news?
[male reporter] Did you take a pedalo out onto the water,
having had a few beers?
You know, the ins and outs of it...
There was water involved,
um, and obviously, this pedalo as well.
I can look back now and laugh at that,
but it's also a time which frightens me.
I wasn't well. I didn't know what it was.
It's like the shutters come down and there's a greyness.
I think it was just to spark an emotion,
because I wasn't getting it from playing cricket.
Wasn't getting it from anything.
[Rachael] I know the Andrew underneath the Fred,
so I can see when there's something else going on.
Yeah, I think there's times where Andrew has self-medicated,
um, when he's felt really down.
Um...
And I think it got to the stage where he had to really...
think, "Okay, I'm gonna lose everything if I don't sort myself out."
[Dower] How would you describe your relationship with alcohol?
[Flintoff] I had a good one for a while.
It wasn't all bad.
I got asked to go on an end-of-season trip with Lancashire when I was 17.
And I didn't drink.
We played drinking games.
And I was doing it with pints of Coke.
Sculling eight pints of Coke isn't easy.
I thought I'd just try a Guinness.
So I sculled Guinness, and that was easy.
Probably had about eight to ten pints of Guinness.
And I also then found actually people are liking this.
I get an acceptance.
I'm one of the lads.
A big part of me, a proudness says,
if I had my time again, I'd do it exactly the same.
I think that's a lie.
I don't know if I'd even touch a drop.
- But the problem is... - But, Fred, would you be the same player?
- Can you separate... - That the ultimate thing.
That's the ultimate question, "Would you be the same player?"
I don't know.
But I think I'd be prepared to try.
[Dower] Barbados did feel like a turning point.
Fred had opened up about one of the darkest moments in his career,
and at the same time, taken his first tentative steps
back into normal life within the cricket family.
But despite being back in the public eye,
it was clear he was far from healed.
[Rachael] Hi.
[Dower] His rehabilitation from the aftermath of the crash
was ongoing and relentless.
[Flintoff] The plan is that today I get my teeth.
Not nice not having your own teeth.
Can't speak proper, I find myself...
[mumbles]
[chuckles]
You bite things and you can't feel anything.
- Hi, Sunny. - How you doing man, you all right?
Um, won't be long.
You're early anyway, so we're just setting up for you.
- Am I getting teeth today? - No.
[Flintoff] No?
[Sunny] We've got a lot to do today, but nothing too taxing.
[Rachael] How long now until the permanent ones then?
[Sunny] Should be next visit.
- [Flintoff] All right. - Okay. Cool.
Brilliant.
Right, well.
No pain, no teeth.
[chuckles]
Oh, my God.
[Sunny] So, a couple of jabs.
[Flintoff] It's hard, isn't it?
In some ways, I get disappointed in myself,
the way I've reacted to it.
You know, that proudness or that...
What do you call it, toxic masculinity?
Whatever it is, you feel like, "I should have just shrugged this off.
"I should have just got on with my life."
But I can't do it.
[♪ sombre music playing]
At the moment it's hard
because it's Andrew, but a really low Andrew.
But...
I think he's best at being at rock bottom and getting back up.
[Sunny] Yes, please.
So, I'm going to take an impression now.
This is the messy bit.
Okay.
- You doing a bit of grouting? - Just rest your head back for me.
A bit of mastic.
[Flintoff] In my cricket career,
I've reached the top a few times,
and I've reached the bottom a lot of times.
[Sunny] You should have a mouthful like this.
[Flintoff] When I reached the bottom,
I wouldn't say I was more comfortable there,
but I quite enjoyed it.
I enjoyed the challenge of trying to get back up again.
[Sunny] Okay, we're all done.
[Flintoff] I don't think I'm ever gonna be better.
Just different now.
It's just let's find somewhere where you sit quite comfortably.
And I'm getting there slowly.
[Dower] Eighteen months on from the accident,
Fred's rehabilitation was still daunting.
But it was being helped by the game.
Only a few weeks after Barbados,
he took charge of his own team for the first time,
the Northern Superchargers.
- [Dower] How are you anyway? - [Flintoff] I'm good.
My first week as an head coach, isn't it?
It's been really good, actually.
I'm learning on the job a little bit.
It's gonna be a test, isn't it? Because I remember when I was in Barbados
and I was saying, "As a player, I was up and down.
"As a coach, I managed to remain quite level."
This is an acid test, isn't it?
[commentator 1] Set to go.
Some turn straightaway, just chipped it over the top.
Seeing him back in a cricket jersey in and around cricketers,
I don't think I've seen him look so happy.
I think he's back, almost, in a happy place.
And it's through an incredibly awful circumstance
that cricket has found Freddie once again.
[Rachael] He's like, back where he belongs.
For a girl who knew nothing about cricket or very little about cricket,
it's definitely become a big part of my life.
And when Andrew needed it most,
cricket was there for him.
I mean, it sounds a bit weird saying it, a bit over the top to say,
but I do think cricket saved him.
It gave him a reason for being again.
[commentator 2] One ball left.
[commentator 3] It'll just be the one,
and it will be very comfortable for the Trent Rockets.
[Dower] So, what happened?
[Flintoff] In all fairness, we got beat by a better team.
There's no point dancing around the houses.
I'm fucking gutted.
[both laughing]
[male supporter] Come on, Fred!
-[male in crowd] Freddie, Freddie, Freddie -[kid] Join the squad!
[Dower] How do you feel at that moment,
people constantly asking for pictures of you?
[Flintoff] Well, the picture thing, I never really liked anyway.
But now it's slightly different.
Especially when they take a selfie, because you see yourself.
It's like, "Wow, how do I look?"
I don't wanna smile because my lips go like that.
[mumbles]
I look miserable, I'm not trying to, I'm trying to look mildly amused.
Then I start thinking about what they think about the way I look,
or are they just being polite?
And then I see the reaction when they see me for the first time, it's...
Yeah, it's hard.
Because after the accident,
I didn't think I had it in me to get through.
I... This sounds awful,
part of me wishes I'd have been killed,
part of me thinks I wish I'd died.
Although I didn't wanna kill myself.
I won't mistake the two things.
But I was not wishing, but I was thinking,
"This would have been so much easier."
Now, I try to take the attitude,
"You know what? The sun will come up tomorrow,
"and then my kids will still give me a hug."
And...
I'm probably in a better place now.
[Dower] The fact that Fred had even thought this
showed what a dark place he'd been in immediately after the accident.
But now watching him tirelessly sign autographs and pose for pictures,
I could see being back in cricket
was taking him further away from the crash.
A few days later, a victory had lifted his spirits even more.
You won the second game.
[commentator] Just chipped up, thanks very much.
Easy as you like.
[Flintoff] The boys were brilliant.
I was allowing myself to enjoy it.
And I think at the end of it, the overriding emotion
was... obviously pleased.
But I was quite contained.
I was more reflective and content.
Got a great group of lads around me.
It's brilliant.
[Dower] I'll let you get on with it. You've got a game today.
Yeah. I don't even know how many points you get for a win.
Hopefully, we get some more points.
[both laughing]
We do things our way.
[Dower] All right, well, it seems to be working.
- [Flintoff] Well, is it? - [both laughing]
It's 50-50 at the minute, John.
[Dower] All right, well, see you next time.
[Flintoff] Thank you.
[Dower] I don't think I'd seen Fred this happy.
It was an unexpected turn in his life,
given that when he'd retired as a player, he'd turned his back on the game.
It's a dilemma for all sportsmen, you know, when they retire.
How was that for you at that point?
[Flintoff] No, it's hard.
All through my career,
I always felt I was on the brink of retirement,
because I had so many injuries.
[Dower] The summer of 2009 would see Fred's third and final Ashes series,
a chance to avenge the humiliating whitewash over in Australia.
But he wasn't even sure if he'd be playing.
[male newscaster] A decision on Freddie's fitness
won't be taken until the last minute.
My knee's in tatters.
But...
because everything had been going wrong in my career,
I couldn't leave it like that.
[Harmison] His body had had enough.
I mean, Fred was hanging on by a thread.
He literally couldn't walk down the stairs, poor big lad.
[Flintoff] I have to play this series. We have to win this Ashes series.
After that, I'm gonna retire.
Winning was everything.
There was nothing else.
I had to win, whatever I did.
I needed jabs in my knees, and my body was hurting.
Rachael got me dressed, actually.
She helped me put my shoes and socks and took me to the ground.
[Rachael] He shouldn't have played.
But as soon as someone says, "That's impossible, you can't,"
then that almost makes him fly.
[commentator 1] Wonderful appreciation
from a full house at Lords for Andrew Flintoff.
[Flintoff] It was me against me. It was never me against the opposite.
It was me against my body.
[commentator 1] Great stroke. What a way to get going.
And if I wasn't hurting, I wasn't having fun.
[commentator 2] Oh, that's brilliant bowling by Flintoff.
Oh, it's out.
[commentator 3] That is out. Flintoff's done it.
He's got the breakthrough.
[commentator 4] That one is out.
I played like it was my last game.
[commentator 5] It's then taken at second slip.
[commentator 3] Got him!
Oh, it works, too!
Five for Andrew Flintoff. A glorious moment.
[Flintoff] I knew at that point I could never bowl like that ever again,
because I'd gone.
My celebration was quite... What's the word? Self-indulgent.
It was part celebration, part not.
I just wanted to feel it one last time.
I wanted to smell the ground, I wanted to feel the atmosphere.
I wanted to remember what it felt like, because I'm never getting this again.
Freddie bowls an incredible spell here,
to bowl England to victory.
And then at the Oval,
where it looked like Australia may have got close to winning that game,
who runs out Ricky Ponting?
[♪ dramatic music playing]
As soon as he hits it and they set off for the run,
I've gone like that, as you do, edge of the seat,
because I know who it's gone to.
[Ponting] I was 60-odd not out at the time.
And it's like, "It's Fred. Like, he's on one leg.
"He won't be able to get there quick enough."
And it just needs a perfect storm of a quick pick up and release,
like a rocket, and he's got to hit.
Our commentary box was alive. I mean, everybody was up.
[commentator 1] Now, Flintoff, the man.
The Australian Captain has been run out for 66.
And I knew then that the Ashes was over.
It was another epic Flintoff moment in an Ashes series.
England have reclaimed the Ashes
in a dramatic day of cricket at the Oval,
England took all 10 Australian wickets to win by 197 runs.
[Flintoff] I'm finished at the Oval...
knowing that that's probably it.
And then I was booked in for an operation two days after on my knee,
but brought it forward to the next day.
I think my wife did that,
because then I was nil by mouth at midnight
and I didn't make a knob of myself again.
I was lost.
Like, "Who am I?"
Everything I wanted to do since I was six years old
has finished at 31.
[Dower] So do you regret that decision?
[Flintoff] I don't regret the decision to retire. I had to.
But afterwards was so hard.
I rebelled against routine and being told what to do. I hated it.
But when nobody did, I realised how important it is.
If I've got nowt to get up for tomorrow, I'll drink, you know?
I'll drink.
And I was just...
just cruising through life, and it was...
it was horrible.
It's a bit like going to the supermarket and carrying your shopping bags out
not knowing where your car is.
And then after a while, they get heavier and heavier,
and the shoulders go, and everything slumps.
You're not the No. 1 name in the newspaper at the weekend.
You're not the name in lights when the cricket comes on.
You quickly get forgotten.
And I think, as sportsmen and women,
I think it frightens the shit out of people.
[Dower] Were you worried when he finished cricket
about what he might do next?
[Rachael] I was not worried at all.
I just knew he would still be amazing.
I knew that there was something else.
[Panesar] He removed himself from the game very quickly,
was, you know, front cover of Men's Health magazine,
GQ Hunk of the year or something like that.
He was everywhere.
He then became this TV celebrity icon.
[Dower] James, do you remember the first time
you came across Freddie Flintoff?
I remember vividly the first time I met Fred.
I was doing a sketch for Sport Relief.
It was my character from Gavin and Stacey winning Coach of the Year
at Sports Personality of the Year.
Smithy.
Before the show, I went up to Fred
and I said, "We just want you to look annoyed
"so the sketch rings true."
Freddie.
Freddie, Freddie Flintoff.
What's your real name? Andrew?
Whatever.
Congratulations on the Ashes, you did brilliant.
It was great to see you out there.
But are you gonna give up now?
You gonna stop playing because your knee hurts?
Is it sore?
A bit of a poorly knee? Your arm's all right though, isn't it?
He looked so annoyed...
that I remember thinking, "Oh, God, he could be an actor."
Like, he could do anything.
And then the next day, we were filming in a pedalo,
and I was about to go and do this sports comedy show
called A League of Their Own.
And I called the producer of the show.
And said, "We've gotta try and get him.
"I think he'll be that good."
Three, two, one, go!
Luckily, he said yes.
[both laughing]
I suppose it kind of launched this TV career that he went on to have,
which could not be less of a surprise to me,
or anyone that knows him, actually.
One of you is a metrosexual Lord Fauntleroy,
and the other is a straight-talking northerner who is 99% testicles.
You barely speak the same language...
[Whitehall] I remember being intimidated.
I was gonna meet Freddie Flintoff,
who I'd looked up to a lot as a kid, for the first time.
I was also like, "He is this big burly, you know, northern bloke,
"and I'm this rather effeminate, flouncy boarding school boy.
"I'm probably not gonna be his type of chap."
- [crowd laughs] - Okay, Fred, what fragrance do you use?
- Old Spice. - [James] Old spice, classic.
Jack, what have you gone for?
- Ah, Bisto! - [crowd laughs]
[Dower] But it felt like there was a genuine relationship
between the two of you.
[Whitehall] A hundred percent.
So many people think of him as, you know...
so strong and so alpha.
But he's definitely fragile.
To see how open and honest he's been about his struggles.
Like with bulimia.
I mean, I was bulimic when I first started doing television.
It's not something that I've really even ever spoken about.
But I remember feeling that pressure of being on television.
And it's not something that I'd ever seen other men
or people in the media talk about
until Fred came out and spoke about it.
I remember thinking that was just incredibly brave of him.
[Rachael] I think after cricket, there was Andrew,
but then there's this Fred, and Fred wasn't getting to be Fred.
He was looking for that buzz that he had from playing cricket.
Most of the projects that he did were based on,
"How am I gonna feel the way that I did when I played cricket?"
So, he really tried to push himself as much as he could.
[Whitehall] You had the four of us doing these crazy challenges together.
And he would always just throw himself into anything,
and I would be the one sort of dragging my heels
and call out that we're just making an entertainment show,
so, like, why were we genuinely putting ourselves at any risk?
And Fred would be like, "Come on, Jack, it'll be fine."
[screams]
I think that's the danger that TV falls into.
[♪ tense music playing]
And I found out the hard way, eventually.
It's always more, isn't it?
Like, even you with your questions.
Everyone wants more.
Everybody wants more.
Everybody wants that thing that nobody's seen before,
everybody wants that bigger stunt.
And it's not a go at you, John.
- No, it's fine. That's what I'm here for. - But it's...
Exactly, but everybody wants to dig a little bit deeper.
- Yeah. But you're right. - Everybody wants an exclusive,
everybody wants that bigger stunt.
Everybody, "Actually, in some ways, let's have that near-miss,
"because then that will get viewers."
Everything's about viewers, always, always.
And I should have been cleverer on this,
because I learnt this in sport as well,
with all the injuries and the injections,
and all the times that I got sent out on a cricket field,
and treated like a piece of meat.
That's TV and sport.
I think that's where it's quite similar.
You're just a commodity. You're just a piece of meat.
- I agree. - Do you?
[Dower] I did agree, but I, of course, was guilty of wanting more.
Do you know what? We're in a bubble. We can.
[Dower] And one of the things I wanted
was to talk about whether he'd seen his co-presenters on Top Gear,
Chris Harris and Paddy McGuinness.
[Flintoff] We've been in contact.
I saw Chris, actually, and we hugged each other.
He got upset, I got a bit upset.
It was really nice to see him.
And I feel bad I haven't been more in contact
with him and Paddy.
I think there were some comments from Paddy a while ago
saying I've not spoke to him, I've not done this.
And part of it is...
For myself a little bit, you know what I mean?
I hate the word "triggering" but I'm worried about that.
It's also something that stopped,
I suppose, in some ways, because of what happened to me.
Like, their careers have been halted as well, so I feel...
not guilty, but I feel bad for them.
Um, and also, it's like...
What happened gets dragged up enough in my own head without adding to that.
[Dower] Sometimes I forgot the man in front of me
was still dealing with significant trauma.
- Who is it? - [Rachael] Me and Rocky.
All right, come in.
- Hi. - [Dower] Hi.
- How are you? - [Rachael] Are you finished?
[Dower] But this was also testimony to his recovery.
He was done with talking about the crash and now looking forwards.
So much so, he did something in classic Fred style.
[Flintoff] I have taken one job.
I'm gonna do a Christmas special of Bullseye.
[laughs] Because why not?
And the reason for doing it, it's a one-off.
And it's almost, for me,
maybe an opportunity to put TV to bed on safe ground.
[barber] Do you have any tender spots?
- Not really. - No?
So you're okay with me working around that area?
Yeah.
Not sure what to do for my scars.
- Say that again? - Are you gonna go over it?
Yeah, just lightly, because it's quite red.
It might just ping too much in the studio with the lights.
- Are you all right with that? - Yeah.
[Dower] How you feeling, Fred?
[makeup artist] Got my magic fingers back.
Better now Donald's got his hands on me.
- [Dower laughs] - Um...
I don't know, it's...
It's all a bit strange.
It's something I didn't think...
I didn't really plan I'd be doing.
In all honesty, I've been quite anxious about it the past...
Well, since I said I'd do it, and it's here, isn't it?
And even today, you're in the studio going through the walkthrough,
looking on the big screen and you're seeing yourself.
Trying to find my feet again.
It's Bullseye, though. It's a plastic Bully and a darts board.
- Who gives a fuck? - [all laughing]
You know what I mean?
Interesting getting makeup on.
I'm not trying to hide my scars.
Just trying to take a bit out of 'em.
You know...
Wouldn't say embracing them,
but it's a case of don't make them show, don't make them look.
[Harmison] After what he's been through,
I'm just pleased that he came through the other side of it.
The interesting bit for me is the next bit.
The minute he does Bullseye,
and everybody realises he's back,
then all of a sudden the offers of the entertainment side come back in.
[host] Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Freddie Flintoff!
[Harmison] In 12 months' time, I'd love to see him still in cricket.
But being back in front of a camera,
I'd be amazed if he puts that to bed.
- [man 1] Yeah, good shot. - [man 2] You little beauty.
[man 1] Great shot.
[Flintoff] I got here as if by magic. Thanks, Pab.
Go on, Nige. I was due one of them.
Tried to hit that so hard.
Yes, Nige.
[Dower] When we started filming with Fred over a year ago, he was a recluse,
suffering the torment of a movie in his mind
that replayed the crash over and over again.
[Flintoff] Did it get you?
[John Dower] I mean, were you actually aiming for us?
I tried a little bit further right, but you were...
That hat of yours was my aiming point.
[Dower] Now, though, he was confident enough
to be out and about in public.
Very much Freddie again.
I thought he's found a way of getting rid of me,
take me out with a golf ball.
There's plenty of ways, John, don't worry about that.
[both laughing]
[Dower] I wasn't sure if his future was in cricket, or television, or both.
[Key] There's always something else, especially for someone like him,
who's always gonna be thinking, "That's done, what's the next thing?"
That's why he's done so many different things,
you know, he's got such a varied playbook,
because he's never ever got to that point
where he can just sit back and go, "Oh, that's me done now,
"I can just put my feet up."
- [John Dower] Plays golf now. - There you go, Nige, that's on!
- [Nige] Get in. - [man] Get in?
[all laughing]
[Rachael] Some things will maybe never go back to how they were.
But, you know, with Andrew being Andrew,
he's just created a whole new story.
[Dower] This documentary started as a shoot
to end speculation on the accident.
But as the filming progressed,
it became a search for Fred's identity
as he looked backwards while trying to move forwards.
It felt like that search was now over.
And finally, Fred, how's your recovery?
I think you've got your teeth finally, didn't you?
I got these teeth, my teeth are in now,
but I think this is it now, isn't it?
This is where I'm at, what I'm left with.
[Dower] All right, I'll let you get on with the back nine.
Which I am. I'm having a nice day, actually, yeah.
It'll be even better when you lot are gone.
[both laughing]
[Dower] Don't worry, we're going.
- [Dower] Well done. - [Whitehall] Thank you very much.
[Dower] No, thank you.
It felt a bit like we were talking about him and he'd died, but...
[Dower laughs heartily]
At times.
- Do you have any message for him? - Do you remember this?
You know, beyond the grave?
Beyond the grave? [chuckles]
Uh, answer my texts.
[Dower] Well, he's terrible for that.
He's terrible for that.
But I spoke to Steve Harmison the other day,
and Steve Harmison said,
"The most worrying moment about post the injury
"is that whenever you messaged Fred, he would message back straightaway,
"and that's when we knew something was wrong."
And recently, he's stopped returning people's texts,
and everyone's gone, "We've got Fred back."
[♪ captivating music playing]