Downloaded from YTS.MX
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
Okay.
In the romance audiobook production system
there are two separate
yet equally important groups.
The authors who write the books,
and the narrators who read them.
These are their sto--
Ahem!
These are their stories.
Well...
no, this is just her story
The lady in the closet.
Her name's Jasalyn.
She goes by 'Jaw.'
'Jaw Recorder.'
Do the sound.
Katia met his eyes as he grabbed her.
He leaned in toward her ear.
His hot breath against her neck sent
chills down her spine as he whispered...
"Let's get out of here."
He slowly sid his hand--
He slowly slid his hand
down her back.
Part of her knew she should run.
but the bigger part
the part that sent a flush to her face
and a quiver down her thighs,
that part obeyed gladly.
The sweat drip
Oh, my god!
The sweat dripped between her breasts.
The cool breeze played across her
Four out of five
leaf blower related homicides
are committed by
audiobook narrators.
If a leaf blower is murdered
in your neighborhood
please report any known
audiobook narrators
to your local police.
The cool breeze played across her
Hey, Richard.
Hey.
I wanted to make sure you got my email.
Oh, no.
I've been recording all morning.
Layla just emailed,
said there's a rewrite
coming to the end of the book.
I wanted to make sure you hadn't
gotten to those chapters.
Uh
I'm only on
chapter three.
Three?
Well, I got a little behind
but
I've got my week clear
to get it done.
Well
check your email.
Will do.
And thanks so much for
getting me this book.
The cool breeze played across
Damn it.
Hey, Carly, what's up?
I got a ton to record.
Okay, just super quick.
Is this headshot too young?
You're kidding, right?
Okay. Uh...
I've been playing around with Photoshop.
What do you think?
Did I go too far?
No, I don't think you went far enough.
How about a halo?
Maybe some puppy ears?
How about some sparkles?
Rude.
Look, I gotta go.
I'm way behind on this book
and I got this new neighbor moving in.
I gotta go.
Oh, okay.
Drinks this weekend?
Yes.
Bye.
Okay, great.
The cool breeze played
It's so quiet here.
Ah!
I love it.
Muh-mah.
Muh-MAH!
Muh-mah, muh-mah, muh muh-muh-muh mah.
Guh gaw.
Guh GAW!
Guh-gaw, guh-gaw, guh guh-guh-guh-gaw.
Puh paw.
Puh PAW!
Puh-paw, puh-paw, puh puh-puh-puh-paw.
In the audiobook production system
listeners will often leave reviews
on the narrator's performance.
These reviews can affect
the sales of the book
and also
whether the narrator is hired again.
Jaw, you're sounding really good.
Thanks, Patty.
I really feel the difference
in my head tones.
Anything else you want to work on?
We have 10 more minutes.
Well, actually, there was.
So...
I was looking over my
reviews the other day
You know better than to read reviews.
I know. Normally, I wouldn’t even care
but this one, it really--
I don't know, I kind of pride myself
when it comes to the steamy parts.
It's your bread and butter.
Well, thank you.
But this reviewer said...
well here, let me just read it to you.
The narration of the sex scenes ruined the book.
Apparently, the narrator's take on seduction
is like a grandma bribing children with cookies.
And when she got to the orgasm
she might as well have been reading a shopping list
Would give it zero stars if I could.
A grandma bribing children?
They’re obviously a troll.
Do you think we could
work on
Well, could we work on my...
Well, specifically my...
um...
Your “O” sounds?
Yeah.
Maybe I need some new tricks.
Of course.
Well
for me
the orgasm is all about
varying the vowels.
Huh.
Everyone always wants to go
straight for the “O.”
The...
"ooooooooh."
But
that leaves four
perfectly good sounds
off the table.
Let's start with
“A.”
"A."
Deeper.
From your ovaries.
"A."
Better.
Now “E”
in repetition.
E, E, E, E.
I, I, I!
Okay, good.
And finally
the most deadly tool
in your erotic arsenal
"U"
It is
the pièce de résistance.
Really?
"Uuuuu…"
Now, all together.
Almost there, Jaw. Almost there.
Do the last one again!
Like that, Patty? Am I getting it?
Uuuuuuuu
Keep going. Almost there.
How is it?
So good!
Yes!
And
you can play with
tempo, pitch, volume
with every vowel.
You don't think it's a bit much?
Jasalyn
your listeners
want
a bit much.
Fair enough.
I'll try it tonight,
Thanks so much, Patty.
O god.
E god.
I god.
Yes
Again?
She felt his
majestic magnetic cock
pulsing
ripping her orgasm out of her.
Oh, Jake.
Oh
Jake.
Ooooh Jake.
Jake?
What happened to Patty?
Oh!
A!
E!
I!
O!
U!
Ooh, sorry, Jake
but that is not
a real orgasm.
In the world of romance audiobooks
Nailed it.
everyone's a critic.
Chapter Four.
Jake pulled up to the yard.
He noticed Tilly showering,
the bathroom window open
letting out the steam.
He took a moment to
sit on his motorcycle and watch her.
He longed to be with her
feel the touch of her skin.
His body ached deep inside
and he cherished this private moment
where he could see her
completely unaware.
Under his breath, he whispered,
“Good god, I love that woman.”
His heart pounding out of his chest,
he leaped from his motorcycle
and bounded up the front porch steps.
She heard his feet climbing up the stairs
two at a time.
She turned the water off
and then she clutched
her towel at her breast.
Jake was in the door
faster than she could even
get the towel over her body.
“I hope you're not planning on drying off,"
he said gruffly,
"cuz I'm about to make you wet.”
"Jake! I thought you were coming on Friday."
"Plans change.
Now, speaking of coming..."
Ah...
Hey, Richard.
It’s Jasalyn.
It's Jasalyn.
Hey, I got your email.
Hey, Richard,
can I call you Dick?
Oh my gosh, I'd love to talk shop.
Oh, I’d love to go out for a drink.
Talk shop.
I’d love to go on a date with you.
Talk romance?
Since we are playing love interests,
and we read complementing sex scenes...
"Complementing sex scenes."
Complementing sex scenes.
I am a human.
Take me out to dinner.
I like to drink.
Hey, Richard.
Hey.
I got your email.
Hey.
Ooh, red.
We could...
...have a drink.
Talk romance.
♪ I don't want to be a loser ♪
♪ Just another good girl ♪
♪ you use to get anything you want ♪
♪ Trick my heart but I know better ♪
♪ than to be maneuvered ♪
♪ and let you ditch me when you're done ♪
Hey, Richard.
Hi.
Hey, Richard.
It's Jasalyn.
You can call me Jaw.
I do not have a jaw at that angle.
Oh, that's good. Yeah.
Tonight!
Things are heating up in the villa,
when new lads are introduced to the mix
and nobody can find their clothes!
Richard, hi.
Hi. You called me?
Yeah, I did.
What’s up?
I got your email and...
And I was wondering...
Oh no.
Are you missing a tooth?
What?
Oh.
I was just...
...eating some chocolate.
Oh, man.
Thought you were gonna say you can't record
because you lost a bridge or something.
No, I have all my teeth.
I was just eating
some cake.
So...
what’s up?
Well...
I got your email
Yeah...?
And I was
wondering
Yes?
I was wondering
Um...
how you were pronouncing
the main guy's name.
Jake?
Yeah, Jake.
How else would you say it?
Uh...
Jock?
So Jake?
Jake.
Cool. That's how I was doing it.
And thanks so much
for getting me this book.
I’m a huge romance fan.
You might say
romance is kind of my thing.
Oh.
Cool.
Well.
I gotta go.
Okay. bye.
"Romance is kind of my thing?"
Romance is kind of my thing.
I'm just real romantic.
Queen Romance.
With chocolate all over my teeth.
What the fuck is that sound?
Hello.
No one is available to take your call.
Hey, Mr. Patino.
It's Jasalyn in Apartment 205.
I'm calling because there's this
weird motor sound
that I'm hearing like all night.
I think it's coming from the new guy
that just moved in,
So...
I'm wondering if you could
talk to him or
figure out what's going on.
Uh, thanks.
Bye.
"How dare you?"
Katia slapped Tilly across the face.
Jake grabbed her,
her shoulders now exposed.
With his firm grip on her waist,
Jake pushed her out of the room
and shut the door.
"Calm down."
"She is on my last nerve."
"I know.
Take a deep breath
and let's see if we can't
do something to settle those nerves."
His calloused hands slid up
His calloused hands slid
His calloused hand
Jasalyn is not the type to confront.
She hates confrontation.
She thinks maybe she can wait
for the music to stop.
No.
It's time to face the music.
Guess I gotta put on a bra...
Ah, fuck it.
Hi.
I am your downstairs neighbor.
Oh.
I'm Larry, it's
nice to meet you.
Jasalyn. So...
I work from home.
Must be nice to work in your robe.
Yeah, not having to get dressed
is an added perk.
You know, I uh...
I think I heard you working
when I was moving in.
Oh.
I didn't realize I could be heard up here.
Well
the apartment was completely empty
so I think sound carries more.
and it was really only during the
Oh, yes!
Oh!
Peak moments.
I do really get into the role playing of it all.
Jasalyn is unaware that Larry believes
she is a prostitute.
Which is actually why I'm here.
I had to stop because
I could hear you playing an instrument.
Oh, my ukulele.
Yeah, you were playing
right above where I work.
Oh, well, uh...
Why don't you show me
where you're working
and then I can make sure I'm
you know, I’m
not there.
Oh!
Yeah, that'd be great.
[closet door sliding[
In the closet? Really?
Yeah.
A lot of people do it in the closet.
It's kind of an industry standard now.
Oh, I didn't realize.
Yeah, I wouldn't think you would.
So do you do it like...
every day?
Yeah, pretty much.
I mean, there's always dry spells,
but for the most part, every day.
Wow.
I hope it's good money.
It depends on the rate.
And the book.
You mean how long they book you for?
Kind of.
I mean, there's
usually a general schedule but
it takes as long as it takes, you know?
I'm paid by the hour, so
I try to go as slow, you know.
really
milk it out.
Oh.
But when it's a really long one
my throat gets really sore
and I have to take breaks.
Oh.
That's
brave of you to share.
Well, it's like that
with every profession, right?
Gotta take breaks.
Uh, yeah, I uh...
I take breaks too.
Is that an air mattress?
Yeah.
I've tried all kinds of beds
and this keeps me the coolest.
Also
it's super easy to clean off.
You just
take it outside and hose it off.
You might find that useful.
Why?
Um.
Hygiene?
Oh.
And yeah
people complain about
them losing air?
But I just leave
the motor running all night.
Allll niiiiight
And what’s great is
I don’t need a white noise machine
because you're hearing the motor.
I can't hear a thing.
You could be screaming in your apartment
and I wouldn't hear anything.
Yeah, it's
pretty loud.
You know, before I started
using this air mattress strategy
I had a really bad sleep disorder.
But this has cured it.
Cured it completely.
Overnight.
I was on a CPAP machine,
I was taking blood thinners,
I was doing blood thickeners.
Nothing worked
except this air mattress.
It's the best.
Well...
You got the gist of where I work
and
where I need it quiet.
Yes.
Yes, and thank you for being direct.
I really appreciate it.
Yeah.
Of course.
I like keeping it real.
Totally.
Hold on.
Uh...
Mr. Patino, hi.
Oh, really?
Someone complained
about a motor noise
coming from my apartment.
Okay.
Thanks for letting me know.
Well
I should get back to work.
His calloused hands
slid up to her shoulders.
Her heart was pounding.
She breathed in slow
Hey.
you're still playing your music
right above me.
Well.
As long as it's not my air mattress,
I don't see what the problem is.
What?
I know it was you.
You don't know it was me.
That motor is really loud.
I'm sure everybody hears it.
And by "everyone"
you mean your client.
Listen
I cannot be delayed anymore.
Can you please play your music
in the other room please?
Why don't you do your work
in the other room?
I can't.
Right. Sure.
Larry, do you have any idea
how sensitive my mic is?
It picks up everything.
Your mic?
For the recording.
You're recording?
Yeah!
I thought you were...
You know, doing it live.
What?
No.
How would that even work?
Well... I don't know.
Larry is now under the assumption
that Jasalyn is what is known as
a "camgirl."
a video performer
who does erotic acts online
such as stripping,
masturbation,
or provocative gyrating
in exchange for money.
So you’re alone down there?
Of course I'm alone.
Don't you know anything?
Well, not about that.
I’ve never bought one.
Well, you should be grateful
you don't have to.
Nobody has to.
Uh...
what about people with disabilities, Larry?
Blind people.
You ever think about that?
No.
Well, think about that, Larry.
The next time you want to interrupt my work
think about all those blind people.
You're not hurting me, Larry.
You're hurting them.
Fine
I'll play my ukulele in the other room.
Thank you.
Thank you on behalf of all those in need.
Jesus, give a girl a webcam and
and she thinks she's Mother Theresa
“You're not hurting me, Larry”
"you're hurting them."
Yeah.
That was a good one.
You put him in his place.
Wait, a webcam girl for the blind?
In the audiobook production system
there are two types of narrators.
and those that sometimes venture out Those that are strictly behind a mic
and those that sometimes venture out
and get in front of the camera.
These are their stories.
Hey!
Hi.
I like your setup.
Thank you so much for helping me.
I haven't done a self tape audition in forever.
I'm really nervous.
You're reading General Knox
who I think is George Clooney?
They haven't announced it officially yet
but that seems to be the part that he would play.
Oh my God, that's so exciting.
Do you want to just jump in?
Should I point once I hit record?
Yeah, just give me a “one, two,” and point.
Like, "one, two, three, action!"
Yeah, but don't say the three, or action.
Oh.
Just say “one, two,” point.
Like one, two
point.
Don't say “point.”
Obviously.
And let me know when you hit record.
All right. Hitting record.
No, say “rolling.”
Rolling?
When you hit record.
Well
say rolling and then
hit record.
Should I stop it?
Yes.
Rolling
One
Oh
but don't hit the button
and then say “one,”
hit the button on “two.”
So say “rolling, one,”
...hit record as you say “two,”
and then point.
Oh, okay.
Rolling...
one...
two...
Hi.
I am Carly Sloan
and I am reading
I'm going to try that again.
Okay.
Rolling. One, two.
Hi.
I am Carly Sloan
and I am reading for scientist
number three
When will we know
if the treatment is usable?
Are you gonna do it like that?
Yeah, that's like
one of my best guy voices.
Uh-huh.
Maybe just take it down a notch.
Like smaller?
Much smaller.
I can do that.
Okay.
Rolling. One, two...
Hi. I'm Carly Sloan,
and I am reading
for Scientist Number 3.
When will we know
if the treatment is usable?
Dr. Erickson reported
the dodecahedron
Should I wear my glasses, do you think?
Oh, ‘cause she's a scientist.
Yeah.
Definitely. Yeah.
Great idea.
Go for it.
Okay. Rolling. One, two...
Hi. I'm Carly Sloan
Wait, cut.
Why don't you
put the glasses on
after the intro
so it's like
"Hi, Carly Sloan."
"How you doing?"
and then boom.
Serious Mrs. Science Woman.
Ooh, I like that.
Yeah?
Yeah, that's good. Okay.
Rolling. One, two.
Hi. I’m Carly Sloan
and I am reading
for Scientist Number 3.
When will we know
if the treatment is usable?
Dr. Erickson reported
that the dodecahedron
mass collider trials
led to unexpected
geometric sequencing.
So we don't know.
Great.
I think I can do better.
Okay.
Rolling. One, two.
Hi. I'm Carly Sloan
and I am reading
for Scientist Number 3.
When will we know
if the treatment is usable?
Dr. Erickson reported
the dodecahedron
mass collider trials
led to unexpected geometric sequencing.
So we don't show.
Oh, shit.
It's okay.
We don't "know."
One more time.
I'm Carly Sloan--
Wait... I gotta count you in.
Ah, right.
Rolling. One, two.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello. I'm Carly Sloan.
I'm Carly Sloan.
I'm Carly Sloan, and I am auditioning
and I am reading
and I am auditioning for Scientist 3.
dodecahedron mass collider trials
led to unexpected geometric sequencing.
geometric sequencing.
led to unexpected geometric sequencing.
unexpected geometric sequencing.
So we... don't know.
So we don't know.
And cut!
That was great!
Yeah?
Yeah, that was definitely the one.
Here, let me show you.
Oh, shoot.
What?
I didn't hit record.
In the audiobook production system,
there are two equally valid approaches to narrating.
Those that sit
and those that stand
Her breasts heaved with excitement.
Hey, Mom.
Happy birthday, honey.
Thanks.
Guess what I got you?
What?
A hemorrhoid pillow!
But I don't have hemorrhoids.
Yeah, but you sit all day.
No, I stand actually.
Well, I got it for you.
It should arrive today.
There's a little note for you too.
Thanks?
I gotta go.
I got so much to record.
Well...
Call me this weekend.
Okay. Bye.
Larry is thinking about his neighbor, Jasalyn.
He would like a second chance to make a first impression.
What's this?
A package with Jasalyn’s name.
Should he deliver it?
He would like to be a gentleman
but he would also like to have dinner.
Today, he's going to be a gentleman.
Today, this is his story.
The espresso machine sputtered
and burbled
and shot its milky
The espresso machine sputtered
and burbled
and shot its
The espresso machine sputtered
and burbled
and shot its milky load.
Hi.
I know we kind of got on the wrong foot
and so I thought I should give you my number
in case you're working and
you need me to be quiet.
Oh, that would be nice. Thanks.
Here's my card.
And just to show you I'm a gentleman,
I saw you had this package downstairs
so I brought it up.
That's not mine.
It has your name on it.
Must be -
Oh, but there's a birthday card.
Happy birthday Jaw
this will keep your lady parts safe
Love, Mom.
There is a hemorrhoid cream too.
You can use that with the pillow.
Should I take it back downstairs?
No, I'll take it.
And you know what?
if you really want to do something nice for me
how about turning off your air mattress
instead of bringing me my fucking mail?
I knew it was you that called Mr. Patino.
I knew it was you that mwah, mwah, mwah.
If I don’t have the motor running, I have--
If I don't have the motor running
I have to listen to you masturbate all night.
What?
Who masturbates all night?
"Ee Jake, ah god, oh yes."
Larry!
I was recording an audiobook.
What?
I'm an audiobook narrator.
What did you think?
Well, I thought you were like a
You know, like a webcam girl.
A webcam girl?
Do I look like a webcam girl?
Don't answer that.
I don't know what that would look like.
Oh, sure you don't.
You were making a lot of
interesting sounds
for an audiobook.
I record romance novels.
And then your mom's note is
talking about your lady parts.
Jesus Christ.
She's always trying to embarrass me.
Well, how was I to know?
You are a ridiculous person
and you sleep on an air mattress.
I have a sleep disorder
Great
now the whole
apartment complex does too.
It’s not that loud.
You're a pain in the ass.
Well.
it's a good thing I brought up that hemorrhoid pillow.
Jake grabbed her thick neck
and finally had his way with her.
She had resisted for so long
but he could feel her courage and desire.
So with a firm fist
he thrust his reins back
and the horse jumped over the first gate.
She flew higher than any thoroughbred
he had ever worked with.
The town cheered.
Katia and Tilly exchanged a look.
Their threesome would never be the same.
In the romance audiobook production system
there are two kinds of narrators.
Those that do character voices
and those that do not
do character voices.
These are their stories.
Hey Lady, you on your way?
Yep, I'm just taking
the last curler out.
Sweet.
I got a table in the back by the fire.
Hold on, I've got a --
Jasalyn?
Ah, shit.
Hello?
Hellooooo?
Hey, Carly.
Sorry about that. I --
Hold on.
Richard.
Jasalyn?
Wow.
You actually look nice.
Thanks, I was just going out.
What's up?
Good news!
Layla just emailed.
She wants to book us
for the rest of the series.
Yay!
Double Yay.
Two more books,
Maybe three.
She's not sure if it's a trilogy
or a four-ogy.
Four-ogy?
Quartet.
Whatever.
Well, I gotta say
I really loved your narration.
I know.
But...
you don't have to listen to my chapters.
I'm doing the proofing.
I know, I was listening
just in case you were
doing any character voices.
Yeah, I don't really do character voices.
They all pretty much sound like this.
Sexy.
Women are gonna swoon.
Oh man.
They'll do more than swoon
if you've read my reviews.
I'm so in love with this narrator
Richard has a voice that was meant for sex
Be forewarned, you might lose some panties over his voice.
Stock up now, ladies!
I was signing autographs once
at a romance convention
and you should've heard
what these women were saying.
None of them were my type.
Not anyone's type really.
Like...
eating bonbons in the basement
swipe left all day type.
But...
at least I can give them
This.
So, you don't do voices?
When you have
"this"
you don't need to do voices.
Wait, do you do character voices?
Oh, yeah, but I like doing voices.
I have a Marilyn voice.
"Happy birthday Mr. President."
And I have an old lady voice,
"Well, hello there honey."
But if it's like a refined old lady
then I usually do
"Blanche from The Golden Girls."
Can you do a bunch of accents?
Yeah.
"I'll meet you around"
"the Blarney Stone for a pint."
"I think you bloody will"
"cuz I got good banter!"
"I'll gladly lift the iron curtain"
"if you drop the iron panties."
I actually had to read that in a book once.
One accent I can do really well
is a fat accent.
What?
I do a really good fat accent.
A what accent?
A fat
accent.
That's not an accent.
Oh, it's a bunch.
You've got your lippy fat accent.
"Bring me a bowl of buttered noodles."
You've got your jowly fat accent.
"I am not a crook."
You've got your droopy dog fat accent.
"You know what?"
"I'm happy."
And if all else fails
you got Chubs.
Chubs?
Yeah, from grade school.
My name is Chubs.
My Mom calls me Chubs.
My Dad calls me Chubs.
Even my dog calls me Chubs.
Chubs can you smile?
Sure, see?
Wow, that was like my whole childhood.
Yeah.
I figured you were a fat kid.
It went in waves.
Anyway.
I'm gonna need you to get
the rest of those chapters
to me by tomorrow morning
Tomorrow?
Layla wants to meet the holiday deadline.
Oh.
Uh...
Yeah, I can do that.
Cool.
And can we set up the contract
the same way?
Where I do the proofing?
Sure.
I get a little extra money.
You do a little extra work.
Well, it's a lot of work, actually.
Proofing.
Oh, yeah. No, I know.
Okay, cool.
Well shoot me those chapters
when they're done
and I'll send you
the script for the next book.
Oh, and let me know
if you need any help with fat accents
because you always wanna be
body positive.
Especially for the women
that are listening to these books.
Tomorrow?
Oh shit.
Uh...
Carly?
FaceTime.
What?
Hi.
What the fuck was that?
I know!
Things got kind of flirty, right?
Um...
I was definitely picking up on a vibe.
Do you think I should ask him out?
No.
He's never seen me dolled up like this.
Well good thing,
because that guy's a shallow prick.
He was just joking.
Yeah, real funny.
He just got caught up in me
doing the accents and voices.
You don't get it because
you don't really do voices.
I do voices.
You narrate nonfiction.
Fuck you.
I don't think Richard's a bad guy.
I like him, and...
you know we do sound good together.
You deserve so much better.
He's the kind of guy
who ranks women.
Yeah I know...
I don't know. I just want someone.
Like, where's the guy that'll look at me
flaws and all
and I could be completely naked
and vulnerable
and he tells me I'm beautiful
and makes me really believe it.
Well, Richard is not that guy.
But
we might be able to
find you someone tonight.
Carly, I can't come out.
What?
Didn't you hear him?
I have to finish this book tonight.
Fine, finish the book
after you come out with me.
Sorry.
Rain check?
You're the worst.
And you're bending over backwards
for this douche bag.
Or should I say...
douchebag.
Hey, you can do voices.
[hopeful music[
In the empanada production system
there are two types of ovens.
Those that work
and those that are broken.
Hi.
This is gonna sound really weird
Weird like
thinking I'm a webcam girl weird?
Or weird like
sleeping on an air mattress
with the motor running weird?
I need to use your oven.
No.
Please it's my grandma's
No.
You can't be in my kitchen.
Call Mr. Patino.
I did call him,
I did
Larry, I have a deadline.
I can't.
Please I just need the oven
I have to finish book
tonight
This'll take like 20 minutes.
Tops.
Is there any dairy in those?
No, just eggs.
Fine.
If you share some we have a deal.
How many?
I don't know, three?
Two.
Fine, two.
But you have to be quiet.
I'll be as quiet as a church mouse.
In the audiobook production system
there are those that punch and roll
and those that use a dog clicker
to show their recording mistakes.
Jasalyn is editing all her dog clicks.
She does not trust Barry...
She does not trust
'Larry' to be quiet.
If only a dog clicker
could be used in everyday life
or at least
on Larry.
Larry. What are you doing?
Are you kidding me
with how messy this kitchen is?
I was gonna clean this weekend.
How do you even eat in here?
Look buddy, you could wait for Mr. Patino.
No, I can't wait.
Then you're gonna have to deal with my messy kitchen.
No, I'm gonna clean this up.
No, you're not.
You're gonna put these pies in the oven
and get out of here.
This will take like 15 minutes.
You'd know that
if you cleaned from time to time.
Please, stop cleaning.
Just go do your recording.
I can't with you making noises.
That's not where that goes.
Under the sink.
Just...
Please move.
Oh, so you do know how to clean?
And why didn't you knock
on anybody else's door?
Well, I didn't want to deprive you
of seeing how good I am
with a scrubby.
How'd you learn how to make these?
My mom.
Old family recipe
They are beautiful.
Wait until you taste them.
So you really thought I was a webcam girl?
Well, no.
first I thought you were a prostitute.
Well, when I heard the...
what I now know was a
dramatic reading of erotic fiction
but at the time I...
you know.
Girl's gotta make a living.
So they sounded real?
The orgasms?
Oh, um...
A, E, I, O, U -
Yeah.
Why so dressed up?
I thought you got to
work in your pajamas.
I was supposed to go out
to celebrate my birthday
but my book deadline got moved up.
So...
Here we are.
Oh, well you...
You look nice.
Happy birthday, by the way.
Sorry about the deadline.
It's fine.
Well, thanks again.
You're a life saver.
My grandma's turning 90 and I
promised her I'd make these.
They're her favorite.
Well, we don't want another
birthday girl disappointed.
Let's get those empanadas in the oven and
I'll get back to recording.
Okay, I'll show myself out.
Make sure you're quiet
when you're coming and going.
Will do.
And don't use the alarm.
It's super loud.
Got it.
Jake pulled me close to him
and there was a moment I thought he might get angry.
But then
he smiled.
I could feel butterflies in my stomach at the thought of winning Jake's heart.
I stared at myself in the mirror making sure that this was not a dream.
The image looking back at me was striking.
I looked like a princess
and I enjoyed the feeling of being desired.
My mind went to Jake.
His face at seeing me enter this evening.
With a wolfish gaze
and a sheepish smile he said,
"Darling, how do you clean up."
"I have to admit that dress is much better in blue."
"Imagery is what fuels the imagination.
and imagination, my dear,
is best expressed
in the bedroom."
"I would have loved to wear a low-cut dress tonight...
...but unfortunately the bite marks and bruises could not be shown."
"Bite marks?"
"Oh, you don't know?
Jake may be all decorum in court
but in the bedroom he follows no rules."
Katia felt the corset loosening.
She gasped.
Larry!
No, no no!
Oh, my grandma's going to kill me!
Hey, you um...
You want an empanada?
You can have more than two.
You can have as many as you want.
They're a little crispy, but um...
they're still good.
All right.
This is...
...spicy!
Yeah.
Yeah, Grandma likes 'em spicy.
Spice is really good for your throat.
That'll be helpful for narrating.
Real helpful.
You know what's not good for narrating?
What?
A fire alarm.
Oh.
Yeah, sorry about that.
This has been "Hung like a Horse."
The Jake Morgan series.
written by Layla James
and narrated by Richard Benson
and Jasalyn Frank.
Hey Richard, here is the last file.
This book was a lot of fun.
Thank you so much for doing
the final proofing.
Looking forward to starting the next one
Thanks,
Jasalyn.
I love working with you.
Warmly,
Jasalyn
Thanks.
It's great working with you.
a
Hey handsome.
Hopefully the author thinks we kept it sexy.
Yours, Jasalyn.
Hey, Richard.
Thanks.
Tossing and turning
I had felt haunted by regret.
and dreamt of a life with a woman
that was not meant for me.
Then suddenly
I was back in that row of horses.
There she was
holding her torn dress at the stall
staring at me with those doe eyes.
I walked over to her
lifting her chin
and began wiping her tears one by one.
I kissed her
and then looked at her.
Hi Richard,
I know this is weird
leaving a personal message on the recording.
I figured you would catch it in the proofing.
I just wanted to say that,
you're an amazing narrator
and I'm so glad we got to work together.
Hi Richard!
Did you get the file?
Yeah, uh...
I just got an email from Layla
saying that you left some
weird message at the end of the last chapter.
What?
Did you like,
record something extra?
Uh...
extra?
Well... didn't you listen to the file?
Well, I looked at the file but--
you know, you got it to me so late
I figured I could take a gamble
on the last chapter.
So you didn't proof it?
You just sent it to her?
You got it to me at 1 am.
So you had all morning.
Well, I looked at the wave files.
They looked fine.
Um.
Well.
What did you do?
Like, change the ending of her book?
Last night I was...
...really...
...tired.
And...
I know I recorded the whole chapter.
But...
I may have...
uh...
What did you do?
Well, when I recording
I'm expecting that you'll listen to it
so the author gets a finished product.
Yeah, but the last chapter?
I mean, who cares with this kind of writing?
It's such smut.
And you're usually a professional.
Well I thought
you were a professional too.
You didn't do your job.
You gotta fix the chapter
and send it to her with an apology.
So now I'm doing your work?
You want me to edit the last chapter
which you're getting paid to do.
Fine.
I'll fix it.
Uh...
No, no-no, wait, no.
Don't listen to it.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Thanks so much for calling.
Don't listen to it.
Definitely don't listen.
I'll fix it.
But for the record
aren't you getting paid extra
for doing the proofing?
So what
you want me to pay you?
Well if I'm doing your work.
You know what?
Never mind.
Wait!
Thanks for nothing.
Your voice is so...
I mean what can I say but sexy?
And sometimes?
I like to imagine us
reading together in the same booth.
Did I just say that out loud?
Anyway, wish we could record together.
Especially some of those hot sex scenes.
I gotta be honest.
I've been wanting to ask you out
ever since we started this series.
So...
here I am
taking a
big courageous step in
making that happen.
I hope you like women who are fierce
and up front.
Call me if you'd like to meet in person
and we could grab a drink
talk shop.
First round is on me.
Richard! You handsome devil.
Layla, you look wonderful!
Gosh.
How long has it been
since we've seen each other?
I think it was the romance convention.
It's all been emails.
Oh my, how the readers --
Richard doesn't proof the chapters.
Yes...
I got your email.
You emailed her about me?
Of course I emailed her.
You see, Layla?
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
She's totally unprofessional.
Yes, I got your email, too.
You emailed her about me?
So here we are.
Two men enter, one man leaves?
Is that how you want it?
Look, I am really sorry about the...
...the last chapter's message.
Apologies are nice
but unfortunately
they can't turn back the clock
and this whole little mix up
has caused quite a delay.
Well...
I don't feel comfortable
working with her.
Well, I don't trust you.
You don't do the proofing.
How did you want me to
to proof your ad-libs?
It wasn't an ad-lib
and I definitely regret it now.
Oh, really? You don't wanna...
record in the same
booth with me anymore?
I was drunk when I said that.
Wow a real professional.
I must've been drunk
when I offered you this book.
Well, you were definitely sober
when you said it
doesn't matter if you proof
when the writing is such
When the writing is such brilliance!
Yes!
You should be thanking me
for introducing you to
a writer of this caliber.
Yes.
Thank you so much
for getting me this book.
I am so grateful.
Just like how you described
all the women at the convention.
So grateful for an autograph.
Why don't I tell Layla
all the wonderful things you said
about our listeners?
What wonderful things?
Oh,
like how they're all
nasty bonbon eating
basement dwellers
who can't get dates.
I don't even know
what you're talking about.
He was making fun of the listeners.
I would never!
You are being so gross.
My friend heard you--
Oh, your friend?
In your closet?
Where you work by yourself all day?
Now I know you're crazy.
I am not crazy, you --
you gas lighter!
I will call her right now!
Okay!
We have gotten off track
and we don't have time for this.
I know.
All because of her delays.
Well the fact that we're even
having this zoom call
speaks to the fact that
you're both unprofessional.
I want this series completed
by the holidays.
I would love
to finish
and keep working with you.
I am ready to
replace her and move on.
Okay, the listeners want
consistent narrators, so
how can we make this work
between the two of you?
Well.
I think we should split the proofing.
and
I get paid for half
in addition to my narrating.
I am an "offer only" narrator
and you can't change my offer
mid-book.
If you have other offers
I understand.
I would like to move forward
with the next book
and I do want to keep
the narrators consistent.
It's fine.
We're almost done with this book.
We can keep the contract the same.
I'll proof my chapters.
But the next book
we are paid equally.
That seems more than fair.
Richard?
So it's settled.
Perfect!
I have a few recording
pickup notes
that I am sending right now.
Please try and finish them
ASAP as possible.
Are we still on for
next year's convention?
I'll have to think about that.
I wouldn't want to force you
to be around any bonbon eaters.
Oh, it's no big deal at all.
Bye Richard.
Listen, he is not worth another thought.
Trust me.
You open your heart like that
and this is how he treats you?
Yeah, it's...
pretty embarrassing
I think I'm brainwashed
from all these romance novels.
Hey.
I was tickled
that I got to hear your
little afterword to him.
I mean you can't write romance novels
and not be a complete romantic.
And I know
you'll get these pickups
right away
because I think
you've learned your lesson.
Yes, I have and I will.
I will get them done by tonight.
How about this afternoon?
Sure.
There's only a few.
I'll head right into the booth.
Perfect.
Let's say noon then?
Noon it is.
Pick ups for HUNG LIKE A HORSE:
Correction one.
Her moist lips quivered.
She was wetter than a snowman in Arizona.
Her breasts heaved with excitement.
The rhythm of his thrusts
took Katia over the edge.
Her thighs squeezed the leather.
Jake's pants became too tight.
The tea kettle spurted.
Eee, eee, eee!
A volcano erupted.
Like frosting from the tip.
Hah!
In the audiobook production system
there are two types of narrators
those that can get out of their booths
and those that cannot.
Oh god, I'm trapped.
Hello.
No one is available to take your call
Hi Mr. Patino,
This is Jasalyn.
and I am
stuck my closet.
And...
you're probably gonna get this message...
and I'll be dead.
The coroner will have already arrived,
'cuz you never pick up the phone.
So, bye!
Larry...
Larry!
God you're always there.
Larry!
It's Jasalyn!
Larry, I need you!
Larry!
God where could he be?
Wait, you're trapped in your closet?
How'd you get trapped in your closet?
I don't know!
The door won't open.
Can you come out here or not?
Oh man Jaw
I wish I could help you.
but I got called in
to read or that Clooney project.
That's amazing.
I know.
Fingers crossed it goes well.
Oh my gosh, break a leg!
Okay.
Call me this evening if you're still stuck.
Okay, will do.
Okay. Bye.
Oh, hello!
Hi, Patty--
You've reached the voicemail
of Patty Haddad
vocal coach.
For emergency dialect coaching
please listen to the following
Please listen to the
Are you kidding me?
For standard British,
please proceed
by pressing the
first button on your telephone receiver.
For that soft
sultry
Southern accent
Go on now and press two y'all.
What do I press
if I'm stuck in my closet, Patty?
Oh, you got a problem with your New York accent, huh?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
That'd be three.
Oh gosh.
Don't tell me you're having trouble
with a Midwest accent.
Oh boy.
I guess you better try four
The mailbox is full.
Oh, that mailbox is all full now
Oh, someone's gotta take out the trash.
This is full!
Oh gosh
This mailbox is full too.
Bye now.
Ugh!
Help!
What?
Hi Richard.
So...
funny story...
I'm gonna be a little delayed
with those
pickups.
Are you wearing a towel?
Yeah, I just
jumped into my booth
to do one last edit after my shower
the door got stuck or something.
I'm trapped.
But can you tell Layla it's coming?
Oh.
I'll tell Layla.
I'll tell her what a
solid professional you are.
No.
Just give me her number.
I'll call her.
Why don't you just FaceTime her?
She can see you recording naked.
It's perfect.
Fuck you.
No, you're fucked.
You don't have anyone that
can let you out of your closet.
Yeah, I do.
Uh-huh.
I got loads of people.
Uh-huh.
I'll figure it out.
Well,
you better figure it out soon.
Asshole!
♫ I don't want to be a loser ♫
♫ Trick my heart but I know better ♫
♫ Trick my heart but I know better ♫a
♫ than to be maneuvered ♫
♫ let you ditch me when you're done ♫
Oh Mom
I made such an ass of myself.
Ohhh
What happened, honey?
Oh God, it's such a long story.
It's okay, honey.
Oh!
My upstairs neighbor just got home.
He can get me out of here.
Someone finally moved in?
Is he nice?
No.
But I gotta go.
Love you, bye.
Jasalyn, hi.
Hey Larry, so
I'm having an emergency
and I called Mr. Patino
and of course no answer
So
I was wondering if you could help me.
Are you naked?
I'm in my recording booth
and the door won't open.
Huh.
Are you sure you're not a webcam girl?
Can you come down here?
There's a key under the mat.
Uh sure.
I'll be right down.
Larry I can hear the water running.
This is an emergency.
I need you right now!
I just got back from biking
and I smell.
Who cares?
Just come help me.
Okay, I'll be right down.
In the audiobook production system
there are two separate
but equally important groups.
those that are stuck in their booths
and those
that can rescue them.
Hello?
Oh Larry, I'm in here.
Where are you?
You know I'm in the closet.
Stop joking.
Where?
Larry this isn't funny.
Well, it's a little funny.
Come on, stop fucking around just
get me out of here.
Okay, there's a
looks like there's a
a rod
stuck in the track
Will you stop pushing the door?
Then open it.
I can't because you're pushing.
Stop pushing!
When I get out of here
Oh!
Here's your towel.
Thank you.
I um...
I didn't see anything.
If I did see anything, it was beautiful.
[hesitant music[
I'll just uh...
I'll just show myself out.
Okay.
Thanks.
Bye.
Jasalyn was stunned.
Could it be?
She felt a warmth in her belly.
A quicker in her thighs.
Her heart racing and sweat
dripping down between her breasts.
She had never in all her life
in all her most erotic fantasies
never had she imagined
she could ever feel as much passion
as she felt in this
I don't know how to read this stuff.
I know.
I make it look easy.
Uh, yes.
Yes, it is uh...
it is quite true what you've heard.
I am, uh
I am hung
like a horse.
Oh quit going on about your penis!
We all know you're only doing it
to forget about the fact
they took both your testicles.
Oh, but they took yours too.
Don't tell them that!
It is true, though.
They took them both.