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[man] Back the fuck up, get out of here.
-[car slams] -[man 2] Lock the door, lock the door, lock the door.
[man 3] What the hell are you fuckers doing on private property?
[gun cocks]
I don't take kindly to strangers,
especially those who don't respect a man's law.
He has a gun.
Thank you for the identification, Wyatt.
I know what a gun looks like.
Right over here, this lawn.
-That, that one? -[gun fires]
Oh my God! Oh my God!
-Get us outta Go, go, go, go! -I'm trying, I'm trying!
[gun cocks]
[funky music playing]
You're late, Wyatt.
Sorry. Who should I help first?
It's the principal of it.
Did you pay attention to my business fundamental seminars?
Not even a little bit.
Well, Cliff Notes,
show up on time and don't make a mess.
It's kinda hard to get around ever since I had to sell my bike, you know?
Maybe if I didn't have to walk everywhere, I don't know.
Maybe I wouldn't be so late.
Listen, for the last time, I'm not loaning you any more money.
Get off the bed, come on.
Things have just been a little tight.
Ever since my window cocking venture went belly up.
Window cocking? You really didn't see that coming?
You gotta take risks as an entrepreneur, you know this, Perry.
Get off the new Serapina Pearl.
I'm just looking out for you.
[Wyatt] You've got all that cash saved.
You need a plan in life. If I keep loaning you the money,
you'll never learn to be financially responsible.
Yeah, but I'm okay with that.
[bell rings]
Hello, Miss Duverday. How are you?
You're being a real dick, you know?
I mean, your best friend's in real trouble here.
What? What is that?
Miss Duverday.
No, behind her.
Honestly, this is a vibe.
A vibe? Yeah, the vibe is graffiti and vandalism.
It's art, that's what it is.
-Art? -This is hot stuff, man.
No, it needs to be gone by the end of the day.
I'll clean it off for three grand, how about that?
For three grand, you'll clean it off?
You work here, clean it off for free.
[scoffs]
May 5th, 2022, third case of destruction
in the last 28 days.
What was that for?
The record.
The record of what?
Just the record.
God, Jesus Christ.
How do you expect to do any business
with this pornography emblazoned on the store?
I'm deeply offended.
Flip phone.
I need to go down to the station and give Martin a piece of my mind.
This is just out of hand.
Going on Yelp.
All right, I'm leaving.
Get out of the street, Perry!
Are you sure?
This is the right place?
Hello?
Martin!
Oh, you're not Martin.
Martin.
-Denver. -Shit Stain.
Whatever it is, I don't care. Who are you?
Lieutenant Leila Forbes.
We spoke on the phone, sir.
I'm the lateral transfer from Columbus.
Right,, new girl.
-Gotta go. -Drug bust!
[cocks gun]
[grunting]
You really shouldn't be waving your gun around inside like a fool.
-Okay. -Denver, let's go.
-Might need a refresher on gun safety. -Maybe.
Martin. Can we talk about this graffiti situation?
-Denver said he would handle it. It's not being handled-- -Absolutely.
I guess the drug bust we've been planning for eight months is just gonna have to wait.
Am I coming?
Didn't you just hear?
There's a graffiti artists on the loose.
Welcome to Nice.
I thought it was Nice.
Nope, that's the French one.
Just like the colors and everything are just so beautiful.
You guys remember seeing any suspicious figures hanging around?
You mean other than this guy?
Ayee.
-I'm not-- -[loud bang]
[romantic music playing]
For fucking--Shit bag cock-sucking piece of shit!
-Son of a whore! -What's with him?
You ever been in love, Lieutenant?
Fuck!
Apparently not.
[Wyatt] Been going on for years.
-Hey! -I'm good. I'm aware, yep
Looks like Lynette could use some help.
So.
How're uh, things going with-
Denver?
Dumped his ass. He's a dick.
Deputy douchebag.
Gotta shed that toxic energy, you know?
I know what you mean.
I take a ton of vitamin C.
-How's it going with that tire? -Almost done.
Just a little more of this.
So if you had to take three albums, not songs,
albums to a deserted island, which albums would they be?
How about I call a tow truck?
You know, he's a dick, but Denver's pretty good with flats. I could--
No, Denver's not good with flats. I'm great with flats. Don't worry.
Honestly, between you and me, I'd probably go with 808s and Heartbreak.
-It's not a big deal. I could get him here. -You're panicking.
The new Kanye, it's-
Too many antics.
Look, I really appreciate this, Perry.
But I look pretty good today, so I'm just gonna call him.
No, don't call him. Don't worry, I got it.
Why am I even on a deserted island, though?
Almost.
It's not like I had money to travel with.
Oh my fucking God.
There.
[sighs]
-Nice. -See?
-Yeah. -Done.
[creaking]
Uh-oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on, Perry.
Ladies and gentlemen, Perry Phillips.
All right.
[Martin] They should be coming from the--
From the South?
Oh, now I'm in Arizona.
[automated voice] Did you say Arizona?
No, I didn't say Arizona.
[automated voice] Routing to Arizona.
Oh, no, don't route me anywhere, you piece of shit. Why is it doing this?
You've got it hooked up to Bluetooth, sir.
Fuck Bluetooth.
Default setting.
Ooh, ooh, there, there.
Banking west. Nose down.
Drive, drive.
Woo!
Sheriff Martin Mills, all precincts,
be advised that the drop is happening
in the open lot near Harbor Lane.
[man] Yeah, this is Cal from Lakeport.
This another Zane roll out?
10-4, we got a good tip.
[man 2] Yeah, this is Tylers, over at Harbin Springs.
Johnson over here is known to have a good tip too.[chuckles]
All right, well, fuck you guys.
-Sheriff. -It's all right, just drive.
No, no, no, Sheriff. It's not landed.
[Martin] Fuck!
Ten years chasing this fucking guy.
What am I missing?
There's two types of people in this world.
The do-ers,
and the watchers.
And the fuckers like us who take their shit
while they're doing and watching.
Genius boss, absolute genius.
Your brother's a genius.
Can you just land this thing.
You know, it takes a little more finesse than that.
[drone buzzing]
Oh, shit.
Bre-Brenda.
Uh-huh.
Take it, take it.
[water splash]
Someone, please tell me that wasn't my 20 grand
worth of oxy that just splashed down the fucking lake.
Uh...
okay. Uh.
We might not have much to talk about otherwise.
Oh, shit.
Hey, boss.
Someone's going in that lake to get my pills.
Oh, what the fuck?
[water splashing]
Oh shit.
Didn't think you'd float.
-Really, the coupons? -Not like they've gotten used.
Yeah, but they're not even soaking anything up.
You're just moving moisture around everywhere. It's like--
I think that says more about quality of the coupons you got than my strategy.
Does it?
Yeah, I think so.
Hey, boys.
Hey, could you help my brother get something from my car for me?
Why can't he do it?
Go.
Okay.
So sorry, he's still in training.
Happy to see your cars all fixed and stuff.
Oh no, it's all good. It was nothing.
I, um, I was actually hoping that I could, uh,
return that guy.
[Perry] Wyatt, yeah.
Wish I had a receipt for him too.
[laughing] That's funny.
Hey, Ryker, good to see you. How's school been?
You can't return a used mattress.
It has stains all over it.
Yeah, there's actually more back there.
Yeah, I don't know if I can really give you a refund
for that, cause it's like used.
Yeah, I'm actually moving.
I don't really want to deal with lugging
that big thing around.
I could really use the cash too.
Hey, what the fuck is this?
We don't even sell these.
-You're moving? -Yeah.
Just gave my two weeks notice at the restaurant.
It's been hard here, you know?
Now after Denver and Ryker leaving for school next year,
there's just nothing really keeping me here.
And I just want something,
I don't know, just something, I guess.
You know, I gotta be able to go where the current's flowing,
and it ain't flowing through Nice, California,
I could tell you that much.
That's a nice spiel. Perry, you're not actually
considering taking this, are you?
Yeah, I'm not taking this shit back to the truck.
Where are you gonna go?
Just gotta go south, San Diego.
Oh shit.
San Diego.
San Diego?
Greener grass, so I've heard.
Lynette, let's go. Let's get outta here.
Yeah, I'll be right there, one sec, Ryke.
[Wyatt] You wanna count that or?
You are the best, Perry, thank you.
Oh hey, we're having a little going away party
at the Leaky-Tiki tonight.
You guys should come by.
Hey buddy, thank you.
That nightstand has three legs.
Bye, Perry!
Yeah, I'll get that, don't worry.
[Lynette] I'm actually moving.
[new wave music playing]
There's just nothing really keeping me here.
[Wyatt] You're out of time, Per. Now or never.
Go!
That's my best friend, dude.
Right there, that's my best friend.
Alright, fuck you guys, man.
I don't see your best friends hugging chicks.
Dude, that's my guy!
Hey, you're doing it again.
[laughing]
Woo-hoo!
You know me, Wyatt. I've always had a master plan.
Saving up money to buy the store.
Get a little house on the lake with Lynette.
Little Scottish terrier named Alfie.
Takenis on HBO.
Oh, really?
[man] How many people are there? Be precise.
Oh my God.
What a great movie.
Assuming asking her on a date, is just out of the question?
It's just not urgent enough.
-I need something big, like-- -Like what?
Still an ideation phase.
What's after the ideation phase?
Refine then prototype.
You don't listen to any of my seminars, do you?
Not even a little bit.
[beeping]
Oh, shit.
The power too, must be the whole street.
Oh, just me, cool.
See Liam Neeson, like dude, saving his daughter.
What a hero.
That's what I need to be like.
Be on some Liam Neeson shit and save her cat or something.
Knight in shining armor.
[man] But if you don't.
I think I got an idea.
[man] And I will kill you.
[growling]
Good luck.
Oh, Perry, hey.
So listen, the plan, here's what I'm--
-What are you doing? -Oh, I just--
I felt like it should reach it's full potential
before I scrape the whole thing down.
Full potential, you're just making it worse.
Well, sometimes things gotta get worse
before they can get better, that's what they say.
No, that's cancer, not graffiti.
Please put the paint down.
Listen, the plan.
People love heroes, right?
I'm lost.
Lynette, you said it yourself,
you gotta like save her cat from a tree or something like that.
But, what does Lynette love
more than anything else in the world?
Her brother,
Ryker.
[Perry] Visualization, nice.
You need to save her little brother.
You save him,
you're a hero.
You keep saying save, but he doesn't need saving, so.
You manifest what you want in this world.
Isn't that one of your dumb, stupid sayings?
Close, you manifest your destiny through your energy.
Hold on, shut up.
You kidnap him.
-Just like, just temporary. -What?
Okay, and then you save him,
Liam Neeson-style, motherfucker.
Yo, you're actually crazy, you're insane.
Why would I ever listen to you?
You're trying to take me to jail
for kidnapping some 17 year old kid?
Do you want the girl or not?
I want the woman.
But yes, semantics.
But we live in a society with rules.
We're not orangutans.
You got any better ideas?
No.
Perr.
He'll be in on it.
So let me get this straight.
Someone's gonna kidnap me,
lock me up somewhere to keep me hidden,
then this dildo's gonna come save me
and fuck my sister.
Approximately, yes.
Why do we have to be so crass about it?
Look, we'll make it worth your while.
Is this a Beauty Rest 600?
Not now, please. I mean, the cooling technology on this thing
is pedestrian at best.
The pocketed coil count is just disrespectful.
The Serta Copenhagen Collection--
Dude, fucking stop.
You'll get used to it.
What's in it for me?
I am willing to offer you fifty
dollars.
Hard cash.
And the knowledge
that you helped true love find its course.
No, I want your fucking car.
My Rabbit?
Yeah, your fucking car, dude.
No, no fucking, no chance.
Let me handle this, let me handle this.
I'll talk to him, I'll talk to him
That can be arranged.
Wait, no, no, no. It cannot be arranged.
Listen, I don't have a lot to offer you,
but I promise I'll treat your sister right.
Listen, dude, I don't give a fuck how you treat my sister.
Whoa.
It's the car, or no deal.
Fine.
We'll do a timeshare, 60-40 split, no smoking in the vehicle.
-Deal? -Done.
Okay, well, looks like my work here is done.
You two have a great time, all right?
Whoa, what do you mean, you two?
No, no, us three.
Dude, I can't do this without you.
I really can't, I'm on parole.
What, you've never been in jail?
What the fuck are you still doing in my room?
All right, we're leaving.
Oh, FYI, dude, kind of overkill.
You know, what do you think a girl's gonna
come in here for the first time and go,
"Oh my God, fucking guns.
Oh, I love Tupac's Law,
iridescent Lamborghini,
get me a Sham Wow, I'm soaked. Fuck me now."
Come on, dude.
Get real, switch up the decor.
-Jesus Christ. -Yeah.
Know what it looks like? It looks like you went on Google Images
and typed in "douchebag stuff,"
and then just fucking printed it out
like you just got a colored printer or something.
I mean, it's ridiculous, dude, come on.
Yeah.
Oh, you know what, never mind.
Never mind, dude.
I didn't even see this.
Holy shit, that's sick, dude.
I take back everything.
Holy fuck, you are sick.
Yeah.
Have I hit the third crack yet?
I don't know, why?
Well, first crack good and well, second crack jail cell.
What is that, what are you doing, why are you rhyming?
It's a rhyme, so I don't go to jail, what do you mean?
If I hit the third crack, it means the camera can see me.
Back the car up, don't do that again.
Jesus Christ, those are his friends?
Yeah, we need witnesses, it's essential to a plan.
You couldn't find any witnesses that aren't fucking training for the Iron Man?
He's literally bench pressing right now.
Well, then he'll be tired, so,
you ready?
Yeah
Man, who's this guy?
I don't fuckin know.
Why you skipping our way like that?
[groans]
Look, I--
No, no, no, no.
No!
I panicked.
Evidently, you did.
Big old baby.
"I'm not getting out the car."
[door opens]
[bell rings]
Hi. Ma'am?
I was hoping you might be able to help me out with something?
Ma'am?
[coughing]
Was I out?
Yes, ma'am.
For how long?
How would I know that?
You got a warrant to be in my house?
I'm not in your house.
Am I in my house?
Also, no.
Well, then, uh.
We got dish towels, five for a dollar. Can I interest you?
-No. -Fuck!
Okay. I need a favor.
A list of patrons that have bought a significant amount of paint in recent weeks.
There's a mural painted on the Mattress King.
That one?
Yeah, that's the one.
If I could just get some names.
Okay, just have this prepared.
If I were you, and I'm not, but if I were,
I'd start right there.
Ryker Jean,
little troublemaker he is
always scheming.
How do you know all this?
Dollar store.
Not sure what that means, but,
thanks.
[bell ringing]
-Excuse me? -Oh!
Jesus, where the hell'd you come from?
Aisle two.
There's a second aisle?
We wanna buy these.
All right, we've got a special on dish towels.
No, thanks.
Son of a bitch.
[cash register dinging]
Nice.
Like my oxy is a fucking iPhone?
Whose idea was this?
Not me, boss, it wasn't me,
I never had an idea before in my entire life.
-You know me. -I don't care who it was, it was rhetorical.
Someone needs to come up with a plan
to get my money before I lose my shit.
I think we already established
that it's not gonna be me.
[screaming]
I got a plan.
Nobody.
Anybody at all.
-I know you heard me. -Nobody's got a plan?
Okay, sis,
we'll go with your plan.
Desperate times.
Snow Patrol,
"What if This is All the Love I Ever Get?"
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
♪ What if this is all the love you ever get? ♪
Phase two.
Weaponizing, they're 17.
You didn't feel that kid's punch!
You should have head butted him.
Head butt?
Yeah, it's an underated move.
He was five feet away,
there was no way I could execute that.
Jumped into it, then a jumping headbutt.
Like a, like a fucking narwhal.
I don't think I'm that athletic.
Which is why I brought this.
Jesus, dude, isn't that your grandpas shillelagh?
Yes.
Element of surprise.
What are you doing?
Where do you keep pulling these things from?
Where are you getting all this stuff?
My pockets.
You don't smoke.
Well, I could, so.
This thing is too complicated.
You're getting out of the car this time, right?
I wasn't gonna fucking get out of the car this time.
[car door slams]
Are you fucking serious? What the fuck are you doing?
-What? -Get the fuck out of the car.
-You wanna do this right now? -Yes, we're doing it now.
-Okay, all right. -Hurry up.
Well, maybe I'll watch over there.
No, you're gonna watch from right here.
Stop being a baby.
Stop, dude.
Baby.
[grunting]
Holy shit!
[groaning]
I think we lost the element of surprise.
This baby Gandalf want the smoke?
Yeah, what the fuck's up, pussy?
Fucking bitch.
Oh my God.
I'm so sorry.
I never should've weaponized!
Oh!
This guy's a fucking assassin.
Oh!
Nice.
We did it.
Fuck yeah, we did it, dude.
[groaning]
Let's head out.
What are you doing? Stop it.
It's a concussion test.
Hey, can you do that shit for me?
I got hit with a fucking stick.
You got hit with a shillelagh.
Yeah, I definitely have a concussion.
This is worth a lot more than 50 bucks.
Yeah, and I definitely get the Rabbit on the weekends now.
No, no, no.
I'm not entertaining either of you.
Not with this music you're not.
Hey, did you black out back there?
What? No. What are you talking about?
You did, you blacked out.
Shut up, you little
hostage-ass bitch.
Wyatt.
Look, it's a perfectly normal bodily response
to getting hit in the face with a car door.
Oh, bullshit. It was after.
-Wyatt. -No.
Wyatt. -No.
-Wyatt. -What?
Your nose.
What?
Oh no.
-Oh my God. -Not the receipt.
-Wyatt! -Ah!
So what's up with that shit?
You just, pass out,
every time you think of your own blood?
It's called Vasovagal.
Surprised he hasn't outgrown it yet.
You know, a lot of scientists actually think
it's a sign of virility, you know,
like the next step of our evolutionary chain or whatever.
Yeah, that's bullshit.
Really not a big deal.
Rarely happens and, you know,
gotten pretty good at not thinking about it.
[body slams]
I'm beginning to understand why his head's so fucked up.
[knocking on door]
[door opens]
Oh, fuck.
[door slams]
[knocking on door]
[door opens]
Hi.
I'm looking for Ryker Jean.
He lives down the hall with his sister.
Yeah, I actually was gonna call you guys
because he was actually taken.
What do you mean, taken?
Some guys just took him, man.
They had these weapons,
clearly well trained,
with these particular set of skills
and they just took him, man.
They just took him.
Who, who took him?
I don't fucking know. It's not like they introduced themselves.
Ah!
[groans]
Come on.
[grunts]
You good?
You sure you're gonna be okay in here?
Well, I mean, it's gotta look like I'm hidden, right?
Not a lot of hiding places in Nice.
Wyatt. Is that a King Koil Croft Euro Top?
-Yeah, 2014 model, why? -I said a quality mattress.
Oh my God, we kidnapped the kid. It's not like we're gonna fuck him.
Where'd you even find that? I don't know anybody that sells that within 10 miles.
You said don't get anything from the store, okay?
This was the best I could do on short notice.
It's used, where'd you even get it?
Fuckers, no HBO?
We agreed. No premium channels.
[on tape] Section 3A, TV will include basic cable,
no premium channels or add-ons.
Holy shit, dude, does that thing ever run out of tape?
Bluetooth.
Automatically connects to the cloud.
Well, I'll be seeing you.
Hey, I got you that lock for Christmas.
Knew it would come in handy?
Thanks again, man.
Hey, can't take all the credit.
You are paying me three grand.
I only owe you fifty bucks.
Ah, semantics.
Isn't that right,
semantics?
I feel like there's a "C" in there.
Is it schematics?
-You're overthinking it. -You're underthinking it.
Dude, it does not fucking matter,
what kind of mattress
he's lying on.
Oh, fuck, she's here Perry.
She must know she's on to us, fuck.
-Be cool. -Be cool.
I am cool.
Hello, Lieutenant, what an amazing surprise.
-How's your investigation going? -Narrowing down on suspects.
Is there any reason that two of you
might have any problems with the Ryker Jean?
Oh, fuck?
Oh, fuck what?
Oh, fuck, that's Lynette's brother.
You mean the girl that you were flapping over.
-The object of his obsession. -Okay, no, no, we're friends, old childhood friends.
And are you two friends with her brother?
Well, friends.
It's a strong way to put it.
I'd say we're more acquaintance friends.
Friends on the acquaintance spectrum.
60-40 on the friend-acquaintance spectrum.
If I had to put a number on it.
-Yeah, numbers. -That's what I'd.
And numbers don't lie.
-I'd say 60-40. -60-40.
60-40, huh?
-Yes. -Approximately.
-Yes, right? -Ish.
Do you know where he is? Can't seem to find him anywhere.
That's reserved for people more on the--
70-30. And we're not there yet.
We're not quite there yet.
After a few more hangs, maybe, but not right now.
I haven't gotten that bump yet.
Right, well.
If you hear from him, just let me know?
Of course.
-Righto. -You'll be the first call.
Righto, yeah, that's it, righto.
-Right. -That's something I say. Yeah.
Looks like you got something stuck in your car here.
Just doing my part.
Littering's illegal.
Littering is illegal.
Yeah, you betcha.
Have a good day, officer.
I'm gonna throw up.
I swallowed it.
Well, it looks like
you and I are at loggerheads there, Miss.
Officer.
Miss Officer.
It's a matter of public security.
Well, I realize that, Miss Officer,
but the moment I open those gates
to any matter of public security
is the moment that I begin to lose my integrity
for being a gatekeeper.
Now, you understand that.
I could have you arrested for obstruction of justice.
I said to you that I'd be more than happy
to escort you around the property
if you just present me with a judicially signed warrant.
Now, you do understand that, don't you, darling?
-Oh, don't call me darling. -Don't call me liar.
I never called you a liar.
Well, it wasn't a liar, you were inferrin'.
-You mean implying? -Well, maybe it was more insinuating.
You calling me a liar?
I have no idea what I'm calling you.
I'm confused.
Just tell me if this unit belongs to the guys
at the Mattress King.
Perry, and the other guy.
Because if it does, then I know that you know
that those guys got you drowning chin deep
in a mess of all that you don't know.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's theirs.
[brakes screech]
Damnit, dude!
Why do you always have to stop like that?
Make the call.
You make the call.
-Lynette knows my voice too well. -That's just not true.
-Yes, it is. -Paper bag, really?
You don't think this was sketchy enough as it is?
-I don't want my fingerprints on it. -Oh, shh, it's all right.
Really, the coupons?
Shh. I'm on the phone.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[deeply] Is this Lynette Jean?
Who's asking?
Sister of Ryker Jean?
I said who's asking?
Daughter of, what's her Dad's name?
Daughter of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Yeah, this is she.
We have your brother.
What?
Yeah, idiot.
We kidnapped him.
He's safe,
for now,
but we're gonna need $10,000 in unmarked bills
by Friday at noon.
Behind Racheria on Main Street.
And you better not contact the authorities,
especially your stupid little boy toy,
or else the kid fucking gets it.
Yeah.
And it's not gonna be quick.
It's gonna be painful.
-As fuck! -Stop
and you're gonna watch the whole time.
And then you know what?
You're next.
Yeah.
What was that? You took that so serious.
Hey, you mess with the bulldog,
you're gonna get some slobber on your toes.
You're so gross, I just got spit all over me.
Slobber.
Mills.
We just sat down.
I'm gonna need you to call the judge.
I really don't have time for a graffiti case, Forbes.
-It's bigger than that. -But there's more graffiti now?
I meant it's bigger than just graffiti. You've gotta trust me on that.
Perry and that other fool are actin' all kinky,
I got blood on this fucking receipt,
and some kid who was a prime suspect
has just disappeared into thin air.
-Who disappeared? -I'm lost.
-Ryker Jean. -Wait, Lynette's brother?
No, he's AWOL all the time.
Stays at friend's houses, it's really not a big deal.
You're in Nice, Forbes.
Idiots spray walls.
You've investigated, write it up, file it away.
Don't go crazy over it.
What's that supposed to mean?
Just a joke.
You don't know shit about me.
Whatever you googled or heard, whatever.
You know, I arrested that kid three fucking times
for driving under the influence.
I threw the entitled little prick in jail
where he stayed all of 37 minutes.
So yeah, I may have had some choice words with the councilman,
and it may have gotten caught on tape,
and there's some discrepancy over whether it involved pepper spray.
Sue me.
By the way, the little asshole drove drunk again.
Put an 89 year-old grandma in the hospital.
So no, I won't just write it up.
You can either help me or get the fuck out my way.
Forbes.
What do you need?
[man] Let me get this straight. So your plan was to rob--
-Open it. -I'm trying!
A dollar store.
I don't suppose y'all are here to inquire
about our three for two special on novelty coasters.
-[gun cocks] -Are ya?
-[gun shot] -[glass shattering]
Do you know how many items
they would have had to sell
for there to be that much in the fucking till?
Run! Run! Run!
Faster!
[gun shot]
Twelve,
hundred.
thousand,
million.
How many did you get?
Hey, at least I tried.
Jesus Christ.
You tried?
I'm out $20,000, but thank God you tried.
You know what? That's how we'll pay the supplier.
"Hey, sorry, we don't have your money,
but what I do have is a big steaming piss pot
full of my sister's sincere fucking efforts."
So we're good then?
Right?
[gun shot]
[groans]
Anyone else have any comments?
[yelling in pain]
Again?
Step away from the idiot.
He does not deserve your comfort.
I'm the one who's out $20,000.
Don't.
You.
Dare!
Can somebody help me up?
I can't feel my left arm.
Brenda, come on, Brenda.
Just bring me a bandage or a fucking napkin.
It's a good thing
I've already put another plan into motion.
Hey, down here, guys.
Somebody patch him up.
Oh, please, thank you.
Everybody else,
stop fucking up!
Just give me one, one minute, please.
[glass shattering]
Okay.
-[Perry] Lynette. -Oh!
Uh, are you okay?
Yeah.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I'm good.
Anything I could help with?
Somebody took Ryker.
And they said not to go to the police.
Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.
I mean, I couldn't possibly
have enough information to keep going.
I, um,
I thought it was a prank at first, right?
But I've called and texted.
He ditches sometimes, but he always texts.
And they want a ton of money to get him back.
I can't even go to Denver, like,
I don't know who would do something like this.
Well,
I mean, now that I have enough information,
I'll take care of it.
You?
Yeah, me.
I have my ways.
I'll have him home by dinner tomorrow.
Promise.
You're a good guy, Perry Phillips.
Thank you.
I know I don't say this a lot, but,
thank you.
For real.
Um,
what the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fuck? Where'd he go?
Fuckin' kidding me?
Well, this is just great.
This is just superb.
Fantastic.
He didn't just, you know, walk out of here.
No shit, Wyatt. He didn't just walk out of here.
Okay, process of elimination, all right?
Well, he's not gonna be under that pillow.
What did I just say?
Process of elimination, okay?
He didn't just vanish into thin air, probably.
-There's no back door, so that's off the table. -Who is that?
-Wyatt! -Look, just because it's not your process
doesn't mean it doesn't have its own merits.
Shut up, Wyatt!
Who is that?
Um.
Hi. Who are you?
Get on.
Oh no, I'd rather not.
Yeah, plus I have this drink, and I haven't seen a cup holder.
I said get on.
Yeah, of course. Cool, sounds good.
You too, bitch boy.
Just grabbin my jacket, that's it.
Don't you dare put a foot in that car.
I'm gonna just put my hand in there.
If you put your second hand in the car.
-Wyatt, get in the car! -Don't you dare get off this bike.
Get in the fucking car!
Ah...
Hey!
Don't you dare drive away!
[Perry] Who the fuck was that?
-Where you going now? -Watch this maneuver.
A maneuver? You call that a maneuver? That was a maneuver?
It was the early makings of a maneuver,
and then it just got cut short, okay?
Okay, back the fuck up, get out of here.
Oh crap!
Oh, outmaneuvered.
Fuck.
Lock the door, lock the door, lock the door.
[Wyatt] Oh great, now he can't get us.
-Oh my God. -Open this door.
It was an accident back there, we didn't mean to--
Oh fuck, Perry, that's a gun. Perry, he has a gun.
Thank you for the identification, Wyatt. I know what a gun looks like.
What the hell are you fuckers doing on private property?
Don't worry about this old man, I got this.
Go back to your trailer. Open up!
Want to talk to the manager?
I don't take kindly to strangers,
especially those who don't respect a man's lawn.
Your lawn?
This one right here?
Right over here? This lawn?
Right here? [groans]
-Oh my God! -God!
Good thing we locked the doors, Perry.
Number one defense against the fucking gun.
[screaming]
This one won't be rubber.
Get us out of here!
-I'm trying! -Go, go, go, go!
I'm trying!
No, no, no, you're going the wrong way.
Oh my God!
-Did I hurt him? -That was an maneuver?
That was an accident!
-You think he's dead? -I don't know!
Hit him again!
Oh my God!
I think he's dead.
He's dead.
Oh my God! This guy's fucking invincible!
-How many times did he get a cock that shit? -I don't know!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
I'm trying! I'm trying!
-Why are you crying? -I'm not, it's sweat.
-Stop crying! -It's fucking sweat.
What's the plan now, genius?
-I don't have one. -What?
I don't have one!
There wasn't a seminar for this?
No.
You say no?
There wasn't a seminar for this!
Must have missed some detail.
There's devils in the detail, why didn't I just...
I always know that there's something--
The details, Perry, God damn it, man!
You're so fucking worried about the small stuff,
with every leaf on every fucking
tree is doing that you can't see,
the whole fucking forest is on fire, Perry.
We need to get rid of the car.
-My car? No! -Yes.
You just hit a guy two fucking times.
This car ties us to the whole thing.
We're getting rid of the car.
It sounds easy for you, it's not your fucking car!
We're getting rid of the car.
No!
We're getting rid of it.
No.
[water splash]
[water bubbling]
[Perry] I loved that car.
[water bubbling]
I guess we probably could have just painted it, huh?
-Wait a second. -Whaddaya got?
Son of a bitch.
All right.
What are we looking at here?
You can zoom on it.
We know that car.
Yes, we do.
You are making a strong case for...
deputy lieutenants.
Deputy lieutenant.
Deputy sheriff,
comma, lieutenant.
Now it sounds like a demotion.
No, no, it's--
I was addressing you as lieutenant.
Okay, now we're right back to where we started.
Not entirely. Now?
You know how to zoom.
Oh, yeah. That's nice.
-Give it a try. -You do that.
There you go.
Nice.
We have to go to the police.
Yeah? And tell them what, Perry?
Hey, so we, basically we fake kidnapped this kid,
but then he actually got kidnapped.
Oh, and then we hit this really old guy
with our car like two times, and I think he might be dead.
How do you think that's gonna look, Perry?
Probably not good.
God damn it, another motorcycle? Where do you guy's keep coming from?
We didn't have time to regroup.
Just run and I'll distract her!
Hey.
Oh, he's still alive. That's good.
-Nice salad. -It's arugula, motherfucker.
[Wyatt] God, it's obviously arugula. Why would you say that?
Where are they taking us?
Uh, going up to the VIP or?
This is such a safety hazard.
Hi.
-Oh. -That's a knife.
A creepy room.
Hey, guys.
Do not make a comment about the mattress.
Just a terrible mattress.
Zane, boys are here.
[Perry] Are those drugs,
in rice?
Fuck.
He's so handsome.
I'm gonna make this quick.
We have your little friend.
What's he talking about?
What the hell, guys?
This is getting kind of scary.
This wasn't a part of the plan.
Yeah, I don't know if he's a friend.
You know, we actually just talked about this
and decided it's more of like a 60-40,
uh, friend-acquaintance split.
Hmm, okay. So then, you wouldn't mind if we, uh,
played a game with your--
What was it again?
60-40 acquaintance.
60-40.
-Wyatt! -You wouldn't mind that.
All right, stop, please, please, stop.
He's just a kid. Please.
Yeah, might not be a friend, but...
I could tell he was worth something. You know how?
You put that nice mattress in the storage unit.
-I told you. -It's not a nice mattress.
Look. I don't know what game you're in or what job you're pulling.
I don't care. I really don't. No judgment.
But I'm hijacking it.
We need $20,000,
and we need it by noon tomorrow.
And I don't want to have to do this and don't make me.
But I will take drastic measures if I need to.
And I will kill him,
and his sister,
and you,
and, fuck it, anyone else I want, okay?
Totally understand. Yeah.
Complete absorption.
He gets it.
On my end.
Do you absorb?
-Yes, sir. -We both absorb.
Okay. Brenda, have Tiny take these boys home.
So, no hard feelings?
[tires screech]
[car door slams]
You kidding me?
Oh, what the hell, man?
Where are we?
He's definitely holding a grudge.
I mean, what the fuck kind of flowers are these, man?
We don't have these kinds of flowers, in Nice.
We must be in a whole different...
fucking ecosystem.
There's no Ubers.
There's not one fucking--do you know--
do you know how far we have to be?
For there to not be one Uber?
We gotta be at the end of the fucking universe, man.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What are those?
No fucking way.
What a come up!
How did he know about Ryker and the storage unit?
-And Lynette. -Huh?
Lynette! He said he'd kill Ryker's sister. How'd he know?
A small town.
Hey, so what's the plan now?
I suck.
What was that?
I said I suck.
Greed, I was greedy.
I loved everything about my life,
and I needed more for what?
Whoa.
I changed everything about myself.
I became a criminal and, like, a con man, a liar.
That's not me.
I might have really put this kid in trouble,
like, serious danger, and now I feel terrible.
I gotta be honest with you, I didn't catch much of that.
There's cows.
I said that if we get the fucking money
and save that fucking kid.
Cleared out this morning.
You see by whom?
Oh, now I don't think this here subpoena covers
that sort of information. -It does.
Show us footage from the front gate.
That fucking car.
Keep going.
-Stop. -Zoom in on that.
You can zoom in on these things?
Step aside.
Yes, sir, Captain.
It's Sheriff.
I think that's one of Zane's guys.
Fits the description DuVernay gave us, too.
Know what I just realized? You're supposed to take a photo of the scooter
on the sidewalk now before you can end the trip.
-[both] Boys. -Oh!
Fuck!
Sit.
Perry?
-Yes? -Yeah?
Perry.
Tell me about your storage unit.
[grunts]
The one you rented three days ago.
-Mm. -Mm.
Um...
It's the company's?
Yeah, it's a company unit.
Now, what does a mattress store company
need a storage unit for?
Don't they have a warehouse?
-Right? That's what I said. -Yeah.
But, what Perry said was...
Um, research.
-Testing. -Yeah.
Because sometimes--
they'll send a dud.
And you'll feel it and you'll go,
I don't even know if this is Tempur-Pedic.
Does this have to do with the graffiti case or--
Ryker Jean is missing.
What?
Are you freaking kidding me?
Lynette's brother.
Don't you think it's a bit odd
that as soon as I identify him
as a suspect in the graffiting of your store,
he just...disappears?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Odd. -With a guy like Ryker,
maybe he was stricken with guilt.
-Yeah. -And ditched town.
He's a wildcard, that guy.
-Maybe he panicked. -No.
No. He was kidnapped.
We have a witness and video.
Oh, great.
-We can catch this guy. -Yeah.
[chuckling] Yeah.
-Oh. -Took him two tries.
-Two tries? -Mm.
Well, looks like that guy didn't do the job the first time.
Yeah, looks like the other guy on the passenger seat did not help.
Well, they probably talked beforehand
-And they probably agreed that-- -That guy didn't--
Okay. Look at this.
That looks a whole hell of a lot
like the front of your VW Rabbit to me.
My Rabbit was stolen. Yesterday.
-I forgot about that. -Right into thin air.
First graffiti, then grand theft auto.
In our little town of Nice.
Sheriff, what in the ding-dong is going on?
Not so nice, huh?
You didn't report it stolen.
Yeah, I did.
Texted Denver about it.
Did he not make a report?
Denver blocked his number three months ago.
We'll look into that.
-Please do. -That's great.
That'd be phenomenal.
Boys.
-Sorry. -Oh, this way.
I thought you were gonna follow her there.
Okay.
Feels a little unnecessary.
I refuse to believe you two are bad guys.
But if I find out you two are in the middle of this,
I'm coming after you.
[door creaks]
Whoo!
You were stone cold, man. That was awesome.
I mean, we didn't look suspicious at all,
the Denver texts.
Brilliant. Brilliant.
Dude, I don't know.
You thought about the car. I'm really still pissed off about it.
-[knocking] -Oh!
They back?
Oh, thank God.
I got so worried.
About Ryker, obviously, but...
But about you too.
Yeah. Um...
Well, about--
Have you heard anything?
Oh, yeah, he's got it all under control.
Really?
Like I said,
there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Lynette.
You really are my hero.
Call me, okay?
[Wyatt] See you tomorrow. Time to fuck up some drug dealers.
Fuckin' drug dealers.
You ready for this?
Think so, yeah.
Oh, right. Sorry.
[beeping]
[door opens]
I think we need weapons.
Really? I don't know.
Eh, They have real ones.
-What? -Yeah, I don't know.
Damnit.
Is it real enough? Does it make you nervous?
-It's making you nervous. -Yeah, it is. You're aiming a gun, stop!
I want to say this is our best bet.
They always say don't bring a knife to a gunfight.
What do they say about shillelaghs?
I don't think it's ever come up.
-Freeze! -Perry.
-Sorry, I never had this opportunity. -It's not funny.
Maybe no weapons.
This is our strongest defense.
Say we walk in with an open heart, our hat in our hand.
-Bag of money. -A bag of money.
And everything should work out.
Okay.
But you go in first.
The Stang, please.
Okay.
You're not gonna read this whole fucking contract right now.
Just sign--just sign it.
[tires squealing]
Okay.
Oh!
Oh, no!
Ohh!
What are you, nuts?
[Perry] Now?
[Wyatt] We go one more time around the block.
We're early, because someone had to go 90 in a 45.
[Perry] Well, if you pay attention to my seminar--
[Wyatt] Oh, enough with the seminars.
[engine revving]
Nice arugula.
They're early.
[Zane] He's early.
Hate being late to the party.
Hey, boss, they're early.
Good job, Tiny.
Let's see it.
I swear to God, if he brings that stick,
I'm gonna shove it up his fuckin' ass.
It's a shillelagh.
Dude.
Uh, Zane?
-Is he early? -He's early.
What the hell's going on?
This is gonna make things very interesting.
Wait, are you with them?
Okay, kid, don't do anything stupid.
Put the bag down.
Just give him the bag, Perry.
-What are you doing? We said no weapons. -I'm really sorry.
Just give Zane the bag, and everything will be okay, okay?
Just give him the bag.
[bag drops]
What the fuck is going on?
Okay, that's enough.
Allow me to clarify.
You were a dick, he betrayed you, he was in on it,
and now we're taking you for everything you're worth.
I thought you would recognize that I was in real trouble.
I tried to tell you I needed money,
tried to tell you I was desperate.
I sold my drone.
You sold your drone?
-You fuckin' love that thing. -I know.
Couldn't find any more buyers than this fuckin' douchebag.
Okay, well, it didn't even meet his standards either.
Go get the kid who sold us that drone.
You're coming with us.
Everything go cool with the drone?
Zane, Zane, I didn't know--
I didn't know it was defective, okay?
-I don't have the money. -[glass shattering]
It's hard to be the elite drug dealer that I am
without any fucking product.
I didn't know what else to do.
-No, no, no. -I didn't have any other options.
Wyatt, we've been best friends since we were kids,
and this is how you ended it?
This is how you do me?
I'm sorry man. I'm--
[gun shot]
Shut the fuck up.
Life is full of disappointments.
I mean, we all still live in Nice, right?
Tiny, come get the money.
Wyatt, go to the house and see if Lynette's cracked the kid's safe
and bring everything back.
Lynette?
[Zane] Shit, I forgot.
I knew I had something to tell you.
The girl's in on it, too.
-The woman. -What's that?
The woman's in on it, too.
All right, everyone, let's go.
It's gonna be okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, you're gonna let him go, right?
We had a deal.
Zane, we had a deal.
Sonny, Cecil, get this guy out of my face.
What are you talking about? We had a deal, Zane.
No, no, let me go, let me go. Zane, we had a deal.
Let me get the rest of the money, and I'll be back.
Don't do anything, Zane.
I'll be back.
What, did the combination not work?
-Nope. -It's 10, 15, 10.
The day you guys went to homecoming.
Okay, it didn't work.
I literally saw it through that mirror,
right there.
Wait, through the mirror?
Yeah.
Well, that would change the numbers,
wouldn't it?
No, I don't think so.
You just had to show up early.
You really threw a wrench into everything.
The plan was never to kill you.
I was gonna be long gone by the time you found out
what was going on.
And I'd love to stick to that plan.
Easier to lose the cops as a thief
than a murderer.
So you're a reasonable guy.
What do you say we put this past us?
And we could come to some kind of an arrangement?
Hell, maybe this should be a fun story for the ladies
one night, huh?
10 would still be 10.
No, it wouldn't.
20?
No, not 20.
30?
Oh, opposite.
Yeah.
01, 21, 01
January 21st, 2001.
My fourth birthday.
Mr. Magier told me it was your birthday.
I got something for you.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
Fuck.
Fuck, what did I do?
[Lynette] What? Wyatt, what the fuck?
Whatever.
You're scum.
Okay, kid.
You're a manipulator.
You're a pig.
You're a greedy, money-grubbing fuck.
I'm living the goddamn American dream.
-Drink it in, buddy. -Fuck you.
[groans softly]
That was a lot of words from the guy without the knife.
Don't look so surprised.
Haven't you realized by now
that I don't give a fuck about you?
No one cares about anybody else.
All anyone wants is more.
I just have the guts to say it out loud.
You two, get him out of here.
Everybody else upstairs.
Let's rip this sucker open, what do you say?
I say let's rip this sucker open.
What did we discuss
about obviously rhetorical fucking questions?
I believe we discussed it.
Not again.
Rhetorical.
I'm never gonna get this.
[Tiny] "Tiny, get rid of the body."
"Tiny, punch the old lady."
"Tiny, do this."
"Tiny--" Who the hell?
Fuck yeah.
No, no, no, no, no Perry, come on, man.
Perry, fuck, don't do this to me.
Oh, fuck, I'm so fucking sorry, Perry.
You're my best fucking friend, man.
And you were right.
You were so right.
There are more important things in the world than money.
Serta Copenhagen's mattresses are a revelation,
And I need to be more fiscally responsible.
I'm so fucking sorry, Perry.
So fucking sorry.
What the fuck!
-You good? -Knight in shining armor.
[sobbing] You fucking asshole.
You better fucking cry.
What did you find in the safe?
Zane, I don't know what to tell you. There's no money.
What the fuck do you mean there's no money?
I don't know. It's just the dumb lock that
Wyatt gave us the combination to.
The lock?
Zane.
You're gonna want to see this.
Zane, are you there?
Oh, shit.
[Zane] It's hard to be the elite drug dealer
that I am without any fucking product!
Fuck!
[groans]
You fucking hit me.
You deserved it.
Wait, what an idiot.
He gave us his only piece of evidence.
Seriously?
That's fair.
You think you're so fucking smart.
You think you're some sort of hero?
Huh!
I hate to break it to you, kid.
There's no such thing as a hero.
[gun cocks]
Not today, Zane.
Are you crying?
and bleeding?
Oh, fuck.
-Ow! -What the fuck?
Element of surprise, motherfucker.
[police sirens]
Oh, I got you this time, son of a bitch.
You don't have shit, Mills. I'm clean.
You don't have any evidence.
Bluetooth, Bitch.
[Zane] It's hard to be the elite drug dealer
that I am without any fucking product.
-Fuck! -[Denver] Drug bust!
Babe?
Oh, fuck off.
How'd you do it?
It was locked!
Hey, I got you that lock for Christmas.
Knew it would come in handy.
He didn't just walk out of here.
I could tell he was worth something. You know how?
You put that nice mattress in the storage unit.
Is that a King-Coil Kroft Eurotop?
Where'd you even find that thing at?
They don't sell one of those within ten miles of this place.
Do not make a comment about the mattress.
It's just a terrible mattress.
I need your help.
-Where are you wearing? -That's Wyatt's drone.
Tell me what you know.
Devil's in the det--
Details! Devil's in the details!
So...
[groans]
Oh, you good?
Were you asleep this whole time?
You good?
I'm fine.
You guys good?
Did we win the...
Where did everybody go?
Did everyone dip?
Oh, is that, am I?
This is Sheriff Martin Mills.
All precincts, be advised.
We got the son of a bitch.
[man 1 on radio] Fuck you, Mills.
[man 2] Ha-ha, Cut the crap, Mills.
Is that Cal from Lakeport?
Fuck off, Cal.
Think I may end up liking it here.
You don't mind me saying, so...
Must be pretty big idiots back there in Columbus.
You know, to let you go.
[automated voice] Re-routing to Columbus, Ohio.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Fuck!
Oh, that dude's head was so freaking hard.
[clapping]
[Perry] Definitely have a concussion.
[car honking]
No shit.
100 hours of community service.
Forbes has a sense of humor about it too.
Look.
For what it's worth,
I didn't know how far Zane would go.
No need to apologize.
Didn't apologize.
San Diego's not cheap.
Window of opportunity, you know?
I do.
Hey, bit of advice...
It's easier to just ask a girl out instead.
I'll take that into consideration.
Who knows?
Might've said yes.
No you wouldn't have.
But that's okay.
Well...
see ya!
No you won't.
Damn, I don't think I've ever seen you pace before.
So that's that?
Guess so.
Lieutenant Forbes told me you made a deal for me.
Something like that, but she'll have her eye on you, so.
Act accordingly.
It's not gonna be the same without you here.
Might be for the best.
Here.
A few things from my place that
I felt like you can use
and kind of say thank you.
For what?
For showing me where to look,
where not to, and
that I'm a fucking genius.
I'm really sorry, man.
I'll be seeing you.
[engine revving]
Gonna miss you, pal.
Heard some windows needed caulking.
Bye, Perry.
[funky music playing]
[howls]
[music continues]