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[dramatic bagpipe music]
[dramatic bagpipe music continues]
- [logo whooshing] - [film crackling]
[film crackling]
[gentle piano music]
[bluesy downbeat music]
- [bright music] - [star whooshing]
[wind whooshing]
[dog barking]
[gentle whistling]
[crow caws]
[dog barks]
[gentle music]
What a shit-hole town!
[Catfish] But you could probably get the whole dang town
for pennies on the dollar.
You know, your father would say cut your losses.
Eh.
He'd also say fortune favors the bold.
[Catfish] Well, why don't we go in and get some libations?
[Caprice] Yeah. Cheer up.
[gentle music continues]
[spits]
Mm-hm-hm.
- [patrons chattering] - [gentle music continues]
Now, what's your poison, gentlemen?
Diablo serves a mean drink here.
[gentle music continues]
Ooh, what the hell and tarnation is this?
Hmm?
You expect me to to drink in the company of that savage?
What kind of establishment is this?
Hey, this ain't Texas.
Simmer down.
[Caprice] The Injun has to go.
[gentle music continues]
He don't have a reservation!
[laughter]
[tense music]
You heard me, right?
[Pinkerton] Don't do it.
[Caprice] You heard me.
Chief Little-Turd!
Best to just skedaddle on outta here
before we skin your hide.
[tense music continues]
[Caprice whooping]
[Silver Bird] Oh, you people!
Take our land, pretend that everything is yours.
Oh! You're cursed.
- You kill everything you touch. - [Caprice] Ooh-ooh!
The Creator gave us dark skin to protect us.
He made you pale and weak
so you burn.
[tense music continues]
[Caprice snorts]
[Caprice spits]
Hmm.
Enjoy.
[Chief] You know, he does have a good point!
[tense music continues]
[distant dog barking]
[wood creaking]
Why don't you fellas just buy
this man a fresh drink and apologize?
[tense music continues]
What th--?
What kind of vermin are they serving here?
[tense music continues]
Why don't you take your aboriginal ass
right on back to Africa?
[Chief] And you crawl back to the caves of Europe?
But since that shit ain't gonna happen,
least we can do is be respectful and apologize.
- [people muttering] - [tense music continues]
- [guns roaring] - [dramatic music]
[Caprice groaning]
[Catfish] Shit fire! You're alive!
We didn't mean no harm. We're just playing around.
[Chief] Well, then let's keep it fun.
What's your story, mister?
Well, now, that's a good question.
You see rich is temporary, but dumb is forever.
I ain't getting shot at over your ignorance any damn more.
[tense music continues]
We good?
No, we ain't good.
Huh.
[tense music continues]
[gun roaring]
We good now?
Oh yeah, we good now.
[Pinkerton speaking in Spanish]
[Catfish] Chickenshit coward!
[Chief] And you! Why don't you get on your knees
and beg forgiveness from our native host?
- [gun cocks] - Hmm?
Ah, yeah?
[tense music continues]
[gun roars]
Good G-- Do what he says!
I'll show him!
Grr! Hahaha!
I'm sorry.
For what?
Stealing your land
and killing the buffalo-- for the railway!
Happy?
Apology accepted?
[tense music continues]
All right, now you got right with him now.
Now you gotta get right with me.
You gotta pay S.T.
S.T.?
Sass tax.
Any obnoxious wrongdoers get sassy with me,
oh, you gots to pay a sass tax.
[tense music continues]
You got head lice?
What?
[Chief] Cuz, mister, you's a mighty fashionable dandy.
Matter of fact, I do appreciate your overall panache.
Why don't you take off that hat?
I don't wanna put a hole in it.
[tense music continues]
Hey, dead man, you better leave
that little flintlock pistol alone
'cause you ain't wearing shit that I like.
You really put me in a pickle!
I came in here just to wet my whistle.
I ain't killed nobody in a month of Sundays.
And then you obnoxious down-keepers roll in here
and ruin my buzz
Mister, I don't really know these Southern fellas.
A-and, to tell you the truth,
I-I got nothing against darkies.
You know, two of my best friends are darkies.
I can't tell one from another.
[dog barks]
Tell you what you're gonna do. We're gonna flip on it.
Got a nice wooden nickel here.
If it comes up with the red man on it, he decides,
comes up with tails, I decide.
Your fate ironically is now
in the red man's hands.
[tense music]
[hand thuds]
[guns roaring]
[bodies thudding]
[Catfish sighs]
[bottle clinks]
[gentle music]
You can take the whole bottle,
but it ain't gonna help.
I know. I tried.
[gentle music continues]
[Catfish] When I saw you, I thought I'd seen a ghost.
And I said to myself, Catfish, you know,
maybe he's a changed man.
I'm gonna need me a horse.
Ain't none,
but the stage coach leaves in 40 minutes.
Pinkerton's got the tickets in his left pocket.
[gentle music continues]
[Chief] Little something for your troubles.
[Catfish] There's only one reason you'd let me
and the other fella live,
'cause you don't mind if Angel knows you're back.
And the only reason you'll be back is
that the rumors about the gold is true.
[tense music]
You gonna put on that waistcoat smelling like a goat?
Don't make me change my mind.
[tense music continues]
[Chief sighs]
[Chief whistling]
[Chief groans]
Caliente!
Gracias.
Muchos gracias.
[Chief whistling]
[wagon rattling]
[horses whinnying]
Damn!
[Chief speaking in Spanish]
Wait!
[dramatic Western music]
[dramatic Western music continues]
[children laughing]
[dramatic Western music continues]
[bell clangs]
[dramatic Western music continues]
[coach rattling]
[gun roars]
[dramatic Western music continues]
[gun roaring]
[Chief] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Eight.
Eight what?
Toes.
That's all you gonna have left.
[passengers muttering]
Oh no, I was just trying to get your attention is all.
Well, you got it!
[Chief] Listen!
Please, I has a ticket!
[Mary] But you're late.
You forfeited your seat.
Mary's stagecoach, Mary's rules.
[tense music] [Eagle squawking]
My pardon, ma'am,
but I really need to get on that stagecoach.
I got two tickets, so technically I done paid twice.
Well, I got a coach full of paying and prompt customers.
[tense music continues]
Well, you can come on up here and sit with me.
As long as you're willing to put your firearm
in the lockbox.
[crow caws]
[dramatic Western music]
[dramatic Western music continues]
So I'm guessing you're Mary.
Stagecoach Mary.
[dramatic Western music continues]
[stagecoach rattling]
[Mary] Dodgetown's about six miles up.
[dramatic Western music continues]
Your guns loaded?
[Mary laughs]
[dramatic Western music continues]
[tense music]
[chickens clucking]
[tense music continues]
[dramatic Western music]
[dramatic Western music continues]
- [Uncle Ruru] No, no you can't! - [Margarite] I'm gonna get you!
- No, I'm quick like a fox! - Gonna!
No, no, you can't get me!
- No, you can't get me! - No, yes I can!
- You can't! I'm quick. - Hey!
You're dead, Injun!
[Uncle Ruru] No, you missed me.
- You missed my head. - Bang! You're dead!
[Margarite] I can still see you breathing.
Why is it that the Injuns is always dying?
Because it's my birthday!
Bang!
[Malindy] Margarite!
You need to practice your birthday recital one more time
before your Uncle Ruru can take you home.
Him? He's dead.
[hooves thudding]
Oh ho!
Look who it is.
[Decker] Lookie here.
[Malindy] Oh!
Looks like Margarite shot Uncle Ruru again, huh?
[Malindy] Sure did.
I guess we'll split his share of the cake.
Yeah, that's right.
[Uncle Ruru] No, no.
I want some cake too.
[ominous music]
[crow cawing]
Look!
[hooves rumbling]
[Decker] Get inside.
[ominous music continues]
Go.
Come on. Go. Go.
[hooves thudding]
[ominous music continues]
[crows cawing]
- [hooves thudding] - [horses snorting]
Sergeant Decker?
No, I'm just a civilian now.
Can we talk inside, sir?
Please?
We have come a long way to find you.
[door creaks]
Oh.
[Angel chuckles]
Well, birthday wishes.
Huh?
This stew smells good.
Well...
Oh my.
Are you classically trained?
[Decker] Mister, please, state your business.
People call me Angel.
May we sit?
[footsteps thudding]
[Angel] How about a little history?
Part way through the Civil War,
some of The South realized they were gonna lose.
Regardless of your personal outlook on slavery,
you must concede it was admirably profitable, hmm?
250 years of free African labor
helped make America very rich.
But these Southerners knew
that losing the war meant losing their wealth.
Slaves freed, currency worthless.
So they began hoarding gold and melting it down into bars.
And just before the war ended,
they sent a big shipment of it out West
and they hid it, safe and sound.
[tense music]
Now, some years later,
I was sent on a mission to retrieve it
with your father serving under my command
as Chief Master Sergeant.
Well, we had words and he disobeyed me,
and I disciplined him.
And in return, he cut off this hand,
leaving me with this ball of brass.
And then your father disappeared,
and miraculously so did my gold.
That's some story, mister.
Look, I don't even know if my father's alive or dead.
Okay, we weren't exactly on the best of terms.
Well, family !
Boys!
- [door creaking] - [footsteps thudding]
Get up, boy.
Get off of me!
Willis, please.
Sit down, boy!
And Thomas.
[melancholy music]
Mmm. Move.
We got two!
Come on, let's go.
[footsteps clattering]
[Angel] Well, greetings.
May I?
Ma'am?
Oh, so soft.
So these beautiful instruments are yours?
The harp is a loan from her mother.
The violin is a gift.
Well, that's not just some fiddle.
Unless I'm mistaken, that's a Heberlein.
And that harp is a Lyon & Healy.
Are you worthy of that?
Let's see!
Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"?
Please!
- [Thomas] Move! - [Angel] Thank you.
Let me be clear,
you drop one note, hesitate, or stop,
and one of you dies.
[gun clicks]
[door creaks and shuts]
[Uncle Ruru] Sh-Shoot me, mister!
I'm sp-spectacular at dying!
[Decker] No. No!
Please, he doesn't understand!
These people ain't got nothing to do with this.
[tense music continues]
[gun roars]
[Margarite gasping]
[Margarite whimpering]
Do you know why they call me Angel?
Because I make angels wherever I go.
[wood creaking]
[tense music continues]
[Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"]
[Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" continues]
[Angel crying]
[Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" continues]
[Angel sighs]
[Angel] Bravo! Bravo!
- [Angel laughs] - [henchmen clapping]
And I assume she made the stew as well?
You're a very fortunate man.
Now you fly away, little birdie.
[Margarite panting]
Your daddy was spotted in a border town near Mexico, huh?
He's putting together a team to go after my gold.
You find him and join up.
You keep us informed.
You got one week.
We'll be watching,
and staying just close enough.
You find your daddy and my gold
and you'll get your wife back.
[tense music]
- No, no, no! - [Decker] No!
Grab the Heberlein.
- [Malindy] No, no, no. - [Decker] No!
Malindy!
[Angel] The violin, you hayseed!
It's worth more than your house.
You grab her spices and you learn to cook like that!
[Decker] I'll do it! Don't take her.
I'll do it!
Angel!
[Decker screams]
[tense music continues]
Malindy!
Come back!
[Malindy screams] [tense music continues]
No!
Say it.
Yea, “though I walk through the valley of death,
I shall fear no evil.”
[tense music continues]
Why?
Because I'm the meanest son of a bitch in this valley.
Son, you can't tame the Wild West
and keep your gloves clean.
[tense music continues]
Brigade!
[Thomas] All right, boys, cut 'em loose and burn it down!
[bandits shouting]
[glass tinkling]
- [bandits whooping] - [fire crackling]
[Thomas] Burn it down, boys!
[hooves thundering]
[melancholy music]
[Spooky] Oh no! Say it ain't so!
Oh Lordy.
Where the hell did that old heartless bitch,
the queen of hearts, go again?
She's gone.
She disappeared, guys.
Where did she go?
Place your bets. Come on.
Give it to me.
[cackles]
You look like my dog when he's taking a shit.
[cackles]
Place your bets.
Voila!
- [audience applauding] - [bright music]
Thank you.
[Cowboy] She probably had the darkie's card stuck
between her saggy tatas whole dang time.
[Clown] And you look like you had my black king of spades
stuck up your ass the entire time.
Ah!
No wonder you were grinning.
Think you'd win in a shootout?
I think you'd win in a farting contest.
Oops, that's your breath.
[Cowboy] Come on!
Let go!
Things are getting a little spicy in here,
so stick around for more Spooky's Naughty Magic Show.
[audience clapping] [jaunty music]
[floor creaking]
[jaunty music continues]
[coins clinking]
[thunder rumbling]
[Spooky] Mister, mister, money has been real tight.
Now, I done told Mr. Johnson
that I'll have his money by Friday.
Sure as a pig has its pork.
[cigar crackling]
[Chief whistling]
Is that you?
Nigga, I thought you were dead!
Look at you.
Why would y'all wanna mess with me like that?
What you got on your face, Spooky?
Man, you know how it is.
Make people laugh
and you could damn near get away with saying anything.
I almost got them crackers eating outta my hand.
[Chief] Is that so?
This here is Southpaw,
fastest left-handed gunner this side of the Mississippi.
[Southpaw] Did you ever hear of Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid?
[intense music]
You talking about them white boy bank robbers?
[thunder rumbling]
[intense music continues]
[thunder rumbles]
[intense music continues]
[hooves pattering]
[upbeat music]
[horse whinnies]
[patrons cheering]
Hey y'all, this is Big Mama.
[chorus] ♪ Hell yeah ♪
[singer] ♪ Then give me honey ♪
[chorus] ♪ Hell yeah ♪
[Chief] First drink is on the house.
All right, now.
What you know about this, Southpaw?
I think I know a thing or two.
[upbeat music continues]
♪ Yeah! ♪
[Carson] “When the laws are unjust...”
“...the just are outlaws!”
[Carson laughs]
11 years, just like you promised.
You know this.
"123 full moon," as the old chief said.
You still think he's gonna remember you, huh?
I hope so.
Where's No-Time's big black ass?
[upbeat music continues]
Hey, you ain't heard?
He got some bad intel on a train job
and they winged me, but No-Time caught one in the throat.
Didn't make it.
Made me promise to look after his little sister, Queeny.
Remember her?
♪ Do you want my sugar ♪
♪ Hell yeah ♪
♪ Then wife me, sugar ♪
♪ Hell yeah ♪
♪ No half stepping ♪
♪ Hell no ♪
So you going after the gold
with those two young guns, huh?
Well, you know me.
I just want a little farm.
Live the simple life.
[Chief] So you have a little place to put all your critters.
What you got here?
[Carson] Yeah, he just, you know, fell out of his nest.
I'm just helping him heal.
You know, none of God's creatures have ever lied to me,
and you are the only man left that I trust.
So if you want me on this, you got me.
But you gotta remember,
Angel's after you
and he's stronger than ever.
And he wants to kill you so bad,
it gets his dick hard.
But he won't.
Not yet.
[upbeat music continues]
[Queeny] You son of a bitch!
[Chief laughs]
- Queeny, look at you! - I knew you was gonna
come back for me.
See, I told you. I saw him in my vision.
He was alive and he came back for us.
[Carson] You sure did.
So whatever you two geniuses are scheming up, count me in.
Well, Queeny, folks that get close
to me tend to end up dead.
Oh, I ain't never been scared of death.
The only thing that scares me
is not living in an exceptional life while I'm alive.
♪ Catch a fish without a hook ♪
Come on, Chief.
Gimme a chance!
Can't you see I'm a full-grown-ass woman now?
And I don't care what you calling yourself these days,
you know you want some of this brown sugar.
[Carson] You too forward.
She shoulda been born a man!
[knife thuds]
♪ She's so bad ♪
[Queeny] That's right, Negro.
I ain't for forgot nothing you taught me.
You swore to look after me,
and you are gonna marry me.
So it is what it is, y'all.
[patrons cheering]
[Big Ma] Give it up!
All right now, y'all know Big Ma don't play.
So listen to what I've got to say.
We've got the future colored heavyweight champ here today.
Raise your glass for Jack Johnson!
- [people cheering] - [people clapping]
You got somebody you love?
Pull 'em close and let's slow it down.
♪ Catch a fish without a hook ♪
[Decker] Hey.
[tense music]
You gonna shoot your own son?
What are you doing here?
I lost my wife.
Gotta get her back.
I need in.
In what?
Rumor has it you're planning a job.
Please, Pa, I don't got a choice.
[melancholy music]
Well, there's always a choice.
How'd you find me?
I figured Carson would be in on the team.
Go home, son.
I ain't got no home left.
Look, the government; they turned me into a killer.
[melancholy music continues]
Except I don't want to kill for them no more.
Please, Pa.
And I ain't never asked you for nothing.
Look here. What's all this talk about killing, huh?
Get outta here, boy, before you get yourself hurt!
[melancholy music continues]
Yeah, so them young-ass clowns can go,
but I'm still not good enough, huh?
[melancholy music continues]
All right.
Good luck.
[melancholy music continues]
[door creaks]
Don't turn around.
[melancholy music continues]
[Queeny sighs] All right, now you can look.
[Chief] Girl, what did you do to my gear?
[Chief laughs]
I put the West African symbol for justice on the back.
And my lucky braid
and a feather to keep my man's thoughts flying free.
[gentle music]
We tied together now, baby, in this life and the next.
Girl, you too much.
You know we rented you your own room.
[Queeny] So?
Your guardian angel's sleeping right there.
[Queeny] I'm unarmed.
[gentle music continues]
[Chief] What are you doing now?
Oh, just getting us comfy.
[gentle music continues]
[Queeny sighs]
[Chief] Okay.
[Carson snoring]
[bird chirping]
[gentle music continues]
[wings whooshing]
[gentle music continues]
[clock ticking]
[tense music]
[hawk shrieks]
Five minutes.
[charge sizzling]
- [Child] Your daddy gonna hang! - [bell clangs]
Your daddy gonna hang!
[Queeny gasps]
They gonna hang him by the neck because he--
[Child] No they ain't! No they ain't!
My daddy is a good man. No they ain't.
[tense music continues]
[hooves thudding]
My momma says everybody knows he's bad.
No he ain't! No he ain't!
[children chattering] [tense music continues]
[horse snorts]
[horse whinnies]
[Queeny] Move!
[tense music continues]
Outta my way!
[harmonica playing]
[tense music continues]
[footsteps thudding]
[glasses clinking]
Whiskey, please!
Hey, Sheriff, I heard the darnedest thing.
Some loony fellow was claiming he was gonna hold
the reverend captive and blow up the church.
[clock ticking] [tense music continues]
Maybe he heard the reverend preach.
[patrons laughing]
- [explosion booms] - [woman screams]
- [Man] Son of a bitch! - [Man] What the hell was that?
[Townsperson] Come on! Come on!
[Man] Get up that street!
[Robber] Ladies and gentlemen, raise your hands slow.
- [Man] Oh my God! - [Customer] Holy cow.
[Robber] Now lay down and kiss the floor like you love her.
Come on!
Now that explosion y'all just heard
is the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang's way of saying, “howdy”!
We're going to be borrowing your guns,
and we're gonna need us a volunteer to help out
to make sure you good people don't get hurt.
Who's it gonna be?
- Butch Cassidy? - [Man] Sh, quiet now.
- [Man] Quiet now. - The Sundance Kid.
[Man] Stop squirming.
And the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang!
Sir, may I please have an autograph?
May you please have an autograph?
You know what's better than a autograph, little buddy?
You staying alive.
[tense music continues]
What about you, mister?
[Chief] My name is Paul. This is between y'all
[Robber] Go on and stand up for us, boy.
Hey listen, colored man can't even have a bank account
so I was just sending the packages off.
[Robber] Who you sending a package to?
Why don't y'all just use one of them nice bank fellas?
[Robber] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Now, bank tellers tend to do stupid shit like ring alarms.
Now congratulations, Paul.
This might be the first time
that being a darkie's gonna save your life.
We know your black ass ain't no Pinkerton or bank teller.
All right, folks.
Now, if my new darkie friend here
don't do exactly what we say,
my pretty partner, Sundance over here,
gonna start blowing your body parts off bit by bit.
[tense music continues]
You heard him!
Now, ask him!
Please, Mr. Darkie,
save us and don't do nothing stupid.
[tense music continues]
Say it!
[Hostages] Please, Mr. Darkie,
save us and don't do nothing stupid!
[Robber] Louder. Come on!
[Hostages] Please, Mr. Darkie,
save us and don't do anything stupid.
[Robber] Music to my ears.
Sounds good. Now, let's see what we got, Paul.
[tense music continues]
[crow caws]
[ominous music]
[Robber] Come on, darkie!
Don't have all goddamn day.
All the money, darkie.
[tense music]
- [Robber] All the money. - No, no. Hold on, hold on.
No, you!
Uh-huh.
I ain't gonna get blown a new asshole
so one of you crackers can be a hero.
Come here.
You hear me?
Uh-uh.
He ain't got the sense God gave hair.
Sit your ass back down there. Stay there.
This is you.
All right?
- [Robber] You know what? - Huh?
[Robber] We might have a job opening for you.
Now go get some more money.
But as for you, this is government insured money.
Ain't no need to be dying over it.
Come on.
[tense music continues]
[fuse sizzling]
[door creaks]
Son, don't even think about it.
- [fuse sizzling] - [tense music continues]
[Sheriff] Come on!
Somebody's pranking, boss.
That was a whole lot of nothing.
Someone doing something.
[explosion booms]
- [Sheriff] Oh shit! - [Man] Whoa!
- [Man] What the hell's goin on? - [Sheriff] Now!
[Man] Off the streets! Everybody!
[people screaming]
[Robber] Throw it like you got some damn sense!
Got more money!
[tense music continues]
- [Chief] That's it. - [Robber] That's it?
[Robber] All right, boy.
Back up real slow.
Freeze, cracker boy, or I'll stick you like a pig.
Queeny, no!
[swish]
- [Robber] Jesus Christ! - [Chief] Now!
[guns roaring]
Go!
[tense music continues]
[Man] Come on, this way!
[Chief] Watch out! [gunfire]
[Southpaw] The money!
What about the money?
- [guns roaring] - [tense music continues]
[Chief] Son, let's go.
[tense music continues]
[Decker] Got a horse!
[gun roaring]
[Decker] On your left!
[tense music continues]
Pa!
Over here.
[Chief] Queeny!
Wagon, on your right!
[gun roaring]
[Decker] Queeny!
Jump on!
[gun roaring] [tense music continues]
[man screaming]
[explosion booms]
[Sheriff] Mount up!
Jervis, we've been hoo-rahed!
[cowboy shouting]
- [Sheriff] Come on! Let's go! - [Man] There they go!
[adventurous Western music]
[gun roaring]
[Man] Faster!
[Man] Get a shot!
[gun firing]
Come on, Pa!
[adventurous Western music continues]
[guns roaring]
[Carson grunts]
[explosion booms]
[guns firing]
[cowboy screaming]
[guns firing]
[cowboy screaming]
[adventurous Western music continues]
Give 'em another one!
[explosion booms]
- [Cowboy] Oh shit! - [Sheriff] Whoa!
- [Cowboy] They're getting away!
[Carson laughing]
[Chief laughs and hoots]
[adventurous Western music continues]
[Sheriff] Head back.
[adventurous Western music slows down]
[hooves rumbling]
[hooves clomping]
- [Decker] Whoa! - [Chief] Whoa, whoa.
I finally get to make some money with white face,
and one of my own's ruined for me.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Gal wouldn't part of the plan.
And she knifed me.
I didn't know it was y'all!
What the hell are you doing here?
Saving your ass.
You guys really crapped the bed on that bank robbery
and your horses was getting away.
Hey, we only slowed them down.
They're gonna regroup.
All right, we head north.
Move out, let's go.
[tense music]
[hooves galloping]
[tense music continues]
Water our horses and get supplies here, y'all.
[footsteps thudding]
[Carson] We got hydrogen peroxide, y'all.
Hello?
[Ossie] What y'all doing in my shop?
[gun cocks]
[tense music]
Come on, amigos. Cat's got your tongue?
[Chief] We- we're shopping, sir.
We aim to pay.
[footsteps thudding]
What did you say?
We shopping. We aim to pay.
Well, why didn't you say so? Haha!
You have any ammunition?
No ammo.
My wife don't like firearms,
and, hell, I don't even have any bullets in this thing.
It's just to impress folks.
Besides if I start selling ammunition,
the Originals will shut me down.
Now, let me look into your eyes.
Windows of the soul.
Are you here to do me harm?
No, sir.
[laughs]
You're being truthful.
Welcome. Welcome y'all.
Everything is half-off,
'cause I'm getting ready to join my wife in heaven.
Now, down in the cellar, you got molasses,
you got beans.
Up on top, you got dry goods.
[Carson] Hey, the horses is gone!
[footsteps clattering] [Ossie laughing]
[Southpaw] Oh shit, Chief!
[Ossie] Originals will turn your horses loose.
[Southpaw] What do you mean Originals?
Injuns.
Now these type of Injuns,
they don't believe that people should enslave horses.
They don't think that humans have the right
to even own God's critters.
My wife, she was born enslaved,
and these are the same Injuns that set her free
just the same as set your horses free.
You don't mess with them, they're not gonna mess with you.
When's the next stagecoach?
[Ossie] Could be here five minutes.
Could be here in a couple weeks.
[Ossie laughing]
[ominous music]
[crow caws]
[Reporter] Tell me again in your own words.
[Sheriff] Lawlessness will not be tolerated
in the town of Hammer,
nor in this county.
They were modestly successful
and they created a disturbance,
but rest assured, they will be apprehended.
[violin music]
[Reporter] What was it like
to encounter Butch and Sundance?
[Sheriff] That's right!
I stood up to Butch and Sundance!
I reckon someone had to keep those innocent folks
from getting hurt.
[Photographer] Hold still for a picture, Sheriff!
Real still.
[camera shutter clicks]
- [Sheriff] Gotcha! - Well.
[crow cawing]
[Angel] What happened?
[Sheriff] Well, Butch and Sundance are clever.
They had two Negros working with them,
including a gal and a big white fella.
White and black in cahoots with each other.
Who would've seen that coming?
And the munitions?
Eh, soldiers were taking it to clear some Indian territory.
Now they can't go 'til next year.
Your bank was just a bonus for the Outlaws.
Their mission was to delay rousting those Redskins.
And I'd be surprised if it were Robert LeRoy Parker
or Harry Longabaugh.
Butch and Sundance's real names.
Why is that?
They just got gunned down
by Federales in Bolivia.
[ominous music continues]
I did not know that.
[bright music]
[Southpaw] Did y'all see how fast Chief was
outside that bank?
He stopped them good old boy crackers
without even breaking a sweat.
When I grow up, I'm gonna be like you, Chief,
without the baby hair.
Well, if you have to shoot your weapon,
you're doing something wrong.
Ain't just about being fast.
It's about having a team you trust!
That you can go back to back with
and handle 360 degrees of trouble.
Understand?
Boy, you lucky.
You part of the first generation who could call a black man--
legally call a black man, a “father”.
When we was born, enslaved,
black man couldn't do nothing with his kids.
So how's he doing, this Pa?
[bright music continues]
I guess that means you gonna need some practice.
Hehe!
You remember your pa?
Oh yeah.
They hung him for teaching me how to read.
And then they told me
to call some old white priest “Father”
and the slave owner “Master”.
Yaw!
And they told me that, by law,
I had to take the master's last name.
Right.
I said with all them bullshit laws,
I'm gonna grow up to be a outlaw for sure.
[Mary chuckles and grunts]
[unintelligible murmuring]
[Mary] Not again!
[Spooky] Y'all read in the newspaper
that Jack Johnson gonna be
the first colored heavyweight champ?
And he got everybody going crazy
because he done got his self that white gal.
Now that's some color appropriation for your ass.
Yeah, some folks don't want to have a beef about it,
but honestly I like it.
[bright music continues]
Black folks finally free to be free.
Love who we wanna love,
do whatever the hell we wanna do.
Need to stop worrying about what everybody else think.
Either one of y'all done had y'all a colored gal?
It'll change your life!
But I like mine big.
Can't go wrong with a big 'un.
I can't get behind no skinny gal.
It's like hitting elbows.
Hey!
What about you, Stagecoach?
You gonna let me eat, drink, and do Mary?
Well, some women like a rooster,
I prefer a hen!
Well...
[Spooky crows]
- [Carson laughs] - [bright music continues]
[Chief] How'd you get to be “Stagecoach Mary”?
I didn't know you could talk.
I have what you call a...
...a loner's temperament. [chuckles]
It's not that I don't like people,
but I'm just not comfortable
when there's a lot of 'em around.
So when they asked me to deliver the mail,
I thought, well, I made a whole lot of money
for a lot of people.
Might as well make some money for myself!
[bright music continues]
[Chief] Howdy, gentlemen.
We're looking to buy us a few horses.
[horses snorting and neighing]
[melancholy violin music]
[crows cawing]
[footsteps thudding]
[melancholy music continues]
[distant hawk squawking]
This exquisite music,
it gives us the illusion of being closer to God.
Now, this land,
[melancholy music continues]
once it's all bought up, we'll destroy all of it.
And that is our nature!
[melancholy music continues]
[Willis] Aren't we supposed to rise above our nature, sir?
I mean, the Good Book says, "Thou shall not kill."
[melancholy music continues]
Religion is a story we tell ourselves about the future.
History is the story we tell about the past,
and it's told by those in power.
Did I make a mistake empowering you?
No, sir.
I'm here to chronicle your exploits
from an inside position to the best of my ability.
[melancholy music continues]
When I publish these sketches and articles,
you'll be appointed to any post you desire.
[melancholy music continues]
[horse whinnies]
The telegraph office where Sergeant Decker contacted you
from sent another message.
Looks like Decker's intel was on point.
Raise a bounty on all of them.
And put one on the girl and Decker too.
[melancholy music continues]
I mean, dump all the crabs in one barrel, right?
Yes, sir.
[Angel] Thank you, Willis.
[melancholy music continues]
[crow cawing]
[ominous music]
[sheep bleating]
[birds chirping]
- [ominous music continues] - [crows cawing]
[playing children] ♪ Ring around the Rosie ♪
♪ And a pocket full of posies ♪
[ominous music continues]
[Chief] All right! This is a hold up.
Don't nobody have to get hurt.
[ominous music continues]
Chief, is that you, boy?
[Horatio laughs]
Ain't he got a sense of humor though?
[laughter]
What seed you want first?
Because we got corn, we got okra, we got wheat. That's it.
[Townsperson] There's some good barley.
Horatio?
Man, I heard you got fast as greased lightning
and still got your big ass smoked.
Well, you know, I killed three men first,
But I gave up that gambling shit.
Found my brothers and sisters,
we pooled our money together,
we bought this little mining town,
and then we decided to run it the way we see fit.
So y'all some type of church group or something?
[Woman] No, we're from many different races.
There's 33 of us.
They don't even use money in this darn town.
We barter here.
Too many people die over money.
In a money system, they respect the rich
and in an honor system, they respect the honorable.
Listen, Chief, why don't you follow me?
Let me show you the town.
Y'all come on, take a walk with me.
- [Townsman] Horatio! - Hey. Hey.
[bright music]
The Indians in those mountains,
some scary sons of bitches.
- [Townsman] Hey, Mr. Horatio! - Hi.
Yeah, we figured why piss 'em off
by turning them mountains into Swiss cheese
like the miners did?
Yeah, we don't know shit about mining.
We farmers.
We grow damn near anything here too. Everything !
You know, it's our old little Garden of Eden.
Little slice of heaven.
Yeah. Here.
Take that right there.
Yeah, I mean, we ain't got it all figured out,
but it beats the alternative and anything out there.
- [Townsman] Hey. - Good?
- [Townsman] Yep. - [Chief] Hey, uh--
Why don't you go find what we need?
Go on!
[Tam] We come from China, but very good with our hands.
[Horatio] This is something we like to call confessional.
You honestly tell us about yourself
and then what you think you can bring to Lil Heaven,
then, you know, we try you out for a spare.
We vote.
Yeah, we vote and then if everybody's happy.
You become part of the family.
Become part of the family.
Come on now, let's go on up here.
[Horatio] Hey, hey!
[people cheering]
What say you, family?
[Decker] Excuse me.
Do y'all know where I can get some demolition explosives?
[Horatio] We got Mr. Tam here
that wants to be a part of our family here.
Mr. Tam, I got question for you.
You think I'm portly?
Maybe a little hefty.
[Horatio laughs]
[Horatio] What do you wanna be in your life? What-
What's your dream?
My dream? Open a restaurant.
Well good, because I like to eat.
Hey brother, know where I can find
some explosives for demolition?
[Worker] Oh yeah, Brother Jeremiah? He up the way.
[Horatio] I ain't got nothing to do with that.
See, I'm living my dream.
If you look around here, you see everybody different.
Different color, different races, and we pray different.
[Tam] We like to treat people the way we like to be treated.
And what do I like?
[Townsfolk] To be the mayor.
What do I like?
[Townsfolk] To be the mayor. Yay!!
[Horatio] Because here in Lil Heaven,
we like to have fun!
[Ossie] Hey, Chief!
Told ya I was coming to heaven.
What y'all say? Pie-eating contest?
[crowd shouting]
Joining my wife.
[crowd shouting]
[Horatio] Oh yeah, big fella!
- [crowd cheering] - [bright music continues]
All right.
Bring the pies up here.
- [Horatio murmuring] - [people shouting]
- [people laughing] - [people cheering]
[Horatio] I only have one question for you!
Do you like him?
[Townsfolk] Oh yeah!
Do you respect him?
[Townsfolk] Oh yeah!
Do you trust him?
[Townsfolk] Oh yeah!
Then welcome to the family.
[people cheering]
[Chief] So?
[Decker] Tell him what you told me.
[Jeremiah] Well, it's like I told the young fella,
when it comes to explosives,
I can get you anything you need.
Rig it, set it, but we got a problem.
Y'all ain't got no money,
[Jeremiah laughs]
and I definitely don't need no damn seeds.
The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.
So I giveth, y'all taketh me away with you.
Yeah, I got kicked outta Lil Heaven
for being what they call a obstinate pain in the ass.
Brother Jeremiah, at your service.
You think this guy can deliver?
I told him we're going into Native territory.
He still wants to come.
I think he knows there's a bounty on all our heads.
Mostly yours.
He's our only option, but he can't be trusted.
I trusted you.
Brother Jeremiah?
At your service.
[hooves clomping]
Old man Lincoln promised the slaves he was gonna give ‘em
reparations when they were set free.
Yeah. 40 acres and a mule.
Yeah. Only when old Lincoln got killed,
they gave the reparations
to the slaveholders instead of the slaves.
And that's about the time your daddy
started robbing government banks to get his own reparations.
Turns out we was robbing the same bank!
We started working together.
Me, Queeny's brother, No-Time, and your daddy.
No one expected us to work together, see?
And then every once in a while, right,
we'd, you know, give a little of the money
to poorer folks.
Yeah, that's how we met.
All right, y'all, we got something ahead.
[ominous music]
We ain't got nothing left.
We leaving.
Now let us be!
[Chief] We mean y'all no harm.
[melancholy music]
[Vincent speaking in Spanish]
That Sheriff Baker! [speaking in Spanish]
[Vincent speaking in Spanish]
On account of some grandfather clause.
If your granddad didn't vote or own land, you can't.
We put a petition together,
demanding our menfolks could vote like the white man.
But they burnt us out.
This is the petition?
These are all the colored families right here?
[Mrs. Carver] Mm-hm.
And this is your deed?
[Mrs. Carver] Mm-hm.
[Chief] Did y'all read it?
Well his first language is Spanish,
and neither one of us can read.
And the Baker brothers, they're living in a big fancy house
and keeping all our money.
And we got no place to go.
You mind if we borrow this?
[footsteps crunching]
Hey, you know Angel and his men are right behind us?
Yes. So you need to get going while the going's good.
Look, if I live long enough to get this gold,
I'll just bring you my share.
You got my word. Go.
[melancholy music]
Still trying every trick to get rid of me.
[Southpaw] Now this big fella's
got a lucky bug in his pocket.
You know, these men respect you
because you were there for them.
[Carson] It's all right.
Come here.
[Decker] Why weren't you ever there for me and my mother?
[melancholy music continues]
Got no answer, huh?
You think I'm gonna trust your word?
You ain't never gave me no words to trust.
You can trust mine.
Once I get my fair share, you ain't gonna see me again.
[melancholy music continues]
Let's go, y'all.
[Baker Brothers singing] ♪ Home, home on the range ♪
♪ Where the deer in the antelope play ♪
♪ Where seldom is heard a discouraging word ♪
♪ And skies are not cloudy all day ♪
Yeah!
[Southpaw clapping]
Bravo, gentlemen.
That was sweeter than Mama's marmalade.
Now, my big brother and me,
we're looking to put down stakes in the right kinda town.
Well, you gentlemen have come to the right establishment.
I'm Sheriff Alan Baker,
and this here is my brother, the mayor, Alvin Baker.
[Alvin] Greetings.
[Sheriff Baker] And that there is Cousin Ed.
- That's all in family. - Yeah.
Speaking of family,
we met a mixed colored family out east.
They say they bought land here.
Those darkies have completely forgotten
their station in life.
We're in the process of doing a cleansing,
using the grandfather clause.
I thought that only passed in The South.
[Sheriff Baker] True. But darkies don't read.
It's for their own good.
Be uncivilized.
Chinese?
We have the Chinese Exclusion Act.
[Southpaw] What about Mexicans?
Not after the Mexican-American War.
Jews? Injuns?
No.
Once we take the red devil's land,
they don't get it back.
[Carson] Are the devils Jews or Injuns?
[Sheriff Baker laughs]
What's the difference?
[Bakers laughing]
No, no, you and your family, you'll be safe here.
Now my wife, she's what you call Creole.
You know, her folks from New Orleans.
Is that a problem?
[tense music]
My advice, just keep that Creole stuff under your hat.
You ain't got to worry about her. No way.
'Cause can't no woman of any color vote.
Yeah.
[Carson whispering]
My brother's right.
We got a big, big family.
What if we take every parcel you've got
for cold, hard cash?
What do you say?
[tense music continues]
What do you say, sheriff?
I say welcome to town, neighbors.
Hey.
Yeah, let's step into the parlor here
and have an official congratulations !
[footsteps thudding]
[tense music]
[hooves thundering]
[tense music continues]
[hooves thudding]
[tense music continues]
Group of men and a woman?
You seen them?
They come through here?
[Vincent speaking in Spanish]
[Angel speaking in Spanish]
[Vincent speaking in Spanish]
[Angel speaking in Spanish]
[Vincent speaking in Spanish]
[Angel sighs]
[tense music continues]
[horse whinnies]
Let's go.
[hooves thudding]
[tense music continues]
[Alvin Baker] All right now,
you can sign your family's names yourselves on these deeds.
This calls for celebration with libation.
[Southpaw] Yes indeedy!
I'll call on the missus.
Hey Queeny, get in here, my little Creole flower!
[tense music]
Now, Queeny, these are our new neighbors,
the honorable brothers, the Mayor and Sheriff Baker.
Bonjour, monsieur.
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
[Southpaw] Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
She's beauty, ain't she?
She gets that golden tan when she's in the sun.
Oh, wait 'til you see her brothers!
Hey boys, get in here!
Don't be shy!
[tense music continues]
All official and notarized.
[Chief] Ah, looking good.
I think there's been some kind of mistake.
[Chief] Oh yeah. What's that?
[Mayor Baker] We don't serve coloreds.
Well, that's all right,
'cause we don't eat coloreds.
- [Queeny laughing] - [tense music continues]
How many people in this piece-of-shit town?
Just us, boss.
[Chief] Oh yeah?
So you two are now outnumbered by your new citizens.
[Decker] Pa, this is a waste of time.
We need to get back on track.
[Chief] Son, wanna be in the Outlaws?
Sometimes you gotta fix the laws.
Mm-hm.
[Chief] Oh well, we gonna need us a new mayor!
- [Jeremiah] I think he's right. - [Queeny] Uh-huh!
So, who wants to run for mayor?
Ooh! I do.
[Chief] Well, let's put it to an oral vote.
All those in favor of wild-ass Queeny for mayor say “aye”.
[Outlaws] Aye!
[Chief] Hey, look at that.
Madame Mayor, what is your first new law?
[Queeny] Well, my new law is--
[Southpaw] Uh-oh.
All men should kiss my ass!
That is a wonderful proclamation!
[tense music continues]
[Queeny laughing]
[Chief] Look at that. You mean the sheriff
and the old mayor ain't gonna obey the laws?
[Chief sighs]
Well then, you gentlemen are now outlaws,
and out of office.
And if you don't get out of town,
- we might burn your asses out. - [Spooky] Oh, yes sir. Mmm.
You talk that sass negro-talk?
These skinny renegade bastards!
[Spooky] That sounds like insubordination, Chief.
[Chief] Secretary Spooks, I do believe you're right.
- Yes, sir. - [Decker] Mm-hm!
You silly harlot.
[Queeny gasps]
Oh, you can laugh now.
Cry later.
Outlaws wanted, dead or alive.
That's y'all, ain't it?
[guns roaring]
[Mrs. Carver] Come on kids.
Come on.
Come on, come on.
[hooves clomping]
These are the deeds. They're all official.
They have your family's name on them,
and the name of all the families from your petition.
Take some money
for you and the others to rebuild with.
[Vincent speaking in Spanish]
Why are you doing this for us?
I don't know.
Just take it before we change our minds.
[Mrs. Carver] There were some mans here looking for y'all.
Okay.
[Chief] Listen up, y'all.
Teach your babies how to read.
[Vincent] Si Señor.
Bless you.
[somber music]
[somber music continues]
[hooves rumbling]
[horses whinnying]
[tense music]
[Thomas] Found this one still alive.
Darkies did this.
One of 'em knifed me.
- I barely got away. - Yeah.
[Willis] Did you get a good look at 'em?
[Southpaw] Yeah.
[Angel] You wanna ride with us then?
Yeah. Payback's a bitch.
You sound like my kinda fella.
[Thomas] Welcome in, son.
We're gonna capture these ruthless killers,
and we're gonna bring them to justice.
[tense music continues]
Willis, are you getting this?
Yes, sir. Every last bit.
Well, it seems as though they left you something.
An angel with a missing left hand.
[tense music continues]
[hooves trotting]
[tense music continues]
[Horatio laughing]
[tense music continues]
[horses whinnying]
[Horatio] What can we do you for?
Well, we were concerned about your town's safety.
Might have been some outlaws riding this way.
Now, you've seen any of them, you let me know, you hear?
[tense music continues]
I can't say anybody looks familiar to me.
No.
Uh-huh.
[tense music continues]
[Ossie speaking in Spanish]
Everybody wants to go to heaven,
but nobody wants to die.
[tense music continues]
Let's get outta here.
Come on.
- [tense music continues] - [hooves rumbling away]
That ain't right.
[Spooky] Mary's stagecoach, Mary's rule.
I had that big gal changing rules
if she back that stagecoach up on this rooster. Hehehe.
All right, Decker your turn.
Impersonate somebody.
There's three types of people in this world.
Oh!
[Decker] People that eat my daddy's beans,
people who complain about my daddy's beans,
and the people who sing the truth
about them nasty-ass beans!
Saying the truth?
[outlaws groaning]
- Oh, come on. - That's how you
know they working.
Carson, you just in time.
I saved you some of my famous beans, brother.
Pull up.
I appropriated some food in town, thank you very much.
[Spooky] Where's Southpaw at?
Southpaw ain't coming.
He rides with Angel now.
[fire crackling]
Up until now, I kept things on a need-to-know basis.
But now y'all need to know.
[somber music]
Lil Heaven is the last town for miles.
Up behind to the west are the mountains,
and in the mountains are the mines.
And the gold is in the mines.
[somber music continues]
[Carson] Which is where we need the dynamite.
[Chief] Which is why Brother Jeremiah will be joining us.
[somber music continues]
[Spooky] Shit fire. Don't y'all know that's Indian reservation?
And we not talking about the peaceful ones.
Now them ones up yonder, they'll skin your ass alive.
The chief and me had an agreement.
He said that on the 123rd full moon,
that's 11 years ago,
he'd let me back into the mines to get the gold.
If Angel goes through the mountains,
the natives are gonna slaughter him.
Brother Southpaw's gonna try to convince them to go.
Our Native friends will know to leave Southpaw unharmed.
Now let's get some rest.
- [insects chirping] - [gentle music]
[Spooky] God damn it!
Shit! I think I done got bit.
I done got bit.
[Carson] Hey, we all getting bit.
[gentle music continues] [fire crackling]
[gentle music continues]
[soulful harmonica music]
You thinking about tomorrow?
If I wasn't, I'd be a fool.
Would've been safer for you
to keep hustling cards and dancing.
You make being a male look so easy.
Plus you got that proud king walk.
Well, I am the sheriff now.
Oh.
- And The Chief. - Mmm-hmm!
[gentle music]
What are you doing?
My new law is I get to sleep right here
on top of my man bed any time I want.
[gentle music continues]
[wind whooshing]
[Spooky] Uh, Chief, I don't see nobody.
[distant flute music]
[Chief] Oh, they see us!
[mystical music]
[Jeremiah] I heard y'all ran up in that bank
and tried to rob it full of seeds.
Don't feel bad.
I did the same damn thing.
And look at you!
Riding tall in the saddle anyway.
You got everybody following behind you.
Even this big white man back here.
[Chief] On your right!
- [hawk shrieks] - [dramatic music]
Oh hell no!
[dramatic music continues]
[hawks shrieking]
[dramatic music continues]
You have offering?
Yes.
[gentle music]
[elk bugling]
[Chief] We blew up the army's weapons of war.
They ain't gonna be coming after y'all for a spell.
My father,
he thanks you for saving my life.
He says you'll celebrate the moon with him tonight.
My father don't trust white man anymore.
This man cannot come.
[gentle music continues]
Like it or not,
we're all Americans now.
And that white man,
he's the one that lit the fuse.
[gentle music continues]
[ominous music]
[ominous music continues]
Why are we stopping?
Them darkies rode right through.
[Thomas] We must go around, Boss.
Over that cliff, they take revenge on the white man.
[ominous music continues]
[Outlaw] Dunno how a darkie got this far.
[ominous music continues]
[hooves thudding]
[wolf howls] [fire crackling]
Great Cloud says he thanks you
for destroying the colonizer's tools of war.
He will allow you to take the gold
from the wound in the mountain, as agreed.
After you've taken the gold, close the mountain.
Gold lust brings more thieves of the earth.
[insects chirping]
[Great Cloud speaking in foreign language]
[Silver Bird] But Great Cloud says, “you cannot pass as
Africans with white man's ways”.
[mysterious music]
You must find your true spirit animals.
[mysterious music continues]
[Decker] Pops, what the hell is going on?
My name ain't really Queeny.
We gonna find out who we really are tonight.
This stuff smells like horse shit.
I don't know about this, Chief.
I'm with him.
[mysterious music continues]
[Great Cloud speaking in foreign language]
You must drink it all at once.
Channel you inner African warrior.
We about to go on a ride.
[mystical music continues]
[Outlaws slurping]
[wolf howls]
[Great Cloud grunts]
[mystical music continues]
[Decker grunts]
[wolf howls]
[Silver Bird] Do you see yourself?
[Chief] Yes.
[Silver Bird] When you become like the people
who would buy and sell you,
what have you become?
[Chief] A dead man.
[mystical music continues]
[Silver Bird] What do you see?
Where you always running to, running man?
[Mary laughs]
[mystical music continues]
[singer vocalizing]
[mystical music continues]
[singers vocalizing]
[mystical music continues]
[birds chirping]
[hooves thudding]
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music continues]
[Decker] Pa!
[dramatic music continues]
[Chief] But we broke the chains.
[Silver Bird] The chains are in your mind.
Your name will be Free Man.
[dramatic music continues]
[guns roaring]
Pa!
[guns roaring]
[dramatic music continues]
[Ossie] Judge a man by his children.
[Horatio] Nobody makes it outta here alive.
[dramatic music continues]
[Chief] Do I die?
[Silver Bird] We all die.
We're good.
[dramatic music continues]
When I seen you, I thought I'd seen a ghost. Haha!
[dramatic music continues]
[explosion booms]
[Chief] Tunnel's clear!
Once we're in, pack your gold,
we escape through the vertical entrance.
[tense music]
Am I still dreaming?
I don't know.
But we gotta keep moving.
[Decker] How many days did we lose?
[Chief] I don't know. Stay focused.
I saw my mama, alive.
[tense music continues]
Don't leave me, y'all!
This is spooky.
[eerie music]
[Carson] I can't see straight.
Oh, may the Lord let our souls grow wings
and let us fly from this mountainous grave.
[Spooky] If you're praying to that same Lord
that stood by while they enslaved Africans and Indians,
we dead.
[eerie music continues]
[Carson] Chief, I sure hope you know where the hell you going.
What the hell was in that drink?
How long is this shit gonna last for?
[eerie music continues]
It's gotta be that way.
Let's go that way.
[eerie music continues]
[Angel VO] You got one week.
We'll be watching and staying close enough.
You find your dad and my gold,
and you'll get your wife back.
[eerie music continues]
I'm spectacular at dying.
Come on.
[eerie music continues]
[Angel VO] We'll be watching .
We'll be watching.
Go and find your dad.
You got one week, and you'll get your wife back.
You find your dad and my gold,
you'll get your wife back.
You find your dad, and you'll get your wife back.
You'll get your wife back.
[eerie music continues]
[tense music]
[Angel] Which one is it?
I just heard him say mines.
[Willis] What's that?
That's our boy.
He signaling.
[tense music continues]
"Dante's Inferno."
Seventh circle of the damned.
What if this is hell?
What if there's no gold?
[Decker] This one ain't it.
Brigade!
[Brigade] Yes, sir?
You hellhounds,
now this is what you've been waiting for.
Spread out and climb!
You bring me that gold and those men,
dead or alive.
A double bonus to the man
who brings me the head of Chief!
[dogs barking]
Now!
[tense music continues]
[Chief] In here, y'all!
Yeah, this is it.
Carson. Carson. We got something here.
- Come over here. - [Carson] Hey, Decker.
[Queeny] She's gone to a place.
She's gone to a place.
- [Chief] Right there! - [Queeny] She went.
[tense music]
[bandits grunting] [rocks rustling]
[Thomas] God!
[tense music continues]
- [Carson] Oh my! - [Queeny] I seen it! I seen it!
[Carson] Yeah. Oh my God!
- [Carson] Yes! - [Queeny] It's gold bars,
- ain't it? - [Chief] Yes. That's the box!
[box creaks]
[tense music continues]
- [Queeny] I seen it. I worked! - [Chief] No baby, this is
- a good thing. - [Queeny] I seen you.
You was dead, Chief.
This is a good thing.
- Baby, it was just a vision. - Baby, please.
Put your satchels there, y'all.
- [Jeremiah] But Mama! - We gotta go!
You said a black man can't get no respect
unless he got some money.
We got the money!
Jeremiah, go rig the dynamite.
I'll be there in a minute. Go.
Okay, the rest of y'all,
get the gold in your satchels, okay?
Spooky, put it in your damn satchel!
[wind whooshing]
[bandits grunting]
[Jeremiah] This is the spot, right here.
This gonna blow everything to kingdom come!
[Jeremiah laughs]
Decker!
Chief, Chief, this is it.
This is it.
[tense music]
[Chief] Hey, what are you doing?
[Thomas] Get down! Get down!
Shit!
Just keeping lookout,
so I don't get my head shot off.
[tense music continues]
This mine?
You earned it.
And I'm breaking my word.
[tense music continues]
[Thomas] All right, let's go.
Come on!
[tense music continues]
[Decker] “Word”?
You broke your word to who?
You said it, we can all die today.
To your mother.
[somber music]
Son, you were a difficult birth,
but you were born a free man.
Your mother made me promise that if you survived,
I'd let you grow up free.
[somber music continues]
Free to believe you could grow up being
whatever you put your mind to.
She didn't want you drawn into this outlaw life
with a price on your head and a target on your back.
So you promised to stay away?
[somber music continues]
I got as close as I could.
I saw you graduate.
I saw you get promoted to sergeant.
I even saw you get married.
[somber music continues]
Son, you're the best part of me that's living.
I'm so proud of you.
But now you gotta do right by your mom!
You understand me?
You need to forget about me and this outlaw life.
You've got your share of the gold now, son.
Go! Save yourself.
Save her!
[somber music continues]
[Jeremiah] Chief, the fuses are ready!
[Decker] No, Pa!
Pa, there's something I gotta tell you!
[tense music]
[Decker breathing heavily]
[Jeremiah] Chief, this here is the master fuse.
Now, this fuse is long enough
so that you can get outta here.
And all these lower tunnels are gonna blow
like the devil himself done passed gas.
[tense music continues]
[gun firing]
What the hell's he doing?
I don't know.
[gun firing] [tense music continues]
[Chief] All right, this is your share.
[Jeremiah] Oh, Chief, two bars?
[Jeremiah heartily laughs]
All this work for two bars?
Brother, we all just getting two bars.
The rest of the money ain't ours.
That goes to people in need.
That's reparations money. Understand?
That's your share.
[Queeny] No!
- See, I told you, I told you! - [Queeny sobs]
[Chief] What?
- I told you. - What?
- I told you! - [Carson] He's dead.
- [Chief] What? - [Carson] He's dead.
He was chirping and then he's dead.
- [Queeny] He's dead! - [Carson] He's dead!
- Oh no. - [Queeny] It's a bad omen.
He's dead!
The canary in the coal mine, y'all.
That's it.
Birds are more sensitive to poison gas...
Hey, if that dynamite goes off,
half this mountain's gonna blow.
Listen, listen, listen, y'all.
Get the satchels with the gold.
We gotta go now. Now!
Decker, save yourself and save her!
Pa, wait!
[tense music continues]
- [rocks clattering] - [bandits gasping]
Start getting up that vertical tunnel now.
[Carson] Yeah, but what about you?
I'm gonna go.
I'll be right back.
I'll be fine.
Go, go, go, go.
- I'll be fine. - Decker!
Help her up, y'all.
[Carson] We gotta go. Come on. Let's go!
[Decker] Pa! Let's go!
[Chief] Run, boy! [Explosion booming]
[tense music continues]
[explosion booms]
[tense music continues]
[rocks clattering]
[Thomas] Watch out!
[rocks clattering] [tense music continues]
[bandits screaming]
[explosion booms]
[tense music continues]
[rock scraping] [Decker groaning]
Dad!
[rocks scraping]
Pa!
[somber music]
[Thomas] I think we got one in here!
[Thomas] Got ourselves a dead Outlaw.
[somber music continues]
[rock scraping]
[somber music continues]
[Willis] It's Chief.
[Thomas] Why don't you write that in your book, Willis?
[somber music continues]
[Angel] Ehh! You son of a bitch.
Deprived me of the opportunity.
Still, there's this.
Willis, you keep a good watch on that.
[Decker] Get off of me!
[Willis] You might not want to see this.
[Decker] No!
Thomas.
Pa!
[Angel] And this, Thomas.
I've been waiting for this.
Please, I did what you asked.
Let me bury him.
Ax.
[Decker] Please!
I will not be deprived my pound of flesh.
[Decker] No!
No!
[ax thuds]
[somber music continues]
No!
[Angel chuckles]
Get him outta there.
[Decker] No!
I'll kill you!
- [somber music continues] - [water pattering]
[Angel] Brigade!
[insects chirping]
[thunder rumbling]
[Bandit] Doing my last bit of drinking.
[Decker] He knew I was betraying him.
He gave me my fair share of the gold
and the last thing he said to me was, "Save yourself.
Save her."
You were trying to keep your wife alive.
[bandits chuckling]
Devil's coming.
You three looking pretty chummy.
[Angel] I'm just grilling 'em, sir.
Ah.
You at least gonna let me bury my father?
[sighs] Well, I am a sporting man, so I'll wager you.
You beat me at cards,
[thunder rumbling]
maybe I'll let you bury your old man.
[eerie music]
[Angel] You know those Baker brothers?
They were overdue for a killing.
I mean the way they cheated at poker, am I right?
Well, I was pretty new.
Yeah. When did they deputize you?
Last month.
[eerie music continues]
Okay, so I gotta ask,
which one did it?
Which one?
[eerie music continues]
Little Quaker girl?
All right, you're loyal.
I respect that.
Still, I gotta ask again.
Which one of 'em did the deed?
Hell if I know.
I'll raise ya.
[eerie music continues]
[Angel] Son, I think you're bluffing.
[thunder rumbling]
Decker, what do you think?
[eerie music continues]
Shotgun?
I think you're all full of shit.
- [chuckling] - [eerie music continues]
[Angel] Okay boys, go ahead and turn mine over.
I've shown you my hand.
Time to show yours.
[eerie music continues]
Show me!
[thunder]
[Angel whistles]
- [blade piercing] - [Southpaw screaming]
Sheriff Alan Baker was an illiterate religious fanatic.
He'd never tolerate card playing.
He was also a notorious pedophile.
[Southpaw screaming]
And you two girls play like the best old friends.
You ride with the Outlaws, don't you?
[eerie music continues]
[Southpaw screaming]
Now you tell me.
Yes, I ride with the Outlaws. Ugh!
Thank you.
[Southpaw gasping]
[blade thrusting]
[wolf howls]
[thunder rumbling]
Oh. [sighs]
[Angel] Darling, I suspect you remember how this goes.
You start playing and you don't stop.
Come on.
You may not have noticed, but on certain issues,
I can even be somewhat progressive.
As an example, I'm gonna give you a vote.
You tell me which of those two boys I should carve up first.
[somber music]
[thunder rumbling]
Hm?
[fire whooshes and sizzles]
No answer?
I thought women wanted to vote.
[somber music continues]
I guess you're the more traditional sort.
Well, you know what that means?
Ladies first.
- [somber music continues] - [singers vocalizing]
[somber music continues]
[Decker] Take me!
Yeah, that's right.
You heard me, you sick one-handed sadist.
Unchain me!
I'll stick that poke up your fat ass!
[thunder rumbling]
Your pappy's alive and you hate him and betray him.
Your pappy dies and you're grieving and dutiful.
[somber music continues]
So you tell me,
is that irony
or hypocrisy?
[Decker] Hypocrisy?
I hear you talking about me,
but what's your own men got to say about you?
Oh, I got a little surprise for you.
I think you're gonna enjoy it.
[somber music continues]
Willis, we want to hear from
that article you've been writing, okay?
Yes, sir.
No, not the decoy journal.
No. From the one you're so sure has been hidden.
[somber music continues]
I'm sorry, sir. Uh.
I don't know what--
[Angel] Damn, you're a terrible liar.
[Willis] I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, I know. I do.
And look what we have here.
[thunder rumbling]
Oh!
[Shotgun laughs]
[Willis] It's fictional.
I just wrote this for myself.
Read!
[somber music continues]
Brigade!
[somber music continues]
- [thunder rumbling] - [guns cocking]
"When my faith waivers,
I take solace in the fact that this devil called Angel
can exist to bring out the worst in us,
there must be an opposite.
A divine inner good.
[somber music continues]
I pray for the strength to resist Angel
and his deplorable doglike disciples
who take delight in obeying his every cruel demand."
[somber music continues]
[Angel] Willis, was Columbus a butcher or a brave explorer ?
It all depends on your perspective,
which you sorely lack.
But tonight that changes.
It's time to take part.
And you're gonna put a bullet in her.
[somber music continues]
Or they're gonna put some in you.
Keep playing!
[thunder rumbling]
[somber music continues]
I'm sorry.
Hellhounds!
[bandits howling]
[Decker] Don't touch my wife!
By the count of three.
One,
two,
[somber music continues]
three!
No!
[guns roaring]
[Angel] Your wife does play beautifully
I'm gonna be the last man she ever plays for.
Cyclops, what's the Good Book say on revenge?
I believe it says an eye for an eye.
[Angel] That's right.
Your pappy took my hand.
I'm taking hers.
[Decker] Don't you touch my wife!
[Angel] Brigade!
No. No!
No!
- [Chief] No! - [gun fires]
[guns firing]
- [dramatic music] - [gun roaring]
[thunder rumbling]
- [guns firing] - [dramatic music continues]
Pa!
[guns roaring]
[dramatic music continues]
[gunfire]
[Carson] Decker!
Everybody down!
[Decker] Hi, baby.
[thunder rumbles]
[tense music]
[tense music continues]
[thunder rumbling]
[Angel] Well, Chief, you don't die easy. I'll give you that.
I'll tell you what,
now you surrender,
and I'll let your men live.
[Chief] Just like you let them women and children live?
[Angel] Well, th were Indians!
And we got that territory cleared, didn't we?
[thunder rumbling]
You boys riding with Chief,
you surrender and I'll treat you real fair,
just like I always have with Thomas.
Isn't that right, Thomas?
Yeah, that's right.
Angel's always been mighty good to me.
He's trying to gauge our position.
We gotta spread out.
I'll keep his head on a swivel.
[Angel] Now, Chief, on the other hand, I ride with him,
he leaves me disfigured, steals my gold.
Now for that, he must atone.
[Chief] You're the thief, Angel!
That gold was reparations money
to pay back them enslaved families.
for building this country.
“Reparations”!
Coloreds were brought here to work the land,
not own it!
This country was made
for wealthy white Christian men,
like me!
- [arrow impacts] - [bandit groans]
[dramatic music]
[guns roaring]
[gunfire continues]
[dramatic music continues]
[guns roaring]
[dramatic music continues]
Brigade!
[Bandit] Let's go!
Come on.
- [guns roaring] - [dramatic music continues]
- [gun firing] - [bandit screaming]
- [guns firing] - [Queeny] Ooh! Take that!
[bandit screaming]
[knife piercing]
[opponents shouting]
- [guns roaring] - [dramatic music continues]
[bandits screaming]
- [guns firing] - [bandit screaming]
- [guns roaring] - [dramatic music continues]
- [Bandit] Get out of here! - [Other Bandit] Go!
[Chief] Watch out!
- [knife piercing] - [Queeny] Eye for an eye,
asshole!
- [distant thunder] - [dramatic music continues]
[thunder rumbling]
- [men grunting] - [dramatic music continues]
[blows thudding]
[blade piercing]
It's all over, motherfucker!
[piercing sounds]
[dramatic music slows]
[wind whooshing]
[gentle music]
[grass rustling]
You a ghost?
[gentle music continues]
I saw your dead body.
Really?
[Chief] You miss me?
[gentle music continues]
Well that was that then.
[Chief] You were right.
I couldn't trust him.
[clock ticking]
[Jeremiah laughing]
All this work for two bars!
No, Negro.
I was born at night, but not last night.
Now, you could tell that
to them other fools you riding with,
but not Brother Jeremiah.
[tense music]
[gun cocks]
So you better take care of me before I take care of you.
[Jeremiah laughs]
- [gun firing] - [Jeremiah laughing]
[Jeremiah] You were supposed to be your brother's keeper.
[gun firing]
[Chief VO] So I switched clothes with Brother Jeremiah.
Figured wasn't no sense in him dying in vain.
[tense music continues]
Decker, Son, run! Save yourself.
Pa!
- [Chief] Stay there! - [Decker] Wait!
[tense music continues]
[explosion booming]
Couldn't trust me either.
[melancholy music]
When did you know about me?
I knew Malindy wasn't gonna leave your ass.
[Decker VO] The violin .
[melancholy music continues]
My wedding day. That was you.
[Chief VO] It was a wedding gift.
[melancholy music continues]
Can you forgive me for being a shitty father?
[melancholy music continues]
Can you forgive me for being a shitty son?
[melancholy music continues]
Love you, Pa.
I love you son.
[Chief VO] The Originals allowed us
to bury Sergeant Willis up in their mountains,
and Spooky decided to stay his ass up there with him.
Southpaw graduated to robbing railroads.
Most of us, we just looking for a little heaven on earth.
We kept some of the gold for ourselves,
but the lion's share we gave away to folks in need,
just as promised.
The Original Americans, they call me "Free Man".
But the truth is, I ain't always been such a good man
and I've killed more than I care to remember.
Tell the truth and shame the devil.
[melancholy music continues]
[Chief] I ain't scared of much,
but y'all scare the heck outta me
because you've given me something back
that I didn't know I lost:
hope.
[melancholy music continues]
[Chief VO] Hope that all of us people of different races,
different beliefs, might not just tear each other apart.
Hope that we won't get greedy
and destroy this great Garden of Eden we were given.
Hope for the country we can become,
not just the country we've been.
[Mary] That's right! I know that's right!
Speak on. Keep speaking.
[people clapping]
- [Man] All right. That's right! - [Horatio] That's my boy!
I got one question for y'all.
Do you like them?
[Townsfolk] Oh yes!
You respect them?
[Townsfolk] Oh yes!
Do you trust them?
[Townsfolk] Heck yes!
Then welcome to the family!
[townsfolk cheering]
[Chief] Yeah! Thank you!
[townsfolk cheering] [calm music]
Woo. This is our new family here?
This is everybody family right here!
Even her with the freckles?
[Chief VO] They had fun without guns in Lil Heaven,
so we stayed on to protect them.
And me and Queeny got hitched, just like she predicted.
Now the real wild, wild West looked like all of us.
But see, most people, they know about bank robbers
like Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid.
They was never taught about folks of color though.
The Tams got to open up their dream restaurant,
and it's the longest family-owned Chinese restaurant
in America.
Jack Johnson whooped enough ass
to become the first black heavyweight,
and he and his lovely wife opened up a club
called Black and Tan
where folks of all colors was welcome.
And long before they could vote,
there was women like Stagecoach Mary.
Now she was a real badass.
[adventurous Western music]
[adventurous Western music continues]
[Carson] Sure is beautiful country.
It sure is.
[adventurous Western music continues]
[adventurous Western winds down]