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♪ I just wanna vibe high
♪ So I wanna know
♪ Why you bringing me low
♪ Why you bring me low
♪ Oh
♪ I just wanna vibe high
♪ I just wanna vibe
♪ You're never gonna bring me low ♪
Welcome everyone and thank you for joining me today.
Okay, I'm just gonna have you take a second.
Oh, watching guru lady again.
Cool.
It's yoga.
Yeah?
Is it couch yoga?
Are you in couch pose?
And we're gonna turn those emotions into a calm serenity.
Okay, full disclosure, I don't really understand
why this girl is taking the internet by storm.
She kinda seems a little bit boring.
Okay, Patrick,
people say she's gonna be the next Oprah, so.
She's not Oprah.
Two, three.
You don't get it.
No, I know.
That's what I'm saying.
Out through your mouth.
I love her.
Two, three, four.
Okay, well, we'll keep an eye on that.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go make dinner.
I hope you like beans
- and cheesecake. - You will be safe.
You will be happy.
You will be healthy.
Hi Lu.
Hey boo, what you up to?
Not much.
So I proposed you print that picture.
- Are you watching Kali. - In your visual field.
What?
Emily, pause the video, look at me.
I have a fantastic surprise for you.
Ooh, okay.
Sorry, what's up?
We won.
We won?
We won.
We won the weekend getaway with Kali.
Shut up.
- Yes, no. - Shut up.
No, yes, we won, we won.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, what?
She picked us.
I feel like I'm gonna cry right now.
Like I don't even know what to do.
Just breathe.
Like, oh my God, we're gonna be,
like when she exhales, we're gonna breathing,
we're gonna inhale her exhale.
We're gonna breathe the same air.
Okay.
And you don't think Allegra's gonna be pissed, right,
like about her weekend getting ruined or anything?
She can't be mad.
This is so much better.
Like your bachelorette is with Kali.
So that's why I am not really a dog person.
Okay.
That's ridiculous.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It sounds like it was your fault though.
That's what the landlord said.
Anyways, how often do you guys go to Grand Bar?
Oh, hold on.
Sorry, I have to take this.
Oh my lovely Lulu,
what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?
Look at these boys.
- Hi guys, hi. - Isn't he handsome.
That one too.
He's cute, right?
Okay.
Do you need me to send an itinerary for this weekend?
I was actually just sent an itinerary from Kali.
- Shut up. - We won
the weekend getaway with her.
No, no, we're going to Killington.
Like, Vermont?
Yeah.
I guess I don't know where it is,
but promise me you're not mad about Atlantic City.
Oh my God, no, I'm not mad, I'm not mad.
I can find a stripper anywhere, okay, I think.
Leg.
Have you called Emily?
First person I called.
She is the bride to be.
What about Darcy?
I think she's filming something that weekend.
I don't think she's planning on going.
No, I think she said in the group text,
that you're not in, that she's trying to get out of it.
You have a group text that I'm not in?
Yeah.
Like we have one with the four of us
and then one where you're not in it.
And then Darcy and I text a lot on our own.
Why would you do that?
I LOL at everything you type.
Hey, it's the building blocks
of all group friendships, okay.
Just let Darcy know about Kali.
But I gotta go right now.
Emojis too.
Okay, okay.
Well just text her, I think she's on set.
Bye.
Hey.
Yeah, no, I know I left early.
All right.
Okay.
No, I'm here.
I'm sorry, I'm just, there's like music
and I'm just distracted, I'm listening.
Okay.
Okay, no, thank you,
I do not need a reminder to be on set next weekend.
I have been reminded.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
She's gonna be so excited.
Here's the bride-to-be.
Hello.
Hello ladies.
Hi Dino.
Why don't any of you come to see me anymore?
Because this bitch has been too busy planning her funeral,
I mean, wedding.
I understand.
You gals take care of our Emily this weekend.
We will.
I promise.
If we encounter a bear, I'll make sure she's eaten last.
Bears?
In that case, remember, bears don't like ammonia.
Keep some of that handy this weekend, just in case.
Did you get that?
Yeah. I'll get some, I'll try my best.
You know, you always know the most random,
knowledgeable facts.
Why is that?
I'm a doorman, it's kind of in my nature.
I'll take it.
All right, you girls drive safe.
Bye Dino, thank you.
Bye Emily.
Thanks.
See you later.
Who's ready for a wild weekend?
Me.
How long is the drive?
It's about seven hours,
- Seven? - Maybe six.
Allegra, you have your license, right?
Okay.
We should get there around five.
Oh, perfect.
Kali's gonna be there at eight,
so it'll give us time to compose ourselves.
Oh, so I was skimming
some of my bridal magazines the other day
and who did I see?
But our very own,
- "Hostess with the Mostest." - No, no.
God, Darcy, that's so great.
I wish you would go cake tasting with me.
I need your help.
Why?
She doesn't know anything about cakes.
Thank you.
The other day they asked me about wedding cake trends.
I don't even know what that means.
Okay Darcy, food is your brand now.
People expect you to be the expert.
That is true.
You should write a book.
Okay, just because I host a cooking show
doesn't mean I know anything about food.
It just means I know how to read a teleprompter
near food and smile.
But Darcy, seriously, there's a lot you can do with this.
Don't listen to the sellout star.
Hey, you're one to talk.
Hey.
All I'm saying is I didn't think the woman
who only showered once a month in college
would go on to have a featured line in whole foods.
I showered twice a month in college.
You guys, this thing on the dash just lit up.
What does it mean?
I don't know.
Darcy, Darcy, this is my territory.
Okay, I can't call that close
- to the road. - Stop talking.
I won't be able to go unless I can concentrate.
Okay.
You are something,
- you know? - So you can change a tire,
but you didn't know what
the low pressure tire light thingy was.
Okay.
You didn't know what the thingy was either.
Okay, all right,
well, I guess the latter's more important, biatch.
Wait.
Yeah, we're good to go.
Yeah, it feels like we are.
Oh and this is a serious weapon, by the way.
Yeah, it's very dangerous.
- Okay, don't swing it. - Oh my God,
you are legit scary with this thing.
- Get in the car. - All right let's go.
♪ On our way to heaven
Hey, like, how much longer?
We are almost there.
Really?
It's like not even a Starbucks around here.
Oh, this reminds me
of the, "Chilling Killings of Kalamazoo."
Oh my God.
You are not allowed to talk about your creepy crime shows
on this trip.
Okay, I have a confession.
I've already kind of met Kali.
You did?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
I did one of her soul chat things.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Like the phone call thing?
Yeah, it was only 15 minutes, but oh my God,
it was so amazing.
She really opened up my mind.
15 minutes for $500.
Oh, I mean, I don't think it was that much, but.
I'm looking at the website
and that's pretty steep Em.
Well, funny you should say that
because she actually burned the money I Venmoed
after our session.
What?
Yes.
Well, okay, she burned $500.
Okay, I'm not getting it.
I'm not getting it.
Tell me what's going on.
She burned $500.
That's really shitty.
It was symbolic.
Okay, well tell that to the people
who can't pay their rent.
You guys can say whatever you want.
I'm serious about her.
I legit think she might be the last genuine person left.
We need more people like her with the state of the world.
Oh yeah, that's exactly what we need,
another white girl in yoga pants telling us what to do.
I'm joking guys.
I love her, I'm obsessed with her.
♪ Dreamed I would find
♪ Someone like you
Oh, Lulu, will you show us the video
that you sent to Kali?
I wanna see it.
Hi Kali, I'm Lulu Sherman,
creator of the skincare line, Oh Crap,
which you may have heard of.
The four of us have been best friends
since our native ambitious days at Sarah Lawrence.
There's Emily, Allegra, Darcy, and of course me.
Emily is a total marketing badass.
All my friends deserve it, really.
They all work so hard and really just need to kick back.
If you pick us.
I will be indebted to you.
- Wow. - For the rest of my life.
Oh, that's really cute.
Thanks.
Oh my God, I can't believe we won with that fucking video.
I mean, if I saw this, I would kill all of us.
♪ But now
♪ I never say never now
♪ Because I know
♪ That heaven must be shining down ♪
♪ On me and
♪ You
That's so big.
No one jumped at that setup.
It's not what I expected.
Well, let's go check it out.
Woo.
Still okay.
Not what I expected.
Yeah, I don't wanna be ungrateful or anything,
but I thought it would be a little bit nicer.
This is so genuine, right.
Yeah.
It is a little cold.
Let's get drunk.
We'll warm right up.
Yeah, going in the freezer.
- What the fuck? - Hi.
Okay, you guys, I have brass knuckles stay calm.
Who are you?
Hello, she asked you a fucking question.
Sorry, you're all just so radiant.
Okay, well we are not just tits and ass.
Actually, you have four of the smartest ladies
in Manhattan right here.
And we will seriously kick your ass
if you don't tell us who the hell you are.
Geez, I should have known.
Manhattan?
I grew up here.
I'll be your neighbor for the weekend.
We don't need your whole life story.
I'm here for whatever you need.
Well, we need for you not to be here.
Allegra, the property stated it had a caretaker.
He's legit.
Don't be rude.
All right ladies,
I'll just show you few things about the house
and then I'll be outta your hair.
Okay, thank you.
What?
Be nice to him.
- What? - Will you be nice.
He stared right into my eyes.
- You're crazy. - This is like an episode
of, "Chilling Killings of Kalamazoo."
And there was a guy who wore overalls.
No.
- Always. - You're kidding.
I like your overalls.
I think they stocked the fridge.
Just don't feed the bears.
Got some books by the fireplace if you're reading folk.
Lemme show you the attic.
Fixing to get a new bulb before you guys got here,
but suppose I'll have to bring it by tomorrow.
That's about it.
Well, thanks for showing us around.
You look awful familiar.
Oh.
Like a movie star or something.
I'm sure you get that all the time.
She isn't a movie star, but she is a television star.
Ah.
She's the, "Hostess with the Mostest."
- From the show. - I don't really watch TV.
Have you done any play acting too?
I actually consider myself mostly a theater actress.
I mean, I guess not as much as anymore.
Have you ever done anything at the Williamstown Festival?
In the Berkshires?
Oh wow, yeah, actually like five years ago.
"The Seagull."
That's what it was.
I mean, wow, you blew my mind in that play.
I mean, I don't understand how you stay so focused
and everything under all that pressure.
Oh, it's really not that hard.
I mean, I could never do something.
I'm sure you could.
I mean, have you even tried?
Once.
That's how I know I can't do it.
Hey Dar, Allegra needs you
for a game we're gonna play.
Oh, right.
- Yes, and hit Shane, please. - Oh my God.
He was literally the worst.
He was awful.
His friends also sucked.
Well, have you ever seen sober people play darts?
No, okay.
All right, oh my God.
I hope I'm good, okay.
Oh, that wasn't good.
Okay, okay.
That was kind close.
He's like, never been hit before.
I dunno why, he's smug enough.
I know.
Remember when he had that pantless web series?
- Yeah. - Oh.
Oh my God, Kali, Kali, you're here in this house.
I'm Lulu.
You picked me, our video.
We're bacheloretteing.
- We're friends now. - Why don't you
Let the woman inside?
Oh my God.
I'm so sorry, please sit down.
Oh, no, no worries.
I totally get it.
It's really lovely to meet you, Lulu.
Thank you.
This is Allegra.
Hi queen of the bachelorette party.
Oh, congratulations.
Or best wishes, I think it's best wishes
when it comes to the bride.
Oh my God, thank you so much.
But I'm actually not the bride.
She meant she's the queen of getting shit-faced.
Hi, I am Emily, I'm the bride.
And it is truly an honor.
Ugh, I am the honored one
to be invited on a girls' ritualistic weekend like this.
I mean, you don't even know me.
Well, that just goes to show how good you are
at what you do, because we feel like we do know you.
Yeah.
I think we missed one.
Hi, I'm Darcy.
Nice to meet you.
You look awfully familiar.
Oh.
She's an actress.
Ah, how fun.
I love the theater.
She's on TV.
She has a show, "Hostess with the Mostest."
Oh, I don't actually own a television.
Oh.
Yeah.
I'm not actually some anti television snob or anything.
I just, I really don't have the time.
Oh, I bet.
How do you do it all?
Because you do a fucking lot.
Do you have like an army working for you or something?
You know, this weekend it's all about Emily, right?
Yes.
- It's enough about me. - Yeah, good idea.
No offense.
But let's get back to our game.
We could probably start winding down.
You're playing a game?
- Yes. - Oh, it's just
some silly game.
You don't have to play.
It's really, it's really silly.
It's not silly, I spent like six hours on it, plus.
You know, I'd be happy to lead a guided meditation
if you like.
Oh my God, that sounds
- incredible. - Yes.
Just relax.
Go ahead and lie down.
Make yourself feel comfortable.
Just stay still.
Go ahead
and just breathe.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
We are different from our bodies.
These are a temporary house for our spirits.
Death is not the end.
We attain perfection through many lives.
Gaining wisdom from each one.
And becoming closer to perfect
with each life that is lived.
But you will not get it in the state that you are in now,
in this presence that you are in.
Renounce your desires.
Renounce those who spread demonic ideas.
And who merely talk of moral values
but do not practice them.
Stop.
Oh my God.
Well, I really liked Danny until I met his family.
- Oh God. - Oh God his family.
So bad.
Why, what was wrong with his family?
They spoke in pig Latin at dinner, for the entire meal.
No, for the entire meal.
And Danny got really mean when I wouldn't go along with it.
But I'm just really bad at pig Latin.
Needless to say it was better away.
Don't say that.
Okay.
Over is what I'm saying.
Over.
What a colorful dating history.
Oh, not even.
You should hear Darcy's tales of romance.
No, you shouldn't.
Darcy, please.
Now that I'm engaged, I live vicariously through you.
Yeah, I bet, working in the entertainment industry,
you meet a lot of interesting people.
I meet actors, which means I usually have
an incredible first date and by the third date,
all of the trauma's on the table.
That sounds sort of refreshing.
Allegra is the one with the exciting dating life.
Oh, is that what you call it, Allegra, a dating life?
Screw you.
What about you Lulu?
Oh, Lu is a fellow serial monogamous.
Oh, this is my husband-to-be.
I'll be right back.
Your phone is meant to be on airplane mode.
Oh, can I just take this real quick?
I don't want him to be worried.
I guess you are the bride, so just this once.
Thanks.
Airplane mode?
To answer your question, Kali, no, no one at the moment.
I'm obviously really busy with my company, Oh Crap.
So it's really hard for me to meet people right now.
Kali, please tell me you're not one of those
like anti-sex, yogi people.
I am intermittently celibate.
I find that it just really helps me keep a clear head.
I just, I really like being here with you.
Just like being with a big group of sisters.
I always wanted sisters,
but I got stuck with brothers.
Oh my God, me too.
Oh my God.
You guys are like, so all right.
Sorry, phone is officially on airplane mode.
He called you from his bachelor party?
It's a little codependent, no?
- Okay. - Ew, no.
And he's bachelor party is tomorrow night.
You've been gone like eight hours.
I know.
Isn't that sweet?
It is sweet.
Don't listen to them.
Okay, well, I'm exhausted and I'm gonna go turn in.
Not gonna check the locks?
She's totally paranoid.
I already did twice.
All right, goodnight.
And don't be quiet on my account.
I've got my Air Pods.
Freak.
She seems really happy to be a bride.
What is her fiance like?
Oh, he's a really nice guy and he's just crazy about her.
He's boring, but he's rich.
So she likes him.
Honestly, he's exactly what she was after.
He's very secure.
Oh my God, they're in love.
You're just a sinner.
So she's ready to quit her job.
She wants to be a housewife?
You know, I really don't think we should be
talking about our best friend.
Technically, we're talking about Patrick.
You know what?
I'm gonna have to bed too.
Goodnight
Night.
She didn't used to be so sensitive.
Is there something going on with her?
- I thought you were going. - Jesus.
I didn't see you there.
God, just need to find something for my back.
Okay.
Morning.
I love you, Dar.
Oh, what do you want?
Can you pretty, pretty, pretty please
get me a cup of coffee.
Sure.
Why can't you get it?
'Cause I need the coffee
to have the energy to get the coffee.
Understandable.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Coffee coming right up.
Hmm, we told her she couldn't have any until she got up.
She needs the coffee to have the energy
to get the coffee.
Enabler.
Oh, how many cups have you had?
None.
You know I'm off coffee until the wedding.
The bleaching, it's really expensive.
The teeth are the asshole.
Wait, have you guys been having
like weird cell phone service?
Darcy, you know, we're not supposed to have our phones.
You should have gotten up earlier, Dar,
we did a sun salutation with Kali at sunrise.
Yeah.
That's very cool.
Yeah, I do yoga three times a day.
You are under no obligation to join,
but if you do want to make the most of the weekend.
Count me in for the next one.
Leg, you want cream?
Yes, please.
Where's the cream?
Oh, actually I have the perfect vegan substitute
in my bag.
I've got something you can use too.
Oh, thanks guys.
Dar, what is my life right now?
I'm getting married in a week
and all my best friends are here.
And my idol is like, she's like one of the girls, right?
She's like one of us.
It's crazy.
- Do you think she's? - Here you go.
It's just a spoonful.
Ah, I'm good.
Here's some vegan sweetener if you want some.
Oh, thank you both.
Is that the Guzzling Farm, Swuga?
Yeah, I saw your post about it a few weeks back.
It's all I use now.
Yeah, it's garbage.
They're actually the reason
that I don't do sponsored posts anymore.
I dug a little bit deeper,
child labor, pesticides, the whole shebang.
That's awful.
Your coffee little lady.
Careful, hot.
Thank you my liege.
I do not wish to be awake.
So bach bitch, what's the plan for today?
Sadly, I think I've been dethroned.
But it's only temporary.
I have a surprise for the weekend.
Oh God.
It makes me nervous when you say that.
Hello, come eat.
Okay.
Everyone needs some protein before our hike.
- Yay. - Yay.
Hey Travis.
How can I help you?
Just, can I grab something?
Okay, come in.
Oh, hi Travis.
Hello ladies.
Good morning.
To what do we owe the pleasure.
Oh he just had to grab something.
Oh, you must be the one that helps out around the house.
I think the guy who owns it mentioned something about you.
It's not a guy.
It's an old lady.
Travis, this is Kali the guru.
Oh, nice to meet you.
Me too.
So what do y'all got planned for today?
I think we're going on a hike around the lake.
No, we don't, we don't know what we're doing.
But that's what she said.
When or where, I think we're gonna hang around the house
- and do some girl stuff. - Oh thank God.
Sounds fun.
Well, I get outta your hair.
Okay, Darcy, you are not supposed to tell strangers
when your house is vacant.
Oh he forgot his gloves.
Is she crazy?
Hold on.
Hey.
What is this?
Oh, that's my dried algae.
You forgot your gloves.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Hey, have you,
have you ever done any Shakespeare?
Oh, I was Rosalyn in a production of,
"As You Like It," in Brooklyn, like three years ago.
It was before "Hostess with the Mostest."
I bet you were good.
You have a really nice way of talking.
Oh, thank you.
Is that what you wanted?
What?
Be on TV to blow up?
I thought it was,
but I understand now why people call it blowing up.
I think I would call it selling your soul.
I mean, you could always buy your soul back, right?
I mean, you can buy pretty much anything in this world.
Darcy, come on.
I should go back.
I'll bring that light bulb by this afternoon.
I'll wait till you're back.
I don't wanna freak out your friend.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
You're freaky and I love it.
But it is time to go and I don't want you to get murdered.
Okay, okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Go, go, go.
I'm so grateful for the community that I built.
Yes, but how did you build it?
Build is the wrong word.
It's the community I've fostered, really.
Those who want more out of life
tend to seek a guide of some sort
and well, that's where I come in.
I always thought people who took yoga classes
just wanted to get in shape.
Well, you'd be surprised.
Though I do see many who believe that's why they're there.
It doesn't take them long to realize
there is so much more to be gained.
What are our bodies but vehicles for our souls.
I mean, we really just need them
to get from point A to point B.
How fucking old am I, I can't even tie my own shoe.
Thank you for hanging back.
Oh no, thank you for the opportunity.
I know this is so annoying.
Like, this was supposed to be like a party weekend.
I was specifically told that I could be drunk
for two days straight.
And here I am, like hiking outside.
Honestly, this much fresh air will make me throw up.
I know it's the worst.
Emily's just, I hate how she's being around her.
You know, we never get to spend a weekend together
and she's just making it terrible.
Kali, can I ask you something?
It's a little embarrassing, but
do you remember me?
I did one of your soul chats.
We talked about my engagement and you burned some money.
Yeah, the soul chat's
are meant to be strictly confidential,
and as such, I willed myself to forget them
as soon as they are done.
But maybe I remember you just a little.
Do I wish I was reping people
doing something more important.
Yes, but I don't know, it's fun and I'm good at it.
It's, I dunno, works for now.
That's nice.
Dar, I know you hate the hosting gig.
Okay, but it's not forever, okay, you won't be pigeonholed.
Just think of this as like a jumping off point
for something way more rad.
Thanks Leggy.
I know this weekend is awful.
- It's so awful. - Terrible.
She's crazy, right?
I think it's.
Yeah, it's terrible.
Let's begin.
Close your eyes.
Check in with your mind.
Check in with your breath.
Is there something that is distracting you?
Acknowledge that thought and wave it goodbye.
Put your hand on your chest.
This is yours.
This is your heart.
It is precious,
but it is temporary.
When you listen too long to another's,
yours becomes obsolete.
You sacrifice yourself and lose all who you are.
And then what is the point in living?
That is supposed to be on airplane mode.
Sorry.
I actually need to take this.
Oh, we are not done here.
Oh, you can keep going on without me.
Hey, I told you I'm in Vermont
for my girlfriend's bachelorette weekend.
No, yeah, no I told you.
That was this weekend too?
I completely forgotten.
Hey, Kels, I can't, I can't really hear.
I'm losing, I'll call you,
I'll call you when I get back to the city.
Didn't mean to interrupt.
That's okay.
It's all right, I let myself in?
Yes, of course.
What's the situation with the reception here?
It's pretty terrible.
It's not terrible.
Shoot actually,
maybe the line's down.
Great.
I heard the others outside.
Oh yeah, they're doing a meditation.
I think they're about to rip each other's hearts out
like in that, "Indiana Jones" movie.
Oh.
Sounds like a violent bachelorette weekend.
Yeah, it might be.
Hey guys.
Dar, they're about to start another yoga class.
If you wanna join in.
Not a chance.
Where are you going?
I am truly not sure if there's enough alcohol
for me to get through this weekend,
but I'm gonna go find out.
Okay, sounds good.
I should go fix this light bulb.
Travis, can we use the fire pit that's up there?
Oh, sure.
I could come by around the dark and get it going for you.
Okay.
Yeah, well then we'll see you after dark.
One's life is not measured by the number of days,
but by the number of breaths.
Hey.
Thanks for helping out this weekend.
Kali, you posted a video 81 and a half days ago
that really, really spoke to me
when you talked about how to enter a field
with peaceful intent.
And I wanted you to know you were.
And I want you to know, a couple weeks ago
I actually entered a parking lot,
but like, I got out.
That was me doing it.
You know, that was really, you know, I just,
hey, have you tried Oh Crap?
I don't know, I just feel like,
and I mean, it's just, I mean, it was a total accident.
You know, had to go to the bathroom.
I fell in the feces and it would just,
I just think.
The pores felt open.
And your pores, well, they're open,
but I mean, like, Oh Crap.
Your heart is so open and your pores,
I mean, your skin's amazing, but your pore you, you just,
I just really need a moment of solitude.
Hey, it's okay.
Sorry.
It's fine.
She just needed a second.
It's not anything personal.
You're good.
- You're good. - She didn't like it.
She doesn't like it.
No, she does.
Yeah, she hasn't even tried it.
You're good.
Yeah.
How was yoga?
Oh, don't say it like that.
Like what?
Nevermind.
How was your urgent phone call?
Ah, just work stuff, no biggie.
Why are you so uncomfortable with being honest?
I'm not uncomfortable.
Did Kali say something?
Did that phone call have anything to do with
why you didn't think you'd make it this weekend?
Em, I said, I don't wanna talk about it.
If you don't express yourself, it'll just fester.
Yeah, ditto.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Thank you for trusting me with your practice today.
And as you go out into the world, ask yourself,
"Who am I?"
Drop a comment below.
Love to yourself and to others.
Namaste.
This is good.
It's good energy.
We're we're gonna eat this delicious meal
made by our good buddy.
Oh, no thank you, I'm fasting.
Yep, okay.
I can't imagine it's gonna be that fun to watch us eat.
I'm very disciplined.
Of course.
Well, shall I?
- Well. - Yeah, let's cheers.
There are good ships and cruise ships
and ships that sail to sea.
And the best ships are friendships,
- some may be all we need. - And cheers to Kali
for being here and being so amazing.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Sure.
Okay, very, yeah.
So, I made the salad even though I hate salad.
I'm so excited for wings.
Thank you.
Leggy, is this like a recipe
you followed from a cookbook or?
I made it up.
Oh.
I once ate chicken wings on a first date
and everyone thought that was like really brave
and I just did it.
- Wow. - That is.
I don't know about brave.
It's a bold choice.
Would you go on a second date with me?
I would definitely go on a second date with you.
Wow, that is, did you crack that bone?
All right, I'm gonna try it.
It's okay.
It's just, actually, can I have the green beans?
That's asparagus.
Oh, asparagus.
Oh, don't sniff it.
Don't want you getting all tempted.
- So fleshy? - Who wanted that?
Excuse me.
Guess she wasn't that disciplined.
I mean, what the fuck was that about?
Because fasting is also not fun.
So I think the fire's just about set.
Looks pretty.
It's beautiful.
That's about it.
You ladies have a good night now.
Okay, thank you, Travis.
Good night.
You should stay.
I don't mind, it's rough.
Shut up, just stay, it's a party.
Stay, stay.
Does anyone play guitar?
Ooh.
Kali, Kali right.
I can play the sitar.
Oh, sitar shucks, we left that at home.
Okay, guitar, Travis?
Sorta.
Oh my gosh play, "MMMBop."
Oh, "Orion" by Metallica.
Guys, what do you think?
"Orion" by Metallica, or?
Play us "Run the Game."
Wow, we are really winning.
Can you play any Dylan?
Legally, no, but
What about, "Neutral Milk Hotel?"
What?
"Neutral Milk Hotel?"
What's so weird about that?
Well, it's a little serious
- and shitty. - It's dark.
Leg, I mean, come on, it's just a little weird
you wanna listen to the song about Anne Frank
at my bachelorette weekend?
Well, why?
It's a little depressing.
Yeah, it's just like.
Yeah, we just, we love you for who you are inside.
And who is that?
Oh, you're the one who reminds us to have a good time.
Cool.
That's all you guys ever really think of me, right.
The party girl who used to boof
at the sick, high rush parties.
- It was awesome, yeah. - Yeah.
What?
I am so sick and tired of you guys not taking me seriously.
Like, you know, I have like a very legit job now
and I'm doing really well.
And I have to be organized and responsible and clever
and I'm really fucking
good at it.
You are.
And I'm sorry, I just wanted to have
a fun weekend with my friends.
All right.
Okay.
I'm gonna go inside.
- Leggy. - What?
No.
- Like he'll play it. - Yeah.
Leggy we can play it.
It'll be like really mellow.
Actually, I think I figured out the chords
to that one Dylan song.
We should probably go make sure Allegra's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Hey, can we try this again tomorrow?
I'll see you at dark?
Yeah, I'll see you Travis.
Ugh.
It looks like it's just you.
I guess I'll go fuck myself.
Your body is made up of 80% of water.
We should only be ingesting water-based molecules
and plant-based proteins.
Having meat is murder.
Would you eat your family dog?
No.
Would you take your family's animals
and brutally turn them inside out, shredding them to pieces,
ripping off their hair, taking out their insides
and serving it on a plate?
Is just the same as if you were to eat a human.
Or your cat, would you rip the heart out of your pet cat?
Would you eat it?
But you sat there and you ate that chicken?
Never thought of it like that before.
Maybe I'll go vegan.
Well, as much as I love being traumatically shamed
for eating meat, I'm gonna go to bed.
Leggy, I'm really sorry about teasing you from before.
It's okay.
Yeah, we're so sorry.
And we know you're not a party girl
like a hundred percent of the time.
Goodnight.
God, I forgot how sensitive she can be.
Aw, it's been a while
since we've all been together like this.
You know, I think tensions, emotions are just running high.
Yeah.
No, you're right, Dar.
But I'm just surprised you went to bed so early though.
That's crazy.
I don't know, it's kinda late.
Maybe we should all go to bed and just get some sleep.
Fresh start tomorrow.
I'm not tired.
Me neither.
Yeah, Dar, you just go on and go to bed, yeah.
I can stay up with you guys.
No, no, I mean you should get
some really good sleep tonight.
And like you were saying, emotions are running so high
and yeah, go on.
Okay.
Don't stay up too late.
Okay wait, so beeswax.
Mm-hmm.
That's something like absolutely stay away from.
That's murder.
♪ She's got a style that most girls would kill for ♪
♪ A delicious disaster
♪ The kind of girl that most guys would dream of ♪
♪ Too good to go after
♪ Ain't gotta try, she's a natural ♪
♪ She's stays so balanced ♪
♪ Well time will tell
♪ If you try to cut her down
♪ She's got the higher ground
♪ They're all just jealous of how she does it ♪
♪ She's got a style that most girls ♪
Never have I ever not let someone do cocaine
out of my butt crack.
- So you have. - Did, done.
Like I haven't not let them.
So every time they have to do cocaine?
Just wanted to tell us that you let someone.
I just wanted to tell you guys.
Okay, so we all drink.
Why do we all drink?
I didn't do that.
The story of me doing Coke.
Well drink.
Okay.
You got me.
What the hell?
Was that a car door?
Leggy did say she had a surprise.
No, that's never good.
- No. - Yeah,
I think it's really good.
I wonder what it is.
You guys, there's like a cop here.
I got a package,
I got a package for a woman named Emily.
Is that you, Gucci queen?
No, this is really embarrassing.
I am engaged to be married next week.
Gucci queen.
Ooh.
This is a pretty big package.
You sure you can handle this?
Yes.
She'll be fine.
Do it, do it, I dare you.
- I told you no strippers. - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Boom.
Oh, come here.
Oh yeah, it's really hot in here.
Oh, no, no.
What is going on here?
I know you've been trying to stamp on the party,
but the party train is full steam ahead.
I'm the captain.
Chugga, chugga choo, choo.
You know you can touch it, you can look at it.
Chugga, chugga, chugga.
It's just a little harmless fun.
Fun?
This is supposed to be fun for you?
Okay bitch, you're really killing the vibe.
You all act like you wanna be better,
but you don't really, you just do whatever you wanna do,
no consequences.
God, this is a bachelorette weekend.
You should have known what you signed up for.
All you do is sit around and just like judge us
and make us feel like we're not good enough,
and we are.
You're not.
- Go, go, go, go, go. - Go, go, go, go, go.
Drink it, touch it.
Hey, can I sit?
Go for it.
They're not coming out here?
Nope.
They've got enough entertainment up in there.
I've never met my followers in real life.
Did you think they're all like this?
Like what?
Basic bitches.
They're not basic bitches,
they're interesting.
One of them got a pass now.
Travis, they're repulsed by you.
- Not Darcy. - Don't Travis.
What?
Oh, you stay away from her, Travis.
I didn't tell her nothing.
Don't get any closer, I mean it.
They got that guy up there?
They sure do.
Why?
Does that bother you?
I don't like it.
It's filthy.
Those women, they're disgusting.
Disgusting.
Oh, Travis,
you said it yourself,
they're up there having the time or their lives,
paying someone to act interested in them.
Darcy's kind of the worst of all, huh.
I think I saw him ratting on her before I left.
Why did you bring them to the house anyway?
What do you need my help with?
I asked you here to help me
and I know you'll and I need you, all right.
You think they even know that I'm your brother?
Oh, don't worry about it, Travis.
It's just better that way.
Which one of them's got them brass knuckles?
Oh my God.
Okay.
Hey, get up.
Okay.
- Wake up. - No.
No, fuck off.
It's early, stop
Please.
No, shut up.
Okay.
I will do it.
Get up.
Leggy, where's the guy?
Travis?
Fuck if I know.
No, the stripper guy.
He has a name.
What's his name?
I don't know.
Classy.
Shut up.
No, you shut up.
Where is he?
I don't know.
He probably went back from wherever he came from.
Yeah.
Well his car is still here.
Car is still here?
Yes, it's in the driveway.
He's in the driveway.
Did I miss the sun salutation?
All right, everybody, we're getting up.
We are searching the house.
We are gonna find this stripper.
We gotta search the whole house.
Emily you watch way too many of those crime shows.
Thank God someone does.
And if there's one thing I've learned
is that people wait too long to do something.
And if your gut tells you something's wrong,
you have to act on it.
But what if yours is the only gut with a problem?
I don't think she is the only gut with a problem.
Okay, ew, disgusting.
Don't make me pull the bride card.
No, well what about Kali?
- She pulled the card. - Get up.
Where is that bitch?
- Okay, please. - She's probably meditating.
Okay, be careful.
Text me when you get there.
I'm so tired right now.
I know, it feels like they really need you.
I know.
Okay.
All right.
I can do this.
You should go.
Who are you?
No, not in there?
Next go.
Not in here.
All right.
Kali, are you in here?
- I'm going in. - Calm down.
I'm going in.
Okay, well no, let's just maybe knock one more time.
Kali, Kali, Kali, Kali, Kali.
Fuck it.
- Ooh. - Please don't touch anything.
- Okay. - Love it.
Should we check the closet?
No, I'm not a psychopath.
What do you think she does with this?
Just, oh my God.
Put that down.
I don't want her to see it.
Whoa.
- That is a. - By all means,
please continue to go in my personal space.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Kali,
we're just, we're here
because the stripper from last night is missing.
Missing.
Yeah.
So his car is here, but he is gone.
And on the, "Chilling Killings of Duluth"
there was this guy, he was a prostitute and he also.
That's not the same thing.
Okay, he was a prostitute and he went missing the next day
and he didn't return.
And it just like has really freaked out
- and we trying to figure out. - Maybe we can do
some meditation.
Yeah, that'll find him.
Okay.
So sorry.
I really am so sorry.
I told her not to touch it.
Basic bitches.
I feel like absolute shit.
Yeah, you're not looking that great.
Did she make you check the closets?
No, I'm not a psychopath.
Thank you.
Okay ladies, listen up.
We have a missing person on our hands.
Yep and we gotta think of something.
We have to think of something.
Okay.
I have an idea.
- What? - I have an idea.
Share it with us.
Do you have pictures of him?
Yeah, on Craigslist.
Great, great.
So what if we made lost stripper posters
and we hung them around?
What?
Wait, you're not joking?
No.
- Why are you marketing? - Oh my gosh.
I feel like people would think that was a joke?
No.
And make him look legit.
Honey, I'm not gonna knock a good idea.
But that's not a good idea.
What if he's like in the woods,
we're gonna like hang him in the woods?
He probably just went out for a nice stroll
and he'll be back.
He'll be back.
Yeah.
And you all were flying high as a kite last night.
So you're not one to talk.
You have a literal dick on your face right now.
Guys, there's a potential kidnapper on the loose.
- Do I have a dick on my face? - Emily,
that doesn't even make any sense.
Yeah, you do, it's fine.
We have to do something, okay.
We can't just let poor, what's his name, out in the woods,
maybe by himself getting chopped up.
What you wanna do, call the cops?
Yeah, I already did.
- What? - What?
And fun fact about that is that
even though the service sucks out here,
a call to 911 without signal is routed as a distress call.
To the nearest tower.
You are actually insane.
We have too much stuff here.
We can't have a cops show up.
Okay, well maybe you should have thought of that
before bringing drugs to my bachelorette weekend.
I didn't bring drugs.
All right Emily, just call them back
and tell them we don't need them okay.
Just call them back.
Fuck, hide the drugs.
Hello ma'am.
We got a call about a missing person.
Yes, we're looking for a cop.
Well, good news.
I am a cop.
Not a cop, a UPS employee.
- Right. - What?
Technically I think I think more of a mailman.
Really?
- He was. - Okay, okay.
Let's play a little game called want of you speak.
Who placed the call?
That would be me.
So officer, we met a man last night who's now gone missing?
How long has this man you met last night gone missing?
Well, somewhere between the hours of four and six.
Mm, somewhere between the hours of four and six,
every other Tuesday, my wife goes missing,
and she's not really missing, she's at a hotel
and the parking lot smells like urine
and the swimming pool smells like second chances,
so I'm told.
Do you think he's there?
What?
Look, here's the way it rolls in a small town like this.
I need 48 hours, that's two days,
see, we have an education system too,
to report anyone as a missing person.
So gimme two days and then I can do my job.
That just seems like a really long time.
Yeah, I mean.
And he's gone now and you know.
- Yeah officer, his car. - Look, I can
take down some information.
All right, let's do that
and then I'll file a Missing Person Report two days.
But something you should know
is that his car is here but he is not.
And that's the thing.
So, that's why we're freaked out.
Yeah, his car's here.
- Okay. - Can't find him.
Again, you know what?
I'll take some information down, but I still need two days.
So just gimme some facts.
It's Bobby.
- Bobby. - Bobby.
- I don't think that's right. - Peter.
- Peter.
Peter, it's Peter.
Bobby, Peter.
Yeah I knew it is one of the Farley brothers.
A stage name.
- Okay. - What's a stage name?
He's about like this tall.
- About like. - Shorter than you.
Six and a half inches.
Yeah, pretty average.
Completely hairless.
Like completely.
He was, he was totally.
Like his whole body was.
This is a personal choice thing going on.
- Okay. - You know.
His was too.
So yeah.
I'll go look around for this Bobby, Peter
with no chest hair.
This is him.
Jesus Christ.
Ladies, does anybody go to church in this group?
That was a lot of house.
It's okay, Emily.
He probably just wandered off.
I'm sure he'll come back.
I don't know.
Maybe Emily's right, I figure this is foul play.
Thank you.
Oh my God, do you think someone hurt Bobby?
Peter.
Oh, thank God, do you think someone hurt Peter?
I mean, I didn't.
But who do we know who's in the vicinity,
who clearly didn't like Peter last night?
Wait, did Travis even meet Peter?
No, no, not Travis, Kali.
Dar, I think that chick is crazy too.
But I let it slip to Travis last night that I got a stripper
and he seemed really weird about it.
Oh my God.
Okay, there's no way that you think Kali
did something to Peter.
That is, that's absolutely insane.
What?
Yes, I can.
Didn't you hear what she said last night?
"You should all be ashamed of yourself."
Darcy, why do you hate her?
I don't hate her. I just don't love her.
You've been so blind this weekend
because you're obsessed with her.
Okay Darcy, I admit she's not
what I thought she'd be either.
But you've been negative about her ever since we got here.
- Yes, yes. - Wow, Dar.
This is like the one weekend we get to spend with her.
I haven't spent time with you in over a year.
And you keep putting the stranger above everything else.
She's not a stranger.
Oh, she's not?
- No. - She is, Emily.
My God, just because you spend all your time
consuming her on Instagram,
does it mean you actually know her?
I think Lulu's right,
I think you are jealous.
- Oh, I'm jealous. - Yeah.
I'm so jealous.
But not because of our relationship,
but because of how vulnerable she is
- and how authentic she is. - Oh yeah.
And you know what?
Guess what, Darcy?
No one made you do that dumb cooking show.
Oh, there it is.
There it is.
Screw you Emily.
And the two of you staying neutral isn't neutral.
Fuck off.
Assholes.
I was about to jump in.
Whatever.
It's ridiculous.
So typical.
Is everything okay?
- It's fine. - No, everything's not okay.
Our best friend just ran away.
And my potential soulmate is missing.
Potential soulmate?
Anybody can be a potential soulmate, okay.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Yeah, it's fine, it's fine.
She just had to have a moment.
But we're gonna get through it.
You will.
Well, perhaps someone should go off to her.
Don't pretend like you care about Darcy now.
Oh, I'm so sorry if I was upset last night.
But it does make me sick to my stomach
thinking someone may have gotten hurt on this trip.
Guys, whose bag is this?
This wasn't here before.
I don't know.
- Yeah. - Am I crazy?
I don't know, is it Peter's bag?
I don't know.
- Did he have a bag on him? - I don't know.
- Open it. - Okay.
Oh God what is that?
Oh God, that is blood.
Oh my God, I knew it, I knew it.
This is a real crime scene shit.
Stop talking about that show.
Okay, okay.
We have to call the police now.
And tell them what?
There's cleaning supplies in our Airbnb.
No, no, no, no.
It's like what Dino said about the bears.
maybe it's like that.
Dino, what?
Okay, somebody has gotta go after Darcy.
Okay.
Right.
So some of us should go and some should stay behind.
Oh my God.
- Okay, okay. - Okay.
I will stay.
I would like to purify the air after last night's filth.
Right.
Go.
Okay, okay, we'll go.
I'll stay behind and wait for Darcy
while Boulevard here shakes her crystals around.
Funny.
Where'd she go?
I don't know, but we should probably split up.
No, no, no, no, no, we can't all die.
Listen, listen, please listen.
You go that way.
I'll go that way.
- We'll find her quicker. - No, no, no, no.
Would you feel better if you'd something
to protect yourself?
Maybe.
Okay.
Go grab the tire iron.
Oh, it's in the trunk.
Okay, okay, it's about five o'clock.
If you don't find her in a half hour,
- come back to the house, okay. - Okay.
- Yeah.
You shouldn't be back here.
I just had to get outta the house.
Did something happen?
Yeah, my friends are morons.
We've been best friends for like 10 years
and they're choosing this girl
who's basically a cult leader over me,
even though she's clearly deranged
and probably kidnapped the stripper or something.
Oh yeah, and the stripper is missing.
Are you okay?
I'm pissed.
I don't understand why they keep believing her bullshit.
She's just so fake.
That really bothers you.
You live out here, right?
Back that way a little bit.
It's kind of freezing.
Do you think we could go?
I wanna show you something first.
Where are they?
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
So beautiful.
You're so warm.
You must be real.
They think I'm jealous of Kali.
Are you?
No.
I don't know.
Maybe a little bit.
But I wouldn't accuse someone of foul play
just out of jealousy.
I mean, people even kill sometimes out of jealousy.
But you shouldn't be jealous of her.
I guess.
I don't know, it's not even that, it's just like.
What's wrong?
What are you doing?
I'm,
I'm.
Oh, okay.
What am I doing?
I'm gonna, I'm,
thank you, I'm gonna get back to my friends, thanks.
Don't go back.
What are you talking about?
I can give you a ride somewhere,
just please don't.
Okay, you're kind of freaking me out.
- Go back to the house. - Do you know something?
What are you saying?
You need to leave.
- Just go. - Don't touch me.
- Please, please, please.
Okay, okay.
Oh my God, you're alive.
Of course I'm alive.
Right, I knew you were,
but Emily was freaking out and then we found this stuff
- in the house and. - Like stuff?
Yeah, like stuff.
Hey, you mind if I come back in now?
Yeah, why?
Your friend Kali told me I had to leave this morning.
She said go take a hike.
I went and hiked through the woods all day,
but she said I could come back at night, so.
I need to figure out what's going on, I'm sorry.
Tell Allegra I said, hey.
Allegra.
Oh yeah, fuck this.
It's just a little bit of harness fun.
Darcy.
Emily.
Allegra.
Hello.
Where are you guys?
Oh, oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, Leggy.
Leg, Leg, Leggy, it's okay.
It's okay Leggy.
It's okay.
Lu.
Emily.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Oh Lu, no, no, no Lu.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Lulu.
It's okay, it's okay, Lu, Lu,
I need you to get up right now.
I need you to get up right now okay.
I need you to get up lulu.
- We need to go. - Hello Darcy.
You.
I knew it.
Everyone said it was Travis.
Guess my brother wasn't worthless after all.
Your brother?
Listen, I gotta make this quick.
Fuck.
Please.
What did you do?
Oh, come on, I couldn't save just one
because you liked her.
Darcy.
Give it up Trav, she's dead.
Darcy.
Jesus Travis, help me move the body
before the other ones get back.
Oh, Travy.
You don't wanna do this.
Release me.
I don't need you.
You need me.
Oh my God.
Wait, wait, wait.
Oh my God.
I just hope Kali's okay.
She was so freaked out.
I just wish she would reach out, you know,
like we went through this thing together and,
I dunno.
And maybe she will reach out in her own time.
Some people just need more time.
Yeah, I know.
I just hope she's okay.