Downloaded from YTS.MX
[drum beat bellowing]
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
[audience cheering]
[audience applauding]
[Moses] Novak takes a devastating blow to the jaw
from Calypso
and he is down.
[Samson] Three minutes left in the round,
and Calypso is coming in for the kill,
and this could be...
[Calypso growling]
Novak, with the evasive maneuver!
[Calypso growling]
[Calypso grunting]
Oh! [laughs]
[Novak shouts]
Let's go, you Nazi piece of shit.
I've never seen a comeback like that
since Pretty Boy beat the Kamikaze Twins back in 2038.
[upbeat dance music playing]
[audience cheering]
[Calypso growling]
♪
[man whoops]
[Calypso grunting]
[audience cheering]
-I'm free! -Wow!
[Cutie Pie giggling]
[Novak grunts]
[Samson laughing]
[Cutie Pie giggling]
Cutie Pie back for the kill.
[Cutie Pie giggling]
I tell you Samson,
I haven't seen bloodlust like this since Season 10,
when Thrustkill won eight consecutive matches
without a single scratch.
You remember Thrustkill, right?
I had every Thrustkill poster on my wall growing up.
I sold my son's Thrustkill action figures on eBay
for ten Bitcoins when he died.
I fucked Thrustkill in 2030 after a match.
Best sex I ever had.
You know what, where's Cutie Pie?
I like Cutie Pie--
Cutie Pie, if you see this,
I have a fantastic sponsorship opportunity for you.
No, sir, I don't think this is the time or place.
[overlapping talking]
Tune in next week
for a fresh batch of institutionalized gladiators
fighting for their freedom,
and place your bets at...
[both] ...Arena Wars.
Bam. [chuckles]
[dramatic music playing]
Thrustkill.
Those were the days, huh, Gideon?
People are losing their bloodlust.
Yeah, but we still do
exceedingly well in syndication.
Syndication-based crypto [indistinct].
Keeps the brand alive, but doesn't grow it.
How can we make death exciting to the masses again?
We could do audience participation.
Too many lawsuits.
Thrustkill had a knack for living up to his name.
Which is why we...
[sighs] I don't know, Gideon.
There has to be a way.
How do we win back the audience?
[ominous melody building]
Lights out, Bender.
[electric buzzing]
[pensive music playing]
[indistinct]
[laughter echoes]
Mr. Luke Bender.
You've served 10 years of a 200-year sentence.
Tell me, Mr. Bender, do you--
do you feel that you've been rehabilitated?
Define rehabilitated.
Rehabilitation could be defined
as the restoration of a person
back to health, or a normal life,
by training or therapy.
Therapy.
You've received therapy here
from Staff Psychiatrist Dr. Nelson, correct?
If being called a piece of shit for an hour
and punching a wall all night is
what you would call therapy, then, yeah.
Consider me rehabilitated.
You're having violent outbursts?
[tense music playing]
[knuckles cracking]
What do you think?
Again,
do you consider yourself rehabilitated?
That answers that.
Um-- [clears throat]
That's unfortunate.
We have a new rehabilitation program
we could have offered you.
Mr. Simmons, could you escort Mr. Bender out
and bring in the next person, please, thank you.
Copy that.
[pensive music playing]
[banging]
[panting]
[device ringing]
[Luke breathing heavily]
[guard] Yo, Bender.
Got an incoming transmission.
Secure line.
Patch it in.
-[device beeps] -[guard] Patching in.
Good morning, Luke.
Good morning.
Taking your frustrations out on the wall again, I see.
It'll work for now.
How'd that parole hearing go?
Botched.
Intentionally.
Mm, good.
Still got that sense of duty.
That's why they picked me.
How's Arianna?
You know that's off-limits.
Yeah, I know.
Thought I'd try to catch you off-guard.
I'll tell you when we're on speaking terms again.
We had a falling out.
She'll get over it.
Thank you.
Take care, Luke.
[parole officer] Mr. Arturo Perez.
You've served 15 years of a life sentence.
Tell me, Mr. Perez, do you feel that you've been rehabilitated?
Would you prefer that I...
feign humility...
or do you want the truth?
You've been found guilty on 57 counts of murder.
-[Perez chortles] -Um...
Mr. Perez, your plea bargain
has been expunged.
Your sentence, upgraded.
Ever hear of the Arena Wars, Arturo?
Contestants are all hand-picked from death row,
which qualifies you.
Their scouts sent over a psychological profile.
You're exactly what they're looking for.
[parole officer] This could be a way out, Mr. Arturo.
[electric buzzing]
[gloomy melody playing]
[indistinct talking and laughter echoes]
[Luke sighs]
[ominous music booms]
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,
nine and 10.
Toes on the line!
You are here
because life chewed you up,
spit you out...
and then lapped your sorry asses up off the floor.
The parole board
has offered you a ticket out.
Win Arena Wars...
win your freedom.
Seven arenas
with seven of the most vicious killers
the world has seen in the last decade.
Didn't know we signed up for a goddamn stand-up show, too.
[man laughing]
[Boggs] I'm dead serious, people.
I've been in there.
Caught myself a 100-year stint
the day I came home on leave.
Found my wife banging the neighbor.
Next thing you know, double homicide.
What can you do? It builds character.
Die in the arena...
and it's a lot more glamorous
than that shit they're going to put in your veins.
But...
you make it out alive,
you get to go home.
Any questions?
What about weapons?
[Boggs] Your feet.
Your hands.
And most importantly, your head.
You go in as a group,
and you fight as a group.
You go in rogue, you're going to get shredded.
Sounds impossible.
[man] Can't be a fair fight with these guys
without a weapon.
That's what I used to think, until I actually did it.
I made it out...
and so can you.
Welcome to Arena Wars.
[suspenseful music playing]
[upbeat rock melody playing]
Welcome to the next exciting episode of...
[both] ...Arena Wars.
I'm your host, Stephen Samson,
and with me, as always, is the ever-exciting,
ever-single,
former heavyweight champion of the world,
Joe Moses Johnson.
Thank you, Samson.
[audience cheering]
And with that,
let's meet our new round of Arena Wars gladiators,
fresh from the most high-security
supermax prisons from around the world.
Nero.
[Moses] This smooth criminal comes to us
straight from Guantanamo Bay.
Serving a 250,000-year sentence
for the 2040 murder
of the entire U.N.,
and a far more serious offense
of not filing his taxes in 2028.
[laughing] I've been through that.
Me too.
[audience applauding]
Counter-Strike!
Plucked straight from Olasia prison in Saudi Arabia,
this unique war criminal not only has
one of the world's highest recorded IQs,
but developed a suit that harvests the adrenaline
in his own body
and recycles it back to his body.
Where the heck can I get one of those?
-We got 'em at Walmart. -[audience laughing]
Meat Wagon!
This tough customer got his reputation
as Staten Island's most trusted neighborhood butcher
before local authorities uncovered the corpses
of 100 missing children in his boiler room.
[audience booing]
I always knew Staten Island had great veal...
but I never knew what the secret was.
-He did. -[audience laughing]
-[audience applauding] -[Meat Wagon yells out]
Master Blaster!
This former president of the Unabomber Fan Club
gained notoriety by bombing Yankee Stadium
during the 2036 World Series
after killing the security staff with a chainsaw.
Rumor has it he was a frustrated Texas Rangers fan,
who thought that that was their year.
[audience applauding]
Which brings us to Mister Smiles.
[Moses] Nothing fancy here.
Just your good old-fashioned local weirdo
with an aptitude of beating nubile college coeds to death.
-[Mister Smiles growls] -[Samson] Pretty nasty!
-[audience applauding] -[man] Hell yeah!
And, of course, our returning champions.
-[audience cheering] -[woman whoops] Yeah!
Calypso and Cutie Pie.
[Cutie Pie giggling]
These two really need no introduction.
Both have been in the game for the entire season.
Calypso with seven dozen kills
and Cutie Pie with...
[Samson] House record.
100.
That's a lot of damage.
What is this, a pep talk?
I hope not.
Can you believe that people watch his shit?
No way, brother.
I mean, it's like Dancing with the Stars
back in the day, you know?
-Shit TV. -Hey.
I'd rather be on-- I like that show, man. [laughs]
Oh, oh, I'm finding a whole new side to you, Perez.
You? A dancer?
Hey, let me tell you something, I got some moves.
Well, if I had done that and not crochet club,
maybe I'd be rehabilitated.
I mean, I'm not allowed to play with needles no more.
Yeah, I get it.
When I had this girl out in the world,
we'd be dancing every weekend
like we were high school sweethearts.
You know what?
You've had my back since I landed in this place.
And, uh, while you have really questionable taste
in associates, you're a good man.
A survivor.
Tough as fuck.
But a good man.
You're getting out of here.
You're getting that dance.
[Boggs] Two minutes, people!
Two minutes!
What's up, bitches?
This is Holly Daze coming to you live from the Arena.
Our new batch of contestants come to you
from the federal lockup in DC.
So you know this is going to be one explosive night!
[Boggs] Quickly, quickly!
Christ, is that supposed to make us feel comfortable?
Toes on the line!
[suspenseful melody playing]
Oh, I almost forgot.
Turn to the right!
[injecting gun hisses]
[Hargraves] The hell is that, a flu shot?
[Perez] It ain't flu season yet, Hargraves.
Little insurance policy for the producers.
Let's just say you screw up and break the rules,
policy pays up.
-W-- wait, what rules? -Just use your head.
You'll figure it out.
♪ Boxes, boxes ♪
♪ I cannot fit in the boxes ♪
♪ Stop it, stop it ♪
♪ Quittin' was never an option ♪
♪ Exhausted, exhausted ♪
♪ This passion is never exhausted ♪
♪ And you cannot stop me ♪
♪ Nah, you cannot stop me ♪
-Stay there. -You paid by the hour, asshole.
I paid for the night, and not for you to talk.
Stay there.
Fucker.
♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪
Hope I'm not interrupting anything?
No. Turn it up.
I want the table to shake under her ass.
♪ Make enough to survive ♪
Douchebag.
♪ You really thinkin' that's why I'm alive ♪
Hey.
Those nerves aren't gonna help you in here, kid.
Yeah-- yeah, I just gotta collect my thoughts, that's all.
Hey.
You don't need to gather your thoughts.
You're a lifer.
You need to focus.
I-- I'm not supposed to be here.
-I-- I didn't do anything. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
None of us are supposed to be in here.
And you don't see us pissing our pants, do you?
-N-- no, I'm just-- -Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Embrace it.
-Do you understand? -Yeah, I'm sorry.
Hey, just man up.
I'll give it a shot.
[sighs] Fuck.
Jesus.
-It's kind of funny, huh? -What's that?
We did what we did.
Our only way out of this is to kill people on live TV.
That's what they call a paradox.
Doesn't sound much like rehabilitation, does it?
Sounds more like, uh, innocence through guilt, or--
Ooh, how about justice through murder?
[Perez chuckling]
[Boggs] All right, people, this is it.
Line up, two by two.
-Let's go! -[indistinct]
Hey, wait, this is-- this it, just like that?
Just like that. Come on, kid.
-Are you ready? -[audience cheering]
Are you set?
-[indistinct]! -You can't make me do this.
It's go time, bitches!
[audience cheering and applauding]
Say "cheese," motherfuckers!
Go, go, go, come on, over here. Go, [indistinct].
[inmate] Get out of my fucking face!
[indistinct]
Seriously, what the fuck is going on?
Are we on Dancing with the Convicts?
Oh, we just got dropped into a fucking slaughterhouse.
Hey, hey, hey. Easy.
I'm freaking the fuck out right now.
Listen to me.
Get your shit together,
or these men will fucking kill you.
I will fucking kill him if he does not shut the fuck up!
[audience shouting]
-[woman] Yes! -[man whoops]
[both grunting]
-[Hargraves shouting in agony] -[flames whooshing]
Hey, kid?
[Hargraves wheezing]
[audience cheering]
Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me.
[tense music playing]
Get ready, here we go.
[chuckles] Oh, this is some hardcore shit.
[indistinct], Perez.
Everybody stick together.
See if there is some way out of here.
Somebody help me with this thing!
No shit, man.
Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.
You guys are fucking dead, I hope you know that.
Fuck off, Perez.
-[audience cheering] -Yeah!
[inmate grunting]
[chip beeping]
Uh, you got something on the back of your head, man.
The injection.
[chanting] Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Sounds like-- like a countdown.
Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
[chip beeping]
-Whoa! -Oh, my God!
Well, I'd hate to be the underpaid janitor
who has to clean that up.
Let's go, back to back.
He's gonna kill you all at the same time
if you do that, Perez.
Watch him. He's got two blades I can see.
Stay close, motherfucker.
[audience cheering]
[tense music playing]
Just show me what you got, you son of a bitch.
-Get this motherfucker! -[inmate grunts]
[blades slicing]
Let's go!
[inmate screaming]
[Nero grunting]
-Oh! -Whoa!
[inmate screaming in agony]
Oh, a brutal move
by the newcomer, Nero.
[suspenseful music playing]
Hey, I'm liking this way out a lot better than that way.
-What about this clown? -I'm open to ideas.
-Play hoops growing up? -Yeah.
-Pick and roll, baby. -Pick and roll.
-Let's go. -Yo, birdie! Hey!
[Goldie laughing] Yeah!
[Perez grunting]
[Goldie] Get him! Hey!
[Nero grunts]
[Goldie shouting]
Get him! Yeah!
Yeah, baby!
Go, go, go, man! Go, I got this, go, go!
Fantastic teamwork between
convicted arsonist Arturo Perez
and self-proclaimed political prisoner
Chet "Goldie" Golden.
[Belladonna sighs]
Nighty night, Pinocchio.
[audience chanting] Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it! Do it! Do it!
[chanting continues]
♪
Come on, man, get up, get up.
[audience cheering]
[whimsical chimes playing]
[both grunting]
[armor whirring]
[audience cheering]
[Counter-Strike grunting]
[armor whirring]
[Perez grunting mockingly]
Got it?
[both grunting]
[armor whirring]
[Perez grunts]
[armor whirring]
Fucking outraged reptilian piece of shit, come on!
Come on, come on!
[both] Oh!
You see that shit that motherfucker got?
Kill him! You got it, man.
Oh, come on, you know you got it, come on.
I got all my money going on them.
[audience laughing]
Down again like a White House intern.
[Gideon] I can't say that I'm surprised.
People drop out before we get to the ads.
It's no wonder we're losing sponsors.
I think I know exactly why.
[Samson] Fantastic teamwork between convicted arsonist
Arturo Perez
and self-proclaimed political...
Right there. You see that?
That right there happened last week
when Novak made it to arena three.
When Samson announces their criminal record,
a full third of the audience drops out.
We need to give the audience
somebody that they can get behind.
-A hero. -Correct.
And I've got an idea.
[electrical surging]
[guard] Chop-chop, Luke.
[indistinct]
Jesus.
Follow-up with the parole board.
[Luke scoffs]
Hurry up. Breakfast is waiting.
All right, give me a minute.
Sorry, Bender.
Come on, man, We've seen this before.
Come on in. Have a seat.
[pensive music playing]
So, you guys know, I was just in here.
I was denied.
We're not the parole board.
Luke Bender.
We've read your profile.
Desmond Belladonna, CEO of Clydesdale Industries.
We manufacture protein supplements,
jet engines, parts for high-end automobiles.
But I don't give a shit about that stuff.
What I'm really passionate about is my other venture.
The real moneymaker, Arena Wars.
As you may know,
contestants are death row inmates.
The problem lately is that
it seems audiences just aren't as interested in watching
the scum of the earth get butchered
on live TV anymore.
What do you want with me again?
I think it's time to, uh, audition Mr. Bender.
With pleasure.
[Belladonna] Don't go easy on him.
Don't worry, you can count on that.
Come on, big boy. Let's see what you can do.
[neck cracks]
[men grunting]
[bones cracking]
[stun baton buzzing]
Well done.
[applauding] Good, good.
When I said I read your profile,
I meant your classified profile.
[Gideon] Decorated Marine.
Took the fall for a superior officer.
Landed yourself up in here.
You're an innocent man.
Innocent man can mean big ratings.
Government won't allow it.
You'll blow my cover.
Money can buy anything these days.
Plus, the president's a big fan.
Send his kids some shirts, he's very happy.
-What if I say no? -Think about it, Bender.
A chance to get back the life you deserve,
a clean record.
And plus, you don't have much of a choice.
The courts have agreed to upgrade your sentence
to lethal injection if you say no.
[ominous music playing]
Grid down.
Grid up.
[chuckling] Whoa.
[device ringing]
Well, what do you know? You got a call coming in.
Put it through.
How are you, Luke?
Cut the shit.
I'm not sure I know what you mean.
You know exactly what I mean.
I can't lie to you.
Yes, they told me.
Your cover is gonna be blown.
This doesn't just affect me,
they could come for you and Arianna.
I know, I'm aware.
If I don't make it...
you tell her I love her.
[sincere melody playing]
You know, you've always been like a son to me.
Thank you.
I'll be watching.
Loosen this shit.
[grunts]
What's up, Minty?
I don't think we've met.
My name's Khan.
Like the [indistinct].
This is my lady friend hand anyways.
So...
what are you in here for?
-[hisses] -Hey?
I answered a help wanted ad on a suicide hotline.
At the time I didn't know what "help wanted" really meant.
I was just helping patients with the process.
[Minty chuckling]
What was that you handed the big chief over there?
Nothing, man.
I saw it.
All right. It's my own brand.
It's concentrated endorphins.
Endorphins?
Best high you'll ever have.
Complete and utter euphoria.
Tell you what.
First dose is on the house, if you decide you want a taste.
You hold that thought.
-Cool? -Yeah, man, cool.
It's Luke.
Cool Hand Luke. That's what I'll call you.
[Khan chuckling]
["Forever" by Jonezen playing]
♪ Let's go ♪
♪ Yo, yo, yo ♪
♪ It's forever ♪
♪ No surrender ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ You know that this right here forever ♪
♪ Yo, yo, yo ♪
♪ And there will be no surrender ♪
♪ Now allow me to reintroduce myself ♪
♪ They call me J-O-N to the E-Z-E-N ♪
♪ Know that we undefeated ♪
♪ Y'all are beneath speechless trying to air a grievance ♪
♪ But these lines are overhead ♪
♪ Better check the air for clearance ♪
♪ Call the tower this is ours ♪
♪ Clear that he the heir apparent ♪
♪ Really I've never been better, yeah, legacy this is forever ♪
♪ All them old ties they been severed ♪
♪ I'm raising the bar you can go ahead and measure ♪
♪ Think it's about time for a toast ♪
♪ Time that we welcome the goat ♪
[Boggs] Up!
Toes on the line!
♪ Got anthems and bands with masters ♪
Name's Boggs.
If you're a fan of the show,
you may remember that I took out Thrustkill a few years back.
-We gonna have a problem? -[Khan clearing throat]
I understand that we have a ringer with us.
A real superstar.
Now, although I cannot tell you who that person is,
I can tell you
that you are all under my watch.
And we have just a couple of days
to get you detoxified,
trained and ready...
for what you're gonna see beyond that wall.
And, folks, you better damn well be ready,
'cause it ain't gonna be pretty.
["Let's Dance" by Miley Virus playing]
All right.
Single file. First up.
-Name? -Billie.
With an IE.
Kiyoshi [indistinct].
-Alice. -Hank.
-Harris. -Minty.
-Real name. -Minty. Legally changed.
-Next. -[all applauding]
Khan.
You know, like Ghengis.
When was your last physical?
Cell block shower this morning. Oh, yeah.
It says you have gonorrhea, chlamydia,
and raised endorphin levels.
[both chuckling]
-Name? -Luke Bender.
Are there any pre-existing conditions
that we should know about?
Just your garden variety case of toxic masculinity
and being a badass.
Man, look at this sad sack of shit.
-Name? -Eight Ball.
-Real name? -Eight Ball.
You're not as cute as you think you are.
Haven't you heard, honey?
-Everybody wants to visit Paris. -Next.
You've been juicing, sir?
No, no. Well--
Are you sure?
Maybe, yeah. No, no.
You think you're so cute, huh?
Cute doesn't mean what you think it does in prison, ma'am.
♪
♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪
So, you want me to cough?
-[coughing weakly] -No.
Just drop trou, boy.
Like you do in them prison showers.
Just hold still.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, come on, boy.
I know you've had a lot bigger than that.
Gonorrhea vaccine, old school.
Drop 'em.
[Khan screaming]
We know you've had bigger!
[pensive music playing]
So, why don't we just sever the nerve endings
and be done with it?
Pain motivates them.
For example...
if Nero didn't feel that, you wouldn't have a show.
How's our boy looking?
Broken jaw,
fractured skull, the usual.
Domino, will you do the honors?
We may need to revamp the cocktail.
It's starting to wear off quicker.
Shit.
[Nero grunting]
My face.
[both grunting]
Domino.
Remember.
Of course.
Good girl.
If this happens during a show, it could be bad.
They could turn against us.
Do what you have to do.
-Yes, sir. -[cracking]
I've got the tools, I've got the talent.
You got oil injections, is what you got.
[chuckling]
Oh, yeah? It's like that, huh?
I'm gonna call you "Juice" now.
-Taint Juice. -[Harris and Khan laughing]
Taint Juice?
That'd be a boss-ass energy drink.
Win Arena Wars,
get fuck out of here, and market that shit.
Someone down at the club,
"Get you some fucking Taint Juice, baby."
Yeah! [laughing]
Unless you want some of
this Taint Juice right here and now...
then shut the fuck up.
Take it easy, Govenator.
This one's on the house.
[huffs] Taint fact number 10.
Only Taint can slam a revolving door. [chuckles]
[pensive music playing]
Old concrete punching bag, huh?
Yeah.
Used to practice on one myself.
Why did you stop?
[Minty sniffles]
[sighs] All the pent-up aggression.
Carrying it back to my cell.
Breathing it all in.
We both know that ain't healthy.
Brother Carl over there...
I'm responsible for him [indistinct].
So...
you ready for this?
I'd be lying if I said I was.
Fuckers at the parole board, man.
How am I supposed to go in there
and prove to them that I've been rehabilitated
when I'm sweating bullets?
Think I'm gonna take my chances with Arena Wars.
Sure seems like better odds.
[chuckling]
You're all right, Minty.
You think you can tell those fuckers at the parole board
-that for me? -[chuckling]
[tense music playing]
Welcome to the next exciting episode of...
[both] ...Arena Wars.
I'm your host, Stephen Samson.
With me, as always, is
former heavyweight champion of the world,
Joe Moses Johnson.
[Moses] You know, last week started
with such great potential.
Arsonist Arturo Perez showing leadership skills
early on, then quickly being taken down
by newcomer Meat Wagon in the third arena.
[indistinct]
I'm told we have a surprise announcement tonight.
Something you've never seen on Arena Wars before.
For the first time,
Arena Wars will feature an innocent contestant.
-[indistinct] -What are they talking about?
They're talking about me. It has to be me.
Lieutenant Luke Bender, former United States Marine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Well, well, well.
So, uh, what are you, like a narc or some shit, man?
You heard me, man. I'm not a narc.
[scoffs] Pretty boy here [indistinct].
I don't know what narcs you know,
but I've seen some pretty damn sexy ones myself.
Wait a minute, Luke.
You're saying you're innocent?
-Yeah. -[Minty scoffs]
For real?
You saw it on TV. It must be real, right?
Don't think I'm stupid just 'cause I've been in the joint.
-Is that really why you're here? -Yes.
-Prove it. -Yeah, mate.
Prove it.
I don't know how you expect me to do that from in here.
Fair enough.
I'm watching you, Marine.
So, why'd you do it then?
Orders from a commanding officer.
Couldn't let it get out that a colonel
close to the president tried to kill him.
All I asked for in return was that my fiancée
and her father were taken care of.
Well, that's a goddamn honorable leave.
Hell yeah.
So, uh, what now?
What do you mean?
Well, when are you gonna teach us
some of that Marine shit?
-Yeah! -I knew it!
Yeah!
You follow my lead, all right?
-Yeah. -You bet.
Here we go. You know the drill.
Just give me the countdown.
Three, two, one. Bangin'!
Hey, all you sexy bitches!
Holly Daze is in the house!
Any predictions for tonight's show?
I'll predict Holly Daze
shows me them Holly Ways.
Gonna be hard to do when I'm live on Holly Way.
[audience laughing]
-Hey, girl. -What's up?
Billie Chambers, right?
Yeah.
Women's MMHF 2039.
Used to be.
[chuckles] Damn! I knew that was you.
I had front-row seats to your last fight in Vegas.
In fact, I think I won, what was it, 20 bucks?
-20 bucks, hey? -That's it.
I guess we both took the win, it was a pretty good night.
Hell yeah, it was a good night.
I wanted to meet you that night.
Didn't get to.
It's nice to meet you now, though.
Towel?
Sure, thanks.
You know, they've told me about you.
They told me you were innocent.
That's never happened here before,
if you can believe that.
Innocent man, life sentence.
Has to fight his way back out.
That's good television.
Doesn't matter.
I'm just a gimmick.
Look.
Not one person that has ever been in this room
has ever deserved to get back out.
Including me.
But anyway, it's almost showtime.
I'm rooting for you.
Two minutes, people!
Two minutes!
Just waiting for the cue.
You know, you would think that they could use
stock footage of us by now, right?
Don't tell them that.
Unless the buyout's as high as our salaries.
Like that's gonna happen.
[director] Stop flirting. Get the fuck to work.
And three, two, one. Badda-bing.
[audience cheering]
Hey, all you crazy motherfuckers!
Are you ready?
Are you set?
Let's rock!
[suspenseful music playing]
Bye-bye, bitches!
[audience cheering]
Let's go, let's go.
-[man grunts] -[guard] Come on. Let's go.
See you fuckers in the next life.
Smile for the camera, thug life.
-[gate rumbles] -Oh, no!
Everyone stay ready, stay alert.
Hey, guys, do you smell that?
[all screaming]
[Harris screaming]
[audience cheering]
Harris!
Stay back, don't go near him!
Hell yeah!
Here we go! Here we go!
On my word, everyone on him.
Smile!
Hey, man, keep that fucking camera out of my face!
Just doing my job, chump.
[Kiyoshi screams out]
[knife clattering]
Come on, Cool Hand. You got it.
Kill this motherfucker!
-Hold him! Hold him! -Hit him, hit him!
Hold him. Hold him.
[audience cheering]
Hey, Nero. Hold for focus, would you?
[audience cheering]
Come on!
[announcer] And now, a message from our sponsor.
[indistinct]
Pretty boy narc can't do it, can he?
Yeah, he can.
Come on, Luke.
Take it.
[tense music playing]
[electric buzzing]
Good job, Genghis.
Luke, you okay?
Yeah.
[announcer] And here we go.
Told you he wasn't gonna do it.
Bender, showing some hesitation.
Fuck this.
Brutal finishing move
by multiple murderer Tanker Lee Jones.
Don't fuck this up for me, Marine.
The tides could be turning here, Joe.
[man grunting]
[indistinct] [coughing]
I feel cold.
You want my help, you pick up the goddamn pace.
I'm going as fast as I can, asshole.
You afraid of the dark, K-Town?
No, man.
This reminds me of times I used to play in my parents' mortuary.
No wonder you're in here.
[Khan] My sister used to turn off all the lights.
Spin me in a circle, made me count to ten.
Yep, I'd just feel around until I'd find my way out.
Sometimes I'd find a corpse, sometimes I'd find my sister.
So, if you found a corpse,
does that mean that you won or you lost.
Well, it kind of depends.
Why is that?
Uh...
no one here is wearing a steampunk cosplay, are they?
Get back!
[armor whirring]
-Ooh! -[man chuckling]
[armor whirring]
[cheering and applauding]
[all grunting]
[armor whirring]
-[laughing] -[indistinct]
[cheering and laughing]
He's all yours.
Fuck. Fuck.
-Good luck, buddy. -[indistinct]
[armor whirring]
[laughing and cheering]
[laughing]
Oh, shit. Oh, sh-- No, no, no!
[cracking]
♪
-[blade whooshing] -[blows landing]
I saw tech like this [indistinct].
The thing about heavy doses of adrenaline...
is there's always a quick crash.
[armor whirring]
[cheering and applauding]
[knife slashing]
[audience cheering]
-He's dead. -Good.
Less backs to watch.
Every one of us that goes down, hurts the team.
The team, huh?
[Luke] Yeah, the team.
Listen, if you want to live through this,
we have to work together.
-[scoffs] -Just follow my lead.
Says the motherfucker who couldn't kill Nero.
Why the fuck are we even listening to this Marine?
He is not one of us.
You really expect us to believe your ass is out here
looking out for the rest of us?
We're murderers, thieves.
You're a stupid jarhead who took the fall for someone
who's out living it up at your expense.
You're here getting your shit pushed in.
I was a sacrifice for national fucking security.
Couldn't let it get out
that the president was easily reached.
I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, but...
the whole fucking world knows now.
Sounds like you failed your mission...
Marine.
How about this?
Us lifers, we'll stick together...
and you can fuck off.
-[gasps] -[audience groans]
-Hang me now. -[chuckling]
[Meat Wagon breathing heavily]
[Meat Wagon laughs]
[percussion beat intensifies]
Are you still with me?
Bender, clearly preparing to give
our home audience a motivational speech.
I said, are you with me?
Yeah!
[cheering and applauding]
[crowd whooping]
-Yo! -Fuck yeah.
Let's do it, Bender!
Let's get some.
Major props to the producers, man.
I mean, I never saw this one coming.
[cheering and applauding]
[Meat Wagon growling]
-[grunting] -[Meat Wagon screaming]
Enough.
-Motherfucker. [grunts] -[axe squelching]
[woman] Oh, Jesus.
[grunts]
-You did good. -[indistinct]
[dramatic music plays]
[crowd murmuring]
[Luke huffs]
[indistinct chatter]
♪
[cheering]
Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God. -Come on.
[crowd cheering]
Yeah!
[indistinct chanting]
You're a bad motherfucker, Marine.
[crowd chanting]
So, if, like, Bender is innocent,
does that mean, like, there's more hot guys
in jail like that?
Well, if Bender lives,
if he-- if he gets an action figure,
can Comic Con book him so I can get it signed maybe?
I mean, if he's innocent, why not just let him out now?
Due process.
All that pent up aggression we accumulate during the week?
I can't think of a better outlet for it.
Reminds me that time I got a black belt in jiu-jitsu.
This one-two punch combo, the teamwork.
It's a rare thing in the world today.
Yo, I'm gonna one-two punch you
if you don't let me rock the mic.
It's the most fascinating study of the human condition
since, well, the advent of social media.
I actually got into the ring myself recently.
I'm not going to say I'm a pro or anything,
but I definitely learned a thing or two about myself.
I saw some pretty crazy shit out on the battlefield.
I gotta tell you,
nothing compares to what I see here.
Yeah, that says a lot about you, though.
Dealing with kids all day, I mean,
sometimes I just want to fuck some shit up.
-[crowd laughing] -You know what I'm saying?
[reporter] I totally understand.
I did get hit in the head pretty bad.
Mom said I wasn't the same after that,
-can you believe it? -[reporter] Oh, wow.
I get up, I go down the garage
and I just unload on that heavy bag.
Bender was the surprise of the season,
but that doesn't mean he's going to keep up
-this winning streak. -That's true.
Look, I don't care who wins.
What I want to see is all the bloodshed,
grade-A type of stuff on screen tonight.
-That's all I care about. -Okay, nice.
Okay, great, amazing. Thank you, guys.
[menacing music plays]
[liquid bubbling]
"Death, be not proud,
for some have called you mighty and dreadful...
for thou art not so."
Do you know where that's from?
No.
It's a sonnet.
"Death, Be Not Proud",
written in the 1600s.
"For rest and sleep...
for thou picture be much pleasure,
for thee, much more must flow."
That's my favorite passage.
It gets me through my job.
How about you, Domino?
I don't understand the question.
I know you wouldn't.
All that cunning that you had...
all that precision, gone...
with a single injection.
Such a shame.
[phone ringing]
Yeah?
Pretty incredible, isn't it?
I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.
I think it's a beautiful idea.
Our own universe of streaming programming.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
I'm pretty sure he'll give a big "fuck you" to that idea.
[ominous music plays]
Well, don't forget my executive producer credit.
He fucking swung and boom!
Knocked Meat Wagon the fuck out.
Shit, man, he hit that floor like a dollar store hooker.
-[laughing] -Okay, K-Town.
The fuck you know about dollar store hookers?
[chuckles] I thought you stuck to the penny saver.
Dollar store's a little too classy.
[laughing]
I got Y1,500.
[muffled electronic music playing]
Cheer up, my ninja.
Ninja, you're, like, one step closer to freedom.
Yeah, brother man. Bring it in.
Bring it in. Come on.
-Boom! -Yes! Yeah!
Good job, guys.
Hey Boggs. Oh, man.
I need you to get me something for my back.
You know, 'cause I'm carrying the whole fucking team.
You know I'm saying?
I hate to interrupt your little celebration here.
Producers want to see you upstairs.
-All of us? -Yep.
Shit. Him, too?
Unfortunately, yes.
-Why? -Big night.
-It's time to celebrate. -[Minty] Serious?
-Us? -In restraints.
Don't get excited and don't forget,
you've got an explosive in your head.
[chuckling] At least we'll die happy.
Five minutes. Be ready.
You know what this means, right?
Dude, we're going to have fucking pussy
lined up for miles.
We're, like, fucking rockstars now.
Oh, shit, even fucking Bill's gonna get laid.
Oh, shit, man!
[laughing]
♪
♪ Don't wanna die [indistinct] ♪
♪ Shoot from the hip, baby ♪
-Hold up, hold up, hold up. -What?
Not sure who let you out of the sewer,
but this is VIP only.
You must not be up on current events.
We are VIP.
It's invitation only.
Well, we have one of those.
Yeah? Who invited you?
The man.
Hey, fuckface.
Don't you know? We're special guests.
Okay, then. Enjoy your evening.
Hi, guys. Welcome.
-Hello. -May I offer you a drink?
Suck my pulse with a straw, yes!
Or two?
Oh, yeah, [indistinct].
Oh. [chuckles] Oh, they're twins.
-Oh, yeah. -Follow me.
They'll [indistinct]
explosive chips in our necks
and then we can take off our cuffs.
Not everyone is as well-behaved as we are, right?
[chuckling]
I think they want you to mingle a little bit.
You two, come with me.
Hey. [chuckles]
There he is. The man of the hour.
Get over here, you badass son of a bitch.
Wait a minute.
You're telling me you've met this guy before?
Unfortunately.
[Belladonna] Pull up a chair, Luke.
I'll have one of the girls grab you a drink.
[Luke] If I can, I'd like to pass that offer
over to my friend.
[laughing]
What'll you have, boss?
Mint julep.
Candy.
Yes, sir?
Two mint juleps for my man here.
Coming right up.
Pretty impressive showing out there tonight.
You're the new fan favorite.
Well, it's fight or die.
Well, you'll thank me for that someday.
If my fiancée and her father are still alive...
I might.
Your team is made up
of people convicted in a court of law.
It must be a real moral conflict for you,
protecting the scum of the earth,
while you sit in here just for doing your duty.
Who says they're the scum of the earth?
[laughs]
I didn't know you Marines had such a good sense of humor.
I thought it was all oorah and Semper Fi.
Which reminds me...
what do you plan to do for work once you're free?
If I'm free.
Well, maybe I can help with that.
But not now. Enjoy the night.
[clicks tongue]
If you're interested in hearing about
an opportunity that's come up,
meet me in the green room later.
And, Bender...
this is entertainment.
That's all it is.
[people talking indistinctly]
[indistinct]
[Luke sighs]
Hi, guys.
So it's this, then?
Just doing our job, Jake.
[Luke] Yep.
[neck cracks]
-[blow thuds] -[grunting]
What's up, champ?
You should have taken that drink.
[Luke grunts]
[Luke groaning]
My inbox is blowing up with new sponsors.
The network wants to move
next week's follow-up episode to the weekend.
The problem is, you're good.
A little too good.
The network's talking about creating a spin-off
centered around you.
I made a promise to my mother before she died
not to let her pride and joy go under.
Of course, by pride and joy, she meant the company.
Not me.
It was Arena Wars that saved it.
It saved the company.
It saved me.
It saved my legacy.
You tell them I said no.
And fuck you.
Well, you see, even if you said yes,
this shows me they're looking elsewhere.
I can't have my saving grace also be my downfall.
So, you're going to kill me then?
[chuckles] No.
Hell, I can't even handicap you, that'd be too obvious.
But what's the one thing that's kept you going
the whole time you've been locked up?
You don't need to answer, as we already know.
The call's from your former commanding officer,
who is also father of the love of your life
and a father figure to you.
[Luke grunts]
[dramatic music plays]
What is this? This--
Your fiancée and father-in-law are dead.
[Gideon] Five years ago.
Hit by a drunk driver on Christmas Day.
Killed instantly.
You're lying. He talks to me.
It's a deep fake.
Fuck you!
♪
[Khan] [indistinct] with those two cocktail waitresses
-from the party. -[Minty] [indistinct] party.
Luke?
-[Minty] Luke. -[Khan] Hey, brother.
-You all right? -[Luke grunts]
Come on, let's get up.
Let's get out of here.
-You all right? -[Luke] I'm fine.
[Minty] I'm going to get him, Khan.
These sure don't look like they came
from the hits he took on the show.
We've been sparring.
Then how come you two don't have any bruises?
'Cause we're badasses that don't get hit.
I guess that's a better excuse
than saying you fell down some stairs.
What's going on?
Found him in the green room, knocked out.
Luke.
Marine!
You with me?
[Luke groans]
[Luke] Fuck. Fuck.
I'm-- I'm fine.
Thank you, Hopkins. I'll take it from here.
All right, what happened?
I cut myself shaving.
That's bullshit.
Belladonna doesn't get involved in matches
unless there's something going down.
So, again, what's going on?
[Luke sighs]
He says the network wants to offer me a spinoff.
Wait, how's that a bad thing?
He thinks I'm a threat to him.
[Minty] This sounds like some paranoid bullshit to me.
If there's one thing I know about that man,
you don't mess with his money.
I'm not a killer,
or whatever it is he wants me to be.
I'm a soldier.
-That's it? -Yeah.
I don't think so.
You look like someone whose heart's been ripped out
and crushed in front of them.
See that a lot in here.
Weekly calls that I've been getting...
from my would-be father-in-law were never real.
He and my fiancée...
died five years ago.
And I was never told.
[Minty] Sorry, man.
[somber music plays]
This-- that's the only thing
that's kept me going in here.
Every day.
All these fucking years.
Fuck! [sobbing]
Luke. Listen to me.
We're in this together. Okay?
You got us.
[Minty] All of us.
-We're family. -Don't worry.
Let's show him what pain is.
Damn right.
[announcer talking indistinctly]
Wow. Hey.
Wow, this is a surprise.
What brings you down from your supervillain lair?
Funny. [chuckles]
Remember that material for the air.
Somehow I don't think you came down here to tell me that.
Just a little wellness visit.
How are you and Moses feeling lately?
Well, you know, um, I got really high cholesterol.
And Moses, unfortunately, has a heart murmur.
Seriously, what's on your mind?
Listen. [sighs]
Whatever happens tonight, don't stop the show.
Keep it going.
What he's saying is, no matter what you see...
the show must go on.
I get it. Don't have to tell me twice.
Thanks, chief.
[announcer talking indistinctly]
[doctor] I increased the dosage quite a bit.
A handful of mental sedatives
whose names you wouldn't be able to pronounce.
They'll be sitting pretty for quite a while.
-[injecting gun hisses] -Domino.
Hey. Don't forget.
Yes.
[injecting gun hisses]
Welcome back to another episode of...
Arena Wars!
-I love when we do that. -[laughing]
This special episode will feature
the return of our first contestants
to last more than one week in five seasons.
And don't forget Luke Bender,
former Marine and the first innocent contestant
in the history of the show.
Here it is. Here it is.
[indistinct cheering]
-Yes! -[Khan] Another one down!
-Lucky shot. -Oh, lucky my ass, man.
Teamwork makes the dream work, [indistinct], all right?
I see people come in here one night, get lucky,
come back for the next show,
get wiped out in the first ten seconds.
Sounds like you have a bad judge of character, my friend.
The only person getting lucky tonight is your mom.
[laughing]
See you now. Bye-bye.
Oh.
[indistinct]
I wonder how much money that [indistinct], man.
[all laughing]
Let's go.
[upbeat rap song plays]
♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪
[crowd cheering and applauding]
♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪
When we first saw these guys,
I didn't think a damn thing about them.
A bunch of sad sack losers.
And now I actually think they have a chance
to win the whole thing, you know?
But I've been wrong before too.
♪ [indistinct lyrics] ♪
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[woman] I know everyone's going crazy
for Luke Bender, but Minty?
Now that is a real man.
[chuckling]
They got us a dope-ass theme song and everything.
-Hell yeah. -[Minty chuckles]
You ever thought you'd be a celebrity, K-Town?
Not unless you count the evening news.
Shit, I've missed this stuff.
[knuckles cracking]
[indistinct]
Oh, yeah.
All that's missing is the crowd.
I need the energy.
Luke Bender. Nice to meet you, babe.
I'm Holly Daze.
Tell us, how are you feeling about tonight's showdown?
I, um...
First I should probably, uh...
thank the producers...
for this incredible opportunity.
[indistinct] for the hype, right?
Not disappoint the viewers at home.
That's right.
When I fight, I'm not fighting for money.
I'm fighting for you.
[cheering and applauding in distance]
Why don't you go down and check on Holly Daze's dressing room?
Some commotion going on down there.
What? Again?
[cheering and applauding]
Are you ready?
-I said, are you ready? -[cheering]
[Holly] Then let's fucking do this!
[ominous music plays]
-[chainsaw whirring] -[Luke] Go back! Back!
[chainsaw whirring]
Anyone got a plan?
Sun Tzu. Art of War.
Old school guerrilla warfare tactics.
I'll take [indistinct] that, brother.
If you run and dodge [indistinct].
Sounds easy enough.
Just keep moving, confuse him and ambush, got it?
-[all] Got it. -Come on, you fucker!
[chainsaw whirring]
[cheering]
[Luke grunts]
[Minty screams]
[audience exclaims]
[Luke grunting]
-[Khan screams] -[meat squelching]
Yes! Yes! That's the one right there.
Against the rules to celebrate?
-It's not against the rules. -I wasn't asking.
[crowd cheering]
I'm fucking dying.
Listen, uh, on a serious note now, um...
[sighs] A word from our sponsors.
[shaky breathing]
Breathe through it. Stay with me.
This is my fault.
I caused it.
I put you here.
Don't be sorry.
[ragged breathing] Just glad that I got to spend the day...
side by side with all of you.
[somber music plays]
[sniffles] Stay with me.
[breathing shakily] It's okay.
[Minty exhales]
♪
[Minty crying]
[Minty grunts forcefully]
Minty, look at me.
-[Minty cries] -I'm sorry.
I am so goddamn sorry, but we have to keep moving.
You gotta keep moving.
You can do this. All right?
Come on. Come on.
Come.
[Minty sighs]
♪
We must be [indistinct], huh?
Yeah, we must be.
[Luke] Hey.
You going to be all right?
You good?
[sighs] As good as I can be.
You?
-Same. -Hey, Billie.
Hey. You okay?
Yeah.
How long do you think we've got?
Not long. Maybe another 10, 15 seconds.
We need to be ready.
No more fucking surprises.
Yeah. It's go time.
[suspenseful music plays]
[Mister Smiles laughing]
[Minty chuckling]
[chainsaw whirring]
[growling]
-[Luke grunts] -[audience exclaims]
[man] It's bad. It's bad.
[Khan yells out, grunts]
[audience boos]
[Billie grunts]
[growling]
-[Luke] Over here. -[Mister Smiles growls]
[cheering]
[growling]
[applause]
[Mister Smiles wheezing]
-[Billie grunting] -[blows landing]
[Billie groans]
Hey, hey, hey.
You're okay, you're okay.
Billie-- Billie stop! Stop! Billie, Billie, Billie.
He's done. He's done.
It passes, okay? It passes.
-[Billie panting] -Are you all right?
Oh, fuck. Yeah, fuck.
I've been hit harder than that fighting.
[sighs] I'm good. I'm good.
[sighs]
Wow.
That-- that's a twist right there.
I just got a text that the odds on Luke Bender
are going through the roof in Vegas right now.
[Minty] So, when does round three start?
Fuck, I don't know, man.
That fucking asshole caught me off guard.
All right, guys, we got to move. We have to finish this.
You lead the way, badass.
-[Minty laughs] -Thanks.
Okay, let's go. [grunts]
[Khan groans]
[device beeping]
Welcome to the party.
[device beeping]
[suspenseful music plays]
Be ready, guys. Just be ready.
[cheering and applauding]
[metal scrapes on tiles]
-You're ours, motherfucker. -[chainsaw whirring]
[garbled growling]
[Billie grunts]
This is for Carl.
-[garbled growling] -[Minty grunts]
[cheering and applauding]
[growling]
[all grunting]
[garbled groaning]
[Cutie Pie giggles]
[Luke screams]
Oh! Oh, my God!
-[indistinct] -Is that her? Cutie Pie!
[Cutie Pie screams]
[both grunting]
[Billie screams]
[Cutie Pie laughs] Yes!
[indistinct]
-Here, kitty, kitty. -[Cutie Pie] Meow. Come on.
[Minty laughing]
[Luke grunting]
[Khan] On the house, remember?
[pills rattling]
-That's it. -[Luke gulps]
[shuddering]
How-- how long do they take to kick in?
They're super fast-acting.
There you go.
There you go, there you go.
[Luke panting]
Three, two, one.
Now.
[Calypso panting]
[Luke panting]
[neck cracking]
[indistinct]
[cheering]
[Calypso screams out]
Get the axe!
-Get the axe! -[Calypso groaning]
[Cutie Pie squeals]
[Cutie Pie grunting]
Come on!
[Cutie Pie] No. No! No!
-[squelching] -[Cutie Pie] No!
[Cutie Pie wheezing]
Something's wrong.
Yeah, the stupid one handed something to Bender.
Wonder how that got past security.
Any ideas?
Domino?
Yes?
[Cutie Pie] No, don't!
-Please! -What?
Please!
Talk!
You took your dose, right?
I was in the room with you, but--
I always do.
Yes or no?
Yes.
I took the dose.
[Gideon] If you're telling the truth,
then you wouldn't mind providing us
with a blood sample, would you?
Of course not.
I'm always willing to comply.
[Belladonna] She hesitated.
Talk!
[Cutie Pie] They dose us.
None of us want to be here!
You see that?
You're telling this to the world.
I think you've forgotten how much you owe me.
I don't owe you anything.
You'd have died in the arena.
You owe me your life.
[whimpers] This is no life.
[intense music plays]
[Domino cries]
What were you in for again?
Oh, that's right.
You were a hired killer. A sniper.
Thought you'd have at least examined your own weapon.
[gun clicks]
[Domino inhales]
Please don't kill me.
Oh, I'm not going to kill you.
That would be a waste of talent.
I'm just going to transfer you.
[injecting gun hisses]
Back to the arena.
-Who doses you? -[Cutie Pie gasps]
Who doses you?
[audience murmuring]
-Talk! -[Cutie Pie whimpering]
[gunshot booms]
Get your ass over there.
Welcome to sudden death.
♪
-Let him go. -We're still on the air, Luke.
What kind of show would that be for the audience?
You force these people to be on your kill squad.
Just like you forced me to be on your show.
Well, it's hard to keep
a steady flow of willing participants
when death's part of the deal.
I said let him go.
Don't worry about me, brother. He's going to kill me--
Quiet!
Spoilers.
You shoot him and then what?
We find out if you're really a killer.
No.
Don't tell me you never killed a man in battle.
And don't tell me you didn't feel a rush from it.
This isn't war.
The audience is bloodthirsty,
and you gave them what they wanted.
It's war.
What does that make you?
You're the one making the profit.
[Belladonna] Like I said before, Luke.
This is entertainment.
That's all it is.
Luke.
It's time to go home.
[chainsaw whirring]
[Billie screaming]
[Belladonna screaming]
-[audience exclaims] -[man] Fuck yeah!
[Billie screaming]
Jesus Christ, I thought he'd never shut up.
Can we get the fuck out of here now?
-No. -Why?
-The chips in our heads. -Fuck.
Don't worry about that.
Surprised you didn't recognize military tech.
-[zapping] -[all groaning]
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
How do we get out of here?
Follow me.
Man.
I could use some mint juleps right about now.
[indistinct]
[sighs]
I'm free.
Arena Wars. Arena Wars.
[crowd chanting] Arena Wars.
Arena Wars. Arena Wars.
Arena Wars.
[chanting continues]
[cheering and applauding]
[audience] Arena Wars. Arena Wars.
[upbeat rock music plays]
♪
♪ Trying to forgive but remembering to forget ♪
♪ The voices in my head... ♪
So, uh, let me get this right,
you slept with Thrustkill in 2030?
Why do you think [indistinct]?
[chuckling]
You got a great outfit.
I heard that you, uh, are a big fan of the show?
Is that-- is that true?
Not only a fan, but, you know, I'm an employee also.
And I don't know if you know this or not,
but I park about five or six spaces
down from you every day.
You look a little nervous. What-- what's the matter?
I ain't going to bite you.
I'm nervous 'cause I don't want to die!
Well, that's [indistinct].
-Oh, I-- I can't. -Why can't you?
Because they don't give us the option.
Who-- who-- who-- who's they?
-They! The whole thing! -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess I'd be nervous too.
Hey, by the way, do you still have the Heisman trophy?
[laughs] I sold it on eBay.
Yeah.
Hey, buddy. I don't shake hands.
It's a crazy thing, it's a bad habit, I know.
First off, I need to tell you. I'm a big fan.
Oh, thanks. Thanks. Thank you. [indistinct]
That Hail Mary in the fourth quarter
in that game against the Raiders?
Absolutely beautiful.
Yeah, thanks a lot, uh, thank you...
-Tank. It's fine. -All right. Whatever.
What's the matter with you, son?
Uh, I'm on the camera with you?
Yeah, [indistinct].
♪ Pick yourself up ♪
You ever hear the expression "a deer in headlights"?
-You don't remember me? -Oh. [huffs] Should I?
Come on! Jimmy Magnus.
I'm the guy that took you
to the emergency ward,
stayed with you all night after you tore your ACL.
-Badass Jimmy Magnus. -[laughing]
[both laughing]
Is it true that
you're an actual member of the Yakuza?
[indistinct]
If you win back your freedom, what're you going to do?
You going to go back to Japan?
[speaking Japanese]
So, I hear that you're actually related
-to one of our gladiators? -That's right.
Master Blaster and I are twin bros.
Always thought you threw that last Super Bowl.
Excuse me, what was that?
I mean, if you don't want to admit it,
maybe we can meet somewhere after and discuss it.
No, but I have a gun.
It's good to see you though.
I've been-- I've been hoping you'd get me on here
once in a while, or-- or once anyway.
-Here you are. -Here I am.
Well, you know, that's what happens
when you spend 10 years getting your ass kicked
and then if you're lucky,
you end up being a commentator on a talk show,
or the star of a cartoon,
or selling some insurance policies.
[chuckling]
I haven't seen you guys for a while.
You're always on the field, yeah?
Oh, we just came here to pick up our checks.
-You called us over here. -They make you pick them up?
[indistinct]
I figured you just get paid electronically.
Well, the state pays us electronically, but this--
Man, this is blood money, come on.
[chuckling] Yeah. I know.
Yeah, yeah. No, I get it, I understand.
Yeah, blood money is--
You know, I guess in the long run
it's all blood money.
I mean, how do you deal with it? What's the difference?
Ethics, Samson. Ethics.
I agree with that.
Ethics.