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♪ It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
♪ To get us through the night-- ♪
♪ She's got long brown hair Tied up in a little red bonnet ♪
♪ She's got a pretty white blouse And a basket with fresh fruit upon it ♪
♪ She's got a glow in her cheeks And a fire inside ♪
♪ Sitting in a beautiful countryside ♪
♪ Oh, masturbating To the lady on the box of raisins ♪
♪ She's the happiest she's been in years ♪
♪ He puts on a big smile on her face ♪
♪ She's the happiest she's been in years ♪
♪ He puts a big smile on her face ♪
♪ He's got a good job And me and my parents love the dude ♪
♪ You can tell That he's gonna be faithful ♪
♪ The whole family is happy as hell ♪
♪ My sister's got an ugly new boyfriend ♪
♪ Every day I'm mutterin' ♪
♪ Mutterin' under my breath ♪
♪ If you ask me to do a task ♪
♪ I do it every time ♪
♪ But the whole time that I'm doing it ♪
♪ I'll be mutterin' under my breath ♪
♪ Things I'd never say to your face ♪
♪ But the second that you're gone ♪
♪ I mutter like a crazy asshole ♪
♪ While I angrily mow the lawn ♪
♪ Raking leaves ♪
♪ I'm mutterin' ♪
♪ Shovel snow ♪
♪ I'm mutterin' ♪
♪ Go to the bank! ♪
♪ You know I'm mutterin' ♪
♪ Take out the trash! ♪
♪ There's mutterin' ♪
♪ When there's toys At the bottom of the pool ♪
♪ Left there by my daughter ♪
♪ As I swim down to get them ♪
♪ I'll be mutterin' underwater ♪
♪ Everyday, I'm mutterin' ♪
♪ Mutterin' under my breath ♪
♪ Then one day my wife Overhears what I'm saying ♪
♪ And immediately slits ♪
♪ My throat ♪
♪ Driving back from Disneyland ♪
♪ Going over all the fun ♪
♪ What was best? Space Mountain? ♪
♪ Or getting wet On the Grizzly River Run, yeah! ♪
♪ Greatest time of our kids' life ♪
♪ What a magical moment For me and my wife ♪
♪ Then I miss our exit And I scream, "Fucking cunt!" ♪
♪ And it's like Disneyland never happened! ♪
♪ Sleep in late ♪
♪ Eat a big breakfast ♪
♪ Walk the dog ♪
♪ Watch the news ♪
♪ Go to the bathroom ♪
♪ Start my laundry ♪
♪ Go on the Internet ♪
♪ Buy some new shoes ♪
♪ Leave the apartment For lunch with my landlord ♪
♪ Come back home ♪
♪ Take the dog for a walk again ♪
♪ Turn on my TV ♪
♪ Watch Jerry Maguire ♪
♪ I've seen it before ♪
♪ But I'll watch it again ♪
♪ Pretty good day ♪
♪ Pretty good life ♪
♪ I am clinically depressed ♪
♪ Old guy with a kid ♪
♪ Started too late Now he's paying for it ♪
♪ Old guy with a kid ♪
♪ At the soccer practice Facing the wrong way ♪
♪ Old guy with a kid ♪
♪ Also has a middle-age son He never sees ♪
♪ Old guy with a kid ♪
♪ Just fell asleep at the Chuck-E-Cheese ♪
♪ Grandma in yoga pants ♪
♪ Not exercising Just looking fucking crazy ♪
♪ Grandma in yoga pants ♪
♪ From behind she looks Like an ice cream cone ♪
♪ Grandma in yoga pants ♪
♪ That's not a camel toe It's a walrus poon ♪
♪ Grandma in yoga pants ♪
♪ When she takes them off Her belly button coughs ♪
♪ Bulldog in a Halloween costume ♪
♪ He's a bumblebee And he don't look happy ♪
♪ Bulldog in a Halloween costume ♪
♪ He's just a dog But he understands dignity ♪
♪ Bulldog in a Halloween costume ♪
♪ His grandpa was a wolf Now he's wearing antennas ♪
♪ Bulldog in a Halloween costume ♪
♪ When you get home You're gonna get bit ♪
♪ Guy with a backpack at the movies ♪
♪ Now I can't focus On what Spider-Man's doing ♪
♪ Guy with a backpack at the movies ♪
♪ Every time he moves I shit myself ♪
♪ Guy with a backpack at the movies ♪
♪ Sitting right between me And the fucking exit ♪
♪ Guy with a backpack at the movies ♪
♪ Pulls shit out Thank God, it's Twizzlers ♪
♪ Fat cop on a horse ♪
♪ Both breathing heavy Are they gonna make it? ♪
♪ Fat cop on a horse ♪
♪ Praying nothing happens At this fucking parade ♪
♪ Fat cop on a horse ♪
♪ What did he do That they took away his squad car? ♪
♪ Fat cop on a horse ♪
♪ A trail of manure But it's coming from the cop ♪
♪ Getting a divorce ♪
♪ It seems so fun from the outside ♪
♪ Now you can do Whatever you want ♪
♪ And nobody will stop you ♪
♪ Maybe you'll travel the world ♪
♪ Maybe you'll go to the movies ♪
♪ Maybe you'll learn a new language ♪
♪ Or meet some pretty ladies ♪
♪ Or maybe you'll just Move in with your sister ♪
♪ And ruin her marriage too ♪
♪ Guy with a drone ♪
♪ Making everybody On the beach today ♪
♪ Uncomfortable ♪
♪ Guy with a drone ♪
♪ Remote control In front of his swimsuit boner ♪
♪ He says there's A pod of whales out there ♪
♪ On the ocean today ♪
♪ It might be the rarest sight He's ever seen ♪
♪ But if that's true ♪
♪ Why is his drone just hovering ♪
♪ Over my wife? ♪
♪ He seems like an odd little fellow ♪
♪ I think it's time to beat him ♪
♪ With my beach umbrella ♪
♪ Mommy Why's the door locked? ♪
♪ Daddy Why don't you answer? ♪
♪ I hear Mommy screaming While Daddy says ♪
♪ Yes, oh yes ♪
♪ So I go and get the key ♪
♪ And I creep in carefully ♪
♪ And much to my surprise ♪
♪ Right in front of my eyes ♪
♪ I see Daddy hitting Mommy ♪
♪ With his penis ♪
♪ Mommy, why are the sheets wet? ♪
♪ Daddy, what's with the bedhead ♪
♪ I hear Daddy say to Mommy ♪
♪ Honey, I didn't finish yet ♪
♪ Mom says we'll find another way ♪
♪ 'Cause her little boy can't stay ♪
♪ So I cuddle up real nice ♪
♪ Right between Mommy's thighs ♪
♪ And then Daddy pokes my eye out ♪
♪ With his penis ♪
♪ These days she doesn't need my help ♪
♪ Getting into bed ♪
♪ She doesn't need me to tuck her in ♪
♪ Or kiss her on the head ♪
♪ And she don't need me to pick her up ♪
♪ At her best friend's front door ♪
♪ She got her driver's license yesterday ♪
♪ She don't need me anymore ♪
♪ Oh no ♪
♪ Doesn't need me to practice soccer ♪
♪ Says she doesn't like sports ♪
♪ She don't need me to teach her algebra ♪
♪ Or help on book reports ♪
♪ And she don't need me To take her swimming ♪
♪ It's like she'd wish I'd disappear ♪
♪ But she still needs me ♪
♪ To buy her friends beer ♪
♪ Buy her friends beer ♪
♪ When she needs a case of Natty Ice She'll come running to me ♪
♪ Buy her friends beer ♪
♪ Forty cans of tallboys Yeah, I'm still in the party ♪
♪ Buy her friends beer ♪
♪ No store would ever sell it to them ♪
♪ 'Cause they all look like they're ten ♪
♪ And when my baby girl gets a DUI ♪
♪ She'll be back In Daddy's car seat again ♪
♪ Getting a divorce ♪
♪ Because I bought beer for my daughter ♪
♪ Scary shit's coming ♪
♪ My mother just flew out to visit ♪
♪ And I asked her How long she's staying for ♪
♪ And she says "I didn't book a return flight" ♪
♪ More scary shit's coming ♪
♪ I'm driving down the road At three o'clock in the afternoon ♪
♪ And I can't see shit 'Cause the sun is directly in my eyes ♪
♪ But I just do what everybody else does ♪
♪ I keep driving and pray I don't fucking hit anyone ♪
♪ Did I hear a thud? ♪
♪ Did I see a blonde wig Fly over the car? ♪
♪ Along with six pieces of sushi ♪
♪ And then I realized I just killed David Spade ♪
♪ More... ♪
♪ More scary shit's coming ♪
♪ I'm watching porno ♪
♪ On my iPhone ♪
♪ And no sound is coming out ♪
♪ Then I realize I'm connected to Bluetooth ♪
♪ In my wife's car ♪
♪ And she's taking the kids To soccer practice ♪
♪ More scary shit's coming ♪
♪ It's Halloween night And I can't find my weed gummies ♪
♪ Then I realize my mother is Handing them out to all the children ♪
♪ More fucking scary shit ♪
♪ And I can't believe it either ♪
♪ A little louder ♪
♪ Not that loud, that scared me ♪
♪ I just tried To send my wife a dick pic ♪
♪ But I accidentally sent it To Al Pacino ♪
♪ And he sent me two back ♪
♪ Last fucking scary thing ♪
♪ I just found my wife's vibrator ♪
♪ On the bed in the guest room ♪
♪ Where my mother is staying ♪
♪ And it was still warm ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ Come hold me tight ♪
♪ Kiss me, my darling ♪
♪ Be mine tonight ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ Will be too late ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ My love won't wait ♪
♪ When I first saw you ♪
♪ With your smile so tender ♪
♪ My heart was captured ♪
♪ My soul surrendered ♪
♪ I spent a lifetime ♪
♪ Waiting for the right time ♪
♪ Now that you're near ♪
♪ The time is here, at last ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ Come hold me tight ♪
♪ Kiss me, my darling ♪
♪ Be mine tonight ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ Will be too late ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ My love won't wait ♪
♪ Just like a willow ♪
♪ We would cry an ocean ♪
♪ If we lost true love ♪
♪ And sweet devotion ♪
♪ Your lips excite me ♪
♪ Let your arms invite me ♪
♪ For who knows when ♪
♪ We'll meet again ♪
♪ This way ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ Come hold me tight ♪
♪ Kiss me, my darling ♪
♪ Be mine tonight ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ Will be too late ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ My love won't wait ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ My love won't wait ♪
♪ It's now or never ♪
♪ My love won't wait ♪
♪ You down boy ♪
♪ No one around boy ♪
♪ Head in your hands And pain, so much pain ♪
♪ How can you ever be yourself again? ♪
♪ Where do you go now? ♪
♪ To get back your soul now? ♪
♪ Do you stare at the ceiling ♪
♪ And tune yourself out? ♪
♪ Or crawl in the bottle ♪
♪ And never crawl out? ♪
♪ You're just searching and searching ♪
♪ For the big takeaway ♪
♪ How the hell did this happen? ♪
♪ You look up and pray ♪
♪ For the smile, girl ♪
♪ It's been a while, girl ♪
♪ You need a fix ♪
♪ And you need it fast ♪
♪ How can you put All this shit in the past? ♪
♪ Yeah, who's gonna be the hero? ♪
♪ To get you through the night ♪
♪ Who's gonna wrap their arms around you ♪
♪ And make everything alright? ♪
♪ You know, it's comedy ♪
♪ Here comes the comedy ♪
♪ Got you smilin' and gigglin' ♪
♪ Like you were a kid ♪
♪ Didn't think it could get ya ♪
♪ But it just fuckin' did ♪
♪ You're laughin' so hard ♪
♪ As you feel the pain pass ♪
♪ All because Ace Ventura ♪
♪ Just talked with his ass, yeah ♪
♪ The comedy ♪
♪ There's so much stress, kid ♪
♪ You're such a mess, kid ♪
♪ If you're first boyfriend dumps you ♪
♪ Through a text on the phone ♪
♪ Or a note's on the dresser ♪
♪ She ain't coming home ♪
♪ When you're down with a case ♪
♪ Of the gettin'-bullied blues ♪
♪ Or holding their hand Through the doctor's bad news ♪
♪ You can do the pints of ice cream ♪
♪ Cry and cry in bed ♪
♪ Or run away ♪
♪ Or scream all day ♪
♪ Or try this one instead ♪
♪ Try on the comedy ♪
♪ We all need the comedy ♪
♪ You look close to the edge ♪
♪ And you gave it a chance ♪
♪ Now you're doing spit takes ♪
♪ And you're pissing your pants ♪
♪ Yeah, the pain and the heartbreak Got knocked off its feet ♪
♪ All because all these bridesmaids ♪
♪ Just shit in the street ♪
♪ Yeah, the comedy ♪
♪ Nothing beats the comedy ♪
♪ Yeah, actors can play dramatic ♪
♪ Singers can kill a song ♪
♪ But comedians say, "Fuck you, sadness" ♪
♪ Let's laugh it off And move the fuck on ♪
♪ So, thank you, Abbott and Costello ♪
♪ And Leno on Letterman ♪
♪ Thank you, Ruth Buzzi's pocketbook ♪
♪ And every scream from Kinison ♪
♪ Thank you, Lucy For baking your bread ♪
♪ And Spinal Tap for going to 11 ♪
♪ Thank you, Three Stooges And Jerry Lewis ♪
♪ You've made me happy since I was seven ♪
♪ Thank you Marx Brothers and Gleason on the bus ♪
♪ Thanks to Benny Hill For smacking the old bald guy for us ♪
♪ Thank you, Carol Burnett George Carlin, and SCTV too ♪
♪ Eddie Murphy My whole fucking neighborhood ♪
♪ Wanted to be you ♪
♪ Thank you, Sanford and Son Joan Rivers, and the 2000 Year Old Man ♪
♪ Lily Tomlin, David Brenner ♪
♪ Flip Wilson and Roseanne ♪
♪ Thanks to Billy, Robin, and Whoopi For showing comedy cares ♪
♪ Thanks to Peter Sellers For falling down the stairs ♪
♪ Rickles and Goldie, Stephen Wright And Madeline Kahn ♪
♪ Aykroyd and Belushi ♪
♪ The Jerky Boys Cheech and fucking Chong ♪
♪ Airplane, Stir Crazy, The Jerk And Easy-fucking-Money ♪
♪ Animal House and Caddyshack ♪
♪ The kings of the funny ♪
♪ Pee-wee, Borat, Powers, Mean Girls The Wayans and Farrelly brothers ♪
♪ Superbad, Elf, Hangover And those Jackass motherfuckers ♪
♪ Thank you, Chris Rock ♪
♪ Seinfeld and Colin Quinn ♪
♪ Herlihy, Jack, Coraci, and Apatow ♪
♪ Barrymore and Aniston ♪
♪ Love you, Buscemi and Stiller ♪
♪ Love you Triumph and Conie ♪
♪ Spade, KJ, Meadows and Schneider ♪
♪ Will always be my homies ♪
♪ Thank you, Downey ♪
♪ Thank you, Lorne ♪
♪ Thank you, Farley ♪
♪ Thank you, Norm ♪
♪ They say jokes can stay funny forever ♪
♪ A good joke can stay funny forever ♪
♪ Movies get older But the kids still get 'em ♪
♪ All the great laughs Yeah, we'll never forget 'em ♪
♪ That's why I say ♪
♪ Thank you ♪
♪ Good night ♪
♪ So if you look in my direction ♪
♪ And we don't see eye-to-eye ♪
♪ My heart needs protection ♪
♪ And so do I ♪
♪ It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
♪ To get us through the night ♪
♪ It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
♪ To make this work out right ♪
♪ So if you are out there waiting ♪
♪ I hope you show up soon ♪
♪ You know I need relating ♪
♪ Not solitude ♪
♪ Got a lotta love ♪
♪ It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
♪ To change the way things are ♪
♪ It's gonna take a lotta love ♪
♪ Or we won't get too far ♪
♪ It's gonna take a lotta love ♪