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Huh.
Come be my therapist, baby.
Yeah.
Come be my therapist, baby.
You, who I'm sharing with, baby, let me lay in your presence.
Yes, it's so effortless, baby, because you're
so easy to talk to, I often wish we was closer.
I hope for the sessions to bless us.
Yes, I might need to stay over.
Holding trauma from drama, now, I can't tell if they love me.
But when we look for the problem,
I always find out it was me.
Hug me, baby, I miss you.
Don't take negative with you.
Only positive vibes, baby.
I'll never forget you.
I do therapy with you.
Hey, Paul.
So I'm done cleaning here.
Am I good to go?
Hell, no, you ain't good to go.
Table two keeps ordering crawfish after crawfish
after crawfish.
I got to go to the Atlantic Ocean to get more crawfish.
I'm might get mercury poisoning dealing with table two.
All right.
30 more minutes.
You can do 30 more minutes?
Yeah, I guess.
OK, cool.
Thank you.
Oh, wait one second.
Um, tomorrow-- do you think you can come in at 6:00?
Are you serious?
JoJo having her little situationship
on the situationship on the situationship.
Again?
Yeah, again.
And, come on, let me rub your shoulders.
Come on, you get like this sometimes, Mon.
Hey, all right.
I do it for you.
OK.
Give me a hug.
All right.
Take care of them kids.
Say, mm-hmm.
Man.
Whoof.
Hey, how are you doing, ma'am?
You've been sitting here for a little over an hour.
Everything OK?
I know you're sitting down, but you look a little stood up.
Heh.
You get to how I put that together?
I can get you another margarita, or--
Does it look like I need your help?
Yo, Paul, let me get a double shot of Añejo.
One for me, and one for her.
I got you.
Excuse me, sir, but I can buy my own drinks.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Damn.
OK, Miss Independent.
I feel you.
Paul, let me get them two shots.
Oh, I got you.
I'm sorry, baby.
He had you waiting.
What can I get for you?
Thank you so much.
It's taken so long.
First, I would like to start with my appetizer.
I would like some crawfish cheese sticks.
I would also like crawfish nachos.
And I also would like crawfish salad.
Yeah?
Really?
Mm.
Ooh!
Spicy.
I'm Reggie.
Stacey.
I see.
And you stay seeing this drip?
What does that mean?
You don't even know me.
Margarita crawfish.
Margarita, make sure that comes out.
And also crawfish chicken nuggets.
You ever?
You look a little down on your day.
And why are you taking it out on my man Paul over here?
I am having a rough day.
Hey, Paul, I'm sorry.
Can you please get us another round?
Y-- y'all paying for all of these?
Never mind.
We'll talk about this later.
OK, Miss Independent.
Hey, Paul, another Añejo.
Throw a lime in there this time.
Añejo?
What is that?
See, you don't even know nothing about that.
That's probably why your 'rita trash.
It was pretty light.
Paul, give her what I'm having.
A little less mix.
I usually just get silver.
What made you try that?
Oh, I drink Añejo because I can get "any ho."
You feel me?
Wow.
OK, so you are crazy.
I mean, is that supposed to be funny or something?
See, now I got her attention.
She used to do is being all forward
and trying to hit on her right out of the gate,
but she found comfortability in my friendliness.
Now, she fine.
Fine as hell!
I got to see where this chick mind at.
Watch me break her down like a 3-5.
OK.
So who is it?
What are you talking about?
The person that got my new friend
in here drinking by herself, all alone, in a bad-ass mood.
OK, so I don't even know why I'm sharing this with you.
So look, this guy, he was supposed to meet me here.
I mean, not really for a date, but I'd
be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him, right?
Then I find out he's really in a relationship
and is currently on a date as we speak.
Damn!
That's bogus as hell.
I mean, he at least reached out to you
and let you know what the deal was, right?
No.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So you mean to tell me you just came across the photo?
Like it was just on your timeline,
or did you go searching for it?
Because you look like a searcher.
No.
Hell, no, I didn't do none of that.
Look, I was seeing if he posted a stat, and I saw that shit.
So let me guess.
You must have had a goal in mind.
Oh, wait.
You was trying to get some, wasn't you?
OK.
So is it that obvious?
I mean, I was trying to get me some from Travis,
but, you know what?
Uh-uh.
I carry myself as a classy lady, OK?
How did he even know?
And what the hell do you mean by that?
I mean, damn.
Calm down.
I ain't got no scientific reasoning
behind it or anything, but you just
look a little more let down than the normal disappointment.
That's all I'm saying.
It sound like expectations to me.
Now, I'm not saying you had a plan.
But if the night would have went right, and you felt right,
you was going to give him some.
Oh, so what?
Now you a therapist?
Hell, no!
I just know people.
That's it.
And I don't judge them for their actions.
I let them show me who they really are.
You know.
It kind of provides them with a certain level
of comfortability with me.
That's not even a real word.
So I'm a real nigga, and what's up with you and your drink,
Miss Lightweight?
Don't worry about what I'm doing with my drink.
The question is, why are you in here?
Oh, I ain't got no sob story.
All my whole school, every last one of them.
I'm just playing.
I just wanted to get out of the house, have a drink.
Supposed to meet my boy Sean here,
but he probably off with some girl somewhere
in full character.
What does full character mean?
What is that?
He like to give women what they want.
Well, let me rephrase that.
What he thinks they want.
But it always work out terribly for him.
But, like I said, I'm not here to judge.
That's his life.
Enough about him, though.
I'm interested in you.
How about we toast to the dumbass
that stood your fine ass up?
I like that.
Mm-hmm.
We can toast to that.
Y'all don't-- y'all don't want to--
Mm, this is strong.
OK.
Yeah.
I'm going to put that to the side.
I see you not big on the cuddling.
That's cool.
I was never really big on it either.
Look.
Last night was a mistake, period.
But it happened, though.
I don't be doing shit like this.
But you did it, though.
I've got to go.
I'm going to be late for work.
What is it that you do?
I'm a therapist.
Relationship counselor, mainly.
Oh.
So you help lonely people cope with their misery.
No, I'm more like a mediator.
You know, I help solve conflict.
Almost like finding the pieces to their puzzle.
Mm.
So you sell dreams to delusional couples.
Got you.
You know what?
You got all the answers, don't you?
I ain't got all of them, because I still
ain't got the answer as to why you think this was a mistake.
Because I don't even know you, OK?
We just met last night.
And honestly, you could be crazy for all I know.
Hell.
I don't know you.
Right.
And I'm the crazy one?
OK.
But if this wasn't supposed to happen,
then it wouldn't have happened.
You're one of the types that like to trip about stuff that
already happened, huh?
How good of a therapist can you really be?
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm just saying, like--
if you want to be good at your job,
you should probably be better at letting go with a past.
Wow.
OK, you know what?
I'm not enjoying this conversation, not even
a little bit.
So you're telling me you ain't enjoy last night?
I mean, I did enjoy last night, but--
But nothing.
Exactly.
The only "but" I want to hear is my hand smacking an ass!
I'm done.
Why don't you stop.
I'm done with you.
You make me sick.
OK, so I really didn't have a bad time last night.
Oh, my gosh, it was so amazing.
And, I mean, Reggie, he's so cool.
He's laid back.
He's witty.
And the things he did in this bed right here.
Shit!
Oh, OK, OK, OK.
But I don't think I'm ready for this.
I'm so conflicted right now.
OK, so I got a question.
You one of them know girls who drink and they black out?
Oh, so you used to messing with them lightweight thots, huh?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I remember everything.
Oh, perfect.
So that means you remember that butt-naked pretzel
I had you in going stupid.
OK, so you one of those kind of guys that just think sex
is everything?
OK, you know what?
I've been down this road before.
Goodbye.
I mean, if you ready to go, I can walk you out to the door.
But you should remember one thing.
Well, two things you should take away.
One, how did you just assume that I'm all about sex?
You didn't even take the time to get to know me.
Now, I'm not here to change your opinion
because that's your opinion.
I'm just saying that that's a little weird.
OK, you said two things.
You've got your dress on inside out, player.
Fuck you.
Fucked the seams out of her.
Whoo!
She stuck on my mind, she jiggy.
She stuck on my mind, she worth it.
Stay on her grind, she working.
Shorty's so fine, she perfect.
Uh-huh.
I give her my time on purpose.
Yes, she look good on them pictures.
Promise she finer in person.
Uh-huh.
In this shit, it got to be different.
Feel like a lottery ticket.
With her the sky's the limit.
Uh-huh.
Because we in places you fly to go visit.
We steady down in this shop, and you niggas dying to hit it.
Yeah.
And I don't blame you for trying to hit her.
She's certified a winner.
I saw you looking at me when I walked through the door.
You must like what you see.
It's a bit around here.
Mm.
How about we go back to my place?
She's stuck on my mind.
She jiggy, shorty so fine.
I'm telling you, I'm making her mine.
You hear me?
Sir?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
My fault. How may I--
how may I help you?
I mean, are you working today or what?
Yeah, yeah.
What's going on, little man?
OK.
Yeah.
How old are you?
Look, the last barber we went to,
he fucked his hairline up and put that little black painted
stuff on his forehead.
And I just need you to fix it right quick, OK?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can go ahead and take care of it.
Come on in here, little man.
Hop up on here.
Go get you right.
Get you all the way right.
Whoo!
What kind of cut want, little man?
OK.
All right.
Don't-- don't worry about it.
Just forget it.
I'm-- I'm going to get you right.
What you mean you don't want to be with me?
After all I've done?
What is it?
Is it another chick?
Then, what is it then?
What do you mean you got to call me back?
Oh, hell no.
You're going to talk to--
Hello?
Hey, your mom always this mad?
Excuse me?
How about you stay out of my business and cut some hair.
I wouldn't be in your business if you weren't talking so loud.
So what?
OK, mom, relax.
You too fine to be letting some dude stress you out.
You know you're supposed to have your holes in control.
And you don't even know what you're talking about.
How about you cut some hair?
I am.
But part of my job is to also make
sure that everybody that walk through that door,
they walk out with a smile in their experience.
I'm cutting his hair.
Ain't that right, little man?
All right.
I mean-- now, to just work on you, Miss--
Jasmine.
And you are?
I'm Reggie.
Nice to finally meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
See, that wasn't so hard, was it?
Oh, you're going to hit me with the shoulders.
I see that's a hereditary thing, huh?
OK, Reggie.
So how long you been cutting hair?
Uh, it's about three, four--
Oh, so about three or four years?
Days.
I got my certification earlier this week.
Wait, what's today?
Tuesday, Thursday.
I'm joking.
I've been cutting six years.
Oh.
I was gonna say.
Oh, you real funny, huh?
You know.
Just a little jokey-joke.
But what's up with you and that phone call?
You too fine to be letting whatever do stress you out.
Look, I'm damn near 30, and I don't
want my son to keep seeing me single out here.
You know?
I want him to be in a stable home with two parents.
You know, like the old days.
Hmph.
I feel you.
It's just one thing you're missing, though.
What's that?
Them old days, they old as hell.
They're gone.
You can go searching for them if you want.
They're not here no more.
And how you know that?
Because that special thing you searching for,
it don't exist no more.
Back in the day, women used to cook, clean, raise the babies.
That's what women were taught to do.
Is that really what you want out of your life?
What's so bad about that?
I mean, absolutely nothing.
Ain't nothing wrong with it, but a woman as fine as you,
I just feel like you deserve more than just
being cooped up in the house.
Do you want your entire dream to belong to somebody else?
I still want a man in my life.
I don't want my son seeing me around here
with all these different guys.
But it's so bad out here.
I want to find someone to make me happy.
I mean, I hear you, but that's your problem.
You can't find happiness in somebody else.
Now, we all know, you've got to find that within.
Now, a guy, he can make you smile.
He can even make you feel good.
But real happiness, it always got to come within.
Come on, now.
Ain't that right, little man?
Mm.
Wow!
That look nice.
OK, I see you.
And it don't have that little painted black shit on there.
OK.
Thank you, Reggie.
Oh.
So, son, how do you like your haircut?
Man, I want to be as unbothered as him.
Pssh.
Oh.
OK, how much?
Oh, I normally do $20.
But, for you-- for you, I'm going to do a dub.
Oh, I see you got a little jokey-jokes too, huh?
OK.
Well, here you go.
Keep the change.
Got a little jokey-joke.
Nice play.
So, Reggie, do you have a business card or anything where
I can make an appointment or call to get some advice?
I like the way you think.
For sure.
Thank you.
All right, son, let's go.
Bye, Reggie.
All right, Jasmine.
Mm.
She was fine as hell.
Whoo!
Mm.
Hey, what's up?
I'm glad you could finally make it.
Yeah, my bad.
You know, it's a little crazy getting to this side of town.
Traffic was wild.
But let me see you.
Check you out.
Come on, now.
Give me a hug.
Mm-hmm.
So tell me, how was your day?
Damn.
Where do I start?
OK, so I had this weird couple come in, right?
And let me tell you, the girl, I mean, she was stacked.
She had big titties, a big booty.
She was bad.
By her husband, I'm talking like some Screech,
kind of a Urkel dude.
He tape all in the glasses and everything.
I'm not the problem here, OK?
She's the one who needs your professional guidance.
I can't deal with her self-effacing, insecure
behavior.
Besides, it's out of my control.
I mean, I can't keep these women off of me.
It's true.
I mean, everywhere we go, women are just
throwing themselves at him.
And I can't deal.
So what we're dealing with is a classic case of insecurities.
Yet, this isn't so common.
How would you say your personal life is between you two?
Oh, you mean like when we're alone?
Everything's great.
We have fun.
We go places.
And he does this thing with his tongue
when I'm bent over the bed.
Oh, yeah.
So by the time he pulls out--
Whoa, not that.
I was just asking how you two felt about one another.
I thought that we could talk to you about everything?
That is what we're paying you for, right?
Right, babe?
That's right, my darling.
She is 100% unequivocally correctamundo, Miss Hampton.
Know know what?
You know what?
You're right, Mr. And Mrs. Cooper.
I apologize.
Please feel free to share any information
you feel to be pertinent.
Oh, no.
Who "Pertinent"?
And where he from?
Pertinent means important, my little ray of sunshine.
Oh.
OK, important.
OK.
Yeah, well, in all my years, I've
never met someone who makes me feel like this man does.
I just feel like I'm not enough for him.
And I feel like he's going to leave me
for one of these little thots.
Oh, cut the malarkey.
I've been with you this whole time.
These whoremongers, they mean nothing to me.
I mean, sure.
The woman at the gas station register
always offers me some quick fellatio, but I just say no.
Just $20 on pump six, please.
Or at the clothing store, when the girl invited me to the back
to "paint her face."
Huh.
I said, I'm not even an artist.
What does that mean?
See?
OK.
OK, Mr. Cooper.
So have you ever engaged in any sexual activity
with any of these women?
Absolutely not.
What in the world would give you any inclination
that they want to have sexual intercourse with me?
You silly therapist.
I just don't know what to do.
Look, look.
What I've learned today is--
I don't know.
The crazy thing about it is she was kind of obsessed with him.
You know?
Hmm?
So let me guess.
That kind of threw you off a little bit.
Let me break something down to you.
Hey, how are y'all doing?
Ma'am, did you bring your son in here today?
Ah!
I knew I should have left him in the car.
Girls are afraid to date good looking guys
because they don't want to get dumped or get
their heart broken.
Number two, good looking women, they
also got their insecurities and, you know, they hide them.
That's usually how that goes.
Now, three, this is the kicker right here.
Now, it's apparent he got her mind confused.
What she can't detect, she can't reject.
And when a woman's mind is confused,
she's easy to control.
Wow.
OK, OK, OK.
So, Casanova, is that your strategy for everything?
Is that what it is?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I don't use strategies.
If you want anything genuine, you can never
attack it using a "strategy."
So what you're saying is that you can never
treat two people the same way?
Not exactly.
Because in life, you're going to always encounter people
with similar situations.
But what I'm saying is, I never go
into a situation knowing how I'm going to treat somebody.
That shit almost never works.
It always backfires.
So how do you think you need to treat me?
Like a woman that likes me.
But because of her past, she's wounded.
Guards up.
It's understandable.
You're also an independent woman who
don't need a man for nothing until it's time
to put some salt on that butt naked pretzel.
Wow.
I'm so tired of this man thinking he know everything.
But you know what?
He might be right.
I ain't going to let him know, all right?
You know what?
I don't need a man for sex, OK?
Matter of fact, I don't need anybody.
Well, excuse me, Miss Independent.
Huh.
You must know how to DJ real good.
Huh?
Nothing.
Do you need something?
We're closed.
She's not calling you, though.
We are closed.
We're closed.
We just got here.
Exactly.
We closed from here all the way to here, OK?
We just got here.
You definitely are not getting a tip.
Yeah.
Can I just get a margarita?
Anyway, how was your day, man?
I actually had a very, very good day.
It was a typical day, though.
I had this client, she came in with her son.
Now, she was in a bad mood.
But once I, you know, gave her a few smiles,
told her a few jokes, she actually opened up to me.
It kind of reminded me of this girl I know.
I met her at a bar one time, but I cannot remember her name.
Really?
OK, so what?
Did you get her number too?
Of course I did.
You know what?
Mm, you just typical.
Just like typical kind of man, you know what I mean?
I was joking.
No, I didn't get her number.
She's a client.
I gave her my business card, but why is that so typical?
You know what?
The more I get to know you, the more typical you are.
Just player.
That's what you are.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm not a player at all.
I'm not here to play games.
I'm always open, honest, and upfront about mine.
So how did you even come to that conclusion?
Never mind, OK?
But it's kind of funny, because while I
was talking to the client today, and, you know,
I'm shedding light on her situation
and giving her a new perspective, I sat there
and I was like, I can't wait to tell you
because I was kind of like doing your job a little bit.
OK.
One, you can never do my job.
You don't have the formal training or the hours
that I put into this.
So let me get this straight.
Just because you went to school and studied all these hours,
that means you better at this than me?
Yeah, exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
OK.
Well, you know what I got to say to that?
Fuck them books, and fuck that degree.
Pssh.
There is no better teacher than life and its experiences.
What you, like $100,000 in debt?
Girl, please.
OK, excuse me?
You are a barber, OK?
You can never shit on my career.
Can never try to do what I do, so don't even try me.
So I didn't have to work just as hard to get where I am?
Yeah, OK.
Um, Paul, why don't you go ahead and close us out.
Pssh.
Yeah, and don't worry about it.
It's on me since I know you got them loans to pay back.
Huh.
Enjoy, Miss Therapist.
She don't think that I can do her job better than her.
Shit.
Watch me.
So Reggie, I heard you over at the bar the other night
saying that you was giving that good therapy, yo.
So I figured I'd come over here and check you out.
Girl, we're in a barbershop.
I mean, babe, just give it a shot.
We need full discretion.
Just like-- this can't leave the barbershop, please.
Of course.
So what's going on with y'all?
So, so, me and baby's been together for about 10 months,
and she's just not giving what I thought she was going to give.
I thought she was going to be doing a little bit more of the,
you know, taking the trash out, maybe going to get the car.
She's falling off a little bit when
it comes to playing that role.
You do realize I have a vagina just like you, right?
I mean, yeah babe, so?
So what I need to take the trash out for?
She was giving that when we first got together,
and I'm just trying to figure out what is really going on.
OK.
I see the problem here is, there's no masculine energy
kind of present, huh?
I mean.
No.
But what is missing is the fact that you
don't cook, clean or listen.
I listen.
When do you listen?
This morning.
And that's the only time you do listen,
is when somebody's trying to bang you over.
This is what I mean.
What are we going to do?
OK.
Well, let me propose this, you know, hear me out.
We create a list of things for you to do, a list for you
to do.
And then we make a third column of list of things
that I'm going to come over and do, you understand me?
Because I think the whole problem is y'all are not
balanced.
Even look at how y'all sitting, that's not a balanced equation
right there, you understand me?
Put somebody like me in there, insert myself,
we can get it going.
Because y'all just need some structure Key word, struc-ture.
All right, come on now, come on.
Thank you, Reggie.
I know.
Put it here.
There we go.
Amen.
See y'all later to pick up that a--
I mean, take out the trash, take out the trash.
Man, I'm good at this shit.
Come on now.
Check my next appointment.
OK.
So, what brings you guys in here?
Well, honestly, I don't know why we're here.
I don't feel like we need to be seeing you, Mrs Stacy.
I feel like it's pointless.
But for some reason he wants me to be here, because he
think it'll help our situation.
So maybe he can tell you how the list went.
OK.
So, why don't you tell me how you
feel about things right now?
As you can see, there's a bit of resistance.
And I feel we need a third party.
OK?
Because we're not getting anywhere.
So you don't think there's anything that
can improve your situation?
Better sex, that's another thing.
Oh, this is new.
Yeah, that is new.
But I just feel like it needs to be better.
I feel like you don't cook the best food either,
while we're at it.
And you don't like to clean, and you don't give good sex.
So I mean-- why am I here, Dr. Stacy?
Can I go?
You know what?
No, no, our time's not up yet.
What is up, is this relationship.
I ain't gay no more.
Matter of fact, I'm finna go get me a bitch.
I'm going to head down to Magic City and throw some ones.
You can have this shit.
Thank you.
You can send me the invoice.
You can figure it out.
I'm out.
Figure your life out, honey.
Fuck this person.
Shot, he done left his purse, I'm
going to take his motherfucking money.
Oh, I need my wallet.
All right, so what seem to be the problem?
Look man, she been this way, right?
Her people got that shit.
And she won't give me the plug.
What are you talking about?
We gave you a pound last month and you smoked it
all by yourself.
Man, I roll that shit up so the homies
knew it was that gas, baby, that was all I was doing.
What are you talking about, it was you that smoked it all.
It was me?
You see what I'm saying?
Right.
Just real quick, just for my own knowledge,
when we talk about that shit, we talking about that shit.
We're not here for that.
You're right, you're right.
So what are we here for?
Because you.
Look at you.
You don't even get up.
You ain't even being a gentleman,..
Oh.
Let me sit down.
You're right, baby.
You're right, you're right, you're right.
I'm sorry.
What I'm getting is, you like to be in control.
But I like when she in control.
Maybe.
Ain't nothing wrong with that.
I mean, if you like it, I love it.
If--
I mean, you cool with it?
You like it?
I love it, baby.
Come on.
OK.
Maybe y'all should say it together.
I think y'all should continue on that path.
And every now and then, give him a pound, hold him down.
Listen to the therapist, baby, that's what we came here for.
OK.
Try it out.
All right.
Come on.
Don't be like that.
Out here saving relationships one couple at a time.
I love it.
Woo.
So Coffee, share with me why you're here today.
When I don't have sex, I get anxiety.
And I started listening to this new podcast about sex.
I'm not getting nothing, I'm not getting shit.
So what do you think the reason is?
You want a glass?
I got another glass?
I'm having-- OK, so.
So have you shared this with your fiancee?
How does he feel?
He thinks that sex once a week is OK.
He thinks that's healthy.
I'm like, all day, everyday, bro.
Let's just find other ways to counter this.
OK.
So you're saying I should go and pay for sex.
I should go down to the West End and get some broke nigga Dick.
No, no, I didn't say that, I didn't say that.
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
I'm going to do that.
I'm doing it.
And on the way there I'm going to listen to that show.
And listen to it, it's going to ignite my inner ho.
What show?
It's called Cocktales, Dirty Discussions.
C-O-C-K-T-A-L-E-S. Dirty Discussions.
And I'm going to go get dirty.
Your time is almost up.
But one more thing, have you ever thought about celibacy?
Yo, we closed.
I ain't never said nothing like that
to you when you came to my bar in that late night shit.
Yo, Paul, what you doing on this side of town?
I'm always on this side of town, man.
What you mean?
I was around the corner, it's getting a little line up,
he kind of didn't do a good job.
So I was just wondering if you had enough time to get me
in for a little quickie?
You know what?
I got you.
Come on.
My boy.
Come on.
I'll get you right.
Yes Sir.
I don't know what's wrong with that other barber, man.
Drive me crazy.
Let me take this off for you real quick.
Yeah, peel that thing back.
Yeah.
There you go.
Oh, OK.
What you want me to do with this?
Oh, can you do the number one on the side?
And then like the number two a little bit higher?
And then just give me the three up top, OK?
Oh, and can you give me that part,
you know, that part that LeBron James
be having, but don't give me the extra LeBron James sauce.
Because I want my hair to grow back.
Yeah.
Just box shave it up.
We're going to be good.
Uh.
So.
Um.
So, How everything going with you, big dog?
What's going on?
Oh, besides the cut?
Oh, you know, I mean my--
I mean, we're having a little trouble at the house,
that's all.
Aren't you experienced?
You experience with the ladies, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I do my thing from time to time.
What's up?
Oh, you know, me and my girl, we've
just been kind of having little problems lately, you know?
I feel like every time I try to do better, I fail,
you know what I mean?
When I try to bring us closer, it just
doesn't work out the way I think it's going to work out, man.
Paul, you're not saying nothing.
How are you going to get my genuine advice if you
ain't being honest with me?
Come on, man.
Nah, nah, I'm not--
I'm good, man.
I'm good.
Paul.
Talk to me.
She think I'm smashing Tina.
You're not?
No.
I mean, I'm just saying, I hit that at least three times
by now, but--
Yeah.
OK, no, I wouldn't, I wouldn't.
But, the owner would get upset.
I mean, at least one of them would get upset.
Yeah, Yeah, for sure.
But, OK.
Be real with me.
You ain't give her cause to question your relationship.
Listen, man.
Tina is my most trusted employee, OK?
She knows almost everything--
I can't even run that place without her.
You know, I talk to her every day.
We really built up this genuine good friendship, man.
And I've never smashed her.
I could see you looking at me, I feel you,
I could feel the stank in your eyes, OK.
Close your eyes when you're looking at me, OK?
But let me tell you what really happened, man.
Carlene came in there one day and me and Tina
was me and Tinaing, you know what I mean.
And she kind of ain't like that and we've
been downhill ever since.
All right.
How about this, this the best I can do.
How about you, me, and Carlene, we sit down
and we figure this thing out.
You know, she really understands your relationship.
That's the best I can do for you.
I can do that.
I can do that, man.
Thank you, Reggie.
Well I appreciate you, man.
Let me go ahead and look at this haircut.
No, no, no, no, you good.
I'm trying to look at the--
You know what?
No.
I'm grabbing--
No, you're good, you're good.
No, no, no--
OK, OK.
Because we closed.
OK, we closed.
Yeah, we closed.
OK, all right.
I can't just look at the--
No, no, no, no.
OK.
I'm good?
We closed.
All right, OK.
All right, cool.
I appreciate you.
Go ahead, get up out of here.
Yeah, you sure you don't want the--
No, no, no, no, you know what, you take that.
That's on the house.
All right, OK.
It's on the house.
Yep.
House cuts on the house.
Hmm.
I don't know how do you--
Shit crazy as hell.
Hey girl, how you been?
Long time no see.
I miss you.
I know, it's been a while.
Well, you know how he is.
Well, was.
What's what?
I think we done this time, friend.
Oh, my God.
That's so sad.
What?
Yeah girl.
You know what's so crazy though?
I thought I was going to be a little bit more
hurt, but this time--
But what?
Lord what?
OK.
So listen.
I took little Mike to get his hair cut, right?
And this Barber was at his business.
But he was like telling me how I shouldn't be
looking for happiness in a man.
And I don't know why, but that's just stuck in my head.
And like--
Well--
It was just so, the conversation was just so deep.
Well, he's absolutely right.
I mean, you do need to find happiness within.
But, that's the same thing Reggie said.
You there, bitch?
Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good, I'm cool, cool.
I just miss you, that's all.
Really miss you.
We need to go ahead and get together soon.
Hell yeah.
Oh, I'm going to pull up to your office.
The hell, I need me some therapy myself.
Girl, you so silly.
All right.
Well, look, I'll see you later, all right?
OK then.
You sure you're all right?
I'm good.
yeah.
love you.
I don't know.
Bye girl, I gotta get out of here.
Bye.
So I asked the two of you to come here
today because Paul was telling me
that you guys are having some issues in the relationship.
Carlene, Carlene, leaving isn't going to solve anything.
So let's just talk it out.
Sure, Reggie.
Why not?
So how about you tell me what issues you guys are having?
He's fucking the waitress.
And I know you are.
I mean, you've seen that waitress.
I'd be fucking her.
Baby I'm not fucking Tina.
Shut the fuck up, Paul.
I heard you.
I heard you tell her, oh, I just don't know
what I'd do without you, Tina.
Just because she does good work, she's my most trusted employee.
Babe.
Once you go black, you don't go back.
OK, OK.
Let's just calm down.
There's no need to--
Shut the fuck up, Reggie.
You just shut right the fuck on up.
You're not even a therapist.
What is he doing here?
You're right.
I am not a real therapist.
However, I have very existential life experiences
that allow me to weigh the scale of good and bad and evil
on the rhetorics of being an existential human being
with the symbiotic form of our lives.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I might not have a degree, but I still think I can help y'all.
How?
How can you help us?
So why do you think he's having an affair with Tina?
Paul likes all black things.
I make my stove top stuffing, he wants dressing.
I make shake and bake but he wants real fried chicken.
I make a pecan pie, he wants sweet potato pie.
I throw on some lovely soft rock,
he listens to some guy called text the massage.
Text the message.
Text, text him, really?
That guy is fine, but you see where I'm coming from?
Like, it's just so hard.
OK.
But, baby, baby, I love you, OK?
I don't want anybody else.
He got to love you, because it's a whole hell
of a lot of fine ladies that come in that bar.
He ain't got to just settle for Tina.
Really?
My bad.
What the fuck?
Carlene.
Why did God make me white?
To bring about it, it was the reverse psychology
I think I was trying to use as to--
damn.
Hate to see it.
Watch the mamma do a little stanky leg,
do a little stanky leg.
I can do the stanky leg.
Can you do it?
What about this?
How about I twerk a little bit?
Ran the baby out.
Look what you did.
Hello?
Hey, can you talk?
Why do I want to talk to you?
I thought I had you blocked.
Well I'm glad you didn't listen.
I might have underestimated the skill requirement
to do your job effectively.
What?
I guess thank you.
Come on, don't be like that.
Listen, I got myself in a little bit of a situation.
And I think I might need your help.
You need my help?
What Mr Casanova?
OK, I need to hear this.
What?
Look, I'm coming to you as humbly as I possibly can.
I need your help.
I got a job for you.
What kind of job?
Well, I need you to go down and meet this dude named Julio.
He down in this Swats, he going to give you a brown paper bag.
When he give you the brown paper bag, don't look in it though.
Hell no, what the fuck?
Are you serious?
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
No, no, no, I got an emergency client
that probably needs to come in and see with you.
You got time?
Who are the clients?
God damn.
You want the money or not.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
Just what?
Tell them to meet me at my office in the morning,
all right?
Oh, OK, OK.
I can do that.
Hey, real quick.
What?
You remember that butt naked pretzel I had you in?
Get off my phone, Reggie.
Let me and auntie talk for a second.
What are you going to do with him?
He is so cute.
Oh, Yes.
He getting so big, girl.
Yes girl.
So, you going to tell me what that was all about?
It's just a friend of mine.
Got some clients he want me to see in the morning.
No big deal.
That don't sound like no friend.
What was that, your boo?
Hell no.
I mean, it could have been.
But, he, I don't know.
I see the same old Stacy.
Nobody never good enough for you.
You always cut them off when you get a little too close.
Look, it ain't nothing all right?
So tell me bitch.
Damn, bitch.
Where's mine?
I needed both of these.
Look, you know that barber you've
been talking about Reggie?
That's who I was speaking to?
Well, I knew it was a coincidence
when I saw his name on your phone, but that's crazy.
You mad at me?
Why the fuck would I be mad?
Ain't like I'm fucking him.
I mean, I mean, I know you was feeling him though.
So that's why I just didn't even say nothing.
Anyway.
So let me ask you something.
Did he put you in that butt naked pretzel, now?
Shut up, girl.
Eat the cheese with me, don't make me eat it by myself.
Here getting on my nerves.
Oh now you want to share?
Drinking up all my goddamn liquor.
Drink it with me.
Come on.
Yo, Paul.
You still here.
Hey, listen.
I thought I was something that I'm not.
That's on me.
Obviously.
I mean, like what the fuck, man.
I thought you was actually good at this shit.
Shit, me too, hell.
That's beside the point.
Hey, look.
I got you an appointment with a real therapist tomorrow though,
OK?
Thanks.
You know, you uh, you do therapy as good as you cut hair.
OK, first off, I'm not good at white therapy and whatever
type of hair that you got.
Now that I think about it, you never actually paid--
I can't even make Collard greens.
I'll wear Jordans for you, baby.
See?
I got to go deal with her, OK?
I'm going to be at that session tomorrow.
And can you do me a favor, please?
Can you get out of my house?
You don't live here.
OK, fine.
Hey, but let me talk to you about that money, though.
Come be my therapist, baby.
You who I'm sharing with, baby.
Let me lay in your presence.
Yes, it's so effortless, baby.
Because you're so easy to talk to, I often wish we was closer.
Hope for the sessions to bless us.
Yes, I might need to stay over.
Hold in trauma from drama, now I can't tell if they love me.
But when we look for the problem I always find out--
So, Paul and Carlene, how are you two doing
since the last time we talked?
Yep.
Things are going well.
We are so happy, so so happy.
OK.
Share with me some of the positive news.
Oh, we're doing great.
I, for one, have been doing all my affirmations in the mirror
every single morning.
You know, I am beautiful, I am sexy, I am thotty.
I love that word, I've never heard of before.
Like, what even does it mean?
Well, I don't know, but I feel thotty and I like it.
Ooh.
So, Jamal, how does that make you feel?
The fact that she's feeling a little thotty?
Happy wife, happy life.
Yeah.
So good.
I like it because saying I'm thotty makes me feel smart.
Like I have good thoughts.
I'm intellectual.
And he appreciates me for my intellect.
And I know that I'm foine.
Because I went to the gym the other day,
and this like 60-year-old guy was like hitting on me.
He said my ass was P-H-A-T, phat.
So.
Yeah, my baby got it.
My baby got it.
I do, I do.
And how are you, babe?
I want to hear--
So, Paul.
What are some of the things that you see in Carlene
that you absolutely adore?
She's present.
She's present, yeah.
She's, she's available.
Yes, I am.
She's always actively there, you know.
And--
Can't get rid of me.
Wow.
Yeah.
So have you seen any positive changes in Jamal
that may be beneficial to the relationship?
We're actually having intercourse again.
Not all the way, because I'm still pretty--
No loosey goosey over here.
No, No.
Well.
I think in about six months, we should
be able to fit the whole thing.
Well, I'm glad to see you two are
working on those minor issues.
Yeah.
Oh, well, it's a big issue if you know what I mean.
Oh.
So when we all talked, you all said
you wanted to kind of buy some things adventurous.
Things to do outside of the house?
How is that going?
I took him camping.
And he loved it.
White people games.
I'm telling you.
Got to love them.
I love white people games.
White people not so much, but the games are fun.
Yeah.
Yahtzee is a good one.
No.
OK.
That sounds good.
So we're making progress there.
OK.
So let's get to the main issue.
The bartender.
I know you had an issue with their relationship.
So how's that going?
Friendship is what we say now.
It's not a relationship, it's a friendship.
And she's nice.
She's very beautiful.
She's very sweet.
But, I mean, she's gay.
So I guess I didn't have anything to worry about.
OK, so that's good.
So we've come to the conclusion that there's
really nothing to worry about pertaining their friendship.
Yeah, you're just friends, right?
You're just friends with her, right?
Absolutely.
You're just ever going to be friends, forever.
Absolutely.
Yeah, Tina is ugly, she is ugly.
I wouldn't--
Don't say that about a woman.
She's beautiful, but you love me, obviously.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
He loves me, and I am fucking hot, so.
You are.
You are amazing.
Oh my God, thank you.
I have gotten nothing done.
It's just me being fucking awesome.
Thank you.
Thank you for the affirmations.
OK.
So it looks like our time is over.
Any last words, Paul, Carlene?
I would.
What do you?
Did you?
Oh.
Just your hair.
Thank you.
So rough.
But I love rough.
Now when I look at myself in the mirror
and I say you are a hot ass bitch, I believe it.
And I mean bitch in the endearing nice way
that girls use it.
Not when men use it to degrade each other.
Yes.
You are a fine bitch too.
And you are a daddy.
Daddy.
Yeah.
OK.
All righty.
So until next week.
Same time next week?
Yes, please.
All right.
You got it.
Come on, girl.
Can you carry me?
I'm tired.
No.
Carry me, baby.
Carry, carry.
OK.
I'm just going to leave you here then.
OK.
Come on.
Bye.
Oh, I love that.
Oh, you two.
I did that.
Finally.
Phew.
Look, Mike.
I got to do this for myself.
Why are you always trying to make this about you?
Why do you try so hard to keep me up under you?
Look, I used to think this is all I wanted,
but I don't want this anymore.
It doesn't make me happy at all.
OK.
Don't call my phone unless you call it to talk to little Mike.
Bye.
What the hell is she doing here?
Hey baby.
Come on, girl.
Come mama.
Girl, what is so important that you had to pop up over here?
Like, I was over there watching..
Girl, that can wait.
Look, I want to take you somewhere, OK?
Somewhere like where?
Just shut up.
Go get some lotion on.
Oh my gosh, I can't with you.
Hurry up, hurry up.
I mean, like, seriously.
There he is, right there.
Don't be nervous.
You got it.
Yo, Stacy.
Jasmine, right?
Hey Reggie.
How are you?
Can't complain.
Grandma always told me, don't nobody care.
I care.
Thank you.
Y'all know each other?
What brings you all two in?
Where little man at?
All right, I'mma let you all go ahead and do that part, OK?
Yo, yo, wait, wait, wait, hold on.
What the hell is all this?
Yeah I know my girl is really feeling you.
I mean, guess I could be all right with that.
Y'all got a little spark and everything, so, you know.
I just want her to be happy.
And I think you can make her happy when
you're not being an asshole.
What?
who me?
An asshole?
Never.
Get.
Yes.
Anyway, go on over there and talk to her.
Bring it in, come on.
Thank you for what you did for Paul and Carlene.
I know their relationship is holding on by hope
and a prayer, but you helped.
And also thank you for what you did for me.
What I do for you?
When we first met, I thought I had all the answers.
But you clearly showed me a unique perspective.
And just thank you for that.
Also I apologize, because you a bum ass therapist.
Well, finally.
Thank you.
Just doing my job.
Anyway, let me get out of here.
But she already know about the pretzel, nigga.
Oh, for sure.
So--
Hey.
Well look at you looking like you need a therapist.
Oh, how are things, Paul?
Oh my gosh.
We're doing so much better.
I mean, I know it's been a short time, but me and my boo-boo,
we on the right track.
And that is thanks to you.
And Reggie for being awful.
Awful?
Come on now, he is not that bad.
It was that bad.
He was terrible.
I'm talking about terrible at haircuts
and he was terrible giving therapy.
I ain't going to lie, he did fuck your hair cut pretty bad.
I'm sorry, but he did, he did.
Tell me about it.
OK.
How about a double shot of Tres Anejos for my lady?
Is that OK?
Yes, thank you.
All right.
Mr Cooper?
Is that you?
Yeah.
Oh, hi.
Mrs Hampton, right?
From our sessions.
Yes.
How are you?
How's uh, I don't know, what's her name?
Renee.
Yeah.
We didn't make it.
Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that.
Nothing to be sorry about.
We weren't exactly meant for each other.
You seem different than before.
Like, the glasses, the accent, your clothes.
What changed?
This is the real me.
That guy you met a while back, he was just an act.
I don't understand.
People are really fickle.
Especially when it comes to relationships.
We contrive and conform to the person
we think our significant others want.
In Renee's case, she was attracted
to nerdy, insecure, unattractive, beta
male Poindexters.
So I became that for her.
I think it gave her some false sense of power or confidence.
However, I was still me internally.
So ultimately, my true colors revealed itself
throughout our marriage.
I see.
And so this is the real you?
It is.
Honestly, I kind of like this version of you
better, Mr Cooper.
Call me Sean.
Quick question.
What brings you in here midday?
You ever do something that you know
is right because you had to?
I was a little down about it, but somehow I feel better now.
You want to talk about it?
Nah, it's not a big deal.
Let me buy you a couple of drinks.
We'll talk a little bit.
Sure.
I like that.
Well, Miss Hampton, I got to get going.
Hey, call me Stacey.
OK then.
Stacey.
Here, take down my number.
Feel free to call me sometime.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, I really enjoyed your company.
Thank you.
See you.
Bye Sean.
And here you go.
Got something for you.
Oh no, Paul, Sean got the tab already.
No, no, no, look at it.
Look at it.
Paul, what is this.
It's a check.
I mean, I can see that, sir, but why are you
giving me this kind of money?
Listen, I overheard you and Reggie having a conversation
about your student loan debt.
And you have helped me so much with Carlene.
That's the least I can do to show my appreciation.
Paul this is a lot of money.
Like where did you get this from, man?
I mean--
I own this place and at least five others.
Can I keep it funky fresh with you?
Yeah, please.
Yeah, yeah.
So, I won the lottery three years ago.
$40 million in the bank.
And I also played professional hockey for eight years.
And nobody even recognized me.
I mean, I don't even think black people recognize-- well,
maybe they did, I'm not really sure.
That's beside the point, OK?
Listen.
Stacy, I want you to take the money.
I insist.
It's just chump change to me.
I mean, I'm rich.
Not regular rich.
I'm rich, rich.
I just like to keep a low profile, OK.
So tell people if they ask you that I'm not the owner.
Because I'm the bartender.
Why you coming with me?
I'm the bartender.
Ooh, why don't you say it with me?
Give me a hug, girl.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh my God.
Listen, you deserve it, OK.
You deserve it, all right.
Don't spend it all in one place, now.
Hey, baby.
Real quick.
You think you could pay fade on the back?
Give me a number two on the side.
You sure?
Just grab the clippers.
Fade me out right here, right here.
OK.
Hey, what's up, Reggie?
Oh.
Paul.
Carlene?
Fuck you, Reggie.
OK.
Yeah, baby.
Come on, it's OK.
It's a little tight about the--
Hey.
My nigga, Sean.
What up my nigga?
Who is this?
Oh.
Don't fuck this up for me, homes.
Got a good thing going with my lady.
You fuck it up, I'll slit your fucking throat.
For sure.
How do you all know each other?
OK.
Stacy here, she had introduced me to my girl,
and gave them some great therapy.
My baby's dope like that.
Oh, we actually got something for you.
Oh, OK.
What's up?
Here you go.
What's this?
Open it.
Oh.
What's this for?
It's for your shop.
I know you want to pay it off and everything,
and we just want to help you out.
Paul man, you really didn't have to do that.
But I'm glad you did.
I'm glad you did.
It's the least I can do for you helping--
you too, Stacey.
Helping me and Carlene get back together,
get that groove, that mojo.
That's what friends are for.
Even though I told him not to give you shit.
It's just crazy.
All these people crazy.
You got this lady dressed like a Megan Thee Stallion.
Her guy just looking goofy.
My mamma friend Stacy is fine, though.
She needs to give me a chance.
This dude she with now look like he's
going to do her wrong in about 11 more days.
My mamma's so confused.
She just wants to be an independent woman that
doesn't even work.
Reggie, he pretty cool.
He treats my mom better than my dad does.
So I'm good with that.
Just to keep him on his toes, I am not
going to let him know that I like him.
All in all, these fools all crazy.
You know what, honestly, I think we could all use a little thot
therapy sometimes.
I say that right?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Did I?
What do you think little guy?
Come be my therapist, baby.
You who I'm sharing with, baby.
Let me lay in your presence.
Yes, it's so effortless, baby.
Because you're so easy to talk to.
I often wish we was closer.
Hope for the sessions to bless us.
Yes, I might need to stay over.
Hold in trauma from drama.
Now I can't tell if they love me,
but when we look for the problem,
I always find out it was me.
Hug me baby, I miss you.
Don't take negative with you.
Only positive vibes, baby, I'll never forget you.
I do therapy with you.
Yeah.
Come on, baby.
I do therapy with you.
Come with me.
Yeah.
I do therapy with you, baby.
Come lay in my presence.
I teach you how to love.
And it ain't just paying for presents.
It's about paying attention, listening all of your essence,
this is an audio lesson, listen to all of your sessions.
Just let the therapy bless us, so we all can be better.