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♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Now that we found love What are we gonna do? ♪
♪ What are we gonna do? ♪
- ♪ With it? ♪ - ♪ With it? ♪
♪ Now that we found love ♪
♪ What are we gonna do with it? ♪
♪ One, two, tell me what you got ♪
♪ Let me slip my quarter in your slot To hit the jackpot ♪
♪ Rev me up, rev me up My little buttercup ♪
♪ We can tug sheets Snuggle up and get stuck ♪
♪ Believe it or not Here comes the brother with glow ♪
♪ A strugglin', bubblin' overweight lover Hurt prone ♪
♪ So what's it gonna be, me or the TV? ♪
♪ Let me take time To set your mind and body free ♪
♪ So why don't you just stretch, stretch For a sec? ♪
♪ Lay down your problems So I could cop a quick rec ♪
♪ Shake me, shake me Baby, baby, bake me ♪
♪ No need to fake Here I am, come on and take me ♪
♪ Now that we found love ♪
♪ What are we gonna do with it? ♪
♪ Now that we found love ♪
♪ What are we gonna do with it? ♪
There we go. Madiba time!
Harold, it's about to start, my boy.
I'm coming.
Come on. The big man is gonna speak any moment now.
There's your popcorn.
No, thanks.
Aren't you hot?
Nope. I think I'm coming down with the flu.
We better nip this in the bud. I'll get you some meds.
No. I'll get some lozenges before bed.
Okay.
27 April 1994 is going to be a momentous day.
It's history in the making.
Wait. Wait. Here we go.
...President F.W. de Klerk and Mr. Mandela
are about to address the nation. Let's cross over now.
We have reached the end of an era.
We are at the beginning of a new era.
Let us all grasp the opportunities
that democracy offers.
Ow!
Democracy is about empowerment.
Now, together,
we can begin to make the equality of education
the right of all our children.
About time.
Whaa!
We can build a society
grounded on friendship and our common humanity.
Love and blessings!
It is a road to a glorious future
in this beautiful country of ours.
Let us join hands
and march into the future.
I thank you.
This is what we've been waiting for, Harold, the new South Africa.
Oh, we have so much to look forward to.
Really? Desigan from school, his dad says
the new government is gonna send all the Indians back to India.
Desigan's dad is a fool. And he's spreading disinformation.
This is going to open up so many opportunities
for the historically disadvantaged people.
Yeah, yeah, I know. We're building a better country, a better life,
rainbow nation, blah-blah-blah.
Okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants. You better get yourself off to bed.
Maybe you'll see things more positively when you're feeling better.
Harold.
You know, whatever changes happen, good or bad, we'll deal with it
and get through things together, like we promised each other.
Okay.
We don't have to think about all of it right now.
Go sleep. We'll chat tomorrow.
Ma, let's go. - Okay.
Harold?
Hey! Howzit, ek sê?
Good. And you?
Good, good, good.
Friday, today.
Hey, Ma.
Can I ask a couple of bobs for a skyf?
- Please. - Hey, Lucky.
Go! Go!
Okay, I'm going.
See you.
Ma, you're looking fine.
Fine like red wine.
- Hey. - Hey!
Styling, ek sê!
Hey.
"Fine like red wine." What does he mean, Ticky?
Means you're looking sharp, Ma.
Styling! - Sharp.
Hey, where's this guy?
I swear I'll beat him up if he chickened out.
- Beat up who?
Aiybo!
♪ Now ♪
Ha-ha.
♪ Shake it, shake it ♪
♪ Uh, yeah, yeah, aye, aye ♪
♪ Now ♪
♪ Uh ♪
♪ Here we go ♪
Hey, you!
What's this?
I'm dressed to impress.
More like cruising for a bruising, ek sê.
Why? What's wrong with my outfit?
Hey, Ticky, man.
He looks so cute.
I could bite your cheeks.
Love and blessings!
It doesn't matter if you don't like the way I look,
as long as Leila does.
You don't know girls.
Brah! For your sake...
Let's go, hey. Come, Ma.
Howzit, Kessie?
Howzit, howzit, howzit, man? - Hello.
Hello, aunties.
Hey.
Your friends are too much, I tell you.
Didn't I warn you? You warned me. I'll tell you.
Anyway, let's go.
♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole... ♪
You're gonna mess that nice suit of yours.
You don't wanna smell like curry now, do you?
♪ Feeling hot, hot, hot... ♪
Woman problems.
You sure you want to go through with this, ek sê?
Yes. Okay.
Your funeral.
- ♪ People in the party ♪ - ♪ Hot, hot, hot ♪
- ♪ How you feeling? ♪ - ♪ Hot, hot, hot ♪
♪ Hot, hot, hot ♪
- ♪ People in the party ♪ - ♪ Hot, hot, hot ♪
Hello, Monty.
- Hello, sir. Looking good. - Good, yes.
Are we all ready?
Now's my chance to talk to the old fart.
He owes me much more than this lousy job.
Ja, go choon him what's what.
Hey, Russel, my old pal.
Long time since I seen you around this side.
Who is this clown?
Russel, it's me, your old buddy,
Police Commander Veerasamy from back in the day.
Eh?
You came to my daughter's wedding. I went to your daughter's wedding.
Remember?
Oh!
It's this dreadful uniform that's confusing you, eh?
Uh, Russel,
we need to talk about this job situation, eh, bru.
Monty, sort out this little irritation now, will you?
- My pleasure. - Hey!
- Hey, bru, where's the loyalty?
Themba, Thambi?
Power!
Is ours.
Freedom.
♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪
♪ Feeling hot, hot, hot ♪
- Hey. - Ow, man!
You saw those two boys with that granny?
Which granny? It's raining grannies here tonight.
There, man.
Those are the two boys that got me fired.
They were in the newspapers and all.
"Local heroes."
Hey!
What's wrong with you?
Those boys got me into this miserable job, man. Wake up.
Little pests!
I wish I could just grab them and wring their scrawny, little necks.
These kids make me sick.
It's not too late.
It's time to seize the moment, ek sê.
Carpe diem.
Car pay what?
Eish, this guy!
Kill me now.
She is so cool.
If you weren't my brother from another mother,
I'd beat you up now.
I owe you.
Big time, brah. Big time.
♪ I've been really tryin', baby ♪
♪ Tryin' to hold back this feeling For so long ♪
♪ And if you feel like I feel, baby ♪
♪ Then come on, oh, come on ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ Let's get it on ♪
♪ Ah, baby, let's get it on ♪
♪ Let's love, baby ♪
♪ Let's get it on, sugar ♪
♪ Let's get it on ♪
♪ Whoo hoo ♪
♪ We're all sensitive people ♪
What the hell?
- Oh God! I won! I won!
What luck, man!
Kogs. Let's celebrate.
- Oh no, no, man. - Just one shot, man.
I want to cash out before I put everything back in.
- And the boys will be waiting. - Okay.
- You're going now. - Okay, right.
- Marlon, copy?
Hey, this guy, man.
- Do you hear me, you silly bugger? Copy?
Where'd you disappear to? - Hey, don't worry about that. Listen.
Tell the guys your old man is sick, and you have to take him home.
That's me. I'm sick, and you have to take me home.
Are you sick? What happened?
- Hey, shut up. Just do it.
Then when you've finished that, meet me by the slots.
I have a plan.
Fine.
You wasted all your money on chow, ek sê.
I'm filling the hole in my heart.
Of all the tracks you could have chosen...
What was that, ek sê?
Soul music.
"Soul music"?
More like old music.
And all that "let's get it on" business...
- Hey, this old bag is fast, man. Hey, you're telling!
Hey! Don't hurt her.
What's happening? Shut it!
Be careful. This cow is heavy.
Hey, listen, never mind Leila, ek sê. She's got a couple screws loose, that one.
Yeah. I just want her to give me a chance.
The only thing she wants to give you is a couple thick ones.
Yeah, I know.
My old man chooned you're old-fashioned and all...
with all the Bollywood stuff.
I think it's cool.
You're keeping the culture alive, and you saved my butt.
Hold your horses.
Your old man chooned what now?
Me? Me? I'm old-fashioned?
No. Not, like, in a bad way.
You're overreacting.
I'm overreacting?
Does your old man know I can do this, this, this, and this?
I just wanna go home.
Ticky?
Ticky, man, stop playing the fool.
Hey, you ugly dog!
You will die if I lay my hands on you.
Monkey face!
Hey, just shut this siren up.
So, guys.
The divine has brought you back to me finally.
Do you guys know who I am?
No? Oh.
Let me converse with you like a civilized man.
So I'm gonna take off these gags.
But you make one noise,
the old bag gets it.
Understand?
This, guys, is karma.
Whatkind, ek sê? Who are you? What you want?
I was Police Commander Muthia Muthen Veerasamy, a VIP.
"A very important person."
Nobody seems to remember me today.
I seem to have a forgettable face.
Hey, Fatty Boom Boom?
Oh!
Oh! Veerasamy.
Long time no see, Commander.
Yeah. And what's with the abduction and all?
You buggers think you're heroes, eh?
You got me fired for concealment and corruption.
And obstruction of justice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's payback time, guys.
Yeah, it's payback time.
What they paying?
You two rascals are gonna help me settle a score.
What's he chooning? What you chooning?
No rush.
First, I wanna tell you
a story.
About my son's dog, Chomp.
Hey, Chomps.
Best dog in the world, eh?
Yeah, he was like a member of the family.
He was dearly loved by my son and my wife.
We loved him so much, so, so much.
He was the best dog.
One day, eh,
Chomp bit another of my slippers.
This, you could say, was the straw that broke the camel's hump.
"Back." It's "the straw that broke the camel's back."
You didn't tell me the story.
Yeah, and the next day... It was a lovely summer's day, eh?
I told everyone I'm gonna take Chomp for a walk.
So him and I went into the cane fields.
And he was running around, having fun, chasing butterflies and all that.
- So then, I pull out my gun...
I took aim...
and pow!
You shot Chomp?
What kind of monster are you? - You're evil!
You... you... you told me he ran away.
Hey! Hey! Hey, shut up. Be a man.
You said Chomp ran away, and you couldn't find him.
Hey, be a man.
Damn it.
So, if we could do that to our dearest Chomp,
you think I'll think twice about you two dunces?
I want you
to help me steal
this necklace...
from this ugly geezer.
You got jokes, uncle.
Hey! Hey!
You won't be laughing if your ma is six feet under.
Hey, you're talking crazy, man.
Yeah. Have you not noticed that we're children?
Exactly. That's why no one will suspect you. Eh?
You are local heroes, and you always got a plan, isn't it?
Yeah.
A Boer makes a plan,
but an Indian has one.
It's simple. You give me what I want,
and I give you back what you want, alive.
So what's it gonna be?
What to do? What to do?
Okay, I agree.
We need to tell Charmaine and Reggie first.
Make them swear an oath. I think we can trust them.
But your old man, who thinks I'm old-fashioned and all...
- ...he can't be trusted. - But why?
Because he will insist on going to the coppers.
But that's the right thing to do.
'Cause stealing is wrong.
If stealing saves someone's life, how can it be wrong?
That madman Veerasamy will hurt Ma.
I'm sure of it.
But if we don't tell my dad, then how will I be able to help?
What you chooning, ek sê?
I promised my dad, no matter what,
if something bad happened, I would tell him first.
I can't lie to him.
Don't lie. Just don't tell him.
You're always the one insisting that a promise is a promise.
How can you go against that now?
I wanna save Ma, just not in this way.
Okay, all I know is your old man can't be trusted.
So you go home and shut your trap.
She's my ma, so I'll sort this out my way.
Now, this is our time, boy.
Let this be a lesson to you.
When days are dark,
friends are nowhere to be found.
You the man.
Yes, I am the man, boy.
But you must be a man too.
Be a man.
I am the man.
But...
we're doing all this
so that Mum can come back, right?
S-so that we can be a family again.
Uh...
Yeah, for your mother's sake. Yeah, of course. Yes, sure. That's it.
And that story about Chomp...
That was just to scare the boys off, right?
Yeah, obviously.
Chomp is somewhere as happy as a pig in shit.
Eish! You had me convinced.
You're a good actor.
Now, remember the rules.
Do not fraternize with the enemy.
She's a wicked, old cow, this one.
Cha!
Chomp! Ow!
Shamone! Ow!
Chicka-chicka.
Whoo! Whoo!
Hey, old lady.
No funny business, yeah?
Nobody can hear you scream in here.
Chicka-hee-hee!
Shamone!
Nobody.
♪ When we begin, when we begin ♪
♪ Amore ♪
♪ Di, di, di, di, di ♪
Come on, sleepy head. Pancakes taste best when they're warm.
And we have sausages, and eggs,
and proper English tea.
♪ Amore ♪
Rough night?
Looks like your appetite is still gone.
I'll get you something from the pharmacy today.
It'll knock that cold right out of you.
Besides, we're not going to waste this holiday being lazy or sick.
Oh no. We are going to seize the day.
Carpe diem.
"Seize the day"?
Look what came in the post this morning.
What is this?
Private boarding schools.
One's in Pietermaritzburg, and the rest are in Johannesburg.
Your grades are excellent.
And with the new South Africa, you will have the opportunity too.
I made an appointment for us to check out one of the schools in Johannesburg.
And I thought we'll make a trip of it, just to check things out.
So you wanna send me away to a boarding school?
Well, an amazing, prestigious school
that will set you up for the rest of your life.
And what about our promise to be there and take care of each other,
no matter what?
We will. I'm only looking out for your interests.
So you just made this chow to bribe me?
Well, it won't work.
Bugger your private school and bugger your new South Africa.
Why I must park here like this?
Like I've got nothing better to do.
Okay, old lady, I'll choon you what, right?
Let's have a staring competition.
If you win, then...
then I remove the tape.
- You ready?
All right. Okay. On three, right?
One, two, three.
- I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready.
Okay, best of three, right?
Huh-uh.
Okay, okay. Best out of two.
Huh-uh.
Okay, okay, fine. A deal's a deal.
But if the old man comes, then the tape goes back on, right?
You, auntie, you got some good Kali trance skills--
Ow!
What you do that for?
- Payback. - Payback?
Payback. - Payback? Huh?
Wait. Wait. I'll behave. I'll behave.
You know, I get very angry when I'm hungry.
If you try another stunt like that again, it's gonna be tickets for you.
Okay, go and get me something to eat, please.
Chow? Where I'm gonna get chow from?
What's your name, son?
Marlon.
Marlon. Nice name, eh?
Marlon, I don't know if you know this,
but if you kidnap someone,
you need to feed them.
That's a law.
You know, if I die here of starvation,
you and your old man will rot in jail for murder.
You want that?
Never mind.
Do what you think is right.
I think my sugar level has gone low. I'm feeling weak.
Okay, okay. W-what you want?
Get me one quarter mutton bunny with Coke.
Don't forget the salad, eh?
And for my sugar, get me some burfi or jalebi.
Mutton bunny?
I look like I got macha for a mutton bunny?
Go. Go. Go. See what you can do. Please.
Okay.
I'll take the tape off when I come back, eh?
Don't die, huh? Don't die.
I'm gonna finish that old man, ek sê, I swear it.
There must be something we can do.
Veerasamy was very clear.
He said he's got his eye on us.
If he even suspects we're talking to the cops,
he's gonna finish Ma.
So what we gonna do then?
And now? What's your grief?
Have you told them yet?
What's it to you, ek sê?
I wanna save Ma, just like you.
Whatever the plan is, I'm in.
Are you gonna change your mind again?
No. I'm in. All the way, bru, I promise.
Okay, great.
- Ma? - Huh?
First, Baboo is in.
He's come to his senses.
Second, we need to know what we're dealing with.
I think it's time for a stakeout.
You satisfied now?
Very. Not mutton bunny,
but it's almost as good as my food.
That hit the spot.
You want to help me to finish this?
Why your mother left, son?
She...
No.
No talking.
I don't know if you tricked me into getting this chow.
But I can't fraternize with you.
What that means?
It means no talking.
Hmm. You want to play that same game again?
No dice.
Marlon.
You know,
mothers are a precious gift from God.
Huh?
Eish!
Why you didn't tell us to dress up, Ticky?
I feel so embarrassed.
Yeah, Ticky, why you didn't tell your ma
to wear her best sari and her Green Cross slippers?
Shut up, Reggie, man. Look at you. You look like one hobo.
Ek sê, these old people are slowing us down.
- We better launch them. - How?
Hey, I don't know. Think of something.
I hope the girls are all right with my sister.
Stop stressing, man. You're making me tense.
Hmm. When was the last time you held my hand?
When was the last time you was in a good mood?
What?
Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Müller.
- Such an honor to serve you both, really.
You must call again soon. Don't wait too long.
You mustn't tell anyone, but you are my very favorite guests.
- Thank you, Monty. You're so sweet.
I know. I know.
- What a kiss-ass. - Sissy!
Oh God! That manager fella.
Push. He's coming for Reggie and Charmaine.
- Let's run. Relax. Be cool.
What's going on here? Are you two lost?
Hey, brah, we're just... We're waiting for someone.
Uh... Okay, fine.
Um...
Mrs. Labuschagne, I'm so glad to catch you without your husband for a moment.
Has anyone offered you a complimentary drink at the pool?
Creep.
Hey, whatkind? We're supposed to be on a stakeout here.
Small hiccup. I handled it.
You blew your cover.
Uncle Reg, I was thinking.
We only have a few hours. Why don't we split up?
Conduct surveillance separately? That way, we'll get more ground covered.
And we'll meet you in the food court in two hours.
Okay.
What?
Veerasamy is watching. Don't look.
Act like you're talking.
Hey! What are you doing here?
Hey! Get out of here!
What Veerasamy wants is not possible.
I can't see it happening.
Listen, we have to be tough and brave for Ma.
We know what's what. We just have to figure out how.
Ticky, this is getting too serious.
Maybe we should take a chance with the coppers.
I think your ma is right. - No. It's not an option.
He's off his rockers.
And he shot his own dog, Chomp.
He's capable of anything.
There might be a way.
Okay, choon.
When we were surveilling the place,
me and Baboo came across this place, like a theater.
It was a cabaret show, for adults.
What?
Ek sê, what you doing? Hey, you!
Sorry. They had clothes on.
Just be quiet.
Anyways, they were having a show.
So I thought, what if we staged a Bollywood show extravaganza
with this famous Bollywood star from India?
We could use it as an opportunity to get Veerasamy that bloody necklace.
But how would we do that?
We don't know any Bollywood stars,
or any Indians from India for that matter.
We don't need to know the stars from India,
because we could be them ourselves.
Hey, Ticky, you take the cake.
Think about it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
all the way from Bombay, India,
I present to you Miss Sweetie Ki Jawani.
I don't know.
It's still a rough plan, but we can make it work. I'm telling you.
So you're chooning we must pretend to be Bollywood celebrities
and stage a show?
While that's happening, we steal the necklace?
Exactly, ek sê.
Finally, someone understands.
That's a very crazy idea. Very.
But if we can save Ma, I say let's do it.
- Me too.
Okay, me too.
You know, to have an extravaganza,
you need a variety of talent.
Not a problem.
And to be from India, you need the accent.
Also not a problem.
Ek sê...
We can dress your ma up and all.
But she can't dance to save her life,
and a Bollywood star must be able to dance.
Yeah, that's a problem.
Eish!
Howzit, Kessie?
Howzit?
Hey, what happened to y'all the other night?
Auntie Saras said Ma must have won a lot of money, 'cause she launched.
Nah, nothing like that. Just got a small situation. That's all.
Yeah, small situation.
Huh.
But y'all know me. If y'all need any help, y'all just bell me.
I'll be there one time.
- For sure, Kessie. For sure. - Right?
- Baboo? - Sure.
All right. Let's go. Sit down.
We're gonna need a lot of talented guys for this to work.
All sorted, guzzie. Just follow my lead.
Is that guy lip-synching?
He's Black.
Yeah, so?
He's singing Indian.
- Whatkind, boys? What y'all say? Good, good.
This my guzzie, Baboo.
Whatkind, boy? - Good.
Stones, still a man of no words?
Hey, my brah is all about the rhythm and the rhymes, ek sê.
No time to conversate.
Listen, guys, I need y'all's help.
One down. One to go.
Who we looking for now? Lucky.
Follow the stone. Follow the stone. Follow the stone.
Where it goes, no one knows.
Lucky? Really?
Hey, Lucky. How's it going?
Hey.
Get away from here.
It's Ticky. Whatkind?
Y'all know this is my grafting place. Go. I'll check y'all later.
Almost home time. Go.
Come.
Park, yeah.
Why we need this guy?
- Remember those Chappies you bought? - Yeah.
- They were in your pockets, right? - Yeah.
Check your pockets.
- Two cent. - Lucky!
Hey, come on, man.
I know where you boys live.
Hey, Lucky.
I have a bad feeling about this, ek sê.
You wanna teach your ma to dance?
No.
Then this is it, brah.
No, thank you.
You two ruined my party. What do you want?
Uh, sorry about that.
I thought some entertainment was a good idea at the time.
It was not a good idea. It was a very, very bad idea.
He said he was sorry. What you want, blood?
We need to talk to you privately about an urgent matter.
If you want to talk to me, then you'll have to play,
or else you can get lost.
Hey.
This is for Ma.
- Girls.
We need your help.
What makes you think I'll help you two losers?
Because you're a brilliant dancer,
and we need you to teach Ticky's ma how to dance like a lady.
Why? - She's taking part in a competition.
What competition?
- It's like a show. Can I be in the show?
No.
Well, then I guess there's nothing more to discuss.
Okay. We'll see what we can do.
I'll only help you if I can be in the show.
Witch! I knew it was a bad idea.
Relax, ek sê.
She'll get the job done.
Besides, it'll be nice having her around.
That's why you asked her?
No. I really think she can help.
You better not get distracted, ek sê. I'm chooning you.
You're like a lovesick puppy around her.
You're nuts.
You're cuckoo, cuckoo for Leila. Sis, man!
Harold?
I think the other day was a misunderstanding.
We don't have to go to Johannesburg right now.
But how about we visit the school in Pietermaritzburg tomorrow?
It's closer to home, and we'll have a good idea
of what these private schools are all about.
They are having an open day tomorrow, so I put our names down on the list.
What do you say?
Whatever.
Okay, then.
So I'll get your suit ready in the morning,
and we can leave by 10:00 a.m.
- Walk. - Okay.
Aiyo mother!
Look at her. She can't even walk right.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's dance.
She looks like a drunk monkey that's been stung by a wasp.
Your girlfriend better do some magic, 'cause Ma's life depends on it.
Stop that right now.
Where are you going?
I can't watch this disaster, ek sê. I'm gonna fix a chow.
- I'll have some. - I wasn't offering.
Hey, where you found this one? So bossy, she is.
Don't you have something better to do?
No.
Let's go again.
Harold?
Like that?
Uh-oh. Looks like someone's in for it today.
Good day, Mrs. Chetty.
Come. We're late for our appointment.
But we can still make it on time if we get going now.
I'm not going.
If you like that school so much, then you go by yourself.
Listen, young man, I will not tolerate you being disrespectful to me.
I will say this one time. Let's go.
Do you want to turn out to be like these backward simpletons? Do you?
At least they like me for who I am.
And not trying to change me or get rid of me like you.
Reggie!
We got a problem, a big one.
Go play. Go.
They don't know the meaning of self-improvement.
They have no aspirations or dreams.
I told you, Harold.
This is for your future, a better one than this.
He think we're deaf?
Leave me alone. My future is here. Go away.
Hey, Dev.
That's enough.
We're not deaf, and we're not simpletons.
Hey, shut up, you bunch of nincompoops.
Hey! You got a bloody cheek waltzing in here.
Relax. Wait! It's good that he's here. Ma doesn't have her pressure tablets.
Listen, yeah, my ma needs this.
Hmm. What luck!
What you mean, "luck"?
So without this, the old bat will kick the bucket,
without any powwows, without any cover-ups.
Natural death.
Hey, you hurt my ma, ek sê,
I'll beat you so bad your own mother won't recognize you.
Ooh.
I'm so scared I'm shaking in my boots.
You should be scared. You don't know who you're messing with.
Uh, this is none of my business. I'm just gonna take my son and leave.
This is your business, larney.
Eh. Your kid and this nincompoop ruined my life.
It's payback time. Karma.
We have to get going. We have an appointment.
What? You're going past by the cop shop? Eh? Eh?
Anything can happen to this boy,
especially if someone phones the welfare people to tell them
that a neglectful father lets this son run around a casino
with loafers and all that.
You're a journalist.
Don't you think that will be one heavy story? Huh?
You losers better get a good plan together.
Or else, it's tickets for that old bat.
We had a deal.
Yeah, she'll stay alive if you stick to your side of the deal.
Ticktock, ticktock...
goes old granny's big clock.
Yeah.
Ticktock, ticktock.
Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock, dead.
I'm not gonna play with her.
- What in God's name is going on? - Yeah!
Hey, Marlon.
Marlon. Marlon. Marlon!
I know you're not sleeping.
Hey, Marlon!
Hey, old lady.
What you want, man?
Anybody ever tell you you're very demanding?
Oh, I'm so sorry for you.
You should have kidnapped someone less demanding then.
So what now?
Sew buttons.
Ah! Very funny.
Seriously, I'm not joking.
I've got a proposal for you.
- Proposal? - Yeah.
How about if I give you 1,000 rand,
and you let me go?
One thousand rand?
Where you got 1,000 rand from?
I won it, how.
What the hells? You had this all along?
Oh, I forgot. Old age.
I hope you're not pulling my leg.
I'm not pulling your anything.
- I'm a decent lady. Yeah?
So then where's the macha?
It's not there, man.
So you are lying to me.
No, I'm not.
It's in my brassiere.
Aiyo! Why... why... why are you telling me this?
Look here, Marlon. I'll give you 1,000 rand, right?
Then you take the money.
Give it to your mother. Say it's from your father.
So maybe, you all can get together again.
And then my old man?
Tell him I escaped when you went to relieve yourself.
Hey, he'll beat me up!
Oh God!
So how much do you love your mother?
Okay, fine. Let's do this fast before he comes.
Quick. Quick. Okay. Quick.
Muruga, thank you.
What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I'm asking nicely.
Rascal! - Ow!
Take this! - Ow!
Take this!
- Tie me up? - I'm sorry, Ma.
- Who do you think I am? - I'm sorry.
Bloody fool!
You kidnap me, and you try all this nonsense.
For what? So that your old man can torture us?
Rascal!
- Ow! - Rascal!
Give me the keys!
Eish!
So that's the whole story.
Breathe, larney.
Yeah, but we do have a plan to save Ma too.
But you are children.
How can you even allow this?
Have you ever loved someone so much you'd do anything to save them?
Then you know, ek sê.
I love Ma too.
I'm not going anywhere.
So what do you want to do?
I guess I have no choice but to join you.
Someone needs to watch over you. We promised each other that.
Hey, larney, I got the perfect role for you.
You know, Ma,
I'm really sorry.
I didn't wanna do any of this.
But my old man made me do it.
If your old man says you to jump off a bridge, you'll do that too?
No, but you don't know, Ma.
Since he lost his job,
things have been hectic.
He fights with my ma all the time.
She got so fed up, she even left.
Then why you didn't leave too?
Wh-who will take care of him then?
Uh, try the one with the blue mark.
Now you're telling.
Just look at them.
Hell's bells! - You're telling!
But we have to make this work. We have to.
And now, what you want?
My old man sent me here to check on y'all.
You know, keep an eye on things and all.
Your old man can go fly a kite.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Hmm.
I don't like you, not one bit. Stay out of our way. You got it?
Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
- This guy got one heavy shiner. - What happened? Your old man hit you?
No.
Your ma did.
Ma.
Aiyo!
Blow.
Eh? Eh?
Hey.
Lucky, I'm sorry to say this, but you need to clean yourself up.
Why?
Let's jam.
Drop one beat.
Let's go.
You're supposed to be an Indian from India.
Say it in an Indian accent, please.
Greetings, I am Dilip Kumar Singh, but you can call me Sonny.
Hey, larney, you're killing me here.
Okay, this Indian thing is not gonna work.
Let's do this. Let's embrace your inner coconut.
I don't understand.
How? Coconut.
Brown on the outside, white on the inside.
Be a white guy.
A whitey from Great Britain.
Greetings. I am Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny, old chap.
Finally, now we're getting somewhere.
But won't it seem odd?
I'm supposed to be a Bollywood producer from Bombay.
How, larney, don't you know?
When the English colonized India, they colonized the people too.
It's history.
Harold?
Hello, my dear.
It's me, Dev.
Sorry for calling so late. It's been a really long day.
- No, no, nothing's wrong.
There's just been a change in plans.
I won't be able to come up to Johannesburg after all.
I'm so disappointed too, my pumpkin.
Uh, my son has been cast in this very big show, you see?
At the Plantation Hotel and Casino.
No, no, no. Don't worry about coming down. I couldn't possibly ask that of you.
And besides, things with Harold are so hectic,
I wouldn't have much time,
and you, my dear, deserve my full attention.
Have a good night now, my angel.
Kisses, my cutie pie. Bye-bye.
Who are you talking to?
You bought pie?
Yes. Yes, I bought pie.
For work. I bought pie for work.
Relax, larney.
Just breathe.
Everything will be okay. Breathe.
Be a coconut.
Oh, good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Volobuev.
I hope you had a good sleep. Breakfast is at the pool.
Thank you so much.
Mr. Monty Naicker.
Monty Naidoo.
What a pleasure it is to finally meet you, Mr. Monty.
- Well, I-- - Great pleasure indeed.
I beg yours. How can I help you, sir?
Oh no, my good man.
We can help each other.
The name's Dilip Kumar Singh,
but you can call me Sonny.
All my friends do.
Yes, Mr. Singh, how can I help you?
Well, my good fellow, you might not know me,
but I only manage and produce some of the most celebrated Bollywood stars.
You might even know some of them.
Amitabh, Salman, Govinda, Madhuri.
Well, it just so happens that I have
one of India's most popular rising stars with me,
and she wants to host her Bollywood extravaganza here,
at your very fine establishment.
Popular rising star? Who?
Aiyo mother!
What the bloody hell?
Breathe, ek sê. Everything will be cool. Just breathe.
And how do you do, madame?
I'm Monty Naicker-- Naidoo,
at your service.
Oh, Monty, you're so funny.
Oh, Sweetie, you're so sweet.
That's my name.
I know. I know.
Hey, how you made my ma look like that?
You said she must wow.
That's wow.
Anyways, haven't you watched Pretty Woman?
Julia Roberts?
She's so hot.
You're so old-fashioned.
I have a lot of people working under me.
E-everyone in maroon, in fact.
Lucky.
Hey. Howzit, kid?
You asked me to clean up.
Yeah. Right. Great.
I never clean up, because women simply can't resist me.
These are yours.
And please, don't hesitate to call me with--
- One second.
Thank you.
Uh... Oh. Sorry. Put him through.
- Like putty in my hands.
Guys.
- The view. - Look at this place.
- Look at the view. - Look at the TV.
Three, two, one.
Yay!
We did it!
How's this place, ek sê?
Guys, look at this place!
Here.
- A TV! - Hey, top!
Where's the remote?
Ticky.
I think Leila is warming up to me.
Seriously, ek sê.
She even touched my hand.
You better stay focused.
Yeah, I will. I promise.
Check here. This is not a holiday.
Here's what we're thinking, me and Baboo.
The larney here will MC the entire show.
Ladies and gentlemen...
We kick the show off with some music. Sticks and Stones, y'all do your things.
And, Leila, maybe you can perform too.
Of course I will. I didn't join for nothing.
Then Lucky will get us the key to Sellers's safe.
Uncle Reg, you have to park in the background.
We can't risk Monty recognizing you from the other day.
Okay. How we know the big man's even gonna be there?
Mr. Monty confirmed that he'll be attending.
He apparently has a thing for, uh...
exotic showgirls.
Exotic? This one?
We must keep the old geezer and the creep Monty occupied at all times.
We must never let them out of our sight.
Then that scumbag Veerasamy will cut the power to the security room.
Got it, jackass?
Yeah. No. No.
You're talking too fast.
I wasn't talking too fast. You were listening too slow. Wake up, man.
So your old man cuts the power,
Ticky gets the necklace, and we all leave through the back doors of the theater
once the show is over.
So any questions?
Hey, this guy!
Put your hand down.
Well done!
Ow!
Mesdames and messieurs.
Mesdames--
Hey, larney, coconut.
Da-da-da-da-da-da. Face. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Face.
Ticky, check. Here comes the full Monty.
Hey, larney, sort it out there.
Mr. Monty Naicker. - Naidoo.
We've got so much to talk about.
We do, but I would love to have... - Don't worry about Miss Sweetie.
...just two minutes with Sweetie.
Sweetie?
He gone?
What happened?
You've outdone yourself, dear chap.
These flowers look simply delightful.
But Miss Sweetie doesn't like to be interrupted during rehearsals.
You know how these stars are.
A bit of a diva if you ask me,
but hey, that is why the public love her so.
Well, I was hoping to extend a personal invitation to Sweetie
to have a private dinner with me.
Oh God, no!
No?
Of course, yes. - Yes?
Dinner? You, Miss Sweetie? Of course.
Wonderful.
You're a very, very busy man.
Go about your business now and don't give it any further thought.
Right. Yes. I shall.
Dev?
Oh, Dev, it is you.
Nancy?
Is that you?
I didn't think I'd find you this quickly.
It must be a sign from the good Lord.
Oh!
Aiyo mother!
Uh... Uh...
Hey, back to work.
Show off your leadership skills, ek sê.
Go.
Uh...
Those are lovely.
Hmm.
Um, who are the flowers for?
Who are the flowers for?
- They are for you, of course. - Me?
Oh!
But you didn't know I was coming.
Or did I?
I have a very strong intuition when it comes to you, my dear.
Oh.
Oh, I hope you don't mind that I'm here.
When you mentioned this resort, I thought,
"You know what, Nancy? You deserve a holiday
and to meet the man who's captured your heart."
Here I am.
Well, you do know, madam,
the show is on Sunday.
It's a one-night thing, so be sure to get your tickets ASAP.
If you snooze, you will lose.
I thought I saw a bee.
Oh.
- False alarm. - I see.
Were you referring to your son's show?
Huh? Yes.
Yes. Yes, I was.
Oh. Okay.
Shall we meet for dinner?
Dinner?
Uh, yes. Sure.
I'll meet you in the lounge at 7:00 p.m.?
That sounds lovely.
I'll see you later, Mr. Intuition.
Hey, larney.
You all right there, man?
You look a little bit stressed.
Come sit here, boss.
I think I'm having a heart attack.
Catch your breath a bit.
So, uh...
who's your lady friend, the one you were talking to?
An old friend from Johannesburg.
She's here on holiday.
Oh really?
She looked very happy to see you.
She's not my friend.
I've never actually met this lady in person before today.
I told her not to come.
But out of the blue, she pitches up here,
and I have no clue what to do.
Hey, ladies today are so forward.
You saw Charmaine with that short, short shorts and all.
No shame.
That's another story. Eish!
Jesus, she was expecting Indiana Jones.
I could never be Indiana Jones.
Only on the phone, I can be Indiana Jones.
This is so stressful.
Hey, calm down, larney. Just now you'll blow a gasket for real.
So you got a girlfriend.
No harm there.
I met Nancy in the lonely hearts column.
The one from the paper.
I was supposed to take Harold up to Joburg to meet her.
But I was secretly relieved when that couldn't happen.
I haven't told Harold about her.
The way he's behaving,
he'll never forgive me.
He'll think I'm betraying his mother.
Sometimes I feel like I am too.
Don't fret, man.
In all my years at AA,
I learned the best way to handle things is to just own it.
Be a man.
Tell the boy now before he finds out another way.
But I'm waiting for the right time.
There's no right time, larney. There's only now.
You know another thing I learned at AA, ek sê?
Hey.
Heavy gas can make you feel like you're having a heart attack.
True as Bob.
♪ I spend my days Trying to catch your eye ♪
♪ You got my heart beating overtime ♪
♪ At night I dream That your love is mine ♪
Hey, man.
This...
Okay, right. Good.
Hello, you good-for-nothing lowlifes.
Your time is running out.
This is just a reminder of what's at stake for you.
Don't worry. The old cow isn't dead.
Not yet!
But that depends on you.
Eh?
It's not nice to see the elderly suffering, eh?
But when you play with fire,
you get burned, guys.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey, you. Get down! Get back down! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Ma wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for me.
And me.
I think it's time for reinforcements.
Hey. - Howzit, Kessie?
Who are all these people, ek sê?
Hey, kid.
We know guys who know guys.
Pulled in one, two favors and all.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Hey.
Guzzies from the district.
Never let you down.
Thanks, guys. Looks like we have a show.
Dad?
Dev?
Dev, are you all right? I waited for you all night.
Are you still studying the menu? - Yes. I'm sorry.
Oh blimey! You will not believe
the technical difficulties in creating a show such as this.
It's positively monstrous.
Why are you talking like that?
Sonny, naughty boy.
What say we have a spot of tea, my dear? Jolly good?
Are you mocking me? Is it because I'm English?
No, no, no. It's a long st--
It's a long walk to freedom, dear lady.
And one must pass through the valley of the shadow of death
before we reach the mountaintops of our desires.
"Desires"? What kind of a sick pervert are you?
Oh Jesus. What is happening?
I knew Kessie would come through for us. He's packing the place.
Larney, whatkind, man?
Hey, Baboo, your old man's fretting so much he's gonna shit himself.
Do something.
Good. Let him suffer.
What's your beef?
Mr. Sellers, welcome.
Indian custom. There you go. So sorry about that.
Ladies and gentlemen,
dames en here,
mesdames and messieurs,
namaste.
Good evening
and welcome to the first ever Spice of India Bollywood Extravaganza,
featuring the queen of Bollywood herself,
Miss Sweetie Ki Jawani.
Tonight, be prepared to be wowed by some of India's finest talent.
All the way from Bombay,
please give a warm welcome to your first act,
the Bombay Razzlers.
No, no, no. I'm okay.
Just relieved to have survived that.
Okay. I'm going now.
Y'all know what to do.
- Just stick to the plan. - Yeah.
- Hey! - Hey! What...
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for the great Hindu Houdini,
Danteraj.
Hey. What now?
- Why did you lie to me? About what?
About Leila. I saw you last night.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - Oh, really? I saw you kiss her.
What? I didn't kiss her.
She kissed me.
You're a liar.
Listen, I've had enough of you and this Leila nonsense.
Now, shut up and help me find the safe.
No! Admit it first. You stole the love of my life.
You're really working on my nerves. I'm gonna blow a fuse just now.
Key.
No. - What?
You and my father think I'm a fool. Well, I'm not.
What are you talking about?
You're a big fat liar.
You're supposed to be my friend, my best friend.
You, my father, and his ugly girlfriend can all go jump off a cliff.
You weakling!
- Open this door and give me the key. - No.
Not until you realize what you did.
Oh, God!
Firstly, you can't steal someone's girlfriend
if they're not really your girlfriend.
And secondly, your old man's girlfriend isn't that ugly close-up.
What do you mean she's not that ugly close-up?
Oh shit!
The power's back.
Baboo, this is serious.
Baboo.
I didn't wanna tell you about the white lady,
because I didn't know what to do.
Huh?
Sush. Sush, look.
Hey!
Move, Fana! Move! Move! Move!
I wanted my partner back,
like how things used to be,
before that bloody devil Leila.
That was selfish. I know.
I'm sorry, ek sê.
I should have told you everything.
Please give me the key.
For Ma's sake.
Please.
Move! Move! Move!
Hold it right there.
Hands up. Get them up. Get them up.
This is a restricted area. What are you doing here?
Thank the lords you are here. Now, I can find my way back.
I was having a heavy load on board.
Huh.
That... that does not explain what you are doing here
in the big man's room.
Aiyo Rama! What a drama!
You see, sir-- Uh, sorry, madam-ji.
I wanted to go number two in the backstage lavatories.
- You know, the one for the show? - Uh-huh.
But they all were not working. So my director-ji, he told me,
"Go upstairs and relieve yourself."
So I went upstairs, and here I am.
Hey. Hey.
Check out the loo, brah. Make sure everything is safe and clear.
I don't know about safe.
I stunk myself up.
Let's give it some time to air, unless you want to check it now.
- No, no. Good idea. - Hmm.
I'm in agreement, most certainly.
You know, madam-ji, I don't think I'm done with the lavatory.
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
Let's go!
- Move! Move! - Move! Move!
Where are the boys?
They're not back?
They should've been here. It's almost time for the finale.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the act you've all been waiting for,
one of Bollywood's greatest dancing sensations,
the inimitable Miss Sweetie Ki Jawani.
Harold?
Harold. Harold!
What's going on? Where are you going?
Nowhere. And it's none of your business.
What's wrong? I can see you're upset.
So what? You don't care about me.
You only care about yourself and your stupid girlfriend from Joburg.
That's why you wanna send me away.
You're a liar, and you're cheating on Mom.
I never, ever wanted to get rid of you, Harold.
I thought I was doing what was best for you,
what your mum would have wanted.
I miss your mum so much.
Ever since she passed away, I've been so lonely,
like there's a huge hole in my heart, you know?
I thought if I had a lady friend, I wouldn't be so lonely.
I'm so sorry, son. I wanted to tell you myself,
but I was so scared.
Because you're a coward.
And I'm a coward just like you.
I ruined everything.
What happened?
I messed up the plan.
Because of me, Ticky got caught,
and we'll never see Ma again.
This is all my fault.
Look at me, Baboo.
Look at me.
We all make mistakes.
That's life.
It's how we fix them that counts.
Right now, we have two choices.
We can either be cowards and run away,
or we can face our fears, no matter how difficult it is.
What's it going to be?
I wanna do the right thing, but I don't know how.
We'll figure this out together.
Good. You're here. I was starting to fret, bru.
There's been a change of plans. We need your help.
Go with Baboo. He'll explain everything.
Come.
Brother?
You know Amitabh Bachchan?
He's a big star, yeah?
Madam-ji.
Play one number there.
I'll show you Amitabh.
Balls.
Okay, kid, let's see your moves.
But this is not a Bollywood...
♪ Women them a flex And the man them a chant... ♪
Okay, okay, never mind.
I'm feeling the beat in my feet.
♪ Boom-shack-a-lak, rude boy ♪
♪ Here when we tell them now, sir ♪
♪ Wine your body, wriggle your belly ♪
♪ Dip and go down in the new stylee ♪
♪ Wine and go up, wine and go down ♪
♪ Bubble and rock To the new style around ♪
♪ You fe line it up, you fe... ♪
Wine your body.
♪ Do the boom-shack-a-lak Till the dance hall full up ♪
♪ I say the boom-shack-a-lak It's the brand-new style ♪
♪ The wicked say it wicked Jah jah no say it wild ♪
♪ The raggamuffin style Fe the discipline child ♪
♪ Dip and go down ca it well versatile ♪
♪ You fe move fe your waist Move fe your back ♪
♪ Wine and go down Do the shack-a-lak-a-lak ♪
♪ Get in the groove Ca you are the top-notch ♪
♪ Bubble and wine, gal Right 'pon the spot ♪
♪ Wine your body, wriggle your belly ♪
♪ Dip and go down... ♪
With compliments of Mr. Sellers
for your loyalty to the Plantation.
Namaste.
All done.
Get this back to Lucky.
Mmm.
Dev. You were amazing.
Your performance is so, so wonderful.
It all makes sense now. You were in character this whole time.
I'm so sorry I slapped you.
No, no, Nancy. It wasn't that. It's not you.
I'm not the man you think I am.
I can't explain now, but you have to go.
It's really a matter of life and death.
I will explain everything soon, I promise.
But you must leave now.
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm.
♪ Wine your body, wriggle your belly ♪
♪ Dip and go down in the new stylee ♪
♪ Wine and go up, wine and go down ♪
♪ Bubble and rock Ca the new style around... ♪
♪ Do the boom-shack-a-lak Till the dance hall full up ♪
Ticky?
It's clear. Let's go.
Why are you here, ek sê? I thought you hated me.
I'm sorry.
Leave your "sorry." Get the key!
This is all my fault. I was being a real cake.
I don't know why.
But I know you're my brother, and I care about you more than that Leila.
You're just saying that.
No. I mean it.
But we gotta get going, like now,
because...
Uh...
And the sweetmeats?
Jamaalgota.
Hey. Genius, ek sê. Genius.
Sweetie! Sweetie! Someone call an ambulance.
Sweetie!
My ankle!
Oh dear Lord! What have y'all done to my star?
Who put these stairs here? The owners must be held responsible.
I shall be suing you, this hotel, your boss, your boss's boss.
I shall leave no stone unturned. We shall have justice for Miss Sweetie.
- Justice for Sweetie! - Long live!
Sweetie! Sweetie! Sweetie! My... my... my personal home line.
Call me. You--
Fine.
She... Um...
Uh, Mr. Sellers, these Indians, you can't take them anywhere.
Woo-hoo.
What's up, ek sê?
Where's the wheelchair? The necklace is in the wheelchair.
The wheelchair, where is it?
Come on.
Hey, relax, man.
It's not there.
- It's on your ma. - What?
Where?
Lucky, you got us so scared for nothing.
Uh, it wasn't me.
I also got skills.
Y'all never bothered to ask.
Don't get too excited, auntie.
We still have to get Ma back.
Uh, "we"?
I knew you boys were the right buggers for this job.
And right on time too.
'Cause I was going to murder the old bag with my own two hands.
We kept our side of the deal. Now, let Ma go.
Give me the necklace first.
Hey, you.
Where you think you're going to?
I'm going to be with people who know what family means.
Love and blessings.
Family? Family? Hey, I'll show you a family.
Bugger off! I don't need you. I don't need anyone as long as I got this.
Ungrateful dog.
He'll be back.
And now?
What's going on?
Y'all came here to fight?
Come, my friend.
My gun. Where's my gun?
Hey, Marlon, help!
You bloody coward!
In there, larney.
This guy messed with the wrong granny!
And he's out!
I've never been treated this way.
By women!
- Those are thugs, gangster grannies.
You are responsible for this, Veerasamy.
You greedy son of a bitch!
Greedy? Greedy? You're a miserly, miserable old geezer.
- Shut up! - That's what you are.
Shut up!
My lawyer will clear up this mess for me,
but you, you piece of shit, you are gonna rot in jail.
Oh really? You think I'll go down by myself?
I'll take everyone down with me. Yeah.
Old pal.
You really want to meet Nancy?
I can call the whole thing off if you're not ready.
It's okay.
I'll keep any open mind.
I guess I can't ask for more than that.
I'm okay, Ma.
- You sure? - Yeah. Thank you.
- Another drink? - I got it. It's fine.
Thank you.
Hey, Ticky boy. Ticky boy.
Where's the chow?
Look at you. You're gonna embarrass Baboo.
- What? - Come.
Good day, Mrs. Chetty.
This is Nancy. Nancy, this is Mrs. Chetty.
Hey, doll, have some lovely, spicy samosas.
- Oh. - You're looking so beautiful.
Love and blessings!
Thank you.
Come. Sit. Sit.
You're so brave and such a good friend.
Uh, thanks.
You can be my boyfriend if you want.
Nah, that's okay.
I don't need a girlfriend.
But we can be friends if you want.
Yeah. I think that's better.
Hey, larney.
Hee hee.
♪ Ice, ice, baby ♪
♪ Let's go, hammer time ♪
Hee hee.
Who's old-fashioned now?
Hee hee.
Hey.
- When was the last time you held my hand?
Your old man looks happy, ek sê.
Yeah.
I miss my mom so much sometimes.
Maybe that's why I went all cuckoo on you with this Leila story.
The good news is that the white lady is not so ugly close-up.
Ticky.
I'm really sorry for being an ass.
Leila can be your girlfriend. I don't mind.
What is wrong with you, ek sê? Look at all the women in my life.
Do you really think I need more aggravation?
- You have a point. Yes, I do.
And if you parked long enough the other night,
when Leila tried all that funny business, you'd have seen me push her in the pool.
Aiybo! No you didn't.
Yes, I did, brah.
Let's make a blood pact, to never let a girl come between us, ever.
Blood pact? Cutting and all?
Yeah, now that you say it like that, maybe it's not such a good idea.
Let's make a pact...
with these.
I was saving them for your old man for calling me old-fashioned and all.
But I can let that go.
Okay, let's do it.
- Bros for life. - Bros for life.
- Water! - Water!
- Aiyo! - Aiyo!
Hooligans.
Yes!