Downloaded from YTS.MX
[Bob Saget] ♪ The boys in the stables Were shoveling up ♪
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
♪ Contents of stables Left after the hunt ♪
♪ The car man was feeling a nice piece Of straw from the stables ♪
♪ Cleaning the walls ♪
♪ In came the dear maid to play with his dog In the dairy where she did belong ♪
♪ If you think this is dirty You're fucking well wrong ♪
[applause]
Look at these guys.
Everybody's here.
I'm uh, I'm Bob's friend,
and I've had the honor of-- well, I--
one of his best friends for 35 years.
I've put together a little video, so you could sort of see Bob's whole life.
And, uh... and we'll play it for you.
[cheers, applause]
[Don Rickles] ♪ I'll trade you Laughter for love ♪
My mom is Gumby, my dad is Pokey, and I'm Mr. Potato Head, so...
♪ I'll trade you one for the other ♪
♪ Laughter for love ♪
♪ What can you lose? ♪
♪ Some madness for mirth ♪
♪ And for whatever it's worth ♪
♪ Whether you like it or not... ♪
A hole cut out around the mouth.
♪ I'll give you all that I've got ♪
There's this new doll out. It's half-man, half-woman.
It's called G.I. Don't Know.
♪ I'll trade you sunlight for gold ♪
♪ One shines as bright as the other ♪
♪ Love is pure gold ♪
♪ And laughter the sunlight ♪
♪ This is my life ♪
♪ For all of my life ♪
♪ And you are part Of this life I live ♪
You like me And I like you
You know why? I'm the rhyming Jew!
♪ I swear that it's true ♪
I used to suck dick for coke.
♪ I love to do what I do ♪
I asked to meet her nipples.
♪ To share this laughter I give ♪
♪ For just a little love ♪
♪ From you ♪
You've been real nice. I've had a good time.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Bob Saget, huh?
[cheers, applause]
I've been saying that I'm not ready to say goodbye to him,
but I just can't-- I can't.
It just doesn't seem real to me.
I refuse to do it.
But I see him out there, still doing what he did best.
I see him on that stage, killing it.
Another two-hour set.
He gets a standing ovation,
brings out his guitar, does one of his funny songs,
he gets an encore, another encore, another encore.
All of us would really like another encore from Bob tonight.
And he leaves the club and he calls his beautiful wife, Kelly.
Says "I'm coming.
I'm gonna go to the hotel, then I'm coming home, and I miss you."
And she says, "I miss you."
And he says, "There's a picture that I wanna post.
Will you fix it up?" And he sends it to her
and she looks at it and she says,
"You don't need to fix it up. You're so handsome."
And he gets back to the hotel,
and he puts his head on the pillow, and he-- and he misses us.
And he dreams of seeing us all again one day.
And he's smiling.
I know he's smiling, because just two hours earlier,
he killed it on stage, and that's what made him so happy.
That's the way I still think of...
Kelly, do you wanna come up?
And... these guys'll be funny. We'll play some music.
[applause]
Keep it short.
All right, guys, seriously?
-Bob would be smiling so much right now. -A lot of people wanna go on.
He would be laughing and loving this
because never did he think that I would be on stage at The Comedy Store,
being backed up by Jim Carey and Chris Rock, so... So.
The Pips.
I know.
I was not-- In a million years, this is not what I was expecting.
-Um-- -And you too, Jeff Ross.
Oh yeah, and Jeff Ross. And I get to follow Jackson Browne.
You didn't recognize him without the reservoir tip.
God damn!
I'm following Jackson Browne and John Mayer.
Thank you for the lineup, Mike Binder. Thank you.
Um, so, Bob loved being a comedian.
He loved it more than anything.
He truly loved being a comedian.
He loved growing up on this stage.
On these stages right here.
And he would bring me here all the time, and he would love taking me on "the tour."
The tour of The Comedy Store, and he loved-- he would get so excited,
and he would beam and say "Come on, honey, I'm gonna show you around,
and I'm gonna show you behind the scenes of all the crazy shit
that went on here all the years.
And all the places that people did coke in the '80s."
And... that was-- there were a lot of stops on the tour about that.
And then, he would just think about how he loved being a part of this.
And he...
The most important thing to him was belonging to this club, to this group,
to being a comedian.
He just loved funny people and he loved being around them.
He loved everything about it and I know he would be--
He is so honored right now.
He would love this.
I know he's looking down and he's so happy.
I'm just so grateful-- the girls and I, we're all so grateful
for all of you who have always shown up for him and supported him,
and most importantly, made him laugh.
And loved him all these years.
Because Bob deserved all of the love in the world, so...
And I loved him more than anything,
so, thank you all very much.
[applause]
How 'bout a hand for Kelly, everybody?
Her family's here.
[cheers, applause]
How 'bout a hand for Jim Carey's jacket?
It was willed to him from Joan Rivers.
Tagged me on the way over here.
You look fantastic.
We have a band. Can we do some--
Can I talk over some-- vibe over some blues?
-Oh wow. -Yeah.
You're just like a jazz guy now.
Why not?
-I mean, I've been sad for-- -That was Bob's whole life, by the way.
--weeks already.
I'm gonna choose to be happy for the next couple hours.
This is not a sad blues necessarily but,
when you got musicians like this--
♪ Tell 'em about Bobby ♪
♪ Tell about how Bobby run ♪
♪ I woke up this morning ♪
♪ I put on my grandma's winter coat ♪
He made the people smile
You know a lot of people might not know this but John Mayer is here,
and John Mayer very, very, very generously
hired a private jet
to fly Bob's body home from where he died.
But you might not know,
he also hired the Goodyear blimp to fly Louie Anderson's body home.
♪ I got the Bob Saget Blues ♪
And it's not like we didn't love Bob.
-We loved Bob. -It's not a question of loving Bob.
-We loved him. -It's not a question of loving Louie.
The question is who's next?
My money's on Jeff.
You think I like looking like Bruce Willis if he'd died hard?
Jim, you think I don't know I look like if Amazon sold a Jeff Bezos blow-up doll?
All I know is I don't feel safe with you around.
Unless you put a lambskin on that.
You saying I look like a penis?
Last time I saw something like that, I was shaking the drops.
♪ I got the Bob Saget Blues ♪
You know one time, Bob gave me some advice early on.
What was that advice, Jim?
He said... "Young man,"
Whenever he gave advice, he talked like an old Native American.
He said "Young man, the storms may be brutal,
and the winter may be harsh,
but always remember:
you will be fine,
if you turn your wheel in the direction of the skid."
And it was good advice.
♪ Tell 'em about Bobby ♪
♪ Tell 'em how Bobby rocked ♪
Chris? Tell 'em.
I think it's sad that the motherfucker had to die to get Jim Carey back on stage.
I only come out on sad occasions.
If this is the only way we're gonna see you perform,
I'm gonna kill Eddie Murphy next week.
[laughter]
Woo!
♪ Tell 'em about Bobby ♪
♪ Tell 'em how Bobby run ♪
I think Bob is more popular now than he ever has been, right now.
He's America's dad-- that's not a convicted rapist.
Hey, hey, hey.
"My Dog Licked My Balls" just went to number one.
You know, Bob, uh, like Bill Cosby, was from Philadelphia,
but Bob, um, put people to sleep the old-fashioned way.
By doing his act.
He would've loved the outpouring of support
from all over the world that he's gotten.
He would've loved it.
And let's face it, somebody had to knock that cunt Betty White off the Internet.
Ninety-nine years old.
And I told her, I said "Betty--"
I talked to her a month ago.
I said, "Do not go to that Travis Scott concert."
She said, "I have to go, I promised Travis I'd be in the front row."
Ninety-nine problems and a breath ain't one.
But Bob wasn't something that was taken away from us.
He was something that was given to us.
And one day...
when the laughs had hit a certain amount...
he just unzipped his human suit,
and he went for a ride.
And he's floating around right now.
Probably right through this room at this very moment, flanked by angels.
And they're saying "You made people laugh.
You made people feel loved.
And you made people money."
You created a cathedral of fucking love in this world.
And that was your life, Bob Saget.
A cathedral of love, a cathedral of laughter.
Goodness. Light.
-♪ I got the Bob Saget-- ♪ -I think I just had a "joygasm."
Bob's message was love.
He told everybody he loved them. Everybody in here probably--
Let's pump some gratitude into this room for Bob Saget.
Everybody in here probably thinks Bob was their best friend,
and he probably was.
Every one of them thinks he was their best friend.
But I know it was me.
He loved people, he loved comedy, he loved--
-Cocaine. -...music.
At a point, at a point.
In his honor, I'm gonna suck dick for coke tonight.
Funny.
But he loved playing that guitar,
and... I know because I found it backstage one night
and there was a big hole in the back.
-He fucked his guitar? -He fucked that thing.
He fucked the shit outta that thing.
He played a 'D' and it took him there.
It took him there.
Give us a "D".
I know Mike's a B.B. King "D".
Who do you think got more pussy, Stamos or Mayer?
That guitar's not gender-neutral, man.
If Mayer and fucking Stamos have a "pussy-off,"
I don't know if you remember this, Chris.
-What? -But I came to see you--
I came to the Comedy Cellar up in New York and you were onstage
and you spotted me when I sat down.
You went "Is that Mayer?"
And then you said, "I was just having a conversation with a friend about you."
-Remember you said this? -I might've...
Do you remember everything that you say?
"I was just having a conversation with a friend about you.
I said that you wrote 'cliterature'."
I did say that.
John Mayer writes cliterature, ladies and gentlemen!
♪ Oooh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby ♪
Can I talk about what a good friend he was for a second?
Tell us.
Oh, all right.
One time I was going through a brea--
You can keep playing. It sounds so good.
This is a male-to-male love song.
I was going through a breakup, as people do.
And I was so heartbroken.
I called Bob.
Bob would check on me every couple of hours.
And he came by my house and he picked me up at two in the morning
and he took me to Astro Burger to get a pastrami--
a lot of my Bob stories are about meat.
He loved an emergency pastrami sandwich, but in this case, I was really hurting
and he came by, and he picked me up, and he took me to Astro Burger all night.
And I sat in his car, and I was crying, eating my pastrami sandwich.
-Oh, God! -Bob gave me this unbelievable pep talk.
-That's a website. -You were crying. Think about the woman.
"I blew Jeff Ross!"
"Why did I blow Jeff Ross?
The fuck was I thinking?"
You think it's easy for me?
Looking like Vin Diesel if he were neither fast nor furious?
You think it's easy for me?
No, it's not easy for you, man.
That's why you're so funny, man.
-And Bob-- And Bob-- -You have no choice.
Bob gave me a pep talk that lasted longer
than that entire relationship that I was upset about.
And he drove me to his house and I stayed in Aubrey's room--
Aubrey was--
I stayed in the guest room, and-- for like three days,
and he was there for people.
Even though he had every chance to become some Hollywood phony, he never did it.
He had every chance to be bitter. He had so much loss in his life.
Bob never did it. He worked through positivity.
He always said, "I don't do negative."
He would block people.
His tour was called "I Don't Do Negative".
and I have a theory
that him and Norm Macdonald were murdered by Artie Lang.
He taught me that if I got real hungry I could eat urinal mints,
'cause they're packed with nutrients.
I feel less safe in the world without Bob.
I feel one layer of protection.
I feel older without Bob.
Like, Bob was a defense shield.
He knew who to call,
what doctor to call if you had a health issue.
He knew what lawyer to call if you had a problem.
He knew-- he just knew how to do stuff.
And he was "Bobby Daddy" to so many people, and...
-That's right. -Casting's a bitch, man.
And I hope everybody here either had Bob as a friend like that,
or someday has a friend like that.
A friend like Bob.
[applause]
Our buddy... Mike Binder,
who helped put this together with John Stamos,
said he wanted to come say something and I love this guy.
-Miguel! -Where'd you find him?
Please welcome, the director of The Comedy Store documentary,
and one of Bob Saget's besties, Mike Binder.
Ah, man.
Thank you all for being here tonight.
And I just gotta say, Bob has the best friends in the world.
This guy here, has been such a good friend to Bob.
And John Mayer. You're a beautiful guy.
I have really gotten to know you, and I want to have your babies.
And no, really, Bob-- Bob...
Everything you're hearing about Bob is real.
I knew him when he was 19 years old,
and everybody is saying "Oh, God I didn't--
I'm so surprised how loved he was and how big he was!
He would've been so surprised."
And I will tell you Bob would not have been surprised.
Bob figured he was this big.
This is how big Bob thought he was.
He actually told me once, that when he was gonna die,
he was gonna donate his penis to science.
And he was dead serious.
And actually, last week, Kelly got a letter...
and it said, "Dear Mrs. Saget,
We think we can do better." Signed, "Science."
I just love his friends, I love his family,
I knew his family so well, and his daughters are beautiful.
Just beautiful people, and, uh, I wanna say...
on behalf of the comedians, you know,
we're here tonight supporting scleroderma,
and we're supporting the Saget family and the Saget girls.
And we're supporting them all, and we wanna love them,
love the Scleroderma Foundation.
Love Kelly.
In fact, about 11 of us made love to Kelly in the Saget hot tub this afternoon.
And we're selling that as an NFT for $700,000
if any of you have money and wanna go to hell with us.
That NFT's gonna be a hot one.
[Ross] You know, when I think it's too soon, that's fucked up.
Really, is that too soon?
We have a great show,
and I wanted to say one more thing
about someone who's here tonight who's an incredible friend of mine
and loved Bob so much.
Jackson Browne is a special guy.
You know, he doesn't-- he had a bad back
and he called me two days ago and said "Mike, I can't do this."
This is a terrible introduction for Jackson.
He would not like this.
He's a rock star!
"Talked to him yesterday and he told me his prostate was killing him..."
-All right. -"...Like a balloon."
"If I could get someone to stick their fingers up my ass--"
-Jackson called-- -"Don't know what the fuck is going on.
I'll be down there, but, otherwise, this thing is raw, and fucking throbbing.
I have a throbbing orb in my anus.
And as long as it keeps time, I'll be great!"
-Ahh! -All right, take two.
So Jackson's such a great guy and he...
he called me the other day.
He said "Mike, Mike, I really wanna come,
but I was up all night fucking quadruplets.
'Cause I'm a rock star."
And then today he said "No, the hell with them!
I'm here for Bob Saget!"
Jackson Browne.
[cheers, applause]
Ugh.
Ow!
See, this is-- this is not the intro I wanted.
Oh good, they're leaving. Oh, good.
Would you like us to clear out of here now?
-We're gonna be very distracting. -You can stay.
-Unless you wanna clear out. -No, I'd love to stay here.
-Um... -If you sing directly to me, I'll stay.
Gotta turn the guitar on though, right?
-[notes on electric guitar] There it is, yeah.
No, yeah.
Bob asked me to do a show in New York
with Jeff and a bunch of other really great comedians.
Funny people. Really funny people.
And he wanted me to sing this song that I'm gonna sing for you now,
but it's like-- I said, "Are you sure?"
I was trying to think of something that would go with the, you know.
He said "No, no, no. Just sing that."
What it is, is I felt like, after like an hour--
after laughing really hard, it's good to contemplate death for a little while.
You can-- you can, uh, and presumably go back to laughing.
But I mean, I finished the night with this. He said it was perfect.
This is one of my better piano songs.
♪ Keep a fire burning in your eye ♪
♪ Pay attention to the open sky ♪
♪ You never know What will be coming down ♪
♪ I don't remember losing track of you ♪
♪ You were always dancing In and out of view ♪
♪ I must've thought You'd always be around ♪
♪ Always keeping things real By playing the clown ♪
♪ Now you're nowhere to be found ♪
♪ I don't know what happens When people die ♪
♪ Can't seem to grasp it As hard as I try ♪
♪ It's like a song I can hear Playing right in my ear ♪
♪ That I can't sing
♪ I can't help listening ♪
♪ And I can't help feeling stupid Standing 'round ♪
♪ Crying as they ease you down ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that You'd rather we were dancing ♪
♪ Dancing our sorrow away ♪
♪ No matter what Fate chooses to play ♪
♪ Just do the steps That you've been shown ♪
♪ By everyone you've ever known ♪
♪ Until the dance becomes your very own ♪
♪ No matter how close to yours Another's steps have grown ♪
♪ In the end there is one dance You'll do alone ♪
♪ Keep a fire for the human race ♪
♪ And let your prayers go drifting Into space ♪
♪ You never know What will be coming down ♪
♪ Perhaps a better world is drawing near ♪
♪ And just as easily, It could all disappear ♪
♪ Along with whatever meaning You might have found ♪
♪ Don't let the uncertainty Turn you around ♪
♪ Go on and make a joyful sound ♪
♪ Into a dancer you have grown ♪
♪ From a seed Somebody else has thrown ♪
♪ Go on ahead and Throw some seeds of your own ♪
♪ And somewhere between the time You arrive and the time you go ♪
♪ May lie a reason you were alive But you'll never know ♪
-That was so beautiful. -Jackson Browne.
Wow.
Thank you, Jackson.
Good luck with whatever your back issue was.
That was so beautiful. God.
One of the legends of all time, ladies and gentlemen.
Jackson Browne.
-While-- while-- -What are we gonna do now?
While they're all back there, my buddy Seth Green is here.
He was a good friend of Bob's.
What do you think, Seth?
Do you wanna come say something? Are you ready?
[Seth Green] Yeah.
That was a perfect intro.
This guy has a perfect back, everybody. Perfect picture of health.
What can I say?
He's a mensch. He's a great guy.
He's an actor. He owns an animation studio.
He's on a bunch of shows.
[Carey] He's a man that every man would love to be.
-[Ross] He's one of the people that Bob... -I'll take this.
-...Bob loved dearly. -I wanna come hug you.
I feel like it's been ten or twelve years since we've seen each other.
Hug me. I'm very fluffy.
Aw.
[Ross] That's a beautiful moment.
[Green] I'm getting some ASMR,
-like I'm getting... -Ah...
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Probably-- it was the Icy-Hot I put on my neck.
I just thought it'd be funny. I knew I was gonna be hugging people.
Welcome to the Bob Super-Spreader, everybody.
-We're coming to see ya, Bob. -That was--
We're coming to see ya.
That's all he wanted.
Bob would be so thrilled to spread an infection
that populated heaven.
Truly, truly.
There's so much room there.
Jesus Christ, that Jackson Browne like, really choked me up,
-I wasn't prepared for that at all. -That's what he does.
He loves to walk into a room and fuck everybody up.
"Oh, you guys are in a great mood.
What if you were all uncontrollably crying?"
"I saw a bunch of people smile.
You wanna feel something real heavy?"
[Carey] "I'm gonna bring a little sincerity to this party."
All right, I'll say something.
-I know you know Bob a long time. -That's true.
You were good friends, so I thought maybe
you would have something to share tonight.
-So sweet of you to tee me up. -I don't wanna put you on the spot...
It was when Robin Williams died, and we-- everybody met here,
'cause like, what the fuck do you do?
We were all like, "Oh, shit. Robin's dead.
I guess we gotta get together and figure out how to work that out."
And everybody needed to get up.
Everybody needed to mourn it onstage.
I'll never forget because we were sitting in one of those back chairs,
and we all walked in, I saw Bob.
And everybody just looked lost.
And I looked at him and I was like "Oh, we know each other.
We've known each other a long time." So we hugged.
Hugged real big and I guess we gotta... fucking deal with this now.
But in that whole experience,
it felt like everyone was all the more committed
to not wasting a second.
And not having an opportunity where you saw someone that you loved, and you say
"I love you.
And you've meant something."
You know what I mean?
Like, Bob fucking Saget, guys.
That motherfucker meant something.
And we were all lucky enough to get a mainline dose of it.
In one way or another.
[cheers, applause]
That's the biggest thing, right, Jeff?
Let's just spread it.
That's what we get to do now. We get to spread that love.
The proof of that.
The proof of life that man lived.
He lived so big and affected so many people,
and now we get to share it.
I do wanna mention his influence.
My buddy's a professor at Yale and NYU,
He teaches broadcasting and TV history and film history,
and he called me about Bob
and he said one of the things that comes up a lot in his students' papers
is Bob's character and Full House's influence on kids
who grew up in non-... in unconventional households.
It made them feel normal, and it made them feel like it was okay,
and one kid was an orphan who wound up in a--
You must hear this all the time, man.
Well, we did it 35 years ago or whatever.
We were, it was odd, there was three men raising kids in San Francisco.
But now it's the new normal, you know.
And every year it's becoming more divorce, more single-sexed parents,
so it's kind of a timed-release thing, right?
What's "sexed parents"? What?
Same sex.
Same sex parents.
Oh, same-sex parents, I thought you said--
Yeah, things change.
Like the second time we did Dumb and Dumber,
the world had gotten so fucking stupid.
It didn't seem that dumb anymore, by comparison.
[Green] It was more just like Normal and More Normal.
[Carey] It was Norm and Normal.
Basic and More Basic-er.
Mike Young is here.
Mike Young and Paul Rodriguez are still here.
Come on out.
Mike-- Mike Young.
Mike Young opened for Bob the last-- come on out.
The very funny Mr. Mike Young.
Nine hundred million dollars' worth of talent, and an $11 microphone.
Stand up, come on tell--
Thirteen years with Bob, yeah.
We met years ago when Bob did Entourage.
A mutual friend was like, "You and Bob should go on the road."
We met, Bob's like, "Come do a few dates."
Next thing you know, 13 years later.
it was just me and Bob, just doing a two-man show in every city.
And so, I was blessed to get that opportunity and I didn't take it--
[clears throat] Excuse me. I didn't take it lightly.
And Bob was one of those guys who just lived for this.
He lived for this.
Like, whatever was happening in Bob's life-- and a lot was happening.
This was his moment that he just loved.
And after he got off-- he could be complaining about all his life shit
in the daytime, but he did, we know.
Neurotic as fuck.
Neurotic to the hilt.
But this was what Bob loved.
'Cause every single time he would be nervous about selling tickets,
yet we'd sell out everywhere.
He's wake up at five o'clock in the morning, he would do press.
He didn't have to do press.
In his mind, "We've gotta move 80 more tickets."
He's doing the morning news, he's doing every show...
It's like "Yo, you're fuckin' Bob Saget, bro. Chill out! Chill out!
I'll go on the stupid show and fucking sell a ticket." You know what I mean?
"You're good, we're good." And we were good.
And he sold out every damn place we were at.
And it was nuts that he, in his mind, was still like this kid from Philly
who wasn't like sorta good enough, or kinda still had to hustle.
But he just wasn't seeing sometimes what everybody else was seeing,
until he got up here, saw a full crowd and rocked the show
and got off and was fucking on fire.
"You see that shit? I fuckin' killed that shit!"
I was like, "Yeah, bro, why'd you drive me crazy for three days
thinking you're not gonna sell tickets?"
He was neurotic.
But I was just like, "Yo, Bob, that's just what you deserve.
Love and respect, 'cause that's what poured out of you.
So, that's all I wanted to say. I'll miss him.
God bless you guys. Thank you.
[cheers, applause]
[Ross] Mike Young.
You got a video? You were playing a video?
All right.
We have a very special message from Michael Keaton.
Am I in the way?
Hey, happy birthday, Bobby.
You know, the kooky thing about getting older,
I'm trying to-- Oh, oh, sorry.
What is it?
Oh, it's a problem with the-- I got it.
It's a roast.
Okay, you-- dirty, right?
Okay.
All right, I got an idea.
Let's go.
Hey.
Hey Bob, I was in the men's room the other day...
What?
I'm sorry, what?
No, seriously, what's this for?
Get the fuck outta here.
He did?
When?
I was supposed to do this podcast, by the way.
Okay... let me think.
What do I...
Okay, hold on, let me, uh...
Let me see if I can work up some fake tears here.
Nothing.
Uh...
What do you mean, just "Why don't I say how I feel?"
Who does that?
Okay, let me...
I guess I could say something like...
You know, every time...
and I mean like every time...
you would run into this guy,
if you weren't laughing...
Just looking, just looking into that face, you couldn't help but smile.
That's the truth.
This is a tough one.
If there's any good news to come out of this,
when we lose someone like Bob or others,
we'll always have him on record somewhere
where we can click on the television
and watch him and laugh and smile.
And if there's anyone I think who would really appreciate that,
love that, I think it would be Bob.
He was a really, really good dude.
'Kay.
[cheers and applause]
[Stamos] All right, here's something that I put together
that I think you'll enjoy.
♪ Everywhere we look ♪
♪ You'll be there in our hearts ♪
♪ You were everyone's dad ♪
♪ In all our childhoods ♪
♪ All our living rooms ♪
♪ You were there ♪
♪ To make every house fuller ♪
♪ Everywhere we look ♪
♪ You'll be there in our hearts ♪
♪ You were everyone's dad ♪
♪ When we needed family ♪
♪ You're in our memories ♪
♪ You'll make every house fuller forever ♪
This is the itinerary.
It says right here:
"Shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to the bathroom,
leave for Magic Kingdom, go to the bathroom,
eat some junk, go to the bathroom,
go to the bathroom, go to the bathroom.
It smells like urine over there. It's fantastic.
I haven't had a good stool since I was sitting in between scenes.
I'm going to take my...
I need a bag!
♪ You were there To make every house fuller ♪
We'll never have another show like this. When you have so many people.
My agent told me I'll never have another show.
I'm peeling.
[squealing, shouting]
Never wipe your butt with your shoes!
♪ You were there To make every house fuller ♪
♪ We lost one of the greats But Bob Saget we know ♪
Good night.
♪ A light is waiting to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
[Stamos] Boy, that's a tough one to watch.
Here's something else we wanna show you.
Here's some snippets from the night that we had his memorial
at Jeff Franklin's house.
And so we thank you for the gift of his life,
we thank you and honor you and bring you glory,
because you let us know his love and we got to love him back.
And we thank you and pray in your holy name, amen.
Dick stories, prayers...
That's what happens when you grow up with Bob Saget.
You go one way or the other.
We're all here because Bob...
loved us.
He loved everyone here.
That's why we're here, because he loved you.
And...
man...
I... I'm...
gonna take a long time in my life to process this,
but you know what? Every time that I feel sad,
I am so lucky, and we're all so lucky that
we get to fill that well up with thousands of laughs
and beautiful stories and love.
And I don't feel like this is an ending.
I feel like this is the beginning of a celebration of that guy,
who was my brother, and I love him so much.
And I don't know what I'm gonna do now without him.
And I think we all feel that way.
But man, this is a lot of love.
And this is really beautiful,
and Bob would've loved this.
So, thank you.
Man, Bob is...
He's probably the single kindest person I've ever met.
He was very nice to me.
I would forget all kinds of things that I used to think about all the time,
and he'd make me forget about them.
Little shit, like being Black.
[chuckling]
And I used to watch him on television, when I was growing up,
when I was starting my career.
I would never dream...
I would never dream of a day like today.
That's why, Bob.
That's why you get a roomful of people.
Hello, John Mayer.
Remember the time I tried to put 'shrooms in your cappuccino machine
and Bob was laughing at me?
Your parties will never be that good again.
And I would've never done that if I didn't see Bob Saget and said,
"I'm gonna impress this motherfucker. I'm gonna do some 'shrooms."
I gotta tell you, I take solace in being in this room
and seeing who loved him and seeing how he made you feel.
You don't feel that special, hearing someone has the same story as you.
You feel like your hunch about someone was correct.
In this town full of cynics, I saw a good one.
Tim Allen. Come up.
Oh great, I gotta follow fucking Chappelle.
This is fucked up.
Jesus.
I thought I was Bob's only friend.
I show up here and I thought...
I drove up here., I said, "Shit, he told me I was his only friend."
My heart goes out to the family, everybody involved and I'm just--
I'm overwhelmed, it's been a hard-- it's been a fuckin' weird couple of days.
I was in Orlando the night before, same club,
and I was in Jacksonville that night when they called, and it was--
it was messed up, man.
I'll tell you what was really messed up is the comic in me.
Right away I said...
He died at the Four Seasons, which is across Orlando from the Hyatt.
I kept asking-- that was terrible, but-- "What room was he in in the Four Seasons?
In the suites up top?
Why was I in the fucking Hyatt across the street?"
I'm just terrified of this.
The only way I can handle loss is by jokes.
My old man died suddenly, and this took the wind out of me.
This really took the wind out of me.
That said, I'm just blessed to be asked to be doing this.
It was very difficult.
I'm not good at this stuff.
I said, I drove up here going "This fucker has a lot of friends."
I thought I was special."
You're all special people.
This was a very special individual.
And the wind is out of my sails,
it's just this gap that takes a while to grasp and sit there and think about.
Bless all of you people and these prayers you had for him
and these wonderful friends of his and thank you all for at least
accepting me into this group.
Goodnight, Bob.
One of my favorite comedians, and a good friend of Bob's,
Paul Rodriguez is here.
Paul, come say hi.
Welcome, buddy.
I don't know if I can get through this.
I met Bob...
[audience member] We love you.
...many years ago at a gangbang.
It was not just a gangbang.
It was a dungeon too...
He was there with his first wife Manuel.
[sighs]
Later, we were both fucking the same waitress here...
and then Mitzi found out about it.
She called him into her office, wanted to know
what waitress was spreading diseases around here.
Bob stuck up for me, he said we only had-- [sobs]
I don't know if I can go on.
Okay, thank you.
He said...
Bob stuck up for me and he said we only--
we only had gonorrhea.
We didn't have herpes. That was probably Louie Anderson.
[sobbing]
He would have wanted disrespect like that.
What can I tell you?
He's missed, you know?
I first found out Bob had died, I was in Alaska.
And then the next week Louie Anderson.
Naturally, like everyone up here, you start going,
"Wow, don't they go in threes?"
And then someone said, "Betty White died." And we said "Ah, thank God, shit."
[sighs]
You know...
It is true. Every time you saw Bob, he made you feel good, you know?
Every one of us up here swears that we were his best friend.
I think that's the mark of a-- of a liar.
No!
I'm glad for his children.
I can't imagine the pain you must feel, but just know that all of us,
we loved your father so much. He was a great guy.
I just wanna say thank you, good night.
Yeah.
Paul Rodriguez.
[Stamos] Hey, Jeff.
I wanna read my last text from Bob. It said "I love you so much.
I will say that God gave me the brother that I wanted,
and I love you for it."
I said, "Well, you have a lot of God-given brothers, but I'm first, right?"
And he said, "Yes you are, because Brad Grey died."
Okay, well. He says "I've known him since I was 22 years old,
but you're number one." I said something about John Mayer,
and he said-- Mayer's not listening, is he?
He said "Mayer's an amazing friend, but he's more fair-weather.
You're always there, so you're number one."
Ladies and gentlemen, Bob's second-best friend, John Mayer.
Yeah.
Hi everyone, hi .
Um...
I've been lucky enough to have the opportunity to speak so much
about how I feel about Bob that...
I'm lucky that I've said...
the main, major thoughts that I've had,
but the thoughts keep coming, and the observations keep coming,
and the journey keeps going,
and you get better, and you get worse. And you get better, and you get worse.
I just wanna say that we all know how much Bob loved us.
But I would like to bring up another thing that he did without us knowing it,
was that he accepted us.
And acceptance is the boring part of love, but it's just as important.
When you're accepted.
Weird people don't think other weird people are weird.
We all know who we were in high school. We're running from it.
That's the great part of meeting people for the first time.
They don't know that shit.
You're a clean slate with someone.
And with Bob, I was a clean slate with him.
And I got to have my own unique relationship with him.
And I think he had a unique relationship with me because I wasn't a comic.
And I didn't speak the language of shirt insults,
or make fun of someone 'cause they stuttered on one word.
Sometimes you stutter-- a comic will get ya.
Bob liked me because I was already kind of a poet,
and he could say whatever he wanted
because I wasn't gonna go "All right, that's weird,"
because all I do is speak in metaphors no one's heard before.
-It's useless. -True.
I don't understand a fucking word he says.
I speak in useless metaphor that only makes sense to me,
but Bob would do that in ways that only made sense to him,
and for some reason it was just like "Yeah, you're with me."
And the unlikeliness of our relationship spoke to the truth of it
and the realness of it, because why fucking would you otherwise?
Why would I...
otherwise hang out with Bob Saget if I didn't love everything about him
on a physical and metaphysical level.
The other night I had a dream.
I woke up crying because I saw Bob.
Aw, man...
It was young Bob.
And we were about to go into a restaurant.
And I knew and he didn't know.
I looked at him and said. "You gotta know how much I love you."
He went "Yeah, I know. Fine."
"No, I'm telling you. You gotta know how much I love you."
"Yeah, I know."
And then I woke up and of course, cried like a baby.
And then I remembered I had to go back to sleep
because I had something very important the next day,
and I said out loud,
"I love you, Bob, but I gotta go back to sleep."
And I heard him say "Go back to sleep, go back to sleep.
You have to go back to sleep.
You have to. You've got stuff tomorrow.
You gotta get back to sleep." I went "Okay."
And that's no different than the magic of when he was around.
And I learned that.
It is not a jump to go from here to there.
Because there's nothing different about the way we access the people we love,
when they're there, than when they're here.
And that is the magic of Bob Saget that keeps carrying on for me.
Beautiful.
That's beautiful.
And I wanna thank both of you for being such great friends
and such a support system to Bob.
I wanna thank all of you for coming tonight
because this is very cathartic for all of us
and I'm sure a lot of you too.
It was nice to do this.
I would love it if you'd collect yourself for a second,
because what you said was very beautiful and I'm a little verklempt.
And then someone else wants to speak, and maybe you'll do a song that Bob loved.
-Do a song. -I'll do a song.
-Yeah. -I'd love to do a song.
That would be great.
Byron, are you back there?
A good friend of Bob Saget's. Our friend. Byron Allen is here.
Oh my God, we're gonna keep this tight because we've got another crowd out there.
We have to get ready for Louie Anderson's memorial.
I met Bob I think in '78.
-What? -1978.
-You both started as teenagers, right? -Yeah.
We both started as teenagers and I met him in 1978, right here.
-About 42 years ago. -Wow.
And he was so warm,
and so kind and funny
and bizarre at the same time.
Always.
And that "The Dog Licked My Balls"?
and the cat-pussy, whatever that was.
That was the clean stuff.
When you first met him, he said things to you that had you go to therapy.
You could not un-ring that bell.
As a matter of fact, after I met Bob, I avoided him for about two years
after I met him.
I said "No, he's not gonna be here long. He's gonna get arrested.
They're gonna haul him off."
The thing about him is that I really genuinely loved him.
He was such a good person.
And when you know somebody like that for three, four decades,
he was just a good guy.
And you know, as comics, we have an entire spectrum.
It's from A to Z.
He's just such a good, warm person.
And he was one of those guys where you never thought,
I need to say to him, "I love you. I appreciate you."
Because you always thought he would be there.
I could never imagine someone that good,
that special, that warm, that loving, that funny,
not being there.
When it happened, it just set me back.
I said, "You know what? Never again."
I am not making that mistake again.
From now on, I'm gonna let 'em know, on the spot. Boom.
'Cause that's what happens.
Like I said, I met Bob 42 years ago. He was a beautiful human being.
I literally came here to give my condolences to his beautiful family.
He loved you more than anything.
He was better than most at expressing it.
And I just wanna say, you know, listen,
I really appreciated him.
He was a great man.
Some are good, some are great.
He was great.
And I watched him for 42 years.
Truly great.
Thank you for the gift of Bob Saget.
Thank you. Take care of yourselves.
Love one another, hug one another.
Go that extra second and actually say "Are you okay?" Thank you.
Thank you.
-[Stamos] Byron, we love you. Thank you, Byron, that was beautiful.
Thank you, Byron.
[Stamos] Oh, no.
-[Ross] Oh, fuck. -[Carey] God.
[Ross] Is this necessary?
[Stamos] Do we need it?
Hi, Jon Lovitz here.
As you can see, I'm in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I can't be there.
I don't wanna really dwell on this, but a friend of mine, a comic,
passed away and I ended up getting his dates.
I didn't take them. They were offered to me.
I don't want to say who it was.
I told his family, "I'm sorry, I can't be there."
And they said... I go, "I have to work."
They said, "That's BS."
And I was like...
they know.
Anyway, Bob was a very good friend of mine,
and the weekend of his funeral
I was performing stand-up in Florida,
and it crossed my mind
"Maybe I should cancel."
But then, you know, I didn't.
I felt so guilty not being at his funeral,
and then I thought,
"Well, it's not like he's coming to mine."
I used to-- I still kind of do, make up songs about him
'cause I love him so much. A great friend.
So I went to his house about ten years ago,
and I said, "Bob, I wrote some songs about you.
Do you wanna hear it?" He said "Okay."
I go "All right, here's the first one."
♪ Oh you wake up in the morning And you brush your teeth ♪
♪ Bob Saget takes it up the butt ♪
He said, "I don't like that."
And I said, "Why not?"
So I said, "Fine, I'll write another song."
So I wrote another song about him. A beautiful song.
This is my tribute to Bob.
He was a gourmet chef, always in his kitchen.
So I wrote a song called "Bob Saget Likes It in His Kitchen".
♪ Oh, Mr. Bob Saget Likes it in his kitchen ♪
♪ Likes it in his kitchen Likes it in his kitchen ♪
♪ Mr. Bob Saget Likes it in his kitchen ♪
♪ Kitchen of course Is code for butt ♪
Hey, it's Bob's code. I just cracked it.
By the way, I'm at the MGM.
It's not like I'm slumming it at the Tropicana.
As you can see, there's the MGM. That's where I am.
Anyway, Bob didn't like that song.
He goes "Jon, you're making me sound like I'm gay."
And I said, "Well, who cares, Bob? What's wrong with being gay?"
Nothing.
There's nothing wrong with being gay.
But it was costing him work. as a leading man.
I said, "Bob, fine." He goes "Write another song."
So I did, it's called "Bob Saget Isn't Gay."
♪ Bob Saget isn't gay ♪
♪ The sky isn't blue ♪
He didn't like that. You know?
I don't know what Bob was, but I know "they" were a very good friend
of a lot of people.
"They" will be sorely missed.
And by sorely missed, you know, like, a lot of people,
Bob made sore.
And...
I would imagine they would miss that.
By the way, the Scleroderma Foundation, I just want you to know,
I am performing here in Vegas, and in honor of you,
I've decided ten percent of the money I make from my shows will go...
to my agent.
Yeah, this is the second time I've done a benefit for you guys for free.
Yeah, I'm Jewish, I'm not an idiot. All right.
So all of you people. What are you doing?
It's not like you're performing. Come on, I know you bought a ticket.
How about more? A little bit more.
Yeah, in honor of Bob.
Yeah, reach into your pocket. Don't feel guilty.
[Stamos, laughing] Jon Lovitz.
He hated those songs.
And I always asked Lovitz to sing them because they were so funny.
So bad.
[Ross] John Mayer.
This is so cool.
Yeah.
John Mayer, everybody.
♪ Oh, I'm not colorblind ♪
♪ I know the world is black and white ♪
♪ I try to keep an open mind ♪
♪ But I just can't sleep on this tonight ♪
♪ Stop this train ♪
♪ I want to get off and go home again ♪
♪ I can't take the speed It's moving in ♪
♪ I know I can't ♪
♪ But honestly ♪
♪ Won't someone stop this train? ♪
♪ Don't know how else to say it ♪
♪ Don't want to see my parents go ♪
♪ I'm one generation's length away From fighting life out on my own ♪
♪ Oh, really, stop this train ♪
♪ I want to get off and go home again ♪
♪ I can't take the speed it's moving in ♪
♪ I know I can't But honestly ♪
♪ Won't someone stop this train? ♪
♪ I'm so scared of getting older ♪
♪ I was only good at being young ♪
♪ So I play the numbers game ♪
♪ To find a way to say That life has just begun ♪
♪ Had a talk with my old man ♪
♪ Said, "Help me understand" ♪
♪ He said "Turn 68 You'll renegotiate ♪
♪ Don't stop this train ♪
♪ Don't for a minute Change the place you're in ♪
♪ And don't think I couldn't ever understand ♪
♪ I tried my hand John honestly ♪
♪ We'll never, never, never stop this train" ♪
♪ Oh, now, once in a while, when it's good ♪
♪ It'll feel like it should ♪
♪ And they're all still around And you're still safe and sound ♪
♪ And you don't miss a thing 'Til you cry ♪
♪ When you're driving away In the dark ♪
♪ You're just singing Stop this train ♪
♪ I want to get off And go home again ♪
♪ I can't take the speed This thing is moving in ♪
♪ I know I can't 'Cause now I see ♪
♪ We'll never stop this train ♪
♪ We're never gonna stop this train ♪
♪ Well I'm sittin' In the railway station ♪
♪ Got a ticket for my destination ♪
Thank you. We love you, Bob.
[Ross] Give it up for John Mayer.
Thank you, brother.
My older-- my younger, more successful, more handsome little brother.
That was awesome.
Did you introduce-- Darren Criss is here.
Darren, you're hiding in the back there.
How you doin', bud?
I wanna give a shout-out to Bob's family that's here too.
It can't be easy sharing him with everybody.
Two of my best friends.
Aubrey Saget, Lara Saget.
Make way.
It's a rock n' roll punk-rock shiva at The Comedy Store.
Aubrey, be careful here.
Your mom's here too.
This is so cool.
What's up, ladies?
You look like rock stars, you might as well sing like one tonight.
Here, grab a mic, grab a mic.
[Stamos] Jackson Browne is gonna do another song.
I actually asked him backstage to do this.
It's one of my favorite songs.
I didn't know he wrote this song.
It was made popular by Nico, right? "These Days"?
-[Ross] I can't believe I get to say-- -Wow.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to the stage,
Jackson Browne.
-Jackson Browne. -Yeah. All right.
This is such an incredible night.
If you could just turn the monitors down a little bit.
They're feeding back.
Technical note: If you could just turn the monitors down a little bit.
They're feeding back.
Thank you.
That is actually supposed to be coming out of your rig.
Oh, it is?
Yeah, it fuses in.
-[electric guitar chords playing] -Yeah, there it is.
In my mind, we were gonna get to play together.
You're playing electric, right?
You wanna play on this?
It just, you know.
It's in 'C'.
At the memorial, at Jeff Franklin's,
a week ago or maybe a little bit longer.
Something you said, John, really stayed with me, you know.
And it had something to do with the relationship between...
or the similarity between comedy and blues
in its relation to the truth.
And it's really stayed with me.
I've been thinking about it since you said it.
[strumming guitar chords]
For some reason, Bob really liked, he liked a sad song.
And there's something about what comedy does,
when it dispels your deepest sorrows
and deepest... fear, really.
Whether it's the fear of being alone, or...
This is a song I wrote when I was about 16.
Shit was flowing more than it is now.
♪ Well, I've been out walking ♪
♪ I don't do that much Talking these days ♪
♪ These days ♪
♪ These days I seem to think a lot About the things that I forgot to do ♪
♪ And all the times I had the chance to ♪
♪ And I've stopped my rambling ♪
♪ I don't do that much gambling These days ♪
♪ These days ♪
♪ These days I seem to think about ♪
♪ How all these changes Came about my ways ♪
♪ And I wonder if I'll see Another highway ♪
♪ 'Cause I had a lover ♪
♪ I don't think I'll risk another These days ♪
♪ These days ♪
♪ And if I seem to be afraid ♪
♪ To live the life That I have made in song ♪
♪ Well, it's just that I've been losing ♪
♪ For so long ♪
♪ Well, I keep on moving Movin' on ♪
♪ Things are bound to be improving These days ♪
♪ One of these days ♪
♪ These days I sit on cornerstones ♪
♪ And count the time In quarter tones to ten ♪
♪ Don't confront me with my failures ♪
♪ I had not forgotten them ♪
[cheering and applause]
Oh, man.
Thank you, John.
[Ross] Nice try, guys.
[Ross] Jackson Browne, John Mayer.
[cheering and applause continue]
-Thanks, John. -[Ross] Thank you, Jackson.
Thank you, Stamos.
We've talked about "The Dog is Licking My Balls" a lot tonight, right?
We were gonna play it,
but I saw this video of Bob singing it today,
so I put it together,
and the lyrics are on there, so you all have to sing along.
[Mayer] Oh, wow.
Right?
[Ross] We'll be able to see the video and you guys, or no?
Well... It doesn't matter about us.
Do you have the video screen down?
Oh shit, mics.
[Carey] ♪ Has anyone here seen my old friend Bob ♪
[Stamos] Wait a minute.
-Jim Carey, ladies and gentlemen. -[Ross] Yeah!
[Mayer playing fast guitar]
[Stamos] Here it is.
-[Saget] ♪ He was my friend ♪ -[woman] Is it starting now?
♪ I was never alone ♪
♪ He dug a hole ♪
And he buried...
♪ And he buried his bone ♪
♪ But there was one night ♪
♪ That I still can't recall ♪
Can you see it?
♪ When I got really drunk ♪
[Ross] Everybody!
♪ And my dog licked my balls ♪
[Ross] Jackson, come here. Turn the house lights on.
♪ My dog licked my balls ♪
♪ Licked them clean ♪
♪ He was just one foot tall ♪
♪ But that dog licked my balls ♪
-[Ross] Just the Jews. -[Stamos] It's still going.
♪ I fell to the floor ♪
♪ All that booze made me faint ♪
♪ He was scared I was hurt ♪
♪ Stuck his nose in my taint ♪
[Carey] One thing that rhymed with taint.
[Saget] ♪ I woke with a start ♪
♪ I couldn't pretend ♪
♪ 'Cause I just hooked up ♪
♪ With my very best friend ♪
[Ross] Everybody!
♪ My dog licked my balls ♪
You're not gonna forget this.
♪ My dog licked my balls ♪
I'm really sorry.
♪ I picked him up at the mall ♪
♪ Who knew one day That he'd lick my balls. ♪
♪ All it took was a little Jif ♪
♪ And one day he died ♪
♪ And I sat there and cried ♪
♪ All alone in my house I sat ♪
You know what I did?
-♪ And I went out and bought me a cat ♪ -You know what happened?
♪ And that cat licked my balls ♪
♪ That pussy licked my balls ♪
♪ He choked on a hairball 'Cause he took it all ♪
♪ Man it really made me Miss my dog... ♪
♪ Because my dog licked my balls ♪
Come on, just the women.
♪ My dog licked my balls ♪
Just the animal rights activists.
♪ My dog licked my balls ♪
Just the taxidermists.
♪ I miss him so much 'Cause my dog licked my balls ♪
Take it home, Bob. Take it home.
-[cheering and applause] -[Stamos] Jim Carey! John Mayer!
Jeff Ross!
[Ross] L'chaim. Long live Bob Saget.
♪ He don't fuck around He gets down ♪
♪ Because the dog licked my balls ♪
♪ Down on me, down on me ♪
[Stamos] Bob Saget.
-We love you, Bob. -[cheering and applause]
♪♪
♪ No, I'm not colorblind ♪
♪ I know the world is black and white ♪
♪ I try to keep an open mind ♪
♪ But I just can't sleep on this tonight ♪
♪ Stop this train ♪
♪ I want to get off and go home again ♪
♪ I can't take the speed it's moving in ♪
♪ I know I can't ♪
♪ But honestly ♪
♪ Won't someone stop this train? ♪
♪ Don't know how else to say it ♪
♪ Don't want to see my parents go ♪
♪ I'm one generation's length away ♪
♪ From fighting life out on my own ♪
♪ Stop this train ♪
♪ I want to get off and go home again ♪
♪ I can't take the speed it's moving in ♪
♪ I know I can't ♪
♪ But honestly Won't someone stop this train? ♪
♪ I'm so scared of getting older I was only good at being young ♪
♪ So I play the numbers game ♪
♪ To find a way to say That life has just begun ♪
♪ Had a talk with my old man ♪
♪ Said "Help me understand" ♪
♪ He said "Turn 68 You'll renegotiate" ♪
♪ "Don't stop this train
♪ Don't for a minute Change the place you're in ♪
♪ And don't think I couldn't ever understand ♪
♪ I tried my hand ♪
♪ John, honestly We'll never, never stop this train" ♪