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[tense music playing]
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
[narrator] Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching
and has taught me to understand where your heart used to be.
I have been bent and broken, but I hope into a better shape.
[distant siren blaring]
[medic] 1-2-X, I need a notification to hospital 07, please?
It might be a COVID patient.
I have vital signs, when you're ready.
Where's PD? We're gonna need a transport.
And I didn't get the first name, last name or anything.
[medic 2] I need you to lift his head, Dev.
[medic 1] Where're you going, buddy? You can't go into the hospital.
No, no, no, no, no, there's no one in the--
Nobody in the ambulance, no one at the hospital.
Sorry, there's no one allowed in the ambulance.
Can I have a VGL real fast?
Blood pressure 110/16, heart rate of 122, seven to eight minute ETA.
[serene music playing]
You become a healthcare worker to try to make a difference in some capacity.
There's an end goal to what we do.
And it's to help people.
[medic 2] One of those weeks, it was just like...
there was no light, there was no hope. There was no...
It was very hard to come to work and perform a job knowing that
the chances of us even doing our best, was not even good enough.
[reporter] Across the world, the corona virus pandemic
has now killed more than 10,000 people.
In Iraq, it is killing one person every 10 minutes.
[Dennis Charney] I've been a doctor for over 40 years,
and I had never seen anything like it.
[reporter 2] As stock markets fall,
cases are spreading further and further from the original outbreak in China.
This was the worst that I had ever thought we needed to plan for.
[reporter 3] The death poll in Italy is now higher than anywhere else in the world.
Countries around the world are making contingency plans
for a full-blown pandemic caused by Corona.
[reporter 4] The CDC is confirming the first case of a new and deadly corona virus.
[man] That's when it became real that we had the first case in New York City.
[man 2] When it hit in March, it was like a tsunami.
[reporter 5] A quarter of the world's population is now
living under some form of lockdown.
We had days' worth of PPE.
So, we had to send planes to China to go get the equipment.
The simple thing was take care of the front line, save lives.
The societal repercussions are just mind-blowing.
[reporter 6] ...territories have been asked to stay...
And, suddenly, this place that is so vibrant, right, so vibrant, shutdown.
Everybody would leave each shift burdened with the ones that we couldn't save
because there were so many.
[reporter 7] Central Park field hospital opens as New York City hospitals
reach capacity.
[reporter 8] New York State is the epicenter...
[man 3] I would ask our doctors and nurses, "How are you doing this?"
And they would say, "This what I was trained to do."
"This is why I became a nurse,"
"This is why I became a doctor."
We work 20 hours a day.
You were just on a mission to help save lives.
[slow music playing]
- Right there. See that heart? - Yeah.
That's what your heart looks like.
It doesn't-- it doesn't look like this. This like how we draw hearts,
but really inside your body there, that's what a real heart looks like.
I didn't see her for many days during the pandemic,
especially towards the peak.
[laughing]
I chose providing care to strangers
over being home with my family.
Those are your lungs.
Why do you think we can't go to the hospital to visit anymore?
Because of COVID.
What would happen if he came in now?
- Get sick. - You might get sick, right?
From day one, we have told her all about what's going on.
And I think the most important thing that we wanted to impart to her
was that I had a duty and a responsibility
to go to the hospital every day and try to make as many of those patients
better as possible.
You did it! High-five.
Yes!
[Gian] It was in the first six weeks, I had, maybe, three or four days off.
Those became the points of, kind of, real reconnection.
And I remember Savreen saying to us...
"We're playing like a family."
And it was this, sort of, sense of,
"Yeah, we've been a family all along in my mind."
But something was lost in that time, for her.
It was quite traumatic, not just for the physicians and nurses,
but everybody who works in the emergency department.
Our technicians and our medical assistants,
they all came to work everyday knowing that they themselves were at risk.
I'm a patient transporter for Mount Sinai Morningside.
We transport patients to and from the floors, the test sites.
We got our first COVID patient in March.
Within a matter of days, it was just, like, the numbers were crazy.
It was, like, the start of it all.
I'm working, working on my ceiling.
Just gonna paint some clouds.
Nice sky, some stars, see how it goes.
You know, surviving in this city is hard.
Surviving during a pandemic is harder.
You got to find the things in life that you can hold on to.
The people in life that you can hold on to.
For me, it's my family, my friends.
Yo, it's hot. I'm gonna melt away.
So many people have been, like, baking bread and getting creative at home.
But I've been freaking working harder than I've ever worked in my life.
And so, like, I didn't experience quarantine life the way people...
the way people really are talking about it,
you know, it's just-- it's so weird.
Like, What do you mean, banana bread. What?
All right, babe, I love you.
Bye, Paul. Bye, guys.
[Jessica] So, it was March 17th.
We were ramping up, you know, we were having emergency meetings
and converting all of our rooms to negative-pressure rooms.
There was an intensity I had not felt before and it was...
later in the afternoon when we received our second COVID patient into the ICU,
and Larry was awake and alert calling my name,
and communicating with me and asking me to help him breathe.
I was going in the wrong direction. And so I turned around
and she came toward me and she had her name was there, Jessica.
I said, "Oh, Jessica. Our oldest daughter's named Jessica."
And she goes, "Oh, he's right over here."
And she goes, "Are you Mrs. Kelly?" I said, "Yes."
He was in the glass.
And he had this stuff on him.
You could see that he had... his beard was growing,
and, uh, it was awful...
to watch him like that.
And, uh...
Jessica was there and she was the IC admitting nurse when he came in.
And I said, "Oh, is he flirting and joking with you, like he does with everybody?"
She goes, "No, he was scared."
And I said, "Oh...
That's not usual."
He kept saying to me, "Jessica, are you going to help me breathe?
Jessica, are you going to help me breathe?"
And that just hit home with me because it was, like, we were his lifeline.
I told him, "Of course, we're going to help you breathe."
And he had so many questions about, you know, "Jessica, what are you doing to me?
Jessica, why so much blood?"
And I remember knocking on the door and going like this, you know,
before I left. I said, "Hang in there tonight."
And two days later, I came back from having, you know,
two shifts off, and, um, he was intubated.
He was on life-sustaining drips.
He was sedated, he was paralyzed.
He needed medication to support his blood pressure.
And, um, he looked really bad, you know.
He looked critically, gravely ill.
[Dawn] He had seizures, he had infections...
[Jessica] He had a stroke, he had cerebral edema and he had brain hemorrhages.
His prognosis was extremely poor.
It was awful. It was awful.
It was awful.
It was terrible.
But I didn't, I didn't allow myself to really accept it.
I really didn't.
He was the first person I saw deteriorate from COVID, right, so fast,
and that got real.
[tense music playing]
[woman] Oh, my God.
[woman 2] He's a COVID-positive patient.
[woman] We're gonna move really fast, okay?
[woman 2] Got what you need to do?
He's on every drug that we could give him.
[woman 3] It's the first time somebody died when I'm here.
[woman 4] COVID is in the bag.
[overlapping medical chatter]
How low did she go?
55/53.
She died?
He's COVID-positive.
I need a doctor over here.
Can somebody get me help?
[overlapping chattering stops]
[man speaking]
[Judith Aberg] We all have lots of viruses in our bodies.
Coronavirus, it's one of the most common causes
of what we call the common cold.
But it's a little bit different than other coronaviruses.
Other coronaviruses just seem to affect the upper airway.
Whereas, corona, besides affecting the lungs,
likes to go to all parts of the body, so the virus affects all organs,
and that's what's unique about COVID.
There was an exponential increase in deaths that occurred, like that.
[Miriam Merad speaking]
People innovated, people thought out of the box.
We blurred the lines and hierarchies between nurses
and respiratory therapy, transporters.
Everyone stepped out of their roles and came together and said,
"This is what we should do."
[Miriam speaking]
[Mirna] Knowing that if we had more time with patients,
if they had come in a little bit more staggered,
if we hadn't had... 15 new patients a day,
then, maybe, we could have had more time to think through their care,
more time to spend talking to them before they had a breathing tube placed.
Hi. Oh, good to see you. Hi!
I'm Dr. Mohanraj, just to remind you
you're in the intensive care unit. It's Thursday.
When we allow medical care to devolve just into facts
and the application of science...
Hi, good morning.
I'm sorry to wake you up.
...those are things that sound and, quite frankly, feel,
not just to the physician but to the patient as robotic.
Hi, Mr. Gonzalez, you look much better today.
Feel your belly.
If we lack that connection with our patients, I think, we're failing them in a way.
When we are adequately covering her pain,
I think the respiratory status gets better
and also the heart rate comes down as well.
At times, it can feel like you're just trying to do your very best
for the patient knowing that you have to move on
and take care of the next patient, the next and the next.
By nature of being in the ICU and, particularly, being intubated on a ventilator,
it's a very dehumanizing experience.
You quite, literally, lose your voice.
You're not able to tell people who you are and what your likes and dislikes are
and how you want to be treated
and how you want to play your role in the story of your life
and the story about your disease as well.
[Deep Patadia] Good morning, is this Gloria?
[Gloria on phone] Yeah, this is her speaking.
Hi, Gloria, my name is Dr. Patadia.
I'm calling from the Mount Sinai Morningside ICU.
The reason why I'm calling is because I work in concert with the medical ICU team here,
and they've been giving you regular updates with regards to Gael's medical care.
But the reason I'm calling is because we also want to get to know him on
a more of a personal level.
So is it okay if I ask you a few questions about his personal life?
[Gloria on phone] Sure, sure.
We drew concepts from a field of medicine called Narrative Medicine.
Ensuring that a patient's story, and who they are
is at the center of their care,
and I just thought, why aren't we doing this for all of our patients
who are in the ICU on a ventilator and can't talk to us?
I feel like seeing these stories, everybody can read it on the door.
You know, we post them here right outside the door,
physicians, nurses, respiratory therapists, environmental services,
everybody who enters can say, "Oh, this is who this patient is."
They're just not the patient in bed 23, 28 whatever bed this is.
And I think it's really changed the face of how we take care of these patients.
Now, what would Gael say are things in life that he cherishes?
And particular relationships, hobbies, religion...
[Mirna] We make sure the center of Gael's story is Gael.
And that everything else that we do for him and to him
is in service of him and what he envisions his life to be.
Our patients have never and will never be this isolated again in their lives,
and we felt we could make a really huge difference for the patients, families,
and really for the health care workers as well.
You know, there was just so much moral distress floating around at that time.
And this was something to, kind of, bring us back to the soul of what we do.
[Deep] So we just spoke with Gloria, his sister, who gave us
a lot of information about Gael.
So, Gael's preferred language is English.
He has a lot of people that are close to him,
his stepfather, mother, sister, brother.
Grew up in Washington Heights in this area but then move to the Upper West Side.
His most important job was making music.
He cherishes his friends, he loves hip-hop music.
How he would describe a good day would be chill, relaxed, laid-back...
I can't even find the right word to tell you what it felt like to look
at these patients,
and it was the very first picture that we hung up of a middle-aged gentleman
who the narrative was obtained by the follow-up,
I got the picture and I put it on the window of the room
and I looked at the patient in the bed and I started to cry.
There was not a lot of time to feel all the things we would normally feel,
um, when you would experience so much death.
There wasn't a lot of time to unpack that, to process all of that.
When we kind of realized that we can revive this intervention
and start knowing our patients
and sharing that knowledge with everybody who would enter their room
or walk by that room, it saved us, it saved me.
I guess, I should speak for myself, it saved me a little bit.
- [beeping] - [tense music playing]
Yesterday, a patient died.
Every single essential worker in the hospital experienced
a level of trauma that was unknown.
It was haunting.
It happened over and over and over.
In very short order, we were overwhelmed at each one of our hospitals
with patients that were sick and dying.
And you were put in a position to come up with a policy where
family couldn't visit with them,
and they couldn't stay with them during their last hours.
That's one very small example of how this really was a new dimension.
- Hi. - Hi, how're you?
Good. I'm here to see James Colon.
Yes, you are Veronica.
- Yeah, okay, so you're going to sign in. - Okay.
- Is he sleeping? - He's watching the TV. Look...
He can turn his head sometimes.
[exclaiming in grief]
Seeing him watching the TV is hard, right?
- Yeah. - I know. It's the first time you've seen him.
[Veronica crying]
- To see him so... - I know.
- He looks very different, right? - Yes.
I know. Well, see, we have his...
[Veronica] Yeah. That's exactly...
- [Jessica] I know. Are you the one that sent it? - Yes.
Let's see what he does when you go in.
And then what I suggest is hold his hands, if you want.
- Okay. - Okay?
But, like, keep it simple at first. Let him take it all in.
[Veronica] We thought we were losing him, you know.
[Jessica] Rightly so.
I mean when he started actually following commands, we were all like...
like, it was a miracle.
You're gonna come in this way.
He actually had the coronavirus the first week in April
and was admitted Easter Sunday in the ICU
and on a ventilator sedated. He's been here 90 days.
Hi, Uncle Jimmy, it's Veronica.
Do you recognize me?
Is that okay if I hold your hand?
Is it easier if I go on this side?
I'm going to come on this side, okay?
First, I want to tell you how much I love you.
You know, you're considered a miracle.
You are something else, Jimmy.
I had some news the other day.
I think you'll be very happy.
You're going to be a great uncle.
I'm four months pregnant.
[giggles]
I see you smiling.
You know, after I got pregnant,
I thought you kept telling me for so many years
that you want me to be a mommy.
I was so scared.
But now I'm so grateful.
And I'm so happy and excited.
Do you want to see my baby bump?
I have a little baby bump. You can't really see it,
but it looks like I ate too much cake.
So, I'm four months, the baby's due in January.
And it's a little girl.
She's gonna be a sassy little girl with curly hair. [laughs]
And I'm so grateful that you told me so many years, "You should be a mommy."
And I was scared, and Uncle Jimmy, I'm so happy
that I'm going to have a baby.
And I'm so happy that you're going to be a part of her life.
Because all this time that we haven't spoken to you,
I was thinking how lucky I am to have had you in my life
and my little baby girl is gonna have the same, she's gonna have you.
I love you, Uncle Jimmy.
I love you so much.
To see the life and the emotions and the nodding and the "no,"
it's like he's here, you know.
[Jennifer] You can actually hold your gown.
And just pull it off, like, really hard.
Yup. And then, kinda... Yup.
[Jessica] So you felt like he understood what you were saying?
More than I expected. I saw him smile. He did... as much as he could.
And I said, I'm so excited that you're going to be a part of her...
and, uh, it's a little girl.
- Oh, congratulations. - I could see he was so happy,
which made me understand that he understood. Yes.
I'm so glad I came.
- Thank you so much. - Oh, I'd give you a hug but--
-You know how it goes. -I know. It's okay. I feel your heart.
- [both laugh] - You feel my heart.
They didn't even think he was gonna make it, you know.
And I know he's not out of the woods.
It still could take a turn,
so I'm being cautiously hopeful.
We wanted to learn as much as possible about this virus.
How it was causing illness in patients.
How it was killing the patients.
So that we could get a clue
on the best way to treat these patients.
Because it was a new disease, we had to start from scratch.
So we have a lot of different procedures
that we can use for patients with COVID.
Mechanical ventilation.
Blood pressure medications like
the suppressive medications,
anticoagulation therapy, sedatives, paralytics,
steroids.
Steroids are medication that can be used to suppress the white blood cell response
to an infection.
COVID produces an abnormal white blood cell response.
And so, using a steroid
that reduces the amount of inflammation
can we very beneficial for patients that have COVID.
And our treatments for patients have improved
and less people are dying now
partly because of all the efforts that we have put forth
as a team.
- Sorry. - [man] All good.
Hello. Good morning, how are you?
Patrick, we're wondering are CRRTs one-to-one?
Jan, you're gonna have 22 and 24.
She's on BiPap now.
[nurse] And she's on BiPap...
Hi, baby.
Any change?
[nurse speaking indistinctly]
Is she negative for COVID?
I think so.
Okay.
One of our colleagues had just contracted it
and, you know, was transferred into the ICU.
I got a phone call yesterday at home, I was off,
that he was with us.
And so, I promised his family that I would come in and check on him and...
[blowing kisses]
- He's much better. - I know.
And it's been real scary
watching patients go through corona.
It's a little bit more personal
when it's one of your own.
This would be the first frontline worker that is here with us.
[exhales deeply]
So, Mohammad and I are friends.
We know each other because he works in my position
in the emergency room and...
I wouldn't say we started out as friends.
[laughs]
But I think over the years, that trust grew.
He's also an ED nurse,
and I think he didn't see some of the success cases that we saw.
So he only saw devastation.
And that's probably what's just embedded in his mind.
Hi, how are you?
You know Mohammad is in there, right?
- Yeah, where is he? - He's in 15.
He's been here a long time.
Some of us are like family to him
and he... doesn't want some of the nurses to take care of him
in case he dies and, um...
And he wouldn't want us to have that guilt.
Hey.
I've been crying all day with him.
[laughs nervously]
- How's he? - He's okay.
He's just emotional. We just lost it together this morning
because it's so close to home.
- I know. - Do you want to go in or you just wanna wave?
- I just want to wave. - [Jessica] Okay.
I'm reassuring him that he's not gonna die.
And I've said that about other people but this virus kills.
We don't understand why it takes a certain person
and it doesn't take someone else.
It just totally astonished me.
[Dennis] There was an acceleration of patients.
[siren wailing]
You didn't realize what was coming.
We lost a lot of lives.
And we're gonna lose more.
Our healthcare workers are gonna have to deal with the experience.
It's gonna take strong leadership,
caring, even kindness at a societal level
to help us all get through this.
[Rafael] I've never been the type to, you know,
acknowledge my own contributions or, you know.
I never big myself up.
In fact, I'm actually the opposite.
I always bring myself down.
And doing this, working here as a transporter,
that's one of the things that I can big myself up for.
Two years in and I'm actually happy.
I like doing what I'm doing.
It's like the best thing that, you know,
that's happened to me in a while.
My crew-- Hey, I'm not gonna lie,
we got some characters, but good people though.
They are the ones that I go to when I, you know,
just wanna talk.
Andre trained me. He's been there for me.
How you dealing, Ralph? On the serious.
I'm okay, you know.
It's hard but, you know.
[Andre] I commend you guys a lot. You know that.
The situation, you know, what we went through here, it was hard...
[Rafael] It was.
...for us seeing so much people go down
and getting hurt.
And, you know, families when they can't come in and see their family and--
You've been there, Ralph.
- You know. - Yeah, literally.
And to come here, you don't know
what you're walking into.
It's like walking into a building everyday
- that's on fire. - [Rafael] Yeah.
- I wanna ask you one question. - Of course.
- I've never asked you this. - Mmm-hmm.
The day when that first COVID patient came in
and I asked you to come with me--
- If I was sure. - If you were sure.
- Yeah. - What you said?
I said yeah because, I mean,
I think it's important because I don't see this as just being like,
okay, this is our first pandemic patient,
I'm scared for my own life.
I'm not just gonna stand there and not do nothing.
I have to be strong for everybody.
I love you before, but that day when you said you wanted to go out with me,
I love you even more, Ralphie.
- Bird of a feather... - Flock together.
[Rafael laughs]
[Rafael] I definitely like my job
'cause it doesn't feel like a job.
It feels more like you're just interacting
with people and you're helping them
get through whatever it is they're going through.
Vato, what's up, kid?
I'm such a people pleaser.
You know, that's just the way I am.
If you're good, I am good. That's how I've always been.
[indistinct chatter]
[both laugh]
[indistinct conversation continues]
- Ms. Brown? - Yeah, I'm gonna take her upstairs.
Thank you.
Hi, Ms. Brown.
My name is Rafael with patient transport.
I'm gonna take you upstairs for ultrasound, okay?
Can you tell me your date of birth?
[Ms. Brown] 1-29-59.
Have you got all your belongings?
Let's start heading out.
Getting better is not just medicine,
it's a mental thing, too.
You gotta wanna feel good to get better.
And the only way to do that is sometimes to just talk,
to have somebody to talk to.
And, you know, have a ear.
It's hard.
And Ms. Brown just like decided to open up and tell me about her...
her health problems, what she's been through.
A lot of what she said just reminded me so much of what my dad went through,
and it was hitting home.
I'm glad I could be there for her
like I would've wanted for my dad.
I can't even tell you how intense of a time it was.
And you felt torn all the time because you had people
that were just really so upset.
And they couldn't come visit.
I mean, think about it,
if your loved one's in the hospital,
you wanna be there to hold their hand. And they couldn't.
And many times, that person, too, was in quarantine themselves.
I can't recall ever a time when we would've had something like this.
[Rafael] I've dealt with divorce.
Then I got sick with COVID.
Had that for two weeks and then the loss of my dad.
All that within less than two years.
After I decided to get a divorce,
I left her the apartment and I just went back home.
I lean on a lot of people.
Mostly I wanna say my family.
Me and my younger brother. His name is Emmanuel but we call him Manny.
He's the one that I'm the closest to out of all my siblings.
But my mom, she raised me, so she's my crutch for the most part.
This is basically the family tree for this family.
- [Rafael] The roots are here. - Yeah, the roots.
My mother obviously in a pedestal right there.
[Rafael] That's my uncle. Uncle Hialo.
This is my aunt, Milli.
I'm very family-orientated.
I like to do everything with the family.
You wanted to say-- Say one real quick, Ashley, before...
Um...
Thank you, Lord God, for this day.
Thank you for the people that here with us. Bless them.
Lord God, um, bless this food, bless my grandma for making it.
And just bless everybody in this house.
- Amen. - [all] Amen.
Thank you, Ashley.
[speaking foreign language]
Having her here kind of like helps, like,
feel like the norm again.
It's awesome because, like, we were so afraid that it'd be a long,
long time, like months even, before we got to see her
or even other family members because we're all scared of each other now.
[laughter]
There's like, "Nah, I heard you got sick, stay away."
[Manny chuckles]
So, like, you know, that's another thing that did play on my head, too,
like, once we got the first possible patient,
it just crossed my mind that, yeah,
"You know what, this might hit Dad.
This might reach him.
This might go to the nursing home where he is at."
We lost our dad, um, the day after my birthday and...
[Manny] Yeah, it sucks. We miss him.
I actually got the pictures of him right here.
[Rafael] Definitely don't take anything for granted.
I think, you know, if you feel like
there's somebody you haven't spoken to in a while,
you know, you just wanna say, "Hey," just do it.
Because you might not get that opportunity.
So just him 'em up and say hello.
I do think that we're all in the process of recovery.
One thing about the communities that have suffered the most
from COVID, particularly black people and Latinx people,
they are resilient.
We are resilient. That's why we're still here.
And if we give them the tools they need
and the resources they need, they can and will recover.
[doctor speaking indistinctly]
[reporter] A coronavirus patient here in New York City
is waking up this morning at home for the first time
in months after an amazing recovery.
64-year-old Larry Kelly was admitted to a hospital in March
when his health rapidly declined after testing positive.
At one point, in fact, his family was called to the hospital
to say goodbye.
But yesterday, after a more than 120 days, Kelly is finally discharged.
Senior Medical Correspondent, Dr. Tara Narula shows us
how Kelly and his family never gave up.
[Larry] I can honestly say I always loved life. Always.
I love people and I love life.
I met my wife at drama school.
And then when we had children,
I had to get a real job, so I went back to school.
And went into education.
I was a high-school principal for an alternate program
in Harlem.
I worked with kids that were in trouble.
And... I love my job.
[nurse] Okay, one, two, three.
Okay, reach back for that, then.
This one.
Okay.
I was-- you know, mid-March, which was pretty early.
One, two and three.
And I guess I got worse,
and like I said, it was early,
so I was sort of like a guinea pig for a lot of stuff, you know,
they threw everything at me.
But, they vented me,
like a day after I got there.
Okay.
You know, I had a admitting nurse who was just great.
And we sort of like hit it off.
And, uh, I remember looking at her and, you know,
saying, "You're gonna help me breathe, right?"
And her saying, "Yes."
But not looking very confident about it because it was new.
[nurse] Then you gonna do stretching.
[Jessica] He looked really healthy. He looked fit.
He had just come from Florida with his wife
and family, and so he was tanned.
I was very worried about dying.
Because I hadn't... I hadn't really prepared my wife for my death.
Even though he was terrified,
um, he had this great personality.
And I remember his eyes just frequently locking with mine
and really seeing fear in his eyes.
When I woke up, I found out that
there was a tremendous support on social media.
And, uh, I have a lot more friends than I thought I had.
And, uh...
Yeah...
I know that that helped.
I mean, I could pat myself on the back
for my own will power.
But there was something else at play there.
You know, something grabbed me.
I was in a coma.
I constantly felt like I was falling into this dark pit.
And that people were trying to kill me.
And, uh...
And I used every ounce of
strength of my body to scratch myself out of the pit.
I'm sorry.
These are good tears. These are tears of joy
for where I am.
It's not pain. It's not pain.
It's been 128 days, since I've been home.
I'm here talking because I'm fortunate
that I somehow survived.
But a lot of people didn't.
I am so thrilled
that the caregivers with me did not give up.
I had a lot of help.
A lot of help.
I didn't do it alone.
You know, when they talk about
"we are all in this together," you gotta believe that.
You gotta believe that in your bones.
Good morning. My name is David Van De Carr.
I'm a respiratory therapist...
My name is Salim Ahmed. I'm a critical care attending...
Hi, this is Matthew Bai at Mount Sanai Queens.
It is Monday, March 30th...
My name is Lyn Viray, I am an ICU nurse
at Mount Sinai West.
[man] I don't watch the news about COVID really because
I'm living it at work.
I go in and out of COVID patients' rooms all day.
That's what is going at the hospital right now.
[man 2] And we have so many people in the hallways
that are all COVID positive.
[woman] We help each other get through this.
Because we share the same experiences.
We all have families that we have to go to.
We all make sacrifices
by not seeing them for long periods of time.
[sobbing]
It's been...
It's been very difficult.
You know, and I don't think that...
I hope that
nobody ever has to experience anything like--
Like what we've been experiencing.
Mohammad.
Hey.
Hi.
How are you?
Yeah? You okay?
So, I just wanted to check on you.
You have a lot of people in your corner here.
And when Dina called me yesterday,
I was, um...
My heart broke.
[chuckles]
My heart broke because you are one of us.
Number one, you're on the front line...
We do. We do.
Yeah.
I don't lie to you.
You're gonna leave here.
Yep.
Yeah.
You will be going home.
[Jessica laughing]
I know that's not what you thought when you arrived, though.
I just look at you and I'm like, "Why isn't it me in that bed?"
You know?
I've been crying all day, too.
Yes, you do.
That's love.
When I got here this morning,
he told me to move away from him.
And I said,
"Hell no, I'm not gonna do that."
No way.
Yeah.
I wanted you to know, that you're not alone.
You can't have your wife here. You can't have your kids,
but you have me. And you have us.
And you're not by yourself.
Yeah. And you're gonna get out of this bed.
May be not as fast as you want.
[chuckles] But you're gonna get out of this bed.
Keep on your belly, babe.
It's on his mind that he could crash and he could die.
And that
devastates me that he has to worry about that.
[exhales]
What a day.
[Reich] We developed an incredible list
of different treatments
that innovated and revolutionized the treatment of COVID patients,
just within the first several weeks of the disease hitting New York.
Those included using unique forms
of support for the respiratory system,
such as high-flow nasal cannulas
and non-invasive ventilation.
We were getting whatever we could.
There was a story out that Elon Musk
was gonna have access to ventilators.
So I got in touch with Elon during this period,
and he said, "How many ventilators do you want?"
And I said, "We're gonna need them all."
And in the end, he sent us 200 ventilators.
That was gonna be critical for saving lives.
So, what we also learned was
that you could do something called proning
which is when you lay somebody on their belly.
So, if you think about when you lay on your belly
and your breathing in is a very
different way that your lungs are inflated
as compared to when you're laying on your back.
There is improve levels of oxygen in the body
when people are cared for in this prone position.
It's clear in all diseases that one size fits none.
And what we have learned is that
we can take a very individualized approach to COVID patients.
[Jessica] I feel like I'm in a war zone.
And I go in thinking, "Oh, flatten the curve,
people are staying home, hospital admissions are down," but it's not over for us.
But, from what I'm seeing,
we're far from, like,
being okay.
And I don't know how this won't change
physicians, and it won't change nurses
forever.
Even having post-traumatic stress from...
from just the sheer exhaustion.
I mean, I come home, I'm numb sometimes.
I'm just numb, and I actually have to apologize to my family.
I sent this text message out
to my kids and to my husband,
and I just said, "I'm really sorry
that things are not getting better
and that I don't foresee when things will get better."
And I said, "We've never needed each other more than ever
right now, and I am asking you to just
"stick with me..." Um...
"And let's band together through this." Because
I go home and I'm not available. I'm not emotionally available.
I'm not physically available.
I try to be, but I'm not.
I just said, "We have to stick together," because
I don't think people really understand how health care workers are going home.
♪ Don't you know ♪
♪ I'm no good for you ♪
♪ I've learned to lose you ♪
♪ You can't afford to ♪
♪ Tore my shirt ♪
♪ To stop you bleeding ♪
♪ But nothing ever stops you leaving ♪
♪ Quieter I'm coming home ♪
♪ In my mind On my own ♪
[all clapping]
♪ I could lie and say I like it like that ♪
♪ Like it like that ♪
♪ I could lie and say I like it like that ♪
♪ Like it like that ♪
♪ Don't you know ♪
♪ Too much already... ♪
Hi, guys, sorry.
Thank you, everybody, for taking and carving
a little time out of your day to join us.
I think many of you have been a part of ICU reflections before.
This is a series that we've been trying to do regularly in the ICU, um,
every few weeks.
Uh, to try to capture just a small moment of time for us
to be together and reflect on some of the most challenging
situations that we've been dealing within the ICU.
What's on your mind, right now?
What can we do, as a team and as a group
and as a family to work through this?
I have no issues. I just wanna say thank you. Um...
I'm sorry. Just skip me. I'm sorry.
- I apologize. - No, talk.
Um...
[voice breaking] I got-- I'm sorry.
[sobbing]
It's okay.
- You got it. - I think I wanna say just thank you.
Because, I mean,
I never missed a day through this whole pandemic.
And I've watched everyone here.
That's about how much-- You jumped into the room.
Like, in the beginning, the nurses pulled together,
I have never felt that, myself, at work.
I mean,
the support was so incredible.
I mean, we fought hard
for our patients, and I think that's what really...
kept me going everyday.
And I just-- Thank you. Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
God, I don't do this but...
[nurse] No, you don't.
I was just amazed. It was, just, everybody knew what to do.
This organic "I'm in the room. I need to figure out how to fix this pump.
Even though I am not a nurse that typically fixes pump."
And I just remember, you know, Jessica, outside the room,
screaming over that, like,
negative pressure pump, you know,
"The button on the left!"
[all laughing]
And I have to say, like, I mean,
it was frightening to me to take on a role like that.
And we're all so much stronger for it.
Um, and I think we're also all left, also, with this kind of
well of emotions and
tragedy that, you know, I think I'm only just starting to process now.
And I think, as a team,
all of you guys are the kind of people that
I'm able to talk about with it.
Um, it's hard to talk about people who weren't here.
Who didn't go through it.
[Jonathan] People clap for us at seven o'clock, because they wanna support heroes.
But, in real life,
you're not a hero because you were born that way.
Heroes are normal people that just step up to the occasion.
I think that's what all of us have done.
It was just during this occasion, this fight,
we've stepped up to fight.
So, what we have to fight now is
all of those emotions, all of those things
that we pushed down and put in our suitcases
and dealing with that.
And that's gonna be hard. That's gonna take a long time.
Now is the time that, we're gonna have to keep doing this
and making sure we're checking in
over and over
and it was the one thing I heard all the time through the COVID pandemic.
Everybody, how can I help you?
How can I help you? And I think that
that refrain, that chant, that has to keep going.
We have to keep asking each other, "How can I help you?"
Not just with the physical work,
but with all of the emotional labor
and the moral destress that inevitably comes with this.
Thank you, everybody, 'cause none of us could've made it through
without every single individual here.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Thank you, Jenna.
[indistinct conversations]
I'm gonna go see Mohammad.
Where is he? Oh, here.
Okay.
[knocking at door]
[woman] I'm glad you feel better.
[all applauding]
[Larry] Hey, Jess.
So, that's what you look like.
No! With the mask on.
I remember your eyes.
I made you a promise.
We have to go to a Hungarian pastry shop
for coffee.
Yeah, well--
It's thanks to people like you, Jess.
I feel great.
I'm going home on the 22nd.
You know, my arms need work.
So, I still need therapy.
But, I'm walking well.
My mind is totally intact.
I remember saying to you
"Are you gonna help me breathe?"
And you weren't quite sure.
[chuckling] You weren't quite sure.
You know?
You know...
Yeah.
And I was so early
that you were concerned about your own health.
You know.
We made a connection.
Forever-- Forever.
I was saying he can't go anywhere, he's just so vital to so many people and
he's still best friends with people he went to kindergarten with.
I know, I don't know how they got through it.
I don't know how they got through that 51 days.
What?
[chuckling] I know.
Yeah, I know, I know.
You gotta believe it's because of people like you.
You need a recommendation, I'll write one.
[Dawn] I'm just... grateful, so grateful.
Everybody did the right thing.
Doctors, friends, Larry...
everybody, Jessica.
You know the last text message I sent my wife
before they vented me?
"I promise I will never stop fighting."
That's the last message I sent to her.
And I kept my promise.
Thank you. Thank you, Jessica.
Thank you. You, too.
I just kept pacing and walking and saying to myself, out loud, I was saying,
"We need a miracle, we need a miracle, we need a miracle.
Definitely need a miracle."
Listen to me, we need a miracle.
We got a miracle.
[giggles]
[crowd cheering]
[alarm ringing]
[Jessica] I have never woken up one day in my career and said
"I don't wanna go to work today."
And that was starting to happen
in the middle of, I would say, right after the apex.
I felt like I was working on speed, for weeks,
and I would dread having to get up and go to work,
not because I didn't want to be there and help. It was just taking such a toll.
And so, I think, right now, my head is trying to...
be grateful that I've been able to work, that I've been able to stay healthy,
um, and really enjoy being home.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm probably gonna let them all go through the back.
[man] Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
[Jessica] We are celebrating my youngest daughter's birthday.
I told you, it's been since December. [laughs]
I can't hug you?
I'm not watching the news, I'm trying to sit in the backyard.
Be with the family.
Ah, thank you!
Thank you!
- [Jessica whooping] Thank you! - [horn honking]
Thank you so much!
Thank you, thank you!
- That was cool. - [man] That was beautiful!
I think that was really cool.
I realized really how it impacted me, all those weeks.
And I need a sense of peace and a sense of normalcy.
Baby steps.
Baby steps, you know? It has to be baby steps.
[Rafael] It looks cool. I like it.
This is a bit of my sanity going into this, you know, like...
I could go crazy, or I could just-- the little piece I do have, hold on to it.
I'm hoping to make, like, a night sky.
Maybe a moon somewhere around the middle.
The thing with painting is like, you know, they say
you can just paint your own world.
And this is, more or less, what I'm trying to accomplish here.
You know, take my mind off of my dad passing, and COVID, and...
what better painting than a night sky?
I mean, it won't be no Van Gogh, but it's something.
Like, this is my space now,
where I can think about everything, but reality.
[Mirna] That was always my biggest fear, is...
I didn't think I could live with myself, if I brought something home.
So, I'd like race to the shower, and it was really upsetting to her.
She just didn't understand why she couldn't touch me.
And she used to constantly say, "Can I touch you? Can I hug you?"
We developed a dance, instead of hugging, when I got home.
- Ready? - Go!
[Gian and Savreen] Ten, nine, eight,
seven...
[Mirna] I want her to remember whatever she can.
But I think what this experience really showed me is that
even when you're afraid to go to work, even if you're overwhelmed
by what you have to deal with everyday, it is still valuable
to take that knowledge and expertise and skill that you have
and to do it when you are afraid.
It's a really cool heart, right?
[giggles]
Look at this heart.
None of us signed up for this. None of us had any idea or any concept to anticipate
that this would be how we would be called to service.
If it had to happen, I'm glad I could be a part of it.
I'm glad that I could do something where I could come to work everyday,
look patients in the eyes, and tell them that I was afraid for them, too.
But that we were gonna be there to help them get through this,
and we were gonna do our very best to help them get back to their lives.
The pandemic and the adversity in general reveals a lot about the character...
of an individual, an institution, a community.
And even a nation.
[Richard] The amount of help from the community...
I found really humanity in people wanting to help any way they could.
[Reich] But how sad it is
that we can be in a world where, despite all of our medical advances,
we can be helpless in the face of a new disease.
[man speaking]
[man 2] I always try to think ahead. You know, what's gonna come next
that we're not prepared for?
All of a sudden it was challenge after challenge after challenge.
[Mary] It hit so fast and so hard,
and it was so unpredictable as to who was gonna die.
I want people to be safe, I want people to wear masks,
I want people to social distance until we have a point where we can
treat this disease.
This virus terrifies me.
[Don] I know what it's like to stand in a body collection point truck
and look around at nothing but body bags.
If we become complacent, then we're going to be back
in the middle of what we just experienced.
[Reich] We don't see the end of the crisis yet.
I don't see this being so much better just because
fewer people are in hospitals and intensive care units because,
as a society, we know that that could happen again.
[woman] It's horrific how many people died.
But think about how many people we saved.
We treated over 10,000 people across the system
and we saved over 8,000.
There is hope, we are not helpless.
[Jessica] When I sit back and I reflect on those most intense eight weeks,
there was essentially a medical code or an emergency being called
every 20 to 30 minutes. That's the reality.
And to think of having to work in that level of intensity again...
I don't know where the reserve would come from.
You know, for many of us. I don't know where the...
the reserve would, how it would be there to do that.
I mean, we would do it.
[upbeat music playing]
♪ The hotel above and the street below ♪
♪ People come and people go ♪
♪ All the friends that we used to know ♪
♪ Ain't coming back ♪
♪ See, your heart has a rhythm ♪
♪ Well, see you got your secret on ♪
♪ You say hey and nothing to hide ♪
♪ You and your secret life ♪
♪ Don't look at the moon tonight ♪
♪ You'll never be, never be never be in Manhattan ♪
♪ Don't look at the moon tonight ♪
♪ You can never be, never be never be, never be Manhattan ♪