Downloaded from YTS.MX
Even though officials have said
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
the area is safe, the community here
is very unsettled over the reopening...
It's open.
Could've shut the door, you're letting the flies in.
Sorry.
What do you want?
I'm looking for Aaron James.
Is this the right place?
Aaron, company!
All right goddammit, you act like I can't fuckin' hear.
What the fuck are you wearing?
Nothing.
Well listen, I'm going camping with my buddy from the army
for a few days, you know the survival man off the TV?
Why don't you get your sorry ass up
and clean this fuckin' place up while I'm gone.
See the shit I have to put up with?
Practice safe sex, y'all!
Why don't you pass over, dog.
Come on.
Get in there.
Sorry about all that back there, man.
She keeps the place a pit.
Dang man, it's nice to see ya.
How long's it been, 16, 17 years?
Guess more like 20, I think.
Want one?
Driving.
Damn, I was thirsty.
So yeah, I seen your survival show on television.
Looks like you're doing pretty good for yourself,
survival man.
Eh, it's been all right.
Long time.
Hey, how you doing, what you got going on?
Oh, well when I'm not back there fighting with that bitch,
stay out on the Gulf fishing,
anything besides sitting in the tanker,
listening to her ass complain all day.
Hey, so all that stuff on your show,
you know, you're drinking your pee
and eating the bugs and worms and stuff,
is all that real or is it staged?
It's real.
It's always been real, man, you know me better than that.
I don't do bullshit.
I'm the only one that ever did it for real.
I don't drink my own piss.
Now that's a good thing 'cause I've been waiting
to kiss you in the mouth ever since I got in the truck.
Well hey, how about you drink one of these fuckin' beers
and let's have ourselves a good time.
All right, fine.
Make a toast, brother.
To the good old days.
The old days.
Where the hell are they?
I don't see anything, commander.
Eagle two, I can't see 'em.
Can you give intel?
There's a fucking army out there,
shoot the ones with the fucking rags on their heads!
Eagle two, eagle three, take cover, I'm sending.
Jonesy, keep your fucking head down
and shoot that fucking rifle!
So whatever happened to that girl you was uh,
when we was stationed up at leonardwood?
She left me when I found out she was fucking around.
Funny how that works, ain't it?
Come on, this is the place, 1,500 acres of private property,
all to ourselves.
What about this?
It's just a sign man, it ain't gonna get in our way.
Ain't about to tell you to stop.
Well I guess it kinda does tell you to stop...
Fine, fine fine.
Oh, sorry man, I didn't mean to be in your way.
So uh,
what about the kid?
Uh, we don't get much time together.
You know, she used to spend every summer up at my place,
maybe two weeks, then we just kinda drifted apart.
Anyway, she's in college now.
She's got no time for me.
That's a shame, bro.
I hate to hear when families break up.
That's why I never got married.
But that wife of yours had the tightest little ass.
She was something else.
She had some perky ass titties too, man.
You ever still talk to her?
Nope, been divorced almost 18 years now.
Damn, I've been kicking myself in the ass
every single day if I lost something like that.
Ann was her name, wasn't it?
This'll be a good place to camp.
Protection if it rains, got water, firewood.
We camp here.
All right cool man, well I wanna see you starting a fire
like you do on the survival man show,
rubbing two sticks together, you know?
And hell, after that, if we got time,
why don't you jump in that lake over there
and catch us an aligator for dinner.
Ow.
You set up the tent, I'll get some firewood.
Fair enough.
Dog.
Dog!
Oh shit.
Dog!
Dog, hey.
Hey sweetheart.
How the hell'd you get in there?
Come on, girl, come on.
Come on, man, come on, you can do it.
Let' me get you up, let me get you up.
Oh, you're gaining weight, sweetheart.
Hey.
Okay.
There, you all right, honey?
Come on, dog, come on.
Come on, come on, dog.
Come on, come on, let's go, girl.
Come on, come on, dog, come on come on.
Let's go.
Where the hell you been?
Tent's all torn up and the Poles don't fit anyway.
You know, dog just fell into some kind of hole.
Man, if I wasn't there, she wouldn't have even got out.
You gotta be careful, man,
them things are all over the woods out here.
Some of 'em are super deep.
Who names their dog, dog?
Instructions.
Oh, I guess I'll put your fancy ass,
bullshit tent together, requires instructions and Poles,
while you walk around the woods being survival man
looking at butterflies and squirrels fucking on the trees.
You know what, fuck dude, my dog falls in a hole
and you've been at my throat all fucking day.
What the hell's going on?
Listen man, you're right,
we should be out here celebrating, talk about the old days,
not listening to my bullshit.
So how about this, you go put your
dysfunctional tent together with the instructions
and got us a lighter right here,
I'll start us a fire and we'll partake
in some recreational substances.
Oh shit dude,
we're not gonna smoke that whole thing here, are we?
Fuckin' a right we are.
What else will we do with it?
Let's get this shit rollin', huh?
To the old days.
Don't lip it like that, bitch, come on now, be serious.
You gotta go outside, girl?
Okay, let's put you out.
Come on, let's go see what goofball's doing.
All right, sweetheart, there you go.
Oh, you're getting old.
Go on, go pee.
What the hell are you doing?
Hell do you think I'm doing?
Tryin' to catch us some breakfast.
How do you make this look so easy anyways?
Hey, what'd you catch?
What the fuck
are you laughing at, asshole?
It's a harmless water snake, idiot.
They don't even bite.
Oh yeah?
Well just so you know,
that was a fucking cotton mouth
and it almost bit me in the fuckin' face.
Your ass wouldn't be so smart
if that thing almost tried to bite you.
Do you know what?
Fuck you, fuck that goddam snake,
I'm outta this shit, mother fucker.
We should set up camp before it gets dark there,
don't you think?
Nope, let's keep up with dog.
She's headed to the bluffs
and there's gonna be good shelter there in case it rains.
All right, survival dude.
You go on up there and set your broke dick tent up
and I'll follow up after I fill a cat hole.
Roger that.
Gunners dumping.
Ain't been called that in years.
Dog.
Come on.
Aaron!
Danny!
Aaron!
What the hell?
Danny.
What the hell are you doing down there?
Danny, are you all right?
Are you hurt?
I'll be all right.
Now just go get help.
Hold on real quick, bro,
I gotta get this on video.
Would you stop fucking around?
All right, I'll be fine.
Now go get help.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
here we have the survival man
and he's stuck down in a pit in the forest.
And hurry up, gunner!
Because he don't fuckin' listen to nobody
when they're telling him there's pits in the forest
and he needs to be careful.
Stop fucking around, Aaron, those edges are weak.
Well now your smart ass is stuck down in there
and I'm gonna have to fuckin' save ya.
Just stop it.
Go get help.
I'm warning you, Aaron.
Anyways, I guess there's more to survival
than just staying alive, ain't that right, survival man?
You smart ass.
Shit you idiot, it's giving away,
stop, just stop, just stop...
Yeah yeah, quit your bitching.
- Jesus... - Gunner's got your back.
Whoa, stop stop stop stop stop!
Aaron.
Fuck.
Aaron.
Oh.
You all right, man?
Holy shit, dude.
Bro, you got, you got a fucking antler
sticking out of your side.
Ow!
God.
- Help me. - All right, man.
- Help me, help me. - Here we go.
Here we go.
Fuck god.
Eh, don't touch my arm.
You're gonna have to quit being a pussy.
We gotta pull that out.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck stop, just fucking stay.
Oh god, just stay away, just stay away.
We gotta pull this bitch out.
Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me.
Oh goddammit, you're gonna have to suck this up.
Just wait, just wait, just wait, okay?
What are you waiting for?
- Goddamn it. - Okay,
on the count of three,
one...
Oh god!
Don't touch me, don't touch me...
Gotta stop the fucking bleeding.
Do we got anything we can suture
or stitch this shit up with?
Maybe we can tighten this pack up...
Shut up.
Just shut up.
Dog looks pretty fucked up too.
All right, dude, do we got any kind of sutures,
a needle or anything, man?
Yeah, we got shit.
We got stuff.
Oh fuck man, we're fucked.
Goddammit!
Aaron, calm down now.
All right, now listen,
we gotta keep our heads, we're gonna survive this thing.
What the hell was that?
Those are copperhead snakes, I've seen three.
We've gotta be careful.
Careful?
We need to kill these mother fuckers.
Hey,
don't kill 'em.
Might need to eat 'em.
Well listen,
I ain't fuckin' planning on staying down here too long,
especially with all these fuckin' snakes.
You know I hate snakes
and I damn sure ain't eating no snake.
Calm down.
Hey uh, take an inventory.
I wanna know what survival supplies we have for later.
We'll find a way outta here
even if we have to use these tunnels.
I'll bet you they lead up.
No, we need to climb outta this mother fucker.
We need a fuckin' rope and a hook or something.
Gunner, I said calm down.
We gotta keep our heads if we're gonna survive this.
You're right.
We just need to keep cool, man,
somebody's bound to come along here sooner or later.
But if they don't,
we'll find our way out.
Well let's see here.
We got some cooking utensils,
a knife,
about five insta-meals,
a survival man TV show kit!
$24.95!
Let's see what's in this mother fucker, shall we?
Oh, look at that, a rape whistle.
I'm survival man, I'm getting raped!
Thermal blanket, one thermal fuckin' blanket.
Uh, fire starter,
a little bullshit knife,
um, I'm guessing that's a fuckin' credit card,
platinum edition since you're a rich TV show prick,
and a fucked up ass compass.
You know what we don't have?
Some fucking rope so we can climb out, smart ass.
So I guess you need to put in the fine print,
"it doesn't help you if you fall in a fucking cave,"
now does it?!
Gunner, calm down.
This is all your fucking fault.
You did this.
You fucking ass.
You'd better hope we get outta here
because if we don't, you're gonna be dead,
these fucking hands right here.
You piece of shit.
You're pretty much a survival televangelist, ain't you?
But you can't get nobody outta shit.
Oh yeah.
That's right.
I'm getting the fuck outta here.
I don't know about you.
Getting the fuck outta here.
Goddamn it!
Do something!
This is all your fucking fault.
If you just fucking listened to me the first time
when I told you these things were all over the damn woods,
we wouldn't be in this fucking spot!
But now I'm gonna fucking die here.
- Hey... - I don't wanna
- fucking die here. - Gunner.
You're scaring my dog, boy.
Fuck you and your goddamn dog.
Gunner,
you best go easy, boy.
Where the hell's jonesy?
We got separated.
You left her out there?
What's the fuck wrong with you, gunner?
Fuck you, driver.
The fuck we gonna do now?
She's in a good place,
let's just call in a fucking air strike on their asses.
Eagle three, this is eagle one, gimme a mag count.
Eagle one, I'm on my last mag.
Get your fucking asses up.
Mag up, we're gonna go get her.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Listen, you now tanks
and apparently large holes in the ground
make me go nuts, let alone snakes.
Yeah, I know.
We ain't climbing out of this thing now.
It's gonna get dark soon.
I hear ya.
I think we should get a fire going,
get some smoke out that hole, somebody see us.
You think somebody's looking for us?
Nobody's looking for me.
But that girlfriend of yours,
how long before she calls the authorities?
Oh yeah, probably never.
I'm pretty sure she packed her shit and left
just as soon as we pulled outta the driveway.
Man, you don't ever change, do you?
Daddy said I always knew how to pick 'em.
Good old days.
The hell are you doing?
I'm organizing.
What do you think I'm doing?
Count up all the firewood, put it in separate piles,
I figure about 100 fires.
100 fires, you mean 100 days?
I tell you what, I ain't sitting in this sinkhole
with you and these damn snakes for 100 days.
You must've lost your mind.
Technically, it's a cenote.
Sinkholes are convex.
If it was a sinkhole, we could've climbed out.
No, this is a cenote.
Cenotes are concave, just like this,
carved out of sandstone.
Just be thankful we're not sitting in three feet of water.
Hey,
just do the math with me.
We've got plenty of water.
We've got snakes and critters that we can catch and eat,
lots of firewood for signal fires, cook our food.
The temperature in here is constant,
I'll bet you it's about 68 degrees.
So we ain't gonna freeze.
And these tunnels, we can explore them, find a way out.
Look,
all you gotta do is stay cool, okay?
If someone doesn't come and find us, we'll find a way out.
Be that as it may, I ain't eating no fucking snakes.
Dog.
So what,
we got to split our rations with that dog now too?
Aaron, two seconds ago, you didn't wanna eat any snake,
now you're worried about dog eating some?
We keep her healthy, all right?
She can hear things up above that we can't hear.
She can use those tunnels way better than we can
and find us a way out.
Now, we keep dog healthy, dog'll get us out of here.
I ain't eating snake.
As long as it's only snake, I guess I'll let that pass.
Hey, put that away.
Those are emergency rations.
We don't touch 'em.
I just told ya, I wasn't eating no damn snake,
especially when I got
like three bags of macaroni and cheese in there.
Whatever, man.
Hit the racks, private.
Hey, don't you think we should let that dog go first?
I don't wanna crawl up on no pack of wolves.
My torch is getting ready to die.
Scratch it against the wall and then fan it.
It'll wake it up.
Oh, good call, survival man.
And what are we gonna do when your torch goes out?
Crawl back in this pitch black, following that string?
Who in the hell goes camping without a flashlight anyway?
Shut up.
Let's turn back.
I'm turning back.
Can you turn around?
Yeah, I'm gonna try.
Rope's still attached to my wrist, so just follow me.
All right.
God.
Hey.
Stop using that lighter, man, it's all we got.
Conserve it.
If you think i'm crawling through the dark
with all these snakes all over the place,
you've lost your damn mind.
I'm serious, Aaron.
Stop using the lighter.
I'm serious too, I brought the damn thing.
If you wanna start a fire,
you can rub two sticks together.
Get your ass going, mutt.
Go.
Dog, whoa.
The hell'd you do?
I think she's slowing up progress,
I just lit a fire under her ass, that's all.
Stupid idiot.
You know, for someone who's afraid of snakes,
you sure do treat the one thing
that's keeping the snakes away like shit.
Dog, come here.
Come here, dog.
She ain't coming to someone who treats her like shit.
If you get bit, it's your own fault.
Well hey man, that torch is going out.
Let me squeeze past you, I got the lighter.
I'll lead the way.
Do it, follow the string.
Get off my foot!
Sorry.
Oh fuck dude, let me the fuck back, I just got bit!
You mother fucker, slow down, all right?
Where's the lighter?
I don't know, it's up there by the fucking snake.
I dropped it.
Geez Aaron, it's gone by now.
So just stop panicking, all right?
We gotta get up there, we gotta find this lighter.
Now what kind of snake was it?
It was a fucking copperhead, dude,
I know a fucking copperhead when I get bit by one.
Just slow down, all right?
We gotta go up and get the lighter.
No no, then you're gonna get fucking bit too
and we're both gonna die.
Oh, we ain't gonna die from a copperhead bite!
You know that.
Bullshit,
people die from copperhead bites all the time.
All right, all right.
Stay here.
I'll get the lighter.
All right.
Goddamn you.
I don't see no goddamn lighter, you idiot.
I can't find it.
Dog, dog come on.
Dog's here.
Good girl.
Okay look, calm down, man.
You hear me, hey, you hear me?
I got you.
Grab the string, follow the string all the way back.
And you drag that foot, you don't use it,
you don't push on it, all right?
Get outta here.
Hey hey, shouldn't you suck the poison out
and tie a tourniquet on it or something?
You're a fucking idiot, Aaron, all right?
Stop watching John Wayne movies, it's an old wive's tale.
'Cause I ain't sucking anything outta you.
Come on, old buddy.
Come on, Aaron.
Jesus.
God.
Oh.
Shit.
Goddamn it.
It's your foot or your life.
I'm opting for your foot, old friend.
Where the fuck is it?!
I'm sorry, old buddy.
Fuck!
Sorry, old buddy.
Nothing, man.
Oh, it's something,
otherwise you wouldn't be staring at me like that.
Wasn't staring.
Yeah the hell you was staring.
What'd you think it's funny
I'm eating snake all of a sudden?
I didn't say that.
Oh, you didn't say shit,
but I can hear you fuckin' thinking that shit
all the way over here.
Good girl.
Man, you're too sensitive.
- Sensitive? - Yeah.
I ain't fucking sensitive, I'm just observant, that's all.
You can observe all the shit you want, I wasn't staring.
Even the fuckin' dog is staring at me.
You know what, both you mother fuckers better watch
what you're thinking around here.
You wanna know what I was thinking?
I was thinking of going out that second tunnel tonight,
see how far the string'll let me go.
Listen man, you're feeling better.
There's no way, with all these snakes
and that constant breeze
that those holes don't go somewhere.
Do whatever you want,
commander.
Alpha 27, this is unit 475, we have wia.
We're pinned down and our tank's dead.
Requesting an immediate air strike.
Alpha 27, you read me?
Come on.
God, no no no, no no, no!
Oh shit.
Come on, Danny, you idiot.
Get the fuck out.
No no no no, no no no, the fuck no.
No, no no no, come on.
Come on.
Why?
Oh, you stupid idiot, Danny.
Dog!
Come on, come on dog, come here.
Hey, hey sweetie, hey hey hey,
all right listen, dog,
dog dog, dog, stay, stay.
You stay, okay?
That's a good girl.
Okay just hold dog, all right?
Good girl, good girl.
Where you going, stay.
No no no, no no no, dog, no dog, dog.
Dog, where you going, you don't leave me here alone.
Come here.
Dog?
Come back here, dog!
Dog, come back!
Dog!
No, no no, no no no, come on, come on, come on,
come on.
Fuck.
Aaron!
Oh shit.
Blast these mother fuckers!
Fuck you!
Cease fire, cease fire, you could hit jonesy.
She has explosives on her.
They got jonesy, we gotta do something.
Check your mags!
Three.
Two, goddamn it!
Let's just give 'em the tank, that's all they want.
We're not giving up our ride.
Even if we did, they'd never let us just walk away.
Let's give it to 'em anyway, it's fucking broke!
It's almost dark out, we get up the hill,
then we get jonesy back.
Goddamn it gunner, check your fire!
I have a fucking shot, just let me fucking shoot it!
Oh this is just fucking great.
Okay driver, you stay here.
Make sure they think we're negotiating something,
gunner and I'll flank him.
Soon as you hear something going on,
bust your ass up the hill.
Roger that.
Fucking animals!
This is all your fucking fault!
Hey dog.
You're a good girl.
That's a good girl.
What the?
What is your dog barking at?
Tell her to shut up.
Dog, shut up.
Whoa whoa whoa, shh, wait wait.
That's a search chopper.
Get some smoke, smoke smoke.
Hey!
Hey, down here!
Holy shit.
Keep those leaves going, come on, get some smoke up there.
- Hey! - Hey!
That is a search copter for sure, I can tell by the sound.
Help us!
Come on, boys, down here!
Hey!
- We're in here, help us! - Help!
Help!
Come on, come on.
Shit.
It's gone.
- Fuck. - It's moved on.
This is all your fuckin' fault!
Big survival man on TV.
Well that shit ain't helping us now, has it?
Why don't you fashion a radio outta dog shit?
Do something!
Get off your fuckin' ass and help us out!
Goddamn, do something!
Talk to me like that one more fucking time.
I'm gonna bust your damn head wide open.
You reading me now, gunner?
Goddamn it.
All right.
I just think you should acknowledge the fact
that we're in here because of you!
Fuck man.
We're gonna fucking die in here.
It's all your fucking fault.
How'd we do last night?
Nothing.
Fuck man, I swear it seems like day after day
I get the smallest worm, I get the smallest beetle,
I mean fuck, look at me, skin and bones
and from what it appears,
you've done nothing but gain weight
since we fell in this hole.
I thought that was the deal, 50, 50,
I cook and tend to the fire
and you fuckin' catch food for us so we could survive.
Shut up, gunner.
You haven't stopped talking since we fell down
in this goddamn pit.
My body's trained for this, all right?
It's trained to survive.
It knows I'm in survival mode.
Hell, dog knows i'm in survival mode.
You,
you know you live your life in a goddamn fantasy
and you always have.
Oh, coming from the dude who's
- a reality TV star... - Oh shut up
with that bullshit, all right?
You know, everything I've ever done is real,
as real as this goddamn sand.
You, you don't even have a life,
you're a figment of my imagination.
You think I saved your sorry ass in Afghanistan?
Fuck you.
You've been dead ever since.
This is all your fault right here,
jonesy would have never gotten killed if you didn't make me
crawl up this fucking pit to be gunner.
All you have to do is make me fucking loader,
is that so fucking hard?
You know i'm claustro-fucking-phobic.
We'd still have a driver
if you didn't make us stay in this mother fucker
instead of get up hunting on their shit.
Half the shit that comes out of your mouth
makes no fucking sense.
We're here.
We're either gonna tighten our shit up
or we're never gonna get outta here.
You read me, private?
Oh you're gonna fucking pull rank on me now?
That shit's gone out the fucking window, bro.
No goddamn it, as long as you're in my tank,
you're gonna do as you're told.
Gunner, I've been giving you the biggest bug,
biggest worm, even the biggest snakes
when I was catching them.
When we fell in this fucking hole,
there was a ton of snakes in here.
You mean to tell me, the amazing survival man
can't catch a fucking snake anymore?
Well you think it's easy going in that hole every night?
You figure I got a grocery store at the end of it?
No, but I find it hard to fucking believe
that the amazing survival man
can't catch us a fucking snake.
It's been six weeks.
Not a goddamn snake left in this hole.
You should know that, figure it out.
You know what else I don't get?
I haven't crapped in ages, you're still crapping
and you're leaving it in a fucking pit over there,
it stinks.
Oh, so your shit doesn't stink either, huh?
No, but I got the decency
to Bury 'em.
And if I had the fuckin' energy, I would Bury my shit.
All the energy's going outta your mouth.
You know what?
Fuck this shit.
We've been feeding an extra mouth for too long,
sitting here starving.
The hell are you saying?
You know damn well what I'm saying.
It's about time we had a fuckin' decent meal in here.
Son of a bitch, like hell you will.
Fuck this man, I gotta get some real food.
What the fuck do you wanna do?
Want me to fuckin' call Amazon,
get 'em to drone drop a pizza down the hole?
Goddamn it, gunner.
You are as dumb as you look, you get that, right?
It's been me who's catching all the food.
I gotta feed me, I gotta feed dog,
I'm sick of feeding you.
I'm hunting for all of us right now.
You don't do a goddamn thing.
Save your worthless life by chopping half your food off
and all you do is complain about it now.
You know, fuck it, you go hunting.
I'm done, man.
I don't got the energy to go back in that hole.
It's easy, all you gotta do is go in there,
go as far as you can, you hit halfway,
I'll pull on the rope, that's when you stop,
just like you've been doing for me.
Take dog, dog'll go in there,
she'll go ahead of ya,
she'll chase the snakes for your sorry ass,
she'll pin 'em up against the wall,
all you have to do is move in for the kill.
You know goddamn good and well
she's gonna leave me in that fucking tunnel...
She's not gonna fuckin' leave you.
She's better trained than you are, asshole.
You know, all this time,
she should be fucking in love with you.
Scared to death of you, she hates ya and so do I.
All right, what the fuck ever.
Come on.
Oh, it's Christmas time for me, is it?
Oh, shut the fuck up.
Thanks for the present, big man.
Come on, dog.
Go on, dog.
Let's go.
Show 'em what a real man can do
when it wants to hunt.
Come on, baby.
Dog's worth more than you are, gunner.
- Oh come on. - Come on, sweetheart,
- it's all right. - Oh.
Be gentle with her!
- Fucking hates me. - Go easy with her.
Come on, baby.
She'll know what to do as soon as she gets a scent on 'em.
Go ahead, baby.
Hand me a fuckin' torch.
Take the rope.
You get to half way,
- I'll tug on it... - I fucking got it, man.
Give me the goddamn torch.
This is why you only made private
and stayed there.
Well this is why your fucking wife left you.
Yeah, fuck you...
- You're an asshole. - Funny joke.
Keep that fucking fire going.
Just shut up and go, gunner.
Go on, keep going.
Fuck it.
Pull.
Good luck, gunner.
Do without it.
Son of a bitch.
Come on, dog.
Man, come here.
Come on, you can't keep running from me.
Dog!
Goddamn it, dog.
Quit on me too, huh?
That's all right, i'm gonna eat your ass
just like I'm gonna eat your daddy.
No, don't go out, don't go out, don't go out.
No, goddamn it.
Let me follow this fucking string back, go on.
Oh fuck, are you kidding me?
You mother fucker.
What's wrong?
Why are you so nervous?
It's not like you, come here.
Ah hell,
looks like the bastard found his way back.
I guess you ain't the only fucking hunter in this hole,
are you?
Hey man, I'm sorry about the rope,
the thing broke right in the middle as I was pulling on it.
You pulled too hard.
It's not my fault.
Water under the bridge.
Water under the bridge, commander.
The hell'd you do to her?
Shaking like a leaf.
Fucking left me, man.
She didn't leave you.
Didn't do shit.
Trained better than you are.
Doesn't even wanna look at you.
You remember all them good times we had
when we was stationed out at leonardwood?
Good times?
Go on and lie down.
Shit dude.
Who was that guy you used to live next to,
you and Ann, when you're always there on base,
the dude from the motor pool?
I don't know, man.
He had a big, big old girl, you know,
the nasty ass titties?
Shit looked like a piece of Bologna
on a damn pile of mashed potatoes.
Yeah, that one night we partied over at their house
and you and Ann fell asleep.
I know you remember that shit.
Her and her old man, we stayed up drinking
for about another hour before that lightweight passed out.
Oh shit, it was on point, dude,
the second he passed out, she was talking about
how boring he was and how she felt she wasn't wanted.
Hell, he was studying for ocs all the time,
he didn't have no time for her.
And she was banging everybody on post.
But yeah, the second he went out, dude,
she started airing them titties
and shaking that big old ass in my face.
It wasn't fuckin' 15 minutes
before I had her ass bent over that mantle, banging her out.
Shit, she was quiet as a church mouse too,
but the thing that fucked me up,
I was for sure that the damn smell woulda woke you all up.
I mean,
she had some serious hygiene problems going on there.
I remember calling her sunbeam 'cause it was like that yeast
was rising, she was baking fucking bread down in there, man.
But yeah, he showed up at my dorm a few weeks later,
talking about I gave his old lady warts.
I was like, "you'd better pump the brakes, brother",
"she gave me the fuckin' warts."
And shit, that's the real reason they got divorced.
I figured you knew that 'cause her and Ann
were such good friends.
They were both freaks, dude.
I mean y'all had to be the two stupidest mother fuckers
on the post 'cause y'all didn't even know about it.
One night, Ann come in the bathroom
and old girl was fuckin' blowing me off,
wasn't about 45 minutes later,
Ann got curious to see how this dick was, cuz,
she wanted to know what that taste was like.
So I fucking put the south in her mouth.
I mean, it's like do I tell you that she's a fuckin' freak
because Ann was the only girl on base
that would take it up the ass.
I mean, you just can't give up something like that.
I mean, you gotta see where I'm coming from, right?
Did you ever find out who the father of that kid was?
I'm pretty fuckin' sure it ain't you.
Yeah, she showed up at my door
talking about she is pregnant
and I ain't being responsible for a goddamn thing
that comes outta that snatch.
I mean, fuck dude, if she had as many dicks
sticking out of her as she had stuck in her,
she'd look like a fuckin' porcupine, you know what I mean?
Shit dude, I woulda told you, but
yeah, go to sleep, mother fucker.
It's a new day in this hole.
Fucker.
You see these?
Goodbye.
Morning sunshine.
How'd you sleep last night?
The fuck you do, gunner?
Well, to be exact,
I cut your fuckin' fingers off,
but just two of 'em, you can still write your name.
I just had to a little bit of payback
for cutting my foot off
'cause that shit damn sure sucks.
You made a mistake, gunner.
You shoulda killed me when you had the chance.
Oh see, that's where you're wrong.
Uh,
so rumor has it, in this cave,
I don't know if you've heard or not,
but uh,
me and dog, I see ya,
uh, we came to a little agreement last night,
we're gonna keep you alive.
We were sitting there talkin'
and dog came up with the idea,
he's like, "hey, let's keep Danny alive as long as possible"
"and we'll cut him off piece by piece."
And he figured out we have food source for about a month.
Little mother fucker's pretty good at math.
You shoulda taken my legs.
And you're gonna pay for that mistake.
But you never knew shit about survival.
Hm, well unfortunately for you,
I'm gonna show you all about survival,
something you didn't show the whole world on your show.
But instead of taking your legs,
I'm gonna take your nipples, I'm gonna take your ears,
I'm gonna even take
that little small wanker you've got there,
you know, Mr. Johnson.
I'm sure you ain't forgot about him.
It's been a while since he had some attention.
But we got no refrigeration down here,
so we gotta keep you alive
and that's good for you, you know?
Only problem I have right now is
I left my knife, the sharp one,
down that tunnel right there.
Oh gunner, you're just a dream, man.
You're just a fucking altered state of reality.
You're dead already.
Hm.
While that may sound good
and help you cope with your situation,
I'm very much here, sitting on your lap,
and I'm not dead.
Give it about 30 days and you sure as shit will be.
After I'm done with you,
then we'll bash your little fuckin' head in with a rock.
Then I'm gonna eat that little bitch too.
But if you'll excuse me,
I've got to go find that goddamn knife.
You know I can't never keep up with shit.
So I'll be back.
We'll have a, you know what, since you fuckin' said that,
hey dog, what do you think about leg of Danny tonight?
Huh, huh?
She likes that idea.
So buttercup,
you stay fresh, baby, and I'll be right back for you.
Peace out.
Keep an eye on that one.
He's shifty, dog.
We gotta get back to the tank!
Negative, we're gonna stay in place,
you're gonna check your six and calm the fuck down, private.
Private, fire that weapon!
God!
Can't tie a rope.
Can't tie a tourniquet.
You stupid son of bitch.
Hey gunner, I'm still the best damn barbecue-er
that you ever knew, ain't that the truth?
Yeah.
Hey dog, come here.
Here you go, sweetheart.
Ain't that better than snake?
Damn.
Don't call me commander, I told you about that bullshit.
Just wait your turn.
Here, take some.
Oh go on.
The hell's wrong with you?
Come on, it ain't snake!
You never knew a damn thing about survival, gunner,
not a damn thing.
You should know better,
you don't eat meat, you won't even live.
You know,
I can't believe I went my whole life
without ever having tea.
Sweetheart.
It's pretty good.
You came.
Yeah, commander, you want some?
Hey, you always liked my barbecue.
You want some food?
No thanks, mommy and I had lunch
right before she dropped me off.
Oh hey, by the way, how is your mother?
She's fine, but she really misses daddy.
Yeah, listen Danny,
all that mean stuff I said about Ann
and that neighbor friend of hers,
wasn't none of that true.
Oh come on now,
you know I can take a joke.
You don't think I can take a joke?
You were joking, I get it.
Yeah but I crossed the line, man, I went too far.
You think you can ever forgive me?
It's water under the bridge,
water under the bridge, you know that.
You know what, here.
- Oh. - You always liked my barbecue
- didn't you? - Yes sir.
You know your daddy was the best barbecue cooker
in the whole regiment.
This shit's pretty good now.
Damn straight.
You see that blood red medal right there on his chest?
That's the best barbecue cook in the whole regiment.
Uh huh.
And see that light blue one there?
That's for being a good friend.
You see, your daddy saved my life one time
when we was in that tank together.
Really, you saved gunner's life?
Sweetie, not like fire fighters,
not that heroic, it's just line of duty stuff.
Now now, commander, don't go getting all humble on us.
This old jihadi had come out and had me pinned down
and if it wouldn't have been for your daddy,
well I don't know what woulda happened.
You killed a jihadi?
Private, you would have done the same for me
and you know that.
Daddy, do you think you could talk to mommy?
Sweetie,
look, you mother did a few things
I can't really forget, I'm sorry.
But she's really sorry she made you mad
and she just wants us to be a family again, like before.
Okay, sweetie, I guess we can go talk.
Oh daddy, I love you.
All mommy wants is to be back together with you as a family
and she's missed you the whole time.
She never even had one boyfriend
and she just talks about how much she misses you
and cries all day.
See mommy, it was all just a big misunderstanding.
Yeah, about all that, I'm terribly sorry, but.
I made up a whole bunch of lies
about you cheating on Danny and told 'em to him,
just to see how mad he'd get.
I don't know what come over me.
I've just always been real jealous of you two,
what you all got, you know,
a family, love and all that stuff
and I kinda tore you all apart.
I didn't mean for you all to get in the mix.
I know I don't deserve it, but
you think you could ever forgive me?
Nobody's perfect, gunner.
If it's okay with Danny, it's okay with me.
I guess you just want me to say
it's water under the bridge, huh gunner?
Hell, yeah,
forgiven.
Well hey, y'all got a lot of catching up to do,
if you know what I mean.
So why don't you all go over there and handle your business,
and I'll keep little missy here occupied.
It's okay, daddy, I won't look.
Come on, Danny.
Come on, it'll be fine.
You sure?
Come on, Danny.
Oh Danny, oh!
Oh Danny!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Oh god, god I missed you.
No!
Fuck!
Woo!
Commander, I didn't know you had it in me, oh!
Oh fuck.
No!
Hey, hey,
hey dog, what's the matter?
What's wrong?
It's just me and you now.
That's right,
just me and you.
There's no one else.
Wolves.
Asshole.
The fuckin' wolves in Florida.
You've got nothing to be afraid of.
Nothing at all.
I mean, you could,
I know, get out of here any time you want,
but no, you've got to stay.
Stay.
I said, stay.
Shh, shh, shh.
Daddy, why did you kill dog?
Ann, stop it.
Stop it.
Stop cutting into dog.
I want to give him a good burial.
Danny, you've always been so wasteful.
I see nothing's changed there.
But baby, you need to get your protein.
It will help you get back to your regular self.
Baby, please.
- No, no. - Come on.
- No no. - Come on, Danny.
- Oh. - Come on, do it for mama.
Yeah.
You better eat your meat.
I'll tell you what, if you don't get your strength back,
I'm gonna take care of that old lady of yours.
Looks like someone's still in the mood
to get it on right here.
No.
I might take you up on that offer
if someone doesn't eat his meat.
Stop it, stop it.
Come on.
Fuck gunner, stop it!
I haven't even started yet, commander.
Stop it, stop it.
Commander,
commander, you can't do nothing.
I bet you could get hard for me,
- couldn't you, gunner? - Oh, you know that.
Hell, I tell you what, commander,
this girl right here got it going on!
I'm getting wet over here, Danny.
She is, I see it.
You sure you can't get it up?
- Oh, gunner! - Oh man.
This is gonna be fun, I hear it, yeah, look at that.
Fuckin' head!
Aw look it, he's so cute, ain't he, like a little puppy.
Come here, come here, puppy, come here little puppy.
Get out of my face, bitch!
Go on with yourself.
No.
Come on Danny, get up.
Come on, this is your way out.
Oh you can't do it, commander, you're too weak.
Don't worry about her though,
i'ma take real good care of her.
Shut up!
Come on, daddy, you can do it.
Climb daddy, climb.
I can't wait to get my hands up there.
- Shut up! - You gonna fall,
- just let go, Danny. - Shut up!
- Just give up. - Come on, baby,
you're almost home.
Come on, you can do it, climb.
Climb.
No no no no, no no no no, go back go back!
Oh daddy, you made it.
Would you like some tea?