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hello my name is John farmer. i'm a paranormal investigator and cryptozoologist. From a very
early age i have experienced numerous encounters of what people would consider to be paranormal
activity. In this space and time i have witnessed more than the average person would have in
many lifetimes. I'm no spirit medium or clairvoyant but i do possess a gift, a gift which allows
me to experience this activity. I've been possessed 47 times in my life, i've been attacked
by unknown forces, i've seen many unidentified objects in the sky, all leading to this point.
It is now time for me to share my gift with you the world, for the first time ever i will
attempt to capture this evidence in a six-part series as we look into the unknown to prove
there is something in the shadows. What do you think? huh? about that? Oh yeah it's good
but it's a bit samey though, do you know what i mean because it was hasn't really changed
much. the sound I've fixed the sound. Oh right yeah yeah yeah that humming's gone yeah good
good nice good job pretty nice. I'm happy with that yeah okay. What time are we? 3 a.m
so we better get move on
So um yeah so let it go. Right ladies and gentlemen may i introduce to you mr Kirk Cumberland.
Yeah alright? You can't say all right. Huh ladies uh sorry uh hi hi I'm um Kirk cumberland
a paranormal investigator and also uh well sort of i'm also an i.t technician so yeah.
Looking forward to this adventure uh as long as you guys don't bum me
okay i'll cut the um the sort of line. Yeah and the bumming bit. it's got a sound legit,
maybe edit that bit as well.
Alright boys?
Hey, get out my face, Come in
Jon Farmer! You got all your stuff?
Yes mate, all sorted out
Here he is, Mr Cumberland
We got chairs, toothbrush, and, we got a bottle of whisky. Soon as we are going to Scotland
Anyone want anything from the fridge before we go? Speak now or forever hold your peace
Can I have a banana? Theres two for you there mate
Cheers mate
Lets hit the road, scotland!
Are we on? oh yeah road trip man. It's very early in the morning but we're on our.. where
are we? on our way. We are on our way. We've only just started we're on our way. Road trip
man. You excited fred? Yes, excited yeah very excited. Brilliant great stuff let's get round.
Are you excited? i'm excited about stuff i suppose but. Check that out.
How many bananas you had now? i was hungry yeah yeah. It's like a giant eating a banana.
You know how I love bananas.
There's Steve. (shouting at Steve)
Bless his cotton socks
How many miles? We've only just started
No, we will be on the road for a bit but..
299 miles to go. i need a wee. that's the time. Are we going to have a wee stop? are
we sure oh yeah yeah did you actually think that? Are we going to stop and have breakfast?
I think we will stop yes
What about Steve? anyone spoken to Steve?
Steve is meeting us there. He doesn't like being.. Steve doesn't like
to be with anybody, he likes being with people but he likes to do things on his own. Yeah
as we know from experience in the past many many times he does his own thing he's like
he's like a lone ranger he just does his own thing, and that's Steve. But he's a diamond
And he's a dick
But he's a good lad
He is a good lad But he's a dick
i'm all right now getting a coffee down me that's [ __ ] knackered mate, i know i ain't
done my shoe laces up yet
Sort em out mate
i will in a minute. You know what, 10 quid for a sandwich
A cheese sandwich. Cheese sandwich ten pounds.
And then you went and got one as well. Yep free coffee. Did you? Did you just walk out
with it? That's on camera that.
There we go..sorted
So Jon, what sort of things are we going to be looking
for up there in bonny scotland sir? Well the monster obviously. Geese, geese? Yeah egyptian
not canadian. okay. Um egyptian geese, have you ever seen them? oh man beautiful beautiful
creatures. Um no no they look like they've got egyptian eye paint on. Yeah yeah honestly
i'm not joking i'm not joking um a bald eagle, buzzards, buzzards. What are them massive ones? um
Pteroddactyl?
condors
if we see one of them mate this is gonna be a winner this is gonna be an absolute winner
we might have to change it right now
oh my god. Theres one right now
Right we're coming up for loch lomond now
You know how I said it was my lucky day?i've just gone and found another banana
Hey hey
Get a shot of that. Absolutely beautiful.
This is gonna be a two bouncer..at least
One!
what i meant was a oner. yeah a oner. that was good, so one to beat
two.. two.
Still going for four. oh, yeah
One! Fuck you
so that was the last stretch of the journey of loch lomond. We're heading up now towards
loch ness probably another hour to go. No piss taking while i'm doing a take. Piss taking?
yeah would we take the piss out of you? afterwards don't get me laughing because I won't be able
to do my thing. When you're doing your camera thing mate you won't get any piss taking from
us. Yeah, nothing. Yeah. No bananas you.We are professionals mate, professionals
I think he's gonna be sick
Only joking
Go on, throw up then
I'm not gonna throw up. Your not?
i just feel a bit. What's that from then? Just windy roads. Really? Yep and those sausage
rolls. He's not gonna throw up, that's a shame.
Right I'm getting in. Sorry to disappoint
No sick here then
well let me know when you are sick so i can get the camera in your face
You alright Jon? Yeah yeah
23 miles 800 feet deep yeah? Yeah. 23 miles wide.
He's here
Steve..hows it going dude?
Alright geezer, bring it in
Jonny boy
Say hello Steve. Alright?
How you doing?
Comes down on his own. Always. At the back of the pack
How long have you had that ringtone for Steve?
forever yeah
He was sick. He was nearly sick
*Group mumblings*
Okay you ready? Well, is it alright with that in the background?
yeah yeah, Kirk! There's ducks. Yeah you're in shot though mate. Have you seen the ducks?
Yes, yeah. Okay.. Good evening you join me as i stand at the mouth of this huge body
of water. Extending 23 miles its deepest point is said to be around 800 feet. It is home
to many species of wildlife and huge forests, and if hundreds of reports are to be believed,
a monster. A monster that's been seen by so many people that it is famous throughout the
world. Welcome to loch ness. hey come right up to ya
ducks come straight up to ya, look
it is thought that the monster that dwells within the lock is a survivor from the jurassic
period or simply a creature that just hasn't been discovered yet, one thing is for certain
there is plenty of room for it to hide. There is one other theory which may hold the key
to this and many other mysteries throughout the world.
Portals. These portals or gateways are said to be entrances into other dimensions where
creatures can manifest at will. Beings such as bigfoot, werewolves, aliens, shadowmen
and even ghosts are said to travel through these portals.
One such portal is said to exist right here at loch ness, not only the infamous nessie,
but many other strange phenomena have been witnessed in this area. Ufo sightings, strange
cryptids that roam the vast forests and many many ghost sightings. On this week's episode
of there's something in the shadows, we'll be spending three nights deep within the forest
and within the portal.
Was that alright? Yeah sounds good yeah. So is this episode not about the monster? It's
about the area really, the portal. I mean how many people have come here looking for
the monster? Loads. We could waste a bit of time as well. Yeah. Yeah instead of getting
food. We'd just be just be filming the water for a week. Well , sorry captain kirk's orders.
If you see me pulling my face at you by the way it's not that i'm judging your performance,
i'm disagreeing with all the bullshit You're saying. You don't believe me man, you gotta be a believer
*wind howling*
alright? okay?
Wait, wait up
*sings* Jon Farmer
i've never even seen a haggis. John, John, how big are these woods? Big, vast. We've
been walking for two hours
Scotland!
How are you feeling Daz? Good, we are here, long journey but we finally made it. What's
up John? Knackered. Long walk mate. long walk? Yeah but we're nearly there.
Watch out for the wild boars.Bumped into some local gentleman who told us to watch out for
the wild boars so he knows the territory better than we do so. There better be more than wild
boars mate
maybe the spirits of wild boars. Yeah well you never know. What do you reckon Daz? Oh
no no you never know what you find out here man do you?
You certainly don't
*whispers* Dear
Here are the lads
Nearly at the camp now
Alright Fred? Ayup
Most important thing, chair. John's got his mosquito net on. Oh man! With his knackered
up chair.
Never goes the right way up does it?
What do you do? just throw it? Take the band off first. Nobody told me that. Turn your
phone off Steve. *ringtone*
Now that is exactly how i want to sleep. So Kirk, how's it going? All good mate, just
uh got my emf meter out, just checking if there's any electromagnetic fields. Okay so
it's in the emf meter yeah? Emf, electromagnetic meter well as you can see there's nothing
going on right now but I do hope. You know ghosts come to this realm using electromagnetic fields
so uh as you know, yeah so yeah i mean no reading yet but there's no electricity about
so yeah no banana. So yeah I'll keep going. Yeah let us know if there's any change in
that one. Oh i will mate don't you. But i mean i don't know, get your uh, what they
call again those.. those things you put on the back? *makes proton pack noise*
Jon boy! What we doing ?
Bit to camera? Do you want to go over this side? Yeah go on then. Can I take the mosquito net
off? Yeah, you look like a dinner lady.
So, after several hours trekking through the very remote forest, we've decided to set up
camp here, right in the heart of where the paranormal portal is located. We're going
to do a bit of a base check with the emf meter and then we're going to settle down for the
night. Cool
Say hello Steve. Take your mask off mate
Tell us why we've got the masks on Steve. The bloody midges mate, eaten alive by midges.
Can you see the one in the middle of my head still? It's gone down a bit. Has it gone down?
it's gone down . You look like a unicorn. Looks like someones hit you in the head with
a penis.
Did you say he'll grow a third penis? No, like someone had hit him on the head with one
And that's why we're wearing masks.
Ready? Oh you're already filming? I'll go again then
Yeah good job there Daz, good job. Wow. Wow good stuff
Ah man it's raining
That's because you're meditating. Well i'm trying to. His chins itching.
His chins itching
. You don't look like your meditating, your getting rained on and your eyes are open.
Looks like your having a poo mate, like your warming up to drop one out
Mate, I got some wet wipes
Until you've tried it mate don't knock it, all right? Well you know you keep telling
me that. I'll do it in my tent next time. It's crap. Is that supposed to be sticking
out like that? No i'm just about to sort it, that could have gone up my erm.. Story of
his life.
What were you filming then? what was Farmer doing? Um John was.. he was meditating. Do
you believe in meditating? I believe that people do it. Yeah. So,
good cheers Fred, thanks for that man that was really good. How's it going Stevo? I believe
children are the future. Do you think so, how come? Teach them well and let them lead
the way. That is words of wisdom sir, words of wisdom. I learned that on the way.
What's this, is this a backing shot or is it a tracking shot what's it called? A back
shot? I don't know.
John what you're sitting over there for?
Just forget it. What you sitting over there for?
Just leave it out
Go on, get on him, go on
Whats the matter? Youve ruined my meditation haven't you? Cheer up, captain says cheer up. What's
up mate? I was meditating wasn't I? We're only having a laugh. You should try it sometime.
*Kirk mimics electronic noise*
What is this? Can I have a look? I saw you using this earlier. What's this for? What
do you think it's for? I don't know. EMF mate, electro magnetic fing. It looks like a ghostbuster
gadget. It is actually. What you're looking for earlier ?um ghosts obviously, paranormal
activity. Paranormal activity? And there's uh none over here.
What about this geezer over here
He's not happy is he? he's not a happy bunny
He's not happy. I'm not taking the piss. He's not going red is he? There you go, he's cheered
up now. Come on then.
Did you push this out when you were doing that meditation?
Come here
Come here..i'll let you teach me how to meditate okay? Yo Daz. Yo, what's up? Good mate, good.
So what's your role in this little outfit? My role in this outfit is just to support
my good friend john farmer and um just come along and help out with the camp really made,
to be fair. Yeah? Yeah, no ghosty stuff for you? well, i'll go along with it mate, you
know, you know me. So what's your role in this.. organization ? I'm the one trying to
find the... i think i think i'm here to, like you say support old farmer and his uh portal
idea and you know i'm behind him all the way and i'm gonna help him find one I swear. Do
you believe in the existence of a paranormal portal? Do i believe in existence for paranormal
portal? mate!
Do i believe in the existence of a paranormal portal?
Yeah I do, thanks mate, yeah it's got a thumbs up from there. For the record i'm not saying
i don't believe , i'm not saying i don't believe. Look, i know it is far-fetched right you know
what i mean but, i've never seen one but i know that the spirally whirly things exist.
And what about the monster? What a scientific explanation.
That's the best i'd come up with. Do you believe in the existence? Do i exist in it?do you
believe in the existence? Do I believe in the loch ness monster? What am I supposed
to say? No i don't even know, i don't I think.. it's a hard question, am i supposed to believe
in it? Just say yes or no. Yeah okay does it matter? does it matter? Okay uh I'm not,
I'm not, i'm not sure about the loch ness to be honest um you know what I mean? It's
not really.. not well, because there's no bones is there? there's no like they get dinosaur
bones and then you know there's never a loch ness bone found. Oh yeah well they live in
the loch. But it's a lake, that's not the sea is it? You don't walk around and find
whale bones in the forest.
They live in the sea. Oh in that case then yeah. Steve! Alright Fred? Talk to me. What
do you want me to say? what do you want me to do? Well we're talking about the paranormal
paranormal portals what john's looking for, do you believe in the existence of them? Well,
i follow John to do what he wants to do, open to either way happening, yeah it's one of
them in it? So you're on the fence with this one yeah? Oh massively yeah i mean probably
more to not believing but you know i'll go with me mate, he's got strong views on this
so uh i'm here to support him.
John farmer! Yes? How are you doing? All right. So do I need to ask if you believe in the
existence of the paranormal portal? You know I do.Look, you've got to keep an open mind.
Cool. Could be.
You've got to believe, and I believe. I do.
Why are you laughing?
I believe I can
fly. No you can't sing that, he's a nonce.
What are you doing John? I'm trying to get
all the stuff off it . No you don't need to ya numpty. Listen, I'm not being funny..Kirk!
Kirk!
i think you should get the emf up here mate. Okay why? It's gone up three. Right. See.
Okay. What did I say? [ __ ] hell, all right then mate yep you win. I like aliens, will
be my favorite um horror but sci-fi horror isn't it? I'd say it was a horror and a sci-fi.
So is that classed as a horror then? Yeah, like event horizon would be classed as a horror
and a sci-fi
I was absolutely petrified of the exorcist as a child. As a child? Again i watched it way
too young, my dad would just used to let us get on with it. Freddy krueger. I watched
Nightmare on elm street when I was six ,yeah i loved it, i stayed up and watched it. I
used to watch American werewolf in London.
I would watch that every week, yeah it was mental, i love that. I couldn't watch where
he transformed, it used to freak me out bad but i was about what was i about 12 13 something
like that so it was mental at that age to watch that and he used to watch that. The
slaughtered lamb, I've never missed that board.
There's that bat again look.
Where?
No that's behind the tent again
When you're shining the lights through your eyes you're adjusting to it, you start seeing
stuff don't you? the shadows and things. Oh yeah. That might be real. There it is again.
What? the bat there look. I think you're messing the bat up.The bat's like "I don't know where
to go". It's got like, bat blindness. It saying "I just want to [ __ ] sit down. it's like..
it's gone
Look you have to keep an open mind, anything can be a sign. Yeah okay. Wow, there's three
bats.
We're in the right place you know.
We are in the right place
oh he's playing hide and seek, but not very well because he keeps shining the torch on
Why are they rotating around us then?
I was going to say, are they rotating around this area because it's the center of
the portal? Or maybe they want to suck our [ __ ] blood
*laughs*
The running mans another good film. What's with them candles? I was going to put them around the camp
somewhere but I can't be arsed to get up.
*General inaudible chatter*
Ive seen candles work. If only we had a massive
flame in the middle of the camp. So what in your opinion, what will be the proof of a
portal? We need to see, we need to see something happen or we need to see.. So okay let's say
if we saw a ufo would in your opinion would that would that be just a ufo sighting or
would that be the existence of a portal? I know what you say.. The portal exists. I can
understand like different areas like say Wiltshire in england it'd be like hot spots you could
say yeah well that's because it's salisbury and there's supposed to be a a portal or whatever
there so yeah i can get that, but there's got to be.. you can't just say um i've just heard
a branch snap, it's definitely a portal. Yeah. There's got to be something you know what
I mean? Okay a ufo would be exciting but i don't think that defines it okay for us i
need to see, we want to see something. Paranormal activity or a creature. Yes i know nothing
about it, tell me about it. Okay so so okay so there's the things that i've seen but what
about the other hundreds and thousands of people that have seen the same thing and how
are they all linked how do they all end up looking like the same the same thing or they've
all heard the same noise or they've all heard you know. (Steves Ringtone) Explain that,
someone in south america and then someone say, here.
well i don't know you have to kind of have to yeah you have to i don't have to research
that. Exactly. But yeah yeah yeah. Fair play i mean you know prove that it doesn't exist.
Yeah yeah. I can't you know. But do you actually see a portal or do you just see what come
out? We're in the portal, i don't know where the the gateway, the actual entrance in or
out is but we are in it that's why the meter readings are so high here.
The meter readings are high in my house but i've never seen nothing come out. Well it's
not the same thing is it? At what point do these things come out? a monster for example.It's
not like monster inc where they just go through a door and come out it's like they manifest
that they appear through the portal. Yeah. So they could just come out from over
*sound of rain falling on the tent*
Kirk!
Kirk
Kirk wake up
Kirk!
Wake up
I'm tired man. I know, shh shh
Mate, I can here some noises
Did you hear that?
You ever heard of a branch falling from a tree?
it was thrown oh just listen
Mate your freaking me out
Go asleep, don't worry about it
*sound of the river*
*fire sound with background conversation*
I need a sleep
All I heard was you snoring. That wasn't me. It was you. Morning everybody.
Morning! Mr Farmer! Morning mate. Did you hear them noises last night? What the branches
falling off the tree? I heard somebody snoring at some point. That was you. I can't hear
myself snore. Come on, you heard it.
I told ya, it was branches falling off the tress. What noises? what noises? I didn't
hear any noises. Well it's like a stone, something being thrown to the camp. I mean, it could
Yeah
He means the stuff on the floor
What are they called?
Pine cones.
Okay go. So first night here in the forest of loch ness and it was pretty eventful.
*background voices* We love you Jon farmer
Shut up.
Can we do it again? Yeah, quiet we're going to do this take now.
Right so first night here in the forest of loch ness and it was pretty eventful. Everyone
heard stones being thrown into the camp by an unseen force. Unfortunately we were unable
to capture this on camera but let's see what happens later, overall a promising start
Lovely. Sorted?
It's having a poo, did you see?That's rude, right in the middle of camp. I'm having a
dump here pal.
Maybe the robin has been used as a vessel to communicate. Come on
Come on! a robin?
Let's see what Daz is up to? what kind of scientific paranormal investigation Daz is
conjuring up in his tent. Seems like he's deep in meditation there, don't want to disturb
it, we don't disturb it. I am though. Yeah well. I'm only an I.T technician i've been
dragged into this and look, i'm not good at this stuff, i'm not that you know what i'm
doing but i know that is going up to that, that's crazy. Yeah. Even for this you know
make sure you cut it so i look like a paranormal detective. Yeah obviously , i've got to make
this look like a cameraman, i just looked at the camera and i'm filming up the tree.
Yeah yeah yeah. John Farmer, how's it going? How's it going? Alright. You getting anything?
I'm sensing a strange static in the air. Okay, what, what's that then? Can't you feel it?
No. It's like um, it's like when you rub a balloon on yourself and it you when you bring
it near you can feel like the static coming off it and i can i'm feeling that everywhere,
and i'm also sensing a spirit. Look this way John so I can hear you better.
Yeah go on.
I'm also sensing a spirit now whether that's animal or human i don't know. Well, what's
the difference? Well one's animal and one's human
Shall i do call out to spirit? Yeah go for it.
Are there any spirits present?
Anyone wishing to make contact?
We mean no harm?
We're here to make contact, we want proof. Okay so say that again. We said we've just
heard you're making a noise what are you doing? We didn't make it seriously. maybe we didn't
make any noises. Oh okay then there's monkeys in the forest guys, oh-oh, they didn't tell
us about it.
*wooping noises*
All right, maybe it wasn't you. What what the [ __ ] was that? Someone messing about.
*Steve mimics noise*
Hang on, what?
*wooping noise again*
I told ya
That bloke told us about wild boars. You still filming this?
Yeah, still filming? Everyone shhh
So everyone in the camp has just heard a strange whooping noise coming from the forest. We
did a call out to spirit earlier so i'm guessing this is a direct response to that, one other
option is sasquatch or bigfoot as it's generally known they've been known to make these strange
kinds of whooping sounds, it's definitely something we can look into
Bigfoot? Yeah, what else can it be? Well, people John. Who's gonna come all the way
out here and make noises like that? Again, you know, people, i mean whatever it is it's
not bigfoot is it? come on. All right maybe it is people but you've got to keep an open
mind Fred. I know that but, i mean i can accept ghosts probably exist, i know ufo's are real
because i've seen one, yeah the Loch Ness monster maybe but bigfoot? come on. Gorillas
weren't discovered until 1902.
I know, but john , people who see bigfoot it's just like.. i mean think about it you've
got what, an eight foot or whatever bipedal monkey man running through the forest you
would have them in museums and bloody zoos and stuff, there's no way, it just can't happen
can it? Whatever. Okay let's just say that it's bigfoot. Which it definitly isn't.
Well, what happens now? how do we look for one? how are you gonna find a bigfoot? We
can try tree knocking. Tree knocking, what's that? You get a lump one you knock it on a
tree and you wait for a response. John, the exorcism episode is bad enough, no one's going
to believe this are they? Best thing to do is crack on with the portal scene, if we hear
anything else we can do whatever. Yeah. Fair enough, i'm just going to try a tree knocking.
A what? a tree knock, yeah okay. So what's this then? tell me what this is about. You
knock on the tree, you wait,
and you wait for a response sometimes they mimic the sound it comes back. Okay
*knocks on the tree, another knock is heard in response close by*
*Laughing*
You all heard it
That fire is wickedly warm.
It's beautiful isn't it?
Thats the thing, you can't order them from the sky can you?
So you've got to fabricate it
The thing is if i'm pretty sure they do exist but it's making other people believe they
exist (Steves ringtone)
So why would you want to make other people believe that they exist? Because they probably
do don't they? they do exist. Yeah I mean, yeah I believe, i've seen a ufo so i know
they exist but me trying to explain to say.. i don't know, somebody doesn't believe in
ufos, what's the purpose for me apart from you know i mean getting the weight off my
shoulders sort of thing? Prove to all the skeptics that they do exist. skepticism though,
skeptics, until they see one with their very own eyes, as in not on a youtube video not
on anything like that because they're never going to believe it, you could take, there
could be a ufo land here tonight, a load of aliens come around chase is all off get all
of it on video and you're not going to believe it, because they'll think it's cgi, puppets,
little people whatever. But if they see something with their own eyes that they can't explain
that makes it a ufo, but until then you're never going to convince some people. You know
i don't think it helps with like the way people have made money off selling alien stuff, i
mean if someone says an alien to you it's got like a big head and big funny eyes isn't
it? Like Steve? Yeah a bit like Steve. I'm not green though I think. This is what i mean are
they green? this is what i mean
*whispers* It's not doing it now
Okay..
So we've just been woken up by footsteps in the camp
really heavy footsteps. It could be one of the crew but i don't see why they would.
Surely if you want to go for a wee you're going to go near your tent.
Yeah yeah yeah
Definitely heavy footsteps.
Yeah, really heavy
And we've heard that whooping sound. That really strange wooping sound again.
It's coming from over there.
Maybe it's Steve messing about
No
I'm going to have a look
Did you hear that?
Could be Fred?
No, he's snoring
Let's turn this off
yeah this they're supposed to repel them but it seems to make me attract them.
I think they've evolved mate
He's up
Morning! Cheers Kirk
Morning. Alright boys?
Hows it going? Did you go to the toilet last night?
Did I what? Go to the toilet?
Did I go to the toilet?
what kind of questions are first thing in the morning? anyway where's this toilet i've
been shitting in the river. you know what i mean did you go for a pee or anything ?
Did I go for a pee? i don't know yeah probably, why? What time i don't know i didn't [ __ ] i know or
twelve maybe, one. Did you do it did you hear anything? no well the river perhaps. why did you?
yeah footsteps around the camp okay very big ones.
really big one i heard the footsteps but I also heard that whooping noise again did you
hear that? yeah I did. It was steve pissing about again.
Not necessarily Steve
Farmer!
Oh come on, don't give me that look mate
I'm not having a go at you. I'm just saying..
If you're setting it up dude, let us know
he's not setting it up i swear man. All right then
He's not
Okay so, we heard loud noises then
So, it woke you up as well did it? The footsteps.
No you woke me up with your snoring mate
It sounded like you died forty times in your sleep
He got it on camera
I nearly chocked then *laughter*
Like I say we got it on camera
It was loud anyway
We got it on camera
what, the footsteps? No, you snoring like a pig
We can still use it I suppose
This whooping sound then, what did it sound like? was it the same ones before?
like
*mimics noise* Woop
And what time was that then?
Around about the time you went out
That's why I asked if you'd heard it
Oh, half twelve?
Around about then yeah
I didn't hear nothing mate
I did't make any noises anyway
Well it wasn't me
sounded like you could do on your mobile phone for example, just amplify it
That's why it's louder
just to scare people for example if you're making a horror film
i'm just saying. He's not, he's not I swear.
I thought he was as well but last night...
I think Kirks on the payroll. I think your on the payroll i swear at first i thought it was set up
as well, and i'm like now i'm convinced we were both in here last night [ __ ] ourselves
okay action
so as you can see our second night in camp was also pretty eventful. Not only did we hear
the strange whooping sounds again but we also heard bipedal footsteps around our camp.
It got me thinking of the many reports all over the world of heavy footsteps outside of tents
often like us in very remote areas
could this be the mythical sasquatch or is it the mischievous spirits of the forest.
So you're still going with the bigfoot angle then yeah? yeah why not? i mean we're not going
to see nessie are we and we haven't needed to exaggerate anything either.
Have you seen Steve? Um, is he not in his tent?
I've looked all over camp for him mate, his tents empty
He's got my deodorant in his bag
Well he's got be up somewhere
Have you got any deodorant ? Yeah, I've got a can of spynx.
Can I pinch some? Yeah. Spynx.
Your doing a good job there Kirk
Pass that to Steve
where is Steve?
Is he not back yet?
Steve-o
He's probably just gone for a shit
Just give him a call
Here, will you grab that mate?
Is there any more sausages?
when he comes back you can have that i'll get some more sausages i suppose you can't
I think we need another packet
Is he in his tent, Steve?
I'll put that down here, then when he comes back he can have that.
I'll get some more sausages
I'm surprised he can't smell the food
straight to the answer machine boys
Is it not ringing?
You know what i'm going to do? you know why he's doing it? i found the biscuits
Nice. It's because we're doing that bloody seance today.
He's gone for a walk mate, anything to get out of it.
he's not going to sit around in a circle holding hands and talking to ghosts is he? it's not
his style. You might as well have that until he comes back. Has he not done one before?
Steve. Has he not done the seance before?
Didn't he do one at that fricken castle thing?
Oh yeah he did, he got pissed though didnt he?
He doesn't take it seriously. Yeah yeah
Is that when he drank all them cans first? Yep
I'm gonna crack another egg
Steve! breakfast
I'm eating your bap, what are you gonna do about it?
*nature sounds*
*wood knocking sounds*
draw upon the energy. So we are gathered here as a group to respectfully call upon the spirits
of the forest all beings from the earth and beyond make your presence known to us
we are all part of a universal consciousness draw upon our energies
there's this robin that keeps coming back and every time it comes back i get this really
strong reading, it's like mad. So yeah ,there he is look look at that there's a robin as
soon as he comes back that's going to go mental i swear
so this is what i meant when i was when i was saying that about the balloon earlier
on and the static because where we are now feels like we're on the edge of the portal
i can feel it it's like it's like pressing back on me it's it's like a force met with
my force and also it's there's normally like the smell of sulfur and i'm getting quite
an eggy smell and that's generally when a spirit is present or whether something has
just traveled through the portal
I think this robin is a spirit, i mean it keeps coming back
to the camp and the reading is really high. It reminds me of the time when i got possessed
by a Harris hawk. And i don't remember the possession happening but i remember coming
too and when i did come to i just i was flying over salisbury the whole i just remember seeing
everything from a bird's-eye view
Well he's left his shoes here, but i reckon he's got his walking boots. Who?
He's left his shoes here but..I reckon he's got his walking boots
Who? Steve?
Of course. Is he not in his tent now? have you checked? he's not he's definitely not in his
tent mate, we've checked that, i've tried his phone i'm just getting straight through to the answer
machine his shoes are there but says he's got walking boots with him so, if he's gone
the shop and not taken a list off everybody i'll be pissed
Won't you?
Oh my nose is running like mad, that fire's kicking off
Right look at that, that is a well-established tree, it's got hardly any branches so it's
not like it's going to get blown, right? What's going to do that?
You've got to be at least eight foot tall and probably 30 stone I say. You reckon?
how
Do you think we could do it? snap it or break it? or push it down? Well no but..
look at that that was a well-established tree
Okay so, just come across this in the clearing it's obviously a deer
Not a great deal left of it, his eye sockets gone
not a lot, not a lot remains of it
it's got two, it's got one back leg
two front
Yeah strange, there's only badgers and foxes really, predators in these woods so that's
pretty pretty unusual just left it the bottom of this tree line
hmm
we are at the end of our third day in the forests of loch ness, things are getting very
strange here, not only are we hearing strange noises in the night but one of our team members
steve has gone missing. The popular theory in camp is that he's gone for a walk but i
think other things are afoot. He's been gone all day, he's left his shoes behind and he's
not answering any of his phone calls, whether this is a coincidence or not he disappeared
on the morning after we heard the heavy footsteps in the camp and of course the shouting
I have my theories but i'm keeping them to myself, i just hope and pray that i'm wrong
Hey remember Blackpool last year? Ha yeah
Set up camp on the friday night what did he do on the saturday night? found a pub, went
on his own and we never saw him again for the rest of the weekend. So anybody else mate
yeah, he's gone to the pub mate, i mean how he's found the pub around here
i don't know but i don't know mate it's Steve isn't it? He'll turn up, he'll wander into camp
at two o'clock in the morning pissed out of his face. Yeah.
I agree mate, it's just um how
you'd structure the episode dispose into it, whether you interview the kids. Interview the
kids but maybe get a group of kids who've had night terrors. Yeah that are over it.
Or maybe ones that are still having it and especially.. It's best speaking when they're adults really
Best to speak to them when they are adults about when they were children
Do you know what i mean
Maybe and that yeah
Maybe they could like have a kid being filmed having a night terror and see what happens.
and see if they can pick up anything... Whats that up there?
What?
Ah, I told ya..it's Steve isn't it, come on. No way [ __ ] come on
Let's go, he's going to fall in the f*cking river
Wait for me, I've got the light
*Distant voices*
I told ya
Why is he coming through this way? He's fell over now I bet you, drunk.
Be prepared to find him o the floor pissed up lads
why would he just hide like that? Because he's a dick
and he does stuff like that
No man, that's weird man
No, we're falling right into his hands by even talking about this
Alright Steve, we're gonna nick some beers
Yeah, that was great Steve,
Cheers mate, see you later
Very funny
We will see where he went anyway when we look at the camera footage
*background voices*
So, we just witnessed a strange light off over in the woods
At first we thought it might be Steve
but when we went over to the area, the light was nowhere to be seen
He's actually doing a all-day long joke
He is actually a little bit crazy
No way!! Come and look at this Jon
Hold on..
Right, hang on, back a bit more
See the light? Hmm
Right, we go running off
Watch watch
Woh!!!
It just fucking disappeared. What was that?
What? that's mad
They're trying to make contact
What? who are?
I don't know. It's a spirit light.
It cant be a ufo, is it? it can't be, can it? no
I'll tell you what that'll look really good on the show
We'll have to back that up you know
That's good, that's good fucking footage mate
I mean...what the hells that?
I am literally speechless right now
You know what?
Whenever anything happens whether it's um big foots ufos whatever it's nearly always...
Is that on? that's on
It's nearly always about strange
lights in the sky there's always a light around at the time, i'm telling you
right, well no.. i mean i can't explain that if I'm honest but I dont know
We all saw the light. We saw the light indeed. That's pretty nuts. That is pretty cool
Is that not the sort of prank that steve would pull on us though?
I don't know
He aint that clever mate. I know he's a bit thick
It did look very good though, if that was him..
well done steve if that was you mate.
Yeah well done for making an orb just go into the sky and disappear
Come back and take the credit man because that was ace
That does look very cool and you got it on camera. That looked mint
That did look mint
It didn't make a sound though, there's no noise from it was there?
I didn't hear nothing.So it had gone, it's like it reacted to us coming towards it
So it was there..it was moving wasn't it? So we scared it off?
So was it blue? like a blueish light? I don't know
So if it wasn't a ufo then maybe it was a spirit light? yeah but it was like it reacted
to us coming didn't it? it was like moving then it was like whoa! what's the difference
between a spirit light and a ufo? One's a spirit light and one's a ufo.
And one's bloody Steve. Steve!
What is it? is it a ufo? is it a spirit light? or is it a mate being a right [ __ ] in the
bush? I'll tell you what, I'll.. I'll come.. i'll come a little bit on your side of the fence
here John, if it was Steve and he's heard our reaction to that he would come over and take
the credit for it. I will say that much. He would not be able to stop himself from
coming over and gloating like that. That would be his final little , what do you call it? cherry on the cake.
So i'm i'm i'm a little bit concerned about Steve boys, i'll be honest because i
genuinely thought that was him
What was that? Did you hear that?
What is it?
*whooping sound*
*louder whooping*
What the hell?
Shine your torch over there. What was that?
Dont shine the torch, put the torch down. What do you mean?
Okay yeah, let them come out of the dark, nice one
*Distant wood knocks*
*Strange vocal sound*
This is nuts man
I can't even look
i've never heard anything like that
How far away is that? that's pretty far away right?
Right what we doin? because I'm not staying here
I'm not staying here either. And that is definitely not Steve
Right, if Steve is not back first thing in the morning then we go. Mate, he's had plenty of time to come back, i say
we go now. Yeah i'm up for it mate. I'm up for doing that. Yeah i'm going man yeah deffo.
Now? Yeah
Fuck that. Whatever that is, it's got Steve.
It'll come and get us in a minute so I say we peg it now
First light mate. Yes, cool, safe
Or else we are going to be stumbling in the dark, first light.
I mean lets look at this,it's obviously someone pissing about but i mean that's.. that's.. that's something
else ,that's yeah, there's pissing about and then.. that's scary do you know what I mean?
Jon,what do you think man? I think..
okay i think we get our stuff ready but we do stay and then go first light.
Are we all sleeping in the same tent or something, I mean I'm not...
I'm not going to sleep tonight mate
If we all get our stuff together.
Yeah, don't anybody go wandering around alone. You reckon? yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Definitely not
okay it's 4am and i think a couple of
the lads have gone to sleep it's been a very
strange day. Steve still hasn't come back, the light in the forest and now screaming i do
believe that what we're dealing with here is paranormal in origin
the mixture between ufo and potential cryptids all lead to the portal
Either way, for the safety of our team we're going to be heading home in the morning
I think we have more than enough evidence on film.
The john farmer in me wants to stick
around, but my gut feeling is telling me to leave. If this really is a cryptid let's, say..
sasquatch that we're dealing with here, then we need to take note of what the first nation
tribes say, if you come into contact with these beings you are very unlikely to live to tell
the tale
Hundreds of people go missing in national parks every year, it makes you wonder
Morning. Did you hear anything else last night?
No, nothing thank God
Daz? You hear anything else?
No mate
What's that? Leaving a note for Steve
For if he decides to show up. Good idea
Tell him he's a dick. I have done, he is a dick.
I thought it could have been the locals though
But i've never heard anything like that ever, like it could have been an animal or some
creature or..
I don't know mate, i mean you gotta look at it this way i mean locals i mean what locals?
how many people have we seen when we've been here? nobody, we haven't seen anybody there's
no locals around here. I thought it could have been jon setting it up but...look at him.
Yeah. That's not Jon is it?
We gonna sort these tents out or what?
We need to get fucking out of here mate
Forget the tents. He'd be persuading us to stay.
What, we're leaving the tents here? We are leaving the tents here
Let's get the hell out of here, we can come back for them.
Well we've got to take our stuff obviously. We'll take our stuff, just travel light.
So our first time here at loch ness has come to a close.. come to a close? End. And so our first
time here at loch ness has come to an end with a few nights of strange happenings increasing
in intensity, we've decided that the safety of our team has to be a priority. Ufos, strange
beasts wandering the night and the unholy screams one thing is for sure loch ness has
many more mysteries to be solved. I'm john farmer john join me next time on there's something
in the shadows
Wait, wait up
*Walking through the bush sounds*
Kirk! slow down man, slow down
shhh
Can you hear that?
It's a person
Mate that's Steve. Steve?
I'll give him a call.
*Distant ringtone*
It's ringing! No!
We've got him. *excited laughter*
I knew it. Shh, be quiet
We'll sneak up on him.
*Steves ringtone getting louder*
Are you ringing him?
It's coming from up there.
What the hell is that?
Have you seen that?
What the fuck man
Is that Steve?
is that real?
I wanna go home man
listen listen listen listen listen listen we need to call the police, mate
john i'm calling the police mate is there anything i need to know mate before I ring this number?
fuck off Daz, fuck off
*Closer whooping*
Fuckin hell, run
*Choking sound*
Wait boys hold on
What? Kirk, where's Kirk?
Kirk! What do you mean where's Kirk? He's here, he's
is behind you. Where is he? Kirk!
He should be here
There's his bag. Kirk!
I can't get a signal. Where is he?, he was behind John, ring the police Daz. I'm ringing
the police mate. Ring the police Daz. I
I'm trying to get through to them.
Have you phoned the police? Kirk!
I'm calling them now Jon
His bags here
Kirk! what's going on?
*Heavy breathing*
Where is he? he was here, he was behind you john where is he? I was at the front.
Listen, we can't stay here
Hold on..
don't touch anything, don't touch anything. okay okay thank you thank you very much right listen
up boys the police
He was behind you, he's not missing he's here..he's with us
Listen Fred, calm down mate calm down
Kirk! Listen mate calm down
I need to tell you what the police have said
He's here. He's not fuckin here is he?
he's clearly not here. listen the police have said they're sending somebody out, they're
going to look for the gps you know we can either wait for them or we can get out
of here. We can't stay here we've got to get out and then someone can come back and look
for the pair of them.I agree with that. What are you putting a [ __ ] gopro on for? because
if people are going missing mate we need the evidence. Come on, I'm not hanging around... fred, fred
He's gone mate. [ __ ] sake. Think about what we've just seen i'm not staying here boys
please come on
go
Woh! hang on a minute Jon
What the hell? Well we definitely didn't come this way.
You got any water? It's inside here.
Go easy on it alright? Fuck you Jon
it's all ive got
chill out
It's not my fault ive been walking for an hour
Well it's not my fault either is it?
Chill out, come on.
Where you going?
I'm just gonna have a look over here, see if we can find a way off this
Fred we need to keep moving mate
Lets get a move on guys. Hang on, before we go any further,
can I at least just check? Well check it then
I'll just get the compass out. What do you need that for?
Make sure we're still going south. Navigation has got us to the side of a cliff boys.
oh we got a problem here
The compass isn't moving. Yeah exactly it's not moving
Well what does that mean?
Why is it not moving? how is that possible? Ive got no idea
That, hold on...
that's the electromagnetic field
Wheres the emf metre? Compasses don't just break. Get your toys out mate,
great time to play with your toys, brilliant. Well we've got to check haven't we? see if the compasses broke.
what are you checking for? It's gonna take two seconds, give me that give me that meter
Look at that. So..so what's that mean? It's going absolutely mental.
Well in a supernatural sense it means..It means we have to go come on let's
go. I'm calling the police again boys. Good luck with that. We got to keep heading south.
well that's the direction we've been going for an hour, we don't know. If we just look like we're
going in a straight line the compass is not working we can't go to the compass
anymore
Let's just keep going. Brilliant plan.
I'm going to turn this off
*Distant tree knocking*
If you are tracking our last location, we have moved away. Good luck with that.
If the compass is on south how will they track our location?
it's gps , I told you before. Yeah but it's not going to work is it. We need to keep moving.
I lost signal
If you want to tell us what this is in the woods you just go ahead and do it will ya?
It's obviously, come on, it's obviously not john is it? now come on. I''m here aren't I?
You know ive rung the police don't you?you'll have to explain this to them.
Daz, which way are we going? Daz! I haven't got a signal dont follow me
If we keep going in this direction we've got to come to a road or something, surely.
Why aren't we getting anywhere? i swear we've walked past these trees half an hour ago. We must
be coming up on a road soon. Put your camera away mate and check that we're not going around
in circles. I told you what I'm doing, i'm trying to record on so i'm trying to get whatever
i can if, someone's messing about i want to get it on camera. Starting to go dark boys,
i'm not spending another night out here
Help! Jon, we've tried that one we've tried that haven't we, it's obviously.. It's not going to do any
harm is it?
Help!
Whats up with you?
i can't carry on mate i've twisted the ankle. What are you going to do?You can't stay
here can you? look. You got to hop or something. I can't hop i've twisted have you ever twisted
your ankle? Yeah. You can't walk on it, i'll stay here, i'll stay here
and just send somebody back. you're not staying here don't be dramatic we're not leaving
without you, use the stick to support you. I can't mate, do you want to carry me? Use the stick to
support yourself, you haven't even tried it. I can't i'm telling you I can't. Nice one. Just
carry on. Brill. Just carry on. Brilliant. And send someone back to me. No.. nobody's coming
back for us mate, that's the point, when i phoned the police and they were going to get the
gprs signal we were miles away from where we are. Nobody's coming jesus [ __ ] christ
Daz, i wouldn't do that mate. Don't start with that bigfoot [ __ ] john we all know that
there's some nutter walking around, running around in the woods because you hired them,
as part of your little film. Don't you think if i had i would have said something by now?
why haven't you said something by now mate? because you've been scared and when it got too far
what could you say? oh sorry lads all this [ __ ] that's happening it's my fault. Is
this really helping? You've got what you want, we're all scared shitless and you're still
filming. Yeah obviously. If i'm the only one who's not in on this then will you please
just tell me. We're not in on anything, how do you explain the noises? the others going
missing? Oh hang on..Woop woop woop woop!..those noises? it doesn't take a professional actor to do that mate.
People going missing, the blood, the stuff hanging in the tree. Yeah how do we know that that
was Steve? it was so conveniently placed high up in the tree so that we couldn't
inspect the body. Well I can't explain it. Nice! I can't explain it. [ __ ] you. [ __ ] you! Come on, we gotta
get to a road, we got to keep our calm. Daz!
What now?
Well...you're gonna have to carry on Jon. I can't.
Well your gonna have to try aren't you? Give me that stick.
You can't stay here can you with whatever is out there?
I'd rather stay here than be with fucking him
Well he's stressed isn't he? Arnt we all?
Yeah I know but you cant just stay here can you?
I want to get out as well, so. This aint gonna work.
It is, just don't put all your weight on it.
It'll take forever, it's going to get dark.
Alright Jon? The sticks [ __ ] useless man, I might as well just hop.
Well it's helping you to walk isn't it?
Sorry mate, I'll find you a crutch.
Something with a bit sticking out at least
It's going dark man. Daz, slow down mate.
What? Nothing.
We need to get somewhere higher up, at least we can see where we are then.
Where?
Where's higher?
I don't know
Fucks sake
You alright Jon? Yeah.
Dandy
See any roads? No. Nothing at all? No
There's a mountain over there
That's not the one we came in on is it? the mountain? No, no, because..I cant see nothing
there's no roads, are you sure we haven't been here before in fact?
We better keep moving
The suns going down, that's it
This is utter bollocks. I'm not walking around there at night.
Or limping around there at night
We can't go this way now can we? look at it, just dense forest. nothing anywhere. And i can't
get down there.
So it's 1am, we've had to pitch a tent ,we're still lost and we don't want to be running
around in the woods with whatever it is that's out there
We haven't had a fire and we're trying to be really quiet because we don't want to attract
any attention to ourselves. We've got no battery left on our phones, which isn't great but as
soon as the sun comes up
we're gonna head in the same direction and we are gonna find a way out of these woods
Right, I'll turn it off. Yeah
*Loud screaming from the forest*
Shit! What the flipping heck was that?
Shh, keep it down man
*loud screaming*
Quiet
What the heck? what's that?
Oh my God Jesus
Come on, go
Which way? down here
*snapping and choking sound*
Woh woh, what was that?
Fred? Freddie?
where is he? Fred Fred.
what the [ __ ] is that?
Mate is that?
Can you see? Is that Fred?
Let's get out of here
Go go go go go
*Branches snapping*
Jesus! Fucking hell
*Heavy breathing*
Daz?
Oh fuck
I can't see
I can't look
Daz?
*Heavy breathing, panic sounds*
*Loud screaming*
This is a message for
anyone watching this
*Loud grunting sounds close by*
*Loud screams all around*
i don't think i'm gonna make it out of this forest alive.
steve
kirk
fred and now Daz
have all gone
and i think they're gonna be coming for me soon
*screaming*
I can't run anymore, i feel like my whole body is shutting down
There are creatures in these woods
intelligent creatures that must be destroyed
Holly
I'm sorry
I love you
i'm so so sorry
*screaming and grunting sounds all around*
*Heavy footsteps*
*Jon screaming*
*Screaming*
*ripping sound*
*Screaming and feeding frenzy*
*wind blowing and distant screams*