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A NETFLIX ORIGINAL COMEDY SPECIAL
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
Sorry. You lost.
Nothing is the same…
Buddy!
Hey, baby.
For better or for worse…
Nice to see you. I'll be in touch.
Because nothing is the same
It's better to laugh than cry
Laughing is better than crying
You need to live any way you can
While you're still alive
It's the crises that help you grow
I can handle all of them
The planet keeps spinning
But it never gets dizzy
Nothing is the same
For better or for worse
Always moving forward Never backwards
Because nothing is the same
LOKILLO NOTHING IS THE SAME
How are you doing?
Wow, I can't believe
I'm doing a live show with an audience, no matter how small,
considering what the planet has been through recently, but anyway…
I'm Lokillo Flórez.
Thanks for being here,
complying with all the "bio-happiness" protocols.
You might ask why we're here, in this magical, deserted warehouse.
For two reasons.
First, it's a romantic setting.
And secondly, because of our budget.
I wanted to shoot the show in a residential community,
in a small plaza, with the neighbors as our audience,
laughing with their families on the balconies.
Sadly, the regulatory authority for these cases wouldn't allow it.
The highest authority.
The standard-setter with the power
to permit these kinds of events in residential units.
Which is?
The security guard.
The moron didn't let me in!
So I got there,
and when a security guard says no, they mean no.
Even if it's President Putin's mother. "Mrs. Putin, no is no."
I'm standing there and he goes,
"The gentleman says he's from… Where are you from, buddy?"
"Hi. I'm here to shoot a Netflix show."
"Nenfis?"
"Netflix."
"Nedis?"
"Netflix."
"He says he's here to take a selfix."
"Permission denied." And they didn't let me in.
So we used this depot with no balconies, but also no security guards.
We're shooting this show,
which is more of a testimony for future generations,
to tell them that during this period of time
the world as we knew it changed, nothing is the same anymore.
We had to drop everything we were used to, our habits, hobbies, and activities.
Something as simple as shaking hands, we had to stop doing it
to greet people using something with a three-letter word.
A lady at home asks, "With your ass?" No, lady, with your elbow.
But it's not the same.
We humans have been shaking hands for ages.
Do you know where the handshake originated?
The handshake originated
in ancient civilizations.
If you don't know a date and you want to look smart, say,
"In ancient civilizations."
Sure, nobody can say, "I was there and that's not true."
The handshake, the high five,
they are among the nicest gestures we Westerners have.
The Asians, who've always been smarter than us,
use a thousand-year-old greeting that has survived pandemics.
Which is?
Bowing.
A bow that places them almost at a right angle.
Why is it called a right angle? Because that angle…
goes right up your butt.
No, we Westerners, especially Latinos,
need to make physical contact to greet each other.
Don't you miss physical contact?
We like touching, patting, punching. "What's up?"
"What's up, you crook?" "Playing dumb?"
"Here's a good-luck kick." "Hey, buddy." "Hey, kid."
"What's up, you moron?"
That had to happen before they coined the term, right?
"He must be a moron."
And we certainly need physical contact with chicks, but of the romantic kind.
"Hey, girl."
We need to kiss. Latinos need our little pecks.
"María Cristina, how are you, honey?"
"Camilita, you're so grown up!"
"What's up, María Laura, honey?"
Yes, romantic.
But we were told no more kissing on the lips.
It was hard for me to stop kissing on the lips
because my wife is the only person I never kiss on the lips.
But how can we kiss with masks on?
I couldn't take it anymore. I started kissing on top of the masks.
But kissing with a mask is worse than sucking a tit in a bra.
It makes no sense.
And, when we realized we couldn't make any physical contact,
we had no idea how to greet a friend on the street.
Remember those first days?
They used an elbow and you an ankle.
It was like playing with Messi.
Because nobody came up with an official greeting.
Like my first trip to Argentina.
Argentine men greet each other with a kiss on the cheek.
And we don't expect that, Colombians stick a hand out and…
"Hey. What's up-- Hey!"
So you don't know what to do.
Especially because Argentinians are tall, with intimidating blue eyes.
Not even governments knew what to tell us about greeting.
Not even they knew.
Remember when Latin American presidents said on national TV,
"Stop shaking hands. From now on, only do fist bumps."
When the president said do fist bumps, I remembered my dad.
He used his fist on my mom all his life.
Then they said no fist bumps either.
So I think we urgently need to find a new way to greet each other.
But a greeting that survives pandemics,
and isn't in danger of extinction, such as the handshake.
I humbly suggest…
I'm putting it on the table…
From now on, we'll greet each other by putting our private parts together.
It's not dirty, ma'am. Look at it as revolutionary.
Let's use our private parts to greet each other fearlessly.
"What's up?" Bang.
"Hello." Bang.
"What's up, dude?" Bang, bang, fearlessly.
Let's get our things together, guys. It's so easy.
And you can't catch the new virus like that.
You can catch other's viruses, but only those we're accustomed to.
We develop antibodies.
There were new TV campaigns showing us how to wash our hands.
We didn't know how to wash our hands.
Remember the video that went viral on WhatsApp and all the social media,
explaining how to wash our hands?
We learned it's with both hands,
between the fingers,
the thumbs,
the pothead scratching a palm…
I saw that, and I said,
"If we haven't washed our hands correctly all this time,
how are we cleaning our butts?"
No.
We're lucky there isn't a butt virus.
Imagine a butt virus?
"Wash it every 20 minutes."
"Go outside with a butt mask on."
"Use the mandatory butt sanitizer."
What would we do with no hands?
Imagine us
with no hands at a concert without being able to do this.
Well, not us. Our parents.
That's what our aunts and dads did. We kids don't do that.
We only raise our hands to dance for a TikTok.
The crazy TikTok chicks dance like this.
I don't dance like that because I'm a rapper, son.
Everybody, put your hands up
or be edited out.
You won't be in the video.
Your hands.
Latin Americans We still work hand in hand in the barrio
Under governments That won't give us a hand
I win at poker I have the best hand
I date your daughter But I never ask for her hand
A bird in hand is worth two in the bush
The cop yells, "Hands on your head"
And my buddies are right at hand
My friends, my buddies, my brothers
I'm glad we're washing our hands because I looked it up
and on just one human hand
there are more than 150 kinds of bacteria.
Think about where that hand was before shaking it.
Do your homework. Next time, smell that hand discreetly.
Try it out. Smell it.
"How are you? Okay?" "Yes, I'm fine."
"Smells like onion."
"This one's been cooking."
"Nice to meet you."
"Nicotine. This one was smoking."
"How are you?" "Fine, brother."
"Smells like vinegar and cheese."
"He took his girl to the movies."
No, thank God that we now in the habit of washing our hands often.
You know what's the problem is?
We wash our hands every two hours,
but we dry them with a towel we haven't washed in two months.
Think about that towel back home.
That body-and-hands towel
that you use to dry the car and clean your sneakers.
That filthy towel.
All Latin American homes have a towel like that.
The towel you throw away as a kid and it pops up again.
It just won't go away.
You move from house to house, and it follows you around.
What's more, it helps you move.
Who hasn't wrapped a mirror or a TV set in a towel?
That's when it shows up.
And the towel has different textures because it's so woolly.
It looks like tripe stew when it's wet.
And it's as rough as toast when it's dry.
So it both dries you and sands you.
It's the indestructible towel.
They say if there's a nuclear war,
guess what'll be the only thing to survive.
-Roaches. -Roaches and towels.
Ma'am, please, don't ruin the Netflix show.
No, it makes sense.
The lady says the roaches hide among those towels
as the blast wave expands.
Washing our hands makes sense, guys.
Why won't we wash our hands?
Our hands are what we, as human beings, use most.
Those that have hands.
Right? No.
Because if you don't have hands…
What are handless people washing? They'll get one hell of a butt virus.
No, I don't want to be rude, I don't.
Are any of you handless?
Raise your hand.
No, guys, no!
So, here we are,
adapting to these new realities, these new rules of coexistence.
Because a virus showed us how vulnerable we human beings are.
It's the only thing that, for a while, made us feel equal.
Your race, sex, religion, language, none of that mattered.
It didn't matter whether you were rich or poor.
Because regardless if you lived in a mansion or in a wooden hut,
you still had to stay inside.
If you were divorcing your wife,
I hope you didn't get your divorce papers during the pandemic
because that would be a mess.
Imagine you're in the middle of it,
paying your attorneys, you didn't even get to keep the kids.
"Free at last!"
"Stay away from me. That's your corner and this is mine."
What about the guy that, in early 2020,
quit his job to work freelance?
No. Don't be like that.
No, the guy that had his teeth fixed,
and the treatment was completed when the pandemic hit.
Imagine having a mouthful of wires for a couple of years
to straighten teeth that looked like a piranha high on coke.
Then he finally has a decent smile,
and he has to use a mask after the treatment is done.
Those who were getting some huge tattoos,
that are done in sections,
and now have a section missing because of the lockdown.
My friend Daniela had a tattoo started on her arm
that would've said "honor."
When lockdown started, they had only got to "ho…"
Tough luck, right?
What a coincidence! Because she's a…
What about the guy that woke up from a coma during lockdown?
There are real cases of people who woke up from a coma during lockdown.
The case of the soccer player is the most interesting.
He was in isolation for three years.
See? In a coma.
It's the same thing.
Man! Three years!
So, when that unfortunate event occurred
he had no idea that we would be in this situation.
Imagine waking up from a coma during a pandemic.
"Ma'am."
Please let me focus on my coma.
You'd wake up a guy in a coma.
Let's continue. "Ma'am."
"Ma'am."
"I'm back! Oh my God, I'm back!"
"I made it back! Yes! I want to enjoy every moment."
"Don't move."
"We can't leave, sir. We're in a lockdown."
"A lock what? Why?"
"I want to go outside and do something."
"We're going live in 30 minutes,
if you want to be reconnected."
No way. Not that.
No, not that.
Not that.
No. You're so cruel.
The amputee guy goes, "I have no hands to clap with."
The ladies that had butt lifts
and breast implants to get sugar daddies…
because it's a good investment.
And we all got locked in. Tough luck.
You should've used the silicone money for a good phone plan
because you even had to hook up over a video call,
which I think benefits men a lot.
Think about it.
Women coming out of a very long lockdown
won't be as demanding when they start looking for a partner.
The age-old prophecy was fulfilled.
"All men are equal." And we were really equal.
All guys on a video call,
bearded and shaggy.
Groomed up here, and down there, shorts and flip-flops.
Everyone using masks. Great, guys. We're not ugly anymore.
We're kind of ugly.
Ladies, we men won't let you…
Ladies,
let me tell you something.
Go for it.
Use your elbows or whatever to get what you want, ladies.
Strike while the iron is hot.
Pretend you're in a bad neighborhood.
Get on the first bus that passes by, even if it's not your bus.
Go out there Pokémon-style. "I choose you."
Just grab him.
It's so tough finding a guy nowadays
that moms talk to their daughters
as if the guy was a bowl of soup, "Eat him up, honey."
"Eat him all up, honey."
"Lots of poor women must be jealous of what you're throwing away, honey."
I'm sure when the lockdown started many women said,
"I want a man that's tall, dark, rich, smart and funny."
During lockdown, "I want a man that's tall and funny."
After lockdown, "I want a man."
But it's not all bad. Not all ladies got locked down alone.
Some got locked down with their husbands or boyfriends.
They finally got their man in there.
Their man was there 24/7.
There was no excuse like, "I'm going to play a game…"
"No, sir, there's a lockdown. Come here."
Man! They had them there all the time.
And the Friday night excuse for going to meet up with friends is over.
So much for Friday night hangouts.
According to People magazine,
during the crazy year of 2020,
women had to rethink the list of qualities
they look for in Prince Charming.
Lists that had so far stated that…
All women want a man That's sweet and cute
Romantic and faithful
Who can dance and cook
Who buys them presents
And who smells nice
Who, when she comes home tired
Surprises her with a foot massage
Tells her a joke in the daytime
But bangs her three times at night
And loves and protects her Any way she sees fit
Without being jealous and annoying
One who doesn't pee on the toilet seat
Or leave hairs on the soap
They must wonder if such a man exists.
Is there such a man?
Of course.
The problem is that that guy
Already has a boyfriend
It's your choice, ladies.
A digital guy, or an anal-og guy.
I recommend the digital guy.
Sure, because nowadays we need to keep informed
about virtuality and technology.
It's our new reality, technology and virtuality.
If you didn't like digital platforms,
you had to accept that they were the only way to telecommute,
participate in virtual classes, entertain and to do business.
So, during that huge lockdown, your best bet was the Internet.
And the famous telecommuting started.
Remember? Everybody started working from home.
And it was a mess.
"You're not connected." "Send me the link." "That's not the link."
"Restart it." "That's not it." "What platform is it?"
"I emailed you it."
"Switch the speakerphone off and turn on the camera."
Yes, video calls started crashing
because everybody was online, remember?
Video calls crashed, but beautiful people had no problems.
Beautiful is beautiful, so…
Beautiful people looked like the stars of Titanic.
Frozen, but glamorous.
So annoying! And at virtual meetings…
"Boss, I think we should…
have a meeting to discuss…
every chance of…"
They looked gorgeous, while we ugly people looked even uglier.
My God, why was that when we looked our very worst?
"Boss, is there any chance…"
"My market research says…"
That's so annoying!
Either the video or the audio crashed.
"Boss, I think that ho…"
"Excuse me, Flórez?"
"That whole system crashed, but it just needs a good…"
"What, Flórez?"
"I'll stop working on it. It needs a good revision, you moron."
"What, Flórez?"
"I'll assess the situation today, you ass."
It was really tough.
And while we were telecommuting,
our kids had virtual classes, remember?
Our adorable moms had to repeat grade school with the kids.
While we worked there.
I have two kids, Luchi and Santi.
They both have computers.
I telecommute while they study. The boy, the girl, and I'm over here.
Our cords got tangled up.
My son sent projects to my boss.
I did tests with my daughter's teacher.
What's the problem? My son got promoted, and I flunked.
No way.
Even doctor appointments were virtual.
That's ridiculous, guys. Virtual medical appointments?
We did all that in person. Virtual medical appointments?
I had a video call with my dentist.
My son walked in while I was like this…
"What are you doing, Dad?" "I'm at the dentist, son."
"I know. Like Mom did last night." "With the dentist?"
"No, with the gynecologist." "What?"
No, we haven't gotten that far.
Who is she sending that to?
Even worse, what are they sending her?
But it's not a bad idea.
But of course, if gynecologists are-- Are any of those here?
I can't smell your… Kidding.
If any gynecologists are watching, virtual consultations are a great idea.
And I know who you can practice with.
Webcam models.
What better patient for a gynecologist to practice with than a camgirl?
I know there are vulnerable groups watching this.
You vulnerable groups at home, what's a camgirl?
A camgirl is a kind of influencer.
Like a YouTuber who displays their content in front of a camera.
Who, instead of followers, has predators.
And unlike YouTubers, looks for the finger down there, not a thumbs up.
Who has a great… Yes, ma'am, please.
They're real pros. They know how to open the app.
They have flexible schedules, very flexible.
Camgirls are way ahead of their time.
What better example of initiative and independence than that of a camgirl?
When telecommuting started becoming popular,
they were already telecommuting pros.
We were just learning,
while they earned their bread for years by the sweat of their bodies.
No. Sorry. Cut that out.
They earned their bread by the sweat of their brows.
They never worried about being fired.
They didn't have to worry when companies started firing people.
They were fine, while other women experienced some very hairy situations.
A friend of mine is a camgirl.
Sometimes I ask her to send me pictures with her clothes on.
But I know what you think, "What a pervert. How can you do that?"
I know her because we worked together until she quit her job.
We met again and I said,
"Daniela, honey, how are you? Why did you quit your job?"
She said, "No way, man!"
"I was so exhausted."
"I was totally screwed with those schedules."
"And the boss was all over me 24/7."
"Now I'm still exhausted and screwed, but the boss isn't all over me 24/7."
And the classic question for a camgirl, "Do you make a lot of money?"
And she says, "More or less."
"It takes time."
"At first, not much came in, but now it won't stop coming."
And I said, "I can imagine. Do your folks know?"
"Yes."
"My dad almost had a heart attack when he found out."
"He smashed things and yelled at me, 'Forget that I'm your dad.'"
"So I said, 'Okay, Dad. I'm leaving.'
'I'm taking the car I got for us.'
'I'll stop paying the mortgage and the utility bills.'"
"And what did your dad say?"
"Forget that I'm your dad."
"I'm your manager, honey."
"It's a family business."
"Let's move forward."
"Let's tidy up this room."
"Let's upgrade the set. Look at that filthy rosary."
"Dad, drop the sex beads."
It must be so awkward for a dad to admit to his kid
that he knows she's a camgirl.
Just imagine the old man in that situation,
"Daniela, I know all about it."
"I know all about it."
"I seen it."
And she says, "How did you see it?"
And what does her dad say? "Well…
Well, I… I logged into YouTube
looking for a video of the game,
and one game led to another,
and I tried to close an ad,
but it took me to a subscription page which I tried to close,
but I accidentally put in my name."
"My name, address, and credit card."
"So now I'm a member."
The dad!
Camgirls are the real pros, guys.
They make money from home, never catch any diseases.
Maybe a computer virus.
Good lights, good mics, good tits.
They've got it all.
They have soundproof rooms, but not to keep all the noise inside,
to avoid being distracted by all the noise in the street.
They're a vulnerable group. Let me explain.
When somebody tips them,
a bell on the computer rings meaning…
This guy's like, "Yeah."
"He's right."
A bell rings.
That means they've been tipped. Tips are called "tokens."
They're tipped to fondle themselves.
They respond to the bell with an action, so, ting-a-ling
Ring-a-ling.
Ting-a-ling.
Ring-a-ling.
If the room isn't soundproof,
and the ice cream guy goes by…
Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling.
That would kill them.
Or dehydrate them at least.
We have a lot to learn from camgirls.
We should all have a room at home that's set up for virtual events.
That's our new reality, and I don't think it's going away.
A room at home for virtual events,
for telecommuting, a virtual classroom for the kids or for us.
For a tutorial, for a conference,
even to record social media content.
Or a room where the mariachi band can't interrupt you
with their 30 daily serenades.
Remember how that also became popular? Singing all day in front of the house?
Remember we threw bills at them for them to sing?
Then we threw coins at them to shut them up.
And there were peddlers interrupting our telecommuting all day long.
What's the use of investing money in an Apple Mac
if the noise comes through the "Windows"?
Am I smart or what?
You thought all my jokes were about amputees? No.
So I'm trying to work on my Apple, and outside I hear, "Apples."
"Apples,
yummy apples."
"Get your apples."
With music and everything, right? "Get your apples."
"Apples."
Imagine trying to recite a poem to the girl you like, virtually,
and peddlers keep interrupting you outside,
while you go, "I like you more than red wine."
"You rouse all my emotions, and I dream about playing those two…"
"Lemons!"
"Of playing those two songs I wrote for you
inspired by your eyes that cuddle me, fondle me all over to feel…"
"Yucca!"
"To show you how much you inspire me, I will thrust…"
"Four bananas for 50 cents."
"…my heart into your hands although your mother…"
"Copper, plastics, glass."
"…doesn't suspect you have…"
"Smoking hot buns."
"I'll open the balcony and smell your…"
"Fresh fish."
Unbelievable.
Peddlers are so annoying.
They'll say I forget where I came from.
No, I was a peddler too. They're just annoying.
But I wish them well. I want them to go far too.
Very far.
Where we can't hear them, for Pete's sake.
NASA should send all of them to the moon in a rocket.
They can set up a flea market there.
NASA!
If you're watching me, NASA--
I know they stopped researching to watch my show.
If you're watching, it's a great business idea,
sending peddlers to the moon.
Because NASA knows how to make money.
Don't forget that, in 2020, during the pandemic,
they launched a rocket into space, remember?
The SpaceX.
They launched a rocket with two crew members
as a prelude to space tourism.
What does space tourism mean?
That you can buy a ticket to take a walk on the moon.
Rich people could…
"Ma'am, please take the lifesaver off."
"That's for rich people, ma'am."
Why are poor people so impulsive?
Rich people plan their vacation for years.
Say the word "trip" to poor guy and that's it.
A poor guy's sitting on a corner removing lice from a younger poor guy.
And a poor neighbor goes by in a poor guy's car
and says to this poor guy, "Lokillo."
"What are you doing?" "Nothing."
"Let's go to the beach." So they head for the beach.
And they phone the company midway.
"Boss, I think I'm sick."
No, space tourism is for the wealthy.
Only the wealthy.
Rich people are getting ready to move to another planet.
Did you know land is for sale on the moon?
It's true. They're selling land on the moon.
People bought land on the moon, for Pete's sake!
Rich people aren't stupid.
They'd be poor if they were stupid.
Rich people are leaving Earth before there's another pandemic.
Rich people will move to another planet to avoid contact with what?
With peddlers. No.
With viruses.
Don't be surprised if a being from the future appears,
a special being from outer space,
to warn us about human migration to other worlds.
Landing
Run!
Close all airports!
Do not eat that bat soup!
No, really. A pandemic is coming.
It already did?
I miscalculated my landing.
Then I'll warn you about the asteroid Apophis,
which will strike in 2036.
Then you'll all be a vulnerable population.
Yes.
Where are my manners?
I am Rastacuando.
A time-traveling messenger
from the pluperfect future.
And I bring you good tidings.
But first, I'll explain.
We managed to settle Mars in time.
Yes.
Remember the spaceship SpaceX?
With two crew members?
There were 50 domestic workers in the spaceship's hold.
Fifty cleaners who had to prepare the planet
for the arrival of the wealthy and the planet's brightest people.
Those women made beds.
Mended the black holes.
Swept the stardust.
Until everything was ready.
Several years later another ship took off
with Earth's wealthiest and brightest
to replenish the human race on Mars.
The spaceship had 50 seats.
Fifty seats distributed like this.
Twenty-eight seats
for the planet's wealthiest people.
Only rich people. Filthy rich.
And I mean rich!
People you look at and say,
"Rich."
Filthy rich people with lots of jewels, watches,
and diamond-studded masks.
And old ladies with tiny dogs shitting in a Louis Vuitton bag.
Only the rich, guys.
Twenty-eight seats.
Fourteen seats.
Twenty-eight, 29, 30…
Fourteen seats
for planet Earth's brightest medical doctors.
They finally realized health is vital.
The first line of defense. They finally remembered the MDs.
So, 19 seats for medical doctors.
Twenty-four, three, four.
Fourteen seats
for the most important medical doctors,
for Earth's most distinguished medical doctors and scientists.
Doctors who were always leading the way.
Except the prostate doctor who was always behind.
That's right.
Twelve, 14, 24.
There were 43 seats left.
What?
Twenty-nine seats…
for planet Earth's brightest thinkers.
Only Nobel Prize winners.
Only intelligent people.
Philosophers.
Philologists.
Phosphorous.
Phosphorescent.
And distinguished political leaders.
Only political leaders.
They even had to have Donald Trump escorted outside.
He grabbed a seat,
and wouldn't let it go.
"It's mine now."
No way.
Forty-four, forty-seven.
Twenty-nine.
Two seats
for the best Spanish-speaking comedians.
Laughter is important to humans here, or on any other planet.
The two best and brightest comedians.
The most revolutionary, the most renowned, the two best Spanish-speaking humorists.
And I know you guys are psychos,
and you want to know who those two humorists are, right?
You want to know.
I don't know, I was so tired I slept on the two seats.
I don't know who got on board.
Thirty-seven, thirty-four.
There were two seats left.
The stewardesses' seats.
But since one of them sat on the pilot's lap…
her seat was vacant.
And the seat was assigned to
a mariachi band of 15 musicians.
All 15 of them fit on it.
You say, "No way would they fit, Rastacuando."
No, they practiced in those tiny vans.
They were able to fit on it with all their instruments.
All the way there, they played the stewardess's cucaracha.
She was such a slut.
I woke up halfway there,
and I even sang the stewardess a song.
What?
A stellar kind of love, dude
A space-age kind of love
A special kind of love…
It's called "Planetary Passion That Unites Us In The Cosmos Of Love."
Hey there, lady
Why don't you talk to me
About the planets
You're watching through your window?
Show me Uranus
So round and dark
Yes, woman, and let me see
Your mound of Venus too
And in Uranus the rings
Of Jupiter
If there's another star in your life
I'll understand
If I was jealous on Earth
I won't be jealous here
I admit that
Rastacuando screwed you on Earth
But that's all behind us now
You might ask why I came all the way from the future.
Remember I said I had good tidings?
Well, since they only sent billionaires and geniuses
on that last flight,
it's very boring over there.
Only good people? No!
There are no thieves.
No cops because there are no thieves.
No dead people
because there are no cops.
So, the interplanetary agencies,
together with NASA,
decided to launch a final flight,
but for the dregs of society this time.
Why? Because everything is balanced in the universe, right?
Light and dark.
Good and bad.
Jeans and T-shirts.
So, along this line of thinking,
there will be a flight for unpleasant people.
Bad people.
Losers, poor people, ugly people.
People with nothing to live for.
Stupid people.
Despicable people.
And that, obviously,
gives you guys a chance.
Yes!
Be proud.
On that flight, there will only be two security guards.
Why two security guards?
One to sleep during the day.
And another to sleep at night.
The rest of them will get a form like this to fill out.
"Application for project: How to Make Matters Worse."
You may travel if you meet one or more requirements.
With one or more of these requirements.
If you pretend to be asleep on the bus to avoid giving up your seat…
to a pregnant woman…
especially if it's your pregnant wife…
you may travel.
If you use your granddad to do your banking transactions…
because they let him cut in line…
you may travel.
Hey, no, don't do that to old people.
Don't do that to Grandpa.
Don't put him in danger on the street. Go on.
Get rid of him. Send him to a nursing home.
They're annoying.
If you sneak in a counterfeit bill because somebody screwed you over too…
Raise your hand if you've been screwed.
If, when you go to the movies,
you buy cheap tickets
and, when the movie starts, you switch to premium seating…
That is so annoying!
You go to see the genius Lokillo's movie
and you're in your premium seat,
comfortable, quiet, not hurting anyone.
Like a decent person.
And when the lights go out and the movie starts,
you see this row of miserable dogs moving forward
and sitting next to you.
Here!
The security guard realizes
none of us have premium tickets and he makes us move.
Yes.
But guess what the best news is?
That on the last flight there will be no Asians,
or Europeans, or Gringos, or anything.
Only Latin Americans.
Because it's a scientific fact
that we Latin Americans have more defense mechanisms.
Yes.
Because we were sent to war as kids.
We Latin Americans are well-trained.
Be proud to be Latin Americans.
We have more defense mechanisms.
Latin Americans
Have so many defenses
Because of the way we were raised
And we're not ashamed of it
If we drop some food
We pick it back up
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
We blow it off and eat it
The same soda
Is shared by ten And that way
It's the last one who drinks
Everybody's backwash
Going to the bathroom to do number two
Chatting with your woman
Then without wiping the screen Or washing our hands
We put it on our ears
Latin Americans
Have so many defenses
Because of the way we were raised
And we're not ashamed of it
If there's no clean underwear
Wearing it inside out is okay
And if our ear itches
We stick a key in there
We use a bag
As dental floss
And drink water from the pool
Which is a urinal for kids
We sweep the floor And sweep the dust under the rug
And the dog that licked another dog's butt
Comes and French kisses us
Latin Americans
Have so many defenses
Because of the way we were raised
And we're not ashamed of it
Latin Americans
Have so many defenses
We will survive
See you in the future
Blessed love, guys.
Hey!
I'm here!
I came from the past.
I was in a warehouse that looked like a prison.
Loaded with thieves and prostitu--
Dudes and protestants.
Did you believe everything he said?
I did.
Sure I did. It makes a lot of sense.
Because human beings destroyed this planet.
We destroyed the planet.
What else can we do but look for another planet to colonize?
And they need to take us Latinos to colonize it.
Especially Colombians.
Who else can spice things up on another planet?
We Colombians.
Besides, the pandemic made Colombians much more sensitive.
We know the world is ending.
So, drink up, have fun, have sex, the end is near.
"Wash your hands." What for?
I suck my fingers clean after having chicken.
"No going out." What do you mean "no going out"?
I'll forge a doctor's ID if I have to, but I'm going out today.
Or I'll go out in an animal suit.
Because that was great.
Remember the animals that appeared during the pandemic?
What a powerful message.
Animals reappearing.
Animals reappearing in deserted cities.
What a lovely message, the animals felt free
when we beasts were locked in.
Hell of a statement!
Hey, write that down, please.
Mark it "anonymous."
That was beautiful.
Seeing the animals again.
Nanny goats in Spain appeared with their kids,
without their bullying billys.
Boar and deer appeared.
A bat appeared in China and they ate it.
We heard some felines that we thought were extinct.
Los Tigres del Norte, La Tigresa del Oriente, El Puma.
Dolphins went back to the bays.
Two more weeks and a Tyrannosaurus would've shown up.
That's right.
I wouldn't be surprised if, during another pandemic, God forbid,
animals came back determined to take over the planet.
They'll come back as leaders next time. Imagine an animal in office?
There's one in Venezuela.
And here in Colombia too.
Not true. That one isn't a leader.
Imagine animals side to side with us in society, treating us as equals?
Imagine an elephant as a business manager?
Walk into a meeting, and he's curling his trunk angrily at us.
Or a beetle as a musical producer, playing Bad Bunny's last song.
"What a piece of shit!"
"I love it. We'll all love it."
Animals have been gaining ground for a long time.
There are quite a few Hollywood stars among them.
Like Lassie, Babe,
101 Dalmatians, Free Willy, Doctor Dolittle,
and the Kardashians, right?
No, the bitches don't have a movie yet.
At least, I haven't seen their movie on Netflix.
And I watched Netflix all the time during lockdown, like you guys.
It was great having Netflix during lockdown.
Man!
We finally saw entire movies, right?
It used to be an excuse to have sex.
Who didn't use the line, "Want to watch a Netflix movie at home?"
You started with a comedy and ended up being naughty.
I watched all the Netflix movies. I remember everything. I saw everything.
The horror movies impressed me more. Maybe you saw them too.
Huge horror movies, like Annabelle.
It was all about Annabelle, the doll that moves on its own.
I wasn't scared at all
because I've been seeing a moving doll since I was 14.
In documentaries, I saw the history of World Wars.
The first and the second. I think the third is coming soon.
In dramas I saw-- Remember that drama?
It made everybody cry.
It's about an intellectually disabled dad and…
And you too.
Hey, a dad…
No. You guys saw it too.
No, you guys saw it too.
You saw it too.
A dad with an intellectual disability who has a little girl,
and he is imprisoned by mistake and the girl… Remember?
I didn't like it.
Maybe I have a heart of stone.
It's a nice story, but it didn't move me that much.
I saw it with some friends who were like this the whole time.
Until I told them to stop bringing drugs to my place.
"Show some respect."
And in action movies I saw…
The one about the saga about…
About an angry guy with premature ejaculation.
What's it called?
Fast and Furious.
I checked the stand-up comedy list,
and I wasn't on it.
So I said, "Dear God, I must be on it."
"Lokillito from Dabeiba, Antioquía, must be on Netflix."
"We need to shoot it in Medellín with a local audience."
"And we need to be on Netflix now!"
For two basic reasons.
First, we're gonna get hit by an asteroid.
Rastacuando warned us.
And secondly,
because if we learned anything from this pandemic,
it is that laughter is the only thing we should spread all over the world.
Subtitle translation by: Ricardo Espinoza