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[dramatic music playing]
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[birds chirping]
[Nathan] I'm Nathan. I'm 13.
I live in Denver, Colorado with my mom.
When I get home, I'll go longboard,
maybe Skype a friend or go outside,
play with the neighbors.
I don't know how old I was when I figured out
that I was conceived with donor sperm though.
Most of my friends
come from a pretty normal family.
I tried to look for the donor, but...
[man speaking]
No.
When I was first contacted by other siblings,
I remember that I was talking
to friends on Facebook
and I got a message saying,
you know, "Are you Nathan? Do you live in Denver?"
I said "Yes."
And that's how I met them.
[dramatic music playing]
[woman] This is the audio tape
of donor 5114.
Today's date is October 23rd, 1996.
[man] Hello, my donor number is 5114.
I am six feet one inch tall.
I have medium build, straight brown hair,
and brown eyes.
I have full lips,
and my racial color code as established
by the California Cryobank is white.
[woman] Can you give me one or two adjectives
that best describe you?
[man] I would say optimistic and curious.
[woman] Do you have any hobbies?
[man] Any hobbies, yes.
I like fly fishing and running,
reading, and traveling especially.
[woman] Do you have anything that you would like to say
to the recipient of your sperm
or a child born from your sperm?
[man] Yes. I wish them all the luck.
[dramatic music playing]
[woman] This is, like, one of the three pictures
I have of me and you together.
No, it's... You're not in anything in here,
this is all before... B.N., Before Nathan.
That's the first... That's Hawaii,
that's... You were seven weeks old.
People thought I was crazy.
"They said "What'd you do, just give birth
and get on a plane?" [chuckles]
I think I knew from the time I was seven years old
that basically what I wanted to be
when I grow up was a mommy,
and it just ended up
that I was single for most of my life
and so I decided to do
a donor insemination.
I never considered an extended family.
I never really... Even the thought of siblings
didn't really enter my mind.
You're so excited about the fact
that you're starting this journey
with having a baby. You don't think of,
you know, you got...
You don't think about the wider picture.
Everyone thought you were gonna be like
a nine-pound baby
and you were six pounds, thirteen ounces.
You were microscopic.
[Nathan] When my half-siblings first contacted me,
I remember being happy that I had half-siblings
but a little frustrated with my mom
because she had known about some of them
and she hadn't told me before.
Well, I had told my mom about this
and she didn't think
it would be a good idea to tell Nathan.
She believed that he had a family
and he didn't need any other family.
Then I thought, well, you know,
when he's older, if he ever wants to know,
if he ever puts it together in his head that,
you know, there might be,
I just thought I'd let him kind of...
And I left it alone.
I never really thought that
I would come in contact with my siblings
but I knew that there was a chance
that there were, out there.
Me and the other siblings always get on Skype,
talk to each other online
after we all get home from school.
I feel like I've already known them
for longer than I have
even though I might know that much about them.
Being online having social media
really helps us stay connected
because so far,
it's the only contact we have
between each other.
[woman] He's been on Skype with these siblings
since the day he met them
and tomorrow we are getting on a plane
and we are flying to Taos
and he is going to meet five of his half-siblings.
[dramatic music playing]
- [Nathan] Hi. - [Zeke] Hi.
[woman] You must be Zeke.
[Zeke] My name is Zeke.
- [man] Yeah. - [man] Do you have a...
- [woman] Hi. - [Nick] Hey.
Hello.
[indistinct chatter]
- [woman] Let's go. - [girl] Let's go.
- Hi. - [Nathan] Hi.
[Alexis] Hi, Nate.
- [Nathan] Hi. - Okay.
[dramatic music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Alexis] Ten hours.
[indistinct chatter]
[man speaking]
[Danny] Oh, yeah.
[Alexis] Danny, I brought you a flower.
[indistinct chatter]
So where did you come from?
[indistinct chatter]
[Danny] Oh we got a tarantula.
[man] Yeah, where is the tarantula anyway?
[indistinct chatter]
[woman] It's kind of overwhelming.
It's... There's a lot of people
and a lot of children and I had talked
to a couple of people outside
when I first got here and everyone's so friendly
and nice and it's just exciting.
[Neylan] Oh, I have a present for you.
Oh, cool.
A bracelet.
- Yeah, it's pretty. - [man speaking]
Yeah. We're sisters, you know?
They all say "sisters forever."
Yeah. We're all girls here.
- Right, Danny? - [Zeke] What?
[Danny] What? No, yes.
[man] So when you guys got here,
you guys got here last night.
Like, what did you guys do today?
- Waiting for Nathan. - Yeah. He never came.
[Danny] On Skype, he told me that he'd be here
by, like, 5:00 in the morning
so we were all up till like 5:00 in the morning,
- waiting for him. - Yeah.
- And then... - We slept on the balcony.
And then it turned out that he left at 5:00
in the morning. I was like, "wow."
[man speaking]
[Nick] At first, I was really nervous.
I didn't know what to say because I feel like
we're brothers and sisters but,
like, we've never met before.
So I didn't really know what to say.
My name is Nick.
May name is Danny.
My name is Alexis.
My name is Neylan.
My name is Zeke.
[Nick] I've noticed that we all have full lips.
[Alexis] Yeah. And dark eyebrows.
[Neylan] And bushy eyebrows, yeah.
[Alexis] Some of us have, like, kind of wide-ish noses
like we do and he does kind of...
And we all play soccer.
- Yeah. - Right?
Do most of us do track?
I do track, yeah.
It's my favorite sport, so.
[Nick] Today, like, we kind of like...
We got to know each other well today I think.
- [Neylan] Yeah. - Yeah.
And I wanna know Nathan more, too.
[indistinct chatter]
[Danny] At first, meeting Neylan's mom,
they found each other and we've been talking
ever since we were little.
[Alexis] Their moms found, like, Nick
and a few other people and then like my mom really
wasn't into the whole donor thing
and she was kind of like staying away from it.
And then I got interested
and I started looking for my half-siblings.
She wasn't, like, against it. She just didn't really
think about it that much
and, like, she was like, "Oh, if my daughter's"
interested in it, I'll be interested in it...
in it, too." So, when I was old enough
to understand and, like, look for my half-siblings,
then she kind of like helped me out.
Yeah.
I have not had any contact
with any of the mothers before this.
I've been sort of on the margin.
So I find the experience both delightful,
I think they're all very, very wonderful,
but I also find it quite frankly odd
because here I am with a group of women
who have had children by the same man as I have
and we just met. So it is a bit...
Again, it's very delightful
but it's also weird, I think.
But we can't hate each other...
- No. No. No. - ...because our man
didn't, like, screw around or anything.
- No. No. - It's all by choice.
It's... Yeah.
I never in my wildest dreams
would have thought we would be sitting here
with other children from the same donor.
I guess I never really thought about the fact
that Neylan was gonna meet these other children,
and they were gonna be like siblings.
They've got a connection
and I think it's hard for any of us
to understand because we all have the connection
because we've picked the same number.
But the kids have the connection
that they came from the same person.
[woman] Okay, Donor 5114, are you a student?
[Nathan] Yes.
[woman] And what are you studying?
[man] I'm studying my masters in architecture.
[woman] Can you give me one or two adjectives
that best describe you?
[man] I'd say optimistic and curious.
[woman] And what do you admire in others?
[man] I admire when people show a sense of courage
and honesty.
[woman] And what do you least like about others?
[man] I least like lying, really.
It something that bothers me a lot.
- [woman] Dishonesty? - [man] Dishonesty.
[woman] Okay. Great. Good.
Do you have anything that you would like to say
to your recipient of your sperm
or a child born from your sperm?
[man] Yes. I wish them all the luck.
[woman] Okay. All right. That's it. Thank you.
Well, the first time I heard it, I was like...
I was kind of shocked to hear his voice
because I didn't really, like,
I didn't know like at all what he was like
and it just, like, makes me more curious
about what he's like and what he looks like.
[Alexis] I wished that he had said more in the tape,
like, I expected more.
When they asked him, like, if there was anything
that he'd like to pass on to, like,
the recipients of his donation,
like, I wish he had said more than good luck,
like, that kind... That part kind of
made me feel kind of empty,
like, that's all you have to say? Yeah.
[Danny] Like it was almost like in the profile
that he like just donated
because he needed the college money.
Sort of seemed like that.
- [Neylan] Yeah. - Right.
If he wants to have, like, contact with us
when we get older.
[dramatic music playing]
[birds chirping]
[Alexis] I want our donor to know that,
yeah, we really want to meet him
and we know that he probably has a life
of his own now and he might have, like,
a partner and kids that he's raised
and that we just wanna have,
like, some identity of who we are.
[Danny] Because you wanna know the other half of you,
like, you only know what your mom gave you.
- Yeah. Like... - And sometimes
you're not even that similar to your mom,
so you're like ugh.
[Nick] It's, like, hard to, like,
not be able to think of who your dad is.
Most of my friends can just, like,
talk about their dad or, like, know who they are
and I can't, like...
Like I can't even picture him in my head
of what he looks like, only my mom.
[dramatic music playing]
[Alexis] So we're all here in California
and we're gathering for our second
sibling reunion. Some of us haven't met before
- and... Like Mattie... - And me.
...and Sadie.
I think we're all just looking forward
to having a really good time here with one another.
[dramatic music playing]
[Mattie] It hasn't, like, hit me yet
that, like, I met everyone
because we all just kind of clicked
and we connected really well.
And it all felt just really natural.
[Sadie] Yeah. We get along so well already
because we're related so we're kind of not afraid
to just be ourselves
and we don't have to like impress them
because we're all like brothers and sisters,
and it's not like meeting new people,
you have to worry about like what they think of you.
[Mattie] Yeah. And we all like talk about
stuff about ourselves that you normally
wouldn't share with other people,
and we compare ourselves, like, oh,
- you have the same... - [Sadie] Yeah.
We have the same feet.
[dramatic music playing]
[Lisa] Sadie and I found out about the first reunion
and it was too late for us to come to
and Sadie was devastated,
and she wanted to come on her own
and I had to explain that
we really didn't know anyone yet.
And I promised her that the next one,
that we would come to no matter what.
[Amanda] When I got with Cindy,
I said I will not be with you
- unless we can have a child. - We can have kids.
And at that point, we didn't know
any other gay people to begin with, much less
any other people that had children for sure.
For her to have not only a connection to other families
that are similar to ours but then also to have
a half-sibling or relation to that connection.
And it's just bigger than we could ever dream
- and it's beautiful. - [woman] Best ever.
- [woman] [indistinct] - Hey.
[woman] I'm just gonna talk to you later.
[woman] Hey, Nate.
[indistinct chatter]
[Mattie] I've been looking forward
to going to the Cryrobank
just to like see what it's all about.
It's just weird going somewhere that he's been
because I know that I've always, like,
imagined in my head ever since I was a little girl,
"Oh, I wonder, like, how my dad is or,
like, what he's doing or where he's been."
So it's just, kind of, like a weird feeling.
Like Mattie said, since I was young,
I've always had this really, like,
profound curiosity to, like, know he is.
So I guess whenever I go places, like,
when I went to New York. I was like,
"Oh, I bet he walked here. I bet he's been here before."
And when we go to the California Cryrobank,
we will know for sure he's been here before.
So that's, kind of, like, a weird feeling
but I'm excited.
[dramatic music playing]
[Dr. Cappy] Hello.
Hello, welcome to the California Cryrobank.
It's wonderful to see everybody.
Whether you realize it or not,
you're a brand new generation of what's taking place.
I mean, all of a sudden, from individuals
you become an extended family,
in two or three generations, wow,
what an extended family you're gonna be.
All right. So this is our cryogenic center
and we distribute about 30 plus thousands of sperm
every year all over the world.
And I would think that at this time,
we probably have about 65
to maybe 70,000 children born.
And by looking at your group as an example,
we're doing a good job.
So somebody asked about sperm.
So right here, you can see the ampules,
their sperm when it came. Want to...
Anybody want to take and interesting picture?
Whoa.
How's that for a birthday cake?
[indistinct chatter]
Happy birthday.
[Latrice] I'm Latrice Allen.
I'm the donor matching counselor.
Initially when clients
are coming in and they need help
with making a selection of the donor,
they generally will send me a picture
of whomever they're trying to match
and I try to find a donor
that has the same similar characteristics.
And then at the end of that,
when the offsprings are turning 18,
they're calling me to help them find
their donors if possible.
Who's the oldest of... Out of all the offsprings?
- How old are you? - Fifteen.
[Latrice] You're 15? So I would imagine
that you would be the first one that would call me
to find out if we could get in contact with the owner.
On my 18th birthday.
[Latrice] What donor number?
[all] 5114.
[Latrice] Basically what happens
with anonymous contact, if the donor
still wants to remain anonymous,
he doesn't wanna release his identity.
However, he's willing to participate
in some type of communication
that's facilitated through me.
So, I will have the offspring send me a bio.
Maybe a list of questions, some photos
if they're comfortable with doing that,
I'll cut and paste, email that to the donor,
the donor responds, cut and paste, send it back,
we play Ping-Pong until the donor says,
you know, "Have a great life."
I have answered all your questions.
I wish you the best." Or, "I feel comfortable enough
to have this person have my contact information."
A lot of these donors are married.
They have their own children.
So some of them have discussed it
with their wives, some of them haven't.
I find that the ones
that haven't discussed it with their wives
are a little bit more apprehensive
about having any type of communication.
I can generally talk them into anonymous communication,
especially if they say no right off the bat.
So it's, you know, just give us this.
These kids are not looking for a father figure,
they're looking for a missing piece to their puzzle.
[dramatic music playing]
[woman] I'd love to, like, analyze it.
- Oh, my gosh. - [man] Is it...
Is that real speed?
[man] That is real speed, yeah.
[woman] What?
[Margot] We're checking out actual sperm in microscopes
and on the screen,
checking it where it all began.
What's your favorite one?
Only one of those guys is gonna be the winner.
[woman] When you talk about with your siblings,
like, when you saw the tanks
and when you saw the dry ice or...
I don't know. It's just weird to know that, like,
part of us has been here before.
[Dr. Cappy] Mattie, how is it having
so many new siblings?
I like them all. They're great.
Thank you so much.
[Dr. Cappy] And thanks for coming,
- I'm sorry you're leaving. - Oh, me too.
I wish I could stay forever.
[Sadie] I'm glad I went to the Cryrobank
but at the same time it made me feel a little bit
like we're not empty, but...
we didn't really get more answers.
- I don't know. - We didn't...
I'm glad I went but I...
we didn't really get more answers,
but I think it was good to just see
where it all began.
Even if the donor wanted to meet us
and we opened up to meeting him as well,
they couldn't connect us
and I don't really think that's really fair.
I don't think there's any practical reason
why you should say no
if both sides are open to contact.
[Alexis] I think as soon as someone's
close to turning 18, I think we'll probably have
like a countdown or something.
- [Sadie] Yeah. - [Alexis] But I don't think
we should get our hopes too high up
because there's a good chance he'll say no,
but we can get excited about it.
Mmm-hmm.
[Danny] That was my first time swimming in the ocean.
- Ever? - Uh-huh.
- Are you serious? - Yes. I...
Where have you been all your life?
Not like this on the east, though.
[woman] Grab your bag, Nathan.
This is it.
Anybody claim these socks? Ray?
[indistinct chatter]
[woman] I think that there's a phone
- underneath the bed. - [man] Oh, good,
because we're missing two.
[Alexis] The hardest part of the trip, I think
is just knowing that you have to leave.
[Sadie] It's gonna be a while probably
until we see each other.
[woman] Oh, yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
[woman] The kids are already starting
to anticipate their goodbyes.
There's a lot of emotions flowing.
[Nick] I'm thankful that all the families
let us come and let us have
the opportunity to do all this.
[Neylan] I just think it's really bittersweet
but you can definitely feel the love
and how much we're gonna miss one another.
[Danny] Every time, it gets a bit harder
to say goodbye, but it's reassuring to know
that we'll have another one
of these visits again sometime soon.
[dramatic music playing]
[Latrice] So two of the moms, Brandy and Fran,
approached me after their visit
and was curious to know
if we had any additional vials
from donor 5114.
And we did a little research
and found that we had an abandoned purchase
and storage account where the client
didn't pay for the vial.
So, they were deemed abandoned
and we were able to take those vials back
and make those available
for Brandy and Fran.
The chances of having vials from a donor,
from that far back is just, like, pretty unlikely.
As far as we know, the vials that we found
were the two last vials that we have
or will have available on donor 5114
and we wish them all the best.
[wind blowing]
[Brandy] So this is the cane
that the specimen comes in
and the vial is clipped
into this little cane.
And this is the vial. This is all we get.
This is our shot.
It's not very much,
but hopefully it'll do the trick.
[Francesca] We just need one.
[Brandy] We've been together almost eight years
and it was pretty cool
because Francesca and I never would have thought
that this could have been a possibility for us.
[Francesca] I knew that we were getting ready to try.
Our goal was, like, within the next six months.
I mean it was just like destiny
that this was just frozen
just waiting for me to mature...
- Grow up? - ...and get old enough
and grow up to be able to use them.
[Brandy] This is the vial.
This is the 5114 vial.
This is the sperm that come in here
- that we used get... - Is this actually 5114?
...pregnant. Yeah.
- That's pretty small, huh? - It's...
they're still stuff in there?
[Brandy] Probably.
Besides the...
yellow thing?
[Brandy] I wouldn't open it.
I'm not going to.
[Danny] It's crazy to think that I was like
once in a tiny little container like this
being shipped off to New Mexico
and that I came in
this just little tiny container.
It was just neat thinking like
that could be your brother
and, or sister in there.
Just this little thing could change your whole future.
It's pretty crazy.
I'm really nervous for tomorrow
when we find out if my mom is pregnant or not.
It would be definitely cool if she is,
to have another half-sibling
and it'll be cool
to have another addition to my family.
[dramatic music playing]
[Brandy] I'm excited but I'm pretty nervous.
This could be like...
a new life for us
with a baby or keep trying, so...
I'm just a little nervous...
excited.
I can't wait to see what it shows.
But I'm nervous.
Fran, do you want to use the digital or the other one?
Yeah.
- Here we go. - Here we go.
[dramatic music playing]
[indistinct]
We've been waiting for a long time.
Maybe this test is a dud.
Yeah.
[Brandy] It's on a timer right now
- and it'll tell us... - [Francesca] I think it says
three minutes, so.
You're so shaky.
[Brandy] I know.
A little more pressure this time than the last time.
[dramatic music playing]
[Francesca crying]
Next time.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I'm proud of you.
[dramatic music playing]
It's a new journey for us, though,
because you've never had to keep trying.
I know.
I don't know what this feels like.
The last time it was positive
the first try.
It's okay.
[dramatic music playing]
[Lorie] So we're in Provo, Utah.
I'm here for a parent conference
at Nathan's new school.
He's been here for five months today.
And it's a...
therapeutic boarding school,
is where he's at now.
And he...
he was having some struggles in his school in Denver.
And at the end of the first semester
of ninth grade,
he didn't pass many of his classes.
There were relationship issues at home
and some behaviors that were concerning.
He didn't wanna go to therapy.
And he was past the point
where I could just pick him up and put him in the car
and take him places.
So when I decided to send him away,
I could either let him know
what was going to be coming,
or they show up at your door at 3:00 AM
and wake your child up and take them.
And I was afraid if I told him
what would be coming, that he would run away,
and I didn't want him out on the streets,
I didn't want him, you know,
to disappear.
So, I chose the path
of having them come at 3:00 AM.
It was the hardest thing I ever did.
And he was angry.
Well, one day, like, kinda early in the morning,
two guys just like showed up in my room
and didn't really explain,
like, what they were doing,
but they just kind of said like,
"Either you could just come with us to
the airport or, like, we could handcuff you
and, like, put you in the car and take you to the airport."
So then I just went with them.
When they woke me up, I saw her in my room
but she didn't really talk to me,
she just said, "I love you, really.
I'm sorry," or something, and just walked out.
I guess when I got here, I was pretty confused
because I didn't really, like, know how things worked.
And then also angry at my mom
because I felt like betrayed.
Being an only parent was...
in hindsight now, it's...
It was not as easy as I thought it would be.
You don't have the checks and balances,
you don't have someone there to say,
you know, "Is that the way you wanted
to handle that situation?"
It's just you and your kid, you know?
And so I was... I was a little controlling,
I was critical,
and I think that it was hard
not having anyone else.
Like, not knowing my dad hasn't really...
I don't think it's like caused any problems
between me and my mom,
even though she thinks that as, like,
when I'm angry with her, she'll ask me, like,
is it because you, like, don't know your dad?
When she asked me that, I just tell her, like,
it's not true because it really isn't.
I don't really care.
[Lorie] You know, what I'm hoping
is that we can fix
what has gone wrong
and move on and enjoy each other
for, you know, from here on out.
[indistinct chatter]
[Nathan] Heritage wanted to bring all the parents
and the kids over to a ropes course
so that families going can, like,
help build trust and work on their relationship.
I don't know, I don't think you can really, like,
fix a relationship with a ropes course.
[Lorie] Holy smokes.
[laughs]
Oh, my God.
[dramatic music playing]
I'm only gonna get, like, two steps.
[laughs]
- I can't lift. - Why?
Because it's hard to lift this weight up.
- You think it's easy? - [indistinct]
[Lorie] I weigh about as much as a car.
I am planning on pushing myself
out of my comfort zone.
I think it's important for Nathan
to see how important this is to me.
And if I bug out and say,
"I don't wanna do it,"
what message is that sending to him, you know?
That he's not worth me
getting a little uncomfortable.
So I'm terrified
but I'm gonna go a little bit farther
than I thought I could go.
- [woman] Okay. I just want... - [man] Yeah. Me, too.
- [woman] Did you grab it? - [woman] Yeah.
[man] It'll suspend you.
It'll suspend you like a bridge.
[man] There you go. Yes. Way to go.
Good job.
[indistinct chatter]
[man] You have the strength in the middle.
Strength's in the middle.
[indistinct chatter]
[Nathan] Push on me. Push on my arms.
Oh.
- [woman] We got her. - [woman] We got her.
- [man] Oh. Good job. - [woman] Okay.
Good job. Look it up.
[Lorie] Okay. He's good.
He's too fast.
[woman] Great.
[woman] Good job.
[Lorie] Oh, good try.
- [man] Good job. - [Lorie] Awesome.
[Nathan] I missed.
[dramatic music playing]
Oh, my God. I'm doing this.
Okay. Well, we'll see how far I get.
[laughs]
Are you gonna go upside down?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, that's my style.
Shit.
[woman] Keep your eyes on your goal.
Climbing.
Push up good with your left leg.
Push with that left leg with everything you got.
[woman] Yeah, push your leg.
[Lorie panting]
[Lorie] I think I'm stuck.
I can't...
- Bring your right foot up. - [woman] It's okay.
- Shit. - [woman] Nathan,
make her hear your voice.
"Mom, try one more step."
[Nathan] Mom, before you give up, try to...
- There you go. - [woman] Go. Go.
[woman] She's gonna hear your voice
- over anybody else's. - [Lorie gasping]
[woman] Don't look go down, you can take one more step.
- [man] Done. - [Lorie] I'm done.
[man] Grab the rope.
- Put your weight back. - [Lorie gasping]
[woman] There you go, there you go,
- there you go. - You're fine, you're fine.
There you go.
[man] Hey, good job for trying.
[woman] Okay. Your legs are gonna be wobbly.
Your legs are gonna be wobbly so just sit right down.
Okay, Lorie, you are awesome.
- [man] Good job trying. - [woman] Really good job.
- [man] Great job. - You're gonna wanna find
somewhere just to sit and kinda shake it out
- a little bit. - Okay.
- Yeah, I don't know... Okay. - Okay?
Did you hear Nathan talking to you?
No, I didn't hear anything.
[woman] I thought if you were gonna hear anyone,
you would hear him over us.
- Good job. - Good try.
[man] Are you tight?
Oh, that was scary.
Super, super intimidating, huh?
Really, really amazing.
I don't know if you realize how far you were,
but you were halfway up that pole.
- [man] Yeah. - Halfway up the pole.
You pushed yourself. Good job.
You did.
And you took the one more step
even when you didn't want to.
- Yeah. - [woman] We're good.
[man] We're good.
[cheerful music playing]
[Nathan] I didn't really, like,
have any set goals coming here,
but I know, like, I was gonna try
to do my best on all the courses or activities.
And I think I did that.
[cheerful music playing]
[Lorie] I was happy with the experience.
It gave me a little confidence
that I could something
that I was terrified of doing.
I took one step more than I thought I could.
So I was happy with that.
I think there was, like, one course
that helped me and my mom,
like, kinda like build a little bit more trust.
- I don't know what to call it. - The wires?
- The two wires. - Yeah.
The wires where you have to support each other.
He approached every obstacle
with such confidence and...
But I didn't see you back down from anything.
You didn't... you didn't walk away,
you didn't give up.
You tried your hardest, you know?
And that's all I can ask.
You should do your best.
And it made me really proud.
[dramatic music playing]
[Nancy] You have to see.
These are heavier than you think they'd be.
- [Hannah] Are they? - Yeah.
- [Hannah] Are those snails? - Yeah.
[dramatic music playing]
[Nancy] I have two kids from donor 5114.
Johnny who will be 15 in a few weeks
and Hannah who's 12 and a half.
And I think our journey to joining up
with the other kids
has been a little bit different.
They just haven't really seemed
to feel the need and the pull
that some of the other kids do to get together
and get to know the others
and I've been wanting to follow them
and let their wisdom and comfort
sort of guide the journey.
[dramatic music playing]
[Hannah] I haven't always wanted to meet my siblings
and I was really nervous.
The biggest surprise
is not what anybody's like or what they look like
because I've seen pictures of all of them.
It's really that I keep forgetting
that I'm related to them
and then I'll just... It'll just hit me
and I'll remember it and I'm like,
"Wait, these people are like my family.
And it's just kind of cool and strange
at the same time."
[Elisa] When we drove up to have this mini reunion,
I was extremely nervous.
I had worked for three quarters of the day
at my job and I...
When walked in my office that morning,
I told my coworkers,
"I'm on another planet."
And I just had this crazy energy in me
ever since we got in the car to drive up here.
[Lily] I used to be very nervous, like,
I was about to throw up when I was about
to meet my siblings
because it really does matter.
Like, you're meeting... It's one thing
where you're just meeting someone for the first time,
but it's another being related to them.
And having this huge, like, biological connection,
like, you have no idea how that's gonna turn out.
[rain pattering]
[Lily] And you have a huge family.
- Is it a crazy family? - Well, from what I've heard,
you have a huge family, too.
- One person. - She doesn't even
understand the joke.
How can I work with this?
[laughs] Okay. Okay.
Do you mean this family?
Yeah, this is part of your family too.
Got you.
[Neylan] I think meeting your siblings
and how comfortable you feel around them
kind of depends on their age
because if they're older, you're gonna be like,
"Well, are they gonna think I'm took kiddish?
Are they gonna get annoyed by me and stuff?"
But then if they're younger, you're like,
"Am I gonna get along with them?"
Are they gonna like stuff that I've grown out of?
"Or are we gonna get along better?"
[Sadie] It's kinda hard that there's so many
because I don't know, it just seems not as special
if there are, like, as many...
Like, the... There's a huge quantity of siblings
and it's not as special as if there's a few.
- But... - And it's kind of hard
because, like,
there's always gonna be someone that gets left out
or can't come to a reunion
and that their feelings are gonna be hurt sometimes
but you can't please everyone
with 21 siblings.
[rain pattering]
[Nancy] I think there has to be some quality
in all of us that we,
out of thousands of potential donors,
we zeroed in on that one.
But I have absolutely no interest whatsoever
in knowing who he is.
What we called him when Lily was growing up was the seed.
- [laughter] - Like, I mean,
because he's not...
I don't see him as other than the genes,
I don't see him as being at all related
to these kids.
I mean, he didn't raise them,
he's not their father,
he's a seed.
I mean, maybe it's because Lily has a father.
You know, when she was seven,
she was adopted by my husband.
- Mmm-hmm. - [Linette] I don't have
any emotional connection to him
and it's hard for me to...
I mean, because I do have an emotional connection
with all of you.
And it's hard for me,
like, when somebody had asked
or, you know, where's your dad?
I don't have a dad.
She made up a story about him being eaten by sharks
because she got tired of people asking,
you know, where's your... where's your dad?
It's very complicated
but, you know,
their relationship with each other
is unique.
But their relationship with him
will be a whole different ball game.
Worst that could happen is he would completely
- reject them. - [woman] And that would have
a very negative effect on them.
But then on the other hand, I also think, well,
maybe I'm overestimating
how much that would affect them
because when I think about,
you know, a father figure or connection to men
who, you know, I'm biologically connected,
too, if he had rejected me,
that would have been horrible, but he was my dad.
[Lisa] For me, that isn't something that says,
"Well, don't go there
because you might get hurt or rejected."
- Mmm-hmm. - That means
- thought needs to go into it. - Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
But that's like any relationship, job...
Anything has risks.
[dramatic music playing]
[Nancy S] I guess one of the differences
between the kids and the moms
is that, as the kids grow older,
the fact that they're donor kids,
for me, fades, it has faded.
And for them, it doesn't fade, in fact,
I think, may... As they get older
and wanna know more about who they are,
it gets stronger for them.
And I just worry
that they're gonna get caught up
in real strong emotional entanglements
that may be difficult for them
to sort out down the road.
[Alexis] The exterior, even though it seems, like,
it's really fun and it's a real good experience
being in this, like, donor situation,
there are just, like, a lot of aspects
about the donor situation
that are painful,
that even little things that just add up,
like, there's this whole other side of your family
that you know nothing about.
And just having 20 other half-siblings
is a lot to take in,
like, you tell people and they say,
"Oh, that's so cool. Do you know them all?"
But it's impossible to know them all
and it's hard to know that you have to share
the donor with all of these other people.
And it's just... It's not competition
but it's hard to explain.
[dramatic music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[dramatic music playing]
- [woman] Here you go. - Oh, yeah.
[woman] Good job, honey.
Push again for me. Push, push, push, push, push.
Yeah. There we go. Yeah.
Perfect. Okay. Okay.
Push again. Okay.
Take your baby. Take your baby.
Take your child and grab him.
Hey, buddy.
[woman] There you go. You got him.
- All right. - Baby is disconnected.
If you wanna go get some O2.
Okay.
- [baby crying] - There you go. There we go.
Congratulations.
[Brandy] So we had one vial left,
we just had one more shot
to be able to get pregnant
and so we're just grateful
that the second time, obviously, worked.
And here he is.
He's just a perfect blessing.
[Danny] It's really cool to see them just overwhelmed
with joy with baby Grayson coming into the family
and mama Fran being able to have a kid
from 5114 and be able to, maybe, like,
link together and be more connected with the others.
[dramatic music playing]
[Brandy] Hi, Grayson, does that feel good?
[Zeke] It's your mom...
[Brandy] Look at you rocking him.
You're such a good big brother.
[Zeke] I think having another brother
is really cool
because once he gets older,
we might all do
a lot of fun stuff if we're really close together.
[dramatic music playing]
[indistinct] baby.
[Brandy] So, this is Grayson.
He's the very last 5114.
He was born on the 25th of August
at 3:47.
This family that we have has been primarily
because of the artificial insemination
and this donor.
And we just wanna let our kids know
that we're so blessed
for each and every one of them
and that they all mean so much to us
and we're not the perfect parents,
but we sure enjoy the journey and being with them
and trying to learn as we go.
It kind evens things out because before,
as you all know,
we have two moms and a little sister.
And it was just me and Zeke.
So now, it, kinda, evens out
the estrogen to testosterone in the house.
The what?
[laughs]
What's that mean?
[jet ski revving]
[Nancy C] I was not able to go to the last reunion.
And when Alexis came back,
she was very emotionally absent with us
and so we felt very rejected by her.
Even from the time I picked her up at the airport,
you know, she didn't embrace me,
she didn't say, "Hey, it's great to see you,
I missed you,"
it was, like, she didn't wanna be home.
I think the part of it is that...
About the rejection that my mom and Luke feel
is that... They feel that, like, at least to me,
they're not enough, kind of.
And, I mean, that's not true,
but it's also a little true.
Like I do feel this thing missing
and I do, like, for myself
need to go and fill that.
So as much as I love them,
no, they're not enough in some ways.
And, yeah, that's hurtful and...
But, yeah, that's true, so I can't change that.
[Nancy C] You know, I will say that I want her
to love her siblings and I want them to love her
and I do genuinely feel that way,
but I also feel that our little family
is uniquely special because we share
our day-to-day lives together.
And when, you know, when we're depressed,
when we're sick, we're going through
all the tough times together.
You can, kind of, juxtapose that to my siblings,
like, we don't live together
and we share this huge problem.
And we're able to empathize with one another
despite the fact that we live so far away.
So, that needs to count for something, too.
[Nancy] I understand that.
I think that's a really valid point,
is the affinity that you feel
because you share this quest, this identity,
this pursuit that no one else shares with you,
I completely get that.
You know, we can empathize with the separation
that you've experienced from your siblings,
but I'm simply talking about
the way we feel, I think, is also very legitimate.
And I think that you should show empathy for that as well.
I never even felt, like, "Ugh, I don't wanna be with them,"
I didn't wanna be with anybody, you know,
not specifically you, I just wanted to be by myself.
So, yeah.
[dramatic music playing]
[Alexis] I've known my whole life
that I came from a sperm donor.
I mean, when I was, like, three years old,
I didn't know in the same way I know now,
but I still knew that there was something different
from most other people.
I always really wanted a dad and I would always ask my mom
"Mom, when am I gonna get a dad?"
And until, like, third or fourth grade,
all I knew was that I had a donor,
but I didn't know anything about him.
Ever since then, my curiosity has just grown exponentially.
And then, in middle school, I started looking for him.
And then it just all led up to here.
[dramatic music playing]
[Alexis] I guess the first thing I ever did
in terms of looking for the donor
is I went on ancestry.com.
I just looked up people born in 1969
in Fort Collins, Colorado.
And I hoped that, like, somehow I'd find him like that
and nothing.
I learned that he was, like, top 20 in the nation in track.
I ordered track record books.
And, of course, as soon as I got this, I was, like,
"That's him," obviously it isn't.
And I, like, highlighted all the ones that say 1969
and I, like, Googled all of them
and that was a fruitless endeavor.
Just shows you how huge of a world it is
and that it is really tough to find people.
I just like keeping stuff like this
to, kinda, make connections with him, I don't know,
but he's probably in here somewhere.
So, I've probably read his name 500 times before,
but just don't know which one it is.
When I first met my dad or my stepdad,
whatever you wanna call him,
I really didn't like him.
And it never really felt like he was part of my life,
even though he lived with me, he was just that guy
that lived in my house.
He's a really critical person.
He's not very affectionate.
[Javier] I always criticize
because that was the way
that my parents were, you know, they were all...
Always trying to tell me to do...
Not because they didn't love me, but, you know, the...
And I... And in the long-term, I think it helped me out
when they were very strict, you know, they were like,
"You need to do this, you need to do that."
They never said, "Oh, Javier, you're doing it great," okay?
I never heard that from my...
from my... from my dad or my mom.
My father was always working
and when years went by and I got older
and I had kids,
I realized that he never expressed himself too much,
but now I know that he really loved me a lot, so...
Because I'm repeating the same story.
Javier has never upfront discussed his feelings
about the donors-sibling situation with me,
but I just kind of know he's supportive of it.
I'm Catholic and I'm very religious
and I don't believe too much in this situation
where you maneuver or manage life, you know.
But now that Alexis is here, you know, of course,
she's entitled to all the love that I can give.
And it's sad, of course, I don't know
what would've happened to me in that situation,
you know, because I had the perfect family.
I do think having Javier in my life has...
propelled me to want to find my biological father because,
like, even though I love Javier,
he was never enough.
In situations where it's been really bad
or bumpy with Javier,
I've always imagined what would it be like
if my real my dad was there instead or...
"My real dad."
Yeah.
[Lisa] Babe, you wanna get some of your stuff
- and start packing? - [Sadie] Sure.
[Lisa] We're gonna be there for four days.
Sadie and I are packing up to go to the reunion
in Breckenridge, Colorado.
There's gonna be a ton of people,
so that's good and can be overwhelming,
but we're gonna meet some new siblings.
Which is always a good thing,
I'm glad people are starting to reach out and come out.
And we're gonna see some people we haven't seen
since the California reunion,
so we're looking forward to all of that.
You have all your cameras and film?
Chargers?
[Sadie] I'll get those.
These time around, I haven't talked to the siblings
as much over the year,
some of the relationships with the siblings
have kind of mellowed out because...
well, we're just, like, growing up and getting older.
And at first, it was really exciting
because it was like a new thing in our life.
And then after a while, it kind of becomes like
a normal thing.
And there's also so many siblings, so it's hard to get
as excited every time you meet like a new one,
even though it's always interesting.
And also, like, long-distance relationships are always hard,
you know, the communication and everything,
so I'm not really sure how it'll be this time around.
[whimsical music playing]
[Margot] Baking a goat cheese, peach,
caramelized onion, basil tarts.
Just a little something to whip up for the family.
We've got 32 people,
and everybody has every kind of eating lifestyles
and it's just fun.
[woman] You can have two, there's more.
- I'm starving. - And you can have a napkin
- if you want. - Thank you.
Chelsea, do you want one?
Yes, please.
[indistinct chatter]
[laughter]
[Jack] I wanna ask you if you remember
making this decision?
No. I do not. I don't.
Here in Breckenridge for the fourth reunion.
We have biggest group of siblings that we ever had.
There's Zeke, Hannah, Sadie,
Neylan, Alexis, Mattie,
Danny, Lily, Nick,
Johnny, Bradley, me Jack,
and Grayson.
[Johnny] I completely regret
not coming to the other reunions already,
because one of the ways I kind of cope
with the whole donor dad thing
is kind of just not thinking about it.
You know, it's kind of hard to not think about it
when you're surrounded by, you know, 13 other kids
that have the same donor dad as you.
How can you not think about the donor?
I've constantly been talking about it,
ever since I got here, all we've been talking about
is like how much we look alike
and like the donor and it feels good.
And I wish I had done it earlier in my life
and maybe I wouldn't be... I wouldn't have had issues,
like, personal issues if I had done it earlier in life.
[indistinct chatter]
You should get this, you should get this.
Come on, look at their noses bounce right now.
[Jack] This being the fourth reunion,
the other three I just couldn't make it
or financial stuff.
I come from a family where...
flying a plane is a big deal
and just the fact that my parents
were willing to spend that money and get me out here
and be able to meet all these people,
hit me really hard on the plane.
I was just like, "Oh, wow."
It was just all excitement, and it's still all excitement.
[Bradley] I've known about my siblings
for almost like two or three years now.
At first I was a bit nervous
about like finding out about them.
I'm not really like a people person,
but here it's a lot easier to get know like each other
and I was a lot less nervous because I can actually, like,
you know, pinpoint things that we had in common,
rather than like talking on the phone for like a week
and still being nervous.
[guitar music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Alexis] Yesterday, all the siblings
slept at the big house.
[Lily] Yeah. That was awesome.
Yeah, we stayed up all night.
Stayed up until 5:00
and then woke up at like 9:30.
[Lily] Some others didn't...
I don't know who that was, though.
Also, it's kind of random,
but don't you guys feel like you have these mannerisms
like stuck in the back of your head, and, like,
you just don't feel comfortable doing them
in, like, real world or at your school,
and because you're with all your siblings,
- like, let them loose? - [Alexis] Yeah.
Like you didn't even know you had it in you.
- [Alexis] Yeah. - [Lily] Yeah.
[Alexis] No, that's true.
I'm really... I'm really shy at school.
A spaz.
Last reunion, I walked into the room
and I had really nothing to compare it to,
so I wasn't... Honestly, I wasn't disappointed.
But now that I have something compare it to,
this reunion, it's like, wow. That it's truly different.
This reunion has really blown my mind
and just the things we do
and how fast we warmed up to each other
is actually incredible.
I've never seen anything like it.
And I think the reason that we connect so much quicker
is because...
one, because obviously we share the same father,
but I think it's so much more than that.
We're talking about... Yesterday about this
and it's kind of just that we've been brought up
with this mystery in our lives
and having that mystery in your life
and that driving curiosity to find it, but you can't.
So when you find a piece of it...
Well, 22 pieces of it,
then it's like I need to put these together
and it's so exciting and it's very surreal,
but I love it.
[Sadie] We're gonna play the audio tape we have.
- [woman] Ready, guys? - [Sadie] Bradley
Apparently they can hear it from there,
so, it's pretty wild.
[woman] This is the audio tape of donor 5114.
Today's date is October 23rd, 1996.
[man] Hello. My donor number is 5114.
I'm six-feet one inch tall.
I have a medium build.
I have straight brown hair and brown eyes.
My skin color is slightly olive, and I tan easily.
I have full lips
and normally an athletic build,
like when I work out,
I seem to get results quickly, but...
[laughs]
[man] My mother originates from Germany and England
and my father originates from Germany.
At home, they say that I'm most like my father.
I see both of them in me, actually.
[woman] And how is that that you're most
like your father they say?
[man] My father really has tunnel vision
when it comes to doing things.
And so I seem to have focus similar to his.
[woman] And what would do if you had more time or money?
I would learn to play an instrument well.
I've picked up the guitar a few times,
but I haven't had time to really learn it well.
[Sadie] Was that your first time hearing it?
[Jack] No. I've heard it before
but it was like really crappy audio.
- Oh, okay. - Because I think someone
like recorded it on their phone and sent to me.
[Alexis] That was... I think that was me.
I think that was you. But I...
Like I could barely even hear it
and I just heard, "I wish them all the luck."
That's all I heard. But...
It's like every time I listen to it with another sibling
it's a little different because you can just
connect it... Just... You can connect things more.
To me, it just sounds really like familiar,
like we know him from somewhere
- but, like where? - Yeah.
The first time I heard it, it kind of like freaked me out
a little bit, but it didn't...
[Jack] He just sounds like
- Nick so much. - Yeah.
He's got a really nice voice like it's just...
Like, you know, how certain people like with those voices,
so it's like, it just soothes you
- to hear it. - [Alexis] Yeah.
What I don't get is, like, how there can be one dude
- that looks like all of us. - [Neylan] Mmm-hmm.
Because sometimes you see someone with their mom
and you're like, oh, God. They look so much like them.
And then you see their dad, and you're like,
they look like them, too, like a lot.
- [Alexis] What? Yeah. - [Jack] Mmm-hmm.
[whimsical music playing]
[Nancy] So we have seven kids born in 1998,
six in 1999,
and then there's sort of a fallow period for 2000,
and then two in 2001,
and then Zeke was born in 2004,
and then we have baby Grayson 2014.
[Jack] That's a big gap
between like Mattie and Grayson.
[Mattie] My 18th birthday is coming up
and I feel like there's a lot of the younger siblings
way more interested in finding the donor than I am,
but I am gonna definitely, like,
contact the Cryobank and, like, request
for a picture and, like, contact and stuff,
but I just kind of want to see what they'll say.
I won't necessarily, like,
want to go meet him if he does wanna meet.
But I feel, like, just so they could like know,
like whenever they turn 18,
if he'll wanna, like, meet them and stuff.
[dramatic music playing]
[Nancy] You know, you try to kind of wonder
what his life is like now.
I mean, he donated for you guys
like 20, 18, 19, 17 years ago.
And he was in his late 20s then,
so he's probably in his mid-40s now.
And, you know, think about how different
your life is gonna be in 20 years.
And I'm willing to bet that, when he donated,
he didn't fully appreciate what he was doing,
that he didn't understand that he was helping
to create all of you.
[Alexis] He obviously has the right to his privacy.
But I mean I also think we have the right
to at least some information
and, like, at least more than we have now
and then what he... When he donated,
he, like, should have considered the future
and what he was gonna be like in 20 years.
I'm not saying that it's not right to ask
or it's not ask right to...
I mean, I would like to know some things too, you know.
It's just, you know, sometimes what we feel like
he needs to do, he may not think that.
He may not even have this as a priority.
[Lily] I feel like I'd want a mystery
more than I'd want an unfulfilled,
- like void in my... - Yeah. Me too.
And I'm like more interested in, like, sibling stuff
than like dad stuff, like I don't...
I've never, like, wanted to really meet him.
I just wanna, like, know what he looks like.
[Johnny] For me, at least, I'm in it for you guys.
I've talked hours on end with you guys
and I see myself in you guys, you know?
[Danny] The most main reason that we are here
every year meeting each other is not to find the donor
but it's to be with each other,
because the connection we've grown
is probably stronger than any connection you could find,
so I'm satisfied with having what we have here
because what we have here is amazing.
[Alexis] And I'm realizing that more and more
as time passes by, like I...
Even though it's kind of hard to picture my life
without ever knowing who the donor is, I can do it
but I cannot picture my life
without any of my siblings, like, it's impossible.
[whimsical music playing]
[Danny] The trip was really, really fun.
I definitely feel like I've, like, connected
with the siblings on like a whole new level
and we've all opened up about more things
and more experiences that we can all relate to.
[Mattie] This trip, I learned we all, like, struggle
with the same stuff emotionally,
and that's, like, really cool to know that we're, like,
all going through the same stuff.
It's gonna, like, suck, like, leaving,
like I've already cried,
I'm just gonna miss everyone so much.
[Danny] It never gets easier to pack up and leave
just because with each meet-up,
you get closer and closer with every sibling
and it's just harder to go.
Almost feels like
it's just, like, our right to be together,
I don't know.
[whimsical music playing]
[Brandy] On the way home from Breckenridge,
we had a hard time because
Daniel just had a meltdown and cried a lot
and he was yelling a lot and we were yelling a lot
and just... I think there was just this
sense of disconnect
and, you know, he was saying that, you know,
he just doesn't think that we'll ever understand
how he feels and how important everybody is to him
to the point of making us
feel kind of like we didn't matter as much to him.
When we came back from Breckenridge,
Daniel decided to go see his grandparents
and my ex in Clovis.
And...
he just went to go spend some time with her.
[Danny] After Breckenridge,
I definitely felt like I found a lot of myself
during that meet-up and I just came home
and I kind of felt like that Albuquerque,
I was more focused on being the person
that people wanted me to be
and not being the person I wanted to be.
And so I decided to go ahead
and move down to Clovis with my other mom.
[Brandy] She's not been a really big part of his life
and it's not something I'm excited about
or that I want.
But he wants to get to know her
and I didn't fight it.
Legally, I could fight it and he could be here with me,
but there's just this disconnect with him.
And so I don't wanna push it
because I don't wanna push him away.
[Danny] I kind of feel like my moms took this whole move
a little too personal
and made it more about them than they should have
because it wasn't necessarily
about them at all, with this whole move.
It was more about me
and ever since the time I was five,
I had always been the older one
looking after all the kids.
So it's nice to only, like,
be responsible for myself for once.
[Brandy] He doesn't confide in me anymore
and I know a lot of it is the teenage stuff.
And I know he's growing and he's becoming independent.
But it really feels like my heart's broken.
I just... I just want some more time with him.
[Francesca] Even though we know we're good parents
and we know we're doing all that we can,
it just makes you question, like,
what did I do wrong?
Maybe if he wouldn't have had
so much of the sibling family unit,
you know, what he have pulled away from us like he is.
And I think that's what's kind of making us
regret our decision a little bit
to foster the connections
between the siblings and Daniel.
[woman] Are you excited about being 18?
[Mattie] Yes, I am.
Ever since I can remember,
like, whenever we, like, found the siblings and everything,
I would always feel like, "Oh, yeah, I'm the oldest."
It was always so, like, distant in the future
and I wasn't, like, thinking,
"Oh, like, this will actually happen someday."
[woman] So if you're thinking that if you were the only one
and you might not really have so much interest
in contacting the Cryobank,
are you feeling pressure because people are coming?
Yeah, I know that they're all, like, expecting it
and I'm like 95% sure I'll probably call Latrice.
But you would be fine with maybe just a picture?
- [Mattie] Yeah. - That would be interesting.
- [Mattie] If he's ugly... - What if you get it? Yeah.
What if you get it and he's ugly,
- "how would that go?" - That would be interesting.
[whimsical music playing]
- [Mattie] Hi. - Hi.
- [Mattie] Hi. - [Julia] Hi.
[Mattie] How are you?
Hi, nice to meet you.
[upbeat music playing]
[laughs]
[all] âª Happy birthday To you âª
âª Happy birthday to you âª
âª Happy birthday, Dear Mattie âª
âª Happy birthday to you âª
[cheering]
-[woman] Watch your hair, -Watch your hair.
[cheering]
[laughter]
- [man] Go, go, go, go. - [woman] Blow it out.
[screams]
[woman] What happened?
- [man] Oh my God. - [woman] Oh my God.
[cheering]
[phone rings]
[Mattie] Hello.
[Latrice] Hello, this is Latrice.
Hi, Latrice, this is Mattie Overmeyer
from 5114.
I just turned 18 and I was just wondering,
like, about contacting the donor
and, like, the process I had to go through and everything.
[Latrice] Oh, okay. Happy birthday.
- Thank you. - [Latrice] Uh, so, basically
what I have to do is that I have to put in
a request to locate the donor,
um, because the donor is anonymous,
it's not guaranteed
that he will respond to our enquiries.
But we will definitely do our due diligence
and try to reach out to him to find out
how he feels about communicating.
So, um, from the time I turn in the information,
it can take anywhere between four to six weeks
before I get his whereabouts.
And we generally attempt at least three times
and if he doesn't reply within three attempts,
then we have to assume that he doesn't want
to, um, communicate.
And at that point,
we will have to respect his wishes.
If you have any additional questions before I get back
in contact with you, Just give me a call.
Have a wonderful birthday and I'll talk to you soon.
Thank you, thank you so much.
[Latrice] Okay. Bye-bye.
Kind of surprised me like during the phone how,
like, emotional, like, I kind of felt, like,
because, you know, like, no matter what he says,
it's gonna probably change our lives forever.
I don't know. Like we've been waiting for this
for so long and like it's just crazy
that actually... The time.
[Mattie] Yeah.
[Ben] Julia, like, and me, like, we've always like
been curious about the dad
and like what it would be like
if we had a dad kind of thing.
We've always been like lucky to have
like the moms that we do,
but like having a dad would be like different,
like, we're not like asking for one, we're just like...
We just like kind of wanna know, yeah.
[Julia] And it's just like
how you not wanna meet people you gave life to,
like how could that not mean something to you?
And also I just wonder like if he has kids
- because that's like... - Yeah. Yeah.
...that could be like two, three,
four more half-siblings that we don't even know about.
[Julia] Yeah. Probably hard for them now,
- because like... - Yeah.
...they're his dad.
Some, like, 20-something other half-kids
came in and started to talk to my dad,
I'd be like, "Um, get the hell out of here."
- I will not be... - [woman] Yeah.
I would kind of look like, I'd be like, "Errr."
Yeah. There's like a lot of stuff that, like,
he has to like factor and then like
so many things that, like, saying yes
could affect in his life.
Maybe he's just as nervous as we are.
Yeah. Because I'd be more nervous
if I were in his situation.
It's like we have each other.
He has... Who knows who he has
to, like, go through this with, I guess.
[dramatic music playing]
[Latrice] "This is interesting. In 20 years",
I would like to be happy with my family
and free to live life together.
My goal is to be balanced physically and mentally.
Ultimately he would like to understand
"the truth of our existence."
Okay.
[dramatic music playing]
Hi, it's Latrice, how are you?
Good, thank you.
Wanna let you know that I have a request
for a donor location for a number 5114.
If we're lucky
and a donor responds to our enquiries,
it can go two ways.
The donor will either agree
or he won't agree.
The hard part for me
is contacting the offspring
to let them know that he doesn't want
to participate in communicating.
I try to deliver the blow as passionately
and, you know, empathetic
and sympathetically as I possibly can
because the offsprings are anticipating
there's some hope that, you know,
we've reached out to this guy, he's responded,
but then he doesn't wanna participate.
Once a donor says no,
we have to, you know, accept that
and move on and it's just...
It's devastating to have
to make that phone call to the offsprings.
[dramatic music playing]
[Mattie] A lot of the siblings once they found out
that I was getting the call today, um,
like Danny started crying at school and had to,
like, go home and a lot of them
were just like freaking out and so was I.
It was like...
It's just like super anxious
and like... And she's calling me.
Okay.
Hello.
[Latrice] Hi, may I speak to Mattie?
Hi, how are you?
[Latrice] Hi, Mattie, it's Latrice Allen
from the Cryobank. I'm good, how are you?
- I'm good. - [Latrice] Good.
Well, I want to give you a call
to give you an update,
um, I did speak with the donor.
The bottom line is that he is willing to communicate,
um, anonymously facilitated through me.
He needs a little bit more time to iron out
whatever the thought process needs to be.
So he says it's not a problem
if it's gonna happen,
but the issue is just when it's gonna happen
because he needs to make sure that he's 100% comfortable
that his family will be protected
once he starts to communicate.
Okay. Wow.
[Latrice] And then if you have
specific questions for him,
depending on the confidentiality
of the questions, he will answer
whatever he's comfortable with answering
and then, you know, give you a bio of himself.
I don't know if you're allowed to tell me this,
but so he does like have
his own like family and everything?
Like does he have his own kids?
[Latrice] Yes, he does.
Yes, he does.
Do you know how many there are?
[Latrice] I do, but I'd have to
let him let you know that.
Okay. Thank you so much,
I can't wait to hear back from you.
[Latrice] Okay. No problem, you're welcome
- and have a great weekend. - You too, thank you.
[Latrice] Okay. All righty. Bye-bye.
- What the heck? - [woman] That's exciting.
How do you sit with that?
What did you expect?
- Is that what you thought? - Not that.
[woman] What did you think?
Did you think he would say no?
- Yes. - [woman] You did? Oh.
[laughs] You were hoping the easy way out.
[Mattie] Hello.
- Hello. - Hi.
- [Mattie] Can you hear me? - Yes.
- Mmm-hmm.
[Mattie] Okay. So, he's alive, good news.
And he said yes
to contacting me anonymously
through the Cryobank, but he doesn't wanna contact
from anyone else who is under the age of 18.
And he has own family and kids.
And I'm gonna send him like a bio of like stuff.
[woman] So like if he gets to know you better,
he might like reveal his name?
Maybe, I don't know.
It's gonna be a step at a time.
[woman] Well, that's good, it's a good start
and like whatever he's comfortable with.
This is good news though, guys.
Yeah, I'm excited.
I didn't have to cry.
[laughs]
[dramatic music playing]
[Mattie] I've always been telling myself
that I didn't necessarily care
about the donor
and I didn't care about
what his answer was
and I didn't wanna meet him.
And now that I know that his answer is yes,
it's kind of scary
that I let my guard down now
that he said yes to contact
because now is the time that I really,
like, could get rejected like as a person,
like, with him reading my bio
and like actually seeing who I am
and, like, seeing a picture of me.
And then if he says like,
"Stop contacting me," or whatever,
then that would really be rejection,
so that's kind of scary.
[woman] Mattie, has that protection mechanism in her
that if she doesn't know what the answer is gonna be,
she's gonna protect herself from that answer.
And now that she's found out that he is willing
to have a connection to them,
I think she's cautiously optimistic but excited
and way more than she ever dreamed she would be.
[dramatic music playing]
[birds chirping]
[Lorie] I've been excited today,
I've been nervous,
I've been crying,
not sure why.
Just I guess the enormity of the whole thing,
you know, that it's like finally over,
that he's coming back.
He hasn't lived here in two and a half years
so that's gonna be kind of a little nervous
about just living with him again
and he's changed so much and I think I have changed
and it'll be interesting to see how that all plays out
of coming back together again after two and a half years
as two different people.
It's gonna be interesting.
[dramatic music playing]
[Lorie] Having decided that he's coming home,
I've been, you know, an empty nester
for two and a half years,
and I look at the future, it's awful nice.
Really hopeful, you know.
He's done a lot of good hard work.
I wanna see him and know
that he's not getting back on another airplane.
That's the best part.
Just knowing that he's not going away again.
There he is.
[dramatic music playing]
[Lorie] How are you doing?
Where is your stuff?
[indistinct]
Oh, how was your flight?
It's good.
Back home for good.
[Nathan] Coming home,
it doesn't really feel real yet,
I came back with a lot more self-confidence
and definitely patience,
like, understanding for others.
I guess it'll probably hit me sooner
and when I start like school and all that,
that I'm here for good and I'm really not,
like, gonna go anywhere else.
[Lorie] Ooh, what's this?
[Nathan] Oh, I, like, put all the pictures in there.
You made this out of surgical tape.
- Mmm-hmm. - [Lorie] Physically, I mean,
I sent away a little boy, you know,
I sent away a little scrawny thing
and they sent me back this man, you know.
That's cool to see, you know,
because I love who he's becoming, uh, I do.
He's a good person.
Oh, how did you get that picture?
They sent it to me.
- [Nathan] Cool. - [Lorie] So sweet,
that was Fanny, that was his dog in school.
[Nathan] Coming back home,
I think it's gonna be a lot easier
to like use the skills that I got just to like
get along with my mom and like work things out,
like use communication, actually get things done.
There's always gonna be things in the beginning
that's still gonna, like,
take getting used to but it's just nice
to like have my freedom and be able to like
kind of run my own life and take some control
over that, because it's been awhile.
[knocks on door]
- [Neylan] Hi. - Hey, what's up?
Hi, Neylan.
Oh, my gosh, look how tall you've got.
I haven't seen you in, like,
look at you, taller than he is.
Well, it's been a long time, so...
[Lorie] It's been what?
You haven't seen her since,
uh, like California, right?
Mmm-hmm. Like two and a half, three years.
[Lorie] Two and a half... Almost three years. Yeah.
- Wow. - [Neylan] There were days
whenever I'd be sitting there thinking
about the siblings and everything.
And I just get really emotional and I was like,
"I miss Nathan so much."
And like I'd tell my mom and she was like,
"I know you do, Neylan."
And so I think it was like really exciting
for us whenever we heard that he was coming back.
Because I think me and him
like really clicked whenever we were 13.
- [Nathan] Yeah. - [Neylan] So,
it kind of sucked not being able to like grow
on that together for a few years,
but like now we can because he's back
and we can talk all the time if we wanted to.
You don't want a shot of this one?
[Nathan] Nice.
[Neylan] I'm not sure if everyone
is gonna get the tattoo,
I know some of them already have
but just with the number.
And they've gotten it in place where, like,
it's not very noticeable.
I don't know, I'd like... I'd get the tattoo,
I don't know how much I'd want the sperm
floating around on my leg,
but I'd get the numbers, it's cool.
[Neylan] So we found a new sibling,
she's from Hawaii, so that's pretty cool.
There she is.
That makes 22 siblings counting all of us together.
[Nathan] And she's 17?
- [Neylan] Yeah. - [Nathan] Nice.
[Neylan] I was nervous to see him again
because I don't know, I haven't seen him in forever.
So I was kind of scared that it...
Like, things had changed so much
that we wouldn't get along
as well as we did before.
[Nathan] I was on the same page as Neylan
just because it's kind of weird, like,
not seeing someone for such a long time
like two and a half years.
But the connection is still there,
which I'm, like, glad to see
so it's good to be back.
[birds chirping]
[dramatic music playing]
[Mattie] After my 18th birthday,
I was waiting to hear back from Latrice.
And I was just kind of not really sure
how to proceed with everything.
I was always kind of hesitant about it
and I was doing it for the other siblings
but also for myself. And I don't know.
It's kind of one of those things
where you're putting yourself so far out there
and you're not sure what the results are gonna be.
I got kind of very anxious and nervous about it
just because I didn't wanna have to be the one,
like, if he did reject having contact with me.
That for myself would've been hard to handle,
but then also having to tell all the other half-siblings,
I didn't want to be the one to, kind of,
break their hearts, in a sense,
especially those who really do want to contact
the donor and end up meeting him and everything.
And I don't know. It was a lot of pressure.
It's not that I didn't want to
because I did,
but I don't know,
I'm just comfortable with my life.
[crickets chirping]
[Sadie] All right. So right now, I just got, um,
an email from the Cryobank
that's forwarding the information
my donor applied to, um,
because I wrote in when I turned 18
about a month ago.
Um, to see if he wanted contact,
so, um, right now
I'm gonna go open the email.
It's almost 12:30 AM.
All right.
There's a photo.
He said he loves my funky dreads.
He said, "There's not a day that I do not think"
about you and your siblings.
I have had many nights with little sleep pondering
and considering your lives.
The answers I have found have made me feel
incredibly touched, thankful, and proud.
I'm grateful that for whatever reason
and from whatever I gather so far,
that people that chose to have you appear
to have done a great job.
Right now, I feel deeply appreciated for this
opportunity to learn of your...
Of you and your wanting to know more about me.
Thank you for sharing your picture, information,
"and questions."
He's so nice.
The response really has exceeded my expectations.
He sent so much.
I sent maybe like 10 short questions
and he's responded with in-depth paragraphs
that are really thoughtful
and just seems like
it comes from the heart and he's truly interested
and wants to share the information,
which is nice.
He's not just doing it
to answer some questions and please me.
He seems to want to share and want to connect a bit.
All of a sudden, I get this text from Sadie.
Do you want to see pictures of the donor?
I was just, like, out to dinner with my grandparents
and then started to text me
and I was just, like, "Oh, my gosh.
What's going on?"
And they're like, "Mattie, get off the phone."
I'm like, "I can't, I can't get off my phone,
you don't understand."
I screamed and shut the computer
and ran to my room.
That's my dad.
My mom had just pulled out of the driveway
and it was like, "Mom, come back."
But she got back and I was, like, crying
and holding my phone and she was, like,
"What's wrong?" And I was like,
- "Here." - Come on.
Oh, my God.
[Daniel] It's, like, so surreal,
like, it's hard to think that...
This is the person that I have been hunting
and wondering about for my whole life.
I had school today and I didn't go. [laughs]
I was too, like, emotionally, like, paralyzed
to do any of my homework or study.
I don't think it's still, like, hit me yet,
but every single time I say it, I start to cry.
It doesn't seem real.
Sadie, she sends them and I couldn't look at them,
so I gave it to my friends and they...
And I sat on the other side of them
and, like, they were all lined up on the couch
in this dorm and I was, like,
"Can you look at them?"
And they were like, "Yeah."
And so I gave them the phone
and they're, like,
"He's hot." [laughs]
I showed my friends today at basketball
and they're like, "Wow. Like, that's you.
Like, you look exactly like him."
I wished me and him looked more alike
because I don't really see any features that we share.
Some of the other boys look a lot like him.
Our noses are, like, exactly the same.
Literally, if you Photoshopped
all of our faces into one person.
Like, it just makes sense,
like, everything makes sense now.
I won't have to wonder anymore.
Like, I don't look at a guy and be like,
"Oh, you could be my dad."
Like I know what he looks like.
[dramatic music playing]
[Alexis] Turning 18 was like the most anticipated birthday
of my entire life because I knew
I was able to possibly
come in contact with the donor.
When I got the email from the Cryobank,
there was like an attachment, and that attachment
was the letter from the donor to me.
What he had saved it as was,
"To Alexis."
And that already had me, like, this.
One of the most impactful things that he said
in his letter was, "I think about you every day."
I don't know how to explain
how I felt about that in words.
It meant so much to me
that he said that.
Three days later I was in class
and I just broke down completely.
And I think it was just this...
Like a realization and processing of, like,
not just that he had contacted me
but what that meant
and all of the emotions behind that.
I was really just blown away.
I mean, I could almost feel like a physical,
uh, something, you know.
I mean, it was just so incredible,
incredible to meet this person
because I felt, like, I was meeting him
even though, you know,
there was no name attached to it.
Um, and I still... I still can't get over it.
I felt like Javier was really happy for me
because he knew that it was something
that I've wanted for a really long time.
He's kind of shy about expressing
his emotions but he can be very sweet.
Um, so he just kind of ruffled my head
and he's like [speaking Spanish]
which means, like, "Oh, you found your dad, huh?"
This is something that is you...
As a human being, you need to have this.
And I think I see Alexis also, like,
before, she was more, you know, anxious
to see what was gonna happen
because she had to be 18, but now that...
like this, a lot of relief.
And if she's relieved we are relieved for sure.
I think, uh, before I turned 18,
a lot of my frustration
lied in not necessarily not knowing who the donor was
but not knowing whether I would ever know
who the donor was, so the uncertainty.
Honestly, I've always had a little bit of self-doubt,
"Did I make a selfish decision
by choosing to have her by myself?"
And I think that this has brought her so much joy
and also validation that I don't think
I'm gonna feel that as frequently as I have.
[Alexis] So I wrote the donor back and this is
how I ended my letter to him,
"I'm also very happy to be in contact with you."
It does feel very unreal as it is something
that has always seemed like a very far way
and uncertain thing.
I have of course wondered and thought about you
and your family every day
for as long as I can remember.
So your response means a lot.
Like you've hoped, your being a donor
has for sure resulted many happy families.
Meeting these families, and my brothers and sisters,
has brought a whole lot of friendship,
love, and support into all of our lives.
I feel very grateful as do my siblings and their parents.
"Looking forward to our next correspondence."
[dramatic music playing]
[birds chirping]
[man] Today's date is November 3rd, 2017.
This is Donor 5114.
My being a donor has been on my mind
through the years.
As a donor, you have an opportunity to ponder
and to care about something
that is going to exist
that is out of your control.
The decision for me to become an anonymous donor
was out of respect to the parents.
I felt, like, removing me as a variable
would help parents to create a nurturing
and stable environment without any distractions.
But I certainly was hopeful
that I would get information
and learn as much as I could
about how they were all doing.
I think if I hadn't,
it would probably start eating at me.
It's hard to imagine being the genetic half
to so many people.
People that are related to you
in a significant way
after not knowing them ever
in person for much of their life.
I've given some thought to what it might be like
for some of the offspring to have the curiosity
about who their biological father might be.
That's really one big reason
why I'm participating in this,
is so that I can help them
finally deal with those questions,
uh, and have answers to those questions.
I would love to meet each of the kids,
you know, I think it would be a really neat experience.
I'm very curious to meet them
and to learn from their experiences
and to see how things are going.
And the best part of being a donor so far
is knowing that I helped people
and knowing that people that really wanted
to have a family were able to have a family.
So my wife and I are going through this together.
I'm looking forward to all of the experiences
that can be shared. The answers I've found
have made me feel incredibly touched,
thankful, and proud.
[birds chirping]
[Nathan] If I never connected with any of the siblings,
I think my life would be a lot different.
I think as a person,
I'd still be relatively the same
but I would definitely be missing out
on some great relationships and bonds with people
that you can't really get any other way.
[Danny] Growing up like when you're in middle school
and high school, having people that
you can relate to and fall back on,
it just really has created such an amazing
support system for me.
And I don't know,
I just don't think I question myself
as much as I used to.
[Mattie] Through the whole process,
it was just mostly like a self-discovery,
like, all of the things that I went through
and the people that I met,
it helped lead me to who I am now.
I've learned to be more curious
and to not push the limits
but test it a little.
[Neylan] This experience has thought me that
your family is more than like
who is right there with you all the time.
And you can feel close to somebody
that lives in Alaska or, like, across the country
from you or wherever they are.
It's just how you choose
to build that relationship.
[Alexis] To my younger self, I would say
you can come into this world mad
about how you were conceived
but you also have to realize
that you function completely independently
from any of those other factors
and that you are your own person
and that it does not matter.
At the end of the day,
you're still you, and it's okay.
[dramatic music playing]