Downloaded from YTS.MX
RuPaul: The queens of "RuPaul's Drag Race"
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
are recreating an unforgettable episode
of "The Brady Bunch."
It's a one-of-a-kind television event
fit for a queen.
Uh-huh.
RuPaul: With appearances by the Brady OGs.
Hold onto your wig.
Oh. This is my own hair.
This classic is about to be drag.
* Here's the story of a lovely lady *
* Who was bringing up three very lovely girls *
She'd already done had herses.
* All of them had hair of gold *
* Like their mother *
-* The youngest one in curls * -Hey, get it, girl!
* It's the story of a man named Brady *
* Who was busy with three boys of his own *
Werk!
* They were four men living all together *
* Yet they were all alone *
* Till the one day when the lady met this fellow *
Whoo!
* And they knew that it was much more than a hunch *
* That this group must somehow form a family *
Chile!
* That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch *
* The Brady Bunch *
* That's the way we became the Brady Bunch *
[RuPaul laughs]
Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey. How was school today?
Okay.
Alice made some of your favorite cookies,
-if you're hungry. -Good, I am.
Mm, this is for you.
Oh, hey, it's an invitation to Lucy Winter's birthday party.
Who opened it?
I did, but it wasn't my fault. Look at the envelope.
"Marcia Brady"?
How come my invitation was addressed to you?
I don't know.
Lucy's your friend, so I called her to check it out.
Well, what did she say?
Oh, you know, just one of those things.
She made a mistake and put my name instead of yours.
-Mom? -Yes, honey?
Did you hear about Lucy Winter's invitation?
Well, I did hear Marcia calling about it.
[sighs] Why does this always happen to me?
Why does what always happen?
People always forgetting who I am.
I'm always Marcia's younger sister
or Cindy's older sister.
Being in the middle is like being invisible.
Oh, Jan, I really think you're making too much out of this.
I mean, after all,
you were the one who was invited to the party.
They won't even know I'm there.
Jan Brady will, that's who!
Dad, can I talk to you?
Sure, Peter, just a minute.
[whistles a tune]
Peter, what is it you want?
Well, I was wondering if I could have an advance on my allowance.
Advance on your allowance?
I just gave you your allowance for this week.
Well, I was thinking more like an advance on next week's.
What happened to this week's?
Well, I saw the chance for a really great business deal,
so I lent everything I had to Jan.
$4.49 at 20% interest.
What does Jan need all that money for?
She didn't say.
What do you need the money for?
Well, I was invited to Lucy Winter's birthday party, too,
so I guess I gotta get her a present.
That's probably what Jan wanted the money for.
How much do you need?
Mm, 49 cents.
49 cents?
Why exactly 49 cents?
Well, I figure that's what Lucy spent on my present,
and I don't wanna embarrass her
by getting her something too good.
Well, that's very considerate, Peter.
You owe me a penny.
Got it right here.
Thanks.
Oh. Huh.
Goodbye, Peter.
Are you looking for someone, dear?
Oh, no, ma'am. I'm looking for a wig.
You mean for yourself?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, I think your own hair is nice.
I love it.
I don't know why you'd wanna change it.
Well, I think you'd probably know
if you had two blonde sisters at home.
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho. I see the problem.
We want a complete change, do we?
Yes, ma'am, that's what we want.
Well, now, what style wig do you have in mind?
I don't know. Something crazy.
Kind of like the style you're wearing.
Oh, this is my own hair.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Not half as sorry as I am.
Well, now let's see what we've got here.
There's early rust, Pompeii pumice,
lunar dust, and here's--no.
[chuckles]
Hey, this one's kind of nice.
Oh, yes. That's your midnight temptress.
Hey, now, listen.
Don't you think it's a little...mature?
Well, I'm older than I look.
I'm 12.
Oh, that old?
Well, you carry it very well.
Midnight temptress, huh?
That's right.
Well, I don't think I'll be up that late.
Oh. Well...
Do you mind if I kinda look around?
Oh, no, not at all.
And listen, with each and every purchase,
you get a free Styrofoam head.
Hey, this one's kind of different.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
I wouldn't recommend that.
Why not?
It's a handbag,
and it shouldn't be over here.
Helen! Helen?
How many times do I have to tell you?
Never mix the merchandise.
Helen, it is tacky!
Well, I'll just keep looking.
It's so embarrassing.
A little girl almost walked out of the store
wearing this on her head.
What a diva.
Cindy, what are you looking for?
Hair ribbons.
I can't go to Jenny's house without them,
or else she'll get mad.
Why?
Because they're her hair ribbons.
When was the last time you saw them?
Last night when I took them off.
Hey, maybe they're in the bathroom.
[jiggles doorknob]
[knock on door]
Whoever it is, I'm in here.
Jan, let me in. I have to get my hair ribbons.
Come back later.
Come on, Jan, open up!
Would you let us in?
Grab 'em.
Jan, what happened?
The top of your head turned black.
Don't be silly. It's a wig.
Where did you get that?
I bought it this morning.
What do you think?
Jan, I think it looks awful.
Who asked for your opinion?
Oh, I've always liked this dress on Jan.
[mumbling] Mm, this one's one of my favorites.
You, too, huh?
[mumbling] Mm, mm. Put it on.
Okay, yeah, I agree.
Honey, have you seen those blueprints I brought home?
Oh, Alice, have you seen Mr. Brady's blueprints?
Mm, oh! They're upstairs... [mumbling]
She says they're upstairs in the bedroom.
How could you tell what she said?
Very simple.
[chuckles] Women.
Oh, honey, listen,
if you're going upstairs, can you send Jan down?
I want her to try this on again.
Jan, you can't wear that to Lucy Winter's birthday party.
I don't see why not.
Because you'll look like some kind of kook, that's why.
You're just jealous, Marcia.
Well, I'm not jealous.
Wait till my friends at the party see me.
You know what they'll say?
Mm-hmm.
I can think of a lot of things they'll say.
Very funny.
They'll say for the very first time
they've seen the real Jan Brady.
-Jan? -Uh-oh, that's Dad.
I don't want Mom or Dad to see me until I'm all ready.
Well, then you better get ready in a hurry!
Yeah!
Jan?
Yes, Dad?
Your mother wants you.
Do you mean now?
Yes.
Right now?
That's what I said. Right now.
You mean this very minute now?
This very minute now.
It's my hair. I can't do a thing with it.
Hey, Greg, when's Peter coming back?
I don't know. He went to buy a present for Lucy.
I got something I better tell him.
What?
Guess who's gonna be at Lucy Winter's party?
Who?
Margie Whipple. [laughs]
Her brother told me.
The one Peter says is always chasing after him?
Yeah, and making those goofy eyes at him and all that mush.
He's gonna love seeing her.
We better warn him when he gets back.
Hey, wait a minute.
What would happen if we didn't tell him
Margie Whipple was gonna be there?
Well, then he wouldn't know till he got to the party.
Uh-huh.
[glass breaks]
You wanted to see me, Mom?
Jan! I thought--
I thought you washed your hair yesterday.
Oh, I did, but it needed it again.
Well, come on over here. I wanna check a length on this.
Couldn't we do it later?
Jan, honey, if you wanna wear this to the party,
we've got to do it right now.
Okay.
Come on.
Okay, Alice, you hold it up while I take a look.
Okay. Oh, you're really gonna knock 'em dead
at that party in this dress tonight.
-Thank you. -Looks great.
Goes so well with your blonde hair.
Hold still, Jan.
Oh, it looks fine, huh?
Just right.
Mom, can we get a--
Hey, what are you supposed to be, a fortune teller?
[both laugh]
Very funny.
Tell us, fortune teller,
what do you see in your crystal ball?
Yeah, tell our fortunes.
Go away!
Hey, what's the matter,
you lose your mystic powers?
Maybe they're under her hat!
Jan!
What on earth?
[both snicker and laugh]
What's so funny?
Nothing...if you wanna look like Davy Crockett!
What's going on in here?
She looks like she has a skunk sleeping on top of her head!
Go away! Leave me alone!
Greg, Bobby, that's enough.
Here, Mrs. Brady.
Come on, guys.
I'll play you a game of two-on-one.
I don't see what's so funny about my wig.
Jan, where did you get that?
I bought it, with my own money.
Why?
Because I wanna wear it.
I wanna wear it all the time from now on.
Honey, why?
'Cause I wanna be me.
I'm tired of looking like everyone else.
I wanna be Jan Brady.
But, honey, Jan Brady has blonde hair.
But nobody notices that Jan Brady.
But they'll sure notice this Jan Brady.
Jan, a person doesn't make themself different
just by putting on a wig.
It's what's inside that counts, not the color of your hair.
Well, if the color of my hair doesn't matter,
why can't I be a brunette?
Well, honey...
Please, can I wear it? Please?
Just to Lucy Winter's party.
Well, if it means so much to you...
And if it's okay with your father...
Okay.
Oh, thanks! You'll see.
Things'll be different for me as a brunette.
I bet I'm the hit of Lucy's party tonight.
How do you think Kitty Karry-All would look with black hair?
Same as Jan. Silly.
You think you're so smart.
All you have to do is take a look at the three of us.
Which one you think people would notice?
Me. I'm the shortest.
[blows air]
Pliers.
Does this look like pliers?
Mm. Mm.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi. [laughs]
What's so funny?
[laughs]
What are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
I'm gonna wrap Lucy Winter's present.
[laughs]
Oh, right. The party's tonight.
That oughta be a lot of fun.
Yeah, fun.
What's the matter with him?
Nothing. He's just got the giggles.
[laughs]
Okay, something's up.
What is it?
Nothing at all.
-[snickers] -Come on, Bobby.
You know something. Tell me.
-No, I don't. -I'll tickle you.
No, no, no! Aah!
-Tell me! -No! Stop!
-Don't tickle! -Talk! Talk!
All right, all right, all right, I'll tell you!
Somebody's gonna be at the party.
Who?
-Somebody. -Who!
It's Margie! Margie Whipple!
No!
Ohh...
No!
You'll have a great time, Pete.
Yeah, great, with her chasing me
and making dumb faces all night?
I'm not going.
You gotta go.
You can't promise you're gonna go and take Jan
and then not do it.
Not unless you were sick or something.
Yeah, well, just the same, I--
["inspiration" sting]
What's the matter?
Ohh...
...am I beginning to feel sick.
[groans]
Ugh!
So I thought you'd better take a look at Peter.
Yeah, he doesn't sound so good.
He's kind of moanin'.
And groaning.
When did this happen?
Just a little while ago.
All of a sudden.
Never a dull moment around here.
[footsteps]
[groans and moans]
Peter, what's wrong?
Oh, I don't know. I just don't feel so good.
It kind of hit him all of a sudden.
Yeah, like lightning.
You boys better leave us alone.
Sure, Dad.
[sighs]
Where does it hurt, Peter?
Kinda all over.
It's sort of a traveling pain.
When did it start?
Just a little while ago.
I guess I'll have to miss Lucy Winter's terrific party.
It's that bad, is it?
Yeah. I'm gonna have to miss it, all right.
Boy, am I unhappy about that.
Yes, we can see that.
Mike, don't you think we'd better call the doctor?
Oh, yeah, yeah, right away.
Doctor? I'll be all right.
See? I can sit up a little.
Dear, I really think it's better if you stay in bed.
Yeah, at least for a couple of days.
But I got a ball game tomorrow.
Not if you're sick.
Wait. I'll be all right. I feel much better now.
I'm sorry, Peter, but we can't take any chances.
Look, I'm not sick anymore, okay, see?
Can I play in my ball game tomorrow, please?
Well, just to make sure you're okay, Peter,
you can take your sister to Lucy Winter's birthday party.
If you're okay after that, then you can play.
That's a good idea, Mike.
I know Peter would just hate to miss that party.
Yeah, I can hardly wait.
Come on, Peter. What's the matter with you?
You act like you're going to the electric chair.
That would be better than facing that Margie.
I think I'll lock myself in a closet.
Well, you may not have a good time,
but the new Jan Brady is gonna be a smash.
Now, you go first and sort of announce me.
I wanna make a big entrance.
[door opens]
Oh, hi, Peter!
Hi, Lucy, happy birthday.
Thank you. Margie, Peter's here!
Did you have to do that?
Hi, Peter. How are you?
Where's Jan?
Oh, okay, everybody,
here's my sister, the new Jan Brady!
Hi there.
Happy birthday, Lucy.
-Hi, Margie. -Hi.
Jan, that's terrific!
Thanks!
It's the funniest joke you've ever played!
You really look funny.
Hey, that'd be great for Halloween.
Halloween?
Yeah, Halloween!
What's the matter with her?
Lucy, she didn't mean it to be a joke.
You mean she wasn't kidding?
Nope.
RuPaul: I'm sorry, my dear.
Sashay away.
[click] Oh, honey, wasn't that good?
-Is it over? -Is it over?!
You were the one that wanted to watch it!
Well, sure. It was one of my favorite shows.
I'm gonna get you! [both laugh]
Jan?
Hi there.
Honey, what's the matter?
They laughed at me.
They thought my wig was a joke.
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Mom, Dad, you were right.
I guess I do look like some kind of freak in this thing.
Oh, honey, you just don't look like you.
Well, Jan, your friends like you the way you are.
I sure wasted my money on that thing.
Oh, honey, I'm not so sure.
Maybe you learned a valuable lesson very cheaply.
Why didn't you wait, Jan? I would have walked you home.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
-Hi, Lucy. -Hello, girls.
Jan, we're sorry.
We didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
We thought the wig had to be a joke.
Your own hair, it's so pretty.
We all envy it.
You do?
Will you come back to the party with us, please?
Well...
Oh, honey, why don't you?
Well...
I'd like to, I guess.
Okay.
Come on!
Come on, Peter.
No chance!
Pete, I thought we had an agreement?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, I'll go.
Yeah, he's shy.
Like father, like son.
[chuckles] Like heck!
Oh! [both laugh]
Oh!
Oh, oh, oh!
I didn't--
Jan gave it to me.
Whaddaya think, Mrs. Brady?
Oh, well--well, I--I think, uh, it's, um--
Oh, well, what I mean is I think it--
What do you think, Mike?
Well, I think it's-- I mean, it's--
It's certainly got a lot of--
I think I need a third opinion.
Alice, what do you think?
It's unanimous.
Oh, well. I could always shave it
and use it for a shower cap.
[all laugh]
And that's a wrap!
Whoa-ho!
[cheering]
We've got some groceries.
Hey, guys, come on, come on.
[cheering]
Thank you! Thank you!
Oh, the house is falling apart.
He went to buy a present for Margie.
-Fuckin' A. -[laughs]
Oh, honey.
What the fuck is the line?
Jan!
[laughs]
Jan!
Sorry. [laughs]
You wanted to see me, Mom?
[laughs]
Sexy? I want a black wig and I want it now!
How now, brown cow?
19 kids. We have two bags of groceries.
[all laugh]
Is that an Oscar award winning performance?
I think so.
-Honey, what's wrong? -Honey, what's the matter?
Fucking shit!
Well, Jan, your friends like you the way you are.
It's the family who hates you.
Okay, got it. Okay, here we go.
Not bloody sick anymore. See?
Can I play in my damn baseball game?
[all laugh]