WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:13.000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:17.807 --> 00:00:19.576 You ready? 4 00:00:19.609 --> 00:00:21.411 No. 5 00:00:21.445 --> 00:00:23.414 Are you ready? 6 00:00:23.446 --> 00:00:24.748 No. 7 00:00:26.350 --> 00:00:27.585 Fuck it, let's do it. 8 00:00:30.321 --> 00:00:32.190 Oh my god, I haven't seen you guys in so long! 9 00:00:32.222 --> 00:00:33.957 Anderson, you're like in the forest. 10 00:00:33.990 --> 00:00:35.960 Yeah, and there's bugs everywhere 11 00:00:35.993 --> 00:00:37.628 and there's people telling me what to do. 12 00:00:37.661 --> 00:00:40.463 - It's not my vibe. - So, guys... 13 00:00:40.496 --> 00:00:42.332 Are there tree trimmers in the forest? 14 00:00:42.365 --> 00:00:45.869 I think the city... the city tree trims in the forest for fire, 15 00:00:45.902 --> 00:00:47.271 for fire prevention. 16 00:00:47.304 --> 00:00:48.739 I once dated a fireman. 17 00:00:48.771 --> 00:00:49.816 Are you... can you hear me? 18 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:50.884 - Hey. - You guys hear that? 19 00:00:50.908 --> 00:00:52.509 I dated a fireman once. 20 00:00:52.542 --> 00:00:54.512 I feel like it did not get a big reaction. 21 00:00:54.545 --> 00:00:55.988 - I felt like it was a lie. - Well, 'cause it's a lie. 22 00:00:56.012 --> 00:00:58.815 - Yeah, it's a lie. - Anyway, you guys, sorry. 23 00:00:58.848 --> 00:01:02.519 Um, thanks for making the time for this whole 24 00:01:02.552 --> 00:01:04.956 - group call thing. - Duh, of course. 25 00:01:04.989 --> 00:01:07.490 Totally, but actually, can we make this quick? 26 00:01:07.524 --> 00:01:09.668 I have a date in a half an hour with my sexy new boyfriend. 27 00:01:09.692 --> 00:01:11.962 - Okay, rub it in, Vanessa. - Yeah, you don't need to 28 00:01:11.995 --> 00:01:14.265 personally attack those of us who are single, 29 00:01:14.298 --> 00:01:16.600 namely your very own flesh and blood brother 30 00:01:16.634 --> 00:01:18.402 who is very dateable. 31 00:01:18.435 --> 00:01:20.537 Anderson, how are you even on this call? 32 00:01:20.570 --> 00:01:21.682 They let you have your computer there? 33 00:01:21.706 --> 00:01:23.582 Oh yeah, I blew one of the guards so he gave it back. 34 00:01:23.606 --> 00:01:24.474 Oh my god. 35 00:01:24.507 --> 00:01:25.885 Wait, wait, wait, they have actual guards 36 00:01:25.909 --> 00:01:27.812 - at this wilderness rehab? - No! 37 00:01:27.844 --> 00:01:29.614 - Obvi this is my burner. - Huh. 38 00:01:29.647 --> 00:01:31.515 I didn't know burner computers were a thing. 39 00:01:31.548 --> 00:01:33.451 - It's a rich people thing. - Oh, the security 40 00:01:33.483 --> 00:01:35.352 at his last rehab was super lax. 41 00:01:35.385 --> 00:01:37.954 - I ended up sneaking in some... - Guys! 42 00:01:37.987 --> 00:01:41.992 Listen, guys, you're our oldest friends, so, 43 00:01:42.025 --> 00:01:43.593 Peter and I wanted to tell you all 44 00:01:43.626 --> 00:01:45.495 at the same time that we're... 45 00:01:45.528 --> 00:01:48.566 Oh my god, you're pregnant! 46 00:01:48.599 --> 00:01:49.834 Oh my god, am I pregnant? 47 00:01:49.867 --> 00:01:51.569 - They're so pregnant. - Finally! 48 00:01:51.602 --> 00:01:53.737 - Can I be the godmother? - I'd like to be called. 49 00:01:53.771 --> 00:01:55.605 "Aunt" Lauren, not "ant" Lauren. 50 00:01:55.638 --> 00:01:57.716 - It's gross, you know? - You guys have to name the baby 51 00:01:57.740 --> 00:01:59.543 after me since I'm the one who set you up. 52 00:01:59.575 --> 00:02:01.820 Vanessa, shoving the two of them into your dorm room closet 53 00:02:01.844 --> 00:02:03.581 freshman year and forcing them to make out 54 00:02:03.614 --> 00:02:04.691 does not count as setting them up. 55 00:02:04.715 --> 00:02:06.384 Okay, bitch, you're just jealous 56 00:02:06.417 --> 00:02:08.019 'cause I never shoved you in a closet. 57 00:02:08.052 --> 00:02:10.655 But lest us not forget that Lauren did inspire me 58 00:02:10.687 --> 00:02:13.390 - to come out of the closet. - Yes, yes, I'm so glad 59 00:02:13.424 --> 00:02:15.669 that the one time we hooked up it turned you gay, Anderson. 60 00:02:15.693 --> 00:02:18.296 That's a great college memory for me to dwell on, thank you. 61 00:02:18.329 --> 00:02:20.531 - You're so welcome. - Guys! 62 00:02:23.766 --> 00:02:25.669 We're getting divorced. 63 00:02:29.038 --> 00:02:29.939 Wait, what? 64 00:02:29.973 --> 00:02:31.309 ♪ Get you off my mind ♪ 65 00:02:31.342 --> 00:02:33.344 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 66 00:02:33.377 --> 00:02:35.980 ♪ the chill nights, we'd order in and snuggle up ♪ 67 00:02:36.013 --> 00:02:38.716 ♪ got bored of them, now holidays are horrible ♪ 68 00:02:38.748 --> 00:02:40.584 ♪ I'm hung up on you like an ornament ♪ 69 00:02:40.616 --> 00:02:41.828 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 70 00:02:41.852 --> 00:02:43.120 ♪ I want you to care ♪ 71 00:02:43.153 --> 00:02:45.555 ♪ I want you to cry when you realize I'm no longer there ♪ 72 00:02:45.588 --> 00:02:47.099 ♪ I want you miss the touch of my hand ♪ 73 00:02:47.123 --> 00:02:49.592 ♪ the smell of my hair ♪ 74 00:02:49.626 --> 00:02:53.497 ♪ you and me don't feel the same ♪ 75 00:02:53.530 --> 00:02:56.533 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 76 00:02:56.567 --> 00:02:57.701 ♪ no ♪ 77 00:02:57.735 --> 00:02:59.370 ♪ get you off my mind ♪ 78 00:02:59.402 --> 00:03:01.371 ♪ get you off my mind ♪ 79 00:03:10.913 --> 00:03:13.750 Well, do you think anybody else knows? 80 00:03:13.783 --> 00:03:15.385 I couldn't tell you, I don't know. 81 00:03:15.419 --> 00:03:16.320 I wasn't on that call. 82 00:03:16.354 --> 00:03:17.987 I cannot believe we weren't on that call. 83 00:03:18.020 --> 00:03:19.098 We weren't invited to that call. 84 00:03:19.122 --> 00:03:21.692 I know and I'm upset that Anderson called you. 85 00:03:21.724 --> 00:03:23.902 Vanessa only texted me and I feel like this is something 86 00:03:23.926 --> 00:03:25.003 I should've gotten a phone call about. 87 00:03:25.027 --> 00:03:25.962 Well, it was a short phone call. 88 00:03:25.996 --> 00:03:28.064 I could hardly hear him, his service was awful. 89 00:03:28.098 --> 00:03:30.000 And honestly, I think I heard a coyote. 90 00:03:30.032 --> 00:03:32.036 - Like on the phone? - No, like in the background, 91 00:03:32.068 --> 00:03:33.837 and I know a coyote when I hear one. 92 00:03:33.871 --> 00:03:35.939 Okay, is it possible it was like a scheduling thing? 93 00:03:35.973 --> 00:03:38.117 Like, you know how they always plan stuff on California time 94 00:03:38.141 --> 00:03:39.853 - or specific standard time. - Pacific standard time. 95 00:03:39.877 --> 00:03:41.778 Wait, did you just say specific? 96 00:03:41.812 --> 00:03:43.814 - I did. - It's pacific, 97 00:03:43.847 --> 00:03:47.151 'cause, you know, it's like by the pacific ocean. 98 00:03:47.183 --> 00:03:49.387 - Agree to disagree. - Anyways, whatever. 99 00:03:49.419 --> 00:03:50.553 That's bullshit. 100 00:03:50.586 --> 00:03:51.454 We're only three hours ahead. 101 00:03:51.487 --> 00:03:53.123 What, do they Google hang at midnight? 102 00:03:53.157 --> 00:03:55.058 - I would've Google hanged. - Hung. 103 00:03:55.092 --> 00:03:56.260 - Hung. - And actually, no, 104 00:03:56.293 --> 00:03:58.795 you wouldn't have because midnight specific standard time 105 00:03:58.829 --> 00:04:00.931 - is really 3 am... - 3 am eastern standard time. 106 00:04:00.963 --> 00:04:03.768 Yes, I know, and I'm saying that I would've been available 107 00:04:03.800 --> 00:04:05.536 - and awake to hang. - Wow. 108 00:04:05.568 --> 00:04:07.470 Oh, I have a new postmates order. 109 00:04:07.503 --> 00:04:10.106 Fuck the gig economy, I have like five jobs right now. 110 00:04:10.139 --> 00:04:11.975 Wait, six, actually. 111 00:04:12.008 --> 00:04:14.644 So I have this new gig, it's kind of freaky. 112 00:04:14.677 --> 00:04:16.781 Ugh, this order is from the McDonald's on bedford. 113 00:04:16.814 --> 00:04:18.415 - They hate me there. - Oh no, why? 114 00:04:18.449 --> 00:04:20.484 - They hate my rollerblades. - Is it the yellow? 115 00:04:20.516 --> 00:04:22.428 No, they hate that I wear them inside their store. 116 00:04:22.452 --> 00:04:24.187 - Restaurant. - Restaurant, and it's like, 117 00:04:24.221 --> 00:04:25.564 well, then don't have a Rollerblade ramp 118 00:04:25.588 --> 00:04:26.833 that leads directly to your door. 119 00:04:26.857 --> 00:04:28.759 Feel like that ramp is for wheelchairs. 120 00:04:28.791 --> 00:04:30.794 Well, rollerblades have wheels. 121 00:04:30.827 --> 00:04:32.172 - I think they're cool. - They are. 122 00:04:32.196 --> 00:04:33.831 And I think you're cool. 123 00:04:33.863 --> 00:04:35.632 Not cool enough to be on a zoom call 124 00:04:35.665 --> 00:04:37.076 to hear about our friends getting a divorce. 125 00:04:37.100 --> 00:04:39.570 Oh, I forgot about that for like four seconds. 126 00:04:42.839 --> 00:04:46.643 - So, wait, what is this new job? - Okay. 127 00:04:46.677 --> 00:04:48.946 ♪ This vibe telling mad truth so evidently ♪ 128 00:04:48.978 --> 00:04:51.748 ♪ the way this shit will be told is eloquently ♪ 129 00:04:52.783 --> 00:04:54.451 Hickory-dickory dock. 130 00:04:54.485 --> 00:04:56.854 Hi, hi. 131 00:04:59.122 --> 00:05:00.723 I'm the ceo, 132 00:05:00.757 --> 00:05:02.927 I'm the ceo. 133 00:05:04.228 --> 00:05:06.831 ♪ Yo, I'm not who you expected 'cause I'm so hot ♪ 134 00:05:06.863 --> 00:05:08.965 ♪ I'm so hot, I'm so hot ♪ 135 00:05:08.999 --> 00:05:10.034 ♪ but I can't be ♪ 136 00:05:10.067 --> 00:05:13.637 All right, Hannah, let's bring home the bacon. 137 00:05:13.670 --> 00:05:14.705 Well, hello there, 138 00:05:14.737 --> 00:05:19.843 hornyforhandsfeetandother appendages.com users. 139 00:05:19.877 --> 00:05:22.879 Before I introduce myself, 140 00:05:22.913 --> 00:05:27.585 for those of you who like Sara, the big-handed farmhand, 141 00:05:27.617 --> 00:05:29.586 I'll be back next Tuesday. 142 00:05:29.620 --> 00:05:31.120 Don't be late, y'all. 143 00:05:31.153 --> 00:05:35.593 But today, I'm Eleanor elbow, 144 00:05:35.625 --> 00:05:37.594 the erotic ceo, 145 00:05:37.627 --> 00:05:39.796 and I've got news for you. 146 00:05:39.829 --> 00:05:43.166 I'm losing money left and right, 147 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:45.034 and I'm pissed off about it. 148 00:05:45.067 --> 00:05:46.603 So pissed off in fact, 149 00:05:46.637 --> 00:05:48.572 that I'm thinking of 150 00:05:48.605 --> 00:05:52.776 stomping all over you... 151 00:05:52.809 --> 00:05:56.514 If things don't turn around. 152 00:05:56.547 --> 00:05:57.781 Oh. 153 00:05:57.814 --> 00:05:59.917 Who's in my chats? 154 00:05:59.949 --> 00:06:03.086 Fistmegood999... 155 00:06:03.120 --> 00:06:05.122 Says to me, "dearest Eleanor, 156 00:06:05.154 --> 00:06:08.024 please lick your elbow in this one." 157 00:06:08.057 --> 00:06:10.560 Oh, oh, oh. 158 00:06:10.593 --> 00:06:13.764 One more, ooh. 159 00:06:13.797 --> 00:06:14.765 My elbow. 160 00:06:14.798 --> 00:06:17.901 ♪ A mistake that I made and it's my fault ♪ 161 00:06:17.935 --> 00:06:19.069 My... 162 00:06:19.103 --> 00:06:22.673 Turns out the elbow's a little bit difficult to lick. 163 00:06:22.706 --> 00:06:26.277 Yeah, so how does this sound, yeah? 164 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:31.781 I can taste my lotion. 165 00:06:31.814 --> 00:06:34.285 It tastes like wealth. 166 00:06:36.052 --> 00:06:38.855 This is freaky. 167 00:06:38.889 --> 00:06:41.824 Speaking of wealth, don't forget to venmo me. 168 00:06:41.858 --> 00:06:44.228 Hannah55baby. 169 00:06:44.261 --> 00:06:46.130 Thank you so much. 170 00:06:50.334 --> 00:06:52.703 Fine! 171 00:06:54.605 --> 00:06:56.840 Oh! 172 00:06:56.872 --> 00:06:58.141 Ah-ah-ah-ah. 173 00:06:58.175 --> 00:06:59.944 Welcome back to my channel, gentlemen! 174 00:06:59.976 --> 00:07:02.245 I am Jaime, the top divorce guru. 175 00:07:02.278 --> 00:07:04.714 Thank you all from the bottom of my heart 176 00:07:04.747 --> 00:07:07.718 for the overwhelming response on last week's video. 177 00:07:07.750 --> 00:07:11.120 Three foolproof compliments that trigger women's libidos. 178 00:07:11.153 --> 00:07:14.190 Go check it out but only, and only, 179 00:07:14.223 --> 00:07:15.725 if you're ready to handle 180 00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:18.362 the overwhelming amount of attention 181 00:07:18.394 --> 00:07:20.063 you're gonna get from them bitches. 182 00:07:20.096 --> 00:07:21.831 All right, let's get this started. 183 00:07:21.865 --> 00:07:24.134 Each week I share my mind hacks 184 00:07:24.166 --> 00:07:27.170 on how to efficiently navigate a divorce, 185 00:07:27.204 --> 00:07:30.608 or as I like to call it, a course correction. 186 00:07:30.641 --> 00:07:32.776 Through my journey of spouse disentanglement, 187 00:07:32.809 --> 00:07:35.079 I have discovered how to skip the drama 188 00:07:35.112 --> 00:07:38.749 and get you ready for your next honey mama, trademark. 189 00:07:38.781 --> 00:07:41.618 As you guys know, my last divorce was six months ago. 190 00:07:41.651 --> 00:07:44.687 I've already reached a special and crucial landmark 191 00:07:44.721 --> 00:07:46.090 in the divorce cycle, 192 00:07:46.122 --> 00:07:48.391 the reclaiming of space. 193 00:07:48.425 --> 00:07:51.228 Some of you might not be at this stage yet, 194 00:07:51.261 --> 00:07:54.798 and some of you might actually take a few years to get here. 195 00:07:54.831 --> 00:07:56.400 Just remember what I always say. 196 00:07:56.432 --> 00:07:58.067 Be patient with yourself. 197 00:07:58.100 --> 00:08:00.903 You're going through a lot, and sooner or later, 198 00:08:00.937 --> 00:08:03.407 you'll hook up with someone hot, all right, trademark. 199 00:08:05.041 --> 00:08:07.644 Bro, I'm in the middle of my vlog! 200 00:08:07.677 --> 00:08:11.214 Hey, how could I have known that? 201 00:08:11.247 --> 00:08:12.750 - Think about it. - I told you, 202 00:08:12.783 --> 00:08:15.252 you have to text me five minutes before you get home. 203 00:08:15.285 --> 00:08:16.696 What if i'm, like, in the middle of this, 204 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:18.422 like, super dope thought process 205 00:08:18.454 --> 00:08:22.325 and then bam, you walk in and interrupt my flow? 206 00:08:22.358 --> 00:08:24.027 Look, Jaime, 207 00:08:24.060 --> 00:08:26.796 I'm not gonna text you every time I come home. 208 00:08:26.829 --> 00:08:30.133 I was happy to move in when Rosa left you. 209 00:08:30.166 --> 00:08:33.169 But listen, I'm not just staying at your pad. 210 00:08:33.202 --> 00:08:35.972 I pay rent, this is my home too now, okay? 211 00:08:36.005 --> 00:08:39.375 If I interrupt your flow, I'm sure you can get it back. 212 00:08:39.408 --> 00:08:43.746 Bro, you do not understand my flow state, but cool. 213 00:08:43.779 --> 00:08:45.915 Don't you edit these videos afterwards anyway? 214 00:08:45.948 --> 00:08:48.685 Sure, but it's not that simple, but I'll just do that. 215 00:08:48.719 --> 00:08:50.287 - Thank you. - Great. 216 00:08:50.320 --> 00:08:51.789 Glad you figured it out. 217 00:09:03.799 --> 00:09:05.435 - Can you just... - What? 218 00:09:05.469 --> 00:09:10.140 Nothing, I just really need to finish this today. 219 00:09:10.173 --> 00:09:11.207 All right, bud. 220 00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:15.044 I'll get out of your hair. 221 00:09:15.077 --> 00:09:18.481 You know, I'm really glad your therapist suggested 222 00:09:18.514 --> 00:09:21.250 you make this whole video diary thing. 223 00:09:21.283 --> 00:09:23.187 It's not a video diary thing. 224 00:09:23.220 --> 00:09:26.322 I'm helping other people that are more fucked up than I am. 225 00:09:26.355 --> 00:09:28.391 And I came up with that idea on my own, 226 00:09:28.424 --> 00:09:30.993 after she suggested it. 227 00:09:31.027 --> 00:09:32.329 You're doing such a great job. 228 00:09:32.361 --> 00:09:34.831 Can you fuck off, please? 229 00:09:34.865 --> 00:09:37.234 I'm gonna give you some space. 230 00:09:37.267 --> 00:09:38.335 Thank you. 231 00:09:38.368 --> 00:09:39.436 You're super welcome, bud. 232 00:09:39.469 --> 00:09:41.138 Oh my god! 233 00:09:44.441 --> 00:09:45.942 Reclaiming your space. 234 00:09:45.975 --> 00:09:47.244 What does that mean? 235 00:09:47.277 --> 00:09:48.378 Great question. 236 00:09:48.410 --> 00:09:50.079 Let me break it down for you. 237 00:09:50.113 --> 00:09:51.348 The first thing you gotta do 238 00:09:51.380 --> 00:09:52.783 when you're reclaiming your space 239 00:09:52.816 --> 00:09:55.319 from the divorce is tackle... 240 00:10:02.558 --> 00:10:05.261 "The most crucial step to moving through a divorce 241 00:10:05.294 --> 00:10:07.363 is releasing emotions. 242 00:10:07.397 --> 00:10:11.135 You and your partner should cry openly and cry often." 243 00:10:19.142 --> 00:10:20.878 He hasn't cried. 244 00:10:23.078 --> 00:10:25.982 Why the fuck hasn't he cried? 245 00:10:28.217 --> 00:10:29.319 Peter? 246 00:10:31.321 --> 00:10:32.456 Peter. 247 00:10:34.890 --> 00:10:35.825 Are you fucking kidding me? 248 00:10:35.859 --> 00:10:37.795 Peter! 249 00:10:45.902 --> 00:10:47.237 - Were you calling me? - No. 250 00:10:47.269 --> 00:10:51.107 Hey, so, I know it's gonna be super hard 251 00:10:51.140 --> 00:10:53.276 and, you know, you've probably just been avoiding it 252 00:10:53.309 --> 00:10:57.079 because it's gonna be so, so sad, 253 00:10:57.113 --> 00:11:00.251 but I think it's time we split up our stuff. 254 00:11:02.184 --> 00:11:03.553 Sure. 255 00:11:03.586 --> 00:11:06.088 It's probably just gonna be really hard for us, 256 00:11:06.121 --> 00:11:09.058 or for you because we've built a life together, 257 00:11:09.091 --> 00:11:11.160 and how do you even start to begin 258 00:11:11.193 --> 00:11:13.529 to choose who deserves what? 259 00:11:13.562 --> 00:11:15.331 I mean, I can't even fathom where to begin. 260 00:11:15.365 --> 00:11:17.935 It's, it's like 261 00:11:17.967 --> 00:11:21.304 ripping apart the quilt of our love, 262 00:11:21.337 --> 00:11:25.308 piece by piece. 263 00:11:25.341 --> 00:11:28.245 I mean, I guess we can start in the living room. 264 00:11:31.347 --> 00:11:32.615 Wow. 265 00:11:32.649 --> 00:11:36.052 Yeah, how did I not think of that? 266 00:11:36.086 --> 00:11:37.221 Let's do it. 267 00:11:44.961 --> 00:11:46.330 Would you like the chair? 268 00:11:46.363 --> 00:11:48.031 I know you've always loved it. 269 00:11:48.063 --> 00:11:48.932 Really? 270 00:11:48.965 --> 00:11:51.301 I mean, your aunt gave you that chair. 271 00:11:51.333 --> 00:11:53.135 - You should keep it. - Remember that time 272 00:11:53.168 --> 00:11:57.073 when I as holding your nephew and he was staring up at me 273 00:11:57.106 --> 00:12:00.009 with those big, beautiful, blue eyes, 274 00:12:00.043 --> 00:12:04.413 and he vomited all over me and some got on the chair? 275 00:12:04.447 --> 00:12:08.652 You know, that was the first moment that I realized... 276 00:12:08.684 --> 00:12:10.620 Sorry... 277 00:12:10.653 --> 00:12:15.558 That I realized that we would be parents, you know? 278 00:12:15.591 --> 00:12:18.995 It'll always be a perfect memory for me. 279 00:12:19.028 --> 00:12:21.197 What could have been. 280 00:12:21.230 --> 00:12:23.033 Hm. 281 00:12:23.066 --> 00:12:25.035 I think you're forgetting that the smell of vomit 282 00:12:25.067 --> 00:12:25.936 actually made me vomit. 283 00:12:25.969 --> 00:12:29.273 I mean, there was a lot of vomit that day. 284 00:12:29.306 --> 00:12:30.515 That was actually the day that I realized 285 00:12:30.539 --> 00:12:33.043 that maybe I didn't want to have kids. 286 00:12:33.076 --> 00:12:34.220 You know, like before then obviously I was like, 287 00:12:34.244 --> 00:12:36.513 yeah, for sure, but then that happened and I was like, 288 00:12:36.546 --> 00:12:38.382 - I don't know. - Huh. 289 00:12:38.414 --> 00:12:41.418 It's funny, like, same memory, 290 00:12:41.451 --> 00:12:43.552 different emotional attachments to it. 291 00:12:43.586 --> 00:12:45.989 Totally, totally different, you know? 292 00:12:46.022 --> 00:12:49.158 To each... woo, oh... To each their own, you know? 293 00:12:49.192 --> 00:12:52.696 Uh, a happy memory for me, 294 00:12:52.729 --> 00:12:55.666 and a sad... 295 00:12:55.698 --> 00:12:58.968 And emotional memory for you. 296 00:12:59.001 --> 00:13:01.637 You know, very sad. 297 00:13:01.671 --> 00:13:06.109 Extremely emotional. 298 00:13:06.142 --> 00:13:07.311 - Right. - Okay. 299 00:13:07.344 --> 00:13:09.212 You can have the chair. 300 00:13:09.245 --> 00:13:11.280 - That I don't give a shit about. - Okay, fine. 301 00:13:11.313 --> 00:13:14.283 You can call dibs on one of our shared items 302 00:13:14.317 --> 00:13:17.687 if you tell my brother about the divorce. 303 00:13:17.721 --> 00:13:19.322 Wait, you haven't told him yet? 304 00:13:19.355 --> 00:13:21.490 I, I thought it should come from you. 305 00:13:21.524 --> 00:13:22.658 What, why? 306 00:13:22.692 --> 00:13:25.162 Because he sees you like a brother. 307 00:13:25.195 --> 00:13:27.364 He's like obsessed with you, just come on, Peter. 308 00:13:27.397 --> 00:13:30.134 - Okay, fine. - Thank you. 309 00:13:36.373 --> 00:13:38.208 Just in case. 310 00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:40.276 Uh, thank you? 311 00:13:40.309 --> 00:13:42.645 Go ahead, take one. 312 00:13:50.186 --> 00:13:53.190 So yeah, I'm really sorry, man, 313 00:13:53.222 --> 00:13:54.991 but that's what we decided. 314 00:13:55.024 --> 00:13:56.501 Wait, wait, wait, but you guys have only been married 315 00:13:56.525 --> 00:13:58.327 - for, like, two years. - Yeah, no, right, 316 00:13:58.360 --> 00:14:00.139 but we've actually been together for 10, you know, 317 00:14:00.163 --> 00:14:01.431 and it's complicated. 318 00:14:01.464 --> 00:14:02.640 We're just different people now. 319 00:14:02.664 --> 00:14:04.400 Yeah, of course you're different people, 320 00:14:04.433 --> 00:14:06.769 but like, I thought opposites attract. 321 00:14:06.802 --> 00:14:09.105 I don't know what to tell you, I'm sorry. 322 00:14:09.139 --> 00:14:11.073 So, what, are you like my ex-brother now or... 323 00:14:11.106 --> 00:14:12.608 I mean, I guess technically, but... 324 00:14:12.642 --> 00:14:14.011 Whatever, whatever, I gotta go. 325 00:14:14.043 --> 00:14:15.444 Okay, I'll talk to you later. 326 00:14:15.477 --> 00:14:17.080 I love you. 327 00:14:19.515 --> 00:14:22.084 What was that about? 328 00:14:22.118 --> 00:14:24.254 Amy and Peter are getting a divorce. 329 00:14:24.287 --> 00:14:25.589 - Wait, what? - Yeah. 330 00:14:25.621 --> 00:14:26.899 They haven't even been married that long. 331 00:14:26.923 --> 00:14:29.492 Yeah, apparently they're like different people or something. 332 00:14:29.525 --> 00:14:30.735 Of course they're different people, 333 00:14:30.759 --> 00:14:32.361 but don't like, opposites attract? 334 00:14:32.394 --> 00:14:34.764 I know, that's what I said! 335 00:14:34.798 --> 00:14:36.265 But we love Peter. 336 00:14:36.298 --> 00:14:38.134 What are we gonna do about that? 337 00:14:38.168 --> 00:14:40.736 I don't know, man. 338 00:14:40.769 --> 00:14:42.338 I don't know. 339 00:14:42.371 --> 00:14:44.407 Wow. 340 00:14:44.441 --> 00:14:46.744 - I am so sorry. - Thanks. 341 00:14:49.645 --> 00:14:52.581 Well, it's not great timing, 342 00:14:52.615 --> 00:14:55.519 but I actually have a tinder date coming in a couple minutes. 343 00:14:55.552 --> 00:14:56.729 - Oh, wow. - But I could totally 344 00:14:56.753 --> 00:14:58.422 - bail on her. - No, no, no, it's fine, 345 00:14:58.455 --> 00:14:59.790 it's fine, just be careful, okay? 346 00:14:59.822 --> 00:15:01.466 Because right now she's just a tinder girl, 347 00:15:01.490 --> 00:15:03.159 but next thing you know, she's your wife, 348 00:15:03.192 --> 00:15:07.329 and then right after that she's your fucking ex-wife! 349 00:15:07.363 --> 00:15:09.800 But yeah, no, it's fine, it's chill, she can come over. 350 00:15:09.832 --> 00:15:11.342 You can totally crash the date if you want. 351 00:15:11.366 --> 00:15:13.502 We have plenty of Sushi. 352 00:15:13.535 --> 00:15:14.770 - From where? - Store-bought. 353 00:15:14.803 --> 00:15:16.572 - Ugh! - Okay, you are invited. 354 00:15:16.605 --> 00:15:18.475 It's gonna have spicy Mayo all over it. 355 00:15:18.508 --> 00:15:21.078 Ah, I'm Noah, I'm a bougie ass bitch 356 00:15:21.110 --> 00:15:22.520 and I don't have a brother-in-law anymore. 357 00:15:22.544 --> 00:15:23.512 - Too far, man. - Yeah, 358 00:15:23.546 --> 00:15:26.583 it didn't feel right saying it. 359 00:15:26.615 --> 00:15:27.894 You know what, whatever, fuck it. 360 00:15:27.918 --> 00:15:30.129 I'm fucking with you, let's go eat some shitty Cali rolls. 361 00:15:30.153 --> 00:15:31.587 - Come on. - Wow! 362 00:15:31.620 --> 00:15:32.688 Wait, I'm dead. 363 00:15:32.721 --> 00:15:35.257 No, I'm literally dying. 364 00:15:35.291 --> 00:15:36.493 Is this a joke? 365 00:15:36.525 --> 00:15:37.493 Do you wanna start with cardio... 366 00:15:37.527 --> 00:15:38.595 Shut up. 367 00:15:38.628 --> 00:15:40.397 I'm sorry, what? 368 00:15:40.429 --> 00:15:43.165 Oh my god, oh my god! 369 00:15:43.198 --> 00:15:44.433 I cannot believe this. 370 00:15:44.466 --> 00:15:47.336 I'm truly shocked to my core. 371 00:15:47.370 --> 00:15:49.873 Amy and Peter, no. 372 00:15:49.905 --> 00:15:52.174 No, never in a million years would I have guessed this. 373 00:15:52.207 --> 00:15:54.276 Honestly, honestly, you know what, 374 00:15:54.309 --> 00:15:56.579 I need to go work out, this is a lot for me to take in. 375 00:15:56.613 --> 00:15:57.881 Okay, I'll call you later. 376 00:15:57.913 --> 00:15:59.249 All right, love you. 377 00:15:59.282 --> 00:16:01.317 Kiss, kiss. 378 00:16:05.522 --> 00:16:07.691 I mean, did I call it or did I fucking call it? 379 00:16:07.724 --> 00:16:09.392 - What? - Okay. 380 00:16:09.424 --> 00:16:11.260 You remember my friends from college? 381 00:16:11.293 --> 00:16:12.394 Babe, stretch me. 382 00:16:12.428 --> 00:16:15.298 Obviously not my gamma phi sisters, my other friends. 383 00:16:15.331 --> 00:16:17.701 - You know, the trashy ones. - Um... 384 00:16:17.734 --> 00:16:19.168 Amy and Peter! 385 00:16:19.201 --> 00:16:20.245 The brunette and her husband. 386 00:16:20.269 --> 00:16:21.170 They met out freshman year 387 00:16:21.205 --> 00:16:22.347 and they've been together ever since. 388 00:16:22.371 --> 00:16:24.274 Ugh, anyways. 389 00:16:24.307 --> 00:16:25.841 They're getting divorced, 390 00:16:25.875 --> 00:16:28.278 and I hate to say that I saw this coming, 391 00:16:28.311 --> 00:16:30.846 but I absolutely saw this coming. 392 00:16:32.849 --> 00:16:36.586 - Hello! - Mary grace, hey! 393 00:16:36.619 --> 00:16:38.488 - Hey, sweet girl! - Can you hear me okay? 394 00:16:38.520 --> 00:16:40.623 I can hear you loud and clear and I can see you. 395 00:16:40.657 --> 00:16:43.560 - You look gorgeous, girl! - Oh, thank you. 396 00:16:43.592 --> 00:16:46.328 Wow, uh, it's been a minute. 397 00:16:46.361 --> 00:16:47.831 Gosh, it's been several minutes. 398 00:16:47.864 --> 00:16:50.667 I mean, when is the last time we saw each other? 399 00:16:50.700 --> 00:16:52.769 Was it carolann's niece's baptism? 400 00:16:52.802 --> 00:16:56.406 No, yeah, no, didn't fly back in for that one. 401 00:16:56.438 --> 00:16:58.574 Well, shoot, we miss you around here. 402 00:16:58.607 --> 00:17:00.876 These teens today, I am telling you, 403 00:17:00.909 --> 00:17:04.480 they do not make the youth like they used to! 404 00:17:04.513 --> 00:17:06.348 Wow, you're still the youth pastor. 405 00:17:06.382 --> 00:17:08.185 You were my youth pastor, wow. 406 00:17:08.218 --> 00:17:10.287 Yes, ma'am, 14 years strong. 407 00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:12.888 That is a long time to pastor youth, Jesus. 408 00:17:12.922 --> 00:17:15.392 - Ah. - Sorry, geez Louise! 409 00:17:15.424 --> 00:17:18.228 Anyway, um, my mom told me you had another baby? 410 00:17:18.260 --> 00:17:19.863 Have you not met my son Henry? 411 00:17:19.895 --> 00:17:21.664 He just turned three last month! 412 00:17:21.698 --> 00:17:22.865 - Oh my goodness. - Yup. 413 00:17:22.898 --> 00:17:26.302 Bill finally got his boy, but enough about me and mine. 414 00:17:26.336 --> 00:17:28.337 Those rug rats are over at Janine's until six. 415 00:17:28.371 --> 00:17:31.740 I got my glass of Pinot grigio, I got on my soft clothes. 416 00:17:31.773 --> 00:17:35.377 I am ready for some girl talk! 417 00:17:35.411 --> 00:17:36.846 So now tell me, your mother says 418 00:17:36.878 --> 00:17:38.714 there's something we need to pray on. 419 00:17:38.748 --> 00:17:42.251 Oh, oh yeah, no, no, that's... I'm so sorry she called you. 420 00:17:42.285 --> 00:17:43.620 She just, um... 421 00:17:43.653 --> 00:17:45.755 Well, my friends are actually getting divorced 422 00:17:45.788 --> 00:17:47.533 and then she kind of freaked out about it, so... 423 00:17:47.557 --> 00:17:50.993 Wait, we need to bless this conversation first. 424 00:17:51.027 --> 00:17:54.831 If you will, bow your head and hold my hands virtually. 425 00:17:54.864 --> 00:17:56.600 Okay. 426 00:17:56.633 --> 00:17:58.934 Dear sweet, sweet lord, 427 00:17:58.968 --> 00:18:03.306 we humbly accept your love and come before you today 428 00:18:03.338 --> 00:18:06.909 to talk on facetime while you eavesdrop 429 00:18:06.942 --> 00:18:09.746 as we reflect on Lauren's struggles 430 00:18:09.778 --> 00:18:11.548 to find a partner in life. 431 00:18:11.580 --> 00:18:12.581 Uh... 432 00:18:12.615 --> 00:18:15.417 Help us open Lauren's heart to find a match 433 00:18:15.451 --> 00:18:18.255 so she can procreate in your name. 434 00:18:18.288 --> 00:18:20.957 - What? - Her mother is in pain, lord! 435 00:18:20.990 --> 00:18:24.394 Ease her heart, ease her mind, 436 00:18:24.426 --> 00:18:26.328 ease her mouth. 437 00:18:26.362 --> 00:18:28.331 Evelyn wants these grandbabies so bad, 438 00:18:28.364 --> 00:18:30.033 she can't breathe at night! 439 00:18:30.066 --> 00:18:33.435 - She can breathe. - Help us open Lauren's heart. 440 00:18:33.469 --> 00:18:37.606 Help her find her love, whoever she wants to love. 441 00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:39.676 I mean it, Jesus. 442 00:18:39.709 --> 00:18:41.845 Amen. 443 00:18:41.877 --> 00:18:43.646 So do you like women? 444 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:45.649 - What? - Now listen here, Lauren, 445 00:18:45.682 --> 00:18:47.450 I'm done drawing a line in the sand. 446 00:18:47.482 --> 00:18:48.550 I'm done with it. 447 00:18:48.584 --> 00:18:51.788 You wanna love a she, you wanna love a they, live. 448 00:18:51.820 --> 00:18:55.357 - Okay, I like men, so... - Well, good! 449 00:18:55.391 --> 00:18:57.527 Okay, well, hold on now. 450 00:18:57.559 --> 00:18:58.560 I didn't mean good. 451 00:18:58.594 --> 00:19:00.730 I just meant I'm more familiar, 452 00:19:00.762 --> 00:19:04.300 but if you want to like a she, if you want to like a they, 453 00:19:04.334 --> 00:19:06.068 that is fine by me. 454 00:19:06.102 --> 00:19:07.836 You heard of the book queer grace? 455 00:19:07.869 --> 00:19:09.705 Uh, no, uh-uh. 456 00:19:09.739 --> 00:19:13.410 Well, it rocked my world. 457 00:19:13.442 --> 00:19:14.844 It's by Kelly Jo Welch. 458 00:19:14.876 --> 00:19:17.946 She's a lovely woman of god and other women, 459 00:19:17.980 --> 00:19:21.084 and she's just wise beyond her years and I learned things. 460 00:19:21.116 --> 00:19:22.719 Lauren, love is love! 461 00:19:22.751 --> 00:19:25.321 Uh, listen, Mary grace, I'm so proud of you. 462 00:19:25.355 --> 00:19:27.557 That's great, I'm so glad you've come around. 463 00:19:27.589 --> 00:19:29.658 I just... I'm not gay. 464 00:19:29.692 --> 00:19:33.028 Evelyn told me she knows and she's proud of you! 465 00:19:33.061 --> 00:19:34.730 Wait, my mom thinks I'm gay? 466 00:19:34.763 --> 00:19:37.733 And if you'll just let Jesus come in your mouth 467 00:19:37.767 --> 00:19:41.638 and give you the courage to speak your truth, 468 00:19:41.671 --> 00:19:43.506 you can settle down with a nice woman 469 00:19:43.538 --> 00:19:45.674 and your mother can get those grandbabies. 470 00:19:45.708 --> 00:19:47.410 - Oh my god. - Let me tell you a story. 471 00:19:47.442 --> 00:19:48.411 All right? 472 00:19:48.443 --> 00:19:49.921 You remember back in your youth group days, 473 00:19:49.945 --> 00:19:51.914 Stewart Douglas, Trevor Scott? 474 00:19:51.948 --> 00:19:53.917 Remember those two boys, hoodlums? 475 00:19:53.950 --> 00:19:55.818 - Yeah. - They used to say 476 00:19:55.852 --> 00:19:57.754 behind your back all the time, 477 00:19:57.787 --> 00:20:00.723 "oh, there goes Lauren hunting fish. 478 00:20:00.757 --> 00:20:03.759 Oh, she loves to hunt trout," they'd say. 479 00:20:03.792 --> 00:20:05.661 And I thought, "well, dang! 480 00:20:05.694 --> 00:20:07.563 I didn't even know she liked fishing this much. 481 00:20:07.596 --> 00:20:09.541 Maybe she's out there fishing on the weekend with her daddy. 482 00:20:09.565 --> 00:20:10.500 I don't know!" 483 00:20:10.532 --> 00:20:13.502 It took me two years to realize 484 00:20:13.536 --> 00:20:17.707 they weren't even talking about fishing. 485 00:20:17.740 --> 00:20:19.642 They were calling you a lesbian predator. 486 00:20:19.674 --> 00:20:22.044 Yeah, Mary grace, they were fucking with me. 487 00:20:22.077 --> 00:20:23.812 - Ah. - Messing with me. 488 00:20:23.846 --> 00:20:27.851 And I prayed and I prayed for you! 489 00:20:27.884 --> 00:20:29.818 And then I read making room on the pew 490 00:20:29.852 --> 00:20:32.655 by Kelly Jo Welch, and let me tell you, 491 00:20:32.688 --> 00:20:34.824 it just opened my mind! 492 00:20:34.856 --> 00:20:36.992 You can love however you want. 493 00:20:37.026 --> 00:20:39.696 You don't need... 494 00:20:39.729 --> 00:20:42.532 You can have two... 495 00:20:42.565 --> 00:20:43.732 Vaginas? 496 00:20:43.766 --> 00:20:45.634 We say front tushy in this house. 497 00:20:45.667 --> 00:20:47.669 Anyway, I think you know what I'm talking about. 498 00:20:47.702 --> 00:20:49.839 What are you talking about? 499 00:20:51.941 --> 00:20:54.744 Jesus fucking Christ, Mary grace! 500 00:20:54.777 --> 00:20:58.581 I have had upwards of 32 dicks in my body, okay? 501 00:20:58.614 --> 00:20:59.949 I am not a lesbian! 502 00:21:05.654 --> 00:21:08.892 Oh, look at my sexy man grilling me some sexy meat. 503 00:21:08.924 --> 00:21:11.493 Oh, my little crudite girl. 504 00:21:11.527 --> 00:21:13.472 Why are you wearing your blue light glasses outside? 505 00:21:13.496 --> 00:21:14.998 Well, there's no easy way to say this 506 00:21:15.030 --> 00:21:16.932 but we're living in a simulation, babe. 507 00:21:16.965 --> 00:21:20.169 Every second is screen time, so keeping these on for good. 508 00:21:20.202 --> 00:21:22.172 So what you're saying is you got high without me. 509 00:21:22.204 --> 00:21:25.574 - Exactly. - Wow! 510 00:21:25.607 --> 00:21:26.509 Wow. 511 00:21:26.541 --> 00:21:27.820 Four weeks into the relationship 512 00:21:27.844 --> 00:21:29.879 and you're already sneaking around. 513 00:21:29.912 --> 00:21:31.815 Hey, hey, come on. 514 00:21:31.847 --> 00:21:34.017 - What? - No, stay off the nips! 515 00:21:34.049 --> 00:21:36.752 If you let me do it, I will forgive you. 516 00:21:36.786 --> 00:21:39.055 Okay, lightly, light... ow! 517 00:21:39.087 --> 00:21:40.789 All right, okay, okay. 518 00:21:40.823 --> 00:21:42.025 Okay, you're forgiven. 519 00:21:42.057 --> 00:21:43.992 All right, thank you, I gotta flip. 520 00:21:44.026 --> 00:21:47.864 Okay, but just remember, I like my men how I like my meats. 521 00:21:47.896 --> 00:21:50.200 Rare, because you're one of a kind, 522 00:21:50.232 --> 00:21:52.100 and I like my meats bloody. 523 00:21:52.134 --> 00:21:55.137 Oh, which reminds me, I have a new project for us, 524 00:21:55.171 --> 00:21:57.974 - but first, carrot? - Sure. 525 00:21:58.007 --> 00:22:00.777 - Ranch shot? - Always, yeah. 526 00:22:03.211 --> 00:22:04.913 No teeth! 527 00:22:04.946 --> 00:22:06.949 Don't bite it, you use lips, 528 00:22:06.982 --> 00:22:10.019 use your lips, use your lips. 529 00:22:10.051 --> 00:22:12.020 God, ranch is so sexual. 530 00:22:12.054 --> 00:22:14.257 Should we leave these meats and go to the bedroom? 531 00:22:14.289 --> 00:22:15.892 No, they're almost ready. 532 00:22:15.924 --> 00:22:18.228 Really, so no? 533 00:22:18.260 --> 00:22:21.498 Okay, well that leads me to our project. 534 00:22:21.530 --> 00:22:23.074 I think we can both agree that up until now, 535 00:22:23.098 --> 00:22:24.299 the sex has been amazing. 536 00:22:24.334 --> 00:22:26.903 - Yeah, it's been great. - I know, it's not surprising. 537 00:22:26.935 --> 00:22:28.770 All my boyfriends say that about me. 538 00:22:28.804 --> 00:22:29.538 You mean "said that." 539 00:22:29.571 --> 00:22:30.748 They're not still saying that, 540 00:22:30.772 --> 00:22:31.882 'cause you're not still having sex with them, right? 541 00:22:31.906 --> 00:22:36.745 Okay, but I think we're on the edge of the phase 542 00:22:36.778 --> 00:22:38.580 where it's like new relationship, 543 00:22:38.614 --> 00:22:40.115 the sex is always amazing, 544 00:22:40.148 --> 00:22:43.118 and the phase of, "ugh, we never have sex anymore" 545 00:22:43.152 --> 00:22:44.787 and it's always missionary, 546 00:22:44.819 --> 00:22:46.923 and even when we do have missionary sex, 547 00:22:46.955 --> 00:22:48.757 it's really dry and boring 548 00:22:48.790 --> 00:22:50.268 "and you think about CNN the whole time." 549 00:22:50.292 --> 00:22:51.927 But we're in the first phase, right? 550 00:22:51.961 --> 00:22:54.029 Gabriel, Gabriel, you're missing the point. 551 00:22:54.063 --> 00:22:56.566 It's scientifically proven in the first four weeks, 552 00:22:56.598 --> 00:22:59.034 we should be at a 10 on "El pasión" scale. 553 00:22:59.067 --> 00:23:01.170 Sure, we're having sex in restaurant bathrooms 554 00:23:01.202 --> 00:23:03.006 and in your car and at your mom's house. 555 00:23:03.038 --> 00:23:04.606 On my mom's house. 556 00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:07.076 I got second degree burns on my back from the roof. 557 00:23:07.108 --> 00:23:10.178 And I'm sorry for that, but if we don't do something now, 558 00:23:10.211 --> 00:23:13.081 we're gonna end up boring and divorced and brunette, 559 00:23:13.115 --> 00:23:14.258 and you know I don't have the face shape 560 00:23:14.282 --> 00:23:15.884 - to support brown hair. - Okay, but... 561 00:23:15.917 --> 00:23:18.287 Imagine this with a brown wig on. 562 00:23:18.320 --> 00:23:20.923 It'd look insane, I'd look like one of the little women. 563 00:23:20.957 --> 00:23:22.859 What are you trying to say right now? 564 00:23:22.892 --> 00:23:24.727 You wanna try some freaky shit? 565 00:23:24.759 --> 00:23:27.163 Exactly, please clear your schedule. 566 00:23:27.195 --> 00:23:29.264 We're gonna start with a spa day, 567 00:23:29.298 --> 00:23:32.769 a little role play, a little dash of danger. 568 00:23:32.801 --> 00:23:34.636 It's good to get the adrenaline pumping 569 00:23:34.670 --> 00:23:37.173 before we dive into some new areas. 570 00:23:37.205 --> 00:23:40.142 - Ow. - Sexual exploration. 571 00:23:40.175 --> 00:23:41.343 All right, fuck it. 572 00:23:41.376 --> 00:23:43.011 Let's explore. 573 00:23:43.045 --> 00:23:44.279 "They'll explore the idea," 574 00:23:44.313 --> 00:23:45.882 is the how mayor's people put it. 575 00:23:45.914 --> 00:23:47.349 That's hopeful. 576 00:23:47.383 --> 00:23:49.052 You're optimistic tonight. 577 00:23:49.085 --> 00:23:51.019 Let me remind you we're up against men 578 00:23:51.053 --> 00:23:52.622 and their maseratis here. 579 00:23:52.654 --> 00:23:53.990 Jesus Christ! 580 00:23:54.022 --> 00:23:55.991 This dog! 581 00:23:56.025 --> 00:23:58.027 He's a dog. 582 00:23:58.059 --> 00:24:00.096 Can you imagine the day Los Angeles 583 00:24:00.128 --> 00:24:02.365 has more bicycles on the streets than cars? 584 00:24:02.397 --> 00:24:05.233 Can you imagine a day when people train their dogs? 585 00:24:07.236 --> 00:24:08.805 It's a noble cause, baby. 586 00:24:08.837 --> 00:24:10.839 Shutting down sea world is a noble cause. 587 00:24:10.873 --> 00:24:12.808 No bike lanes, that's just your run of the mill 588 00:24:12.842 --> 00:24:14.811 public health crisis. 589 00:24:14.844 --> 00:24:18.948 Well, you're killing it and I'm proud of you. 590 00:24:18.980 --> 00:24:20.983 Oh my god, I almost forgot. 591 00:24:21.017 --> 00:24:24.019 I got quite the compliment at city hall today. 592 00:24:24.053 --> 00:24:25.788 - Nice. - We were just standing around 593 00:24:25.820 --> 00:24:28.357 after the meeting talking and this councilman came up to me 594 00:24:28.391 --> 00:24:31.194 and he said, "you're quite effective when you're angry." 595 00:24:31.227 --> 00:24:32.762 And before I could even say anything, 596 00:24:32.795 --> 00:24:35.098 he whips out his business card and says, 597 00:24:35.131 --> 00:24:36.699 "you have what it takes, kid. 598 00:24:36.731 --> 00:24:39.167 Call me, my personal number." 599 00:24:39.201 --> 00:24:41.671 Like, ew! 600 00:24:41.703 --> 00:24:43.071 And he called me kid! 601 00:24:43.105 --> 00:24:45.741 And then what makes it even weirder is that... 602 00:24:55.851 --> 00:24:57.353 - Wow. - Douchebag. 603 00:25:07.128 --> 00:25:09.164 What? 604 00:25:09.198 --> 00:25:10.432 You're doing the thing. 605 00:25:10.465 --> 00:25:12.801 - What thing? - What thing? 606 00:25:16.137 --> 00:25:17.740 Forget it. 607 00:25:19.474 --> 00:25:21.076 What thing? 608 00:25:48.938 --> 00:25:51.207 Oh my god, it's fuckface. 609 00:25:54.375 --> 00:25:55.478 ♪ Listen up ♪ 610 00:26:00.750 --> 00:26:02.018 ♪ Listen up ♪ 611 00:26:15.463 --> 00:26:18.067 ♪ Oop ♪ 612 00:26:18.099 --> 00:26:20.435 ♪ hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 613 00:26:34.083 --> 00:26:36.451 Damn. 614 00:26:36.484 --> 00:26:39.121 That's a nice deck. 615 00:26:39.154 --> 00:26:43.024 There were three things my wife never let me have. 616 00:26:43.057 --> 00:26:46.461 A drum kit, a motorcycle, and a threesome. 617 00:26:46.494 --> 00:26:48.997 Happy to say that I recently crossed 618 00:26:49.030 --> 00:26:51.399 two out of those three off my list, 619 00:26:51.432 --> 00:26:53.402 and let's just say, 620 00:26:53.434 --> 00:26:55.804 I still can't wait to get that bike. 621 00:26:57.373 --> 00:26:59.475 So, this is my new baby. 622 00:26:59.508 --> 00:27:02.245 A Pearl export drum kit. 623 00:27:02.278 --> 00:27:04.180 When I was married to my honeybunch... 624 00:27:10.085 --> 00:27:11.386 When I was married, 625 00:27:11.420 --> 00:27:14.090 the ex forbid me from buying one. 626 00:27:14.123 --> 00:27:16.558 She was like, "um, where are you gonna store it? 627 00:27:16.592 --> 00:27:18.427 And you don't even know how to play the drums. 628 00:27:18.460 --> 00:27:20.563 And you should save money and go back to school." 629 00:27:20.596 --> 00:27:22.131 Well, guess what, 630 00:27:22.163 --> 00:27:23.865 the first thing I did when she left 631 00:27:23.898 --> 00:27:25.200 was go straight to craigslist 632 00:27:25.233 --> 00:27:27.169 and I bought this sexy beast. 633 00:27:28.403 --> 00:27:31.540 And the best part is with her side of the closet empty, 634 00:27:31.574 --> 00:27:33.976 there's plenty of room to store it! 635 00:27:34.009 --> 00:27:37.246 And the only school I'm about to attend 636 00:27:37.278 --> 00:27:39.949 is the school of rock, baby! 637 00:27:39.981 --> 00:27:42.417 One, two, three, four! 638 00:27:42.451 --> 00:27:45.387 This is what reclaiming your space sounds like. 639 00:27:51.460 --> 00:27:53.461 That is the last time 640 00:27:53.494 --> 00:27:57.432 you're playing the drums in the house. 641 00:27:57.465 --> 00:28:00.936 - Right, buddy? - Yeah! 642 00:28:00.970 --> 00:28:03.573 Another important practice on reclaiming your space 643 00:28:03.605 --> 00:28:05.540 is to stand or sit in spots 644 00:28:05.574 --> 00:28:08.510 that have significant memories of your honeybunch... 645 00:28:12.080 --> 00:28:15.483 Of your ex, ex, 646 00:28:15.517 --> 00:28:18.221 of your ex, and then you say to yourself, 647 00:28:18.253 --> 00:28:21.356 "I reclaim this space." 648 00:28:21.390 --> 00:28:25.161 For example, this is where we would spend 649 00:28:25.193 --> 00:28:27.963 most of our evenings watching Netflix. 650 00:28:27.997 --> 00:28:30.199 She loved watching rom-come 651 00:28:30.231 --> 00:28:32.100 'cause she thought they were funny 652 00:28:32.134 --> 00:28:34.103 even though she knew they were cheesy, 653 00:28:34.135 --> 00:28:37.973 and I was bored the whole time, so I was like, "whatever," 654 00:28:38.007 --> 00:28:42.612 but she would laugh at them and her laugh was like, 655 00:28:42.644 --> 00:28:45.114 you know, low-key pretty magical, 656 00:28:45.146 --> 00:28:46.448 and... 657 00:28:51.487 --> 00:28:53.323 It was hell. 658 00:28:55.924 --> 00:28:57.993 Ahh! 659 00:28:58.027 --> 00:29:00.363 That's an example of what we like to call 660 00:29:00.395 --> 00:29:01.530 porcupine memories! 661 00:29:01.564 --> 00:29:04.933 The name refers to memories that are seemingly so cute 662 00:29:04.967 --> 00:29:07.270 and happy and you just want to hold on to them, 663 00:29:07.303 --> 00:29:09.138 but when you hug them, bam, 664 00:29:09.171 --> 00:29:11.641 needles, ouch, porcupine memories! 665 00:29:11.673 --> 00:29:14.143 Trademark pending. 666 00:29:14.175 --> 00:29:17.379 I reclaim my space. 667 00:29:17.413 --> 00:29:19.448 I reclaim my space! 668 00:29:19.480 --> 00:29:22.484 I reclaim my space! 669 00:29:22.518 --> 00:29:25.587 Shut the fuck up, buddy! 670 00:29:28.022 --> 00:29:29.658 Wow. 671 00:29:32.694 --> 00:29:34.897 Wow, 32. 672 00:29:36.298 --> 00:29:38.433 As in 32... 673 00:29:38.467 --> 00:29:40.236 Actual penises? 674 00:29:40.269 --> 00:29:41.503 Yeah, give or take. 675 00:29:41.537 --> 00:29:44.507 Honestly, it's probably a bit higher than that, but yeah, 32. 676 00:29:44.539 --> 00:29:46.509 Oh my lanta! 677 00:29:46.541 --> 00:29:49.177 Well, dang, Kelly Jo Welch didn't prepare me for this. 678 00:29:49.211 --> 00:29:51.614 I'm sorry, Mary grace, I'm sorry for my language. 679 00:29:51.646 --> 00:29:53.381 I'm sorry I'm being so crass. 680 00:29:53.414 --> 00:29:55.216 I'm so glad we got to catch up, 681 00:29:55.250 --> 00:29:57.286 but I am sorry my mom made you do this. 682 00:29:57.318 --> 00:29:59.521 I just... you know, I haven't found the right guy yet, 683 00:29:59.555 --> 00:30:02.358 so maybe you could just tell her I'm looking 684 00:30:02.391 --> 00:30:03.426 and I'm not a lesbian. 685 00:30:03.459 --> 00:30:06.262 Um, but yeah, I guess I should probably go, so... 686 00:30:06.295 --> 00:30:08.206 Oh, no, no, no, please don't go, please don't go. 687 00:30:08.230 --> 00:30:10.499 I still have half a bottle of Pinot grigio left. 688 00:30:10.531 --> 00:30:14.971 Look, I've been watching hbo after bill goes to bed. 689 00:30:15.003 --> 00:30:16.271 Okay? 690 00:30:16.305 --> 00:30:18.474 And I've been learning some new stuff, 691 00:30:18.507 --> 00:30:20.185 and all the women at the church wanna talk about 692 00:30:20.209 --> 00:30:21.744 is when is the rapture coming, 693 00:30:21.777 --> 00:30:24.380 and obviously, it is already here. 694 00:30:24.413 --> 00:30:26.248 So I need this! 695 00:30:26.280 --> 00:30:28.683 Lauren, I need this, please. 696 00:30:28.717 --> 00:30:31.354 Okay, okay. 697 00:30:31.386 --> 00:30:33.621 Yeah, sure, I can chat for a few more minutes. 698 00:30:33.654 --> 00:30:36.057 Okay, great, all right, let's quickly hang up our call 699 00:30:36.090 --> 00:30:38.226 with Jesus 'cause he does not need to hear this. 700 00:30:38.259 --> 00:30:40.028 Goodnight, Jesus, I'll call you later. 701 00:30:40.061 --> 00:30:41.663 Okay, now it's just you and me. 702 00:30:41.696 --> 00:30:44.265 Lay it on me, honey! 703 00:30:44.298 --> 00:30:47.103 Thirty-two, thirty-two! 704 00:30:47.135 --> 00:30:49.137 Gosh almighty, are you using special creams? 705 00:30:49.171 --> 00:30:50.673 You must be sore all the time. 706 00:30:50.705 --> 00:30:53.274 Oh, yeah, no, I know it sounds like a lot, 707 00:30:53.307 --> 00:30:55.044 but you know, it's actually not that crazy. 708 00:30:55.076 --> 00:30:56.444 I just got busy in college. 709 00:30:56.478 --> 00:30:58.748 - Who didn't? - I didn't. 710 00:30:58.780 --> 00:31:01.517 - Bill and I waited. - Oh, okay. 711 00:31:01.549 --> 00:31:04.386 Uh, but I mean, gosh, you guys have three kids now. 712 00:31:04.420 --> 00:31:06.097 You must be making up for lost time, right? 713 00:31:06.121 --> 00:31:08.124 No, no. 714 00:31:08.156 --> 00:31:10.625 Look, look, I love bill and I do think about him 715 00:31:10.659 --> 00:31:12.628 and Nathan fillion from castle, 716 00:31:12.661 --> 00:31:14.797 but can I tell you a secret? 717 00:31:14.829 --> 00:31:17.108 'Cause I just haven't been able to talk to anybody about this, 718 00:31:17.132 --> 00:31:18.610 and since you're a liberal elite sinner... 719 00:31:18.634 --> 00:31:23.305 - Okay, harsh. - I just feel like you'll get it. 720 00:31:23.337 --> 00:31:26.709 I don't want bill to hear me. 721 00:31:26.741 --> 00:31:30.445 I'm not sexually satisfied at all. 722 00:31:30.479 --> 00:31:31.646 Oh, Jesus Christ. 723 00:31:31.680 --> 00:31:33.282 No, don't call Jesus right now. 724 00:31:33.315 --> 00:31:35.551 No, no, that's not what I... okay. 725 00:31:35.584 --> 00:31:37.620 Help me, Lauren, please! 726 00:31:37.653 --> 00:31:40.556 Okay, you're a sexual deviant and my only hope. 727 00:31:40.588 --> 00:31:43.224 I need you! 728 00:31:43.258 --> 00:31:45.394 Okay, okay, wow. 729 00:31:45.426 --> 00:31:48.163 Okay, sorry, I'm just wrapping my head around this. 730 00:31:48.196 --> 00:31:50.098 Yeah, go ahead, Mary grace. 731 00:31:50.132 --> 00:31:52.334 I, uh, I wanna help. 732 00:31:52.366 --> 00:31:54.436 Just tell me, tell me your troubles. 733 00:31:54.470 --> 00:31:56.271 Okay. 734 00:31:56.305 --> 00:31:57.807 Well, it all started 735 00:31:57.839 --> 00:31:59.841 when I accidentally brushed against the jets 736 00:31:59.875 --> 00:32:03.278 in the jacuzzi tub and it stirred me deep. 737 00:32:03.311 --> 00:32:06.314 Oh my go... oh my gosh! 738 00:32:06.347 --> 00:32:07.316 I can't believe I'm telling you this! 739 00:32:07.348 --> 00:32:09.551 Oh, you know what, Mary grace, it's great, 740 00:32:09.585 --> 00:32:12.188 and I wasn't expecting the call to go this way, 741 00:32:12.221 --> 00:32:13.855 but I'm honestly... I'm here for it. 742 00:32:13.888 --> 00:32:16.125 I just think that I probably need some wine too, 743 00:32:16.157 --> 00:32:19.360 - so I will brb, okay? - All right. 744 00:32:19.394 --> 00:32:22.597 I'll just be here thinking about Mr. Fillion, 745 00:32:22.631 --> 00:32:25.500 from castle. 746 00:32:25.534 --> 00:32:27.670 Mr. Castle. 747 00:32:29.637 --> 00:32:31.740 Solve my crimes, 748 00:32:31.772 --> 00:32:33.108 solve my crimes. 749 00:32:34.742 --> 00:32:36.377 I don't know, maybe this just grew apart. 750 00:32:36.411 --> 00:32:37.487 - It happens. - Sure, but I mean, 751 00:32:37.511 --> 00:32:40.281 - this came out of nowhere. - Hey, baby, baby, sorry. 752 00:32:40.315 --> 00:32:43.519 - Can I move this? - No, you can't move it. 753 00:32:44.886 --> 00:32:46.588 Do you think he cheated? 754 00:32:46.622 --> 00:32:48.324 Theodora, I don't know! 755 00:32:48.356 --> 00:32:50.158 - Do you want me to call and ask? - Yes. 756 00:32:50.192 --> 00:32:52.795 Please call your ex-girlfriend and ask her about her divorce. 757 00:32:57.798 --> 00:32:59.801 That house. 758 00:32:59.835 --> 00:33:02.371 Barbecue's Peter's ribs. 759 00:33:02.403 --> 00:33:04.673 Peter's the best cook, right? 760 00:33:04.705 --> 00:33:06.774 I feel like they just moved in. 761 00:33:06.807 --> 00:33:08.844 No, they moved in two years ago, 762 00:33:08.876 --> 00:33:11.913 and in this market, they're not gonna have trouble selling. 763 00:33:11.946 --> 00:33:15.650 Yeah, I'm sure their realtor is thrilled. 764 00:33:15.683 --> 00:33:19.888 But it's like our first friend divorce. 765 00:33:19.922 --> 00:33:21.656 Don't you think it's sad? 766 00:33:23.592 --> 00:33:26.129 It really is. 767 00:33:32.968 --> 00:33:35.403 - So, a deck, huh? - Yeah. 768 00:33:35.436 --> 00:33:36.680 I've been wanting to build this thing for... 769 00:33:36.704 --> 00:33:38.740 Remember when we moved in here and I was like, 770 00:33:38.773 --> 00:33:41.776 "I wanna build a deck!" 771 00:33:41.809 --> 00:33:43.511 You remember that? 772 00:33:43.545 --> 00:33:46.215 - It's a big project. - Mhm. 773 00:33:48.282 --> 00:33:50.385 Okay, well, 774 00:33:50.419 --> 00:33:52.522 don't forget about tonight. 775 00:33:58.393 --> 00:33:59.662 Huh? 776 00:33:59.694 --> 00:34:01.864 Don't forget about tonight. 777 00:34:34.695 --> 00:34:36.199 Raymond, your dog! 778 00:34:43.938 --> 00:34:45.574 Today on builder bros, 779 00:34:45.606 --> 00:34:49.612 Brock gets hands on with your big deck. 780 00:34:49.644 --> 00:34:51.413 What's up, pussies? 781 00:34:51.445 --> 00:34:52.880 Brock here. 782 00:34:52.914 --> 00:34:55.651 So your little lady says that she likes a small deck, 783 00:34:55.684 --> 00:34:57.820 but come on, bro, we both know 784 00:34:57.853 --> 00:35:00.755 when you're standing in your manicured front lawn 785 00:35:00.789 --> 00:35:04.693 sipping on your soy latte that she is staring 786 00:35:04.726 --> 00:35:07.262 at the sheer girth of my deck. 787 00:35:07.295 --> 00:35:08.529 But that's okay, 788 00:35:08.563 --> 00:35:09.932 'cause Brock daddy's here to help. 789 00:35:09.965 --> 00:35:12.300 All right, so you bought yourself some wood 790 00:35:12.333 --> 00:35:13.668 and you got your tools. 791 00:35:13.702 --> 00:35:15.304 Now what are you waiting for? 792 00:35:15.336 --> 00:35:18.840 Are you staring at that fat pile like a dope? 793 00:35:18.873 --> 00:35:21.342 Look, deck building is tough. 794 00:35:21.376 --> 00:35:22.511 But relax, 795 00:35:22.543 --> 00:35:26.414 Brock daddy is gonna hold both your girly little hands 796 00:35:26.447 --> 00:35:28.483 all the way to the finish line. 797 00:35:28.516 --> 00:35:31.886 So grab some bolts and some brewskis, 798 00:35:31.920 --> 00:35:33.989 and let's lay some wood. 799 00:35:34.021 --> 00:35:35.523 Oh! 800 00:35:37.659 --> 00:35:38.961 - Mother... - Fucker. 801 00:35:38.994 --> 00:35:40.461 - What? - "Hi, Hannah." 802 00:35:40.494 --> 00:35:42.297 Xander has therapy after baseball camp. 803 00:35:42.331 --> 00:35:44.400 Please give him a snack beforehand and do not 804 00:35:44.432 --> 00:35:45.910 let him take his scooter into the session. 805 00:35:45.934 --> 00:35:46.869 "Dr. Alberts doesn't like it." 806 00:35:46.902 --> 00:35:49.438 - Ugh, this is so annoying. - I know, right? 807 00:35:49.471 --> 00:35:51.606 - It's just a scooter. - "Thanks, Alyssa." 808 00:35:51.639 --> 00:35:53.641 "Will do," you fucking bitch. 809 00:35:53.675 --> 00:35:55.577 Whoa, you really laid into her. 810 00:35:55.610 --> 00:35:57.813 Oh my god, no, I did not text that to Xander's mom. 811 00:35:57.846 --> 00:35:59.882 Xander feels new, what happened to that kid Jared? 812 00:35:59.914 --> 00:36:01.115 Oh, Jared is a dog I walked 813 00:36:01.150 --> 00:36:03.327 and him and his family are in the Hamptons for the summer, 814 00:36:03.351 --> 00:36:05.554 along with persephone and Maddox's families. 815 00:36:05.586 --> 00:36:08.356 - Oh, those are cute dog names. - Nope, those are kids. 816 00:36:08.389 --> 00:36:10.958 Wow, you are booked up. 817 00:36:10.992 --> 00:36:14.028 Yeah, if only my bank account reflected that. 818 00:36:14.061 --> 00:36:16.431 Ugh, life is weird! 819 00:36:16.465 --> 00:36:17.499 Like, this is weird! 820 00:36:17.532 --> 00:36:18.867 Our friend is getting a divorce. 821 00:36:18.900 --> 00:36:20.869 - I know. - And if somebody had asked me, 822 00:36:20.902 --> 00:36:23.472 like, "do you think Amy and Peter will get a divorce?" 823 00:36:23.505 --> 00:36:26.642 - I would've absolutely said no. - Yes. 824 00:36:26.675 --> 00:36:27.776 Okay, I just lied, 825 00:36:27.809 --> 00:36:28.986 I definitely didn't think they were gonna make it. 826 00:36:29.010 --> 00:36:29.711 The writing was on the wall. 827 00:36:29.744 --> 00:36:31.113 Remember at Amy's bachelorette? 828 00:36:31.146 --> 00:36:33.015 - She was so unhappy. - So unhappy, 829 00:36:33.047 --> 00:36:34.750 and it was not because of us, right? 830 00:36:34.782 --> 00:36:36.351 - It wasn't because of us? - No! 831 00:36:36.385 --> 00:36:37.820 She was totally off and not herself, 832 00:36:37.853 --> 00:36:39.755 - and we talked to her about it. - Yeah. 833 00:36:39.788 --> 00:36:41.566 We were like, "Amy, what's going on with you?" 834 00:36:41.590 --> 00:36:42.791 "Why are you so unhappy? 835 00:36:42.824 --> 00:36:43.759 What's up? 836 00:36:43.791 --> 00:36:44.869 Why didn't you invite your cousin Eva?" 837 00:36:44.893 --> 00:36:47.096 - Cousin Eva is an alcoholic. - And not in a fun way. 838 00:36:47.128 --> 00:36:49.764 And Amy, she was like... 839 00:36:49.797 --> 00:36:52.633 She said... 840 00:36:52.666 --> 00:36:54.536 Okay, so Amy actually wasn't there for that. 841 00:36:54.568 --> 00:36:55.847 Of course she was there, it was her bachelorette. 842 00:36:55.871 --> 00:36:59.407 No, no, what we're remembering is you and I talking about it, 843 00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:02.110 talking about her. 844 00:37:02.143 --> 00:37:04.979 Oh, talking about her behind her back. 845 00:37:05.012 --> 00:37:07.715 Yeah. 846 00:37:07.748 --> 00:37:10.084 But we've told her in the past that she seemed unhappy. 847 00:37:10.117 --> 00:37:11.920 Yeah, like when she went ring shopping alone. 848 00:37:11.952 --> 00:37:13.989 Yes, we said, "Amy, this is not something 849 00:37:14.021 --> 00:37:14.922 you should be doing by yourself." 850 00:37:14.956 --> 00:37:16.891 - Yeah, we told her that! - Yeah, and she said 851 00:37:16.925 --> 00:37:19.562 she was, she was... 852 00:37:21.463 --> 00:37:23.532 She was also not there for that part either. 853 00:37:23.565 --> 00:37:25.567 That part where we told her how we really felt? 854 00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:27.635 Yeah, that part. 855 00:37:29.938 --> 00:37:30.972 I'm hungry. 856 00:37:31.005 --> 00:37:31.940 Want a little snack? 857 00:37:31.974 --> 00:37:35.110 I can offer you a pouch, some cheddar bunnies, 858 00:37:35.143 --> 00:37:37.112 or celery sticks. 859 00:37:37.144 --> 00:37:38.514 Literally just celery sticks? 860 00:37:38.547 --> 00:37:39.657 Not even peanut butter on the side? 861 00:37:39.681 --> 00:37:41.182 Oh, no, peanuts are legumes 862 00:37:41.215 --> 00:37:43.918 and Xander's mom tries to limit his legumes. 863 00:37:43.952 --> 00:37:46.522 - Poor Xander. - I know. 864 00:37:52.193 --> 00:37:53.795 Okay, were, 865 00:37:53.829 --> 00:37:55.531 were we mean to Peter? 866 00:37:55.563 --> 00:37:57.098 No, we were not mean to Peter. 867 00:37:57.132 --> 00:37:58.634 Right. 868 00:38:01.902 --> 00:38:03.838 Okay, so like define mean. 869 00:38:03.871 --> 00:38:05.606 - Like were our jokes mean? - No. 870 00:38:05.639 --> 00:38:07.141 I mean, maybe our jokes were mean, 871 00:38:07.175 --> 00:38:08.744 but that doesn't mean that we were mean. 872 00:38:08.777 --> 00:38:10.646 Right, right, you are so right. 873 00:38:10.679 --> 00:38:11.880 - You get it. - And plus, 874 00:38:11.913 --> 00:38:13.224 I don't even really think you can be mean 875 00:38:13.248 --> 00:38:15.016 to somebody that you don't know. 876 00:38:15.050 --> 00:38:16.618 I never really got to know Peter. 877 00:38:16.650 --> 00:38:18.019 And now we never will. 878 00:38:18.052 --> 00:38:19.989 Tell me about it. 879 00:38:22.490 --> 00:38:24.226 - I miss Amy. - Me too. 880 00:38:24.259 --> 00:38:26.461 But her not telling us about the divorce really hurts. 881 00:38:26.494 --> 00:38:28.230 It does, and I mean, I don't know about you, 882 00:38:28.262 --> 00:38:30.465 but Amy and I talk all the time. 883 00:38:30.498 --> 00:38:33.000 - Same, like, look at my texts. - Same! 884 00:38:33.034 --> 00:38:35.537 - I text her all the time. - All the time. 885 00:38:35.570 --> 00:38:39.508 - All the time. - All the time... 886 00:38:39.541 --> 00:38:41.977 - Four months ago. - Five. 887 00:38:47.548 --> 00:38:48.593 Okay, should we just call her? 888 00:38:48.617 --> 00:38:50.528 Yeah, I feel like we're overdue for a phone call. 889 00:38:50.552 --> 00:38:52.721 And you know what, we'll lead with, "we love you." 890 00:38:52.753 --> 00:38:53.831 "We heard about what happened." 891 00:38:53.855 --> 00:38:55.990 "And we wanna let you know that we are here for you 892 00:38:56.023 --> 00:38:57.992 and we just wanted to say hi." 893 00:38:58.025 --> 00:39:00.895 - I love that. - Thanks. 894 00:39:02.963 --> 00:39:05.900 - I'm so happy we're doing this. - Me too. 895 00:39:05.934 --> 00:39:08.537 Hey, it's Amy, leave a message. 896 00:39:12.172 --> 00:39:15.843 - She just... - Sent us to voicemail, yeah. 897 00:39:15.876 --> 00:39:17.112 That's mean, right? 898 00:39:17.144 --> 00:39:18.746 She's mean, she's mean! 899 00:39:18.780 --> 00:39:20.615 She is mean. 900 00:39:22.884 --> 00:39:25.219 But I guess she is dealing with 901 00:39:25.253 --> 00:39:26.688 - a divorce. - Divorce. 902 00:39:26.721 --> 00:39:29.291 - Yeah, that's, that's not... - Not great. 903 00:39:30.458 --> 00:39:32.860 - Oh, it's my postmates order. - What'd they say? 904 00:39:32.893 --> 00:39:34.829 "Where the fuck are you?" 905 00:39:34.862 --> 00:39:36.597 - Rude! - Yeah. 906 00:39:36.630 --> 00:39:37.908 I'm like... what do they mean where am I? 907 00:39:37.932 --> 00:39:39.835 I'm right here, I'm clearly busy. 908 00:39:39.867 --> 00:39:40.902 - Yeah. - Vanessa, 909 00:39:40.936 --> 00:39:41.937 where the fuck are you? 910 00:39:41.969 --> 00:39:43.538 Anderson, where the fuck are you? 911 00:39:43.572 --> 00:39:45.574 Next to the big green tree. 912 00:39:45.606 --> 00:39:46.846 No, like where are you exactly? 913 00:39:46.875 --> 00:39:48.052 All these trees look the same. 914 00:39:48.076 --> 00:39:49.945 By the... I don't know... elm? 915 00:39:49.978 --> 00:39:51.088 Let's go with elm, this is an elm. 916 00:39:51.112 --> 00:39:53.848 Um, I don't know what in my life has led you to believe 917 00:39:53.882 --> 00:39:56.585 that I know what an elm tree looks like, 918 00:39:56.617 --> 00:39:58.219 - but I don't. - Vanessa? 919 00:39:58.253 --> 00:39:59.922 - Anderson? - Vanessa! 920 00:39:59.954 --> 00:40:02.723 - Anderson! - Vanessa? 921 00:40:02.757 --> 00:40:04.326 Vanessa, Vanessa! 922 00:40:04.358 --> 00:40:06.094 Follow the sound of my voice, 923 00:40:06.126 --> 00:40:07.929 follow the sound of my voice. 924 00:40:07.963 --> 00:40:09.798 Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. 925 00:40:09.831 --> 00:40:10.731 - Anderson! - Vanessa! 926 00:40:10.764 --> 00:40:12.268 Anderson. 927 00:40:14.101 --> 00:40:16.038 You have to stop yelling my name. 928 00:40:16.070 --> 00:40:17.639 Gosh, you scared me there. 929 00:40:17.672 --> 00:40:20.141 Whoa, love the pippi longstocking look. 930 00:40:20.175 --> 00:40:22.778 Oh thank you, yeah, I heard that if you French braid your hair, 931 00:40:22.811 --> 00:40:24.846 it makes you look like you got a face lift, 932 00:40:24.878 --> 00:40:27.949 and I also recently got a facelift. 933 00:40:27.983 --> 00:40:29.851 Thanks so much for coming to family day. 934 00:40:29.884 --> 00:40:31.820 Oh, of course, I'm happy to. 935 00:40:31.853 --> 00:40:33.789 Plus, mom offered me 50 bucks if I came, so. 936 00:40:33.822 --> 00:40:37.125 - Mm. - What is family day? 937 00:40:37.157 --> 00:40:41.128 Family day is where the families of the teens come to visit 938 00:40:41.161 --> 00:40:42.864 and we hike out to Stinson beach 939 00:40:42.896 --> 00:40:45.032 and discuss our substance abuse issues, 940 00:40:45.065 --> 00:40:47.201 - I think. - Okay. 941 00:40:47.235 --> 00:40:49.338 Um, yeah, I really don't want to do any of that. 942 00:40:49.371 --> 00:40:52.039 - I did just come for the 50. - Absolutely. 943 00:40:52.072 --> 00:40:54.643 Quick q, why can't you stop freeloading off mom 944 00:40:54.675 --> 00:40:57.244 and start freeloading off your boyfriend like a normal person? 945 00:40:57.277 --> 00:41:00.014 You know, it's a great q and I would counter with, 946 00:41:00.047 --> 00:41:02.149 why can't you stop freeloading off mom? 947 00:41:02.182 --> 00:41:03.985 And it's a great counter and I would say 948 00:41:04.018 --> 00:41:05.753 because I don't have any other option. 949 00:41:05.786 --> 00:41:09.625 That's why I said yes to this wilderness rehab retreat thing. 950 00:41:09.657 --> 00:41:11.626 Mom said if I don't complete this rehab, 951 00:41:11.659 --> 00:41:15.062 that she'd kick me out and I cannot be homeless at 24... 952 00:41:15.096 --> 00:41:16.731 27... 953 00:41:16.764 --> 00:41:18.666 30. 954 00:41:18.699 --> 00:41:21.168 Well, anyways, to answer you initial q, 955 00:41:21.202 --> 00:41:22.904 the reason I can't freeload off Gabriel 956 00:41:22.936 --> 00:41:24.405 is because something went down 957 00:41:24.438 --> 00:41:26.249 and I don't really wanna get into the details of it. 958 00:41:26.273 --> 00:41:29.010 But basically when he said no, I heard him say no 959 00:41:29.043 --> 00:41:30.311 but I didn't hear him say no. 960 00:41:30.344 --> 00:41:31.521 - Do you know what I mean? - No. 961 00:41:31.545 --> 00:41:33.390 See, like I didn't even understand what you just said. 962 00:41:33.414 --> 00:41:36.284 Hm, so what happened? 963 00:41:44.726 --> 00:41:48.063 Wow, this is hot. 964 00:41:48.096 --> 00:41:49.764 Smells like soup. 965 00:41:49.797 --> 00:41:53.067 They're scented hot stones. 966 00:41:53.101 --> 00:41:54.702 It's aromatherapy. 967 00:42:00.141 --> 00:42:03.077 Next, I'm going to run ice 968 00:42:03.110 --> 00:42:06.847 down over your body. 969 00:42:12.152 --> 00:42:14.822 Stop shaking, you little pig bitch. 970 00:42:14.856 --> 00:42:17.159 ♪ I need you to listen ♪ 971 00:42:17.192 --> 00:42:18.760 ♪ listen ♪ 972 00:42:18.793 --> 00:42:20.128 ♪ oh ♪ 973 00:42:20.161 --> 00:42:22.764 Let's get you clean, you dirty boy. 974 00:42:22.797 --> 00:42:26.333 ♪ Take my somewhere far away from here ♪ 975 00:42:26.367 --> 00:42:27.836 Hand me that. 976 00:42:51.826 --> 00:42:54.295 God damn, that was hot. 977 00:42:56.898 --> 00:42:58.834 Are you sure this is a sex thing? 978 00:42:58.867 --> 00:43:00.469 Just go with it. 979 00:43:00.501 --> 00:43:01.902 Ow, ow! 980 00:43:01.936 --> 00:43:03.138 One just stung me in my ear. 981 00:43:03.170 --> 00:43:06.240 ♪ Bad bees, boo bees, whatcha gonna do ♪ 982 00:43:06.273 --> 00:43:08.777 ♪ whatcha gonna do when the bad bees come for you ♪ 983 00:43:08.809 --> 00:43:10.512 - ♪ bad bees ♪ - bananas, bananas! 984 00:43:10.545 --> 00:43:12.114 What? The safe word already? 985 00:43:12.146 --> 00:43:13.347 We just got started! 986 00:43:13.380 --> 00:43:15.182 I'm down for some freaky shit, 987 00:43:15.215 --> 00:43:17.184 but this doesn't even feel sexual. 988 00:43:17.217 --> 00:43:19.353 It just feels... ah! 989 00:43:19.387 --> 00:43:20.922 - Dangerous. - What's your point? 990 00:43:20.954 --> 00:43:22.891 Look, maybe we should try something 991 00:43:22.923 --> 00:43:24.326 with a little more sex 992 00:43:24.358 --> 00:43:27.261 and a little less honey in all my crevices. 993 00:43:27.295 --> 00:43:28.896 Okay. Just a little more honey? 994 00:43:28.929 --> 00:43:31.098 No. No! Vanessa! 995 00:43:31.132 --> 00:43:32.300 Okay, let's compromise. 996 00:43:32.333 --> 00:43:33.902 So did you start taking a lot of baths? 997 00:43:33.934 --> 00:43:36.203 I did. I was taking two or three a day. 998 00:43:36.237 --> 00:43:37.847 And then my youngest wanted to get in with me, 999 00:43:37.871 --> 00:43:38.916 and after that, I had to quit. 1000 00:43:38.940 --> 00:43:41.443 And I've just... I've been in a tizzy ever since! 1001 00:43:41.476 --> 00:43:43.287 Well, Mary grace, we've gotta get you fixed up! 1002 00:43:43.311 --> 00:43:44.813 Can't live life in a tizzy like that. 1003 00:43:44.846 --> 00:43:47.114 - Amen! - So, okay, so how often 1004 00:43:47.148 --> 00:43:49.217 are you and bill, you know, boning? 1005 00:43:49.250 --> 00:43:51.152 Not often enough. 1006 00:43:51.186 --> 00:43:52.829 And I wouldn't call it boning, to be honest, 1007 00:43:52.853 --> 00:43:54.822 it's more like laying down together 1008 00:43:54.856 --> 00:43:56.258 and moving for a little bit. 1009 00:43:56.291 --> 00:43:57.526 It's just... it's just, 1010 00:43:57.559 --> 00:44:00.327 you know, bill likes things a certain way. 1011 00:44:00.360 --> 00:44:03.197 So we schedule it, every other Monday. 1012 00:44:03.231 --> 00:44:04.575 Missionary Monday is what we call it, 1013 00:44:04.599 --> 00:44:05.709 so we put it in the calendar. 1014 00:44:05.733 --> 00:44:06.843 It's like a little code and that way people see it 1015 00:44:06.867 --> 00:44:08.969 and they think, "oh, they're doing mission work," 1016 00:44:09.003 --> 00:44:10.071 but it's really just sex 1017 00:44:10.103 --> 00:44:13.974 every other Monday at 8:15 after the kids go down. 1018 00:44:14.007 --> 00:44:16.277 The same sex, missionary sex. 1019 00:44:16.311 --> 00:44:17.445 It's not even the good kind. 1020 00:44:17.478 --> 00:44:18.479 Is there a good kind? 1021 00:44:18.512 --> 00:44:20.981 Lauren, I just... I can't continue to be grateful! 1022 00:44:21.014 --> 00:44:22.884 It's a sin, it's a lie! 1023 00:44:22.916 --> 00:44:24.853 Okay, I mean, does he at least go down on you? 1024 00:44:27.856 --> 00:44:28.924 Lauren! 1025 00:44:28.956 --> 00:44:30.257 Honey, you got me rollin'! 1026 00:44:30.291 --> 00:44:31.359 No! 1027 00:44:31.391 --> 00:44:33.427 Not since 2001. 1028 00:44:33.460 --> 00:44:35.296 Listen, when I had my first child, 1029 00:44:35.329 --> 00:44:36.340 he looked me dead in the eye, 1030 00:44:36.364 --> 00:44:37.265 and he said, "listen, I can't go down there 1031 00:44:37.298 --> 00:44:39.400 after I saw my daughter come out of there." 1032 00:44:39.434 --> 00:44:42.037 You know, she was an 11-pound baby, but still. 1033 00:44:42.070 --> 00:44:43.247 Okay, you know what, Mary grace? 1034 00:44:43.271 --> 00:44:44.172 No, fuck this guy. 1035 00:44:44.206 --> 00:44:46.942 He needs to get down there and get busy! 1036 00:44:46.974 --> 00:44:49.243 You know what, I agree! 1037 00:44:49.277 --> 00:44:52.146 I've been doing my exercises for years now! 1038 00:44:52.179 --> 00:44:55.884 Lord, on the wings of Jesus, I'm sharing my story! 1039 00:44:55.916 --> 00:44:57.219 Okay, wow, okay! 1040 00:44:57.251 --> 00:44:59.153 Yes, cheers to that, Mary grace! 1041 00:44:59.186 --> 00:45:02.489 Cheers to that. 1042 00:45:02.523 --> 00:45:04.125 Hold on, i'ma be right back. 1043 00:45:04.157 --> 00:45:05.559 Woo! I feel alive today! 1044 00:45:05.592 --> 00:45:06.627 Jesus is real! 1045 00:45:06.661 --> 00:45:08.864 What the fuck? 1046 00:45:10.164 --> 00:45:13.101 Okay, so... 1047 00:45:13.134 --> 00:45:14.611 I went to the paint and sip, all right, 1048 00:45:14.635 --> 00:45:16.113 and I didn't want to paint the hydrangeas 1049 00:45:16.137 --> 00:45:17.038 that were in the sample painting, 1050 00:45:17.072 --> 00:45:17.939 'cause I've already done that, okay? 1051 00:45:17.972 --> 00:45:19.608 I've got two bushes in my backyard. 1052 00:45:19.641 --> 00:45:21.276 So the instructor said to me, she goes, 1053 00:45:21.309 --> 00:45:24.112 "just paint what calls to you." 1054 00:45:24.144 --> 00:45:27.114 So I painted something, it's a little wild, 1055 00:45:27.148 --> 00:45:30.117 and I just... I've been too afraid to show bill, 1056 00:45:30.150 --> 00:45:31.361 I've been hiding it under my bed, 1057 00:45:31.385 --> 00:45:33.021 but I wanna show you. 1058 00:45:33.054 --> 00:45:34.456 Okay, now keep in mind, 1059 00:45:34.489 --> 00:45:36.057 I had spent some time in the jacuzzi tub 1060 00:45:36.090 --> 00:45:38.927 before I went. 1061 00:45:38.960 --> 00:45:40.095 Here it is. 1062 00:45:40.128 --> 00:45:41.963 It's a self-portrait. 1063 00:45:41.996 --> 00:45:44.266 Oh, my god, wow! 1064 00:45:44.298 --> 00:45:46.668 I mean, the writing was on the wall. 1065 00:45:46.701 --> 00:45:48.469 He's not a rich man, and she's... 1066 00:45:48.503 --> 00:45:50.171 I don't know, pretty-ish. 1067 00:45:50.204 --> 00:45:52.182 So, really, all they had keeping their marriage together 1068 00:45:52.206 --> 00:45:53.909 was love? 1069 00:45:55.342 --> 00:45:57.120 And I know you know this better than anyone, babe, 1070 00:45:57.144 --> 00:45:58.189 'cause we're so good together, 1071 00:45:58.213 --> 00:46:01.048 that a healthy relationship is a tête-à-tête 1072 00:46:01.081 --> 00:46:03.417 of wit and emotional communication. 1073 00:46:03.451 --> 00:46:06.688 Without it, you have nothing. 1074 00:46:06.721 --> 00:46:08.532 Unless, of course, obviously, one of you has stock 1075 00:46:08.556 --> 00:46:10.692 or bitcoin or a beachside property. 1076 00:46:10.724 --> 00:46:12.503 But even then, you know, it's a give and a take. 1077 00:46:12.527 --> 00:46:14.305 - Don't you agree? - Do you wanna stretch me or... 1078 00:46:14.329 --> 00:46:17.465 Equity and communication. 1079 00:46:17.498 --> 00:46:20.001 It's a give and a take. 1080 00:46:20.034 --> 00:46:21.469 Oh, give me that. 1081 00:46:21.501 --> 00:46:22.202 You know what I mean? 1082 00:46:22.235 --> 00:46:24.138 It's like a back and a forth. 1083 00:46:24.172 --> 00:46:25.673 Here's the thing about Amy and Peter, 1084 00:46:25.706 --> 00:46:27.275 they were never equal. 1085 00:46:27.307 --> 00:46:29.543 She always wore the pants in the relationship. 1086 00:46:29.577 --> 00:46:31.055 Do you remember last summer when they were in town 1087 00:46:31.079 --> 00:46:31.947 and we went to Jones? 1088 00:46:31.980 --> 00:46:33.356 And the waitress dropped the check off 1089 00:46:33.380 --> 00:46:35.983 in front of Amy. 1090 00:46:36.016 --> 00:46:38.118 Amy, not Peter. 1091 00:46:38.152 --> 00:46:39.721 I mean, how humiliating, 1092 00:46:39.753 --> 00:46:41.722 and not just for her, for him. 1093 00:46:41.755 --> 00:46:43.524 So emasculating. 1094 00:46:43.557 --> 00:46:45.393 Oh, my god, honey, no. 1095 00:46:45.425 --> 00:46:47.461 Somebody's gonna see you, you look like a wimp. 1096 00:46:47.494 --> 00:46:49.130 Your arms are like tiny spongebob arms 1097 00:46:49.163 --> 00:46:51.465 and you have the body of Kermit the frog. 1098 00:46:51.498 --> 00:46:54.601 You should really call my trainer! 1099 00:46:54.635 --> 00:46:56.071 Crunches. 1100 00:46:56.103 --> 00:46:57.638 Now, gentlemen, 1101 00:46:57.672 --> 00:47:00.108 I understand that sometimes 1102 00:47:00.141 --> 00:47:02.309 some of these porcupine memories 1103 00:47:02.342 --> 00:47:03.711 are hard to get rid of, 1104 00:47:03.744 --> 00:47:07.248 and simply yelling them away is not enough. 1105 00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:11.219 That's why the last thing we're gonna learn today 1106 00:47:11.251 --> 00:47:14.621 will require a more aggressive approach. 1107 00:47:14.655 --> 00:47:17.525 Bam! Fireworks! 1108 00:47:17.557 --> 00:47:20.195 This here is the cobra box. 1109 00:47:20.228 --> 00:47:23.398 The cobra can hypnotize its prey 1110 00:47:23.431 --> 00:47:26.266 before launching for the kill. 1111 00:47:26.300 --> 00:47:30.638 So, inside this box is a bunch of crap 1112 00:47:30.670 --> 00:47:34.174 that my ex used to own and that hypnotizes me 1113 00:47:34.208 --> 00:47:37.479 into doing stuff I really don't want to do 1114 00:47:37.512 --> 00:47:41.048 like text her or call her or drive up to her place 1115 00:47:41.081 --> 00:47:44.485 and see her go in and out of her apartment 1116 00:47:44.518 --> 00:47:48.489 with a random guy that may or may not be her new boyfriend. 1117 00:47:48.523 --> 00:47:49.490 We don't know. 1118 00:47:49.523 --> 00:47:52.059 What we do know is that he owns a new Tesla. 1119 00:47:52.092 --> 00:47:54.261 I know it's new, because it's the new model. 1120 00:47:56.264 --> 00:48:00.068 And we can't keep doing that to ourselves. 1121 00:48:00.101 --> 00:48:04.204 Time to destroy the cobra box, trademark... not granted, 1122 00:48:04.237 --> 00:48:06.507 because I guess there's a company in Australia 1123 00:48:06.541 --> 00:48:08.676 that sells cobras in a box. 1124 00:48:08.708 --> 00:48:12.480 All right, let's get to it. 1125 00:48:12.512 --> 00:48:15.382 Time to reclaim the space in our hearts. 1126 00:48:32.400 --> 00:48:34.202 Well, that was disappointing. 1127 00:48:35.670 --> 00:48:37.605 Oh, my gosh. 1128 00:48:37.637 --> 00:48:40.107 Oh, my gosh, what am I doing? 1129 00:48:40.141 --> 00:48:42.077 What is the matter with me? 1130 00:48:42.110 --> 00:48:44.345 It's like I turned 38 and I went crazy! 1131 00:48:44.378 --> 00:48:45.547 I'm like a horndog! 1132 00:48:45.579 --> 00:48:47.114 I just... I gotta burn this. 1133 00:48:47.148 --> 00:48:49.084 No, no, no. Mary grace, no. 1134 00:48:49.117 --> 00:48:50.518 You listen to me, okay? 1135 00:48:50.550 --> 00:48:54.154 We were not raised to talk about sex or want it, 1136 00:48:54.188 --> 00:48:56.257 but we do, and that is great, okay? 1137 00:48:56.289 --> 00:48:57.659 So you just need to get out there, 1138 00:48:57.692 --> 00:48:59.527 and you need to tell bill what you want. 1139 00:48:59.559 --> 00:49:01.563 Well, I mean, do you tell men what you want? 1140 00:49:01.596 --> 00:49:02.797 Hell, yeah! Hell, yeah, I do! 1141 00:49:02.829 --> 00:49:04.465 There's a fucking orgasm epidemic 1142 00:49:04.498 --> 00:49:05.532 in this country, okay? 1143 00:49:05.565 --> 00:49:08.135 And we must demand action. 1144 00:49:08.168 --> 00:49:09.237 - Heck, yeah. - Right? 1145 00:49:09.269 --> 00:49:10.804 Heck, yeah, I'm gonna do that! 1146 00:49:10.838 --> 00:49:13.173 There he is. Bill! Bill! 1147 00:49:13.206 --> 00:49:14.208 - Oh. - Bill! 1148 00:49:14.242 --> 00:49:15.243 No, no, no, no, no, wait. 1149 00:49:15.275 --> 00:49:16.577 Yes, I'm talking to you! 1150 00:49:16.610 --> 00:49:17.411 I have needs! 1151 00:49:17.445 --> 00:49:18.746 Maybe not in front of me, though. 1152 00:49:18.778 --> 00:49:20.124 - Maybe not in front of me. - Hey, bill! 1153 00:49:20.148 --> 00:49:24.619 I need you to lick this front tushy! 1154 00:49:24.652 --> 00:49:25.732 I just did the lord's work. 1155 00:49:33.927 --> 00:49:35.596 I can't believe I'm in the mountains 1156 00:49:35.630 --> 00:49:36.764 and I'm not on mushrooms. 1157 00:49:36.797 --> 00:49:38.565 - This is a first for me. - I know, 1158 00:49:38.599 --> 00:49:40.668 that must be so hard for you. 1159 00:49:40.701 --> 00:49:43.570 - And for you. - Hm? 1160 00:49:43.603 --> 00:49:44.771 Are you on mushrooms? 1161 00:49:44.804 --> 00:49:45.739 I don't think I... 1162 00:49:45.773 --> 00:49:47.876 I don't think I understand the question. 1163 00:49:47.909 --> 00:49:49.611 I think you do. 1164 00:49:49.643 --> 00:49:51.578 But weirdly, I'm getting like a sobriety high 1165 00:49:51.612 --> 00:49:53.248 - from being clean! - Is that true? 1166 00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:54.114 - No. - Yeah. 1167 00:49:54.148 --> 00:49:56.217 But at least my life is going better 1168 00:49:56.250 --> 00:49:57.418 than Amy and Peter's. 1169 00:49:57.451 --> 00:49:59.729 I mean, thank god someone's life is going worse than ours! 1170 00:49:59.753 --> 00:50:01.788 Yeah. But is it? 1171 00:50:01.822 --> 00:50:03.533 'Cause like, you still live at home with mom, 1172 00:50:03.557 --> 00:50:05.893 and I just ruined another relationship. 1173 00:50:05.927 --> 00:50:09.164 God, my 16-year-old self would 100% bully me. 1174 00:50:09.197 --> 00:50:11.932 Oh, my 16-year-old self would definitely make me cry. 1175 00:50:11.965 --> 00:50:14.735 She'd probably Photoshop my face onto the body of a whale 1176 00:50:14.768 --> 00:50:16.303 and have it printed onto t-shirts 1177 00:50:16.336 --> 00:50:17.838 for everyone in the class to wear. 1178 00:50:17.871 --> 00:50:18.906 Specific. 1179 00:50:20.541 --> 00:50:21.910 You know what I'm realizing? 1180 00:50:21.943 --> 00:50:23.711 Amy and Peter are getting a divorce, 1181 00:50:23.744 --> 00:50:25.713 which means they're gonna have to be single again. 1182 00:50:25.746 --> 00:50:28.316 I am currently single, so if you really think about it, 1183 00:50:28.349 --> 00:50:29.417 it's almost like I found 1184 00:50:29.449 --> 00:50:32.319 some sort of cheat code or shortcut. 1185 00:50:32.353 --> 00:50:33.288 Yeah. 1186 00:50:33.320 --> 00:50:36.190 Or is it like they found somebody to love them, 1187 00:50:36.224 --> 00:50:37.692 marry them, and then divorce them 1188 00:50:37.724 --> 00:50:40.694 all before we found anyone to love us. 1189 00:50:40.728 --> 00:50:43.463 - Is it worse? - Or is it better? 1190 00:50:43.496 --> 00:50:44.874 - It's probably worse. - I think it's worse. 1191 00:50:44.898 --> 00:50:46.500 - Worse. - It is worse. 1192 00:50:47.735 --> 00:50:50.805 Oh, oh, my god. Where are we? 1193 00:50:50.838 --> 00:50:52.707 Are we... are we lost? 1194 00:50:52.739 --> 00:50:53.907 Where are the other campers? 1195 00:50:53.940 --> 00:50:55.352 Is that what you call them, "campers"? 1196 00:50:55.376 --> 00:50:58.646 - Tiny drug addicts? - Troubled teens? 1197 00:50:58.679 --> 00:51:01.215 - Oh, my god, we are lost. - Oh, my god! 1198 00:51:01.248 --> 00:51:02.382 Spread out! 1199 00:51:07.621 --> 00:51:09.790 All right, crack open another cold one, 1200 00:51:09.824 --> 00:51:11.291 'cause you deserve it. 1201 00:51:11.324 --> 00:51:13.594 Brock daddy is so proud of you! 1202 00:51:13.628 --> 00:51:15.763 Only six more videos till you've got yourself 1203 00:51:15.795 --> 00:51:18.398 a brand new deck. 1204 00:52:12.719 --> 00:52:14.621 There you are. 1205 00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:21.962 Oh! 1206 00:52:34.041 --> 00:52:36.010 I love your deck. 1207 00:52:39.612 --> 00:52:40.881 Shh. 1208 00:52:40.914 --> 00:52:46.788 Shhhh. 1209 00:53:14.514 --> 00:53:16.049 What the fuck? 1210 00:53:16.083 --> 00:53:18.119 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 1211 00:53:18.152 --> 00:53:19.787 Nice spread! 1212 00:53:19.820 --> 00:53:20.653 'Gram worthy. 1213 00:53:20.688 --> 00:53:22.890 I know, I don't skimp on the sush. 1214 00:53:22.922 --> 00:53:24.858 I wonder how long it's been since this was made. 1215 00:53:26.960 --> 00:53:28.395 Beer. You guys want some beer? 1216 00:53:28.429 --> 00:53:30.764 - Sure! - Yeah, I'll take two. 1217 00:53:30.797 --> 00:53:31.797 Maybe! 1218 00:53:34.735 --> 00:53:36.570 So, I'm so glad that we got to hang out! 1219 00:53:36.603 --> 00:53:37.971 Kai's told me so much about you. 1220 00:53:38.005 --> 00:53:39.407 Yeah, I mean, he's my best friend, 1221 00:53:39.440 --> 00:53:40.240 so that makes a lot of sense. 1222 00:53:40.273 --> 00:53:41.742 Listen, you know so much about me, 1223 00:53:41.775 --> 00:53:43.478 but I don't really know anything about you, 1224 00:53:43.510 --> 00:53:44.878 which seems unfair. 1225 00:53:44.911 --> 00:53:46.012 Where are you from? 1226 00:53:46.045 --> 00:53:47.547 Boston, where are you from? 1227 00:53:47.581 --> 00:53:49.150 What do your parents do? 1228 00:53:49.182 --> 00:53:51.119 Oh, uh, my mom's an occupational therapist 1229 00:53:51.152 --> 00:53:52.854 and my dad works for a mineral company. 1230 00:53:52.887 --> 00:53:55.856 - Are they still together? - My parents? 1231 00:53:55.889 --> 00:53:57.023 No, actually, they split up. 1232 00:53:57.056 --> 00:53:58.825 - How old were you? - Eleven. 1233 00:53:58.858 --> 00:54:01.061 Ah, so you come from a broken family. 1234 00:54:01.094 --> 00:54:03.764 Um, I mean, I wouldn't say "broken." 1235 00:54:03.797 --> 00:54:05.966 It was fine. Two christmases. 1236 00:54:06.000 --> 00:54:07.644 So you're a Christian, and you're in denial. 1237 00:54:07.668 --> 00:54:08.501 Got it, okay. 1238 00:54:08.536 --> 00:54:10.104 So would you say that your upbringing 1239 00:54:10.137 --> 00:54:11.472 has had some sort of impact 1240 00:54:11.505 --> 00:54:13.641 on your current thoughts on commitment? 1241 00:54:13.673 --> 00:54:15.113 - What? - Do you like to get serious? 1242 00:54:15.141 --> 00:54:17.844 Or do you just keep things "casual"? 1243 00:54:17.878 --> 00:54:20.047 I'm sorry, what's happening here. 1244 00:54:20.079 --> 00:54:23.784 Cervezas! One for you, and one for you. 1245 00:54:23.818 --> 00:54:25.620 - Thank you! - Check it out, Mexican beer, 1246 00:54:25.652 --> 00:54:27.120 Japanese Sushi, what can I say? 1247 00:54:27.153 --> 00:54:28.623 I'm giving you guys a world tour. 1248 00:54:30.224 --> 00:54:32.860 - You're cute. - Isn't he the best? Yeah. 1249 00:54:32.893 --> 00:54:35.496 So, uh, how many dates have you guys been on? 1250 00:54:35.528 --> 00:54:38.032 Uh, technically, this is our third. 1251 00:54:38.065 --> 00:54:39.634 - Technically? - Well, one night, 1252 00:54:39.666 --> 00:54:40.711 we just watched tiger king, 1253 00:54:40.735 --> 00:54:43.204 so I don't know if that counts as a real date. 1254 00:54:43.237 --> 00:54:45.139 Yeah, I mean, it sounds pretty... 1255 00:54:45.172 --> 00:54:47.007 Casual. 1256 00:54:47.041 --> 00:54:49.677 - I thought it was romantic. - Then we'll count it. 1257 00:54:49.710 --> 00:54:51.913 - Count it! - Count it! 1258 00:54:51.945 --> 00:54:53.780 - Kill me. - I've said it once, 1259 00:54:53.813 --> 00:54:54.882 and I'll say it again. 1260 00:54:54.914 --> 00:54:55.715 There are two things 1261 00:54:55.748 --> 00:54:57.717 that will never work in a marriage. 1262 00:54:57.751 --> 00:54:59.687 One, the woman wearing the pants, 1263 00:54:59.719 --> 00:55:01.988 two, the woman being a motherly figure. 1264 00:55:02.021 --> 00:55:03.958 Oh, honey. 1265 00:55:03.990 --> 00:55:05.460 I just think, at the end of the day, 1266 00:55:05.492 --> 00:55:07.894 it's like love and marriage, it's just... 1267 00:55:07.927 --> 00:55:09.896 I know you know this now, 'cause I've told you, 1268 00:55:09.929 --> 00:55:11.765 - it's like... - Shut up! 1269 00:55:11.798 --> 00:55:13.134 Shut the fuck up! 1270 00:55:13.166 --> 00:55:16.103 Seriously, shut your fucking mouth. 1271 00:55:16.135 --> 00:55:18.773 Holy hell, do you ever stop talking? 1272 00:55:18.806 --> 00:55:21.242 All you do is talk and talk and talk, 1273 00:55:21.275 --> 00:55:23.486 and I'm starting to feel like I live in a fucking hell prison 1274 00:55:23.510 --> 00:55:25.045 of your fucking voice! 1275 00:55:25.079 --> 00:55:26.781 Fuck! 1276 00:55:40.193 --> 00:55:46.701 I have never in my life... 1277 00:55:48.135 --> 00:55:51.873 Been more attracted to you. 1278 00:55:54.675 --> 00:55:58.012 We're going home and straight to the bedroom. 1279 00:55:58.045 --> 00:55:59.880 Pick up all this shit. 1280 00:56:02.949 --> 00:56:04.085 - So rude. - Oh, my god! 1281 00:56:04.117 --> 00:56:07.054 - Is that... - Maya! 1282 00:56:07.086 --> 00:56:08.755 Oh, my god, wow. 1283 00:56:08.789 --> 00:56:10.300 - Do we have to say hi? - Well, now we fucking do! 1284 00:56:10.324 --> 00:56:13.628 - Hi! - Hannah! T.Y.! 1285 00:56:13.661 --> 00:56:14.929 You guys look... 1286 00:56:17.597 --> 00:56:18.365 Great! 1287 00:56:18.398 --> 00:56:21.268 Holy shit, how long has it been? 1288 00:56:21.302 --> 00:56:22.811 I mean, I don't think we've seen each other 1289 00:56:22.835 --> 00:56:24.971 since Amy and Peter's wedding. 1290 00:56:25.005 --> 00:56:26.840 - Oh. - So you heard. 1291 00:56:26.873 --> 00:56:29.543 Of course. I was shocked to my core. 1292 00:56:29.577 --> 00:56:32.280 - It was very upsetting. - A tragedy. 1293 00:56:36.784 --> 00:56:39.820 - So I should be going. - Yes. Yes, go! 1294 00:56:39.853 --> 00:56:41.856 - We're gonna... - Babe, come on. 1295 00:56:41.889 --> 00:56:43.024 Okay, kiss kiss! 1296 00:56:43.056 --> 00:56:45.157 See ya! Bye, Maya! 1297 00:56:46.960 --> 00:56:48.929 If I never see her again, it'll only be too soon. 1298 00:56:48.963 --> 00:56:50.698 I know, she stresses me out! 1299 00:56:50.731 --> 00:56:52.733 Me too, let's breathe. 1300 00:56:55.936 --> 00:56:57.238 Stay calm, stay calm! 1301 00:56:57.271 --> 00:56:59.807 Think peaceful thoughts, think Elle fanning. 1302 00:56:59.840 --> 00:57:02.076 What? Why would you make me think of Elle fanning? 1303 00:57:02.108 --> 00:57:03.619 That only makes me think of Dakota fanning 1304 00:57:03.643 --> 00:57:05.220 who used to be more famous than her sister, 1305 00:57:05.244 --> 00:57:07.114 - and now she's not! - Okay, okay. 1306 00:57:07.146 --> 00:57:10.083 Think pizza, pasta, sweet treats! 1307 00:57:10.117 --> 00:57:13.220 Cellulite, fat, fuck, I need to lose 50 pounds. 1308 00:57:13.253 --> 00:57:15.789 - Help! - Someone save me! 1309 00:57:15.822 --> 00:57:17.891 - I mean, us! - We need to take shelter! 1310 00:57:17.925 --> 00:57:19.093 Quick, give me a boost! 1311 00:57:19.126 --> 00:57:20.236 Oh, so you can leave me down here 1312 00:57:20.260 --> 00:57:21.996 to be eaten by wild dogs? 1313 00:57:22.028 --> 00:57:23.931 You'll be fine, your blood is toxic! 1314 00:57:23.963 --> 00:57:25.231 Dogs can sense that! 1315 00:57:27.134 --> 00:57:29.170 Oh, bad vibes, we have to run! 1316 00:57:29.202 --> 00:57:30.271 - I have the runs? - What? 1317 00:57:30.304 --> 00:57:31.639 No, we have to run! 1318 00:57:31.672 --> 00:57:33.740 - Come on! - Oh, my god! 1319 00:57:38.646 --> 00:57:39.914 This is it. 1320 00:57:39.947 --> 00:57:42.215 We're in 127 hours. 1321 00:57:42.248 --> 00:57:44.851 Except for it's not gonna take that long for me to die. 1322 00:57:44.885 --> 00:57:46.153 I'm not a survivor. 1323 00:57:46.186 --> 00:57:49.222 - And I know that. - I am starving to death! 1324 00:57:49.255 --> 00:57:52.359 I can literally feel my body eating itself alive. 1325 00:57:52.393 --> 00:57:53.994 I'm so thirsty! 1326 00:57:54.027 --> 00:57:55.629 I need water. 1327 00:57:55.663 --> 00:57:57.365 Or diet coke or a vodka red bull. 1328 00:57:57.398 --> 00:57:59.408 I always knew I'd die on the set of lord of the rings 1329 00:57:59.432 --> 00:58:03.971 - with orcs all around me. - I'm not an orc! 1330 00:58:05.672 --> 00:58:07.674 I always thought I'd die young, 1331 00:58:07.708 --> 00:58:09.644 and I'm not even that young. 1332 00:58:09.677 --> 00:58:11.846 I can't even get my own tragic death right! 1333 00:58:11.878 --> 00:58:14.214 We should find a pretty place to lay our bones down 1334 00:58:14.248 --> 00:58:16.349 for the final rest. 1335 00:58:16.382 --> 00:58:18.251 We need shade. 1336 00:58:18.284 --> 00:58:21.355 Here, take this rock and protect us 1337 00:58:21.387 --> 00:58:24.025 from the indigenous people of this land. 1338 00:58:24.057 --> 00:58:25.358 Ooh, I don't actually think 1339 00:58:25.391 --> 00:58:26.993 there are indigenous people here anymore. 1340 00:58:27.027 --> 00:58:28.896 And whose fault is that, Anderson? 1341 00:58:28.929 --> 00:58:31.731 I'm so weak. 1342 00:58:31.764 --> 00:58:33.933 I can feel the life draining from my eyes. 1343 00:58:33.967 --> 00:58:36.436 Here, sketch a message into the mud 1344 00:58:36.469 --> 00:58:38.972 so that future generations will know we were here. 1345 00:58:44.010 --> 00:58:45.846 Hey, guys? 1346 00:58:45.878 --> 00:58:47.815 We really wanna keep it down here. 1347 00:58:47.847 --> 00:58:50.250 We're trying to share the forest with everyone, okay? 1348 00:58:50.284 --> 00:58:52.019 - We're saved! - A gnome. 1349 00:58:52.052 --> 00:58:54.989 No, this is my ginger rehab counselor. 1350 00:58:55.021 --> 00:58:56.356 I think the mushrooms just hit. 1351 00:58:56.389 --> 00:58:58.224 I'm j.P., we've met, and you guys 1352 00:58:58.257 --> 00:59:00.093 have literally been five feet from the trail 1353 00:59:00.126 --> 00:59:02.462 this entire time. 1354 00:59:02.496 --> 00:59:05.398 - Well, the trail... - I mean, that's the arrow... 1355 00:59:05.431 --> 00:59:07.867 Trail signs might as well be written 1356 00:59:07.900 --> 00:59:10.236 in Egyptian hierologlyphics. 1357 00:59:10.269 --> 00:59:11.304 Right. 1358 00:59:11.338 --> 00:59:13.441 Anderson, we're gonna have to ask your sister 1359 00:59:13.474 --> 00:59:14.975 to leave the retreat. 1360 00:59:15.007 --> 00:59:16.843 You know that she's not supposed to be here, 1361 00:59:16.876 --> 00:59:19.079 especially after what happened last time. 1362 00:59:19.112 --> 00:59:21.014 - Oh, come on. - How was I supposed to know 1363 00:59:21.047 --> 00:59:23.950 you're not allowed to bring ecstasy to a rehab picnic? 1364 00:59:23.983 --> 00:59:25.418 - The kids loved it! - Calico. 1365 00:59:25.452 --> 00:59:27.221 March. 1366 00:59:27.253 --> 00:59:28.253 I'm serious. 1367 00:59:42.936 --> 00:59:44.138 Ha-ha! 1368 01:00:50.003 --> 01:00:51.072 Ah! 1369 01:01:01.914 --> 01:01:04.117 Oh, my god. Sam! 1370 01:01:06.186 --> 01:01:07.988 Fuck you, dog! 1371 01:01:12.525 --> 01:01:14.494 Ow, ow. 1372 01:01:14.527 --> 01:01:16.129 Get up, get up. 1373 01:01:17.530 --> 01:01:18.565 Sit. 1374 01:01:20.199 --> 01:01:21.335 Stop whining. 1375 01:01:23.302 --> 01:01:25.405 Just hold it still. 1376 01:01:25.438 --> 01:01:26.940 Ow, okay. 1377 01:01:26.974 --> 01:01:27.875 Okay. 1378 01:01:27.907 --> 01:01:29.175 Ow, ow! 1379 01:01:29.208 --> 01:01:31.978 Ow! 1380 01:01:32.012 --> 01:01:33.847 Gah. 1381 01:01:37.016 --> 01:01:38.952 - Is that just house tape? - Yup. 1382 01:01:38.985 --> 01:01:40.954 Ow. Ah! 1383 01:01:44.391 --> 01:01:46.594 - I... - Your thumb is mangled. 1384 01:01:46.626 --> 01:01:48.628 - It hurts. - Good. 1385 01:01:48.661 --> 01:01:50.230 Because it means your nerves are intact 1386 01:01:50.264 --> 01:01:52.032 and because you also deserve it. 1387 01:01:52.065 --> 01:01:55.369 What? I deserve it? 1388 01:01:55.402 --> 01:01:57.471 What are you even doing out here all day? 1389 01:01:57.503 --> 01:01:59.406 - Huh? - Deserve what? 1390 01:02:01.574 --> 01:02:03.376 We had plans, Sam! 1391 01:02:06.579 --> 01:02:09.016 - Fuck. - Yeah. 1392 01:02:11.585 --> 01:02:14.454 You're right. 1393 01:02:14.487 --> 01:02:17.625 Babe, you really should have said something. 1394 01:02:17.657 --> 01:02:20.594 - Oh, should I have? - Yeah. 1395 01:02:20.626 --> 01:02:22.295 - I think... - Yeah? 1396 01:02:22.329 --> 01:02:24.231 Oh! Ow! 1397 01:02:24.264 --> 01:02:25.466 Jesus! 1398 01:02:27.567 --> 01:02:32.005 I am... I am always the one. 1399 01:02:35.041 --> 01:02:38.011 I am always picking you up. 1400 01:02:38.045 --> 01:02:39.547 Always! 1401 01:02:43.282 --> 01:02:44.951 Why? 1402 01:02:51.425 --> 01:02:53.527 You slapped me really hard. 1403 01:02:53.559 --> 01:02:55.663 You don't think I know what this is about? 1404 01:02:55.695 --> 01:02:59.365 Who this is about? 1405 01:02:59.398 --> 01:03:00.398 Yeah. 1406 01:03:01.434 --> 01:03:02.536 - What? - Yeah. 1407 01:03:02.568 --> 01:03:04.438 No! 1408 01:03:04.471 --> 01:03:06.106 You're... 1409 01:03:06.139 --> 01:03:08.442 I wanted to do something. 1410 01:03:08.474 --> 01:03:10.443 To make something. 1411 01:03:10.476 --> 01:03:11.476 With these! 1412 01:03:13.612 --> 01:03:15.648 So poetic. 1413 01:03:17.117 --> 01:03:18.986 God! 1414 01:03:19.018 --> 01:03:20.453 - You... - Ow! 1415 01:03:20.487 --> 01:03:24.592 You sheet of fucking glass! 1416 01:03:26.360 --> 01:03:28.362 What? 1417 01:03:28.394 --> 01:03:30.197 Theo, where are you going? 1418 01:03:30.230 --> 01:03:32.432 I have plans, Sam. 1419 01:03:32.465 --> 01:03:34.201 Lots of them. 1420 01:03:45.778 --> 01:03:47.547 Shhh. 1421 01:03:51.217 --> 01:03:52.217 Hello? 1422 01:03:54.487 --> 01:03:56.523 - Raymond? - Building something? 1423 01:03:58.291 --> 01:04:01.095 Yeah, a deck. 1424 01:04:01.128 --> 01:04:02.063 How long you been there? 1425 01:04:02.096 --> 01:04:04.398 - Wife troubles? - No, she's my fiancée. 1426 01:04:04.431 --> 01:04:07.300 - What did you say? - Fiancée. 1427 01:04:07.333 --> 01:04:10.103 No, no, what did you do? 1428 01:04:10.137 --> 01:04:12.306 Oh. 1429 01:04:12.338 --> 01:04:14.240 It's complicated. 1430 01:04:14.273 --> 01:04:15.742 We'll be all right. 1431 01:04:21.148 --> 01:04:24.485 You know, it's just this girl I used to date. 1432 01:04:24.518 --> 01:04:26.229 She's married, but she's getting a divorce now, 1433 01:04:26.253 --> 01:04:27.388 it's stupid. 1434 01:04:31.157 --> 01:04:34.293 - What's so funny? - Oh. 1435 01:04:34.327 --> 01:04:35.730 You still love this girl? 1436 01:04:38.297 --> 01:04:39.632 I don't think it's about that. 1437 01:04:39.666 --> 01:04:41.568 - Casual dalliance then? - What? 1438 01:04:41.601 --> 01:04:43.503 - Left-handed honeymoon? - What? 1439 01:04:43.536 --> 01:04:45.739 Do you want to sleep with her? 1440 01:04:45.771 --> 01:04:48.174 No! No. 1441 01:04:48.208 --> 01:04:50.811 Ray, I have a fiancée. 1442 01:04:50.844 --> 01:04:52.679 Yeah, you said that already. 1443 01:04:52.711 --> 01:04:56.182 Yeah. I did. 1444 01:04:56.215 --> 01:04:58.719 Yeah, by the sound of it, you still do. 1445 01:04:58.751 --> 01:05:00.420 Take it from me, kid. 1446 01:05:00.454 --> 01:05:02.423 You get the beginning, you get the end, 1447 01:05:02.456 --> 01:05:05.224 and usually, the only thing separating the two 1448 01:05:05.257 --> 01:05:06.359 is a lot of wasted time. 1449 01:05:06.393 --> 01:05:08.561 Hey, ray? 1450 01:05:08.594 --> 01:05:09.829 Are you good with this stuff? 1451 01:05:09.862 --> 01:05:12.432 - Women? - No, lumber. 1452 01:05:12.465 --> 01:05:13.733 I know a thing or two. 1453 01:05:15.469 --> 01:05:17.304 - Can you teach me? - Oh, sure! 1454 01:05:17.336 --> 01:05:19.273 You just hit the nail on the head. 1455 01:05:19.306 --> 01:05:20.574 No. 1456 01:05:22.842 --> 01:05:25.545 I mean, would you come over here and help me build it? 1457 01:05:25.579 --> 01:05:27.581 Ah! 1458 01:05:27.614 --> 01:05:29.416 No. 1459 01:05:29.449 --> 01:05:31.751 - No? - No, don't got the time. 1460 01:05:31.784 --> 01:05:34.353 - Tomorrow then! - Nope, can't! 1461 01:05:34.387 --> 01:05:38.158 - Why? - Well, you're an asshole 1462 01:05:38.190 --> 01:05:40.093 to my dog. 1463 01:05:41.862 --> 01:05:44.697 Well, why didn't you say anything then? 1464 01:05:44.731 --> 01:05:48.569 Son, I was in the war. 1465 01:05:50.202 --> 01:05:51.338 Oh. 1466 01:05:54.173 --> 01:05:55.342 Thank you. 1467 01:06:25.304 --> 01:06:27.140 Wow, four dates! 1468 01:06:27.173 --> 01:06:29.275 You guys are getting pretty serious. 1469 01:06:29.309 --> 01:06:32.179 You guys gonna meet each other's parents soon? 1470 01:06:32.211 --> 01:06:33.211 Um... 1471 01:06:34.581 --> 01:06:37.651 I don't know what it is about eating outside. 1472 01:06:37.684 --> 01:06:39.494 I mean, it just... the food just tastes better. 1473 01:06:39.518 --> 01:06:42.355 - Alcohol tastes better, too! - So true. 1474 01:06:42.389 --> 01:06:44.791 - Fuck, I forgot the limes! - No, that's okay! 1475 01:06:44.824 --> 01:06:46.468 No, I have a whole bag, and they're really old, 1476 01:06:46.492 --> 01:06:47.393 and if we don't use them, they're gonna go bad. 1477 01:06:47.427 --> 01:06:50.263 - I can get them. - No, I'll be right back. 1478 01:06:50.297 --> 01:06:51.831 So what are your intentions with Kai? 1479 01:06:51.864 --> 01:06:54.634 - What? - Kai is fragile, okay? 1480 01:06:54.668 --> 01:06:56.803 And if you're not in it for the long haul, 1481 01:06:56.835 --> 01:06:59.639 I'm talking holding hands and dying in bed together... 1482 01:06:59.672 --> 01:07:01.207 - Like the notebook? - Please do not 1483 01:07:01.240 --> 01:07:02.442 bring that film up right now. 1484 01:07:02.474 --> 01:07:03.643 I cannot handle that, okay? 1485 01:07:03.675 --> 01:07:06.846 Anyways, if you're here to just have fun or something, 1486 01:07:06.880 --> 01:07:08.182 then you might as well leave now 1487 01:07:08.215 --> 01:07:09.358 and spare us all the heartbreak, okay? 1488 01:07:09.382 --> 01:07:12.785 - Dude, what is your deal? - Are you seeing other guys? 1489 01:07:12.818 --> 01:07:13.686 - Are you clean? - Excuse me? 1490 01:07:13.719 --> 01:07:15.655 - Sexually. - Yeah, I know what you mean. 1491 01:07:15.688 --> 01:07:17.332 When's the last time you had unprotected sex? 1492 01:07:17.356 --> 01:07:19.393 - Oh, my god. - Hey, bad news. 1493 01:07:19.425 --> 01:07:21.194 Motherfucking knew it, limes are old. 1494 01:07:21.228 --> 01:07:22.738 Good news, neighbor said we could borrow some of theirs. 1495 01:07:22.762 --> 01:07:23.905 - I'll be right back. - Please don't go! 1496 01:07:23.929 --> 01:07:24.797 - Be right back! - I just don't think 1497 01:07:24.831 --> 01:07:26.466 - you're right for each other. - Dude! 1498 01:07:26.498 --> 01:07:27.577 I mean, do you even want kids? 1499 01:07:27.601 --> 01:07:28.869 I don't know, maybe one day! 1500 01:07:28.902 --> 01:07:30.670 "Maybe one day!" Unbelievable. 1501 01:07:30.704 --> 01:07:32.573 - I'm 21! - Yeah, my mom had me 1502 01:07:32.606 --> 01:07:34.775 - when she was 23. - Well, times have changed! 1503 01:07:34.807 --> 01:07:38.612 Times have changed, because now commitment doesn't matter! 1504 01:07:38.644 --> 01:07:39.822 Marriage doesn't mean anything! 1505 01:07:39.846 --> 01:07:41.481 This is all just a bunch of bullshit! 1506 01:07:41.514 --> 01:07:42.782 And whatever you're here to do, 1507 01:07:42.815 --> 01:07:43.927 okay, it's just not gonna work out, 1508 01:07:43.951 --> 01:07:45.827 so you might as well leave before somebody gets hurt! 1509 01:07:45.851 --> 01:07:49.489 Fine! 1510 01:07:49.521 --> 01:07:51.557 You know, I don't know what I did or said 1511 01:07:51.590 --> 01:07:52.826 to make you hate me, 1512 01:07:52.858 --> 01:07:54.927 but this conversation is fucked up. 1513 01:07:54.960 --> 01:07:56.262 You guys can have each other. 1514 01:07:56.295 --> 01:07:58.898 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - I can't handle your roommate! 1515 01:07:58.931 --> 01:08:01.434 I am so sorry, but he's just been having 1516 01:08:01.467 --> 01:08:02.536 a really shitty day. 1517 01:08:02.568 --> 01:08:05.371 He found out that his sister is getting a divorce. 1518 01:08:05.405 --> 01:08:07.708 - Really? - Yeah, I just found out. 1519 01:08:09.541 --> 01:08:10.943 I'm sorry. 1520 01:08:10.976 --> 01:08:12.245 No, I'm sorry. 1521 01:08:12.278 --> 01:08:14.447 I've acted like such a dick. 1522 01:08:14.481 --> 01:08:16.291 It's just this whole thing is fucking with me, you know? 1523 01:08:16.315 --> 01:08:19.418 Like I always thought that love was real. 1524 01:08:19.452 --> 01:08:20.686 Love is real. 1525 01:08:20.720 --> 01:08:23.724 I mean, sometimes it's scary and it doesn't work out, 1526 01:08:23.756 --> 01:08:26.893 but it's definitely real. 1527 01:08:26.926 --> 01:08:29.730 Yeah, man, just hang in there. 1528 01:08:29.762 --> 01:08:31.899 Things will sort themselves out. 1529 01:08:35.068 --> 01:08:36.612 Do you guys think we should have a threesome? 1530 01:08:36.636 --> 01:08:39.940 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 1531 01:08:41.307 --> 01:08:43.710 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I did it! 1532 01:08:43.743 --> 01:08:45.812 - I did it. - Did sex? 1533 01:08:45.845 --> 01:08:47.780 Yes, with bill. 1534 01:08:47.814 --> 01:08:49.783 A ton. He loves it. 1535 01:08:49.815 --> 01:08:51.717 He's even got a name for my front tushy. 1536 01:08:51.751 --> 01:08:53.453 Calls it the "open road." 1537 01:08:53.485 --> 01:08:55.889 Okay, that's sweet, yeah. 1538 01:08:55.921 --> 01:09:00.660 And girl, did he drive down the open road! 1539 01:09:00.694 --> 01:09:01.962 Woo! 1540 01:09:01.994 --> 01:09:03.963 Did you know that sex on a trampoline 1541 01:09:03.997 --> 01:09:05.499 is a weightless gift? 1542 01:09:05.532 --> 01:09:08.034 I did not know that, but good to know, thank you! 1543 01:09:08.068 --> 01:09:09.636 Got a little tramp burn on my belly, 1544 01:09:09.668 --> 01:09:12.038 but it was worth it. 1545 01:09:12.072 --> 01:09:14.041 Girl, I'm getting to tour my house and home 1546 01:09:14.073 --> 01:09:16.076 like I've never seen it before! 1547 01:09:16.109 --> 01:09:18.312 And bill says he's awake for the first time 1548 01:09:18.345 --> 01:09:20.047 since w. Got elected! 1549 01:09:20.079 --> 01:09:23.817 Okay, well, listen, Mary grace, I am so happy for you, 1550 01:09:23.850 --> 01:09:25.085 and I guess for bill, too. 1551 01:09:25.118 --> 01:09:27.421 I cannot thank you enough. 1552 01:09:27.453 --> 01:09:29.855 I am sending you an edible arrangement today. 1553 01:09:29.889 --> 01:09:31.992 No, no, no, no, don't do that, that's not necessary. 1554 01:09:32.024 --> 01:09:33.393 It's already done! 1555 01:09:33.426 --> 01:09:34.995 I got your address from your mother. 1556 01:09:35.028 --> 01:09:38.432 And don't you worry, I told her you were well-acquainted 1557 01:09:38.465 --> 01:09:40.734 with the men in town, and rest assured... 1558 01:09:40.766 --> 01:09:42.769 Wait, wait, wait, you told my mom what? 1559 01:09:42.801 --> 01:09:44.070 - What, bill? - Mary grace, 1560 01:09:44.104 --> 01:09:45.838 - what did you tell her? - Oh, it's ready? 1561 01:09:45.872 --> 01:09:47.116 - Mary grace! - Okay, I gotta go. 1562 01:09:47.140 --> 01:09:49.343 I'ma show bill how to use the jacuzzi jets. 1563 01:09:49.376 --> 01:09:51.478 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, did you say "32 dicks"? 1564 01:09:51.511 --> 01:09:52.979 - Mary grace? - Bye, Lauren. 1565 01:09:53.011 --> 01:09:55.081 Jesus and bill and I love you so much. 1566 01:09:55.114 --> 01:09:56.449 What does my mom know? 1567 01:09:56.483 --> 01:09:57.851 What does she know? 1568 01:09:58.885 --> 01:10:01.988 Jaime, come on, man. 1569 01:10:02.020 --> 01:10:03.690 You're better than this. 1570 01:10:05.158 --> 01:10:06.593 No, I'm not. 1571 01:10:32.886 --> 01:10:34.154 Hi, Jaime. 1572 01:10:34.186 --> 01:10:36.957 It's been a while. 1573 01:10:36.989 --> 01:10:38.524 Hey. 1574 01:10:38.557 --> 01:10:39.926 I miss you. 1575 01:10:39.958 --> 01:10:42.762 Well, it's a little too late for that. 1576 01:10:42.796 --> 01:10:44.865 I made a huge mistake. 1577 01:10:44.898 --> 01:10:47.400 I should have given you a second chance. 1578 01:10:47.434 --> 01:10:50.103 Well, too bad, because I've moved on, okay? 1579 01:10:50.136 --> 01:10:52.672 No, you haven't. 1580 01:10:52.704 --> 01:10:55.475 You still listen to Adele and Sam Smith every night 1581 01:10:55.507 --> 01:10:57.778 until your eyes burn with salty tears. 1582 01:10:57.810 --> 01:10:59.011 Shut up, that's not true. 1583 01:10:59.046 --> 01:11:02.115 See? You are always pretending to be someone you're not, 1584 01:11:02.148 --> 01:11:03.617 because you are still afraid 1585 01:11:03.649 --> 01:11:05.050 that I wouldn't love the real you. 1586 01:11:05.083 --> 01:11:06.752 Oh, please. 1587 01:11:06.786 --> 01:11:08.020 You kept getting distant 1588 01:11:08.054 --> 01:11:09.789 until I didn't recognize you anymore. 1589 01:11:09.823 --> 01:11:12.057 Well, surprise, surprise! 1590 01:11:12.091 --> 01:11:14.461 The sock has all the answers. 1591 01:11:14.493 --> 01:11:15.996 And what do you have, hm? 1592 01:11:16.029 --> 01:11:17.564 A drum set? 1593 01:11:17.596 --> 01:11:20.733 Big man on campus with a drum set. 1594 01:11:20.766 --> 01:11:23.103 Oh, wait, you're not on campus 1595 01:11:23.136 --> 01:11:25.605 because you didn't go back to school! 1596 01:11:25.637 --> 01:11:26.773 You know what, that's it. 1597 01:11:26.805 --> 01:11:28.140 I'm so done. 1598 01:11:28.173 --> 01:11:30.411 So done. 1599 01:11:32.110 --> 01:11:34.948 I am so done with you. 1600 01:11:34.980 --> 01:11:36.015 So... 1601 01:11:40.086 --> 01:11:42.588 Wait, let's be friends! 1602 01:11:42.622 --> 01:11:43.923 With benefits! 1603 01:11:43.957 --> 01:11:46.092 And then we'll fall in love slowly again! 1604 01:11:46.125 --> 01:11:48.228 Oh, baby. I'm sorry. 1605 01:11:48.261 --> 01:11:51.064 I can't let you go! 1606 01:11:51.096 --> 01:11:53.000 I still love you. 1607 01:11:55.134 --> 01:11:55.801 Shit. 1608 01:11:55.835 --> 01:11:57.837 Bill, we've got 30 minutes 1609 01:11:57.871 --> 01:11:59.573 before the kids get home, all right? 1610 01:11:59.605 --> 01:12:03.042 So let's pave this open road with jacuzzi's finest. 1611 01:12:03.076 --> 01:12:05.145 - Woo! - Fuck. 1612 01:12:05.177 --> 01:12:07.747 Fuck! 1613 01:12:09.849 --> 01:12:11.918 What the fuck? 1614 01:12:13.987 --> 01:12:16.088 Hey, hey, hey, you okay? 1615 01:12:16.122 --> 01:12:17.891 Oh, hey, neighbor. 1616 01:12:17.923 --> 01:12:19.592 I'm fine, I'm fine. 1617 01:12:19.626 --> 01:12:20.827 I was just, um... 1618 01:12:20.859 --> 01:12:22.161 Reclaiming your space? 1619 01:12:22.194 --> 01:12:24.764 - Can you... - Hear all the inspirational shit 1620 01:12:24.796 --> 01:12:25.698 that you're shouting all day? 1621 01:12:25.731 --> 01:12:26.699 I can, yeah. 1622 01:12:26.733 --> 01:12:28.076 You know, thin walls, but don't worry, though. 1623 01:12:28.100 --> 01:12:29.678 I'm sure you hear all kinds of crazy shit 1624 01:12:29.702 --> 01:12:30.637 from my place, too. 1625 01:12:30.670 --> 01:12:33.172 No. No, not at all. 1626 01:12:33.206 --> 01:12:38.110 I mean, except that you've had 32 dicks in your body. 1627 01:12:38.144 --> 01:12:39.913 - That was the TV. - Oh. 1628 01:12:39.945 --> 01:12:42.849 Yeah. Okay, well, I was just making sure 1629 01:12:42.881 --> 01:12:44.083 that no one was dead out here, 1630 01:12:44.117 --> 01:12:46.753 like exploded into pieces, so check. 1631 01:12:46.786 --> 01:12:48.922 I'm gonna go back inside. 1632 01:12:48.954 --> 01:12:50.724 Wait. 1633 01:12:50.756 --> 01:12:54.293 Um, if you're not doing anything, 1634 01:12:54.327 --> 01:12:58.632 do you wanna come over and have a drink? 1635 01:12:58.664 --> 01:13:02.068 Oh. Oh, uh... 1636 01:13:02.100 --> 01:13:04.304 Yeah, I think probably not, but thank you. 1637 01:13:04.337 --> 01:13:06.172 And, you know, don't sweat it, 1638 01:13:06.204 --> 01:13:08.841 'cause I know that you're going through a lot, 1639 01:13:08.875 --> 01:13:12.612 but sooner or later, you'll hook up with someone hot! 1640 01:13:12.645 --> 01:13:14.748 Trademark. 1641 01:13:14.780 --> 01:13:18.018 - That was the TV. - Right. 1642 01:13:18.051 --> 01:13:20.620 You know what? Ah, fuck it, let's do it. 1643 01:13:20.653 --> 01:13:22.789 - Really? - Yeah, just... 1644 01:13:22.822 --> 01:13:24.332 Just know that if this ends up in your vlog, 1645 01:13:24.356 --> 01:13:25.725 I will key your car. 1646 01:13:25.757 --> 01:13:28.561 - That's fair. - All right, come on. 1647 01:13:28.595 --> 01:13:31.331 - Lucky number 33! - Oh, fuck off! 1648 01:13:31.363 --> 01:13:33.165 Hey, um, sorry I got you in trouble 1649 01:13:33.198 --> 01:13:36.168 - with that ginger. - It's okay, he's whatever. 1650 01:13:36.202 --> 01:13:38.070 It's kinda nice having someone care enough 1651 01:13:38.104 --> 01:13:40.049 to recognize a bad influence, you know what I mean? 1652 01:13:40.073 --> 01:13:42.042 Totally. 1653 01:13:42.074 --> 01:13:44.243 So, are you gonna stick with this whole sober thing? 1654 01:13:44.277 --> 01:13:46.078 I think I am. 1655 01:13:46.112 --> 01:13:47.614 After hearing about Amy and Peter, 1656 01:13:47.646 --> 01:13:48.948 it's made me think, 1657 01:13:48.981 --> 01:13:50.224 if I don't quit on this rehab thing, 1658 01:13:50.248 --> 01:13:52.786 I might have a chance to restart, you know? 1659 01:13:52.819 --> 01:13:54.988 Yeah, I do know. 1660 01:13:55.020 --> 01:13:58.057 It's made me realize that I can't quit on Gabriel. 1661 01:13:58.091 --> 01:13:59.226 You know? 1662 01:13:59.259 --> 01:14:02.162 I have to go back and try to fuck my boyfriend in the ass. 1663 01:14:02.194 --> 01:14:04.363 Oh, so that's something I think you should quit on. 1664 01:14:04.396 --> 01:14:05.798 Okay. 1665 01:14:05.832 --> 01:14:07.934 Just relax, you know? 1666 01:14:07.966 --> 01:14:10.903 Let all your bee stings soak. 1667 01:14:10.936 --> 01:14:14.106 Man, you got stung so many times. 1668 01:14:14.140 --> 01:14:15.775 No one could've seen that coming. 1669 01:14:15.807 --> 01:14:17.119 I saw it coming, until they started 1670 01:14:17.143 --> 01:14:18.912 - going after my eyes. - Sh-sh-sh. 1671 01:14:18.944 --> 01:14:20.346 No, no, no. 1672 01:14:20.380 --> 01:14:23.984 But how do you feel? 1673 01:14:24.016 --> 01:14:25.751 This is actually really nice. 1674 01:14:25.784 --> 01:14:27.252 I know. 1675 01:14:27.286 --> 01:14:29.088 It's a little bit tight, 1676 01:14:29.122 --> 01:14:32.392 so I'm just gonna slip into here, 1677 01:14:32.425 --> 01:14:34.961 and you're gonna dip and give me your bottom. 1678 01:14:34.993 --> 01:14:35.996 Okay. 1679 01:14:36.029 --> 01:14:37.664 Oh, this is good. 1680 01:14:37.697 --> 01:14:39.798 I feel really vulnerable in this position. 1681 01:14:39.832 --> 01:14:42.102 I feel great, I feel very powerful. 1682 01:14:42.135 --> 01:14:44.304 I feel like I could do anything to you, 1683 01:14:44.337 --> 01:14:46.139 and I wouldn't get in trouble, 1684 01:14:46.171 --> 01:14:48.173 because I would have better lawyers than you 1685 01:14:48.207 --> 01:14:50.110 and it would be my word against yours. 1686 01:14:50.143 --> 01:14:52.378 That's a very specific fantasy. 1687 01:14:52.412 --> 01:14:54.079 Deep breath. 1688 01:14:54.113 --> 01:14:56.883 Now I'm going to insert my little finger 1689 01:14:56.916 --> 01:14:58.318 into your little butthole. 1690 01:14:58.350 --> 01:14:59.251 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1691 01:14:59.284 --> 01:15:01.054 What's happening here? 1692 01:15:01.087 --> 01:15:03.089 This is going from like zero to 60. 1693 01:15:03.122 --> 01:15:04.791 I thought you just wanted me to tie you up 1694 01:15:04.823 --> 01:15:06.960 - or lightly choke you. - What is this? 1695 01:15:06.993 --> 01:15:08.103 Amateur night at the Apollo? 1696 01:15:08.127 --> 01:15:11.430 Why are you so paranoid about us losing the passion? 1697 01:15:11.463 --> 01:15:14.333 We have great sex, we're going to keep having great sex, 1698 01:15:14.367 --> 01:15:18.738 because I love you, okay? 1699 01:15:18.770 --> 01:15:20.907 - Wait, really? - Yeah. 1700 01:15:20.939 --> 01:15:22.741 I know it's really soon for me to say that, 1701 01:15:22.774 --> 01:15:26.745 but I do. 1702 01:15:26.779 --> 01:15:30.450 I do, too. 1703 01:15:30.483 --> 01:15:33.720 I guess... I guess I was trying 1704 01:15:33.752 --> 01:15:35.097 to make you do all that crazy stuff 1705 01:15:35.121 --> 01:15:37.724 because, you know, my friends Amy and Peter 1706 01:15:37.756 --> 01:15:40.159 are getting divorced and they're our age, 1707 01:15:40.193 --> 01:15:42.762 and I just feel like if the passion can die for them, 1708 01:15:42.795 --> 01:15:44.698 then it can die for us. 1709 01:15:44.730 --> 01:15:47.701 I won't let that happen. 1710 01:15:47.734 --> 01:15:49.436 Pinky swear? 1711 01:15:49.469 --> 01:15:52.872 Not that. 1712 01:15:52.904 --> 01:15:54.306 Okay, just this once. 1713 01:15:54.340 --> 01:15:56.009 Right, just this once. 1714 01:15:56.042 --> 01:15:57.251 Because next time, it will be this. 1715 01:15:57.275 --> 01:15:59.045 - Vanessa, no. - Yes. 1716 01:15:59.078 --> 01:15:59.979 No, Vanessa, drop it. 1717 01:16:00.012 --> 01:16:02.181 - I'm... - It's a deal breaker for me. 1718 01:16:02.215 --> 01:16:03.491 - Drop it. - It's a deal breaker! 1719 01:16:03.515 --> 01:16:04.983 Just the pinky. 1720 01:16:05.016 --> 01:16:07.854 Put it to the side, just the pinky. 1721 01:16:07.886 --> 01:16:09.021 Okay. 1722 01:16:16.362 --> 01:16:19.265 Your grandparents really knew how to keep the love alive. 1723 01:16:19.297 --> 01:16:20.434 Yeah. 1724 01:16:22.769 --> 01:16:24.971 How long were they married for? 1725 01:16:25.003 --> 01:16:27.273 About 63 years. 1726 01:16:27.305 --> 01:16:29.742 - That was before my grandma... - Died? 1727 01:16:31.176 --> 01:16:32.176 Right. 1728 01:16:34.046 --> 01:16:36.115 So can I have this? 1729 01:16:36.149 --> 01:16:37.751 You want a photo of my dead grandparents? 1730 01:16:37.783 --> 01:16:38.751 Yeah! 1731 01:16:38.784 --> 01:16:42.322 I mean, they're dead, and she always loved us. 1732 01:16:42.354 --> 01:16:47.526 So can I have this or are you just... what? 1733 01:16:47.560 --> 01:16:50.463 Why don't we come back to the photo? 1734 01:16:50.496 --> 01:16:51.463 - Yeah. - Yeah? 1735 01:16:51.497 --> 01:16:53.033 - Okay. - Great. 1736 01:16:59.337 --> 01:17:00.840 What about bubbles? 1737 01:17:00.872 --> 01:17:01.940 You want bubbles? 1738 01:17:01.974 --> 01:17:02.976 You always hated my fish! 1739 01:17:03.009 --> 01:17:04.877 No, that's not what I'm saying. 1740 01:17:04.911 --> 01:17:06.546 Well, then what are you saying? 1741 01:17:06.578 --> 01:17:10.549 I think we should split her 50/50. 1742 01:17:10.582 --> 01:17:11.626 How the fuck do you split a fish? 1743 01:17:11.650 --> 01:17:13.362 You get half, I get half, it's the only way. 1744 01:17:13.386 --> 01:17:14.354 All right, I'm confused, 1745 01:17:14.386 --> 01:17:16.322 are you saying that you want to kill my fish? 1746 01:17:16.354 --> 01:17:19.024 You said you wanted to be fair, and this is fair! 1747 01:17:19.057 --> 01:17:22.528 So we've just gotta burn her up and split the bitch's ashes. 1748 01:17:22.561 --> 01:17:23.896 What is wrong with you? 1749 01:17:23.930 --> 01:17:25.139 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1750 01:17:25.163 --> 01:17:29.168 You... you care more about a fish dying 1751 01:17:29.202 --> 01:17:32.405 than our death, our proverbial death. 1752 01:17:32.438 --> 01:17:34.173 - You should be sad. - I am sad! 1753 01:17:34.207 --> 01:17:35.975 Oh, yeah, you have a funny way of showing it. 1754 01:17:36.007 --> 01:17:38.978 What the fuck are you talking about? 1755 01:17:44.884 --> 01:17:45.585 Amy. 1756 01:17:45.618 --> 01:17:46.386 What if I lit this book on fire, 1757 01:17:46.418 --> 01:17:48.220 - would that make you sad? - Amy. 1758 01:17:48.253 --> 01:17:50.923 Would that make you feel sad, Peter? 1759 01:17:50.957 --> 01:17:52.992 Amy, no. 1760 01:17:53.024 --> 01:17:54.560 No, you... you wouldn't do that. 1761 01:17:54.594 --> 01:17:56.004 You know how much Michelle means to me. 1762 01:17:56.028 --> 01:17:57.163 You gonna cry, Peter? 1763 01:17:57.195 --> 01:17:58.864 You're looking a little teary-eyed. 1764 01:17:58.898 --> 01:18:00.867 You are acting insane right now. 1765 01:18:00.899 --> 01:18:03.001 - I just want you to care. - I do care! 1766 01:18:03.034 --> 01:18:03.970 Oh, yeah? 1767 01:18:04.002 --> 01:18:06.371 But clearly I can't convince you of it, 1768 01:18:06.404 --> 01:18:08.207 so if you're gonna burn that book, 1769 01:18:08.240 --> 01:18:09.309 burn the fucking book. 1770 01:18:09.341 --> 01:18:10.242 We're getting off track. 1771 01:18:10.277 --> 01:18:14.279 The point is a 10-year relationship is ending 1772 01:18:14.313 --> 01:18:16.315 and you haven't shed a single fucking tear. 1773 01:18:16.349 --> 01:18:17.558 Oh, so just because you've cried, 1774 01:18:17.582 --> 01:18:18.416 you're better than me. 1775 01:18:18.451 --> 01:18:20.019 Yes, that is exactly what that means. 1776 01:18:20.051 --> 01:18:22.020 I cry, okay? I can cry. 1777 01:18:22.054 --> 01:18:23.056 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 1778 01:18:23.088 --> 01:18:24.390 This shit is hard for me, too. 1779 01:18:24.422 --> 01:18:25.524 Then cry. 1780 01:18:25.557 --> 01:18:27.260 Cry, you fucking pussy. 1781 01:18:27.292 --> 01:18:28.828 Fine! 1782 01:18:35.501 --> 01:18:37.637 Motherfucker. 1783 01:18:37.670 --> 01:18:39.239 What? I gotta, like, get there. 1784 01:18:39.271 --> 01:18:40.340 Yeah, get there. 1785 01:18:46.378 --> 01:18:49.248 Oh, god, what is wrong with me? 1786 01:18:51.449 --> 01:18:52.918 What are you doing? 1787 01:18:55.154 --> 01:18:56.122 - Stab me. - What? 1788 01:18:56.154 --> 01:18:57.398 Take these scissors and stab me. 1789 01:18:57.422 --> 01:18:58.523 - Absolutely not. - Come on, 1790 01:18:58.556 --> 01:19:00.659 I need like a... Like a physical push. 1791 01:19:00.693 --> 01:19:02.170 I'm clearly not getting there emotionally. 1792 01:19:02.194 --> 01:19:03.196 You know, just like a... 1793 01:19:03.229 --> 01:19:04.597 - And then I'm there! - No! 1794 01:19:04.630 --> 01:19:06.498 What if I, like, hit an artery or something? 1795 01:19:06.532 --> 01:19:07.675 What the fuck do you know about arteries? 1796 01:19:07.699 --> 01:19:10.168 Nothing, and I don't want to fuck around with them! 1797 01:19:10.202 --> 01:19:11.971 Okay, fine. 1798 01:19:12.003 --> 01:19:14.673 - Um, hit me. - What? 1799 01:19:14.707 --> 01:19:16.142 Punch me in the face. Right? 1800 01:19:16.175 --> 01:19:17.677 - Okay, sure. - Okay, cool. 1801 01:19:17.710 --> 01:19:19.621 So... but wait, not too hard, I don't want to bruise. 1802 01:19:19.645 --> 01:19:21.156 - Seriously? - What, do you want people 1803 01:19:21.180 --> 01:19:22.615 to think that you beat me? 1804 01:19:22.648 --> 01:19:25.652 Good point, so, um... 1805 01:19:25.685 --> 01:19:27.153 - Punch me in the stomach. - Okay! 1806 01:19:27.185 --> 01:19:28.696 - Perfect. - Okay, yeah, I can do that! 1807 01:19:28.720 --> 01:19:30.299 It won't be too bad, but it'll be enough. 1808 01:19:30.323 --> 01:19:31.423 - Okay. - Right, okay. 1809 01:19:31.457 --> 01:19:34.694 All right, so I'm just gonna flex. 1810 01:19:34.726 --> 01:19:36.061 Ow! What the fuck? 1811 01:19:36.095 --> 01:19:37.463 Sorry, it was just a reflex! 1812 01:19:37.496 --> 01:19:39.132 You fucking asshole! 1813 01:19:39.164 --> 01:19:40.099 I'm the asshole? 1814 01:19:40.131 --> 01:19:41.600 Yes, this is all your fault. 1815 01:19:41.634 --> 01:19:43.168 Right, no, yeah, no, 1816 01:19:43.202 --> 01:19:44.513 you're perfect and I'm the monster. 1817 01:19:44.537 --> 01:19:46.172 I never said you were a monster. 1818 01:19:46.204 --> 01:19:47.415 Yeah, well, you sure act like it. 1819 01:19:47.439 --> 01:19:50.309 Like it's my fault that we aren't where we used to be. 1820 01:19:50.342 --> 01:19:53.947 Well, it... it is partially your fault. 1821 01:19:53.979 --> 01:19:56.415 Yeah, but it's also yours, you know? 1822 01:19:56.448 --> 01:19:59.251 Like, it takes two to dance or whatever. 1823 01:19:59.284 --> 01:20:04.657 Sure, but that's not a phrase. 1824 01:20:06.658 --> 01:20:09.161 God, this fucking sucks. 1825 01:20:14.399 --> 01:20:16.335 Oh, my god. 1826 01:20:16.368 --> 01:20:17.670 What? 1827 01:20:17.703 --> 01:20:19.105 You're crying. 1828 01:20:25.411 --> 01:20:27.413 I fucking did it. 1829 01:20:27.445 --> 01:20:29.349 You fucking did it. 1830 01:20:29.381 --> 01:20:30.649 Oh, fuck. 1831 01:20:30.682 --> 01:20:32.217 Oh, my god. 1832 01:20:32.251 --> 01:20:35.021 Wait, I think I have another one coming. 1833 01:20:35.054 --> 01:20:36.088 Give it to me. 1834 01:20:36.122 --> 01:20:37.123 It's fucking coming. 1835 01:20:37.155 --> 01:20:38.623 Oh, come for me. 1836 01:20:38.657 --> 01:20:39.726 It's fucking coming. 1837 01:20:41.092 --> 01:20:42.394 It's fucking coming. 1838 01:20:42.427 --> 01:20:44.329 - Oh! - It's coming! 1839 01:20:48.734 --> 01:20:50.570 Are you feeling what I'm feeling? 1840 01:20:50.603 --> 01:20:52.171 Yes. 1841 01:20:55.707 --> 01:20:57.609 Yes! We made it! 1842 01:20:57.643 --> 01:20:58.476 Woo-woo! 1843 01:20:58.511 --> 01:21:00.546 Thank god we were invited this time. 1844 01:21:00.578 --> 01:21:01.780 Were you guys invited? 1845 01:21:01.814 --> 01:21:03.649 Oh, I forwarded them the link. 1846 01:21:03.681 --> 01:21:06.485 Okay, so can I ask, 1847 01:21:06.519 --> 01:21:08.387 is the divorce weighing heavily on anyone else? 1848 01:21:08.421 --> 01:21:09.555 - Yes. - Yeah. 1849 01:21:09.587 --> 01:21:12.090 - Um, no. - Yeah, I'm doing fine. 1850 01:21:12.123 --> 01:21:15.594 Honestly, you guys, it has, like, deeply affected me. 1851 01:21:15.627 --> 01:21:18.530 You should hear what I tried to do to my boyfriend. 1852 01:21:18.564 --> 01:21:20.099 Seriously, Hannah, I wanna tell you 1853 01:21:20.131 --> 01:21:22.034 what I tried to do to my boyfriend. 1854 01:21:24.636 --> 01:21:27.305 Okay, anyone else wanna weigh in? 1855 01:21:27.338 --> 01:21:30.676 For me, the divorce has had a deep effect on my spirit. 1856 01:21:30.708 --> 01:21:32.478 You still at rehab with the teens? 1857 01:21:32.511 --> 01:21:35.148 - Wilderness rehab? - Right. 1858 01:21:35.180 --> 01:21:37.516 No, I'm with my new guru, vishnu. 1859 01:21:37.550 --> 01:21:39.786 Oh, god, Anderson, did you join another cult? 1860 01:21:39.819 --> 01:21:42.255 - We talked about this. - Hard to say. 1861 01:21:42.287 --> 01:21:44.366 Well, I don't know how the news has really affected me, 1862 01:21:44.390 --> 01:21:46.526 but it sent my mom down a real spiral 1863 01:21:46.559 --> 01:21:48.427 that ended with her setting up a call 1864 01:21:48.461 --> 01:21:49.762 with my former youth pastor 1865 01:21:49.795 --> 01:21:52.265 that took a very sexually explicit turn. 1866 01:21:52.297 --> 01:21:53.632 - Hot. - Yeah, I took the news 1867 01:21:53.666 --> 01:21:56.135 pretty badly, but thankfully, 1868 01:21:56.167 --> 01:21:57.446 my friends have been there for me. 1869 01:21:57.470 --> 01:21:58.605 - Hi, everyone! - Hey! 1870 01:21:58.637 --> 01:22:00.840 - Who are these children? - And where are Amy and Peter? 1871 01:22:00.872 --> 01:22:03.442 It's like one depressing group call was bad enough, 1872 01:22:03.475 --> 01:22:04.719 but then to schedule a second one 1873 01:22:04.743 --> 01:22:05.744 and then show up late? 1874 01:22:05.778 --> 01:22:07.847 Yeah, I was really looking forward to seeing Peter. 1875 01:22:07.880 --> 01:22:09.515 - You're the only one. - I heard that! 1876 01:22:09.547 --> 01:22:10.748 Okay, Noah, relax. 1877 01:22:10.783 --> 01:22:14.153 Why don't you just go make out with one of your partners? 1878 01:22:14.185 --> 01:22:16.154 Oh, my god, is this what they call a throuple? 1879 01:22:16.188 --> 01:22:17.732 Oh, bitch, don't act like you don't know 1880 01:22:17.756 --> 01:22:18.791 what a threesome is! 1881 01:22:18.823 --> 01:22:21.560 - I was there on Halloween 2012. - Shut up, Anderson. 1882 01:22:21.594 --> 01:22:22.561 Just fuck off right now. 1883 01:22:22.595 --> 01:22:25.465 Vishnu, they're messing with my spirit again! 1884 01:22:25.497 --> 01:22:27.799 - Oh, my god! - Anderson, shut the fuck up 1885 01:22:27.832 --> 01:22:30.302 - with your fake sobriety. - It's not fake. 1886 01:22:30.336 --> 01:22:33.506 I am sober from synthetic drugs. 1887 01:22:33.538 --> 01:22:34.606 There is no difference. 1888 01:22:34.640 --> 01:22:37.844 - If you're sober... - Anderson, you keep bringing up 1889 01:22:37.877 --> 01:22:39.412 stupid shit from college. 1890 01:22:39.444 --> 01:22:40.880 But Peter is such an amazing guy. 1891 01:22:40.912 --> 01:22:42.747 He's like a 10 out of 10 dude. 1892 01:22:42.780 --> 01:22:45.150 - Noah, Noah, enough. - It wasn't a threesome, 1893 01:22:45.184 --> 01:22:46.460 it was like someone happened to be in the room... 1894 01:22:46.484 --> 01:22:48.220 I left the camp a little early. 1895 01:22:48.253 --> 01:22:49.454 Yeah, I called it a camp. 1896 01:22:49.488 --> 01:22:50.823 It didn't feel like a rehab to me, 1897 01:22:50.855 --> 01:22:52.224 there was too many hot kids. 1898 01:22:52.257 --> 01:22:53.268 I didn't want to be on this zoom call. 1899 01:22:53.292 --> 01:22:54.768 I'm realizing I didn't want to be on this. 1900 01:22:54.792 --> 01:22:56.528 Yes, t.Y., let's go to the park. 1901 01:22:56.561 --> 01:22:57.662 Well, fuck you! 1902 01:22:57.695 --> 01:22:58.597 And fuck you. 1903 01:22:58.631 --> 01:23:00.199 I'm not even talking to you. 1904 01:23:00.231 --> 01:23:01.332 Toodles, bitch! 1905 01:23:01.367 --> 01:23:03.344 Thank you, guys, thank you for inviting us this time. 1906 01:23:03.368 --> 01:23:04.513 You guys are all just jealous 1907 01:23:04.537 --> 01:23:05.613 because my boyfriend will let me peg him 1908 01:23:05.637 --> 01:23:07.472 - and none of your will. - Who cares? 1909 01:23:07.506 --> 01:23:08.866 - Goodbye, you guys. - I'm leaving. 1910 01:23:09.942 --> 01:23:11.676 I miss Peter. 1911 01:23:11.710 --> 01:23:14.146 - Oh, wow. - Yeah. 1912 01:23:14.180 --> 01:23:16.249 I love you. 1913 01:23:16.282 --> 01:23:18.751 I love you, too. 1914 01:23:18.783 --> 01:23:20.452 It's so sweet that you're so in touch 1915 01:23:20.485 --> 01:23:22.622 with your emotions now. 1916 01:23:22.654 --> 01:23:27.292 Yeah. It's... it's like the switch got turned on, 1917 01:23:27.326 --> 01:23:29.761 and I can't turn it off. 1918 01:23:29.795 --> 01:23:32.297 Yeah, turn it off. 1919 01:23:32.331 --> 01:23:34.534 Yeah, okay. 1920 01:23:37.302 --> 01:23:39.238 You think we should tell our friends 1921 01:23:39.270 --> 01:23:41.306 about calling off the whole... 1922 01:23:41.340 --> 01:23:43.476 Divorce thing? 1923 01:23:43.509 --> 01:23:44.911 Yeah. 1924 01:23:51.250 --> 01:23:52.826 - Do you think we could... - Couldn't we maybe... 1925 01:23:52.850 --> 01:23:53.862 - Not tell them? - Not tell them? 1926 01:23:53.886 --> 01:23:56.389 - Oh, thank god. - Yeah, I really didn't want 1927 01:23:56.421 --> 01:23:59.224 - to go through that again. - Me neither. 1928 01:24:05.597 --> 01:24:07.733 I think I hate our friends.