1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:17,807 --> 00:00:19,576 You ready? 4 00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:21,411 No. 5 00:00:21,445 --> 00:00:23,414 Are you ready? 6 00:00:23,446 --> 00:00:24,748 No. 7 00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:27,585 Fuck it, let's do it. 8 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,190 Oh my god, I haven't seen you guys in so long! 9 00:00:32,222 --> 00:00:33,957 Anderson, you're like in the forest. 10 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:35,960 Yeah, and there's bugs everywhere 11 00:00:35,993 --> 00:00:37,628 and there's people telling me what to do. 12 00:00:37,661 --> 00:00:40,463 - It's not my vibe. - So, guys... 13 00:00:40,496 --> 00:00:42,332 Are there tree trimmers in the forest? 14 00:00:42,365 --> 00:00:45,869 I think the city... the city tree trims in the forest for fire, 15 00:00:45,902 --> 00:00:47,271 for fire prevention. 16 00:00:47,304 --> 00:00:48,739 I once dated a fireman. 17 00:00:48,771 --> 00:00:49,816 Are you... can you hear me? 18 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:50,884 - Hey. - You guys hear that? 19 00:00:50,908 --> 00:00:52,509 I dated a fireman once. 20 00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:54,512 I feel like it did not get a big reaction. 21 00:00:54,545 --> 00:00:55,988 - I felt like it was a lie. - Well, 'cause it's a lie. 22 00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,815 - Yeah, it's a lie. - Anyway, you guys, sorry. 23 00:00:58,848 --> 00:01:02,519 Um, thanks for making the time for this whole 24 00:01:02,552 --> 00:01:04,956 - group call thing. - Duh, of course. 25 00:01:04,989 --> 00:01:07,490 Totally, but actually, can we make this quick? 26 00:01:07,524 --> 00:01:09,668 I have a date in a half an hour with my sexy new boyfriend. 27 00:01:09,692 --> 00:01:11,962 - Okay, rub it in, Vanessa. - Yeah, you don't need to 28 00:01:11,995 --> 00:01:14,265 personally attack those of us who are single, 29 00:01:14,298 --> 00:01:16,600 namely your very own flesh and blood brother 30 00:01:16,634 --> 00:01:18,402 who is very dateable. 31 00:01:18,435 --> 00:01:20,537 Anderson, how are you even on this call? 32 00:01:20,570 --> 00:01:21,682 They let you have your computer there? 33 00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,582 Oh yeah, I blew one of the guards so he gave it back. 34 00:01:23,606 --> 00:01:24,474 Oh my god. 35 00:01:24,507 --> 00:01:25,885 Wait, wait, wait, they have actual guards 36 00:01:25,909 --> 00:01:27,812 - at this wilderness rehab? - No! 37 00:01:27,844 --> 00:01:29,614 - Obvi this is my burner. - Huh. 38 00:01:29,647 --> 00:01:31,515 I didn't know burner computers were a thing. 39 00:01:31,548 --> 00:01:33,451 - It's a rich people thing. - Oh, the security 40 00:01:33,483 --> 00:01:35,352 at his last rehab was super lax. 41 00:01:35,385 --> 00:01:37,954 - I ended up sneaking in some... - Guys! 42 00:01:37,987 --> 00:01:41,992 Listen, guys, you're our oldest friends, so, 43 00:01:42,025 --> 00:01:43,593 Peter and I wanted to tell you all 44 00:01:43,626 --> 00:01:45,495 at the same time that we're... 45 00:01:45,528 --> 00:01:48,566 Oh my god, you're pregnant! 46 00:01:48,599 --> 00:01:49,834 Oh my god, am I pregnant? 47 00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:51,569 - They're so pregnant. - Finally! 48 00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:53,737 - Can I be the godmother? - I'd like to be called. 49 00:01:53,771 --> 00:01:55,605 "Aunt" Lauren, not "ant" Lauren. 50 00:01:55,638 --> 00:01:57,716 - It's gross, you know? - You guys have to name the baby 51 00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:59,543 after me since I'm the one who set you up. 52 00:01:59,575 --> 00:02:01,820 Vanessa, shoving the two of them into your dorm room closet 53 00:02:01,844 --> 00:02:03,581 freshman year and forcing them to make out 54 00:02:03,614 --> 00:02:04,691 does not count as setting them up. 55 00:02:04,715 --> 00:02:06,384 Okay, bitch, you're just jealous 56 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,019 'cause I never shoved you in a closet. 57 00:02:08,052 --> 00:02:10,655 But lest us not forget that Lauren did inspire me 58 00:02:10,687 --> 00:02:13,390 - to come out of the closet. - Yes, yes, I'm so glad 59 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,669 that the one time we hooked up it turned you gay, Anderson. 60 00:02:15,693 --> 00:02:18,296 That's a great college memory for me to dwell on, thank you. 61 00:02:18,329 --> 00:02:20,531 - You're so welcome. - Guys! 62 00:02:23,766 --> 00:02:25,669 We're getting divorced. 63 00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:29,939 Wait, what? 64 00:02:29,973 --> 00:02:31,309 ♪ Get you off my mind ♪ 65 00:02:31,342 --> 00:02:33,344 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 66 00:02:33,377 --> 00:02:35,980 ♪ the chill nights, we'd order in and snuggle up ♪ 67 00:02:36,013 --> 00:02:38,716 ♪ got bored of them, now holidays are horrible ♪ 68 00:02:38,748 --> 00:02:40,584 ♪ I'm hung up on you like an ornament ♪ 69 00:02:40,616 --> 00:02:41,828 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 70 00:02:41,852 --> 00:02:43,120 ♪ I want you to care ♪ 71 00:02:43,153 --> 00:02:45,555 ♪ I want you to cry when you realize I'm no longer there ♪ 72 00:02:45,588 --> 00:02:47,099 ♪ I want you miss the touch of my hand ♪ 73 00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,592 ♪ the smell of my hair ♪ 74 00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:53,497 ♪ you and me don't feel the same ♪ 75 00:02:53,530 --> 00:02:56,533 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 76 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:57,701 ♪ no ♪ 77 00:02:57,735 --> 00:02:59,370 ♪ get you off my mind ♪ 78 00:02:59,402 --> 00:03:01,371 ♪ get you off my mind ♪ 79 00:03:10,913 --> 00:03:13,750 Well, do you think anybody else knows? 80 00:03:13,783 --> 00:03:15,385 I couldn't tell you, I don't know. 81 00:03:15,419 --> 00:03:16,320 I wasn't on that call. 82 00:03:16,354 --> 00:03:17,987 I cannot believe we weren't on that call. 83 00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:19,098 We weren't invited to that call. 84 00:03:19,122 --> 00:03:21,692 I know and I'm upset that Anderson called you. 85 00:03:21,724 --> 00:03:23,902 Vanessa only texted me and I feel like this is something 86 00:03:23,926 --> 00:03:25,003 I should've gotten a phone call about. 87 00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:25,962 Well, it was a short phone call. 88 00:03:25,996 --> 00:03:28,064 I could hardly hear him, his service was awful. 89 00:03:28,098 --> 00:03:30,000 And honestly, I think I heard a coyote. 90 00:03:30,032 --> 00:03:32,036 - Like on the phone? - No, like in the background, 91 00:03:32,068 --> 00:03:33,837 and I know a coyote when I hear one. 92 00:03:33,871 --> 00:03:35,939 Okay, is it possible it was like a scheduling thing? 93 00:03:35,973 --> 00:03:38,117 Like, you know how they always plan stuff on California time 94 00:03:38,141 --> 00:03:39,853 - or specific standard time. - Pacific standard time. 95 00:03:39,877 --> 00:03:41,778 Wait, did you just say specific? 96 00:03:41,812 --> 00:03:43,814 - I did. - It's pacific, 97 00:03:43,847 --> 00:03:47,151 'cause, you know, it's like by the pacific ocean. 98 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,387 - Agree to disagree. - Anyways, whatever. 99 00:03:49,419 --> 00:03:50,553 That's bullshit. 100 00:03:50,586 --> 00:03:51,454 We're only three hours ahead. 101 00:03:51,487 --> 00:03:53,123 What, do they Google hang at midnight? 102 00:03:53,157 --> 00:03:55,058 - I would've Google hanged. - Hung. 103 00:03:55,092 --> 00:03:56,260 - Hung. - And actually, no, 104 00:03:56,293 --> 00:03:58,795 you wouldn't have because midnight specific standard time 105 00:03:58,829 --> 00:04:00,931 - is really 3 am... - 3 am eastern standard time. 106 00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:03,768 Yes, I know, and I'm saying that I would've been available 107 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,536 - and awake to hang. - Wow. 108 00:04:05,568 --> 00:04:07,470 Oh, I have a new postmates order. 109 00:04:07,503 --> 00:04:10,106 Fuck the gig economy, I have like five jobs right now. 110 00:04:10,139 --> 00:04:11,975 Wait, six, actually. 111 00:04:12,008 --> 00:04:14,644 So I have this new gig, it's kind of freaky. 112 00:04:14,677 --> 00:04:16,781 Ugh, this order is from the McDonald's on bedford. 113 00:04:16,814 --> 00:04:18,415 - They hate me there. - Oh no, why? 114 00:04:18,449 --> 00:04:20,484 - They hate my rollerblades. - Is it the yellow? 115 00:04:20,516 --> 00:04:22,428 No, they hate that I wear them inside their store. 116 00:04:22,452 --> 00:04:24,187 - Restaurant. - Restaurant, and it's like, 117 00:04:24,221 --> 00:04:25,564 well, then don't have a Rollerblade ramp 118 00:04:25,588 --> 00:04:26,833 that leads directly to your door. 119 00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,759 Feel like that ramp is for wheelchairs. 120 00:04:28,791 --> 00:04:30,794 Well, rollerblades have wheels. 121 00:04:30,827 --> 00:04:32,172 - I think they're cool. - They are. 122 00:04:32,196 --> 00:04:33,831 And I think you're cool. 123 00:04:33,863 --> 00:04:35,632 Not cool enough to be on a zoom call 124 00:04:35,665 --> 00:04:37,076 to hear about our friends getting a divorce. 125 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,570 Oh, I forgot about that for like four seconds. 126 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:46,643 - So, wait, what is this new job? - Okay. 127 00:04:46,677 --> 00:04:48,946 ♪ This vibe telling mad truth so evidently ♪ 128 00:04:48,978 --> 00:04:51,748 ♪ the way this shit will be told is eloquently ♪ 129 00:04:52,783 --> 00:04:54,451 Hickory-dickory dock. 130 00:04:54,485 --> 00:04:56,854 Hi, hi. 131 00:04:59,122 --> 00:05:00,723 I'm the ceo, 132 00:05:00,757 --> 00:05:02,927 I'm the ceo. 133 00:05:04,228 --> 00:05:06,831 ♪ Yo, I'm not who you expected 'cause I'm so hot ♪ 134 00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:08,965 ♪ I'm so hot, I'm so hot ♪ 135 00:05:08,999 --> 00:05:10,034 ♪ but I can't be ♪ 136 00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:13,637 All right, Hannah, let's bring home the bacon. 137 00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:14,705 Well, hello there, 138 00:05:14,737 --> 00:05:19,843 hornyforhandsfeetandother appendages.com users. 139 00:05:19,877 --> 00:05:22,879 Before I introduce myself, 140 00:05:22,913 --> 00:05:27,585 for those of you who like Sara, the big-handed farmhand, 141 00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:29,586 I'll be back next Tuesday. 142 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,120 Don't be late, y'all. 143 00:05:31,153 --> 00:05:35,593 But today, I'm Eleanor elbow, 144 00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:37,594 the erotic ceo, 145 00:05:37,627 --> 00:05:39,796 and I've got news for you. 146 00:05:39,829 --> 00:05:43,166 I'm losing money left and right, 147 00:05:43,199 --> 00:05:45,034 and I'm pissed off about it. 148 00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:46,603 So pissed off in fact, 149 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,572 that I'm thinking of 150 00:05:48,605 --> 00:05:52,776 stomping all over you... 151 00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:56,514 If things don't turn around. 152 00:05:56,547 --> 00:05:57,781 Oh. 153 00:05:57,814 --> 00:05:59,917 Who's in my chats? 154 00:05:59,949 --> 00:06:03,086 Fistmegood999... 155 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,122 Says to me, "dearest Eleanor, 156 00:06:05,154 --> 00:06:08,024 please lick your elbow in this one." 157 00:06:08,057 --> 00:06:10,560 Oh, oh, oh. 158 00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:13,764 One more, ooh. 159 00:06:13,797 --> 00:06:14,765 My elbow. 160 00:06:14,798 --> 00:06:17,901 ♪ A mistake that I made and it's my fault ♪ 161 00:06:17,935 --> 00:06:19,069 My... 162 00:06:19,103 --> 00:06:22,673 Turns out the elbow's a little bit difficult to lick. 163 00:06:22,706 --> 00:06:26,277 Yeah, so how does this sound, yeah? 164 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,781 I can taste my lotion. 165 00:06:31,814 --> 00:06:34,285 It tastes like wealth. 166 00:06:36,052 --> 00:06:38,855 This is freaky. 167 00:06:38,889 --> 00:06:41,824 Speaking of wealth, don't forget to venmo me. 168 00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:44,228 Hannah55baby. 169 00:06:44,261 --> 00:06:46,130 Thank you so much. 170 00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:52,703 Fine! 171 00:06:54,605 --> 00:06:56,840 Oh! 172 00:06:56,872 --> 00:06:58,141 Ah-ah-ah-ah. 173 00:06:58,175 --> 00:06:59,944 Welcome back to my channel, gentlemen! 174 00:06:59,976 --> 00:07:02,245 I am Jaime, the top divorce guru. 175 00:07:02,278 --> 00:07:04,714 Thank you all from the bottom of my heart 176 00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:07,718 for the overwhelming response on last week's video. 177 00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:11,120 Three foolproof compliments that trigger women's libidos. 178 00:07:11,153 --> 00:07:14,190 Go check it out but only, and only, 179 00:07:14,223 --> 00:07:15,725 if you're ready to handle 180 00:07:15,759 --> 00:07:18,362 the overwhelming amount of attention 181 00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,063 you're gonna get from them bitches. 182 00:07:20,096 --> 00:07:21,831 All right, let's get this started. 183 00:07:21,865 --> 00:07:24,134 Each week I share my mind hacks 184 00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:27,170 on how to efficiently navigate a divorce, 185 00:07:27,204 --> 00:07:30,608 or as I like to call it, a course correction. 186 00:07:30,641 --> 00:07:32,776 Through my journey of spouse disentanglement, 187 00:07:32,809 --> 00:07:35,079 I have discovered how to skip the drama 188 00:07:35,112 --> 00:07:38,749 and get you ready for your next honey mama, trademark. 189 00:07:38,781 --> 00:07:41,618 As you guys know, my last divorce was six months ago. 190 00:07:41,651 --> 00:07:44,687 I've already reached a special and crucial landmark 191 00:07:44,721 --> 00:07:46,090 in the divorce cycle, 192 00:07:46,122 --> 00:07:48,391 the reclaiming of space. 193 00:07:48,425 --> 00:07:51,228 Some of you might not be at this stage yet, 194 00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:54,798 and some of you might actually take a few years to get here. 195 00:07:54,831 --> 00:07:56,400 Just remember what I always say. 196 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,067 Be patient with yourself. 197 00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,903 You're going through a lot, and sooner or later, 198 00:08:00,937 --> 00:08:03,407 you'll hook up with someone hot, all right, trademark. 199 00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:07,644 Bro, I'm in the middle of my vlog! 200 00:08:07,677 --> 00:08:11,214 Hey, how could I have known that? 201 00:08:11,247 --> 00:08:12,750 - Think about it. - I told you, 202 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,252 you have to text me five minutes before you get home. 203 00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:16,696 What if i'm, like, in the middle of this, 204 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,422 like, super dope thought process 205 00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:22,325 and then bam, you walk in and interrupt my flow? 206 00:08:22,358 --> 00:08:24,027 Look, Jaime, 207 00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:26,796 I'm not gonna text you every time I come home. 208 00:08:26,829 --> 00:08:30,133 I was happy to move in when Rosa left you. 209 00:08:30,166 --> 00:08:33,169 But listen, I'm not just staying at your pad. 210 00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:35,972 I pay rent, this is my home too now, okay? 211 00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:39,375 If I interrupt your flow, I'm sure you can get it back. 212 00:08:39,408 --> 00:08:43,746 Bro, you do not understand my flow state, but cool. 213 00:08:43,779 --> 00:08:45,915 Don't you edit these videos afterwards anyway? 214 00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:48,685 Sure, but it's not that simple, but I'll just do that. 215 00:08:48,719 --> 00:08:50,287 - Thank you. - Great. 216 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,789 Glad you figured it out. 217 00:09:03,799 --> 00:09:05,435 - Can you just... - What? 218 00:09:05,469 --> 00:09:10,140 Nothing, I just really need to finish this today. 219 00:09:10,173 --> 00:09:11,207 All right, bud. 220 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,044 I'll get out of your hair. 221 00:09:15,077 --> 00:09:18,481 You know, I'm really glad your therapist suggested 222 00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:21,250 you make this whole video diary thing. 223 00:09:21,283 --> 00:09:23,187 It's not a video diary thing. 224 00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:26,322 I'm helping other people that are more fucked up than I am. 225 00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:28,391 And I came up with that idea on my own, 226 00:09:28,424 --> 00:09:30,993 after she suggested it. 227 00:09:31,027 --> 00:09:32,329 You're doing such a great job. 228 00:09:32,361 --> 00:09:34,831 Can you fuck off, please? 229 00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:37,234 I'm gonna give you some space. 230 00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:38,335 Thank you. 231 00:09:38,368 --> 00:09:39,436 You're super welcome, bud. 232 00:09:39,469 --> 00:09:41,138 Oh my god! 233 00:09:44,441 --> 00:09:45,942 Reclaiming your space. 234 00:09:45,975 --> 00:09:47,244 What does that mean? 235 00:09:47,277 --> 00:09:48,378 Great question. 236 00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:50,079 Let me break it down for you. 237 00:09:50,113 --> 00:09:51,348 The first thing you gotta do 238 00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:52,783 when you're reclaiming your space 239 00:09:52,816 --> 00:09:55,319 from the divorce is tackle... 240 00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:05,261 "The most crucial step to moving through a divorce 241 00:10:05,294 --> 00:10:07,363 is releasing emotions. 242 00:10:07,397 --> 00:10:11,135 You and your partner should cry openly and cry often." 243 00:10:19,142 --> 00:10:20,878 He hasn't cried. 244 00:10:23,078 --> 00:10:25,982 Why the fuck hasn't he cried? 245 00:10:28,217 --> 00:10:29,319 Peter? 246 00:10:31,321 --> 00:10:32,456 Peter. 247 00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:35,825 Are you fucking kidding me? 248 00:10:35,859 --> 00:10:37,795 Peter! 249 00:10:45,902 --> 00:10:47,237 - Were you calling me? - No. 250 00:10:47,269 --> 00:10:51,107 Hey, so, I know it's gonna be super hard 251 00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:53,276 and, you know, you've probably just been avoiding it 252 00:10:53,309 --> 00:10:57,079 because it's gonna be so, so sad, 253 00:10:57,113 --> 00:11:00,251 but I think it's time we split up our stuff. 254 00:11:02,184 --> 00:11:03,553 Sure. 255 00:11:03,586 --> 00:11:06,088 It's probably just gonna be really hard for us, 256 00:11:06,121 --> 00:11:09,058 or for you because we've built a life together, 257 00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:11,160 and how do you even start to begin 258 00:11:11,193 --> 00:11:13,529 to choose who deserves what? 259 00:11:13,562 --> 00:11:15,331 I mean, I can't even fathom where to begin. 260 00:11:15,365 --> 00:11:17,935 It's, it's like 261 00:11:17,967 --> 00:11:21,304 ripping apart the quilt of our love, 262 00:11:21,337 --> 00:11:25,308 piece by piece. 263 00:11:25,341 --> 00:11:28,245 I mean, I guess we can start in the living room. 264 00:11:31,347 --> 00:11:32,615 Wow. 265 00:11:32,649 --> 00:11:36,052 Yeah, how did I not think of that? 266 00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,221 Let's do it. 267 00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:46,330 Would you like the chair? 268 00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:48,031 I know you've always loved it. 269 00:11:48,063 --> 00:11:48,932 Really? 270 00:11:48,965 --> 00:11:51,301 I mean, your aunt gave you that chair. 271 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,135 - You should keep it. - Remember that time 272 00:11:53,168 --> 00:11:57,073 when I as holding your nephew and he was staring up at me 273 00:11:57,106 --> 00:12:00,009 with those big, beautiful, blue eyes, 274 00:12:00,043 --> 00:12:04,413 and he vomited all over me and some got on the chair? 275 00:12:04,447 --> 00:12:08,652 You know, that was the first moment that I realized... 276 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,620 Sorry... 277 00:12:10,653 --> 00:12:15,558 That I realized that we would be parents, you know? 278 00:12:15,591 --> 00:12:18,995 It'll always be a perfect memory for me. 279 00:12:19,028 --> 00:12:21,197 What could have been. 280 00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,033 Hm. 281 00:12:23,066 --> 00:12:25,035 I think you're forgetting that the smell of vomit 282 00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:25,936 actually made me vomit. 283 00:12:25,969 --> 00:12:29,273 I mean, there was a lot of vomit that day. 284 00:12:29,306 --> 00:12:30,515 That was actually the day that I realized 285 00:12:30,539 --> 00:12:33,043 that maybe I didn't want to have kids. 286 00:12:33,076 --> 00:12:34,220 You know, like before then obviously I was like, 287 00:12:34,244 --> 00:12:36,513 yeah, for sure, but then that happened and I was like, 288 00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,382 - I don't know. - Huh. 289 00:12:38,414 --> 00:12:41,418 It's funny, like, same memory, 290 00:12:41,451 --> 00:12:43,552 different emotional attachments to it. 291 00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:45,989 Totally, totally different, you know? 292 00:12:46,022 --> 00:12:49,158 To each... woo, oh... To each their own, you know? 293 00:12:49,192 --> 00:12:52,696 Uh, a happy memory for me, 294 00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:55,666 and a sad... 295 00:12:55,698 --> 00:12:58,968 And emotional memory for you. 296 00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:01,637 You know, very sad. 297 00:13:01,671 --> 00:13:06,109 Extremely emotional. 298 00:13:06,142 --> 00:13:07,311 - Right. - Okay. 299 00:13:07,344 --> 00:13:09,212 You can have the chair. 300 00:13:09,245 --> 00:13:11,280 - That I don't give a shit about. - Okay, fine. 301 00:13:11,313 --> 00:13:14,283 You can call dibs on one of our shared items 302 00:13:14,317 --> 00:13:17,687 if you tell my brother about the divorce. 303 00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:19,322 Wait, you haven't told him yet? 304 00:13:19,355 --> 00:13:21,490 I, I thought it should come from you. 305 00:13:21,524 --> 00:13:22,658 What, why? 306 00:13:22,692 --> 00:13:25,162 Because he sees you like a brother. 307 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,364 He's like obsessed with you, just come on, Peter. 308 00:13:27,397 --> 00:13:30,134 - Okay, fine. - Thank you. 309 00:13:36,373 --> 00:13:38,208 Just in case. 310 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,276 Uh, thank you? 311 00:13:40,309 --> 00:13:42,645 Go ahead, take one. 312 00:13:50,186 --> 00:13:53,190 So yeah, I'm really sorry, man, 313 00:13:53,222 --> 00:13:54,991 but that's what we decided. 314 00:13:55,024 --> 00:13:56,501 Wait, wait, wait, but you guys have only been married 315 00:13:56,525 --> 00:13:58,327 - for, like, two years. - Yeah, no, right, 316 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,139 but we've actually been together for 10, you know, 317 00:14:00,163 --> 00:14:01,431 and it's complicated. 318 00:14:01,464 --> 00:14:02,640 We're just different people now. 319 00:14:02,664 --> 00:14:04,400 Yeah, of course you're different people, 320 00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:06,769 but like, I thought opposites attract. 321 00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:09,105 I don't know what to tell you, I'm sorry. 322 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,073 So, what, are you like my ex-brother now or... 323 00:14:11,106 --> 00:14:12,608 I mean, I guess technically, but... 324 00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:14,011 Whatever, whatever, I gotta go. 325 00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:15,444 Okay, I'll talk to you later. 326 00:14:15,477 --> 00:14:17,080 I love you. 327 00:14:19,515 --> 00:14:22,084 What was that about? 328 00:14:22,118 --> 00:14:24,254 Amy and Peter are getting a divorce. 329 00:14:24,287 --> 00:14:25,589 - Wait, what? - Yeah. 330 00:14:25,621 --> 00:14:26,899 They haven't even been married that long. 331 00:14:26,923 --> 00:14:29,492 Yeah, apparently they're like different people or something. 332 00:14:29,525 --> 00:14:30,735 Of course they're different people, 333 00:14:30,759 --> 00:14:32,361 but don't like, opposites attract? 334 00:14:32,394 --> 00:14:34,764 I know, that's what I said! 335 00:14:34,798 --> 00:14:36,265 But we love Peter. 336 00:14:36,298 --> 00:14:38,134 What are we gonna do about that? 337 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,736 I don't know, man. 338 00:14:40,769 --> 00:14:42,338 I don't know. 339 00:14:42,371 --> 00:14:44,407 Wow. 340 00:14:44,441 --> 00:14:46,744 - I am so sorry. - Thanks. 341 00:14:49,645 --> 00:14:52,581 Well, it's not great timing, 342 00:14:52,615 --> 00:14:55,519 but I actually have a tinder date coming in a couple minutes. 343 00:14:55,552 --> 00:14:56,729 - Oh, wow. - But I could totally 344 00:14:56,753 --> 00:14:58,422 - bail on her. - No, no, no, it's fine, 345 00:14:58,455 --> 00:14:59,790 it's fine, just be careful, okay? 346 00:14:59,822 --> 00:15:01,466 Because right now she's just a tinder girl, 347 00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:03,159 but next thing you know, she's your wife, 348 00:15:03,192 --> 00:15:07,329 and then right after that she's your fucking ex-wife! 349 00:15:07,363 --> 00:15:09,800 But yeah, no, it's fine, it's chill, she can come over. 350 00:15:09,832 --> 00:15:11,342 You can totally crash the date if you want. 351 00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:13,502 We have plenty of Sushi. 352 00:15:13,535 --> 00:15:14,770 - From where? - Store-bought. 353 00:15:14,803 --> 00:15:16,572 - Ugh! - Okay, you are invited. 354 00:15:16,605 --> 00:15:18,475 It's gonna have spicy Mayo all over it. 355 00:15:18,508 --> 00:15:21,078 Ah, I'm Noah, I'm a bougie ass bitch 356 00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:22,520 and I don't have a brother-in-law anymore. 357 00:15:22,544 --> 00:15:23,512 - Too far, man. - Yeah, 358 00:15:23,546 --> 00:15:26,583 it didn't feel right saying it. 359 00:15:26,615 --> 00:15:27,894 You know what, whatever, fuck it. 360 00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:30,129 I'm fucking with you, let's go eat some shitty Cali rolls. 361 00:15:30,153 --> 00:15:31,587 - Come on. - Wow! 362 00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:32,688 Wait, I'm dead. 363 00:15:32,721 --> 00:15:35,257 No, I'm literally dying. 364 00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:36,493 Is this a joke? 365 00:15:36,525 --> 00:15:37,493 Do you wanna start with cardio... 366 00:15:37,527 --> 00:15:38,595 Shut up. 367 00:15:38,628 --> 00:15:40,397 I'm sorry, what? 368 00:15:40,429 --> 00:15:43,165 Oh my god, oh my god! 369 00:15:43,198 --> 00:15:44,433 I cannot believe this. 370 00:15:44,466 --> 00:15:47,336 I'm truly shocked to my core. 371 00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,873 Amy and Peter, no. 372 00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:52,174 No, never in a million years would I have guessed this. 373 00:15:52,207 --> 00:15:54,276 Honestly, honestly, you know what, 374 00:15:54,309 --> 00:15:56,579 I need to go work out, this is a lot for me to take in. 375 00:15:56,613 --> 00:15:57,881 Okay, I'll call you later. 376 00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,249 All right, love you. 377 00:15:59,282 --> 00:16:01,317 Kiss, kiss. 378 00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:07,691 I mean, did I call it or did I fucking call it? 379 00:16:07,724 --> 00:16:09,392 - What? - Okay. 380 00:16:09,424 --> 00:16:11,260 You remember my friends from college? 381 00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:12,394 Babe, stretch me. 382 00:16:12,428 --> 00:16:15,298 Obviously not my gamma phi sisters, my other friends. 383 00:16:15,331 --> 00:16:17,701 - You know, the trashy ones. - Um... 384 00:16:17,734 --> 00:16:19,168 Amy and Peter! 385 00:16:19,201 --> 00:16:20,245 The brunette and her husband. 386 00:16:20,269 --> 00:16:21,170 They met out freshman year 387 00:16:21,205 --> 00:16:22,347 and they've been together ever since. 388 00:16:22,371 --> 00:16:24,274 Ugh, anyways. 389 00:16:24,307 --> 00:16:25,841 They're getting divorced, 390 00:16:25,875 --> 00:16:28,278 and I hate to say that I saw this coming, 391 00:16:28,311 --> 00:16:30,846 but I absolutely saw this coming. 392 00:16:32,849 --> 00:16:36,586 - Hello! - Mary grace, hey! 393 00:16:36,619 --> 00:16:38,488 - Hey, sweet girl! - Can you hear me okay? 394 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,623 I can hear you loud and clear and I can see you. 395 00:16:40,657 --> 00:16:43,560 - You look gorgeous, girl! - Oh, thank you. 396 00:16:43,592 --> 00:16:46,328 Wow, uh, it's been a minute. 397 00:16:46,361 --> 00:16:47,831 Gosh, it's been several minutes. 398 00:16:47,864 --> 00:16:50,667 I mean, when is the last time we saw each other? 399 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,769 Was it carolann's niece's baptism? 400 00:16:52,802 --> 00:16:56,406 No, yeah, no, didn't fly back in for that one. 401 00:16:56,438 --> 00:16:58,574 Well, shoot, we miss you around here. 402 00:16:58,607 --> 00:17:00,876 These teens today, I am telling you, 403 00:17:00,909 --> 00:17:04,480 they do not make the youth like they used to! 404 00:17:04,513 --> 00:17:06,348 Wow, you're still the youth pastor. 405 00:17:06,382 --> 00:17:08,185 You were my youth pastor, wow. 406 00:17:08,218 --> 00:17:10,287 Yes, ma'am, 14 years strong. 407 00:17:10,319 --> 00:17:12,888 That is a long time to pastor youth, Jesus. 408 00:17:12,922 --> 00:17:15,392 - Ah. - Sorry, geez Louise! 409 00:17:15,424 --> 00:17:18,228 Anyway, um, my mom told me you had another baby? 410 00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:19,863 Have you not met my son Henry? 411 00:17:19,895 --> 00:17:21,664 He just turned three last month! 412 00:17:21,698 --> 00:17:22,865 - Oh my goodness. - Yup. 413 00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:26,302 Bill finally got his boy, but enough about me and mine. 414 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,337 Those rug rats are over at Janine's until six. 415 00:17:28,371 --> 00:17:31,740 I got my glass of Pinot grigio, I got on my soft clothes. 416 00:17:31,773 --> 00:17:35,377 I am ready for some girl talk! 417 00:17:35,411 --> 00:17:36,846 So now tell me, your mother says 418 00:17:36,878 --> 00:17:38,714 there's something we need to pray on. 419 00:17:38,748 --> 00:17:42,251 Oh, oh yeah, no, no, that's... I'm so sorry she called you. 420 00:17:42,285 --> 00:17:43,620 She just, um... 421 00:17:43,653 --> 00:17:45,755 Well, my friends are actually getting divorced 422 00:17:45,788 --> 00:17:47,533 and then she kind of freaked out about it, so... 423 00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:50,993 Wait, we need to bless this conversation first. 424 00:17:51,027 --> 00:17:54,831 If you will, bow your head and hold my hands virtually. 425 00:17:54,864 --> 00:17:56,600 Okay. 426 00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:58,934 Dear sweet, sweet lord, 427 00:17:58,968 --> 00:18:03,306 we humbly accept your love and come before you today 428 00:18:03,338 --> 00:18:06,909 to talk on facetime while you eavesdrop 429 00:18:06,942 --> 00:18:09,746 as we reflect on Lauren's struggles 430 00:18:09,778 --> 00:18:11,548 to find a partner in life. 431 00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:12,581 Uh... 432 00:18:12,615 --> 00:18:15,417 Help us open Lauren's heart to find a match 433 00:18:15,451 --> 00:18:18,255 so she can procreate in your name. 434 00:18:18,288 --> 00:18:20,957 - What? - Her mother is in pain, lord! 435 00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:24,394 Ease her heart, ease her mind, 436 00:18:24,426 --> 00:18:26,328 ease her mouth. 437 00:18:26,362 --> 00:18:28,331 Evelyn wants these grandbabies so bad, 438 00:18:28,364 --> 00:18:30,033 she can't breathe at night! 439 00:18:30,066 --> 00:18:33,435 - She can breathe. - Help us open Lauren's heart. 440 00:18:33,469 --> 00:18:37,606 Help her find her love, whoever she wants to love. 441 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,676 I mean it, Jesus. 442 00:18:39,709 --> 00:18:41,845 Amen. 443 00:18:41,877 --> 00:18:43,646 So do you like women? 444 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,649 - What? - Now listen here, Lauren, 445 00:18:45,682 --> 00:18:47,450 I'm done drawing a line in the sand. 446 00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:48,550 I'm done with it. 447 00:18:48,584 --> 00:18:51,788 You wanna love a she, you wanna love a they, live. 448 00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:55,357 - Okay, I like men, so... - Well, good! 449 00:18:55,391 --> 00:18:57,527 Okay, well, hold on now. 450 00:18:57,559 --> 00:18:58,560 I didn't mean good. 451 00:18:58,594 --> 00:19:00,730 I just meant I'm more familiar, 452 00:19:00,762 --> 00:19:04,300 but if you want to like a she, if you want to like a they, 453 00:19:04,334 --> 00:19:06,068 that is fine by me. 454 00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,836 You heard of the book queer grace? 455 00:19:07,869 --> 00:19:09,705 Uh, no, uh-uh. 456 00:19:09,739 --> 00:19:13,410 Well, it rocked my world. 457 00:19:13,442 --> 00:19:14,844 It's by Kelly Jo Welch. 458 00:19:14,876 --> 00:19:17,946 She's a lovely woman of god and other women, 459 00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:21,084 and she's just wise beyond her years and I learned things. 460 00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:22,719 Lauren, love is love! 461 00:19:22,751 --> 00:19:25,321 Uh, listen, Mary grace, I'm so proud of you. 462 00:19:25,355 --> 00:19:27,557 That's great, I'm so glad you've come around. 463 00:19:27,589 --> 00:19:29,658 I just... I'm not gay. 464 00:19:29,692 --> 00:19:33,028 Evelyn told me she knows and she's proud of you! 465 00:19:33,061 --> 00:19:34,730 Wait, my mom thinks I'm gay? 466 00:19:34,763 --> 00:19:37,733 And if you'll just let Jesus come in your mouth 467 00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:41,638 and give you the courage to speak your truth, 468 00:19:41,671 --> 00:19:43,506 you can settle down with a nice woman 469 00:19:43,538 --> 00:19:45,674 and your mother can get those grandbabies. 470 00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:47,410 - Oh my god. - Let me tell you a story. 471 00:19:47,442 --> 00:19:48,411 All right? 472 00:19:48,443 --> 00:19:49,921 You remember back in your youth group days, 473 00:19:49,945 --> 00:19:51,914 Stewart Douglas, Trevor Scott? 474 00:19:51,948 --> 00:19:53,917 Remember those two boys, hoodlums? 475 00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:55,818 - Yeah. - They used to say 476 00:19:55,852 --> 00:19:57,754 behind your back all the time, 477 00:19:57,787 --> 00:20:00,723 "oh, there goes Lauren hunting fish. 478 00:20:00,757 --> 00:20:03,759 Oh, she loves to hunt trout," they'd say. 479 00:20:03,792 --> 00:20:05,661 And I thought, "well, dang! 480 00:20:05,694 --> 00:20:07,563 I didn't even know she liked fishing this much. 481 00:20:07,596 --> 00:20:09,541 Maybe she's out there fishing on the weekend with her daddy. 482 00:20:09,565 --> 00:20:10,500 I don't know!" 483 00:20:10,532 --> 00:20:13,502 It took me two years to realize 484 00:20:13,536 --> 00:20:17,707 they weren't even talking about fishing. 485 00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:19,642 They were calling you a lesbian predator. 486 00:20:19,674 --> 00:20:22,044 Yeah, Mary grace, they were fucking with me. 487 00:20:22,077 --> 00:20:23,812 - Ah. - Messing with me. 488 00:20:23,846 --> 00:20:27,851 And I prayed and I prayed for you! 489 00:20:27,884 --> 00:20:29,818 And then I read making room on the pew 490 00:20:29,852 --> 00:20:32,655 by Kelly Jo Welch, and let me tell you, 491 00:20:32,688 --> 00:20:34,824 it just opened my mind! 492 00:20:34,856 --> 00:20:36,992 You can love however you want. 493 00:20:37,026 --> 00:20:39,696 You don't need... 494 00:20:39,729 --> 00:20:42,532 You can have two... 495 00:20:42,565 --> 00:20:43,732 Vaginas? 496 00:20:43,766 --> 00:20:45,634 We say front tushy in this house. 497 00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:47,669 Anyway, I think you know what I'm talking about. 498 00:20:47,702 --> 00:20:49,839 What are you talking about? 499 00:20:51,941 --> 00:20:54,744 Jesus fucking Christ, Mary grace! 500 00:20:54,777 --> 00:20:58,581 I have had upwards of 32 dicks in my body, okay? 501 00:20:58,614 --> 00:20:59,949 I am not a lesbian! 502 00:21:05,654 --> 00:21:08,892 Oh, look at my sexy man grilling me some sexy meat. 503 00:21:08,924 --> 00:21:11,493 Oh, my little crudite girl. 504 00:21:11,527 --> 00:21:13,472 Why are you wearing your blue light glasses outside? 505 00:21:13,496 --> 00:21:14,998 Well, there's no easy way to say this 506 00:21:15,030 --> 00:21:16,932 but we're living in a simulation, babe. 507 00:21:16,965 --> 00:21:20,169 Every second is screen time, so keeping these on for good. 508 00:21:20,202 --> 00:21:22,172 So what you're saying is you got high without me. 509 00:21:22,204 --> 00:21:25,574 - Exactly. - Wow! 510 00:21:25,607 --> 00:21:26,509 Wow. 511 00:21:26,541 --> 00:21:27,820 Four weeks into the relationship 512 00:21:27,844 --> 00:21:29,879 and you're already sneaking around. 513 00:21:29,912 --> 00:21:31,815 Hey, hey, come on. 514 00:21:31,847 --> 00:21:34,017 - What? - No, stay off the nips! 515 00:21:34,049 --> 00:21:36,752 If you let me do it, I will forgive you. 516 00:21:36,786 --> 00:21:39,055 Okay, lightly, light... ow! 517 00:21:39,087 --> 00:21:40,789 All right, okay, okay. 518 00:21:40,823 --> 00:21:42,025 Okay, you're forgiven. 519 00:21:42,057 --> 00:21:43,992 All right, thank you, I gotta flip. 520 00:21:44,026 --> 00:21:47,864 Okay, but just remember, I like my men how I like my meats. 521 00:21:47,896 --> 00:21:50,200 Rare, because you're one of a kind, 522 00:21:50,232 --> 00:21:52,100 and I like my meats bloody. 523 00:21:52,134 --> 00:21:55,137 Oh, which reminds me, I have a new project for us, 524 00:21:55,171 --> 00:21:57,974 - but first, carrot? - Sure. 525 00:21:58,007 --> 00:22:00,777 - Ranch shot? - Always, yeah. 526 00:22:03,211 --> 00:22:04,913 No teeth! 527 00:22:04,946 --> 00:22:06,949 Don't bite it, you use lips, 528 00:22:06,982 --> 00:22:10,019 use your lips, use your lips. 529 00:22:10,051 --> 00:22:12,020 God, ranch is so sexual. 530 00:22:12,054 --> 00:22:14,257 Should we leave these meats and go to the bedroom? 531 00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,892 No, they're almost ready. 532 00:22:15,924 --> 00:22:18,228 Really, so no? 533 00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:21,498 Okay, well that leads me to our project. 534 00:22:21,530 --> 00:22:23,074 I think we can both agree that up until now, 535 00:22:23,098 --> 00:22:24,299 the sex has been amazing. 536 00:22:24,334 --> 00:22:26,903 - Yeah, it's been great. - I know, it's not surprising. 537 00:22:26,935 --> 00:22:28,770 All my boyfriends say that about me. 538 00:22:28,804 --> 00:22:29,538 You mean "said that." 539 00:22:29,571 --> 00:22:30,748 They're not still saying that, 540 00:22:30,772 --> 00:22:31,882 'cause you're not still having sex with them, right? 541 00:22:31,906 --> 00:22:36,745 Okay, but I think we're on the edge of the phase 542 00:22:36,778 --> 00:22:38,580 where it's like new relationship, 543 00:22:38,614 --> 00:22:40,115 the sex is always amazing, 544 00:22:40,148 --> 00:22:43,118 and the phase of, "ugh, we never have sex anymore" 545 00:22:43,152 --> 00:22:44,787 and it's always missionary, 546 00:22:44,819 --> 00:22:46,923 and even when we do have missionary sex, 547 00:22:46,955 --> 00:22:48,757 it's really dry and boring 548 00:22:48,790 --> 00:22:50,268 "and you think about CNN the whole time." 549 00:22:50,292 --> 00:22:51,927 But we're in the first phase, right? 550 00:22:51,961 --> 00:22:54,029 Gabriel, Gabriel, you're missing the point. 551 00:22:54,063 --> 00:22:56,566 It's scientifically proven in the first four weeks, 552 00:22:56,598 --> 00:22:59,034 we should be at a 10 on "El pasión" scale. 553 00:22:59,067 --> 00:23:01,170 Sure, we're having sex in restaurant bathrooms 554 00:23:01,202 --> 00:23:03,006 and in your car and at your mom's house. 555 00:23:03,038 --> 00:23:04,606 On my mom's house. 556 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,076 I got second degree burns on my back from the roof. 557 00:23:07,108 --> 00:23:10,178 And I'm sorry for that, but if we don't do something now, 558 00:23:10,211 --> 00:23:13,081 we're gonna end up boring and divorced and brunette, 559 00:23:13,115 --> 00:23:14,258 and you know I don't have the face shape 560 00:23:14,282 --> 00:23:15,884 - to support brown hair. - Okay, but... 561 00:23:15,917 --> 00:23:18,287 Imagine this with a brown wig on. 562 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,923 It'd look insane, I'd look like one of the little women. 563 00:23:20,957 --> 00:23:22,859 What are you trying to say right now? 564 00:23:22,892 --> 00:23:24,727 You wanna try some freaky shit? 565 00:23:24,759 --> 00:23:27,163 Exactly, please clear your schedule. 566 00:23:27,195 --> 00:23:29,264 We're gonna start with a spa day, 567 00:23:29,298 --> 00:23:32,769 a little role play, a little dash of danger. 568 00:23:32,801 --> 00:23:34,636 It's good to get the adrenaline pumping 569 00:23:34,670 --> 00:23:37,173 before we dive into some new areas. 570 00:23:37,205 --> 00:23:40,142 - Ow. - Sexual exploration. 571 00:23:40,175 --> 00:23:41,343 All right, fuck it. 572 00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,011 Let's explore. 573 00:23:43,045 --> 00:23:44,279 "They'll explore the idea," 574 00:23:44,313 --> 00:23:45,882 is the how mayor's people put it. 575 00:23:45,914 --> 00:23:47,349 That's hopeful. 576 00:23:47,383 --> 00:23:49,052 You're optimistic tonight. 577 00:23:49,085 --> 00:23:51,019 Let me remind you we're up against men 578 00:23:51,053 --> 00:23:52,622 and their maseratis here. 579 00:23:52,654 --> 00:23:53,990 Jesus Christ! 580 00:23:54,022 --> 00:23:55,991 This dog! 581 00:23:56,025 --> 00:23:58,027 He's a dog. 582 00:23:58,059 --> 00:24:00,096 Can you imagine the day Los Angeles 583 00:24:00,128 --> 00:24:02,365 has more bicycles on the streets than cars? 584 00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:05,233 Can you imagine a day when people train their dogs? 585 00:24:07,236 --> 00:24:08,805 It's a noble cause, baby. 586 00:24:08,837 --> 00:24:10,839 Shutting down sea world is a noble cause. 587 00:24:10,873 --> 00:24:12,808 No bike lanes, that's just your run of the mill 588 00:24:12,842 --> 00:24:14,811 public health crisis. 589 00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:18,948 Well, you're killing it and I'm proud of you. 590 00:24:18,980 --> 00:24:20,983 Oh my god, I almost forgot. 591 00:24:21,017 --> 00:24:24,019 I got quite the compliment at city hall today. 592 00:24:24,053 --> 00:24:25,788 - Nice. - We were just standing around 593 00:24:25,820 --> 00:24:28,357 after the meeting talking and this councilman came up to me 594 00:24:28,391 --> 00:24:31,194 and he said, "you're quite effective when you're angry." 595 00:24:31,227 --> 00:24:32,762 And before I could even say anything, 596 00:24:32,795 --> 00:24:35,098 he whips out his business card and says, 597 00:24:35,131 --> 00:24:36,699 "you have what it takes, kid. 598 00:24:36,731 --> 00:24:39,167 Call me, my personal number." 599 00:24:39,201 --> 00:24:41,671 Like, ew! 600 00:24:41,703 --> 00:24:43,071 And he called me kid! 601 00:24:43,105 --> 00:24:45,741 And then what makes it even weirder is that... 602 00:24:55,851 --> 00:24:57,353 - Wow. - Douchebag. 603 00:25:07,128 --> 00:25:09,164 What? 604 00:25:09,198 --> 00:25:10,432 You're doing the thing. 605 00:25:10,465 --> 00:25:12,801 - What thing? - What thing? 606 00:25:16,137 --> 00:25:17,740 Forget it. 607 00:25:19,474 --> 00:25:21,076 What thing? 608 00:25:48,938 --> 00:25:51,207 Oh my god, it's fuckface. 609 00:25:54,375 --> 00:25:55,478 ♪ Listen up ♪ 610 00:26:00,750 --> 00:26:02,018 ♪ Listen up ♪ 611 00:26:15,463 --> 00:26:18,067 ♪ Oop ♪ 612 00:26:18,099 --> 00:26:20,435 ♪ hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 613 00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:36,451 Damn. 614 00:26:36,484 --> 00:26:39,121 That's a nice deck. 615 00:26:39,154 --> 00:26:43,024 There were three things my wife never let me have. 616 00:26:43,057 --> 00:26:46,461 A drum kit, a motorcycle, and a threesome. 617 00:26:46,494 --> 00:26:48,997 Happy to say that I recently crossed 618 00:26:49,030 --> 00:26:51,399 two out of those three off my list, 619 00:26:51,432 --> 00:26:53,402 and let's just say, 620 00:26:53,434 --> 00:26:55,804 I still can't wait to get that bike. 621 00:26:57,373 --> 00:26:59,475 So, this is my new baby. 622 00:26:59,508 --> 00:27:02,245 A Pearl export drum kit. 623 00:27:02,278 --> 00:27:04,180 When I was married to my honeybunch... 624 00:27:10,085 --> 00:27:11,386 When I was married, 625 00:27:11,420 --> 00:27:14,090 the ex forbid me from buying one. 626 00:27:14,123 --> 00:27:16,558 She was like, "um, where are you gonna store it? 627 00:27:16,592 --> 00:27:18,427 And you don't even know how to play the drums. 628 00:27:18,460 --> 00:27:20,563 And you should save money and go back to school." 629 00:27:20,596 --> 00:27:22,131 Well, guess what, 630 00:27:22,163 --> 00:27:23,865 the first thing I did when she left 631 00:27:23,898 --> 00:27:25,200 was go straight to craigslist 632 00:27:25,233 --> 00:27:27,169 and I bought this sexy beast. 633 00:27:28,403 --> 00:27:31,540 And the best part is with her side of the closet empty, 634 00:27:31,574 --> 00:27:33,976 there's plenty of room to store it! 635 00:27:34,009 --> 00:27:37,246 And the only school I'm about to attend 636 00:27:37,278 --> 00:27:39,949 is the school of rock, baby! 637 00:27:39,981 --> 00:27:42,417 One, two, three, four! 638 00:27:42,451 --> 00:27:45,387 This is what reclaiming your space sounds like. 639 00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:53,461 That is the last time 640 00:27:53,494 --> 00:27:57,432 you're playing the drums in the house. 641 00:27:57,465 --> 00:28:00,936 - Right, buddy? - Yeah! 642 00:28:00,970 --> 00:28:03,573 Another important practice on reclaiming your space 643 00:28:03,605 --> 00:28:05,540 is to stand or sit in spots 644 00:28:05,574 --> 00:28:08,510 that have significant memories of your honeybunch... 645 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,483 Of your ex, ex, 646 00:28:15,517 --> 00:28:18,221 of your ex, and then you say to yourself, 647 00:28:18,253 --> 00:28:21,356 "I reclaim this space." 648 00:28:21,390 --> 00:28:25,161 For example, this is where we would spend 649 00:28:25,193 --> 00:28:27,963 most of our evenings watching Netflix. 650 00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:30,199 She loved watching rom-come 651 00:28:30,231 --> 00:28:32,100 'cause she thought they were funny 652 00:28:32,134 --> 00:28:34,103 even though she knew they were cheesy, 653 00:28:34,135 --> 00:28:37,973 and I was bored the whole time, so I was like, "whatever," 654 00:28:38,007 --> 00:28:42,612 but she would laugh at them and her laugh was like, 655 00:28:42,644 --> 00:28:45,114 you know, low-key pretty magical, 656 00:28:45,146 --> 00:28:46,448 and... 657 00:28:51,487 --> 00:28:53,323 It was hell. 658 00:28:55,924 --> 00:28:57,993 Ahh! 659 00:28:58,027 --> 00:29:00,363 That's an example of what we like to call 660 00:29:00,395 --> 00:29:01,530 porcupine memories! 661 00:29:01,564 --> 00:29:04,933 The name refers to memories that are seemingly so cute 662 00:29:04,967 --> 00:29:07,270 and happy and you just want to hold on to them, 663 00:29:07,303 --> 00:29:09,138 but when you hug them, bam, 664 00:29:09,171 --> 00:29:11,641 needles, ouch, porcupine memories! 665 00:29:11,673 --> 00:29:14,143 Trademark pending. 666 00:29:14,175 --> 00:29:17,379 I reclaim my space. 667 00:29:17,413 --> 00:29:19,448 I reclaim my space! 668 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,484 I reclaim my space! 669 00:29:22,518 --> 00:29:25,587 Shut the fuck up, buddy! 670 00:29:28,022 --> 00:29:29,658 Wow. 671 00:29:32,694 --> 00:29:34,897 Wow, 32. 672 00:29:36,298 --> 00:29:38,433 As in 32... 673 00:29:38,467 --> 00:29:40,236 Actual penises? 674 00:29:40,269 --> 00:29:41,503 Yeah, give or take. 675 00:29:41,537 --> 00:29:44,507 Honestly, it's probably a bit higher than that, but yeah, 32. 676 00:29:44,539 --> 00:29:46,509 Oh my lanta! 677 00:29:46,541 --> 00:29:49,177 Well, dang, Kelly Jo Welch didn't prepare me for this. 678 00:29:49,211 --> 00:29:51,614 I'm sorry, Mary grace, I'm sorry for my language. 679 00:29:51,646 --> 00:29:53,381 I'm sorry I'm being so crass. 680 00:29:53,414 --> 00:29:55,216 I'm so glad we got to catch up, 681 00:29:55,250 --> 00:29:57,286 but I am sorry my mom made you do this. 682 00:29:57,318 --> 00:29:59,521 I just... you know, I haven't found the right guy yet, 683 00:29:59,555 --> 00:30:02,358 so maybe you could just tell her I'm looking 684 00:30:02,391 --> 00:30:03,426 and I'm not a lesbian. 685 00:30:03,459 --> 00:30:06,262 Um, but yeah, I guess I should probably go, so... 686 00:30:06,295 --> 00:30:08,206 Oh, no, no, no, please don't go, please don't go. 687 00:30:08,230 --> 00:30:10,499 I still have half a bottle of Pinot grigio left. 688 00:30:10,531 --> 00:30:14,971 Look, I've been watching hbo after bill goes to bed. 689 00:30:15,003 --> 00:30:16,271 Okay? 690 00:30:16,305 --> 00:30:18,474 And I've been learning some new stuff, 691 00:30:18,507 --> 00:30:20,185 and all the women at the church wanna talk about 692 00:30:20,209 --> 00:30:21,744 is when is the rapture coming, 693 00:30:21,777 --> 00:30:24,380 and obviously, it is already here. 694 00:30:24,413 --> 00:30:26,248 So I need this! 695 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,683 Lauren, I need this, please. 696 00:30:28,717 --> 00:30:31,354 Okay, okay. 697 00:30:31,386 --> 00:30:33,621 Yeah, sure, I can chat for a few more minutes. 698 00:30:33,654 --> 00:30:36,057 Okay, great, all right, let's quickly hang up our call 699 00:30:36,090 --> 00:30:38,226 with Jesus 'cause he does not need to hear this. 700 00:30:38,259 --> 00:30:40,028 Goodnight, Jesus, I'll call you later. 701 00:30:40,061 --> 00:30:41,663 Okay, now it's just you and me. 702 00:30:41,696 --> 00:30:44,265 Lay it on me, honey! 703 00:30:44,298 --> 00:30:47,103 Thirty-two, thirty-two! 704 00:30:47,135 --> 00:30:49,137 Gosh almighty, are you using special creams? 705 00:30:49,171 --> 00:30:50,673 You must be sore all the time. 706 00:30:50,705 --> 00:30:53,274 Oh, yeah, no, I know it sounds like a lot, 707 00:30:53,307 --> 00:30:55,044 but you know, it's actually not that crazy. 708 00:30:55,076 --> 00:30:56,444 I just got busy in college. 709 00:30:56,478 --> 00:30:58,748 - Who didn't? - I didn't. 710 00:30:58,780 --> 00:31:01,517 - Bill and I waited. - Oh, okay. 711 00:31:01,549 --> 00:31:04,386 Uh, but I mean, gosh, you guys have three kids now. 712 00:31:04,420 --> 00:31:06,097 You must be making up for lost time, right? 713 00:31:06,121 --> 00:31:08,124 No, no. 714 00:31:08,156 --> 00:31:10,625 Look, look, I love bill and I do think about him 715 00:31:10,659 --> 00:31:12,628 and Nathan fillion from castle, 716 00:31:12,661 --> 00:31:14,797 but can I tell you a secret? 717 00:31:14,829 --> 00:31:17,108 'Cause I just haven't been able to talk to anybody about this, 718 00:31:17,132 --> 00:31:18,610 and since you're a liberal elite sinner... 719 00:31:18,634 --> 00:31:23,305 - Okay, harsh. - I just feel like you'll get it. 720 00:31:23,337 --> 00:31:26,709 I don't want bill to hear me. 721 00:31:26,741 --> 00:31:30,445 I'm not sexually satisfied at all. 722 00:31:30,479 --> 00:31:31,646 Oh, Jesus Christ. 723 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,282 No, don't call Jesus right now. 724 00:31:33,315 --> 00:31:35,551 No, no, that's not what I... okay. 725 00:31:35,584 --> 00:31:37,620 Help me, Lauren, please! 726 00:31:37,653 --> 00:31:40,556 Okay, you're a sexual deviant and my only hope. 727 00:31:40,588 --> 00:31:43,224 I need you! 728 00:31:43,258 --> 00:31:45,394 Okay, okay, wow. 729 00:31:45,426 --> 00:31:48,163 Okay, sorry, I'm just wrapping my head around this. 730 00:31:48,196 --> 00:31:50,098 Yeah, go ahead, Mary grace. 731 00:31:50,132 --> 00:31:52,334 I, uh, I wanna help. 732 00:31:52,366 --> 00:31:54,436 Just tell me, tell me your troubles. 733 00:31:54,470 --> 00:31:56,271 Okay. 734 00:31:56,305 --> 00:31:57,807 Well, it all started 735 00:31:57,839 --> 00:31:59,841 when I accidentally brushed against the jets 736 00:31:59,875 --> 00:32:03,278 in the jacuzzi tub and it stirred me deep. 737 00:32:03,311 --> 00:32:06,314 Oh my go... oh my gosh! 738 00:32:06,347 --> 00:32:07,316 I can't believe I'm telling you this! 739 00:32:07,348 --> 00:32:09,551 Oh, you know what, Mary grace, it's great, 740 00:32:09,585 --> 00:32:12,188 and I wasn't expecting the call to go this way, 741 00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:13,855 but I'm honestly... I'm here for it. 742 00:32:13,888 --> 00:32:16,125 I just think that I probably need some wine too, 743 00:32:16,157 --> 00:32:19,360 - so I will brb, okay? - All right. 744 00:32:19,394 --> 00:32:22,597 I'll just be here thinking about Mr. Fillion, 745 00:32:22,631 --> 00:32:25,500 from castle. 746 00:32:25,534 --> 00:32:27,670 Mr. Castle. 747 00:32:29,637 --> 00:32:31,740 Solve my crimes, 748 00:32:31,772 --> 00:32:33,108 solve my crimes. 749 00:32:34,742 --> 00:32:36,377 I don't know, maybe this just grew apart. 750 00:32:36,411 --> 00:32:37,487 - It happens. - Sure, but I mean, 751 00:32:37,511 --> 00:32:40,281 - this came out of nowhere. - Hey, baby, baby, sorry. 752 00:32:40,315 --> 00:32:43,519 - Can I move this? - No, you can't move it. 753 00:32:44,886 --> 00:32:46,588 Do you think he cheated? 754 00:32:46,622 --> 00:32:48,324 Theodora, I don't know! 755 00:32:48,356 --> 00:32:50,158 - Do you want me to call and ask? - Yes. 756 00:32:50,192 --> 00:32:52,795 Please call your ex-girlfriend and ask her about her divorce. 757 00:32:57,798 --> 00:32:59,801 That house. 758 00:32:59,835 --> 00:33:02,371 Barbecue's Peter's ribs. 759 00:33:02,403 --> 00:33:04,673 Peter's the best cook, right? 760 00:33:04,705 --> 00:33:06,774 I feel like they just moved in. 761 00:33:06,807 --> 00:33:08,844 No, they moved in two years ago, 762 00:33:08,876 --> 00:33:11,913 and in this market, they're not gonna have trouble selling. 763 00:33:11,946 --> 00:33:15,650 Yeah, I'm sure their realtor is thrilled. 764 00:33:15,683 --> 00:33:19,888 But it's like our first friend divorce. 765 00:33:19,922 --> 00:33:21,656 Don't you think it's sad? 766 00:33:23,592 --> 00:33:26,129 It really is. 767 00:33:32,968 --> 00:33:35,403 - So, a deck, huh? - Yeah. 768 00:33:35,436 --> 00:33:36,680 I've been wanting to build this thing for... 769 00:33:36,704 --> 00:33:38,740 Remember when we moved in here and I was like, 770 00:33:38,773 --> 00:33:41,776 "I wanna build a deck!" 771 00:33:41,809 --> 00:33:43,511 You remember that? 772 00:33:43,545 --> 00:33:46,215 - It's a big project. - Mhm. 773 00:33:48,282 --> 00:33:50,385 Okay, well, 774 00:33:50,419 --> 00:33:52,522 don't forget about tonight. 775 00:33:58,393 --> 00:33:59,662 Huh? 776 00:33:59,694 --> 00:34:01,864 Don't forget about tonight. 777 00:34:34,695 --> 00:34:36,199 Raymond, your dog! 778 00:34:43,938 --> 00:34:45,574 Today on builder bros, 779 00:34:45,606 --> 00:34:49,612 Brock gets hands on with your big deck. 780 00:34:49,644 --> 00:34:51,413 What's up, pussies? 781 00:34:51,445 --> 00:34:52,880 Brock here. 782 00:34:52,914 --> 00:34:55,651 So your little lady says that she likes a small deck, 783 00:34:55,684 --> 00:34:57,820 but come on, bro, we both know 784 00:34:57,853 --> 00:35:00,755 when you're standing in your manicured front lawn 785 00:35:00,789 --> 00:35:04,693 sipping on your soy latte that she is staring 786 00:35:04,726 --> 00:35:07,262 at the sheer girth of my deck. 787 00:35:07,295 --> 00:35:08,529 But that's okay, 788 00:35:08,563 --> 00:35:09,932 'cause Brock daddy's here to help. 789 00:35:09,965 --> 00:35:12,300 All right, so you bought yourself some wood 790 00:35:12,333 --> 00:35:13,668 and you got your tools. 791 00:35:13,702 --> 00:35:15,304 Now what are you waiting for? 792 00:35:15,336 --> 00:35:18,840 Are you staring at that fat pile like a dope? 793 00:35:18,873 --> 00:35:21,342 Look, deck building is tough. 794 00:35:21,376 --> 00:35:22,511 But relax, 795 00:35:22,543 --> 00:35:26,414 Brock daddy is gonna hold both your girly little hands 796 00:35:26,447 --> 00:35:28,483 all the way to the finish line. 797 00:35:28,516 --> 00:35:31,886 So grab some bolts and some brewskis, 798 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,989 and let's lay some wood. 799 00:35:34,021 --> 00:35:35,523 Oh! 800 00:35:37,659 --> 00:35:38,961 - Mother... - Fucker. 801 00:35:38,994 --> 00:35:40,461 - What? - "Hi, Hannah." 802 00:35:40,494 --> 00:35:42,297 Xander has therapy after baseball camp. 803 00:35:42,331 --> 00:35:44,400 Please give him a snack beforehand and do not 804 00:35:44,432 --> 00:35:45,910 let him take his scooter into the session. 805 00:35:45,934 --> 00:35:46,869 "Dr. Alberts doesn't like it." 806 00:35:46,902 --> 00:35:49,438 - Ugh, this is so annoying. - I know, right? 807 00:35:49,471 --> 00:35:51,606 - It's just a scooter. - "Thanks, Alyssa." 808 00:35:51,639 --> 00:35:53,641 "Will do," you fucking bitch. 809 00:35:53,675 --> 00:35:55,577 Whoa, you really laid into her. 810 00:35:55,610 --> 00:35:57,813 Oh my god, no, I did not text that to Xander's mom. 811 00:35:57,846 --> 00:35:59,882 Xander feels new, what happened to that kid Jared? 812 00:35:59,914 --> 00:36:01,115 Oh, Jared is a dog I walked 813 00:36:01,150 --> 00:36:03,327 and him and his family are in the Hamptons for the summer, 814 00:36:03,351 --> 00:36:05,554 along with persephone and Maddox's families. 815 00:36:05,586 --> 00:36:08,356 - Oh, those are cute dog names. - Nope, those are kids. 816 00:36:08,389 --> 00:36:10,958 Wow, you are booked up. 817 00:36:10,992 --> 00:36:14,028 Yeah, if only my bank account reflected that. 818 00:36:14,061 --> 00:36:16,431 Ugh, life is weird! 819 00:36:16,465 --> 00:36:17,499 Like, this is weird! 820 00:36:17,532 --> 00:36:18,867 Our friend is getting a divorce. 821 00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:20,869 - I know. - And if somebody had asked me, 822 00:36:20,902 --> 00:36:23,472 like, "do you think Amy and Peter will get a divorce?" 823 00:36:23,505 --> 00:36:26,642 - I would've absolutely said no. - Yes. 824 00:36:26,675 --> 00:36:27,776 Okay, I just lied, 825 00:36:27,809 --> 00:36:28,986 I definitely didn't think they were gonna make it. 826 00:36:29,010 --> 00:36:29,711 The writing was on the wall. 827 00:36:29,744 --> 00:36:31,113 Remember at Amy's bachelorette? 828 00:36:31,146 --> 00:36:33,015 - She was so unhappy. - So unhappy, 829 00:36:33,047 --> 00:36:34,750 and it was not because of us, right? 830 00:36:34,782 --> 00:36:36,351 - It wasn't because of us? - No! 831 00:36:36,385 --> 00:36:37,820 She was totally off and not herself, 832 00:36:37,853 --> 00:36:39,755 - and we talked to her about it. - Yeah. 833 00:36:39,788 --> 00:36:41,566 We were like, "Amy, what's going on with you?" 834 00:36:41,590 --> 00:36:42,791 "Why are you so unhappy? 835 00:36:42,824 --> 00:36:43,759 What's up? 836 00:36:43,791 --> 00:36:44,869 Why didn't you invite your cousin Eva?" 837 00:36:44,893 --> 00:36:47,096 - Cousin Eva is an alcoholic. - And not in a fun way. 838 00:36:47,128 --> 00:36:49,764 And Amy, she was like... 839 00:36:49,797 --> 00:36:52,633 She said... 840 00:36:52,666 --> 00:36:54,536 Okay, so Amy actually wasn't there for that. 841 00:36:54,568 --> 00:36:55,847 Of course she was there, it was her bachelorette. 842 00:36:55,871 --> 00:36:59,407 No, no, what we're remembering is you and I talking about it, 843 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,110 talking about her. 844 00:37:02,143 --> 00:37:04,979 Oh, talking about her behind her back. 845 00:37:05,012 --> 00:37:07,715 Yeah. 846 00:37:07,748 --> 00:37:10,084 But we've told her in the past that she seemed unhappy. 847 00:37:10,117 --> 00:37:11,920 Yeah, like when she went ring shopping alone. 848 00:37:11,952 --> 00:37:13,989 Yes, we said, "Amy, this is not something 849 00:37:14,021 --> 00:37:14,922 you should be doing by yourself." 850 00:37:14,956 --> 00:37:16,891 - Yeah, we told her that! - Yeah, and she said 851 00:37:16,925 --> 00:37:19,562 she was, she was... 852 00:37:21,463 --> 00:37:23,532 She was also not there for that part either. 853 00:37:23,565 --> 00:37:25,567 That part where we told her how we really felt? 854 00:37:25,599 --> 00:37:27,635 Yeah, that part. 855 00:37:29,938 --> 00:37:30,972 I'm hungry. 856 00:37:31,005 --> 00:37:31,940 Want a little snack? 857 00:37:31,974 --> 00:37:35,110 I can offer you a pouch, some cheddar bunnies, 858 00:37:35,143 --> 00:37:37,112 or celery sticks. 859 00:37:37,144 --> 00:37:38,514 Literally just celery sticks? 860 00:37:38,547 --> 00:37:39,657 Not even peanut butter on the side? 861 00:37:39,681 --> 00:37:41,182 Oh, no, peanuts are legumes 862 00:37:41,215 --> 00:37:43,918 and Xander's mom tries to limit his legumes. 863 00:37:43,952 --> 00:37:46,522 - Poor Xander. - I know. 864 00:37:52,193 --> 00:37:53,795 Okay, were, 865 00:37:53,829 --> 00:37:55,531 were we mean to Peter? 866 00:37:55,563 --> 00:37:57,098 No, we were not mean to Peter. 867 00:37:57,132 --> 00:37:58,634 Right. 868 00:38:01,902 --> 00:38:03,838 Okay, so like define mean. 869 00:38:03,871 --> 00:38:05,606 - Like were our jokes mean? - No. 870 00:38:05,639 --> 00:38:07,141 I mean, maybe our jokes were mean, 871 00:38:07,175 --> 00:38:08,744 but that doesn't mean that we were mean. 872 00:38:08,777 --> 00:38:10,646 Right, right, you are so right. 873 00:38:10,679 --> 00:38:11,880 - You get it. - And plus, 874 00:38:11,913 --> 00:38:13,224 I don't even really think you can be mean 875 00:38:13,248 --> 00:38:15,016 to somebody that you don't know. 876 00:38:15,050 --> 00:38:16,618 I never really got to know Peter. 877 00:38:16,650 --> 00:38:18,019 And now we never will. 878 00:38:18,052 --> 00:38:19,989 Tell me about it. 879 00:38:22,490 --> 00:38:24,226 - I miss Amy. - Me too. 880 00:38:24,259 --> 00:38:26,461 But her not telling us about the divorce really hurts. 881 00:38:26,494 --> 00:38:28,230 It does, and I mean, I don't know about you, 882 00:38:28,262 --> 00:38:30,465 but Amy and I talk all the time. 883 00:38:30,498 --> 00:38:33,000 - Same, like, look at my texts. - Same! 884 00:38:33,034 --> 00:38:35,537 - I text her all the time. - All the time. 885 00:38:35,570 --> 00:38:39,508 - All the time. - All the time... 886 00:38:39,541 --> 00:38:41,977 - Four months ago. - Five. 887 00:38:47,548 --> 00:38:48,593 Okay, should we just call her? 888 00:38:48,617 --> 00:38:50,528 Yeah, I feel like we're overdue for a phone call. 889 00:38:50,552 --> 00:38:52,721 And you know what, we'll lead with, "we love you." 890 00:38:52,753 --> 00:38:53,831 "We heard about what happened." 891 00:38:53,855 --> 00:38:55,990 "And we wanna let you know that we are here for you 892 00:38:56,023 --> 00:38:57,992 and we just wanted to say hi." 893 00:38:58,025 --> 00:39:00,895 - I love that. - Thanks. 894 00:39:02,963 --> 00:39:05,900 - I'm so happy we're doing this. - Me too. 895 00:39:05,934 --> 00:39:08,537 Hey, it's Amy, leave a message. 896 00:39:12,172 --> 00:39:15,843 - She just... - Sent us to voicemail, yeah. 897 00:39:15,876 --> 00:39:17,112 That's mean, right? 898 00:39:17,144 --> 00:39:18,746 She's mean, she's mean! 899 00:39:18,780 --> 00:39:20,615 She is mean. 900 00:39:22,884 --> 00:39:25,219 But I guess she is dealing with 901 00:39:25,253 --> 00:39:26,688 - a divorce. - Divorce. 902 00:39:26,721 --> 00:39:29,291 - Yeah, that's, that's not... - Not great. 903 00:39:30,458 --> 00:39:32,860 - Oh, it's my postmates order. - What'd they say? 904 00:39:32,893 --> 00:39:34,829 "Where the fuck are you?" 905 00:39:34,862 --> 00:39:36,597 - Rude! - Yeah. 906 00:39:36,630 --> 00:39:37,908 I'm like... what do they mean where am I? 907 00:39:37,932 --> 00:39:39,835 I'm right here, I'm clearly busy. 908 00:39:39,867 --> 00:39:40,902 - Yeah. - Vanessa, 909 00:39:40,936 --> 00:39:41,937 where the fuck are you? 910 00:39:41,969 --> 00:39:43,538 Anderson, where the fuck are you? 911 00:39:43,572 --> 00:39:45,574 Next to the big green tree. 912 00:39:45,606 --> 00:39:46,846 No, like where are you exactly? 913 00:39:46,875 --> 00:39:48,052 All these trees look the same. 914 00:39:48,076 --> 00:39:49,945 By the... I don't know... elm? 915 00:39:49,978 --> 00:39:51,088 Let's go with elm, this is an elm. 916 00:39:51,112 --> 00:39:53,848 Um, I don't know what in my life has led you to believe 917 00:39:53,882 --> 00:39:56,585 that I know what an elm tree looks like, 918 00:39:56,617 --> 00:39:58,219 - but I don't. - Vanessa? 919 00:39:58,253 --> 00:39:59,922 - Anderson? - Vanessa! 920 00:39:59,954 --> 00:40:02,723 - Anderson! - Vanessa? 921 00:40:02,757 --> 00:40:04,326 Vanessa, Vanessa! 922 00:40:04,358 --> 00:40:06,094 Follow the sound of my voice, 923 00:40:06,126 --> 00:40:07,929 follow the sound of my voice. 924 00:40:07,963 --> 00:40:09,798 Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. 925 00:40:09,831 --> 00:40:10,731 - Anderson! - Vanessa! 926 00:40:10,764 --> 00:40:12,268 Anderson. 927 00:40:14,101 --> 00:40:16,038 You have to stop yelling my name. 928 00:40:16,070 --> 00:40:17,639 Gosh, you scared me there. 929 00:40:17,672 --> 00:40:20,141 Whoa, love the pippi longstocking look. 930 00:40:20,175 --> 00:40:22,778 Oh thank you, yeah, I heard that if you French braid your hair, 931 00:40:22,811 --> 00:40:24,846 it makes you look like you got a face lift, 932 00:40:24,878 --> 00:40:27,949 and I also recently got a facelift. 933 00:40:27,983 --> 00:40:29,851 Thanks so much for coming to family day. 934 00:40:29,884 --> 00:40:31,820 Oh, of course, I'm happy to. 935 00:40:31,853 --> 00:40:33,789 Plus, mom offered me 50 bucks if I came, so. 936 00:40:33,822 --> 00:40:37,125 - Mm. - What is family day? 937 00:40:37,157 --> 00:40:41,128 Family day is where the families of the teens come to visit 938 00:40:41,161 --> 00:40:42,864 and we hike out to Stinson beach 939 00:40:42,896 --> 00:40:45,032 and discuss our substance abuse issues, 940 00:40:45,065 --> 00:40:47,201 - I think. - Okay. 941 00:40:47,235 --> 00:40:49,338 Um, yeah, I really don't want to do any of that. 942 00:40:49,371 --> 00:40:52,039 - I did just come for the 50. - Absolutely. 943 00:40:52,072 --> 00:40:54,643 Quick q, why can't you stop freeloading off mom 944 00:40:54,675 --> 00:40:57,244 and start freeloading off your boyfriend like a normal person? 945 00:40:57,277 --> 00:41:00,014 You know, it's a great q and I would counter with, 946 00:41:00,047 --> 00:41:02,149 why can't you stop freeloading off mom? 947 00:41:02,182 --> 00:41:03,985 And it's a great counter and I would say 948 00:41:04,018 --> 00:41:05,753 because I don't have any other option. 949 00:41:05,786 --> 00:41:09,625 That's why I said yes to this wilderness rehab retreat thing. 950 00:41:09,657 --> 00:41:11,626 Mom said if I don't complete this rehab, 951 00:41:11,659 --> 00:41:15,062 that she'd kick me out and I cannot be homeless at 24... 952 00:41:15,096 --> 00:41:16,731 27... 953 00:41:16,764 --> 00:41:18,666 30. 954 00:41:18,699 --> 00:41:21,168 Well, anyways, to answer you initial q, 955 00:41:21,202 --> 00:41:22,904 the reason I can't freeload off Gabriel 956 00:41:22,936 --> 00:41:24,405 is because something went down 957 00:41:24,438 --> 00:41:26,249 and I don't really wanna get into the details of it. 958 00:41:26,273 --> 00:41:29,010 But basically when he said no, I heard him say no 959 00:41:29,043 --> 00:41:30,311 but I didn't hear him say no. 960 00:41:30,344 --> 00:41:31,521 - Do you know what I mean? - No. 961 00:41:31,545 --> 00:41:33,390 See, like I didn't even understand what you just said. 962 00:41:33,414 --> 00:41:36,284 Hm, so what happened? 963 00:41:44,726 --> 00:41:48,063 Wow, this is hot. 964 00:41:48,096 --> 00:41:49,764 Smells like soup. 965 00:41:49,797 --> 00:41:53,067 They're scented hot stones. 966 00:41:53,101 --> 00:41:54,702 It's aromatherapy. 967 00:42:00,141 --> 00:42:03,077 Next, I'm going to run ice 968 00:42:03,110 --> 00:42:06,847 down over your body. 969 00:42:12,152 --> 00:42:14,822 Stop shaking, you little pig bitch. 970 00:42:14,856 --> 00:42:17,159 ♪ I need you to listen ♪ 971 00:42:17,192 --> 00:42:18,760 ♪ listen ♪ 972 00:42:18,793 --> 00:42:20,128 ♪ oh ♪ 973 00:42:20,161 --> 00:42:22,764 Let's get you clean, you dirty boy. 974 00:42:22,797 --> 00:42:26,333 ♪ Take my somewhere far away from here ♪ 975 00:42:26,367 --> 00:42:27,836 Hand me that. 976 00:42:51,826 --> 00:42:54,295 God damn, that was hot. 977 00:42:56,898 --> 00:42:58,834 Are you sure this is a sex thing? 978 00:42:58,867 --> 00:43:00,469 Just go with it. 979 00:43:00,501 --> 00:43:01,902 Ow, ow! 980 00:43:01,936 --> 00:43:03,138 One just stung me in my ear. 981 00:43:03,170 --> 00:43:06,240 ♪ Bad bees, boo bees, whatcha gonna do ♪ 982 00:43:06,273 --> 00:43:08,777 ♪ whatcha gonna do when the bad bees come for you ♪ 983 00:43:08,809 --> 00:43:10,512 - ♪ bad bees ♪ - bananas, bananas! 984 00:43:10,545 --> 00:43:12,114 What? The safe word already? 985 00:43:12,146 --> 00:43:13,347 We just got started! 986 00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:15,182 I'm down for some freaky shit, 987 00:43:15,215 --> 00:43:17,184 but this doesn't even feel sexual. 988 00:43:17,217 --> 00:43:19,353 It just feels... ah! 989 00:43:19,387 --> 00:43:20,922 - Dangerous. - What's your point? 990 00:43:20,954 --> 00:43:22,891 Look, maybe we should try something 991 00:43:22,923 --> 00:43:24,326 with a little more sex 992 00:43:24,358 --> 00:43:27,261 and a little less honey in all my crevices. 993 00:43:27,295 --> 00:43:28,896 Okay. Just a little more honey? 994 00:43:28,929 --> 00:43:31,098 No. No! Vanessa! 995 00:43:31,132 --> 00:43:32,300 Okay, let's compromise. 996 00:43:32,333 --> 00:43:33,902 So did you start taking a lot of baths? 997 00:43:33,934 --> 00:43:36,203 I did. I was taking two or three a day. 998 00:43:36,237 --> 00:43:37,847 And then my youngest wanted to get in with me, 999 00:43:37,871 --> 00:43:38,916 and after that, I had to quit. 1000 00:43:38,940 --> 00:43:41,443 And I've just... I've been in a tizzy ever since! 1001 00:43:41,476 --> 00:43:43,287 Well, Mary grace, we've gotta get you fixed up! 1002 00:43:43,311 --> 00:43:44,813 Can't live life in a tizzy like that. 1003 00:43:44,846 --> 00:43:47,114 - Amen! - So, okay, so how often 1004 00:43:47,148 --> 00:43:49,217 are you and bill, you know, boning? 1005 00:43:49,250 --> 00:43:51,152 Not often enough. 1006 00:43:51,186 --> 00:43:52,829 And I wouldn't call it boning, to be honest, 1007 00:43:52,853 --> 00:43:54,822 it's more like laying down together 1008 00:43:54,856 --> 00:43:56,258 and moving for a little bit. 1009 00:43:56,291 --> 00:43:57,526 It's just... it's just, 1010 00:43:57,559 --> 00:44:00,327 you know, bill likes things a certain way. 1011 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,197 So we schedule it, every other Monday. 1012 00:44:03,231 --> 00:44:04,575 Missionary Monday is what we call it, 1013 00:44:04,599 --> 00:44:05,709 so we put it in the calendar. 1014 00:44:05,733 --> 00:44:06,843 It's like a little code and that way people see it 1015 00:44:06,867 --> 00:44:08,969 and they think, "oh, they're doing mission work," 1016 00:44:09,003 --> 00:44:10,071 but it's really just sex 1017 00:44:10,103 --> 00:44:13,974 every other Monday at 8:15 after the kids go down. 1018 00:44:14,007 --> 00:44:16,277 The same sex, missionary sex. 1019 00:44:16,311 --> 00:44:17,445 It's not even the good kind. 1020 00:44:17,478 --> 00:44:18,479 Is there a good kind? 1021 00:44:18,512 --> 00:44:20,981 Lauren, I just... I can't continue to be grateful! 1022 00:44:21,014 --> 00:44:22,884 It's a sin, it's a lie! 1023 00:44:22,916 --> 00:44:24,853 Okay, I mean, does he at least go down on you? 1024 00:44:27,856 --> 00:44:28,924 Lauren! 1025 00:44:28,956 --> 00:44:30,257 Honey, you got me rollin'! 1026 00:44:30,291 --> 00:44:31,359 No! 1027 00:44:31,391 --> 00:44:33,427 Not since 2001. 1028 00:44:33,460 --> 00:44:35,296 Listen, when I had my first child, 1029 00:44:35,329 --> 00:44:36,340 he looked me dead in the eye, 1030 00:44:36,364 --> 00:44:37,265 and he said, "listen, I can't go down there 1031 00:44:37,298 --> 00:44:39,400 after I saw my daughter come out of there." 1032 00:44:39,434 --> 00:44:42,037 You know, she was an 11-pound baby, but still. 1033 00:44:42,070 --> 00:44:43,247 Okay, you know what, Mary grace? 1034 00:44:43,271 --> 00:44:44,172 No, fuck this guy. 1035 00:44:44,206 --> 00:44:46,942 He needs to get down there and get busy! 1036 00:44:46,974 --> 00:44:49,243 You know what, I agree! 1037 00:44:49,277 --> 00:44:52,146 I've been doing my exercises for years now! 1038 00:44:52,179 --> 00:44:55,884 Lord, on the wings of Jesus, I'm sharing my story! 1039 00:44:55,916 --> 00:44:57,219 Okay, wow, okay! 1040 00:44:57,251 --> 00:44:59,153 Yes, cheers to that, Mary grace! 1041 00:44:59,186 --> 00:45:02,489 Cheers to that. 1042 00:45:02,523 --> 00:45:04,125 Hold on, i'ma be right back. 1043 00:45:04,157 --> 00:45:05,559 Woo! I feel alive today! 1044 00:45:05,592 --> 00:45:06,627 Jesus is real! 1045 00:45:06,661 --> 00:45:08,864 What the fuck? 1046 00:45:10,164 --> 00:45:13,101 Okay, so... 1047 00:45:13,134 --> 00:45:14,611 I went to the paint and sip, all right, 1048 00:45:14,635 --> 00:45:16,113 and I didn't want to paint the hydrangeas 1049 00:45:16,137 --> 00:45:17,038 that were in the sample painting, 1050 00:45:17,072 --> 00:45:17,939 'cause I've already done that, okay? 1051 00:45:17,972 --> 00:45:19,608 I've got two bushes in my backyard. 1052 00:45:19,641 --> 00:45:21,276 So the instructor said to me, she goes, 1053 00:45:21,309 --> 00:45:24,112 "just paint what calls to you." 1054 00:45:24,144 --> 00:45:27,114 So I painted something, it's a little wild, 1055 00:45:27,148 --> 00:45:30,117 and I just... I've been too afraid to show bill, 1056 00:45:30,150 --> 00:45:31,361 I've been hiding it under my bed, 1057 00:45:31,385 --> 00:45:33,021 but I wanna show you. 1058 00:45:33,054 --> 00:45:34,456 Okay, now keep in mind, 1059 00:45:34,489 --> 00:45:36,057 I had spent some time in the jacuzzi tub 1060 00:45:36,090 --> 00:45:38,927 before I went. 1061 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,095 Here it is. 1062 00:45:40,128 --> 00:45:41,963 It's a self-portrait. 1063 00:45:41,996 --> 00:45:44,266 Oh, my god, wow! 1064 00:45:44,298 --> 00:45:46,668 I mean, the writing was on the wall. 1065 00:45:46,701 --> 00:45:48,469 He's not a rich man, and she's... 1066 00:45:48,503 --> 00:45:50,171 I don't know, pretty-ish. 1067 00:45:50,204 --> 00:45:52,182 So, really, all they had keeping their marriage together 1068 00:45:52,206 --> 00:45:53,909 was love? 1069 00:45:55,342 --> 00:45:57,120 And I know you know this better than anyone, babe, 1070 00:45:57,144 --> 00:45:58,189 'cause we're so good together, 1071 00:45:58,213 --> 00:46:01,048 that a healthy relationship is a tête-à-tête 1072 00:46:01,081 --> 00:46:03,417 of wit and emotional communication. 1073 00:46:03,451 --> 00:46:06,688 Without it, you have nothing. 1074 00:46:06,721 --> 00:46:08,532 Unless, of course, obviously, one of you has stock 1075 00:46:08,556 --> 00:46:10,692 or bitcoin or a beachside property. 1076 00:46:10,724 --> 00:46:12,503 But even then, you know, it's a give and a take. 1077 00:46:12,527 --> 00:46:14,305 - Don't you agree? - Do you wanna stretch me or... 1078 00:46:14,329 --> 00:46:17,465 Equity and communication. 1079 00:46:17,498 --> 00:46:20,001 It's a give and a take. 1080 00:46:20,034 --> 00:46:21,469 Oh, give me that. 1081 00:46:21,501 --> 00:46:22,202 You know what I mean? 1082 00:46:22,235 --> 00:46:24,138 It's like a back and a forth. 1083 00:46:24,172 --> 00:46:25,673 Here's the thing about Amy and Peter, 1084 00:46:25,706 --> 00:46:27,275 they were never equal. 1085 00:46:27,307 --> 00:46:29,543 She always wore the pants in the relationship. 1086 00:46:29,577 --> 00:46:31,055 Do you remember last summer when they were in town 1087 00:46:31,079 --> 00:46:31,947 and we went to Jones? 1088 00:46:31,980 --> 00:46:33,356 And the waitress dropped the check off 1089 00:46:33,380 --> 00:46:35,983 in front of Amy. 1090 00:46:36,016 --> 00:46:38,118 Amy, not Peter. 1091 00:46:38,152 --> 00:46:39,721 I mean, how humiliating, 1092 00:46:39,753 --> 00:46:41,722 and not just for her, for him. 1093 00:46:41,755 --> 00:46:43,524 So emasculating. 1094 00:46:43,557 --> 00:46:45,393 Oh, my god, honey, no. 1095 00:46:45,425 --> 00:46:47,461 Somebody's gonna see you, you look like a wimp. 1096 00:46:47,494 --> 00:46:49,130 Your arms are like tiny spongebob arms 1097 00:46:49,163 --> 00:46:51,465 and you have the body of Kermit the frog. 1098 00:46:51,498 --> 00:46:54,601 You should really call my trainer! 1099 00:46:54,635 --> 00:46:56,071 Crunches. 1100 00:46:56,103 --> 00:46:57,638 Now, gentlemen, 1101 00:46:57,672 --> 00:47:00,108 I understand that sometimes 1102 00:47:00,141 --> 00:47:02,309 some of these porcupine memories 1103 00:47:02,342 --> 00:47:03,711 are hard to get rid of, 1104 00:47:03,744 --> 00:47:07,248 and simply yelling them away is not enough. 1105 00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:11,219 That's why the last thing we're gonna learn today 1106 00:47:11,251 --> 00:47:14,621 will require a more aggressive approach. 1107 00:47:14,655 --> 00:47:17,525 Bam! Fireworks! 1108 00:47:17,557 --> 00:47:20,195 This here is the cobra box. 1109 00:47:20,228 --> 00:47:23,398 The cobra can hypnotize its prey 1110 00:47:23,431 --> 00:47:26,266 before launching for the kill. 1111 00:47:26,300 --> 00:47:30,638 So, inside this box is a bunch of crap 1112 00:47:30,670 --> 00:47:34,174 that my ex used to own and that hypnotizes me 1113 00:47:34,208 --> 00:47:37,479 into doing stuff I really don't want to do 1114 00:47:37,512 --> 00:47:41,048 like text her or call her or drive up to her place 1115 00:47:41,081 --> 00:47:44,485 and see her go in and out of her apartment 1116 00:47:44,518 --> 00:47:48,489 with a random guy that may or may not be her new boyfriend. 1117 00:47:48,523 --> 00:47:49,490 We don't know. 1118 00:47:49,523 --> 00:47:52,059 What we do know is that he owns a new Tesla. 1119 00:47:52,092 --> 00:47:54,261 I know it's new, because it's the new model. 1120 00:47:56,264 --> 00:48:00,068 And we can't keep doing that to ourselves. 1121 00:48:00,101 --> 00:48:04,204 Time to destroy the cobra box, trademark... not granted, 1122 00:48:04,237 --> 00:48:06,507 because I guess there's a company in Australia 1123 00:48:06,541 --> 00:48:08,676 that sells cobras in a box. 1124 00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:12,480 All right, let's get to it. 1125 00:48:12,512 --> 00:48:15,382 Time to reclaim the space in our hearts. 1126 00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:34,202 Well, that was disappointing. 1127 00:48:35,670 --> 00:48:37,605 Oh, my gosh. 1128 00:48:37,637 --> 00:48:40,107 Oh, my gosh, what am I doing? 1129 00:48:40,141 --> 00:48:42,077 What is the matter with me? 1130 00:48:42,110 --> 00:48:44,345 It's like I turned 38 and I went crazy! 1131 00:48:44,378 --> 00:48:45,547 I'm like a horndog! 1132 00:48:45,579 --> 00:48:47,114 I just... I gotta burn this. 1133 00:48:47,148 --> 00:48:49,084 No, no, no. Mary grace, no. 1134 00:48:49,117 --> 00:48:50,518 You listen to me, okay? 1135 00:48:50,550 --> 00:48:54,154 We were not raised to talk about sex or want it, 1136 00:48:54,188 --> 00:48:56,257 but we do, and that is great, okay? 1137 00:48:56,289 --> 00:48:57,659 So you just need to get out there, 1138 00:48:57,692 --> 00:48:59,527 and you need to tell bill what you want. 1139 00:48:59,559 --> 00:49:01,563 Well, I mean, do you tell men what you want? 1140 00:49:01,596 --> 00:49:02,797 Hell, yeah! Hell, yeah, I do! 1141 00:49:02,829 --> 00:49:04,465 There's a fucking orgasm epidemic 1142 00:49:04,498 --> 00:49:05,532 in this country, okay? 1143 00:49:05,565 --> 00:49:08,135 And we must demand action. 1144 00:49:08,168 --> 00:49:09,237 - Heck, yeah. - Right? 1145 00:49:09,269 --> 00:49:10,804 Heck, yeah, I'm gonna do that! 1146 00:49:10,838 --> 00:49:13,173 There he is. Bill! Bill! 1147 00:49:13,206 --> 00:49:14,208 - Oh. - Bill! 1148 00:49:14,242 --> 00:49:15,243 No, no, no, no, no, wait. 1149 00:49:15,275 --> 00:49:16,577 Yes, I'm talking to you! 1150 00:49:16,610 --> 00:49:17,411 I have needs! 1151 00:49:17,445 --> 00:49:18,746 Maybe not in front of me, though. 1152 00:49:18,778 --> 00:49:20,124 - Maybe not in front of me. - Hey, bill! 1153 00:49:20,148 --> 00:49:24,619 I need you to lick this front tushy! 1154 00:49:24,652 --> 00:49:25,732 I just did the lord's work. 1155 00:49:33,927 --> 00:49:35,596 I can't believe I'm in the mountains 1156 00:49:35,630 --> 00:49:36,764 and I'm not on mushrooms. 1157 00:49:36,797 --> 00:49:38,565 - This is a first for me. - I know, 1158 00:49:38,599 --> 00:49:40,668 that must be so hard for you. 1159 00:49:40,701 --> 00:49:43,570 - And for you. - Hm? 1160 00:49:43,603 --> 00:49:44,771 Are you on mushrooms? 1161 00:49:44,804 --> 00:49:45,739 I don't think I... 1162 00:49:45,773 --> 00:49:47,876 I don't think I understand the question. 1163 00:49:47,909 --> 00:49:49,611 I think you do. 1164 00:49:49,643 --> 00:49:51,578 But weirdly, I'm getting like a sobriety high 1165 00:49:51,612 --> 00:49:53,248 - from being clean! - Is that true? 1166 00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:54,114 - No. - Yeah. 1167 00:49:54,148 --> 00:49:56,217 But at least my life is going better 1168 00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:57,418 than Amy and Peter's. 1169 00:49:57,451 --> 00:49:59,729 I mean, thank god someone's life is going worse than ours! 1170 00:49:59,753 --> 00:50:01,788 Yeah. But is it? 1171 00:50:01,822 --> 00:50:03,533 'Cause like, you still live at home with mom, 1172 00:50:03,557 --> 00:50:05,893 and I just ruined another relationship. 1173 00:50:05,927 --> 00:50:09,164 God, my 16-year-old self would 100% bully me. 1174 00:50:09,197 --> 00:50:11,932 Oh, my 16-year-old self would definitely make me cry. 1175 00:50:11,965 --> 00:50:14,735 She'd probably Photoshop my face onto the body of a whale 1176 00:50:14,768 --> 00:50:16,303 and have it printed onto t-shirts 1177 00:50:16,336 --> 00:50:17,838 for everyone in the class to wear. 1178 00:50:17,871 --> 00:50:18,906 Specific. 1179 00:50:20,541 --> 00:50:21,910 You know what I'm realizing? 1180 00:50:21,943 --> 00:50:23,711 Amy and Peter are getting a divorce, 1181 00:50:23,744 --> 00:50:25,713 which means they're gonna have to be single again. 1182 00:50:25,746 --> 00:50:28,316 I am currently single, so if you really think about it, 1183 00:50:28,349 --> 00:50:29,417 it's almost like I found 1184 00:50:29,449 --> 00:50:32,319 some sort of cheat code or shortcut. 1185 00:50:32,353 --> 00:50:33,288 Yeah. 1186 00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,190 Or is it like they found somebody to love them, 1187 00:50:36,224 --> 00:50:37,692 marry them, and then divorce them 1188 00:50:37,724 --> 00:50:40,694 all before we found anyone to love us. 1189 00:50:40,728 --> 00:50:43,463 - Is it worse? - Or is it better? 1190 00:50:43,496 --> 00:50:44,874 - It's probably worse. - I think it's worse. 1191 00:50:44,898 --> 00:50:46,500 - Worse. - It is worse. 1192 00:50:47,735 --> 00:50:50,805 Oh, oh, my god. Where are we? 1193 00:50:50,838 --> 00:50:52,707 Are we... are we lost? 1194 00:50:52,739 --> 00:50:53,907 Where are the other campers? 1195 00:50:53,940 --> 00:50:55,352 Is that what you call them, "campers"? 1196 00:50:55,376 --> 00:50:58,646 - Tiny drug addicts? - Troubled teens? 1197 00:50:58,679 --> 00:51:01,215 - Oh, my god, we are lost. - Oh, my god! 1198 00:51:01,248 --> 00:51:02,382 Spread out! 1199 00:51:07,621 --> 00:51:09,790 All right, crack open another cold one, 1200 00:51:09,824 --> 00:51:11,291 'cause you deserve it. 1201 00:51:11,324 --> 00:51:13,594 Brock daddy is so proud of you! 1202 00:51:13,628 --> 00:51:15,763 Only six more videos till you've got yourself 1203 00:51:15,795 --> 00:51:18,398 a brand new deck. 1204 00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:14,621 There you are. 1205 00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:21,962 Oh! 1206 00:52:34,041 --> 00:52:36,010 I love your deck. 1207 00:52:39,612 --> 00:52:40,881 Shh. 1208 00:52:40,914 --> 00:52:46,788 Shhhh. 1209 00:53:14,514 --> 00:53:16,049 What the fuck? 1210 00:53:16,083 --> 00:53:18,119 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 1211 00:53:18,152 --> 00:53:19,787 Nice spread! 1212 00:53:19,820 --> 00:53:20,653 'Gram worthy. 1213 00:53:20,688 --> 00:53:22,890 I know, I don't skimp on the sush. 1214 00:53:22,922 --> 00:53:24,858 I wonder how long it's been since this was made. 1215 00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:28,395 Beer. You guys want some beer? 1216 00:53:28,429 --> 00:53:30,764 - Sure! - Yeah, I'll take two. 1217 00:53:30,797 --> 00:53:31,797 Maybe! 1218 00:53:34,735 --> 00:53:36,570 So, I'm so glad that we got to hang out! 1219 00:53:36,603 --> 00:53:37,971 Kai's told me so much about you. 1220 00:53:38,005 --> 00:53:39,407 Yeah, I mean, he's my best friend, 1221 00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:40,240 so that makes a lot of sense. 1222 00:53:40,273 --> 00:53:41,742 Listen, you know so much about me, 1223 00:53:41,775 --> 00:53:43,478 but I don't really know anything about you, 1224 00:53:43,510 --> 00:53:44,878 which seems unfair. 1225 00:53:44,911 --> 00:53:46,012 Where are you from? 1226 00:53:46,045 --> 00:53:47,547 Boston, where are you from? 1227 00:53:47,581 --> 00:53:49,150 What do your parents do? 1228 00:53:49,182 --> 00:53:51,119 Oh, uh, my mom's an occupational therapist 1229 00:53:51,152 --> 00:53:52,854 and my dad works for a mineral company. 1230 00:53:52,887 --> 00:53:55,856 - Are they still together? - My parents? 1231 00:53:55,889 --> 00:53:57,023 No, actually, they split up. 1232 00:53:57,056 --> 00:53:58,825 - How old were you? - Eleven. 1233 00:53:58,858 --> 00:54:01,061 Ah, so you come from a broken family. 1234 00:54:01,094 --> 00:54:03,764 Um, I mean, I wouldn't say "broken." 1235 00:54:03,797 --> 00:54:05,966 It was fine. Two christmases. 1236 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,644 So you're a Christian, and you're in denial. 1237 00:54:07,668 --> 00:54:08,501 Got it, okay. 1238 00:54:08,536 --> 00:54:10,104 So would you say that your upbringing 1239 00:54:10,137 --> 00:54:11,472 has had some sort of impact 1240 00:54:11,505 --> 00:54:13,641 on your current thoughts on commitment? 1241 00:54:13,673 --> 00:54:15,113 - What? - Do you like to get serious? 1242 00:54:15,141 --> 00:54:17,844 Or do you just keep things "casual"? 1243 00:54:17,878 --> 00:54:20,047 I'm sorry, what's happening here. 1244 00:54:20,079 --> 00:54:23,784 Cervezas! One for you, and one for you. 1245 00:54:23,818 --> 00:54:25,620 - Thank you! - Check it out, Mexican beer, 1246 00:54:25,652 --> 00:54:27,120 Japanese Sushi, what can I say? 1247 00:54:27,153 --> 00:54:28,623 I'm giving you guys a world tour. 1248 00:54:30,224 --> 00:54:32,860 - You're cute. - Isn't he the best? Yeah. 1249 00:54:32,893 --> 00:54:35,496 So, uh, how many dates have you guys been on? 1250 00:54:35,528 --> 00:54:38,032 Uh, technically, this is our third. 1251 00:54:38,065 --> 00:54:39,634 - Technically? - Well, one night, 1252 00:54:39,666 --> 00:54:40,711 we just watched tiger king, 1253 00:54:40,735 --> 00:54:43,204 so I don't know if that counts as a real date. 1254 00:54:43,237 --> 00:54:45,139 Yeah, I mean, it sounds pretty... 1255 00:54:45,172 --> 00:54:47,007 Casual. 1256 00:54:47,041 --> 00:54:49,677 - I thought it was romantic. - Then we'll count it. 1257 00:54:49,710 --> 00:54:51,913 - Count it! - Count it! 1258 00:54:51,945 --> 00:54:53,780 - Kill me. - I've said it once, 1259 00:54:53,813 --> 00:54:54,882 and I'll say it again. 1260 00:54:54,914 --> 00:54:55,715 There are two things 1261 00:54:55,748 --> 00:54:57,717 that will never work in a marriage. 1262 00:54:57,751 --> 00:54:59,687 One, the woman wearing the pants, 1263 00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,988 two, the woman being a motherly figure. 1264 00:55:02,021 --> 00:55:03,958 Oh, honey. 1265 00:55:03,990 --> 00:55:05,460 I just think, at the end of the day, 1266 00:55:05,492 --> 00:55:07,894 it's like love and marriage, it's just... 1267 00:55:07,927 --> 00:55:09,896 I know you know this now, 'cause I've told you, 1268 00:55:09,929 --> 00:55:11,765 - it's like... - Shut up! 1269 00:55:11,798 --> 00:55:13,134 Shut the fuck up! 1270 00:55:13,166 --> 00:55:16,103 Seriously, shut your fucking mouth. 1271 00:55:16,135 --> 00:55:18,773 Holy hell, do you ever stop talking? 1272 00:55:18,806 --> 00:55:21,242 All you do is talk and talk and talk, 1273 00:55:21,275 --> 00:55:23,486 and I'm starting to feel like I live in a fucking hell prison 1274 00:55:23,510 --> 00:55:25,045 of your fucking voice! 1275 00:55:25,079 --> 00:55:26,781 Fuck! 1276 00:55:40,193 --> 00:55:46,701 I have never in my life... 1277 00:55:48,135 --> 00:55:51,873 Been more attracted to you. 1278 00:55:54,675 --> 00:55:58,012 We're going home and straight to the bedroom. 1279 00:55:58,045 --> 00:55:59,880 Pick up all this shit. 1280 00:56:02,949 --> 00:56:04,085 - So rude. - Oh, my god! 1281 00:56:04,117 --> 00:56:07,054 - Is that... - Maya! 1282 00:56:07,086 --> 00:56:08,755 Oh, my god, wow. 1283 00:56:08,789 --> 00:56:10,300 - Do we have to say hi? - Well, now we fucking do! 1284 00:56:10,324 --> 00:56:13,628 - Hi! - Hannah! T.Y.! 1285 00:56:13,661 --> 00:56:14,929 You guys look... 1286 00:56:17,597 --> 00:56:18,365 Great! 1287 00:56:18,398 --> 00:56:21,268 Holy shit, how long has it been? 1288 00:56:21,302 --> 00:56:22,811 I mean, I don't think we've seen each other 1289 00:56:22,835 --> 00:56:24,971 since Amy and Peter's wedding. 1290 00:56:25,005 --> 00:56:26,840 - Oh. - So you heard. 1291 00:56:26,873 --> 00:56:29,543 Of course. I was shocked to my core. 1292 00:56:29,577 --> 00:56:32,280 - It was very upsetting. - A tragedy. 1293 00:56:36,784 --> 00:56:39,820 - So I should be going. - Yes. Yes, go! 1294 00:56:39,853 --> 00:56:41,856 - We're gonna... - Babe, come on. 1295 00:56:41,889 --> 00:56:43,024 Okay, kiss kiss! 1296 00:56:43,056 --> 00:56:45,157 See ya! Bye, Maya! 1297 00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:48,929 If I never see her again, it'll only be too soon. 1298 00:56:48,963 --> 00:56:50,698 I know, she stresses me out! 1299 00:56:50,731 --> 00:56:52,733 Me too, let's breathe. 1300 00:56:55,936 --> 00:56:57,238 Stay calm, stay calm! 1301 00:56:57,271 --> 00:56:59,807 Think peaceful thoughts, think Elle fanning. 1302 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:02,076 What? Why would you make me think of Elle fanning? 1303 00:57:02,108 --> 00:57:03,619 That only makes me think of Dakota fanning 1304 00:57:03,643 --> 00:57:05,220 who used to be more famous than her sister, 1305 00:57:05,244 --> 00:57:07,114 - and now she's not! - Okay, okay. 1306 00:57:07,146 --> 00:57:10,083 Think pizza, pasta, sweet treats! 1307 00:57:10,117 --> 00:57:13,220 Cellulite, fat, fuck, I need to lose 50 pounds. 1308 00:57:13,253 --> 00:57:15,789 - Help! - Someone save me! 1309 00:57:15,822 --> 00:57:17,891 - I mean, us! - We need to take shelter! 1310 00:57:17,925 --> 00:57:19,093 Quick, give me a boost! 1311 00:57:19,126 --> 00:57:20,236 Oh, so you can leave me down here 1312 00:57:20,260 --> 00:57:21,996 to be eaten by wild dogs? 1313 00:57:22,028 --> 00:57:23,931 You'll be fine, your blood is toxic! 1314 00:57:23,963 --> 00:57:25,231 Dogs can sense that! 1315 00:57:27,134 --> 00:57:29,170 Oh, bad vibes, we have to run! 1316 00:57:29,202 --> 00:57:30,271 - I have the runs? - What? 1317 00:57:30,304 --> 00:57:31,639 No, we have to run! 1318 00:57:31,672 --> 00:57:33,740 - Come on! - Oh, my god! 1319 00:57:38,646 --> 00:57:39,914 This is it. 1320 00:57:39,947 --> 00:57:42,215 We're in 127 hours. 1321 00:57:42,248 --> 00:57:44,851 Except for it's not gonna take that long for me to die. 1322 00:57:44,885 --> 00:57:46,153 I'm not a survivor. 1323 00:57:46,186 --> 00:57:49,222 - And I know that. - I am starving to death! 1324 00:57:49,255 --> 00:57:52,359 I can literally feel my body eating itself alive. 1325 00:57:52,393 --> 00:57:53,994 I'm so thirsty! 1326 00:57:54,027 --> 00:57:55,629 I need water. 1327 00:57:55,663 --> 00:57:57,365 Or diet coke or a vodka red bull. 1328 00:57:57,398 --> 00:57:59,408 I always knew I'd die on the set of lord of the rings 1329 00:57:59,432 --> 00:58:03,971 - with orcs all around me. - I'm not an orc! 1330 00:58:05,672 --> 00:58:07,674 I always thought I'd die young, 1331 00:58:07,708 --> 00:58:09,644 and I'm not even that young. 1332 00:58:09,677 --> 00:58:11,846 I can't even get my own tragic death right! 1333 00:58:11,878 --> 00:58:14,214 We should find a pretty place to lay our bones down 1334 00:58:14,248 --> 00:58:16,349 for the final rest. 1335 00:58:16,382 --> 00:58:18,251 We need shade. 1336 00:58:18,284 --> 00:58:21,355 Here, take this rock and protect us 1337 00:58:21,387 --> 00:58:24,025 from the indigenous people of this land. 1338 00:58:24,057 --> 00:58:25,358 Ooh, I don't actually think 1339 00:58:25,391 --> 00:58:26,993 there are indigenous people here anymore. 1340 00:58:27,027 --> 00:58:28,896 And whose fault is that, Anderson? 1341 00:58:28,929 --> 00:58:31,731 I'm so weak. 1342 00:58:31,764 --> 00:58:33,933 I can feel the life draining from my eyes. 1343 00:58:33,967 --> 00:58:36,436 Here, sketch a message into the mud 1344 00:58:36,469 --> 00:58:38,972 so that future generations will know we were here. 1345 00:58:44,010 --> 00:58:45,846 Hey, guys? 1346 00:58:45,878 --> 00:58:47,815 We really wanna keep it down here. 1347 00:58:47,847 --> 00:58:50,250 We're trying to share the forest with everyone, okay? 1348 00:58:50,284 --> 00:58:52,019 - We're saved! - A gnome. 1349 00:58:52,052 --> 00:58:54,989 No, this is my ginger rehab counselor. 1350 00:58:55,021 --> 00:58:56,356 I think the mushrooms just hit. 1351 00:58:56,389 --> 00:58:58,224 I'm j.P., we've met, and you guys 1352 00:58:58,257 --> 00:59:00,093 have literally been five feet from the trail 1353 00:59:00,126 --> 00:59:02,462 this entire time. 1354 00:59:02,496 --> 00:59:05,398 - Well, the trail... - I mean, that's the arrow... 1355 00:59:05,431 --> 00:59:07,867 Trail signs might as well be written 1356 00:59:07,900 --> 00:59:10,236 in Egyptian hierologlyphics. 1357 00:59:10,269 --> 00:59:11,304 Right. 1358 00:59:11,338 --> 00:59:13,441 Anderson, we're gonna have to ask your sister 1359 00:59:13,474 --> 00:59:14,975 to leave the retreat. 1360 00:59:15,007 --> 00:59:16,843 You know that she's not supposed to be here, 1361 00:59:16,876 --> 00:59:19,079 especially after what happened last time. 1362 00:59:19,112 --> 00:59:21,014 - Oh, come on. - How was I supposed to know 1363 00:59:21,047 --> 00:59:23,950 you're not allowed to bring ecstasy to a rehab picnic? 1364 00:59:23,983 --> 00:59:25,418 - The kids loved it! - Calico. 1365 00:59:25,452 --> 00:59:27,221 March. 1366 00:59:27,253 --> 00:59:28,253 I'm serious. 1367 00:59:42,936 --> 00:59:44,138 Ha-ha! 1368 01:00:50,003 --> 01:00:51,072 Ah! 1369 01:01:01,914 --> 01:01:04,117 Oh, my god. Sam! 1370 01:01:06,186 --> 01:01:07,988 Fuck you, dog! 1371 01:01:12,525 --> 01:01:14,494 Ow, ow. 1372 01:01:14,527 --> 01:01:16,129 Get up, get up. 1373 01:01:17,530 --> 01:01:18,565 Sit. 1374 01:01:20,199 --> 01:01:21,335 Stop whining. 1375 01:01:23,302 --> 01:01:25,405 Just hold it still. 1376 01:01:25,438 --> 01:01:26,940 Ow, okay. 1377 01:01:26,974 --> 01:01:27,875 Okay. 1378 01:01:27,907 --> 01:01:29,175 Ow, ow! 1379 01:01:29,208 --> 01:01:31,978 Ow! 1380 01:01:32,012 --> 01:01:33,847 Gah. 1381 01:01:37,016 --> 01:01:38,952 - Is that just house tape? - Yup. 1382 01:01:38,985 --> 01:01:40,954 Ow. Ah! 1383 01:01:44,391 --> 01:01:46,594 - I... - Your thumb is mangled. 1384 01:01:46,626 --> 01:01:48,628 - It hurts. - Good. 1385 01:01:48,661 --> 01:01:50,230 Because it means your nerves are intact 1386 01:01:50,264 --> 01:01:52,032 and because you also deserve it. 1387 01:01:52,065 --> 01:01:55,369 What? I deserve it? 1388 01:01:55,402 --> 01:01:57,471 What are you even doing out here all day? 1389 01:01:57,503 --> 01:01:59,406 - Huh? - Deserve what? 1390 01:02:01,574 --> 01:02:03,376 We had plans, Sam! 1391 01:02:06,579 --> 01:02:09,016 - Fuck. - Yeah. 1392 01:02:11,585 --> 01:02:14,454 You're right. 1393 01:02:14,487 --> 01:02:17,625 Babe, you really should have said something. 1394 01:02:17,657 --> 01:02:20,594 - Oh, should I have? - Yeah. 1395 01:02:20,626 --> 01:02:22,295 - I think... - Yeah? 1396 01:02:22,329 --> 01:02:24,231 Oh! Ow! 1397 01:02:24,264 --> 01:02:25,466 Jesus! 1398 01:02:27,567 --> 01:02:32,005 I am... I am always the one. 1399 01:02:35,041 --> 01:02:38,011 I am always picking you up. 1400 01:02:38,045 --> 01:02:39,547 Always! 1401 01:02:43,282 --> 01:02:44,951 Why? 1402 01:02:51,425 --> 01:02:53,527 You slapped me really hard. 1403 01:02:53,559 --> 01:02:55,663 You don't think I know what this is about? 1404 01:02:55,695 --> 01:02:59,365 Who this is about? 1405 01:02:59,398 --> 01:03:00,398 Yeah. 1406 01:03:01,434 --> 01:03:02,536 - What? - Yeah. 1407 01:03:02,568 --> 01:03:04,438 No! 1408 01:03:04,471 --> 01:03:06,106 You're... 1409 01:03:06,139 --> 01:03:08,442 I wanted to do something. 1410 01:03:08,474 --> 01:03:10,443 To make something. 1411 01:03:10,476 --> 01:03:11,476 With these! 1412 01:03:13,612 --> 01:03:15,648 So poetic. 1413 01:03:17,117 --> 01:03:18,986 God! 1414 01:03:19,018 --> 01:03:20,453 - You... - Ow! 1415 01:03:20,487 --> 01:03:24,592 You sheet of fucking glass! 1416 01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:28,362 What? 1417 01:03:28,394 --> 01:03:30,197 Theo, where are you going? 1418 01:03:30,230 --> 01:03:32,432 I have plans, Sam. 1419 01:03:32,465 --> 01:03:34,201 Lots of them. 1420 01:03:45,778 --> 01:03:47,547 Shhh. 1421 01:03:51,217 --> 01:03:52,217 Hello? 1422 01:03:54,487 --> 01:03:56,523 - Raymond? - Building something? 1423 01:03:58,291 --> 01:04:01,095 Yeah, a deck. 1424 01:04:01,128 --> 01:04:02,063 How long you been there? 1425 01:04:02,096 --> 01:04:04,398 - Wife troubles? - No, she's my fiancée. 1426 01:04:04,431 --> 01:04:07,300 - What did you say? - Fiancée. 1427 01:04:07,333 --> 01:04:10,103 No, no, what did you do? 1428 01:04:10,137 --> 01:04:12,306 Oh. 1429 01:04:12,338 --> 01:04:14,240 It's complicated. 1430 01:04:14,273 --> 01:04:15,742 We'll be all right. 1431 01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:24,485 You know, it's just this girl I used to date. 1432 01:04:24,518 --> 01:04:26,229 She's married, but she's getting a divorce now, 1433 01:04:26,253 --> 01:04:27,388 it's stupid. 1434 01:04:31,157 --> 01:04:34,293 - What's so funny? - Oh. 1435 01:04:34,327 --> 01:04:35,730 You still love this girl? 1436 01:04:38,297 --> 01:04:39,632 I don't think it's about that. 1437 01:04:39,666 --> 01:04:41,568 - Casual dalliance then? - What? 1438 01:04:41,601 --> 01:04:43,503 - Left-handed honeymoon? - What? 1439 01:04:43,536 --> 01:04:45,739 Do you want to sleep with her? 1440 01:04:45,771 --> 01:04:48,174 No! No. 1441 01:04:48,208 --> 01:04:50,811 Ray, I have a fiancée. 1442 01:04:50,844 --> 01:04:52,679 Yeah, you said that already. 1443 01:04:52,711 --> 01:04:56,182 Yeah. I did. 1444 01:04:56,215 --> 01:04:58,719 Yeah, by the sound of it, you still do. 1445 01:04:58,751 --> 01:05:00,420 Take it from me, kid. 1446 01:05:00,454 --> 01:05:02,423 You get the beginning, you get the end, 1447 01:05:02,456 --> 01:05:05,224 and usually, the only thing separating the two 1448 01:05:05,257 --> 01:05:06,359 is a lot of wasted time. 1449 01:05:06,393 --> 01:05:08,561 Hey, ray? 1450 01:05:08,594 --> 01:05:09,829 Are you good with this stuff? 1451 01:05:09,862 --> 01:05:12,432 - Women? - No, lumber. 1452 01:05:12,465 --> 01:05:13,733 I know a thing or two. 1453 01:05:15,469 --> 01:05:17,304 - Can you teach me? - Oh, sure! 1454 01:05:17,336 --> 01:05:19,273 You just hit the nail on the head. 1455 01:05:19,306 --> 01:05:20,574 No. 1456 01:05:22,842 --> 01:05:25,545 I mean, would you come over here and help me build it? 1457 01:05:25,579 --> 01:05:27,581 Ah! 1458 01:05:27,614 --> 01:05:29,416 No. 1459 01:05:29,449 --> 01:05:31,751 - No? - No, don't got the time. 1460 01:05:31,784 --> 01:05:34,353 - Tomorrow then! - Nope, can't! 1461 01:05:34,387 --> 01:05:38,158 - Why? - Well, you're an asshole 1462 01:05:38,190 --> 01:05:40,093 to my dog. 1463 01:05:41,862 --> 01:05:44,697 Well, why didn't you say anything then? 1464 01:05:44,731 --> 01:05:48,569 Son, I was in the war. 1465 01:05:50,202 --> 01:05:51,338 Oh. 1466 01:05:54,173 --> 01:05:55,342 Thank you. 1467 01:06:25,304 --> 01:06:27,140 Wow, four dates! 1468 01:06:27,173 --> 01:06:29,275 You guys are getting pretty serious. 1469 01:06:29,309 --> 01:06:32,179 You guys gonna meet each other's parents soon? 1470 01:06:32,211 --> 01:06:33,211 Um... 1471 01:06:34,581 --> 01:06:37,651 I don't know what it is about eating outside. 1472 01:06:37,684 --> 01:06:39,494 I mean, it just... the food just tastes better. 1473 01:06:39,518 --> 01:06:42,355 - Alcohol tastes better, too! - So true. 1474 01:06:42,389 --> 01:06:44,791 - Fuck, I forgot the limes! - No, that's okay! 1475 01:06:44,824 --> 01:06:46,468 No, I have a whole bag, and they're really old, 1476 01:06:46,492 --> 01:06:47,393 and if we don't use them, they're gonna go bad. 1477 01:06:47,427 --> 01:06:50,263 - I can get them. - No, I'll be right back. 1478 01:06:50,297 --> 01:06:51,831 So what are your intentions with Kai? 1479 01:06:51,864 --> 01:06:54,634 - What? - Kai is fragile, okay? 1480 01:06:54,668 --> 01:06:56,803 And if you're not in it for the long haul, 1481 01:06:56,835 --> 01:06:59,639 I'm talking holding hands and dying in bed together... 1482 01:06:59,672 --> 01:07:01,207 - Like the notebook? - Please do not 1483 01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:02,442 bring that film up right now. 1484 01:07:02,474 --> 01:07:03,643 I cannot handle that, okay? 1485 01:07:03,675 --> 01:07:06,846 Anyways, if you're here to just have fun or something, 1486 01:07:06,880 --> 01:07:08,182 then you might as well leave now 1487 01:07:08,215 --> 01:07:09,358 and spare us all the heartbreak, okay? 1488 01:07:09,382 --> 01:07:12,785 - Dude, what is your deal? - Are you seeing other guys? 1489 01:07:12,818 --> 01:07:13,686 - Are you clean? - Excuse me? 1490 01:07:13,719 --> 01:07:15,655 - Sexually. - Yeah, I know what you mean. 1491 01:07:15,688 --> 01:07:17,332 When's the last time you had unprotected sex? 1492 01:07:17,356 --> 01:07:19,393 - Oh, my god. - Hey, bad news. 1493 01:07:19,425 --> 01:07:21,194 Motherfucking knew it, limes are old. 1494 01:07:21,228 --> 01:07:22,738 Good news, neighbor said we could borrow some of theirs. 1495 01:07:22,762 --> 01:07:23,905 - I'll be right back. - Please don't go! 1496 01:07:23,929 --> 01:07:24,797 - Be right back! - I just don't think 1497 01:07:24,831 --> 01:07:26,466 - you're right for each other. - Dude! 1498 01:07:26,498 --> 01:07:27,577 I mean, do you even want kids? 1499 01:07:27,601 --> 01:07:28,869 I don't know, maybe one day! 1500 01:07:28,902 --> 01:07:30,670 "Maybe one day!" Unbelievable. 1501 01:07:30,704 --> 01:07:32,573 - I'm 21! - Yeah, my mom had me 1502 01:07:32,606 --> 01:07:34,775 - when she was 23. - Well, times have changed! 1503 01:07:34,807 --> 01:07:38,612 Times have changed, because now commitment doesn't matter! 1504 01:07:38,644 --> 01:07:39,822 Marriage doesn't mean anything! 1505 01:07:39,846 --> 01:07:41,481 This is all just a bunch of bullshit! 1506 01:07:41,514 --> 01:07:42,782 And whatever you're here to do, 1507 01:07:42,815 --> 01:07:43,927 okay, it's just not gonna work out, 1508 01:07:43,951 --> 01:07:45,827 so you might as well leave before somebody gets hurt! 1509 01:07:45,851 --> 01:07:49,489 Fine! 1510 01:07:49,521 --> 01:07:51,557 You know, I don't know what I did or said 1511 01:07:51,590 --> 01:07:52,826 to make you hate me, 1512 01:07:52,858 --> 01:07:54,927 but this conversation is fucked up. 1513 01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:56,262 You guys can have each other. 1514 01:07:56,295 --> 01:07:58,898 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - I can't handle your roommate! 1515 01:07:58,931 --> 01:08:01,434 I am so sorry, but he's just been having 1516 01:08:01,467 --> 01:08:02,536 a really shitty day. 1517 01:08:02,568 --> 01:08:05,371 He found out that his sister is getting a divorce. 1518 01:08:05,405 --> 01:08:07,708 - Really? - Yeah, I just found out. 1519 01:08:09,541 --> 01:08:10,943 I'm sorry. 1520 01:08:10,976 --> 01:08:12,245 No, I'm sorry. 1521 01:08:12,278 --> 01:08:14,447 I've acted like such a dick. 1522 01:08:14,481 --> 01:08:16,291 It's just this whole thing is fucking with me, you know? 1523 01:08:16,315 --> 01:08:19,418 Like I always thought that love was real. 1524 01:08:19,452 --> 01:08:20,686 Love is real. 1525 01:08:20,720 --> 01:08:23,724 I mean, sometimes it's scary and it doesn't work out, 1526 01:08:23,756 --> 01:08:26,893 but it's definitely real. 1527 01:08:26,926 --> 01:08:29,730 Yeah, man, just hang in there. 1528 01:08:29,762 --> 01:08:31,899 Things will sort themselves out. 1529 01:08:35,068 --> 01:08:36,612 Do you guys think we should have a threesome? 1530 01:08:36,636 --> 01:08:39,940 ♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪ 1531 01:08:41,307 --> 01:08:43,710 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I did it! 1532 01:08:43,743 --> 01:08:45,812 - I did it. - Did sex? 1533 01:08:45,845 --> 01:08:47,780 Yes, with bill. 1534 01:08:47,814 --> 01:08:49,783 A ton. He loves it. 1535 01:08:49,815 --> 01:08:51,717 He's even got a name for my front tushy. 1536 01:08:51,751 --> 01:08:53,453 Calls it the "open road." 1537 01:08:53,485 --> 01:08:55,889 Okay, that's sweet, yeah. 1538 01:08:55,921 --> 01:09:00,660 And girl, did he drive down the open road! 1539 01:09:00,694 --> 01:09:01,962 Woo! 1540 01:09:01,994 --> 01:09:03,963 Did you know that sex on a trampoline 1541 01:09:03,997 --> 01:09:05,499 is a weightless gift? 1542 01:09:05,532 --> 01:09:08,034 I did not know that, but good to know, thank you! 1543 01:09:08,068 --> 01:09:09,636 Got a little tramp burn on my belly, 1544 01:09:09,668 --> 01:09:12,038 but it was worth it. 1545 01:09:12,072 --> 01:09:14,041 Girl, I'm getting to tour my house and home 1546 01:09:14,073 --> 01:09:16,076 like I've never seen it before! 1547 01:09:16,109 --> 01:09:18,312 And bill says he's awake for the first time 1548 01:09:18,345 --> 01:09:20,047 since w. Got elected! 1549 01:09:20,079 --> 01:09:23,817 Okay, well, listen, Mary grace, I am so happy for you, 1550 01:09:23,850 --> 01:09:25,085 and I guess for bill, too. 1551 01:09:25,118 --> 01:09:27,421 I cannot thank you enough. 1552 01:09:27,453 --> 01:09:29,855 I am sending you an edible arrangement today. 1553 01:09:29,889 --> 01:09:31,992 No, no, no, no, don't do that, that's not necessary. 1554 01:09:32,024 --> 01:09:33,393 It's already done! 1555 01:09:33,426 --> 01:09:34,995 I got your address from your mother. 1556 01:09:35,028 --> 01:09:38,432 And don't you worry, I told her you were well-acquainted 1557 01:09:38,465 --> 01:09:40,734 with the men in town, and rest assured... 1558 01:09:40,766 --> 01:09:42,769 Wait, wait, wait, you told my mom what? 1559 01:09:42,801 --> 01:09:44,070 - What, bill? - Mary grace, 1560 01:09:44,104 --> 01:09:45,838 - what did you tell her? - Oh, it's ready? 1561 01:09:45,872 --> 01:09:47,116 - Mary grace! - Okay, I gotta go. 1562 01:09:47,140 --> 01:09:49,343 I'ma show bill how to use the jacuzzi jets. 1563 01:09:49,376 --> 01:09:51,478 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, did you say "32 dicks"? 1564 01:09:51,511 --> 01:09:52,979 - Mary grace? - Bye, Lauren. 1565 01:09:53,011 --> 01:09:55,081 Jesus and bill and I love you so much. 1566 01:09:55,114 --> 01:09:56,449 What does my mom know? 1567 01:09:56,483 --> 01:09:57,851 What does she know? 1568 01:09:58,885 --> 01:10:01,988 Jaime, come on, man. 1569 01:10:02,020 --> 01:10:03,690 You're better than this. 1570 01:10:05,158 --> 01:10:06,593 No, I'm not. 1571 01:10:32,886 --> 01:10:34,154 Hi, Jaime. 1572 01:10:34,186 --> 01:10:36,957 It's been a while. 1573 01:10:36,989 --> 01:10:38,524 Hey. 1574 01:10:38,557 --> 01:10:39,926 I miss you. 1575 01:10:39,958 --> 01:10:42,762 Well, it's a little too late for that. 1576 01:10:42,796 --> 01:10:44,865 I made a huge mistake. 1577 01:10:44,898 --> 01:10:47,400 I should have given you a second chance. 1578 01:10:47,434 --> 01:10:50,103 Well, too bad, because I've moved on, okay? 1579 01:10:50,136 --> 01:10:52,672 No, you haven't. 1580 01:10:52,704 --> 01:10:55,475 You still listen to Adele and Sam Smith every night 1581 01:10:55,507 --> 01:10:57,778 until your eyes burn with salty tears. 1582 01:10:57,810 --> 01:10:59,011 Shut up, that's not true. 1583 01:10:59,046 --> 01:11:02,115 See? You are always pretending to be someone you're not, 1584 01:11:02,148 --> 01:11:03,617 because you are still afraid 1585 01:11:03,649 --> 01:11:05,050 that I wouldn't love the real you. 1586 01:11:05,083 --> 01:11:06,752 Oh, please. 1587 01:11:06,786 --> 01:11:08,020 You kept getting distant 1588 01:11:08,054 --> 01:11:09,789 until I didn't recognize you anymore. 1589 01:11:09,823 --> 01:11:12,057 Well, surprise, surprise! 1590 01:11:12,091 --> 01:11:14,461 The sock has all the answers. 1591 01:11:14,493 --> 01:11:15,996 And what do you have, hm? 1592 01:11:16,029 --> 01:11:17,564 A drum set? 1593 01:11:17,596 --> 01:11:20,733 Big man on campus with a drum set. 1594 01:11:20,766 --> 01:11:23,103 Oh, wait, you're not on campus 1595 01:11:23,136 --> 01:11:25,605 because you didn't go back to school! 1596 01:11:25,637 --> 01:11:26,773 You know what, that's it. 1597 01:11:26,805 --> 01:11:28,140 I'm so done. 1598 01:11:28,173 --> 01:11:30,411 So done. 1599 01:11:32,110 --> 01:11:34,948 I am so done with you. 1600 01:11:34,980 --> 01:11:36,015 So... 1601 01:11:40,086 --> 01:11:42,588 Wait, let's be friends! 1602 01:11:42,622 --> 01:11:43,923 With benefits! 1603 01:11:43,957 --> 01:11:46,092 And then we'll fall in love slowly again! 1604 01:11:46,125 --> 01:11:48,228 Oh, baby. I'm sorry. 1605 01:11:48,261 --> 01:11:51,064 I can't let you go! 1606 01:11:51,096 --> 01:11:53,000 I still love you. 1607 01:11:55,134 --> 01:11:55,801 Shit. 1608 01:11:55,835 --> 01:11:57,837 Bill, we've got 30 minutes 1609 01:11:57,871 --> 01:11:59,573 before the kids get home, all right? 1610 01:11:59,605 --> 01:12:03,042 So let's pave this open road with jacuzzi's finest. 1611 01:12:03,076 --> 01:12:05,145 - Woo! - Fuck. 1612 01:12:05,177 --> 01:12:07,747 Fuck! 1613 01:12:09,849 --> 01:12:11,918 What the fuck? 1614 01:12:13,987 --> 01:12:16,088 Hey, hey, hey, you okay? 1615 01:12:16,122 --> 01:12:17,891 Oh, hey, neighbor. 1616 01:12:17,923 --> 01:12:19,592 I'm fine, I'm fine. 1617 01:12:19,626 --> 01:12:20,827 I was just, um... 1618 01:12:20,859 --> 01:12:22,161 Reclaiming your space? 1619 01:12:22,194 --> 01:12:24,764 - Can you... - Hear all the inspirational shit 1620 01:12:24,796 --> 01:12:25,698 that you're shouting all day? 1621 01:12:25,731 --> 01:12:26,699 I can, yeah. 1622 01:12:26,733 --> 01:12:28,076 You know, thin walls, but don't worry, though. 1623 01:12:28,100 --> 01:12:29,678 I'm sure you hear all kinds of crazy shit 1624 01:12:29,702 --> 01:12:30,637 from my place, too. 1625 01:12:30,670 --> 01:12:33,172 No. No, not at all. 1626 01:12:33,206 --> 01:12:38,110 I mean, except that you've had 32 dicks in your body. 1627 01:12:38,144 --> 01:12:39,913 - That was the TV. - Oh. 1628 01:12:39,945 --> 01:12:42,849 Yeah. Okay, well, I was just making sure 1629 01:12:42,881 --> 01:12:44,083 that no one was dead out here, 1630 01:12:44,117 --> 01:12:46,753 like exploded into pieces, so check. 1631 01:12:46,786 --> 01:12:48,922 I'm gonna go back inside. 1632 01:12:48,954 --> 01:12:50,724 Wait. 1633 01:12:50,756 --> 01:12:54,293 Um, if you're not doing anything, 1634 01:12:54,327 --> 01:12:58,632 do you wanna come over and have a drink? 1635 01:12:58,664 --> 01:13:02,068 Oh. Oh, uh... 1636 01:13:02,100 --> 01:13:04,304 Yeah, I think probably not, but thank you. 1637 01:13:04,337 --> 01:13:06,172 And, you know, don't sweat it, 1638 01:13:06,204 --> 01:13:08,841 'cause I know that you're going through a lot, 1639 01:13:08,875 --> 01:13:12,612 but sooner or later, you'll hook up with someone hot! 1640 01:13:12,645 --> 01:13:14,748 Trademark. 1641 01:13:14,780 --> 01:13:18,018 - That was the TV. - Right. 1642 01:13:18,051 --> 01:13:20,620 You know what? Ah, fuck it, let's do it. 1643 01:13:20,653 --> 01:13:22,789 - Really? - Yeah, just... 1644 01:13:22,822 --> 01:13:24,332 Just know that if this ends up in your vlog, 1645 01:13:24,356 --> 01:13:25,725 I will key your car. 1646 01:13:25,757 --> 01:13:28,561 - That's fair. - All right, come on. 1647 01:13:28,595 --> 01:13:31,331 - Lucky number 33! - Oh, fuck off! 1648 01:13:31,363 --> 01:13:33,165 Hey, um, sorry I got you in trouble 1649 01:13:33,198 --> 01:13:36,168 - with that ginger. - It's okay, he's whatever. 1650 01:13:36,202 --> 01:13:38,070 It's kinda nice having someone care enough 1651 01:13:38,104 --> 01:13:40,049 to recognize a bad influence, you know what I mean? 1652 01:13:40,073 --> 01:13:42,042 Totally. 1653 01:13:42,074 --> 01:13:44,243 So, are you gonna stick with this whole sober thing? 1654 01:13:44,277 --> 01:13:46,078 I think I am. 1655 01:13:46,112 --> 01:13:47,614 After hearing about Amy and Peter, 1656 01:13:47,646 --> 01:13:48,948 it's made me think, 1657 01:13:48,981 --> 01:13:50,224 if I don't quit on this rehab thing, 1658 01:13:50,248 --> 01:13:52,786 I might have a chance to restart, you know? 1659 01:13:52,819 --> 01:13:54,988 Yeah, I do know. 1660 01:13:55,020 --> 01:13:58,057 It's made me realize that I can't quit on Gabriel. 1661 01:13:58,091 --> 01:13:59,226 You know? 1662 01:13:59,259 --> 01:14:02,162 I have to go back and try to fuck my boyfriend in the ass. 1663 01:14:02,194 --> 01:14:04,363 Oh, so that's something I think you should quit on. 1664 01:14:04,396 --> 01:14:05,798 Okay. 1665 01:14:05,832 --> 01:14:07,934 Just relax, you know? 1666 01:14:07,966 --> 01:14:10,903 Let all your bee stings soak. 1667 01:14:10,936 --> 01:14:14,106 Man, you got stung so many times. 1668 01:14:14,140 --> 01:14:15,775 No one could've seen that coming. 1669 01:14:15,807 --> 01:14:17,119 I saw it coming, until they started 1670 01:14:17,143 --> 01:14:18,912 - going after my eyes. - Sh-sh-sh. 1671 01:14:18,944 --> 01:14:20,346 No, no, no. 1672 01:14:20,380 --> 01:14:23,984 But how do you feel? 1673 01:14:24,016 --> 01:14:25,751 This is actually really nice. 1674 01:14:25,784 --> 01:14:27,252 I know. 1675 01:14:27,286 --> 01:14:29,088 It's a little bit tight, 1676 01:14:29,122 --> 01:14:32,392 so I'm just gonna slip into here, 1677 01:14:32,425 --> 01:14:34,961 and you're gonna dip and give me your bottom. 1678 01:14:34,993 --> 01:14:35,996 Okay. 1679 01:14:36,029 --> 01:14:37,664 Oh, this is good. 1680 01:14:37,697 --> 01:14:39,798 I feel really vulnerable in this position. 1681 01:14:39,832 --> 01:14:42,102 I feel great, I feel very powerful. 1682 01:14:42,135 --> 01:14:44,304 I feel like I could do anything to you, 1683 01:14:44,337 --> 01:14:46,139 and I wouldn't get in trouble, 1684 01:14:46,171 --> 01:14:48,173 because I would have better lawyers than you 1685 01:14:48,207 --> 01:14:50,110 and it would be my word against yours. 1686 01:14:50,143 --> 01:14:52,378 That's a very specific fantasy. 1687 01:14:52,412 --> 01:14:54,079 Deep breath. 1688 01:14:54,113 --> 01:14:56,883 Now I'm going to insert my little finger 1689 01:14:56,916 --> 01:14:58,318 into your little butthole. 1690 01:14:58,350 --> 01:14:59,251 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1691 01:14:59,284 --> 01:15:01,054 What's happening here? 1692 01:15:01,087 --> 01:15:03,089 This is going from like zero to 60. 1693 01:15:03,122 --> 01:15:04,791 I thought you just wanted me to tie you up 1694 01:15:04,823 --> 01:15:06,960 - or lightly choke you. - What is this? 1695 01:15:06,993 --> 01:15:08,103 Amateur night at the Apollo? 1696 01:15:08,127 --> 01:15:11,430 Why are you so paranoid about us losing the passion? 1697 01:15:11,463 --> 01:15:14,333 We have great sex, we're going to keep having great sex, 1698 01:15:14,367 --> 01:15:18,738 because I love you, okay? 1699 01:15:18,770 --> 01:15:20,907 - Wait, really? - Yeah. 1700 01:15:20,939 --> 01:15:22,741 I know it's really soon for me to say that, 1701 01:15:22,774 --> 01:15:26,745 but I do. 1702 01:15:26,779 --> 01:15:30,450 I do, too. 1703 01:15:30,483 --> 01:15:33,720 I guess... I guess I was trying 1704 01:15:33,752 --> 01:15:35,097 to make you do all that crazy stuff 1705 01:15:35,121 --> 01:15:37,724 because, you know, my friends Amy and Peter 1706 01:15:37,756 --> 01:15:40,159 are getting divorced and they're our age, 1707 01:15:40,193 --> 01:15:42,762 and I just feel like if the passion can die for them, 1708 01:15:42,795 --> 01:15:44,698 then it can die for us. 1709 01:15:44,730 --> 01:15:47,701 I won't let that happen. 1710 01:15:47,734 --> 01:15:49,436 Pinky swear? 1711 01:15:49,469 --> 01:15:52,872 Not that. 1712 01:15:52,904 --> 01:15:54,306 Okay, just this once. 1713 01:15:54,340 --> 01:15:56,009 Right, just this once. 1714 01:15:56,042 --> 01:15:57,251 Because next time, it will be this. 1715 01:15:57,275 --> 01:15:59,045 - Vanessa, no. - Yes. 1716 01:15:59,078 --> 01:15:59,979 No, Vanessa, drop it. 1717 01:16:00,012 --> 01:16:02,181 - I'm... - It's a deal breaker for me. 1718 01:16:02,215 --> 01:16:03,491 - Drop it. - It's a deal breaker! 1719 01:16:03,515 --> 01:16:04,983 Just the pinky. 1720 01:16:05,016 --> 01:16:07,854 Put it to the side, just the pinky. 1721 01:16:07,886 --> 01:16:09,021 Okay. 1722 01:16:16,362 --> 01:16:19,265 Your grandparents really knew how to keep the love alive. 1723 01:16:19,297 --> 01:16:20,434 Yeah. 1724 01:16:22,769 --> 01:16:24,971 How long were they married for? 1725 01:16:25,003 --> 01:16:27,273 About 63 years. 1726 01:16:27,305 --> 01:16:29,742 - That was before my grandma... - Died? 1727 01:16:31,176 --> 01:16:32,176 Right. 1728 01:16:34,046 --> 01:16:36,115 So can I have this? 1729 01:16:36,149 --> 01:16:37,751 You want a photo of my dead grandparents? 1730 01:16:37,783 --> 01:16:38,751 Yeah! 1731 01:16:38,784 --> 01:16:42,322 I mean, they're dead, and she always loved us. 1732 01:16:42,354 --> 01:16:47,526 So can I have this or are you just... what? 1733 01:16:47,560 --> 01:16:50,463 Why don't we come back to the photo? 1734 01:16:50,496 --> 01:16:51,463 - Yeah. - Yeah? 1735 01:16:51,497 --> 01:16:53,033 - Okay. - Great. 1736 01:16:59,337 --> 01:17:00,840 What about bubbles? 1737 01:17:00,872 --> 01:17:01,940 You want bubbles? 1738 01:17:01,974 --> 01:17:02,976 You always hated my fish! 1739 01:17:03,009 --> 01:17:04,877 No, that's not what I'm saying. 1740 01:17:04,911 --> 01:17:06,546 Well, then what are you saying? 1741 01:17:06,578 --> 01:17:10,549 I think we should split her 50/50. 1742 01:17:10,582 --> 01:17:11,626 How the fuck do you split a fish? 1743 01:17:11,650 --> 01:17:13,362 You get half, I get half, it's the only way. 1744 01:17:13,386 --> 01:17:14,354 All right, I'm confused, 1745 01:17:14,386 --> 01:17:16,322 are you saying that you want to kill my fish? 1746 01:17:16,354 --> 01:17:19,024 You said you wanted to be fair, and this is fair! 1747 01:17:19,057 --> 01:17:22,528 So we've just gotta burn her up and split the bitch's ashes. 1748 01:17:22,561 --> 01:17:23,896 What is wrong with you? 1749 01:17:23,930 --> 01:17:25,139 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1750 01:17:25,163 --> 01:17:29,168 You... you care more about a fish dying 1751 01:17:29,202 --> 01:17:32,405 than our death, our proverbial death. 1752 01:17:32,438 --> 01:17:34,173 - You should be sad. - I am sad! 1753 01:17:34,207 --> 01:17:35,975 Oh, yeah, you have a funny way of showing it. 1754 01:17:36,007 --> 01:17:38,978 What the fuck are you talking about? 1755 01:17:44,884 --> 01:17:45,585 Amy. 1756 01:17:45,618 --> 01:17:46,386 What if I lit this book on fire, 1757 01:17:46,418 --> 01:17:48,220 - would that make you sad? - Amy. 1758 01:17:48,253 --> 01:17:50,923 Would that make you feel sad, Peter? 1759 01:17:50,957 --> 01:17:52,992 Amy, no. 1760 01:17:53,024 --> 01:17:54,560 No, you... you wouldn't do that. 1761 01:17:54,594 --> 01:17:56,004 You know how much Michelle means to me. 1762 01:17:56,028 --> 01:17:57,163 You gonna cry, Peter? 1763 01:17:57,195 --> 01:17:58,864 You're looking a little teary-eyed. 1764 01:17:58,898 --> 01:18:00,867 You are acting insane right now. 1765 01:18:00,899 --> 01:18:03,001 - I just want you to care. - I do care! 1766 01:18:03,034 --> 01:18:03,970 Oh, yeah? 1767 01:18:04,002 --> 01:18:06,371 But clearly I can't convince you of it, 1768 01:18:06,404 --> 01:18:08,207 so if you're gonna burn that book, 1769 01:18:08,240 --> 01:18:09,309 burn the fucking book. 1770 01:18:09,341 --> 01:18:10,242 We're getting off track. 1771 01:18:10,277 --> 01:18:14,279 The point is a 10-year relationship is ending 1772 01:18:14,313 --> 01:18:16,315 and you haven't shed a single fucking tear. 1773 01:18:16,349 --> 01:18:17,558 Oh, so just because you've cried, 1774 01:18:17,582 --> 01:18:18,416 you're better than me. 1775 01:18:18,451 --> 01:18:20,019 Yes, that is exactly what that means. 1776 01:18:20,051 --> 01:18:22,020 I cry, okay? I can cry. 1777 01:18:22,054 --> 01:18:23,056 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 1778 01:18:23,088 --> 01:18:24,390 This shit is hard for me, too. 1779 01:18:24,422 --> 01:18:25,524 Then cry. 1780 01:18:25,557 --> 01:18:27,260 Cry, you fucking pussy. 1781 01:18:27,292 --> 01:18:28,828 Fine! 1782 01:18:35,501 --> 01:18:37,637 Motherfucker. 1783 01:18:37,670 --> 01:18:39,239 What? I gotta, like, get there. 1784 01:18:39,271 --> 01:18:40,340 Yeah, get there. 1785 01:18:46,378 --> 01:18:49,248 Oh, god, what is wrong with me? 1786 01:18:51,449 --> 01:18:52,918 What are you doing? 1787 01:18:55,154 --> 01:18:56,122 - Stab me. - What? 1788 01:18:56,154 --> 01:18:57,398 Take these scissors and stab me. 1789 01:18:57,422 --> 01:18:58,523 - Absolutely not. - Come on, 1790 01:18:58,556 --> 01:19:00,659 I need like a... Like a physical push. 1791 01:19:00,693 --> 01:19:02,170 I'm clearly not getting there emotionally. 1792 01:19:02,194 --> 01:19:03,196 You know, just like a... 1793 01:19:03,229 --> 01:19:04,597 - And then I'm there! - No! 1794 01:19:04,630 --> 01:19:06,498 What if I, like, hit an artery or something? 1795 01:19:06,532 --> 01:19:07,675 What the fuck do you know about arteries? 1796 01:19:07,699 --> 01:19:10,168 Nothing, and I don't want to fuck around with them! 1797 01:19:10,202 --> 01:19:11,971 Okay, fine. 1798 01:19:12,003 --> 01:19:14,673 - Um, hit me. - What? 1799 01:19:14,707 --> 01:19:16,142 Punch me in the face. Right? 1800 01:19:16,175 --> 01:19:17,677 - Okay, sure. - Okay, cool. 1801 01:19:17,710 --> 01:19:19,621 So... but wait, not too hard, I don't want to bruise. 1802 01:19:19,645 --> 01:19:21,156 - Seriously? - What, do you want people 1803 01:19:21,180 --> 01:19:22,615 to think that you beat me? 1804 01:19:22,648 --> 01:19:25,652 Good point, so, um... 1805 01:19:25,685 --> 01:19:27,153 - Punch me in the stomach. - Okay! 1806 01:19:27,185 --> 01:19:28,696 - Perfect. - Okay, yeah, I can do that! 1807 01:19:28,720 --> 01:19:30,299 It won't be too bad, but it'll be enough. 1808 01:19:30,323 --> 01:19:31,423 - Okay. - Right, okay. 1809 01:19:31,457 --> 01:19:34,694 All right, so I'm just gonna flex. 1810 01:19:34,726 --> 01:19:36,061 Ow! What the fuck? 1811 01:19:36,095 --> 01:19:37,463 Sorry, it was just a reflex! 1812 01:19:37,496 --> 01:19:39,132 You fucking asshole! 1813 01:19:39,164 --> 01:19:40,099 I'm the asshole? 1814 01:19:40,131 --> 01:19:41,600 Yes, this is all your fault. 1815 01:19:41,634 --> 01:19:43,168 Right, no, yeah, no, 1816 01:19:43,202 --> 01:19:44,513 you're perfect and I'm the monster. 1817 01:19:44,537 --> 01:19:46,172 I never said you were a monster. 1818 01:19:46,204 --> 01:19:47,415 Yeah, well, you sure act like it. 1819 01:19:47,439 --> 01:19:50,309 Like it's my fault that we aren't where we used to be. 1820 01:19:50,342 --> 01:19:53,947 Well, it... it is partially your fault. 1821 01:19:53,979 --> 01:19:56,415 Yeah, but it's also yours, you know? 1822 01:19:56,448 --> 01:19:59,251 Like, it takes two to dance or whatever. 1823 01:19:59,284 --> 01:20:04,657 Sure, but that's not a phrase. 1824 01:20:06,658 --> 01:20:09,161 God, this fucking sucks. 1825 01:20:14,399 --> 01:20:16,335 Oh, my god. 1826 01:20:16,368 --> 01:20:17,670 What? 1827 01:20:17,703 --> 01:20:19,105 You're crying. 1828 01:20:25,411 --> 01:20:27,413 I fucking did it. 1829 01:20:27,445 --> 01:20:29,349 You fucking did it. 1830 01:20:29,381 --> 01:20:30,649 Oh, fuck. 1831 01:20:30,682 --> 01:20:32,217 Oh, my god. 1832 01:20:32,251 --> 01:20:35,021 Wait, I think I have another one coming. 1833 01:20:35,054 --> 01:20:36,088 Give it to me. 1834 01:20:36,122 --> 01:20:37,123 It's fucking coming. 1835 01:20:37,155 --> 01:20:38,623 Oh, come for me. 1836 01:20:38,657 --> 01:20:39,726 It's fucking coming. 1837 01:20:41,092 --> 01:20:42,394 It's fucking coming. 1838 01:20:42,427 --> 01:20:44,329 - Oh! - It's coming! 1839 01:20:48,734 --> 01:20:50,570 Are you feeling what I'm feeling? 1840 01:20:50,603 --> 01:20:52,171 Yes. 1841 01:20:55,707 --> 01:20:57,609 Yes! We made it! 1842 01:20:57,643 --> 01:20:58,476 Woo-woo! 1843 01:20:58,511 --> 01:21:00,546 Thank god we were invited this time. 1844 01:21:00,578 --> 01:21:01,780 Were you guys invited? 1845 01:21:01,814 --> 01:21:03,649 Oh, I forwarded them the link. 1846 01:21:03,681 --> 01:21:06,485 Okay, so can I ask, 1847 01:21:06,519 --> 01:21:08,387 is the divorce weighing heavily on anyone else? 1848 01:21:08,421 --> 01:21:09,555 - Yes. - Yeah. 1849 01:21:09,587 --> 01:21:12,090 - Um, no. - Yeah, I'm doing fine. 1850 01:21:12,123 --> 01:21:15,594 Honestly, you guys, it has, like, deeply affected me. 1851 01:21:15,627 --> 01:21:18,530 You should hear what I tried to do to my boyfriend. 1852 01:21:18,564 --> 01:21:20,099 Seriously, Hannah, I wanna tell you 1853 01:21:20,131 --> 01:21:22,034 what I tried to do to my boyfriend. 1854 01:21:24,636 --> 01:21:27,305 Okay, anyone else wanna weigh in? 1855 01:21:27,338 --> 01:21:30,676 For me, the divorce has had a deep effect on my spirit. 1856 01:21:30,708 --> 01:21:32,478 You still at rehab with the teens? 1857 01:21:32,511 --> 01:21:35,148 - Wilderness rehab? - Right. 1858 01:21:35,180 --> 01:21:37,516 No, I'm with my new guru, vishnu. 1859 01:21:37,550 --> 01:21:39,786 Oh, god, Anderson, did you join another cult? 1860 01:21:39,819 --> 01:21:42,255 - We talked about this. - Hard to say. 1861 01:21:42,287 --> 01:21:44,366 Well, I don't know how the news has really affected me, 1862 01:21:44,390 --> 01:21:46,526 but it sent my mom down a real spiral 1863 01:21:46,559 --> 01:21:48,427 that ended with her setting up a call 1864 01:21:48,461 --> 01:21:49,762 with my former youth pastor 1865 01:21:49,795 --> 01:21:52,265 that took a very sexually explicit turn. 1866 01:21:52,297 --> 01:21:53,632 - Hot. - Yeah, I took the news 1867 01:21:53,666 --> 01:21:56,135 pretty badly, but thankfully, 1868 01:21:56,167 --> 01:21:57,446 my friends have been there for me. 1869 01:21:57,470 --> 01:21:58,605 - Hi, everyone! - Hey! 1870 01:21:58,637 --> 01:22:00,840 - Who are these children? - And where are Amy and Peter? 1871 01:22:00,872 --> 01:22:03,442 It's like one depressing group call was bad enough, 1872 01:22:03,475 --> 01:22:04,719 but then to schedule a second one 1873 01:22:04,743 --> 01:22:05,744 and then show up late? 1874 01:22:05,778 --> 01:22:07,847 Yeah, I was really looking forward to seeing Peter. 1875 01:22:07,880 --> 01:22:09,515 - You're the only one. - I heard that! 1876 01:22:09,547 --> 01:22:10,748 Okay, Noah, relax. 1877 01:22:10,783 --> 01:22:14,153 Why don't you just go make out with one of your partners? 1878 01:22:14,185 --> 01:22:16,154 Oh, my god, is this what they call a throuple? 1879 01:22:16,188 --> 01:22:17,732 Oh, bitch, don't act like you don't know 1880 01:22:17,756 --> 01:22:18,791 what a threesome is! 1881 01:22:18,823 --> 01:22:21,560 - I was there on Halloween 2012. - Shut up, Anderson. 1882 01:22:21,594 --> 01:22:22,561 Just fuck off right now. 1883 01:22:22,595 --> 01:22:25,465 Vishnu, they're messing with my spirit again! 1884 01:22:25,497 --> 01:22:27,799 - Oh, my god! - Anderson, shut the fuck up 1885 01:22:27,832 --> 01:22:30,302 - with your fake sobriety. - It's not fake. 1886 01:22:30,336 --> 01:22:33,506 I am sober from synthetic drugs. 1887 01:22:33,538 --> 01:22:34,606 There is no difference. 1888 01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:37,844 - If you're sober... - Anderson, you keep bringing up 1889 01:22:37,877 --> 01:22:39,412 stupid shit from college. 1890 01:22:39,444 --> 01:22:40,880 But Peter is such an amazing guy. 1891 01:22:40,912 --> 01:22:42,747 He's like a 10 out of 10 dude. 1892 01:22:42,780 --> 01:22:45,150 - Noah, Noah, enough. - It wasn't a threesome, 1893 01:22:45,184 --> 01:22:46,460 it was like someone happened to be in the room... 1894 01:22:46,484 --> 01:22:48,220 I left the camp a little early. 1895 01:22:48,253 --> 01:22:49,454 Yeah, I called it a camp. 1896 01:22:49,488 --> 01:22:50,823 It didn't feel like a rehab to me, 1897 01:22:50,855 --> 01:22:52,224 there was too many hot kids. 1898 01:22:52,257 --> 01:22:53,268 I didn't want to be on this zoom call. 1899 01:22:53,292 --> 01:22:54,768 I'm realizing I didn't want to be on this. 1900 01:22:54,792 --> 01:22:56,528 Yes, t.Y., let's go to the park. 1901 01:22:56,561 --> 01:22:57,662 Well, fuck you! 1902 01:22:57,695 --> 01:22:58,597 And fuck you. 1903 01:22:58,631 --> 01:23:00,199 I'm not even talking to you. 1904 01:23:00,231 --> 01:23:01,332 Toodles, bitch! 1905 01:23:01,367 --> 01:23:03,344 Thank you, guys, thank you for inviting us this time. 1906 01:23:03,368 --> 01:23:04,513 You guys are all just jealous 1907 01:23:04,537 --> 01:23:05,613 because my boyfriend will let me peg him 1908 01:23:05,637 --> 01:23:07,472 - and none of your will. - Who cares? 1909 01:23:07,506 --> 01:23:08,866 - Goodbye, you guys. - I'm leaving. 1910 01:23:09,942 --> 01:23:11,676 I miss Peter. 1911 01:23:11,710 --> 01:23:14,146 - Oh, wow. - Yeah. 1912 01:23:14,180 --> 01:23:16,249 I love you. 1913 01:23:16,282 --> 01:23:18,751 I love you, too. 1914 01:23:18,783 --> 01:23:20,452 It's so sweet that you're so in touch 1915 01:23:20,485 --> 01:23:22,622 with your emotions now. 1916 01:23:22,654 --> 01:23:27,292 Yeah. It's... it's like the switch got turned on, 1917 01:23:27,326 --> 01:23:29,761 and I can't turn it off. 1918 01:23:29,795 --> 01:23:32,297 Yeah, turn it off. 1919 01:23:32,331 --> 01:23:34,534 Yeah, okay. 1920 01:23:37,302 --> 01:23:39,238 You think we should tell our friends 1921 01:23:39,270 --> 01:23:41,306 about calling off the whole... 1922 01:23:41,340 --> 01:23:43,476 Divorce thing? 1923 01:23:43,509 --> 01:23:44,911 Yeah. 1924 01:23:51,250 --> 01:23:52,826 - Do you think we could... - Couldn't we maybe... 1925 01:23:52,850 --> 01:23:53,862 - Not tell them? - Not tell them? 1926 01:23:53,886 --> 01:23:56,389 - Oh, thank god. - Yeah, I really didn't want 1927 01:23:56,421 --> 01:23:59,224 - to go through that again. - Me neither. 1928 01:24:05,597 --> 01:24:07,733 I think I hate our friends.