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[distant waves]
[electricity pylon buzzing]
[electrical buzz]
[Naoki] When I was small,
I didn't even know that I was a kid with 'special needs'.
How did I find out?
By other people telling me
that I was different from everyone else.
And that this was a problem.
[boy makes sounds]
True enough...
it was very hard for me to act like most other people.
And even now, I still can't do a 'real' conversation.
From your point of view, the world of autism
must look like a deeply mysterious place.
So my big hope is that by writing this book,
I can help to explain in my own way,
what goes on in my mind.
[low electrical hum]
[Naoki] Can you imagine how your life would be
if you couldn't say what you wanted?
[light buzzing]
They're turned off.
The fountains are off in Greece.
Hi, all the fountains are off in Greece.
[man] Are they?
All the fountains are off in Greece.
[man] Okay.
Those fountains are off in Greece.
[loud traffic]
-[game beeps] -[Emma makes sounds]
[Emma makes sounds]
[game beeping]
-No more. -[game beeping]
[murmurs]
[Naoki] Every time I do something
that other people wouldn't,
it must make you wonder why.
[Ben makes T and S sounds]
[Jestina laughs]
[Naoki] But don't judge me from the outside only.
Spare a little time to listen to what I have to say
and have a nice trip through our world.
[horn beeping]
[wind chimes chiming]
[fan blades reverberate]
[fan blades continue reverberating]
[Aarti] Amrit picks up on things which people usually do not.
That was kind of a revelation.
For a very long time
she had so much anger in her
but there was no way that she could tell us about it.
She must've had some bullying moments in school.
She was wanting to make friends
but others did not know how to be friendly with her.
She would scream for hours,
and then she would cry and I would cry
and-- not knowing what to do.
That was the time
when she used to really rub the crayon
on one particular spot until the paper would tear
and there were impressions on her desk.
But within that,
there was such a strong message for others.
And I realized that it wasn't just art that she was doing.
She was actually giving me the routine of her day
and what all was happening.
So, she would draw what she was eating,
she would draw other students around her,
she would draw the landscape.
And that is how the journey began.
[music swells]
[Naoki] So how do I see the world?
You may be looking at the exact same thing as me,
but how I perceive it appears to be different.
When you see an object
it seems you see it as an entire thing first
and only afterwards do its details follow on.
But for me, the details jump straight out first of all,
and then gradually, detail by detail,
the whole image floats up into focus.
[curtain flaps]
[rain splashing]
[exaggerated metallic rain-like sounds]
[Naoki] My eyes are captured by lines and surfaces.
Just to get a grip on things, I have to scan my memory
to find an experience closest to what's happening now.
[Drop-like sounds, reminiscent of rain]
[street sounds resume]
[David] The chaos of the world has to be
turned into some kind of coherent order,
almost by hand,
inside an autistic mind I think-- I don't have one
so I can't be sure but this book helps me understand a bit.
[David] Naoki Higashida wrote 'The Reason I Jump'
when he was thirteen years old.
And like my son, he was autistic and didn't speak.
It's like cartography. He makes a map of his mind.
There's an example where Naoki talks about the steps
that he has to go through to understand
that it is raining.
And it would never occur to you if you're neurotypical,
that you have to flip through this mental card index,
connecting the sound, previous memories
with the word 'rain' to work out what's happening now.
You just know it's raining.
[rain falling]
[Jes makes sudden sound]
[David] The world that Naoki describes is different.
Chaotic, swirling, raw and visceral.
[Joss shouting]
[David] It's emotionally very taxing.
Meltdowns can blow up out of nowhere.
[Jes makes sounds of distress]
[David] So that's where my son's living.
And it's not easy.
[busy market sounds]
[sewing machine whirring]
[coat hangers clicking]
[reel spooling loudly]
[chickens clucking]
[gas hissing]
[sizzling]
[indistinct chatter]
[Aarti] She used to have these obsessions.
-[gasps and clicks tongue] -[Aarti] Uh, my fear
was that it is socially awkward.
And I-- I would try and stop her from doing that.
But when I read Naoki's book,
I realized what she must be going through.
So, it's difficult. Yes... I'm sorry.
[sniffs]
I've acted so strange with my own child.
I don't know...
how I fit into a mother's role.
[Aarti sniffs]
[Aarti sighs]
[sighs]
I've tried to stop her from being herself.
[kisses]
[chuckles]
[blows air]
[chuckles]
[kisses]
[gentle music playing]
[wet clay slapping]
[pottery wheel whirring]
[Naoki] Every single thing has its own unique beauty.
[rickshaw engine whirring]
[Naoki] When a color is vivid or a shape is eye-catching,
then my heart kind of drowns in it.
I can't concentrate on anything else.
A person who's looking at a mountain far away
doesn't notice the prettiness
of the dandelion in front of them.
[rickshaw continues vibrating]
[pencil scrapes on paper]
[distant rumble]
[Aarti] There are certain sounds,
there are certain sights, that are either painful
or they are very pleasant.
When she comes home, she picks up a paper to...
to kind of put it there for the world to know.
[Amrit murmuring]
[hums in a high pitch]
[choir echoes]
[humming continues]
[choir echoes]
[hums]
[murmurs]
[humming]
[rickshaw engine whirring]
[mooing]
[car horn]
[barks]
[car horns]
[bubble wrap popping]
[piano music playing]
[Naoki] Not being able to talk
means not being able to share
what you're feeling or thinking.
To live my life as a human being,
nothing is more important
than being able to express myself.
[David] How can you be subject to all this wild,
uncensored, sensory input
and then render that into language?
Naoki Higashida sort of achieved the impossible.
A kid who could still remember what it's like
to be four or five years old.
It's kind of poetry.
It felt like our son was talking to us.
It felt like when I was at--
at my most desperate,
knowing I wouldn't get an answer,
but just saying, "Why are you doing that?"
Uh...
Well, here's the answer.
My wife and I wanted the people who work with our son
to read it as well.
So, we started translating it.
[David] The book felt like an envoy from another world,
whose culture, whose rules,
whose reasons I didn't understand.
[boy makes an "ah" sound]
[Naoki] My mind
is forever swaying this way and that.
[Naoki] I never ever feel at ease wherever I am.
As a child, I used to wander off from home.
It wasn't because I wanted to go out
for a special reason.
My body moved because it was lured outside
by something there,
in search of somewhere where I felt at ease.
[swing screeching]
[Joss] Hi. Hi, Joss.
The lady is going to turn the fans on.
It's like a fan.
The fan-- The fan goes round and round.
We're making a fan.
Make it-- make it spin fast!
Make it spin fast.
-It's going round. -[carer 1] It is going round.
-Joss going high. -[carer 1 chuckling]
[Joss] High!
[carer 1] High, Joss.
Joss... because it's raining...
[the sound becomes muffled as Joss covers his ears]
-Good lad. -Good lad, well done.
- I am a good lad. - Joss, Joss we're gonna take the sausage and chips
back to Bradstow, okay?
[Joss laughing]
[normal sound resumes as he removes hands from ears]
[carer 1 chuckles] Come on.
-[Joss] We're at big school. -[carer 1] We are at big school.
[gurgling water]
[cello music playing]
[seagulls squawking]
[sound becomes muffled as Joss covers his ears]
Is the umbrella hot?
[Naoki] As soon as I try to speak with someone,
my words just vanish.
There is a gap between what I'm thinking
and what I'm saying.
Mummy got me two milkshakes.
[carer 1] Mummy did get you two milkshakes.
[Naoki] It's like a reflex...
[Joss shouts]
...reacting to what I've just seen in some cases...
or to some old memories.
As if I'm drowning in a flood of words.
The cover is like a black hoover.
-[carer 1] It's like a-- -[Joss] Red?
[Joss] This cover is like a black hoover.
[carer 2] It's like a red hoover.
It's like a black hoover.
[carer 2] Oh, it's like a black one.
[Joss] This cover is like a red hoover. [carer 2] I think it's like a black hoover.
[Joss] Its cover is like a black hoover.
[carer 2] It is.
[Naoki] The big exception is words or phrases
I'm familiar with,
like playing a game of catch with a ball.
-[Joss] Papa! -[carer 1] Papa.
[laughs] Papa, Papa!
[dog barks]
[carer 1] Do you want to wait for the doggy to go?
Joss, the dog's gone now, we're gonna keep walking
to the cafe, okay?
Good lad, well done.
-[distant dog barks] -[threatening drone sound]
[distant dogs barking]
[Stevie] Joss can see everything,
and he can hear everything.
[nostalgic music playing]
When Joss was little,
his sensory world was entirely a positive thing.
Everything related back to water and light,
so we provided as much water and light as we could.
[rush of water]
[Jeremy] What can you see?
What can you see, Joss?
One of the things I would love to be
is just inside his head.
Just-- just for ten seconds to understand,
how he sees the world.
[indistinct whispering] Let's go.
It's making a noise.
[Joss] The green box is making a noise.
[Jeremy] The green box is making a noise.
[low humming]
[Joss] Shall we get in?
You cannot get-- No, you cannot get in, no.
Green box is like music.
[humming noise continues]
-[electricity box hums] -[Georgian choir humming]
Is it like a black hoover?
No, it's like a red hoover. Sounds like a red hoover.
Does it sound like a black hoover?
No, it sounds like a red hoover.
[Jeremy] Want to go now?
[electricity box fizzes]
[Stevie] Green boxes have become a massive part of our life
because we realize that Joss can hear them
from a long, long, long way away.
[electricity box humming]
[choir humming grows louder]
[loud static and choir grows louder still]
[music and static abruptly cuts]
[sound of pen scribbling]
-We need to get pizza. -[Stevie] We're gonna go--
Daddy's driving to get the pizza now.
[sound of running water]
[loud sprinkler sound]
We had a sprinkler at Number Eighty.
We did have a sprinkler. Mummy used to--
"You're not having a sprinkler tonight"
at Number Eighty.
[Stevie chuckles] Is that what-- Did Mummy say that?
No! Mummy always let you have the sprinkler on!
[Joss squeals with happiness]
[Jeremy] Number Eighty was the number of a house
we used to live in.
Joss is remembering the things that happened
in that garden when he was about three or four years old.
[Jeremy] Specific events.
-[Joss] Number Eighty. -[Jeremy] Number Eighty.
To him, they are just as real as something
that's happened half an hour ago.
I think the earliest we've had is when he was
just before his second birthday.
Like some kind of, um, slideshow,
an out of control slideshow.
[Naoki] Time is a continuous thing
with no clear boundaries,
which is why it's so confusing.
Inside my head,
there isn't really such a big difference
between what I was told just now,
and what I heard a long, long time ago.
I imagine other people's memories
are arranged continuously like a line.
My memory is more like a pool of dots.
Memories are all scattershot
and never connected in the right order.
[rushing sprinkler sound]
[children laughing]
[Joss] Mummy did turn the sprinkler on at Number Eighty.
[squeals]
[Stevie sings "Away in a Manger"]
[Naoki] The trouble with scattered memories
is that sometimes they replay themselves
in my head as if they've only just taken place...
and the emotions I felt originally
come rushing back to me like a sudden storm.
Daddy can't get the pizza.
[Stevie] Daddy is getting pizza,
and Daddy's getting more dough balls now.
Two minutes for pizza.
Can you wait with Mummy please, darling?
[Joss] There's no more pizza!
[Stevie] No, no, the pizza is coming.
-Daddy is bringing the pizza -[Joss] There's no pizza today!
[Stevie] Don't panic, there's gonna be a pizza.
-[Joss roars] -[Stevie] Don't hurt me please.
Don't hurt me.
[Joss] There's no more.
-Oh, no! -[Stevie] Don't panic.
There's no pizza!
-Daddy's gone to get one? -Please, honey.
Daddy's gone to get one.
[Naoki] Exactly what the next moment has in store
never stops being a big, big worry.
[Stevie] It's pizza, it's Joss' pizza!
[Jeremy] I brought you some pizza!
Here!
[Stevie] Daddy! You brought the pizza. Thank you!
[Jeremy] Fucking Pizza Express.
-[scribbling] -[the sounds of a storm]
[Stevie] As he's hit puberty,
his relationship with that sensory world
has changed.
His anxiety is just huge.
[scribbling]
[Joss breathing heavily]
[Naoki] There are times when I can't act,
even though I really badly want to.
[breathing loudly]
[breathes loudly]
[Naoki] It's as if my whole body belongs to someone else.
As if I'm remote-controlling a faulty robot.
[scribbling]
[Joss roaring]
[Jeremy] Get up.
[Jeremy] Daddy loves you. Daddy loves you.
-[Jeremy] Joss! -[Joss roaring]
-[Jeremy] Stop! -[Joss roaring]
-[Jeremy] Joss, stop! Stop! -[thudding]
[Joss roaring]
[Stevie] Stop hurting Daddy.
-[Joss roaring] -[door closes]
[Joss roaring]
[Naoki] It's a feeling of helplessness
which brings on a panic attack or a meltdown.
Even when I make a tiny mistake,
the fact of it starts rushing towards me like a tsunami.
To get away, I'll do anything.
And afterwards,
when I see the wreckage I've made, I hate myself.
I just hate myself.
-[Joss] Hello. -[Stevie] Hello.
-[Joss] Let's go? -[Stevie] Let's go!
We had this kind of horrible, hellish few months
where his aggression got worse and worse.
From there on in, something had just changed.
[high winds blowing]
[Stevie] He was expelled from the school he was in...
and we found a school
that could take and cope with children
with really challenging behavior.
[Stevie] And so we took him there,
and we had to leave him there.
He comes home a lot...
but that decision to send him to a residential school
was the most painful we've ever had to make.
[birds chirping]
They need to get some more bubbles from the shop.
[trampoline springs squeak]
[trampoline instructor] Right, Joss,
shall we see what we've got today, yeah?
Can we reach our hands really nice and tall?
Beautiful!
[Naoki] What is the reason I jump?
I react physically to feelings of sadness and happiness.
So, when something happens that affects me emotionally,
my body seizes up as if struck by lightning.
But when I'm jumping,
it's as if I'm shaking loose the ropes
that are tying me down...
as if my feelings are going upwards to the sky.
If only I could just flap my wings and fly off
to some faraway place.
[loudly rustling grasses]
[David] 'The Reason I Jump' turned on its head
many of the things that we all think
we know about autism.
That people with autism don't do emotions,
uh, that they have no imaginative intelligence.
Naoki couldn't possibly have written it,
were these things true.
And autistic people who can write like Naoki does
are in a bit of a double bind.
Some people will not believe that they have written the book,
uh, or some people believe they have written the book
but, therefore, can't be-- can't possibly be
properly autistic. Only a little bit autistic.
[coach] Nine, ten, over here, and I've got three over here.
[boy] Move to the other side, please.
[Bertra] So, you're not late, you're totally on time, Ben.
[Ben makes repetitive sounds]
-I'll see you-- -See you on the ice!
[Ben makes repetitive sounds]
[man] We've been waiting for you!
-[Ben's sounds get faster] -[music plays]
[hockey sticks and skates clacking]
-[Emma] Mm-hmm. -[Donna] Yep. Let's do it!
[coach] Ben, go! Move in. Yay!
[Emma] Awesome! Awesome!
Alright, yeah!
[sounds of ice rink fade out]
[sound of a ceiling fan fades in]
[Naoki] " Ah, don't worry about him,
he'd rather be on his own."
How many times have I heard this?
The truth is, I'd love to be with other people.
I can't believe that anyone born as a human being
really wants to be left on their own.
[Bertra] When people don't talk,
you assume they're not understanding you.
And then they assume
that it's a cognitive impairment.
Ben is twenty-three.
E.V. started working with Ben when he was
seven, E.V. baby?
[Elizabeth in other room] Seven or eight.
And, um... at the time, Ben had, what,
an attention span of what, about two minutes maybe?
[Bertra's voice in next room] He was just all over the place,
and we're trying to do speech therapy with this kid.
And finally, when Ben turned I think sixteen, we said,
"You know what E.V.?
Speech therapy is not what he needs."
And E.V., bless her heart, said,
"Let me try one more thing."
Ready?
[makes S sound for each letter]
-"I never..." -[Ben continues making S sounds]
[Elizabeth] "I never..." Go, look at it.
Look at it.
-"I never dreamed..." -[continues making S sounds]
"...this..." Get it.
"...this was..."
Get it. Get it.
Get it.
Good. Get it. Look for the letter.
"I never dreamed this was P-O-S-S-I-B...
...L-E."
[Elizabeth] When I first saw kids spelling,
that was it for me.
Many people who are autistic their brain knows what to do
but they can't get it to their body.
And it made so much sense looking at it
from more of a motor skills standpoint.
Because speech is motor.
Taking language out of the fine motor
of the speech, putting it into the gross motor
of the arm to point made a lot of sense.
-[Ben makes S sounds] -A...
Look at it.
Get it.
-[music plays] -T, and it, W, go, O, go, R, go,
K, go, E and D.
[Elizabeth] If non-speakers are capable of spelling
and are capable of intelligence,
that really shakes the foundation
of a lot of things that we've believed.
[tutor] Okay. "There was once a time I had nothing..."
You've gotta finish that, that's kind of sad.
[Emma] E-V-E-R-Y
Everything! Everything!
I'm done!
[music plays]
[Naoki] Perhaps you're thinking that it's no major effort
for me to write these sentences,
but that isn't true at all.
When I learned to use the letter board,
it let me anchor my words,
words that would otherwise flutter off
as soon as I was able to speak them.
[Bertra] Can you imagine the frustration...
being autistic and non-verbal and you hear everything
and you see everything and you feel everything
but you can't respond?
When you think about it that explains the anger,
it explains the... [sighs]
...you know, the violence, the aggression.
You-- you can't negotiate.
To reach a point where he is able to express,
has just been a huge blessing.
[game beeps]
[Emma makes sounds]
[Naoki] Please don't assume that every word I speak
is what I intend to say.
[Naoki] Making sounds with your mouth
isn't the same thing as communication.
Let's go home, please. No more.
[Donna spells out the letters as Emma points to them]
-Yeah! -"We could finally..."
[beeping continues]
"We could finally let each other..."
No more. No more!
-No more. -"...how..."
No, that's a...
[music starts and stops]
No more.
"We could finally tell each other how we felt."
No more!
[Emma plays music through phone, then stops it]
[electronic music starts and stops]
No more! No more.
[music starts and stops]
[music plays, stops]
[techno music plays]
[Emma hums]
[music stops]
[music starts and stops]
[new techno song plays through phone]
[Ben sighs]
[gentle music playing]
[game beeping]
[Donna] Our kids were both in preschool,
that's when our families first met.
[Donna] It seemed like Emma was in a lot of pain
and she could scream at us all day long.
There weren't many people
that you could invite into your home
but we could always invite Ben's family.
And they seemed happy to be together,
but there was no way really to gauge
what they felt about each other.
[woman 1] Remember when we all were together in Seattle?
[all laugh] -[man] How about that? -[woman 2] Oh, man!
Alright, to the oldest
-and bestest friends... -Cheers.
-[man] Cheers. -[woman] Come what may.
[Bertra] Come what may.
[Donna] Cheers, Emma, cheers.
Emma can you--
Open the present, open the present.
[Donna] Emma, can you do cheers with Ben?
-Open the present. -[Ben makes vibrating sounds]
[Donna] Can you do cheers with Emma?
Oh, uh, uh, walk to Target.
After we walk to Target. Can you cheers with Ben?
Go like this. Ben's waiting for you.
-Hold your cup. -Emma's going to Hawaii,
-Emma's going to Hawaii! -There you go, cheers!
Emma's going to Hawaii.
[Donna] Emma is going to Hawaii.
[Naoki] You talk at an incredible speed.
Between thinking something in your head
and saying it, takes you just a split second.
-Uh, Emma's going Target. -[Naoki] To me,
-that's like magic. -Target.
[Naoki] I have to speak in an unknown foreign language
every minute of every day.
[Bertra] Before they actually started communicating
using the letter board, we put words in their mouths
-all the time. -[woman] Yeah, exactly.
You know, just to, kind of, fill up the-- the-- the void.
We would say, "Hey, Ben, dadada."
And then someone else says, "Well, Ben says dadada."
And then, of course, you fast forward fifteen years
and you realize that they-- they have been friends
for so long. That's what makes this unique.
How do you establish and sustain and nurture a friendship...
for twenty years
with no spoken language?
-[man 2] Yeah. -[Emma exclaims]
[Ben makes high pitched sounds]
[Ben makes "S" sounds]
Walk to Target.
Emma's going to Hawaii.
[Emma stops and starts techno music on her phone]
[music stops]
Alright, this is the homework that is due on Tuesday...
[Ben responds affirmatively]
-...um, about Argentina. -[Ben talks indistinctly]
[Donna] Intro to Argentina,
Argentina is the second largest country
in South America, eighth largest in the world,
today it is seen as a democracy.
Okay, we talked about a few famous Argentinians,
we talked about that in class the other day.
-Um... -[Ben makes a low hum]
Emma, do you remember...
who we talked about?
[Donna spells out the letters Emma points to]
Peron. And do you remember there was something
very unique about...
Peron, there was something very unique about him,
because after he died
who was-- who replaced him?
-Touch it. -[Ben sounds out "S" and "T"]
His wife.
-They made a movie about her. -[Emma calls out.]
Yeah, Em, we're gonna have lunch in a little bit.
-[Emma] Oh. -[Donna] After we do
our homework. We're going to do our homework,
then we're gonna take a walk,
and then we're gonna eat our lunch.
Do you guys remember who Peron admired during the war.
-Do you remember who that was? -[Ben responds affirmatively]
We talked about this the other day in class.
Mussolini, that is correct.
They've never been able to do this before.
I mean this is
the first time they've ever had any access
to curriculum.
Emma, what was education like before?
You had these classes to go to?
-T... -T...
[Donna spells out the letters as Emma points to them]
[Emma shouts]
[Donna spells out the letters as Emma points to them]
"They wasted time."
Okay, Ben. How do you feel?
"They"...
"They have denied our civil rights."
[Emma] I'm sorry, Mommy. Sorry, Mommy.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
[Naoki] I used to wonder why nonspeaking me
had ever been born.
Autistic people have no freedom.
We need a place to belong.
This world is our world... there is no other.
[Jestina laughing happily]
[music plays]
[waves crashing]
[sound of fingernails scraping sand from hands]
[Roland] Jestina, she taught me how to be a father.
[Roland patting hands]
The type of love we've got from her
just changes your whole perspective on life.
[hands patting]
-[Jestina humming] -[Roland] Hmm.
[humming continues]
[humming]
[music chimes]
[car horn honking]
I wish I could get a gift that I loved this much!
[Roland chuckles]
Seems like you can buy something so expensive
and, Jes, you're not bothered, but the one that you like,
it's all about the sensory, eh?
[Naoki] Autistic people obsess over certain things
because we'd go crazy if we didn't.
Repetitive things are comforting.
They soothe me and protect me from uncertainty.
[repetitive beeping]
[loud street sounds]
[loud welding sounds]
[car horn honking]
Oh, Jestina, football.
[indistinct football commentary over PA]
Jes, let's go!
[boy commentates in Krio over PA]
[Roland] Okay, it's time to go.
[crowd cheering in distance]
[boy commentates excitedly in Krio over PA]
[Mary] Anywhere in the world,
when you have a child with autism,
there's still a lot of stigma.
As she grew up, I started to realize that
Jes wasn't looked at with love or empathy,
it was with hatred and such negativity.
One day, just outside these gates,
she went into crisis, full-blown crisis,
screaming, head-banging, biting.
And I just saw people, they think...
in Krio, they'll say... [in Krio] " Debul don olan."
So, "the devil has possessed her."
-[exclaims joyfully] -[uplifting music playing]
[laughing and clapping]
[engine revving]
[Mary] Jes knows, right?
[burst of street sounds]
[loud motorbike sound]
[truck horn honking]
[Mary] Oh, did that scare you?
[Mary] I wanted to meet other parents
with children with autism
'cause I-- I didn't even see such kids on the streets.
So, we started with just going into communities
and quickly realized that the stigma was so bad
that the families were still not really coming out.
The problem is
centuries of misunderstandings about autism
and that's not just in Sierra Leone,
but across the world.
[Mary] So...
[Mary speaking in Krio] Today I want us to share our experiences.
I want people to understand what we all are going through.
My own daughter is here at the back, Jes.
So we're all in the same shoes here.
Truly I can say, I undertand.
[parent 1 speaking in Krio] The neighbors and their children...
they say my child is mad.
And we have to move out...
because of pressure from the community.
[baby babbling]
[man] Next, anybody?
[parent 2 speaking in Krio] Everywhere people call her negative names.
They say she a devil.
They say she a witch.
Some say I myself must be a witch to give birth to her.
Everyone wants me to get rid of this child.
I have done everything I can.
But I don't have anyone to help me.
People tell me to dump her in the river...
So I can find peace.
This is our situation.
Jes, Jes, Jestina!
[Jestina makes low noises of distress]
[Mary] Because of the way autism presents,
the screams, the-- You know, the sudden jumps.
No matter what you do,
you're the family with the devil child.
[electrical hum]
[muezzin calls to prayer]
[Jestina humming]
[indistinct chatter]
[caterpillar crawling]
[gentle piano music playing]
[Naoki] I'm guessing that what touches you in nature
is the beauty of the trees and the flowers and things.
[Naoki] But for me,
however often I'm ignored and pushed away by other people,
nature always embraces me.
[Naoki] When I look at nature,
I receive a sort of permission to be alive in this world.
[crickets chirping]
[Roland] The mentality we have here,
is that we give to children
and we expect them to look after us.
So, when they look at kids with autism,
to them, those children cannot give them back anything.
[vehicle approaching]
And because of the pressure
of the neighborhood, pressure of the community,
they tend to abandon them.
They leave them in the bush.
[insects chirping]
[Mary] Kids like ours, if they are alive,
they're the lucky ones.
[boy makes quiet exclamation]
[cello music plays]
[David] For most of history,
we've assigned autism to demons,
or to witchcraft or in the early 20th century
to 'retardation', um, and--
And have acted accordingly, I'm afraid.
Um... [clicks tongue]
...which I don't like to think about,
'cause that would have been my son.
Ah.
[man, on archive recording] Very occasionally,
amongst such severely disturbed children,
a child may be seen
quite out of touch with the rest of the group,
living apparently in a world of its own.
This is a 'psychotic' child.
[man 2, on archive recording] A child with autism suffers
from a very specific kind of a defect in his comprehension,
in his cognitive ability.
[man 3, on archive recording] Eugenics seeks to apply
the known laws of heredity
so as to prevent the degeneration of the race,
and improve its inborn qualities.
[man 4, German archive recording] We call upon a merciful destiny...
to liberate these regrettable creatures...
from their existence without life.
[In English] So, it's always been with us, it's just...
neurotypicals are rubbish at understanding anything
that is not neurotypical.
[Naoki] We are born outside
the regime of your civilization.
With all the killings and planet-wrecking
that humanity has committed,
perhaps autism could help you remember what truly matters.
[both make popping noises to each other]
[Bertra spells out letters Ben points to]
Look at you dancing at your party.
I loved that dancing you did.
Yeah, Jes' turn, okay, she knows, she knows.
Your turn, Jes.
-[exclaims] -Jes' turn.
[Mary] Jes' turn.
-[Roland] Yay! [clapping] -Yay! [claps]
[Roland] We cannot just close our eyes
to what we've seen.
We need to do something about it.
We decided to take it to a different level.
Went to TV stations, radio stations, to go all out,
to get the nation to understand what autism is.
So that they'd be able to walk the streets,
you know, without having that fear.
They need a normal life.
So eventually in 2017
we set up a school.
[teacher] How do you feel?
[all] I feel fine.
[Mary] I started to see a big difference,
in the families' lives and in the kids' lives.
It's certainly the first school of its kind.
And eventually, after many months,
we got the community on our side.
I think they were fearful because they didn't know
what was wrong and all they knew
was these traditional beliefs.
But now though we've seen a total turnaround.
They know most of our kids by name now,
so when they're coming down the road they'll call them,
say "Hi."
So, I think the fact that we now have that relationship
with the community, means our kids are safe there.
[all cheer]
[Mary] The new government has recognized the school
and I think the narrative is changing for Sierra Leone.
What is in the box?
-[all cheering] -You don't know?
-There is a lunch box! -[all cheer]
Who wants to go to school?
[Naoki] I want to grow up learning a million things.
There must be countless other autistic people
who have the same desire.
[Naoki] We too want to grow.
[man] Welcome to North Foreland lighthouse.
It was originally built in 1691.
[woman] It's very high, Joss, very high. [chuckling]
-[Joss] It's a house. -[man] It is a house,
it's a lighthouse.
Can you hear the wind?
[Naoki] The hardest ordeal for me
is the idea that I am causing grief for other people.
Please keep battling alongside me.
[Joss] We're in the color tent!
[Jeremy] We are in the color tent!
[Joss] The boys are happy?
Joss is going back to see Mummy.
[Stevie] Joss, everything is blue!
Everything is red! [laughs]
[Jeremy] We're in the color tent! [laughs]
Oh, Joss!
Right now, Joss is having a joy that I will never come close to.
[Stevie screaming]
[Jeremy] Being with Joss is to live more in the moment.
It's to let go of the long train of things
that we all carry around behind us,
and that interfere with us living now.
[train approaches]
[Naoki] I used to think it would be the best thing
if I could live my life like other people.
But now, even if somebody could change my autism,
-I would choose to stay as I am.
-[train rumbling]
For me, you see, autism is normal.
I can't be sure what your normal is even like.
[birds singing]
[boy makes 'ah' sounds]
[Jeremy] The future is an undiscovered country,
literally, for us, and our hope is that there will be a place
for Joss, there will be a world, there will be a society,
there will be an understanding for Joss that would mean
that when we are not here, he will be okay.
And that's what we-- That's...
[inhales]
That's...
[clicks tongue, sighs]
This is why we don't go to the future very often.
Because the idea that Joss is going to be alone
is really frightening.
[cello music ripples]
[humming]
[Bertra] It sounds like I'm nagging you,
but you know what? I'm getting you ready.
Mommy's not gonna come and fold clothes
at your new apartment. Huh?
I'm not gonna do that! [laughing]
Let's try another way.
And? Hmm?
[Bertra] Keep going, keep going.
Keep going.
Okay, what's next?
[Ben] Hmm.
[Bertra] Look, look, look, come on, Ben!
Try it your way!
Let's see if that works, you may have discovered
a new way, that's better than Mommy's way.
Okay, now what do you do? To get it to look like that,
what are you going to do next?
Ah, interesting, you know, it's interesting!
What do you think? It's gonna be
a little bit different with Mommy
not doing laundry every day.
Hmm?
[inquisitive music playing]
[woman] The building is under construction.
Just got to be careful where we walk.
When you move in in a couple of months
you'll have a full orientation
and tour of everything in the building,
including how the elevators work and where the laundry rooms are.
And today we're gonna take a look at the rooms.
[Emma] Yes! Emma say yes!
[Ben hums happily]
[woman] So, do you want to come look in the bedrooms?
[Emma] Emma say yes!
[Ben hums happily]
[gentle music playing]
[Aarti] So a very warm welcome to everyone gathered here
for Amrit's solo show,
'Metro Diaries, Lives Extraordinaire.'
[applause]
[Ben sounds out "S"]
[Elizabeth] I think we can change the conversation
around autism.
[Ben sounds out "T"]
[Elizabeth] B... Get it. Y. "By..."
[Elizabeth spells out letters as Ben points to them]
"By being..."
" ...part..."
Get it.
"...part of..."
[Elizabeth spells out letters as Ben points to them]
"Part of the..."
Right to it.
Look at it.
[Elizabeth] "I think we can change the conversation
around autism by being part of the conversation."
[choir vocalizing]
[tinny sound from passer-by's headphones]
[cello music playing]
[Naoki] When I was little, there was always a question
that was a big, big worry.
What am I going to become?
Will I ever be able to live properly
as a human being?
I don't pretend for a moment that everything I've written
applies to all autistic people...
but I wrote this book
so that you can come to understand me.
In the hope that my future
will be connected with your future.
Above all, that's what I want.
♪ Having trouble telling How I feel ♪
♪ But I can dance, Dance, dance ♪
♪ Couldn't possibly tell you How I mean ♪
♪ But I can Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ So when I'm tripping my feet Look at the beat ♪
♪ The words are written In the sand ♪
♪ When I'm shaking my hips Look for the swing ♪
♪ The words are Written in the air ♪
♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪
♪ Easy conversations No such thing ♪
♪ No I'm shy, shy, shy ♪
♪ My hips they lie 'Cause in reality ♪
♪ I'm shy, shy, shy ♪
♪ So when I'm tripping my feet Look at the ground ♪
♪ The words are written In the dust ♪
♪ When I'm shaking my hips Look for the swing ♪
♪ The words are written In the air ♪
♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪
♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Ooh I was a dancer all along ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Oh I was a dancer all along ♪
-♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ -♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Now words could never make up For what you do ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪