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Who is it?
Mrs Ines, it's Daniele, your son's friend, remember me?
I didn't catch that, who?
Daniele, your son asked me to call and see you.
Wait a second.
- Yes? - It's me, Daniele.
This coffee's really good. It's fantastic.
It's my coffee maker. It's more than 40 years old.
This is real coffee.
We're used to these pods now, coffee that tastes like plastic.
But when you taste real coffee, you realise how it should be.
Talking about coffee...
I'm here to give you...
this.
It's his.
- His? - Your son's.
Which one? Claudio or Carlo?
Claudio.
- Can I have a biscuit? - Yes.
Why have you brought it to me?
Because Claudio told me to, I thought you knew.
- No, I don't. - He said,
"Take it to Mum, it's pension day, she'll pay you."
- It costs 1,000 euros. - You're crazy, the pair of you!
Claudio's even got a kid to support.
My son bought this watch and I have to pay for it?
It only costs 1,000 euros...
I'm sorry, but we can't afford this watch.
- But we agreed on it months ago... - What?
- He doesn't even wear a watch. - That's right, he'll sell it on...
- What? - I didn't explain it properly.
Times are hard, you don't think your son's collecting watches?
How would I know?
He buys them from me for 1,000 euros, then sells them for 1,500.
Sometimes even 2,000!
Claudio and I have always helped each other out.
Do you remember how skinny I was as a kid?
No.
Everyone made fun of me. They said I had no shadow.
But Claudio was my shadow.
Your son always stuck up for me.
Except now we knock them out with this...
Oh goodness...
- What did you say your name was? - Daniele.
THE PREDATORS
Nietzsche died a virgin.
Why did Nietzsche suffer from constant attacks of vomiting?
Why did Nietzsche suffer from terrible headaches?
And lastly, why did Nietzsche go crazy?
These are just some of the...
- Are you sticking it up my nose? - Sorry.
As I was saying...
These are just some of the questions
we will finally be able to answer with the exhumation.
It has taken years of sacrifice,
negotiating with local authorities,
problems with ministries, etc...
but we have finally succeeded.
I say "we", because I must also thank my young assistants.
Don't you think that after a century the body will have deteriorated too much?
Absolutely not!
As an anthropologist,
I have often found myself working with mummies over 500 years old.
We've always had extraordinary results.
Especially in the case of the Saracen One mummy,
this priest who died in the 15th century.
We were able to identify the cause of death and even his social status.
In his case we received great help from the discovery
on the buttocks of the corpse,
of some coprolites, that is, some dried faeces...
We're not lucky enough to make these discoveries every day.
But I am convinced once we exhume Nietzsche,
we will finally work out the cause of his madness.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
How embarrassing.
I don't like to talk with a TV camera in my face.
Non-articular effusion, comma,
more evident in the quadriceps bursa, comma
without extension of the popliteal fossa, full stop.
The medial meniscus...
"Cologne Club", it's just come out, it's fabulous.
Very nice.
Have you noticed how it clings?
Pierpaolo, there's a spice in it...
that I haven't been able to identify as yet.
It clings.
Gaia...
Did you take that?
She takes them herself and sends them.
- Why does she do that? - Because she loves me, she shares.
I've got another one.
Morning, doctors.
Hi.
What time will you get there on Saturday?
Dunno, it's up to Ludo.
- Which turn-off do I take? - Fabbro.
Fabbro? Not Orvieto?
- Orvieto adds 30 minutes on. - I've always come off at Orvieto.
- It's not serious. - That's right.
I love that beech-lined road at Orvieto.
It makes your journey longer, not your dick.
According to the rules of this military court,
Private Curzio Remola, found disserting his post,
will be put to death by the symbolic death of hanging.
The rope, three spans shorter than a normal rope
will serve to prolong his agony,
so that at every entreating death-rattle,
the few sick cells of Swiss cowardice
that still remain in the regiment,
will ponder again their subversive ideas
on whether or not this great world war is legitimate.
Proceed.
Asshole...
Dickhead...
the harness has broken, dickhead.
You dickhead.
The harness has broken...
Hurry!
The harness has broken...
Get him down!
- Get him down! - Pull him down!
What are you doing?
Saverio, what the fuck are you doing?
Ludo...
What happened?
What have we got today? Octopus?
It was all gone.
What have you got then?
Pasta with aubergines and veal in tuna sauce.
How do I know which is which without opening them?
The veal has veal in tuna sauce written on it,
and the pasta has pasta with aubergines written on it.
Goodness, what a brilliant idea.
You could have just written pasta on the pasta dish
and I'd have known the other was the veal.
Yes.
Okay, leave them there, thanks.
- Thank you. - Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
- Take care. - Thanks.
Ludo! Hi, how are you?
I wanted to know which you prefer.
For the attack scene, the one on the right has perfect legs and beak.
The feathers of the one on the left... Which do you want?
- The one in the middle. - Perfect.
I don't give a fuck about chickens! I want to know how that guy is.
He's doing just great...
I don't want that harness guy on a film set in Rome ever again!
Of course not.
You need lots of parmesan in soup or it's fucking tasteless.
- An actor nearly died on set today. - Gerry, the wine?
Who's dead?
You're dead!
Now what's the problem?
- Look at your face! - What's wrong with it?
- You closed your eyes. - I didn't...
You did it again!
- Where are you going? - To Vanni's.
Asshole, asshole, asshole!
Asshole 100 times over!
- Whereas I agree with Nietzsche. - Figures.
History is made by great figures.
But great figures are merely a product of history!
It's the people who make history.
Do you think maths was invented by Pythagoras and his fucking tables?
What about philosophy? Thales of Miletus falling into the well?
It was the people, Federico... The people invented everything!
Mathematics, philosophy, science, art,
art, theatre, everything...
Cinema... the films your mother makes.
Think the Lumières invented those?
- Are you feeling sick? - No.
Do you think the Lumières invented filmmaking?
Who the fuck are they?
Everything is the result of a historical need that comes from the people.
You have an idea of the people... which is all-consuming.
- But the people aren't a concept! - They are in some way.
No, the people are something concrete, a social phenomenon...
- I'm concrete, you're concrete... - The people are like mountains!
They exist like mountains!
In fact the concept of great figures is relative,
because what is great for you may not be great for me...
Do you consider Hitler a great personality?
- No. - Precisely.
Did Thales vote for Hitler or the people?
Did Thales or the people vote for Hitler?
You've just entered my cave.
You've entered my cage and you'll be eaten up.
Each historical mechanism is part of the workings that depend on us all.
In fact, Hitler is a product of the people.
Because like it or not, we make history.
The people may have invented philosophy but they didn't invent Nutella.
- Why bring up Nutella? - What?
Because it came about by mistake, like you.
Like you.
You underestimate how important mistakes are.
Often, it's thanks to an individual's mistakes that things are created.
Can I have a large beer, please?
It's only thanks to an individual's mistakes things are created.
You're a vulgar individualist! That's what you are.
- I'm not an individualist. - You are.
I am not an individualist at all!
But I think that sometimes to live life to the full
we are forced to screw up and go it alone.
Absolutely, to go it alone because...
because once the mountains did not exist.
People exist like the mountains, but once mountains did not exist,
and you mistake the ancient for the eternal.
What the fuck... Get your hand off...
What has the ancient and eternal got to do with individuals and the people?
It's obvious!
And the concept is linear.
You don't see it, because you're used to those fucking university debates!
- Linear in that sick head of yours. - Yes, right.
You're militant beggars, that's what you are, you're all the same.
Your cave is fucking worthless.
Your cave is fucking worthless, it's deviated at the root.
What the fuck do you mean? Give that back!
I've had my finger up my arse.
Have you noticed how it clings?
Pierpaolo, there's a spice in it...
that I haven't been able to identify as yet.
It clings.
I think Mum's here.
Happy birthday, love!
I thought you were coming down?
- I said happy birthday, we're coming. - Thanks, but you were to wait here.
We're coming. Fuck you!
Thanks.
Thirteen,
fourteen,
fifteen,
sixteen...
Look, it's lovely here.
Forty...
Forty-one...
Forty-two...
Forty-three...
We're thinking about our commander
We will follow him on his march
Machine-gun, play a blazing tune
Because we are Mussolini's legionaries
Death doesn't frighten us
We'll find a sweetheart and make love
If he wins and they lead us to the cemetery
They will light a candle
You swines!
Hey there!
About time too, I was getting worried.
You're getting old too, sister-in-law.
Happy birthday, sister-in-law! Lovely lady!
Sergio, where's all the food?
It's all cooking... tons of it!
A round of applause for the birthday girl!
That bumblebee was twice as big as that one.
- Which one? - The one that scared you.
Bumblebees are huge. I saw a documentary once...
They're bastards, they sneak into hives, kill the lot and start eating.
- They're little swines... - They're like hornets.
- Hornets are bumblebees. - They're not the same thing.
They are the same thing.
Do we have to go on a cruise?
There's a great offer for Morocco. Have you ever been to Morocco?
But if they sting you...
It's hell, they can put you in hospital.
No, my friend died from a sting.
- Who? - The blond guy.
Hey... Hi, uncle.
Hi?
- I thought you were in Abruzzo. - I fucking hate Abruzzo.
I was convinced you were in Abruzzo.
Thinking's dangerous when you're an idiot.
I'm not an idiot, I thought you were in Abruzzo because...
You mustn't think.
This is my home, you broke in like a burglar.
What will you do?
It depends... if they piss me off I'll shoot them through the head.
Quiet...
And if they don't piss you off?
Well, in that case...
I'll give him the Beretta as a gift.
Happy birthday!
It's Teresa's birthday, not mine.
Eh?
Give me that gun.
Teresa, happy birthday, you have the Beretta.
How come you married this guy?
What an asshole...
Aim at the heads!
Claudio, I'm sorry...
You're looking well. Are you going to the gym?
Whereas you've put weight on.
This is his place... he always does this when people are here.
You're an idiot.
You said he wasn't home.
That's right, he said he might call by.
I didn't know he'd come and act the clown.
- I'd have taken us elsewhere. - Four hours to organise a party?
I wouldn't have organised one. Teresa's not bothered.
- Stop aiming at their legs. - Dad, I'll fucking aim where I want!
That's right, run to your mother.
I'll thrash you later.
Remember he's the one who brought on Dad's cancer. The loan shark...
But if it weren't for Uncle Flavio's money, we'd be homeless.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to Teresa...
Thanks.
For she's a jolly good fellow
Which nobody can deny
- Don't drink too much. - Don't worry.
- This cake cost me 70 euros. - Are you crazy? 70 euros?
Darling, 30 is an important birthday.
I know, I'm sorry.
You make us feel guilty, you should give us the receipt...
I feel like crying...
I'm 30 already...
- But I feel 19. - Back at high school?
- What did you say? - 19? You wish!
I still feel 19 too, love.
- I know why, babe. - What?
- 19 is the length of my dick. - If only!
- I'm joking. - I was being serious.
- Have you made a wish? - No.
Do me a favour, and think.
Then look at the candle and say something to that moron!
"Who gives a fuck"
Well done, Cesare!
It's time to eat it. Clear some room!
I'll tell you a story about this cake.
Now these shits with liberalism...
It's Mum, Carlo.
Hello, Mum.
Yeah, it's a great party.
Carlo, this guy went to see Mum and gave her a watch.
- Who? - How do I know?
Did you give him a kiss?
What did you give him?
What the fuck? 1,000 euros?
I don't know this guy. What the fuck do you mean?
You gave him 1,000 euros?
What the fuck have you done?
- What have you done? - I barely touched it.
You've smashed it!
- That's not true. - Look what you've fucking done!
- These windows are made of butter. - I'll give you fucking butter!
- You fucking pachyderm! - I've even cut myself.
I'll kill you! My new car!
- What the fuck happened? - I'll pay for it!
- I just can't believe this! - Everything's all right.
I can't believe it!
- You're such an asshole! - I barely touched it.
- You've smashed it! - Let's go to Mum's.
How the fuck did it happen?
How the fuck can I drive to Mum's?
I can't believe it.
I can't believe you got conned.
I'll have you put away.
Locked up in a nuthouse so you don't cause trouble.
But he knew your name.
Everyone knows my name around here!
Okay, let's calm down now.
She didn't do it on purpose, she's upset too...
It's too late now.
It's too late?
A guy enters your home and steals 1,000 and "it's too late now"?
They piss in your face and it's too late?
It shouldn't happen!
Mum, was this guy a gypsy?
- What kind of question is that? - A legitimate question.
- No, it's a crap question. - Go fuck yourself.
Ines, how old was he about?
How would I know, my eyesight's bad...
He could have been about 30, then again about 60...
30, 60... you're fucking doolally!
Was it a man, a woman...
I'll have you put away.
What's that psychiatric drug you take? What's it called?
Dozex.
Then you'll never wake up again.
Just stop this nonsense!
He's always talking nonsense.
And Mum already takes Dozex.
We have to report it to the police.
I was going to say that, let's report it.
The police are already on the case, okay?
The police will double our trouble...
- They'll double it if you report it. - Don't be stupid!
The tax men will triple it!
We'll tell the cops 12-year-old Cesare fires guns at the shooting range,
then we'll take them to the garage where we keep the stolen guns...
Retard!
No one will give us back the money for this fucking watch...
Keep your mouths shut, eh?
I can never follow these stories...
Well, I'm following it.
It's nice, but I don't understand it.
You're not used to thinking about things.
What a day it's been!
Never-ending.
You're not serious?
What do you think?
I'm not in the mood, Claudio, I've got a headache.
I won't touch your head.
Okay, I'm going to bed.
What the hell...
I'm not a Tibetan monk!
How can you not want to screw?
To let off steam...
I gave him all that money!
I can't understand it...
Goodness knows what I was thinking of when I did that.
How stupid of me.
Do you find it normal to shoot a film with plastic chickens?
I beheaded a dog in Morocco at the time of Lawrence of Arabia.
Saverio, you told me the guy was fine afterwards.
He seemed okay yesterday. Then his agent called this morning...
That asshole has an agent?
- Ten days... - Ten days?
So I'm supposed to stop filming?
We could find a way around it.
You call that guy and say,
"Shithead! You want to act, yet you go against us?"
Then threaten him!
That won't work... he says he's damaged his vagus nerve.
What the fuck is a vagus nerve?
It's a kind of cranial nerve...
which goes from the neck down the throat.
If you have a sore throat, take throat pastilles and return to work!
How many weeks before he's fit?
- At least three. - Four.
The problem is the insurance will only pay three days.
- And? - We'll have to pay the rest.
We'll have to cancel the attack scene.
I'm sorry, it's not my fault.
Whose fault is it?
This asshole called from Germany with a German accent,
I could hardly catch a word he said.
He said the procedure is much more delicate than they thought,
there's a danger the body will deteriorate when it comes into contact with air,
there are too many of us...
So you're getting rid of me, because of the air.
No one's getting rid of you, it's only for two days...
we'll take samples, then do the research in Rome.
I don't care about the research.
Why don't you leave Marco or Vanessa out of it?
Or Silvia, Teodoro, Nicoletta, Futura?
Why leave me out of this and not Futura?
Because Futura would have just written pasta on the pasta dish.
I really admire this passion of yours for Nietzsche,
but with all due respect, you're a little destabilizing...
I've a present for you...
The original biography of Nietzsche by Court Paul Janz.
This is a little gem.
A wonderful little gem, thank you.
A fabulous little gem.
I'm getting all horny over this little gem, professor.
- Federico... - I've got a hard-on.
- Remember I'm your tutor. - I've got a real hard-on...
- Because of this little gem. - Read it!
I never want to read another book!
I don't want to read it, or see it!
I never want to read another book! I've had enough of shitty books!
Federico, are you snorting cocaine?
Fuck off!
Right, Gerry?
Yes, it's beautiful.
Seagulls...
My first film was "The Reasons of the Seagull".
Pierpaolo!
Hi.
Have you been drinking?
No.
What time is your mother's birthday?
8:30.
- Is anything wrong? - No.
- I've dropped the film. - You've dropped the film?
Those idiots are acting tough with me.
How?
I wouldn't let them do smoke effects on set, yet they're producers.
Now what's the problem?
The attack!
They've cut it because they don't have money.
I said, "Asshole, you're a producer, find it!"
Why are you so destructive towards people?
Be quiet! You know nothing about this!
I'm destructive? If it weren't for me, this place would be full of shit!
Shit everywhere, shit under the carpet,
shit on the sofas, shit among the books!
I buy three flavours, and smoke an ice cream cone
I have three necklaces and look like an ice cream cone.
Your girlfriend melts like an ice cream cone.
You look nice, Grandma.
- You look nice. - Eh?
You look well.
No, I'm not well.
My bowels are driving me crazy, they've turned to wood.
I haven't been to the toilet in ten days, darling...
Constipation is worse than war.
How are you?
Okay? What are you listening to? May I?
Thanks.
Your relevance is zero, you will die in obscurity
They're good. Do you like them?
I do too. Great rhythm.
- Drink this, then you'll go to the toilet. - What the fuck...
Earphones in the water! You asshole!
- Grandma's not feeling well. - What can my earphones do?
- What a stupid prank! - Grandma's constipated.
Dickhead!
Don't swear.
You're a dickhead! Dropping my earphones in water.
- So? They're waterproof. - Imbecile!
- He's got water on his brain. - And you in your arse!
- Asshole, go and get some lithium. - I'll slit your throat! Quiet!
Just keep quiet! I'll cut all your hair off, you shit.
This is a category one...
- Dad? - Has your car got good brakes?
- Why? - Dad?
The toilet's down there, sweetie.
This is incredible...
You turned her face up and gave her a heart massage?
- No, she was already face up. - How old was she?
- About 70. - Too young for Stefano then?
Stupid!
If Marie hears you, she'll be furious.
How old is your mother now?
Chantal was 51 when Marie was born.
- 75? - Grandma Ornella's generation.
I did a first-aider course when I was young
and I learnt the heart massage and the Heimlich manoeuvre.
- What manoeuvre? - The Heimlich.
- Heimlich... - Don't laugh!
It's not funny, a heart massage can save a person's life.
- I'm not that convinced. - Is that so?
Strange.
The woman was lucky you're a doctor.
- Stefano would have killed her. - That's for sure.
He wouldn't have killed her!
Uncle, how many corpses have you seen in your life?
Lots, unfortunately.
I've only seen Granddad.
Why didn't you give him a heart massage on the bed?
Because he was already dead.
You do a heart massage on people who are dying, not when they're dead.
Then why did no one give him one when he was dying?
Anna, my dear...
Unfortunately, Granddad had a terrible illness
that couldn't be cured with a heart massage.
Granddad had cancer,
we mustn't be ashamed to say that word, not even with the kids.
Granddad had cancer, he died of cancer.
I know, I did the X-ray.
Of course, darling...
Mum?
Marie has written a song for your birthday...
you know Marie sings...
she's written a song for your birthday...
and wants to sing it.
Good girl, Marie. It's good to sing!
Like pigeon shit I fall on the crowd
I read Freud by day and sniff glue at night
I wear a red T-shirt but shout, "only traitors give up the fight"
My father screws old women because he loves shortcrust pastry
My grandmother says, after she's eaten,
"It never rains, but when it does it pours"
The smile you see is pre-printed
I do it and undo it like a prefabricated building
It's forbidden to be sad if you were born rich
This world screws you, like baby food
In the arse, whole in the mouth, semi-skinned
I'm hot, too many covers
Above my head a lens, a child having fun
I burn like an ant, I become transparent
And I no longer exist, I'll always be born tomorrow
If you meet me in an hour you must say you met me
I remain on my own with these dirty lines
I squeeze my destiny in my hands, I yell at your doors,
"Grandma, why is the future more scary than death?"
I like it...
Oh, my God!
I really liked it.
Great rhythm...
It's lovely.
Mum, did you like it?
No.
Are you crazy? Don't you realise this isn't the place?
The psychologist said to ignore that.
The psychologist is an asshole!
You're a good rapper.
You should keep it up.
You should move to America if you like rap.
- What's America got to do with it? - They're better at it than us.
Rap's their thing, move to America...
Do I have to move to China to learn table-tennis then?
If your aim is to play table-tennis professionally
there's no doubt Chinese schools are better.
But there's a difference between table-tennis and music.
It's something linked to one's own language and culture,
to the life you've led, to one's hopes...
There's not a school for everything...
They're way ahead in London.
- What's London got to do with it? - They're way ahead.
Compared to you!
- Calm down. - I am calm!
You're annoying me with this silly attitude,
the same talk for the last 30 years.
It's always "you, you, you"! These kids are smartasses!
- We're smartasses, auntie? - Yes.
We're shy!
You were the first young assholes in history!
Young people before you weren't.
Granddad, who died of cancer, wasn't a young asshole, neither was Grandma.
You were a young asshole! So was Dad!
- Mum was a young asshole! - Shut up, you idiot!
- You shut up, you whore! - Federico, fuck!
She's a whore!
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...
Happy birthday, Ornella...
Thank you.
Right...
Uzi submachine gun, Glock 17,
Beretta M9.
Sawn-off shotgun.
Come on, uncle.
- See if the barrel's straight. - It's straight.
- Sure? - Yeah.
Ak-47, broken rib, no stock.
Throw this away.
What's up?
Nothing, uncle.
Is it because of your mother?
Don't be sad, she could have died, she's still alive.
Seeing she could have died, why didn't you let me go to the hospital?
You were working!
I can't screw this up because my sister-in-law goes through a red light.
Couldn't someone else have waited in the cold last night?
You're protected with all this fat on you.
You wouldn't feel cold in the mountains with all this fat.
- Look who's here! - Bruno!
- How are you? - Fine, and you?
Fighting fit. What are you doing here?
Dad forgot this.
- Forgive him, he's getting old. - No, he is old.
- Know where to go? - Yeah, on the right.
- On the left! - Left.
- Bye. - Bye, Bruno, thanks.
Don't get up.
Thanks.
I've not been here for ages.
For ages, thank God.
What have you got planned today?
I'm going to buy a bathrobe.
A bathrobe...
We're going to Bruno's house in Tuscany this weekend.
- If you want to come... - I bumped into Bruno.
- Are you coming then? - No, I can't...
- The countryside makes me sad. - You're not that cheerful here.
Just a few days, we can spend some time together.
I'm shitting myself, Dad.
Go to the toilet then.
Yes.
Who is it?
Hello, Dr Pavone?
And you are?
Claudio Vismara.
You are my hero...
Let me give you a hug, you saved my mother's life yesterday.
I'm the son of that lady you saved.
- The ambulance gave me your address. - Yes, I gave it to them.
Thank you.
- How is your mother? - Fine.
A couple of cracked ribs but she's fine.
You saved two people's lives yesterday.
We'd argued the day before, I'd have killed myself.
My wife works here too.
- What's her name? - Teresa, she's a cleaner.
- Then thank your wife. - No, I owe you one.
I have a gun shop.
Come and choose our best handgun.
- No, I was only doing my job. - I'll give you a big discount.
I'd give you a rifle, but it's my uncle's shop.
Thanks, but I don't even have a gun licence.
Even better! Because I have a firing range!
I'll give you free lessons. Get you through the exam!
If you want, I'll find you a gun...
a scratched out one...
What do you mean, scratched out?
- Without a serial number. - But I don't use guns.
- I'll buy you breakfast. - I've just had mine.
- At least have a fucking coffee! - Okay.
It means a lot to me. Come on.
It'll makes me happy, it means a lot to me.
- Go ahead. - Follow me.
You could take a bear down with this.
- About time too! - Here's your breakfast.
I wanted a chocolate one.
Eat this cream donut and stop busting my balls!
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Hello?
Eh?
What?
What do you want, who are you?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Hey, Franco!
Stop fooling around...
I can't fool around right now, I've got a customer here.
- Hello? - Don't fucking hello me!
Who are you?
We haven't met, but I got a tip-off.
What the fuck are you talking about? Who do you think you are?
I am in great need of a bomb.
The only problem is, I don't have a gun licence
so I was wondering if there's a way around it.
- Yes.- Really?
Clown.
Come here and I'll beat you up, how dare you!
- You dickhead.- I've got 5,000 euros in cash.
How much?
- No cocoa? - Don't bust my balls, buddy.
Hello?
Is a half kilo loaf enough for you?
Er, yeah, maybe we can make it a kilo loaf.
Want white flour, wholemeal...
Let's say then...
a bit of the white
and some wholemeal.
Give me some advice.
I'm no expert...
- Know the church in the square? - Yes.
- Wait inside. - Thanks.
See you soon, thanks a lot.
Can you smell how balanced the sour note is?
Yes, I can really smell the bergamot.
That's right.
I like it, because it leaves a wonderful raw sensation in your nose.
A pleasant sensation of olfactory coarseness: it's wonderful!
Then I can smell chestnut, I can smell oak...
That's right, because this scent fades away into almond.
And mulberry... I can smell the mulberry! Oh goodness!
It's wonderful!
I like mulberry more than all the others.
Then if I'm not mistaken...
I detect straw,
I distinctly pick up the scent of leather from a drum...
- Rust and iron... - I'll get you a tissue.
Don't look at me.
334...
9... don't look at me.
- Write it down. - Eh?
Write it down, it's the number of the bomb.
9725800.
33497258...
00.
33... 3349725800.
- Perfect. - Call the number...
- And it'll explode. - Thanks.
- Are you stupid? - Do you sell ear protectors too?
I don't know why you need this fucking bomb, but mention my gun shop...
and I'll have to come here and confess to killing you.
- Of course. - I'll kill you!
Where's the money?
- Stay here until I've gone. - Right.
Thanks. Goodbye.
- What are you doing? - What the fuck are you doing?
- We can't all go through! - I'll go first, I've got the flowers.
- So what, you've got the flowers? - Yeti!
Me? Just look at yourself!
- You're a brute! - Oh piss off!
You've no concept of space.
Which way is it?
- You have no concept of space. - That's enough.
- You have no concept of space. - Yeah, okay.
It's a handicap.
- Grandma. - Who's that?
- Did you get run over? - Yeah, I got run over by a train.
Hi, Mum, come here, my lovely.
- Gently, you brute! - How sweet!
- Ines, you're looking well. - Not really, I feel all dizzy.
- It's normal, it's the anaesthetic. - I've brought some boiled broccoli.
- And some chicory. - Thank you.
Did you soak it in freezing cold water first?
- I don't eat it when it's too bitter. - I cooked it the way you do.
- This is chicory, that's the broccoli. - This is chicory.
I cooked it, I put it here.
What a lovely plant!
They're expensive...
Fuck you, look!
- Okay, I was wrong. - Where did you get the money from?
We struck a good deal, don't worry.
What have you been up to?
Did you get your money back from that rogue for the watch?
Take it easy. You'll never catch him. It's all in the past.
It was our own business deal.
But I've always said to you
that when people are stressed out...
- What the fuck are you doing? - Cesare!
- Behave, darling. - Does this hurt?
- Yes. - Keep still!
- What if I lift it? - It hurts.
- They said the op was a success. - For them maybe.
- I hurt all over. - It's quite normal, it takes a while.
It was such a blow...
Anyway, when people are stressed out,
they want to protect themselves and they buy guns.
- That's why afterwards... - What are you talking about?
Is it the anaesthetic making you feel... eh?
- No... - She's a bit delirious.
- I'm fine, don't worry. - What are you doing tonight?
I'm watching those young kids singing.
They're only kids, but they have powerful voices...
- It hurts when I laugh. - Kids singing? Where?
- It's a TV programme. - It's the anaesthetic, look...
- It's a TV programme. - Sorry, visiting time is over.
- Right. - We're getting kicked out.
- Bye then. - Mum, don't tire yourself out.
- Take it easy. - Call if you need anything.
Bye, my darling!
- I put a drop of oil on it. - Thanks.
Goodbye. Good evening.
That's good, darling.
- Bye, Ines. - Bye, darling.
- Take it easy. - Thanks for bringing all this stuff.
It's okay... bye then.
- Are you feeling okay, Mum? - Yes, I'm fine.
- Sometimes the anaesthetic... - Don't worry, darling.
Are you sure?
Bye, my darling sweetie-pie!
- Thanks. - Bye, Mum.
- Bye, my darling. - Call me, eh?
Yes, don't worry about me. Bye.
There... there!
Hey, be careful! You nearly took my arm off!
I don't want ticks getting in.
Look how nice that one is. Bye, little sheep!
Bye, little sheep.
Ludovica...
- What the fuck! - Get out of the car!
- We haven't got anything! - Get out!
- No, no... drive off, drive off! - Get out!
- Go on! - The sheep are in the way!
- They'll move. Drive off! - Get out, come on!
- Okay. - Get out.
I'm getting out! Take it easy.
- I'm getting out. - Hurry up.
Get on your knees.
I said get down on your knees! Come on!
Now listen carefully.
Kiss my ass! Now!
Kiss it!
You fucking idiot!
- You're such an asshole! - Yeah!
Good morning.
Gaia, guess what he did to us!
Hi!
Bruno's totally crazy!
Totally crazy!
He pointed a rifle at us.
He's totally crazy! We were stuck there...
- He did pull that ambush prank? - Here's our champion.
I didn't even have to use the car.
There was a flock of sheep blocking the way. Great!
Like a fucking film!
That's right, back and forth. Fish them all out. All of them!
- Fish what out? - The winged ants.
They're flying ants who live in swimming-pools.
They have a deadly bite and are really annoying.
They're not like bees and hornets who come at you if you disturb them.
- They set off... - Where's Gaia?
- Gaia. - She's gone inside.
She's mixing cocktails for everyone.
- I don't like cocktails, what do I do? - What everyone else does.
Taste it, say it's good because it's sweet but not sugary.
It'll make her happy.
Whereas I dance.
- You dance? - I'm taking dancing lessons.
I dance.
Let's dance then.
No, come on...
What are you up to?
Sending Bruno the photos I take of you?
It turns me on.
You take photos of me...
I show them to him.
Then he shows them to you.
And it comes full circle.
And so will our marriages if they find out.
It'll be a year next month.
Congratulations.
When you go hunting tomorrow, accidently kill him.
Hunting?
- I thought you knew. - You mustn't think!
Mind your own fucking business!
You've never done any thinking in your life!
Pierpaolo, trust me, it's wonderful. You're immersed in nature...
- What's the cocktail like? - Good.
It's good because it's sweet but not...
- What was it? - It's a wild boar hunt, it's a big one.
We can come back if you don't like it.
- It's dangerous. - Pierpaolo!
Fuck, Pierpaolo!
- I feel like crying. - Tell me something.
Why on earth did you fucking tell him?
- Do you want to know how it went? - Yes!
- You want to know why I told him? - Yes!
- Do you want to know? - Yes!
- Do you really want to know? - I want to know.
I want to know the fucking reason why...
I just want to go hunting.
Carlo, look how I did it.
- The edges. - Well?
You have to work down and blow it.
Then the edges, work down and blow it.
Look at this.
No, Carlo.
- Claudio! - Blow it!
Look at this fucking T you've made. You're rubbish.
And cover your fucking ass up.
You look like a filthy slut!
- What's wrong with this T? - It looks like a giraffe, it's awful.
Leave it to me next time.
Flavio's here, let's go and play.
- Score some points. - Right.
Don't be scared.
- You'll have to spread out. - Why?
Three people start to be an organization.
- Do we have to walk around then? - No. Hit the ball, assholes.
- That's a good one. - It was the wind!
Let's play it again, it's windy.
You know what I'd like to buy?
What?
I'd like to buy the Victor Emmanuel II monument.
Me too.
I don't know why, but I've wanted to buy it since I was a child.
Just think, in front of the hospital where I work
there's this loft for sale.
- They want 3 million euros! - Jeepers!
You can't imagine how beautiful it is.
But it's nice here.
Yes, but...
I earn 900 euros a month.
If I put 250 euros aside each month, I can buy it in a thousand years.
You might as well wait a bit longer and buy Piazza Venezia too.
Haven't you considered that?
It's too difficult to buy beautiful things.
It's not fair.
Lots of things aren't fair.
This more than anything.
I tell myself things will be better tomorrow, or I'd kill myself.
I tell myself things will be better tomorrow.
I set deadlines every ten years.
Such as...
How am I? What am I doing?
Where will I be in ten years? What will I be doing?
20-20. Advantage point?
What?
I'm heterosexual. Killer point.
Move!
- First. - Go on!
Yeah!
Ludovica...
You know my uncle's story?
I know it.
So do I.
That's why I said, "Ludovica, you know my uncle's story?"
No.
My uncle was a trade unionist.
He worked in a bolt factory.
Once day at work, a lamp fell on his head.
And he immediately fell into a coma.
After an emergency operation, he came round...
and was convinced he was Gianni Agnelli.
He even spoke the same way Agnelli did.
- How long did it last? - Forever.
When he died, he was convinced he'd left us the FIAT factory!
Know who I would like to wake up as after an operation?
Oprah Winfrey. And people would listen to what I say.
And there'd be applause, lots of applause.
I'd like to be...
Roger Federer, the greatest sportsman ever.
Not because he's won more than anyone else, he could have won more.
I'd like to be...
Ludovica Pensa.
Fancy that!
Ludovica Pensa twenty years ago.
And who would you like to be?
A wild boar.
Okay, we'll have them shoot 50 disabled people instead of 100.
But we're not touching the attack on the chicken coop.
Tell them again!
Tough shit! Keep telling them until they get it!
Bruno!
Delicious!
- It's alcoholic. - No, there's just a drop of vodka.
I don't put much sugar in it, it's practically slimming.
- It's come out. - What?
The wild boar.
Where is it?
Wait here.
Did I tell you I had a cocaine addiction?
Back then I realised the more I yelled, the more people agreed with me,
and the more I was left on my own.
It's like tea. If it's the right temperature, you drink it.
When it's too hot, you forget about it and it goes cold.
There you are.
Wait.
Hello?
I'm his mother.
Bengy, go and clean the balcony.
What is it?
Take that hood off.
What have you got to tell me?
No, what have you got to tell me?
I've got shit all to tell you.
Think it over carefully.
Is it that business in Germany again?
Since when have we sold bombs to people we don't know?
Since they paid us 5,000 euros, uncle. Wouldn't you have sold him one?
- They testify next week, you know? - He's a psychopath.
No one will believe him!
Maybe not him, but they will his mother.
What about his mother?
She's a film director,
she knows people who count.
She's a director, not a cop.
How come you're so thick? Because my brother was smart.
- Stop talking about my father! - I'll talk about him whenever I want.
First, because I loved him, and second, because he owes me 40,000 euros.
- I want you to kill him. - Eh?
I want you to kill him.
His mother makes the films, not you!
I can scare him, but not kill him.
Pierpaolo, can you hear me?
Pierpaolo.
I'm here.
I wanted to ask you a favour.
I have some neighbours
who...
really bust my balls.
I wanted to ask Federico if he can plant a bomb in their car, a little one!
No...
I'm only joking, to defuse the situation.
And anyway it's all sorted now, right?
Not really, they could give him house arrest.
His name was Fiore.
He was Jewish and filthy rich, he was loaded.
He made fun of me all my childhood. He always took it out on me.
I begged him to stop, but the more I begged him, the more he lashed out.
He kicked my ass every day of my life.
It's not nice to be kicked in the ass.
It's degrading, and he kept doing it, he always took it out on me.
He insulted me.
He said I stunk of poverty.
"You stink of poverty", he'd say.
Perhaps that's why
I like fragrances so much now.
Then one night... I hadn't been head of department long...
a code red was admitted, he'd been in a motorbike crash.
It was Fiore, it was him!
I recognised him straight away.
His leg was smashed up, it was hanging off.
His right leg, I don't know how it was still attached.
I only had two choices.
I could try to be a genius and save his leg,
or I could do my job as a surgeon
and amputate his leg, after all, it was hanging off.
No one would have said anything.
No one would have judged me, it was already gangrenous,
the leg that was hanging off...
Pierpaolo.
Want to know what I did?
I sweat blood for four hours, a four-hour operation.
And I saved his fucking leg.
That leg had kicked me in the ass throughout my childhood.
I saved it!
But Pierpaolo...
Pierpaolo.
Before I stitched him up, on his knee cap...
with my scalpel,
a very tiny one...
I scratched...
a swastika.
Then I stitched him up.
Pierpaolo, this...
this is my secret, it's my secret.
This is the secret.
I have a secret...
Pierpaolo...
It wasn't the bomb that was faulty.
I forgot to get out of the way.
- It's strange. - It is a little.
No, it is strange, I realise that.
But the sensation I got is like...
It was like being swept away by a wave.
Know when a huge wave knocks you over?
That's what I remember, it's quite clear...
Except it wasn't a wave of water, it was a wave of air.
A wave of air and noise, an almost pleasant sensation, I swear.
It was almost pleasant.
Can you hear the buzzing?
I can still hear a buzzing noise. Can you hear it?
No.
I can still hear a buzzing noise.
This wave of air and noise,
how much will it cost us?
Causing damage to archaeological heritage
and possession of war weapons.
These are the two main charges.
For the first, we can pay up.
But these days the second accusation is more sensitive.
There were three types of ravioli.
About 15 cm long.
One with asparagus and meat sauce.
There was another with scallops,
but there was a third with an egg inside.
A boiled egg?
No, a fried egg. With the yellow bit.
- Like a fried egg in a ravioli. - Right...
One of the best things I've ever tasted.
We had some at... What was it called? Betti's.
Get it? A fried egg inside a ravioli.
- What the fuck? - Don't bust my ass!
Don't bust my ass!
That's enough! Okay?
You're screwed now, you shit!
- Is Cesare asleep? - Yes.
How did you do that? It takes me an hour.
I just scratch his head.
Have you never done that? You scratch the back of his neck.
Underneath, here...
Scratch it and he falls asleep.
Carlo says you weren't at the shop today.
I went to see Dad.
You did right.
But I couldn't find him.
What do you mean?
- Isn't he in block M? - I think so.
I walked all around Verano cemetery looking for him.
- You went to Verano? - Yeah.
No wonder then, your dad's in Prima Porta cemetery.
- Really? - Yeah.
What the fuck...
When I was a kid he said, "You'll put me in a home when you're older!"
And he was right.
I'm a son of a bitch.
Am I a son of a bitch?
You're a good man, Claudio.
Do you think so?
Take it from someone who married a son of a bitch.
- What the fuck... - What are you doing? Give me that!
- Where did he get that? - Gimme, you bastard!
Asshole!
- Go back to bed. - I want to sleep with Mum.
- Scratch his head. - What do you want?
What do you want? He's setting fire to the place.
- That asshole! - I didn't give it to him.
I'll thrash you later!
- Leave me alone! - Claudio, put that out...
- Fuck you! - I'm waiting for it to go out!
Put it out with water. What the fuck are you doing?
Patient: Bruno Parisi, comma
born in Rome on October 16, 1965 and resident in Rome, comma, Italy
full stop.
Atypical tissue with spindle-shaped and irregular cells, comma
resulting in fasciae, comma,
scattered mitotic activity, comma
eosinophilic cytoplasm in areas, comma
voluminous nuclei, comma
often multiple
vesicular, comma,
scattered metastasis
in the right hemisphere
full stop.
- Looking to get killed? - Yeah.
Okay.
Uncle, I couldn't do it.
My hand was shaking, I was shitting myself.
I'm no good at these things.
Teresa had to take the dog to be put down.
- I'm no good at these things. - And you want to stay that way?
You want to carry on being a larva, a pachyderm?
No, no.
You like it that way.
Do you know why you like it?
You like it because it's easier.
It's easier to be a slave, it's easier to lose.
It's easier to be good.
Do you want to stay like that?
No, I don't want to... no.
No, never again, uncle.
Give me one last... I'll kill him, okay?
Give me one last chance. I'll kill him.
What the fuck...
You bastard!
This morning Flavio Vismara was killed with a shot through the head.
The criminal was known to the police
for illegal activities linked to money lending and arms trafficking.
He was shot by his 12-year-old great-nephew.
Who claimed, "I shot him because he was about to kill my father."
Keep still!
Carlo, what's wrong with you today? You're not normal.
Is the food awful?
Yes.
The bread's good, though.
And the water, right?
They give us crusty buns.
Why haven't we bought crusty buns lately?
- They're good. - You shouldn't be eating bread.
For your blood sugar. You should eat vegetables.
Cesare?
I had to change his school.
The principal said, "Your son is no longer welcome here."
Did you tell him to put salt on him?
No, I told him he was right.
If I'd signed that paper, you'd have lost parental authority.
Then why didn't you sign it?
You were a father when you were a slave.
You can do it now that you're free.
Turn this song off.
Turn it off!
No.
How beautiful you were, my love
The moment we said farewell
A smile for us, to save if you can
While everything around us changes
How beautiful you were, my love
The moment we said farewell
A smile for us, to save if you can
While everything around us burns...
THE END
for my grandfather
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY LUDOVICA PENSA
It wasn't crab, it was...
Like crab, with an aftertaste, it was more exotic, different.
- Saverio! - Ugo, what the fuck do you want?
- Someone's beaten you up at last. - No, it's stress from work.
But you wouldn't know, you never work.
- They're letting me make a film. - Really?
Yes. You'll never make one, and do you know why?
Because you're not free.
You're not free in here!
How fucking dare you!
Champagne! Like in Nice, have you ever been?
Yes, when Nice was in Italy.
The Philippine maid steals my bananas, tell your mum that.
Is that marijuana?
- Did you like the film then? - Very much so.
I insisted on finishing this film. It was incredible.
Will you have a drink?
Dear man...
two mojitos, please.
Thank you.
Hello, Pierpaolo.
Hello.
How are you?
Fine, you?
I have a new partner now.
That's good.
Yes, I couldn't go out with anyone at first, then...
I hated being alone.
We've been dating ten days now, he's really nice.
He's a prince.
I'll introduce you. He adores you.
Guglielmo!
THE SLOW WAR
THE PREDATORS
Subtitles: Laser S. Film s.r.l. - Rome