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Hey.
Which pump?
Oh, uh.
I'm just messing with you.
There's only one.
Oh.
That's a new one.
Oh yeah, I mean you can't knock it.
Tourists, love them.
They just go nuts for that crap.
Oh, I'm sure they do.
What's the saying?
There's one born every minute.
Ooh.
Hello.
So where are you headed?
The Gifford Pinchot National Forest.
Which reminds me,
I've been having a little difficulty here.
So let me,
wait, no, no.
All right, I thought it went this way.
All right, I need to go this way.
Unfortunately, I am not as good at cartographer
as I am a lepidopterist, uh okay.
What?
- I'm looking. - What are we doing?
Bear with me one second, please.
Okay, because, let's see.
So we be, oh yeah.
Am I here?
You are here.
Ah, okay.
You one of those owl people.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm actually searching for new species of butterfly,
Butterflies?
And moths.
In fact, three years ago,
I discovered six new species
and that is a Xerces Society record,
and I've authored several books on the subject.
You don't say.
Yeah, that's kind of a big deal,
just so you know.
And I should be getting there just in time for the hatch.
Much money in butterflies?
- And moths. - And, and moths.
Yes, um, normally, no,
but I do have a Guggenheim.
You hunt butterflies with a gun?
No, it's a grant.
And one doesn't hunt butterflies, good grief.
Where are you hiking to?
I'm going from Highway 12,
over Mount Adams to the Columbia Gorge.
On foot?
Yeah.
Jesus, how long does that take?
Well, I'm anticipating up to a month.
Didn't Petras brothers do something like that back in '88?
Yeah, they sure did.
They got their ass kicked.
Well.
Yeah, he's right.
I mean, you should not do this right now.
That's trail's no joke.
The bears have slept awful long.
They're gonna be extra hungry.
I think I'll be, I'll be fine.
Thank you though.
I've done several overnights in the field, so.
Overnights.
Overnights?
Perhaps I should get another bag of peanuts.
For the, it's a long trip.
It's not the first time I've ever heard that.
Getting it in right the first time.
It was so funny.
See you in the rec room.
But you can't have bees in your walls, Bob,
you're going to have to spray before summer comes.
They're harmless honeybees.
Nature's pollinators.
Harmless?
When it heats up, you're going to have
every rat in the county running around your place.
I didn't realize your PhD in art history
made you an expert on rodents, Carl.
Who's to say that the chemicals that we spray
on so-called nuisance species,
aren't affecting other insect populations.
You know?
And that's another reason why
my Gifford Pinchot expedition is so critical.
Nobody has amassed a comprehensive list
of the Lepidoptera in the region.
And until we catalog all the species that reside there,
how are we gonna know whether their numbers are dwindling?
That is a great point.
In fact, tell us a little bit more
about this proposal of yours.
I assume that you already have a start date,
you've already planned out.
I don't have a date as of yet.
My, my class schedule is, is just crazy this semester.
So you're going during the summer break.
Oh that's terrific.
Summer makes perfect sense.
Yeah.
Not necessarily, I don't have a date as of yet.
It's really a complicated endeavor, gentlemen.
Yeah, it must be.
You've been talking about this for years now.
Yeah.
So Bob, will you bring your supplies with you
or are you going to have them drop by helicopter?
Well, I suppose, I suppose there's a,
you bring some and then others are dropped
and then one would have.
You have gym membership, you've been going right?
Checking it out, getting yourself ready.
I'm, I'm in very good shape.
My BMI is actually a,
I can't remember if it's a low or high,
but whatever that number it's supposed to be
is, it's better.
Bob, you've been camping before, right?
Yes, of course I've been camping before.
Cub Scouts, that kind.
I mean, have I done a, an expedition, no.
but I've been overnight.
What happens if you get sick?
Sprained ankle, something like that?
What if you broke your leg, Bob?
What if you lost your glasses?
There are mountain lions out there too.
Rattlesnakes.
And tigers.
Okay, okay.
Have you ever sucked the venom out
of a poisonous bite, Bob, ever?
Big rivers you can drown in.
I went to the rental car place
and I see this giant broken down station wagon
that they're gonna junk,
and I'm like that one.
Give me that one.
And they did.
And I drove it up to 84 and I get it going 105.
No.
And then I come around the corner
and all of a sudden there it is
that big yellow sign, runaway truck ramp.
Tell them, tell them.
Oh well, it.
The car bottomed out, she snapped the front axle,
and Thea broke her nose and chipped
her two front teeth on the steering wheel.
Oh goodness.
Yes, those are plastic.
Oh my God.
So, reckless and irresponsible.
Irresponsible?
Yes.
What are you talking about?
I sprung for the insurance when I rented it.
Okay, that wasn't what.
You all right?
Mm-hmm.
You okay?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
I just want to tell them about you.
Are, you all right?
Mm-hmm.
So exciting.
Bob's publisher can't wait to read the first draft
of his next book.
Mm, yes.
Well, are you going to be doing the illustrations
for this one as well?
Well, of course.
How are you going to find another artist who knows
the difference between
an Arabia Magdalena and a common Alpine?
Can't be done.
You can't, they don't exist.
Well, I can't wait to read it.
And I, for one, can't wait to get started working on it.
And I mean that quite literally, I mean, I truly can't wait.
Can I have a water?
Yeah, of course, of course.
Okay, thanks.
Come on, big fella.
Oh God, sorry, sorry.
Bob, let's dial back on you being so miserable.
Well, I apologize, but my wife is.
Alive.
I'm alive.
I know.
I'm okay.
I know.
Stop, no!
Ow, quit it, don't!
Don't.
Thea.
I'm fine, I'm fine, look.
No, you're not fine.
Yes I am.
Honey.
Grab your girlfriend, Marsha.
Go look for specimens.
No.
And scribble down some of that poetry
you keep threatening to write.
Just, just get away from me for awhile.
No.
Thea no, hey, hey, hey.
I'm here right now.
What can I do?
Go.
I already made you a lunch, it's with Marsha.
Go.
Just go chase something.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I love you.
I love you more.
Ma'am, don't change your baby on the air hockey table.
One adult, no children.
I'm joining a birthday party.
Hey Steve, do we have a birthday party scheduled today?
Don't test me, dude.
Game over.
Okay, all right.
♪ Lay back, lay back ♪
♪ Go to sleep my man ♪
♪ Wipe the blood from your face and your hands ♪
♪ Forgive yourself if you think you can ♪
♪ Go to sleep, go to sleep my man ♪
♪ 21 days lost at sea I fall ♪
♪ For 22 years nonstop I talk ♪
♪ Through the desert ♪
♪ Distraught and confused I walk ♪
♪ I spin a tube in the palm of my hand ♪
Okay.
You are, Oregon blueberry?
Oregon grape.
All right.
Yuck!
Oh God.
I'd say bitter, not sour.
I would have said bitter.
Supposed to be one left over.
All right, well.
Every journey begins somewhere.
Move, get out of the way!
Move!
Hey!
Ow, ow.
God, blessed.
♪ Deep in my heart ♪
♪ Deep in my heart I've got that scouting spirit ♪
♪ Deep in my heart ♪
Ow.
♪ I've got that scouting spirit ♪
♪ Down in my feet ♪
♪ Down in my feet I've got that scouting spirit ♪
♪ Down in my feet ♪
♪ Down in my feet to stay ♪
Next time, string your pack on some branches,
the bears can't get to it.
No one told me that.
♪ I've got that scouting spirit all over me ♪
My apples.
♪ I've got that scouting spirit ♪
Oh!
Papilio Indira.
Well, you're really quite common.
Did you know that?
Sorry.
Wait, Marsha?
It's bad luck to name it after me.
You know like a boat.
Wait, you named this after a boat?
No, it's bad luck.
You don't name a boat after your wife?
Oh, I didn't, I'm not a Seafarer.
Wll, I will get you a captain's hat.
All right, thank you.
And I would like to try this bad boy.
Bad boy?
Bad girl, bad girl, bye.
I see another bad girl.
Oh, I've got a bad girl.
No!
Bad boy's coming.
Ow, don't.
Sorry.
I've got your electrolytes and you're water.
I know, I know.
What's gonna happen to you when I'm gone?
You're gonna be fine.
Do I look like I'm gonna be fine?
Do I?
Huh, do I?
I don't need an audience!
I don't need an audience, go!
I just want to make sure,
make you feel better.
What have I done to deserve this?
Oh, hey.
Do you need a painkillers or water?
When I wrecked that stupid rental car,
you must've been furious.
Thea.
You were furious, why didn't you yell at me?
It's fine.
Bob.
We're almost out of the Dilaudid.
I'll call the pharmacy,
put in another order.
I played one last trick on you.
And this time you're gonna be really pissed.
And burdock root.
We are now officially out of burdock root.
With any luck, you'll get the punchline in a few weeks.
I guess I can have Ms Santisa drive me into town.
That'll be Friday, so I think we have enough.
We have enough until then, when she can drive it down.
Hey,
just be with me.
Come on.
Hey Bob.
Hm?
Knock knock.
Thea.
Come on.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Death.
That's not funny.
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
It was a little funny.
All right, it's a little funny.
I mean,
if we're not going to personally experience biodiversity,
we won't expect it to exist anywhere.
And really only by observing and recording what's out there
can we hope to?
Conserve it.
We hope to conserve it.
Okay, well thank you very much for your time.
Again, I can explain any of this.
I'm here to sign books if you want.
Oh wow.
Thea.
What?
Wait, what?
♪ Early in the mornin' ♪
♪ I needed you ♪
♪ I wanted you ♪
♪ By my side ♪
♪ You were singing Lord ♪
♪ Let me live till I die ♪
♪ You were singing Lord ♪
♪ Let me live until I die ♪
Wow.
That is beautiful.
Oh.
Oh, ah.
Oh, oh,
oh God.
Stupid belt!
Hello.
Oh man, do you smell that?
You think I crapped my pants, don't you?
You think I crapped my own pants?
Why would I do that?
Why would I?
Oh yeah, run away!
Run away from the pants crapping monster, yes!
God.
Yes, it does look like a crapped my pants.
No it doesn't, 'cause it's on the outside.
If I did that, it would have had
to go all the way through, I take it back.
Oh gosh, sorry.
Sorry.
Jesus!
She thought he was a spirit hidden in the woods.
She thought you were a bigfoot.
Do I look like a god damn bigfoot to you?
You almost shot me.
It's okay.
You almost shot me.
You're gonna hike all the way to the gorge?
Yes, I'm on a field study on lepidoptera in the region.
I have a Guggenheim.
I got a Guggenheim.
That trail you've been hiking,
was a highway for 20,000 years.
My ancestors would trade salmon from the river,
obsidian from the Oregon deserts,
seashells from the coast.
The four corners of this land, where the volcanoes.
Tahoma to the North, Paito to the East,
Wais to the South and Lewit to the West.
Our stories say that Wais and Lewit
were once lovers who were turned to stone.
Lovers.
The tribes met at Council Lake at the base of Pato,
but they abandoned because there's too many bigfeet there.
They renamed it Cotas Lake, Bad Lake.
So there's more than one bigfoot?
Okay, so doc,
what do you think?
Tell me,
your thoughts.
Do you believe bigfoot exists?
No, I don't believe that bigfoot exists.
At least not in the traditional sense.
I do believe he exists as a sort of totem or a symbol.
My man.
Totem.
But you've seen things you can't explain.
That is true.
Come on.
You're, you screwing around?
Grandpa saw one.
Grandpa saw a lot of things.
The old boy loved his peyote ritual.
Tried to convince everybody he was a medicine man.
He was really just an old pot head.
So is your dad.
You know that.
That's why your mom, lovely woman that she is,
traded up.
They were Holy men,
and you eat peyote you don't smoke it.
Okay.
Either way.
Just bunch of old dopers, that's all.
Holy men.
It's our heritage.
Some heritage, am I right?
What do you got that's so great
besides a disability check?
Hey, hey hey, easy biggun.
Let it go,
let it go.
Buncha.
Bigfoot sleeps in lava tunnels.
Deep beneath Pato.
He protects the forest and its creatures.
But when white man gets too greedy
and steals too much of his land,
bigfoot smashes his trucks as revenge.
All right, Shane, that is enough.
Why do you always turn into such an ass
when other white people are around?
What?
- Uh. - You heard me.
I don't.
I didn't even know he's white, how about that?
You're white?
Uh, yes.
You don't raise your voice to me.
Or what, you'll move out?
Huh?
I might.
So,
you're married?
I was.
Well, when did you guys split up?
We didn't
split up.
Oh.
I met her in mushroom class.
About this time every year
she would get fungus fever, is what she would call it.
And we'd go out hunting and,
but she's good.
She was good.
She was, she,
she was, she was very good.
I wouldn't want to be a chanterelle in a forest with her.
And I fell in love with her
the second I heard her name.
Thea Linnaea.
Linnaea, like the little twin flowers.
Linnaea borealis, yes.
You know, he was a good man once.
Sometimes he still is.
He forgets how angry he is.
Well, I can't say I blame him.
You know there's, a lot to be angry about.
Life is exceptionally unfair.
I was hoping that this journey
would help me get through that,
you know, so that I could move on.
Maybe you should start looking
to yourself for the answers.
Thank you.
A little hungry.
Look out, look out, look out!
All right, back it up.
Oh wow, if it isn't the owl nut.
What?
Oh, you're the man from the gas station.
I knew there was something about you I didn't like.
I don't know how you did it or how many men you had.
How you did this without a winch.
Whoa whoa whoa, gentlemen, gentlemen.
Gentlemen, let's be rational here.
It would take at least.
You're going to tell me or I'm gonna beat it out of you.
Oh, weapons of mass destruction in here.
You can't just go around beating people up.
Hey!
Oh yeah, why not?
Because, I have a Guggenheim.
He's got a gun.
It's not a gun, you idiot.
Let that poor guy go before he pisses himself.
And go start those slash piles.
Go on, get the work.
What the hell you guys do, join union while I was at lunch?
Slash pile.
We're just having a little fun.
Here comes that hippie,
you better get back to work.
Hey!
Hey, I want the names of those men.
No.
You can have some coffee though.
How long you been on the trail?
Two weeks.
Or no, longer maybe.
I don't know.
I, I, I guess I've lost track.
Seems ill advised to be hiking so long
without a radio or a rifle.
What if you run into a bear?
I did.
We worked it out.
And the only dangerous animals I've run into are your men.
Well, you'll just have to forgive them.
They've been through an awful lot these last few years.
Thanks to this spotted owl nonsense.
Nonsense.
You're talking about a species that will never be back.
We'll never see it again.
Along with who knows how many others.
And once they're gone, that's it.
They're gone forever, okay.
You don't,
you don't get to snap your fingers and have them come back.
You know, there's no, they're gone forever.
And then all we have are memories.
Have you ever seen a spoted owl?
No, because they're very rare because they're endangered.
Well count your lucky stars.
Mean sons of bitches.
I'm glad to see them go.
Hey, that's terrible.
That's a terrible thing to say.
I'm sure it is to someone like you.
Okay.
Thanks to misinformed do-gooders like yourself.
There's too many trees, too much brush.
Too many regulations.
Okay.
Fewer plants mean fewer insects.
Fewer insects mean fewer frogs and birds.
Fewer frogs and birds means fewer larger mammals.
Fewer of them means fewer of us.
On that, we agree.
Okay, good.
Good.
How, in what way?
Now that we're not able to thin the stands
like we used to, like we should,
every fire season nature does it for us.
Only her fires are faster and longer than they used to be.
Because there's 70 years of fuel on the forest floor.
It's only gonna get worse and worse and worse
till there ain't nothing left.
And you'll probably blame us for that, too.
You ever heard of a rustic bunty?
I don't know.
You remind me of a rustic bunty.
Saw one the other day.
Brown bird about that big.
Ought to be in Siberia.
But here it was.
Dumb little bird, stupid little bird.
Surprised if it lives another week out here.
Can I get another cup of coffee, please.
No.
Drop the wood over there.
Start a new pile.
♪ I keep telling myself that it'll be fine ♪
♪ You can't make everybody happy all of the time ♪
♪ But I found myself in a place that I've never been ♪
♪ A place that I thought that I would never be ♪
♪ People looking back at me ♪
Yeah right, of course.
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
♪ Once I thought I loved you for sure ♪
♪ But of course I let myself down ♪
♪ And where your door was open to me ♪
♪ No one is there anymore I have found ♪
♪ And so I fade away ♪
♪ Into the ghost land ♪
♪ Soon I disappear ♪
♪ and nothing's left behind ♪
♪ Maybe today ♪
♪ Maybe tomorrow ♪
♪ I'll find a way ♪
♪ To outlive this sorrow ♪
Ah, come on.
Hello, hello dinner.
Hello, dinner and lunch.
Hey, travel by motorized vehicle is prohibited!
Violators will be prosecuted!
We're the forest service, dumbass!
Sorry, sorry.
I didn't, it sounded.
Hey.
Peace offering.
Not many chances for fresh water between here and the gorge.
Thank you.
You're the butterfly guy?
Huh?
Not lot goes on that we don't know about.
You certainly seem to miss
your fair share of motorized vehicles.
Hey, we're the only Rangers for an area
five times the size of Manhattan.
Wait, please.
I have a question.
Have you ever seen,
Bigfoot?
Yeah, you've got bigfoot fever already.
I get a few of you guys every season.
I'm just curious is all.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you believe?
I've never seen a spotted owl,
but I know they're around here somewhere.
Why not bigfoot?
I mean, if you were one of them, wouldn't you hide from us?
I know I would.
Pace yourself with that water.
This is North.
No, this is North.
That's not, okay no I'm,
I should be North of here.
Missed the trail.
Oh god, of course.
Lava beds are magnetic.
Okay, let's go climb a tree.
Hey, hey!
Sorry, I'm lost.
Where is it?
It's around here somewhere.
Oh wow.
Wonderful.
Wow.
Thea.
Thea!
Oh!
Ow, oh!
Oh God!
What?
Help!
Help, help me.
Help me!
Help, come on.
Okay.
You were right.
It's a little funny.
It's sort of funny.
Okay.
Ow ow.
Ow, ow!
You're extremely rare.
♪ Woke up to follow you ♪
♪ You alone to the healing knew ♪
♪ And every chance that I get ♪
♪ When I pass the phone ♪
♪ I sing this song for you ♪
♪ Into the dial tone ♪
♪ I know how it seems ♪
♪ The smile when you call ♪
♪ Smile when you call ♪
You are quite the mischief maker, madam.
Thea.
You can hang out as long as you'd like.
You and me.
♪ So won't you roll on babe ♪
♪ Don't you roll so slow ♪
♪ When the wheel don't turn ♪
♪ You won't roll anymore ♪
♪ On a trip last night ♪
♪ A long lost tale ♪
♪ I saw an eight billion string ♪
♪ Hung around the head ♪
♪ So won't you roll on babe ♪
♪ Don't you roll so slow ♪
♪ When the wheel don't turn ♪
♪ You won't roll anymore ♪
♪ Now hop that train ♪
Thank you.
For everything.
I don't know what happens next but,
I'll be ready.
♪ So roll on babe ♪
♪ Don't you roll so slow ♪
♪ When the wheel don't turn ♪
♪ You won't roll anymore ♪
Hey man, are you okay?
Are you okay?
Where'd you start?
Off Highway 12, East of Rainier.
You've earned one of these man.
What happened to your head?
My head?
Oh, an owl sat on it.
What happened to your arm?
Some earth first asshole,
boobie trapped the trail with a bunch of punji sticks.
Huh.
I'm sorry,
sorry to hear that.
Well, gentlemen, thank you for the suds.
Thank you, godspeed.
Hey, you leave a car up there?
Yeah.
So how are you going to get back?
I was just gonna take the bus up the highway here.
You'll be waiting a long time.
I mean when's the last time you heard
of a government employee working on the 4th of July,
especially in Washington.
It's the, it's the 4th of July?
I was supposed to be back on the 22nd of June, June 22nd.
We can take 12 home if you need a lift.
I'd really appreciate that, thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yeah man.
Thank you.
You all good?
All right, yeah.
Good luck to you.
All right, you take care.
One, two, three, four!
♪ I open my door ♪
♪ And here's what occurs ♪
♪ A pretty little gal ♪
♪ With pretty little curls ♪
♪ Leans to the side ♪
♪ Leans on my mind ♪
♪ I don't wanna live ♪
♪ But I sure don't wanna die ♪
♪ I'm stuttering again ♪
♪ And telling her goodbye ♪
♪ Oh m-m-my ♪
♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Will you come again ♪
♪ It's hard to say ♪
♪ I surely hope so ♪
♪ Will you come again ♪
♪ It's hard to say ♪
♪ I surely hope so ♪
♪ She walks up to me ♪
♪ With something more to say ♪
♪ That hello and goodbye ♪
♪ I hope that you're okay ♪
♪ Well I'm doing fine ♪
♪ I'm doing fine ♪
♪ Will you come again ♪
♪ It's hard to say ♪
♪ I surely hope so ♪
♪ Will you come again ♪
♪ It's hard to say ♪
♪ I surely hope so ♪
♪ I wish you'd see yourself ♪
♪ As beautiful as I see you ♪
♪ Why can't you see yourself ♪
♪ As beautiful as I see you ♪
♪ I open my door ♪
♪ And this is what I see ♪
♪ The hope inside a girl ♪
♪ Just looking back at me ♪
♪ Oh my ♪
♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Will you come again ♪
♪ It's hard to say ♪
♪ I surely hope so ♪
♪ And will you come again ♪
♪ It's hard to say ♪
♪ I surely hope so ♪