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It's a beautiful day.
The sun is bright.
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
The sea is sharp blue.
I let go of my sister's hand
and jump into the pond.
It's dark.
The smell of mud.
There is a strange sound.
Croak Croak
A frog jumps into the pond.
Croak Croak
A fish swims away.
Croak Croak
The frog jumps onto a leaf.
Croak Croak
A bird flies past.
Croak Croak
The frog catches a fly.
Croak Croak
The frog falls asleep on a tree.
Croak
A hand pulls me out.
I take a deep breath.
I cough.
Where am I?
Did I ever tell you about the pond?
I see you for the first time.
Istanbul is filled with demonstrations.
I don't understand what they're shouting.
Your shirt is grey.
A red star in your ear.
Maybe we would never have met in Syria.
Your invitation to Berlin.
I wonder why I don't take you to the airport.
I look you in the eyes.
I feel your kiss before you say goodbye.
It doesn't occur to me that I may not see you again.
You take the plane.
You come back.
You don't come back.
It's getting colder.
I can smell the snow.
Everyday I look at the photos you send.
I see us walking down the street in Berlin.
We drink coffee at this bar around the corner.
In the evening we go to the cinema.
I wonder.
Why you never take photos of people?
Or you just don't send them to me?
Any news?
How long do you have to stay at the refugee camp?
What are you doing right now?
Are you sleeping?
Are you thinking of me?
I learn German
and watch old Syrian soap operas on youtube.
13 years earlier.
The family sits on the sofa.
We watch the green missiles over Iraq on television.
10 years later.
I watch the war in Syria on youtube.
The missiles appear yellow.
Maybe the cameras are better today.
The camera records everything.
Snipers against demonstrators.
Run.
Grenades against bakeries.
Run.
Bombs against vehicles.
Run.
Missiles against homes.
Run.
Chemical weapons against everything.
Leave.
I dig a hole.
The hole is big.
All my bracelets fit in there.
In a hundred years someone will find them
and think they belonged to a queen.
The hole is getting deeper.
I fall.
I take my cat out of Syria.
We cross the border.
I meet you in Istanbul.
You fly to Berlin.
The cat looks for you everywhere.
Two years, they say.
At least.
Two years of waiting for my visa.
Two years of wasting time.
The connection is very bad.
I can barely hear your voice.
I'll come back, you say.
I want to say yes.
But back to where?
Istanbul?
Standstill?
Syria?
War?
I won't let you.
Do you understand?
I shout. I threaten.
I don’t want you to come back.
I'll come to you.
Have you calmed down?
You know me.
I can’t wait.
If I wait, I get sleepy.
I can’t allow myself to sleep.
I must stay awake.
My legs become stronger.
I go to the gym and run on the treadmill.
Don’t think.
Keep your legs moving
until you don’t feel them anymore.
I empty the flat.
I sell my stuff.
I sell your stuff.
I keep the camera.
Do I really need a rope?
I meet the smuggler.
He is a film producer.
On the wall hangs a poster of a film
that won an award at the Cannes Film Festival.
On my way out, I meet a girl and her brother.
She asks me if I’m afraid.
I lie and say no.
Should I say yes?
I let the cat fall asleep.
I put it in a box.
The cat takes the plane to Berlin.
No visa required.
I'm ready now.
What time is it?
The bus drives fast.
Some people have to stand.
I don’t know where I am.
I'm not allowed to open the curtains.
I'm not allowed to open the windows.
I can't breathe.
Can you track me by GPS?
Do you know where I am?
The sun rises.
I walk down the hill towards the shore.
The woman in front of me walks very fast.
Her sneakers look new.
I count the butterflies on her blouse.
She reminds me of a neighbour.
People hate her.
Because she does what she wants.
She lives alone.
The little girl holding her hand is excited.
The girl looks at me and smiles.
She wears a red-grey woolen cap.
She points to the sea:
Look how close we are.
I can see the hills on the other side.
It's a beautiful day.
The sun is bright.
The sea is sharp blue.
I fasten the camera to my wrist.
I film this trip for you.
It's a two-storey boat.
Too many people.
Orange vests,
blue vests,
no vests.
My vest is orange.
I take the upper deck.
My eyes focus on the hills.
People take selfies.
I take one as well.
I see a smaller boat.
It is following us.
Police?
It comes closer.
It takes the smuggler aboard.
He waves us goodbye with a smile.
People start screaming.
Water is coming in the lower deck.
A guy jumps into the water.
The lifebelt is tied to the railing.
We can't get it off.
I see his head between the waves.
The head is getting smaller.
I hate the sea.
Mountains, that's where I belong.
I smell the fresh bread
baked on bonfires during summer.
I have a clear view.
I can see for miles.
We -
We are in Berlin.
We sit on the grass.
It's spring.
What do we name our daughter?
Think with me.
You -
You are in Berlin.
You walk through the park, holding your daughter's hand.
She's named after me.
Her mother waves at you with a smile.
I -
I am in Berlin.
I am alone.
I survive.
You're on a guilt trip.
I do what I want.
In Damascus, I study journalism.
I want to become a war correspondent.
What a stupid idea.
Somehow now, I've become one.
The boat is collapsing.
I lose the ground under my feet.
I let go of the railing and jump into the sea.
It's dark.
The smell of salty water.
There is a strange sound.
Croak
Help.
Croak
Mayday.
Croak
SOS.
Croak
Why do we all scream in English?
I take a deep breath.
I cough.
I pray.
I don't believe in praying.
Where am I?
Is my mobile ringing?
Is that you calling?
Do you know that I am drowning?
What about your GPS?
Why don't you call for help?
Forget it.
Don't lay your guilt on me.
I wouldn't feel any safer if you were here.
What time is it now?
The flight from Istanbul to Berlin takes three hours.
The ferry from Turkey to Lesbos
takes one hour and thirty minutes.
How long have we been here?
I hear a helicopter.
What is it doing here?
It whirls up the waves.
I see a red light inside the helicopter.
Are they filming us?
Where will the images end up?
On youtube?
Or television?
Regular news or breaking news?
What do you call us?
Refugees?
Criminals?
Victims?
Or just numbers?
Fuck you all!
Stop filming!
It's getting darker.
I stand next to my father
watching him sleep.
He covers his eyes with his arm.
Green fish,
red fish,
yellow fish.
Made of plastic.
I try not to wake him up while sorting them by colour.
The man next to me loses his glasses.
I see everything.
The woman in front of me is screaming.
She wants to know if the girl in her arms is alive.
The girl is still wearing her red-grey woolen cap.
I turn my face
and say nothing.
I close my eyes.
I am invisible.
I smell your hair.
I feel your breath on my neck.
Time belongs to us.
We step on each other's feet.
We laugh.
We are in Berlin.
We dance.
Don't worry and try to sleep.
I will try as well.
Yesterday, I dreamed.
I am in the sea.
I lie on my back
under the surface of the water.
The sun is warm.
I feel the warmth with every pore of my body.
The sea is purple.
I’m not afraid anymore.