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Hello
Hi! I'm Elisabeth
For the meetup group right? YES!
Nice to meet you come on in.
Such a lovely house
Thank you. It's my mum's actually.
She is out of town. Doesn't even know that I'm
Oh darling
don't be nervous
it will be fine
could you
do you mind if I just pop to the loo?
Of course sweetheart
No problem I will just
make myself comfortable
How could you do such a thing you idiot?
Oh, I didn't hear the door
Sorry, did you..
Darling this is John
He is a wonderful pianist
I met him at one of my meetups, where we'd sing songs.
Right? You two know each other from before?
Hi. It's Can actually, it's a Turkish name
No no no you can call me John I don't mind it
Oh! Hold on let me get that
This is exciting
people are coming!
Linda!
What was that song you sang last time with John!
Oh, Light Me Up. It's my boyfriend's composition
Your boyfriend's composition?
I have it!
No way
Way!
Baby
I see you walking past me
But I swear your soul kissed
my eternity
Hold me
closely
with every touch I'll make you
believe in me
You killed me
with purity
you separated all the blood in my soul
light me up
tone me down
moi your palette
vous my song
Your touch illustrates
colors into my skin
Oh, wonderful!
I want to propose a toast
to the lady who brought music to this party
Oh! Thank you
That's why I love organising music groups
you get to sing together
and you have so much fun
This is what young people need to bear in mind and take away
Music is the way to stay
modest
and humble in this world
I don't want to sound like the annoying uncle but..
Well, I'm afraid you do
When you generalise about "all young people"
and then you talk about modesty and humility
sorry it's just a real bugbear of mine
Sorry
Who are you?
I'm Samantha
Why? Does that make a difference?
Guys, come on
Is that the booze talking?
No, just me being a bitch
Oh, I need to get this sorry
You know honey
I truly believe, that when one believes enough
there's nothing one can't achieve
"The secret!"
Yes darling! We create our own destiny with our energy
Look, I'm sorry to interrupt but can I also state my opinion?
I think all this "energy and believe in it and let your dreams come true is bullshit"
Of course! It's all about taking selfies and posting on facebook and instagram.
Not worth chasing your goals
You know that's not my point at all
and I don't take pictures and post what I eat on instagram
I think these so called "secret" and other cliched sayings are just as commercial as your examples
What cliche? The girl sings wonderfully and a living example of what we are all talking about here
The girl doesn't sing at Carnegie Hall.
She sings her boyfriend's songs at meetup parties.
Oh it's not commercial enough for you. Whatever happened to simplicity and
I'm not saying those are bad and I don't understand why everyone's got hostile when I express my opinion
Not everyone
I think these days, just like on facebook and instagram
people made plastic versions of deep philosophies and psychological complexities
and then they sell them by making them sound simple
You know that they are sweet tricks to attract naive people.
Oh you're making such a big thing of it.
You have quite a big ego don't you?
Shouldn't you be at home reading books and not wasting time at parties?
I think may be you are right
Guys.. come on
Well seriously, first we have "all young people" generalization
now we have this "psychology, philosophy, I know all that"
I didn't say that
No, but it's obvious that's what you're thinking
Ok and who are you to judge me like that?
Guys please, can we not spend the whole night arguing and throwing sass at each other?
Let's show some respect for our host.
Now I'm disrespectful
Seriously I will not have this anymore at my house
You're right honey don't be sad
why don't we lighten the mood a bit?
I'm not sad
John! Honey, play something for us
No, seriously if I play the piece I've been practising lately
This party is going to be doomed
Mmm I like the sound of that
It's so difficult. I..
Oh come on honey this is not a concert hall!
Okay
for the sake of changing the mood
I'll give it a go
is anyone gonna tell me what's going on?
Now people go missing?
It's all right darling, I got you!
It makes sense
She's fainted
No way?
Do you mind?
Oh fuck! Fuck
Jody?
Wait, Jody!
Jody!
JODY!
Jody!
Jody wait! Jody stop!
Jody
I'm not going to hurt you
Listen to me
Jody
Jody wait!
Jody! wait!
Jody
I know what you're thinking
What?
You know what
What do you want me to say?
I mean You're bloody fainting or whatever
and you wake up on the floor and you are telling me this is not one of your episodes?
Lara I told you, and I told mum
this wasn't one of those
if you just get in touch with these people
you have it all clear in your mind, you'll know what happened
Yeah and face the humiliation
what humiliation?
Come on Lara, you know these people played a prank on me!
Or what are you saying?
I just passed out and had an hour long hallucination is that it?
I'm not saying anything and I told you, don't put this on me
This is not helping
Julie I want to help you
I'm just trying to understand Julie
Ok.
So the way I see it, there's two options
the first, you are right. They played a huge prank on you, well done them
Second
you know you've been on so much medication
Second! Right, second!
I'm crazy.
Julie come on
Don't Julie me. It's so easy for you isn't it?
I'm trying to help you
I'm not just talking about you, it's all of you. You, mum, everybody!
You have no idea what I'm going through do you?
Let go
Give up
You know it's best
There's a woman upstairs
I told you they are chasing after me. No one believes me
I'm not making this up
She must have left
Oh...
Mum. I know that tone.
We both know it don't we?
Can I just...
Mum please
Baby!
Please don't do that!
What have you done to yourself?
My baby!
Why?
I'm giving this to you
But I'm not letting go of the meaning and the experience that we shared
I'll keep that forever
and I know you will too
I will
I don't have any words any more
guess that's the point right?
Shall we hug?
Thank you
Hi Julianne
thanks for calling
I've got your e mail
I can fit you in at 4 o'clock tomorrow.
4 o'clock tomorrow is fine
Great, I'll see you at my private practise
Ok
Ok. Bye
Bye
Hey!
Hey
I organised this meetup party for creative people
It just went awfully wrong
They are all after me now
They are trying to kill me
in my dreams
but
it just seems so real
I'm really scared I'm actually going to die
Did this start about the party?
Your dreams I mean
I've always had trouble with my sleep
sleepwalking,
when half awake, hallucinating
but nothing this extreme
there is something really wrong this time
This woman Elisabeth
and the piano guy John
he played this piece at the party and
everything just went wrong after that
What was it like before this happened?
What kind of people are they?
They were actually the nicest and the friendliest ones towards me
I don't understand
That's interesting
so they were nice
and now they're your monsters
Yes. They were really supportive
And how are you?
What, now?
Not just now
In general
Do you support yourself?
I
My questions made you sad
I
I hurt
I've got no choice
I look like this cheerful and nice person but
I'm this..
This!
You feel you have no choice.
It helps you to hurt yourself
I understand
You do?
Have you seen a therapist before Julianne?
A psychiatrist..
My mum took me
He said I had bp something.
Borderline? Bipolar?
Borderline
He was an asshole
Didn't end well
Ended quite messy actually
Life isn't always beautiful
How do these people kill you?
They strangle me
Can just pushed me to the ground and
Elisabeth caught me off guard
If you see them in your dreams
they aren't other people
What do you mean?
You catch yourself off guard
You are strangling yourself
Ok. You are scaring me now.
I don't mean to scare you Julianne
but what you're saying already is scary
Where do these people come from?
Who brings them here?
Oh right, here you go
You know what? You can go to hell
All of you
I don't know why I even bothered
What's wrong Julianne?
What's wrong?
You are wrong
All these people are in my head
right?
Well good for you, so clever, you nailed it
I don't understand
You won't need to
I don't think you should go like this
Yeah? watch me!
No
What?
Who do you think you are? Get out of my way!
I'm not getting out of your way until you manage to stay with me
Don't you fucking shout at me you crazy bi...
I am not shouting at you because I'm angry
I'm trying to reach you
What is this?
You think you can use force to stop me
Look into my eyes. Is that what you see?
What are you doing?
I'm trying to stay with you Julianne
Why?
Because I think no one else does
Is my hand all right there?
I don't want to do this
I know
I know it's painful
But I'm here
and I want to be here
In your pain
What happened there
I'm interested in your reaction
Has this happened before?
You have no idea what I'm going through do you?
Fuck your care! Thanks for your loving and caring chat
Almost always
Right
You didn't have to be a bitch though
I know
I'm sorry
I had to improvise
I'm not feeling worse
I won't stay for long
I just want to make sure you are in one piece
Mum I don't want to talk about this
That's why people go to therapy right? It's private
Oh do they now?
And what's there to keep from one's own mother?
Who's worried as hell
and who's getting messages from her daughter's best friend
that she's worried
All I wanted is for you..
Yeah that's not fair is it? What do you want..
What do I want ha?
Oh
Did she give you that individualistic crap?
I should have found you a therapist
Mum can you stop making this about her?
I just told her what happened and
The party
Yeah. Not just that
What do you mean?
Oh
Did someone leave you Julianne?
Oh we are not going there
I think we are there
I think you are there all the time
What?
Do that some more
What? Why?
Looks like they're doing the talking
They are doing what you're not saying
I don't want to talk about it
Then don't
Let your hands do the talking
Here
Try on this
Come on
Do it some more
How does it feel?
Stupid
Yes
What else?
More stupid?
So say it
Say it to the stupid cushion. Try
What? Stupid?
Yes
Try it more
But..
Come on Julianne
Say it
Let go
Listen to your body
What do you notice?
My back
Stupid
You're angry Julianne
You seem angry
I am angry! I'm fucking angry!
Yes. Julianne
I'm with you let go
I can't
Who is it Julianne?
What the cushion?
Who left you?
My father
When?
I never met him
I'm trying to reach you
You are strangling yourself
Am I supposed to feel guilty about it now?
How wonderful the way you emphasize the "I"
No I should
Oh mum please don't start with the I should haves
What?
You are looking for someone to blame
and you don't want to take it
fine, blame me
blame me for not burning that bloody letter
Blame me for having you
I chose to understand him
forgive him
No listen, he's a ghost in my life
I mean, you don't talk about him
all I know is that he didn't want me
and he didn't want you because of me
I think you should stop seeing that woman
I don't want your nose in all this OK?
My nose?
I'm paying for it
Yeah
Well listen, I want you out of here
I want it more than you do, you spoiled little brat
Go snivel to that so sacred therapist
It's too early to play the jealous card!
She never drank it did she?
Leave it
I was really worried about you
it was an absolute horrow show you went through you know?
Yeah
Are you still seeing that therapist?
Yeah I am
And actually its after seeing her that I've been feeling different
How long do you have to see her for?
Is there a time when she just says "darling you're cured"?
It's gonna be a while
I mean we have an open ended contract
And..
She says " We are at a very important point in our journey"
Oh yes?
What?
Well I know I know it's private and everything,
but I mean if you wanted to give me any juicy details on what you guys talk about
Yeah of course
I wouldn't have a stroke telling you
It just all comes down to mum
I know she'd freak out if she knew how much she damaged me
but I know she didn't do it intentionally
Yeah. Parents. Constantly unintentionally fucking things up.
Yep!
So this serious work, tell me. You know,
what is it she says to you that actually makes a difference
it's not so much about what she says
it's more about how she is
she has a way of entering and touching the core of things
So she touches and enters?
Yeah!
She entered and touched my monsters!
And then,
and only then, can you learn to love yourself
Oh yes!
No I mean seriously,
I know we are joking and all,
but
there's something really weird and unique happening in that room
But you gotta admit it just sounds a bit
What?
Well, all of this
going back to your childhood
talking about mother issues
it's not exactly going into your childhood
I'm realising more and more it's
we're all still in our childhoods, you know
and somewhere along the way we desperately try and adapt to this adult world
at least I am
the thing is you can't spend your entire life just playing around, there has to be some limitation
Why not?
I mean, if everyone followed their heart
at least we'd have real people
instead of institutionalized zombies
in that party,
Samantha was so bitchy
I'm not
That piano guy, he was so creative. I'm not
Elisabeth was so kind, I don't deserve it
Jody was upfront, I can't be seen to be that rude
Who am I in all this?
I need to be myself as well you know?
I see what you're saying but the thing is,
if we were all completely open and honest with our friends all the time
some of those friendships would seize to exist
Exactly! So we need to find a way to embrace that openness
not try and live at this plastic prison of pretense
Plastic. I like that
All right girls?
Hello darling
Don't mind me I'm just off to the gym
Enjoy your play date
Bay baay
So where were we?
Something about plastic people?
Yeah I mean
I feel like I need to
I need to reset and start from scratch
But I feel so fragile
when you let go of your habitual ways it's like
you turn into a baby who is acidentally a 25 year old
It's meeting your true self that's so painful and sometimes awkward.
That's when Carol nurtures me
that's when she stays compassionate and firm at the same time
man that's deep
Yeah. It is
Hi Peter it's Carol
So,
sitting here I..
Am very much left with our last meeting
and with
Julianne
Yes
I was a bit defensive last time we spoke about her
I'm sure that you were concerned
So please,
tell me more about Julianne
well she started to self harm when she found her father's letter
but I feel the root of her problems stems way back to her mother's depression
when Julianne was a baby
she grew up with guilt
a sense that she owed her existence to her mother.
Who chose Julianne after her father
a party mirrored her projections of her real self
A party?
Yes
Her projections began to haunt her.
As if they were going to kill her, but in actual fact..
I see where you're going with this Carol
but it's just the way you talk about her
there is something unsettling for me here
is there some particular pull or confluence for you with Julliane
in terms of your own unfinished business?
My miscarriage
I'm concerned that your longing for your lost girl is getting in the way of your ethical practise Carol
Yes
I am longing for my lost girl
but it doesn't affect my work
I think it does Carol
it's clear to me that you are unable to gauge appropriate interventions with this client
I think you are too sensitive to carry on working with Julianne at this stage.
Especially with her alarming situtation
I will have to consult with the ethics comitee about this
You must understand
He's just being a jerk
I don't blame him totally
It's a miysterious field
unlike medicine
Yeah I hear what you are saying
I still can't understand why you guys can't sit down and talk about it with more reason
You've been doing this for more than 15 years and so is he.
It's all about the human soul and psyche
messy
But you love that aspect of it
for the first time I'm worried about your career though
I'll be fine
There's no real danger in me continuing my private practise anyway
Are you sure about that?
Yeah. Just the ethics comitee still have to make a decision
say something else before I go to sleep
I don't want to dream about my supervisor
Something else
Ohhh
very funny
good night
You're so bad, you're so bad!
You're so naughty
What?
Untie me!
Untie you sweety but, I don't see any ropes
my legs!
"My legs"
This is a nightmare
Ohh "this is a nightmare"
I'll close my eyes
and when I open them again, it will all be gone
Ohh we both know that isn't true don't we?
It's not a dream
It's happening!
"It's not a dream"
I've got something to tell you
I have something to tell you
I have something to say
It's not going to be easy
but I'll just say it
I don't want to come anymore
it's quite sudden
I'm surprised and
well, curious
Well, I'm not sure what we're doing here is actually helping me
I do feel different
something did change from the very first day I came to see you
I don't cut myself that much
almost never
I feel more pain but also more energy
but then again
this is what scares me
this?
This change
my dreams are move vivid and
strange
I'm sleepwalking even more than I used to
Before we decide wether you want to go on with me or not
shall we talk more about your dreams and your fear?
Of course
I was raped last night
And it..
It was so real
I can't even begin to tell you how I felt
Do you know who it was?
Lara's boyfriend
so not anyone from the party then this time
No but this was worse
it was disgusting and it was
unacceptable
you mean the rape of course
no I don't mean the rape
Ok. I'm listening
Towards the end of my dream
I went crazy and I started laughing and enjoying myself
so it wasn't rape after all then
well it was in the beginning
but
then I could move my arms and my legs
but I didn't resist
I felt sort of
free and happy
and mad.
Mad
how does it make you feel now_?
Pregnant
and horrible
pregnant?
I'm scared. I can't go on with this
I really hear your struggle Julianne.
I can only imagine how difficult it must be
for you to trust in
such a painful process
without knowing how or where it will end.
I don't want to carry on with this
The bad news is
Once you are aware there is no turning back
but
if you stay with it, with enough support
you will be nourished
what awareness?
Lara's boyfriend
the rape
I don't think this was just plainly sexual
Do you remember Samantha's visions?
You made piece with her the more we worked on it
she became you and you became her
and only then were you able to critisize my hair and my office
you were able to tell Lara that she wasn't relating to you without losing it
you felt OK about complaining
Samantha. She was there in the dream
She was making out with Frank
I really think something is trying to get your attention here Julianne
It's almost symbolic
like something is being born
Frank is your best friend's lover
that's hard for you to get a handle on it
it takes courage
it's too new
too unfamiliar
You're right. I can't handle it
nor do I want to
It's hard to let you go at this point Julianne
especially when you've come such a long way
but
I'm not gonna stop you this time
not like our first meeting
but I want you to know
I genuinely support your struggle
Ok
Thank you Carol
What did Elisabeth look like?
Did she have reddish hair? Short in her 70s.
Evet ama
Why? Did you meet her?
It's difficult to explain
She said she had something to tell me
What?
I don't know
I woke up
What? She was in your dream?
Yes
I don't understand
I don't understand either
I had an image of us,
when you walked in, you were trying to leave
We were wrestling
Wrestling?
Yes
Do you want to try it?
As much as you can
I could do this all day
No, no, it's just that she is not usually late
Not to worry
the piccadilly line is slow anyway
No, no she usually calls
Mmm! This wine is amazing!
Hello darling! There she is
How long since we last saw each other ha?
Don't let her hug you, she'll probably break your bones
Oh shut up, come on
Hello
Yes, this is she
Sorry?
Oh
Sorry I was just I'm just
What?
Here?
Now?
How did you even..
What do you want?
Please Julianne, I just want to see you
Why?
There is something I have to tell you
I have to say something to you
Does mum know you're here?
Nobody knows
Please Julianne
So dear tell me
How is the practise going?
Darling, you know you can't
Thanks Richard
I'm not really a fan of talking about my work
but it's fine
I'm sorry, I just want to know how everything is
everything including
but it's Ok if you don't want to talk about it
No no, it's fine. It's still the same as you saw me 7 years ago when I first accredited
Oh what a time that was
Actually, I'm enjoying it even more
Although sometimes the practicalities are a bit you know..
It's so good to see you without hiding for once
So this is my girl
I know
nothing I say is gonna make things any better
Do you also know that what you're doing is actually making things worse
Just give me 5 minutes
Do you have a favorite client?
Darling, that's like asking if you have a favorite child
It is a difficult question Richard I agree
Although
I do have a favorite client
I couldn't let go
I missed your mother so much
But we were so very young
I know the story you don't have to repeat it
What do you want
I wanted to tell you
that none of this was your fault
or your mother's
it was love
stupid love
we were imprisoned as teenagers
but you
you never had any say in any of this
I guess I just
wanted to apologise
and tell you I'll never forgive myself
Goodbye Julianne
I won't be following you anymore
I just want to give you this
I'm not taking this. I'm not taking anything from..
Please, just watch it and then decide
What is this?
This is you
Right from your first years
I've always been there
like a shadow
watching you
I don't want to hear anything please
Please. Please just take it
Goodbye Julianne
I've always loved you
Dad
What's that in your bag?
Nothing, nothing baby
I have to go
I'm calling the police
No Julianne no. I'm not going to hurt anyone
Yeah. As if I will trust you
Julianne please. Julianne?
Stop it, stop it
Stop it
Fucking god, stop it!
Stay back
Julianne please put the gun down
please, look
I'll give you your phone back
please put the gun down
give me the gun back Julianne
Stay back!
Or I will shoot you
I'll shoot you in the arm
it won't kill you, but it will hurt
and then I'll call the police
and you can explain to them, what the hell you're doing here with a gun
or you can explain it to me now
no?
Fine
don't you dare!
Hello
Darling, thank you so much
Bye Bob thank you
it was absolutely fantastic
thank you so much
love the wine
absolutely gorgeous
I'll give you a call next week yeah?
I'll be waiting
Okay safe journey
byee
Stop it!
Oh fucking
Julianne, Jullianne, Julianne
This is meant for me
I need to end this
this is best for everybody. Please let me do this
Stop it
you ruined my life you fucking
I had too much wine
oh
Honey I'm so proud of you
What?
The way you talked about your client.
You really put your heart and soul into it
Did you see Richard?
I haven't seen him teary eyed in my life
and we've been friends since med school
Trust me, if you don't cry then
you never will
Ohh it's very sweet of you
Oh I gotta go to bed immediately
or you are gonna cry over the puke that's gonna come over the carpet that you paid for
Oh I can't even speak any English
I can only speak wine language
I gotta go to bed
Julianne!
No!
Can!
Can
Little girl
What are you doing here all alone?
What's your name?
Sandy
Where is your mummy Sandy?
Do you know?
What's her name?
Carol
Can
Carol?
Why am I here?
To meet you
No
I'm sorry
come with me
Why? Where?
Over there
No
Just trust me
This is mum!
And that is your dad
This is how your body met isolation
it looks so real
it is real
this is how you adapted to pain
this is how you left your dreams
Julianne!
Blame me for not telling you the truth
for the feelings I had
while you grew inside me
I never regret having you for a second
I've always been there
like a shadow
watching you
Goodbye Julianne
I've always loved you
35 Bollo Bridge Road
I'll get there before the ambulance
What's going on?
Oh Bob, there's been an emergency, I have to go
What? What emergency?
It's one of my clients
I haven't got time to explain
Honey you can't just leave like this
Oh please Bob I haven't got time to..
I just want to understand...
BOB!
What?
Do you trust me?
Of course I do what do you mean?
Then come with me. I need your help
Bob please
999 what service please?
Hello. This is Carol Ashley. I need an ambulance immediately to go to 35 Bollo Bridge Road.
Honey wait, I mean, who called you? I never even heard the phone go
It wasn't a phone
I just know that she's in trouble
Carol! I'm getting really worried now
I know you said you had too much wine but I never
Bob! Will you just stop?
Please. I need you to trust me
no but how can I? You're out in the middle of the night with your pygamas,
dragging me along and what for?
Because you know she's in trouble?
Are you coming?
Carol!
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Hey calm down
Who the hell are you?
I'm Julie's therapist
I think she, I think she might be..
Did she call you? Why are you here?
She text me saying her dad was here and..
Oh! We need to open this door!
What are you doing?
Wake up!
What is happening?
Wake up!
Hello Julianne
My name is Zachary
I'm a detective
Where is he?
Is he dead?
He did it didn't he?
Yes Julianne. He is dead
look
I know this is not a good time to come to you with this
but we need to understand what happened there Julianne
Julianne
Does mum know?
Yes. She does
How is she? Can I see her?
She's outside
She can see you as soon as I'm done here
Julianne I need to understand why you fought with your father
I tried to stop him
but I couldn't
you can blame me for that
but I won't
not anymore
Do you have children?
No I don't
A father?
That I do
I had one too
not the one who just killed himself and shot me
that one loved me
I could see it in his eyes
hear it in his voice
but I didn't recognize that man
I'm more familiar with the one that
left me and my mum
the one who didn't care
I see
Do you know what is most dangerous in this life detective?
Oh I hope to have an idea by now
Probably not
It's not the guns detective
It's love
Look where love led my father
test people with it
and guns will come out
is that what happened here?
Precisely.
So you admit you killed your..
I admit
that the gun my father brought to my house was a consequence of his love
and me trying to stop him
was also out of love
Julianne I didn't come here to..
I know you came here for answers detective
but this is all I can offer you
You can charge me
lock me up
I will be at peace
How so?
I finally met my true self
Look at my eyes detective
I did not kill my father
Do your searching
Do your investigation
but don't forget to add to all that lot
what you see in my eyes
you are a good person detective
I'm glad we met
I do have a favorite client
Therapy is all about connection
My connection with her feels like it started before we even met
through her longing
she helped me to embrace my own wound and my own grief
my lost child, whom I never talk about
every wound is an unfinished business
until they're processed deeply, truly
You know how they say things are connected in mysterious ways
ways we don't know of
we may never understand
One thing I know though
the more we can connect to this world
with fullness with our whole being
the more we shine
Long,
long, long, long
think of a corridor
Step by step, step by step
A strike that I went to
from myself,
and from you
the most beautiful things that happened to me
from my mind
from my thoughts
You have never existed anyway
Slowly,
slowly, slowly
slowly
think I'm gone
Heavy,
heavy, heavy, heavy
while decreasing my load
from your shoulder
from your chest
Remaining behind
the most beautiful days
from my love,
from my life
you have never existed anyway