1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:37,733 I'm sinking 4 00:00:44,109 --> 00:00:46,126 Maybe we should up your dosage a bit. 5 00:00:47,057 --> 00:00:51,410 200 milligrams is the maximum dosage for Sertraline, perhaps we should try you on that. 6 00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:57,681 Or, maybe we could try a different type of antidepressants if SSRI's aren't working for you. 7 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,510 You should start feeling the therapeutic effects soon. 8 00:03:43,501 --> 00:03:45,031 Why're you being so quiet? 9 00:03:45,941 --> 00:03:48,000 I'm just... chilling. 10 00:03:49,041 --> 00:03:50,242 Yeah, so how've you been? 11 00:03:50,532 --> 00:03:51,370 Fine... 12 00:03:51,757 --> 00:03:53,394 Come on man, 13 00:03:53,974 --> 00:03:55,489 it's been fucking ages, let's catch up! 14 00:03:56,842 --> 00:03:58,165 What've you been up to-- 15 00:03:59,758 --> 00:04:00,258 working? 16 00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:02,546 Yeah, yeah - on my writing. 17 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:08,078 Shit! Are you still doing that? I thought you'd have grown out of it by now. 18 00:04:08,078 --> 00:04:08,658 What? 19 00:04:09,576 --> 00:04:11,215 Have you got anything published yet? 20 00:04:11,215 --> 00:04:13,525 No... but you don't-- 21 00:04:13,525 --> 00:04:17,912 Still the same old Huey man, so easy to wind up! 22 00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:23,067 Yeah, so err, what's the story about? 23 00:04:23,453 --> 00:04:25,676 Feel like spilling the beans to me, eh? 24 00:04:25,676 --> 00:04:26,498 No. 25 00:04:26,836 --> 00:04:27,764 No?! 26 00:04:29,808 --> 00:04:33,301 It's just... a novel. 27 00:04:33,832 --> 00:04:35,590 Oi, he's been writing a novel you know! 28 00:04:35,590 --> 00:04:36,564 Stop! 29 00:04:36,564 --> 00:04:37,257 [laughing] Why? 30 00:04:38,755 --> 00:04:41,045 You should be more excited about it, promoting it and shit. 31 00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:42,269 It's not finished yet... 32 00:04:42,269 --> 00:04:43,542 How far have you got? 33 00:04:44,170 --> 00:04:45,847 Seventy thousand words. 34 00:04:46,466 --> 00:04:47,810 Fuck me! 35 00:04:48,682 --> 00:04:50,614 That's like what? Seven dissertations or something? 36 00:04:50,614 --> 00:04:51,549 Yeah... so? 37 00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,748 So maybe I should take a leaf out of your book. 38 00:04:58,294 --> 00:05:00,793 I mean, you're a bloody genius man. 39 00:05:01,324 --> 00:05:04,121 The next -- the next Rudyard Kipling! 40 00:05:04,121 --> 00:05:04,798 What? 41 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,038 That guy that wrote the jungle book - I thought you'd known that. 42 00:05:07,038 --> 00:05:08,842 I do know that, I just didn't expect you to-- 43 00:05:12,031 --> 00:05:15,704 All right, so uh, what's your story about then Rudyard? 44 00:05:15,704 --> 00:05:16,988 Don't call me that. 45 00:05:16,988 --> 00:05:19,835 Come on-- stop it-- come on man tell me. 46 00:05:19,835 --> 00:05:21,162 I'm not in the mood. 47 00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:21,990 Why not? 48 00:05:24,212 --> 00:05:27,869 If you can't talk to an old buddy about it - right - who are you're going to talk to about it the eh? 49 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:28,449 No-one. 50 00:05:29,415 --> 00:05:33,213 Man, why don't you just let me read it. I can help you man, you seem stressed. 51 00:05:33,213 --> 00:05:34,150 No. 52 00:05:35,725 --> 00:05:37,382 I'm offering you an olive branch here mate. 53 00:05:37,382 --> 00:05:38,107 It's fine. 54 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:41,991 Nah, 55 00:05:43,730 --> 00:05:48,203 Now I'm going to come around mate you still live by that pub the Angelic, yeah? 56 00:05:49,701 --> 00:05:56,399 Yeah, yeah so I'll come around buddy help you write your novel, alright. It's the least I can do. 57 00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:58,060 What do you mean the least you can do? 58 00:05:59,171 --> 00:06:00,840 I need a place to stay. 59 00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:05,360 Guess what man. 60 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,150 What? 61 00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:08,603 I know someone who's got a crush on you. 62 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,563 What are you talking about? 63 00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,511 She's over there. 64 00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:16,185 Jess. 65 00:06:17,489 --> 00:06:18,962 She's always had a thing for you you know. 66 00:06:20,267 --> 00:06:23,344 It's true - you should go for it. I'll back you up - be your wingman, alright! 67 00:06:23,344 --> 00:06:24,242 Yo Jess-- 68 00:06:24,242 --> 00:06:24,918 Shut up! 69 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:29,206 Look under the table, Huey's got a massive stiffy for you right now! 70 00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:31,010 Shut the fuck up! -- Why are you being such a dick! 71 00:06:31,446 --> 00:06:33,771 Oh, I'm just trying to help you out man, come on! 72 00:06:34,351 --> 00:06:36,541 Stop bullying him. 73 00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:37,572 I'm not bullying him! 74 00:06:37,572 --> 00:06:38,316 Yeah you are! 75 00:06:38,316 --> 00:06:40,026 No one is bullying me -- See! 76 00:07:11,524 --> 00:07:13,306 So what is it you do again? 77 00:07:13,306 --> 00:07:14,481 In your bio it said-- 78 00:07:14,481 --> 00:07:15,623 I didn't put it in there, 79 00:07:15,623 --> 00:07:16,708 Did you not? -- No. 80 00:07:16,949 --> 00:07:19,894 Oh, so what is it that you do then? 81 00:07:19,894 --> 00:07:20,923 I'm um... 82 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,498 You know what, it-it doesn't matter... 83 00:07:28,416 --> 00:07:30,329 Uh, okay... 84 00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,011 Did you have a nice day today? 85 00:07:34,639 --> 00:07:35,544 Not really. 86 00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:36,269 How come? 87 00:07:37,573 --> 00:07:39,564 I've slept most of it away. 88 00:07:39,564 --> 00:07:40,983 Oh, that sounds so nice. 89 00:07:40,983 --> 00:07:42,376 It's not, it's exhausting. 90 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,211 It's exhausting sleeping all day? 91 00:07:44,211 --> 00:07:46,576 I don't really want to, I just can't stay awake. 92 00:07:46,576 --> 00:07:47,851 Why's that? 93 00:07:47,851 --> 00:07:49,709 Medication. 94 00:07:49,709 --> 00:07:51,308 Are you ill? 95 00:07:52,758 --> 00:07:54,057 I don't know... 96 00:07:55,263 --> 00:07:59,364 Well, if you're taking antibiotics, you should try some probiotics. It's much better for your stomach. 97 00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:01,308 I'll take your word for it. 98 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:17,281 What's the dumbest thing you've ever done? 99 00:08:17,281 --> 00:08:17,909 What? 100 00:08:17,909 --> 00:08:19,894 The stupidest thing - what was it? 101 00:08:20,329 --> 00:08:23,090 Um, every day of my life. 102 00:08:23,090 --> 00:08:25,378 No-no, seriously the dumbest thing - what was it? 103 00:08:25,861 --> 00:08:29,409 I-I don't really know off the top of my head... 104 00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,414 How come you're single? 105 00:08:32,945 --> 00:08:36,258 Oh, um, reasons... 106 00:08:36,811 --> 00:08:40,000 I mean, how much do you really wanna know? 107 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,225 Everything. 108 00:08:41,225 --> 00:08:42,119 Oh, you'll get bored... 109 00:08:42,119 --> 00:08:43,395 I'm not, I'm interested. 110 00:08:44,292 --> 00:08:49,990 Alright, so basically like, I was dating this guy for two years and it was all getting a bit intense so I decided 111 00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:55,710 to do some volunteering in the Amazon, you know, like South America. Honestly it was such 112 00:08:55,710 --> 00:09:00,000 a good experience, like the place is so beautiful, honestly, I wish I could go back tomorrow and 113 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,166 do all over again. 114 00:09:01,593 --> 00:09:04,804 But basically, me and my ex were doing long distance while I was out there-- 115 00:09:05,094 --> 00:09:06,979 How long were you volunteering for? 116 00:09:07,269 --> 00:09:08,756 Two years... 117 00:09:09,191 --> 00:09:12,377 So yeah, the volunteering went on for a while. 118 00:09:12,570 --> 00:09:16,500 So, I told my ex it'll be alright for us to be in an open relationship. 119 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:20,520 Like, he wasn't really cool with it but when I told him that once I got back to London we'd get 120 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,063 back together he agreed. 121 00:09:22,401 --> 00:09:23,365 And did you? 122 00:09:23,365 --> 00:09:24,138 Did I? 123 00:09:24,138 --> 00:09:26,161 Get back together when you got back? 124 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:33,841 Uh, well, no, because by then it'd been so long besides... being in an open relationship for so long it's acting really awkward around me. 125 00:09:37,174 --> 00:09:38,783 How many people did you sleep with? 126 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,536 What about him? 127 00:09:46,743 --> 00:09:48,206 So it was pretty uneven then. 128 00:09:48,206 --> 00:09:49,654 You could say that... 129 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,447 Like, I'm not a slut or anything. 130 00:09:51,447 --> 00:09:52,623 I didn't say you were. 131 00:09:52,623 --> 00:09:54,361 It like, it didn't mean anything so it really doesn't count. 132 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,638 I'm not judging. 133 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:03,682 Honestly we've just grown apart emotionally to, like those two years changed me and he 134 00:10:03,682 --> 00:10:05,688 was just the same -- it was kind of underwhelming. 135 00:10:07,089 --> 00:10:10,711 I do feel kind of bad though... I think he still thinks we're dating. 136 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,693 I mean I did promise but still. 137 00:10:16,138 --> 00:10:19,879 All right, yeah, so that's the story. 138 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,876 I bet you regret asking me now. 139 00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:24,864 Not really 140 00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:28,216 For one thing... 141 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,487 if he still thinks you're dating, 142 00:10:32,695 --> 00:10:34,534 why haven't you just broken it off with him? 143 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,696 Because, it's awkward. 144 00:10:36,696 --> 00:10:39,591 He was such a big part of my life and I promised him, so it's like... 145 00:10:39,591 --> 00:10:41,070 it's tricky 146 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:44,928 So how come you're on the dating apps? 147 00:10:45,943 --> 00:10:47,066 To see what else is out there. 148 00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:48,224 Because to me you're 149 00:10:48,224 --> 00:10:52,389 saying you're hesitant but it sounds like you've made up your mind about him already. 150 00:10:53,260 --> 00:10:53,900 Maybe... 151 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:56,124 And you've both been sleeping around on each other. 152 00:10:56,124 --> 00:10:58,595 Well we both agreed to be in an open relationship. 153 00:10:58,595 --> 00:11:00,940 I'm not judging. You're an individual, you're going to do whatever 154 00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:04,520 the hell you want and considering how lame he sounds, I can't say it blame you, but you 155 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:05,605 should probably cut him loose. 156 00:11:05,605 --> 00:11:06,953 He's not lame, he's just-- 157 00:11:06,953 --> 00:11:08,374 I guess what I'm saying is-- 158 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,088 Do you want to keep playing it safe? 159 00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:15,733 Or do you want to jump with both feet and see what's out there. 160 00:11:16,361 --> 00:11:20,892 I mean, I guess you're right but it's hard. 161 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:30,786 Do you want to come back to mine? 162 00:11:30,786 --> 00:11:31,286 What? 163 00:11:31,286 --> 00:11:31,986 You know... 164 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,476 get laid. 165 00:11:34,347 --> 00:11:37,730 I mean you can't just say something like that out of nowhere! 166 00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:38,715 It'll be fun. 167 00:12:28,452 --> 00:12:32,880 We can do other things. 168 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,548 No, it's fine, I've got this -- I just 169 00:12:37,577 --> 00:12:44,219 --just-just give me a minute -- I just-just go with it okay! It's fine, just-- 170 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,374 Have you ever read the story of Job? 171 00:14:02,678 --> 00:14:03,634 No...? 172 00:14:05,228 --> 00:14:06,396 It's from the bible. 173 00:14:07,845 --> 00:14:08,642 Okay...? 174 00:14:11,203 --> 00:14:14,908 You never -- you don't know what it's about? 175 00:14:14,908 --> 00:14:16,003 No. 176 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,653 It's from the old testament. 177 00:14:21,668 --> 00:14:27,756 Job is a wealthy man, in a large family flocks of sheep, a well-tended 178 00:14:27,756 --> 00:14:31,422 farmland. He committed no sin. 179 00:14:31,422 --> 00:14:35,566 He was a moral and righteous man who praised god in all his glory. 180 00:14:36,485 --> 00:14:41,740 God boasts to Satan about Job's goodness but Satan argues that God had granted Job 181 00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:48,990 a blessed life so no wonder he was so devout. You know what god did? 182 00:14:48,990 --> 00:14:58,560 He let Satan torment the poor fucker just to prove a point just to prove that Job wouldn't 183 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,780 turn his back on God and his glory. 184 00:15:03,389 --> 00:15:09,028 He killed Job's family, killed Job's animals, he ravaged Job's skin with painful sores. 185 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:16,275 Job's friends told him, he should pray to god because he must have sinned. 186 00:15:18,443 --> 00:15:28,458 You know what I would have done if I were Job? would have made everyone around me suffer 187 00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:41,228 Huey, these big sweeping statements that you've been making recently, it's making me-- 188 00:15:41,228 --> 00:15:43,046 I'm just getting into the headspace 189 00:15:44,689 --> 00:15:45,575 Of? 190 00:15:46,042 --> 00:15:47,819 It's just acting. 191 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:50,888 My character. 192 00:15:52,726 --> 00:15:54,246 That's what this all 193 00:15:55,647 --> 00:15:59,267 That's-- That's - what? 194 00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:08,130 If I can't get into my character's head, how am I supposed to express him? I have to imbibe 195 00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:12,126 him - live in his shoes. That's the only way that I can express myself. 196 00:16:13,575 --> 00:16:16,000 Express - yourself? 197 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,396 Huey are you helping to sell your story? 198 00:16:25,604 --> 00:16:28,182 I know you don't have to worry about the money, however-- 199 00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:31,294 That's not the- that's not the point. 200 00:16:32,744 --> 00:16:35,250 I just need to write this story. 201 00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:41,504 Why you need to write this particular story? Couldn't you write about something happier-- 202 00:16:41,504 --> 00:16:45,584 Because I want to write this -- it's meaningful to me. 203 00:16:47,033 --> 00:16:49,250 Meaningful in what way? 204 00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:58,029 Huey, have you been having the urge to harm yourself? 205 00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,562 To harm others? 206 00:19:05,581 --> 00:19:06,964 Hey Lucy! 207 00:19:06,964 --> 00:19:10,522 Hey! This is a nice surprise. 208 00:19:11,053 --> 00:19:11,983 Yeah. 209 00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:13,104 Didn't realise you were back in London. 210 00:19:13,104 --> 00:19:16,517 Yeah, I, uh, I only just got back from Austria. 211 00:19:18,353 --> 00:19:20,558 I will give you a text-- 212 00:19:20,558 --> 00:19:21,669 Sure! 213 00:19:21,669 --> 00:19:22,903 See ya. 214 00:26:48,897 --> 00:26:50,000 Hi. 215 00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:03,453 I'm Huey. 216 00:27:06,207 --> 00:27:07,867 What's your name? 217 00:27:10,814 --> 00:27:12,000 Lucy. 218 00:27:13,187 --> 00:27:14,220 Hi Lucy. 219 00:27:16,248 --> 00:27:17,224 What do you want? 220 00:27:18,867 --> 00:27:20,865 That's Murakami right? 221 00:27:21,910 --> 00:27:22,623 Yeah... 222 00:27:22,623 --> 00:27:23,680 I love his books. 223 00:27:24,646 --> 00:27:28,125 Cool, that's nice, I guess... 224 00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:30,856 Norwegian wood is actually my favourite of his. 225 00:27:31,919 --> 00:27:32,836 Right... 226 00:27:33,584 --> 00:27:34,738 What's yours? 227 00:27:35,501 --> 00:27:37,200 It's the first book of his I've read. 228 00:27:37,826 --> 00:27:38,774 Do you like it 229 00:27:41,721 --> 00:27:42,733 I guess... 230 00:27:42,733 --> 00:27:45,251 Because I couldn't get into IQ84. 231 00:27:46,509 --> 00:27:47,785 Okay... 232 00:27:51,408 --> 00:27:54,042 What else do you enjoy reading? 233 00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:58,042 Nothing. 234 00:27:58,477 --> 00:28:04,419 I don't get much time to read myself I'm too busy writing at the moment -- too busy 235 00:28:04,419 --> 00:28:08,374 to read that is... It's a Catch-22. 236 00:28:09,678 --> 00:28:12,223 So what do you do? 237 00:28:12,755 --> 00:28:14,209 I'm a layabout. 238 00:28:16,045 --> 00:28:18,490 Oh no, seriously what do you get up to? 239 00:28:20,353 --> 00:28:25,181 Listen, I'm not interested in whatever this is. 240 00:28:25,181 --> 00:28:27,328 It's just friendly conversation. 241 00:28:28,459 --> 00:28:31,451 I have enough friends - thanks though! 242 00:28:32,948 --> 00:28:34,885 You could always have more. 243 00:28:37,107 --> 00:28:38,185 Please stop. 244 00:28:41,373 --> 00:28:43,415 Do you have a boyfriend or something? 245 00:28:46,024 --> 00:28:48,652 Yeah, I do actually. 246 00:28:50,940 --> 00:28:54,011 Oh... That's nice... 247 00:28:55,605 --> 00:28:57,584 How long have you guys been going out for? 248 00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:00,064 That's personal. 249 00:29:01,184 --> 00:29:01,937 Okay. 250 00:29:02,903 --> 00:29:07,740 People don't usually get defensive about how long they've been going out with someone for. 251 00:29:09,238 --> 00:29:11,075 Can I ask what his name is? 252 00:29:14,699 --> 00:29:15,705 Rupert. 253 00:29:15,705 --> 00:29:16,787 Rupert? --Yeah. 254 00:29:17,270 --> 00:29:18,867 Sounds like a bear's name. 255 00:29:20,509 --> 00:29:22,586 So what does Rupert do? 256 00:29:23,697 --> 00:29:24,607 Nothing. 257 00:29:26,105 --> 00:29:27,668 Just like you? 258 00:29:27,668 --> 00:29:29,418 Yeah. 259 00:29:29,418 --> 00:29:31,947 Sounds like you guys are a perfect match. 260 00:29:32,630 --> 00:29:33,849 Yeah! 261 00:29:34,422 --> 00:29:35,641 So how'd you guys meet? 262 00:29:36,317 --> 00:29:38,052 Around. --Around?! 263 00:29:38,535 --> 00:29:41,774 Cool... real good description, that. 264 00:30:11,583 --> 00:30:13,698 I'm sorry but I need that chair free. 265 00:30:14,664 --> 00:30:16,309 Oh yeah, cool. 266 00:30:16,309 --> 00:30:20,000 I'll move when whoever you're meeting gets here. 267 00:30:20,918 --> 00:30:23,402 Can you please just leave! 268 00:30:23,402 --> 00:30:27,272 Just have a conversation with me, get to know me, 269 00:30:27,272 --> 00:30:28,416 you might be surprised. 270 00:30:29,769 --> 00:30:32,111 Come on, just talk to me-- 271 00:30:33,657 --> 00:30:35,154 Are you gonna piss off if I do? 272 00:30:35,154 --> 00:30:36,145 Absolutely I will. 273 00:30:38,217 --> 00:30:39,167 I work in advertising. 274 00:30:39,167 --> 00:30:39,667 Advertising? 275 00:30:39,667 --> 00:30:40,681 Yeah. 276 00:30:40,681 --> 00:30:42,012 What you do in advertising? 277 00:30:42,012 --> 00:30:43,668 I'm a copywriter. 278 00:30:43,668 --> 00:30:45,110 Oh, that sounds cool, I'd really 279 00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:46,794 love to do something like that. 280 00:30:46,794 --> 00:30:48,805 I'm sure you would. 281 00:30:48,805 --> 00:30:51,450 Is copyrighting why you're so interested 282 00:30:51,450 --> 00:30:52,328 in books? 283 00:30:53,584 --> 00:30:56,290 There's literally no similarities between those two things. 284 00:30:56,676 --> 00:30:57,593 Both involve writing 285 00:30:57,690 --> 00:31:02,609 Uh, copywriting's more technical. I just fix dumb long sentences. 286 00:31:02,609 --> 00:31:03,689 Right. 287 00:31:04,962 --> 00:31:06,410 You need some help with that? 288 00:31:08,842 --> 00:31:09,763 No...? 289 00:31:09,763 --> 00:31:10,273 You sure? 290 00:31:10,273 --> 00:31:10,945 Yeah. 291 00:31:11,670 --> 00:31:14,664 But you're a writer, right? 292 00:31:14,664 --> 00:31:15,357 Yeah... 293 00:31:16,838 --> 00:31:18,735 It just sounds like you might need some help. 294 00:31:20,233 --> 00:31:21,678 What do you mean? 295 00:31:21,678 --> 00:31:24,757 You just seem very edgy. 296 00:31:25,047 --> 00:31:27,003 A bit... pretentious. 297 00:31:28,597 --> 00:31:31,225 Don't-don't talk to me like that-- 298 00:31:31,225 --> 00:31:34,215 Or what? You're gonna force me to shake your hand again? 299 00:31:37,162 --> 00:31:39,668 Does this way of flirting ever work for you? 300 00:31:39,668 --> 00:31:42,665 All I've tried to do is be polite. 301 00:31:43,197 --> 00:31:45,265 Just because I think you're cute doesn't mean I'm flirting with you. 302 00:31:45,265 --> 00:31:46,597 You're trying way too hard. 303 00:31:46,597 --> 00:31:48,719 Well you're clearly just playing hard to get. 304 00:31:48,719 --> 00:31:50,214 No, I'm really not. 305 00:31:50,214 --> 00:31:52,059 You're still talking to me, you wouldn't 306 00:31:52,059 --> 00:31:54,030 be talking to me if you weren't interested. 307 00:31:54,223 --> 00:31:56,460 Talk about setting the bar low! 308 00:31:56,460 --> 00:31:58,822 I'm only interested in getting you to leave! 309 00:31:59,643 --> 00:32:01,584 Do you get off on winding people up?! 310 00:32:01,584 --> 00:32:03,920 You're just making it really enjoyable. 311 00:32:06,376 --> 00:32:07,412 Can't take a bit of banter? 312 00:32:07,412 --> 00:32:09,449 I thought guys like you love that. 313 00:32:09,449 --> 00:32:10,655 What do you mean guys like me? 314 00:32:10,655 --> 00:32:12,793 You creeps follow girls into cafes. 315 00:32:12,793 --> 00:32:14,186 I'm not a creep! 316 00:32:14,862 --> 00:32:17,318 And I'm not a "guy like me" 317 00:32:17,318 --> 00:32:18,866 there's no one like me. 318 00:32:19,397 --> 00:32:21,230 Again, pretentious! 319 00:32:21,230 --> 00:32:22,394 It's true though. 320 00:32:26,984 --> 00:32:29,966 Hang on, I'll take that back. 321 00:32:30,932 --> 00:32:34,037 Yeah, you do seem a bit different... 322 00:32:35,167 --> 00:32:38,821 A bit special. 323 00:32:41,286 --> 00:32:42,710 That was unnecessary. 324 00:32:46,620 --> 00:32:51,058 You know, I saw you in here last week, chatting with that guy and being really flirty 325 00:32:51,058 --> 00:32:53,418 you were so desperate, you were gagging for it. 326 00:32:53,804 --> 00:32:54,842 What did you just say? 327 00:32:54,842 --> 00:32:56,846 That's the only reason I'm talking to you, you looked easy. 328 00:32:56,846 --> 00:32:58,225 You're clearly a whore! 329 00:32:58,225 --> 00:33:00,126 You need to fucking leave me alone, right now! 330 00:33:00,126 --> 00:33:01,887 Or what? Are you gonna scream? 331 00:33:01,887 --> 00:33:02,876 Go away! 332 00:33:02,876 --> 00:33:05,751 47 Cheshire Drive by Golder's Green Station. 333 00:33:11,841 --> 00:33:13,288 Be careful who you're rude to you, 334 00:33:13,288 --> 00:33:14,543 you fucking cunt! 335 00:33:50,807 --> 00:33:52,380 This is pointless. 336 00:33:53,395 --> 00:33:54,208 Why? 337 00:33:54,208 --> 00:33:55,278 You know the only reason I'm here. 338 00:33:57,210 --> 00:33:58,476 My parents?! 339 00:33:58,476 --> 00:34:02,004 I'm not sure-- I know you tell them everything-- 340 00:34:03,501 --> 00:34:05,725 My communication with your parents is strictly 341 00:34:05,725 --> 00:34:11,057 limited, I can assure you. Patient confidentiality is of the utmost importance. 342 00:34:11,057 --> 00:34:14,274 So when I miss an appointment what do you tell them? 343 00:34:14,274 --> 00:34:18,124 I'm obliged to inform them -- because they pay. 344 00:34:18,124 --> 00:34:19,110 Semantics... 345 00:34:20,849 --> 00:34:21,918 Huey, where's this coming from? 346 00:34:21,918 --> 00:34:23,753 They were more than happy to ship me off to London, 347 00:34:23,753 --> 00:34:28,210 but they just can't help stick their nose in my shit, sniffing around, and I know you 348 00:34:28,210 --> 00:34:32,799 peddle them whatever bullshit you think they want to hear - I shouldn't even be here there's 349 00:34:32,799 --> 00:34:34,191 nothing wrong with me. 350 00:34:35,544 --> 00:34:36,798 Do you really believe that? 351 00:34:36,798 --> 00:34:37,841 You tell me. 352 00:34:40,450 --> 00:34:42,758 Huey, you know what you've been diagnosed with-- 353 00:34:42,758 --> 00:34:45,210 You can't just stick labels on me and make 354 00:34:45,210 --> 00:34:48,161 out that's the complete picture, the whole me. 355 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,737 Have you been taking your antidepressants? 356 00:34:52,848 --> 00:34:53,891 I ran out... 357 00:34:55,050 --> 00:34:56,849 I prescribed you a full month's worth - 358 00:34:56,849 --> 00:34:58,503 it's been what - three weeks? 359 00:34:58,503 --> 00:34:59,471 Maybe I flushed them. 360 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:08,940 Huey, at our last appointment, you were talking about getting into the headspace of your character. 361 00:35:10,725 --> 00:35:11,791 Why? 362 00:35:14,710 --> 00:35:16,168 Take a guess. 363 00:35:18,970 --> 00:35:22,601 Could you take a few moments and get into the headspace of "Huey"-- 364 00:35:23,423 --> 00:35:25,339 What kind of psychoanalysis is this? 365 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:33,323 You think that I'm that mental that I need to act to be me? 366 00:35:35,352 --> 00:35:37,362 Have you ever experienced any feelings of disassociation? 367 00:35:37,362 --> 00:35:40,140 Yeah, when I first started going 368 00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:46,270 to therapy - getting picked apart by people - it was fascinating at first. I learned a lot 369 00:35:46,270 --> 00:35:51,220 about behaviour and psychology. You might not think it -- it was actually really good training. 370 00:35:51,220 --> 00:35:57,020 You start to pick up on things about people, and then you can start toying with them, seeing 371 00:35:57,020 --> 00:36:00,000 how they react - seeing how I react. 372 00:36:02,260 --> 00:36:14,620 Ritalin, Sertraline, Lamotrigine - you medicate me, you analyse me, you say a few words and 373 00:36:14,620 --> 00:36:20,619 you call it progress. But what I learned is that psychology is actually just snake oil 374 00:36:20,619 --> 00:36:25,960 it's all just fucking nonsense. All I'm telling you is things that you want to hear otherwise 375 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,607 these sessions would be so fucking boring, I'd end up putting my head through the window! 376 00:36:30,670 --> 00:36:33,426 I just lead you along with threads-- Huey! --manlipulating you 377 00:36:33,426 --> 00:36:35,502 Why are you being defensive? 378 00:36:35,502 --> 00:36:37,371 I'm not being defensive-- I think you are. 379 00:36:37,371 --> 00:36:41,158 You think a lot of things, none of it has any substance. 380 00:36:44,859 --> 00:36:47,636 Huey, what is your normal? 381 00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:58,802 It's cutting my forearms because it feels nice. 382 00:37:00,977 --> 00:37:02,266 Is that the truth? 383 00:37:04,730 --> 00:37:05,505 Take a guess. 384 00:37:08,159 --> 00:37:09,632 Who is the real Huey? 385 00:37:11,033 --> 00:37:15,390 I see what you're trying to do. You bore people by waffling 386 00:37:15,390 --> 00:37:18,500 saying the same thing over and over trying to catch me out. 387 00:37:18,500 --> 00:37:19,317 I'm not trying to catch you 388 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,448 Bullshit! --I just want you to be open and honest. 389 00:37:22,448 --> 00:37:25,176 What's the point? Everybody lies. 390 00:37:28,171 --> 00:37:31,370 Huey, you mentioned struggling with your impulses what are they-- 391 00:37:31,370 --> 00:37:32,706 None of your business 392 00:37:32,706 --> 00:37:37,032 Is it harming yourself? Harming others? 393 00:37:37,032 --> 00:37:37,532 No. 394 00:37:40,849 --> 00:37:46,290 Do you ever feel yourself acting repetitively, moving things that are out of place into place? 395 00:37:49,418 --> 00:37:50,842 Would you say you're a perfectionist? 396 00:37:51,762 --> 00:37:52,730 Yeah. 397 00:37:55,190 --> 00:38:00,032 So with your writing do you feel as if it will ever be perfect enough-- 398 00:38:00,032 --> 00:38:01,339 Who the fuck knows. 399 00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:05,168 Would you ever let anybody else write your ideas? 400 00:38:05,168 --> 00:38:06,103 Of course not 401 00:38:09,295 --> 00:38:11,211 So you'd like to be in control? 402 00:38:11,839 --> 00:38:12,841 Who doesn't?! 403 00:38:13,904 --> 00:38:15,590 And would it make you angry if someone took 404 00:38:15,590 --> 00:38:16,967 that control away from you? 405 00:38:16,967 --> 00:38:17,859 Of course it would. 406 00:38:17,859 --> 00:38:19,562 If I told you what you could and couldn't do 407 00:38:19,562 --> 00:38:20,633 you'd be pissed off. 408 00:38:21,309 --> 00:38:26,350 So if you had a boss who told you to clean the toilets, how would you feel? 409 00:38:26,350 --> 00:38:29,655 You think I'm that much of a piss ant that I'd be cleaning toilets for a living?! 410 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,043 Please answer the question. 411 00:38:31,043 --> 00:38:32,264 I'd tell him to fuck off! 412 00:38:33,230 --> 00:38:34,732 And do you think that's normal? 413 00:38:34,732 --> 00:38:35,631 Yes! 414 00:38:35,970 --> 00:38:37,610 Jesus fucking christ, what's your point?! 415 00:38:39,543 --> 00:38:44,163 So if you had an agent who criticized your writing, how would you react? 416 00:38:44,163 --> 00:38:47,787 I'd tell him he hadn't a fucking clue what he was talking about 417 00:38:47,787 --> 00:38:49,331 and then I'd fire him. 418 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,421 What if he was right? 419 00:38:51,421 --> 00:38:52,649 He wouldn't be. 420 00:38:52,649 --> 00:38:54,146 What if he was? 421 00:38:54,146 --> 00:38:55,330 Stop with this shit. 422 00:38:57,359 --> 00:39:02,380 Is that why you haven't let anybody read your writing until now because you're afraid-- 423 00:39:05,955 --> 00:39:09,636 I'm not afraid of anything. 424 00:39:09,636 --> 00:39:15,064 Have you ever felt fear? Please answer the question. 425 00:39:15,064 --> 00:39:16,379 What does it feel like? 426 00:39:16,379 --> 00:39:17,740 It was what it was. 427 00:39:17,740 --> 00:39:18,913 Describe it to me. 428 00:39:18,913 --> 00:39:20,796 How am I supposed to describe an emotion? 429 00:39:21,037 --> 00:39:21,684 Try. 430 00:39:21,684 --> 00:39:22,334 Fuck off! 431 00:39:22,962 --> 00:39:23,755 Excuse me? 432 00:39:23,755 --> 00:39:24,940 You heard me -- fuck off! 433 00:39:27,356 --> 00:39:28,970 I understand you might be flustered 434 00:39:28,970 --> 00:39:31,812 but please do not swear at me 435 00:39:31,812 --> 00:39:32,846 Or what? 436 00:39:34,875 --> 00:39:37,321 Or I shall no longer be able to see you as a patient. 437 00:39:52,394 --> 00:39:53,814 Sorry. 438 00:39:59,418 --> 00:40:02,267 Do you feel as if there is a void inside you? 439 00:40:02,267 --> 00:40:02,767 Stop. 440 00:40:05,589 --> 00:40:07,042 Huey please answer the question. 441 00:40:07,042 --> 00:40:07,884 Stop. 442 00:40:10,236 --> 00:40:10,929 Huey-- 443 00:40:10,929 --> 00:40:11,518 You're so full of shit! 444 00:40:11,518 --> 00:40:14,035 This is a safe space, you can be honest-- 445 00:40:14,035 --> 00:40:16,035 Shut the fuck up! 446 00:40:17,818 --> 00:40:18,543 Do you-- 447 00:40:19,461 --> 00:40:20,113 Wait! 448 00:40:54,785 --> 00:40:56,126 Huey! 449 00:40:58,940 --> 00:41:03,427 Do you not hear me ringing this doorbell for?! I'm freezing my fucking tits off out here man. 450 00:41:08,292 --> 00:41:09,292 Hey. 451 00:41:13,979 --> 00:41:15,337 You're not gonna say hello? 452 00:41:16,179 --> 00:41:17,477 What are you doing? 453 00:41:17,477 --> 00:41:20,000 I was in the neighbourhood, thought I'd drop by. 454 00:41:20,392 --> 00:41:23,477 I'm busy-- Writing, yeah? Let me read it. 455 00:41:23,477 --> 00:41:24,704 No-I'm-- 456 00:41:24,704 --> 00:41:26,181 Top floor right? 457 00:41:26,181 --> 00:41:27,181 Yeah? 458 00:41:34,089 --> 00:41:35,340 Hey man, 459 00:41:39,501 --> 00:41:42,597 Didn't you used to have a couch in your room? I thought I could crash on it. 460 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:44,960 What do you think you're doing? 461 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,005 Helping you out mate. 462 00:41:46,543 --> 00:41:47,479 Don't! 463 00:41:47,835 --> 00:41:51,900 C'mon bro! You said I read it at the pub. That's why I'm here. 464 00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:53,431 No I fucking didn't. 465 00:41:53,431 --> 00:41:57,043 You're so fucking high-strung, I'm just trying to help you out man. 466 00:42:05,854 --> 00:42:09,273 This is great man, this reads like a fucking nut jobs diary man. 467 00:42:09,273 --> 00:42:10,354 Stop reading. 468 00:42:11,109 --> 00:42:14,831 Chill man, I'm enjoying it-- Stop-- Mate, I'm chill, I'm enjoying it all right! 469 00:42:16,570 --> 00:42:18,019 What's that...? 470 00:42:21,256 --> 00:42:23,010 What are you doing mate! 471 00:42:23,010 --> 00:42:25,371 Hey, don't be a fucking twat man, what kind of joke is this? 472 00:42:25,371 --> 00:42:26,434 It's not funny -- dude! 473 00:42:26,434 --> 00:42:27,216 I'm gonna fucking kill you! 474 00:42:27,216 --> 00:42:27,957 Please stop man! 475 00:42:29,162 --> 00:42:32,078 Shut the fuck up! 476 00:42:36,421 --> 00:42:40,000 You touched my fucking laptop, you invaded my fucking space! 477 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,367 Who the fuck do you think you are?! 478 00:49:02,991 --> 00:49:05,845 Their all objects. 479 00:50:27,771 --> 00:50:29,807 It's pointless. 480 00:50:32,085 --> 00:50:34,085 There's no point in struggling... 481 00:50:36,017 --> 00:50:38,199 I can't let you leave now, it's too late. 482 00:50:42,837 --> 00:50:44,837 I've crossed the rubicon. 483 00:50:46,886 --> 00:50:48,596 This is it. 484 00:50:51,457 --> 00:50:53,457 I know your flatmates are away. 485 00:50:55,100 --> 00:50:56,955 Their on holiday, right? 486 00:50:59,037 --> 00:51:00,636 You're all alone. 487 00:51:02,636 --> 00:51:04,636 No-one's coming to save you. 488 00:51:11,254 --> 00:51:13,716 I can feel how scared you are-- 489 00:51:14,684 --> 00:51:17,803 if you scream it'll only serve to hasten things. 490 00:51:21,378 --> 00:51:22,896 Please... 491 00:51:25,533 --> 00:51:26,721 Please... 492 00:51:28,025 --> 00:51:29,088 I won't tell anyone. 493 00:51:30,247 --> 00:51:32,776 I just... please... don't. 494 00:51:34,595 --> 00:51:36,929 I've already told you it's too late. 495 00:51:37,833 --> 00:51:39,220 Why are you doing this. 496 00:51:43,182 --> 00:51:44,477 It's nothing personal. 497 00:51:45,781 --> 00:51:48,712 Well, no, I take that back. It kind of is. 498 00:51:49,630 --> 00:51:51,909 Do you remember me? 499 00:51:58,353 --> 00:51:59,744 Yeah, I bet you do. 500 00:52:01,677 --> 00:52:05,584 I told you to be careful who you're rude to. 501 00:52:07,069 --> 00:52:11,947 You've had the chance to escape - all this time - you should have taken it. 502 00:52:16,778 --> 00:52:18,123 Somewhere, 503 00:52:19,475 --> 00:52:21,285 in your subconscious, 504 00:52:21,285 --> 00:52:23,606 you must have wanted this to happen. 505 00:52:23,606 --> 00:52:25,024 I'm sorry... 506 00:52:32,012 --> 00:52:35,030 I already told you it's too late to apologize 507 00:52:35,030 --> 00:52:36,935 and I can tell you don't really 508 00:52:36,935 --> 00:52:37,678 mean it. 509 00:52:38,741 --> 00:52:40,047 I am... 510 00:52:40,530 --> 00:52:43,707 I didn't mean to be so rude. 511 00:52:45,156 --> 00:52:47,501 I'm so sorry... 512 00:52:48,907 --> 00:52:50,989 I'm sorry! 513 00:52:53,211 --> 00:52:54,829 Shut up! 514 00:52:54,829 --> 00:52:55,329 Please... 515 00:52:56,567 --> 00:52:58,176 I don't want-- 516 00:52:58,176 --> 00:53:00,822 Please just let me go! 517 00:53:00,822 --> 00:53:03,450 Shut the fuck up! 518 00:53:09,712 --> 00:53:10,712 Every time! 519 00:53:16,074 --> 00:53:20,770 Why is it every time with those 520 00:53:20,770 --> 00:53:22,045 eyes. 521 00:53:26,248 --> 00:53:27,686 I'm sorry... 522 00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,465 Do you even know 523 00:53:32,335 --> 00:53:34,305 what those eyes mean? 524 00:53:35,513 --> 00:53:38,897 Do you even understand what they do to me? 525 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,007 It's so overwhelming - it's too fucking much - the feeling I get-- 526 00:53:43,007 --> 00:53:46,657 It's like you're you're-you're-you're all wounded animals. 527 00:53:47,527 --> 00:53:51,167 I just don't fucking know what to do. 528 00:53:52,244 --> 00:53:56,771 It's too fucking much - it's too overwhelming, so just stop. 529 00:54:02,182 --> 00:54:04,104 Sometimes it just feels so intense 530 00:54:05,408 --> 00:54:06,837 I just don't know what to do. 531 00:54:06,837 --> 00:54:08,570 I-I can't stay in control 532 00:54:08,812 --> 00:54:11,422 And I want to be in control. 533 00:54:12,050 --> 00:54:14,922 What kind of man am I if I can't be in control. 534 00:54:18,553 --> 00:54:23,430 Oh god, I just feel like I'm going to explode right here and now. 535 00:55:10,720 --> 00:55:11,720 So... 536 00:55:18,193 --> 00:55:19,207 Huey. 537 00:55:19,207 --> 00:55:20,830 Don't say my name. 538 00:55:24,020 --> 00:55:25,684 You don't need to do this. 539 00:55:26,941 --> 00:55:28,638 You don't seem like a bad person. 540 00:55:30,169 --> 00:55:31,652 You're just confused. 541 00:55:32,908 --> 00:55:36,978 I can tell you're having doubts about this but you haven't done anything yet. 542 00:55:38,669 --> 00:55:43,078 You can leave now and I won't tell anyone, I swear I promise, no-one will never know-- 543 00:55:43,706 --> 00:55:45,918 I don't want this! 544 00:55:45,918 --> 00:55:48,594 I don't deserve this, I don't want-- 545 00:55:48,972 --> 00:55:50,649 How's your throat? 546 00:56:07,509 --> 00:56:09,350 What do you think I'm gonna do to you? 547 00:56:11,766 --> 00:56:13,674 Don't rape me! 548 00:56:16,862 --> 00:56:17,942 Rape you?! 549 00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:21,063 Do you think I'm an animal?! 550 00:56:24,995 --> 00:56:27,989 I'm not going to rape you! 551 00:56:31,933 --> 00:56:33,589 What I'm gonna do-- 552 00:56:36,263 --> 00:56:38,351 I don't even know how to explain this-- 553 00:56:43,182 --> 00:56:44,092 for me 554 00:56:45,445 --> 00:56:47,712 this is a morbid curiosity. 555 00:56:49,807 --> 00:56:55,327 Or maybe it's like, jumping off a precipice and finally getting rid of the guilt. 556 00:56:56,807 --> 00:56:59,053 I'll be a charlatan if I don't do it. 557 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,682 The whole thing is like an intrusive thought, 558 00:57:02,682 --> 00:57:05,360 I keep thinking over and over and over again -- I've tried to justify my way out of it but the 559 00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:08,730 arguments just keep going round and round in circles in my head. I've tried writing it 560 00:57:08,730 --> 00:57:11,697 to get it out of my system but that just made it worse it just made me-- 561 00:57:11,697 --> 00:57:13,321 I wasn't able to 562 00:57:19,312 --> 00:57:21,277 I don't want to torture you. 563 00:57:22,581 --> 00:57:24,257 That's cruel. 564 00:57:25,824 --> 00:57:27,391 I'm not that kind of person. 565 00:57:31,186 --> 00:57:33,548 This is my catharsis. 566 00:57:40,457 --> 00:57:43,548 I know this whole conversation is just prolonging the inevitable. 567 00:57:43,548 --> 00:57:44,995 But I know it, you know it-- 568 00:57:46,927 --> 00:57:47,621 but 569 00:57:50,020 --> 00:57:52,928 I guess I just want you to understand, maybe? 570 00:57:54,528 --> 00:57:56,321 Or maybe I just want to tell the truth for once 571 00:57:56,321 --> 00:58:00,000 because I keep having to lie, like half-truths all the time. 572 00:58:01,961 --> 00:58:03,275 Never saying what it really is 573 00:58:03,275 --> 00:58:04,207 for fear of being judged. 574 00:58:04,207 --> 00:58:06,269 I-I just have to get this out of my system. 575 00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:11,324 I've been 576 00:58:11,324 --> 00:58:13,555 too scared 577 00:58:14,231 --> 00:58:15,743 to say what it really is. 578 00:58:15,743 --> 00:58:17,001 Scared of the consequences. 579 00:58:17,001 --> 00:58:18,340 Scared of anything like - fucking hell - it gives 580 00:58:18,340 --> 00:58:21,568 me a panic attack just-just-just saying it. 581 00:58:21,568 --> 00:58:24,609 My hands they go numb and my heart -- it starts 582 00:58:24,609 --> 00:58:28,424 beating so fast, I think it's going to pound out of my chest but it makes me feel so alive 583 00:58:28,424 --> 00:58:31,620 and at the same time I think I'm going to die because of it -- and at the same time at 584 00:58:31,620 --> 00:58:35,507 the back of my head, I-I-I think I'm scared. 585 00:58:36,570 --> 00:58:37,525 Like 586 00:58:39,554 --> 00:58:40,620 what if 587 00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:43,234 killing someone 588 00:58:43,234 --> 00:58:45,187 doesn't feel as good as the fear. 589 00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:48,056 Or worse 590 00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,915 what if it feels even better. 591 00:58:53,833 --> 00:58:55,285 Even more intense. 592 00:58:56,880 --> 00:59:00,080 There isn't the drug in the world that could compare with that. 593 00:59:01,384 --> 00:59:04,260 Do you know how utterly terrifying that is? 594 00:59:05,130 --> 00:59:08,485 To know that you could be so utterly addicted to something 595 00:59:08,485 --> 00:59:12,624 that you could never be able to imagine life without it. 596 00:59:14,121 --> 00:59:18,082 It-it's honestly driving me insane and I've tried everything to get it out of my system. 597 00:59:18,082 --> 00:59:19,254 Everything. 598 00:59:20,317 --> 00:59:22,092 But nothing works 599 00:59:23,686 --> 00:59:25,290 so I just have to face facts. 600 00:59:28,140 --> 00:59:30,000 I've tried killing myself. 601 00:59:30,859 --> 00:59:31,808 Seriously. 602 00:59:32,291 --> 00:59:34,543 When I slashed my forearms up, 603 00:59:35,509 --> 00:59:36,354 I tried 604 00:59:37,706 --> 00:59:38,697 to cut the vein but 605 00:59:38,697 --> 00:59:40,000 it didn't cut deep enough. 606 00:59:40,959 --> 00:59:42,160 But I think I knew that. 607 00:59:44,051 --> 00:59:48,350 And do you know how tempting it is to just throw yourself in front of a train on the 608 00:59:48,350 --> 00:59:49,230 underground. 609 00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,433 I honestly don't know why more people don't do it. 610 00:59:53,641 --> 00:59:55,599 And yeah, I mean before 611 00:59:55,599 --> 00:59:58,444 you ask I did think about throwing someone onto the tracks 612 00:59:58,444 --> 00:59:59,806 but is that really the same as-- 613 01:00:00,772 --> 01:00:02,298 as killing someone with your bare hands? 614 01:00:02,298 --> 01:00:04,423 I-I don't think it is-- 615 01:00:05,197 --> 01:00:06,886 No, I think I've-- 616 01:00:08,079 --> 01:00:09,740 I think I've got to wring your fucking neck 617 01:00:09,740 --> 01:00:10,530 and then I'll know. 618 01:00:13,682 --> 01:00:15,714 I honestly don't know why I stopped. 619 01:00:30,884 --> 01:00:32,157 I'm so fucked up. 620 01:00:34,524 --> 01:00:36,221 I wish I wasn't. 621 01:00:42,168 --> 01:00:43,381 But at some point 622 01:00:44,106 --> 01:00:47,285 you just have to accept who you are and live with it. 623 01:00:49,121 --> 01:00:52,189 I must have been born this way, I reckon. 624 01:00:52,189 --> 01:00:53,605 That's the only way it makes any sense 625 01:00:55,247 --> 01:00:57,730 It was god [that] made me like this. 626 01:01:00,774 --> 01:01:04,863 And if God didn't want you to be harmed 627 01:01:06,457 --> 01:01:09,041 he wouldn't have put you before me. 628 01:01:15,176 --> 01:01:17,870 Do you know how hard it is to keep up a facade? 629 01:01:20,624 --> 01:01:25,407 It's nice being honest with you. 630 01:01:25,407 --> 01:01:29,241 being honest with myself for once, it's like-a 631 01:01:29,241 --> 01:01:31,321 a weight off my shoulders. 632 01:01:33,833 --> 01:01:37,573 I mean -if I jumped right now 633 01:01:39,216 --> 01:01:41,702 I think I'd float up into the air 634 01:01:41,702 --> 01:01:43,133 like a feather. 635 01:01:45,999 --> 01:01:47,568 It's unreal. 636 01:02:01,611 --> 01:02:04,197 You know what - I'm being incredibly rude talking about myself for so long 637 01:02:04,197 --> 01:02:06,021 why don't you -- why don't 638 01:02:06,021 --> 01:02:07,254 you tell me something about yourself. 639 01:02:07,254 --> 01:02:10,000 When think about it, I don't really know anything about you. 640 01:02:17,816 --> 01:02:19,323 What's wrong? 641 01:02:23,042 --> 01:02:24,056 Well? 642 01:02:32,462 --> 01:02:33,688 That's rude. 643 01:02:38,403 --> 01:02:42,578 When someone asks you a question, you should answer them. 644 01:02:48,375 --> 01:02:50,151 What are you, deaf? 645 01:02:52,808 --> 01:02:54,518 Talk, Jesus! 646 01:02:57,031 --> 01:02:58,799 Why are you being so rude? 647 01:02:58,799 --> 01:03:00,797 I mean I know you don't have any tact, but-- 648 01:03:04,226 --> 01:03:08,021 You couldn't stop begging before, and now you don't want to say anything?! 649 01:03:08,793 --> 01:03:09,700 What is wrong with you?! 650 01:03:10,231 --> 01:03:11,167 This is ridiculous! 651 01:03:12,422 --> 01:03:13,247 Why are you doing this?! 652 01:03:13,849 --> 01:03:15,980 You are literally behaving like a doll right now! 653 01:03:15,980 --> 01:03:19,300 You are a human fucking being, 654 01:03:19,300 --> 01:03:20,484 you need to act like one! 655 01:03:20,484 --> 01:03:22,250 What's the point in all this if you don't?! 656 01:03:25,777 --> 01:03:27,366 What are you doing?! 657 01:03:28,912 --> 01:03:30,397 What am I supposed to do right now? 658 01:03:31,218 --> 01:03:33,089 You're just gonna lie there and act like nothing-- 659 01:03:33,089 --> 01:03:34,429 none of this is happening?! 660 01:03:36,168 --> 01:03:37,781 Stop acting like a fucking doll! 661 01:03:37,781 --> 01:03:40,413 You are a human being! 662 01:03:40,413 --> 01:03:42,314 Pay attention to me! 663 01:04:26,616 --> 01:04:27,852 Hollow. 664 01:04:33,418 --> 01:04:35,169 I didn't expect it to feel this hollow. 665 01:04:37,094 --> 01:04:40,449 Why has finishing your novel made you feel this way? 666 01:04:41,222 --> 01:04:42,881 Is it a lack of fulfilment? 667 01:04:42,881 --> 01:04:43,742 No... 668 01:04:45,433 --> 01:04:48,408 It's not a lack of anything. 669 01:04:51,693 --> 01:04:53,084 I've simmered down, 670 01:04:53,084 --> 01:04:54,716 that's all. 671 01:04:58,822 --> 01:05:02,316 I thought that something intense would happen, that it would all be overwhelming but-- 672 01:05:05,552 --> 01:05:07,563 I just feel incredibly 673 01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:10,886 settled. 674 01:05:12,094 --> 01:05:13,244 It's disconcerting. 675 01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:22,262 I was worried that this would become an obsession 676 01:05:23,229 --> 01:05:25,440 and I was scared of that. 677 01:05:28,768 --> 01:05:30,867 But the reality is so much worse. 678 01:05:35,166 --> 01:05:37,225 I'm not really following... 679 01:05:39,396 --> 01:05:41,587 You know what I think all this is going to become now? 680 01:05:43,036 --> 01:05:44,212 Subsistence. 681 01:05:45,469 --> 01:05:46,475 Subsistence? 682 01:05:46,475 --> 01:05:47,596 Yeah, like 683 01:05:48,599 --> 01:05:50,894 in the future it's all just going to bubble up again. 684 01:05:52,537 --> 01:05:53,901 I won't be able to... 685 01:05:57,138 --> 01:05:58,992 And now that I know what the cure is-- 686 01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:03,373 I feel sick to the pit of my stomach but I know that 687 01:06:03,373 --> 01:06:05,643 even that will pass. 688 01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:13,863 I just didn't expect after all the adrenaline it would feel like when I hurt myself. 689 01:06:21,110 --> 01:06:24,767 We're not talking about your writing now, are we? 690 01:06:27,569 --> 01:06:28,504 Does it matter? 691 01:06:29,807 --> 01:06:30,452 Yes. 692 01:06:31,660 --> 01:06:33,158 It's not important. 693 01:06:33,158 --> 01:06:34,233 Yes it is. 694 01:06:34,233 --> 01:06:36,344 No, it isn't. 695 01:06:37,020 --> 01:06:37,759 Huey 696 01:06:38,919 --> 01:06:40,450 what have you done? 697 01:06:46,974 --> 01:06:48,157 I guess... 698 01:06:50,531 --> 01:06:51,828 play god. 699 01:07:01,483 --> 01:07:04,110 It's the end of our session.