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Who the fuck is goin' to Camden?
Yeah, Camden is, uh, for the rest of the country a... a shithole.
I always imagined Camden like, uh...
- like Detroit... like RoboCop's Detroit. - Yeah, yeah.
- You know, I always think of it like that.
And you go over that bridge down there
- and you're on your own. - Nice.
It's gotta be like I Am Legend when you go home at night.
- -Pour bleach on the stairs and lock your doors, man.
Let's go to Mike in Jersey. Mike.
There are plenty of places like this around the country.
I'm tellin' you, man, you take a drive, you'll see this shit.
Well, there you got the death of a city.
- Yeah. - Well, Camden's a perfect example.
- I bet you they were a happenin' little city. - Yeah.
And then whatever industry it was, went away, and that was it.
- That's what happens in America. - That's what happens.
This is the old abandoned Campbell Soup factory.
Um, so I'm gonna see if anyone seen her.
- Hello. - -How are you doin'?
- How are you? - -Pretty good.
I'm tryin' to find, uh, this girl.
Have you seen her?
She looks familiar, seriously.
- How long has she been missing? - About four days.
Alright, then. Do you know like ar... what area?
- Well, she goes out a... -Mt. Ephraim Ave. In Polak Town.
- Yeah. - Seriously.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Polak, okay. - Yeah.
Hmm.
Won't answer the fuckin' phone.
That's my... my... one of my points was...
what's... what's the... what's the p... purpose of havin' a fuckin' phone
if you don't answer it.
Hmm, why wouldn't you answer your phone?
Come on, you guys. You guys gotta sing the song.
♪ It's a beautiful day In the neighborhood ♪
♪ A beautiful day In the neighborhood ♪
♪ Would you be mine Would you be mine ♪
♪ Would you be my neighbor ♪
All the women say I should leave him alone. Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha.
- You got the damn... -Tell the bitch to find a man of their own.
Man of their own.
All these bitches on Federal Street try to fuckin' fuck my man.
And try to give him false information,
'cause my man goes around paying these little fuckin' whores for information.
I've been with him for seven years now and all we fight about is me doing drugs.
Like if I weren't getting high, I'd probably be like livin' it up right now.
He has a very good job.
He's a printer, he makes $40 an hour, you know,
and when he got with me he was like doin' so good, livin' the life,
and I kind of came in, and fucked it all up for him.
So this is my daily routine. Come to the hood.
I call this the "belly of the beast."
I haven't seen her in... four days.
When she gets her mind made up and she wants to get high, that's what she does.
And she finds a way to stay out here.
Knock, knock.
I took a pregnancy test, and it came up negative,
and I didn't think I was pregnant, 'cause of the test,
and my stomach kept growin', and then like I got scared.
I thought something was wrong with my liver.
And the test was just out of date.
And then yeah, I was just laying in bed, and I felt like moving and shit.
And I'm like, "Oh, shit, I'm fuckin' pregnant."
And I was already too... too late to have an abortion, so.
The longer she's out here the more damage she does to the baby.
So, I'm... I'm always desperate. It's a desperate thing.
So this is her hiding spot.
And they'll come back here and she'll smoke her fucking crack.
See, dude, we have there methadone.
They'd be right here fuckin'.
Then they're... they push or somethin'.
That's... that's the plunger and the needle.
Or come back here.
Be in this motherfucker and gettin' high. That's what they all did.
They'll sit on these nasty fuckin' beds.
My father died with a needle in his arm and my mom used to shoot powder,
so it was in my genes to wanna get high.
And you know, I think about my last pregnancy how I got high throughout my whole pregnancy
and nothing was wrong with my son.
He had no withdrawal, he had nothin'.
And my man tells me all the time, "It's not the same.
That doesn't mean that that's gonna happen this time, because now you're older,
you've been doing drugs longer, you know what I mean, and every situation is not the same."
And I argue and I fight with him all the time, but he's 100 percent right,
and I love him to death, and I just... I just wish sometimes he could understand where...
where I come from, but...
Yo, what the fuck is up with Nik, is she okay?
I'm just chillin' here.
Okay, I'm making sure.
Nikki. Hang, hang on, Nikki.
- Oh. - - She is so determined...
How many bags of dope are you missing?
- Oh, my God!
- They all got scared.
This shit is good.
Birds of a feather flock together.
They're all in the same boat, so sometimes they will hide her, you know?
They're get-high buddies.
No one likes to smoke crack by themselves, no one likes to do dope by themselves.
They're tryin' to bring Camden back.
Center of city, they're puttin' a lot of money into it,
but if you don't change this epidemic of addiction and dope, it's not gonna change.
They're gonna break in, they're gonna steal the pipes,
they're gonna... they're gonna tear it down.
You know, the people have to change.
The mentality has to change.
This time in the morning, uh, normally people are givin' out samples of dope.
Yeah. Uh, uh, in right east.
Night of the Walking Dead, everyone's gonna be congregatin' around
talkin' about who has what dope.
I just... I bought him a new crib.
I didn't get a chance to put it together.
It just got delivered the other day, but...
It's actually gonna be... it's a two-in-one.
It turns into a... a bed form later.
So, I just got that for him.
These are pictures of the, uh, good times.
Before the drugs took over.
We were just out havin' fun.
We haven't done that in years now.
I mean, there's not any fuckin' drug that Nani wouldn't do, you know?
And I just don't... I don't get it how she could do that with a baby in her belly.
She has no thought of it.
- I've seen this morning. - Nani, I've just seen Nani this morning, yeah.
He comes down and tries to get her to go home.
I mean, he'll buy her stuff, but he'll buy her... like here you've been... get her me...
he'll get her a bottle of methadone.
She was on the methadone though...
Yep, she was on the methadone, uh, but she wants more, so like it's never a no.
Nani's been trying to be good, but Nani likes the streets too much.
Well, I mean, it is what it is, though.
- Like what are we gonna do? -It is what it is, it's bullshit.
Oh, I got it.
What time is it?
Sonny's supposed to be dropping the dope off at 4:00, right, Sarah?
No, you were supposed to have been met him.
He probably needed you to cook something up.
- He was supposed to be coming out with it at 4:00. - -Alright.
Now would you just listen?
Now, I remember with my first bit of school clothes money
my uncle and my dad gave me, I went and bought a quarter and a scoop.
And that guy gave me an ounce.
And I moved 10 kilos every week.
Every Monday and Sunday I got 10 kilos in at 24,000 a key, you do the math.
See, I work, too.
I made like 84 grand a year at work.
Great Valley engineer, 15 years.
So, I'm, man, I'm pretty good, man.
Caught my habit from, ah, putting it together and from there on, fuck, I got a dealer's habit.
It got worse. Doin' about 5 grams a day at one time.
When I met Iman, all he did was smoke weed.
He used to chase Nikki around, 'cause Nikki was gettin' high and he was only smoking weed
and he would be like, "What the fuck, have you see Nikki?"
- Remember, back in the day? - Yeah.
I went once to rehab and it worked, but I fucked up.
Me worryin' about Nik, my stupid ass,
thinkin' I could save someone who didn't wanna be saved.
Why? You get stuck. Stop bein' an addict.
Because I had a bad time in my life, and it made me feel better.
You're missing what I'm sayin'.
I know what you're sayin', Nik.
I met her through selling drugs to her.
Me and her almost got into a fight.
And then come to find out she liked me the whole time.
You gotta hit me first, Nik.
I'm serious, Nik, you gotta hit me first. I'm dead serious.
- What the fuck I just say? - Mm-hmm.
- What is your problem? - Where is the cotton at?
Right here. You gotta get that, too?
I need the ganya. Look at the other shit in there.
You wanna come to my level or...
Too tight now.
She came here, she got stuck here.
- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.
It's dope city, man.
Hello, no one is available to take your call.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Can you call me now, please?
Before we leave Camden, I wanna make sure she's not somewhere in Camden.
And I'm gonna take my time to look
because I know they're riding' around with some frickin' guy.
And, uh... hey, did you see the... see the guy with the booze standin' there?
That might have been her.
It's 1:30 in the mornin' and they're sittin' there, they were s... they're smoking crack
in front of the set and the cops are right there, and it's a known set.
What is that? Baby, you thirsty.
- No. - Or you don't like this water?
- Yeah, yeah, that's that flavor. Well, I don't like it. - This...
- this water is delicious. - Mm-hmm.
And it's good for you.
Mm, I'm about to go... actually go... lay down, go to sleep,
and wake up in the morning, and...
Isn't it much better to lay down in the bed with me?
- No, it is. I mean, when... -What's more comforting than laying with your man?
It is when we're together and I love you, but right now, uh-huh, it's not...
What's... what's the best thing in the world?
The best thing in the world is for me to get rest and get to my appointments.
Well, where you rest the best at?
I rest best in a bed.
And whose bed, and with whose feet you wrap your feet around, and whose arms you're in?
What makes you feel better?
How come you don't say that shit when you're callin' me a slut, a whore,
- and a prostitute up in that Federal? - Well... well... If... If...
- Why don't you say that then? - You know, when I say that?
I say that when I'm very angry and I'm very fed up with people and things.
Well, you're angry every day.
Well, baby when... when you just took that blast, that makes me very angry
- and I'm tryin' to be very patient. - I know you're angry
- and I know you're mad... - And I have to... and...
- And I know that. - And I all I can think about...
All I can think about is how's ti... how tight your stomach is
and what my little baby is doing right now. That's what I think about.
Listen, I don't give a fuck, okay?
I'm pregnant and I'm on the fuckin' set. I gotta go, okay?
I love you. I will call you in the morning.
She got her hair all pressed out, you see?
I knew she was around.
- Yo, who that, Daryl? - -Yes, Sir.
You know, you had motherfuckers wondering what the fuck y'all doing?
- I'm doin' what I always do. - What, chasing Nani?
- Yeah. - And you chasin' her around?
I'm not chasin' her around at all.
I'm hav... actually having a conversation with her.
Yo, she just over there from us.
I mean, they... and they thinking y'all police.
Ain't no goddamn police.
Ain't nobody know that shit though.
Iman said, "What you doin'? You chasin' Nani around?
Man, that girl ain't goin' back." What, what, what, what?
Oh, what's the matter, 'cause no one's tryna save you? Everyone gave up on you?
And people like Iman and Nikki would be the ones to say, "Oh, let Nani stay."
So they can rob her when she nods out.
- Baby? Did you get your vitamins back yet? - -Yeah? No.
But the doctor said your blood count is supposed to be 14 and it's 7.
And he told her if you were to go into labor,
you would need a massive blood transfusion and you may not survive.
- How many doctor's appointments have you made so far? - Like that's the thing.
- Like, yeah. - In seven months you went to doctors...
- It's gotta be your way or my way. - -No, mama, no.
- No, man, no. - Your way... your way is not...
is not... is not the right way.
- Think, just think about it. - What do you mean my way's not the right way?
Listen to me. In... in seven months of pregnancy you went to a prenatal visit twice.
I understand that. So, I mean...
So, obviously, you can't do it on your own.
You know, you're puttin' through a little puppy or lookin' at a little kitten,
and take some arsenic or some iodine and drop it in their milk, which is poison.
What do you think that dope is to my baby?
What do you think that crack is doin' to my baby?
Oh, I don't wanna hear it down, I don't wanna think about, then that's the problem,
'cause the people you surround yourself with aren't thinkin' about it.
And then you have to think about how strong is Nani's body,
because she's never had a reprieve from doin' all these hard drugs.
So, I don't know.
I don't know... I don't know if I'm equipped.
Who loves you, baby?
Who love... what are you crying for?
- I'm fine, go! - You need to...
I'm fine, go!
What are you crying for, baby?
Stop! Stop, go.
I love you. What are you crying for, baby?
You told me never give up on you, right?
Ain't that what you told me?
Alright, I'll call you when I'm fine.
Then... then tell me why are you crying?
I don't think this is gonna be a happy ending.
And, um, at one point, I still have to determine whether or not
I'm gonna be equipped to deal with the baby with so many problems.
Snack and have culinary...
Hey, baby?
Mm, is it good?
You like it?
You see that, baby?
I, uh, I got a phone call at 10:00 that night
and they told me she went into labor, uh, at her sister's house,
who also is, uh, cr... smokes crack.
And they got in the ambulance and went to the hospital.
Mm-mm. That's good for my baby.
When I got there, they didn't allow me to be able to see my son born,
because Nani decided to bring paraphernalia, uh, with her to the hospital
when she was deliverin' Darnez.
Oh, what you need?
So, um, bring 'em... bring 'em wooden chairs, so we can all sit around and chill out.
Basically, I got no information.
They wouldn't tell me how he was.
I was worried about whether he... whether or not he's gonna have withdrawal,
what were his symptoms, what's going on.
It was a horrible fuckin' experience.
Basically, they told me I was guilty by association, uh,
which is a bunch of shit, but I just took custody of him.
I mean, I got through it. I went back and forth to court.
Uh, went and talked to the psychiatrist.
Uh, they had these services here, someone to come here five days a week,
but once I got custody of him, I felt a lot better.
I... I felt as though I... I... I won.
Where is my baby? Is he sleepin'?
You're not sleepin'.
Hello, baba.
And here is the baby.
Mm-hmm.
- And now he got daddy. Right? - What?
- There is that little baby. - Whoa!
Once I got custody of Darnez, for her to be able to see him,
she had to be in therapy and a drug rehabilitation program, and she was not.
If she wants help, would I be willin' to help her if she came to me and said,
"Help me, put me into a program. I'm gonna do this." Yes, I would help her.
But her actions speak way louder than her words.
So, uh, my focus is, you know, I got my baby, and I'm happy,
and I always have my babies.
And see...
my sons and my children are the reason why I'm still standin' here right now.
The reason I'm the man I am today, because I've always told them to stick close,
stick together, and I guess that's what we are.
The Gantt family, uh, is a family that sticks together.
Darnez is a daddy's boy.
He likes sweet potatoes and him like him toys.
A boom, boom, boom.
- Darnez is a daddy boy.
He likes sweet potatoes and him like him toys.
Are you daddy's baby? What?
What? What? That's his new thing.
What you doin' that for?
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Come on!
That's my grand-baby, right there.
- Eye. - An ear.
- Eye. - This is eyes.
- This your eye. - Eye... eye.
You got a little button nose. Eye.
- Eye. - -Yeah, that's eye.
- Eye. - And that's ear.
Eye.
I was gonna get him a job but people are like they already know my situation with my dad,
so they're like, "Well, he gotta get himself together."
Want some?
I... I can't eat this, it's plastic.
But I go and visit him like every couple other days.
Or if I don't hear from him for like two months, I'll go look for him.
Because he'll disappear.
Where you goin'?
This was in 2012. After a while he just fell off.
Well, why don't you just call the dude? Give... tell him I want a job.
Dicky, I want the job.
Dad, you gotta wait until... I'm gonna wait until you're done, whatever you're doing.
- Alright. -Wait a few days for it and then...
- Alright.
- If you're serious... - -by 30 days.
Yeah, if you're done by 30 days.
If I'm clean in 30 days, you get me the job.
- Yup, I sure will. -Alright, alright, thinking on it.
I got a green book home about the Prophet Muhammad Rasulullah Sallallahu Sallam.
It tells you about socie... social order.
And it tells you just right here. That's not a part of our society.
- You started goin' a little crazy after Naeem's death. - Stickin' to it.
Yeah, I remember all the stuff.
- Yeah, remember all of the stuff. - See, but all y'all said
- I was crazy. - No, I...
- But the whole thing is... - You never was crazy.
It took me seven years to get over Naeem's death.
- No, actually not about Naeem. - You talkin' nothin'.
No, I'm not talkin' nothin'.
You need to get help. Go get you help.
Go get you help and become to a part of society, that you can be a productive part of society.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is what the deal is.
This is what you don't understand and I'm tryin' to tellin' you all this here.
Your story could help the next person.
- It is goin' to help the whole community. - This isn't... but it's not,
because what you're doin', you got too much negativity in you.
- Go on now. -That's what you forward to streets of Camden now,
all this negative stuff. Go with this junk.
This is my third generation right here and...
That's first... uh, look, there's first, second,
- and third generation from Raymond fuckin' Koonce. - That's four generations.
I was a... I was a drug addict for... from the age of 14,
all the way up until in my 40s.
And you know the bad thing about is I sold drugs in Camden, North,
all over and the turnaround.
I've breeded another fuckin' generation of assholes.
- I'll wash tonight, pop.
- Well, he... - That's really fucked up...
You don't give up, because he... he's gonna turn his life around.
Alright.
This is just our... our habit.
I don't wanna give up on her. How else can I say it? It sucks.
Sucks to love somebody that don't love themself.
Baby, put the seat up.
It's like... I... it's hard for me to focus on what I have to do
'cause I had to completely turn cold towards Nani to be able to function.
When he gives me what I need, then I don't need to do anything.
I stay home, and I'm with the baby, and that's it.
How can you block out the countless men in cars that you did dates with
- and expect me to not give a fuck about it? - -Hmm.
What time is the appointment and what time...
1:45, but he has to be bathed and dressed, we got to go.
Sorry, Leo, we have to get it started.
- Can we build it? - Yes!
That's okay, baby.
Because you gotta remember something. Diapers came there and diapers checked up.
- Do you remember? - Mm-hmm.
They checked up on the fact that he gotten his shots,
so, I mean I'm signed, they don't know who you are.
- I gotta say, "It's a friend of mine." - Hmm.
"It's my girlfriend. No, it's not his mom." Well, he looks just like her.
Oh, well.
- . He's good? - Mm-hmm.
I adore the baby.
Babe, you kissin' his hands? Yeah?
What? I'm not.
- Kissin' his hands, he's gonna put 'em into his mouth.
She doesn't brush her teeth, she doesn't wash her mouth, she just lives in the street.
So, I mean, the hygiene factor, the germs.
It's not she shares someone's stand, it's all that... all them germs,
and saliva, and things transfer like that.
She doesn't look at it like that, but I do.
But then it comes again, but you want me to be there for the baby
- and be there, but then you talk about this stuff. - I'm sayin'... so, what...
what... what I, but what I'm saying is, is that
if you don't care about that, then that's scary, 'cause that's real.
Yeah, we're here for Darnez Gantt. It's at 1:45, but...
- Here? -A dental right there and right next to it.
Oh, here?
Yeah, just twistin' it around.
I would go all left, tryna cool as you move.
Come on, dada, come on. Hi.
- Hey, how you doin'? - Okay.
- We got to see the doctor. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. I'm not leaving you. Wait a minute.
He contradicts himself.
"Well, don't kiss the baby. Don't there... uh, smokin' on stands."
He doesn't have to be such an asshole.
He was never like that before, like so mean.
And he puts me at risk knowing I can't be around the baby
and then he takes me to the doctor's knowing damn well I can't do shit like this.
I told him plenty of times find somebody better than me.
I'm not good for you. I'm poison for you, but he doesn't listen.
He loves me so much he felt that if I had a baby I would calm down. Mm.
Didn't go good at all, because I'm still drug addicted and now I can't even,
you know, be the mama I really want to be for him.
'Cause I'm sick of this lifestyle.
I'm sick of it, but I'm just not ready.
It sounds retarded for me to say, "I'm sick of this life",
but then I keep doin' it, like...
but I wanna be in my baby's life, so...
I did a whole bag of fentanyl and OD'd.
My friend said I turned blue.
And, um, she said right after she hit me, I was like, "Whoa, this shit is good."
And just passed out.
And he's probably about to get his shots right now.
Alright.
We're all done.
Alright, alright.
If I die, I die.
I just don't wanna go to hell.
Friday, the methadone bus comes, right?
- They come... -Hmm, they sell the bottles there?
Yeah, they sell the bottles early in the morning.
So maybe we can grab a couple... maybe we can grab at least like two or three?
And then that way I could just go home with you and the baby, drink a bottle, and...
- Drink half a bottle and see how it affects you. - Yeah.
- You're going to go right back to all in my head. - Yeah.
And we'll try our best not to argue and if I have a little crack attack or somethin',
- maybe we can... - Smoke some weed.
You can smoke some weed and call it a day.
- Um... - You need to do a detox.
I'm gonna buy you somethin' to make you, uh, detox your body.
- We need that out your system.
But you know I can't stop smoking crack in one day, baby.
Yeah, you can. Sure, you can.
Can you stop drinkin' liquor?
Home sweet home.
I can work somethin' out if I have $5.
Like I can't do nothin' with nothing at all.
Well, you have to understand somethin'.
- All I... -We just got you a... baby, we got you a full thing...
- of gas. - Okay, we, you...
- We got you cigarettes. - Wait, wait, we, you? We, you?
- We got you somethin' to eat, babe. - You got me?
Like you can't give me $5, so I can get a bag of dope, babe?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So I'm supposed to walk around with no money in my pocket.
No, keep five for you, you need your beers, and again, I can get me a bag of dope.
What's a... what's one bag of dope gonna do for you, honey?
I don't know, baby, but it'll help me from... preventin' to asking people, babe.
- Uh, you got... is he... -Were you giving me that whole 10 or were you keeping 5?
I was keeping 5.
Baby, one nick of dope ain't gonna last me until tomorrow.
So, what are you gettin' from here?
Well, I'm gonna go make my son his bottle and then I'm goin' to go see what I can get for $5.
Yeah, let me help you, babe. I'll bring your bottle.
I'm coming.
I buy her drugs to keep her from working the streets.
And I say workin' 'em.
She can call it hustlin', she can...
but basically any chick out here, who's a drug addict, is trippin' for her drugs.
There's no other way.
Darnez. You want your stuff?
Get your stuff.
You can eat it.
Sleepy.
When he pulls one of his ears, he's tired.
You know, he's gonna be quiet, when is it, baba?
That's why his mother knew that. She did know that much.
You think mommy's not thinking about my baby.
- I bought crack. - Yeah.
She said she was goin' try to get dope, but she really lied.
She wanted that five, so her buddy would give her money for some crack.
- So she don't... - Bye, baby.
- She don't care. She don't care about... - I need some dope.
He said, "Me too."
So bein' around her baby don't mean anything. All she cares about is crack.
This is what I'm talkin' about.
I thought that she would actually kick in with the baby.
I... I thought she, um...
I thought she would actually, um...
I thought she would do somethin' different.
He wants me to go home? Buys me a carton of cigarettes with his credit card.
I'll go sell them at the store at $60,
get all the dope I need and go home.
Well, at least you got your crack.
See you later, deuces. Say goodbye to your son.
My baby.
What are, um, you gonna do? You're just gonna go home and...
What's the matter with you?
Hello?
$5. Like come on now?
How much money have you given me?
You share with dumb niggas and then you all your money you work the streets with,
you share with everybody else, and you fuckin', and suckin' the niggas.
And all you do is take from me and from your baby.
- This is... - So you can suck that glass dick
- and go suck some real dick for more money. - So this is...
Get the fuck away from me, Nani!
- Oh, my God! - Before I spit on you.
- This is what I was talkin' about. - You dirty bitch!
- Fuck away from me. -See this is what I'm talkin' about.
- What the... -Why you gotta talk to me like this for?
'Cause you're a dirty bitch! Get the fuck away from me!
You nasty motherfucker! You dirty bitch!
You stink!
You smell!
Fuckin' asshole.
Fuck you!
You leave your baby in a car, so you can go sell your ass and smoke crack, you dirty bitch!
I hate you.
Sometimes I, uh, I feel amazed.
I ain't lucky, ain't nothin'... ain't no... ain't no such thing as luck.
But sometimes I wake up and like damn.
And these, like, people ain't do half the shit I done did.
Like him right here Rondell Arnett. Shame.
I the one who... who killed him.
Me and Nikki know the lady who was goin' with him.
His son is doin' time right now, but I know who killed him.
I know him, too, but he ain't dead, he just got his tombstone.
And my brother got murdered.
Like I was like, "Why the fuck it ain't happen to me?"
Like he didn't deserve it, he was fresh off the porch.
I beg that shit to happen to me.
I like... like you ever wish death?
I wished for death when that happened to my brother, man.
I swear to God, I wanted it to be me, and he can come back,
'cause I... I've never seen my father like that cry, I never seen my mother...
Like it fucked everybody's life up, includin' mine.
Includin' mine. It took me 14 years to cry.
I never got out of this one.
Some days I'll be like, "I wish I ain't wake up."
Someday I've touched that fuckin' heroin and it went down with dope.
That shit went down here.
And it's fucked up.
That's why I just wanna get the fuck out of here,
so I ain't gotta even think about it, but now it's everywhere.
I lived in Oklahoma, shit was there.
I lived in Boca Raton, Florida, shit was there.
I lived in fuckin' Texas, the shit was there.
Everywhere I've been, the shit was there.
From rural to city, the shit's always around.
You goin'... if it's not there, you can make a phone call and it can be there.
Everybody dealin' with is doin' somethin' negative.
That pulls me back into this shit, man.
And right now I need stop... I need time away from this shit.
A long vacation.
He doesn't even know that we're sitting here and talking, you know,
whatever he thinks that I'm like, you know, suckin' dick and shit.
I mean, what the fuck?
I got nothin', no drugs, nobody, no crack, no nothin'.
They... he's now believing I'm paid all fuckin' day.
And what the fuck do I got? Shit.
I need some fuckin' crack. I need some dope.
- Iman and Daryl, what are we gonna do with them? - Oh, man.
- What are they gonna do with us?
What... what can we do? I don't know, I'm confused.
I think my man is right.
I choose this shit over being with my beautiful bouncing baby boy.
Really? Like what's wrong with me? I need my head examined.
It's what time right now?
Now you're sittin' there puttin' on make-up, gettin' ready to go hit the street.
It ain't normal, you know?
This ain't normal for fuckin' sure.
24/7 chasin'.
I did this to myself. I've fucked myself over.
I know that is just how now can I, you know, get better
and keep... stay better and you know what I mean?
Because I... when I have my kids,
I have beaut... beautiful, beautiful kids and they're perfect.
It's just... like, it's just hard.
Like when it comes down to it, it's either have someone that you can trust and rely on...
And somebody who's really there for you.
Anybody who cares. There's a lot of people all this time that says, you know,
"You ain't got no friends in this life and when it comes down to..."
What the fuck is the problem?
I'm lookin' for the, ah... other one that's like that.
Oh, I didn't find that. I didn't see that.
But, um, it... it really is good to have, um, you know what I mean?
A real... like a real friend, somebody you really can depend on, no matter what.
And... it's... it's just hard when you're by yourself, you know?
It's really hard when you're by yourself. It... it really is.
My own main goal of everything is try to get into the rehab.
Hopefully, both of us can go into the rehab,
and have it successful, and come out, and live a different life.
I am just another fucker out here.
I'd rather be home with my baby and with my man right now. Fuck everything else.
Just say I put 5 grams of fentanyl in 10 grams of dope,
it'd make the dope five-times stronger.
So it will sell faster.
So when you just go do a straight heroin, it doesn't work for you,
it doesn't get you over heat, none of that shit.
You still reset. You're goin' through a withdrawal to withdrawal, man.
And that shit is serious.
Yes, I was thinkin' about calling at 1-800-NJ-REACH to get a bed number
and gettin' to rehab.
You have dialed Joe's Equipment.
Oh, this is not 1-800-NJ-REACH?
- It is not. - Alright, thank you.
1-8-8-8-N-J.
Call has been forwarded to an automatic voice mess...
- R-E-A.
Thank you for calling.
We would like your opinion in a quick three-question survey.
Alright, what's that shit?
Welcome to America's hottest talk line.
What the fuck.
Thank you for calling Reach NJ.
This is Moche speaking. How may I help you?
Yes, I'm tryin' to look for a... a rehab, uh, for my addiction for heroin.
- Guess what? - -What?
I just got in detox for tomorrow.
Y'all need to call. You can get in, Nik.
They're... they're gettin' high. They're fuckin' sick.
So, when do you wanna call, Nik?
I don't know, I'm... I'm not going somewhere where they give me Suboxone.
'Cause I'm coming off fentanyl, I'm fucked up.
Yeah, I told Bergen Regional that I did fentanyl.
Is there any antidote?
And he had shit for it.
See, but Bergen Regional gives out methadone.
- Did you ask them? - Yeah, they got... They told me.
Yeah, what the fuck.
- Hello. - Salaam alaikum, Pop.
Walaikum assalam.
What's up with you?
No, I'm not sleepin' until I can go in and see you about this job.
Oh, no, 'cause you know, I just got into a... a... a d... a de... a rehab.
Tomorrow I gotta go, be there.
Yeah, well, this is a hard decision right here right now
that you ain't gonna decide to walk out of there.
No, I'm stayin' there, pop.
I'm glad that you're doin' that, but I'm sayin' you...
I ain't helping you till you get out of there.
And then you gonna like talk to me that you gonna do the right things.
- Uh. - Doin' things just right here.
- I don't need... I just need your support. - I did shit for... I... no.
No. I did shit to help you before and you fucked it.
I said all I need is your support, dad.
No, listen to what I'm sayin' to you before you make a comment and you fucked me.
It is time for you to get your shit together.
I'm tired of bein' dad, and grandma, and grandpa, and great-grandpa.
And you should be doin' that to all of them.
I hope that's why you're doin' it.
That's the only reason.
If not, then go.
So, you're only gonna start over again?
It's... it's wasted effort.
- Alright. - Alright?
That stupid dammit dope shit, you can't be a part of it.
You will be a recovered drug addict for the rest of your life, just like I am.
Why do you think I stay away from everybody?
- Yeah. - So I awake no triggers.
You oughta stay away from all them fuckin' people.
- Separate myself. - All of 'em.
Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I already know that.
Alright, dear.
And I hope you ain't talkin' no bullshit, and you're for real.
- Alright, I love you, pop. - You can do no wrong.
- As-salamu alaykum. - Walaikum assalam.
I really don't wanna come back here.
Honestly, I really don't.
I don't wanna make that mistake this time.
February 3rd.
So it happens to be my birthday.
Forty-eight years old, homie.
Oh, when someone really asks me, I'll say I'm 38.
- Take 10 years off.
Here comes this baby.
He wants his sister.
- That was bad of you, hmm. -Stop bein' mean to everybody and be a nice boy.
No, he's not.
- I'mma put your show on. - Get out of here.
Oh, very nice.
He misses his mom. It's obvious, we... we can tell.
What? Hello, baby.
You gotta stop it.
But, I'm done with her.
I can't deal with her. I can't do it no more.
What she is right now, is a zombie.
A pus-filled little fuckin' vile of bullshit.
And garbage. So, who needs it? I don't need it.
But I didn't spend nine-something years with her ass not to let her go.
I'm in love with her, I'm not gonna let her die. I won't let her die.
She was eating this.
Hey, get him... get him... get him out of here.
- Here, Cee Cee, just... - I think he's done.
Get him out of here now.
- Lonnie boy! Uh-oh. - Hey, here you go.
Yeah, it's the Lonnie boy! My son!
- Well, honey, I don't wanna be seen. - Woo!
- Alright, hey, why he doin' that? - Stop, pop.
My dad abandoned me and my children.
My father has never met none of his grandchildren.
My mother raised me to be the man I am now.
♪ Ready or not Here I come ♪
♪ You can't hide We gonna find you ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ - ♪ And take it slowly ♪
If I listened to my mother, I'd be a lawyer.
Of course, I've never. But I listened to my mama.
Certain things.
If I didn't have her, I'd be a nobody.
Hmm, I'm not... nobody without my mama.
♪ And four fathers Sittin' niggas They can stop now, yeah ♪
♪ Who's popular now? ♪
- Gangsta. -♪ Having a motherfucking Drop top ♪
- ♪ And we go cruisin' And then we hop back ♪ - Gangsta.
♪ The motherfucking drop ♪
My kids all come back to me.
Mm, that's what they're goin' to do. Daddy.
♪ D, Public Enemy Number One ♪
♪ Five-O said, "Freeze!" And I then got numb ♪
♪ Can I tell them that I Never really had a gun ♪
♪ That was the Terminator X ♪
♪ Can I tell them that I Never really had a gun ♪
♪ That was the Terminator X ♪
And make none, I'm not sure how that goes. Like right out.
♪ Oh, ghetto ♪
- Have your son, man. - I'm drinkin'.
He'd be alright.
Put him down. Good luck with that.
- Hey, he don't want to get down. -I know. Oh, well, he's your brother.
♪ MRG ♪
♪ Have bumped into me ♪
Woo!
Surprise, surprise, nigga.
You think I was coming like that, now did you?
- Where's my bottle, man? - -No drink.
While all of a sudden touch my bottle?
Right there, the Seagram's. It's too much.
But absolutely, I don't know it's for real. You gettin' fancy now? Huh.
Okay, now I'm gettin' angry.
- What do you need? -Yo, where's my fuckin' bottle from my fuckin' table?
- It's in the cabinet, daddy, I hide... - Who touched it?
- I hid it for you! It's in... - Touched my shit!
- In the cabinet, your... - Don't touch it!
- I hid it for you! - Forgot it!
Who took my bottle? It's my birthday.
I do the fuck I wanna do.
- Alright. - She ain't buy nothin' for me?
Just had a birthday, but I don't... I don't see a card.
Everyone lives off me. N... n... no one.
- Here, dad, you got some money we made. - I put it away for you...
- Someone has that money we made. - So nobody drank it, honestly.
- It's all good though, I ain't worried about it. - What?
- I didn't drink no more booze than you see me take. - Music!
What do you wanna listen to?
- Put my song on. - Funeral?
Yeah, this is my... this is my best.
♪ When it's my time ♪
♪ I know you'll tailor A new suit for me ♪
♪ And buy a new tie So I'll look this good ♪
♪ Boy, you were right ♪
♪ You said only the good ones Die young ♪
♪ Never in my life Did I look this good ♪
♪ Everyone welcome To my funeral ♪
- ♪ Everyone I know ♪ - Dancin'!
♪ Better be wasted You know I would pour one up ♪
- Hey, dancin' boy. - ♪ 'Cause the way I lived It was amazing ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪ -♪ Everyone welcome To my funeral ♪
- Come on, baby. - ♪ Everyone I know ♪
I got the best of Nani in Darnez.
Smile, eyes.
Forehead, everything is Nani.
She's a tortured soul.
I'd tried my best to pull her out of it and show her love.
Love didn't work. I gave up.
♪ Welcome to my funeral ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Party for me, I'd party, too ♪
Like, I... I... I learned singing from my dad, you know, I got a little somethin'.
This country is destroyin' me like a slow death forcing me to retire.
And, unfortunately, for your politics, I only feel inspired to set this shit on fire.
When the bodies of black children were lying dead on your streets,
like rotting fruit dangling from Southern trees,
raw footage of a lynch mob dressed like police,
and the crisis that I'm fuckin' talkin' about is at your feet.
Man, we out here gettin' our modern-day slave on.
If you ain't got your papers, your ass better stay home.
World is bombin', huntin' niggas down all day long.
So don't talk to me about democracy
or categorically digress my stress metaphorically.
Instead of writing speeches about the way it's goin' to be,
I dare you to prove me wrong historically.
But whenever I look around, I feel entitled to burn it down,
because all I see is the blood of my ancestors.
But in case you're reading this,
just know that I exist in the shadows of your political masquerade.
Sincerely, evolution, made in Camden, murder capital, U.S.A.
I can't go in there already withdrawing.
'Cause you know, I don't get no meds for you know how many hours?
Okay, this is it. This is the spot.
- Alright, come on in the kitchen. - What?
- In the kitchen. - What?
Man, I gotta pee.
- Pee in that bucket y'all. - What?
- In that bucket. - What bucket?
I'm pissin' in a fuckin' bucket.
- Yeah, that's the piss bucket. - Y'all fuckin' crazy.
Should light a bonfire in this motherfucker.
I gotta do this, man. Got too much shit at stake.
Grandkids, kids.
I'm tired of this shit.
Plus, Tye, you know this ain't me.
Right, this ain't either one of us.
You know you gotta go into detox with a hot urine, so.
I'm gonna make sure hot fucking.
- I'm gonna give them the hottest urine I can. - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I had to get my work on.
That's the guy I work for right there.
- Behind you? - Nah, in the work van.
Sign it?
- Yeah, um... - All way over, right?
Yeah, you see your name and just follow it all the way over to, um...
- Mm. -The last right column if I'm correct.
It's the reci... recipient sig... signature, right?
- Excuse me? - Recipient signature.
- Correct. I think that's it. - Alright, here you go, boss. Here.
My man.
- I'm in double path for it. I'm usin' and sellin'. - Hmm.
- But I don't need even ask for the smack. - Right.
But I sell them both things, we're... all everything, I sell everything, but...
You gotta get started, man. Here you are. Like leavin' everything.
But I bet somebody don't want you to go, because you was either their friend,
family or... or somethin' like that, like you was the hangin' partner.
- Like, "Yo, man." - A lot of people.
- Yeah! But you like, you know, "I gotta do me." - Yeah.
You know, that's beautiful, man, for real.
Bro, you know, when you just picked me up, between me and you, that was my trap house.
- Oh, for real?
Oh, wow! Wow. Wow!
What a... you left a trap, man, that...
That's dedication, buddy!
- Yo, you for real? - I'm dead serious.
Hey, man, pound up on that, bro.
That's hard to do, leave a good thing. Let's be honest,
it's hard to leave a good thing.
I'mma be prayin' with you, man.
- Iman, when's the last time you used? - -Last night.
Now, and how many bags did you do?
Two bags of heroin and a bag of fentanyl.
You know what? If you had done a bag of fentanyl, you'd be dead.
So I just put it down as an opiate.
Well, you better put four bags down then.
Alright, doesn't matter.
Just have a seat and fill that out, okay?
Under "last bag" you better put more than that.
When did we ever hear that Nik would say she's ready to go?
When did we ever hear her say it?
She must love me after all.
- Hey, Nani, how are you? - How you doin'?
- Alright.
Yeah, you doin' okay?
A little somewhat, yeah, mm-hmm.
What's the best way to help you, um...
I was thinking, um, more of so like do a detox
and then maybe start like an outpatient program.
- Right, so just... -Maybe like... I just... I just wanted to get off the heroin.
Like my main goal is to just get off with the dope.
I'm sick of bein' sick every six hours, every five hours.
- Yeah, I hear you. -Like if there was somethin' to detox me off the heroin
maybe like just even be on a low dosage of methadone.
- And then what can we... - Uh, ex... excuse me.
- Hi, Brenda. - - Hey, Daryl.
Why don't you come on down and come talk to us?
- I would much rather just talk on the phone. - Oh, oh.
Well, by... by... by all means, come on down.
- Okay. We will come down, no problem. Okay. - Alright. Alright. Bye-bye.
- Bye. -If I'm doin' what I have to do for the baby
while she's getting herself treatment,
it's... it's much different than her being in Camden,
running streets, hanging with a bunch of derelicts.
She needs some type of therapy on top of drug rehabilitation
to find herself, to forgive herself or let something go,
so that she could be normal.
I thought I'm a single dad and... and I'm not,
so we gotta get rid of the affliction, so she can be a mom and a wife.
Well, it's not up to me. She has to do it.
I'm hopeful, but based on our history, yeah, I can't be excited about it.
Oh, God, oh, it's so different.
I can't stand sniffing this shit.
It doesn't... it doesn't hit me right. It's like a waste.
- I'm gonna miss you. - I love you.
- Alright. - Alright, I'm leaving, so.
You know, see that shit?
Look at that shit, that's all from the fentanyl, you know?
That's why when I come out, I'm not touching that shit ever again, man.
I just wanna get back to normal, you know?
Look normal, look like my normal self.
Darnez, look, mommy... look, what mommy got?
Come on.
No.
Get up!
Oh, God!
There's tuna fish.
D... Darnez, give... Give me.
Stop it! Stop it. Stop!
Stop!
Stop! Mm.
- Mm. Good. - Good?
- Hi, Brenda. - -Hey, how are you?
- So how are you? Come on in. -Daryl, how are you doin'? Nice to meet you.
- Pleased to meet you. How's it goin'? - Good to meet you.
- Um, pretty good. - Baby, why don't you wait a second.
She says she's gonna check-in to hospital and do detox.
I said we have to get to why.
- See if she ever told truth to somebody... - Yeah, yeah.
She'll tell you how her... her dad died with a needle in his arm.
And I'm like, "Why would you wanna do somethin' like that?" That's a morbid thought.
- Thanks, babe. - Mm-hmm.
I... I wanna keep it as simple as possible with it, not so overwhelming, right.
You just came back and you... you wanna get on track, you know what I mean?
And what does that look like for you?
And I... and so I just share with you personally that, you know, that when I imploded, um,
it was a deep issue, and you know, I... you... you know,
married to my same husband for a lot... a whole lot of years,
but we went through a whole lot of stuff together.
So I'd like to help you where you are.
You got a family, you've got so much to offer.
You've still got your whole life in front of you, you know what I mean?
I wa... I was hurtin' here, right?
So I will put that Band-Aid on... right, I was a Band-Aider.
I would be that fake bullshit smile.
- Mm-hmm. -Right? And I'm gonna stick a Band-Aid
and I'm gonna keep running. I could be in so much pain on the inside, right?
But I wouldn't let anybody know that, right?
And then you pick the scab and you're bleedin' again, right?
What's gonna stop it, right?
9Maybe I'll go over here and this will stop it.
Maybe I'll go over there and that'll stop it.
Now, I don't know how I got stuck, but once I was stuck,
all bets are off and nothin' mattered to me.
So I get the reality, right?
But the bottom line was I just wasn't ready, right?
I know this is hard, I know.
'Cause we want it so much to help, right?
But I... I'm framin' it just lookin' at the people that I know loved me
when I was sittin' right there and thinkin' exactly...
- feelin' exactly like you feel right now. - Mm-hmm.
So I'm just saying... here's the thing.
You got nothin'... you had nothin' to lose
and everything to gain one day at a time, right?
It's gonna be... it's gonna be rough at some points, right?
- But... - Mm-hmm.
You know? And you don't gotta, you know...
I mean, listen, if I... if I thought I could get you out of here
- and take you far away, um... - Hmm.
I... I... I'm not... not gonna lie to you, I would do that,
because, uh, I know that people, places, and things sometimes are triggers...
- Yeah. -Um, being close enough to... to... to the turf is...
is not helpful. It was... it was challenging for me. I did relapse and some...
You know, I graduated, though.
I'm goin' home. I'm gonna start a new regime.
Like the trap is gonna change.
Put it like this, in three months, I can have a quarter of $1,000,000.
Get that shit away from me. I kicked that shit. I don't even want it.
I went away. That shit I ain't... I don't need that shit no more.
Don't get to tell me.
Glad to bring my boy back.
It's easy to say, "Yeah, I did this," it's easy to say, "Yeah, I did that."
Hard part is changin'.
My mind is like... like in a different zone, like, you know what I'm sayin'?
But I call the boat tonight and we out of here.
We... if we don't do this, man...
- I'll run... I come over here running for you. - Iman come running today.
- Well, what? You're not cool? -If we're not... I wanna cope, I wanna hard, nigga.
- When you wanna do it? - Well, I'mma call you tonight.
I'mma start... go home get... get your shit dressed, man. I gotta put my shit together.
Yeah, yeah, that's what you're gonna do.
8:00, it's goin' down.
I'mma keep goin'. And this time I mean it.
I don't give a fuck who in my way.
If I don't make it, I'm gonna die this year.
Here comes the "Nani Dance." She's getting... she's getting close to home.
You know, you have a beacon?
Back to your home planet, and you start coming alive?
- Yeah. - -No.
It's the demons and we're coming into the realm.
So now she's starting to transform.
- Isn't that right, Nan? -Baby, I'm in withdrawal at the moment.
Let's throw a light. It's close to midnight.
♪ Thriller ♪
Transforming. Who're you gonna call? Ghost Busters?
- And a 10. - Mm-hmm.
- Huh? - Yeah, baby.
Alright. Make it work.
Give me 5 more, so I can get at least two to do in the car.
I would like to get some dinner.
- Just 5 more, baby, please. - For what?
- Here. - Thanks.
What's up, son?
I mean, go... go outside and see if there are other houses
or somebody could hit a transformer.
Well, you go, and look, and see at the neigh...
go to the next-door neighbor, you look and say you... we're havin' a power outage.
That happens.
That... son, they don't... they don't do not know, uh... there is a date on the thing...
So they... they don't... they don't come out and... and... and... on a Sunday...
Saturday afternoon and do anything like that.
Alright, alright, son. Alright, son. Alright, later.
I told her to get much that was gonna keep her from bein' sick.
I say get more what you need, so then you can ration yourself, so because they're next.
But she can do... she can do...
I'm good, bro.
I'm good. I don't need it.
I said I don't need it.
- You put everything sec... uh... - Yeah.
- Everything secure? Okay. - Everything secure, yes.
Holy shit.
The fuckin' town is black.
This is nuts.
The end of the world.
- How many you takin'? -I want at least, you know, put a couple of those.
I'm not... I'm not... I'm not... I'm gettin'... we got a flashlight now.
Okay, great.
- Thank you, man. - Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna close the from the dark, man.
The demons are following me!
I don't wanna be on heroin anymore. Like I'm done.
I want to detox and then get my mind right.
Yeah, I'm gonna be alive for that little boy, you know?
He needs me.
- You love me? - Mm-hmm.
- Since when? - Nine years ago.
7:00 and we are supposed to be heading up to Paramus
to take Nani to detox,
but because Nani is not here, Nani is in the streets of Camden,
I have to make other arrangements for the baby.
So, everything what we planned and hoped for.
She's showin' that it's not her intentions whatsoever.
Now, I have to turn a running lead.
I did get my hopes up, I should have known better.
So, that dream is over.
I just want to move on.
And I am. I am movin' on.
Gonna look back one day and say, "This is when dad took me to Omaha."
Two thousand feet, we're currently in Omaha.
They have light winds out on the east
just a few scattered clouds and seventy-five degrees...
To me it was survival, it was all or nothing.
I came to a realization I can't change anybody else.
I had to wanna do somethin' different.
And so I left. Left everything.
Nani decided that she wasn't ready to change
and wasn't gonna give up her... her addiction.
My self-sacrifice for somebody else only tore me down, so no.
No, brother, I will not miss that shit at all.
I'm... I'm glad that part of my life is over.
Yeah, shoe, baby. You, shoe, baby. Oh, you walkin' nice.
You got daddy's shoes on.
Everything I've tried to do to find, um, peace and help did not work.
I realized that I was losin' myself.
I hope that one day that she comes to the realization that her past is a deadly one.
It is a happy ending.
Not a storybook ending, but the happy ending.
He didn't choose his mother, I did.
Oh.
I do believe that Darnez, uh, not seeing his mother has an effect on him.
He did bond with her. That was something that I tried to accomplish
with the hope that he can touch her heart.
I'll explain to him that she had a... a serious disease of addiction and it consumed her.
He never had the love of his mama.
How can he miss it?
♪ Maybe one day you'll wipe The dust off my face ♪
♪ And see me again ♪
♪ Give me that dazed look That I love ♪
♪ And make me remember when ♪
The A-Team.
- Ace boon coon. - Yeah.
♪ We were together With such joy ♪
♪ Exuding from us Like a fountain ♪
♪ Spilling between us At such a great pace ♪
♪ Like melting snow On a mountain ♪
♪ Now I have to sing something Louder than I have before ♪
♪ So I can escape This overwhelming pain ♪
♪ And never hurt no more ♪
♪ The seasons are changing And supposedly ♪
♪ I have to as well ♪
♪ My heart is pacing And I have to break ♪
♪ Free from your spell ♪
♪ Now I have to sing something Louder than I have before ♪
♪ So I can escape This overwhelming pain ♪
♪ And never hurt no more ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ I was lifted above ground Now I have been placed ♪
♪ Back down below ♪
♪ But love has that power To make you fly ♪
♪ When you've been feeling So low ♪
♪ Now I have to sing something Louder than I have before ♪
♪ So I can escape This overwhelming pain ♪
♪ And never hurt no more ♪
♪ Now I have to sing something Louder than I have before ♪
♪ So I can escape This overwhelming pain ♪
♪ And never hurt no more ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Ha ♪
♪ Please speak sweet to me ♪
♪ Oh, somber hearted Let no grief ♪
♪ Destroy the time We have to be ♪
♪ Close quiet and free ♪
♪ Please speak sweet to me ♪
♪ Oh, somber hearted Let no grief ♪
♪ Destroy the time We have to be ♪
♪ Close quiet and free ♪