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[water splashing] [birds chirping]
[Billie humming] [water splashing]
[voicemail beeps]
- [Agent] Hey, Billie.
Super stoked to read those first pages.
We're getting a little close, though.
It's been a minute, so let me know
when you have something to share.
[cellphone chiming]
[pills rattling]
[doorbell rings]
[voicemail beeps]
- [Karen] Hey, Bill, gimme a call when you get this.
Just tryin' to see what your weekend looks like.
You could always come here, see Lily for a change.
We'd love to have you.
[birds chirping]
[voicemail beeps]
- [Agent] Hey, Billie, just another friendly reminder
from your agent about that $50,000
you'll have to get back if we don't have pages soon.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Mm hm.
Just...
Just do it.
Just write it.
[doorbell rings]
[pills rattling]
[cellphone chiming]
Piece of shit.
[voicemail beeps]
- [Agent] Billie, if we don't have
a fuckin' book in two weeks we're screwed.
I know how you work, but I need your pages.
Just fuckin' sayin'.
[Billie exhales]
[dramatic music]
- [Narrator] Oh yeah.
[cellphone chiming] [upbeat music]
[TV chattering]
[hip hop music]
♪ I've been feelin' like I never had before ♪
♪ Like I can't take anymore ♪
♪ Like I'm takin' back control ♪
♪ Oo, oo ♪
♪ I've been feelin' like I never have before ♪
♪ Like I heard it all before ♪
♪ Like I'm gon' lit up the score on you ♪
♪ It could happen ♪
♪ I can tell now it could happen ♪
♪ We could turn it, we could turn it ♪
♪ We could turn it into somethin' good ♪
♪ We got the right to be ♪
♪ Right to be clear in focus ♪
♪ Got the right to be ♪
♪ Right to be in the moment ♪
[birds chirping]
[cellphone chiming]
[cellphone vibrating]
[Billie groans]
[cellphone vibrating]
[pensive music] [cellphone vibrating]
[Billie vomiting] [pensive music]
[cellphone vibrating] [pensive music]
[Billie panting] [cellphone vibrating]
[pensive music]
[pills rattling] [pensive music]
[toilet flushes]
[cork pops]
[Billie coughs]
♪ I'm not in love ♪
♪ Don't have the touch ♪
♪ Don't have the time to bend ♪
♪ Another little church boy's mind again ♪
♪ I'm not an angel ♪
♪ Mm hm ♪
♪ I'm not a Gabriel ♪
♪ Mm hm ♪
♪ I'm not a saint, a saint ♪
♪ Just someone who'll turn the page for ya ♪
♪ Mm hm ♪
♪ I'm not a trophy ♪
♪ A little Miss Bo Peep ♪
♪ I'm not a sweet treat ♪
♪ Jumpin' from my feet to my knees for ya ♪
♪ Knees for ya ♪
♪ I don't like picnics ♪
♪ But I like a little mischief ♪
♪ I like the kids who give a little ♪
♪ Bit of lip to the mistress ♪
[Patrick knocking]
[door creaks]
- Bill?
Holy shit.
Billie Bob, you home?
It is I, Patrick, here for some sick festivities!
Hello?
Billington!
[gentle music]
Bill?
[gentle music]
Oh my God, Billie!
Billie!
Bill, Bill, Bill!
Oh my, Bill, Bill!
Wake up! [Billie groaning]
- Get off of me!
- Oh, I'm so sorry. - Oh my God!
- I'm so sorry.
I thought...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Oh my God,
I'm taking a fucking nap. - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
I know.
- What are you doing here?
- Surprise [chuckles].
Surprise.
- [Billie] Wow.
- Yeah, happy birthday. - Oh.
- Happy birthday.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. - Okay?
[Billie exhales]
- I'm just, I'm just gonna take a couple seconds.
- You take some seconds. - And I'll be back.
[pensive music]
[Patrick exhales]
[pensive music]
[water gurgling] [pensive music]
- Hey, it's me.
Okay, look, I don't know where you are right now
but I don't know what to do, all right?
I don't think it was a good idea
to just show up here without telling her.
This is crazy.
I mean, look, I'm gonna need some help here
because I found her, she's not okay, all right?
And I can't do this.
Look, you better be in a cab.
- Look at what I found!
- Whoa [laughs]!
Awesome.
This room is crazy.
- Hm. - What's all this stuff?
- Oh, just classic dad replacement shit.
- Oh, okay.
- I'm kidding, I'm kidding. - Oh [laughs].
- No, it came fully furnished, so.
- Okay.
Nice.
- Mm hm [gasps], you want a cigar?
- [Patrick] No, I'm good.
- No?
Suit yourself.
[Billie inhales]
[Patrick sighs]
What's that?
- That is for you.
Happy birthday.
[Billie chuckles]
- Thank you.
- Can I not get another hug?
[Billie scoffs]
- Hug him.
- Okay, fuck it, let's open it. Come on.
- Wait, wait, wait!
Okay, wait, wait. - What?
- Can you get a boom? - Okay.
Um...
- What?
- [Patrick] Nothing, come on, are we ready?
- Okay. - All right.
One, two, three, go! [cork pops]
[Patrick laughs] [Billie laughs]
Awesome.
- Okay, thank you.
- Fuck!
Pat? - Hm?
- My face.
- Tried to tell you [exhales].
[liquid splashing]
[water splashing] [gentle music]
[doorbell rings]
[Patrick laughs]
Ta da!
[Priya squeals]
- Hi [laughs]!
- We're drowning in here.
- Oh.
My God, what the hell are you wearing?
- What?
- Jesus, what is this place?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. - Ah!
It's so good to see you. - Oh, it is.
- Oh my God, where's, where's Kelly?
Kelly?
- She couldn't make it 'cause of work.
- Oh, bummer.
Well, I will be damned if this weekend is not fun.
I only get like three days off a year.
- Three?
Yeah, that's not legal.
You should know that. - Well, I like to take three.
- Okay. - Where is she?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Oh, look at you!
Look at this place [laughs]!
Oh my God!
Man, writer's life looks good on you.
Guys, gang is all back together!
Oh, hey.
- Hey. - Oh.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Patrick. - Nice to meet you.
- [Patrick] Yeah.
- What, I thought you guys met?
- [Patrick and River] No.
- No?
- Hey. - What's up?
- Happy birthday, Billie.
Nice to see you.
- Yes!
Okay, welcome to the birthday...
- Weekend. - Surprise weekend!
- Woo!
[gentle music] [water splashing]
[Billie exhales]
Your message was so dramatic.
- Okay, but I mean, this big house aside, though.
Don't you think? - Yeah?
- Yeah.
- So?
- So, so...
- So that's why we're here isn't it?
- Mm hm. - God, just act normal.
You're making me anxious.
What is Kelly feeding you these days?
- What?
I'm normal, you act normal.
- This is so disgusting.
Oh my God.
I can't.
[Billie panting] [pensive music]
[objects rustling] [pensive music]
- Oh, fuck.
[Billie inhales]
[Billie exhales]
[solemn music]
I really, I really appreciate this...
I really, I think this weekend, great idea.
Great, great, great, great, great, yeah.
I really, I think this has been...
I think maybe...
You shit hole.
Just fuck off.
[Billie sighs]
- There's a million condiments in here.
Not a fucking thing to put them on.
You'd think she could afford some fucking food.
- [Patrick] Birthday girl!
- You eat anything other than Chinese food?
- Oh!
Did you drink all this?
- No.
- [Priya] Did you go to the store to buy that one pineapple?
- No, I ordered it.
- What do you mean you ordered it?
- Like on app, I ordered it.
- Just the one pineapple?
- What?
I was craving pineapple.
- Okay.
[engine rumbling] [upbeat music]
♪ You steppin' on my toes ♪
♪ You trippin' at my feet ♪
♪ Coordinate with ground control ♪
♪ Spill our brains into the streets ♪
♪ Anxiety grows ♪
♪ This shame was deplete ♪
♪ The ski mosquito ♪
♪ Keeps you scratchin' for my leave ♪
♪ Why'd you have to go and put me out ♪
♪ 'Cause we had the magic ♪
♪ Then we made a big fuss ♪
♪ So we lost the magic ♪
♪ Tragic, oh ♪
Haven't you learned that you can't eat cereal
for every meal yet?
- Haven't you learned that being
a vegan doesn't erase all the party drugs you've done?
[Billie gasps]
Hey, whoa!
You're gonna squish all the chips.
- Good.
[engines rumbling]
- [Billie] Okay, love you, bye.
- Yeah, thanks, Billie.
[engines rumbling]
[cellphone chimes]
[cart rattling]
Pat, what the hell?
You bought enough booze for a small army.
- It's not. [Billie laughs]
What?
- Why did you buy so much booze?
She's not even supposed to be drinking.
- Why not?
You said, you said we were supposed to act normal, 'kay?
This is normal for Billie.
[engine rumbling]
- [Priya] That's like the opposite purpose of a shake.
- You can make the whole meal outta chips, though.
Like if you do to put... - What?
- Like an appetizer chip.
- Yeah, but what about - I eat chips everyday.
- Like the health... - What do you mean?
- Happy birthday! - Holy shit!
- [Priya] Oh my gosh!
- Christ, Karen!
- I thought I would do a little, you know [chuckles]?
- Hi. - Hey [chuckles].
- A little warning might've been nice.
- Are you okay? - A little warning?
I'm pretty sure that's literally
the opposite of a surprise.
- Double surprise.
- Where's the kid?
- Oh, she's with Mom.
- Oh God, she's not coming is she?
- No.
- Thank fuck for that at least.
[Karen sighs]
- Thanks for getting all these.
- [Priya] Yeah, no problem.
- Sorry [laughs]. - It's okay.
[Priya sighs]
[Priya groans]
I just, I don't even feel like I know who she is anymore.
- I don't know.
Maybe she doesn't really know who she is anymore.
[gentle music]
[Priya sighs]
[Patrick sighs]
[cellphone chiming] [water splashing]
[solemn music]
[Karen sighs]
[solemn music]
[books thuds]
[solemn music]
[Karen sighs]
- Okay, is everyone ready for our walk?
What are we looking at?
- That fucking phone.
You know what?
I'm done.
- [Patrick] What are you doing, Priya?
- [Karen] Oh! Oh, no, no, no, - Hey!
- [Karen] I wouldn't say anything.
- We're gonna go for a walk, you wanna come?
- Yeah, sounds good.
- Okay, great, let's go.
- What are you doing? - Let's go.
Oh, oh, she moves. - Priya!
- Really? - Stop it.
- Look at those blue eyes.
I haven't seen them all day. - Priya, give it back.
- You can't live a second
without this thing? - Give it back.
- Oh, is this what you want? - Give me the phone.
[Billie screams] [Priya screams]
[water splashing]
- Oh my God!
Fucking idiot!
- I got it, I got it!
- You've gotta - My God,
- be fucking kidding me. - You were supposed to...
Billie!
[Priya sighs]
- Smooth move, Sensei.
[water splashing]
- Wait.
So fuckin' stupid.
[water splashing]
[Karen chuckles]
- Wow, that is pretty cool.
Okay, okay, I love you.
I love you so much [kissing].
Miss you.
Mom, it is so late.
Why is she still up?
Oh no, she's gonna be completely thrown off tomorrow,
just you wait.
I know, I know and I appreciate it, I do.
It's going pretty well I think.
As well as could be expected I guess.
Okay.
Yep, I'll keep you posted.
Love you, too.
[Karen exhales]
[kettle whistling]
- Babe, hot water.
- I've been thinking.
- Oh, have you? - Mm hm.
- So dangerous. - I know.
[Priya chuckles] [River chuckles]
- What have you been thinking about?
- I've been thinking that we should get lost.
- You brought mushrooms?
- Yeah, I thought we could do some bonding.
- Babe, this is extremely inappropriate.
- Why?
What?
Hey.
- Hey.
You want some tea?
Or milk?
Water?
Bill, listen, I'm...
- I believe the word you're looking for is sorry.
- Put that shit away.
[River gasps]
[gentle music]
[Billie sighs]
[gentle music]
[birds chirping]
[Billie groans]
[upbeat music]
[Karen sighs]
- Hey. - Eggs, I'm makin' eggs.
Everyone likes eggs, right?
- [Patrick] I do.
- Okay. - How'd you sleep?
- How should I make them?
Poached, scrambled, sunny side up, frittata?
- Poached easy? - Not really.
- Whatever's easy.
- No, whatever's special.
Whatever makes her feel special today.
Okay, I'm doin' poached.
Let's just hope she doesn't sleep in and miss all the eggs.
[Priya exhales]
- Hey.
Bellini?
Anyone, Bellini? - Hey.
- I'm gonna make one 'cause I...
- Good morning.
- Oo, early.
- Morning!
- I'm makin' eggs!
- Thrilling.
[water splashing]
- Oh, I'm vegan.
Just for future reference.
[Billie chuckles]
- I love eggs.
[water splashing]
[Priya screaming]
- Are you kidding me? - There's some snacks
over here.
- I can't reach. - Kelly doesn't mind that?
- [Patrick] This is a totally normal amount of chest pecs.
[all chuckling]
[Karen speaking in foreign language]
- Oh, Mom says hi by the way.
- Mm, yeah, I bet she does.
- So, how are you?
- I mean, yeah, I can't complain can I?
- Livin' the dream out here. - Hm.
- And your writing's going well?
- [Billie] Fuck yeah, yeah.
- And you're like takin' your meds and all that?
Oh my God.
You are so disgusting.
- It's good when you put the whole thing in your mouth.
- Was it good?
- Yeah.
- Mm.
That's pretty good. - Oh,
you're full of yourself aren't ya?
[Karen chuckles]
- [Karen] I made eggs.
[crickets chirping]
♪ You can buy my company ♪
- [Patrick] Cocktail of the hour is going to be a martini,
dry.
Extra olives.
♪ First thing, I let you down ♪
♪ When you bad that I got you ♪
- [Priya] I like these [laughs].
♪ Can you not make a sound ♪
- Oh my God, you have to see [speaking faintly].
- [Karen] It's so good.
- Damn girl! - Right?
- [Priya] Woo!
♪ But I get so jealous of ♪
♪ The way that they look ♪
♪ The way that they walk ♪
♪ And not what I have ♪
- Hey, you good? ♪ And I can force you to allow ♪
♪ What I promise you ♪
Bill, you good?
- Yeah, oh yeah.
Yeah.
- Genuinely, can you imagine being raided on that shit?
- They are not raiding, they're citizens.
- You guys need me to do anything?
- Yeah, you can chop that.
- Do you mind?
- They are?
It's literally called a social credit system.
- Oh, yeah.
Karen, you should totally move to China.
I think single mom would rank really high in that system.
- Ha ha, Billie.
Very funny tonight.
[gentle guitar music] [steak sizzling]
- When Priya asked me to come
to this surprise birthday party
this wasn't exactly what I was expecting.
[steak sizzling]
- I won't lie to you. I have no idea what we're doing.
I wish we could go back, you know?
Or rewind or restart.
- Yeah.
We all have our toolbox.
- I don't know what that means.
- We all have our coping mechanisms.
To fight the depression.
- You think she's depressed?
- Don't you?
[steak sizzling]
- So, so, what's my tool?
- I don't know.
I don't know you that well.
- What's your first impression?
- Okay.
Well, I think you're really nice,
and I think you make Billie feel really safe.
Maybe you enable her a little bit.
- Enable.
That's kinda shitty.
- And it is like a continuing ongoing cycle.
Like, can we not find a way
to sustain ourselves without eating meat?
- Priya, stop tryin' to recruit my sister to the dark side.
- You good with those veggies or?
- Yeah. - Good.
Killin' it [laughs].
Great.
- [Patrick] And what's yours?
- [River] My tool?
- [Patrick] Mm hm.
- I use psychedelics to get to the core
of what's really going on.
I like to face my demons.
Look 'em straight in the eye.
[Patrick chuckles]
- Okay.
Why?
- Because I was depressed.
- Wow.
- Yeah, I was completely different person
from who I am now.
I was paranoid, frightened, delusional.
I locked myself away in my house for months,
and my mom got so scared she came
to check on me and I was cruel to her.
It was like I completely dissociated
from anything or anyone that loved me.
- So, you went and you took drugs to try to get past that?
- No, I went and I took psychedelics
to try and dislodge that idea from
my head that the world was out to get me
and that there was no hope.
The first time I did mushrooms,
I was staring at this spider in its web
and it was like I understood the universe
in its entirety in that moment, you know?
It's hard to explain [laughs].
- [Karen] Hey, are those steaks almost ready?
- [Patrick] Yep, comin' right up.
- Perfect.
[steaks sizzling]
Okay, are you good with those veggies?
I could just do the rest really quick
if you want? - Jesus, Karen.
You know what?
I'm gonna go set the table and you can come redo
it in five minutes, okay? [fingers snapping]
How's that sound?
Great.
- Yeah, these are kind of a thick, messed up cut.
- Right?
[Karen sighs]
[gentle music] [all chattering]
- [Priya] Just don't crazy.
- [Karen] Oh, you have a match, great.
- [Billie] Do you want these on the table?
♪ Whole other world ♪
- [Karen] Do you want some peppers?
♪ Dream of sky ♪
♪ Drink a lot ♪
And I'll take some of the [speaking faintly] as well.
- Salad? - Yes, please.
♪ Fallen like divine intervention ♪
- Would you like some salad? - Bill, could you
get a corkscrew?
- Yeah, are you sure you trust me with one of those?
- Do you want some salad? - Yeah.
- Do you want some rice? - Yes, thank you.
♪ It's our favorite, baby ♪
♪ Grab hold, it's so easy ♪ - I just don't see the point.
They say the Earth is gonna be gone,
like explode in 50 years. - Not explode,
more like be swallowed by the sun.
- So uplifting.
- That is no reason to not have kids.
I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty
that having kids is the most in love you will ever be.
- Oh, yeah sometimes you're so in love
you just walk out in the middle of the night.
It's great.
- Billie... - Wait, are you telling
me that Kelly doesn't wanna have kids?
'Cause that is not a thing.
- We've yet to talk about that.
- Thank you.
Well, it's not easy I'll tell ya that.
I did not think I would be
a single mother with a toddler but somehow it's worth it.
- Yeah.
You're really takin' that becomin'
a mom thing to the next level, hey?
The whole sans dad life.
- Sans dad?
Is that French? - Mm.
- Mm, okay.
Just to be like super clear,
how long are we gonna harp on my love life?
- Mm, until it's not fun to harp on anymore.
- Oh, okay.
- How many kids do you have?
- One, Lily.
- Oh my gosh, that's such a beautiful name.
I love that name.
- Whoa, slow your ovaries babe.
[all chuckling]
- How old is she now?
- Maybe you would know if you sent her a birthday card,
and then added them all up.
Or if you came and visited us [chuckles] ever.
[Billie chuckles] [Karen laughing]
Mm, what's up with you, Priya?
Or both of you.
How's... - Santa Fe?
- Santa Fe. - Yeah, soon.
We're going on a spiritual tour in my home van.
- Oh, are we?
- Well, I mean, I'm going.
I'm trying to convince Priya to take
some time off and join me but...
[Patrick laughs] [River chuckles]
- Good luck.
- [River] It's a daily grind.
- It is hard to find time to take time off.
- Very. - So hard when
- Mm hm, tell me about it. - You work for yourself
and make your own schedule.
It's so hard.
- It's really nice to see you unwind, though, this weekend.
- What?
I'm not wound.
- Oh, no? - No.
- Okay.
- [Patrick] What's that thing you used to do?
- The what? - With the coke?
- Oh my God! - What?
- The coke in the abs. - No!
- What? - Yes.
- What? - No.
- Yes, okay. - Yeah, what was it called?
What's it called? - No.
- Say it. - What's the name of it?
- No one cares. - What was it called?
What was it called?
- Say it.
- Donatella.
[all laughing]
- Oh my God, babe. - Ew, why is it called that?
- So that the models,
their noses wouldn't run on the runway.
- What? - Yes.
- Classy. - Oh my God.
- Wow, that is so gross. - Babe, so classy.
- Oh my God, you were such a mess.
- Yeah, well it was another time, another life.
- Oh, yeah.
God, look at you now.
Rubbin' knots outta athletes asses all day.
Tell us, is the massage therapy,
like clean living life as fulfilling as it sounds?
- You know, I read your book.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, front to back. - Oh.
- [Patrick] I thought it was really good.
- You read it?
- Yeah.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- How's the second one coming?
- Did you read my book?
- Of course I read your book.
- How come nobody told me they read my book?
- I didn't read your book.
- That's okay.
- It must be really hard, hey?
Trying to follow up that fucking thing.
- Yeah.
- [Karen] Yeah.
- [Priya] You know what you should write is a mystery novel.
- Yeah, a mystery.
- It was kind of a mystery wasn't it?
- Oh, my friend is married to a detective.
- Yeah, and those things are always
like high on the best sellers lists, right?
- So was mine.
- I think all she's saying is
you could take a break from writing about your own life.
- I mean, it was a fictional book.
[Karen laughs]
- Okay [laughs].
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, is that what you got from the book?
- You call it a fiction?
- Yes.
- Okay, well I guess that's one way
of getting away with slandering your own family.
- I'm just saying, it was just
a little close to home. - Slandering?
- Yeah, you kinda made us all sound terrible.
- Well, it wasn't you, so.
- Oh, right.
I always, fiction, non fiction, fiction, not.
It's like, which one's which?
- Did you think I was slandering my family?
- Me?
Why is this directed at me?
I'm sorry, I didn't think it was,
I mean, it's not a secret, right?
The book is about your dad?
- Right [laughs]?
- What did you think?
- Well, wasn't it about your dad?
- Wow, cool.
Yeah, I mean, come on.
Go on, tell me. - Well, it was a good book.
- Well, now you can focus
on new things with this second book.
- Yeah, and I'm not saying that it was bad.
- No, right of course.
Yeah, you know what?
This has been really great.
Maybe tomorrow at lunch we can talk
about Priya's failed career as an athlete
or Patrick's titillating life in finance.
[Karen sighs]
- Classic, classic [chuckles].
- I read that 80% of women cannot reach orgasm
through vaginal penetration alone.
Isn't that tragic?
- I'll be right back.
[water gurgling] [pensive music]
Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah, I was just goin' to the bathroom.
- Okay, well you know that that was super harsh out there?
[Billie scoffs]
Hey, Bill, it wasn't easy for any of us.
[Billie smirks]
- What wasn't?
- The book.
What you wrote about us in the book.
It wasn't just you.
You made us all sound like we didn't care about you.
- Maybe you didn't.
[Karen laughs]
- Please just tell me what to do,
just tell me what to do and I'll do it. I wanna help you.
- Don't you think if I knew what
to do I would've fucking done it by now, Karen?
If it was that easy I wouldn't fucking be here.
- [Karen] I just want you to be happy.
- Wow.
[Billie laughs]
You know what?
I really do see it now, the similarities.
I do.
- What similarities?
- The sister in the book.
So fuckin' judging.
You and Mom both.
You know what?
Maybe if you hadn't been so shitty,
Dad wouldn't have felt the need to leave.
- That's what you think happened [exhales].
You've got it so wrong and you don't even know it.
[Billie scoffs]
[upbeat music]
♪ Now you're walkin' ♪
♪ You're walkin' over ♪
♪ And I can hardly breathe ♪
♪ My heart is racin' ♪
♪ As if I'm pacin' ♪
♪ But I can't hardly speak ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I just got so dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause my head got so heavy, heavy ♪
- Baby, I want a pizza.
- What? ♪ And I can't even see straight ♪
♪ When you look at me like this ♪
♪ Me like this ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I just got so dizzy, dizzy, dizzy ♪
♪ I can't explain ♪
♪ You walked out of a scene from a memory ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Now every face is only fillin' space ♪
♪ And pulling you to me ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now your hands are coming closer ♪
♪ And I can hardly breathe ♪
♪ And though your lips are movin' slower ♪
♪ Say my name to me ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I just got so dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause my head got so heavy, heavy ♪
- [River] Just follow your impulses.
- My impulse is audience, remember?
- [River] Come on.
Come with me.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I just got so dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ Nothin' more ♪
♪ Before your touch ♪
♪ The world stood still without your love ♪
♪ A simple look ♪
♪ It's such a rush ♪
♪ Such a rush ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I just got so dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause my head got so heavy ♪
- [River] Oh, is she okay?
Oo yeah, baby.
♪ 'Cause I just got so dizzy, dizzy, dizzy, dizzy ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And now you're feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause my head got so heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy ♪
♪ And I can't even see straight ♪
♪ When you look at me like this ♪
♪ Oh, me like this ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ And are you feelin' all right ♪
♪ 'Cause I just got so dizzy, dizzy, dizzy ♪
- Oh!
Oh.
♪ Oh ♪
Woo [laughs].
[Billie sighs]
[Billie laughs]
[singer vocalizing] [gentle music]
- May I have this dance? - Oh.
Oh, Madame [laughs].
[singer vocalizing] [gentle music]
I used to love dancing.
- [River] Used to?
- Yeah, I mean [chuckles],
you dance in your own mirror.
♪ Hopin' I'd learn somethin' new ♪
♪ I give it my all ♪
♪ I offer my best ♪
- [Patrick] Yo.
- Hey.
I don't usually smoke.
I stole this one.
- I'm judging you. - Hm.
Good, smoking is bad [chuckles].
- Can I join you?
- Sure.
God, I'm sorry.
I'm not usually so [sighs].
- Yeah, I don't think any of us are.
- I'm usually kinda fun actually.
It's just that she is so [groans].
[Patrick chuckles]
She's great.
Billie is great.
I mean, how did she go through her life not realizing
how many times she puts herself first?
It's crazy.
She just says what she wants,
does what she wants, no thought [chuckles].
It's always been the Billie show.
Seriously, she just goes to jump off
a bridge and I am right there to grab for her shirt.
Fuck.
Just keep fuckin' falling in every fuckin' time.
It's so stupid.
- You're trying.
That's what matters.
- Is it [chuckles]?
Look at me, bein' the cool sister.
Tryin' to make her happy, get all you guys down here,
have a little chat, play some boardgames [laughs].
- Yeah.
- [Karen] Then she'll be happy.
Stupid.
- Hey, it's not stupid, okay?
[Karen sighs]
It's not stupid to be there for someone.
- My God, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I keep complaining.
It's so boring.
- I don't mind. - Mm.
- I don't mind at all.
- What?
- I think you're so beautiful.
- Oh my God. [Patrick laughs]
- Oh man.
I'm sorry.
I, I, it's inappropriate. - Yeah.
- Yeah, awkward.
- Yes, yeah.
Okay, just stop talking about it.
- I used to think you were so cool.
- Used to?
[Patrick chuckles]
- I mean, when I met you.
I was so young and you were always
so sure of yourself and...
And so cool and intelligent.
Like the beautiful senior.
- That's very sweet.
- Oh, oh, ow.
That hurts.
[Karen chuckles]
- That's what people say when
you offer them a drink and then they're like,
"I'm so not interested
"but I'll take the drink. - No, no!
- "I'll still take the drink."
- That is not what I meant.
- Okay.
- So why didn't Kelly come down with you?
[crickets chirping] [Patrick sighing]
- We're getting a divorce.
[crickets chirping]
- And then that security guard?
I was the one that was like, "Excuse me,
"can you turn around so I can grab
"my clothes?" - No!
Oh my God.
- Isn't that the worst?
- Oh my God.
- Terrible.
Fuckin' terrible. - Oh!
That, fuck, that summer was good.
- Fuck.
- What?
- I'm drunk.
[Priya laughs] [Billie laughs]
Oh man.
- That like, I feel like that was forever ago.
Was it?
- Things change so fast.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
- [Billie] Hm?
- I mean, I'm sorry about a lotta things but...
- I'm sorry, you're what?
- I'm sorry.
- Oh.
- I mean... - That's okay.
It's not your fault I can't write.
- Oh, I was talking about your phone.
- Yeah, you did fuck that up.
- Bill, look around you, man.
There are so many people who love you so much.
That is what matters.
[Billie blows raspberry]
- [Billie] Mm hm.
- Fuck your book. - Mm.
Yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah, I really wish
it was that simple.
- I mean, come on.
Not only do you have like a gross amount of fans,
but you clearly have a very strong support system.
River, was the only person who was there for me,
and that is what is important, you know?
Who cares about everything else.
- What if the only person who I want
to show up is never coming?
- You don't get it!
You don't get it.
This is what matters, okay?
There are so many people who love you so much.
Your sister, your sister loves you so much, okay?
When she called us and she said
that we have to come down here because you needed our help,
we were all there in an instant.
We're gonna go... - Wait, Karen called you?
- Yes, she called us and she said
that it was your birthday and that we should come here.
- [Billie] She said that I needed help?
- Yeah, no, fuck.
Patrick and I were... - Karen called you
and said I needed help?
- No, she didn't say that you needed help.
She just said that we should
be here for you because it's your birthday
and I said, "Of course."
I mean, she said that... - Okay, yeah.
I'm just gonna go and smoke.
- That shit's gonna kill you.
[gentle music]
Oh fuck, the cake.
[crickets chirping]
[Karen moaning] [Patrick moaning]
- Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me.
- No. - No, no, no, no.
- It's just birthday candles. - Just go with five. Oh!
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Now make a wish.
- I wish this whole fucking weekend would go away.
- Billie.
- Hey, I'll cut it.
- Billie, can we please just talk about this?
- You know what?
I always like cake after a good fuck.
- Billie, can we please - What?
- Just talk about - Ew.
- this in private?
- In private?
Oh, why?
So you can preserve your perfectly fucking crafted facade?
This like, I give a fuck, superhero, fucking sister vibe
you've got goin' on. - What?
- God, Billie! - Okay.
That's a little...
- A little what?
Did, I'm, I'm sorry. Did you come here to help me
because you did you think fucking
my sister was gonna do the trick?
Or is that why you came?
Because it sure seems like nobody actually wants to be here.
- Actually, we all came here to help, so.
- Kelly left me, okay? - Oh!
What? - Yeah.
- Where are you fucking going?
- Home. - Do you think I'm a child?
[Karen laughs]
Because you sure do treat me like one.
- Okay, what if everyone just took a step back?
Just took... - Oh!
You know what?
Maybe, maybe I am [laughs]!
- Billie, calm the fuck down.
Billie, oh my!
Will you just calm down? - Oh, yeah.
Oh my God,
is this what you want? - You're gross.
You look like you've got everything super under control.
- Oh and you do?
Living in your two bedroom fucking apartment
at your dead end job taking care of your oopsie baby
that you didn't even fucking want?
Isn't this what you wanted, Karen?
Get everyone together?
Oh, rally the troops!
Oh my God!
Get to be the hero again?
You know, you're fucking stifling.
You know that?
How you gonna fix me, huh, Karen,
when you can't even be happy in your own fucking sad life?
- You know what?
I'm gonna stop trying 'cause clearly
you have got it all together.
- Oh yeah?
Okay, yep, you can go.
Everyone can go.
That's fine.
We good.
We're fine, yep.
Because the last thing I wanted was this fucking pity party.
- Pity party?
Wow!
Okay.
Okay, Bill, you want the truth?
You wanna be treated like a big old adult?
[Karen chuckles]
Then stop living in this fucking fantasy
you've created for yourself.
These stories you have written about Dad,
it's all a fucking lie, okay?
It was a lie I told you as a kid
so that you wouldn't get sad, okay?
I tried to protect you.
Sad Billie, she gets so sad.
He hurt me, Bill, and he hurt Mom, too,
and he's not coming back, thank fucking God, and guess what?
He's not gonna read your stupid book, okay?
- Fuck you.
- Who are you?
Who is this person?
This cruel fuckin' person?
I miss my sister.
I need help too, sometimes, you know?
I need someone to call when I'm having
a bad day or I have a bad date
or my kid is crying so hard
and I don't wanna drop her off at preschool.
[Karen laughs]
I wanna shove cake in my face
when I'm feeling sad but that's
not how it works for me, okay?
- Why is this about me?
This is ridiculous!
You are all hypocrites.
- None of us are threatening suicide online.
- Oh.
Mm.
Okay.
Hm, you think I'm fucked up?
You think I'm so fucked up don't you?
You want me to be fucked up.
Everyone can just rest easy tonight.
I got just the thing, okay?
Right here.
Yep, right here.
Okay?
Let's go. - That's really not
how it works.
- There she goes. - That's a lot.
- You are so fucking selfish! - You know what, hm?
You are.
Because this whole fucking thing, it was for you.
Mm hm.
Yeah, just so that you could say
that you tried one more time, you know?
- Stop!
Stop, Bill.
- Would you have even come here if she hadn't asked you to?
Would you?
Hm?
Would anybody have come here?
Because here I am, just thinkin',
"Wow, maybe I do have people."
And then fuck!
Why don't you try fixing your own shit
before you swoop in on mine, huh?
- [Patrick] Okay.
- What? - Oh, Jesus.
Okay, it's really not good to do when you're this mad.
- I'm here for you.
- Do you have any idea - Oh my God!
- What you guys are doing? - You see?
- [River] Oh!
- Priya! - Oh my God.
- [Billie] Oh.
[River laughs]
- Oh my God.
- None of you guys come cryin' to me tonight.
[door slams]
- Fuck.
- Okay, that was a lot.
You guys just did like heroic doses.
- What the fuck is that?
- This is sage, it's an energy cleanser.
Billie, as much as I love your impromptu rage eating
of mushrooms this definitely calls
for some positive space so I'm just clearing your aura,
clearing your energy.
- Yeah, I thought we were just gettin' high.
[River chuckles]
Did you bring that here with you?
- [River] Yeah.
I travel with all my sage and crystals.
- Mm, great.
- [River] For protection.
So, I think we have a lot to explore on this journey.
- [Billie] Journey?
- Mm hm.
And a lot will come up and I just wanna let
you know what we're doing here now is creating a safe space.
We're creating a safe container for anything
that comes up to come up.
It's allowed.
Anything you feel is allowed here.
There's no judgment.
This isn't exactly the mood that I would
want to regularly do a journey in but that's okay
because we're gonna roll with the punches.
We're gonna roll with whatever happens.
So I want everyone to take a deep breath in.
[all inhaling]
Good and out.
[all exhaling]
Good.
This is about opening the doors
to your subconscious and letting
the deepest and most wise parts
of you bubble up to the surface.
The medicine will not give you anything
more than you can handle.
You are the co-creator of your experience
hand in hand with the sacred mushroom.
I'll be here as your guide should you go too far.
I'll bring you right back to Earth.
And the last thing I wanna say to you
is that your biggest fear has already happened,
and you've survived.
- That's intense.
- It's the expansion of your mind.
If that's intense then yes, it is.
- What now?
- [River] Now we wait.
[fire crackling]
[River singing in foreign language]
- Mm, I don't think I get this timing thing.
I feel like it's been an hour.
- Yeah.
I wanna see some shit, you know?
- Patience.
It's about the journey not the destination.
- I guess the light does look really cool.
I don't know, maybe it always looks like that.
[all laughing]
- Last time I did mushrooms I shat my pants for 30 minutes.
I should change my pants.
- Oh, wow.
- It's like a filter.
- Why don't we all close our eyes and listen to this music?
- Okay.
[gentle music]
[Karen sighs]
[gentle music]
[air whooshing]
[psychedelic music]
- Okay.
[Patrick gasps]
- I'm gonna take a shower.
- Is that code for take a shit?
- We'll see.
[psychedelic music]
- Wait.
I think I need you.
[psychedelic music]
- [Patrick] What are you doing?
- What are you wearing? - What?
- [Billie] The diaper.
[all laughing]
- [Patrick] I'm gonna shower inside your shower, yours.
- Cool.
- [Patrick] Okay.
[Billie gasps]
- That's a good shower.
[Priya coughing]
[psychedelic music]
[water splashing]
[Patrick groans]
- [Kelly] Patrick?
- Fuck!
[gentle music]
What are you doing here?
- [Kelly] What are you doing here [voice echoing]?
[Patrick gasps]
- What?
- You're always pussy footing around.
- Pussy footing?
- So many couches.
That makes sense.
[psychedelic music]
Why do we need these?
[psychedelic music]
- [Karen] I just want you to be happy.
[psychedelic music]
- I'm okay.
Fuck!
I don't know what to say to you.
- What about me?
- What do I say?
I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry.
I, I don't wanna hurt anybody.
I just miss doing things for me.
- What is this?
- These aren't yours to open.
- What is this?
- Oh, it's someone else, hey?
- That is not true because I did everything for you.
Okay?
I put you first all the time.
- [Billie] You're the worst friend
in the whole fucking world.
- You drove me to cheat on you.
- You just slept with me to feel something.
- No, no.
Stop!
Get out!
- [Karen] That was super hard out there.
- Why do we need all this stuff?
[objects clattering]
- Okay. - Oh God,
my heart is pounding.
Oh my God.
No, I'm having a heart attack.
- [Karen] That's what you think happened.
You've got it so wrong and you don't even know it.
[Priya screaming]
[Priya gasping]
- Hey, come and sit, come and sit.
Shh.
Good.
Look.
Look up.
[gentle music] [Priya laughing]
[singer vocalizing]
We're all just star dust.
- You're fucking star dust.
[water splashing] [singer vocalizing]
[cellphone chiming] [water splashing]
- [Karen] He's not coming back, thank fucking God.
And guess what?
He's not gonna read your stupid book, okay?
Stop living in this fucking fantasy
you've created for yourself.
[pensive music]
Sad Billie, she gets so sad.
[dramatic music]
[Billie gasping] [water splashing]
[gentle music] [birds chirping]
[singer vocalizing] [mellow music]
[birds chirping]
[Priya panting]
[gentle music]
- I thought we were going for a walk not peaking a mountain.
- Summit.
- What?
- Summing a mountain.
- Good, nice.
Hey, I got a promotion at work.
- Awesome.
- Can I get some water?
- Yeah, we're really close to the next lookout.
I'll just bust it out then.
- Yeah, I can see that the thought
of me perishing in the desert really bothers you.
- My God, so dramatic.
- Yeah, you're really having a lot of fun
on this walk with us, huh? - Oh my God.
[bottle clattering]
- When did you get so fucking callous?
- Excuse me?
- Look, can't we like, walk together?
And like, talk, you know?
Bill, Bill, look, I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry.
I've had a really fucked up few months
and I just needed some time
to like find myself to be good with myself.
- You know what?
You're forgiven.
- Oh, come on, why'd you come if you didn't wanna talk?
- No, I thought we were comin' out here
for the fucking view, Patrick.
- Want some?
[water splashing]
- You've gotta be kidding me.
That was for everybody.
- What the fuck is going on with you?
Seriously, I thought we were having fun this weekend.
I thought you came here because you wanted to be here.
- Why does everybody keep saying that to me?
I am right here. - What's the matter?
- This is not you, okay?
I don't know what the fuck is going on with you.
You used to care about what was going
on with me more than anyone else.
You said that I was lucky to have a friend,
a best friend who was a girl because men
can't talk through their feelings.
- Yeah, well that's problematic.
- Can you stop making fucking jokes?
- Okay, you, we talk, you got married.
I don't know. - Yeah, I got married
and then I got divorced
and you didn't even know about it, Bill.
Why did you post that photo?
- What photo?
- You know what photo. - Pat.
- I don't know. - Please,
be fuckin' real for once.
Why did you post that photo?
- [Billie] What do you want me to say?
- The truth! - Why'd you fuck my sister?
Why don't we
just skirt around that? - That is not
what we're talking about here. - I don't remember!
I don't remember, okay?
I blacked out, I blacked out.
I've just been, I've been blackin' out
a lot lately and it's just like,
it's just like really, it's really hazy, you know?
And I don't know what's happening in my head.
I just, I don't know.
I just like, I just, I can't, I can't figure it out.
I'm just like in there and I,
you didn't call and you didn't call and nobody called.
Nobody picked up the phone and I didn't pick up
the phone because, because I don't know how,
and I just think I have no idea
what I'm doing with my fucking life.
I don't know and I'm just like, I'm just, I don't know.
I'm like in my head all the time just like,
doing fucking circles you know?
And I don't, I don't think I've
ever been this lonely in my whole life.
Ah, that fucking book.
I haven't written a fucking word of it.
Not one word.
Not a single word.
It's like I'm living in this nightmare
I used to have where I would dive
into a pool and then when I'd try
to swim to the surface I'd just like,
it doesn't matter how hard I swim, I can't make it.
I just can't.
And it just feels like not even my best friends care.
That's what it feels like.
- What? No, that's not... - And you,
you have been judging me since
the second you walked in through that door.
- You know what? - What?
- I wish for a second that
you could see yourself through our eyes.
I didn't know you were so sad, man, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, and neither did I.
- Did you pour out all the water?
- Yeah.
[all laughing]
- [Priya] You fucking asshole.
- Stupid.
- [Priya] You fucking idiot.
[Billie sobbing]
Hey.
[Billie sobbing]
- I'm so sorry. - I am too.
- I'm sorry. - Hey, me too.
[Billie sobbing]
[mellow music]
- [Billie] I'm gonna start lookin' for a new place to live.
- Need a roommate?
- Oh my God, could you imagine?
Is it too soon for me to say that I really didn't like her?
- Nope. - Okay.
We'll wait like a few months
before we start trash talking my wife.
- Facts are facts.
- Excuse me?
[mellow music]
I can literally feel you silent shit talking.
[Billie laughs] [Priya laughs]
♪ Silent ♪
- Okay, this thing is just like...
- Oh my God. - Yes!
Wait, let me try these on.
- Nice.
Thank you so much.
- Well deserved. - Oh yeah.
♪ Oo, whoa ♪
♪ Not gonna give it up ♪
♪ This will drift off ♪
♪ Let your life take hold ♪
♪ 'Cause we'll wait and see how far it goes ♪
♪ Oo ♪
- Look at this.
Hey, you guys remember when we
all did mushrooms and trip balls.
- Oh my God. - Yeah.
[all laughing]
- There's still a bit. - No!
- No.
- Yeah, none of you guys have shared about your journeys.
- Oh, I'm good. - Yeah, I'm takin'
that to the grave.
- [Priya] I feel like I'm 19 again.
No thank you.
- Well, now you know how not
to do coke off every toilet you see,
at every establishment you go too.
- Will you stop pretending like I had a coke problem?
I was the only one who did coke in college.
- But you did a lot of coke.
- You did so much coke. - I did not.
It's fine.
[gentle music]
- Oh shit! - Oh, sorry.
- What's that?
- I didn't get a chance to give it to you yesterday, so.
- [Billie] Right.
- You look like you're having fun.
- [Billie] Sure.
- Well, I gotta go.
I gotta pick up Lily and a bunch of stuff.
- Of course.
- All right.
She reminds me a lot of you, actually.
The way you used to put on those wacky shows.
She will dance in front of whoever will watch her.
It's pretty amazing, she doesn't care what anyone thinks.
- I was never like that.
- Yeah, you were.
- Wait.
I've been holding onto these for awhile.
Can you open them later?
- We're gonna be fine, you know that, right?
- You can stay, really.
I mean, we could talk and...
- I gotta go, but I'll call and you'll answer your phone.
- I don't have a phone.
- Right, well, when you get one.
[Karen sighs]
You're soaking wet [chuckles].
- Sorry [laughs].
I love you.
- I know.
I love you too, Bill.
[gentle music]
- [Billie] "Dear Lily,
"Firstly I promise I'm not as shitty
"as my silence may suggest.
"I've spent a long time feeling selfish
"for wanting to be held and,
"I want you to know that's fucked.
"Bad, that's bad.
"I'd really like you to know, well,
"I guess there's a lotta things I'd like you to know.
"It's hard to know when growing up really sets in, you know?
"Hard to know what kinda person
"you will be or could be or are.
"It's hard to know if that squeeze
"you feel around your heart
"is something that's meant to be endured,
"or soothed.
"Letting the right people touch the places
"you've kept so far from the sunlight.
"Good love, bad love.
"That's not the point.
"What's the point?
"The point is, I have no idea what the point is,
"and neither does your mom and neither will you
"and neither does anybody really.
"But not knowing, I promise,
"it can be pretty fucking exciting."
[crickets chirping] [water splashing]
[gentle music]
♪ Remember when you were younger ♪
♪ Younger ♪
♪ Everything was a dream ♪
♪ Was a dream ♪
♪ Sit and play Game Boy colors ♪
♪ Drinkin' pink lemonade on the patio ♪
♪ Ice cold in the summer ♪
♪ Mm ♪
♪ There's a young soul destined to set you free ♪
♪ So large ♪
♪ Through life ♪
♪ And I got one thing ♪