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'Bambai' (Mumbai)
'The real king of Mumbai... The Benevolent Lord Ganesh.'
'When he sets out, the entire city comes to a standstill.'
'According to the legends, when Sage Ved Vyas urged
Lord Ganesh to write the Mahabharata...'
'...he didn't exactly have any fountain pen to jot down his findings.'
'So the Lord broke off one of his tusks...'
'...and created a great epic like the Mahabharata.'
'I am a writer as well...'
'...and I've come to Mumbai to write my own epic story.'
'And I swear on my chiseled hair, I won't return until I've written something.'
- Hello, Bambai. - That's Mumbai now.
Hello, Mumbai.
My name is Ghoomketu.
And this is the story of my life and not some Bollywood trailer.
If you find it interesting, then watch it.
Yes, how can I help you?
- Are you the editor of Gudgudi (Tickle)? - Yes, I'm?
You, are the editor of Gudgudi?
Yes. Do I have to 'Tickle' to convince you?
No...
I, I want to write for your newspaper.
But we don't have any vacancies.
Leave your resume.
What's that?
Is it some kind of a form?
Have you ever been employed before?
I'm still quite young
This is my first job.
But we haven't offered you a job yet.
I know you haven't.
How old are you?
31-years-old.
You're still too young for a writer.
That's our chief editor's table.
I know him quite well. By face!
He always roaming around.
He does the fieldwork.
He gets all the juicy gossip for our newspaper.
Go there. Tell him your life story. Let's see what he says.
There's no doubt.
He'll offer me a job instantly.
- And listen... - Yes.
Don't act too chirpy.
He's a bit crotchety.
Greetings! Joshi sir!
Are you crazy?
What is this? What is this?
Go sit there. Go.
And how do you know my name?
It written right there.
It's still there.
Ms. Sushma, what is this?
Where's the 'Chief'?
It doesn't say 'Chief Editor'? What happened to the 'Chief'?
This simply says 'Editor-Joshi'.
Where's the 'Chief'?
The guy was saying more words would cost more money.
Thieves! everyone's a thief.
Understand.
I'm not going to put this up until I don't get a new one.
God. Stupid guy.
What do you want?
Look here.
- Yes. - What do you want?
Well, I...
Are you going to speak from there?
Come closer when I tell you to.
I don't have time.
What is it?
I...
...want to write for Gudgudi.
Have you ever written for anyone?
I have written bumper slogans for truck and tempos.
As you go over a speed breaker bump.
Your chassis gets steamy and jumps
What is this?
This's my writing, sir.
Does that make you a writer?
No sir, I have even written political slogans
...and pamphlets and have poetically composed wedding invites.
Stop...
- What... - Go sit there.
Go on.
Come only when I call you.
Go.
Strange people.
Any and everyone wants to be a writer.
How educated are you?
I've graduated with Honours in Hindi Literature.
And also have a good understanding of Urdu.
So you're aspiring to become the next Nirala, Hariya or Harivansh Rai.
Does writing on trucks tempos and wedding cards make you a writer?
Amazing!
Do you know what it takes to write?
One, who can observe, gather and draw from life's experiences
and put that into words, is a writer.
NOT...
'As you go over a speed bump.
Your chassis gets steamy and jumps'
Do you call that writing?
Damn fool.
Sir, I have also written short anecdotes and stories.
Only if someone would publish that..
I want to write in your newspaper.
But even will give me advice, but not a job.
I'll give you this book.
Come on. Come here. Don't be scared.
Come on.
'Bollywood Story Writing- A sure shot guide'. Guidebook! (Offended)
I'm a Hindi Literature graduate with decent grades.
Forget all that.
There's no bookish knowledge in this guidebook.
Only solid methods for writing.
Easy, simple, practical, and comprehensible.
Anyone can read it.
You must read this too, and then write.
You must get some experience first, and then think about writing.
This is not how you become a writer?
What's the cost of this book?
Nothing. It's a gift from me.
I've written this book.
That's my picture in close up.
'So I decided to run away from home and involved my aunt in the plan.'
- Auntie, did you pack some food? - I did.
And the money... And money?
20,000 rupees...
...neatly tucked away in your shirt pocket.
Now leave.
I'll miss you, auntie.
Then cry all you want.
But leave, otherwise, you'll miss your train.
Auntie, what about father?
This's no way to run away from home.
Janki Devi is sitting outside in the courtyard.
If she raises an alarm, we'll both get in trouble.
Get lost, or you won't get this chance again.
Go.
"The stars visible from my courtyard,
and the ones I left behind..."
"But I flew away,
in the direction of the blowing wind."
"I set out of my home, to create my own world."
"The stars visible from my courtyard,
and the ones I left behind..."
"But I flew away,
in the direction of the blowing wind."
"I set out of my home, to create my own world."
Make one for me as well.
Are you from UP?
- Do you want lime and salt? - Of course, make me the best one.
No small talk here. Everyone is 'to the point'
"Under the blue sky, drenched in the rain..."
"...I flew away towards my destination."
"Along the seashore, I saw, colourful flowers that had blossomed."
"As the thunderstruck, from the clouds,
the earth turned to many colours."
"When I chirped,
it was music to everyone's ears..."
"...and they tapped their feet to my song."
So, sir, it was already decided.
I packed my bags and arrived in Mumbai.
(Sarcastic) You indeed, did us a great favor!
Do you know, each day, how many people move to Mumbai?
- Hello, ma'am. - Hi.
You look like the dowdy vulture king.
Hi, Chadda.
Sorry I couldn't call back yesterday. I was busy shooting.
What're you making these days?
What film? This's just a waste of time.
I've an idea.
Why don't I change the name of this film to 'As****'
So when you ask me again what am I making...
...I can tell you I'm making an as***
Listen to me... Listen...
Get only half a bottle in the evening.
Don't bring the entire pillar. Makes things difficult for me.
I've a shoot tomorrow.
Okay, I'll hang up now.
What's so funny?
I was just thinking...
You just said get a half bottle not a pillar.
How can anyone bring an entire pillar?
Pillar?
I guess I should register the title as*** officially.
Of course Sir, they've already made "Kaminey" ("B$tards")
See that black thing...
- See it? - Yes.
That's called a CC Camera.
Whatever happens in this room gets recorded in that device.
Then where do I change my clothes if that thing's watching?
There's no need to change clothes here.
We have a bathroom for that.
I see... There's a bathroom right here.
This's a sofa.
You can sleep here.
And keep your clothes in this closet.
But this is a sofa, how can I...
You're lucky to find this space in Mumbai.
Finding space in Mumbai is never easy.
This trunk and hold-all. They are both my father's
I really wonder why he painted his address on it.
This's not some postcard, and who would bother returning if lost.
It's a big heavy iron box.
And this...
hold-all, large as my wife (Janki Devi)
hard to lose even in a crowded fair.
How can you misplace any item this large?
He didn't run away.
He's just been missing for two days. That's it.
He must have gone off drinking with his friends..
Yes, Guddan ji's here too.
This's a missing person case.
There's no need for an investigation, sir.
He'll come back in a couple of days.
Okay, sir. I'll take the necessary action.
He's been missing for two days now.
What else would you call this?
Anything missing from home?
Two bars of soap, washing powder, one jug,
two toothbrushes, two toothpaste, talcum powder and oil.
And a special pumice stone.
Aaah.. You know where I got all this from?
From my father's shop of course!
I can bet that he has gone off to Bambai.
How can you be so sure?
He is obsessed with films.
He can barely hold a conversation and he wants to be a writer!
Son of an owl! (fool) hah.
Lower your voice. This's not your courtyard!
Look here, stay within your limits.
He's my brother.
Fine, give us his photograph.
I'll order an investigation in Mumbai.
He took the family album with him.
The family album?
And the most precious item in this: My Family Album.
Everyone's in here...
My aunts and uncles...
Right from my childhood to my wedding.
All the pictures are here.
"A trip down the memory lane..."
I brought this along because I'm all alone out here.
So if I ever miss anyone, I can just...
"...memory lane..."
Don't be so dramatic.
'Dadda. He's a complete alien.'
And if I am Ghoomketu
then he is Rahu + Ketu; (north and south lunar node) 2 in 1.
Bloody Owl! (oaf)
'Dadda and I share a special bond.'
Have you vented your anger..
Dear, his calling you an owl doesn't make you one..
Dada, If you want to call me names.. Do it correctly..
The expression is, 'Son of a.. Owl'
a father and son bond..
It does hurt...
Doesn't matter...
Trying to teach me.
- Are you hurt, son? - Of course I am, but I'll manage.
Okay, okay.
- Son of an owl! - Warmed your hands..
now go play the flute!
Play the flute..
You've lost your mind.
This's all because of Shakuntala Devi.
You were never like this before. Let's go, son.
And how dare you stare at me like that! Bloody good for nothing..
- 'He's calm with everyone, except for me.' - Ghoomketu.
- 'And he never takes my name calmly.' - Ghoomketu.
Where're you?
Why don't you talk to Ghoomketu? That useless fellow..
But father would never tolerate any negative comments against me.'
What I meant was...
'He would just get up and leave.'
My dear aunt, Santo.
Aunt Santo is famous for her burp.
Doctor, I get this urge to burp.
I too get startled, myself
Children start crying, animals run away, and the neighbours get a headache.
And it even scares my father.
Forget about your father.
It scares me as well, doctor.
Show us.
I only burp after I eat.
I would rather not.
Or else everyone will get scared.
No, but we must check.
Can I get a cup of tea then?
'Aunt Santo would eat her meal in privacy.'
'But it wouldn't stay private for too long.'
Everyone, please stand back.
'My dramatic step- mother, Shakuntala devi..'
'When father got remarried, it was quite evident that...'
'...I didn't get any motherly love in my childhood.'
- Mummy! - What is it?
And after some time even Dadda did not get any..
- Listen... - What is it?
Nothing.
Drink up, don't just play your flute..
That's the best I can do, since no one else will play my flute.
Sex is not the greatest thing...
You will know what sex is.
As for me, I can't remember anymore.
Remind me.. does it involve getting undressed?
'The unsuccessful lover of Bal Bihari's daughter,
my Guddan uncle, the MLA.'
'In his heydays, he managed to...
...convince the daughter of the most powerful politician.'
'Bal Bihari had committed many murders in his younger days.'
The gun tucked away in his clothes was visible from miles.'
'Uncle arrived at his daughter's wedding and fired his elephant gun.'
'Bal Bihari didn't let him marry his daughter...'
'...but he gave him the MLA ticket, only after that did uncle calm down.'
'But uncle never got married after that.'
Can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead. - Will you answer me?
Why wouldn't I?
Did Bal Bihari take you to his room and beat you to a pulp?
Did he give you a sound thrashing?
Uncle, why don't you get married?
Mind your own business.
Uncle...
'Last, but not the least.'
'My wife Janki Devi.'
Whisper: Dadda, move your hand from his head,
'Janki Devi didn't marry me willingly.'
You don't understand, he might run away?
'It was an accidental wedding during a mass wedding.'
'I suspect whether we got married at all...'
'...because back then she wasn't so overweight...'
'...and she completely fluffed up on our wedding night.'
Guddan sir, Guddan sir...
Please, move aside. You're blocking them.
They can't take a picture.
Dadda, meet Mr. Pashupati Nath.
The whole and sole agent of this mass wedding.
Pashu sir, where is our son's token.
Don't worry about the token, we're giving you our daughter.
Please...
What're you doing, perched there?
I'm very hungry.
Don't you have anything else to eat?
What's going on?
Sailu,
she seems like someone else?
What do you mean someone else?
She's too fat.
Be careful then.
Don't jump on someone else's wife.
You cut this call and I will go cut someone's moustache..
Not my moustache. Not my moustache. Not my moustache.
How dare you...
- You just got married. Calm down. Calm down. - There's been a mixup.
- What's wrong with him? - Where's my pretty bride?
You should have taken better care of your token.
Your bride was on the left, not the right.
So I marry her, and someone else gets to celebrate the wedding night.
How does it matter?
They're all the same.
You're not getting some special model.
I won't accept that fatso either.
Not a watermelon.
Decide yourself.
If you could help us out...
Make the call.
So...how the fundraising coming along.
Don't worry.
We'll meet the target before the elections.
Bal Bihari speaking.
SP sir, do you know what happened after I called you yesterday...
...I heard the phone ringing in my ass
Where're you these days?
Come out of my ass and help us out here.
- Right away, sir. Will just come. - Here you go.
A copy of the missing's persons' report.
The boy's name is Ghoomketu.
He's a family member.
He has run off to Mumbai.
I see...
To become a movie star I suppose?
No. A writer.
In my family, no one's got the looks to become a movie star.
Yes.
Wherever he is, you must find him in a week.
Yes, of course. I'll take a look.
He got married recently.
I see...
People run away to get married.
But he 'eloped' after the wedding.
Of course, sir. I'll look in the matter.
And listen, send that inspector in.
Guddan wants to talk to him.
I didn't ask you to sit down yet.
Stand up.
Sit down.
Stand up.
Sit down.
That was your punishment.
The other day you were yelling at my brother at the Police Station.
"This's not your courtyard."
Sorry, sir.
You don't know how to talk to the brother of a ruling party's MLA.
- I can get you fired. - No, sir.
Go and find my son.
And bring him back safe and sound.
But I don't have a photo of him.
And how can we find him in such a huge city without a photo?
So in the times before photographs; were missing people not found?
He's from my family, so he must resemble me.
Take a good look.
Send him a picture of mine.
Right. Now get to work.
Okay.
Madam.
Are you looking after the 'Ghoomketu' missing person's report?
No, madam.
Then check who is in-charge of this.
Tawde, arrange a meeting in the evening.
I want a summary of the entire matter.
Yes, madam.
Madam...I'm in charge of this case.
Do you need to look at the file, to know what your case is?
This's my case, madam.
And what's the report?
We're trying, madam.
Any leads?
No, madam, I saw this file only two weeks ago.
So whenever I see this file, I check up on it...
Badlani, you couldn't find a single lead in two weeks!
There's political pressure on this case.
If I don't get results,
then I'll transfer this case to someone else in a week.
What?
My mother's memorial service is coming up this week.
So I suggest you give this case to someone else.
Badlani, I've been checking your records.
You haven't solved a single case in 15-years.
Those were very difficult cases, madam.
I see... Then this's an easy one.
Solve this.
I've heard that you're extremely corrupt.
Everyone wants to give police officers a bad name.
I see... I didn't know that.
If you don't find this boy in a month...
Then I will have you transferred to a place Where forget corruption...
...you won't see people.
You can cook on cow dung
And dry your underwear outside, on your bike..
I'll keep your transfer order ready.
30 days later you can collect it yourself.
Start counting in reverse.
You have 30 days.
My best wishes.
Get out now!
"Inspector Badlani, this is his story."
"Badlani... Badlani..."
"Inspector Badlani, this is his story."
"Who is a..."
"...name to reckon with."
"Inspector Badlani..."
"Although his family business was quite huge..."
"...but one day dacoits were waiting on that route."
"Waiting on his grandpa's route..."
"Before the loot..."
"...grandpas's days were without a care."
"But after the loot..."
"...he was only left with his underwear."
"Inspector Badlani..."
"his father took a picture of the dacoit,
but the police had a share in the loot."
"After the loot, his father became an inspector..."
"But instead, the dacoit shot his father."
"his mom said go be a cop, and make us proud just like your pop."
"Join the Police..."
Instead of goodwill he chose to make money
"He was corrupt like none other."
"Inspector Badlani..."
"Inspector chai-paani (Corrupt )..."
An easy case she says?
Balls.
Not a single picture.
They should've given this case to the CBI.
How will anyone know where a boy from Mahona
alights at Churchgate and disappears?
The food was delicious, sister.
- Did you like it? - Reminded me of home.
Thank you.
Come inside.
Tinku, switch off the TV and study...
So I was saying,
the way my auntie cooks mashed eggplant...
... and yours is completely different.
But tastes as delicious.
What's in it?
Never return the lunchbox empty. My auntie would disapprove of it.
These are sweetmeats which my aunt packed for me
when I ran away from Mahona.
You ran away from your home?
No, I mean my aunt knows I'm here.
But there was no way to tell my father
that I am going to try my luck in Bollywood.
Tell me honestly, brother, did you take my sewing needle?
No, I didn't.
This has been a pass-time for him. He always hides my things.
And doesn't return them until I don't beg and cry.
Brother, did you take my needle?
I said I didn't.
Why don't you write something about him and your uncle?
One man who got married twice.
And the other useless person, who entered politics.
My brother Guddan, the distressed lover.
Such stories are lapped up in Bambai.
Swear on Shakuntala, that you didn't hide my sewing needle.
You're such a pain in the neck.
You and your sewing needle!
To hell with your bloody sewing needle.
Your sewing needle is now giving me a headache.
A man's lying down here peacefully and contemplating.
...but you wouldn't care.
You won't stop ranting about your sewing needle.
Bloody sewing needle.
- No need to overreact. - Move. Always blocking my way.
There's your sewing needle. See...
Come back, father. And resume your contemplation.
Sorry, brother. It was stuck in my sari.
Sorry, I apologise. Come back down. Don't get so angry.
I won't.
- Come down. - I said I won't!
My father's known for his short temper.
Now father stands up and goes...
You and your sewing needle!
To hell with your bloody sewing needle.
Your sewing needle is now giving me a headache.
Sewing needle.
Santo.
I've brought pointed gourd.
After nearly a week. I brought these myself.
When the cat walked in; all the birds flew away.
Is anyone listening?
Look at this... peas again.
These people never get bored of eating peas.
What's for dinner tomorrow? Peas!
What did we have for dinner yesterday?
Peas.
What are you cooking for dinner now? Peas.
These peas have ruined my peace.
Peas. Peas. Peas and only Peas!
Where is everyone?
Is he gone?
Peas. Peas. Peas and only Peas!
But I will convince him.
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Is this real?
He said it's Swarovski.
What?
Crystal. It means crystal.
I see.
- What does your husband do? - He's in the Police Force.
I see...
He looks forceful.
Tinku, will you join the Police Force as well?
- What do you do? - I'm a struggler. I struggle.
Brother.
Say something.
I spoke to my party workers.
They said Ghoomketu will be found in a month.
Useless man! How dare you make our private matters public?
Why don't you publish it in the Gudgudee newspaper?
It's already in the newspaper.
When?
It's been a day.
Damn it. What's the point of keeping this turban on my head?
You've made me a laughing stock.
It's not a big deal if your son ran away.
Look here Guddan, stick to your politics.
Family matters are not your cup of tea.
You've already brought enough humiliation to this family...
...with your own love story.
Stop staring at me.
You've been humiliating me for the past 10-years for the same story.
Then stop angering me.
Now leave.
Go freshen up and get some lunch.
- You come along too. - I won't.
Please come along, brother.
I said I won't go or eat.
Yeah...
And never will I eat with you.
Sister has cooked your favourite gourd. Come along.
Fine, let's go.
What're you staring at? Let's go.
After you.
"Hello, friends."
"The Subh Laxmi charm doesn't only make you rich..."
"...but also blesses you with good fortune."
"We received a call from Toronto claiming that their son was missing."
Brother, move your leg. I've to keep this glass of milk.
Keep it anywhere. There's a lot of space.
"But the next day his son was found."
Why did you take the trouble sister? I would've brought it.
Oh please. No need to interrupt your entertainment.
To order this device now send a text message
- to 825353... - Brother.
Any news?
About what?
About Ghoomketu, what else.
No.
That's great.
God's will after all.
Everyone's busy in their own affairs.
I think sister knows.
He definitely told her where he's going.
Let him go to hell.
Don't mention his name in front of me.
Astrologer, some lemonade?
Water is enough.
- Father. - No.
- Auntie. - No, thank you.
You know whenever I drink juice, I tend to burp.
Doesn't matter. I'll drink it.
Tell me where is my son.
- Seems difficult. - What?
Seems difficult.
- Where's your birth chart? - My birth chart?
- Yes. - Why do you need my birth chart?
I need to compare all your charts
Astrology is a mathematical science.
This is as absurd as a doctor checking
a man's pulse when his wife is unwell.
Why can't you keep quiet for 2 minutes?
Astrologer sir, are you still short of birth charts to compare?
Santo.
I mean I can get you some more...
...like Janki's mother, her father, even her uncle and aunt's.
Look here, your son is going through a bad Saturn phase.
And this phase remains for a long time.
Santo, who is like a mother to him,
is also going through an inauspicious Mars phase.
So maybe they had an argument...
...and as a result, he said something to her before leaving.
And you sir...you have a Cancer ascendant, and your Mercury is strong.
So it's impossible for you to get along with Ghoomketu.
Can you get straight to the point?
Where's my son?
What does the Police say?
Strange.
The Inspector said that the astrologer would know.
According to my calculation, Ghoomketu must have
travelled in the south of north direction.
What is that supposed to mean?
The boy has gone to Assam.
- Rubbish, He's in Mumbai. - Exactly.
This's what I'm saying.
You know where he is headed to.
So what can you tell us?
All I can tell you is that,...
...you should never yell or raise your hand on a young man.
Especially when he's going through a bad Saturn phase.
That's a sure reason for him to run away.
Fed up by his father's torture, one day he decides...
...to hell with my father,
I don't want to live in this house anymore! And he leaves.
And that's what he did.
Poor boy...
I wonder where he would be, dragging his heels..
This stone for scraping heels is wonderful!
They should make one for the face as well.
This's a sure shot key to write Bollywood stories.
Author: Professor Ramanath Joshi;
myself.
Writing Bollywood stories is neither difficult nor simple.
You need just a bit of talent to write, and a some experience of life.
Son, bring me a cup of tea as well.
I want to write a story about my childhood, but with a twist.
My story is about a step-mother.
But the twist in the story is,
the step-mother actually loves her step-son.
Really truly madly loves.. no that's too much.
No. She really loves him a lot.
But people don't trust that.
Doctor, my Chander would be ok, right?
This would've never happened if you had treated him like your own.
What happened? What's wrong with Chander?
He's in shock.
Because he suddenly lost his mother.
If you mix these medicines in milk and give it to him...
...then he won't trouble you at night.
She's mixing poison in Chander's milk.
Ma'am. Ma'am, come quickly.
She was mixing poison in Chander's milk.
No. I saw it with my own eyes.
She mixed the poison in Chander's milk.
Sister...didn't I tell you...
...don't get brother married on that inauspicious day.
Serpent lady...you barely set foot in this home.
Always have roses in your hair and roam around...
I mean...
such films should've been made...
...in the 'olden' era of Balraj Sahani, Ashok Kumar,
and Kanhaiya Lal.
Not now.
Absolutely.
I don't like.
You?
Who's going to watch my family drama?
Not me.
It's a flop.
Full lights off!
Pack up!
Step-mother.
The title itself spells flop. Keep it.
Write a comedy. It's in demand these days.
Is it in demand, sir?
People's lives are already so tragic, that...
Sir.
Alien 2 threw away his costume and ran away.
Why?
I don't know, sir. Maybe he was feeling hot.
Then you put on the suit.
It's not my size.
Will it fit him?
So what do I do, sir?
When he shoots you, you have to suffer and die.
Sir, I can't breathe.
Can't you make these holes at the nostrils bigger?
We only need a minute.
- Set the frame. - Sure, sir.
- Roshan. - Yes, coming.
Two cups of tea and bun- butter.
Two cutting tea and bun- butter.
Cutting?
I still can't understand Mumbai.
They call tea "cutting".
"Pyaaj" (Onions) is "Kanda". "Aloo" (Potatoes) is "Batata".
"Kheera" (Cucumber) is called "Kakdi" and vice versa.
And instead of excuse me, they say...pch (puckering sound)
But Mumbai is an amazing city.
Table no. 420, your order is complete.
This's Roshan.
- Roshan. - Just coming, wait.
Always flaunting his English.
He always suffixes "ing" after every word.
Like "Come-ing, Go-ing, Eat-ing".
The art of looking at life through a comedy.
Writing comedy is not an easy job.
It should make people laugh.
This's a very funny true story.
The local doctor got hold of a rundown fridge.
We'll need to get your x-ray done, understand.
Don't open your eyes.
He would make the innocent people of the village sit in front of the fridge...
...open the door, the light would come in and he would say...
I'm turning on the lights, you can open your eyes.
That's done.
Later he would pull some old x-ray from behind the fridge, and hand it to them...
...and charge them money.
If you found this story funny,
then you'll find Banké Bihari's story a laughing riot.
Banké Bihari was a funny man.
He would make people laugh even in dismal situations.
And something similar happened at his death.
Banké Bihari was eccentric even in his old age.
One day his grandson noticed that Banké Bihari was lying on the bed...
...with his feet up on the wall, and singing.
Always up to something.
He thought that he's a crazy old man, best not cross his path.
Sometime later when his servant brought his food,
he noticed that Banké Bihari had passed away.
His bones had stiffened.
They say his body was in Rigor Mortis.
Good riddance.
But they weren't rid of this trouble yet.
His dead body became the talk of the town.
If you tried to straighten him then Banké Bihari's body would sit up.
Will people mourn him or laugh at him?
If you lay his body down, his feet would stay up in the air.
What do we do now?
Somehow they managed to get him out for cremation.
This was a sad event, but people couldn't stop laughing.
Each person finds things funny in a different way.
Like I once told a story to Ram Khilavan..
So once a mental asylum van breaks down.
The nuts and bolts come off.
And a wheel comes off.
The driver doesn't know what to do.
- Listen. - What?
- Do one thing. - What?
Take one bolt each from the other three tyres.
And each tyre will have three bolts, and we can get to the hospital.
So the driver said.
Strange, that was pretty intelligent of you.
And the mad man said...
- So? - So...you're supposed to be crazy.
I am crazy but I'm not an a**.
And I told the same story to Sunita.
So once a mental asylum van breaks down.
The nuts and bolts come off.
And a wheel comes off.
It wasn't that funny.
Sunita...
What a crazy woman?
Your mother made these?
No, the guy whose renting our place for a month, gave us these.
He's a simple guy.
Always writing something.
Mansoor brought him here.
He said he would sleep in the stitching school at night.
He leaves in the morning, he isn't there during school time...
Who's this tenant, who's trying to woo your mother with sweetmeats?
Is this why I let you guard the home?
Whoever he's, he'll be leaving pretty soon.
He doesn't have a job.
Don't let him leave, son, ever.
Your mother can never make such sweetmeats.
I've heard that you're very corrupt.
Captain Pandit, why're you blowing the conch so loud?
My ears are ringing.
This is not a conch, it's a horn.
What if we meet with an accident in space?
There're no stray animals out there that will collide with our vehicle.
Sci-Fi...
All these films are created on the computer.
Let me tell you how.
For example, imagine the hero's standing here...
...and there's a green cloth,
I mean a green screen behind him.
Okay...
The hero goes "Boom" and you see smoke and fire.
It's not the hero or the stunt guy...
It's all done on the computer.
Check the birth chart.
And tell me where's my son.
Forget the planets and find my son Ghoomketu.
I will. I will. He cannot escape.
I'll get you transferred to a place,...
...where forget corruption, you'll crave to see another human.
Please find that boy.
When you find Ghoomketu, then how will you welcome him?
Did you buy any gifts?
First, find that stupid oaf.
Then I'll give him his gift.
"I've only a month's expense left."
"You've only 30-days left.
Write whatever you want within this time."
"How can I find the boy in a month?"
"Where do I look for him?"
How is it, sir?
Sir?
You wrote a sci-fi story because you saw one.
I told you to write a comedy.
No one will take me seriously if I write comedy.
And will people take you seriously for writing this crap?
Sir, sometimes you talk like uncle Mean Make.
Uncle who?
Uncle Mean Make. Nothing ever pleases him.
These buffaloes have small udders.
Tea is tasteless.
This vehicle is too jumpy.
This dog barks a lot.
That girl talks a lot.
Think of more such stories, and you'll get your comedy.
Next.
If you want to write comedy, then let's think of some funny stories.
I've noticed that some people repeat what they say in English in Hindi.
Come on Wednesday.
And I've also noticed that people especially talk to their children and pets in English.
Don't do, son.
- Papa saying you don't do. - Tommy, no, no...no...
But most people's English is... just about passable...
Quiet!
Go straight, turn right from chauraha (crossing).
Yeah...next crossing.
Amitabh Bachchan once said...
Listen to him.
My English is so good that I can leave british behind.
You see the whole country of the system is a
juxtaposition by the hemoglobin in the atmosphere.
Because you are a sophisticated rhetorician intoxicated
by their own exuberance of their own verbosity.
Amitabh Bachchan can speak English very fast.
Even though he hails from Allahabad.
There's Arnold Schwarzenegger,
whose English is very weak.
I think Arnold is a Bengali.
He speaks English with a Bengali accent.
I'll not leave this country without Victor.
That's why he's given smaller lines.
I'll be back.
Traffic.
Stick it out.
You're fired.
Even I wrote a love letter in English once.
And Sunita laughed so loud after reading it...
But everything was a joke for Sunita.
So I didn't take it personally.
Ghoomi, keep this letter.
I'm seeing someone else.
Ghoomi.
You write well.
Keep writing.
And ever since that day I never gave up.
I don't see the priest around today. Where's he?
I wish Shah rukh Khan says yes to Ghoomketu's film...
...Aamir Khan never says no, Salman Khan keeps hovering around him.
May Ghoomketu's Mahabharat do better than Sanjay Leela's Ram Leela.
Raju Hiranishould run out of ideas.
May Rajkumar Santoshi struggle for ideas.
Rakeysh Mehra and Prasoon Joshi get into a fight...
...and Salim is already dormant, Javed is upset.
I hope he retires too.
I wish no one jinxes my Ghoomketu's scripts.
What're you blabbering?
I'm just praying that Ghoomketu returns soon.
That brother doesn't have to worry for too long. And Guddan gets married.
When Ghoomketu returns, Janki gets pregnant.
And your mood improves and you be safe and sound.
I'm praying for everyone.
Stop making faces and leave.
You do understand, don't you, Lord ;)
Lord... make my Ghoomketu successful.
That's all I pray for.
Where were you?
I said where were you?
Brother, when you play your flute, it sounds like it's raining flowers.
But when you speak, you bark.
Here are the god's offerings.
I sound like I'm barking?
We went to the temple.
And sister was praying that Shah rukh Khan works in Ghoomketu's film.
What else should I pray for?
That the dog pisses on Ghoomketu's script!
She's like a smoldering matchstick. Always provoking people.
Always gossiping. Bloody Surpnakha (witch)!
The priest gives her a red rose daily...
...which she sticks in her bun every day and prances around like some film-star.
- Stupid... - Calm down when thinking of God. Leave.
Calm down. Calm down.
This is the devil's home. She's a monster.
She keeps instigating everyone.
This is the devil's home?
- She's a monster. - This's the devil's home?
What else is this place?
Everyone's always ready to take a bite out of each other.
Now get lost. Go!
Devil's home she says.
What're you staring at?
Leave now...or do you want to devour me?
- I won't go. - Don't go.
I won't go where you tell me to go.
I'll go in the other direction.
Go...go... this is the devil's home.
Are you crazy?
Get lost. Go get tea for me.
Horror story.
Obviously, one needs a ghost or spirit for a horror story.
This film starts with someone's death.
Such films have a broad scope because ghosts have no restrictions.
They can go anywhere.
These films have a vast scope. Yeah.
They can enter your bedroom. Watch you naked.
But you can't see him.
I should attempt writing a new kind of film in this genre.
Pin drop silence. Pitch darkness.
The hero is standing with a torch in his hand.
The camera is focused on the torch.
He enters the palace with the torch.
- Completely alone. - Oh, God.
Then.
As soon as he enters the palace,
the lamps light up on their own.
- Is someone lighting them? - The ghost?
Ghost? Oh, God.
The hero throws away his torch and moves ahead.
The camera is focused on the torch and his feet.
I see...
As soon as he goes ahead,
all the lamps behind him turn off.
- Who turns them off? - Ghost.
Oh no...
The hero enters the bathroom,
where a body's been buried.
The room lights up.
- Is it the ghost again? - Yes.
The hero picks up the shovel
and strikes hard on the wall of the bathroom.
What happens?
The light turns off.
Spare me this ghost story...
One such ghost should be in every house...
...who lights up the place as soon as you enter,
and turns off the light when you leave.
It will save your electricity bill.
Did this ghost of yours die due to an electric shock?
He keeps turning the lights off and on.
See...there goes my horror film.
Your story is a flop.
- Auntie, swear on me. - What're you doing?
- I said swear on me... - What're you doing?
Now say...you weren't scared at all?
Since you made me swear I'll have to tell the truth.
I only pretended to act scared for your sake.
It wasn't scary at all.
Crap. flop.
Think of a different story.
Like the hero and heroine are climbing some mountain.
They're bathing in the waterfall. Getting drenched.
Some romantic song.
Massage my feet.
Think of something different.
- You need to encourage me. - Of course, I will.
I'm feeling sleepy now.
The real horror story begins now.
Right. He's topped the class again.
- We have no complaints. - Bravo son. You must try for IPS.
And make me...
and your grandfather proud.
There must be some scope for improvement.
What's important is that he's always asking intelligent questions?
Papa, everyone says that you are corrupt?
Son, everyone tries to humiliate a Police officer.
How much?
How can I take money from you, sir?
Don't you need money to run your home?
Tell me what's the bill or do you want a slap?
Sir, the total till date comes to 1200 rupees.
Ghoomketu, do you have an item number in your movie?
You mean a vulgar song?
I didn't come all the way from Mohana to write this.
Is the heroine going to be fully dressed
all the time?
In a traditional dress.
Your film's called 'Bloody Bathroom',
and not a single bathing scene.
Even if there is one, we'll take a shot till her shoulder.
No one's going to watch your film then.
I mean we can... we can add a song.
Call it an item number.
Who will be in your item number?
Helen ji.
She's too old.
Irani?
- Which Irani? - Aruna Irani?
I think she's on the censor board.
Then you suggest someone?
Katrina.
Isn't Katrina a foreigner? - So?
Are you making a remake of Mother India?
"OK Tata..."
"When you pass over the speed breaker bump..."
"Your chassis..
"Your chassis gets steamy and jumps'
"When you pass over the speed breaker..."
"...your chassis gets steamy and jumps'
"O heartless tire..."
"Your cruel waist, that rocks with the tire..."
"...is a..."
...is a big mileage winner."
"Your chassis..."
"Your chassis gets steamy and jumps'
"Everyone's chasing after you..."
"...you give a green signal to everyone."
"Sometimes off, sometimes on..."
"Off-on... off-on..."
"You're always changing your mind."
"Your cruel waist, that rocks with the tire..."
"...is a..."
...is a big mileage winner."
"Your chassis..."
"Your chassis chassis gets steamy and jumps'
"OK Tata..."
What a gal.
If that manager wasn't a rascal,
then I would've taken that girl to the bathroom.
She is a grown-up. She can manage on her own.
And she should have the urge to go
Don't show me your face.
Uncle, this song that you're listening...
"When you pass over the speed breaker..."
- Is written by me. - I see...
- I'm not made for this place. - Then?
I'll go to Mumbai someday.
You know what son, there're lot of difficulties there.
How will I know until I go?
I won't just sit here, idle.
He's already achieved a great feat.
He had held one girl's hand
but ended up with another.
Stick your boozing, okay.
And take girls to the bathroom.
And what will you achieve by going to Mumbai?
I'll write stories for films.
For whatever films come my way
Yes, because everyone's waiting for your arrival.
We'll know that once I get there, uncle.
Yeah, right...
- Listen. - What?
I've to take a quick trip to the market.
What can I do?
Take me there on your cycle?
I want to have an ice-cream.
I can't ride my cycle with you in tow.
And try walking for a change, you would lose some weight.
And don't have too many ice-creams.
One Ice-cream? liar..
Either she loses weight, or I will build muscles.
What's happened?
I'm sad because nothing happens.
Why? What are you sad about?
I'll run away to Mumbai.
- To write your movie story. - Yes.
- Then run away. - What?
Run away if you want to.
What are you waiting for?
Go.
What will I do there alone?
Alone? You're a young and able man.
You will do something at least.
Go do your best, look for opportunities.
If nothing works spend a few days, homeless, at the station..
What else?
Right... that is what they call it.. struggle
What?
Struggle.
Aftab was telling me, that Chunnu went to Mumbai
to become an actor five years ago.
And he's still struggling.
So then, even you can do that.
- What is it called? - Struggler...
Struggle...
Whatever it is called...even you do that.
You can never achieve anything out here.
What about father?
Are you going to tell him that you're running away?
You'll have to sneak out.
Money?
There's no dearth of that.
Take the money from the cash box.
I'll handle everything.
I'm your aunt, I'm a strong woman.
And I'm a very good actor.
I'll act like I don't know anything.
What?
Oh my, God. Ghoomketu ran away.
He's nowhere to be seen in the village.
This's definitely Shakuntala's fault.
She must have provoked him.
And brother must have beaten him.
I can't live without Ghoomketu.
I won't eat until you don't bring Ghoomketu back.
How was my acting?
Aunt Santo is a great lady.
The cat said to the tiger...
don't eat me, I'm your aunt, tiger said... (snore...)
Aunt Santo taught me the art of writing.
There're so many examples around you.
Write something on them. And you'll get your story.
Where's my needle?
I have a question, sister?
Why do you get such loud burps?
Why do you care?
I won't answer you.
When I was born, my mother wasn't lactating.
So they gave me buffaloes milk instead.
And I couldn't digest it.
My mother would carry me on her shoulder
patting on my back...
...but I wouldn't burp,
Then I have an idea, sister.
Try yoga, the frog pose
Keep your ideas to yourself.
If I get angry, then I'll belch so hard
that you'll fly in the air and fall in front of my brother.
But even she couldn't stop my father from getting me married.
See, that's my father planning my career.
Are you going to say something?
or keep peering into the birth chart.
According to me, you should burden him with responsibilities.
Have you seen my wife?
You mean get him married.
That's a big burden of responsibilities.
"Some say it's difficult..."
"Others say it's next to impossible.
"Some say it's fate, and some it's destruction."
"I won't give up until I get my son married."
"My son's marriage, Ghoomketu's marriage."
"I won't give up until I get my son married."
"Never puts on any weight..."
"...even though he eats plateful."
"Never puts on any weight..."
"...even though he eats plateful."
"No girl ever pays any attention to him."
"He has no class."
"My son's marriage, Ghoomketu's marriage."
"I won't give up until I get my son married."
In romantic stories, the romantic lead often faces many hurdles...
...which we also call 'the villain'.
Sometimes even society poses as a villain to them.
They meet at a wedding.
The guy is from the groom's side and the girl from the bride's side.
The hero and the heroine bump into each other
and platter of flowers gets flung in the air.
Don't ask who the platter fell on.
Because this is a Hindi film.
Song...
I don't have time to spare.
Tell me the end of the story.
Straight to the climax.
If the climax is a hit, the film is a hit too.
Otherwise, the film is a flop. So tell me the climax of the story.
Whatever happens in-between doesn't matter.
Fine, then hear this.
The heroine's family is travelling back to their home.
No trace of the hero.
The hero arrives out of nowhere.
The heroine leaves her father's hand
and runs towards the hero like a deer.
And her legs freeze as soon as she sees the hero.
The hero is carrying the banjo,
but God's playing the music...
...along with a strong breeze.
Now the hero and heroine are facing each other.
The camera revolves around them like the moon around the earth.
Shalu, am I late?
Why don't you wear a watch?
I'm destined to wait.
Hero, I only love you.
I just...want your love.
Shalu, these lines sound nice in movies,
and this's not a movie.
What's your hero saying?
Stories only look nice in movies.
But this's a movie as well.
Don't interrupt me.
Now listen...
Shalu, get back in the train.
Or you'll miss your train.
Is he the hero or the ticket checker?
Then I have a shorter version.
But why?
Even father has given us the go-ahead.
Go, Shalu, go.. live your life.
Exactly, Shalu, go and live your life.
And not just with me. Please get back on the train.
My life has no foundation.
Our love will be on shaky grounds.
Isn't the train leaving yet?
Will you listen.
Leave Kishen. Leave now.
Hero: Shalu, your love shall forever remain in my heart.
Heroine: I've made up my mind.
Stop tormenting me.
Hero: You will be forever mine. Shalu.
By letting go, I have made you mine.
Is that all? End of story.
There's a song.
Which a beggar is singing on the platform.
"There's nothing to gain, or to lose."
"The train of destiny will always be on the move."
You should buy your return ticket.
Writing is not your cup of tea.
But sir love stories are always a big hit.
You call this a love story.
This's a real love story.
This's my uncle Guddan's story.
He returned his bride to his could-be father-in-law.
DDDJ.
Dilwale Dulhaniya De Jayenge. (The big hearted will give the bride)
And who do you think will say yes to this story.
Sir, you can cast Ranvir Singh and Sonakshi Sinha
Shatrughan Sinha's daughter...
...you can cast her too.
Of course. Come here.
Call Sonakshi Sinha and Ranvir Singh.
They're being cast in Mr. Ghoomketu's film
DDDJ, which is Dilwale Dulhaniya De Jayenge.
Go on. I've told him.
Done?
Move that fan from my face.
You always kept beating and scolding that boy.
What else did you expect him to do?
Brother, can I say something if you don't mind?
What?
If mother was still alive,
she would've punched you in the face for this.
Will you let me eat in peace.
- Sister... - Shut up.
You took up celibacy in your prime, instead of getting married.
No wife, no kids...useless man...
Pig shit. Good for nothing.
Calls himself a social reformer.
Reform yourself first.
Sister...
I brought so many proposals for you.
So many beautiful girls.
But you didn't lay a finger on them.
And now you roam around with those guys.
One can't even eat peacefully in this house.
Get lost. Let me go.
He's already eaten his fill.
And now he's showing attitude.
Both the brothers are a piece of art.
Settle the bill for table no. 12.
- Why two cards? - Their bills are separate.
- But they seem to be together. - They are, but the bills are separate.
That's the deal with them.
Each one to their own.
Over every small argument,
They'll say fuck off to each other.
Indian girlfriends are much better.
They stick to one person, no matter what.
You'll know when you get married.
Will you say fuck off to your wife?
Mind your own business!
Am I right, mister.
'Now I'm missing Janki Devi.'
'I didn't write a single letter to her.'
What if she asks me to fuck off too?
Let's write a poem for Janki Devi.
"I'll steal your breath..."
"...so your heart must keep on beating."
"No matter how upset you're..."
"...never tell me to fuck off."
It's better that you two are apart.
The closer you two are, You'll only complaint...
...that the foods not good, the millet's left unattended...
...I want special food today since I'm fasting.
I mean to say this distance will make love blossom between you two
Since he's away, you can do as you please.
Go run, play...
People keep telling me why do I live with my brother,
why do you put a black dot on your forehead.
Well, it has nothing to do with you.
I use a black dot because I like it.
I was half your age when I got married.
But then my husband didn't come to fetch me for seven years.
After that, we only lived together for a couple of years...
...and he left for the heavenly abode
from where no one returns.
But I'm still alive, aren't I?
And don't keep your face covered all the time, understood.
Don't worry about Shakuntala all the time.
Look at the moon, the birds...
If you don't get enough oxygen,
you will suffocate to death.
Don't worry about him, okay.
Go and play. Don't cry.
- Want some sweetmeat. - No, aunt.
- Account no. 420. - Yes, Little Bachchan.
The boss wants to know when you're settling the bill?
Right now.
I'm settling the entire bill.
- Why you go man? - I go to Mohana.
What was the essay? Essay on what?
What I want to be when I grow up?
And what did you write?
I said I want to be a writer when I grow up.
Writer?
Think of something else, son.
As I ran out of money, I started missing my father.
Father's hit me only a couple of times.
But he also loves me a lot.
- See that black kid? - Which one?
The one dressed in blue.
That's my son.
Pin him down!
He's a writer, after all.
A writer too, huh.
He wants to be grounded to the earth.
My village...
Those wonderful mornings,
gorgeous days, beautiful mornings.
Nothing to do.
I'm thinking of going back home.
Back to auntie Santo, my father, and...
The stars that I see from my courtyard...
The courtyard where I would prance around.
I would read and write.
And in one corner of this courtyard is my wife,
who is waiting for me...
...whether its day or night.
Janki. Janki.
Turn the lights on.
Don't cry, dear.
He'll come back soon.
Once he meets Shah rukh Khan.
If Shah rukh had done even a guest appearance in my film...
...then my film would've been a hit.
I didn't complete even a single story.
But as my grandpa said...
Ghoomketu, whether you do well or not in your exams...
...you should at least submit the answer sheet.
Roshan.
I have a question.
- Where's Shah rukh Khan's office? - Why?
I've some work.
- Any personal matter? - Yes, it's personal.
Stop boasting your English and give me his address if you know it.
Roshan, tend to the customers.
If I catch you talking again, I'll give you a tight slap.
Stop yelling at me, and knock some sense in this guy who's always blabbering.
He wants the address to Shah rukh Khan's office.
My motorcycle is getting repaired.
I'll get it at 2 o'clock.
Today is my last day.
You guys can give me a farewell party.
- When will we reach Khar? - Next stop.
Is this Shah rukh Khan's office?
Yes, tell me.
I'm from Mahona.
My name is...
Ghoomketu. - State your business.
- I want to meet Shahrukh Khan? - But what's the purpose?
I wanted to narrate him a story.
But he's out on a shoot.
You can't meet him now.
Where's he shooting?
I'll go meet him there.
He's shooting in Prague.
I see...
So...if you can give me the directions,
I can go and meet him.
Leave the motorcycle at my house.
Park it anywhere you want. Doesn't matter.
Yeah...
Sir...
What is it?
Sir, I wanted to lodge a report.
About what?
Theft.
- What was stolen? - Documents, sir.
Where from?
From the Chinese/ Burger stall.
Anything important among the stuff.
- It had all the film stories. - As in...
As in I'm writing a film, and the entire story was on those papers.
With dialogue.
Not one, but three films.
It had three stories.
It was my hard work, a month's work.
What's the name?
Bloody Bathroom, Step-Mother, Daga's tales...
I was inspired by Daga's tales...
Tell me your name.
My name is Ghoomketu.
- What Ketu? - Ghoomketu, sir.
- Where're you from? - Originally I'm from Mahona.
What do you do?
I'm an upcoming writer.
Wait here.
Get some tea for him.
I'll be right back. Stay here.
Shinde, get some tea.
No, sir. I am absolutely fine.
You don't drink tea?
I'm not a fan of Mumbai's tea.
Have a half a cup then.
Bring some cutting tea for him.
Get me the file of the missing person from Mahona.
Look at this.
I came here to lodge a report and they're serving me tea.
That's why they call the police station 'your in law's house'.
- Hurry up. - Yes, sir.
Reminds me of Janki Devi's jaggery tea.
I was very unfair to her.
I ran away from home in just 10 days of our marriage.
Imagine Janki Devi's plight.
Forget about writing film stories,
and let's go back to Mahona.
Where're you going?
My taxi's waiting outside. I'll go pay his fare.
I forgot all about it.
Come back soon.
Good riddance.
To the point?
Where did he go?
Who?
- That guy, Ghoomketu. - What?
That guy Ghoomketu, who was sitting here.
He went outside to pay for the taxi.
I'm going back to Mahona.
It was really nice, I had a great experience in Mumbai.
I saw many ups and downs.
Frustration, depression, celebration,
I experienced everything.
Mumbai is all about speed.
I want this kind of pace in my village as well.
People should get to work,
and they don't have to come here.
Do their own work in the village.
Mrs. Badlani is a wonderful woman.
We exchanged food.
She cooked mashed eggplant for me,
I gave her my sweetmeats.
She's a very good cook.
Delicious too.
I had a great time with brother Tinku.
Never saw Mr. Badlani...
...but he must be a nice man too.
Unfortunately, my script was stolen.
What to do?
There're good and bad people everywhere.
Doesn't matter.
I'll write another one.
I lived on my own.
My biggest achievement was that I lived on my own.
I realised the value of my family.
How much one misses their family when they stay away.
I miss my...
I miss my father and aunt Santo.
I treated my wife very unfairly.
She's a very jolly woman
and also has a good character.
I'll go back and apologise to her.
What more can I say?
Look where you're going.
You aren't looking either.
Papa, what can I get you?
Get me that Ghoomketu if you can.
What if I do?
Here...
- This is my legacy. - No, I want an SUV.
I'll buy you two, son, why one?
There was a Ghoomketu who lived in our home.
Even his name was Ghoomketu.
But he's not a thief.
Poor guy ran away from his home, but now he's gone back.
Bad luck father, he left today.
- Who? - Ghoomketu, sir.
Remember the sweetmeats.
He gave those.
Now hear this...
What did one ghost say to another?
Where have you been?
I don't see you around lately.
Rane, move now.
Rane, move now, I found the kid.
The train to Lucknow halts at 1.20 at Kurla station...
...it leaves from CST and the boy is on it.
What? What's the information?
I don't have the entire information.
I have a small lead. Just move out now. Stop arguing.
Lead? Where did you get it from?
- Rane... - Where did you get the lead?
- From Tinku. - What?
I'll tell you...
- I'll tell you everything later. - Let's move now...
Bananas. Bananas.
Hey mister...banana...
This way.
Mister...is this train leaving for UP?
Does it stop at Mahona?
Mahona? This is Nagpur Express.
- Where's the train to Mohana. - Platform no. 2.
What?
He's saying platform no. 2.
But on the board, it says platform no. 18.
It keeps changing.
I can't do it.
I'll die. Let it be.
Let it be.
Look...
Let the boy go.
Once he's gone, it's between you and him.
Don't sit me down and cry over booze later.
I'm already suffering from borderline diabetes.
- What's borderline diabetes? - It's...
You expect me to explain borderline diabetes now?
Don't you want to catch the train now?
Run.
When something slips from our hands,
We get very bothered.
At least I got my hands on this banana.
So many opportunities are lost.
So many clues go missing.
Like children go missing at the carnival...
...similarly people go missing in Mumbai.
But sometimes...we get our hands on something...
...that complicates the mystery rather than solving them.
So...nothing to lose, and nothing to gain.
Destiny will keep moving at its pace.
Mister, banana?
Sir, climax scene.
What is it?
- Climax scene? - Yes, sir.
Dramatic scene. Dramatic.
The courtroom is completely filled.
Four cameras.
Close, mid and there's one camera here.
And sir the biggest shot...
This shot is on the jib, and the revelation, Amitabh Bachchan.
Just a minute, Nikhil. I have a suggestion.
These lines,
I'm not the murderer, is what every murderer says...
...sounds too flat for a courtroom scene.
Why don't we twist the words?
There's something beautiful written on this piece of paper the puffed rice seller.
Piece of paper from puffed rice seller, sir?
Yes...
Some lose their memory,
while some lose their legacy...
...like children that go missing at the carnival.
Similarly, people lose themselves in Mumbai.
I mean these are amazing lines for a courtroom scene.
- Sir, this's the climax. - I know...
- The dialogues should be powerful. - Of course, of course.
This film's going to be amazing. Mind blasting.
Don't worry, believe me.
Stop worrying. Hear this again...
Some lose their memory, while some lose their legacy...
...like children that go missing at the carnival.
Similarly, people lose themselves in Mumbai..
I mean this is fantastic...
Some bloody story on a piece of paper.
- Hello, Rosy. - Hello.
- Rosy... - Yeah...
Dial this number, someone called Ghoomketu.
Yes.
I read some of his lines written on a piece of paper of the puffed rice snack...
...and I want to use this for the courtroom scene.
Okay, sir.
Sir, there're two different papers. Could be a different person.
Yeah, but the handwriting is the same.
Okay.
- Talk to him. - Of course.
We must give him credit for the line.
Give me that paper.
Yes, sir.
Coming. Wait...
Is this fine?
This thing starts ringing as soon as I enter the shop.
Hello.
Hello, can I speak to Mr. Ghoomketu?
Hello.
Can I speak to Mr. Ghoomketu?
Wait just a minute.
Shut up stupid.
What?
Yes, what is it?
Can I talk to Mr. Ghoomketu?
Ghoomketu is dead.
Bloody Ghoomketu.
Stupid yourself, man.
Such a headache.
- Sir. - Yeah, Rosy.
Sir, this seems to be the number of a mental asylum.
Really?
What're the chances?
He's back. He's back.
Stop playing the flute.
Ghoomketu has returned home.
You're back, son.
Bless you. Bless you.
You've lost so much weight.
- I've put on weight, auntie. - I'm only acting.
- Did you miss me? - A lot.
I know. That's why I would keep getting hiccups.
I don't see Janki Devi around.
You won't recognise her even if you see her.
So...now you're missing Janki Devi.
What about your father?
Go take his blessings.
- He'll hit me. - So what? Go on.
Greetings.
How're you?
I promised Mumbai,
that when I return to Mahona... ... I'll apologise to you.
So this's my apology.
These're some gifts for you.
Especially this MP3 player.
It has preloaded songs for every mood.
Like love story, evergreen, emotional,
and...if you ever get angry on me...
...you can hear emotional songs.
Fine, fine...
There's no need to cry. I am back now...
Who're you?
It's me.
- Who? - Janki, your wife.
But your size...
Since you left for Mumbai, I lost interest in eating.
You lost interest in eating.
So nice of you.
Don't just stand there.
You've lost so much weight.
You'll feel giddy. Come and sit here.
Come on.
I'm your husband.
Yes...
Come and sit here.
I've so many things to tell you.
I'll tell you all the stories about Mumbai.
You never even wrote a letter to me.
Unfortunately, I had a very hectic schedule.
I was very busy.
But I missed you a lot.
Listen...I wanted to see your face.
Don't mind, everyone saw your face.
Like my father, Guddan uncle, Shakuntala, and aunt Santo.
Everyone in Mohana except for me.
So...
Please...
Oh, God. Am I dreaming?
You look like a heroin from a big-budget film.
Oh, God. You can't think beyond films.
Forget it.
Today is market day.
And we'll go to the market in the evening together.
I'll convince aunt Santo.
And who'll convince me?
You said you can't ride the cycle with me in tow.
What to do?
Sometimes you lose weight and sometimes you put on...
I mean...if you promise to be like this,
I'll manage.
I'll take you.
I'll...
It's my cycle, I can take it wherever I want.
Let's go someplace more private.
Take some salt.
I don't need salt.
I heard you went to Bombay.
People don't know that the name has changed.
Mumbai.
So they call it Mumbai now?
So what did you do out there?
Writing film stories, huh?
- Did you meet any big producers? - Been to SRK's office.
- SRK? - Shah rukh Khan...
Right, Shah rukh Khan.
I heard that your script got stolen
while you were eating a burger. Who told you?
- See you later, Mr. Joshi. - Where're you going?
Listen...
The editor doesn't know, that we have a vacancy now.
- Would you like to work under me? - And write what?
Fictional stories, like in movies.
People love that.
The title will be...
Amongst the stars...rose Ghoomketu.
How's it?
The column should be called...
The falling star of Bollywood...Ghoomketu...
Write.
3 bags of sugar.
Large cardamom...out of stock.
Millet...out of stock.
Father, I got a job in Gudgudi as a writer.
Now write, sun-dried fenugreek, out of stock.
- Santo. - What is it?
- Were you sleeping? - Just taking a nap. What is it?
- Ghoomketu's got a job. - I see...
He's supposed to join from Monday.
So I've brought some god's offerings, give him this.
And this Parker pen specially ordered from Lucknow.
And a pair of clothes.
Will you give these to him?
Sometimes I wonder whether you have a heart at all.
How can you do this?
This's the poor motherless child's first job.
Why can't you give it yourself?
Give me.
You're never going to change.
Santo. Wait.
What?
I want to give these myself.
But I don't know how.
It's not that difficult.
Give him these gifts and give him a tight hug.
He's your son.
Come on.
- Ghoomketu. - Father's calling.
Ghoomketu.
Always at the wrong time.
Yes, father.
These clothes, and this Parker pen..
Just got it.
You start your job on Monday.
So I brought these offerings as well.
It's just half a day's job.
So I'll sit at the shop for the rest of the day.
Forget about the shop.
This's your first day at the job, so focus on that completely.
I've to give them a story
and discuss the second one.
So...it will take around 2-4 hours.
As I said, don't worry about the shop.
This's your first day at the job, so you must be there the full day, okay.
Okay.
God bless you.
Son...
Father.
"Soaring in the skies, I returned back home."
"The stars were in the sky, and the nest in its place."
"The rifts no longer existed, as I hugged my kin..."
"...I've returned home to make this my world."
I wish sister-in-law was still alive.
- You ride the cycle pretty well. - Because you lost interest in eating.
- What'll we have at the cinema hall? - Samosa.
The samosa haven't come yet.
It's been too long.
It must be on the way. On the way.
You've been saying that for 30 minutes now.
He must be making it now.
Mr. Prosecutor, your witness, please.
Your honour...
No matter how well you protect something, it eventually gets lost.
And when you're destined to find something,
it crosses your path.
Janki...
Amitabh Bachchan's saying my film's dialogues.
Really? Wow...
Some lose their memory.
Every dialogue is mine.
Janki, I swear, I wrote these dialogues.
While some lose their legacy.
Your honour, who writes his dialogues.
These're my dialogues.
Amitabh Bachchan's saying my dialogues.
These're my dialogues.
You cannot win the case with your dialogues.
Opportunities are lost your honour.
Many clues are lost.
Remember I told you last night
when I was lying next to you.
Like children that get lost in the carnival...
...similarly many people get lost in Mumbai.
But sometimes...we get our hands on something...
...that complicates the mystery instead of solving it.
This's not possible.
Does Amitabh Bachchan eat a burger?
"The stars visible from my courtyard, and the ones I left behind..."
"But I flew away, in the direction of the blowing wind."
"I set out of my home, to create my own world."
"The stars visible from my courtyard, and the ones I left behind..."
"But I flew away, in the direction of the blowing wind."
"I set out of my home, to create my own world."
"Under the blue sky, drenched in the rain..."
"...I flew away towards my destination."
"Along the seashore, I saw, colourful flowers that had blossomed."
"As the thunderstruck, from the clouds,
the earth turned to many colours."
"When I chirped, it was music to everyone's ears..."
"...and they tapped their feet to my song."