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Do you know when you, like you stub your toe and it really hurts so bad.
That's what it feels, really badly when you squeeze...
Like, remember those chair things that are bottom.
And then if you put your foot under there,
and then if somebody sits on it, it hurts so bad.
It's like... it's like feeling like that, but madder
and, like, really annoyed.
When my dad died, I felt...
Oh, yeah, blue... blue and red.
That's what the colors... I forgot.
That's sad. And then really mad is red.
And then when they mix, it, like, is annoyed.
Like, annoyed, mad and sad.
So it's like purple, red and... blue.
[wind, birds tweeting]
[distant chatter]
My name is Michael and my stepson passed away.
I'm Jennifer, I'm one of the team coordinators.
My name is CJ and my sister died.
My name is Peter, my dad and mom died.
My name is Angela, my husband Michael died.
My name is Mikayla, my dad died.
My name is Liv, my dad died.
My name is Niamh and my husband died.
My name's Evie and my dad died.
Thank you everybody for sharing.
So, now we're gonna start with our green group.
[chatter]
-Orange is here. -Alright everyone.
Why don't we start by showing everybody what we do?
So that our new friends can see how we start out our group.
Would you like to start?
So... you have the talking stick,
you share your name, who you come with,
and who died in your family
and... what you did since last time you've been here,
or just what you did in the summer.
And you can always pass if you need to.
-Wanna start for us? -Sure.
My name is Katlyn. My dad died and I'm here with my sister and my mom.
And since last time I've been here, my sister got a phone, and it's not fair!
My name is Chloe and my brother died. I come here with my mom and my dad.
Come on.
Hi. My name's Kimmy and my father died and I'll pass it.
OK.
Nicky, you can pass if you don't want to talk.
That's OK.
We all remember what it was like to be new on our first night.
-Do you guys remember? -Kind of.
-I forgot. -Do you remember being nervous?
-I remember that. -I forgot.
I remember... [overlapping chatter]
-It was crazy. -I remember that...
it was like, Come on, we have to go to Good Grief",
and I'm like, "What?"
Cos I didn't know
we had...
And I was really confused.
[overlapping chatter]
Hey, guys, do you know where an "i" is?
Nope.
I need more paints. I need to prep more paints.
I need a longer rope. I need a longer rope.
You need a longer rope? Or we could tie another one to it.
Nicky's crying.
-Are you OK? -That's not a bad thing.
-I'm not writing my name. -I'm writing.
[overlapping chatter]
OK, here you go. You're all tied. Let me see.
It's a perfect fit!
-We can make it bigger. -Wait, wait, wait.
-Who is that for? -My mom.
-I think I wanna do a... -What's her favorite color?
-Blue. -Blue?
-Light blue. -Her favorite is light blue.
What's your favorite color? Um... black.
Black? What's your favorite color?
This is your favorite color? I love it. Very pretty.
[overlapping chatter]
-Wait... -Peter put his hand up.
-Listen. This is listening, remember? -My name is Peter, my dad and mom died.
My name is Liv and my dad died.
Why do we come to Good Grief?
Because everybody in this group has had someone die in their family.
Has had person, people or two people, one people, people who've died, right?
Yeah.
Oliver, do you want to come hear the story?
You want to hear our story, Oliver?
"The puppy came from the coolest litter in town."
"His friends didn't understand when he said his mom died."
"So rather than cry, he told everyone a lie."
"'Where is your mommy?' asked all of his friends."
"He didn't like questions and at times he didn't even like his friends.
"He thought it was time to go for a walk and find his friend Woodstock."
"He told Woodstock. They were amazed to learn they both had grief."
"I wish I had known I wasn't alone."
-Can I ask a question? -Sure.
-What does the word grief mean? -Good Grief.
I know, but does grief mean? What kind of a feeling is grief?
-Sad. -Sad.
How else do you feel if you feel grief?
Sad. Maybe... I feel grief.
Yeah, you feel grief?
What does it mean if somebody has died? They're never there.
-Never there. -You never see them again.
You never see them again.
-I'm gonna be stuck with uncle CJ. -You're gonna be stuck with uncle CJ?
Yeah.
Look.
So? What are we gonna say? What do you wanna say?
Um...
-"Mommy, Daddy, I miss you"? -Yeah.
-"I love you? I love you forever?" -Yeah.
[giggles]
-I love you forever. -Yeah.
Ready?
-Wait. -[both] One, two, three.
Let 'em go. Oh!
No! There they go. Well there goes one.
We got one in the tree. You want to get it?
Yeah.
-Oh. -Oh. Uh-oh.
I don't think I'm that tall.
Just...
Hold on.
Grab it. Grab the tree.
-Got it! -Oh, you got it.
Yeah.
Good job.
-We'll try again, alright? -Yeah.
Go ahead.
One, two, three.
Ooh.
That's the ones just hanging out for a little while.
Once the wind changes direction, it'll let it go. Alright?
-Yeah, probably mommy will get it anyway. -Yeah. It'll go to Mommy.
No, no. One got stuck. It's the one for my mom.
Mommy wanted her balloon to stay here with you for a little while.
They still watch you and they still see you.
My name is Peter,
and my dad and mom died. And, um...
My dad died from taking bad medicine.
And my mom died because she got in a car accident.
CJ, if you want...
If you want, you could read a book to me.
Sure.
-"Wherever you are, my..." -Mm-hmm.
-"...l-l... love..." -Mm-hmm.
-"...will..." -Mm hm.
-"...find..." -Mm hmm.
"...you."
-Mommy gave this to you? -Yeah.
-OK. -My mom.
" I wanted you more than you will ever know."
"So I sent love to follow wherever you go."
Alright.
"So climb any mountain, climb up to the sky."
"My love will find you, my love can fly."
Kind of like the balloons, how your love flies with the balloon up to Mommy.
-Uh-huh. -Right?
-And Daddy. -Yep, mommy and Daddy.
"And if someday you're lonely or someday you're sad,
or you strike out at baseball or think you've been bad,
just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair."
"That's me, my sweet baby. My love is right there."
-That's a good one for you, right? -Yeah.
Especially... this one.
When you strike out at baseball. or miss the goal at soccer,
you don't get mad at it.
Alright.
"Hold your head high and don't be afraid to march to the front of your own parade."
"If you're still my small babe or you're all the way grown,
my promise to you is you're never alone."
[chatter]
What were we talking about?
We were talking about how you feel when you cry and what might make you cry.
-It makes me s... S. -S being?
-Sad! -Sad. Sad.
How about you Mikayla? When you cry, how do you feel?
-Nothing. -You feel nothing?
-I don't want to talk about that. -You don't wanna talk about that?
That Dad... that Dad are dead and Mom's dead
because that will kind of make me cry.
-That makes you cry. -It's OK to cry.
What is that feeling Why do you cry? What's that feeling?
Because sometimes when you... when you talk about, um...
some... that your family died,
um, sometimes you cry.
-You cry because you feel... -Because... and I feel sad.
You feel sad.
And I don't really want to talk about it.
-That's why, so I don't really wanna cry. -Yeah.
Did you know sometimes when you cry, it makes your eyes clean.
It makes your eyes clean?
-It makes me feel happy when I cry. -It makes me feel sad.
-It could be both, right? -Yeah, like happy tears.
Sometimes you cry because you're happy and sometimes you cry because you're sad.
Happy tears.
[chatter]
You gonna be the doctor, Peter? You gonna help... help Caroline?
A patient. Your blood is turning into black.
My blood is turning into black? Doctor, that does not sound good.
-You die. -I might die.
-It's bad. -It's bad?
And you're going to die in... in a minute.
That sounds terrible. You're going to die in one minute.
I feel kind of scared.
-OK. -Ready?
-Are you guys going to yell at the end? -Ten.
Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four,
three, two ,one!
[yelling]
-I'm done. -I have one.
-You have one, Nolan? -Yeah.
Mom, read it.
What does that say?
-"I learned cursive." -Oh, cursive!
-"It's boring and tiring." -It's boring and tiring.
-It's great. -And then read this one.
"I also went to the pool."
"It was not very fun because you weren't there."
It makes it look really cool.
I have a book I have in my bedroom.
Should I go get it?
It's in this.
Oh, yeah.
I have a pink one.
So, when he died, he, um... When he died, we had that party.
Lots of people wrote down like notes in it.
-Like letters. -Saying, "You're gonna be OK."
Should I read one of them?
Do Aunt Emmy? The first one.
I'm gonna read...
-Do you want me to read it? -You can read it if you want.
"Nolan, I hope you always remember how much your daddy loved you."
"He was such an amazing father..." That's true.
"...and loved being with you and Nora."
"He would play with you,
and... you two would laugh like two kids."
"Your dad... daddy even loved you enough
to let you get your toes painted." [laughs]
Um...
"Nolan, my love for you and Nora is endless."
"I am always here for you."
"Aunt Emmy."
She writes different things in our book. We only got these because... yeah.
Cos they felt bad for us.
I'll read this one.
"Nolan, you are such a smart, handsome guy just like your daddy."
"You will never know how much he loves you and how proud you make him."
"We cherished every moment with you
and really enjoyed watching you play soccer."
"Just remember daddy lives in...
on... in... on in your heart forever."
"I love you, Jen."
It was his last girlfriend, and at that night...
...they went to Red Lobster with her, um...
No, his mom and, um, it was her last time seeing him.
And then they got back to their house.
They had an argument about his taxes and everything.
-And then... and then... -The day after that,
that night, he went over to his friend's house.
They had like a party there, and his... one of the people there
-gave him, like, something bad... -Like alcohol.
...or something, and he drank it.
-And... -And came in on the couch.
And he went to the couch and he, um...
Fell asleep... ...fell asleep and didn't wake up.
[dog barks]
Hey, what do you want for Christmas?
-A pony. That's what I want. -Sure.
You're never gonna get it for Christmas.
You got a saddle, but you didn't even get it.
You got a picture of it.
And I wanna get... a passport to go anywhere in the world.
Yes, to go to Bora Bora, and I'll take you with me.
You better.
[distant chatter, dog whines]
-Mom, we should get a lemur. -No!
-A what? -A lemur.
-You're never getting a ... -A lemur?
Yeah. It'll be my best friend for life.
In Rachel's house, those birds are really annoying.
Yeah, I don't think I would want a bird.
And, uh... guinea pigs are too loud.
-Guinea pigs? -Yeah, at night.
Cos they make noise at night. Uncle Dave had one.
What about bunnies?
-Bunnies? -Yeah.
Bunnies could be... OK.
What about a leprechaun? I mean a lemur.
[laughs] I'm all about a leprechaun. That's the best idea.
A leprechaun! True.
True, [laughs]
Stop, you're ruining it!
[yells]
OK. [yells]
You give up?
We told the ambulance driver, "It's an emergency, my dad's dying,"
and then she's like, "Listen, listen, it's fine. Dad's fine."
And then she was a bit wrong, Daddy died.
And then a nurse came up with stickers and candy.
I was like... [gasps] "Stickers!
And I was like, "Oh, I'll take a handful."
And then Nicky was just like...
He was, like, still next to Aunt Cindy.
Then I, like, got some candy and I was like, "No, thanks,"
because I didn't know what it was.
I thought it was, like, pills. I don't know.
Then the nurse came in and said, "I'm so sorry, he's gone."
And then my mom was like, "Daddy's in heaven with God."
And I was like... I burst into tears again.
Then we got home. And then we got some balloons, something like that,
and then we went to McDonald's so we can get some kids meals.
Nicky was like, "Mm."
And then that's it.
Then it was bedtime, it came shortly.
The end. It's a story.
True story.
That happens in the past.
[rainfall]
What makes you feel bad, sad,
or embarrassed about your person dying?
Sometimes we don't feel comfortable
talking about, like, memories that make us cry., or that makes us sad.
Alright, so sometimes we don't feel comfortable talking about things
that make us sad, huh?
Is there anything that you feel like you can't talk to your family about?
I can't really say "die", it's "passed away".
-OK. -It's sad.
-Oh, yeah. -It's a sad word.
[plays My Heart Will Go On on organ]
Does anybody want yellow?
-What color hair? -No, that one.
Oh, one of these? Oh. OK.
That's perfect cos my mom had a little bit of gold in her hair.
I can put a little bit of gold. Do you want me to put a little bit of gold, hun?
-Um, but's that's my dad. -Oh, this is your dad.
Oh, we'll give you another plate for your mom.
So, after our person in our family died, our family's all changed.
So everybody here's family changed after your person died.
-Oh, gosh. -Because guess what.
I went to see my dad when he died.
-You went to see your dad when he died. -I had to go to a church.
-There was Halloween stuff. -Oh.
Even there was a cross.
There was a cross when you went to see your dad after he died?
-Wait, did you see his actual body? -Yeah.
-Yeah? -He wasn't wearing anything.
-Yeah? -He was just wearing a vest,
but not any shoes because he died.
-He wasn't wearing shoes cos he died. -And he went in the grass.
He went into the grass.
I wanna put this on.
Did you want one? What color did you want?
Red.
Peter, did you get to see your parents after they died?
-Uh, no. -No.
-Different families do different things. -But... and I never cried.
Not a crier. OK.
Did you cry when your dad died? No?
I cried when my mom died.
Was you dad still there when your mom died?
No. Because she got in a car accident.
-He died in a different way. -How?
He took bad medicine.
-Can I have one more piece of red? -Yeah, sure, hun.
It probably hurt when my mom died.
-What do you think hurt? -Because she got in a car accident.
So, who are you going to spend Christmas with?
At my Gigi's house.
Do you remember what color your mom's eyes were?
I think blue.
Blue. OK, so we have to look in there for blue eyes.
-Actually, I think it's brown. -Brown eyes.
-I bet you gave her lots of hugs. -Yeah.
Your mom probably loved the hugs, right?
Those hugs make you feel really strong.
Who could you hug... who are you going to hug this year?
I don't know.
[yells]
-Oh. -Oh.
-He's dead. -He's dead.
-And he got run over. -Is he dead?
-And then... -What about the guy in the car?
He got hurt because he was like...
Oh, yeah.
Everybody ready? Good night, good night, good night, good night!
Thank you for cleaning up!
-No, Peter's still playing! -Come on, Peter.
Alright, everybody ready. Peter, ready?
Let's go. You go. Thank you for coming, thank you.
Let's go. Thank you everybody.
-CJ? -What?
-Help me. -Help you?
-How? -However, you want, it's your tree.
Wrap it around, top to bottom, bottom to top.
I don't know how.
[laughs] Yeah, that's it, that's how I do it.
Just throw it on there.
-Alright. And what's left, your star? -Yeah.
-You gonna be able to reach that one? -Yeah, I guess.
-Or do you want a chair? -I want a chair.
Come on, bring it over this way, so you're closer.
Bang, perfect. Mission accomplished.
What kinda gimme some is that?
[laughs]
You want to go to... uh, over there to Mommy?
Yeah.
Alright.
Ready, Freddy? All set? Tree's all done?
-Stay right in the middle. -Right here?
Yeah. Don't get close to the road.
One, two, three.
Where is Mommy's body? Is that Mommy's shape?
No, that's where the tree was.
-You gonna do Mommy first? -Yeah.
I love you, Mommy, and I wish you haven't died.
Merry Christmas.
Daddy, I...
I miss you and I...
...and... and I hope you fun... have fun.
You two have fun in heaven together.
-Daddy's going the other way. -He might know a shortcut, right?
And beat Mommy there.
Mommy's in space by now.
You think so?
Do you know what's behind the clouds?
-The universe. -No.
-What? -Heaven.
-What's this for? -It's a Christmas candle for Mommy.
Look.
-It's a Christmas candle, right? -Yeah.
It says, "You are always here with us."
So, since it's a Christmas Candle
and we're celebrating Christmas tomorrow, right?
-Yeah. -I thought what we would do is,
-we would light it here for Mommy. -Yeah.
-Right? And then we bring it home. -Yeah.
And light it today so she's at the Christmas,
so it's like she's at the Christmas party with us.
Oh, yeah!
You ready, Freddy?
Yeah, I can't even see the balloons anymore.
Daddy took a shortcut.
-OK? -Uh-huh.
Uh-oh.
Hopefully it's not too windy out.
Oh.
Oh, get over here.
I want to find things for Mommy.
I know, but I don't want you by the street.
Or else I'll get runned over.
And I'll die the same way as mommy did.
-Oh, she got in a car accident. -I know.
-So it's kind of like the same. -Yeah.
I don't think we're gonna make it happen, captain.
I can't do it dude.
Yes! Yay!
I don't know how long it's going to stay.
OK.
I don't know how long it's going to stay.
Yeah.
-We might get lucky. -OK.
[camera clicks]
-Perfect timing. Look at that. -Yes!
Got the picture and the wind blew it out.
That was probably Mommy blowing it out. Cos it's her candle, right?
Yeah. She could do whatever she wants with it.
Exactly. Cos it's hers, hers, hers.
I think she's saying she want... she wants to be at the Christmas party.
Doesn't Mommy always want to be at the Christmas party?
Yeah.
So I think you're absolutely right about that one.
-Ready, kiddo? -Yep.
-Alright. -OK.
-Ready to go? -Yep.
-OK. -Let's roll.
Good work.
This is so difficult.
Why don't they give you chainsaws?
[groans]
-No you don't push... -I'm going to break this off.
-Look. Look, look, look, look. -I'm doing it!
Look. Can I just get started in a little group?
See, like this?
Push, pull. Push, pull.
Yeah! There you go!
-No more. Me next. -20 more.
One...
Let him come here real quick cos it's almost down.
No, but wait! OK.
Oh, no!
Wait, look, it's still connected, right? No, no, no.
No, Nolan's gonna do the end.
You knocked it down. Yours knocked it down.
Yeah, boy!
Can I do it?
You almost got it.
-Yes! -Success!
-Let's carry it back home. -[laughs] Yeah, right.
Unsatisfying wrapping paper.
Oh, no. I think it's awesome.
Just what you wished for.
Aww. And I love that you're my boy.
I love you.
-Back off. -Nolan, Nolan, Nolan. Nolan, Nolan.
That may hurt.
Hey, don't make me regret this.
-Yeah. -Oh. It can all go...
Wait. It can all go to kids that don't have any gifts.
-Ow! -Nolan, don't do that.
-Did you just throw it on there? -Yeah, I like the sound.
[smoke alarm beeps]
-What you working on, babe? -It's a diary.
Can I open this?
It's a hard Christmas this year, huh?
"I am grateful, but my dad and grandma aren't here
because they are in heaven."
"So it's hard."
"Anyway, my name's Nora Wood."
"I am a animal lover. I love movies and shows."
"The show that I watch is Riverdale."
"People might think, oh, that's a bad show, but it makes me feel good."
"Also, horses make me feel good."
[smoke alarm beeps]
-[groans] -See?
-You can't look away. -[laughs]
I will do it.
Heaven is an invisible planet and it's pink.
You can have a party there,
or you can... you can play there.
And everybody who died is there.
And whatever is there...
they turn into angels
and they're still looking out for you,
but you don't know they're there.
They're always nice to you and... it's pink.
You can see a flashing light. You can see anything of heaven.
And my dad's in heaven.
Why do you have to put that every day?
So, like, it stays nice and neat.
But I thought you put it on school days.
School days, by the time we come home sometimes,
I don't know what you did in school.
-We do math every day. -And what else?
-We don't do religion anymore. -Why not?
Because... we're doing the Bible.
OK.
Oh, you're discussing the Bible stories, right?
Yeah, and that's why we don't do religion.
OK.
What is this for?
Well, I was going to use that. What do you think? You like it?
Oh, boy. It's to the side.
Right? [laughs]
It's OK.
-No. -Almost done.
-Mommy? -Yes.
Um ... why is the grass so big?
-The plaques? -No, the grass.
Why is it, like, spreading?
Because it's Spring.
So all the flowers, trees and grass start growing in Spring.
Because Spring is... is a season for rain.
Yes. And it rained the day daddy died.
And it rained the day of his, um, funeral too.
So it surprisingly, now we go to the cemetery and it's raining.
-Good. -[laughsÑ
That's good.
Well, you remember what you learned in church?
Pastor Spencer said absent from a body, presence with the Lord. Right?
What's does that mean?
That means when you bury someone, even though their body's there,
that they still go to heaven.
So, the body's there, you bury them, but they're with the Lord right now,
they're in heaven.
We're not gonna do back up Daddy.
Huh? No, no, we're not going to dig up any cemeteries.
-[laughs] -Good.
OK. We're just going to go visit him, talk to him.
Cos I'm sure he can hear us.
How? How... how can he hear us if he doesn't talk?
Well, you know when you pray, God hears you, right?
Mm-hmm.
So, Daddy's like an angel right now in heaven.
So I'm sure he can hear us.
-We have to find the willow section. -Where daddy is?
-So, you're going to have to help me, OK? -OK.
So y'all want me to find daddy's name?
Yeah, but we have to get to the section first.
OK.
Will-low, will...willow. What does that say?
That says chestnut section and linden section.
-Linden? -So, this is willow,
so now we're going to look for... daddy's plaque.
-OK, it's not that one. -No, cos that one says Mom.
-Yeah, because it will be a mommy. -Yeah.
So, let's see...
-Look. -Michael.
Yes. This is where Daddy's buried.
Oh, boy. Hi, Michael.
Is this his phone number? Two zero, one, seven?
No, that's the year he died, 2017.
-Whoa, that's old. -Yes.
-How old was he? -When he died?
-Yeah. -53.
-Well, that's really old. -No, that's not old!
Remember when we first came in here there was a sign saying "Mom"?
I don't know how a mom would die.
How would a mom die?
The same way a dad dies.
-Different ways. -Sick?
Yeah. There's some kids in your group that lost their mom.
Some of them lost their mom and dad.
-Let me tell you something. -Yes?
-Peter. -What did he lose?
Mom and dad.
Yeah, there's another little girl who lost her sister.
Yes, kids can even die. Yes.
-Guess what. You... Guess what. -What?
-Even grandmas can die. -I know.
How's that going for us tonight? Peter?
[kids yelling]
The fox has something to say.
Does the fox have something to say? What does the fox have to say?
-My mommy died. -Oh, your Mommy died. Oh.
-And my daddy. -And your daddy died.
-And my uncles. -And your uncles.
-And my grandmas. -And your grandmas?
I was sad when my dad died because I got to saw him before he went in the ground.
You got to see him before he went in the ground?
Yeah.
-He just got buried. -He got buried, yeah.
OK. Is there anyone in your family that you really feel like
you can talk to about stuff, about hard things that are going on?
Well, I normally talk to my father a lot in my head, just like,
"Hey... can you tell me this answer to my math problem?"
It's like sort of cheating, but still.
What do you think? Who do you feel like you can talk to in your family?
-My dog. -Your dog?
-What's your dog's name? -Seamus.
Seamus. OK.
You know, sometimes it really is good
to talk to somebody who can't talk back to you, right?
Because you can just tell them your feelings
and they're not going to say, "Oh, don't feel that way,"
or, "You shouldn't feel that way," or, "Why are you still sad?" or...
Some people go... Some people these days go to the graveyards
and, um, talk to like someone that was in their family,
even though, like, it's not alive.
They leave the part of their skeleton in there, but their soul blows away.
What's... What's a soul anyway?
Oh, yeah. It's like... it's like a core, the main part of your body.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, when your heart stops,
it goes it goes into the air and it goes to heaven.
Well, some people think that when a person dies,
part of their soul becomes part of you, part of whoever loved them.
-What's inside the coffin? That... -[gasps] A unicorn!
Oh, yeah? Mommy will save you.
-Did you bury the unicorn? -Yeah.
Let's just pretend that she's dead.
Give me the unicorn! I want the unicorn!
-This is a headstone. -Unicorn! Unicorn!
Like in a cemetery.
Do we want to do little puppet shows and have some puppets explains some feelings?
OK.
One, two, three, you're on.
-[roars] -Scared.
Yes. What happens when you're scared? What do you look like?
Oh, yeah. That's good.
When you're feeling scared, what might you need from somebody else
and who could you go tell that you're scared?
-Uh, Mommy. -Yeah.
You gonna show us something, some feelings?
-Yes, yes. -OK. OK.
-What do you guys think? -Sad?
I was wondering about sad.
Peter, is your puppet... Is your puppets sad?
-No. -What is it?
-Shy. -Shy?
-Maybe he's scared. -Scary?
-Yes. -Is it happy?
-Sad?
No.
Give us a hint. You gotta give us something, Peter.
I'm not giving you a single hint.
Mr Bear, we can't help you if we don't know how you're feeling.
-Do you give up? -Yes, we...
-I'm sorry, what about you guys? -I was confused.
-Oh! -Confused.
I was looking for something. I was, like, drinking.
-Oh, you were confused. -That was good.
-Extra, extra bubbles. -OK.
-But be careful. -Alight.
The pipe... pipe right here.
You're gonna... Watch your feet.
-Wanna rip the first bag open? -Uh, yeah.
-Stick the shovel in and rip the paper. -There you go.
-[grunts] -Go for the middle.
OK. [grunts]
Two hands. One hand on top, Other hand up higher.
[grunts]
-Got it. -Yeah.
Ready?
-Wait. Is this a tire from Mommy? -No.
I'm keeping it just in case it is.
Hopefully I don't...
I miss Mommy.
Did you know, um, the earth moves slowly?
-That's why we don't jiggle. -Yeah?
-What makes wind? -Wind?
-Yeah. -Air currents.
-What makes air? -Oxygen.
Um, can I tell you something, Tamika?
Tag.
Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no, no, no. We're not playing tag on the street, come on.
It says, "Penny's spooning, but that's OK. 22, trampoline."
I... I like the green one.
This one? OK, we can bring that one.
So, we'll do this one, the green one that you like?
-Are you crying? -Yeah.
I miss her.
Can I just take a picture of me... of me and Grandma?
-OK. -Get in.
I'm gonna put it back where it was.
That's it. That's what I took.
These are all pictures you took?
Oh, my.
There's more.
You don't see Grandma.
Yeah, I got one with Grandma.
Yes. OK, that's a nice one.
You took a lot of pictures.
I know.
I would say that was the last Father's Day we had.
-With Daddy. -Yeah.
Oh.
All people spend their Father's Day with their dads.
But if you don't have a dad, you can't spend a Father's Day with him.
-Yes, we can. -How?
With a uncle, only somebody who's a boy.
OK, so you have to look for an uncle or a grandfather.
OK.
♪ Shine
♪ On me
♪ Shine
♪ On me
♪ Let the light
♪ From the lighthouse
♪ Shine
♪ On
♪ Me
♪ Oh, shine
♪ On me
♪ Oh, oh
♪ Shine, shine
♪ On me
♪ Let the light
♪ From the lighthouse
♪ Shine
♪ Oh, on me
Bless you.
[birdsong]
First we have our Green group.
OK, then we have orange.
OK, so you're gonna go with these guys, OK?
There you go. There's your facilitators.
Head down.
Then we have the blue group.
We have a new friend today. George.
Hi, George.
I'm George. Um...
Um, my dad... well, also named George, died.
And I came here with my sister and my mom.
OK. Great.
So, we've been talking a lot about feelings recently.
Can anybody tell us some feelings that we've talked about?
-I'm guessing you talked about sadness. -We did.
Can anybody think about something that might make them sad?
Remembering that person and wanting to be with them again.
Mm-hmm.
Anybody else?
-Angry? -Angry.
Angry. What's something that might make us feel angry?
Um...
To think of, like, why they had to, like, like, you know... pass away.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Uh, mad.
What would make you mad?
If... someone made fun of...
someone made fun of your person that passed away.
Does that happen? Has that happened to you?
-It's happened to me so many times. -Really?
Like, the worst time it's happened, they said so many mean things,
I had no choice but to ignore them cos it was online.
It was online? Yeah.
Ooh...
We're going to make a book today.
Teaching people, other kids, what it's like to have a loss in your life,
to have somebody die in your life
and things that you wish that they knew.
[indistinct chatter]
What happened to your dad, was he sick?
Sort of, but not really.
What about you? Was your dad sick?
Kind of.
[crying] I miss Daddy.
Did your dad die recently, George?
He died in, like... March.
That's very recent. You guys remember when it was super recent? When your dad die?
Like, six months ago maybe.
-Six months ago? -October 4th 2016.
I miss Daddy.
I miss him. I just wish I could spend more time with him.
-Do you want us to talk about it, George? -Yeah.
That's what your here for, honey.
These boys have been through the same thing you've been through.
That's why we're here.
You want to... You want to step into this little room
so the three of us can talk about it? Let's go do that.
[indistinct chatter]
To be honest, I don't understand, like, when people come in my room
and ask if I'm OK.
Cos I don't... I don't really expect myself to say no,
cos I... I always say I'm fine.
What would they do if I said no?
[grunting]
-He's evacuating! -Sorry, buddy.
-You guys like the volcano room? -Yes.
-You do? -I love it!
"Owen is a 14-year-old."
"One day, Owen's dad has an accident and hits his head."
"Owen gets to visit his dad at the hospital."
"Unfortunately, Owen's Dad didn't get better and he died."
"Owen didn't know what to do. All he felt was sad and mad."
"He tried to be happy for his mom so she doesn't get sad."
"My friends don't understand how I feel, but they try to help."
That was excellent.
Who remembers going back to school after their person died?
When I came back to school, everybody wanted to be friends all of a sudden.
Just like best friends.
-They felt bad for you. -Yeah, exactly.
When I started this school year, we all had to say who was in our family.
And it was really hard to speak up because I didn't know
what other kids would say or think.
Because they don't know, um, like, what I'm going through
and the emotions that I'm feeling, but I don't know how to tell them that
because it's... yeah, because sometimes it's hard to describe
when you have a challenge or something like that.
This kid made me cry because they kept talking about how they have a father.
Yes! It's like they brag about it.
There was a note that says, "To Aliyah, I'm happy I have a father and you don't."
-It's amazing how people can be, right? -Mm-hmm.
Sometimes at school we may have, like, Fathers Day and a Mothers Day.
Last year...
One of the questions and the thing was like, um...
"What is, like, the recent... recent thing..."
"What is the most recent thing you've done with your dad?"
And I said, "I don't know. I can't remember."
[indistinct chatter from TV]
-Honey? -Yeah.
-Can you... turn? -Why?
Because I'm talking to you.
The beginning of July, July 4th, we're gonna go to New York
and we're... we're gonna put, um, Daddy and Grandma's ashes.
-Where? -We're gonna bury 'em.
You'll have some.
What do you think about that?
-City? -What do you think...
No, not New York City. Upstate New York.
What do you think about that, having a place to go and see him?
Or would you rather just have all the ashes at home?
Mm...
-I know where I'd put them. -Where?
-Las Vegas. -Las Vegas!
-Uh-huh. -Why?
-So we can go there. -[laughs]
-Oh, just so you can go? -Yeah.
-Well, then... -Maybe Bora Bora.
There you go.
Let's take him to the Maldives.
-What's your favorite memory of Dad? -Um... tickle monster.
-Tickle monster? -Mm-hmm.
You know, one of my favorite pictures is him giving you and Nora
a... a horse ride on his back.
At grandma's house.
Don't remember that.
You don't like to talk about it as much as your sister, huh?
-No. -Why?
-Cos. -Cos why?
-People ask a lot of questions. -Yeah, but what about with just me?
You don't even really talk about it with me.
-No. -Why?
Because.
-Does it make you sad? -Yeah.
Or are you just... you're just at a place where you're OK?
Uh... I don't know.
Do you talk about it with your friends at school?
Well, sometimes.
-What do you say when people ask you? -Sometimes I just walk away.
Do you feel like it's a hassle that you've got to deal with this?
Sometimes. Yes, it made it over!
-You just want to be a kid and go on? -Mm-hmm.
Tell me something that's a strength.
Something that makes you able to handle things when you don't feel so good.
Uh...
I have a great superpower that...
that I kind of get through it when I cry.
-So your superpower is crying. -Yeah.
I think that's a great superpower.
-Why are you using so much pink? -I'm gonna mix colors.
I have a whole thing of pink.
Let's see what happens if I mix colors.
-Oh, I just defeated you. -Oh, I think I just gave a super punch.
-No, I just... -I think I gave a super punch.
No, I just did that.
Die!
Yes. I'm going to kick his butt.
Oh, I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you!
Oh, yes. Thank you, thank you, CJ!
-What did I do? -You gave me my um, my shield.
-Oh, awesome. -That's really important.
Ow.
-This is Earth. -So, where do you want Earth?
Hmm...
-Right there. Right there. -Right here?
Alright, let go.
No. Go ahead, try again.
-Maybe if we don't let it spin. -OK.
You think so? Or your arm are getting tired?
-My arms are getting tired. -[laughs]
I'll hold on to it forever!
-If I have to. -Alright, let go.
-Yes! -Alright. We got Earth.
What do you think that planet is?
Um, I'm not sure of all the planet's names.
You probably know 'em better than I do. I don't know really nothing about planets.
I can tell you anything you wanna know about sports though.
-And politics and religion. -What's politics?
[laughs] You'll learn when you're older.
There you go, you're all set, champ.
You got your solar system aligned.
I guess I can go to bed now.
-No, I guess you have to go to bed now. -Yes.
Alright. Where's Teddy?
-He's down there. -Bang, bang.
What blanket you want?
-This one. -Alright.
That's that. Night-night.
I love you. See you in the morning.
And when you're mad at something, you could do this!
[screaming]
-This is a terrible way to die. -[screams]
Nolan! Why doesn't someone just squeeze you? That's a terrible way to die.
OK, let's go, Nora.
I can't. Goodbye.
Exploring the wilderness with Nolan.
-Goodbye! -Goodbye.
Nora! I made it! Mom, I made it!
-You did? -Yeah, I made it across.
[applause]
As so many of you know, grief is something that is accompanied by
as much loneliness and isolation as sadness.
But today, today grief comes out of the shadows
because you're surrounded by 1,200 of people who support you.
So thank you all for being in this place right now.
[cheering, applause]
One, two, three. [cheering]
Walk!
[yelling, laughter]
[screaming]
-I got it! -Yeah, I see!
How do you celebrate when you score?
GOAL!
-Whoo! -GOAL!
Whoo!
"I am life."
" I am life just as death is death."
"I am life."
"It's me who sets everything in motion."
"I plant seeds and water all that grows."
-Can I read? -Sure.
"I am in everything that breathes and in every creature with a heart
that creates a rhythm of its own."
"Hearts that that can drum with fear or be filled with joy."
"Hearts that need to receive love in order to give love."
"When death comes, I'm always there."
"We live on the earth together."
That's death. That's death.
Cos he's black, it's dark.
But he's somehow riding a great bike.
What else is there?
There's life.
-There's life. And they're flying kites. -Right next to death.
Yeah.
"I can fill you with love, even though everyone you know is gone."
"I will be there to remind you
just how precious you are."
"Because in the whole wide world, there is only..."
"...one of you."
"And every day, you can show the world who you are."
I like that story.
Give me a kiss.
[laughter]
But there is no laughing.
Maybe I'll just sleep here tonight.
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. [laughter]
Are you scared? Are you scared, little boy?
Get him. Get him! Get his feet!
Tickle monster!
We're just gonna paint to get it out.
-Oh, that's so cold. -What color do you want?
-Yeah, it is. -Is it cold?
-So, does this feel good? -[all]Yeah.
-Yeah? -Yes.
Oh!
Whoa! Look at the fingerprints.
-Wow. -Look at this guy.
What's that guy?
Oh, those colored me brown!
-There's only a little blue! -I know.
There's no more blue!
None? Maybe at the bottom.
[chatter]
We have one, two, three,
four families that are closing tonight.
Thank you for sharing your love and your story with us.
We in this room all know that grief happens in waves.
Sometimes you're up. Sometimes you're down.
So... just remember when you're riding that wave, do the buggy,
keep riding that wave.
Don't give up, and just know that when the shore line recedes,
around you there's going to be the beautiful memories that you have
of the person that you loved and that you are that beautiful something
that your person left behind.
God bless you all. Thank you so much for Good Grief.
[applause]
[cheering, applause]
-Ladies and gentlemen... -Mom, get ready!
-Start lighting your lanterns. -Yes!