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(INSTRUMENTAL 'AWAY IN A MANGER')
WOMAN: 38-year-old prisoner. Male. Caucasian.
Stab wound to the lower left abdomen.
We need an urgent fluid resus.
Blood pressure is falling. We need a trauma panel.
He is FASTing. Let's prep him for surgery.
Patient has no known family.
Corrections staff still investigating next of kin.
Be alert, everyone. The patient is regarded as dangerous.
(MONITORS BEEP REGULARLY)
(CAR ALARM BLARES IN DISTANCE)
(OFFICER SIGHS)
MAN ON RADIO: Oh, someone's put a hole
through our windscreen, mate.
You better come check it out. Over.
Roger that. On my way.
Old mate's alright, yeah?
-He's out cold. -OK.
I gotta go sort this out.
MAN: Can't be sure, mate, but it looks like someone's
put their fist through it - over.
(DOOR SHUTS, LOCK CLICKS)
Ohh! (GROANS)
Ugh!
(GRUNTS)
(CAR ALARM CONTINUES BLARING)
Oh, Dingo!
Shit.
(GRUNTS)
MAN: Oh-ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(INSTRUMENTAL CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS)
(BUTTONS BEEP)
(KNUCKLES CRACK)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
You've been good, haven't you? Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Sorry, mate. They're just for the kids.
My daughter's in the bathroom.
-Got cancer. -What sort?
Um, kidney. Kidney, yeah.
-Why are you in the gown? -Gave her one of mine.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC CONTINUES)
Merry Christmas.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(MUFFLED YELLING)
(MUFFLED VOICE) Oh, he stole my costume!
(KEYS JANGLE)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON POLICE RADIO)
Requesting backup to Oakley Hospital.
We'll need another van.
We've still got a prisoner unconscious upstairs.
OFFICER 2: At the very least,
we'll need a windscreen repairer out here.
Tell 'em that.
OFFICER 1: We're supposed to be guarding him...
-(CAR LOCK BEEPS) -..after his surgery.
Oh, piss off!
(MAN GROANS AND GRUNTS)
-Where's Daryl? -(MAN MURMURS)
(ENGINE REVS)
-Arggh! -(BRAKES SQUEAL)
Look out, kid! You got a death wish?!
-I hate you, Santa! -(TYRES SQUEAL)
No, no! (WHIMPERS)
(TYRES SQUEAL OUTSIDE)
(MAN MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)
Where's your phone?
SONG: ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy New Year
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy New Year
♪ Good tidings we bring
♪ To you and your kin
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
-♪ And a happy new... ♪ -DARYL: Shut up.
MAN: No, I would have seen a button, Maryanne!
There's normally a little latch sort of thing, you know?
MARYANNE: Well, are there any latches?
MAN: No, there's no latches. (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
Whoop! Hello.
(COUPLE CONTINUES BICKERING)
Loser!
Thank you, Leonard. Ha-ha!
OK.
Ooh, what have we got here?
-Nice. OK. -(PHONE CHIMES)
(SIGHS) OK, um...
-Yeah? No. OK. -(PHONE CHIMES)
Um... Hmm.
Well, huh.
-(MURMURS INDISTINCTLY) -(CAMERA CLICKS)
-Ooh! -(PHONE TRILLS)
Loser! (LAUGHS)
Alright... (MUMBLES)
"Hattersley Homestead." Search.
And...OK.
There you are.
-(PHONE TRILLS AND BUZZES) -Shit!
Right...
MARYANNE: I'm pushing on the thing. It's not coming out.
-MAN: Well, are you sure? -MARYANNE: Yes!
MAN: Is there something else underneath it
or under the car or something?
Check on the right, Joe, under the...
Yes, I have, Maryanne! Just give me a second!
Don't snap at me, Joe! You chose the bloody car.
DARYL: You guys having a bit of trouble?
-Oh, yeah. -Hire car, is it?
Joe wanted a hybrid.
Oh, right. You guys on holidays?
-Babymoon. -Babymoon.
Ah! Do you mind if I...?
-Oh, sure, man. Please. -Yeah?
Just underneath... Yeah, there it is.
It's just, um...just here.
-JOE: Ohh! -Yep, there we go. Hah.
-Thanks, mate. -Hey, no worries.
Uh, busy time of year for you, hey?
Oh, yeah, but never too busy to lend a hand, you know?
Ooh. Ahh!
A little something for the newborn.
-Oh, thank you. -Thanks, mate.
Yeah, no worries. Merry Christmas, hey?
-JOE: Yeah, merry Christmas. -Yeah, good onya.
(BIRDS SQUAWK)
(CROWS CAW)
(GIRL SINGS) ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and...
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and...
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas. ♪
-(GUNSHOT) -Oh!
MAN: I'm doing my best, Hazel, alright? You know I am.
But believe it or not, there are actually people above me
that I need to answer to at the bank.
HAZEL: We just need one more week, Clyde.
CLYDE: That's what you said last week and the week before.
Alright, fool me once, Hazel, but fool me seven times?
I'm not an idiot!
And I'm needing urgent medical assistance.
No, no, this is real this time.
-I told you to watch the stove! -No, no!
HAZEL: We sold another tractor, so I'll get you a bit now
and we can work out the rest later.
CLYDE: Later? There is no later, OK?
I...I've closed more farms in the past month
than the rest of my career, and those farms had sheep.
-We have sheep! -(BLEATS)
That's one sheep, Hazel. One.
It speaks volumes that you would come here this time of year.
Hey, that's not fair. You know me better than that.
-Come on. -(GUNSHOT)
Daisy! Again, you cannot make it rain by shooting the clouds!
-You know that's burning. -I'm sorry.
-Can we do this another day? -No, we can't...
-Say, a week from now? -No, Hazel.
We can't keep going on with this, alright?
I'm gonna have to get foreclosure proceedings st...
-(GUNSHOT) -Daisy!
If you're not careful, you're gonna shoot down Santa.
-DAISY: What? -Inside, now!
Look, we've just been really busy, OK?
Oh! Very safe.
Thank you for coming. I'll see you, say, after Christmas?
Two days and then I'm gonna have to...!
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
-(RADIO STATIC) -WOMAN: G'day, folks.
You're listening to 107.3 Country FM.
And with only four sleeps till Christmas,
we're playing back-to-back Christmas hits.
('JINGLE BELLS' PLAYS)
(STATIC)
MAN: You're on Outback Radio 97.3 FM.
It's been another hard year.
What we all need is a bit
of Christmas cheer, I reckon.
Enjoy this one, folks.
SONG: ♪ La-la-la... ♪
MAN 2: G'day, this is 101.7 Warragimbul Community Radio.
We're taking donations for farmers and rural firefighters.
But first here's another Christmas classic
for all you folks out there.
Enjoy.
('HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING' PLAYS)
SONG: ♪ Glory to the newborn king
♪ Peace on earth and mercy mild
♪ God and sinners... ♪
(GARBLED) Anything?
A weird dangly thing at the back.
You're not dying, Tom. Eat.
TOM: The doctor and Google says I have 'sye-phillus'.
HAZEL: You don't have syphilis,
you didn't have Ebola and you don't have smallpox.
-I had gonorrhoea. -That was diarrhoea.
DAISY: Tom, can you google if Santa's bulletproof?
Don't waste any more of Mum's data!
Mum! Dinner!
Come on. Eat before it's cold.
Mum's a better cook.
Is there coriander in this?
(INSECTS CHIRP)
HAZEL: Come on, kids! Time for bed!
(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
(BED CREAKS)
Should we call an ambulance?
Tom's fine, Daisy.
Not for Tom. For Santa.
You didn't shoot Santa. It was a stupid thing to say.
It's not even Christmas Eve.
HAZEL: Exactly.
Maybe he's doing a test run.
Santa doesn't do test runs.
Besides, his reindeer can fly,
so even if he is hurt, they'll just take him to the hospital.
What if she shot them too?
-DAISY: What? No! -Not helping, Tom.
Santa's all good. So are his reindeers.
Time for sleep, Daisy.
One more night, OK?
(GENTLE MUSIC)
HAZEL: Goodnight. Love you, weirdos.
-DAISY: Love you. -TOM: Love you.
TOM: I'm not sure Santa's coming this year.
DAISY: What do you mean?
TOM: I reckon he's forgotten about us...
..just like everyone else.
DAISY: He'll come. You just gotta believe.
('PRISONER OF SOCIETY' BY THE LIVING END PLAYS ON STEREO)
Tune!
SONG: ♪ Well, we don't need no-one
♪ To tell us what to do
♪ Oh, yes, we're on our own and there's nothing you can do
♪ So we don't need no-one like you to tell us what to do... ♪
Mm! Yeah!
-♪ We don't refer to the... ♪ -Sheep!
(TYRES SQUEAL)
-(SHEEP BLEATS) -(SONG STOPS)
-(BRAKES SCREECH) -(CLATTERING)
(ENGINE REVS)
(THUDDING AND SQUEALING)
-(CRASH!) -(GASPS)
-(METAL RATTLES) -(GASPS)
DAISY: Oh!
-(BIKE SQUEAKS) -(DAISY PANTS)
(BIKE SQUEAKS SOFTLY)
(ENGINE IDLES)
(ENGINE SPUTTERS)
(GASPS)
(ENGINE STALLS)
(METAL CREAKS)
(GENTLE MUSIC)
DAISY: Oh, no! No!
No!
Wake up, Santa!
I will not let you die, not on my watch!
(DAISY GRUNTS)
Clear!
Ohh! Arggh!
Get that... Don't touch my nipples!
I need them to restart you.
What the... Oh, Jesus Christ!
I'm so sorry. I was only trying to make it rain.
-OK, OK. Hey, just shut up. -(DAISY WHIMPERS)
Just...don't cry.
(SNIFFLES) Sorry, Santa.
Uh, where am I?
Earth.
Great. Good one.
-Can you be more specific? -Australia.
Come on.
Hattersley Homestead.
Right. Good.
Who are you?
Daisy Amanda Raley. I sent you those letters, remember?
Yep. Where's your family?
Mum's in bed. Hazel's in bed.
Tom's in bed. Dad's dead.
Great. Let's keep it that way.
Except your dad. Sorry about that.
Oh, shit...vers.
Sorry. Shivers.
Is that the naughty list?
What?
On your arm.
Oh, yeah.
You could say that, especially Chastity.
She was really naughty.
Please don't put me on it, Santa!
-I didn't mean to shoot you. -What?
Clouds have water in them and we need rain.
-But Hazel said... -OK, OK.
Shush-shush-shush your mouth.
You'll be sweet with me if you promise
not to tell anyone I was here.
-I promise. -Good.
Do you wanna save Christmas? Yeah?
Santa's gonna need your help.
('SLICE OF HEAVEN' BY DAVE DOBBYN)
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da-da-dum
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da-da-dum
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom... ♪
Vita Gummies and bandaids.
Got anything stronger?
♪ Bom-bom, da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da-da-dum
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da-da-dum... ♪
DAISY: Horse tranquilliser and a bullet.
Split the difference?
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da... ♪
Huh?
-(GASPS) -I've got a secret.
-What? -Not telling. Come see.
-Where? -In the shed.
Are you crazy? I'm not going outside.
There's climate change and skin cancer
and pandemics and werewolves and stranger danger.
He's no stranger.
He knows when you've been sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da-da-dum
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom, da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da, bom-bom
♪ Da-da-da-da-dum... ♪
Daisy! Who the hell is this, you little snitch?
This is my brother. He got these.
-I couldn't reach. -Oh, right. Well, fair enough.
What's with the get-up, mate?
-He's scared. -Of what?
-Everything. -You're bleeding.
Oh, nothing a little whisky can't fix, mate.
(WHISPERS LOUDLY) I think we should get Hazel.
(WHISPERS) No-one else can know.
-I don't think he's Santa. -He is.
-I shot him out of the sky. -She did.
It's not even Christmas yet.
-Why were you flying? -Test run.
Where are your reindeer?
Um...
They metamorphosised
into a panel van when they hit the ground.
You don't look like Santa.
Well, you don't look like a smart-arse, mate,
but here we are.
Fine, then. If you're Santa, then what's my name?
-Uh... -It's...
-No. -Your name.
Um... Hang on, mate.
My, um...my Santa senses are tingling.
Stranger danger. I'm getting Hazel.
Uh, Tom!
-Your name is Tom, mate. -DAISY: See?
DARYL: I've known you since you were born.
Yeah, I remember the day you were born.
When you came out, you were a, uh, baby.
And look at you now. You're all grown up and big. Wow.
-I am! -You are!
Yep.
So, uh, my two little bonbons,
I need you two to promise me
that you won't tell anyone else about this, OK?
-Especially you, Daisy. -TOM: Not even Hazel?
-How old's Hazel? -15.
Drop the... Thank you.
Sorry. 15, you say?
Yeah, no, that's too old.
You know, at 15, you're almost an adult
and, look, if an adult was to see me, I'd explode...
..and die.
-Die? -Alright?
Good. Now piss off.
Santa needs his rest
and time to think about
how he's gonna get back to the North Pole.
Goodnight, Santa. Time for sleep.
See you in the morning.
(TENDER MUSIC)
(PILLS RATTLE)
-(MUSIC DARKENS) -(GIBBERS)
(GROANS)
(DARYL BREATHES HEAVILY)
MAN: The present's under the Christmas tree.
-(GUNSHOT ECHOES) -(GASPS)
(BIRDS CAW)
(DOOR OPENS)
Mum, can we talk about these?
They keep coming in and I don't know what to do.
MUM: Don't worry about it, Hazel.
(GUNSHOT)
HAZEL: Daisy, stop that! Seriously!
(GUN CLICKS)
-(GUNSHOT) -HAZEL: Daisy!
How many times do I have to tell you
that is never going to make it rain?
Go inside!
(MUM IN DISTANCE) How could you?
How could you leave me with all this on my own?!
(MUM WEEPS) You arsehole.
(GRAVEL CRUNCHES)
You selfish arsehole, Jason!
-Damn you, Jason! -(CAR HANDBRAKE CLICKS)
(TENSE MUSIC)
-(METAL CLANGS) -(GRUNTS)
(CAR DOORS SHUT)
-Argh! -WOMAN: Hello?
Anyone home? Hello?!
HAZEL: Hi.
WOMAN: Morning, Hazel, love.
Senior Constable Wendy Madigan here and Constable Greg Madigan.
GREG: She knows our names.
And will you please stop title-dropping?
I've been promoted and Greg hasn't.
-GREG: Was that necessary? -People need to know, Greg.
If we address the tension, they don't have to.
What's up?
Clyde said he saw a shotgun on the property.
That's weird.
You're too young for a gun licence, Hazel.
I know. That's why I don't have one.
What about your dad's old shotgun?
Sold it a couple of weeks ago.
We ran the number. It's still in his name.
Papers are in the mail.
Busy time of year for the postie,
being Christmas and all.
Yeah, well... Fair enough, love.
But you can never be too careful.
That's right.
Oh, bugger, it's gone again.
WENDY: And you wonder why you weren't promoted.
-Did you put it in the car? -In the gun safe.
GREG: Well, I didn't ask you... See you, Hazel.
I didn't ask you to do that.
Morning, Santa. We cleaned up the presents.
What the hell are the cops doing here?
-Greg and Wendy come here a lot. -(CAR DOORS SHUT)
So no-one told them I was here, right?
No. We swore a Christmas oath, Santa.
-We're Santa's little helpers. -(CAR DRIVES OFF)
Great. We need to hurry.
DAISY: That's why I brought you Shanks.
He said you could ride him back to the North Pole.
-(BLEATS) -Right.
That's a very generous offer, you little nutcase,
but that's not what I mean.
You, sit down. You, sit there.
OK, so there has been a tragic accident.
Santa's infinite sack of presents has gone missing
and I think it's disappeared
when you shot me out of the sky, Daisy,
and it's somewhere on your farm.
Daisy, you idiot!
Hey, guys, it's no-one's fault,
even though it is Daisy's.
Anyway, um, my bag...
-Sack. -Sack is black.
-Red. -No.
It...it usually is, but for the first time ever,
Christmas is being brought to you by...
..Big Barry's Sports Megastore.
Yeah, anyway, have either of you
seen a black sports bag lying around?
-Not this morning. -OK.
Uh, what about, say, in the past year?
-Didn't you lose it last night? -Yes...I did.
But, you see, time is like a flat circle.
That's why clocks are round.
Exactly.
And usually I'm travelling
on a continuous loop,
delivering prezzies in the past, the present and the future,
and when Daisy here shot me down...
By accident.
..she must have interrupted
the space-time Christmas continuum.
-What? -Space and time, Tom.
It's all very complicated Christmas magic.
-So have you seen it? -No, but we'll help you find it.
Where do you think it would be?
Well, my sack, like me,
she loves Christmassy stuff
and when she gets scared...
..she hides under Christmas trees.
-I hide under my bed. -That's very original, Tom.
-I have a shotgun. -I can see that, Daisy.
So where's your Christmas tree?
We don't have one.
We sort of have one. Dad's tyre tree.
(FAINT CLATTERING)
HAZEL: Look who's outside,
Looking good, Tom.
What's with the shovels?
-We're on a treasure hunt. -Cute.
I have a bad feeling about this.
You have a bad feeling about everything.
TOM: Well, I'll be on lookout.
(DRILL WHIRRS)
(MUTTERS) What are you doing?
(DAISY GROANS LOUDLY)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(DAISY GRUNTS)
Stupid shovel.
I'm gonna check the top.
No, no, no, no, under the tree, you little idiot. Dig!
Be careful, Daisy.
But I promised Santa.
You're getting a bit high now.
DAISY: Shut up, Tom.
This is dangerous, Daisy.
-Don't worry. I'm invincible. -Oh, Jesus.
I can't see anything.
OK, too high, Daisy. Come down now.
Santa!
Santa? Santa, help!
Daisy, Daisy! Hey, get down! Ohh...
-It's not in here. -Daisy, no!
Get down! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
-Daisy! Daisy, no! -HAZEL: Daisy!
-(TYRES THUD) -DAISY: Ugh! Ohh!
-HAZEL: You right, Daisy? -I'm fine!
Who the hell are you?
Hazel, Santa. Santa, Hazel.
Oh, no. No, I'm... (STAMMERS)
OK, OK... Uhh, look!
-Talk! -OK, I'm trying to.
-Are you a paedo? -No!
He just asked us to find his sack.
-Not helping! -TOM: He's not a paedo, Hazel.
I thought that too, but he's really Santa.
-Go inside. -No.
Go inside right now!
-Who are you? -I'm a volunteer Santa.
And I know how it looks,
but I just crashed my van into your shed
and I...I didn't want to ruin the magic
for your little brother and sister.
-You're a volunteer Santa? -Yeah.
For the, um, Outback Santa...
-Bullshit! -Ohh!
-No bullshit. -I'm calling the cops.
Please, please, please, please. Please don't. Don't.
This job, really, it means the world to me
and if you call the cops, my boss will know
I crashed the van and I'm a goner, you know?
And I have seven kids and they will have nothing.
-I thought you were a volunteer. -Paid.
Ohh! Stop doing that!
I just wanted to fix my car, OK,
and...and grab my stuff and get out of here
so I could go to the doctor because...look, see?
I didn't want to bother you because I thought, you know,
you guys look like you're going through a tough time as it is.
Why were the kids out there with you?
Well, um, the Outback Santas, they have this crazy rule.
We're...we're never allowed to break character.
And so when little Tom and Daisy found me,
I panicked and I said, "Go and find my sack."
Christmas sack, with presents, not my... Obviously.
I'm really, really sorry.
-I'll fix your shed. -No shit.
-You're the one who broke it. -OK.
I'll fix the ute. How about that?
It needs a new starter motor and the battery's dead
and it needs a bunch of other stuff.
What's your name?
Leonard Schosta...kawasaki.
-You have one day, Leonard. -OK, great.
-You stay away from my house. -Yep.
If you bother Mum, she'll kick the shit out of you.
Roger that.
If you ruin Christmas for Tom and Daisy,
I'll take your head off.
OK.
(BONNET CREAKS)
(DOOR SHUTS)
MARYANNE: Please, there's been a misunderstanding
or a mistake or something.
DINGO: Nah, it's pretty clear to me
that you know what I'm talking about.
JOE: We...we don't.
(SIGHS)
Sorry, mister, but we don't even know a Daryl.
-Lord have mercy on these liars. -We're not lying!
And spare their unborn child
from their blasphemy.
I told you we should have gone to the Gold Coast, Joe.
-JOE: Not now, Marya... -Shh!
Mary...and Joseph.
JOE: Actually, it's just Joe and Maryanne...
Hmm. Seeking refuge in a humble inn.
(BLINDS CLATTER)
(PHONE TRILLS)
(PHONE BUZZES)
(PHONE CONTINUES BUZZING)
Thank you.
(PHONE CONTINUES BUZZING)
(GRUNTS)
So where'd you get this from?
Santa?
(ENGINE STARTS AND REVS)
(TYRES SCREECH)
DAISY: Is the Grinch real?
Yep, yep, he is.
-And the Easter Bunny? -Yep.
-What about the Tooth Fairy? -Sure, yep. So...
Can you tell her I've got a loose one?
Yep, I'll...I'll call her on the fairy phone, Daise.
-What about Jesus? -More trouble than he's worth.
-DAISY: What about... -Guys, enough!
Too many questions!
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) OK.
Just enough with the questions, OK?
It's a lot of questions.
So, my little bonbons,
if we're gonna save Christmas,
you need to shut up and listen, OK?
Thank you.
So, uh...
..Hazel is like the Grinch, OK?
And we cannot let the Grinch know
that we are looking for my bag.
-BOTH: Sack. -Can you stop saying that?
-BOTH: Sorry. -It's OK.
It's just that if we're gonna find my sack... (SIGHS)
..my bag before Christmas,
then we need to widen our search.
-So what are we doing? -We're gonna dig, Tom.
We're gonna dig, mate. So get out and find some shovels, eh?
Yay, digging!
(DAISY SINGS) ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and...
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas... ♪
TOM: Why would it even be under here?
DAISY: 'Cause this is where I burn the old Christmas trees.
♪ We wish you a merry... ♪
DARYL: You know there's more lyrics to that song, Daisy?
And more songs, for that matter.
-♪ We wish you a merry... ♪ -Daisy!
If you've got breath enough to sing,
then you're not digging fast enough, OK?
-(CRUNCH!) -Arggh!
-DAISY: Are you OK, Tom? -Santa?
Same goes for talking, Tom.
Santa, I've stabbed myself.
We don't have time for this, OK? Just keep digging.
I think it hit the radial artery.
Just take a deep breath.
TOM: I knew this was gonna happen.
I should never have gone outside!
-DAISY: I'll go get Hazel. -No!
-TOM: Arggh! -Just keep digging. Tom!
DAISY: ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas... ♪
DARYL: Stop singing that song!
Tom! Slow down, mate!
DAISY: ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas... ♪
(TOM WAILS)
DARYL: Tom, come on, mate!
-Give me a... -TOM: I'm dying!
DARYL: Look, it can't be that bad if you're running this fast!
TOM: Go away! Leave me alone!
DARYL: Slow down, mate. You're killing me!
(TOM PANTS)
(WIND CHIMES TINKLE)
DARYL: Hey.
Calm down.
-I'm dying. -No, you're not.
-I need Hazel. -No, you don't, mate.
Just breathe. You're doing fine.
Um, how about this, mate?
Why don't you tell me about this?
I used to have a bunny. What was his name?
Rabbit De Niro.
Rabbit De Niro. (LAUGHS) That's good.
-What about that one? -Woofy Goldberg.
(LAUGHS) Classic.
And who's this guy?
That's Dad.
We built this place together for our pets.
He's here now too.
You must be missing him a bit, mate.
We used to talk a lot and kick the footy.
Oh, I...I can kick the footy with you, mate, if you want.
If...if you wanna kick the footy.
I don't do that anymore.
Because the memories are too painful?
Because the ball could hit me in the face and I could die.
Right.
Dad was walking near a river
and then Mum says he just fell.
He's gone now because he wasn't careful.
You know, Tom, I used to have this mate Blizzard.
He was this intense little dude with pointy features
and always wore a beanie.
-He was an elf? -Yeah. Yep, sure.
Anyway...
Blizzard made the most purest, funnest...
..snow in all the North Pole.
-Elves make snow? -Sometimes.
The point is I was super keen to go skiing,
but I was afraid of Blizzard's snow
because I knew this bloke who'd had a bad comedown...
Fall, sorry. He'd had a bad fall.
And I was afraid it was gonna happen to me, right?
-Makes sense. -Yeah.
So this one day, I'm staring down the length of this run,
and Blizzard, he can see the fear in my eyes
and he says to me, "Life is like a theme park, right?
"There are rides and food and all kinds of colourful crap
"and, you know, we all have the choice
"to watch from the sidelines, safe and sound,
"or you can just jump on in and...have the best time."
Look, everything's a risk, mate.
But that's life. And you know what?
I reckon your dad, he'd say the same thing.
Don't watch from the sidelines.
-We good? -Yeah.
Right, the most important thing is to remember
that the human body can cop a whole lot of punishment, OK?
So throw the ball at me.
Oh, come on, mate. Give it some curry.
Try again.
Ohh!
OK. Yep.
-Are you OK? -That was good.
No, I'm OK. (SNORTS)
Oh! Yep, good. That's...
-Now you've got it. Good onya! -(LAUGHS)
Oh... Ooh! You little pri...
OK, yep, good!
OK, mate, lesson learned, lesson learned! Ooh!
DAISY: ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas... ♪
Pillow monster! What's going to happen?
Uh-oh! What's happening?
Has he got any fight left in him?
Oh, boy, he's up and he's...
-Oh-ho-ho! The uppercut! -(TOM LAUGHS)
He's just knocked him over! He's coming from the top.
He's gonna give a big walloping!
Ohh! (LAUGHS)
Oh, no! Here he comes! (LAUGHS)
TOM: Hazel, I don't need my armour anymore!
The human body can cop a whole lot of punishment.
-DARYL: Oh! -Santa taught you that?
-TOM: Yeah. -That's great, Tom.
Dinner's ready.
DARYL: Ooh!
Copped it.
(DARYL GROANS)
Ooh!
That boy can pack a punch.
Not you, Leonard.
Um, what was your surname again?
'Schostakawasaki'.
How do you spell that?
S-A...
Wrong. This is Leonard Schostakowski.
Who the hell are you?
Would you believe there's two of us?
-I'm calling the cops -No, no, don't, don't, don't.
Len, from Mildura, is a mate
and I borrowed his van.
-(KEYPAD BEEPS) -OK, OK, OK.
My name...
..is Daryl, Daryl Dunn.
See? Dunny.
-What are you doing here? -Crashed Len's van.
-(PHONE BEEPS) -OK!
There's money buried on your farm.
A mate was driving by and he dumped it here.
-And he left me a clue. -A clue?
What are you, a pirate?
"The present is under the Christmas tree."
That's the clue.
Why is it on my farm?
I don't know, Hazel. Why's your farm so shit?
Sometimes things don't go to plan.
-How much money? -None of your business.
How much?
-(PHONE BEEPS) -500,000.
So if you just put the phone down,
maybe we can come to some kind of arrangement...
-Half. -Come again?
I want half.
You can have three grand and...
..the presents in the van.
Half, and the presents in the van.
You're a very greedy little girl. You know that?
(LINE RINGS)
-10,000. -No.
-20,000? -Hi.
I'd like to report a person on my farm.
OK, deal!
(PHONE BEEPS)
-Jesus Christ. -You have until Christmas Eve.
Then you're gone, with or without the money.
SONG: ♪ O come, all ye faithful
♪ Joyful and triumph... ♪
(ENGINE ROARS)
(SIGHS)
(ENGINE WHIRRS AND DIES)
(STATIC ON RADIO)
TOM: Mum, we're gonna put up Christmas lights.
-You wanna help us? -MUM: Oh, no, thank you.
You do it. You have fun.
-TOM: Alright. -DAISY: Love you, Mum.
(DOOR SHUTS)
(MUM CRIES SOFTLY)
(WEEPS)
(CLICK)
DAISY: So, Hazel,
now that you're helping us find his sack,
can Santa come to Christmas lunch?
Lunch is family only, Daisy.
He is family. He's Father Christmas.
Exactly. He'll be back at the North Pole with Mrs Claus.
-She can come too. -HAZEL: It's time for sleep.
Got a big day tomorrow.
We said one more night, Daisy.
Fine. One more.
Goodnight. Love you, weirdos.
BOTH: Love you.
DAISY: Told you he wouldn't forget about us.
TOM: This is the best Christmas ever.
Ohh...
-(DARK MUSIC) -(GRUNTS)
DINGO: Where's my money?
I don't know, mate. I lost it!
I don't believe ya.
(COCKS GUN)
MAN: The present's under the Christmas tree. Christmas tree.
(GUNSHOT ECHOES)
(SHANKS GRUNTS)
(BLEATS)
(MOTOR REVS)
(GRUNTS)
(SHANKS BLEATS)
(MOTOR REVS)
Oi!
(TURNS OFF MOTOR)
What the hell are you doing?
Main road. Pine trees.
-Presents. -What?
That's the main road your friend would have driven down.
If I were him, I would've buried it under one of these.
You don't think you should be a little bit more discreet?
HAZEL: Don't worry about her.
-Is she alright in the head? -She's fine.
Get digging.
Righto.
Good Lord, I'm at a fork in the road.
So please bestow on me,
your most humble disciple, a sign.
(CHUCKLES) Thank you.
Three wise men.
You serious, man? What are you doing?
I need a sign.
Sorry bro, but we're using ours, eh?
I'm looking for a man.
So can you tell me which way he went?
-Uh, who? -His name is Daryl.
Well, sorry, bud, there's, like, 16 Daryls who work for council,
so you'll have to be more specific than that, eh?
(MUTTERS) Please give me the patience, my Lord.
You serious, man? Get off the bloody road!
Not until I get my sign.
Hey, we told you, mate...
-(GRUNTS) -Come on, then!
MAN: Arggh!
Sorry, sorry! Keep the sign!
Oh! I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
(CRIES) I'm sorry.
You can have my sign.
Hmm. Well, look at that.
God just saved your arse.
MAN: That was excessive!
HAZEL: Up.
-We're gonna try somewhere else. -(GROANS)
Hey, listen.
I know it's a wild idea,
but have you thought about it being inside the house?
Why the hell would it be inside?
Well, it's where Christmas trees live, inside houses.
You're not coming into my house.
-DARYL: Where are you going? -To make lunch.
DARYL: Great. I'm starving.
Lunch is for winners, Dunny. Keep digging.
Oh, come on, man! I haven't eaten in days.
(METALLIC CLUNK)
(CLUNK!)
(TANK CLUNKS)
TOM: Give it some curry.
-DAISY: Butter chicken! -(CLANK!)
(WHISPERS) OK, go.
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
DARYL: OK, go, go!
What the hell, Daisy?
Sorry.
Hazel's in there.
Don't watch from the sidelines, mate.
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
TOM: Hazel!
Hazel, I've found the sack, but I can't find Santa.
That's OK. Why don't you just show me where it is, yeah?
She wants all the toys to herself.
Yeah, you just can't trust some people, can ya?
OK, go.
(DARYL WHISPERS) Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Go, go.
(WHISPERS) Where's the tree?
Is that always where you put it?
OK.
-(KNOCK AT DOOR) -CLYDE: Hello?
Don't waste my time, Tom!
Hazel! Where are you going, Hazel?
CLYDE: Hazel, I know you're in there, OK?
Just... (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Hello?
-Good afternoon. -Why are you here?
-Where's your mum, Hazel? -She's not here.
Well, then you leave me with no choice.
What's this?
You failed to make a payment by the third and final due date,
so I must present you with this letter of foreclosure.
You have 14 days to vacate the premises,
after which time, if you fail to do so,
law enforcement will be involved.
-HAZEL: You said I had a week. -You said a week.
-I said two days. -I told you, I've got the money.
No, you said you were coming into money.
-I am! -No, it's too late, alright?
We're just...we're putting it on the market.
DARYL: Don't tell me I'm too late!
Miss Raley, are you trying to
leverage a better price from me?
-Who are you? -Harold Bishop.
Director of Surveying.
-Who are you? -I'm, er, Clyde Dandy.
-The bank manager. -Assistant manager.
Oh, well, lovely to meet you, Mr Dandy.
Now, do you know what that is, Dandy?
That's coal. Don't be afraid of it, mate.
I've been scoping this place for months
and the place is riddled with it.
-Is it? -Yep. Yeah.
Right, so when you said you were coming into money...
Yeah, mine.
Yep, just got to liquefy a few assets
and restructure the portfolio.
-You know how it is. -Yeah. I... Yes, of course.
-I do, yeah. -Thought you would, Dandy.
-Yeah. -Yep.
So, um, you can take the notice here
and tell your boss that this family's
about to become filthy fuckin'...
CLYDE: Ugh!
MUM: Get off my property!
Get out. Go on!
(TENSE MUSIC)
Now, who the hell are you?
So, Daryl showed up yesterday after he crashed into the farm.
Microsleep. Only takes a second.
And I felt really bad because he's a volunteer Santa
and he gives presents to sick kids.
Oh, come on, I hate the word 'hero'.
And I didn't want to burden you because he seemed trustworthy,
so I said he could stay in the shed until he fixes his van.
-DAISY: No, Mum! -TOM: Don't look at him!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Look away, Mum!
-What? -'Cause it's Santa.
(WHISPERS) They think he's Santa.
DARYL: Yeah, yeah. Oh, don't worry, kids.
Don't worry.
It's, um...yes, normally I would explode
if, um, an adult sees me.
But, um, seeing as your mum here is so, um, youthful,
uh, there's nothing to worry about, so...
-TOM: Can he stay? -DAISY: Pretty please!
I don't really have time for this.
Set him up in the spare room.
-Great! -Um...
You want a total stranger staying at our house?
Stranger? Come on, more like a drifter, if that.
I thought you said we could trust him.
-He's staying in the shed. -I'd love to stay in the house.
It's a beautiful house. Be very comfortable.
Whatever you think, Hazel.
BOTH: Yes!
-TOM: Yes! Santa's staying! -DAISY: Presents, presents!
TOM: Daisy, we're getting presents for sure!
Let's decorate the tree!
DAISY: Shotgun! Putting on the fairy lights!
DARYL: So, I thought you said she'd kick the shit out of me.
HAZEL: Thought she would.
(BLEATS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
So, how much money do you owe?
200,000.
Shit, that's a lot.
And your mum, she doesn't care?
I don't know.
She spent the last year staring at dirt,
and now all she cares about is that stupid windmill.
Maybe there's water underground.
Holy shit! Why didn't I think of that?
I can't believe after 10 years of drought,
I never thought to check the bore water.
Thank you, Mr City Man.
You know, back when I was a truckie,
I knew this bloke called Razor.
Nice guy. Very sharp.
Anyway, Razor told me this story
about the Melanesian Islanders, right?
And apparently in World War II
there were a ton of soldiers living on their doorstep.
Now, these soldiers, they gave them gifts,
like food, medicine, clothes, all sorts of crap, you know?
How is any of this relevant?
Well, when the soldiers finally left,
well, they took all the stuff with them.
And so the Melanesians, they believed
that if they rebuilt the runways and the towers,
that they would bring the soldiers back,
with all the gifts.
Maybe your mum thinks that,
that if she rebuilds the windmill, then...
HAZEL: It'll rain.
(SHANKS BLEATS)
Um, you know this money,
it's not exactly a get-out-of-jail-free card.
It's stolen.
Me and my mate, we stole it.
Yeah, no shit.
Black sports bag. Stab wound.
"Don't tell your mum."
I've seen movies, Daryl.
It...it's just that there's something I need to...
(CLEARS THROAT) What I'm trying to say is...
HAZEL: Shut up.
Grab a shovel, Dunny.
I know where the money is.
HAZEL: That's a moodjar tree.
A parasite.
We poisoned it because it was killing the other trees.
But you know what else they call it?
An Australian Christmas tree.
So, how does your family all fit together?
What do you mean?
Well, you know, you're, like...
Um, but...but Tom's obviously not...not...
We're family, Daryl.
Family's what you make it.
Now, dig.
Oh, it's just that I'm not that comfortable
with digging up your dad's grave.
It's not his grave.
Dad's in the cemetery.
Tom just puts Dad's photos here
so his spirit can be with the animals.
Right.
Thank God.
I'm sorry about your dad, by the way.
Don't be. His choice.
What, you think...
He had a shit year after a bunch of shit years.
-(CLUNK!) -Daryl.
What have you found?
Cat Damon.
Anything on your side?
Uh, no. Sorry.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
(LOW, PENSIVE MUSIC)
Hazel...
..there's something I should tell you.
We start again tomorrow.
(HAZEL SNIFFLES)
(PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(ENGINE CRANKS)
Come on, you...
Argh!
-Start, you piece of... -(THUD!)
Ow! Start!
(ENGINE STARTS)
-(ENGINE REVS) -Yeah! (WHOOPS)
(UNSETTLING MUSIC)
-Where's my money? -I don't know, mate.
I lost it!
I don't believe ya.
(COCKS GUN)
(CAR DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)
MAN: Daryl?
Daryl!
(GUNSHOT ECHOES)
(BIRD CAWS)
(GROANS)
(GUNSHOT ECHOES)
Daisy! Get in here right now!
(RUNNING FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
-Sorry, Santa. -It's OK.
You and Tom are coming with me, alright?
DARYL: Come on.
DAISY: Where are we going?
DARYL: You won't need that.
Hey, what's your favourite Christmas food?
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
-Morning, Hazel, love. -I'm really sorry about Mum.
It's just today's the anniversary.
We know, love. But that's not why we're here.
It's just when Clyde was here,
he mentioned that he saw another man on the property.
Brown beard, red pants, about yea tall?
That was an interested buyer.
A mining magnate.
-You know where he was headed? -No.
Did he say he'd be making contact again?
Not sure.
He said something about having to sell some assets.
Right.
Well, he matches the description of a prison escapee
who trumped the cops at Oakley Hospital.
GREG: Got locked up last year for stealing from a fish market.
WENDY: Half a mil.
I don't mean to scare you, love,
but this man has a particularly violent past.
Daryl, we need to...
Daryl?
Tom!
Daisy!
(TENSE, TROUBLED MUSIC)
(PANTS)
Mum!
What?
-Have you seen Tom and Daisy? -No. Why?
No reason.
(TENSE, TROUBLED MUSIC)
(BIKE SQUEAKS)
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
-(BIKE CONTINUES SQUEAKING) -(DOG BARKS)
DARYL: The cash is on the counter, mate.
Thanks, guys. Merry Christmas.
DAISY: Merry Christmas. Have a nice day.
So we're really not paying for this?
Shush, mate. I'm Santa.
I've given that kid heaps of free shit over the years.
-What the hell are you doing? -Stealing!
DARYL: She's kidding.
Shopping. She means shopping.
We're just, um, you know,
getting a jump on Christmas lunch, getting you some food.
Kids, get in the tray.
DAISY: OK.
-I'm driving. -OK.
DARYL: Are you alright? Is this a teenage thing, Hazel?
HAZEL: I thought you'd kidnapped Tom and Daisy.
DARYL: Why the hell would I do that?
(TYRES SCREECH)
(WHISPERS) What are you doing?
I got a visit from the cops.
-You robbed a fish market. -(WHISPERS) OK!
-And escaped from prison. -Keep your voice down.
-Technically a hospital. -And you have a violent past.
OK, well, it does sound pretty bad
when you roll it together like that.
GREG: Hold up! Just let me finish my pie.
HAZEL: You'd better start talking.
OK, I broke out of a jail.
-Big whoop. -Huge whoop.
You would too, if some psycho was trying to kill you!
Someone's trying to kill you?
He bribed my cellmate to stab me,
then hunted me down in hospital, so, yes.
-Why would he do that? -'Cause I stole from him.
-You stole from a fish market! -I did. Dingo's fish market.
Lot of money in fish when they're stuffed full of drugs.
And what about your violent past?
Daryl, what does that mean?
You know, you've got about two seconds before I honk this horn.
OK, OK, fine, fine.
I was your age.
I was in a pub, which is a stupid place to be at that age,
and my best mate, he got into a fight
and I stood up and I pushed this bloke off him.
And he hit his head.
-He hit his head? -It was an accident.
OK? I made one stupid mistake, Hazel.
It only takes one stupid mistake.
(GREG SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Please.
That's my violent past.
OK?
(TRUCK CREAKS)
(SHANKS BLEATS)
TOM: Daisy, here. Put the prawns in the freezer.
We don't want to catch salmonella.
DAISY: Yep, onto it. Prawns in freezer, pronto.
TOM: I'll bring the fairy lights.
Thanks for not turning me in.
You know I never meant to drag you into this,
but when we find the cash, I will piss off
and we can both get our fresh start.
You know, one of the last things my dad said to me
is that the only thing harder to outrun than death is debt.
Neither of us are getting a fresh start, Daryl.
You'll always be running,
and I'll always be watching my mum pull at a windmill.
(SHANKS BLEATS)
(METAL CLANKS)
(BLEATS)
(TRUCK APPROACHES)
(POIGNANT MUSIC)
(GENTLE FESTIVE MUSIC)
-(ENGINE STARTS) -MUM: OK. Ready?
Give it a bit.
Yeah, come on.
Yep.
A little bit more.
Yep. Yep!
Oh, go slow!
-(FESTIVE MUSIC RISES) -Yep!
Ohh!
Go a bit slow!
Yep, yep.
(FESTIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(METAL CLANKS)
(MUM LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY)
Look at it!
-Yes! -(LAUGHS)
(GENTLE, POIGNANT MUSIC)
Heh.
Tinny?
Yeah.
(OPENS CAN)
Yep. I can see why you wanted to get her up.
-MUM: It's a he. Kevin. -Ah.
(DARYL OPENS CAN)
My great-grandad named him after he bought the place.
Yeah, right?
Farm's been in the family for a while, then?
-80 years. -Wow.
Had some good ones too.
But the fires came through and old Kev here took a tumble.
Next thing, the rain stopped.
Yeah, we still get clouds sometimes, but just teasing us.
DARYL: Yeah.
What's your name again?
Daryl.
Fiona.
Nice to bloody meet ya, Fiona.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
FIONA: So, where's the next stop?
On your present run?
Oh, uh, just near Adelaide.
Yep.
Yeah, I'll be out of your hair soon.
Shame.
Kids will miss you.
Their dad...
..he's not around anymore.
Yeah, Hazel mentioned.
What about your family, Daryl?
Um, you know...
..things don't always go as planned.
(DARYL CHUCKLES)
We got a saying on this farm.
"Family's what you make it."
I like it.
You know, a couple of days ago, I had this stupid thought.
Yeah?
That if I got it back up again...
-Oh, yeah, it would rain. -No.
That...
..things would be good again.
That Jase...
(LOW, WISTFUL MUSIC)
(FIONA BREATHES DEEPLY)
I've spent the last year...
..figuring out what I could have done different.
-Fiona, listen... -No. Nah.
(SOFTLY) No.
Enough chat.
Time for the finishing touch.
(SOFT, MAGICAL MUSIC)
Before the kids, Jase used to light it up for me.
Beats a tree any day.
Bloody hell.
One last present from him.
DARYL: Mmm.
(SIGHS) You coming?
Think I might just enjoy the view for a bit longer.
(MAGICAL, TINKLING MUSIC)
(SIGHS SOFTLY)
(WHISPERS) Pull your shit together.
(POURS FLOUR)
Move over.
Let an old pro show you how it's done.
(GRUNTS)
(MOMENTOUS MUSIC BUILDS)
(PENSIVE MUSIC)
(SHANKS BLEATS)
What are you lookin' at?
-What did you do? -What?
Um...
Mum's helping with the food.
Oh, right, yeah. I don't know.
I was just giving your mum a hand with the windmill.
Why would you do that?
It's Christmas.
Do you want to come to lunch tomorrow?
-Sorry? -Lunch.
It would mean a lot to Tom and Daisy.
Oh, yeah, probably shouldn't.
It...it's Christmas Eve and I should get on the...
I'll get on my way, you know?
But, you know, we haven't even found the money.
You also stole way too much food,
so you'll be doing us a favour.
And it would also...
..mean a lot to me too.
-OK. -OK.
Cool, I'll...I'll see you then.
-(EXHALES HEAVILY) -DINGO: Where's my money?
I don't know, mate!
I lost it.
I don't believe ya.
(COCKS GUN)
(INTENSE, MOMENTOUS ROCK MUSIC)
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
-DARYL: Idiot! -(ENGINE STOPS)
-What are you doing? Go away! -Daryl?
DARYL: Go away, Jason!
-Daryl! -You came back.
You came back! You never come back!
It's Small Crimes 101!
Where's...my...money?
It's gone, mate.
-The money's gone. -What?
Let him go! This is pointless.
-The cops are on their way. -Oh, you're kidding me!
Daryl, tell my wife
the present's under the Christmas tree.
(BIRDS CHIRRUP)
(STATIC CRACKLES)
(BRIGHT, FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS)
-DAISY: Wake up! Wake up! -TOM: Wake up, Mum!
Good morning! It's Christmas!
-MUM: Merry Christmas! -TOM: Come on, let's go.
DAISY: Get up! It's time for presents!
-Merry Christmas. -Let's go.
-It's time for presents! -Come on. Presents!
Oh, Daisy, we talked about this.
There won't be any presents this year, remember?
Yeah, but Santa's our friend now.
TOM: Yeah!
Come on, we'll go get the presents.
-It's empty. -Daisy...
(GASPS)
I'm getting Santa!
He's gone!
He's probably still delivering presents.
No, Mum, you don't get it.
-He wasn't actually... -(HORN HONKS)
(HORN CONTINUES HONKING)
-DAISY: Santa! -TOM: Santa's still here!
(CHUCKLES MERRILY)
Ho-ho-ho!
(BELLOWS) Merry Christmas!
-DAISY AND TOM: Santa! -DARYL: Yep!
Sorry, team! I'm a little bit late.
Hit a bit of turbulence over Bali, hey?
-You look amazing. -DARYL: Thank you.
-Which ones are ours? -All of 'em!
Go nuts! Come on.
(LAUGHS) Come here.
Up you get! Up!
-You right, Tommo? Good? -Yeah.
Daryl! How much did you spend on all this?
Santa doesn't pay for things.
(CHUCKLES) Courtesy of the Outback Santas.
Well, come on, get amongst it!
Come on!
(DAISY AND TOM CHATTER EXCITEDLY)
-Thanks, Santa. -Don't mention it.
-(MUTTERS) One... No, two. -(CAR DOOR SLAMS)
-(DOORBELL CHIMES) -Sorry, we're closed.
Christmas Day and that.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC)
Nah, you're right. Go for it.
Heh. "Gabriel."
(HEAVENLY MUSIC)
Nah, it's just Gabe, man.
Gabriel, have you seen a sinner dressed as Santa Claus?
Weird...question.
But, yeah, yesterday. He came in with a few local kids.
-That's interesting. -It's not that interesting.
(GABE WHIMPERS)
Now, Gabriel,
where do these kids live?
Merry Christmas, Tom.
(DARYL GRUNTS COMICALLY) Whoa!
Yeah! You did win!
(DARYL AND FIONA LAUGH)
DARYL: Nice work.
-(BOWL CLANGS) -DARYL: Ooh, look out.
-Wow! -Oh, my...
-Tom! You look so handsome. -DARYL: Mate!
-Haven't seen a bowl since '82! -Thank you.
I would like to propose a piece of toast.
Firstly, thank you, Santa,
for spending Christmas lunch with us.
I don't think we would have had a Christmas this year
if Daisy didn't shoot you.
-You're welcome. -(FIONA CHUCKLES)
Second, I thought since it's been a year and all,
it might be cool if we all said something nice about Dad.
Maybe what we miss about him the most.
I'll go first.
I miss bear hugs.
I miss shoulder rides.
Hazel?
Really? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Fine. I miss being tucked into bed.
TOM: Mum?
I miss my best friend.
TOM: And Santa?
Um, I didn't really know the bloke, mate.
-Yes, you did. -DAISY: But you're Santa!
You know everything about everyone!
That's God, Daise.
This looks delicious. Shall we get stuck in?
You played footy together.
I think you're thinking about someone else, mate.
Can you pass me the spuds, Hazel?
-What's he talking about? -No idea.
-I'll show you. -I might just grab something.
See? Right here.
It was on Dad's grave, and then it wasn't.
And I found it scrunched up under Santa's bed.
You knew Jason?
No. I...I...
I mean, I did, yeah.
We used to play footy together.
What? Santa and Dad were friends?
-That's why you're here. -What's going on?
The money on the farm, it's Dad's.
-Hazel... -What money on the farm?
What money on the farm, Hazel?
Santa is actually a criminal on the run.
He's Santa!
And he crashed into our shed looking for money
that apparently Dad buried the night he died.
-Hazel, can you stop? -Now he's on the run.
And you didn't think to tell me?
When? When you were staring at dirt?
Or when you were fixing that stupid windmill?
-What is happening right now? -Hazel!
Everyone stop fighting!
OK, everybody just needs to shut up.
You're ruining Christmas!
Yes, I knew your dad.
Jase and I were best mates when I was growing up.
But I hadn't seen him in years.
Um, and then last Christmas, he called me up out of the blue,
saying that he needed money...
-Dad wouldn't do that. -Come on.
"The only thing harder to outrun than death is debt."
So, the bloke who we stole the money off...
..he tracked us down, and your dad...
He didn't jump?
(TEARFULLY) You let me stand there and tell you
that my dad...that he...
What was I supposed to do, Hazel?
You're the reason he's dead!
No, it wasn't my fault, OK?
Like it wasn't your fault with the guy at the pub?
Jase called me, OK? I was trying to help out a mate.
Do you steal from all your dead friends?
-I was gonna give you half! -That's bullshit!
So, Santa isn't real?
HAZEL: Yes, Tom,
but this isn't him.
-Yes, it is! -Stranger danger!
HAZEL: This is Daryl, a dropkick without a family.
-DARYL: Hazel... -Blasphemy!
-Please... -Get the hell off my property.
Get the hell off my property!
You know what? I was leaving anyway.
DAISY: Santa! Santa, please, come back!
Please!
Don't go!
I am not Santa!
Please.
I am not Santa!
I don't believe you.
DAISY: Santa, stop!
Santa, come back!
No! Please, come back!
-(TYRES SCREECH) -No!
('HOW TO MAKE GRAVY' BY PAUL KELLY)
SONG: ♪ Hello, Dan, it's Joe here
♪ I hope you're keeping well
♪ It's the 21st of December
♪ And now they're ringing the last bells
♪ If I get good behaviour
♪ I'll be out of here by July
♪ Won't you kiss my kids on Christmas Day?
♪ Please don't let 'em cry for me... ♪
(BANGING AT DOOR)
(SONG FADES)
I thought we told you to...
Merry Christmas.
(SNIFFS) What's for lunch?
You shouldn't keep your gun loaded.
Especially when there's kids around.
Didn't even have your safety on. (TUTS)
Shit!
That's light.
Anyway... (CLEARS THROAT)
..where's Daryl?
We're not telling, Grinch!
Which means we don't know who you're talking about.
-Hazel... -I don't really like liars.
Neither does God.
OK, yes, he was here.
But he pissed off when he found out you were coming.
It's a shame, 'cause he's got my money.
HAZEL: We don't know anything about your money, OK?
He screwed us over too.
(DOOR SLAMS)
There. 500,000 cash. It's yours.
-Daryl... -Let me finish.
Your dad was a hero,
and he loved you very much.
And when shit hit the fan,
he could have gotten away scot-free, but he didn't.
He came back.
He knew I was in trouble and he came back for me.
You never go back.
-DINGO: Small Crime 101. -Exactly.
-What? -(DINGO GRUNTS)
SONG: ♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen
♪ Let nothing you dismay
♪ Remember Christ our Saviour
♪ Was born on Christmas Day
♪ To save us all from Satan's pow'r
♪ When we were gone astray... ♪
(GROANS)
♪ O tidings of comfort and joy
-♪ Comfort and joy... ♪ -(DARYL CONTINUES GROANING)
♪ O tidings of comfort and joy... ♪
-Ugh! -DARYL: Owww!
(SINGERS HUM 'GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN')
-Ow! -Here!
♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen Let nothing you dismay
♪ Remember Christ our Saviour... ♪
-Ugh! -♪ Was born on Christmas Day
♪ To save us all from Satan's pow'r
♪ When we were gone astray
-♪ Tidings of comfort and joy. ♪ -(PANTS, GRUNTS)
♪ Comfort and joy O tidings of comfort and joy. ♪
(GASPS)
(SONG CONTINUES)
-(GRUNTS) -(SHANKS BLEATS)
Heh?
Ugh!
(DINGO GRUNTS)
(ROARS)
Yes!
♪ To which his mother, Mary, did nothing take in scorn
♪ O tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy
♪ O tidings of comfort and joy... ♪
-(CRACK!) -Ugh!
-(DARYL GRUNTS) -(SINGERS HUM)
(GROWLS)
Ugh!
Aggh! Ya!
What?!
(GASPS)
Don't watch from the sidelines.
♪ Virgin bright
-♪ To free all those... ♪ -(GRUNTS)
♪ From Satan's power and might
♪ O tidings of comfort... ♪
-(POP!) -Owwww!
-♪ Comfort and joy... ♪ -(DINGO GRUNTS)
♪ O tidings of comfort and joy... ♪
Oww! Argh!
No!
(ROARS)
(SINGERS HUM)
(DARYL HOLLERS)
Whoa! Oh.
-(DINGO GRUNTS) -Yah!
Get off me!
(WHIMPERS) No!
-DINGO: Ugh! -(GLASS SHATTERS)
♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen Let nothing you dismay... ♪
(DARYL WHIMPERS)
DINGO: Come here.
-(DARYL WHIMPERS) -♪ Was born on Christmas Day. ♪
-(SNORTS) -DARYL: Arggh!
DINGO: Yah!
♪ O tidings of comfort and joy
♪ Comfort and joy
-♪ O tidings of... ♪ -Ugh! Arggh!
-(DAISY ROARS) -Enough!
Enough!
(FIRES GUN)
(HOLLERS) Where's my money?!
Dingleberry! Come and get it!
(GRITTY ROCK MUSIC)
(GUNSHOT)
(DARYL EXCLAIMS)
-(GUNSHOT) -DARYL: Arggh!
DARYL: Oi, you shot me in the leg! Oww!
-(BULLET CASINGS DROP) -DINGO: It's just a graze.
(GRIM, FOREBODING MUSIC)
You know, I was a sinner when you robbed me.
I was an unholy man.
I guess I deserved to be robbed.
So I should thank you for that.
But just like me, what once was lost
has now been found.
Good Lord showed me the way, didn't ya?
-Are you sure? -He sent me signs.
Yeah, but did he say, though?
Like, explicitly?
-It's over, Daryl. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What about forgiveness? Jesus forgives, right?
I'm more of an Old Testament kind of guy.
DAISY: You shot Santa!
FIONA: Daisy! Daisy...
Kids, you just wanna go inside?
-You don't wanna see this. -I've already called the cops.
-And they're on their way. -Wow.
Don't have time to wait for you to go inside, then, do I?
(GUNSHOT BOOMS)
(CACKLES)
That's a very big gun for a little girl.
Let him go!
DARYL: Hazel! You don't wanna do this, darlin'.
-FIONA: Hazel! -Let him go!
Somehow, Hazel, I don't think you've got the balls.
Nah, I got freaking ovaries!
Hazel, please, listen to me.
It's not worth it, darlin'. I'm not worth it, OK?
FIONA: Hazel, it's OK.
Put it down.
Hazel, it only takes one mistake to ruin your life.
You don't want to do this, trust me.
You're a good kid and you're a great sister.
Your family needs you.
No!
-(GUNSHOT) -(THUNDERCLAP)
(RAIN PATTERS)
DAISY: I told you it would work!
TOM: It's just like you said, Daisy.
It's a Christmas miracle.
DINGO: Really? Now I'm confused.
God wanted me to punish you for stealing from me.
And then he makes it rain.
And that washes away your sins.
He does work in mysterious ways, doesn't he?
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(WINDMILL CREAKS)
Yep. Sorry, Daryl.
It's pretty clear that he does want me to strike you down.
So now, with divine permission
of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost,
I deliver you from...
(THUNDER CRACKS)
(SIRENS WAIL)
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
He was on the naughty list.
He wasn't the only one, Daisy!
(GENTLE, WISTFUL MUSIC)
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
Well, Santa's gonna need one hell of a clause
to get out of this one.
(SHANKS BLEATS)
What about you lot? You gonna be OK?
We're fine. We're good.
The truth is he saved us.
GREG: Saved you from what?
-From... -From a shitty Christmas.
GREG: Reckon they'll ever get that windmill back up and going?
-WENDY: Not likely. -(SHANKS BLEATS)
(ENGINE STARTS)
-GREG: I love Christmas. -WENDY: Me too.
DARYL: Me three.
(HORN HONKS)
(SHANKS BLEATS)
SONG: ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy New Year
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year
♪ Good tidings we bring to you and your kin
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year... ♪
(GUESTS EXCLAIM)
-Hello. -It's good, though. It's nice.
Yeah, thank you, my wife bought it for me.
♪ Oh, bring us some figgy pudding... ♪
-Santa! -DARYL: Daisy!
Hello, look at you! You look gorgeous!
DAISY: Where's your suit?
DARYL: Oh, love, I told you, I'm not... Oh!
DAISY: I know you're Santa
and that other guy's just a fake.
-I made the footy team! -DARYL: Did you, mate?
That's amazing. Congratulations!
Come on, everybody! Lunch is getting cold.
Whoop! Thank you.
HAZEL: Leonard came to collect his gift.
LEONARD: Thanks, mate.
We'll be able to do a whole heap of good with this.
-Did you give him our mon... -No, I gave him yours.
Right.
-Welcome home, Daryl. -DARYL: Thank you.
Cheers, everyone! Merry Christmas!
Oh, a frothy one. Look out!
(ALL LAUGH)
DARYL: You guys look amazing.
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ And a happy New Year! ♪
('WHITE WINE IN THE SUN' BY TIM MINCHIN)
SONG: ♪ I
♪ Really like Christmas
♪ It's sentimental, I know
♪ But I just really like it
♪ I'm looking forward
♪ To Christmas
♪ Though I'm not expecting
♪ A visit from Jesus
♪ I'll be seeing my dad
♪ My brother and sisters, my gran and my mum
♪ They'll be drinking white wine in the sun
♪ I
♪ Really like Christmas
♪ It's sentimental, I know. ♪