(car rumbling)
Downloaded from YTS.MX
(lawnmower rumbling)
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
- I feel like she was a like really big part of, like,
like an expression. Like it was like a...
When my mom would clean, like she would
listen to everything, like, uh what is it?
Bryan Adams, Def Leppard, Van Halen, like the whole nine.
But it was like, uh Carol King was the first one on.
And so it was like a...
I don't know, it was like the perfect start.
'Cause all the songs, like they're about love
but empowerment at the same time.
They're about like,
missing someone and she knows that she
can do good without them but she just wishes that
they were there.
So it's where you're showing your femininity but your
strength at the same time.
It's such, I get chills. Like I...
It's such a, it's good.
She's just amazing.
Just like she's doing what she has to do, she's letting you
know like she loves you, but fuck you.
I gotta, I gotta do me.
I'm gonna miss you though.
I love that.
It's the one thing about being a woman that like, that's
how I knew.
There was no way, like as much as of a bitch as I am,
the amount of compassion I can hold for someone.
Like not that men can't hold compassion, it's just not a
natural instinct and my natural instinct is to feel,
is to be that way.
I hate to let people know that but that's just me.
And that's what this is, teaching you about being
compassionate and being strong at the same time.
While doing so, that's beautiful.
(traffic humming)
- You can lie down.
Hi. All right.
Lie down. Lie down.
Good boy. Relax.
(grunts) All right.
Just stay.
I was going to sell it because I started to get pissed off
that every time something broke
I brought it to them to fix it
but 'cause I don't want to do that.
I want to be able to fix it myself but I don't know how to.
I don't think that I was supposed to take that out.
Fuck!
This one looks clogged!
My dad had the same moped though.
When my mom was like 15 her boyfriend broke up with her
and my dad was in love with her
and so he made her a chocolate cake
and rode it over on his moped with one hand.
If it starts that's gonna be really fun.
Okay. No, it's not that.
So it's another fuckin' thing.
Plink's sad 'cause he wanted to put on his goggles and get
in the sidecar.
(grunts) Okay.
When I was probably like, I must have
been like seven.
And I really wanted short hair so I went and I cut the sides
of my hair, just like really really really really short
with scissors and I knew immediately, I was like uh oh.
Shouldn't have done that.
And so my mom was like "What happened?"
so I made up a crazy story, well actually it's really funny.
I was young so, I actually must have been younger.
We'll go with seven.
I told her "Oh, I must have cancer."
'Cause I knew when you have cancer you lose your hair
so I wanted her to not know that I was the one who tried
to have like a boys hair cut so I told her,
like in my head I was like, "Oh, I'll pretend my hair's
falling, like my hair will be falling out."
She was like, "You don't have cancer.
That's not how that works.
You cut your own hair."
- I feel like there's so many Yaya stories
of our childhood.
Once we're together...
We can't stop.
(swelling music)
I met her she just turned two, so I was three.
I was I think just with my dad.
We were in the backyard
and then there was like a little chain
fence and she was on the other side with her Uncle Timmy.
And I just remember coming up to the fence and I don't even
think we talked. I just remember like, staring.
And then we just were like, all right let's play.
And we just played every day.
The first time she comes over to my house, she came in,
my mom was like "It's like she knew exactly where to go,"
goes into my mom's closet, puts on my mom's high heels
and just comes out tromping around in her high heels
the first time we met.
And I was like, "All right, I guess this is how
this is going."
We would play house, but it was great 'cause like she
would be the mom, I'd be the dad.
We had no problems. It was just like, you know...
living out our little freak lives.
Kids. Great.
- There was these boys up the street.
Collins kids.
And you know, they always like picked fights.
They were bad.
And I would beat them up 'cause I just didn't care
and I could.
But this one day I was in the house by myself and I had
lipstick on and a sheet wrapped around me, like playing.
The one kid Matt Collins could see me
putting on the lipstick and he started laughing
and called me a faggot.
My dad had a gun cabinet.
He could see in the window that the gun was there and I
went like this... That's all I did.
My Uncle Jackie was standing in Jack's backyard
watching me and told my mother.
And that was the only time she hit me.
Like, she took my head and slammed it into my closet door.
My fantasy was to be long-haired stupid gown...
I just wanted that.
I knew then that's what it was.
(people chattering)
- Jack, I'm trying to get you in the camera and
you're running away.
All you need is makeup.
- I don't know.
Maybe in my head they didn't say you can't have short hair
but I just thought I couldn't.
They also like, got me everything I asked for for Christmas
of football stuff, and they knew I wanted to do karate.
I don't know they didn't stop me from doing
other gendered things.
- You gotta practice your kicks.
- Ooh! I wanna play with Daddy with this.
I'll hit him over his head with it.
- I didn't really know that I wanted to be a boy.
I knew that like, I wanted to be married to a woman...
and then I remember thinking, "This is wrong and I need
to fix this." Even then.
I was like, "This is not okay. I need to change this.
This is gonna be problems for me."
I asked my grandmother one day when Rosie O'Donnell came
out as gay.
So whatever year that was.
I said...
She used to watch the Rosie O'Donnell Show a lot
and she liked her and when she came out as gay
I remember sitting on the porch with my grandmother.
I was reading the newspaper.
I don't know whenever Rosie came out.
'97 or something like that? Maybe before then.
And I was like, "I'm gonna ask my grandmother how she feels
about this to see like, if she'll love me still.
For anything."
And I was like, "Oh so how do you feel
about Rosie O'Donnell being gay?"
And my grandmother just looks at me and is like,
"I don't care.
I think like whoever she wants to love she can love."
And then I remember saying, this is actually really funny.
I was like, "I don't get...
Why does Rosie O'Donnell then,
think Tom Cruise is a cutie patootie?"
Remember she always used to say that?
"How can she think he's cute if she likes women?"
And my grandmother just being like,
"Oh well the world doesn't want you to see that."
And I was like, "Oh."
She was like, "So she hides it.
And so she says that he's this so that other people will
will like her still."
And I was like, "Oh this is gonna be a hard...
This is gonna be hard."
- I'm going home to see my family and that includes Yaya
and we get to all hang out and spend Fourth of July together
and hopefully do some family time, lots of cooking.
Lots of partying.
More partying than cooking. (laughing)
Plinko's really excited 'cause he knows where we're going.
Plinko! Plinko!
We're going to see your grandpa and Yaya!
(Plinko excitedly cries) Say "Yaya!"
- I'm gonna stay with my Dad.
My Dad and his girlfriend Pam.
And yea, it's the house I grew up in and it's
next door to Yaya.
So she is hopefully off some days so we can spend some time
together and recently trying to change her name.
Trying to help her out with going through that process
because it's been easier for me,
here in Massachusetts, than her.
And she has a lot going on in her life and I know that will
really help her out because every time I go home if we go
shopping or something and she uses her card I know she feels
anxious 'cause it still says Christopher and if anyone
asks she says, "Oh it's my boyfriend.
Let me take the card out."
And I just think it's time to like, to have her feel better.
(chill, nostalgic music)
- Look at you, you handsome man!
Oh my god!
- I love that you have the Tony strut.
- Ow! I was in the pool.
You're manly.
You don't have to smack me like a man.
Hi! How was your drive?
- Tony! - What's dripping?
- The air conditioning. What's up bud?
- Smells like weed in here.
- When doesn't it?
- Oh Mitch is here and Eddie's there.
Of course it will smell.
- Hi. - Good to see you.
- You should have been first you pregnant little bitch.
(chill music)
(people chattering)
(birds chirping)
- My parents, they were living in an apartment and then
they decided that they wanted to buy a house.
So they borrowed money from my grandfather
and they bought this house and on the,
I think the day we moved in my Dad took me outside
to look at the backyard and next door there was a
different fence but I remember you were with Uncle Timmy.
- Basically to me, in a weird, weird way, Jack had the
longer dark hair, resembled Tony, which had the Uncle Jessie
brown curly mullet, you know, and the tan.
- Back in the '80s. - And the blue eyes, you know.
And Jack had that but Jack was my age so he had
this like brave, fearless personality.
Like he wasn't scared of anything and he kinda
just did stuff.
- Yaya, she was so much fun to play with.
To be honest, I think the reason why
we were such good friends when we were younger
is because of who we actually are today.
I think that like, being younger and not having the words
for how we felt inside I think we just acted it out
by playing house.
- When we were kids Jack and I would trade toys.
There's actually a home video of Jack getting a Barbie
mannequin head going, "Christopher will love this!"
- (gasp) A Barbie style head!
- Christopher will wanna play with that!
- Like, Santa left it at the wrong house.
I really was like, "Oh, what a mistake..."
- Do you like what your sister got you?
- Yea. Thanks Trace!
- I think we both were wise and broad for our own age
if that makes any weird sense.
Because thinking about it now there were things that we
shouldn't have known and things we shouldn't have done and
things we shouldn't have thought about but we did and we had
these feelings as if our souls were old
and knew each other and had met again.
- That's true.
- And it took and it us to turn around and go,
actually it took him to say, well, you're gay and...
- No I said, "I'm gay and you are too."
- No, you said, "You're gay and so am I."
Basically like you came out afterwards.
You like made sure that I was first, to then say
that you were. To see my reaction.
- We were sitting in my car and I thought I had figured out
what was wrong with us.
I was like, I, I got it!
I know why we're such freaks. (chuckles)
- I knew it would work out.
I don't know how I knew but I knew. (laughs)
Well, I guess I didn't have a choice but yeah I knew it
was the right thing.
Even though I knew I was too young.
You know, 18 years old all my friends were going to the
prom and I was pregnant.
Going on the senior trip...
but I didn't care. I missed it, oh well. (laughs)
Tony and I had a conversation, something like,
"Oh, what do you think? Our oldest is gay.
Like, almost as a challenge to see what I thought.
- She's getting married too.
She's part of it, right? Thank you everybody.
- She didn't wear it very long.
- I came out to my mom first.
It didn't go so great.
My mom said, it's rough,
and I knew she probably feels embarrassed.
She said, "I've never been more disappointed in you."
So, that wasn't good.
That was not a good response.
But I already was like, if she doesn't like it,
I'm running away, you know?
And my mom just takes a long time to come around.
But then when she's around, she's good.
I didn't think my Dad was closed-minded.
I don't know why I was scared to tell him.
But, I come home from a fight with my first girlfriend,
Lindsey.
I see my Dad in his tighty whities in the hallway just
coming into the living room. He's like, "Jack!
What are you do " No, " What the fuck are you doing,
why are you home so late?"
And then at first he was mad at me
and then when he saw my face
he had seen I was crying I guess.
And he's like, "Are you okay?
Are you in trouble with the law?"
And I was like, "No."
And then the next thing he said was,
"Are you and Lindsey fighting?"
And so I knew he knew the, you know, dynamics of our
relationship and then I'm hugging him
and he's just like, "What's up?"
And I'm like, "Well Dad, me and Lindsey aren't just
friends," and he goes, "Oh baby, I knew that.
You didn't have to tell me."
He was like, "Well, let me make you some tea."
So like at two in the morning on a Wednesday,
we're just like sitting in the kitchen having tea.
(belly flop splash) (Tony laughs)
(giggles)
- This club is great.
The shit that used to happen was nuts!
I don't know the guys were always just fun.
Like we would do, it was like fun.
Well I think it was a bunch of young kids back in the day.
They drove down the woods...
This place has been here since '49.
For me, when there's kids here, like family picnic,
I don't even pay attention to the adults anymore.
I'm all into kids having fun, jumping into the lake.
I want them to experience the club.
I think our main goal is "To have fun."
Right here, my Dad's brother, Uncle Howard, who's
on my dresser.
They said he had a heart attack
but I think he died of AIDS and nobody really told us.
"Gay" was always in our family.
So I've never had an issue with it.
I've grown up with my uncle he's, best motherfucker you
ever wanna meet.
But as far as "transgender," that didn't come
for a while later.
The one thing as a parent that I've
always thought was, "Never judge your kids."
Whatever they do, as long as they don't effin' kill somebody
or rob somebody or hurt somebody, then they're fine.
Same body, same head...
Same person I know.
Jack can say, "Dad, I'm sorry I'm a transgender alien
from fuckin' Egypt, " and I'll go, " Where?
Egypt? It's a little hot there isn't it?"
And we'll be okay. I love my kids.
- I didn't know you had a doctorate.
- Doctorate? What's a doctorate?
- To be a behavioralist!?
- Behavioralist? What's a behavioralist!?
- Exactly.
- I done raised two kids.
- Barely.
Fucked up. (Jack laughs)
- I've never steered you the wrong way.
If you ever think I did, you let me know.
- I'll get a pen and paper.
- Pam, get a pen and paper!
- I'd rather type it.
- Type it!
- He's way more comfortable in himself.
He doesn't give a shit who's around and says, "That's bad."
He's Jack!
He's my son I always wanted and had.
Look at him! Beautiful person. Yea.
Cut!
(birds chirping)
- And during the week it was just basically like,
do your homework, weekends were-
- Party.
- We're gonna have a party. We're gonna-
- You stay out of our hair. - Yea.
- Younger - Look! A porno movie.
Why don't get to bed so you ain't late for work again, man.
You can't lose this job!
- First you grab the hat, then you twist the hat,
then you turn the hat, then you slam the hat.
- Then you drink a Budweiser!
- Then you make sure it's a starter hat. (Tony laughs)
- Don't do that!
We're gonna get dizzy when we watch this!
- We partied with them. And then they would get mad at us.
And it was bedtime after that.
- What time is it?
- 10:00.
- Why don't you go to bed?
- Where are you going?
- Who?
- It was like a mirrored image.
Jo Ann was like set on making a career
and a thing for herself
and Tony got up every day and worked for a township and
had great benefits.
On my side, my Dad was barely making nine dollars an hour
and my mom, she was on her way
to get her own cleaning business
for a short amount of time before she had her nervous
breakdown after having my youngest
sibling and like, lost herself.
So, here you had this like, sense of stability and over here
it was like, chaotic.
- It didn't necessarily provide us with the,
"You're going to be set later on in life" type of deal.
- Well I always thought she was gonna be a girl.
I was really surprised that she was born a boy because I had
nothing but feelings she was a girl.
We go back I have a lot of gay people in my family.
My grandmother didn't say they were gay, she would
say they're funny.
Chris used to get beat up in school, he did for being gay.
And I said to him "Well, I can't believe that you
don't believe it.
You should have known this was gonna happen."
I said, "Don't sit there and take any shit.
I don't care what you have to do.
You don't take any shit from anybody."
It's hard to understand to some people and I really like,
if you have a hard time, then put yourself in that place.
You know, just...
Just for an hour.
My brothers and sisters were...
(smacks lips) Didn't know how to act.
Around me.
Because they know that if they said something wrong I'd be
on them like...
A screaming eagle.
They don't wanna talk about it in front of me.
Because we were raised very strict Catholics and um,
I had a hard time accepting it.
And I worry still today.
You know, uh, "Where's he gonna go when he dies?"
Bothers me a lot.
I don't see anything wrong with it first of all,
I'm not God.
You know?
I don't know what He has in mind
and I don't believe He's gonna
throw somebody in hell for uh, doing what comes natural.
I couldn't ask for better kids.
They go out of their way to do anything for anybody.
I think the hardest part is over now.
It was coming out and letting everybody know and not being
ashamed of who you are.
So I think it's gonna be smooth sailing from now on.
(clock continuously chimes) And Chris does not
take any crap.
(crickets chirping)
- But it was just like, you know...
drag was my outlet
and that's when I first started practicing
my makeup to get better and I realized that that was a thing
I was like, "Oh this is what I am.
I'm a drag queen.
This makes me happy and then I started like, Googling and
looking up different performers
who had their surgeries and I
was just like, "Oh, so you can actually do that."
- I had a friend, he was like, "You gotta come
to this drag show." And I was scared of drag queens.
Literally, I was like, "I don't know that I would want
to go to that."
So I went and then it became something where I was like,
"Do you think, I wonder if I could do that."
And then they were winning money
and I was like, I could totally
do three cartwheels into a split and win some money.
So then I performed and I won, the first time I performed.
Which in turn inspired Yaya.
She was like, "I think I could do that too."
The very next Thursday, Yaya performed for the first
time and did a Mariah Carey song and then,
that's how Yaya was born but I was Sucha Dalight
and then Yaya became Yaya Dalight.
- Everywhere I went, I was in drag.
If I went to the movies or the store
I had to go with makeup.
I couldn't just go as a boy.
Like, I couldn't just go as Chris.
She started doing the um, the dress up.
The drag stuff.
I thought it was, you know nice,
and she really looked beautiful.
But that was her way of being comfortable and I didn't know
how serious she was.
I thought it was...
'cause she won a lot of contests.
You know? And um...
That's what I thought it was and for the fun.
- Then eventually she said to us,
"I think I'm gonna start wearing makeup to work.
And start testing the waters."
And we were like, "What do you mean?"
Like, "What do you need to do that for?"
Being her gay brother, I was supposed to get
it right away, without any questions.
But I didn't.
John, had said to me, "Oh so you're gonna be a tranny
whore on the street?"
and "You're gonna be one of those disgusting trannies."
Because at the time, there was no education.
I remember getting choked up.
I was like, "I can't believe you said that to me.
I didn't expect you to act like that."
- It's almost like, it's okay that she's trans,
it's okay that she's a she,
but there was a Chris that we loved too.
That we had to say goodbye to.
As similar as the two people are, Chris had a different
personality than Yaya.
I used to dress Chris in my clothes as a boy.
Like, when we would go out, like I would help Chris pick
out outfits 'cause Chris was not really fashiony.
But then Yaya is the Mariah Carey of South Jersey.
The more everyone was just like, "Yes, Yaya! We love Yaya!"
the more I was like, "Okay cool."
I can be on board because I know she's okay.
There was definitely times where I went back
and said "I'm sorry for not just going with the
flow like you expected me to be able to,"
'cause she deserves it.
And we've never had real issues about it since then.
Do you not want some?
- No, I already put some on.
- Hi! Is that Winnie the Pooh's ass?
- Is it?
- Oh he's honey-drunk.
Muah. Okay let's go.
(trunk slams shut)
(water splashes)
- Are you gonna wrap your fuckin' traps or what?
- Yaya! It's a keeper!
(Jack and Traci laughing)
- If you can dangle the chicken over it
it might grab the cigarette.
I would just die with a crab with a cigarette
in its little claw.
You wanna see?
This is what we usually catch.
- You finally got your own cooking show.
- Oh, yes! - In your dream kitchen.
- In my dream kitchen.
(People yelling at Plinko in background)
- Are those 25 count?
- Yaya, come eat a little shrimp off my nipple!
(people chattering)
- My family's always called me Jack.
Only my Dad would call me Jacqueline, when he was
screaming my name in the neighborhood when I wasn't
coming home on time.
My grandmother's good now.
She does have a problem with pronouns so she
just says "Jack".
She has enough.
My grandfather has Alzheimer's, so she just has enough.
So I never feel bad with her.
But I wrote her a letter just being like,
"As long as you love
me I don't care what pronouns you use."
They're making a little movie!
That's all.
- This is it, this is Pop's closet, you know, thank you.
- [Pop] It's heavy.
- It's very heavy.
- When I die you can have it.
- Thank you.
- I was in the military and I got most of my tattoos
when I was in the military.
This is a sign of the United States.
Okay, the eagle represents the United States.
- My uncle Ed's ex-wife is underneath that deer.
- He never thought-you don't get
other than family on ya. Ever.
- I love the "Dolores is my life" tattoo.
That's my favorite.
- Well I like white roses.
But he couldn't put white on there.
That's my favorite white roses.
- You got that tattoo the day I was born.
- And when he came home the
name was wrong, it wasn't J-A-C-Q-U-I-E,
it was J-A-C-K-I-E. Jackie.
Now it's right.
- Yea. Pretty close.
- Mm-hmm. - There you go.
- Mm-hmm.
He came home one night, drunk again and I was
there with the kids, I was so angry.
His jacket was hanging in a closet.
And there was a gun in there and I just shot at the jacket.
Boom!
And then he was trying to throw me out and they were crying,
the kids were in their rooms.
And they're all twisted and I was crying and he was trying
to throw me out.
And that bullet was still in the house or something
in that closet.
- Yea when you moved out.
- I was babysitting.
Jackie had swallowed a red marble and I still
have that marble, it's brown now.
And that's the marble that I almost twisted myself 'cause it
went in that child's stomach.
Jack was always the one, number one.
See what they can fit in there. No.
- Look at the date. - It says January 2016.
- That doesn't seem like- - No!
I think that you already knew.
I told you 'cause I felt like
you were getting worked up going,
"He, she, she, he, he, he, he."
I don't you to feel upset because I don't care.
- I don't wanna upset you. - I'm not upset.
- You know, I wanted to get it right.
- I know. - That's all.
Just right, I don't want to upset you.
- You don't upset me. - Me either.
The reason why I love game shows is because of her.
Okay. Pick your door.
- I'm picking one. - I'm gonna go...
Then you're going this one? - I'm picking one.
Well I wanna get on the one that comes up here!
- She picks this one.
Oh! She won!
- Coming out as gay was just so much easier for me
than saying I was trans.
When I was dating my ex, once the end of our
relationship was apparent, I took it really hard and I
realized that part of why I took it so hard
was that she was a straight woman and I didn't have to
you know, I didn't have to figure out my gender
because in my head it was like,
"I'm dating a straight woman, she sees me as this.
Everything is fine."
And then once we broke up, I realized I don't want
to be somebody's girlfriend.
I would Google the word, "transgender" and then clear
my search history.
Because that's how bad I knew it was.
Even though Yaya was already trans.
She was already out.
I just still wasn't as brave as her.
She just like, she might not think she went in full force
but to me she did.
- The same year I won Ms. Philadelphia Gay Pride,
it was 2009, I had my crown,
I felt beautiful, I felt myself and in front
of 40,000 people, I thought, "Today's the day.
This is it."
I took my first hormone shot in the bathroom of a
restaurant at Pride.
Right as I started to really develop, my mom was
diagnosed with cancer.
The doctors said, you know, "Basically you have six
months to live."
And so of course because I am my mother's daughter, and I'm
literally a replica of her,
our birthdays are five days apart...
I was stubborn and was like, "You know what?
Screw this.
I'm still going to do this because she's going to pass away
and she never got to live the life
that she deserved or wanted and am I going to be her?"
Like in the very beginning, she would go, "I just wanna
see my son."
I said, "I'm not your son.
I'm your child.
Am I not your child?"
"Well, why don't you wait 'til I die?"
she would say.
And I would get so mad
because I didn't want to wait 'til she died.
I didn't want to wait 'til she was gone to be myself.
And she said, "I don't want no one to hurt you."
And I said, "What do you mean? No one's gonna hurt me, Mom.
Do you not realize I can fight?
Do you not realize who you raised?"
And she would go, "I don't want no one to kill you."
But she was so terrified that someone would hurt me that she
would subject me to being miserable, yet alive.
This is who I am and I said to her, "You will accept it,
or I will leave and I won't come back."
And she accepted it, and I stayed.
And I still went through with everything and I just did it.
And it was terrifying, and it was hard, but I knew that
if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it later.
(bird chirping)
- On the checklist: steps to obtain a court order
to change your name in New Jersey.
18 steps.
Do you know how many steps I did in Massachusetts? Guess.
- Two. - Pretty much.
Step one, we filled out the verified complaint form,
we filled out the order fixing date.
We filled out the civil case information,
we mailed the check to the state of New Jersey...
Step seven.
This is where we're at. Step seven.
"The court will also indicate the name of a newspaper
in which you have to do this-"
So now we have the newspaper is...
- Either the Times or Courier Post.
- So then we need to figure out how to put this
in the paper tonight. Headline.
In the matter of... - This fishy bitch named Yaya.
Change her muthafuckin' name to Christina Jennifurt.
- Name of person placing this ad.
It does feel like pretty overwhelming.
I can see why you haven't done it. I really do.
- And it's irritating because when you're sitting here and
you're by yourself and you don't someone next to you
talking to you, you're just like, "Fuck it."
I don't know.
It was never something that I was just like, "Oh my god this
needs to happen."
I was more worried about like, "Oh I need a hormone shot.
I need an estrogen vial."
Versus, like, you know, I was more worried about my
physical appearance and passing than who's really gonna look
at my ID.
(cheesy hold music)
- Thank you for calling the Superior Court Clerk's Office.
This is Annette speaking, how may I help you?
- Hi, um, I emailed your office earlier Friday afternoon
about my name change.
I have the final affidavit right in front of me
and now I just need to receive my certified copy.
- What's the docket number?
- L-760-17. - Hold on.
(cheesy hold music resumes)
- So you said it was 004-'cause it's not even
coming up under the docket number.
- No, that's not what I said. I said 760-17.
- I would call the County Courthouse.
- For vote by mail ballots-
- Just start over again.
- Please press three.
For the County Clerk Records Room, please press four.
That's it! (phone ringing)
Yaya, do you want me, do you?
- This is the County Clerk's Office, how can I help you?
Yes, um, I'm trying to get, um, my certified copies
for the name change.
Am I at the right place now talking to you?
- Yes, you are.
- Okay, thank you there is a light at the end of the tunnel
because my head was gonna explode.
- Yeah, they mail you out copies.
They'll mail them out to you. With the gold seal?
Yeah. - How many?
- Yes, they'll send them out to you.
- Okay!
But thank you so much for all your help and you have
a wonderful day, okay?
- All right, thank you. You too.
- You're welcome. Buh-bye.
Aw Dee, Dee Dee! Thank you! (clapping)
- You know a movie that I didn't see?
- I liked "Cruel Intentions." - What is it?
- The first time I really remember, like, telling another
friend, I almost felt like I had bad news to deliver.
Like I had something horrible to tell you.
And I was like, um, I don't even know if I could say
the word trans! I don't remember.
I just think I was like fumbling through it being like,
I don't wanna be, I think what I said was like,
I don't wanna be a girl.
But then I didn't really do anything about it.
I didn't tell another person for another two years.
Even though I like kept going to therapy
and like I felt it and I would,
so from basically 26 to 28
I knew and I didn't do anything.
'Cause yeah, living in a city and having an open family that
already knew I was gay, like, it was still hard!
I still felt like shit.
- I don't wanna go to bed!
- Well, what are you gonna sit in the backyard in the
dark by yourself?
- It is true.
What they were saying all them years.
All these years. It's true.
All you need is love.
I met Jack when she, well he, was this big.
Jesus... well it seemed like this!
- Like a fish!
- It seemed like this big!
It looked like a fish to me anyway, I'm a fisherman anyhow,
but we'd been living here for quite some years, uh,
and they had moved in as next door neighbors and
we just melted, like, and turned into one family.
Friday nights especially were the greatest.
Ya know, because that's when it was like, ya know, game on.
♪ I got myself a guitar and I got myself some strings ♪
When you're from Philadelphia, there's no...
not being positive about anything.
If you needed something to eat, you got something to eat.
If you needed a roof over your head, you got a roof
over your head.
You couldn't want it any better than it
is right here, right now. Even right now! To this day.
(loud kissing) See?
This is what I'm tellin' ya!
I get a hickey from my next door neighbor.
What do you want?!
(shouting) What more could you want?!
What? What?!
I love everyone. I love life itself.
I love that I woke up today to tell you
that I love this day.
I loved him ever since he was not him!
He didn't know it! But I did. I loved him.
But he didn't know it.
But he didn't know I loved him. He thought I loved her.
But I love him.
And I still do and I always will to my dying breath.
Always.
Every single day of my life.
I love you all.
And that's what it takes!
All you need is frickin' love!
(guitar strums and laughter from home video)
(crickets buzzing)
- When Jack decided, it was, it was weird
because he never, he never said "This is what I'm gonna do."
It was, "I need to get my top surgery."
And I was like, "What do you mean?"
And he was like, "I'm tired of binding." And I was like,
"So do it! Just do it. Go for it."
I get chills from it because I remember he was so panicked,
he was like, I'm gettin' chills really bad,
he was... just.
You could hear, like, a slight tinge of excitement,
like a, oh my God could I really do this, behind the fear.
And I knew that!
Like, I was there.
I knew he was gonna do it and I knew it was gonna work
out and I knew, like, he would finally have that
(deep sigh) feeling that I had.
- Are you gonna cry? - No!
I just don't want to.
(takes deep breath in and out)
- You want like the Power Rangers theme music?
Oh my God, I could totally play it.
- (laughing) Do not.
- Where's my phone? Let's give him theme music.
- I'm not doing it 'cause I can't do it! (laughs)
- Do you ever get nervous? - No!
I'm like, I want my breasts to grow (smacks her butt)
and I'm done.
Like, literally just like that.
I'm actually jealous. I wish I had estrogen.
I would totally stab myself with you.
I can do it for you.
- I'm not trusting you to 'cause you want to too much,
'Cause you're evil. (laughs) - I really don't want to.
But I just want you to not shake.
- Just stick it in! - I'm trying, Dad!
- There's no trying just stick it on your skin and push
it in and squeeze.
Push! Just push!
Deep down inside, that's what you gotta do, do it!
- The deep down inside part is the part that's...
(screams) You guys!
- I think you're overreacting.
- I am! I'm trying. - It's shaky.
So it shakes a little bit.
What're you gonna do?
- Think of the aftereffects. That's what I did.
- I know, that's what I do. I think of beards!
- Here, I'll hold your leg.
- I can't... - You can.
You really can.
- I gotta hold my leg myself!
- I think you're fine.
- Can you hold this side of my leg?
Okay, maybe I can do that.
- Yeah, you can.
- I need to do it!
(Yaya singing Jurassic Park Theme)
(Jack gasps)
- It hurts!
(Yaya sings Jurassic Park Theme)
- Yay! (clapping) (Jack sighs)
- Are you bleeding?
- Yeah. - Good.
- Well, thanks for coming over to torment me.
It's all I needed. Yay!
- My levels in my brain don't feel right.
I'm not supposed to, like, have any
period at all 'cause most trans people don't, like men don't
have their period.
And, like, I don't have my period
but I have, like, something.
Yesterday it was, like, kinda there and so I feel
like there's hormones on that side of me and then I'm low
on T and I just felt crazy.
I didn't tell you, don't look at me like that.
I'm getting a hysterectomy on the 15th of December.
- [Tony] They're paying for it?
- Yeah.
- [Tony] Where's this gonna be at?
- In Boston.
'Cause I can't just like, do this, like, you know?
- Probably streaming right with ya.
(shoes flopping)
Right here, this is where that hippie van was down there
that I was telling you about, and the TV.
I remember there was one of those dial big TVs down there
for some reason.
I had decent insurance and then, all of a sudden,
it was like $500 a month.
Or something crazy and, I made decent money then,
I did not make that good of money to be able to cover all
that so I was back to ordering my medicine online.
For a while I would also get them also from friends,
you know, that were taking the same thing.
You know, it was kinda just what we did.
We would take care of each other.
Like if I ordered them and they weren't in yet,
hey just give me one and soon as my order comes in
I'll replace it or help you or whatever.
There was older trans women that had been around for years
and actually sell them.
At one point me and my one friend were using the estrogen
patches and taking a shot.
Which is not good for your body really at all.
Um, and when the woman found out that I was doing that
she was like "Well here's the thing, I'm not gonna sell them
to you until you're done."
Here's a woman that I didn't know her very well
and I trusted her and she like was taking care of us
and that's why a lot of us call some of these trans women
"Mom" and look up to them as a mother
I have people that call me "Mom" because I took them in
and was helping them.
And it's like even if I didn't have my doctors,
I would've had a way.
Yeah, there is someone down there, I think he's fishing.
I wonder if that's actually my dad fishing,
that would be really funny.
The only person that would be fishing would be you.
(Big John laughs)
- Those Bud Light Platinums you have right there?
- Yep, just one.
- They're not even really supposed
to be in there technically-
- No, these are!
- No, they used to tell us to try to get them out because
they like- - Can you hear him?
Can you hear it croakin'?
Scratch his belly...
(laughs) Hear it?
(fish cracking)
(upbeat guitar music)
They were dolls. They were like little girls-
- Ohh, yeah!
- They were called Time Out Dolls. They would sit in the-
- They were fuckin' freaky! - They were really creepy.
I still have them, I have mine.
I think she's in my basement...
- They were tall! - Yes, yes, yes!
You would sit her in the corner, but she was like a child,
they go to time out but it was like a doll and it was almost
like a decoration. - It was so weird.
- Which didn't make sense to why they would make
a decoration to be a timeout but,
my mom just picked this name out and we have this
doll named Crendlewynn.
And I said, "Mom where did you come up with that?"
And she said, "Well, had you been a girl this would have
been your name."
And I will tell you this, that I didn't tell anybody,
for years I tried to disconnect that wig, from its head
to put it on because I was tired of wearing a mophead.
- Lower. - Are you sure?
- Yeah, so that-
- Don't you want it, like, right in between his legs, like,
there's so much paper room right there.
- It's gonna be all on the crab.
- Why you makin' noises like that?
It wasn't that hard.
Yeah, you could never deal with me giving you-
- An injection? - A hormone shot.
- Noo! 'Cause you can barely do this.
- I can do this! You're a fucking bitch.
Man up.
- Okay.
- Man up.
- 'Cause apparently Yaya, we can't, we have to see what we
look like 'cause we're too-
- I'm too vain. (Tony giggling)
- That was a good one. (Tony hiccups)
(wind swooshing)
(soft, ethereal music)
- My hysterectomy is scheduled for December.
I scheduled it then because that's when I need the most
time to recover.
So you need like a good two to three weeks, well, two
weeks to be, like, no work cause you're just basically not,
I don't know, able to move that great.
So, I'm going to have it coincide
with the school vacation.
But I don't want to be in recovery so I'm sort of like do
I even want to have surgery.
Because back when I scheduled it, I was sometimes bleeding
and that was really shitty.
Like, I don't think anyone likes having a period.
(phone ringing)
Oh, my mustache looks amazing!
Look!
- Hi. (Jack laughs)
- Why are you on, you had a lazy eye when you did that.
(Jack laughs)
- I was trying to show you my mustache.
- I was making a scary face and then I noticed your
lazy eye and got scared.
(Jack cackles) - You got a mustache?
- Yeah, look.
- Oh I see it!
Oh my god it's coming in!
- You look really great.
- Thanks! - Hold up the ID.
Cover your picture, I wanna see it.
- I got it the day I went to the DMV.
The woman was really cool.
She made me basically have a photoshoot right there.
My grandmom was really cute.
She was like, "Should I bake a cake?
I feel like we should bake a cake."
I was like, "No..." - Awww that's the best!
- Can I tell you what happened to me?
- What, yes please. I'm tired of talking, actually.
- Yaya, I was like crying, I was miserable, I was sad.
I wanted people to like talk to me
and as soon as they talked to me
I was like, "Don't talk to me." (both laugh)
I went to the grocery store (giggles) and
bought a whole bunch of shit on a credit card on food.
On the way home I'm like I feel like shit and I was like I'm
really hungry and I couldn't wait to eat
the buffalo wings so I pull over and I see a Best Buy
so I was like, I'm going to Best Buy
and I sit in the Best Buy parking lot and I feel like,
I just start crying and I'm eating these buffalo wings
and crying and then I was like,
"I need a new TV!"
I, luckily, had tampons in my car because apparently I was
getting my period for the first time in six months.
And so I have this TV.
It's still in, like, the wrap because I think I have
to return it because I don't know why I did that.
- We're like about at the same,
we're about the same right now.
Lemme see yours. Awww.
Wait, go back to yours.
I wanna take a picture too.
- I'm trying to but you're too close.
You went to art school, right?
Like, how do you not get this?
- I mine is perfect! Is it?
- You're jigglin'!
- Okay, I'm stoppin' movin'.
Oh, this is perfect.
That was the best part of my day!
(music swells)
(quiet, contemplative music)
So my mom, for my 30th birthday, made this little
book for me.
And it's very cute.
And it's like the history of her and my dad
and me as a baby.
So then I basically just started finding pictures and I want
to put it to, like, a poem I wrote.
Right now I'm starting off with us as babies and then, like,
the colors and then I feel like once it starts to get older
I'm just gonna change us by switching us around, kind of.
You know, I can look at these pictures of myself as a little
"girl" and not feel upset but then it starts to just become
anxiety and not just like anxiety that everybody gets when
they look at pictures of them in like fifth grade and
above but more so I can feel my little bit, like, pain.
Like I didn't have pain when I was this young.
I just did whatever I wanted to do.
Like, I was also just dressing up like an insane person.
Look, I wanted a tattoo on my butt even then!
I had two painting ideas and one of them was like, uh,
like "what's between your legs" like is a thing that
Yaya and I were talking about this
because she had an experience at work
where somebody stopped her (sighs) at her table.
Not, you know, a customer of hers, but just walked,
when she was walking past said
(speaking in higher voice) "Excuse me, I don't want this
to upset you, but are you transgender?"
And, obviously, it did upset her.
And she was, she said "Oh, how did you know?"
Was her first response. Like, what gave it away?
And then she just spent the whole rest of her day just
being like what...
you know, what gave me away and I think I was thinkin'
about that in bed at night and then I think even
like two days after that I was at this show at the MFA
in Boston and this guy just came up to me, we started,
some dude, we just started talking and he was like,
"Are you, are you a man?"
And I was like, "Yeah." and he was like,
"Are you a real man? Do you have a penis?"
Like at an art thing! In Boston!
And I was like, whoa, like, I can't believe that
this still happens.
So then I think, like, but what's between your legs
kind of was like a thing that I thought would be
interesting to just, like, I dunno, paint about.
And then I'll probably paint over this.
I wind up painting things and then just painting over them
when I don't care about them anymore.
So I have a lot of that stuff, just things
I'm not really... I dunno.
I don't mind this one so far.
I just don't know what to do with the background,
but I think, you know, it's cathartic to just paint and
listen to music.
(bird chirping)
- I never thought I was handsome.
I didn't like, I hated my body.
I hate, even now sometimes I still hate, like, I'm pounding
makeup into my face. I shouldn't have to do that.
I don't wanna do that.
I mean, yeah, if I'm going out for the night and I wanna
wow the crowd, yeah, of course, I'm gonna be fun,
but like I am going to cook in my kitchen right now
and I feel like I have to keep pounding makeup on.
I wanna wake up and roll out of bed and not have to worry
about, you know, my face and is the sun too bright today
because, you know, if you're standing there
they're gonna see that you have facial hair growing in
and you have these things that you
did not want coming out of your body.
And then you have to sit there and decide whether you stay
in your room and play in the bathroom and do your makeup
until 5:00 when the sun goes down
and then go to work because your brain won't let you leave
during the day.
It's tough enough trying to fight with your body every day.
Like to wake up and be like oh god I've gotta do this
and I gotta...
Like me, I have platinum body hair and I have to shave every
single day because electrolysis is, to do my face would cost
thousands of dollars.
I don't have that. I'm a waitress.
I have to take care of a grandmother and I have bills,
and I have things I pay.
I don't have just myself.
I have people that depend on me too,
as much as I depend on them
and I can't give up on them because they didn't give
up on me when I thought that they would.
I'm trying to be Christina.
Like, I'm not worried about what you're doing
in your house or with your body.
Why are you so worried about me?
Like, you can't see that I am happy because you don't know
what I looked like before when I wanted to kill myself.
You don't know how hard it was to not kill myself.
I want people to be able to not look at me and see the word
"tranny" and at the same time I'm proud of being trans.
I want people to look at me and just be like, "Damn,
she went through hell, her own version of it,
and she's okay.
I can be okay too."
And I hate that slogan, like "It Gets Better" and it
sounds so terrible but I do, because I know that's to make
people feel better for the time but people need
to hear the truth. Like, it's fucking hard.
And that's why I feel like these people hurt themselves
because they keep having people in their face
going "it gets better" but they can't see it.
'Cause I'm living that "it gets better" thing and it's
still fucking hard. It's hard.
It's fucking hard. You wanna be happy?
It's gonna be hard.
But someone cares and someone needs you.
- [Man] We're being micromanaged by the federal government.
(TV blaring)
(lady laughing)
- You're getting a fever?
- Are you excited?
- I'm nervous.
- Eh, don't be nervous.
- Did you get your temperature taken?
- I'll do it right now.
- Yeah, show me. Show me the number.
- This is what it is.
- You really look like your mom with dark hair!
It freaks me out.
Maybe you have a bad fever...
- Maybe I'm the devil (thermometer beeps)
- Oh! - A hundred point-no.
- What if you're sick on Sunday?
Okay, here's the thing: if you're sick on Sunday do not
come up here.
I can't get sick and that's a real thing.
- No, I know.
- And I also don't want you to drive, obviously.
- Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine.
I'm never sick-
- Yeah, but you do crazy shit when you're sick so
like (exasperated sigh) All right, I love you.
- I love you.
- Bye! - Bye!
- Oh, Yaya.
- I didn't read the internet at all, I only
listened to the doctor and then tonight I decided to have a
freak out and read the internet
and the internet said it sucks
and then now I feel like I didn't wanna have it
but I'm gonna have it and I'm just gonna have it.
I talked to my mom tonight and she said it's just normal
to be nervous about having surgery but...
Tony's funny.
He sent me a text message that was like,
I'll have to read it,
but it was just like, you inspire me to be my true self
and I was just like, I think you're really
your true self.
(laughing) There's really no fakin' that.
If you're not you, there's a problem.
This is, like, counts for the pre-surgical scrub, right?
(chuckles) You're bad.
(shower running) (Jack clears throat)
I was up all night.
I saw every hour of the clock.
- Aw, were you just stressin'?
Or you weren't tired? - I was tired.
I was stressed, I guess.
- Sorry! - Just flew out of me.
Guess we can turn around. (producer laughing)
Turn this car around!
I was thinkin' maybe I am sick and then I'm like,
if this is a problem for them and they cancel it...
is this just like the universe saying
(whispers) "Don't get it!"
Why would the universe say not to get a hysterectomy,
I don't know.
- Well, just get there and, you know, tell your doctors
what's up and take it from there, right?
- When I came out that I was gonna transition,
we were walking in Philly and we were doing something
and I kinda nonchalantly said
"Guys, I'm gonna transition into a woman."
And they all kinda looked at me
and then Jack was like, "Really?"
and I was like, "Yeah, I'm already taking estrogen.
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna continue." And that was
kind of it.
And I had someone that I drove with in a car and I had
said to him, he was the first one, we were driving back
from one of my shows and I said, "Ricky, I think I need
to transition," and I started to cry and he goes, "Well,
from what I see, Yaya gets shit done.
And Chris kinda isn't as strong."
And I said "Because I'm not meant to be him," and he goes,
"There's your answer." That was it.
I just needed someone to confirm that.
I needed someone else that had picked up on that
'cause I had gone everywhere like this.
Now Jack, he's binded himself and never dressed feminine.
I think the last time he dressed feminine was, I think,
the high school prom!
And that was just for a prom, just for a picture, just so
they had it.
You know, it wasn't like, I don't really think that was
really a choice of his own.
I think it was, "I have to do this to make my parents happy"
type of thing.
I noticed he was kind of always really drunk
when he would come home and always like,
he didn't wanna be really near his family.
And he loves his family!
But he was, like, drifting from them and I felt like it was
because he was, he knew deep down that he was not
who he was portraying and...
I don't know, I just...
you finally get to see him and you can see, like, his chest
poked out and he's like walking
with that masculine confidence that he was suppressing,
in a way.
He let some of it out but now it's out.
Now he's like, "This is me."
You know, he's not afraid of things.
He has his moments that he'll call and go,
"I'm having a day, I'm having a day."
And I'm like, "Okay, what kind of day are
you having today?"
"I didn't take my, I have to take my, uh, my testosterone
but I'm mad! I feel crazy!"
And I'm like, "Okay, be mad and crazy.
What are you mad and crazy about?"
"Oh, it's this." I'm like, "Oh it's nothing.
Oh it's nothing. You'll be fine.
You'll be fine." "Uh blah blah blah!"
"You'll be fine. You'll be fine.
Like, there are so many worse things that could happen.
You will be fine."
(slow, somber music) (car blinker ticking)
(dog barking)
- (yawns) I'm starving.
(gasps) Hi! C'mere boyfriend!
C'mere! Hi, I'm back! Hi! Hi!
So cute! Hi.
- Hi. - Aw, (giggles) I'm sorry.
Your mustache! Look at it!
How are ya?
- Are those new shoes? I like 'em.
- No, they're the same. - They're cute.
- Where's the flour? - In that red thing
- Oh, yeah. - The big one.
- She's trying to be fancy.
- No, this, you didn't give me a rolling pin,
but look how far I got.
- I use a wine bottle. Don't move, okay?
- That's actually not a bad idea...
- I get into the operating room, I get in there,
then I'm still on my Valium.
And it's all these nurses, just all these beautiful
women all around, just anesthesiologists, doctors,
and I just like was crying because I was really high
and I'm like, tears are in my eyes, and I just go,
"I'm just so glad there's no men here,"
and they all just start cracking up and then they just,
like, were like, "Okay, count to 10 backwards"
or whatever and then I was out.
Do you see my stomach? Look at it.
It's like a fuckin' watermelon in it.
- I think we need to pull this up on the TV and watch
what they do. - I feel, like, really sick.
I don't even know when I'm gonna not feel like this.
- Oh my god. You're... (snorts then laughs)
- I'm gonna fuckin- - You're such a big baby.
You're gonna be so thankful in six months
when you never have to worry about this ever again.
- I didn't say I wasn't gonna be thankful, you asshole.
- I know but don't be a jerk.
What do you mean I don't know
when I'm gonna not feel like this.
- Call 911 if I faint. - Nah, I'll just leave you
there and look at ya and take pictures. (laughs)
- You'll be playing Candy Crush.
- Yeah! I'll play Candy Crush while you're passed out.
It's what I do to MomMom. It's perfect.
(wind swooshing)
- What's today, Jack?
- Today is Super Bowl Sunday!
- Before I wreck the video camera...
- Today the Eagles are gonna win!
- I hope so.
- Dallas won, even though they suck.
Oh well, not this year, boys.
- Third time's the charm.
He blocks, see how he came up and checked him?
'Cause the quarterback, if you go back...
- Oh, I see.
- You watch Matt Ryan, he turns.
- To go throw it back to him.
- Back to him and he sees he's covered.
Watch, just let it play. He throws the ball.
Now look, look, look, look. Now watch, look!
Look, see! Look!
- I'm in here for a reason, hold on.
Oh! He took it. Never mind, there is no reason.
John drinks the same wine I do now and I thought his open
bottle was still in there so I was gonna drink it first.
They're so excited and cheery that it feels like that.
It feels like a holiday, which has kind of got me
in a good, decent mood.
Me, John, and Justin were literally like fuck this shit.
'Cause we've had enough.
Like, we got, like, tormented!
If they lost, everybody was mad and pissy and it was just,
we were just like, I don't fuckin' care.
Plus we were all gay!
And football was the thing that like,
you should play football!
You guys are big boys! You should be hitting people!
And I'm like, oh I'm gonna hit people.
It's just not gonna be football.
I am excited for this game though
because, like I said, they all seem
super like, cheery and...
They just seem like, what's the word?
Alive?
Like, they usually are, like, diehard like crazy that's why
they have such a bad rap, but they really seem like...
their hope is there.
(combined chatter)
Look at my dad, he's so anxious right now.
(people laughing)
Oh!
- All right!
- Let's go!
(all screaming and cheering)
Needed that one!
- Shit!
(all screaming)
- (yelling) Fuck! Was that a pick?!
- Yes! - Flip it!
- I'm not looking. I'm not looking.
- Oh. My. God. - Touchdown!
(all screaming and cheering)
♪ Fly Eagles Fly ♪
♪ Score a touchdown 1, 2, 1, 2, 3 ♪
♪ Hit 'em low Hit 'em high ♪
♪ And watch our Eagles fly ♪
E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!
- Watch this catch.
- Best receiver in the clutch, in the big moments.
In the fourth quarter.
- This is horrible.
- Fuck! - Fuck.
Seven points doesn't mean we can't be beat.
Take all the clock off.
Eat up the clock.
Just eat the clock up. Just eat the clock up.
- Too much to eat!
- One more play!
- Oh my God. I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna be sick!
- No, no, no. - C'mon!
(shouting) - Guys, c'mon!
- We're intercepting that!
- That was so close.
- That's it? - Game over!
- That's it! (screaming and cheering)
(joyful music)
- Holy shit. Holy shit!
(all cheering)
- Yeah! Yeah!
- That was probably the best Super Bowl I ever watched
in my life. Even though we won it!
- That was insane! It was the picture!
- It was the picture. (laughs)
- I need a lighter.
- You're wearin' number 36.
- The number was 41!
- I don't think this is a good time to talk to us.
- I think it's the perfect time to talk to you.
- I don't think it's not good.
- (laughing) I don't think it's not good!
- We did it, old man! We won, motherfucker!
- (giggling) Awww.
- That's what I was waiting for. The end!
Don't tell me what I was doin',
oh I was a shitty dad all day-
- Ahh all day long he was-
- I was waitin' for the end! I was waitin' for the end!
- You were in a bad mood all day!
If the Eagles lost, we didn't talk on all,
well from the rest of Sunday into Monday.
If the Eagles won, we went to 7-11 and we got nachos
and then we watched "The Simpsons."
It was really cool.
- Even Pam's happy! Holy shit.
Yaya! (laughs) The dogs are...
Yaya, the dogs are barking!
Yaya!
- She's right here.
- Jack, I don't have the patience. Shut up.
(Jack laughing) It's not even funny.
I'm gonna- - Kim Kardashian.
- I don't picture her as a happy traveler...
- Yaya, you're getting the dogs to bark. (giggling)
- You're doing it!
I'm not the one fuckin' screamin'!
Here, you could have been a man and carried this.
- We need to be-
- I understand, but you could have helped me
and carried this.
And I also sold cupcakes five minutes before you walked
in the kitchen. - Yeah, I know.
- Well (scoffs) it wasn't like I wasn't doing stuff!
- I know!
I didn't think you weren't not doing stuff!
We gotta go!
(rhythmic, uplifting music)
(Jack and Yaya both laughing)
- Mom! Is your car parked?
- Hurry up! - I'm pushin' it.
- All right, Chrissy. This is yours, baby.
- I was thankful that Chrissy had our
house to play with dolls and to be girly and to twirl.
I feel like she did it more at our house than her own.
Jack never really played with the dolls
but I was too, like, oblivious.
I was like, I dunno, she's a girl, I'm gonna
give her dolls!
It's weird I was oblivious to the fact that Jack was Jack.
Like all the signs were there.
Like when Jack was, like, three,
"I want a wallet like my dad!"
And he'd slick his hair back, and put the wallet and wear
jeans and I was like all right, it's just a phase.
- Where we goin' first, JoJo?
- Home! Home so I can change!
Home so I can change! - The restaurant? The diner?
- Home so I can change. I don't care.
- He was in high school.
And Jack was like, Mom, I have something to tell you.
And I was like, ooh good!
'Cause I was happy that he was talking to me, you know how
teenagers don't talk, and Jack was like, no,
it's not good, Lindsay and I think we're gay.
(chuckles) And I was like, okay, well, it's probably
just a phase, you know, you like each other.
I was so dumb!
Yeah, I was like in denial.
And then Traci and Jack and I went shopping one time
and they go into the men's department.
It really bothered me
that we were picking out boys' clothes.
And Traci thought it was nothing!
Traci was like, "Oh yeah, Jack,
this flannel shirt will look good."
And Jack's like, "Yeah!"
And it didn't even occur to me, and the whole time
I'm freaking out.
I'm thinking why are we picking out, like it's okay
to be a lesbian, but why're you wearing boys' clothes?
And the hardest thing is saying "he."
That's the hardest for me.
And, telling people, oh do you have children?
Automatically I would say, "Oh, I have two daughters,"
and then I'm like, well wait, and then I just started a new
job and I'm like, all right, should I just tell them
I have a son and a daughter?
I'll just do that.
And then someone said, "Oh, do you have kids?"
and I was like, "Yeah I have two daughters"
And I'm like, "Why'd I just say I have two daughters?"
No, Jack was always happy and easy and fun.
I don't think I do see a difference.
I guess Jack hides his anxiety well, I don't know.
(waves crashing)
They are the best. They're like so not cookie cutter.
And they're both so smart and quick and fun to be around.
They're awesome.
- Do you want this one? - What? No, I want this one.
It's purple. It matches.
(quiet, emotional music) - Let's race them.
♪ Sweet home Alabama ♪ (Jack laughs)
- Our friendship is this giant thing.
Our friendship is huge.
Unless you have this you don't get it.
You don't get a person, you do not, you're not
guaranteed a person to be in your life from the time you can
remember 'til now.
- Nobody does that.
Like, people don't stay friends like that.
- You very rarely get to have a person
who knows all the shitty things you've said
and all the shitty things you've done and loves you still.
- That's a song.
- Which one?
- "All The Things She Said."
- (laughing) Is that T.A.t.U.?!
(drum circle music)
- Walk over? - I don't know.
That's what I did last time.
(upbeat, emotional music)
- Having him in my life has been so important.
We are so strongly connected in that weird way.
The best thing of knowing him for 30 years
is that connection.
Like, we just always were.
(upbeat music continues)