WEBVTT FILE
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Seventeen past the hour
of 8:00 with tnt.
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We check your traffic
every ten minutes.
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Here's Mike Nolan,
kfi in the sky.
4
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Good morning, Tracy. Still busy
southbound on the Hollywood.
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It'll be a struggle from
Hollywood blvd toward alvarado.
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But overall, I think you'll
enjoy this Monday morning ride.
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Oh, man.
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Ah, shit!
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Oh, shit, my fucking keys.
Oh, fuck!
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Yes. I'd like to thank you
for your order.
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You should receive your
groom your Booty
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limited edition workout videos
in two to three weeks.
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Yes. Okay.
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Hey. How are the calls today?
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I got the Booty calls,
you got the tech support.
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Your stereotypical rubbish
handed down by your bourgeoisie.
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Think she saw me
come in late?
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She definitely didn't see you
come in on time, drew.
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Thank you for calling
vantage light bulb.
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How may I brighten up your day?
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Start by telling me why I've
got an entire Christmas tree
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that won't light up.
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Who makes light bulbs
that don't light up?
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Sir, I don't actually
make the lights.
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I just try to provide a solution
for your problem.
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Now, are your lights
properly plugged in?
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Young man, I am a retired
electrical engineer
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with the United States
military.
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Yes, and thank you for that.
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So your lights
are properly plugged
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into an electrical outlet?
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Oh!
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An electrical outlet!
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Thank you, Benjamin Franklin!
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All this time, I had them
plugged into my dog's ass!
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Get me a supervisor,
you idiot!
37
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Do you read the news, drew?
38
00:03:03.350 --> 00:03:04.883
Sometimes.
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How about the wall street parts?
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On occasion.
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I don't think you do
because if you did,
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you'd realize that this country
is in a financial crisis.
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00:03:13.961 --> 00:03:18.230
It's on the brink of a national
economical depression.
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It's gotten so bad
that only one in twelve people
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are gainfully employed.
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Gainfully?
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I would think that
the lucky few who have jobs
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would be bending over
with gratitude.
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- I--
- uh--
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are you bending, drew?
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I try and bend.
52
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Well, I don't see any bending.
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With a, uh,
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oh, a 49% call rating,
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I'm gonna go
with no bending.
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I'll try to bend more.
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Oh, you will bend, drew.
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All eight hours
of every shift,
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you will bend over
and take everything I give you.
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00:04:04.477 --> 00:04:07.012
Think of a... oh!
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00:04:07.014 --> 00:04:09.781
Think of a happy
little giraffe.
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00:04:09.783 --> 00:04:11.550
Ooh, ooh! He's running.
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He's running through
a field in Africa.
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Oh, oh, oh!
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He sees a tree with some leaves.
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Mmm! Oh, he's eating them.
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Aah! He's eating the leaves,
but it's not leaves, drew!
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It's your asshole!
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Get back out there!
Put the headset on your ears.
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Act like you give a damn
about your job!
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Where did you get this?
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They're all over the Internet.
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This isn't me, ebony.
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Oh! That's not you?
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00:05:34.468 --> 00:05:36.868
That's my face,
not my body.
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00:05:36.870 --> 00:05:38.904
So do you have a twin sister
that you never mention?
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Zip it, Hugo!
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Zipping.
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Human resources is investigating
as we speak.
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Human resources? I don't have
time to talk about this.
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I gotta go pre-board.
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You are not going anywhere.
They have grounded you
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until the investigation
has wrapped.
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This is my job.
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00:05:55.456 --> 00:05:56.822
Nikki, I've got direct orders.
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You are suspended indefinitely
without pay.
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Now, I need your wings.
88
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Clipped.
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You obviously do not need these,
fairy boy.
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At least I have wings.
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00:06:11.738 --> 00:06:13.739
Every day I feel like
I'm in prison in there.
92
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Yeah, but prison is prison
'cause you don't get a break.
93
00:06:16.377 --> 00:06:17.642
- It's a metaphor.
- You mean an analogy?
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00:06:17.644 --> 00:06:18.944
I mean I hate my job.
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00:06:18.946 --> 00:06:21.380
Lots of people
hate their job, man.
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00:06:21.382 --> 00:06:22.681
And my roommate.
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Roommates are roommates, dog.
98
00:06:24.551 --> 00:06:27.986
You think it helps me to echo
what I say after I said it?
99
00:06:27.988 --> 00:06:30.956
Echo? These are
words of affirmation.
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00:06:30.958 --> 00:06:33.125
I'm trying to help you
enjoy life, brother. Relax.
101
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Life? This is not a life.
102
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I live in a one-bedroom
apartment with a caveman.
103
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I failed the bar
for the second time now,
104
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which means I gotta keep working
at the call center,
105
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where Kathy wants to shove
a giraffe into my ass.
106
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Damn. That does sound
like prison.
107
00:06:50.743 --> 00:06:52.444
You might think it's funny,
108
00:06:52.446 --> 00:06:54.646
but the civil rights movement
is no joke, drew.
109
00:06:54.648 --> 00:06:56.815
We have a black president.
What more do you want?
110
00:06:56.817 --> 00:06:59.985
I want my forty acres and my
fucking mule. How about that?
111
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Oh, my--
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what the fuck are you doing?
113
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- Perv!
- Oh, my god.
114
00:07:05.859 --> 00:07:07.526
- Hey!
- Fuck is his problem?
115
00:07:07.528 --> 00:07:09.961
- Hey, are you okay?
- I think so.
116
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What the hell was that?
Did you see him?
117
00:07:11.932 --> 00:07:13.999
Yeah. He just pulled
his penis out.
118
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Why didn't you do anything?
119
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Well, it happened really fast.
120
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Yes, hi. I need an officer.
I was just--
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I don't know.
I was humped.
122
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I'm not sticking around
to hear that shit, man.
123
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African-Americans do not
fare well at crime scenes.
124
00:07:28.148 --> 00:07:29.981
- Nate, you're overeating.
- No, I'm not.
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Yes, he had a black face.
126
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Mask, okay? He had a mask.
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Not face.
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Get that shit right.
129
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Somebody report a hump and run?
130
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Yes, officer, I did.
131
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Is this the black face
that dry humped you?
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- No, no, no.
- No, he's gone.
133
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Put your hands in front of the
vehicle, where I can see 'em.
134
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- What'd I do, officer?
- Or you will be tased.
135
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This is racist, man.
136
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He didn't do anything, officer.
137
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- Who are you, sir?
- My name is drew Thomas.
138
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Fantastic.
I'm officer who-gives-a-shit.
139
00:08:09.823 --> 00:08:11.890
- What are you doing here?
- He's a witness.
140
00:08:11.892 --> 00:08:15.093
- Oh, so you saw everything.
- I was standing right here.
141
00:08:15.095 --> 00:08:17.229
And while the serial humper
was just hammering away,
142
00:08:17.231 --> 00:08:19.564
you continued
to just stand there?
143
00:08:19.566 --> 00:08:22.033
It happened really fast.
144
00:08:26.105 --> 00:08:29.074
Okay, Nancy,
145
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how about we start out with
a thorough physical description.
146
00:08:31.778 --> 00:08:33.745
Well, I couldn't really
see his face.
147
00:08:33.747 --> 00:08:37.115
Couldn't see? Because you didn't
have your contact lenses in?
148
00:08:37.117 --> 00:08:39.818
No. I don't wear
contact lenses.
149
00:08:39.820 --> 00:08:41.820
Because they irritate your eyes?
150
00:08:41.822 --> 00:08:43.889
No, I don't need them.
151
00:08:51.898 --> 00:08:53.698
You just hold on right there.
We're not done yet.
152
00:08:55.101 --> 00:08:57.102
How many fingers
am I holding up?
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One.
154
00:08:59.172 --> 00:09:02.107
One and three halves.
That equals two and a half.
155
00:09:02.109 --> 00:09:04.175
I'm afraid
you do need visual aids.
156
00:09:04.177 --> 00:09:07.078
I didn't think
half fingers counted.
157
00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:08.680
Just like you didn't think
a physical description
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00:09:08.682 --> 00:09:10.582
would be necessary
to apprehend the criminal.
159
00:09:10.584 --> 00:09:13.184
Hey, officers,
this is about me.
160
00:09:13.186 --> 00:09:15.186
So while this citizen
was happily complacent,
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00:09:15.188 --> 00:09:17.122
were you able
to secure any details?
162
00:09:17.124 --> 00:09:19.024
Yes, and I already told you
he had a black face.
163
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Mask, goddamn it!
164
00:09:20.561 --> 00:09:22.961
- Hey, you shut your mouth!
- It was a mask.
165
00:09:22.963 --> 00:09:24.896
You wanna get tased?
Just get the hell out of here.
166
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Thank you, officer.
167
00:09:27.901 --> 00:09:31.136
You know what?
My work is done here.
168
00:09:31.138 --> 00:09:34.306
To make it official, ma'am,
please fill out that form
169
00:09:34.308 --> 00:09:36.074
and mail it
to the address below.
170
00:09:36.076 --> 00:09:39.210
That's it? She just mails it
and then just waits?
171
00:09:39.212 --> 00:09:41.079
Affirmative.
Or you can do it for her
172
00:09:41.081 --> 00:09:43.214
if you're not just
still standing here.
173
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Really?
174
00:09:55.662 --> 00:09:58.663
Hope you have a better
rest of your day, ma'am.
175
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Ready, rookie?
176
00:10:04.171 --> 00:10:07.038
I get fired for naked pictures
and humped by a dog in a mask.
177
00:10:07.040 --> 00:10:08.306
That's normal, right?
178
00:10:08.308 --> 00:10:10.008
Naked pictures?
179
00:10:10.010 --> 00:10:12.711
Now I'm late for class.
Just keeps getting better.
180
00:10:12.713 --> 00:10:14.779
For the naked pictures or...
181
00:10:14.781 --> 00:10:17.148
You know what? Forget about it.
Forget about this too.
182
00:10:17.150 --> 00:10:19.985
Really? I could fill this out
for you and totally call you.
183
00:10:19.987 --> 00:10:23.154
No. Just pretend you got good
Karma coming your way, right?
184
00:10:24.323 --> 00:10:25.857
Right.
185
00:10:32.198 --> 00:10:35.266
"Evan polus.
Starmaker academy."
186
00:10:37.670 --> 00:10:40.405
Evan, hi! This is Sara!
I did it!
187
00:10:40.407 --> 00:10:42.340
I walked in the room
and killed it.
188
00:10:42.342 --> 00:10:44.876
See ya soon, or should I say,
"you'll see me soon."
189
00:10:44.878 --> 00:10:47.746
Evan, Mr. polus, it's al.
190
00:10:47.748 --> 00:10:51.783
I just had my final callback on
that boxing film. They want me!
191
00:10:51.785 --> 00:10:55.053
I used all your techniques,
and I killed. You're a genius.
192
00:10:55.055 --> 00:10:57.355
I'm gonna blow this town away.
Whoo!
193
00:10:59.126 --> 00:11:01.159
Darren Hughes here
from Mulholland productions.
194
00:11:01.161 --> 00:11:03.928
Just had two more of your
people drop by my office.
195
00:11:03.930 --> 00:11:06.765
Listen, I haven't seen talent
like that since,
196
00:11:06.767 --> 00:11:09.901
well, let's be honest, ever.
197
00:11:09.903 --> 00:11:14.439
See, if I had a beer for
every one of these messages,
198
00:11:14.441 --> 00:11:16.441
this entire room
would be foaming
199
00:11:16.443 --> 00:11:18.843
in the suds of drunkenness.
200
00:11:18.845 --> 00:11:26.317
Now, you people sit here longing
to be intoxicated by stardom.
201
00:11:26.319 --> 00:11:28.019
How the hell are you
gonna make it
202
00:11:28.021 --> 00:11:29.921
like these people
on my machine?
203
00:11:29.923 --> 00:11:34.092
Well, folks, it's simple.
204
00:11:34.094 --> 00:11:38.763
You're gonna do exactly
what I tell you to do.
205
00:11:38.765 --> 00:11:42.133
Now, you want to get smart and
do your own thing, all right.
206
00:11:42.135 --> 00:11:45.236
But please, don't come
running back to daddy
207
00:11:45.238 --> 00:11:47.238
after you've been
chewed up and spat out
208
00:11:47.240 --> 00:11:49.140
onto the urine-filled streets.
209
00:11:49.142 --> 00:11:51.943
I'm the only person
in this town
210
00:11:51.945 --> 00:11:54.412
who can take you
right to the top, baby.
211
00:11:54.414 --> 00:11:57.282
Now, the sooner you realize
how lucky you are
212
00:11:57.284 --> 00:11:59.818
to be here under my tutelage,
213
00:11:59.820 --> 00:12:03.421
the sooner you people
will be shining brighter
214
00:12:03.423 --> 00:12:07.092
than the big fucking Dipper.
215
00:12:07.094 --> 00:12:08.827
So...
216
00:12:08.829 --> 00:12:11.396
Watch out, NASA.
217
00:12:11.398 --> 00:12:15.767
It's time to discover
some new stars.
218
00:12:17.737 --> 00:12:20.438
That little Daisy Duke outfit
got me going.
219
00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:24.342
Damn, if I were you, I'd get
ahold of that ass quick.
220
00:12:24.344 --> 00:12:27.045
That's amazing advice,
as per usual.
221
00:12:27.047 --> 00:12:29.748
Without her job,
she's gonna need a new pilot.
222
00:12:29.750 --> 00:12:32.951
I could be your copilot, drew.
223
00:12:32.953 --> 00:12:35.920
We can fly her into some
international territory.
224
00:12:35.922 --> 00:12:37.789
What does that even mean?
225
00:12:37.791 --> 00:12:39.324
This is your copilot
checking in.
226
00:12:39.326 --> 00:12:41.025
We're clear for takeoff.
227
00:12:41.027 --> 00:12:44.362
Expect a bouncy ride
with hella turbulence, you know?
228
00:12:49.035 --> 00:12:50.201
Just like that.
229
00:12:50.203 --> 00:12:52.537
You are sick.
230
00:12:52.539 --> 00:12:54.773
Tell me again why you didn't
get her number?
231
00:12:54.775 --> 00:12:57.175
Oh, I know exactly
where to find her.
232
00:12:59.912 --> 00:13:02.113
Why did you leave me here
so soon, Michael?
233
00:13:02.115 --> 00:13:04.949
You're my best friend.
234
00:13:04.951 --> 00:13:06.885
You're my best friend.
235
00:13:06.887 --> 00:13:08.453
You're my best friend.
236
00:13:11.857 --> 00:13:13.124
You're my best friend,
Michael.
237
00:13:13.126 --> 00:13:15.026
Jesus!
238
00:13:15.028 --> 00:13:16.795
Dude, what?
239
00:13:18.097 --> 00:13:20.932
Who is Michael?
240
00:13:20.934 --> 00:13:22.200
Apparently an overdose victim.
241
00:13:22.202 --> 00:13:24.969
He was your best friend.
242
00:13:24.971 --> 00:13:26.337
No.
243
00:13:26.339 --> 00:13:28.439
It's from a monologue.
244
00:13:28.441 --> 00:13:29.974
Do you knock?
245
00:13:29.976 --> 00:13:32.343
Who's that man
in the mirror?
246
00:13:32.345 --> 00:13:33.978
What?
247
00:13:33.980 --> 00:13:37.015
That man in the mirror
is you, drew.
248
00:13:37.017 --> 00:13:39.284
He's your best friend
now that Michael has passed.
249
00:13:39.286 --> 00:13:41.886
He's always there.
250
00:13:41.888 --> 00:13:46.090
And sometimes
he is all you have.
251
00:13:48.127 --> 00:13:50.862
Thank you for that, hansel.
252
00:13:50.864 --> 00:13:53.598
Can you please
shut my door now?
253
00:14:24.230 --> 00:14:27.031
no. No, I don't think
you get it, Hugo.
254
00:14:27.033 --> 00:14:29.000
I need something different.
255
00:14:29.002 --> 00:14:31.269
Something strange.
256
00:14:34.006 --> 00:14:35.173
What are you laughing at?
257
00:14:35.175 --> 00:14:37.275
No, I'm not.
258
00:14:37.277 --> 00:14:38.877
Wanna open the door?
259
00:14:38.879 --> 00:14:40.245
Okay.
260
00:14:42.448 --> 00:14:44.115
Here you go.
261
00:14:45.484 --> 00:14:47.118
Close it.
262
00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:48.953
Close it!
263
00:14:52.358 --> 00:14:54.259
Oh, my god!
Get off of me!
264
00:14:54.261 --> 00:14:55.493
You like this?
265
00:14:55.495 --> 00:14:57.195
Get off of me!
Get the fuck off me!
266
00:14:57.197 --> 00:14:58.997
I can hold you
all day, woman.
267
00:14:58.999 --> 00:15:00.331
Let me go!
268
00:15:00.333 --> 00:15:02.367
Get the fuck off me,
you big bitch!
269
00:15:02.369 --> 00:15:04.269
- Stop!
- What are you doing?
270
00:15:04.271 --> 00:15:06.571
Drew? Oh, my god!
271
00:15:06.573 --> 00:15:08.006
Dammit, dammit, dammit!
272
00:15:08.008 --> 00:15:09.908
No, babe, you got this,
you got this.
273
00:15:09.910 --> 00:15:12.543
Stay in the moment, Nikki.
Keep it. Use it!
274
00:15:12.545 --> 00:15:15.246
I think I'm still warm.
I think I'm still warm.
275
00:15:15.248 --> 00:15:16.915
Yeah. I'm gonna go
unleash the beast.
276
00:15:16.917 --> 00:15:18.950
Oh, fuck yeah, bitch.
Blow 'em away, baby.
277
00:15:18.952 --> 00:15:22.186
- Here it comes!
- Blow 'em away, baby!
278
00:15:22.188 --> 00:15:23.955
Yeah!
279
00:15:25.257 --> 00:15:27.425
I was warming her up,
you idiot.
280
00:15:27.427 --> 00:15:29.560
Newbie class is that way.
281
00:15:31.563 --> 00:15:34.332
You'll never be a star.
282
00:15:34.334 --> 00:15:35.500
Cocksucker!
283
00:16:19.545 --> 00:16:22.146
Good evening!
284
00:16:22.148 --> 00:16:24.649
And welcome
to the world famous
285
00:16:24.651 --> 00:16:31.356
starmaker academy!
286
00:16:32.992 --> 00:16:37.762
Brace yourselves
for your group numbers.
287
00:16:37.764 --> 00:16:39.564
1, 2, 3, 4.
288
00:16:39.566 --> 00:16:42.033
1, 2, 3, 4.
289
00:16:42.035 --> 00:16:43.334
1, 2, 3--
290
00:16:43.336 --> 00:16:45.636
uh, shh...
291
00:16:48.407 --> 00:16:50.608
Tonight you'll be stripped
292
00:16:50.610 --> 00:16:53.611
to the barest
of your vulnerable bones.
293
00:16:53.613 --> 00:16:57.749
Studies have found that most
people would rather not live
294
00:16:57.751 --> 00:17:02.453
than speak in front
of a live audience.
295
00:17:02.455 --> 00:17:06.391
Well, you are the brave.
296
00:17:06.393 --> 00:17:10.294
Que se dice, my brotha?
297
00:17:10.296 --> 00:17:11.696
What...
298
00:17:11.698 --> 00:17:14.465
That's Italian for hello.
299
00:17:14.467 --> 00:17:16.334
Sei de ce CIA dito!
300
00:17:16.336 --> 00:17:18.136
Move.
301
00:17:18.138 --> 00:17:23.141
That's Italian for "you're late!
Sit down, please!"
302
00:17:23.143 --> 00:17:25.209
What?
303
00:17:25.211 --> 00:17:26.744
As I was saying,
304
00:17:26.746 --> 00:17:30.081
you will be standing here
delivering your monologue
305
00:17:30.083 --> 00:17:31.416
that you have chosen
306
00:17:31.418 --> 00:17:36.721
that will accentuate
how far, how deep,
307
00:17:36.723 --> 00:17:44.695
how wide your potential
as an actor should be.
308
00:17:44.697 --> 00:17:49.400
The great Evan polus has
interested me as his gatekeeper
309
00:17:49.402 --> 00:17:52.303
to determine
who gets in his class
310
00:17:52.305 --> 00:17:57.241
and who get stopped
short of stardom.
311
00:17:57.243 --> 00:17:59.377
If your group succeeds,
312
00:17:59.379 --> 00:18:03.247
you will advance
to Evan polus' class
313
00:18:03.249 --> 00:18:05.683
and have the opportunity
314
00:18:05.685 --> 00:18:11.789
to be in Hollywood's
greatest showcase ever.
315
00:18:13.426 --> 00:18:17.829
Do you wanna work
eight, ten fucking hours?
316
00:18:17.831 --> 00:18:20.565
You own nothing.
You got nothing.
317
00:18:20.567 --> 00:18:23.668
Do you know I eat octopus
three times a day?
318
00:18:23.670 --> 00:18:27.438
I've got octopus coming
out of my fucking ears.
319
00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:31.876
I got the fucking Russian shoes,
and my feet is coming through.
320
00:18:31.878 --> 00:18:35.413
Hey, I'm no fucking
criminal, man.
321
00:18:35.415 --> 00:18:38.716
I'm Tony Montana,
political prisoner from Cuba,
322
00:18:38.718 --> 00:18:41.419
and I want my fucking
human rights now.
323
00:18:43.590 --> 00:18:47.391
What a dork!
324
00:18:47.393 --> 00:18:48.693
Good job, rowe.
325
00:18:48.695 --> 00:18:51.696
That shit sucked!
326
00:18:51.698 --> 00:18:55.666
As you can see, no one
can become a star overnight.
327
00:18:55.668 --> 00:18:58.436
It is an evolution.
328
00:18:58.438 --> 00:19:01.873
Even Brad Pitt was
a pathetic little lungfish.
329
00:19:01.875 --> 00:19:03.908
Then we made him a star.
330
00:19:03.910 --> 00:19:05.743
Brad Pitt didn't go here.
331
00:19:05.745 --> 00:19:08.312
I don't know, did he?
332
00:19:08.314 --> 00:19:11.315
Mr. Italy, do you have a name?
333
00:19:11.317 --> 00:19:13.818
Rubisio uccellini.
334
00:19:13.820 --> 00:19:15.820
And I have a lot more
than just a name.
335
00:19:15.822 --> 00:19:17.355
Beautiful.
336
00:19:17.357 --> 00:19:19.824
Let the evolution begin.
337
00:19:23.162 --> 00:19:28.666
Max calls me up and says,
"que ce dice, my brotha?
338
00:19:28.668 --> 00:19:30.234
I think I got heat.
339
00:19:30.236 --> 00:19:33.504
Stay on this cell phone
with me."
340
00:19:33.506 --> 00:19:35.439
He comes out of his driveway
and says,
341
00:19:35.441 --> 00:19:40.745
"oh! I think they're coming from
every direction, my brotha!
342
00:19:40.747 --> 00:19:45.249
I got bags full of money
just buried in my lawn."
343
00:19:45.251 --> 00:19:49.954
So that night,
I'm out there with a flashlight
344
00:19:49.956 --> 00:19:52.823
just digging up bags of money!
345
00:19:54.426 --> 00:19:55.626
The end.
346
00:19:58.565 --> 00:20:01.232
Uccellini! Ha ha!
347
00:20:04.369 --> 00:20:05.770
Good job, rubisio.
348
00:20:07.607 --> 00:20:09.840
Uh, quick question.
349
00:20:09.842 --> 00:20:12.543
Our assignment
was to prepare a monologue
350
00:20:12.545 --> 00:20:13.844
from a narrative film, right?
351
00:20:13.846 --> 00:20:15.279
Right.
352
00:20:15.281 --> 00:20:16.847
That was from a documentary.
353
00:20:16.849 --> 00:20:18.482
Who the hell are you?
354
00:20:18.484 --> 00:20:20.785
It's a monologue
taken from an amazing movie,
355
00:20:20.787 --> 00:20:22.920
the cocaine cowboys.
356
00:20:22.922 --> 00:20:25.790
Which was a documentary
with live interviews,
357
00:20:25.792 --> 00:20:27.959
so there weren't actually
actors in it.
358
00:20:27.961 --> 00:20:29.260
It was real.
359
00:20:29.262 --> 00:20:31.629
John Wayne was cowboy!
360
00:20:31.631 --> 00:20:33.731
He was a real cowboy.
361
00:20:33.733 --> 00:20:35.700
So if you're not a fan
of real movies,
362
00:20:35.702 --> 00:20:37.335
then you're probably
not gonna be a fan
363
00:20:37.337 --> 00:20:39.003
of all the other real shit
that I have for you.
364
00:20:39.005 --> 00:20:40.504
Cut!
365
00:20:40.506 --> 00:20:41.672
Let's see what you got,
Shakespeare.
366
00:20:41.674 --> 00:20:43.441
The director has yelled cut!
367
00:20:44.810 --> 00:20:46.711
Now, class, self-control
368
00:20:46.713 --> 00:20:50.314
is an important aspect
of this business.
369
00:20:50.316 --> 00:20:53.884
Sometimes it's okay
to punch a thrust.
370
00:20:53.886 --> 00:20:58.422
Other times, you need
to punch a thrust.
371
00:20:58.424 --> 00:20:59.690
Yes, chance.
372
00:20:59.692 --> 00:21:01.859
Did John Wayne
really smoke cocaine?
373
00:21:01.861 --> 00:21:03.761
I'm right here, chance.
374
00:21:03.763 --> 00:21:07.732
And no, John Wayne
was not a cocaine cowboy.
375
00:21:07.734 --> 00:21:09.934
Can my monologue be
John Wayne?
376
00:21:09.936 --> 00:21:12.436
Did you prepare
a John Wayne monologue?
377
00:21:12.438 --> 00:21:16.707
The title of my monologue
is "Ruby."
378
00:21:16.709 --> 00:21:19.477
Ruby. Ruby.
What is Ruby?
379
00:21:19.479 --> 00:21:23.714
Ruby is an Italian guy
who is in my acting class.
380
00:21:23.716 --> 00:21:26.417
He thinks he's really big
and macho.
381
00:21:26.419 --> 00:21:29.020
But if Ruby had
half the cock I have,
382
00:21:29.022 --> 00:21:31.856
he wouldn't have to be
so macho, would he?
383
00:21:31.858 --> 00:21:34.492
Que dice, beeyotch!
384
00:21:34.494 --> 00:21:36.494
Um, uh...
385
00:21:36.496 --> 00:21:39.597
Give me back my family, fucker!
386
00:21:47.873 --> 00:21:50.374
You know, one time, I...
387
00:21:50.376 --> 00:21:52.743
I had to be in a little play,
388
00:21:52.745 --> 00:21:56.681
and I...
I swallowed the harmonica.
389
00:21:56.683 --> 00:22:00.451
They had to give me
the hemlock treatment.
390
00:22:02.087 --> 00:22:05.523
Why'd you leave me here
all alone?
391
00:22:05.525 --> 00:22:07.892
You were my best friend,
Michael.
392
00:22:09.394 --> 00:22:10.428
Scene?
393
00:22:19.071 --> 00:22:21.405
Who's next?
394
00:22:21.407 --> 00:22:23.641
Ah.
395
00:22:23.643 --> 00:22:25.476
How 'bout you?
396
00:22:25.478 --> 00:22:29.046
Tears just streamed down
my tired eyes.
397
00:22:31.950 --> 00:22:33.951
And then he came.
398
00:22:35.954 --> 00:22:38.122
And he kissed me.
399
00:22:40.659 --> 00:22:45.429
And with a ring on my finger
400
00:22:45.431 --> 00:22:47.565
and in a promise in my heart,
401
00:22:47.567 --> 00:22:51.936
I can say that I am loved.
402
00:22:51.938 --> 00:22:53.904
Alas...
403
00:22:53.906 --> 00:22:56.540
I am finally loved.
404
00:22:59.578 --> 00:23:01.045
Scene.
405
00:23:06.818 --> 00:23:08.386
Brilliant.
406
00:23:08.388 --> 00:23:10.821
Not a single string in my heart
was unstrung.
407
00:23:10.823 --> 00:23:16.160
I feel like I was ridden hard
and put away hot and wet.
408
00:23:17.696 --> 00:23:19.463
Okay, it is time
409
00:23:19.465 --> 00:23:21.966
for you to become acquainted
with your fellow numbers.
410
00:23:21.968 --> 00:23:24.835
You will be rehearsing
with them this week.
411
00:23:24.837 --> 00:23:28.172
Que se dice, my brothas!
412
00:23:28.174 --> 00:23:31.008
Now it looks like this group
might have a fighting chance.
413
00:23:31.010 --> 00:23:32.543
Why is that?
414
00:23:32.545 --> 00:23:36.046
Why? Because I'm in it
tinker bell.
415
00:23:36.048 --> 00:23:41.585
Tony Montana, puta, octopus!
416
00:23:41.587 --> 00:23:44.188
Dork!
417
00:23:44.190 --> 00:23:47.525
Well, welcome. We're just trying
to figure out where to meet
418
00:23:47.527 --> 00:23:48.793
to practice our scene.
419
00:23:48.795 --> 00:23:49.994
Do you live close by?
420
00:23:49.996 --> 00:23:52.663
You got a house, don't you?
421
00:23:52.665 --> 00:23:55.032
- Yeah, but--
- okay, cool. Let's go there.
422
00:23:55.034 --> 00:23:56.434
No. It's not
the kind of place where-
423
00:23:56.436 --> 00:23:58.436
hey, we're going
to your house.
424
00:23:58.438 --> 00:24:01.205
The dork, the fairy and i
will see you there.
425
00:24:01.207 --> 00:24:03.641
Uccellini is out.
426
00:24:07.813 --> 00:24:10.881
He just made the bear
touch my penis.
427
00:24:10.883 --> 00:24:13.818
Oh, my god,
you were so amazing, babe.
428
00:24:13.820 --> 00:24:17.922
Like your boobs were heaving
and your mouth was like,
429
00:24:17.924 --> 00:24:20.691
like pulsing with rage and--
430
00:24:20.693 --> 00:24:23.060
see, I thought
i was the best too.
431
00:24:23.062 --> 00:24:26.030
Your hair is like
so silky and--
432
00:24:26.032 --> 00:24:27.731
- hi, Nikki.
- Hey.
433
00:24:27.733 --> 00:24:31.602
Hey, just so you know,
stalking is a felony.
434
00:24:31.604 --> 00:24:33.604
Heidi, rude.
435
00:24:33.606 --> 00:24:36.006
- You go here now?
- Yeah.
436
00:24:36.008 --> 00:24:37.608
Gotta go.
437
00:24:41.613 --> 00:24:42.913
Mm!
438
00:24:45.784 --> 00:24:48.519
Help me, mommy!
439
00:24:48.521 --> 00:24:53.858
I'm a big stalker
creepy douchebag!
440
00:24:57.196 --> 00:25:02.032
I can reserve the banquet hall
at my community center.
441
00:25:02.034 --> 00:25:04.902
We'll have plenty
of privacy there.
442
00:25:04.904 --> 00:25:06.670
That's a really
good idea, Ruth.
443
00:25:06.672 --> 00:25:08.539
Maybe after we rehearse
a couple of times,
444
00:25:08.541 --> 00:25:10.708
we could have some of your
neighbors was us perform it.
445
00:25:10.710 --> 00:25:15.079
Oh, wait until
the older folks see you.
446
00:25:15.081 --> 00:25:20.084
They're gonna wanna snuggle you
six days from Sunday.
447
00:25:24.122 --> 00:25:27.157
I've wanted you for so long.
448
00:25:27.159 --> 00:25:29.727
But this just feels so wrong.
449
00:25:29.729 --> 00:25:32.029
Shh. Don't think about it.
450
00:25:32.031 --> 00:25:34.298
Just enjoy the fact
that you're about to be
451
00:25:34.300 --> 00:25:38.102
with the best-looking man
in your life.
452
00:25:38.104 --> 00:25:40.771
Uccellini.
453
00:25:40.773 --> 00:25:42.239
Uccellini?
454
00:25:42.241 --> 00:25:43.874
Yeah.
455
00:25:43.876 --> 00:25:45.709
Come here.
456
00:25:48.781 --> 00:25:49.847
Lulu.
457
00:25:49.849 --> 00:25:53.083
I slave away all day
458
00:25:53.085 --> 00:25:56.754
while you stay in my office
and humpy hump?
459
00:25:56.756 --> 00:25:58.055
What, this?
460
00:25:58.057 --> 00:26:00.057
No. We were just
talking is all.
461
00:26:00.059 --> 00:26:01.191
Nothing happen, Lulu.
462
00:26:01.193 --> 00:26:03.027
You shut your mouth, lele.
463
00:26:05.330 --> 00:26:06.730
Ow, Lulu.
464
00:26:06.732 --> 00:26:08.232
Lulu, stop.
465
00:26:08.234 --> 00:26:11.602
Stop. Listen.
Look, we talked about this,
466
00:26:11.604 --> 00:26:15.139
a guy that looks as good as I do
can't be monogamous forever.
467
00:26:15.141 --> 00:26:17.775
Sometimes I need
something different, you know?
468
00:26:17.777 --> 00:26:19.243
A little strange.
469
00:26:19.245 --> 00:26:21.111
Strange?
470
00:26:21.113 --> 00:26:24.148
And that's why you wanna be
with my twin sister?
471
00:26:24.150 --> 00:26:25.916
You dumb little fuck!
472
00:26:25.918 --> 00:26:29.353
Ow! Ow! Okay, okay.
Listen, stop.
473
00:26:29.355 --> 00:26:31.055
What about my headshots?
474
00:26:31.057 --> 00:26:34.758
You dropped your little
gummy worm in the wrong pond.
475
00:26:34.760 --> 00:26:36.827
Now you have no headshots!
476
00:26:36.829 --> 00:26:38.329
Ow! Okay, look, look, look.
477
00:26:38.331 --> 00:26:40.331
Listen, what if i
go to the house,
478
00:26:40.333 --> 00:26:43.367
and we talk about this
when you get home?
479
00:26:43.369 --> 00:26:45.970
You don't have a house anymore,
hotshot.
480
00:26:45.972 --> 00:26:47.304
You just got evicted.
481
00:26:47.306 --> 00:26:50.341
Oh, hello!
Come on in, take a seat.
482
00:26:50.343 --> 00:26:53.143
Lulu, let's talk
one more time, please.
483
00:26:54.846 --> 00:26:56.380
Hey, you know what?
484
00:26:56.382 --> 00:26:58.682
You're the one
that's missing out.
485
00:26:58.684 --> 00:27:00.351
Uccellini! Uhh!
486
00:27:07.692 --> 00:27:09.393
This mind and this body?
487
00:27:09.395 --> 00:27:11.295
She's gonna be
on a wounded knee,
488
00:27:11.297 --> 00:27:14.031
begging this prodigy son
to return.
489
00:27:14.033 --> 00:27:16.200
I think what
you're referring to
490
00:27:16.202 --> 00:27:20.104
just happens to be
the story of prodigal son.
491
00:27:20.106 --> 00:27:24.308
It has absolutely nothing to do
with Asian sisters
492
00:27:24.310 --> 00:27:26.844
or wounded knees
493
00:27:26.846 --> 00:27:30.180
or morons in leisure suits
on the fucking clock.
494
00:27:30.182 --> 00:27:32.316
Hey, step down, old man.
495
00:27:32.318 --> 00:27:36.220
We don't any philigisticsum from
the walnut gallery, all right?
496
00:27:36.222 --> 00:27:40.424
The prodigal son
was ignorant and arrogant.
497
00:27:40.426 --> 00:27:43.227
But he had all the necessary
means for success,
498
00:27:43.229 --> 00:27:45.763
but only after returning home
499
00:27:45.765 --> 00:27:48.966
to the wisdom and guidance
of his father.
500
00:27:48.968 --> 00:27:53.337
You have the roar of a lion,
501
00:27:53.339 --> 00:27:59.243
but a lion who's stuck
in a cold cage,
502
00:27:59.245 --> 00:28:02.446
waiting to be warmed up,
503
00:28:02.448 --> 00:28:06.050
warmed enough so you can
crawl out of your den
504
00:28:06.052 --> 00:28:09.086
and discover your time to kill.
505
00:28:11.456 --> 00:28:14.925
It has all the elements we need:
Greed, passion, anger, jealousy.
506
00:28:14.927 --> 00:28:16.360
I say we go for it.
507
00:28:16.362 --> 00:28:18.929
I'm not doing a scene
from bring it on.
508
00:28:18.931 --> 00:28:20.731
Sounds like a total bitch fest.
509
00:28:20.733 --> 00:28:24.768
And rubisio uccellini
ain't no bitch.
510
00:28:24.770 --> 00:28:27.404
I say we do a scene
from the godfather.
511
00:28:27.406 --> 00:28:30.140
Actually, I've never seen
the godfather.
512
00:28:30.142 --> 00:28:31.775
That's 'cause
you're an idiot.
513
00:28:31.777 --> 00:28:34.011
Oh, that's productive.
514
00:28:34.013 --> 00:28:36.113
Oh, othello's here.
515
00:28:36.115 --> 00:28:38.449
Of course I'm here.
This is my house.
516
00:28:38.451 --> 00:28:40.384
And it's really nice.
517
00:28:40.386 --> 00:28:44.021
Come on, you guys, why don't we
do a scene from stand by me?
518
00:28:44.023 --> 00:28:46.290
There's four of them,
and there's four of us.
519
00:28:46.292 --> 00:28:47.991
There we go.
That's a start.
520
00:28:47.993 --> 00:28:49.326
Three claps for rowe.
521
00:28:49.328 --> 00:28:51.495
Those kids are like
eight years old.
522
00:28:51.497 --> 00:28:53.497
I'm not gonna pretend
to be a kid.
523
00:28:53.499 --> 00:28:56.133
Oh, I don't think
you'd have to pretend.
524
00:29:04.976 --> 00:29:07.778
Were they friends
with Michael?
525
00:29:07.780 --> 00:29:08.946
No, hansel.
526
00:29:08.948 --> 00:29:11.148
That was from a monologue.
527
00:29:11.150 --> 00:29:13.984
These are actors
from an acting class.
528
00:29:53.391 --> 00:29:56.093
Hi. Hey, sir.
Uh, I'm rowe.
529
00:29:56.095 --> 00:29:59.429
I'm sure you are.
530
00:29:59.431 --> 00:30:01.331
And that's my hookah.
531
00:30:01.333 --> 00:30:03.867
Oh, I'm so sorry, i--
532
00:30:07.005 --> 00:30:08.505
What the fuck?
533
00:30:12.443 --> 00:30:13.577
Thank you.
534
00:30:48.580 --> 00:30:50.080
Ugh.
535
00:31:00.525 --> 00:31:03.927
I no wanna you go, papa.
536
00:31:03.929 --> 00:31:06.463
That's gonna be
on television?
537
00:31:06.465 --> 00:31:09.233
They're performing for us.
You're interrupting.
538
00:31:09.235 --> 00:31:11.468
Well, I hate it.
I want my ticket money back.
539
00:31:11.470 --> 00:31:15.973
I'll miss you like the dickens,
sweetheart.
540
00:31:17.943 --> 00:31:19.643
I love you, papa.
541
00:31:21.880 --> 00:31:24.948
Why is that girl calling
that little boy "daddy"?
542
00:31:24.950 --> 00:31:29.419
Is this some of that
perverted adult smut?
543
00:31:29.421 --> 00:31:32.623
It's a theatrical performance,
you blowhard!
544
00:31:32.625 --> 00:31:34.658
Like a dinner theater?
545
00:31:34.660 --> 00:31:37.628
Like a dinner theater, Lenny.
546
00:31:37.630 --> 00:31:40.564
Well, I'd like
a Salisbury steak.
547
00:31:40.566 --> 00:31:44.368
That tears it! That tears it!
That tears it!
548
00:31:44.370 --> 00:31:46.470
That's the end of it!
The end of it!
549
00:31:46.472 --> 00:31:51.441
Oh, dear, oh, dear,
oh, dear.
550
00:31:51.443 --> 00:31:55.913
It's not my fault that nobody
wants to hire these rejects.
551
00:31:55.915 --> 00:31:57.481
So tell them that.
552
00:31:57.483 --> 00:32:00.017
Listen here,
you dry humping fuck,
553
00:32:00.019 --> 00:32:04.554
you don't tell daddy what
he can and what he can't do.
554
00:32:04.556 --> 00:32:07.958
You know, you do a lot of
talking with your pelvic region.
555
00:32:21.572 --> 00:32:24.308
Where the fuck is chance?
556
00:32:31.649 --> 00:32:33.383
Hey, drew.
557
00:32:33.385 --> 00:32:34.518
Oh, hey, Hannah.
558
00:32:34.520 --> 00:32:36.353
How did it go
with your group?
559
00:32:36.355 --> 00:32:41.491
Uh, I wouldn't really know
how to put it into words.
560
00:32:41.493 --> 00:32:44.528
- Hey, drew-hoo.
- Oh, hey, Nikki.
561
00:32:44.530 --> 00:32:47.197
Um, Nikki, this is Hannah.
Hannah, Nikki.
562
00:32:47.199 --> 00:32:48.665
Hey, Nikki.
563
00:32:48.667 --> 00:32:51.134
Um, it's nice to meet you.
564
00:32:51.136 --> 00:32:53.103
Uh, Hannah is in
the other class with me.
565
00:32:53.105 --> 00:32:55.238
Oh. Yeah.
566
00:32:55.240 --> 00:32:57.374
Well, I will see you in there.
567
00:32:57.376 --> 00:32:59.376
Yeah.
568
00:32:59.378 --> 00:33:00.677
Break a leg.
569
00:33:00.679 --> 00:33:03.447
Thank you.
570
00:33:05.250 --> 00:33:07.551
Looks like she broke
more than just a leg.
571
00:33:07.553 --> 00:33:09.753
Poor girl.
572
00:33:09.755 --> 00:33:12.022
She's pretty good, actually.
573
00:33:12.024 --> 00:33:14.157
Yeah, well,
she's not a star.
574
00:33:14.159 --> 00:33:17.160
Once you're here for a while,
you'll see.
575
00:33:17.162 --> 00:33:19.129
So what's the difference
between the two classes?
576
00:33:19.131 --> 00:33:20.130
I gotta go.
577
00:33:20.132 --> 00:33:23.433
Evan: Unleash the beast!
578
00:33:23.435 --> 00:33:24.501
Okay.
579
00:33:25.503 --> 00:33:28.338
Chance, where the fuck are you?
580
00:33:28.340 --> 00:33:31.641
- Move it or lose it, bitch!
- Whoa! Jeez!
581
00:33:34.413 --> 00:33:39.616
Oh, please, darling,
won't you reconsider?
582
00:33:39.618 --> 00:33:41.451
I can hardly breathe,
583
00:33:41.453 --> 00:33:44.154
thinking about you
not being here,
584
00:33:44.156 --> 00:33:46.123
laying next to me.
585
00:33:46.125 --> 00:33:48.158
Well, duty calls,
sweet cheeks,
586
00:33:48.160 --> 00:33:53.530
and this cowboy don't back down
to anyone or anything.
587
00:33:53.532 --> 00:33:56.400
I no wanna you go, papa.
588
00:33:56.402 --> 00:34:00.270
Uh, now you listen,
and you listen good, son.
589
00:34:00.272 --> 00:34:03.173
While I'm gone,
you're the man of this ranch.
590
00:34:03.175 --> 00:34:05.542
Now, I want you
to feed the chickens
591
00:34:05.544 --> 00:34:07.644
and milk them cows,
you hear?
592
00:34:09.481 --> 00:34:12.416
And I want you to make sure
that your mother and sister
593
00:34:12.418 --> 00:34:17.220
are never fondled
by the other cowhands.
594
00:34:17.222 --> 00:34:19.623
Hannah: I love you, daddy.
595
00:34:27.465 --> 00:34:29.433
Yippee-ki-yay!
596
00:34:29.435 --> 00:34:32.436
Neigh! Neigh!
597
00:34:39.277 --> 00:34:40.277
Action!
598
00:34:41.779 --> 00:34:44.648
Men, I'm gonna ask you
one more time.
599
00:34:44.650 --> 00:34:46.817
Who screwed up my mess hall?
600
00:34:46.819 --> 00:34:48.652
Sir, it was not me, sir.
601
00:34:48.654 --> 00:34:50.320
I didn't even
eat anything last night.
602
00:34:50.322 --> 00:34:52.756
Then you're dismissed,
soldier.
603
00:34:52.758 --> 00:34:54.257
Get out of my face!
604
00:34:55.426 --> 00:34:57.260
It wasn't me, sir.
605
00:34:57.262 --> 00:34:59.663
I took an oath to serve this
country and to tell the truth.
606
00:34:59.665 --> 00:35:02.732
As a result,
i can't tell a lie-lie.
607
00:35:02.734 --> 00:35:05.802
Saved by the don't ask,
don't tell clause.
608
00:35:05.804 --> 00:35:09.840
Lieutenant, that's already
been totally amended already.
609
00:35:09.842 --> 00:35:11.374
Ugh.
610
00:35:11.376 --> 00:35:13.877
Back to your bunker!
611
00:35:17.682 --> 00:35:20.350
I don't really care what
you have to say for yourself.
612
00:35:20.352 --> 00:35:23.320
You made me question
the validity of basic training.
613
00:35:23.322 --> 00:35:25.655
One of these days, I'm gonna
give you what you deserve.
614
00:35:25.657 --> 00:35:27.390
Really?
Are those even the lines?
615
00:35:27.392 --> 00:35:28.792
Shut up, soldier!
616
00:35:28.794 --> 00:35:31.795
You're a sorry excuse
for a human being!
617
00:35:31.797 --> 00:35:33.296
Scene!
618
00:35:33.298 --> 00:35:35.532
Whoo-hoo!
619
00:35:39.337 --> 00:35:41.338
Groups two and three?
620
00:35:47.745 --> 00:35:50.447
You have advanced
to Evan polus' class!
621
00:35:56.921 --> 00:35:58.622
Whoo!
622
00:35:58.624 --> 00:36:01.458
Drewy, we smashed it!
623
00:36:01.460 --> 00:36:03.193
Uccellini!
624
00:36:03.195 --> 00:36:05.562
Suckers!
625
00:36:05.564 --> 00:36:07.397
Tomorrow, 2:00.
626
00:36:07.399 --> 00:36:09.533
Everyone coming with me.
627
00:36:09.535 --> 00:36:11.668
Oh, I got work
in the morning.
628
00:36:11.670 --> 00:36:13.203
Drew, are you sure?
629
00:36:19.243 --> 00:36:21.244
Positive.
630
00:36:21.246 --> 00:36:22.846
That's fine.
631
00:36:22.848 --> 00:36:25.582
I'll just pick
something up for him.
632
00:36:25.584 --> 00:36:27.250
Tout's presh.
633
00:36:27.252 --> 00:36:28.752
Ugh.
634
00:36:28.754 --> 00:36:30.187
Move.
635
00:36:30.189 --> 00:36:32.722
Uccellini!
636
00:36:36.694 --> 00:36:40.397
Okay, okay.
I'll tell them.
637
00:36:40.399 --> 00:36:44.534
- Adrian can't make it.
- Well, let's just go inside.
638
00:36:44.536 --> 00:36:47.470
Honestly, I really don't
wanna wait for rubisio.
639
00:36:47.472 --> 00:36:50.740
We said that we would, rowe.
We have to wait for him.
640
00:36:52.210 --> 00:36:54.911
Que se dice?
What's up, ladies?
641
00:36:54.913 --> 00:36:58.782
Anybody up for a little game
of two on one?
642
00:36:58.784 --> 00:37:02.319
Hi, rubisio.
You're looking nice today.
643
00:37:02.321 --> 00:37:03.520
Well, thank you, Hannah.
644
00:37:03.522 --> 00:37:05.355
You look mighty fine
yourself, woman.
645
00:37:05.357 --> 00:37:07.591
Come on.
Let's go get our shop on.
646
00:37:07.593 --> 00:37:08.992
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
647
00:37:08.994 --> 00:37:11.528
I'm not giving
these little rats a dime.
648
00:37:11.530 --> 00:37:12.696
Rats?
649
00:37:12.698 --> 00:37:14.331
How can you say no
to those girls?
650
00:37:14.333 --> 00:37:15.565
They're so precious.
651
00:37:15.567 --> 00:37:17.734
They stand right outside
the entrance,
652
00:37:17.736 --> 00:37:19.903
pressuring everyone
with their hard sale tactics.
653
00:37:19.905 --> 00:37:21.471
Rubisio, they're kids.
654
00:37:21.473 --> 00:37:25.442
They are not employing tactics
to move cookies.
655
00:37:25.444 --> 00:37:28.812
Hello. Would you like to buy
some cookies for charity?
656
00:37:28.814 --> 00:37:30.780
Que se dice, little lady?
657
00:37:30.782 --> 00:37:32.749
We'd love to, but unfortunately
our friend here
658
00:37:32.751 --> 00:37:34.718
can't be within 100 feet
of children.
659
00:37:36.254 --> 00:37:38.421
What? No, no, no, no.
That's not true.
660
00:37:38.423 --> 00:37:41.591
- Tell her that's not true!
- It is true.
661
00:37:41.593 --> 00:37:43.326
I'm so sorry.
That's not true at all.
662
00:37:43.328 --> 00:37:44.928
That's not cool at all!
What are you doing?
663
00:37:44.930 --> 00:37:46.997
Hey, shut up.
I saved you 7 bucks.
664
00:37:53.671 --> 00:37:56.406
Where the fuck is chance?
665
00:37:57.675 --> 00:37:58.842
Chance!
666
00:38:04.582 --> 00:38:06.683
This place is gross.
667
00:38:06.685 --> 00:38:08.985
Oh, that's not very nice.
668
00:38:08.987 --> 00:38:11.821
You know, you gotta stop
being such a bully.
669
00:38:17.762 --> 00:38:19.362
Waitress: You guys ready?
670
00:38:19.364 --> 00:38:24.401
Yeah. I'll take the bacon burger
with no lettuce.
671
00:38:24.403 --> 00:38:25.935
And your choice
of a house salad,
672
00:38:25.937 --> 00:38:28.405
regular or sweet potato fries.
673
00:38:28.407 --> 00:38:29.773
I'll take the house salad.
674
00:38:29.775 --> 00:38:31.808
Okay. And you?
675
00:38:31.810 --> 00:38:33.810
Yes, I'm gonna enjoy
the Turkey burger
676
00:38:33.812 --> 00:38:35.812
and Caesar salad, please.
677
00:38:35.814 --> 00:38:39.516
Great, and I'm pretty sure
they're out of the grape soda,
678
00:38:39.518 --> 00:38:41.885
so is cola okay?
679
00:38:45.623 --> 00:38:46.656
Yeah, sure.
680
00:38:46.658 --> 00:38:47.824
Okay.
681
00:38:49.860 --> 00:38:51.928
- Who said grape, drew?
- Chill.
682
00:38:51.930 --> 00:38:53.763
She probably got you confused
with somebody else.
683
00:38:53.765 --> 00:38:55.498
Chill? Look, man,
684
00:38:55.500 --> 00:38:57.767
the day my skin color
does not dictate
685
00:38:57.769 --> 00:38:59.903
the fallacious assumptions
of ignorant individuals
686
00:38:59.905 --> 00:39:02.772
is the day
i will chill, brotha.
687
00:39:02.774 --> 00:39:04.974
That sounds like something
i heard last February.
688
00:39:04.976 --> 00:39:07.043
Oh, now we're hating on
black history month, huh?
689
00:39:07.045 --> 00:39:09.979
All this over
a purple drink.
690
00:39:15.553 --> 00:39:17.921
How many goddamn times
do I have to tell you
691
00:39:17.923 --> 00:39:21.925
we have an appointment to do
our headshots right fucking now?
692
00:39:21.927 --> 00:39:24.094
- I do not remember.
- What do you expect?
693
00:39:24.096 --> 00:39:27.797
Me to just float up
onto that horse, you fuckface?
694
00:39:27.799 --> 00:39:30.033
Get your ostrich ass
out of this thrift store
695
00:39:30.035 --> 00:39:32.802
and into the urine-filled
streets now!
696
00:39:34.372 --> 00:39:36.973
If I hit something,
you're dead meat.
697
00:39:42.580 --> 00:39:44.848
Now, look, I don't care
how long this takes.
698
00:39:44.850 --> 00:39:47.851
You were late,
so now you're gonna pay.
699
00:39:47.853 --> 00:39:49.953
Now are you ready?
700
00:39:49.955 --> 00:39:51.955
Hold on.
Let me warm up.
701
00:39:57.461 --> 00:39:59.496
Yeah!
702
00:39:59.498 --> 00:40:01.631
Uh-huh.
703
00:40:01.633 --> 00:40:02.799
Uh-huh.
704
00:40:04.602 --> 00:40:07.737
- Okay.
- Why don't you check your lens?
705
00:40:07.739 --> 00:40:09.639
Is it even working?
706
00:40:09.641 --> 00:40:10.640
Mm-hmm.
707
00:40:10.642 --> 00:40:12.475
We're done.
708
00:40:12.477 --> 00:40:14.077
- Why are we shopping here?
- I'm a struggling actor.
709
00:40:14.079 --> 00:40:15.678
I can't afford anything else.
710
00:40:15.680 --> 00:40:17.714
You're not an actor.
You're an idiot.
711
00:40:17.716 --> 00:40:19.449
Cool, I'm an idiot.
712
00:40:19.451 --> 00:40:21.885
Freeze, pervert!
Put your hands up in the air!
713
00:40:21.887 --> 00:40:24.020
- What did I do?
- Grab him, rookie.
714
00:40:24.022 --> 00:40:25.555
Oh, it's on now.
Come here!
715
00:40:25.557 --> 00:40:27.157
Oh, my god!
Why are you so big?
716
00:40:27.159 --> 00:40:30.794
- Ow! Ow!
- Shut up, you little pervert!
717
00:40:30.796 --> 00:40:32.162
I literally
didn't do anything!
718
00:40:32.164 --> 00:40:35.498
Tell them!
Tell them I didn't do anything!
719
00:40:35.500 --> 00:40:37.000
Get your ass
up against this bike.
720
00:40:37.002 --> 00:40:40.570
You lie to us one more time,
and you will be tased!
721
00:40:40.572 --> 00:40:43.139
- I never lied.
- Put him on the ground, rookie!
722
00:40:43.141 --> 00:40:44.474
Absolutely.
723
00:40:44.476 --> 00:40:45.508
Yeah!
724
00:40:45.510 --> 00:40:47.177
You think it's funny?
725
00:40:47.179 --> 00:40:48.978
- No! No!
- You think it's funny?
726
00:40:48.980 --> 00:40:50.880
Do you think it's funny?
727
00:40:50.882 --> 00:40:52.515
Ow! You're too tight!
728
00:40:52.517 --> 00:40:54.951
Ow! It's too tight, sir!
729
00:40:54.953 --> 00:40:56.085
Too tight?
How 'bout this?
730
00:40:56.087 --> 00:41:00.123
Oh, my god! Ow!
Oh, my god!
731
00:41:00.125 --> 00:41:01.558
You think it's funny?
732
00:41:01.560 --> 00:41:03.092
Enough, rookie!
733
00:41:03.094 --> 00:41:04.461
Enough!
734
00:41:06.231 --> 00:41:08.465
Bacon burger with a salad.
735
00:41:08.467 --> 00:41:10.033
Thank you very much.
736
00:41:10.035 --> 00:41:12.035
Fried chicken, burnt pork
and sweet potato fries.
737
00:41:12.037 --> 00:41:13.870
Fried chicken?
I ordered a salad.
738
00:41:13.872 --> 00:41:16.072
Oh. I thought you said
sweet potato--
739
00:41:16.074 --> 00:41:18.041
salad.
740
00:41:18.043 --> 00:41:21.010
We don't have
sweet potato salad.
741
00:41:24.181 --> 00:41:27.917
Free at last,
my black ass.
742
00:41:27.919 --> 00:41:29.619
This is bullshit.
743
00:41:29.621 --> 00:41:30.854
Okay?
744
00:41:30.856 --> 00:41:34.157
You eat the chicken wing.
745
00:41:34.159 --> 00:41:37.026
Sir, I didn't even know
half fingers were included.
746
00:41:37.028 --> 00:41:38.995
Just like you didn't think
acting like a pedophile
747
00:41:38.997 --> 00:41:40.864
was against the law?
748
00:41:40.866 --> 00:41:43.633
- Sir, I didn't--
- you didn't? You didn't?
749
00:41:43.635 --> 00:41:46.035
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, now you know, Mary.
750
00:41:46.037 --> 00:41:49.606
If I ever see you blink
in the direction of a child,
751
00:41:49.608 --> 00:41:51.207
you will be tased,
no questions asked.
752
00:41:51.209 --> 00:41:52.575
Are we clear, Mary?
753
00:41:52.577 --> 00:41:54.043
- Mary?
- Are we clear?
754
00:41:54.045 --> 00:41:55.778
Yes, sir.
755
00:41:58.282 --> 00:42:01.084
Now get out of my face,
756
00:42:01.086 --> 00:42:04.721
and get out
of the shopping center.
757
00:42:04.723 --> 00:42:08.091
God! What the fuck?
What the fuck? Oh, my god!
758
00:42:08.093 --> 00:42:09.859
You did good, rookie.
759
00:42:09.861 --> 00:42:12.862
You made him run
like a little bitch.
760
00:42:20.538 --> 00:42:22.805
- Hey, you.
- Hannah, hey.
761
00:42:22.807 --> 00:42:25.675
I got you
two medium shirts,
762
00:42:25.677 --> 00:42:27.277
one blue and one purple.
763
00:42:27.279 --> 00:42:31.714
I figured they'd look
good on you. I...
764
00:42:33.684 --> 00:42:36.252
I hope you like them.
765
00:42:36.254 --> 00:42:38.121
Oh, uh, thank you.
766
00:42:38.123 --> 00:42:40.857
Oh, my gosh,
you didn't have to do that.
767
00:42:40.859 --> 00:42:42.759
- Wow. These are nice.
- Yeah.
768
00:42:42.761 --> 00:42:44.627
Um, can you just...
769
00:42:44.629 --> 00:42:46.930
Oh. Yeah.
770
00:42:46.932 --> 00:42:48.898
- There you go.
- Thank you.
771
00:42:50.701 --> 00:42:52.569
So how did...
772
00:42:52.571 --> 00:42:53.803
Oh, um...
773
00:42:53.805 --> 00:42:55.805
My aunt has an equestrian farm,
774
00:42:55.807 --> 00:42:59.642
and one day
i was practicing...
775
00:42:59.644 --> 00:43:04.747
My uncle's tractor backfired
and spooked the horse.
776
00:43:04.749 --> 00:43:06.182
Wow.
777
00:43:06.184 --> 00:43:09.218
I fell and, um...
778
00:43:09.220 --> 00:43:13.122
I pretty much lost the sensation
in the right side of my body.
779
00:43:13.124 --> 00:43:17.060
I get pissed off
when my leg falls asleep, huh?
780
00:43:18.996 --> 00:43:20.730
That's not what I meant.
I'm sorry.
781
00:43:20.732 --> 00:43:23.199
- I'm so sorry that happened.
- No, it's okay.
782
00:43:23.201 --> 00:43:25.735
What about you, drew Thomas?
783
00:43:25.737 --> 00:43:28.338
I finished law school
last spring.
784
00:43:28.340 --> 00:43:29.839
You're a lawyer?
785
00:43:29.841 --> 00:43:31.841
Well, uh, not exactly.
786
00:43:31.843 --> 00:43:35.178
I'm a minimum wage telemarketer
until I can pass the bar.
787
00:43:35.180 --> 00:43:38.114
Then what are you doing
at starmaker academy?
788
00:43:49.861 --> 00:43:52.261
Thank you for calling
grove your Booty,
789
00:43:52.263 --> 00:43:54.163
revolutionary backside workout
790
00:43:54.165 --> 00:43:55.999
paired with all your
favorite groovy tunes.
791
00:43:56.001 --> 00:43:59.636
Yeah, is this the machine
for to make my ass so fly?
792
00:43:59.638 --> 00:44:02.672
Yes, and for calling right now
it can also--
793
00:44:02.674 --> 00:44:04.407
you know if it works or not?
794
00:44:04.409 --> 00:44:09.712
'Cause like I used to have
a Jennifer Lopez ass.
795
00:44:09.714 --> 00:44:15.685
I could shake it like, you know,
Shakira on crack, you dig?
796
00:44:15.687 --> 00:44:20.423
Fools used to get all sprung
when I walked by, you dig?
797
00:44:20.425 --> 00:44:22.859
We here at groovy Booty
promise results
798
00:44:22.861 --> 00:44:25.094
in just 15 minutes a day
for 30 days.
799
00:44:25.096 --> 00:44:27.997
No! Get out.
For real though?
800
00:44:27.999 --> 00:44:30.433
Yeah, yeah for real.
Money-back guarantee.
801
00:44:30.435 --> 00:44:32.135
Before you know it,
802
00:44:32.137 --> 00:44:34.003
your husband will be
getting all sprung again.
803
00:44:34.005 --> 00:44:36.673
Who said nothing
'bout no husband?
804
00:44:36.675 --> 00:44:40.176
Now let me tell you something,
silver spoon boy.
805
00:44:40.178 --> 00:44:42.145
We ain't all chillin',
eating caviar,
806
00:44:42.147 --> 00:44:43.713
drinking red Merlot.
807
00:44:43.715 --> 00:44:45.148
You dig?
808
00:44:45.150 --> 00:44:47.850
I said you dig?
809
00:44:47.852 --> 00:44:50.720
Yes, ma'am.
810
00:44:50.722 --> 00:44:52.955
What I get for free?
811
00:44:56.326 --> 00:45:01.464
You all walked in here
below average at best.
812
00:45:01.466 --> 00:45:03.232
But let me tell you,
813
00:45:03.234 --> 00:45:05.234
by the time
I'm finished with you,
814
00:45:05.236 --> 00:45:07.804
you'll have seen more
red carpet
815
00:45:07.806 --> 00:45:09.806
than the streets
have seen urine.
816
00:45:09.808 --> 00:45:14.444
Now, to my new students,
817
00:45:14.446 --> 00:45:16.779
it's simple.
818
00:45:16.781 --> 00:45:19.315
You just do exactly
what I tell you to do
819
00:45:19.317 --> 00:45:22.752
and how I tell you to do it.
820
00:45:22.754 --> 00:45:27.290
Okay, let's just take it up a
notch, have a bit of fun here.
821
00:45:27.292 --> 00:45:29.358
Who can we get?
Nikki, why don't you come up?
822
00:45:29.360 --> 00:45:30.359
Give me that.
823
00:45:32.362 --> 00:45:35.298
You have just returned
from the war.
824
00:45:35.300 --> 00:45:40.036
While you were in combat,
you stumbled on a land mine.
825
00:45:40.038 --> 00:45:43.072
It exploded,
killing three in your infantry,
826
00:45:43.074 --> 00:45:45.174
but luckily, you survived,
827
00:45:45.176 --> 00:45:48.311
but not before it blew off
both your legs, all right?
828
00:45:48.313 --> 00:45:49.345
Take that.
829
00:45:59.890 --> 00:46:02.759
You're a war hero, Nikki.
830
00:46:02.761 --> 00:46:05.928
But your fiancé,
he can't stand the sight of you.
831
00:46:05.930 --> 00:46:07.930
He's told you
that he doesn't love you
832
00:46:07.932 --> 00:46:09.766
without your beautiful feet
833
00:46:09.768 --> 00:46:12.001
and your pretty little
tippy toes.
834
00:46:12.003 --> 00:46:14.103
You are devastated.
835
00:46:14.105 --> 00:46:17.540
He's gonna leave you, Nikki,
so talk to him.
836
00:46:17.542 --> 00:46:19.809
Now, whenever you're ready.
837
00:46:26.483 --> 00:46:28.184
Why?
838
00:46:28.186 --> 00:46:30.953
Oh, Tommy, why?
839
00:46:30.955 --> 00:46:35.291
I loved you, and not just for
your hair or your eyes.
840
00:46:35.293 --> 00:46:37.260
I loved all of you!
841
00:46:37.262 --> 00:46:41.964
And what, because I don't have
regular feet or ankles or knees,
842
00:46:41.966 --> 00:46:43.800
you're leaving me?
843
00:46:46.004 --> 00:46:48.371
See, look at this.
See, you see this?
844
00:46:48.373 --> 00:46:50.139
Now, this is,
this is beautiful.
845
00:46:50.141 --> 00:46:52.575
This is fant--
you're blowing me away, baby.
846
00:46:52.577 --> 00:46:54.377
Nikki, you're blowing
everybody away.
847
00:46:54.379 --> 00:46:57.847
Stay in the moment, darling,
stay in the moment.
848
00:46:59.350 --> 00:47:01.818
I loved you!
849
00:47:01.820 --> 00:47:05.454
- You are so fucking beautiful.
- Thank you.
850
00:47:08.992 --> 00:47:12.128
What the-- Rachel!
What the fuck is going on here?
851
00:47:12.130 --> 00:47:15.398
- It's not like that at all.
- It's not what you think.
852
00:47:15.400 --> 00:47:18.367
What do you mean?
It's exactly what I think!
853
00:47:18.369 --> 00:47:21.103
You guys--
you're my sister! Rachel!
854
00:47:21.105 --> 00:47:23.206
What the--
you told me you loved me!
855
00:47:23.208 --> 00:47:25.575
You said you loved me!
Are you serious?
856
00:47:25.577 --> 00:47:28.177
That's disgusting!
Why would you do that to me?
857
00:47:28.179 --> 00:47:32.114
I fucking hate my life!
Honestly! Fuck you!
858
00:47:36.221 --> 00:47:40.223
Hey, fuck nuts, get up there,
sit next to your fiancé,
859
00:47:40.225 --> 00:47:43.492
who you so haphazardly
kicked to the curb.
860
00:47:43.494 --> 00:47:46.028
Go on! Get up there.
861
00:47:46.030 --> 00:47:48.998
Tell her why you can't
stand the sight of her.
862
00:47:49.000 --> 00:47:51.434
Beautiful, darling, beautiful.
863
00:47:51.436 --> 00:47:55.004
Why? Tell me why!
864
00:47:57.474 --> 00:47:59.008
Oh, you wimp.
865
00:48:00.611 --> 00:48:02.612
Uh, it's--
866
00:48:02.614 --> 00:48:06.349
it's not that I don't
love you, baby.
867
00:48:06.351 --> 00:48:08.951
It's just,
i live on the beach.
868
00:48:08.953 --> 00:48:11.454
What does that have to do
with you leaving me,
869
00:48:11.456 --> 00:48:13.022
you selfish bastard?
870
00:48:13.024 --> 00:48:14.891
What, now that you live
on the beach,
871
00:48:14.893 --> 00:48:17.026
I'm not good enough
for your beach friends?
872
00:48:19.463 --> 00:48:22.999
No. I mean,
it's just all the sand.
873
00:48:23.001 --> 00:48:25.001
I'm not strong enough
to push the wheelchair.
874
00:48:25.003 --> 00:48:27.637
I'm but a 110 pounds is all.
875
00:48:29.406 --> 00:48:32.108
Do you think this is good,
newbie?
876
00:48:32.110 --> 00:48:34.210
I don't know. I'm trying.
877
00:48:34.212 --> 00:48:35.678
Well, it's fucking terrible.
878
00:48:35.680 --> 00:48:38.047
Take him outside.
Warm his ass up.
879
00:48:40.183 --> 00:48:41.550
Oh, shit.
880
00:48:47.090 --> 00:48:50.092
Okay, so how does this work?
What are you gonna do?
881
00:48:50.094 --> 00:48:52.194
What the fuck? Ow!
882
00:48:52.196 --> 00:48:54.931
Come on, dude! It's too tight!
Ouch! I can't breathe!
883
00:48:54.933 --> 00:48:58.668
Get off me!
Get the fuck--
884
00:49:04.141 --> 00:49:06.676
I'm not dumping you
because you lost your legs.
885
00:49:06.678 --> 00:49:09.412
I'm leaving you because you've
been sleeping with my sister,
886
00:49:09.414 --> 00:49:11.047
you unfaithful whore!
887
00:49:11.049 --> 00:49:12.548
Here we go.
888
00:49:12.550 --> 00:49:14.383
You don't think I saw you
with her in the garage?
889
00:49:14.385 --> 00:49:16.218
I was in love with you.
890
00:49:16.220 --> 00:49:18.654
I was gonna take off this purity
ring and become one with you.
891
00:49:18.656 --> 00:49:20.122
But no! You betrayed me!
892
00:49:20.124 --> 00:49:22.124
Selfish bitch.
893
00:49:22.126 --> 00:49:23.526
That never happened.
894
00:49:23.528 --> 00:49:26.162
Shut your mouth, Rachel!
This is my turn!
895
00:49:26.164 --> 00:49:28.531
Unleash the beast,
you son of a bitch!
896
00:49:28.533 --> 00:49:29.632
Time to kill!
897
00:49:34.539 --> 00:49:37.340
The doctor said
you lost both your legs,
898
00:49:37.342 --> 00:49:40.242
but he forgot to mention
the most important part of you
899
00:49:40.244 --> 00:49:42.478
lost forever.
900
00:49:42.480 --> 00:49:44.380
Your heart!
901
00:49:53.557 --> 00:49:54.557
Scene.
902
00:49:54.559 --> 00:49:57.660
Beautiful. Beautiful!
903
00:49:57.662 --> 00:50:00.129
You see, everyone?
You noticed that?
904
00:50:00.131 --> 00:50:03.566
I eliminated his fear
and allowed the adrenaline
905
00:50:03.568 --> 00:50:07.770
to unleash the brilliant
acting beast inside of him.
906
00:50:07.772 --> 00:50:09.538
Nobody can teach this.
907
00:50:09.540 --> 00:50:11.574
Of course
that's why you're here.
908
00:50:11.576 --> 00:50:14.510
You're not gonna make it
in this business without me.
909
00:50:14.512 --> 00:50:17.680
You really blew me away.
910
00:50:19.282 --> 00:50:21.083
Guys, hush, please, for a sec.
911
00:50:21.085 --> 00:50:22.518
I'd just like to say,
912
00:50:22.520 --> 00:50:25.388
rowe, what you had tonight
was a breakthrough.
913
00:50:25.390 --> 00:50:28.057
Thanks, guys.
914
00:50:28.059 --> 00:50:30.493
Here's to everybody shutting up
already and drinking.
915
00:50:30.495 --> 00:50:32.161
Salud, bitches!
916
00:50:32.163 --> 00:50:35.197
Wait, wait, wait.
Before we all cheers this shit,
917
00:50:35.199 --> 00:50:38.267
when we all become stars,
what are you guys gonna do?
918
00:50:38.269 --> 00:50:41.570
I think I'll go to Milan,
start my own boutique.
919
00:50:41.572 --> 00:50:45.074
I guess I'm next.
Here's what I'm gonna do.
920
00:50:45.076 --> 00:50:46.742
I'm gonna play the field
for a while,
921
00:50:46.744 --> 00:50:48.511
and then once I hit it big,
922
00:50:48.513 --> 00:50:51.814
I'm gonna get Lulu back
'cause she's my rock.
923
00:50:51.816 --> 00:50:55.084
Check this out.
I'm gonna buy a clydesdale
924
00:50:55.086 --> 00:50:59.255
and ride that bitch
across the rockies.
925
00:50:59.257 --> 00:51:01.290
How 'bout you, Hannah?
926
00:51:01.292 --> 00:51:06.162
What I'd really like is to find
a guy that would love me for me.
927
00:51:06.164 --> 00:51:09.131
One day you're gonna
find that guy, and when you do,
928
00:51:09.133 --> 00:51:11.600
he's going to be
the luckiest guy in the world.
929
00:51:11.602 --> 00:51:13.436
That's a promise,
hotty-potatty.
930
00:51:13.438 --> 00:51:14.837
Ugh!
931
00:51:14.839 --> 00:51:17.440
Please, can we just toast
before we puke?
932
00:51:17.442 --> 00:51:19.475
Idiot.
933
00:51:19.477 --> 00:51:21.343
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
934
00:51:36.760 --> 00:51:41.363
Your hair is like,
it's like blonde silk, you know?
935
00:51:41.365 --> 00:51:44.767
It's like so smooth
like water,
936
00:51:44.769 --> 00:51:47.703
like cascading over the...
937
00:51:47.705 --> 00:51:50.673
Oh, my god,
it smells like heaven.
938
00:51:50.675 --> 00:51:52.808
Nikki.
939
00:51:52.810 --> 00:51:56.145
Oh, look.
Creeper boy is back.
940
00:51:56.147 --> 00:51:59.782
Lucky for you,
i gotta go potty.
941
00:52:05.522 --> 00:52:08.791
Naked pictures, huh?
942
00:52:08.793 --> 00:52:11.227
Same face, different body.
Really?
943
00:52:11.229 --> 00:52:13.829
It's not me.
944
00:52:13.831 --> 00:52:17.433
So I could just go online,
check 'em out.
945
00:52:17.435 --> 00:52:19.668
Oh, is that how you look
at naked girls?
946
00:52:19.670 --> 00:52:21.770
You go on the Internet?
947
00:52:21.772 --> 00:52:23.906
Damn, you got me.
948
00:52:23.908 --> 00:52:29.545
How could a little boy like you
deal with a woman like me?
949
00:52:30.914 --> 00:52:33.415
Que se dice, my Nikki?
950
00:52:33.417 --> 00:52:35.417
You up for a little game
of two on one?
951
00:52:35.419 --> 00:52:37.553
Rubisio.
952
00:52:37.555 --> 00:52:38.721
Hey, drew?
953
00:52:40.390 --> 00:52:41.524
What?
954
00:52:41.526 --> 00:52:43.559
Go fuck yourself.
955
00:52:47.664 --> 00:52:50.266
I'm gonna tell you what's
gonna happen here, Nikki.
956
00:52:50.268 --> 00:52:52.501
What's gonna happen here, drew?
957
00:52:52.503 --> 00:52:54.403
We're gonna take these shots,
958
00:52:54.405 --> 00:52:55.871
and we're gonna
go back to my house.
959
00:52:55.873 --> 00:52:58.307
How do you know
i even like you like that?
960
00:52:58.309 --> 00:53:01.243
Whoa! Who said anything
about liking anybody?
961
00:53:01.245 --> 00:53:03.412
Maybe I just wanna
run a scene with you.
962
00:53:03.414 --> 00:53:06.916
Oh, yeah? What kind of scene
is that, drew-hoo?
963
00:53:24.635 --> 00:53:26.869
Think that hurt you?
You have no idea.
964
00:53:38.949 --> 00:53:40.649
Take this off.
965
00:54:20.890 --> 00:54:22.524
Company policy clearly states
966
00:54:22.526 --> 00:54:24.693
no more than three inches
above the knee.
967
00:54:24.695 --> 00:54:26.629
You, young lady,
have no excuse
968
00:54:26.631 --> 00:54:28.397
because I suspect
you are quite experienced
969
00:54:28.399 --> 00:54:30.499
in measuring things
by the inch.
970
00:54:30.501 --> 00:54:32.368
Get out.
971
00:54:43.948 --> 00:54:45.814
Oh, shit.
972
00:54:54.392 --> 00:54:56.725
Deboard.
973
00:54:56.727 --> 00:54:58.594
Rrrrr...
974
00:54:58.596 --> 00:55:00.796
Choo-choo.
975
00:55:00.798 --> 00:55:03.365
You wanted to see me, Kathy?
976
00:55:04.735 --> 00:55:08.337
Do you know why we have
a schedule here, drew?
977
00:55:08.339 --> 00:55:09.938
I believe so.
978
00:55:09.940 --> 00:55:11.940
I don't think you do
979
00:55:11.942 --> 00:55:14.843
because if you did, you'd show
up to work every day on time,
980
00:55:14.845 --> 00:55:18.380
just like all those other
little worker bees out there.
981
00:55:18.382 --> 00:55:20.416
Sorry, Kathy,
it won't happen again.
982
00:55:20.418 --> 00:55:24.620
You're right, it won't because
this is your final warning.
983
00:55:24.622 --> 00:55:26.955
After that,
you'll be out on the streets,
984
00:55:26.957 --> 00:55:30.559
probably turning tricks
just to pay your rent.
985
00:55:30.561 --> 00:55:34.096
Do you know what it's like
to sell your body for sex, drew?
986
00:55:34.098 --> 00:55:35.664
Pants around your ankles
987
00:55:35.666 --> 00:55:39.902
in a dirty bathroom
somewhere downtown.
988
00:55:39.904 --> 00:55:42.871
In this economy, you'll be lucky
to get 20 bucks a blow.
989
00:55:46.810 --> 00:55:49.511
You know what?
I quit.
990
00:55:49.513 --> 00:55:52.014
You know what? I quit.
991
00:55:55.552 --> 00:55:56.719
I'm taking this!
992
00:56:00.890 --> 00:56:02.458
Psycho!
993
00:56:04.728 --> 00:56:06.762
You wanna be a star,
you dumb fuck,
994
00:56:06.764 --> 00:56:08.130
then answer my calls.
995
00:56:08.132 --> 00:56:09.965
Oh, I know what you're doing.
996
00:56:09.967 --> 00:56:11.667
I know you're
on your set, right?
997
00:56:11.669 --> 00:56:13.769
Making your fucking movie.
998
00:56:13.771 --> 00:56:16.805
You get your pampered-wearing
ass back to class,
999
00:56:16.807 --> 00:56:18.807
or I'm gonna toss you into
the urine-filled streets
1000
00:56:18.809 --> 00:56:20.109
for the last time.
1001
00:56:26.784 --> 00:56:28.784
Oh, yeah! Can you breathe?
1002
00:56:28.786 --> 00:56:30.552
- Yeah, I can breathe.
- Oh, no, no.
1003
00:56:30.554 --> 00:56:32.521
Now! Can you breathe now?
1004
00:56:32.523 --> 00:56:34.957
- Yeah, I can still breathe.
- I bet you can't. You're lying.
1005
00:56:34.959 --> 00:56:38.026
You little bitch.
You like being my bitch?
1006
00:56:38.028 --> 00:56:39.895
No, I don't.
1007
00:56:39.897 --> 00:56:42.064
You don't like being my bitch?
How about an ear?
1008
00:56:42.066 --> 00:56:45.934
You like that, motherfucker?
You like that?
1009
00:56:45.936 --> 00:56:47.469
- You like that?
- Ow.
1010
00:56:47.471 --> 00:56:48.771
- You like that?
- Stop.
1011
00:56:48.773 --> 00:56:50.773
Yeah? You warm yet,
you little bitch?
1012
00:56:50.775 --> 00:56:52.107
I'm warm, I'm warm!
1013
00:56:52.109 --> 00:56:54.109
Go and unleash your beast,
motherfucker.
1014
00:57:04.721 --> 00:57:06.722
Hey, drew.
1015
00:57:06.724 --> 00:57:09.558
- What?
- Go fuck yourself.
1016
00:57:14.732 --> 00:57:18.634
Rose, you must
do me this honor.
1017
00:57:18.636 --> 00:57:21.136
You must do me this honor.
1018
00:57:21.138 --> 00:57:23.071
No matter what happens,
1019
00:57:23.073 --> 00:57:25.707
you have to promise me
to survive.
1020
00:57:29.145 --> 00:57:34.149
How hopeless you may be,
1021
00:57:34.151 --> 00:57:37.920
you have to promise
you'll hold onto that promise.
1022
00:57:37.922 --> 00:57:42.024
I promise. I promise.
1023
00:57:42.026 --> 00:57:44.760
Never let go.
1024
00:57:44.762 --> 00:57:46.962
Never let go.
1025
00:57:46.964 --> 00:57:50.466
I'll never let go, Jack.
1026
00:57:50.468 --> 00:57:52.501
I'll never let go.
1027
00:57:58.041 --> 00:58:01.143
Ah, you see that, folks?
Did you see that?
1028
00:58:01.145 --> 00:58:04.813
That is a big, dark
academy award-winning cloud,
1029
00:58:04.815 --> 00:58:07.683
looming right there
over their heads.
1030
00:58:07.685 --> 00:58:09.117
Well, get your umbrellas out.
1031
00:58:09.119 --> 00:58:11.687
It's about to rain
a fucking Oscar!
1032
00:58:11.689 --> 00:58:15.123
All right! Scene! Yes!
1033
00:58:15.125 --> 00:58:16.558
Beautiful.
1034
00:58:16.560 --> 00:58:21.230
All right, guys, well,
everyone...
1035
00:58:21.232 --> 00:58:23.532
Important announcement.
1036
00:58:23.534 --> 00:58:25.501
Showcase is in one week.
1037
00:58:25.503 --> 00:58:28.136
This is a million-dollar
opportunity.
1038
00:58:28.138 --> 00:58:31.173
I want you all to contribute
to each other's success,
1039
00:58:31.175 --> 00:58:33.242
help each other,
get behind each other,
1040
00:58:33.244 --> 00:58:35.110
root for each other.
1041
00:58:35.112 --> 00:58:37.279
I want you to tell
all your friends and family.
1042
00:58:37.281 --> 00:58:39.982
I want to pack this place
to the rafters.
1043
00:58:39.984 --> 00:58:42.718
I wanna really
get the adrenaline flowing.
1044
00:58:42.720 --> 00:58:46.121
I want it to be really fantastic
for you guys.
1045
00:58:46.123 --> 00:58:49.658
So I want you all
to bring in $50 tomorrow
1046
00:58:49.660 --> 00:58:53.529
to help offset my cost
for the showcase, okay?
1047
00:58:53.531 --> 00:58:57.733
Sir, $50 is a lot of money
for me to spend right now.
1048
00:58:59.269 --> 00:59:00.702
What?
1049
00:59:00.704 --> 00:59:03.772
Sorry, did I hear that right?
1050
00:59:03.774 --> 00:59:07.276
So you're gonna throw away your
whole career, worth millions,
1051
00:59:07.278 --> 00:59:09.611
for a measly $50?
1052
00:59:09.613 --> 00:59:11.647
Is that what you're telling
all the class here?
1053
00:59:11.649 --> 00:59:12.948
You wanna quit?
1054
00:59:12.950 --> 00:59:15.250
No, sir, that's not
what I meant.
1055
00:59:15.252 --> 00:59:21.156
You know, I've given up
millions of dollars as an actor.
1056
00:59:21.158 --> 00:59:25.227
I've suffered through
four very painful divorces
1057
00:59:25.229 --> 00:59:27.296
for your ungrateful asses.
1058
00:59:27.298 --> 00:59:30.265
You know, I was offered
the lead in amadeus.
1059
00:59:30.267 --> 00:59:31.967
All right, it was the tour.
1060
00:59:31.969 --> 00:59:35.604
I turned it down for my students
because I love them!
1061
00:59:35.606 --> 00:59:37.339
And what do you do?
1062
00:59:37.341 --> 00:59:41.677
You kick me right in the teeth
for 50 fucking dollars!
1063
00:59:43.580 --> 00:59:45.681
Like your character, rose,
1064
00:59:45.683 --> 00:59:48.050
as you were doing it
moments ago,
1065
00:59:48.052 --> 00:59:50.986
when you were promising
your young toy boy,
1066
00:59:50.988 --> 00:59:52.888
"oh, I'll never let you go!
Woo hoo hoo!
1067
00:59:52.890 --> 00:59:56.792
I'll never let you go!
Never let you go!" What?
1068
00:59:56.794 --> 01:00:01.997
Then the bitch lets him go
to the fucking ocean floor!
1069
01:00:01.999 --> 01:00:03.899
Uh, uh...
1070
01:00:03.901 --> 01:00:08.704
Grammy no gonna give no money.
No piggy bank, no.
1071
01:00:08.706 --> 01:00:10.739
Jesus, take a knife.
1072
01:00:13.009 --> 01:00:14.209
Yes.
1073
01:00:14.211 --> 01:00:16.745
Besides our scene
and the money,
1074
01:00:16.747 --> 01:00:21.283
is there anything else
we need to, you know, prepare?
1075
01:00:21.285 --> 01:00:24.653
Thank you for asking
an intelligent question.
1076
01:00:24.655 --> 01:00:25.954
Yes.
1077
01:00:25.956 --> 01:00:31.093
You need to find
the beast inside you,
1078
01:00:31.095 --> 01:00:34.830
and you need to
unleash the hell out of it.
1079
01:00:34.832 --> 01:00:38.734
You see, this is your one chance
to take Hollywood by storm,
1080
01:00:38.736 --> 01:00:41.103
so I want you to get
all your shit together,
1081
01:00:41.105 --> 01:00:45.040
and I want you to really
blow these people away!
1082
01:00:45.042 --> 01:00:47.242
I want you
to blow everyone away.
1083
01:00:47.244 --> 01:00:51.046
Come on, people,
unleash your beast!
1084
01:00:54.685 --> 01:00:56.885
There! That's it!
That's brilliant!
1085
01:00:56.887 --> 01:00:59.121
He's the king!
1086
01:00:59.123 --> 01:01:02.157
You have just earned yourself
a lead in the showcase.
1087
01:01:02.159 --> 01:01:04.793
Whoo! Uccellini!
1088
01:01:04.795 --> 01:01:07.362
He is now your king!
He's in charge!
1089
01:01:07.364 --> 01:01:10.732
Evan is outta here!
1090
01:01:13.302 --> 01:01:14.836
I'm in charge,
1091
01:01:14.838 --> 01:01:16.805
which basically means
I'm the boss.
1092
01:01:16.807 --> 01:01:19.675
We'll be meeting here
tomorrow at 7:00, capisce?
1093
01:01:19.677 --> 01:01:21.076
How about we all decide
1094
01:01:21.078 --> 01:01:23.145
what time is best for
the class, fuckface?
1095
01:01:23.147 --> 01:01:24.880
Hey, it's been decided.
1096
01:01:24.882 --> 01:01:26.815
Be here at 7:00,
or your little ass
1097
01:01:26.817 --> 01:01:29.718
is out of the showcase and
into the urine-filled streets.
1098
01:01:29.720 --> 01:01:31.086
Capisce?
1099
01:01:33.790 --> 01:01:35.357
Evan: Yeah, come in.
1100
01:01:36.859 --> 01:01:40.028
Sir, I have a concern
1101
01:01:40.030 --> 01:01:42.397
burning in my bosom.
1102
01:01:42.399 --> 01:01:45.467
Oh. Well, I have a concern
1103
01:01:45.469 --> 01:01:48.103
that you're just
one thrust away
1104
01:01:48.105 --> 01:01:50.338
from throwing out every disc
in your lower back,
1105
01:01:50.340 --> 01:01:54.009
but I'm don't come barging
into your office, now, do I?
1106
01:01:54.011 --> 01:01:56.311
They've had less than
one month of training.
1107
01:01:56.313 --> 01:01:58.480
Don't you think
it's a little early for them
1108
01:01:58.482 --> 01:02:01.750
to be exposed
to producers and agents?
1109
01:02:01.752 --> 01:02:04.119
For Pete's sake.
What, their careers?
1110
01:02:04.121 --> 01:02:06.088
I'm dealing with,
what, autism
1111
01:02:06.090 --> 01:02:09.057
and 80-year-olds
drooling on my carpet.
1112
01:02:09.059 --> 01:02:11.059
We've got degenerates here.
1113
01:02:11.061 --> 01:02:12.494
They're not degenerates.
1114
01:02:12.496 --> 01:02:14.496
They're individuals
with hopes and dreams
1115
01:02:14.498 --> 01:02:16.465
just like everyone else.
1116
01:02:16.467 --> 01:02:19.301
I've even got one that can't
manipulate 50% of her body.
1117
01:02:19.303 --> 01:02:21.303
Her name is Hannah.
1118
01:02:21.305 --> 01:02:24.106
And she's beautiful
and talented.
1119
01:02:24.108 --> 01:02:26.141
So you tell that to the director
of horse whisperer ii
1120
01:02:26.143 --> 01:02:27.843
when he calls to say,
1121
01:02:27.845 --> 01:02:29.945
"Hannah couldn't hold the reins
of the stunt horse
1122
01:02:29.947 --> 01:02:31.513
with one hand."
1123
01:02:31.515 --> 01:02:34.816
Do you really think
that's gonna help her career?
1124
01:02:34.818 --> 01:02:36.752
- Well, do you?
- Evan!
1125
01:02:36.754 --> 01:02:39.988
I don't know what you're saying.
Frankly, I don't care.
1126
01:02:39.990 --> 01:02:41.490
This is a very nice scotch.
1127
01:02:41.492 --> 01:02:43.859
I'm sitting here
enjoying myself,
1128
01:02:43.861 --> 01:02:46.795
so why don't you
take your little cushion
1129
01:02:46.797 --> 01:02:48.797
and ram it up your ass?
1130
01:02:50.233 --> 01:02:51.967
Yes! I got the part
of the queen.
1131
01:02:51.969 --> 01:02:53.969
- That's the lead part.
- Congratulations.
1132
01:02:53.971 --> 01:02:55.370
Thank you.
1133
01:02:55.372 --> 01:02:57.773
Looks like I got the old
knight in shining armor.
1134
01:02:57.775 --> 01:02:58.907
Oh, cool.
1135
01:02:58.909 --> 01:03:01.476
Que se dice,
my lovely Nikki?
1136
01:03:01.478 --> 01:03:03.211
Since you're playing the queen,
1137
01:03:03.213 --> 01:03:05.514
you'll have more lines with me
than anyone else.
1138
01:03:05.516 --> 01:03:06.982
Really? Why is that?
1139
01:03:06.984 --> 01:03:09.017
I don't know, Juliet.
1140
01:03:09.019 --> 01:03:11.186
Who do you think would be
the logical philigistic
1141
01:03:11.188 --> 01:03:14.356
for the queen
to have conversilagism?
1142
01:03:14.358 --> 01:03:17.359
- That's not even a word.
- A king.
1143
01:03:17.361 --> 01:03:20.061
Well, I'm a knight
in shining armor,
1144
01:03:20.063 --> 01:03:21.429
and I'd take that any day
1145
01:03:21.431 --> 01:03:24.499
over being an ignorant,
uneducated, lazy king.
1146
01:03:24.501 --> 01:03:26.368
Oh, my god, guys, please.
1147
01:03:26.370 --> 01:03:28.270
That's perfect.
1148
01:03:28.272 --> 01:03:30.906
Then why don't you make like the
cute little knight that you are
1149
01:03:30.908 --> 01:03:33.375
and find something to do
with your time, my brotha?
1150
01:03:33.377 --> 01:03:35.977
Because the king and the queen
have a lot of work to do.
1151
01:03:35.979 --> 01:03:37.879
Come on, Nikki.
1152
01:03:40.316 --> 01:03:43.185
Uccellini!
1153
01:03:43.187 --> 01:03:44.486
Motherfucker.
1154
01:03:44.488 --> 01:03:47.255
- Hey.
- Hey, Hannah.
1155
01:03:47.257 --> 01:03:48.957
- You did a great job tonight.
- Thanks.
1156
01:03:48.959 --> 01:03:51.092
I'll catch up with you
later, okay?
1157
01:03:51.094 --> 01:03:52.227
Are you okay, drew?
1158
01:03:52.229 --> 01:03:54.129
Yup. Top of the world.
1159
01:04:02.605 --> 01:04:04.406
En garde!
1160
01:04:04.408 --> 01:04:05.841
Not today, hansel.
1161
01:04:13.416 --> 01:04:15.483
The lover's identity
has been resurrected.
1162
01:04:19.255 --> 01:04:21.356
Where'd you get Nikki's ID?
1163
01:04:28.598 --> 01:04:31.867
She's probably gonna need this.
1164
01:04:31.869 --> 01:04:34.469
I should probably
take it back to her, right?
1165
01:04:39.108 --> 01:04:41.509
Rubisio: Ooh, yeah.
1166
01:04:41.511 --> 01:04:43.411
Oh! Now your ass
a little bit.
1167
01:04:43.413 --> 01:04:45.447
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
1168
01:04:45.449 --> 01:04:48.416
Now look at me
and say, "uccellini."
1169
01:04:48.418 --> 01:04:51.486
Uccellini.
1170
01:04:51.488 --> 01:04:53.588
God, you're so good.
1171
01:04:53.590 --> 01:04:57.092
Oh, baby, put your leg up
on the couch right there.
1172
01:04:57.094 --> 01:04:59.561
Oh, yeah.
1173
01:04:59.563 --> 01:05:01.663
Oh, yeah.
1174
01:05:01.665 --> 01:05:03.331
Ooh.
1175
01:05:03.333 --> 01:05:05.200
Damn, that looks good.
1176
01:05:05.202 --> 01:05:08.336
Oh! Move the robe
a little bit.
1177
01:05:08.338 --> 01:05:09.471
Why?
1178
01:05:09.473 --> 01:05:11.606
What?
1179
01:05:11.608 --> 01:05:13.408
Just move the robe.
1180
01:05:13.410 --> 01:05:15.911
Yeah. Ooh.
The shoulder, I like it.
1181
01:05:19.949 --> 01:05:21.216
Hey, people.
1182
01:05:21.218 --> 01:05:22.484
People.
1183
01:05:22.486 --> 01:05:24.419
Hey! Shut up!
1184
01:05:24.421 --> 01:05:26.388
The director's talking.
1185
01:05:26.390 --> 01:05:28.323
Shouldn't we wait for Nikki
to get here?
1186
01:05:28.325 --> 01:05:30.926
Nikki's gonna be
a little late.
1187
01:05:30.928 --> 01:05:34.262
Really?
Why is that, rubisio?
1188
01:05:34.264 --> 01:05:37.132
Sorry. Hi. What's up?
1189
01:05:38.634 --> 01:05:41.503
I don't know, Nikki.
Why don't you tell me?
1190
01:05:41.505 --> 01:05:43.305
I thought you weren't
that type of girl.
1191
01:05:46.142 --> 01:05:48.376
I can't do this.
I'm done.
1192
01:05:48.378 --> 01:05:50.545
Hey, where you going?
1193
01:05:50.547 --> 01:05:53.949
Drew, don't bail on us.
We need you.
1194
01:05:53.951 --> 01:05:55.617
Yeah, I thought we were
all in this together.
1195
01:05:55.619 --> 01:05:56.618
Where you going?
1196
01:05:59.622 --> 01:06:04.259
Okay. The only reason I joined
this class is to bang her.
1197
01:06:04.261 --> 01:06:05.327
Apparently, she's a whore.
1198
01:06:05.329 --> 01:06:06.995
For the rest of you,
1199
01:06:06.997 --> 01:06:09.531
granny, what are you,
90 years old?
1200
01:06:09.533 --> 01:06:10.966
Wake up.
1201
01:06:10.968 --> 01:06:12.334
And you?
1202
01:06:12.336 --> 01:06:14.369
You can barely
complete a sentence.
1203
01:06:14.371 --> 01:06:16.738
Talking to you is like
dealing with a crack baby.
1204
01:06:16.740 --> 01:06:18.740
I don't wanna say
not no drugs.
1205
01:06:18.742 --> 01:06:20.742
And what,
a fashion designer and a geek
1206
01:06:20.744 --> 01:06:23.211
take over
the entertainment business?
1207
01:06:23.213 --> 01:06:25.447
And you, little guy,
1208
01:06:25.449 --> 01:06:27.449
I don't know
if you got the memo,
1209
01:06:27.451 --> 01:06:29.451
but they already
shot the movie Willow.
1210
01:06:29.453 --> 01:06:31.720
Yeah. You're about
20 years too late.
1211
01:06:31.722 --> 01:06:34.456
You might wanna see if Santa's
still hiring for the season.
1212
01:06:34.458 --> 01:06:35.557
Check that out.
1213
01:06:35.559 --> 01:06:37.459
Oh, with your pterodactyl arms--
1214
01:06:37.461 --> 01:06:38.626
uhh, uhh--
1215
01:06:38.628 --> 01:06:40.996
who's my bitch now?
1216
01:06:40.998 --> 01:06:42.564
- Hey, drew?
- What?
1217
01:06:42.566 --> 01:06:44.366
Go fuck yourself.
1218
01:06:44.368 --> 01:06:47.035
Starmaker academy's a joke.
1219
01:06:47.037 --> 01:06:49.170
We're all bigger jokes
for being here.
1220
01:06:51.607 --> 01:06:54.409
Oh, and everybody knows
you're not Italian.
1221
01:06:54.411 --> 01:06:57.012
Yes, I am.
1222
01:06:57.014 --> 01:06:59.414
I am Italian. Nikki?
1223
01:06:59.416 --> 01:07:00.582
Give it up.
1224
01:07:07.556 --> 01:07:10.592
Guys, what the fuck
is wrong with...
1225
01:07:15.064 --> 01:07:17.599
Sounds like that little Betty
did you dirty, bro.
1226
01:07:17.601 --> 01:07:21.403
Another dude
in the same week, huh?
1227
01:07:21.405 --> 01:07:23.138
That's why I hit and quit.
1228
01:07:23.140 --> 01:07:25.473
No emotions involved,
my friend.
1229
01:07:25.475 --> 01:07:27.509
Hey, can I get you
something to drink?
1230
01:07:27.511 --> 01:07:28.743
Oh, shit.
1231
01:07:28.745 --> 01:07:32.047
You again, huh?
Well, yes.
1232
01:07:32.049 --> 01:07:34.416
I'll have
a cabernet sauvignon.
1233
01:07:34.418 --> 01:07:37.318
- Vodka, please, double.
- Okay.
1234
01:07:37.320 --> 01:07:39.220
You know, Nate,
it'd be one thing
1235
01:07:39.222 --> 01:07:41.089
if she hooked up
with another guy.
1236
01:07:41.091 --> 01:07:44.259
Ohh! Rubisio?
He's just so gross. Ugh!
1237
01:07:44.261 --> 01:07:47.128
Hey, look, I knew it.
I got the gift, my friend.
1238
01:07:47.130 --> 01:07:48.196
The gift?
1239
01:07:48.198 --> 01:07:49.464
Yes, the gift of intuition.
1240
01:07:49.466 --> 01:07:51.332
We could've had
an oreo cookie, brother.
1241
01:07:51.334 --> 01:07:53.701
-Nikki's white.
-I don't give a shit. I'm black.
1242
01:07:53.703 --> 01:07:56.704
Okay, so I got
one double vodka
1243
01:07:56.706 --> 01:07:58.540
and one straight cognac
1244
01:07:58.542 --> 01:08:03.411
with a splash of jungle juice
and a watermelon wedge.
1245
01:08:03.413 --> 01:08:06.514
Watermelon?
Fuck is jungle juice, man?
1246
01:08:08.117 --> 01:08:13.455
Hmmm...
1247
01:08:17.793 --> 01:08:19.094
Come forth.
1248
01:08:22.098 --> 01:08:23.832
Hi, hansel.
1249
01:08:23.834 --> 01:08:26.301
Um, is drew here?
1250
01:08:26.303 --> 01:08:28.269
He is without presence.
1251
01:08:28.271 --> 01:08:30.705
Does that mean
he's not here?
1252
01:08:30.707 --> 01:08:33.675
Do you know
when he'll be back?
1253
01:08:33.677 --> 01:08:34.843
I do not.
1254
01:08:34.845 --> 01:08:38.213
I also do not know
who you are.
1255
01:08:38.215 --> 01:08:41.816
This is Hannah.
She's part of our acting class.
1256
01:08:41.818 --> 01:08:46.888
Ah. I extend my right hand,
and she offers her left.
1257
01:08:46.890 --> 01:08:48.456
Uh, yeah, I'm sorry.
1258
01:08:48.458 --> 01:08:51.693
I can't use my right side
of my body.
1259
01:08:51.695 --> 01:08:55.663
Because you choose not to move
this side of your body.
1260
01:08:55.665 --> 01:08:58.533
No, actually,
it's not by choice.
1261
01:08:58.535 --> 01:09:02.237
A beautiful girl
who is a nonconformist.
1262
01:09:02.239 --> 01:09:05.273
The magnitude
of such copious assertion
1263
01:09:05.275 --> 01:09:08.443
is far too sagacious
for me to comprehend.
1264
01:09:08.445 --> 01:09:11.813
Therefore, I hesitate
to articulate
1265
01:09:11.815 --> 01:09:14.849
with any degree of accuracy.
1266
01:09:23.759 --> 01:09:25.360
Wait.
1267
01:09:27.530 --> 01:09:31.633
I worked my ass off to be
the best actor in this biz,
1268
01:09:31.635 --> 01:09:34.435
but I can't change who I am.
1269
01:09:34.437 --> 01:09:36.371
I can't change
the way I was born.
1270
01:09:36.373 --> 01:09:38.506
I think you just need
to stay positive, Teddy.
1271
01:09:38.508 --> 01:09:40.875
How do you know there's not
a movie being written right now
1272
01:09:40.877 --> 01:09:43.378
about a leading man
who's also a little person?
1273
01:09:43.380 --> 01:09:45.480
What does that have
to do with anything?
1274
01:09:45.482 --> 01:09:48.816
I'm talking about dealing with
the backlash of discrimination.
1275
01:09:48.818 --> 01:09:50.919
Well, as a little person, right?
1276
01:09:50.921 --> 01:09:52.921
No, you idiot,
as a homosexual.
1277
01:09:54.890 --> 01:09:57.625
- Shit!
- Okay, all right.
1278
01:09:57.627 --> 01:10:00.461
When I first started,
i was a total basket of nerves,
1279
01:10:00.463 --> 01:10:02.597
but then I just let
the adrenaline take over
1280
01:10:02.599 --> 01:10:04.832
and unleashed my beast,
just like Evan taught us.
1281
01:10:04.834 --> 01:10:07.902
Oh, god, you guys.
I-i gotta go.
1282
01:10:07.904 --> 01:10:10.672
- What?
- My ex. My ex is in there.
1283
01:10:10.674 --> 01:10:13.241
I can't deal with this
right now.
1284
01:10:13.243 --> 01:10:15.410
I think I know
what you need, Teddy.
1285
01:10:15.412 --> 01:10:17.478
Let me go.
1286
01:10:17.480 --> 01:10:19.514
Yeah?
Tell me to let you go,
1287
01:10:19.516 --> 01:10:21.783
or I'll hold you like this
all day, woman.
1288
01:10:21.785 --> 01:10:24.385
Let go of me,
you asshole.
1289
01:10:24.387 --> 01:10:26.387
I'm warm, I'm warm.
1290
01:10:26.389 --> 01:10:27.789
Freeze, pervert!
1291
01:10:27.791 --> 01:10:29.757
You have three seconds
to put that child down
1292
01:10:29.759 --> 01:10:31.726
or you will be tased!
1293
01:10:31.728 --> 01:10:33.261
You again?
1294
01:10:33.263 --> 01:10:36.497
Oh, shit.
No! What? No!
1295
01:10:36.499 --> 01:10:38.700
First, girl scouts,
now little handicapped boys?
1296
01:10:38.702 --> 01:10:40.401
What? No!
1297
01:10:40.403 --> 01:10:42.337
You are sicker than I thought,
you sick little pervert!
1298
01:10:42.339 --> 01:10:44.672
Teddy, tell them.
It's a misunderstanding.
1299
01:10:44.674 --> 01:10:46.808
Officers, I'm 26 years old.
1300
01:10:46.810 --> 01:10:49.777
He's just helping me so I could
go inside and blow 'em away.
1301
01:10:49.779 --> 01:10:51.246
- What?
- Oh, sweet Jesus.
1302
01:10:51.248 --> 01:10:52.580
It's okay, little boy.
1303
01:10:52.582 --> 01:10:55.450
You don't have
to blow anyone today.
1304
01:10:55.452 --> 01:10:56.784
I'm not a little boy.
1305
01:10:56.786 --> 01:11:00.555
You can go shove that
up your black ass.
1306
01:11:00.557 --> 01:11:02.590
God! Teddy, are you okay?
1307
01:11:02.592 --> 01:11:04.826
Step back
or you will be tased!
1308
01:11:04.828 --> 01:11:06.728
- Who are you?
- My name is Hugo.
1309
01:11:06.730 --> 01:11:08.830
What the hell
are you doing here?
1310
01:11:08.832 --> 01:11:10.431
I was inside just having
my normal vanilla nut latte,
1311
01:11:10.433 --> 01:11:11.899
skinny girl edition,
1312
01:11:11.901 --> 01:11:14.836
and I saw this beast
manhandling my little Teddy.
1313
01:11:14.838 --> 01:11:16.371
Are you this little boy's
father?
1314
01:11:16.373 --> 01:11:17.939
No. He use to be my lover.
He was amazing.
1315
01:11:17.941 --> 01:11:20.275
He would get to places
you never--
1316
01:11:20.277 --> 01:11:21.976
oh, my god.
1317
01:11:23.846 --> 01:11:27.649
You know your friends are gonna
be at that showcase tonight.
1318
01:11:27.651 --> 01:11:30.351
- Apparently.
- You're supposed to be there.
1319
01:11:30.353 --> 01:11:33.821
What do you think they're gonna
say when you don't even show up?
1320
01:11:33.823 --> 01:11:36.491
- How do you think they'll feel?
- Who cares?
1321
01:11:36.493 --> 01:11:38.026
Anything else?
1322
01:11:38.028 --> 01:11:40.795
No, thanks.
1323
01:11:43.399 --> 01:11:44.932
Look, that's messed up, drew.
1324
01:11:44.934 --> 01:11:46.634
If you say
you're gonna do something,
1325
01:11:46.636 --> 01:11:47.969
then, man, you gotta do it.
1326
01:11:47.971 --> 01:11:50.505
All your peeps
are gonna be there
1327
01:11:50.507 --> 01:11:52.607
while you're sitting
at a dive bar.
1328
01:11:55.010 --> 01:11:56.511
Come on.
1329
01:11:58.080 --> 01:11:59.947
Let's go.
1330
01:11:59.949 --> 01:12:01.449
I'll take my watermelon.
1331
01:12:03.352 --> 01:12:05.553
Little boy,
I'll be right back for you.
1332
01:12:05.555 --> 01:12:09.023
We will find your parents
today, sweetheart.
1333
01:12:09.025 --> 01:12:10.892
Don't either of you
move a muscle!
1334
01:12:10.894 --> 01:12:13.428
- Let's go, rookie.
- You gonna pin me down?
1335
01:12:13.430 --> 01:12:16.864
I unleash beast.
Let's go! Hurry up!
1336
01:12:16.866 --> 01:12:18.533
I no wanna miss showcase.
1337
01:12:18.535 --> 01:12:20.802
You guys just go without me.
I can never keep up.
1338
01:12:20.804 --> 01:12:23.604
Yeah, right.
Let's saddle up, dudes.
1339
01:12:23.606 --> 01:12:26.407
Oh, my god, Teddy!
What the hell is happening?
1340
01:12:26.409 --> 01:12:29.444
Stop being such a queen.
I'll be fine. Leave me alone.
1341
01:12:29.446 --> 01:12:31.679
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to the showcase.
1342
01:12:31.681 --> 01:12:34.649
- I gotta unleash my beast.
- Where are you taking him?
1343
01:12:34.651 --> 01:12:36.484
Shut up, Hugo.
1344
01:12:36.486 --> 01:12:38.119
Don't you die on me!
1345
01:12:38.121 --> 01:12:40.054
Okay, I don't even know
how to turn this thing on.
1346
01:12:40.056 --> 01:12:41.756
Honestly, I never driven
one of these.
1347
01:12:41.758 --> 01:12:43.758
I've never even
ridden a bicycle. Shit!
1348
01:12:46.929 --> 01:12:51.366
Ladies and gentleman,
please allow me to introduce
1349
01:12:51.368 --> 01:12:55.970
the one and the only
star-studded ensemble,
1350
01:12:55.972 --> 01:12:58.506
I give to you...
1351
01:12:58.508 --> 01:13:02.777
The starmaker academy!
1352
01:13:19.062 --> 01:13:23.664
Once upon a time
in a land far, far away
1353
01:13:23.666 --> 01:13:26.868
lived a very selfish king.
1354
01:13:26.870 --> 01:13:30.071
I am both intelligent
and handsome.
1355
01:13:30.073 --> 01:13:32.774
Are there any men
greater than me, my loves?
1356
01:13:32.776 --> 01:13:35.643
Your greatness
goes unparalleled, my love.
1357
01:13:35.645 --> 01:13:38.413
You are the greatest king
in all the land.
1358
01:13:38.415 --> 01:13:40.615
And that is why I shall
wed even more wives.
1359
01:13:40.617 --> 01:13:42.617
A male specimen
of this caliber
1360
01:13:42.619 --> 01:13:44.886
shall not be hoarded
by merely three women,
1361
01:13:44.888 --> 01:13:46.988
for I desire more wives.
1362
01:13:46.990 --> 01:13:49.924
May we ask that you
not take another lover,
1363
01:13:49.926 --> 01:13:53.528
for we are beginning to feel
like just a number, my love?
1364
01:13:53.530 --> 01:13:55.196
Asshole.
1365
01:13:57.966 --> 01:13:59.734
Heidi, my queen,
1366
01:13:59.736 --> 01:14:02.670
you have always been
the quiet one in the group.
1367
01:14:02.672 --> 01:14:04.572
I suggest you keep quiet,
1368
01:14:04.574 --> 01:14:06.607
or I'm gonna toss your ass
out of this castle
1369
01:14:06.609 --> 01:14:08.443
and into
the urine-filled streets.
1370
01:14:10.512 --> 01:14:11.679
Cold.
1371
01:14:14.216 --> 01:14:16.517
Why don't you have
a car again, Nate?
1372
01:14:16.519 --> 01:14:21.122
You might find it funny, drew,
but the environment is no joke.
1373
01:14:21.124 --> 01:14:24.192
Let me get off this thing.
Fucking segues.
1374
01:14:26.595 --> 01:14:29.797
One of the king's guardsmen
appears,
1375
01:14:29.799 --> 01:14:33.534
bearing news
of a recent discovery.
1376
01:14:33.536 --> 01:14:37.872
King rubisio,
Grant thy servant Liberty
1377
01:14:37.874 --> 01:14:41.008
to speak freely
to thy greatness.
1378
01:14:41.010 --> 01:14:43.678
Yes, my guardsman,
but first,
1379
01:14:43.680 --> 01:14:46.547
who is the most handsome king
in all of the land?
1380
01:14:46.549 --> 01:14:48.616
You are, king rubisio.
1381
01:14:48.618 --> 01:14:51.586
Though my gate does not swing
in that direction,
1382
01:14:51.588 --> 01:14:54.021
I am confident enough
to compliment.
1383
01:14:55.725 --> 01:14:58.659
Why have you come bothering me
and my lucky concubines?
1384
01:14:58.661 --> 01:15:01.762
Your warriors have returned,
good sir.
1385
01:15:01.764 --> 01:15:04.265
They have come
bringing you a new wife.
1386
01:15:04.267 --> 01:15:06.834
Send them in, my guardsman.
1387
01:15:09.838 --> 01:15:11.539
Hello, my good king.
1388
01:15:11.541 --> 01:15:13.875
We've returned from our travels
and brought to you
1389
01:15:13.877 --> 01:15:16.143
the beautiful woman
in all of the land.
1390
01:15:16.145 --> 01:15:18.646
Whoa. I thought I was
the most beautiful queen.
1391
01:15:18.648 --> 01:15:21.082
Silence!
1392
01:15:21.084 --> 01:15:23.551
Hold this.
1393
01:15:23.553 --> 01:15:27.188
Bring forth the prisoner
and let me examine her myself.
1394
01:15:29.157 --> 01:15:31.225
Well, what do you think?
1395
01:15:31.227 --> 01:15:33.127
Is this object of affection
pretty enough
1396
01:15:33.129 --> 01:15:35.830
for the king of all kings?
1397
01:15:35.832 --> 01:15:37.832
Pretty enough?
Are you serious, rubisio?
1398
01:15:37.834 --> 01:15:39.667
Hannah's way too hot for you.
1399
01:15:39.669 --> 01:15:41.269
She doesn't deserve
a jerk like you.
1400
01:15:41.271 --> 01:15:43.704
Shut up, you idiot.
That's not part of the scene.
1401
01:15:43.706 --> 01:15:45.573
Tell it to someone who cares.
1402
01:15:45.575 --> 01:15:49.644
Warriors, come forth
and put this moron in the hole,
1403
01:15:49.646 --> 01:15:51.979
for he has shown
great disrespect.
1404
01:16:00.623 --> 01:16:02.657
I will wed
this prisoner of love.
1405
01:16:02.659 --> 01:16:05.259
I shall make her
my concubine immediately.
1406
01:16:05.261 --> 01:16:07.194
Bring forth the priest.
1407
01:16:08.864 --> 01:16:10.631
Que se dice, my reverend.
1408
01:16:10.633 --> 01:16:12.066
Good day to you, my king.
1409
01:16:12.068 --> 01:16:15.236
What a beautiful young bride
thee has selected.
1410
01:16:15.238 --> 01:16:16.971
You are a lucky king.
1411
01:16:16.973 --> 01:16:18.773
I am a deserving king.
1412
01:16:18.775 --> 01:16:20.608
Now begin the ceremony,
1413
01:16:20.610 --> 01:16:24.011
for I am growing increasingly
anxious to bed down my new wife.
1414
01:16:26.048 --> 01:16:29.016
Please, king,
have mercy on me,
1415
01:16:29.018 --> 01:16:30.885
for I love another man.
1416
01:16:30.887 --> 01:16:34.789
It is he I wish to live happily
ever after with, not you.
1417
01:16:34.791 --> 01:16:36.257
Silence!
1418
01:16:36.259 --> 01:16:38.993
You are now mine,
and you will forever be mine.
1419
01:16:38.995 --> 01:16:41.996
Continue with the ceremony now.
1420
01:16:41.998 --> 01:16:44.365
If no one objects to these two
wedding this day--
1421
01:16:44.367 --> 01:16:46.300
unhand her!
1422
01:16:46.302 --> 01:16:50.071
Unhand my beautiful wife,
you filthy king,
1423
01:16:50.073 --> 01:16:52.139
for I have traveled
a fortnight
1424
01:16:52.141 --> 01:16:54.909
to fend off
this ferocious king.
1425
01:16:54.911 --> 01:16:59.380
But now as I stand before you,
you are no king,
1426
01:16:59.382 --> 01:17:03.284
for you are
an insecure coward.
1427
01:17:11.194 --> 01:17:12.693
Enough.
1428
01:17:12.695 --> 01:17:14.161
I said enough.
1429
01:17:15.964 --> 01:17:17.832
Shut up!
1430
01:17:17.834 --> 01:17:19.300
What are you guys doing?
1431
01:17:19.302 --> 01:17:20.735
That's not even
part of the scene.
1432
01:17:20.737 --> 01:17:22.169
You're gonna ruin this shit.
1433
01:17:25.408 --> 01:17:28.309
I now declare
each and every one of you
1434
01:17:28.311 --> 01:17:30.244
a free member in society.
1435
01:17:30.246 --> 01:17:32.013
Live and let live.
1436
01:17:32.015 --> 01:17:34.348
Shall we rejoice?
1437
01:17:42.658 --> 01:17:45.092
Come forth and fight me
for your love.
1438
01:17:45.094 --> 01:17:46.661
Ooh!
1439
01:17:46.663 --> 01:17:48.429
Come fight me
for what you think you deserve!
1440
01:18:01.977 --> 01:18:03.411
Uccellini!
1441
01:18:04.413 --> 01:18:06.247
Hansel.
1442
01:18:13.855 --> 01:18:15.690
Thank you, kind sir.
1443
01:18:15.692 --> 01:18:17.391
What the fuck, drew?
1444
01:18:17.393 --> 01:18:19.260
Go fuck yourself.
1445
01:18:42.150 --> 01:18:43.184
Ow.
1446
01:18:43.186 --> 01:18:45.186
You know jujitsu?
1447
01:18:45.188 --> 01:18:47.855
This is meditative
mixed martial arts.
1448
01:18:47.857 --> 01:18:49.790
Now relax.
1449
01:18:51.326 --> 01:18:52.893
Eee!
1450
01:18:52.895 --> 01:18:54.395
Yeah!
1451
01:18:54.397 --> 01:18:56.964
And it came to pass,
1452
01:18:56.966 --> 01:19:00.267
hansel had defeated
the evil king.
1453
01:19:00.269 --> 01:19:06.107
The darkness had moved out
and made way for the sunshine.
1454
01:19:06.109 --> 01:19:09.343
A new day has arrived!
1455
01:19:09.345 --> 01:19:11.812
The end!
1456
01:19:47.950 --> 01:19:50.351
what are you doing?
1457
01:19:56.324 --> 01:19:58.159
Hugo: Ah.
1458
01:19:58.161 --> 01:20:00.327
Hugo, baby,
thank you so much for coming.
1459
01:20:00.329 --> 01:20:02.196
Teddy, that was glorious.
1460
01:20:02.198 --> 01:20:05.032
I swear, I believed
you were a lumberjack.
1461
01:20:05.034 --> 01:20:06.400
- Really?
- Oh, my goodness.
1462
01:20:06.402 --> 01:20:07.835
It was just...
1463
01:20:07.837 --> 01:20:09.937
I told you that class
is like amazing.
1464
01:20:09.939 --> 01:20:11.872
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I really didn't.
1465
01:20:11.874 --> 01:20:13.374
- I forgive you.
- Yeah?
1466
01:20:13.376 --> 01:20:14.809
The point is
that you're here now.
1467
01:20:14.811 --> 01:20:16.510
Yeah, all right.
1468
01:20:16.512 --> 01:20:18.546
You just mean so much to me,
honestly, like--
1469
01:20:18.548 --> 01:20:21.048
hey, you all have three seconds
to get on the ground
1470
01:20:21.050 --> 01:20:22.283
or you will be tased!
1471
01:20:22.285 --> 01:20:24.485
- No one move!
- Him again.
1472
01:20:24.487 --> 01:20:26.821
- What's your explanation, boy?
- I have no explanation!
1473
01:20:26.823 --> 01:20:28.489
And who's this young lady
behind you?
1474
01:20:28.491 --> 01:20:30.858
- She's my girlfriend.
- Don't lie to me, boy!
1475
01:20:30.860 --> 01:20:32.426
You can't get something
that hot!
1476
01:20:32.428 --> 01:20:34.895
I swear to god.
She's my girlfriend. Tell him!
1477
01:20:34.897 --> 01:20:36.530
- I don't know him.
- What the fuck?
1478
01:20:36.532 --> 01:20:39.433
- How much did you pay her?
- It's on, it's on.
1479
01:20:44.439 --> 01:20:47.308
All rise for
the honorable judge Martinez.
1480
01:20:47.310 --> 01:20:50.945
Drew: These geniuses were
charged with Grand Theft Auto.
1481
01:20:50.947 --> 01:20:53.447
Luckily for them,
I finally passed the bar exam.
1482
01:20:53.449 --> 01:20:55.216
You may be seated.
1483
01:20:55.218 --> 01:20:58.452
Hey, drew. Tell the judge
to go fuck himself.
1484
01:20:58.454 --> 01:21:01.222
No, don't do that.
Don't tell him that.
1485
01:21:01.224 --> 01:21:04.625
Hello, your honor.
In today's case, 1009,
1486
01:21:04.627 --> 01:21:07.494
the people versus
starmaker academy,
1487
01:21:07.496 --> 01:21:10.364
we'd like to enter
a plea of not guilty.
1488
01:21:12.534 --> 01:21:14.935
Drew: And had them demoted.
1489
01:21:14.937 --> 01:21:16.470
I know!
1490
01:21:16.472 --> 01:21:18.339
It's all because of you.
1491
01:21:18.341 --> 01:21:23.477
This is all your fault,
we're in this situation.
1492
01:21:23.479 --> 01:21:26.380
- I told you, I told you.
- This one's no good.
1493
01:21:26.382 --> 01:21:29.650
Boulevard horny,
scene donkey dick, take three.
1494
01:21:29.652 --> 01:21:32.419
Drew: Teddy finally got
his anger under control...
1495
01:21:32.421 --> 01:21:34.622
Hey.
1496
01:21:34.624 --> 01:21:37.157
...once he found
his true calling.
1497
01:21:37.159 --> 01:21:40.361
Okay, I think he's ready.
Let's bring in the real talent.
1498
01:21:40.363 --> 01:21:43.464
I am the real talent.
1499
01:21:45.333 --> 01:21:49.503
- No, no, no, no.
- Are you ready for me, big boy?
1500
01:21:49.505 --> 01:21:52.606
Teddy: I think he's still
too cold.
1501
01:21:52.608 --> 01:21:55.542
I want you to take his ass
outside and warm it up.
1502
01:21:57.913 --> 01:22:00.547
Time to warm your ass up,
bitch boy.
1503
01:22:03.518 --> 01:22:05.519
That dick looks good
on you, girl.
1504
01:22:05.521 --> 01:22:08.555
And action!
1505
01:22:10.559 --> 01:22:13.160
Drew: And rubisio?
1506
01:22:13.162 --> 01:22:16.497
Well, let's just say
Karma is alive and well.
1507
01:22:16.499 --> 01:22:18.065
Ugh.
1508
01:22:21.636 --> 01:22:23.437
Hey, Charles,
1509
01:22:23.439 --> 01:22:27.074
I think we just found
the new face for our company.
1510
01:22:27.076 --> 01:22:31.545
Nikki morehead.
Find her.
1511
01:22:31.547 --> 01:22:33.414
Nikki became
the official spokesmodel
1512
01:22:33.416 --> 01:22:35.249
for non-virgin airlines.
1513
01:22:35.251 --> 01:22:38.118
Hannah! I thought
we were meeting at sag.
1514
01:22:38.120 --> 01:22:40.955
Yeah, I figured I'd pick you up.
That way we can carpool.
1515
01:22:40.957 --> 01:22:44.458
- Besides, I missed you.
- Thanks, babe.
1516
01:22:44.460 --> 01:22:47.494
All in all, I'd call this
a happy ending.
1517
01:22:47.496 --> 01:22:49.396
Mm-mm-mm.
1518
01:22:49.398 --> 01:22:50.597
Even for Nate.