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- Here's a little story
- I'd like to tell
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00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:02,394
about three best friends
and their first Noel.
3
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:06,598
It begins right before
Christmas 2001,
4
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,835
when a young man named Ethan
became an orphan.
5
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His mama and papa
both tragically gone,
6
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it seemed for him, Christmas
had sung its swan song.
7
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As he sat alone
on Christmas Eve,
8
00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,682
his friends came over
and forced him to leave.
9
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They had to get Ethan
out of his funk,
10
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so they went to a bar
and they got his ass drunk.
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With tears and with sadness
they started to mend.
12
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Then they said:
13
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No more crying.
This sad shit must end.
14
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Christmas was about family,
but now it's about friends.
15
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Thus began a new tradition.
16
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The friends hung on Christmas
and fun was their mission.
17
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Who's the baddest motherfucker
on Christmas day?
18
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Get in there.
Aww!
19
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,278
You knew.
20
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,646
- Boom!
- What is it?
21
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,549
That shit holds a hundred songs
at one time.
22
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,318
I got the new Dave Matthews
downloaded.
23
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,120
Oh, yeah. Ricky Martin.
Oh!
24
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,621
That guy slays ass.
25
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,423
They chilled with each other,
26
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,592
did all sorts of stuff.
27
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,161
They drank many drinks,
they fucked shit up.
28
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,562
Light his dick.
29
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,601
Aah!
30
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,104
Then one fateful night, 2008,
31
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:22,508
they realized that Christmas
can be even more great.
32
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:25,410
That Eve at the bar,
they saw quite a sight.
33
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:28,547
Fellow seekers of joy
having one crazy night.
34
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,150
And there was a woman,
so pretty to all.
35
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:34,186
They worked up the courage,
proceeded to call.
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00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,954
- Excuse me.
- Ethan said.
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00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,389
And she turned with a fright.
38
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Where were you guys partying
earlier tonight?
39
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,728
At a place so great
words cannot describe
40
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,930
with so many drinks
for one to imbibe.
41
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:48,000
With so many drugs,
i can't believe I survived.
42
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:49,268
What the fuck...
43
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:50,736
Ethan asked.
44
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,471
...is this party called?
45
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,273
Why, you haven't heard?
46
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:57,109
It's the nutcracker ball.
47
00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,912
They asked all around,
but to no avail.
48
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:03,715
Where was this great party,
this whitest of whales?
49
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,652
And though year upon year,
they tried and they failed,
50
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:10,355
they never did tire,
they never did bail.
51
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,758
But over time,
the fun did wane.
52
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,528
One friend had a family,
the other had fame.
53
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,665
As the years passed,
his boys, they grew up.
54
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:24,670
But it seems our boy Ethan
is just a little bit stuck.
55
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What's up, buddy? No?
56
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,844
All right.
You guys want any of this?
57
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,546
No, thank you.
Cool.
58
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,848
Keep it moving. There you go.
59
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,217
Yes, good.
60
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,319
Wait. No, no, no.
What are you doing?
61
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,221
No one was eating this tuna,
so I thought--
62
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,488
no, no, no.
You don't get to make
63
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:45,157
those executive decisions,
elf.
64
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:47,326
How old are you?
65
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:49,494
Thirty-three.
Thirty-three.
66
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,363
Thirty-three years old,
and you're an elf.
67
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,899
And you don't even know
how to be an elf.
68
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,867
Show me the elf face.
69
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,069
Uh...
70
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,738
It's happy. It's eager.
71
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,139
More whimsical.
72
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,675
Whimsy.
Determined, though.
73
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,144
There you go! That's it!
That was it.
74
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,480
That's why you're coming back
here with a full tray.
75
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,048
I'm gonna move you
to coat check.
76
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,483
This is your last chance.
77
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:14,653
And the whole time,
i wanna see that elf face.
78
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,521
Okay.
Starting now.
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00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:18,890
Go.
80
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:20,292
Go.
81
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:26,398
These two are together.
No, gotta take the ticket.
82
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,800
Hi. Just you, sir?
83
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,470
Great. This is your ticket.
Please try not to lose it.
84
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,006
This is a very expensive coat,
so take care of it.
85
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,674
Absolutely, sir.
86
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,277
Here, ticket.
Okay, this one.
87
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,911
Yeah.
88
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,313
Yeah. Great.
89
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,582
Hi. Merry Christmas, sir.
90
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,133
Hey, what are you doing?
91
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,901
Huh? Nothing.
92
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:07,272
I'm gonna be right back.
93
00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:08,473
Now, where are you going?
94
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,976
I'm sick. Sick.
95
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,811
Whoa!
96
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:29,394
You're about to have
the best night of your life.
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00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,762
You will learn
valuable lessons,
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00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,297
be filled
with Christmas cheer,
99
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,899
and probably get laid.
100
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:37,169
We will release the location
of our party at 10 P.M.
101
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,437
Merry Christmas.
102
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,525
- Yeah, I know, ma.
- I'm sorry,
103
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,028
but I have to stay here
and work hard.
104
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,630
How you think I'm having
such an amazing season?
105
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:08,333
I love you too.
Merry Christmas.
106
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,335
Bye.
107
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,408
What's up, fellas?
How's it going, man?
108
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:18,076
Good to see you, baby.
Merry Christmas.
109
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,479
You wanna take a picture, man?
Let's do it.
110
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,714
Just leave it!
111
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:28,053
If you're not Christian,
what are you?
112
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,421
I'm Jewish.
113
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Is that why
you look different?
114
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,290
What was that?
Come again.
115
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,860
You just look funny.
116
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,428
I look funny?
117
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You ever see the shining?
118
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,066
Isaac?
Yo!
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What are you telling them?
I'm just talking
120
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,069
to your lovely daughters
121
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,472
as though they are adults.
From a cognitive level,
122
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:48,740
if you speak to kids
like they're adults,
123
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,142
it will make them
more curious,
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00:06:50,144 --> 00:06:51,977
it will open up their minds
to more things.
125
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He's gonna be a great father.
Yeah.
126
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:57,549
I just hope we have kids
as beautiful as you girls.
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00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,950
- Ow!
- I'm sorry.
128
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,952
Sweeties, just come help
mommy in the kitchen.
129
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,155
Are you okay? You want a hug?
That's okay.
130
00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:04,523
Oh, okay.
131
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,958
Gosh, I am such
a fucking piece of shit.
132
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,760
No, you're not at all.
I'm the worst mom.
133
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,629
I'm gonna be terrible.
No. Don't say that.
134
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,963
What if I screw this up?
135
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,232
You won't. Studies show
your maternal instincts
136
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,567
really kick in
in the last month.
137
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,002
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm just nervous.
138
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,603
It's fine.
I love you so much. Okay?
139
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,939
I love you too.
140
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,841
Bets, look who it is.
141
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,142
Ethan!
142
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,377
Merry Christmas.
143
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,245
Oh, my god!
You look so big!
144
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,747
No.
No?
145
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,749
You don't know a lot
of pregnant women, do you?
146
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,717
I meant the baby.
No, I look really big.
147
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,453
You look great.
The baby's probably cramped
148
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:37,088
inside of your small, fit body.
Thanks. No, that's enough.
149
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,624
Just shut up. It's all good.
I don't know what to say.
150
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,159
She looks beautiful.
151
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,461
You want a drink?
Sure.
152
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,695
Do you want a drink,
honey?
153
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,096
I'm okay
right now.
154
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,731
Really?
155
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,634
Yeah. I'm kind of on call.
Gotta keep my head on straight.
156
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,136
But you're gonna drink tonight?
Yeah. For sure.
157
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,238
Because I'm already
kind of drunk.
I can tell.
158
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,274
Okay. That's Chris.
Yeah.
159
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,642
Everybody,
look who it is!
160
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:01,847
Merry Christmas, blessed
kwanzaa, happy hanukkah!
161
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,349
Hey, man. How's it going?
162
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:07,152
Whoa! Look at this!
Oh, my god!
163
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,887
I couldn't even tell
you were pregnant
164
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,288
till I saw you from
the side.
165
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,523
Look how tiny you are!
166
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,024
That's so nice of you
to say.
167
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,260
That is how you talk
to a pregnant woman.
168
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,596
It's amazing. You've had
the season of a lifetime.
169
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,797
Congratulations, man.
170
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,465
Congrats.
Thanks, man.
171
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:24,069
Got a new workout, new diet,
new paleo thing I've been doing.
172
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:26,471
I've heard about that.
And it works?
173
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,073
It rips you up.
If you see me naked,
174
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:29,674
it'll blow your mind.
I'd love to.
175
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,879
Kick ass.
176
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,621
Really can't believe we're
doing this again this year.
177
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,422
I was done a few years ago,
to be totally honest.
178
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,391
We're like those kids who
won't stop trick-or-treating.
179
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,860
Eventually, they come to
your door, you're like, "eh."
180
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,262
"No candy for you."
No.
181
00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:51,663
"Pack it in, kid."
182
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,498
But this is it.
This is the last Christmas.
183
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,799
Last time. Right?
184
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,434
Is he cool with it?
Yeah, I think so.
185
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,936
He looks happy
right now, right?
186
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,938
I'm just saying, we're
enabling him at this point.
187
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:02,541
We're not helping him
get over his own problems.
188
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,676
On a psychological level,
that's not good.
189
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,211
I've made a decision.
190
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,346
For a Christmas present,
I'll take him under my wing.
191
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,282
I'm gonna help him
and get him out of this rut.
192
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:12,384
It's a conversation we've been
avoiding for 10 years.
193
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:15,120
I know.
Just do it easy.
194
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,421
I'm going all in.
195
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,223
Don't go all in.
Balls and all.
196
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:27,365
Have fun.
197
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,634
Take good care of my husband,
all right? I like him.
198
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:30,835
We will.
199
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,204
Hey, bets, tell Diana
i said hello.
200
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,272
Yeah, no.
201
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,408
- No, no. Merry Christmas.
- Mwah.
202
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:37,809
Bye-bye.
203
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,878
- Congratulations.
- Mwah. Good to see you.
204
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,113
Luckiest guy in the park.
I sure am. Bye.
205
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,882
Can I talk to you
for a second real quick?
206
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,483
What? We're not
doing gifts now, are we?
207
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:46,985
No, we're doing them
tomorrow,
208
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,554
but this one I'm pretty sure
you'll want tonight.
209
00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:52,223
What is it?
You have been such a rock
210
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,526
throughout
this whole pregnancy.
211
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,261
You're like
my Dwayne Johnson.
212
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,829
Thank you.
213
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,664
It's Christmas now,
and we've almost made it,
214
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,766
and you deserve this.
So merry Christmas.
215
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,168
Is it Cologne?
216
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,236
No.
217
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,308
Holy shit!
218
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,545
It's every single drug
in the whole world.
219
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:15,080
Why are you giving this
to me?
220
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:17,082
You've been so focused
on me and the baby,
221
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,317
and tonight I think you should
just focus on yourself.
222
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:22,354
Go out there,
get fucking wild, you know?
223
00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:24,389
Is this cocaine?
I haven't done cocaine for...
224
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,758
11 years, I don't think.
No one has, I don't think.
225
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,793
That's amazing. Where did you
get all this shit?
226
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,729
Craigslist.
You got it from craigslist?
227
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,797
I just typed in the search
"NYC drugs."
228
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:33,999
Really resourceful of you.
229
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,634
It's your last Christmas
together,
230
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,135
so have fun. Enjoy it.
231
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,337
Thank you so much.
Yeah. I love you.
232
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,640
This is so great.
I'll have my phone with me.
233
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:43,174
I'll be home pretty early,
i think.
234
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,776
Okay, all right.
Okay. I love you.
235
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,047
What?
236
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,749
What the fuck is this?
237
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,951
This is the red bull
limousine, fellas.
238
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:56,454
You are now looking at the face
and body of red bull.
239
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,089
Wow! Congratulations,
man!
240
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,991
Right? Since this is our
final Christmas,
241
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,826
I figured we could do it
in class.
242
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,662
This is what
the spirit of Christmas
243
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,597
is all about. A rich athlete
finally getting
244
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,365
the corporate limo
that he always wanted.
245
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,867
Exactly!
I think so.
246
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,002
Let's go, get in.
You gotta see this. Come on.
247
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,004
Cool!
248
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,507
Yo, it's the red bull limo,
guys!
249
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,275
All right.
250
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,878
Yo! What's up, everybody?
This your man, c-rob.
251
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,647
We in the red bull limo.
And we dom p'in it,
252
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:25,417
we have cristal in it,
hennythuggin' it
253
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:27,318
and we got red bull!
254
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:31,322
I'm capturing this
on my Sony xperia ultra phone.
255
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,892
No matter what the light,
the picture's right. All right?
256
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,794
This your man, Chris rob,
coming at you.
257
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,529
What happening? Peace!
258
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,898
Peace!
Wow!
259
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,299
And, Internet.
260
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,134
His social media game is crazy.
On point.
261
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,170
- Really on point, yeah.
- On point.
262
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,472
Five million people
probably just saw that.
263
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,207
Hey there.
264
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,310
Didn't wanna interrupt while you
guys were rolling back there.
265
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,379
Great video, by the way.
I just watched it.
266
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,680
That was fast.
267
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,115
My name's Joshua.
I'm gonna be
268
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,350
your red bull-provided driver
for the evening.
269
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,819
First stop: Rockefeller center,
right?
270
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,353
Thank you, Josh.
Raise partition.
271
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,755
Nice meeting you, Josh.
272
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,091
I'm doing the hang-loose thing
too much.
273
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,526
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll call you. There we go.
274
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:09,961
Check out what Betsy gave me.
275
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,362
It's a bunch of drugs.
276
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,664
We eat a little 'shrooms
277
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:14,099
to kind of trip out
a little bit,
278
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,967
look at the lights,
all the sparkly lights.
279
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,502
Let's start with
the champagne.
280
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,404
Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah!
281
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:24,175
- Aim it out the window!
- Oh!
282
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,418
So, what's up, e?
How's life, man?
283
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,619
Life is good!
284
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,054
Yeah?
Yeah, dude.
285
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,156
How's the music going?
Any gigs coming up?
286
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,958
Not gigs, but gigs
are overrated, dude.
287
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,726
People are on their phones
the whole time.
288
00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,027
Know what I mean?
Totally.
289
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:44,429
The thing I'm working on now
290
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,297
you really have to listen to it
start to finish.
291
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,866
It's a concept album.
What's the concept?
292
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,602
I'm still conceptualizing
that part of it,
293
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,270
but it's about who you know...
C-rob, sign this?
294
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,838
...more than anything.
Wait up.
295
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,140
How's it going?
Hey, merry Christmas.
296
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,075
Photobomb!
There you go. All right.
297
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,377
- That just happens now?
- People love c-rob.
298
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,446
So how about Diana?
You talk to her?
299
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,215
How's things going with that?
Hate to see that one get away.
300
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,917
It's still over.
It's over. Don't worry.
301
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,019
But it's okay.
It's no one's fault.
302
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,587
We just drifted apart.
303
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,922
Look, we're at the tree!
304
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,657
Why don't we talk about it
another time?
305
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,058
What?
Not now, man.
306
00:13:18,397 --> 00:13:20,098
Wow.
307
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,033
Gentlemen,
308
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:26,204
14 years ago to this very night,
a tradition was born.
309
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,506
That year some drunk,
fucking asshole
310
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,175
hit my parents with a car.
311
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,111
So that Christmas, I didn't
have any family to be with,
312
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,246
but you guys
were there for me.
313
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,648
But tonight!
314
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,016
Tonight's different.
315
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:41,252
We have mutually decided
to end this tradition.
316
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,821
Isaac's about to have a baby.
317
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,722
And Chris is just
too fucking famous
318
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,191
to hang out with us anymore.
Big man.
319
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,226
But guys, earlier today
320
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:52,063
I witnessed
a real-life Christmas miracle.
321
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,464
Where the fuck
did you get those?
322
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,433
Holy shit! Are those real?
They are fucking real!
323
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,335
Where did they come from?
324
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,871
It doesn't matter! It's a
fucking Christmas miracle!
325
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,339
You killed somebody
for those?
326
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,373
No, I stole them.
327
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,475
That's awesome! What a blowout!
328
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:07,579
It is the nutcracker ball!
329
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:08,913
Yes!
330
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,349
So I called the number
on these tickets.
331
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,918
They don't give out the address
till 10.
332
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,054
So that gives us
several hours
333
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,056
to hit as many Christmas
traditions as possible!
334
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,591
Let's do it.
335
00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,860
It's gonna be the best
fucking night of our lives!
336
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,228
I'm so psyched, man.
Awesome.
337
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,496
Maybe it'll be
the new Christmas tradition.
338
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,801
I don't know if we're really
replacing this
339
00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:31,135
with another tradition.
340
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:33,204
That was a joke, Isaac.
Give me some credit.
341
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,773
Obviously, that was a joke.
I am totally cool with it.
342
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,141
Obviously, he's joking.
343
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,878
Definitely.
Gentlemen, I got the sweaters.
344
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,112
This one's for you.
345
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,747
This is for you.
Nice.
346
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:43,948
Let's do this!
347
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:45,917
Let's do it.
Hey, where'd he go?
348
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,182
Soup's on!
349
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,883
Hey, thuwan! How's it going,
my man?
350
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,052
- Now it's Christmas.
- It's not Christmas
351
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,520
till we eat egg drop soup.
352
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,756
It brings me back.
Who are you calling right now?
353
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,125
Calling Tommy Owens.
You're calling Tommy Owens?
354
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,127
Who's Tommy Owens?
Best player in the league.
355
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,529
Tommy!
C-money, what's up, my man?
356
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,231
Merry Christmas.
357
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,866
Tell him hi.
358
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,135
Hennessy!
We going to the nutcracker ball.
359
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,370
I got tickets for my boys.
360
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:46,738
I got us on the list
for the party
361
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,973
the after-party,
the before-party, every party.
362
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:50,575
Congrats, baby,
you coming up big time.
363
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,677
What we do, baby.
That's what we do!
364
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,445
Tell him to bring some green
with him.
365
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,415
C-money, while I got you on
the phone, I hate to even ask,
366
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,250
but you think you could
bring us some weed?
367
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,486
Yeah, I can get weed. Look
who you're talking to, baby.
368
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:04,122
Come on. It's Chris money.
Smoke it up!
369
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,857
I'll see you at
the nutcracker ball.
370
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,792
I'll bring a half a pound and we
gonna roll. Much love.
371
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,727
One. Chris love out. Peace.
372
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,297
How much weed you got
in that box?
373
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,899
I don't know.
Why don't we check?
374
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,167
Check it out, playa.
375
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,803
Someone call
snoop d-o-double gezzank,
376
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,205
because I got the reefers.
377
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,540
You have one joint?
378
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,142
She doesn't know much
about drugs.
379
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,910
The proportions of this shit
is all off.
380
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,378
Dude, we need to get
some weed.
381
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,913
Can we just not get derailed
here?
382
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,182
This is not about some famous
athlete and his weed.
383
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,383
This is about
the three of us.
384
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,052
This is our last
Christmas together.
385
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,653
It is about a famous athlete
and his weed.
386
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,488
I've been on this dude's team
for six years,
387
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,757
and he finally knows who I am.
If I can deliver this weed,
388
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,693
we could smoke with Tommy Owens
and hang with him all night!
389
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,462
I'd love to smoke weed
with Tommy Owens.
390
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,064
See? He wants to
smoke with Tommy.
391
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,398
Okay. Okay.
392
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,034
Where do we get some weed from?
Uh...
393
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,036
We could call Mr. green.
394
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,172
Why are we outside
our high school again?
395
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,908
Because he's a fucking
drug-dealer and he's suspicious,
396
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:59,444
and he doesn't meet you unless
he's met you there before.
397
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:00,878
So it's either
our old high school
398
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,346
or this guy's mom's house.
399
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:05,016
That's not happening.
I know. So it's here.
400
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,019
Shit. Is that you?
401
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:09,921
It's not mine.
402
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,156
No.
Oh, shit.
403
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,525
That was there before.
404
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,360
Do they even make payphones
anymore?
405
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:17,995
Don't touch it. People wipe
their butts on those.
406
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,630
This is how
you gotta talk to him.
407
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:20,832
Don't pick up!
408
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,233
Hello! 1998 speaking.
409
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,035
That's gross.
410
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:25,570
Oh.
411
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,406
Yeah, I see you. Okay. Thanks.
He's right there.
412
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,175
Go ahead. Go get the weed.
413
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,444
I'm not going. You're going.
Just get it.
414
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,446
Come on, don't be a baby.
It's your weed!
415
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,747
Shit.
416
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,720
Is it just me? He's changed
a little bit, right?
417
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:46,290
Uh, yeah, he seems like
he's excited about his fame.
418
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,026
I think it's our job to sort of
just keep him in check.
419
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,762
Sometimes, you think it's easy
to tell your friend something,
420
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,731
and it's actually hard
to tell them that thing
421
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,733
once you're confronted
with the actual moment
422
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,401
that you would
tell them that thing.
423
00:18:57,403 --> 00:18:58,803
You know what I mean?
424
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:06,844
Mr. green! What's up, man?
425
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,479
Good evening.
426
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,314
How you doing?
It's good to see you.
427
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,816
I'm glad you open
on Christmas.
428
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:15,253
A lot of people need me
on Christmas, you know.
429
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,722
It's a tough holiday.
430
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:18,923
I know you.
431
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,324
Yeah.
432
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,893
You used to sell weed
to me and my friends
433
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:24,095
when we were in high school.
Yeah, that's crazy.
434
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:26,297
So, what do you want?
435
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:29,333
Your best shit, man.
That chronic, that drow, that...
436
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,135
Yeah, yeah. Some of that.
437
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:34,906
It's good to see you kids still
hanging out and smoking up.
438
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:36,274
Makes me proud.
439
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,009
Thanks, man.
We're just kind of trying
440
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,710
to keep the dream alive,
you know?
441
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,146
But this is not for us. This
is for a good friend of mine.
442
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,715
Tommy Owens. Quarterback.
The Messiah.
443
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,418
You know what?
As far as I'm concerned
444
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,719
there's only one Messiah.
445
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:52,657
Our lord and savior,
Jesus Christ.
446
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,659
So that name's
a little blasphemous.
447
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,394
Yeah.
448
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:06,237
The weed of Christmas present.
449
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:08,439
I'm an athlete,
so drug-free body.
450
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,408
Drug-free zone.
No smoking.
451
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,945
You buying that for somebody
and you're not gonna test it?
452
00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:15,479
That could be oregano.
453
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:18,549
Orega-what?
Oregano.
454
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:32,863
So...
455
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,100
Something special
supposed to happen?
456
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,935
It just did.
457
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:40,238
You're in the present.
458
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:46,510
What? Maybe I'm high
or something, man, I don't--
459
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,779
or maybe you're in
the present.
460
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:53,351
The weed of Christmas present.
461
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,819
Well, with that logic,
462
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,188
isn't all weed
the weed of Christmas present?
463
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,490
Only on Christmas, kid.
464
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,594
Anyway, that'll be
a hundred bucks.
465
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,764
Oh. All right.
I'll get your hundreds.
466
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,499
If you guys ain't doing
nothing later,
467
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,334
you should stop by this party
I'm throwing.
468
00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:11,969
It's a hell of a bash.
469
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,038
You serious?
470
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,107
It's not in my car.
471
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,541
It's a real party.
472
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:20,278
Uh, we already got invited
to something. Sorry.
473
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,046
But thank you
for the invite.
474
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:25,650
That's no problem. My feelings
aren't hurt. Not really.
475
00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:31,322
Tell Isaac, "I'll see you
in a couple hours."
476
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:32,690
What?
477
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:36,360
Tell Isaac I'll see him
in a couple hours.
478
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:39,163
How did he get so good
all of a sudden?
479
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:40,498
I don't know.
480
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:43,067
Oh, here we go. Here we go.
481
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:48,439
That shit was the weirdest
fucking experience of my life.
482
00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:50,074
Really?
But I got the weed.
483
00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:51,575
Nice!
484
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:53,711
Come on, let's go tear
this fucking karaoke down.
485
00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:56,047
Let them bitches know
the ice crew in the building!
486
00:21:56,049 --> 00:21:57,615
Let's do it, baby.
487
00:21:57,617 --> 00:22:00,084
Did you practice the moves?
Oh, I've been practicing.
488
00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:01,452
Hey!
489
00:22:04,623 --> 00:22:06,824
Whoa. Happy feet, happy feet.
490
00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:12,530
Show them, huh!
491
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:45,429
Got my prenup.
492
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:54,438
I think the 'shrooms
are kicking in.
493
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,187
Yo, what's up?
We're the ice crew!
494
00:23:10,189 --> 00:23:11,856
We just got one thing to say!
495
00:23:11,858 --> 00:23:14,392
Drink some damn red bull.
Hell, yeah!
496
00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:20,531
- It's happening.
- You okay?
497
00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:21,932
You feel good?
Yeah.
498
00:23:21,934 --> 00:23:23,834
Ethan, it's Diana!
499
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:25,770
- Hi.
- What's up?
500
00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:28,105
Chris, I wanna say hi to you,
but you're surrounded by fans!
501
00:23:28,107 --> 00:23:30,141
I know. It's crazy!
Say hey to Ethan!
502
00:23:30,143 --> 00:23:32,810
He looks really great!
Let's go outside and instagram.
503
00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:34,445
My social media game
is on point!
504
00:23:34,447 --> 00:23:36,480
- That guy's really famous now.
- Yeah.
505
00:23:36,482 --> 00:23:37,681
Super famous.
506
00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:39,884
So good seeing you guys!
507
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:41,886
Merry Christmas.
What are you guys doing here?
508
00:23:41,888 --> 00:23:44,722
It's the only karaoke place
that's open on Christmas.
509
00:23:44,724 --> 00:23:46,490
Yeah, it's our tradition.
510
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:48,526
I should've remembered
that you guys come here.
511
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:49,994
But run-dmc,
i got to see it! Finally.
512
00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:51,662
- You liked it?
- It was awesome.
513
00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:53,097
This is what you guys missed.
514
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,565
She did Miley Cyrus.
515
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:56,534
She destroyed wrecking ball.
It was amazing.
516
00:23:56,536 --> 00:23:58,369
You still like that song.
Everybody does.
517
00:23:58,371 --> 00:24:01,839
You can cry to it. You can run
to it. You can party to it.
518
00:24:01,841 --> 00:24:04,875
Timeless!
Uh, what are you guys doing?
519
00:24:04,877 --> 00:24:06,944
We're having
a really fun night, actually.
520
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,213
We're kind of going
not too hard, but pretty hard.
521
00:24:09,215 --> 00:24:10,548
We're kind of just...
522
00:24:10,550 --> 00:24:12,383
It's our last night
doing the Christmas!
523
00:24:12,385 --> 00:24:15,886
End of an era.
Last year. Last year.
524
00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:17,788
But it's been really fun,
though.
525
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,723
Of course.
Betsy's giving birth in a month.
526
00:24:19,725 --> 00:24:21,058
She's having a baby, yeah.
527
00:24:21,060 --> 00:24:22,827
We're gonna miss her
at the office.
528
00:24:22,829 --> 00:24:24,595
But she said you've been
doing a very good job.
529
00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:26,630
That you're so prepared.
530
00:24:26,632 --> 00:24:28,499
You've read every single book
on being a dad
531
00:24:28,501 --> 00:24:30,000
since books were created.
532
00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:31,869
I would be losing my shit
right now.
533
00:24:31,871 --> 00:24:33,838
That you're prepared,
like, over-prepared.
534
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,306
He's solid.
He's got the stats.
535
00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:37,842
A lot of men in your position
fucking freak out.
536
00:24:37,844 --> 00:24:39,710
- They just leave.
- And they take off.
537
00:24:39,712 --> 00:24:42,780
It's an epidemic.
It's true. Are you guys...
538
00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:45,382
What the fuck! Are you guys
okay? Are you okay?
539
00:24:45,384 --> 00:24:48,719
These lights in here fucking
with you guys? Like a lot.
540
00:24:48,721 --> 00:24:50,154
Not really.
541
00:24:50,156 --> 00:24:52,323
I think moving around maybe
from the dancing.
542
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:53,691
Yeah.
543
00:24:53,693 --> 00:24:55,292
I'm gonna call Betsy.
I'll be right back.
544
00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:58,229
That's a good idea.
It's good to see you. I'll be...
545
00:24:58,231 --> 00:24:59,630
Give her
a call.
546
00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:02,500
You guys have
a nice connection.
547
00:25:02,502 --> 00:25:05,035
Yeah, he's a sweetheart.
548
00:25:06,805 --> 00:25:08,038
I'm gonna go to the bar...
No.
549
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:09,607
...get more to drink.
No, no, no!
550
00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:11,442
- Nice to see you.
- Merry Christmas.
551
00:25:11,444 --> 00:25:13,143
You look good.
552
00:25:14,447 --> 00:25:15,946
Hi.
553
00:25:15,948 --> 00:25:17,248
Hi.
554
00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:26,690
Okay. Come on. Whoo!
The 'shrooms are turning.
555
00:25:26,692 --> 00:25:27,958
You got a big night
ahead of you.
556
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,627
Let's get something else
going here.
557
00:25:29,629 --> 00:25:31,495
Cocaine.
That'll straighten me out.
558
00:25:31,497 --> 00:25:34,331
Get in my brain.
Make me feel different.
559
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:35,533
Yeah.
560
00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:42,373
What's up, Messiah? How you
doing, white Jesus?
561
00:25:42,375 --> 00:25:43,641
Yo, check it out.
562
00:25:43,643 --> 00:25:45,109
It's c-rob, man.
563
00:25:45,111 --> 00:25:48,279
So everything's good.
I got you.
564
00:25:48,281 --> 00:25:51,248
I got the shit. I got the weed.
I got the smoke.
565
00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:55,052
You know what? I'm tripping.
I'mma just text you, all right?
566
00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:57,922
What happened to peace?
Peace. C-rob out.
567
00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:01,492
Chris motherfucking
Roberts!
568
00:26:01,494 --> 00:26:03,627
Well, I'm not Julia Roberts.
569
00:26:03,629 --> 00:26:06,063
But you are
a pretty woman.
570
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:07,498
Oh, shit!
571
00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,433
Dude, I am such a fan.
572
00:26:09,435 --> 00:26:10,868
Meeting you here tonight
573
00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:13,637
this is enough to make
Christmas tolerable for me.
574
00:26:13,639 --> 00:26:15,706
Whoa.
You don't like Christmas?
575
00:26:15,708 --> 00:26:18,208
No.
I fucking hate Christmas.
576
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:21,478
Sorry to be, like, a grinch.
You're into it.
577
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,547
This is amazing.
578
00:26:23,549 --> 00:26:26,350
As much as I hate Christmas,
that's how much I love you.
579
00:26:26,352 --> 00:26:27,885
Wow.
Sorry.
580
00:26:27,887 --> 00:26:29,887
Okay, I'm being too much.
581
00:26:29,889 --> 00:26:32,289
I'm jizzing all over you.
I'm getting, like, jizzy. Sorry.
582
00:26:32,291 --> 00:26:34,925
No, no, no. Jizz all over me.
I like that shit.
583
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:37,528
You probably wanna
go back to your friends.
584
00:26:37,530 --> 00:26:39,263
Fuck my friends.
585
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,432
Friends come and go,
586
00:26:41,434 --> 00:26:43,133
but fans, that's forever.
587
00:26:43,135 --> 00:26:45,402
You're naughty.
I'm very naughty.
588
00:26:45,404 --> 00:26:49,473
I'm gonna teach you a Christmas
lesson, you naughty boy.
589
00:26:49,475 --> 00:26:50,708
Okay.
590
00:26:52,378 --> 00:26:54,378
The truth will set you free.
591
00:26:56,881 --> 00:26:58,682
Hey, yo.
592
00:26:58,684 --> 00:27:01,652
This is a message
for future Isaac
593
00:27:01,654 --> 00:27:03,921
from current Isaac.
594
00:27:03,923 --> 00:27:06,490
And I have to tell you
to listen to me
595
00:27:06,492 --> 00:27:08,058
because right now
i have clarity.
596
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:09,760
You should not be having
this fucking baby.
597
00:27:09,762 --> 00:27:11,562
This baby's a mistake.
598
00:27:11,564 --> 00:27:14,131
The baby will ruin your life.
You'll ruin the baby's life!
599
00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:16,600
And then the baby
will fucking murder people!
600
00:27:16,602 --> 00:27:18,135
I don't know what you do
at this point,
601
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:19,837
but get rid of
this fucking baby!
602
00:27:19,839 --> 00:27:22,072
Put it in a bag
and leave it somewhere!
603
00:27:22,074 --> 00:27:25,409
Put it in a basket and
push it down a fucking river!
604
00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:26,677
Fuck you, baby!
605
00:27:26,679 --> 00:27:29,213
Fuck your baby-fucking
little arms
606
00:27:29,215 --> 00:27:31,649
and your fucking chubby little
baby-fucking legs!
607
00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:34,985
Fuck you, baby!
Fuck you! Cunt!
608
00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:38,922
Okay.
609
00:27:40,525 --> 00:27:41,992
Fuck.
610
00:27:44,763 --> 00:27:46,697
Have some fun! Yeah!
611
00:27:46,699 --> 00:27:48,132
Let's party!
612
00:27:54,439 --> 00:27:56,407
Isaac?
Fuck! Yeah!
613
00:27:56,409 --> 00:27:57,708
Hi, Sarah! Whaddup?
614
00:27:57,710 --> 00:27:59,043
How's it going?
All right.
615
00:27:59,045 --> 00:28:01,945
Good. Cool.
What's going on? You good?
616
00:28:01,947 --> 00:28:04,148
You're so sweaty.
It's hot in here. I run hot.
617
00:28:04,150 --> 00:28:05,783
We have this tradition
where we wear sweaters.
618
00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:07,184
I don't always
wear a sweater, obviously.
619
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:08,752
When I'm inside,
I'd normally take it off.
620
00:28:08,754 --> 00:28:10,387
I think it would hurt my
friends' feelings.
621
00:28:10,389 --> 00:28:12,389
You're talking so fast,
you sound like an auctioneer.
622
00:28:12,391 --> 00:28:14,391
That's funny. Sold!
623
00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:15,592
That was kind of scary.
624
00:28:15,594 --> 00:28:16,927
Sorry. I don't mean
to scare you.
625
00:28:16,929 --> 00:28:18,662
By going, "sold!"
Oh, my god!
626
00:28:18,664 --> 00:28:21,231
You shouldn't have said it.
Now it's all I can think about.
627
00:28:21,233 --> 00:28:22,866
You want a drink?
Okay. Sure.
628
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:24,668
Let's have a drink.
I'll be right back.
629
00:28:24,670 --> 00:28:25,869
Thanks, Isaac.
630
00:28:29,742 --> 00:28:31,508
Betsy said
you've been asking about me.
631
00:28:31,510 --> 00:28:33,877
That's a lie.
It is. That's a lie.
632
00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,046
Betsy would never
in a billion years
633
00:28:36,048 --> 00:28:38,282
say anything
even remotely like that.
634
00:28:38,284 --> 00:28:40,017
How's your family?
635
00:28:40,019 --> 00:28:42,453
You're asking about my family.
636
00:28:42,455 --> 00:28:45,422
Sorry, I can't believe it.
Who are you?
637
00:28:45,424 --> 00:28:46,690
I deserve that.
638
00:28:46,692 --> 00:28:49,226
My family,
thank you for asking, is fine.
639
00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:51,795
You usually stay with them
on Christmas Eve, no?
640
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,197
Yeah, I'm staying with them,
641
00:28:53,199 --> 00:28:55,299
but I'm going to this thing
with Sarah.
642
00:28:55,301 --> 00:28:56,500
What is it?
643
00:28:58,203 --> 00:29:02,172
Okay, she's dating this guy,
and he got us into this party.
644
00:29:02,174 --> 00:29:04,108
And I know you've
always wanted to go to it...
645
00:29:04,110 --> 00:29:05,976
Shit. Are you going to
the nutcracker ball?
646
00:29:05,978 --> 00:29:08,412
Yeah. I'm sorry.
We're going too.
647
00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:09,847
You are?
Isn't that crazy?
648
00:29:09,849 --> 00:29:11,415
I'm happy for you.
Your last Christmas,
649
00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:13,016
and you get to go to the big
dumb party
650
00:29:13,018 --> 00:29:14,251
you've always wanted
to go to.
651
00:29:14,253 --> 00:29:17,087
You bringing anyone?
To the dumb party?
652
00:29:17,089 --> 00:29:19,656
Any guys?
Me?
653
00:29:19,658 --> 00:29:22,626
Yeah, I'm bringing
these two guys
654
00:29:22,628 --> 00:29:25,429
that I'm kind of dating.
655
00:29:25,431 --> 00:29:26,964
With really huge dicks.
656
00:29:26,966 --> 00:29:31,769
Who've got enormous,
almost novelty-sized dicks.
657
00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:33,871
I've been seeing a girl
with a huge vagina.
658
00:29:33,873 --> 00:29:35,305
Have you?
659
00:29:35,307 --> 00:29:37,241
I don't know if it really
has the same impact.
660
00:29:37,243 --> 00:29:39,943
I just hope that this
nice young lady's vagina
661
00:29:39,945 --> 00:29:42,045
is not half as big as mine.
662
00:29:42,047 --> 00:29:43,714
Your vagina, I mean...
The biggest!
663
00:29:43,716 --> 00:29:45,649
Wup, wup, wup.
I know.
664
00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:46,917
Here you go.
665
00:29:46,919 --> 00:29:48,352
Thank you so much.
Appreciate that.
666
00:29:48,354 --> 00:29:50,420
It's on your tab.
Cool.
667
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:02,866
Cheers!
Cheers.
668
00:30:02,868 --> 00:30:04,434
This is so much fun!
669
00:30:05,570 --> 00:30:07,137
Mm. Good beer.
670
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:09,206
They say beer mellows you out
a bit, which is nice.
671
00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:10,607
This is kind of cool-tasting.
672
00:30:10,609 --> 00:30:11,975
Tastes like pennies or
something.
673
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:13,744
Weird. It has a coppery flavor?
Yeah.
674
00:30:13,746 --> 00:30:15,212
Bizarre.
Maybe it's the vodka?
675
00:30:15,214 --> 00:30:17,214
You know what? I think
they gave you a crantini.
676
00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:19,449
Ever think they're all
part of the same tini family?
677
00:30:19,451 --> 00:30:21,151
Martini, crantini.
678
00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:23,587
It's just a funny idea,
i thought.
I guess it's funny.
679
00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:27,858
Oh. Isaac. You have
a bloody nose.
Huh? Yes?
680
00:30:27,860 --> 00:30:29,927
I what?
Your nose is bleeding.
681
00:30:29,929 --> 00:30:32,029
My nose is bleeding?
682
00:30:32,031 --> 00:30:33,997
Do you not feel that?
Oh, no!
683
00:30:33,999 --> 00:30:35,632
It's fucked.
There's a lot of blood.
684
00:30:35,634 --> 00:30:37,134
No, my nose is very tingly
right now.
685
00:30:37,136 --> 00:30:39,136
And I actually don't feel much.
That's so weird.
686
00:30:39,138 --> 00:30:41,872
Holy fuck!
What?
687
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:43,740
Did you bleed in my drink?
688
00:30:43,742 --> 00:30:45,175
No.
689
00:30:45,177 --> 00:30:47,477
You fucking bled
in my drink, Isaac!
690
00:30:47,479 --> 00:30:48,779
I'm gonna come clean.
691
00:30:48,781 --> 00:30:50,113
I'm on a lot of cocaine
right now.
692
00:30:50,115 --> 00:30:51,582
That's what made
my nose bleed.
693
00:30:51,584 --> 00:30:52,783
You're on fucking
cocaine?
694
00:30:52,785 --> 00:30:54,218
Did you drink a lot of it?
Kind of!
695
00:30:54,220 --> 00:30:55,919
Is it that gross?
It's mega-gross.
696
00:30:55,921 --> 00:30:57,154
I didn't do it on purpose.
697
00:30:57,156 --> 00:30:58,789
You're a totally
fucked-up person.
698
00:30:58,791 --> 00:31:00,190
You should not be a father.
Goodbye!
699
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,125
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you, Isaac!
700
00:31:02,127 --> 00:31:03,427
I'm sorry. Fuck you!
701
00:31:03,429 --> 00:31:04,995
No, fuck you!
702
00:31:04,997 --> 00:31:07,831
Piss off!
People are fucking in here!
703
00:31:09,735 --> 00:31:12,135
Zero, 11!
704
00:31:12,137 --> 00:31:15,305
Okay, now-- now, take a dump.
705
00:31:15,307 --> 00:31:16,473
What?
706
00:31:16,475 --> 00:31:19,576
Hey, guys! Sorry to interrupt.
Hey, Ethan.
707
00:31:19,578 --> 00:31:21,178
We need to get the fuck
out of here.
708
00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:23,146
I'm losing my shit right now.
What happened?
709
00:31:23,148 --> 00:31:24,414
Please.
I wanna go right now.
710
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:26,683
I'm right behind you.
Thank you.
711
00:31:26,685 --> 00:31:28,385
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
712
00:31:28,387 --> 00:31:29,820
Yikes.
713
00:31:29,822 --> 00:31:31,221
Uh...
714
00:31:31,223 --> 00:31:33,056
I guess that's my cue.
715
00:31:33,058 --> 00:31:35,158
Tell her I'm sorry.
You don't have to be sorry.
716
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,894
I guess I'll see you later.
717
00:31:36,896 --> 00:31:39,029
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
718
00:31:39,031 --> 00:31:40,597
This is...
719
00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:48,972
Come on, man.
720
00:31:58,784 --> 00:32:00,083
Ethan!
721
00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:01,818
Have you seen Isaac?
Forget Isaac.
722
00:32:01,820 --> 00:32:04,288
I just fame-fucked that
hipster chick in the bathroom.
723
00:32:04,290 --> 00:32:06,089
So that's her?
Hell, yeah.
724
00:32:07,225 --> 00:32:08,992
Can we go?
Are you okay?
725
00:32:08,994 --> 00:32:10,827
- I'm fine! Let's go.
- It's after 10.
726
00:32:10,829 --> 00:32:12,162
We can call
the party number now.
727
00:32:12,164 --> 00:32:13,563
Let's call! Let's call!
728
00:32:13,565 --> 00:32:15,198
I'll get this address.
729
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:15,198
This better fucking work.
730
00:32:18,469 --> 00:32:20,671
If you want your Christmas
merry
731
00:32:20,673 --> 00:32:24,174
go to the corner
of grand and Berry.
732
00:32:24,176 --> 00:32:25,175
Okay.
733
00:32:25,177 --> 00:32:27,277
Grand and Berry, please!
734
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:29,379
Listen, listen, listen.
735
00:32:29,381 --> 00:32:32,182
So Diana is also
going to the nutcracker ball.
736
00:32:32,184 --> 00:32:34,985
What?
How crazy is that, right?
737
00:32:34,987 --> 00:32:36,353
She's cool. I miss her.
738
00:32:36,355 --> 00:32:38,255
Yeah, you shouldn't have
let her go, dude.
739
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:40,757
You should totally get her back,
bro. My mom's named Diana.
740
00:32:40,759 --> 00:32:43,593
Yeah, thanks. I didn't
let her go. She left me.
741
00:32:43,595 --> 00:32:44,995
You didn't wanna meet
her parents
742
00:32:44,997 --> 00:32:46,463
and you never did,
743
00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:48,098
and you just kept
making excuses for two years.
744
00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,833
She made
the whole relationship about
745
00:32:49,835 --> 00:32:51,335
the one thing
i didn't wanna do.
746
00:32:51,337 --> 00:32:53,470
Dude, you fucked up.
Isaac, tell him, he fucked up.
747
00:32:53,472 --> 00:32:55,005
- You fucked up, man.
- See?
748
00:32:55,007 --> 00:32:57,774
Hey, Isaac. You okay?
749
00:32:57,776 --> 00:32:59,543
No, I'm not.
750
00:32:59,545 --> 00:33:03,447
I think the cocaine and the
mushrooms are reacting poorly.
751
00:33:03,449 --> 00:33:05,716
And now I think
i just got to balance it out.
752
00:33:05,718 --> 00:33:07,517
I got to make it
that I'm more on mushrooms
753
00:33:07,519 --> 00:33:09,186
'cause I was having fun
on mushrooms.
754
00:33:09,188 --> 00:33:10,787
I have a plan.
Chill out. Have a red bull.
755
00:33:10,789 --> 00:33:13,123
You could also just
stop doing drugs right now.
756
00:33:13,125 --> 00:33:15,392
Like, much more mushrooms.
757
00:33:15,394 --> 00:33:16,994
Are you gonna be cool
at this party?
758
00:33:16,996 --> 00:33:19,396
Cool as fuck, g.
No, you're not cool, g.
759
00:33:19,398 --> 00:33:21,498
You look insane.
Only your right eye is working.
760
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:23,867
There's gonna be a lot of
famous people at this party
761
00:33:23,869 --> 00:33:25,302
and I don't want you
to fuck it up.
762
00:33:25,304 --> 00:33:27,237
You walk in there
looking like a shit show...
763
00:33:27,239 --> 00:33:30,407
Do I look weird now?
Yes! You look weird!
764
00:33:30,409 --> 00:33:32,542
Still weird.
765
00:33:32,544 --> 00:33:33,677
Weirder!
766
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:35,379
- He looks fine.
- No, you don't!
767
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:38,081
You need to fucking
check yourself, before...
768
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:39,916
Before...
769
00:33:39,918 --> 00:33:42,152
I wreck myself?
770
00:33:42,154 --> 00:33:43,687
Is that what you're saying?
Aw. Yes.
771
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:46,289
Chickity-check myself,
before I wrickity-wreck myself?
772
00:33:46,291 --> 00:33:47,624
How does that make
someone feel?
773
00:33:47,626 --> 00:33:49,659
To be told that
they might wreck themselves.
774
00:33:49,661 --> 00:33:51,495
You're not gonna wreck
yourself.
775
00:33:51,497 --> 00:33:53,764
You made him feel bad. Why
don't you just leave him alone?
776
00:33:53,766 --> 00:33:55,799
Look, he's not right.
Gonna mellow out.
777
00:33:55,801 --> 00:33:58,068
Why don't you have some weed
and mellow out?
778
00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:01,872
You got the weed?
No.
779
00:34:01,874 --> 00:34:04,007
You got the weed, dude?
No.
780
00:34:04,009 --> 00:34:06,376
She stole my fucking weed.
781
00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:08,078
She was rummaging through
my jacket
782
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,513
when I was hitting her
from the back.
783
00:34:09,515 --> 00:34:11,114
I knew it!
She fucking took my weed!
784
00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:12,649
That serves you right.
785
00:34:12,651 --> 00:34:15,052
Dude, it's not funny!
She stole my fucking weed!
786
00:34:15,054 --> 00:34:16,386
The last place I wanna be
787
00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:19,022
is outside my mom's house
right now.
788
00:34:19,024 --> 00:34:22,092
School's far.
Your mom lives close.
789
00:34:22,094 --> 00:34:24,027
How long did Mr. green say
he would be here in?
790
00:34:24,029 --> 00:34:25,629
Half hour.
That's fine.
791
00:34:25,631 --> 00:34:27,531
Let's go in and wait.
I'm freezing.
792
00:34:27,533 --> 00:34:29,866
No, no. We're not going inside.
My mom's probably asleep.
793
00:34:29,868 --> 00:34:32,502
A half hour for Mr. green could
be two hours of standing here.
794
00:34:32,504 --> 00:34:35,439
We could be dead by then.
We could literally die by then.
795
00:34:35,441 --> 00:34:37,074
Look, my mom doesn't know
I'm here.
796
00:34:37,076 --> 00:34:38,942
So let it go.
We're not going upstairs.
797
00:34:38,944 --> 00:34:41,211
Really? You didn't tell her?
No.
798
00:34:41,213 --> 00:34:42,512
I told her I was in Philly
799
00:34:42,514 --> 00:34:44,181
and I got a suite
down at the gansevoort.
800
00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:46,750
I just think your mom would be
happy to see you on Christmas.
801
00:34:46,752 --> 00:34:49,219
I'm not saying she wouldn't be
happy to see me, all right?
802
00:34:49,221 --> 00:34:51,021
There's just a lot
you don't understand.
803
00:34:51,023 --> 00:34:52,689
All she wants to do is
parade me around
804
00:34:52,691 --> 00:34:54,424
and show me off to people.
805
00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:56,593
Last time I was here, she
made me go to church with her
806
00:34:56,595 --> 00:34:59,162
and sign autographs, kiss
babies, tell people all my stats
807
00:34:59,164 --> 00:35:01,198
and what I did last Sunday.
It's too much.
808
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:02,532
- I have a question.
- What?
809
00:35:02,534 --> 00:35:05,368
Does your mother
still have a Nintendo 64?
810
00:35:05,370 --> 00:35:07,370
Probably. She never
throws my stuff away. Why?
811
00:35:07,372 --> 00:35:09,673
Right. So that's why
you don't wanna go upstairs,
812
00:35:09,675 --> 00:35:12,175
because you're gonna lose
at "goldeneye."
813
00:35:12,177 --> 00:35:13,643
"Goldeneye."
"Goldeneye."
814
00:35:13,645 --> 00:35:16,313
Okay. Let's do it.
One game.
815
00:35:16,315 --> 00:35:17,814
Ah!
Nobody touch.
Shh!
816
00:35:17,816 --> 00:35:19,249
Nobody touch nothing.
817
00:35:19,251 --> 00:35:21,952
But I love touching things.
818
00:35:21,954 --> 00:35:23,820
Shh.
819
00:35:25,324 --> 00:35:27,157
All right, go, go, go.
820
00:35:33,064 --> 00:35:34,698
Dude, did you die
and not tell us?
821
00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:35,899
Shut up.
822
00:35:35,901 --> 00:35:37,434
It's amazing.
823
00:35:37,436 --> 00:35:39,703
I was there when you won this.
You must be so proud.
824
00:35:39,705 --> 00:35:41,204
Shut up and go.
825
00:35:41,206 --> 00:35:43,807
- Your bedroom.
- Shut up.
826
00:35:43,809 --> 00:35:45,041
Dude.
827
00:35:45,043 --> 00:35:46,576
Ethan.
What?
828
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:47,611
I found you.
829
00:35:47,613 --> 00:35:49,713
You found me?
Check you out.
830
00:35:49,715 --> 00:35:51,948
Oh!
831
00:35:53,785 --> 00:35:55,152
Look at you, man.
832
00:35:57,489 --> 00:36:00,190
You remember when we all
first met at the party?
833
00:36:00,192 --> 00:36:01,391
Whose fucking party was that?
834
00:36:01,393 --> 00:36:02,926
Jocelyn larue.
Jocelyn larue.
835
00:36:02,928 --> 00:36:04,394
Yeah, that's right.
836
00:36:04,396 --> 00:36:07,197
Remember the cops came?
We had to hide in the bathroom.
837
00:36:07,199 --> 00:36:08,798
For three hours.
838
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,501
I was afraid we'd get caught,
you were so fucking loud.
839
00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:13,603
I remember you wore that
Bob Marley tie-dye t-shirt
840
00:36:13,605 --> 00:36:15,505
and I asked you
if you smoked weed?
841
00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:17,774
I didn't smoke weed. I just
liked Bob Marley and tie-dye.
842
00:36:17,776 --> 00:36:19,776
I didn't get that was the vibe
i was putting out.
843
00:36:19,778 --> 00:36:22,412
You could have showed up
with purple hair and a cloak.
844
00:36:22,414 --> 00:36:23,914
That was my warlock phase.
845
00:36:23,916 --> 00:36:25,882
- That was a dope phase.
- Hell, yeah.
846
00:36:25,884 --> 00:36:27,817
I'm surprised
you even talked to us, Chris.
847
00:36:27,819 --> 00:36:29,819
When I look back,
i remember thinking:
848
00:36:29,821 --> 00:36:31,922
"This guy's a jock.
849
00:36:31,924 --> 00:36:34,724
And he's talking to a warlock
and a pretend pot-head."
850
00:36:34,726 --> 00:36:36,293
True.
851
00:36:36,295 --> 00:36:38,328
If it wasn't for y'all,
i would have never made it
852
00:36:38,330 --> 00:36:40,263
through that school.
853
00:36:40,265 --> 00:36:41,698
Shit. Wait, pause it.
No, no pause.
854
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,533
The phone's buzzing.
You have to pause it.
855
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:45,302
I'm buying you weed!
Just keep it down!
856
00:36:45,304 --> 00:36:46,603
Pause the fucking game.
857
00:36:46,605 --> 00:36:48,271
If you shoot me right now,
you forfeit.
858
00:36:48,273 --> 00:36:49,573
Oh, my god,
if my mom wakes up.
859
00:36:49,575 --> 00:36:51,508
Yeah, it's him.
Mr. green's here.
860
00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:53,743
I'll never get in his car again.
He freaked me out.
861
00:36:53,745 --> 00:36:55,545
Shh.
862
00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:56,947
I'll go.
863
00:36:56,949 --> 00:36:58,548
Can you even walk?
864
00:37:00,051 --> 00:37:01,985
I can fly.
865
00:37:07,558 --> 00:37:09,693
Five-0, bro. You're busted.
866
00:37:09,695 --> 00:37:11,361
Are you fucking kidding me
right now?
867
00:37:11,363 --> 00:37:12,562
Yeah,
I'm just kidding.
868
00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:13,964
Holy shit, dude.
869
00:37:13,966 --> 00:37:15,532
Don't do that.
870
00:37:15,534 --> 00:37:18,902
Oh, man. Hey, good seeing you,
dude. Long time.
871
00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:20,370
It has been a long time.
872
00:37:20,372 --> 00:37:23,306
Been a long time, yeah.
I remember you.
873
00:37:23,308 --> 00:37:26,409
And you know I'm proud
of what you've become.
874
00:37:26,411 --> 00:37:27,877
Husband, lawyer
875
00:37:27,879 --> 00:37:31,348
soon-to-be father.
That's really impressive.
876
00:37:31,350 --> 00:37:34,150
Me, I don't have time
for kids.
877
00:37:34,152 --> 00:37:37,220
You're all my children.
Yeah.
878
00:37:37,222 --> 00:37:39,856
You ever think of me
as a father figure?
879
00:37:39,858 --> 00:37:41,591
No.
880
00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:44,561
Put your tiny hand
in mine.
881
00:37:46,030 --> 00:37:47,464
Yeah.
882
00:37:47,466 --> 00:37:50,100
Rough night, huh?
Little bit. Could you tell?
883
00:37:50,102 --> 00:37:51,501
Am I wearing it on my sleeve?
884
00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:53,003
I did a lot of drugs.
885
00:37:53,005 --> 00:37:56,306
Mushrooms. Caps, too many caps.
Ate a lot of the caps.
886
00:37:56,308 --> 00:37:59,509
And I just think it kind of
made me freak out a little bit.
887
00:37:59,511 --> 00:38:02,212
And basically, I'm kind of
just having a hard time
888
00:38:02,214 --> 00:38:03,947
finding my place in all this.
889
00:38:03,949 --> 00:38:06,283
Relax.
890
00:38:07,285 --> 00:38:09,452
What's happening right now?
891
00:38:09,454 --> 00:38:11,821
Just looking into your soul,
man.
892
00:38:13,424 --> 00:38:14,824
What are you seeing?
893
00:38:18,195 --> 00:38:20,096
You need a nice mellow indica.
894
00:38:20,098 --> 00:38:22,265
I got a great north Cali bud
895
00:38:22,267 --> 00:38:24,801
with a soothing body high
896
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:28,071
and surprisingly accurate
visions of the future.
897
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:31,675
Yeah, sure.
Whatever you got, bro.
898
00:38:31,677 --> 00:38:35,345
Yeah. It's definitely
a good time.
899
00:38:35,347 --> 00:38:37,147
Unless...
900
00:38:37,149 --> 00:38:40,984
You're dealing with some shit
you can't come to terms with.
901
00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:44,888
No! That's not me!
That's a different guy.
902
00:38:44,890 --> 00:38:46,656
I think all my issues
are drug-related,
903
00:38:46,658 --> 00:38:49,793
and my emotional state
is completely...
904
00:38:49,795 --> 00:38:52,329
Cool, bro.
905
00:38:53,597 --> 00:38:56,633
Just a little shot of this.
See if you like it.
906
00:39:00,037 --> 00:39:01,771
Come on.
907
00:39:01,773 --> 00:39:08,011
I'm good. I think I'll just
ride the wave, my main man.
908
00:39:08,013 --> 00:39:10,046
I put my hands on you.
909
00:39:10,048 --> 00:39:12,849
Take it.
910
00:39:12,851 --> 00:39:14,117
Just not too hard.
911
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,455
Not too hard.
912
00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:23,426
Where are we?
913
00:39:23,428 --> 00:39:25,495
A strip club.
914
00:39:25,497 --> 00:39:27,564
Eighteen years in
the future.
915
00:39:27,566 --> 00:39:29,899
- Is that my wife?
- Yeah.
916
00:39:29,901 --> 00:39:32,068
You should probably
talk to her.
917
00:39:32,070 --> 00:39:35,305
I'm gonna get a beer,
maybe a dance.
918
00:39:35,307 --> 00:39:37,374
Cool.
919
00:39:37,376 --> 00:39:39,175
Hi.
Sit down.
920
00:39:39,177 --> 00:39:40,543
The show's about to start.
921
00:39:40,545 --> 00:39:42,011
- Okay.
- Okay, fellas,
922
00:39:42,013 --> 00:39:44,647
let's hear it
for Sierra!
923
00:39:44,649 --> 00:39:46,249
Whoo!
924
00:39:46,251 --> 00:39:47,517
Isn't she amazing?
925
00:39:47,519 --> 00:39:48,718
Who is that?
926
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,954
It's our beautiful baby girl.
927
00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:53,623
What the fuck?
928
00:39:53,625 --> 00:39:56,226
Whoo! Pop it, girl!
Pop that p!
929
00:39:56,228 --> 00:39:57,861
Pop it! Pop it!
930
00:39:57,863 --> 00:40:00,263
You hear me, young lady?
Pop your pussy!
931
00:40:00,265 --> 00:40:02,699
It's okay, sweetie! You don't
have to pop your pussy!
932
00:40:02,701 --> 00:40:06,269
You read all those books
and you didn't learn shit!
933
00:40:06,271 --> 00:40:08,705
You really shit the bed
as a dad!
934
00:40:09,841 --> 00:40:12,942
Here you go.
Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
935
00:40:14,513 --> 00:40:15,779
I know--
no!
936
00:40:15,781 --> 00:40:17,514
Look at my finger.
Look at my finger.
937
00:40:17,516 --> 00:40:18,882
You need to give me
a hundred bucks
938
00:40:18,884 --> 00:40:20,550
and get the fuck out of my car
right now.
939
00:40:20,552 --> 00:40:22,852
Okay! Here!
940
00:40:22,854 --> 00:40:24,387
Get out.
941
00:40:55,020 --> 00:40:57,487
I don't know what's happening.
Let's go. Let's bail.
942
00:40:57,489 --> 00:40:59,155
Turn your phone off.
You'll wake her up.
943
00:40:59,157 --> 00:41:00,590
I don't know what's happening.
944
00:41:00,592 --> 00:41:02,759
- Turn it off.
- Hello?
945
00:41:02,761 --> 00:41:04,661
Hello?
946
00:41:04,663 --> 00:41:07,530
Hey, ma. It's Chrissy-poo!
947
00:41:07,532 --> 00:41:10,233
Oh, my god! Chris!
948
00:41:10,235 --> 00:41:11,434
Hey!
949
00:41:11,436 --> 00:41:14,170
Oh, my god! Ethan!
950
00:41:15,707 --> 00:41:17,507
What are you guys
doing?
951
00:41:17,509 --> 00:41:19,909
Merry Christmas!
Surprise!
952
00:41:19,911 --> 00:41:21,778
This is...
953
00:41:21,780 --> 00:41:24,147
Are you hungry?
I can heat up some food.
954
00:41:24,149 --> 00:41:26,282
Yeah!
No, no, no.
955
00:41:26,284 --> 00:41:28,985
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
956
00:41:28,987 --> 00:41:29,986
Sweetheart.
957
00:41:29,988 --> 00:41:32,889
Oh, you smell like weed.
No.
958
00:41:32,891 --> 00:41:36,125
More meatloaf, Isaac?
959
00:41:36,127 --> 00:41:38,161
Huh? Um, no, I'm okay.
960
00:41:38,163 --> 00:41:40,897
Could I perhaps
have some more chardonnay
961
00:41:40,899 --> 00:41:43,533
to wash down
my medication, please?
962
00:41:43,535 --> 00:41:45,668
Of course.
963
00:41:51,308 --> 00:41:52,709
Thank you.
964
00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:55,912
So, Ethan, what's going on
with you?
965
00:41:55,914 --> 00:41:57,013
Uh...
966
00:41:57,015 --> 00:41:59,816
Not a lot.
Just feeling good.
967
00:41:59,818 --> 00:42:01,784
You got somebody special
in your life?
968
00:42:01,786 --> 00:42:02,952
No.
969
00:42:02,954 --> 00:42:04,754
There was a young lady
that he used to date
970
00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:06,489
that he ran into today
971
00:42:06,491 --> 00:42:08,958
that I thought
was pretty damn awesome.
972
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,261
Yeah? What happened?
It's a long story.
973
00:42:11,263 --> 00:42:13,062
Not that long.
She wanted to get serious,
974
00:42:13,064 --> 00:42:14,497
but he wouldn't meet
her parents.
975
00:42:14,499 --> 00:42:15,999
She wanted to move in,
976
00:42:16,001 --> 00:42:17,634
and you said you weren't
in the right head place
977
00:42:17,636 --> 00:42:18,868
for her to move in.
978
00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,470
That's some straight-up
bullshit.
979
00:42:20,472 --> 00:42:21,738
Give me some, ma.
980
00:42:21,740 --> 00:42:23,172
Okay, okay,
okay.
981
00:42:23,174 --> 00:42:25,108
What, are you guys
ganging up on me now?
982
00:42:25,110 --> 00:42:27,877
You like this woman?
Yeah, she's awesome,
983
00:42:27,879 --> 00:42:30,780
but there's a whole history here
that he's brushing over.
984
00:42:30,782 --> 00:42:32,382
You want her back?
985
00:42:32,384 --> 00:42:34,784
Yeah. I do.
986
00:42:34,786 --> 00:42:37,153
If you want this woman, you're
gonna have to work for her.
987
00:42:37,155 --> 00:42:41,257
But you happen to be very lucky,
because it's Christmas.
988
00:42:41,259 --> 00:42:43,927
And there's magic in the air
at Christmas.
989
00:42:43,929 --> 00:42:47,196
People's hearts are open.
People want to forgive.
990
00:42:47,198 --> 00:42:49,165
People want love.
991
00:42:49,167 --> 00:42:51,167
I'd take advantage of
that shit.
992
00:42:51,169 --> 00:42:55,104
Find the opportunity,
and seize it.
993
00:42:55,106 --> 00:42:57,307
Thank you, Mrs. Roberts.
994
00:42:57,309 --> 00:43:00,343
I almost forgot, I'm gonna
need some more headshots.
995
00:43:01,980 --> 00:43:04,414
Huh. A dick from someone
named James?
996
00:43:04,416 --> 00:43:06,849
His name is on my phone,
I must know him. Who is he?
997
00:43:08,219 --> 00:43:10,219
Do I like it?
What does that mean?
998
00:43:10,221 --> 00:43:14,290
Oh, man. Maybe it's
James mcfoley from work.
999
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,193
Holy shit.
1000
00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:20,897
This guy's a grower
and a shower.
1001
00:43:22,701 --> 00:43:25,201
Do I like it more now? Jesus.
I mean, it's a dope dick.
1002
00:43:28,139 --> 00:43:29,872
Do I want it?
1003
00:43:29,874 --> 00:43:33,910
Who wouldn't want a dick
that looks like that?
1004
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:37,347
Do I wanna suck it? Oh, man.
1005
00:43:37,349 --> 00:43:38,948
Uh...
1006
00:43:38,950 --> 00:43:40,817
I'm gonna start putting
people's last names
1007
00:43:40,819 --> 00:43:42,385
on my contacts.
1008
00:43:44,889 --> 00:43:48,458
No, I've never sucked a dick
but, well,
1009
00:43:48,460 --> 00:43:50,994
if I'm being totally honest
with myself...
1010
00:43:53,931 --> 00:43:55,465
Damn it,
why'd I tell him that?
1011
00:43:55,467 --> 00:43:57,433
This James guy is just
so easy to talk to.
1012
00:43:57,435 --> 00:43:58,668
I told him too much.
1013
00:44:01,872 --> 00:44:04,007
Man, I guess that settles it.
1014
00:44:04,009 --> 00:44:07,343
Isaac Greenberg is sucking
his first dick tonight.
1015
00:44:07,345 --> 00:44:09,746
Did he tell you that they've
named a park after him?
1016
00:44:09,748 --> 00:44:11,114
You're gonna have a park
named after you?
1017
00:44:11,116 --> 00:44:13,383
I petitioned the city,
i got the signatures
1018
00:44:13,385 --> 00:44:15,918
and now there's gonna be
the sweetest little playground
1019
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:17,520
in Brooklyn
that's named after him.
1020
00:44:17,522 --> 00:44:20,657
The park is not that nice!
There are crackheads, and--
1021
00:44:20,659 --> 00:44:22,325
sweetheart, they're gonna
clean that up.
1022
00:44:22,327 --> 00:44:24,293
We should get ready to go, guys.
We have to move.
1023
00:44:24,295 --> 00:44:26,129
We're gonna miss the party.
That's true.
1024
00:44:26,131 --> 00:44:27,997
Why don't I just wrap
all of this up?
1025
00:44:27,999 --> 00:44:30,400
You guys can take it down
to the homeless shelter.
1026
00:44:30,402 --> 00:44:33,936
It's only a few blocks away.
I'm sure they'd appreciate it.
1027
00:44:33,938 --> 00:44:35,338
You're right, mom.
1028
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:37,874
You boys are so sweet.
Thank you for coming.
1029
00:44:39,344 --> 00:44:41,244
Wanna help me in the kitchen?
Okay.
1030
00:44:41,246 --> 00:44:43,046
Thanks so much for dinner,
Mrs. Roberts.
1031
00:44:43,048 --> 00:44:45,281
You're welcome, sweetheart!
1032
00:44:45,283 --> 00:44:48,384
Dude, what the fuck
is going on with you?
1033
00:44:48,386 --> 00:44:49,786
- Are you gay?
- No!
1034
00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:51,220
Are you curious?
1035
00:44:51,222 --> 00:44:54,123
Everyone is! What does that
have to do with this?
1036
00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:56,025
I don't know.
Why are you looking up dicks?
1037
00:44:56,027 --> 00:44:58,428
Someone's sending me dicks.
Someone's sending you that?
1038
00:44:58,430 --> 00:45:00,763
Look, I'll show you. It's
a fucking conversation.
1039
00:45:00,765 --> 00:45:01,998
It's some guy named James.
1040
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:03,466
A very nice, eloquent man
named James
1041
00:45:03,468 --> 00:45:05,802
is sending me his penis. And he
wants me to suck on it.
1042
00:45:05,804 --> 00:45:07,136
I don't know what to do.
1043
00:45:07,138 --> 00:45:08,671
I'm freaking out.
Should I do it?
1044
00:45:08,673 --> 00:45:10,006
This isn't your phone, man.
1045
00:45:10,008 --> 00:45:11,641
Dude, this isn't your phone!
1046
00:45:11,643 --> 00:45:13,976
Oh, shit.
Is this Sarah's phone?
1047
00:45:13,978 --> 00:45:15,878
Oh, no.
What?
1048
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,047
She has my phone.
It's okay, man.
1049
00:45:18,049 --> 00:45:19,916
We know her.
We can get your phone back.
1050
00:45:19,918 --> 00:45:21,951
There's something bad
on my phone.
1051
00:45:21,953 --> 00:45:23,686
You gonna be around tomorrow?
1052
00:45:23,688 --> 00:45:26,789
Folks out at the church would
love to see you. Aunt would too.
1053
00:45:26,791 --> 00:45:29,025
Um, you know I'm busy, so...
1054
00:45:29,027 --> 00:45:30,893
I don't really like to do
that stuff, ma.
1055
00:45:30,895 --> 00:45:32,295
Won't take much time, boo.
1056
00:45:32,297 --> 00:45:34,564
I know. It's just I have
an early flight,
1057
00:45:34,566 --> 00:45:37,633
and I feel bad that I have
to run back to work so fast.
1058
00:45:37,635 --> 00:45:39,335
I just got so much stuff
going on.
1059
00:45:39,337 --> 00:45:41,671
I'm a celebrity now.
I got appearances.
1060
00:45:41,673 --> 00:45:43,673
I got all kinds of stuff
i have to do, ma.
1061
00:45:43,675 --> 00:45:46,342
I can't just be
lollygagging around
1062
00:45:46,344 --> 00:45:48,144
and meeting old people.
1063
00:45:49,313 --> 00:45:50,413
I love you.
1064
00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:52,882
Betsy is gonna get that tape
from Sarah
1065
00:45:52,884 --> 00:45:54,751
and she's gonna freak
the fuck out.
1066
00:45:54,753 --> 00:45:56,886
Why? Why would Betsy
get the tape?
1067
00:45:56,888 --> 00:46:00,156
Because I put cocaine blood
into her fucking drink.
1068
00:46:00,158 --> 00:46:02,058
And no one wants to drink
cocaine blood.
1069
00:46:02,060 --> 00:46:03,993
Yeah. I'm gonna call her.
1070
00:46:03,995 --> 00:46:06,062
How do you know her number?
It's your number.
1071
00:46:06,064 --> 00:46:07,630
I'm trusting you on this.
1072
00:46:07,632 --> 00:46:09,932
I don't understand what's
happening. Where are we?
1073
00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:11,768
Sarah has your phone.
So I'm calling it.
1074
00:46:11,770 --> 00:46:13,336
Where are we right now?
1075
00:46:13,338 --> 00:46:14,937
We're at Chris' house.
1076
00:46:14,939 --> 00:46:18,474
What the fuck?
You just stay calm, all right?
1077
00:46:18,476 --> 00:46:20,610
It'll be okay.
Oh, yeah.
1078
00:46:20,612 --> 00:46:21,811
Oh, yeah.
1079
00:46:21,813 --> 00:46:23,312
You like that?
1080
00:46:23,314 --> 00:46:25,882
Okay. Here's the bad news.
1081
00:46:25,884 --> 00:46:27,283
She didn't pick up.
What?
1082
00:46:27,285 --> 00:46:29,619
- Everything's fine!
- I bit my tongue!
1083
00:46:29,621 --> 00:46:31,020
That boy need Jesus.
1084
00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:32,421
He needs something.
1085
00:46:32,423 --> 00:46:34,223
It's gonna be okay.
1086
00:46:34,225 --> 00:46:36,826
You know what I'm gonna do? Use
find my iPhone, find the phone.
1087
00:46:36,828 --> 00:46:39,095
It's loading. There it is!
It's in midtown.
1088
00:46:39,097 --> 00:46:40,496
Your phone's in midtown.
1089
00:46:40,498 --> 00:46:41,798
It's all good.
Ha!
1090
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:42,999
Okay. All right.
1091
00:46:43,001 --> 00:46:44,600
So here's the thing.
1092
00:46:44,602 --> 00:46:47,370
We're gonna go to the party,
because Sarah's going.
1093
00:46:47,372 --> 00:46:48,571
Guys, let's go.
1094
00:46:48,573 --> 00:46:50,406
You be safe.
Guys, be careful.
1095
00:46:50,408 --> 00:46:52,408
Let's go, guys!
1096
00:46:52,410 --> 00:46:55,278
Let me get you a bag. You're
gonna need a bag. Wait up!
1097
00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:56,979
This guy's dick
is off the charts.
1098
00:46:56,981 --> 00:46:58,981
Yo, it's your man c-rob
coming at you live
1099
00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:00,416
from outside
the homeless shelter.
1100
00:47:00,418 --> 00:47:02,251
We delivering turkeys
to homeless people
1101
00:47:02,253 --> 00:47:04,387
'cause it's the giving season
and they be gobbling,
1102
00:47:04,389 --> 00:47:07,056
you know what I mean? If
you're in the season of giving,
1103
00:47:07,058 --> 00:47:09,358
hit me up @chrisrob11,
hashtag "selfless giving."
1104
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,961
And remember, it's not a good
deed if no one knows about it.
1105
00:47:11,963 --> 00:47:14,797
I got another dick, dude!
Uh, drink red bull.
1106
00:47:14,799 --> 00:47:17,667
Oh, shit. Look, man,
it's her!
1107
00:47:17,669 --> 00:47:21,103
It's the super fan,
sex maniac that stole my weed.
1108
00:47:21,105 --> 00:47:23,606
Come on, let's follow her.
No, we're not gonna follow her.
1109
00:47:23,608 --> 00:47:25,775
Let's just drop off the food
and go to the party!
1110
00:47:25,777 --> 00:47:28,711
Shit! Look! Now she's stealing
from homeless people!
1111
00:47:28,713 --> 00:47:30,213
That's not right!
1112
00:47:30,215 --> 00:47:32,381
Now, I'm going to
teach her a lesson.
Okay.
1113
00:47:32,383 --> 00:47:35,184
Hey! Did you steal my weed?
1114
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:38,154
Uh, no.
We just saw you
1115
00:47:38,156 --> 00:47:41,023
rob some homeless people
and I'm missing my weed, so...
1116
00:47:41,025 --> 00:47:43,359
You got me,
i stole your weed.
1117
00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:47,663
But I told you right away that
I'm kind of a grinch. Okay?
1118
00:47:47,665 --> 00:47:49,298
Aah!
Oh.
1119
00:47:49,300 --> 00:47:51,901
Eat me, sheep.
You're an actual grinch.
1120
00:47:51,903 --> 00:47:53,269
You're like
the mayor of whoville.
1121
00:47:53,271 --> 00:47:54,971
I'm building
a body of work.
1122
00:47:54,973 --> 00:47:56,839
I'm following in the path
of my Christmas heroes:
1123
00:47:56,841 --> 00:48:01,043
The grinch, the sticky bandits,
hans gruber from die hard.
1124
00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:03,512
I walked by you
and I heard you going on
1125
00:48:03,514 --> 00:48:05,147
about your Christmas plans
1126
00:48:05,149 --> 00:48:08,851
and you're this football douche
and I Google you...
1127
00:48:08,853 --> 00:48:11,587
Jackpot!
I pretend to be a fan,
1128
00:48:11,589 --> 00:48:13,055
we have sex, yaas.
1129
00:48:13,057 --> 00:48:14,557
And then I stole your weed.
1130
00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:16,692
You don't steal
from people on Christmas.
1131
00:48:16,694 --> 00:48:18,127
I just want my weed back.
1132
00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:19,929
You're really cute
when you get mad.
1133
00:48:19,931 --> 00:48:21,330
That's cute.
1134
00:48:21,332 --> 00:48:23,065
This is the thing
i didn't expect.
1135
00:48:23,067 --> 00:48:25,001
To fucking like you,
dude.
1136
00:48:25,003 --> 00:48:27,103
You are so funny
1137
00:48:27,105 --> 00:48:29,772
and talented, and handsome.
1138
00:48:29,774 --> 00:48:32,608
And easy. My god, dude!
1139
00:48:32,610 --> 00:48:34,076
Hey!
1140
00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:36,479
I'm gonna fucking catch--
1141
00:48:38,716 --> 00:48:39,982
later, sucka!
1142
00:48:39,984 --> 00:48:41,217
She home alone'd me!
1143
00:48:41,219 --> 00:48:42,785
Are these micro machines?
1144
00:48:42,787 --> 00:48:43,986
Wow!
Let's go.
1145
00:48:43,988 --> 00:48:45,454
Girl's a genius.
1146
00:48:45,456 --> 00:48:48,524
Josh, hit the gas! Go!
We got to catch that girl!
1147
00:48:48,526 --> 00:48:51,260
Go down to the corner and make a
right! Hurry up, man! Chase her!
1148
00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:53,729
Who?
The girl who stole
my weed! Hurry up!
1149
00:48:53,731 --> 00:48:55,131
She stole your weed?
Yeah.
1150
00:48:55,133 --> 00:48:56,933
That fucking bitch.
I'm gonna kill her.
1151
00:48:56,935 --> 00:48:58,534
Go get her, baby!
1152
00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:01,771
Not so fast!
1153
00:49:06,743 --> 00:49:08,477
Guys, my iPhone's that way!
1154
00:49:08,479 --> 00:49:11,180
We got to find my iPhone! It's
the other direction! Wait!
1155
00:49:12,249 --> 00:49:14,583
Slow down!
Speed up! Don't slow down!
1156
00:49:14,585 --> 00:49:16,585
If you're my guy,
you won't slow down!
1157
00:49:16,587 --> 00:49:17,920
Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
1158
00:49:17,922 --> 00:49:19,455
Let's go.
1159
00:49:23,927 --> 00:49:25,695
There she is! There she is!
1160
00:49:25,697 --> 00:49:28,297
We got her! We got her!
1161
00:49:28,299 --> 00:49:30,099
Red light, red light!
1162
00:49:30,101 --> 00:49:32,601
No! You run that light!
Are you my guy?
1163
00:49:32,603 --> 00:49:34,003
I'm your guy.
1164
00:49:34,005 --> 00:49:36,405
Give me your hand!
Run through that light, baby!
1165
00:49:44,481 --> 00:49:49,485
Oh, I fucked up.
I fucked up.
1166
00:49:49,487 --> 00:49:51,754
I'm sorry.
1167
00:49:51,756 --> 00:49:53,189
Oh!
1168
00:49:53,191 --> 00:49:55,391
Are we alive?
Yeah.
1169
00:49:55,393 --> 00:49:58,160
Look. Look, it's a sleigh.
We can still get her.
1170
00:49:58,162 --> 00:50:00,096
No. Let's just go
to the party, okay?
1171
00:50:00,098 --> 00:50:01,464
We're going
on a sleigh ride!
1172
00:50:01,466 --> 00:50:03,099
No! We're not going
on a sleigh ride.
1173
00:50:03,101 --> 00:50:04,500
Come on, Joshua!
1174
00:50:07,105 --> 00:50:08,671
Shotgun!
1175
00:50:08,673 --> 00:50:10,373
Shotgun!
1176
00:50:10,375 --> 00:50:12,908
Hurry up. You guys know
this can't
possibly work.
1177
00:50:12,910 --> 00:50:14,343
Of course it'll work!
1178
00:50:14,345 --> 00:50:16,212
Let's get that grinch!
Let's find my phone!
1179
00:50:16,214 --> 00:50:18,047
Mush, motherfucker!
Aah!
1180
00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:26,989
I'm stuck!
1181
00:50:26,991 --> 00:50:28,657
My hands are stuck!
1182
00:50:29,994 --> 00:50:31,394
No, no, no!
1183
00:50:31,396 --> 00:50:32,595
Fuck!
1184
00:50:33,997 --> 00:50:35,398
Shit, shit, shit!
1185
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:37,633
Unh!
1186
00:50:37,635 --> 00:50:39,301
Dude!
1187
00:50:39,303 --> 00:50:41,270
What happened just now?
1188
00:50:41,272 --> 00:50:42,872
He's okay. He looks okay.
1189
00:50:42,874 --> 00:50:45,141
We have to go! She went this
way! Let's go get this weed!
1190
00:50:45,143 --> 00:50:46,809
No. Forget about
the weed, man!
1191
00:50:46,811 --> 00:50:49,145
We're not gonna split up now.
Let's go to the party.
1192
00:50:49,147 --> 00:50:50,546
No. You don't understand,
man!
1193
00:50:50,548 --> 00:50:52,181
It's really important!
It's for Tommy.
1194
00:50:52,183 --> 00:50:53,416
It's not important!
1195
00:50:53,418 --> 00:50:54,817
I'll meet you
at the f train!
1196
00:50:54,819 --> 00:50:56,052
You fucking believe
this guy?
1197
00:50:57,288 --> 00:50:58,687
My phone! It's close!
I got to go!
1198
00:50:58,689 --> 00:51:01,290
No. Listen to me.
No. You listen to me.
1199
00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:04,126
If I die, they will play
this video at my funeral!
1200
00:51:04,128 --> 00:51:06,162
Okay! You're on drugs!
Yes!
1201
00:51:06,164 --> 00:51:07,763
You're not making sense!
No!
1202
00:51:07,765 --> 00:51:09,265
Trust me.
Okay.
1203
00:51:09,267 --> 00:51:12,134
We're gonna stick together.
And go to the party.
1204
00:51:12,136 --> 00:51:13,369
I'll meet you at the f train!
1205
00:51:13,371 --> 00:51:16,172
No! Dude! What the fuck!
1206
00:51:17,274 --> 00:51:18,641
This is crazy.
1207
00:51:18,643 --> 00:51:22,244
Oh, come on.
How does this fucking work?
1208
00:51:22,246 --> 00:51:24,413
This is so confusing.
1209
00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:26,015
Fuck!
1210
00:51:26,017 --> 00:51:27,416
My eyes aren't working.
1211
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,618
What asshole
invented this stupid thing?
1212
00:51:33,757 --> 00:51:37,259
- Hey, man. Excuse me.
- Hey. How's it going?
1213
00:51:37,261 --> 00:51:38,894
I'm Isaac.
Hi, Isaac.
1214
00:51:38,896 --> 00:51:40,563
I hate to bug you.
1215
00:51:40,565 --> 00:51:43,799
I lost my phone, and I'm using
this app to try to find it.
1216
00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:46,469
I'm kind of having a hard time.
It's confusing me a little bit.
1217
00:51:46,471 --> 00:51:48,070
You think you can maybe
help me out?
1218
00:51:48,072 --> 00:51:49,472
Sure, hold my cane
for a second.
1219
00:51:49,474 --> 00:51:52,908
Awesome. Sure, I'll hold
your cane.
1220
00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:54,410
Hey, merry Christmas,
Isaac.
1221
00:51:54,412 --> 00:51:56,378
Merry Christmas
to you too, man.
1222
00:51:56,380 --> 00:51:57,546
Thanks.
1223
00:51:57,548 --> 00:51:59,682
I've been having
a pretty crazy night.
1224
00:51:59,684 --> 00:52:03,052
I'm gonna level with you, I'm
a little fucked up right now.
1225
00:52:03,054 --> 00:52:05,588
No way. You don't say?
Yeah.
1226
00:52:05,590 --> 00:52:07,890
What's your name?
Spencer.
1227
00:52:07,892 --> 00:52:09,425
That's my family over there.
1228
00:52:09,427 --> 00:52:11,527
Hi! I'm Isaac,
nice to meet you.
1229
00:52:11,529 --> 00:52:13,863
- What's up, man?
- Hey.
1230
00:52:13,865 --> 00:52:15,664
You have dogs.
1231
00:52:15,666 --> 00:52:17,833
Can I pet them?
Go ahead. They're fine.
1232
00:52:17,835 --> 00:52:20,136
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.
1233
00:52:20,138 --> 00:52:22,404
- Hi, guys.
- What's up, Isaac?
1234
00:52:22,406 --> 00:52:24,373
Come on and give us a pat.
1235
00:52:24,375 --> 00:52:26,308
Oh my god, they talk!
1236
00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:27,843
Of course. All dogs can talk.
1237
00:52:27,845 --> 00:52:30,179
- There's another one.
- That tickles.
1238
00:52:30,181 --> 00:52:31,580
Oh, hi. I love you.
1239
00:52:31,582 --> 00:52:32,781
Isaac?
1240
00:52:34,684 --> 00:52:35,885
Betsy!
1241
00:52:35,887 --> 00:52:37,286
Oh, shit.
1242
00:52:39,624 --> 00:52:41,223
Hi.
1243
00:52:41,225 --> 00:52:43,192
Wow.
1244
00:52:43,194 --> 00:52:45,094
Hi.
Hi.
1245
00:52:45,096 --> 00:52:46,729
Okay.
1246
00:52:46,731 --> 00:52:49,098
I never wanna let go.
1247
00:52:49,100 --> 00:52:50,599
What's happening?
1248
00:52:50,601 --> 00:52:52,401
What are you doing here
right now?
1249
00:52:52,403 --> 00:52:54,803
What were you doing
in the nativity scene?
1250
00:52:54,805 --> 00:52:56,772
I was hanging out
with Spencer and his family.
1251
00:52:56,774 --> 00:52:58,741
They're really beautiful people.
Spencer?
1252
00:52:58,743 --> 00:53:00,709
They're great people.
They're interracial.
1253
00:53:00,711 --> 00:53:02,845
Why do you have a staff,
honey?
1254
00:53:02,847 --> 00:53:05,114
What's happening right now?
Where are we now?
1255
00:53:05,116 --> 00:53:06,682
This is the church.
Do you remember?
1256
00:53:06,684 --> 00:53:08,584
You're here for that?
Yes.
1257
00:53:08,586 --> 00:53:10,886
And I'm just telling you right
now that you need to go
1258
00:53:10,888 --> 00:53:13,822
because my family is
paying for the cab right now.
1259
00:53:13,824 --> 00:53:16,258
So you need to get out of here
before they show up.
1260
00:53:16,260 --> 00:53:17,660
Your family is coming?
Yeah.
1261
00:53:17,662 --> 00:53:19,695
So maybe go run the other way.
Where should I go?
1262
00:53:19,697 --> 00:53:21,697
Just fucking go
before they get here. Go.
1263
00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:24,233
I love you. Okay?
I love you.
1264
00:53:24,235 --> 00:53:26,735
Okay. I love you. Bye.
All right, bye.
1265
00:53:26,737 --> 00:53:28,504
That's very sweet. Bye.
1266
00:53:28,506 --> 00:53:30,739
What are you coming back for?
Just go that way!
1267
00:53:30,741 --> 00:53:32,074
I don't know where--
1268
00:53:32,076 --> 00:53:34,043
no, no, no!
Not inside the church.
1269
00:53:34,045 --> 00:53:35,311
Go, go, go.
1270
00:53:35,313 --> 00:53:36,579
Get the fuck out of here.
1271
00:53:36,581 --> 00:53:39,048
Wait. I know them. Hi!
Hi.
1272
00:53:39,050 --> 00:53:40,649
Hi!
1273
00:53:40,651 --> 00:53:42,952
Oh, my god! Look at you guys.
It's so good to see you!
1274
00:53:42,954 --> 00:53:44,653
What a hat.
1275
00:53:44,655 --> 00:53:46,922
Why don't you come join us?
Come on in for midnight mass.
1276
00:53:46,924 --> 00:53:49,091
Oh, no. I don't think
that's a good idea.
1277
00:53:49,093 --> 00:53:50,593
Why not?
1278
00:53:50,595 --> 00:53:52,461
He's hanging out with
his friends tonight.
1279
00:53:52,463 --> 00:53:54,196
Right, Isaac?
I don't see anybody.
1280
00:53:54,198 --> 00:53:55,764
I don't know where they are
right now.
1281
00:53:55,766 --> 00:53:58,033
Come sit with us.
I've never been in a church.
1282
00:53:58,035 --> 00:53:59,235
Come on.
1283
00:53:59,237 --> 00:54:00,803
Okay. Yeah?
1284
00:54:00,805 --> 00:54:03,105
Yeah. Great! I'll see you
in there!
1285
00:54:03,107 --> 00:54:04,607
Let's go to midnight mass
together.
1286
00:54:04,609 --> 00:54:07,910
Okay. Yeah, if you say so.
1287
00:54:07,912 --> 00:54:09,445
Save us a seat.
1288
00:54:09,447 --> 00:54:11,247
How fucked up are you
right now?
1289
00:54:12,816 --> 00:54:15,384
I'm not fucked up at all,
Betsy. I'm your rock.
1290
00:54:15,386 --> 00:54:17,653
You look like a crack rock.
I'm not.
1291
00:54:17,655 --> 00:54:19,421
Don't say that.
Are you mad at me?
1292
00:54:19,423 --> 00:54:21,590
No, just walk normal, please.
I'm walking normal.
1293
00:54:21,592 --> 00:54:23,225
No, you're not.
1294
00:54:23,227 --> 00:54:25,828
Don't put it there, Isaac.
1295
00:54:25,830 --> 00:54:27,229
And it's gone.
1296
00:54:27,231 --> 00:54:29,365
Hi. Merry Christmas.
1297
00:54:35,773 --> 00:54:37,806
Are you giving birth to piss?
1298
00:54:37,808 --> 00:54:41,110
Oh, my god. I'm just trying
not to shit my pants.
1299
00:54:41,112 --> 00:54:42,745
- You should.
- I should?
1300
00:54:42,747 --> 00:54:44,513
You should just do it. Why not?
1301
00:54:44,515 --> 00:54:46,482
I should just drop a deuce
in my shorts.
1302
00:54:46,484 --> 00:54:47,683
Just do it!
1303
00:54:47,685 --> 00:54:49,351
That's great.
Two more assholes
1304
00:54:49,353 --> 00:54:51,120
that don't give a fuck
about Christmas.
1305
00:54:51,122 --> 00:54:52,321
What?
1306
00:54:52,323 --> 00:54:53,555
What are you guys doing?
1307
00:54:53,557 --> 00:54:55,557
Santa pub crawl, bro!
1308
00:54:55,559 --> 00:54:59,395
Guys, Santa claus is
a very meaningful thing
1309
00:54:59,397 --> 00:55:00,829
to a lot of people.
1310
00:55:00,831 --> 00:55:02,931
A lot of children!
1311
00:55:02,933 --> 00:55:04,366
Here's the thing, man.
1312
00:55:04,368 --> 00:55:06,502
For those kids,
they're living a fucking lie!
1313
00:55:06,504 --> 00:55:09,405
Yeah. Spoiler alert:
Santa's not real,
1314
00:55:09,407 --> 00:55:11,974
you pricky infant.
This is a costume!
1315
00:55:11,976 --> 00:55:16,178
But when you put on that costume
and you portray Santa claus,
1316
00:55:16,180 --> 00:55:21,116
you're taking a solemn oath
to represent certain values
1317
00:55:21,118 --> 00:55:22,718
that it represents!
1318
00:55:22,720 --> 00:55:25,888
You know who you remind me of?
One of my angry elves.
1319
00:55:25,890 --> 00:55:28,157
Fuck! No. Look,
don't call me an elf.
1320
00:55:28,159 --> 00:55:29,625
You got him
with that one, Santa.
1321
00:55:29,627 --> 00:55:31,560
Fuck you, "don't call me
an elf!" Motherfucker!
1322
00:55:31,562 --> 00:55:33,562
Get back to the workshop!
You work for us, elf!
1323
00:55:33,564 --> 00:55:36,365
Go back to the workshop, elf!
1324
00:55:36,367 --> 00:55:39,335
This little elf
has no friends on Christmas.
1325
00:55:39,337 --> 00:55:41,203
My friends
are just down there.
1326
00:55:41,205 --> 00:55:44,707
Where are they? We're friends.
We even dressed the same,
1327
00:55:44,709 --> 00:55:47,676
but you, you're all alone,
just like a fucking dum-dum.
1328
00:55:47,678 --> 00:55:50,112
Oh, my god.
Are you gonna cry? Aw.
1329
00:55:50,114 --> 00:55:52,881
Did mommy and daddy
leave you alone on Christmas?
1330
00:55:52,883 --> 00:55:54,583
Oh, shit!
1331
00:55:54,585 --> 00:55:57,953
That's for disrespecting
the spirit of Christmas!
1332
00:56:01,291 --> 00:56:02,691
Oh, fuck.
1333
00:56:04,394 --> 00:56:06,061
Fuck you!
1334
00:56:06,063 --> 00:56:08,697
Man, this really feels like
it's about something else here.
1335
00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:11,266
It's about this and only this!
Nothing else!
1336
00:56:11,268 --> 00:56:13,268
I think you're sublimating, man.
1337
00:56:13,270 --> 00:56:14,803
I do not wanna hurt you, man.
1338
00:56:14,805 --> 00:56:17,439
No, no, no. I wanna hurt him.
He sucker-punched me.
1339
00:56:20,378 --> 00:56:22,111
You fucking frat boys!
1340
00:56:22,113 --> 00:56:24,046
I'm an orthopedic surgeon.
1341
00:56:24,048 --> 00:56:26,081
I teach third grade, bitch!
1342
00:56:26,083 --> 00:56:29,084
I shape our nation's youth!
1343
00:56:29,086 --> 00:56:33,155
What is with this holiday? It
just fucks with people's heads.
1344
00:56:34,925 --> 00:56:37,493
This needs to be important
to you.
1345
00:56:37,495 --> 00:56:39,361
It's ringing.
Okay.
1346
00:56:45,702 --> 00:56:46,902
Hey.
1347
00:56:46,904 --> 00:56:48,670
Hey! Hi!
1348
00:56:48,672 --> 00:56:52,875
Uh, does Isaac have
Sarah's phone by any chance?
1349
00:56:52,877 --> 00:56:55,477
Yeah, he has it.
1350
00:56:55,479 --> 00:56:56,879
He has it.
Thank god.
1351
00:56:56,881 --> 00:56:58,046
So relax.
1352
00:56:58,048 --> 00:57:00,182
There is some very sensitive
information on there.
1353
00:57:00,184 --> 00:57:02,718
It's incredibly sensitive.
Wow, what's on the phone?
1354
00:57:02,720 --> 00:57:04,353
You don't need to know.
1355
00:57:04,355 --> 00:57:06,955
How's the party? Is it as dumb
as you thought it'd be?
1356
00:57:06,957 --> 00:57:09,625
Actually, it's kind of amazing.
It's really fun,
1357
00:57:09,627 --> 00:57:12,494
and you should get here.
Quickly.
1358
00:57:12,496 --> 00:57:13,896
What? Huh?
1359
00:57:13,898 --> 00:57:14,963
Really?
1360
00:57:14,965 --> 00:57:17,733
You want me to come there?
To see you?
1361
00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:20,135
That's what I'm saying.
Come on!
1362
00:57:20,137 --> 00:57:21,670
Do you like him again?
1363
00:57:21,672 --> 00:57:23,238
Can we not have
that conversation
1364
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:24,506
right now?
I'm just saying.
1365
00:57:24,508 --> 00:57:25,741
Okay.
1366
00:57:25,743 --> 00:57:27,609
Okay. We'll see you soon.
1367
00:57:31,014 --> 00:57:33,749
Give us this day
our daily bread
1368
00:57:33,751 --> 00:57:36,151
and forgive us our trespasses
1369
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:39,488
shh, shh, shh.
1370
00:57:39,490 --> 00:57:41,490
I'm praying.
I think that's a Jewish thing.
1371
00:57:41,492 --> 00:57:43,192
I can't do that here?
No.
1372
00:57:43,194 --> 00:57:45,060
It's the same god.
Mm-mm.
1373
00:57:45,062 --> 00:57:46,728
I did it.
1374
00:57:46,730 --> 00:57:48,163
What's everyone doing?
1375
00:57:48,165 --> 00:57:49,832
Sit. Sit.
1376
00:57:49,834 --> 00:57:51,934
Sit down.
1377
00:57:53,404 --> 00:57:55,671
This is so cool.
Shh, whisper.
1378
00:57:55,673 --> 00:57:58,073
Are we supposed to participate?
No.
1379
00:57:58,075 --> 00:57:59,374
Hallelu!
1380
00:57:59,376 --> 00:58:00,876
No. Not that kind
of church.
1381
00:58:00,878 --> 00:58:02,110
No?
1382
00:58:02,112 --> 00:58:04,446
You're my rock, right?
Can you be my rock?
1383
00:58:04,448 --> 00:58:06,415
Because you're acting
like a weird pebble.
1384
00:58:06,417 --> 00:58:07,950
Okay. I think I'm good.
1385
00:58:07,952 --> 00:58:09,151
Be a rock.
1386
00:58:19,896 --> 00:58:21,930
Fuck you.
1387
00:58:21,932 --> 00:58:24,099
What's up with
this fucking kid over here?
1388
00:58:24,101 --> 00:58:25,300
What?
1389
00:58:25,302 --> 00:58:26,702
What's this kid doing?
1390
00:58:28,171 --> 00:58:29,872
Look over there.
1391
00:58:29,874 --> 00:58:33,075
Look away, dude. Look away!
1392
00:58:33,077 --> 00:58:34,710
Stop.
1393
00:58:34,712 --> 00:58:37,513
Please don't hiss at a kid.
He's fucking with me.
1394
00:58:37,515 --> 00:58:39,281
I don't think
he's talking to you at all.
1395
00:58:40,584 --> 00:58:41,984
Who's that guy?
1396
00:58:41,986 --> 00:58:42,985
What guy?
1397
00:58:42,987 --> 00:58:44,386
The guy on the cross.
Jesus!
1398
00:58:44,388 --> 00:58:45,587
Oh, Jesus.
Stop it.
1399
00:58:45,589 --> 00:58:46,989
Oh, Jesus Christ.
1400
00:58:46,991 --> 00:58:48,891
Is that what they think
we did to him?
Yeah.
1401
00:58:48,893 --> 00:58:50,359
Can you tell I'm Jewish?
Yes.
1402
00:58:50,361 --> 00:58:51,560
How?
Your fucking sweater.
1403
00:58:52,796 --> 00:58:54,730
I'm sorry.
Isaac, stop talking.
1404
00:58:58,536 --> 00:58:59,935
Isaac. Isaac,
what are you doing?
1405
00:58:59,937 --> 00:59:02,905
Don't throw up.
Don't you throw up here.
1406
00:59:02,907 --> 00:59:04,640
Swallow it
like a girl would.
1407
00:59:04,642 --> 00:59:06,141
Swallow it.
1408
00:59:06,143 --> 00:59:08,577
Did you do it?
Let me see your mouth.
1409
00:59:08,579 --> 00:59:10,445
Ahh--
don't throw up on me.
1410
00:59:10,447 --> 00:59:11,713
Where's the barf bag?
1411
00:59:11,715 --> 00:59:12,915
There's no barf bags!
1412
00:59:12,917 --> 00:59:15,183
Stop it! No, stop it, Isaac!
1413
00:59:20,491 --> 00:59:22,658
Jesus fucking Christ!
1414
00:59:24,562 --> 00:59:27,496
He just threw up.
Yeah.
1415
00:59:27,498 --> 00:59:29,798
Oh, Jesus, fuck me. Oh...
1416
00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:34,736
Is it still happening?
It's still happening a little.
1417
00:59:38,809 --> 00:59:41,310
We did not kill Jesus!
1418
00:59:41,312 --> 00:59:43,312
We did not do that!
1419
00:59:54,023 --> 00:59:55,691
Give me my weed, you grinch!
1420
00:59:59,429 --> 01:00:00,929
Shit!
1421
01:00:07,370 --> 01:00:08,770
Come on!
1422
01:00:26,522 --> 01:00:27,956
Fuck!
1423
01:00:31,294 --> 01:00:32,494
What the fuck are you doing?
1424
01:00:32,496 --> 01:00:34,096
No, what are you doing, man?
1425
01:00:34,098 --> 01:00:36,632
You have friends who want to
spend the holidays with you.
1426
01:00:36,634 --> 01:00:38,133
You're lucky you have that.
1427
01:00:38,135 --> 01:00:40,535
You need to appreciate that
before you lose them.
1428
01:00:40,537 --> 01:00:44,473
That's your Christmas lesson.
That's why I'm taking this shit.
1429
01:00:44,475 --> 01:00:46,675
My boy hans gruber died
like this.
1430
01:00:48,946 --> 01:00:50,145
No!
1431
01:01:11,434 --> 01:01:13,235
What the hell?
1432
01:01:15,371 --> 01:01:16,772
- Help!
- Isaac.
1433
01:01:16,774 --> 01:01:18,140
What you doing, man?
Thank god!
1434
01:01:18,142 --> 01:01:19,775
Dude, we've got to get
to this party,
1435
01:01:19,777 --> 01:01:21,176
or I'm gonna get
fucking divorced.
1436
01:01:21,178 --> 01:01:22,744
Help me.
How does this thing work?
1437
01:01:22,746 --> 01:01:24,579
You got to use your metrocard.
Go this way.
1438
01:01:24,581 --> 01:01:26,314
- Do it, do it, do it.
- Wait.
1439
01:01:26,316 --> 01:01:27,816
All right. Go.
1440
01:01:29,019 --> 01:01:30,419
Did you get the weed back?
1441
01:01:30,421 --> 01:01:32,154
Shit got weird.
I don't wanna talk about it.
1442
01:01:32,156 --> 01:01:33,889
Did you get
your phone back?
1443
01:01:33,891 --> 01:01:36,058
No. Not at all.
That's a long story. Look. Hey!
1444
01:01:36,060 --> 01:01:37,893
Oh, shit! What the fuck
happened to you?
1445
01:01:37,895 --> 01:01:39,828
I got beat up
by a couple of Santa clauses.
1446
01:01:39,830 --> 01:01:41,730
You got beat up?
1447
01:01:41,732 --> 01:01:45,133
Fuck. When?
When? You know,
1448
01:01:45,135 --> 01:01:47,803
a little bit after
you guys ran off without me.
1449
01:01:47,805 --> 01:01:49,004
But why did they
beat you up?
1450
01:01:49,006 --> 01:01:50,405
I don't know
why they beat me up!
1451
01:01:50,407 --> 01:01:52,274
Did they mug you?
Did they take the tickets?
1452
01:01:52,276 --> 01:01:54,109
No, they didn't
take the fucking tickets!
1453
01:01:54,111 --> 01:01:56,078
Then why would they do it?
I don't know.
1454
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,413
You don't know?
Did they say anything?
1455
01:01:58,415 --> 01:02:00,482
They're just a couple
of drunk assholes!
1456
01:02:00,484 --> 01:02:03,618
Look, it wouldn't have happened
if you guys didn't bail on me.
1457
01:02:03,620 --> 01:02:05,387
What the fuck is that?
1458
01:02:05,389 --> 01:02:07,923
- Don't do this now.
- Please don't do this now!
1459
01:02:07,925 --> 01:02:09,925
So what's up with you, man?
Why are you mad at us?
1460
01:02:09,927 --> 01:02:12,260
Why you blame everything bad
that happens to you on us?
1461
01:02:12,262 --> 01:02:14,529
I'm just saying this is the
last chance we get to do this,
1462
01:02:14,531 --> 01:02:16,364
and you guys are so wrapped up
in your own shit
1463
01:02:16,366 --> 01:02:18,467
you don't care about Christmas.
What does that even mean?
1464
01:02:18,469 --> 01:02:20,869
When was the last time
you checked your phone, Chris?
1465
01:02:20,871 --> 01:02:22,537
Are you sure
one of your famous friends
1466
01:02:22,539 --> 01:02:25,006
isn't trying to get ahold of
you, to fetch him something?
1467
01:02:25,008 --> 01:02:26,708
You used to hate guys
like that.
1468
01:02:26,710 --> 01:02:28,076
I get it.
I get some success.
1469
01:02:28,078 --> 01:02:30,212
I get some new friends
and you're jealous.
1470
01:02:30,214 --> 01:02:32,280
Look at you.
So you're a success?
1471
01:02:32,282 --> 01:02:34,449
You want to talk about
your newfound success?
1472
01:02:34,451 --> 01:02:35,851
I don't need to.
1473
01:02:35,853 --> 01:02:37,552
You don't think we see
through that shit?
1474
01:02:37,554 --> 01:02:39,788
See through what? Let's talk.
What do you see, Isaac?
1475
01:02:39,790 --> 01:02:41,022
I don't see through anything.
1476
01:02:41,024 --> 01:02:42,824
You're 34 years old.
1477
01:02:42,826 --> 01:02:44,926
Most professional athletes
retire right now,
1478
01:02:44,928 --> 01:02:47,162
but you just got good.
How is that?
1479
01:02:47,164 --> 01:02:48,363
Practice.
1480
01:02:48,365 --> 01:02:50,298
I told you. It was a new diet.
A new regimen.
1481
01:02:50,300 --> 01:02:53,001
A new regimen?
That's what you call it?
1482
01:02:53,003 --> 01:02:54,936
Yeah, that's what I call it.
What you call it?
1483
01:02:54,938 --> 01:02:56,938
I think I call it putting
a needle in your ass.
1484
01:02:56,940 --> 01:02:59,775
That's what I call it.
Okay. Fine.
1485
01:02:59,777 --> 01:03:01,910
I'm on steroids, now what?
1486
01:03:01,912 --> 01:03:04,546
Newsflash: Everybody's
on steroids!
1487
01:03:04,548 --> 01:03:05,881
You're a cheater.
1488
01:03:05,883 --> 01:03:07,582
At least I'm doing something
with my life.
1489
01:03:07,584 --> 01:03:10,452
What about you? Sitting around
wasting your fucking life away.
1490
01:03:10,454 --> 01:03:12,154
No girlfriend, no money.
1491
01:03:12,156 --> 01:03:16,324
Dude, you make music
that people have never heard.
1492
01:03:16,326 --> 01:03:17,993
It's the saddest shit
I've ever seen!
1493
01:03:17,995 --> 01:03:19,861
Are you fucking serious?
1494
01:03:19,863 --> 01:03:21,329
You need to get your
life together. Tell him.
1495
01:03:21,331 --> 01:03:23,999
You shut up!
You're ruining my trip!
1496
01:03:24,001 --> 01:03:25,667
It's really fucked up.
1497
01:03:25,669 --> 01:03:28,804
Fuck this! Going to
the best party of my life,
1498
01:03:28,806 --> 01:03:30,138
and I'm not wearing some
1499
01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:33,441
pseudo-racist,
fake-ass acrylic sweater!
1500
01:03:33,443 --> 01:03:36,044
Don't take off that sweater!
I'm taking the sweater off!
1501
01:03:36,046 --> 01:03:38,246
Don't take off the sweater.
Put the sweater back on!
1502
01:03:38,248 --> 01:03:40,115
I'm taking
the fucking sweater off!
1503
01:03:41,450 --> 01:03:42,851
Stupid.
1504
01:04:13,749 --> 01:04:15,517
May I help you?
1505
01:04:15,519 --> 01:04:16,918
Uh...
1506
01:04:16,920 --> 01:04:20,622
I have, uh,
these tickets.
1507
01:04:32,668 --> 01:04:34,069
Come with me.
1508
01:04:41,477 --> 01:04:42,878
Come on.
1509
01:04:46,382 --> 01:04:47,582
Get in there.
1510
01:05:17,113 --> 01:05:20,949
May I take your coats,
gentlemen?
1511
01:05:41,070 --> 01:05:43,738
All aboard!
1512
01:06:24,613 --> 01:06:26,414
I'm going to find Owens.
1513
01:06:27,216 --> 01:06:29,284
Gonna find my phone.
1514
01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:32,587
I'm gonna go find Diana.
1515
01:06:37,293 --> 01:06:40,562
Oh, shit, Messiah,
white Jesus in the building.
1516
01:06:40,564 --> 01:06:41,763
C-money in the hizzle.
1517
01:06:41,765 --> 01:06:42,964
Yo, man.
I see you made it.
1518
01:06:42,966 --> 01:06:44,332
I wasn't able
to get the weed, man.
1519
01:06:44,334 --> 01:06:45,767
Shit fell apart.
Know what I mean?
1520
01:06:45,769 --> 01:06:47,902
I forgot I even asked you.
You want some weed?
1521
01:06:47,904 --> 01:06:49,504
Have some weed.
1522
01:06:49,506 --> 01:06:51,506
But... all right.
1523
01:06:51,508 --> 01:06:53,942
You got a whole fucking
dump truck of weed?
1524
01:06:53,944 --> 01:06:55,910
Dro fo' sho'.
1525
01:06:55,912 --> 01:06:58,313
So this it, huh?
Oh, this is it, baby.
1526
01:06:58,315 --> 01:07:00,582
The nutcracker ball!
1527
01:07:00,584 --> 01:07:02,250
Yeah!
1528
01:07:03,052 --> 01:07:05,687
Having an emergency!
Aah!
1529
01:07:05,689 --> 01:07:07,589
Oh, my god.
Sarah!
1530
01:07:07,591 --> 01:07:08,957
Sarah!
1531
01:07:08,959 --> 01:07:10,525
Are you fucking kidding me?
1532
01:07:10,527 --> 01:07:12,460
Get off of me!
What the fuck, dude?
1533
01:07:12,462 --> 01:07:14,629
I'm sorry! I'm just happy!
You're so fucking sweaty.
1534
01:07:14,631 --> 01:07:16,498
I know. It's warm
and I'm on Molly.
1535
01:07:16,500 --> 01:07:18,500
God! Is that my phone?
It is. You have my phone?
1536
01:07:18,502 --> 01:07:20,535
Take your shit phone back.
It's the same phone.
1537
01:07:20,537 --> 01:07:22,070
That's why
we got them mixed up.
1538
01:07:22,072 --> 01:07:23,338
This has some serious shit
on it.
I know.
1539
01:07:23,340 --> 01:07:24,739
Wait. You didn't
look at it, did you?
1540
01:07:24,741 --> 01:07:26,574
You didn't look at any shit
on my phone?
1541
01:07:26,576 --> 01:07:27,675
No.
Good.
1542
01:07:27,677 --> 01:07:29,244
You didn't look
at my phone, did you?
1543
01:07:29,246 --> 01:07:30,712
I just wanna tell you...
1544
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:33,014
Good job.
1545
01:07:33,016 --> 01:07:34,549
You did fucking look
at my phone.
1546
01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:36,751
I didn't want to.
The texts just were coming in.
1547
01:07:36,753 --> 01:07:38,219
What is the matter with you?
1548
01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:40,255
All these gorgeous dick pics.
A-plus dick pics.
1549
01:07:40,257 --> 01:07:41,890
That's a boss hog.
Wait a second, really?
1550
01:07:41,892 --> 01:07:44,025
That dick soft is like
two of my dicks hard.
1551
01:07:44,027 --> 01:07:46,127
Do you think, like,
it would be...
1552
01:07:46,129 --> 01:07:48,396
Do you think I could,
like, handle it?
1553
01:07:48,398 --> 01:07:50,598
There was a moment I thought
he wanted me to handle it,
1554
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:52,333
and I had to wrap my head
around it for a second,
1555
01:07:52,335 --> 01:07:53,768
and I thought to myself,
"you know what?
1556
01:07:53,770 --> 01:07:55,370
You hunker down,
you could take that bad boy."
1557
01:07:55,372 --> 01:07:56,571
Really?
Yeah.
1558
01:07:56,573 --> 01:07:58,039
That guy James,
whoever James is,
1559
01:07:58,041 --> 01:07:59,774
he's got a fantastic cock
on him.
1560
01:07:59,776 --> 01:08:01,309
Yo! Did somebody say "cock"?
1561
01:08:01,311 --> 01:08:02,877
What's up?
1562
01:08:02,879 --> 01:08:04,245
Hey.
What are you guys talking about?
1563
01:08:04,247 --> 01:08:05,613
Nothing.
Hey, what's up? I'm James.
1564
01:08:05,615 --> 01:08:07,715
I'm Isaac.
You don't need to meet him.
1565
01:08:07,717 --> 01:08:09,117
That's your dick!
1566
01:08:09,119 --> 01:08:11,086
Oh, shit!
I'm the guy who had the phone!
1567
01:08:11,088 --> 01:08:13,054
You saw my dick?
Did I ever! Oh, my god!
1568
01:08:13,056 --> 01:08:14,622
He almost sucked my dick.
1569
01:08:14,624 --> 01:08:16,357
I would have if I'd known
it was you, maybe.
1570
01:08:16,359 --> 01:08:17,792
Shit! You guys a couple?
1571
01:08:17,794 --> 01:08:19,294
No. We're friends.
Am I the third wheel?
1572
01:08:19,296 --> 01:08:20,695
No. You're the first wheel.
1573
01:08:20,697 --> 01:08:22,697
Am I the third wheel?
Not at all.
1574
01:08:22,699 --> 01:08:25,066
I was with two other guys all
night and now I'm fight--
1575
01:08:25,068 --> 01:08:26,568
oh, really? Two other guys?
1576
01:08:26,570 --> 01:08:28,603
I'd love to hang out
with two other people.
1577
01:08:28,605 --> 01:08:29,904
Is that a challenge?
1578
01:08:29,906 --> 01:08:31,372
It might be! Yeah.
1579
01:08:31,374 --> 01:08:32,707
I don't know who
I'm gonna start with,
1580
01:08:32,709 --> 01:08:34,275
but I know who
I'm gonna end with.
1581
01:08:34,277 --> 01:08:35,844
Well, let's get started
right now!
1582
01:08:35,846 --> 01:08:38,279
You guys wanna dance?
I would love to dance.
1583
01:08:38,281 --> 01:08:40,148
I would love to dance.
You wanna dance?
1584
01:08:40,150 --> 01:08:41,649
Let's do it! Come on, Isaac!
1585
01:08:41,651 --> 01:08:43,985
Oh, my god. This is so nice!
This is the best!
1586
01:08:43,987 --> 01:08:46,187
What a turn of events!
What?
1587
01:08:58,734 --> 01:09:01,269
Holy fucking shit!
1588
01:09:10,012 --> 01:09:11,412
You're Miley Cyrus.
1589
01:09:11,414 --> 01:09:13,882
Yeah.
No, you don't understand.
1590
01:09:13,884 --> 01:09:17,452
I was just looking for this girl
that I love, and she loves you.
1591
01:09:17,454 --> 01:09:19,254
God, no. I did that
with two fans one time.
1592
01:09:19,256 --> 01:09:21,289
It got super awkward.
That's not what I meant.
1593
01:09:21,291 --> 01:09:22,790
Sorry, you don't understand.
1594
01:09:22,792 --> 01:09:24,726
That'd be awesome...
But, no, I just mean...
1595
01:09:24,728 --> 01:09:26,995
This has gotta be some kind
of Christmas miracle,
1596
01:09:26,997 --> 01:09:29,063
because she talks about you
1597
01:09:29,065 --> 01:09:30,965
and your song a lot.
1598
01:09:30,967 --> 01:09:33,434
And I love this girl. I'm
starting to realize, tonight,
1599
01:09:33,436 --> 01:09:35,170
she's the love of my life.
1600
01:09:35,172 --> 01:09:38,373
And I wanted tonight to be a
special night for me and her.
1601
01:09:38,375 --> 01:09:41,643
Now you're here and...
You want to propose tonight?
1602
01:09:41,645 --> 01:09:43,444
Oh, my god!
That is so romantic.
1603
01:09:43,446 --> 01:09:44,979
That is the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.
1604
01:09:44,981 --> 01:09:46,181
I mean,
i was just thinking
1605
01:09:46,183 --> 01:09:47,382
you could dedicate
a song to her.
1606
01:09:47,384 --> 01:09:50,185
What? You gotta propose!
1607
01:09:50,187 --> 01:09:51,553
Come on! It's Christmas.
1608
01:09:51,555 --> 01:09:53,388
It's like, go big
or go fucking home!
1609
01:09:53,390 --> 01:09:55,757
I mean, you love this girl.
You say you love her, right?
1610
01:09:55,759 --> 01:09:59,260
Yeah. But I don't know if
tonight's the right time for--
1611
01:09:59,262 --> 01:10:00,595
oh, god.
Are you one of those guys
1612
01:10:00,597 --> 01:10:02,096
that are always making up
excuses?
1613
01:10:02,098 --> 01:10:03,531
I fucking hate
those kind of guys.
1614
01:10:03,533 --> 01:10:05,366
No, Miley Cyrus,
I'm not one of those guys.
1615
01:10:05,368 --> 01:10:06,868
All right,
then don't be a pussy!
1616
01:10:06,870 --> 01:10:08,102
You got to propose to her!
1617
01:10:08,104 --> 01:10:09,470
There's all this magic
in the air,
1618
01:10:09,472 --> 01:10:11,973
people want to fall in love.
1619
01:10:11,975 --> 01:10:14,475
Okay. Okay!
Then I will!
1620
01:10:14,477 --> 01:10:16,311
This is a sign
if I've ever seen a sign!
1621
01:10:16,313 --> 01:10:18,746
It's gonna be fucking awesome.
I'm gonna propose!
1622
01:10:18,748 --> 01:10:20,915
Yeah, you're gonna propose!
I'm gonna help you out.
1623
01:10:20,917 --> 01:10:23,451
We're gonna propose!
Oh, my god! We're gonna propose!
1624
01:10:23,453 --> 01:10:25,620
We're gonna propose! Okay!
1625
01:10:25,622 --> 01:10:27,288
Miley Cyrus,
this is the nicest thing
1626
01:10:27,290 --> 01:10:28,556
that anyone's ever done
for me!
1627
01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,425
You gotta stop calling me
Miley Cyrus.
1628
01:10:30,427 --> 01:10:33,328
What should I call you?
Hannah.
1629
01:10:33,330 --> 01:10:35,396
Just kidding. I'm drunk.
Let's do this thing!
1630
01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:37,498
What's up, man?
Hey, Chris.
1631
01:10:37,500 --> 01:10:39,701
Yeah, what up, boy?
Hey, what's up, k?
1632
01:10:39,703 --> 01:10:42,270
Hey, reverend run, man.
It's your boy, reverend run.
1633
01:10:42,272 --> 01:10:43,805
What that supposed to mean?
1634
01:10:43,807 --> 01:10:46,808
Hey, Messiah.
Check this shit out, dude.
1635
01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:49,644
- Oh, shit. Is that you?
- The fuck is that?
1636
01:10:49,646 --> 01:10:51,446
Nah, it was a make-a-wish
thing, man.
1637
01:10:51,448 --> 01:10:52,947
Those two kids have
crohn's disease.
1638
01:10:52,949 --> 01:10:55,016
It was their wish
to do karaoke with me.
1639
01:10:55,018 --> 01:10:57,919
Man, damn dog, you look
just as white as they do.
1640
01:10:57,921 --> 01:11:00,421
- Yeah, which one are you?
- Look at that sweater!
1641
01:11:03,359 --> 01:11:06,694
I got you!
I got you! I got you!
1642
01:11:06,696 --> 01:11:08,029
Oh, man!
1643
01:11:08,031 --> 01:11:09,530
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
1644
01:11:09,532 --> 01:11:11,566
You're a great dancer, man.
Oh, thanks, dude.
1645
01:11:11,568 --> 01:11:14,235
Appreciate it. I'm pretty high
on Molly right now.
1646
01:11:14,237 --> 01:11:16,471
I'm high too. I'm high too.
1647
01:11:16,473 --> 01:11:18,706
- I am digging this beard.
- Thanks, man.
1648
01:11:18,708 --> 01:11:21,876
Yo, carpet match the drapes?
Yeah, I got a big bush.
1649
01:11:21,878 --> 01:11:25,213
My carpet matches my drapes.
1650
01:11:25,215 --> 01:11:27,982
Look at this guy!
He's furry all over!
1651
01:11:27,984 --> 01:11:29,484
Whoo! Nice!
1652
01:11:29,486 --> 01:11:30,885
You need to get
the fuck out of here.
1653
01:11:30,887 --> 01:11:32,420
You're being
a huge cockblock.
1654
01:11:32,422 --> 01:11:33,888
I'm not being a cockblock.
Yes, you are!
1655
01:11:33,890 --> 01:11:35,623
What the fuck are you
talking about?
1656
01:11:35,625 --> 01:11:37,158
I don't think I could block
this guy's cock.
1657
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:38,960
It'd take 10 men
to block that thing.
1658
01:11:41,531 --> 01:11:43,298
Merry Christmas, New York City!
1659
01:11:43,300 --> 01:11:44,866
Oh, no. Miley's here?
1660
01:11:44,868 --> 01:11:46,801
Miley Cyrus?
1661
01:11:54,711 --> 01:11:56,844
This is great!
This is so cool.
1662
01:11:56,846 --> 01:11:59,314
Where's Diana?
This is, like, our song.
1663
01:12:02,819 --> 01:12:04,786
All right, everybody,
give it up to my friend.
1664
01:12:04,788 --> 01:12:06,387
What the fuck
is your name again?
1665
01:12:06,389 --> 01:12:08,323
Ethan.
Ethan!
1666
01:12:50,667 --> 01:12:52,400
Yeah!
1667
01:12:53,769 --> 01:12:54,969
Diana...
1668
01:12:57,139 --> 01:12:58,506
Dude, can you move?
1669
01:12:58,508 --> 01:13:02,243
In the red. Move.
Yeah, thanks.
1670
01:13:02,245 --> 01:13:04,112
Diana, listen,
1671
01:13:04,114 --> 01:13:07,515
I know we're not really even
going out anymore,
1672
01:13:07,517 --> 01:13:09,751
and that's because
i wouldn't commit.
1673
01:13:09,753 --> 01:13:12,220
This is crazy.
But I'm ready to commit. Hard.
1674
01:13:15,225 --> 01:13:16,858
Hard like a wrecking ball.
1675
01:13:18,394 --> 01:13:21,062
You're the best thing that's
ever happened to me, girl.
1676
01:13:21,064 --> 01:13:22,563
You make me laugh.
1677
01:13:22,565 --> 01:13:24,732
You're cool as hell.
You don't take any shit.
1678
01:13:26,136 --> 01:13:27,535
You're smarter than I am.
1679
01:13:27,537 --> 01:13:29,871
Probably better than I deserve.
This is so romantic.
1680
01:13:29,873 --> 01:13:31,939
- But go big or go home.
- Right, Miley?
1681
01:13:31,941 --> 01:13:33,207
No, e.
1682
01:13:36,880 --> 01:13:40,281
When I let you go,
that was just me fucking up,
1683
01:13:40,283 --> 01:13:42,817
but I don't wanna ever let you
go again. Not now, not ever.
1684
01:13:42,819 --> 01:13:45,253
And definitely not
on fucking Christmas!
1685
01:13:47,690 --> 01:13:49,490
So this is it, Diana.
1686
01:13:49,492 --> 01:13:51,993
Only live once, bro!
Stop encouraging him, James.
1687
01:13:53,095 --> 01:13:54,328
Will you marry me?
1688
01:13:54,330 --> 01:13:56,497
Aww...
1689
01:13:56,499 --> 01:13:59,367
Say yes. Yes.
1690
01:14:04,006 --> 01:14:06,474
Yes.
Yeah!
1691
01:14:06,476 --> 01:14:08,042
Fuck!
Yes!
1692
01:14:26,963 --> 01:14:29,730
Okay, I gotta go find my friend
real fast. Excuse me.
1693
01:14:35,004 --> 01:14:36,737
I'm gonna be right back.
1694
01:14:36,739 --> 01:14:38,439
Y'all stay black.
1695
01:14:38,441 --> 01:14:39,841
Hey.
Yeah?
1696
01:14:39,843 --> 01:14:41,943
All this romance
is getting me really hot.
1697
01:14:41,945 --> 01:14:43,544
You wanna go back to
the hotel room?
1698
01:14:43,546 --> 01:14:45,813
Hey, I feel
like you might be gay.
1699
01:14:45,815 --> 01:14:48,216
Not right now, I'm not.
Okay.
1700
01:14:48,218 --> 01:14:49,517
All right.
Okay.
1701
01:14:49,519 --> 01:14:51,152
Oh, my fucking god!
Oh, my god!
1702
01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:53,488
Oh, my god! This is the
greatest night of our lives!
1703
01:14:53,490 --> 01:14:55,623
That was crazy.
That's so crazy, right?
1704
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:56,991
Listen, I'm sorry about
the ring.
1705
01:14:56,993 --> 01:14:58,593
I'll get you a ring,
i promise.
1706
01:14:58,595 --> 01:14:59,994
We can do that tomorrow.
1707
01:14:59,996 --> 01:15:02,129
No, Ethan, I'm not
going to marry you.
1708
01:15:02,131 --> 01:15:03,364
What do you mean?
1709
01:15:03,366 --> 01:15:05,800
We're not even together.
1710
01:15:05,802 --> 01:15:07,969
I haven't even spoken to you
in, like, three months!
1711
01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:09,670
I addressed that
in the speech.
1712
01:15:09,672 --> 01:15:11,806
I know, and then you show up
here and you propose to me
1713
01:15:11,808 --> 01:15:13,541
in front of hundreds
of people.
1714
01:15:13,543 --> 01:15:15,776
That's crazy.
Wait, I'm sorry.
1715
01:15:15,778 --> 01:15:18,279
We're not getting married?
This is a no?
1716
01:15:18,281 --> 01:15:20,548
No! It's a no! No!
1717
01:15:20,550 --> 01:15:24,519
I'm so sorry that you're clearly
going through a lot right now.
1718
01:15:24,521 --> 01:15:26,053
I'm sorry that your friends
1719
01:15:26,055 --> 01:15:27,922
don't wanna hang out
with you on Christmas.
1720
01:15:27,924 --> 01:15:29,657
I understand that
that's hard for you.
1721
01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:31,459
That is not a reason for you
to grab onto me
1722
01:15:31,461 --> 01:15:32,860
like I'm your lifeline!
1723
01:15:34,162 --> 01:15:35,863
Why'd you say yes?
1724
01:15:35,865 --> 01:15:38,132
I said yes because
everybody was looking at me.
1725
01:15:38,134 --> 01:15:41,202
I said yes because Miley
clearly wanted me to say yes!
1726
01:15:41,204 --> 01:15:43,905
And I didn't want Miley
to think that I hated love!
1727
01:15:45,407 --> 01:15:46,807
That's understandable.
1728
01:15:46,809 --> 01:15:49,510
I wouldn't want that either.
1729
01:15:49,512 --> 01:15:51,312
Okay, look, I...
1730
01:15:52,681 --> 01:15:53,948
I was really
just trying to do
1731
01:15:53,950 --> 01:15:55,516
what I thought
you wanted me to do,
1732
01:15:55,518 --> 01:15:57,218
and that's because
i love you.
1733
01:15:57,220 --> 01:15:59,287
It's been three months,
i haven't stopped.
1734
01:15:59,289 --> 01:16:00,721
I'm not gonna stop.
1735
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,558
I'm not your answer...
1736
01:16:03,560 --> 01:16:05,560
Right now, Ethan.
1737
01:16:06,562 --> 01:16:08,863
Wait, wait. No, no.
Can we talk?
1738
01:16:16,104 --> 01:16:18,606
Oh, my god! Hi!
1739
01:16:18,608 --> 01:16:20,141
You're Tommy Owens!
Yeah, thank you.
1740
01:16:20,143 --> 01:16:22,543
You're the Messiah!
You really are the Messiah!
1741
01:16:22,545 --> 01:16:24,045
You saved my fantasy team
last year!
1742
01:16:24,047 --> 01:16:25,613
I'm a huge fan.
That's good to know.
1743
01:16:25,615 --> 01:16:26,914
You have a good night.
1744
01:16:26,916 --> 01:16:28,716
You're big in real life.
Pleasure, man.
1745
01:16:28,718 --> 01:16:29,984
Look, can you help me out?
1746
01:16:29,986 --> 01:16:32,753
We have a friend in common.
Chris.
1747
01:16:32,755 --> 01:16:34,989
I'm looking for my buddy Ethan.
Oh, shit.
1748
01:16:36,625 --> 01:16:38,926
Hey!
I'm sorry!
1749
01:16:38,928 --> 01:16:41,128
I'm sorry, I got it. I got it.
1750
01:16:43,565 --> 01:16:44,966
Oh, no.
1751
01:16:44,968 --> 01:16:46,434
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
1752
01:16:46,436 --> 01:16:48,569
Hey, it's glass, man.
Why you picking it up?
1753
01:16:48,571 --> 01:16:49,904
I'm just trying to help out,
man.
1754
01:16:49,906 --> 01:16:52,006
Come on.
Oh, shit!
1755
01:16:54,410 --> 01:16:55,610
Holy shit!
1756
01:16:55,612 --> 01:16:58,179
I'm sorry!
1757
01:16:58,181 --> 01:17:00,247
The Jewish guy
crucified the Messiah!
1758
01:17:00,249 --> 01:17:03,918
It was rabbi dancing
motherfucker!
1759
01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:06,787
It's happening again!
It's happening again!
1760
01:17:08,324 --> 01:17:12,126
Ethan! Ethan!
Diana!
1761
01:17:12,128 --> 01:17:13,427
Congratulations!
1762
01:17:13,429 --> 01:17:16,430
No! Stop congratulating me!
What? What happened?
1763
01:17:16,432 --> 01:17:18,499
Just go talk to Ethan.
1764
01:17:18,501 --> 01:17:20,434
Shit.
1765
01:17:20,436 --> 01:17:23,471
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
- I think he's gonna be fine.
1766
01:17:23,473 --> 01:17:24,872
Please, punch him
in the face!
1767
01:17:24,874 --> 01:17:27,108
I thought the Messiah
preached forgiveness!
1768
01:17:27,110 --> 01:17:29,176
Look at me, asshole.
What the fuck wrong with you?
1769
01:17:29,178 --> 01:17:32,446
Who the fuck are you?
Hey. He's my friend!
1770
01:17:32,448 --> 01:17:33,848
Back off, man!
1771
01:17:35,217 --> 01:17:37,351
Yo! Back the fuck up,
all right?
1772
01:17:37,353 --> 01:17:39,020
Oh, shit just got real, huh?
1773
01:17:39,022 --> 01:17:41,522
Yeah, go ahead and punch him,
man. Tmz will love that shit.
1774
01:17:41,524 --> 01:17:44,058
I got the biggest motherfucking
phone on the planet.
1775
01:17:44,060 --> 01:17:46,861
And your ass will be trending
in 10 minutes.
1776
01:17:46,863 --> 01:17:49,697
Who in here follow chrisrob11?
1777
01:17:49,699 --> 01:17:51,165
Put your fucking hands down!
1778
01:17:51,167 --> 01:17:53,634
His social media game is crazy!
Crazy!
1779
01:17:53,636 --> 01:17:55,569
Run.
1780
01:17:55,571 --> 01:17:58,372
Go, go. Get out. No! No!
1781
01:17:59,174 --> 01:18:00,374
Yeah!
1782
01:18:00,376 --> 01:18:03,511
No, no!
I'm a lawyer! I'm a lawyer!
1783
01:18:17,125 --> 01:18:21,462
Magical night, isn't it?
Jesus. You scared me.
1784
01:18:21,464 --> 01:18:23,631
Mr. green.
1785
01:18:23,633 --> 01:18:25,199
Man, you're everywhere
tonight.
1786
01:18:26,201 --> 01:18:28,736
I end every Christmas
at this party.
1787
01:18:28,738 --> 01:18:30,304
What do you mean?
How do you get in?
1788
01:18:30,306 --> 01:18:31,706
It's my party.
1789
01:18:31,708 --> 01:18:33,340
What?
1790
01:18:33,342 --> 01:18:35,076
About 20 years ago,
1791
01:18:35,078 --> 01:18:38,179
I read the great gatsby.
1792
01:18:38,181 --> 01:18:39,847
I love that book.
1793
01:18:39,849 --> 01:18:42,383
Movie's all right.
3D gives me a headache,
1794
01:18:42,385 --> 01:18:44,418
but I'm a sucker for Leo.
1795
01:18:46,354 --> 01:18:47,955
So this guy,
1796
01:18:47,957 --> 01:18:51,192
he throws all these parties,
and nobody knows who he is.
1797
01:18:51,194 --> 01:18:54,328
I thought, "wow, that's
pretty fucking cool."
1798
01:18:54,330 --> 01:18:57,398
My cousin Larry's got this
giant warehouse in Brooklyn,
1799
01:18:57,400 --> 01:19:01,435
figured I'm working on Christmas
anyway, so I should do it too.
1800
01:19:01,437 --> 01:19:03,738
We started out pretty small.
1801
01:19:03,740 --> 01:19:06,707
Just a punch bowl
and some sleigh bells,
1802
01:19:06,709 --> 01:19:08,275
and it gets bigger and bigger
every year.
1803
01:19:08,277 --> 01:19:11,312
This year
we added that train.
1804
01:19:11,314 --> 01:19:13,380
Through the trippy tunnel
of lights.
Yeah.
1805
01:19:13,382 --> 01:19:15,483
Cool way to enter
a party, right?
Yeah.
1806
01:19:17,052 --> 01:19:18,786
What'd you think of Miley?
1807
01:19:18,788 --> 01:19:21,222
Yeah, she was great.
She was great.
1808
01:19:22,958 --> 01:19:26,026
Ethan, you and I both know,
Miley was flawless.
1809
01:19:27,462 --> 01:19:29,330
Something's bugging you.
1810
01:19:32,835 --> 01:19:36,437
Your friends,
they ain't gonna leave you.
1811
01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:37,972
They need you, kid.
1812
01:19:37,974 --> 01:19:39,373
How do you know about that?
1813
01:19:40,742 --> 01:19:42,977
Smoke this.
1814
01:19:42,979 --> 01:19:46,046
Nah, I'm good, man.
Weed makes me paranoid now.
1815
01:19:46,048 --> 01:19:49,650
This is the staff of life.
1816
01:19:49,652 --> 01:19:51,318
Okay.
1817
01:19:51,320 --> 01:19:53,254
You're making me
a little uncomfortable.
1818
01:19:53,256 --> 01:19:55,389
I've been told
my quiet intensity
1819
01:19:55,391 --> 01:19:57,792
has that effect on people.
1820
01:19:57,794 --> 01:19:59,727
But sometimes,
1821
01:19:59,729 --> 01:20:02,830
being uncomfortable
can be a good thing.
1822
01:20:17,947 --> 01:20:20,514
Fuck it. Thanks.
1823
01:20:36,765 --> 01:20:38,132
Hey.
Hey, man.
1824
01:20:38,134 --> 01:20:40,367
'Sup, dude?
What are you guys doing here?
1825
01:20:40,369 --> 01:20:43,704
We just thought maybe
you'd wanna hang out.
1826
01:20:43,706 --> 01:20:45,439
Some company or something.
1827
01:20:45,441 --> 01:20:47,775
Just say what's up.
Yeah, just say what's up.
1828
01:20:47,777 --> 01:20:49,210
That's cool.
1829
01:20:49,212 --> 01:20:51,078
I'm packing all this shit up.
1830
01:20:51,080 --> 01:20:53,480
Old people have so much stuff.
You guys remember that.
1831
01:20:53,482 --> 01:20:55,816
You have to throw things away
in life.
1832
01:20:55,818 --> 01:20:57,518
For sure.
1833
01:20:59,988 --> 01:21:02,456
Play some Nintendo?
Yeah, n64?
1834
01:21:02,458 --> 01:21:05,025
I think I'm just gonna
chill here.
1835
01:21:05,027 --> 01:21:06,660
I appreciate you guys
coming over,
1836
01:21:06,662 --> 01:21:08,429
but I think I'm just gonna--
1837
01:21:08,431 --> 01:21:11,432
no, man. Fuck that, dude.
It's Christmas.
1838
01:21:11,434 --> 01:21:13,868
You can't be alone.
Let's hang out.
1839
01:21:15,971 --> 01:21:18,939
Go to my mom's house.
Play some "goldeneye."
1840
01:21:18,941 --> 01:21:21,375
Come on. Look,
i got some whiskey.
1841
01:21:21,377 --> 01:21:22,943
I stole some hash
from my brother.
1842
01:21:22,945 --> 01:21:24,144
Rolled it in this doobie.
1843
01:21:24,146 --> 01:21:26,213
We get pretty fucked up.
1844
01:21:33,255 --> 01:21:34,421
I'm sorry.
1845
01:21:34,423 --> 01:21:36,624
No. It's cool.
It's all good, man.
1846
01:21:36,626 --> 01:21:38,359
It's okay, man.
1847
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:46,901
I just miss them.
1848
01:21:47,836 --> 01:21:49,270
We miss them too.
1849
01:21:49,272 --> 01:21:50,804
Yeah, man.
1850
01:21:50,806 --> 01:21:52,706
But you know what?
1851
01:21:52,708 --> 01:21:54,642
We're your new family now.
1852
01:21:54,644 --> 01:21:56,543
I'll be your daddy,
Chris'll be your mommy.
1853
01:21:56,545 --> 01:21:58,545
No, I'm gonna be the daddy,
you be the mom.
1854
01:21:59,915 --> 01:22:01,215
You guys are good friends.
1855
01:22:01,217 --> 01:22:02,983
We'll be here
whenever you need us, man.
1856
01:22:02,985 --> 01:22:04,184
Always, man.
1857
01:22:04,186 --> 01:22:06,587
Yeah, always there
for you, bro.
1858
01:22:09,324 --> 01:22:10,724
You can't smoke that
in here.
1859
01:22:10,726 --> 01:22:12,359
You can't smoke that
in here.
1860
01:22:12,361 --> 01:22:14,128
Figure we can now.
1861
01:22:15,597 --> 01:22:17,131
Yeah.
Yeah.
1862
01:22:17,133 --> 01:22:19,366
Fuck, that's crazy.
What we hiding this for?
1863
01:22:19,368 --> 01:22:20,768
Take a hit, dude.
1864
01:22:20,770 --> 01:22:22,202
A little bit
for the homeys.
1865
01:22:22,204 --> 01:22:24,371
It's so cold outside too.
1866
01:22:24,373 --> 01:22:27,708
We should go to Christmas tree
at rockefeller center.
1867
01:22:27,710 --> 01:22:29,343
Yes.
That's a good idea.
1868
01:22:29,345 --> 01:22:31,078
Then we go to
fao schwarz...
1869
01:22:31,080 --> 01:22:33,247
And we dance on the piano!
And we dance on the piano!
1870
01:22:33,249 --> 01:22:34,882
Like tom Hanks in big.
"Heart and soul."
1871
01:22:34,884 --> 01:22:37,051
Then we eat Chinese food,
because I'm fucking high.
1872
01:22:37,053 --> 01:22:40,120
And then go to the karaoke spot
right by the Chinese food place.
1873
01:22:40,122 --> 01:22:42,556
That's a fucking
good idea.
1874
01:22:42,558 --> 01:22:44,425
It's a dope night.
1875
01:22:51,199 --> 01:22:53,667
That was fucking touching,
yo.
1876
01:22:55,136 --> 01:22:57,638
Those are some ride-or-die
homeys you got there.
1877
01:22:57,640 --> 01:22:59,640
Cherish that shit.
1878
01:23:00,842 --> 01:23:03,110
It's all different now.
1879
01:23:03,112 --> 01:23:05,212
Those guys don't need me
anymore.
1880
01:23:05,214 --> 01:23:06,880
Oh, yeah? Listen.
1881
01:23:06,882 --> 01:23:09,116
We need him! We're not
leaving without him!
1882
01:23:09,118 --> 01:23:11,885
He's my best friend in the
world. I can't leave him here.
1883
01:23:11,887 --> 01:23:14,688
Don't let the red noses fool
you, these fuckers are tough.
1884
01:23:14,690 --> 01:23:16,690
What if I run in, and you try
to climb in a window?
1885
01:23:16,692 --> 01:23:18,592
Maybe if you boost me up
we can get around them.
1886
01:23:18,594 --> 01:23:20,627
No, I can't boost you,
you're too heavy, man.
1887
01:23:20,629 --> 01:23:23,263
We need our friend and
we'll never leave him behind!
1888
01:23:23,265 --> 01:23:25,532
Hand him over, reindeer!
Yo!
1889
01:23:25,534 --> 01:23:26,934
I'll charge and you go.
1890
01:23:26,936 --> 01:23:28,335
- There he is!
- Hey!
1891
01:23:28,337 --> 01:23:30,037
We've been looking
everywhere for you!
1892
01:23:30,039 --> 01:23:32,239
Rudolph is kicking our ass!
I'm here!
1893
01:23:32,241 --> 01:23:33,774
Get down here so we can go!
1894
01:23:33,776 --> 01:23:34,975
Here I come!
1895
01:23:34,977 --> 01:23:36,944
Come around!
1896
01:23:36,946 --> 01:23:39,913
I'm fuckin'--
i got your nose!
1897
01:23:39,915 --> 01:23:41,915
I got your nose,
asshole!
1898
01:23:41,917 --> 01:23:44,451
How about that,
Rudolph? Huh?
1899
01:23:46,087 --> 01:23:48,222
Thanks, Mr. green.
You're welcome.
1900
01:23:56,164 --> 01:23:57,798
It was a pretty dumb thing
you did.
1901
01:23:57,800 --> 01:24:00,000
I know. I didn't think it
through at all.
1902
01:24:00,002 --> 01:24:01,635
I just saw her at the bar
and just...
1903
01:24:01,637 --> 01:24:04,571
I don't know man, I really,
really like this girl.
1904
01:24:04,573 --> 01:24:05,939
I can't help it.
1905
01:24:05,941 --> 01:24:10,411
I was scared of being alone,
and did some stupid shit.
1906
01:24:10,413 --> 01:24:12,046
I think she just
wanted you to do
1907
01:24:12,048 --> 01:24:15,149
some normal shit that boyfriends
do after two years of dating.
1908
01:24:15,151 --> 01:24:17,518
But I'm not normal. You know
this. I'm not normal.
1909
01:24:17,520 --> 01:24:20,254
Bunch of abnormal shit
happened to me.
1910
01:24:20,256 --> 01:24:23,123
Or, I don't know,
maybe that's just an excuse.
1911
01:24:24,492 --> 01:24:26,960
I guess I'm pretty good
at making excuses.
1912
01:24:26,962 --> 01:24:28,629
Yeah.
All the time.
1913
01:24:28,631 --> 01:24:31,799
If you get paid for that,
you'd be really successful.
1914
01:24:31,801 --> 01:24:33,133
Why didn't you tell me?
1915
01:24:33,135 --> 01:24:34,802
You know, it's hard
to tell someone.
1916
01:24:34,804 --> 01:24:36,737
You have a good reason
to be making excuses.
1917
01:24:36,739 --> 01:24:39,206
It's just kind of
ruining your life.
1918
01:24:42,677 --> 01:24:45,546
It's harder to stay friends
with people when you're older.
1919
01:24:45,548 --> 01:24:48,382
You have so much
of your own shit going on.
1920
01:24:48,384 --> 01:24:50,851
We'll just have to try harder.
1921
01:24:50,853 --> 01:24:52,753
It's important, you know?
1922
01:24:52,755 --> 01:24:54,721
Come on.
1923
01:24:54,723 --> 01:24:56,657
I really love you.
1924
01:24:56,659 --> 01:24:57,891
I love you a lot.
1925
01:24:57,893 --> 01:24:59,293
Thanks, man.
1926
01:25:01,197 --> 01:25:03,363
Oh, no.
1927
01:25:03,365 --> 01:25:05,365
- Oh, no.
- What's up?
1928
01:25:05,367 --> 01:25:06,834
I have 96 missed calls.
1929
01:25:06,836 --> 01:25:08,368
Holy shit.
1930
01:25:08,370 --> 01:25:11,705
Oh, no, Betsy's gone
into labor, I bet.
No.
1931
01:25:11,707 --> 01:25:13,774
Why the fuck would she call
that many times?
1932
01:25:13,776 --> 01:25:15,442
Oh, no, she's calling again.
1933
01:25:15,444 --> 01:25:16,910
Hello?
1934
01:25:16,912 --> 01:25:19,713
Hello? Yes. All right.
1935
01:25:19,715 --> 01:25:21,982
All right. That's fine.
1936
01:25:21,984 --> 01:25:26,120
Uh, I will be right there.
As fast as I can. Don't worry.
1937
01:25:27,690 --> 01:25:29,323
Betsy's going into fucking
labor.
1938
01:25:29,325 --> 01:25:30,724
What?
1939
01:25:33,928 --> 01:25:35,896
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1940
01:25:35,898 --> 01:25:38,132
- Come on!
- Oh, no!
1941
01:25:39,334 --> 01:25:41,902
We'll never get a fucking cab
over here!
1942
01:25:41,904 --> 01:25:43,303
Wait, look!
1943
01:25:44,772 --> 01:25:47,307
It's Mr. green's car!
It's a Christmas miracle!
1944
01:25:47,309 --> 01:25:49,009
Isaac, can you drive?
Yeah!
1945
01:25:49,011 --> 01:25:51,445
No, no, no, I'm kidding!
I'll drive!
1946
01:26:00,623 --> 01:26:03,490
I believe
i finally earned these.
1947
01:26:09,631 --> 01:26:11,632
Come on. I got you. I got you.
1948
01:26:11,634 --> 01:26:14,768
No, no, no. There you go.
There you go.
1949
01:26:16,471 --> 01:26:18,872
Get out of the way!
1950
01:26:26,916 --> 01:26:29,149
Where is she? Where is she?
1951
01:26:31,820 --> 01:26:34,521
Cindy? Where is she?
Is everything okay?
1952
01:26:34,523 --> 01:26:36,290
It's okay.
Nothing happened.
1953
01:26:36,292 --> 01:26:37,724
Really?
It was a false alarm.
1954
01:26:37,726 --> 01:26:39,359
Oh, god!
1955
01:26:39,361 --> 01:26:41,328
False alarm!
1956
01:26:41,330 --> 01:26:42,729
Betsy? Betsy?
1957
01:26:42,731 --> 01:26:44,198
Thank god. I'm so sorry.
1958
01:26:44,200 --> 01:26:45,532
Where were you?
1959
01:26:45,534 --> 01:26:47,267
I made a mistake.
I made a huge mistake.
1960
01:26:47,269 --> 01:26:48,635
I called you.
1961
01:26:48,637 --> 01:26:50,938
I switched phones with Sarah.
From work?
1962
01:26:50,940 --> 01:26:52,773
It's a long story.
1963
01:26:52,775 --> 01:26:55,742
It doesn't matter. I just need
to tell you something. Okay?
1964
01:26:55,744 --> 01:26:57,544
Okay.
1965
01:26:57,546 --> 01:26:59,279
I'm gonna come clean with you.
1966
01:26:59,281 --> 01:27:01,381
Those drugs you gave me,
1967
01:27:01,383 --> 01:27:03,417
they sent me
on a spirit quest.
1968
01:27:03,419 --> 01:27:04,718
You know,
like a spirit quest
1969
01:27:04,720 --> 01:27:06,687
in an Oliver stone movie
or young guns.
1970
01:27:06,689 --> 01:27:09,423
And when that happened,
i kind of realized
1971
01:27:09,425 --> 01:27:12,893
that maybe I've been lying to,
maybe, myself and you
1972
01:27:12,895 --> 01:27:16,063
about how I really feel
about some stuff.
1973
01:27:16,065 --> 01:27:17,264
I'm just gonna show you this.
1974
01:27:17,266 --> 01:27:19,800
Just watch this.
Okay.
1975
01:27:19,802 --> 01:27:22,169
This baby is a bad fucking
call. I'm not ready for it!
1976
01:27:22,171 --> 01:27:24,972
We got to do this responsible
thing, and I got to say
1977
01:27:24,974 --> 01:27:27,207
that we should not
be having this baby!
1978
01:27:27,209 --> 01:27:28,875
Get rid of this fucking baby!
1979
01:27:28,877 --> 01:27:30,544
Put it in a bag
and leave it somewhere!
1980
01:27:30,546 --> 01:27:31,912
Put it in a basket
1981
01:27:31,914 --> 01:27:33,447
and push it
down a fucking river!
1982
01:27:33,449 --> 01:27:35,916
Are you laughing?
This is hilarious.
1983
01:27:35,918 --> 01:27:37,117
Cunt!
1984
01:27:37,119 --> 01:27:38,719
Did you just call our baby
a cunt?
1985
01:27:38,721 --> 01:27:39,920
I forgot about that.
1986
01:27:39,922 --> 01:27:42,556
Honestly?
Okay, I can't watch anymore.
1987
01:27:42,558 --> 01:27:44,591
But honestly,
I'm a little relieved.
1988
01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:46,159
You are?
Are you kidding me!
1989
01:27:46,161 --> 01:27:49,563
I feel like such a dumb asshole
compared to you sometimes.
1990
01:27:49,565 --> 01:27:51,365
It's all been a lie.
It's all been a front,
1991
01:27:51,367 --> 01:27:52,699
because I'm fucking
freaking out.
1992
01:27:52,701 --> 01:27:54,301
It's all just been
to compensate
1993
01:27:54,303 --> 01:27:56,036
for the fact that
i don't know anything.
1994
01:27:56,038 --> 01:27:58,372
This is good. You need
to let it out.
This is good?
1995
01:27:58,374 --> 01:28:00,374
Yes. You need
to not bottle it up.
1996
01:28:00,376 --> 01:28:02,442
One of us has to
not be freaking out.
1997
01:28:02,444 --> 01:28:04,745
I'm actually okay.
Really?
1998
01:28:04,747 --> 01:28:07,748
Suddenly I was thinking about
everything you've been saying,
1999
01:28:07,750 --> 01:28:11,385
about how strong we are,
and how we can handle it.
2000
01:28:11,387 --> 01:28:13,020
And that made me feel better.
2001
01:28:13,022 --> 01:28:14,288
Really?
2002
01:28:14,290 --> 01:28:18,225
Yeah. I really feel like
i can do this.
2003
01:28:18,227 --> 01:28:19,559
Look at me.
2004
01:28:19,561 --> 01:28:22,329
I'm your rock.
You're my rock?
2005
01:28:22,331 --> 01:28:23,764
I'm Dwayne.
2006
01:28:23,766 --> 01:28:25,999
I get to have sex with
Dwayne "the rock" Johnson.
2007
01:28:26,001 --> 01:28:28,335
I love you, Isaac.
2008
01:28:28,337 --> 01:28:30,237
I love you, dragon.
2009
01:28:30,239 --> 01:28:31,772
Betsy.
2010
01:28:32,740 --> 01:28:35,642
Did you say "dragon Betsy"?
2011
01:28:35,644 --> 01:28:37,044
I'm gonna keep being honest.
2012
01:28:37,046 --> 01:28:38,779
I'm tripping my fucking balls
off still,
2013
01:28:38,781 --> 01:28:40,414
and you look like a dragon
right now.
2014
01:28:40,416 --> 01:28:41,815
I do?
Yeah.
2015
01:28:43,152 --> 01:28:45,252
Ah!
Is that scary?
2016
01:28:45,254 --> 01:28:46,653
It's intense.
2017
01:28:47,990 --> 01:28:50,324
Let's just go. Can we just go?
Let's just go.
2018
01:28:54,295 --> 01:28:56,863
That's nice.
2019
01:29:02,271 --> 01:29:05,005
What is it?
Aww...
2020
01:29:09,477 --> 01:29:11,812
Couldn't have been easy
to tell me that.
2021
01:29:11,814 --> 01:29:16,249
It's not gonna be easy
to tell the world either.
2022
01:29:16,251 --> 01:29:18,652
Guess we gonna lose the park,
huh?
2023
01:29:18,654 --> 01:29:21,688
Fuck that park.
It got crackheads.
2024
01:29:22,523 --> 01:29:24,358
Say the grace, boy.
2025
01:29:24,360 --> 01:29:26,126
Yes, ma'am.
2026
01:29:27,128 --> 01:29:28,662
Heavenly father,
2027
01:29:28,664 --> 01:29:30,597
thank you for this food
we're about to receive.
2028
01:29:30,599 --> 01:29:32,866
Thank you for my momma.
2029
01:29:32,868 --> 01:29:36,970
Thank you for my friends
and their families.
2030
01:30:09,571 --> 01:30:11,805
Hi.
Really?
2031
01:30:12,841 --> 01:30:14,408
Are you gonna propose to me
again?
2032
01:30:14,410 --> 01:30:15,742
No.
Are you sure?
2033
01:30:15,744 --> 01:30:17,411
I just wanted to talk to you.
2034
01:30:17,413 --> 01:30:18,979
And I have something
to tell you,
2035
01:30:18,981 --> 01:30:21,348
and I wanna tell it on
Christmas. If that's all right?
2036
01:30:21,350 --> 01:30:22,983
So it can't wait.
2037
01:30:22,985 --> 01:30:25,252
Can you just come out here
for a sec and we'll talk,
2038
01:30:25,254 --> 01:30:26,653
and then I'll go. I promise.
2039
01:30:30,458 --> 01:30:32,092
Okay. Fine.
2040
01:30:33,961 --> 01:30:35,128
What?
2041
01:30:35,130 --> 01:30:37,497
First of all, I'm sorry
about last night.
2042
01:30:37,499 --> 01:30:40,133
I know that was stupid.
Yeah.
2043
01:30:40,135 --> 01:30:43,203
And, uh... and...
2044
01:30:43,205 --> 01:30:46,773
And it was totally crazy that
i wouldn't meet your parents.
2045
01:30:46,775 --> 01:30:49,309
That was just
me being really...
2046
01:30:49,311 --> 01:30:51,912
Yeah. I agree with that.
2047
01:30:51,914 --> 01:30:54,548
But I guess I was...
2048
01:30:55,349 --> 01:30:56,750
I don't know, scared,
2049
01:30:56,752 --> 01:30:58,618
because Chris and Isaac
have been my family
2050
01:30:58,620 --> 01:31:00,754
for the last 10 years,
2051
01:31:00,756 --> 01:31:03,056
so I didn't wanna meet
your family
2052
01:31:03,058 --> 01:31:05,625
because that would
change everything.
2053
01:31:05,627 --> 01:31:07,694
But everything changes, right?
We all grow up,
2054
01:31:07,696 --> 01:31:11,364
and that's a good thing,
i wanna grow up. I do.
2055
01:31:13,302 --> 01:31:15,469
I wanna grow up with you.
2056
01:31:16,437 --> 01:31:18,038
And I do wanna have a family,
2057
01:31:19,106 --> 01:31:21,708
other than two dudes.
2058
01:31:21,710 --> 01:31:26,079
But I want that family to...
2059
01:31:27,381 --> 01:31:29,983
I want it to be you.
2060
01:31:29,985 --> 01:31:34,521
Which is probably worse
than proposing,
2061
01:31:34,523 --> 01:31:38,225
because now we're talking
about you bearing my children.
2062
01:31:38,227 --> 01:31:40,060
Yeah. It's a lot.
2063
01:31:40,062 --> 01:31:44,130
But just pretend I'm saying
it right, if you could.
2064
01:31:45,533 --> 01:31:47,567
I'd rather be the guy,
from now on,
2065
01:31:47,569 --> 01:31:50,170
who says too much
than not enough.
2066
01:31:50,172 --> 01:31:54,808
If we're being honest,
i should apologize to you also
2067
01:31:54,810 --> 01:31:57,944
for stalking you,
a little bit.
2068
01:31:57,946 --> 01:32:01,715
I knew that you were gonna be
at that bar last night.
2069
01:32:01,717 --> 01:32:03,984
You pretended like that
was just coincidence.
2070
01:32:03,986 --> 01:32:05,619
I did. And also,
2071
01:32:05,621 --> 01:32:08,655
if we're confessing things,
2072
01:32:08,657 --> 01:32:13,293
I do ask Betsy about you.
2073
01:32:13,295 --> 01:32:15,128
Kind of all the time.
2074
01:32:15,130 --> 01:32:16,463
She doesn't let on.
2075
01:32:16,465 --> 01:32:18,031
I know.
Because she's my friend.
2076
01:32:18,033 --> 01:32:20,133
I ask her about you
every time I see her.
2077
01:32:20,135 --> 01:32:22,469
Oh, I know.
Yeah.
2078
01:32:22,471 --> 01:32:23,837
She tells me
every time you ask.
2079
01:32:23,839 --> 01:32:25,472
She doesn't tell me
that you ask her.
2080
01:32:25,474 --> 01:32:27,040
She's a girl.
That's how it works.
2081
01:32:30,177 --> 01:32:31,578
Can I come in?
2082
01:32:31,580 --> 01:32:34,114
In here?
2083
01:32:34,116 --> 01:32:36,783
This is my parents' house.
I know.
2084
01:32:36,785 --> 01:32:40,520
I thought that
you didn't do parents.
2085
01:32:40,522 --> 01:32:42,489
I'll do your parents.
Oh.
2086
01:32:42,491 --> 01:32:44,791
Wow. Nice.
2087
01:32:44,793 --> 01:32:48,295
Don't do my dad doggy-style.
He's got very bad knees.
2088
01:32:48,297 --> 01:32:51,631
He's an old man now.
2089
01:32:53,902 --> 01:32:55,635
All right.
2090
01:32:55,637 --> 01:32:57,370
Hey.
Yo.
2091
01:32:57,372 --> 01:32:59,506
I kind of wanna kiss you,
2092
01:32:59,508 --> 01:33:02,809
but maybe not so soon after
saying I would do your parents.
2093
01:33:20,194 --> 01:33:23,229
Come have sex
with my mother and my father.
2094
01:33:23,231 --> 01:33:25,098
I thought you were saying,
"come have sex."
2095
01:33:25,100 --> 01:33:26,900
With my mother and also
my father.
2096
01:33:50,258 --> 01:33:51,524
She won't sleep.
2097
01:33:51,526 --> 01:33:53,627
Can we try?
Are you sure?
2098
01:33:53,629 --> 01:33:55,328
Showtime. Let's do it.
2099
01:33:55,330 --> 01:33:57,364
Thank you.
2100
01:33:57,366 --> 01:33:59,933
- Hey, sweetie.
- This is the best.
2101
01:33:59,935 --> 01:34:02,469
- Come here, little sweetie.
- Come here.
2102
01:34:02,471 --> 01:34:03,937
Come here, sweetie.
2103
01:34:03,939 --> 01:34:06,306
Look who it is.
Who are these guys?
2104
01:34:06,308 --> 01:34:08,241
Look at that.
2105
01:34:08,243 --> 01:34:10,377
Who are these guys here?
2106
01:34:10,379 --> 01:34:12,879
Should we do it?
Yeah, do it.
2107
01:34:46,547 --> 01:34:48,748
That's good. Wow.
2108
01:34:49,917 --> 01:34:52,118
The end.
2109
01:34:52,120 --> 01:34:54,320
How was that
for a Christmas story?
2110
01:34:54,322 --> 01:34:56,289
That was nice!
2111
01:34:56,291 --> 01:34:57,590
That was some shit!
2112
01:34:57,592 --> 01:35:00,360
Shit happened!
Things went down!
2113
01:35:00,362 --> 01:35:01,828
Lessons were learned.
2114
01:35:01,830 --> 01:35:04,364
Friends are important,
but relationships evolve.
2115
01:35:04,366 --> 01:35:07,467
I'm so glad Ethan and Diana
ended up together.
2116
01:35:07,469 --> 01:35:08,968
I hope he get her pregnant.
2117
01:35:08,970 --> 01:35:11,004
I'd like to give a special
shout-out to my seed
2118
01:35:11,006 --> 01:35:13,807
for killing it again
this Christmas.
2119
01:35:13,809 --> 01:35:15,709
Best I ever did it!
2120
01:35:15,711 --> 01:35:18,344
Shit, pop. Thanks.
2121
01:35:18,346 --> 01:35:19,412
Thanks for noticing.
2122
01:35:19,414 --> 01:35:22,148
Right now,
let the after-party begin!
2123
01:35:22,150 --> 01:35:23,416
Dj kevy kev!
2124
01:35:23,418 --> 01:35:25,185
Let's turn it up!
2125
01:35:26,253 --> 01:35:28,855
Turn it up, now! Holla!