(music)
(maniacal laughing in the distance)
(screaming)
(laughing)
(screaming)
(laughing)
(screaming)
- No!
No!
- What's the matter darlin'?
I thought everyone loved clowns.
Everyone.
We make the world a hap, hap, happy place.
So, don't worry
this is gonna be really funny.
(laughing)
(screaming)
(ominous electronic music)
- Babe, what time is he supposed to be here again?
- What?!
- What time is he supposed to be here?!
- What, Peanut?
- Please, do not call me that in front of him.
- Well, why not?
You're my Peanut.
- This is a guy who has killed people overseas
in places that I can't even pronounce.
Sorry, sorry he's probably killed --
he's possibly killed people?
All I'm saying is the dude is a bruiser,
and he has always been that way.
He used to play football,
and then he went overseas, and joined the Army,
and started killing people with guns.
He's used to letting off a lot of steam,
and the guy pounding his little sister
is probably a good substitute for a punching bag.
- Pounding his little sister. Thank you for that.
- You know what I mean.
- Lucky for you I do.
Byron, however, doesn't have the luxury
of knowing you for the lovable
smart ass that you are.
So, just cool it on the pounding talk.
- I recall Byron doing a lot of pounding in school too,
and not the kind you brag about to your--
- What is that supposed to mean?
- The guy's just a piece of work, okay?
- You don't even know him.
- I don't have to know him.
He was like a shark in high school,
and he would just kind of roam through the halls
and all the underclassmen were
like fat, nerdy little seals.
- That was high school.
- Do you wanna be judged for who
you were in high school?
- No.
- Exactly. Byron's a good guy.
- Well, good guy or not, he's intimidating.
- You're gonna be fine. He's gonna love you.
- He gave up a football scholarship to join the Army,
what could I possibly talk to him about?
- You watch a lot of war movies.
- Seriously?
- Talk to him about that.
Hey, I like you.
I love you.
- Thank you.
- He's gonna like you too.
I gotta go finish dinner. Hey, go get ready.
I put your pants on your work suit.
- That's another thing, let's not talk about that.
Please.
- What? You like your job, right?
- It's not the Army.
- So what?
We're happy, and it's getting us through.
It's no big deal.
- Okay.
But just don't bring it up, okay?
Our future plans.
Babe?!
Okay?!
Christy?!
(video game sounds)
(knocking)
Babe, can you get that?!
I've gotta go...
I've gotta get ready.
Byron maiden, what's up?!
- Really, dude?
I'm just bustin' your balls, man! Great to meet ya!
- Christy!
He's choking me with his shoulder.
- [Byron] It's true don't deny it.
- [Christy] It's not. - [Byron] Yes, yes it's true.
- You're lying.
- No.
- You lie. He is, he's lying. - No. No.
- [Christy] Tell him you're lying.
- No, I can't tell him I'm lying
because then I would be lying.
- You are! You're ly --
He is, he's lying.
- No, no.
- It's not true.
- Ask my dad.
Ask my dad whether or not this story is true.
He will turn three shades of red,
and then he will tell you that it's true
that she was playing doctor with Ian
from next door.
- I was eight.
- I mean kids these days they start so young.
- Stop. Stop it.
- No.
- Stop it.
- No. You missed me. You missed me.
What? What?
- You guys are so mean.
- I didn't say anything about you playing doctor.
- I'm gonna go do the dishes.
- Do you need help?
- No.
- You want to play doctor?
- Try not to play doctor on the way to the kitchen.
You watch your mouth.
- Sorry.
I guess some things never changed, right.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Hmm?
No, because she's the --
you know, the doctor, playing doctor,
now she's a med student, and it's funny.
- Yeah, and?
- It's funny.
And she's...
was the doctor and now she's a...
- Dude, I'm just screwing with you.
Really, I'm screwing with you.
Lighten up, man.
(giggling)
Like,
I mean, you're my sister's fiancé,
like I gotta bust your balls a little.
So, you never told me what you do for a living, man.
- Oh no?
- So, what do you do for a living?
- I...
(mumbling)
- Come again?
- I guess you could say it's like advertising?
I'm in advertising.
- Oh yeah, like with an agency and whatnot?
- No, no not exactly.
It's more of a local company.
- Dude, that sounds really noble.
How big is it?
- It's a car wash.
- So, you only have one client?
- I wouldn't exactly call them a client.
- You lost me.
- It's a circus-themed car wash.
I dance in front of it with a sign.
I'm a clown.
- No, shit.
- Dude, that's awesome, man.
That's so cool.
- Seriously?
- Yeah dude, that's rad.
- Don't do that.
- No, no seriously. It's rad.
It's so cool you're doing that.
You gotta tell me one thing though.
Does my dad know?
- No.
- Oh man! Oh, that's great.
I mean Christy she's dated some clowns in her day,
but I mean she hasn't dated a clown.
- Are you making fun of me right now?
- No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, that came out wrong.
No, it's just like c'mon I'm coming into this
I'm your...
I'm your fiancee's older brother,
and like you are a clown that works at a car wash?
I mean, seriously though, like you deserve a break.
You deserve that good thing happening to you, man.
- This is where I think you are making fun of me.
- I'm not, I'm not making fun of you.
I'm sorry if it sounds like I am. I'm sorry.
Let's go.
- Go where?
- To your room, I gotta see this outfit, man.
- No.
- Yes.
- Nope. - Yes.
- No. - Yes.
- No. - C'mon.
- Nope - Yes.
- No. - Yes.
- C'mon. - No.
- Dude, you're showing me this outfit.
- Okay.
- Yeah, c'mon. Let's go.
- I'm not putting it on though.
- That's fine, whatever.
- Not putting it on.
- C'mon, you gotta lead the way.
- It's upstairs but I'm not putting it on.
- [Byron] That's fine.
- I'm not putting it on.
- [Byron] Whatever.
Let's go.
- I'm not putting it on.
- Would you go.
- This is dumb.
- Dude, c'mon.
- No, it is really, really dumb.
- Would you just come out already.
You weren't kidding.
- You happy now?
- Kind of.
That is awesome. No, really man, that's boss as hell.
- Yeah, never heard anybody call a clown outfit boss,
but thanks.
- You got a wig, right? Where's the wig?
C'mon, throw it on.
- C'mon, throw it on.
- C'mon, let's do it right.
- Oh my god, I'm gonna kill you.
- Holy shit.
- What? What?
- You look like Wasco.
- Wa-who?
- Wasco, the Wasco clown.
- No idea what you're talking about.
- You've never heard the story about
the Wasco clown.
- I got nothin'.
- Dude, sit down. I got an idea.
Come here, don't make it weird. Sit down.
Would you just sit down.
So, how long have you lived in this town
and you never this story?
- We went to high school together.
I've been here all my life.
- Look at me. Stop this. Come here.
It's actually the story of three clowns,
but Wasco is the scariest damn clown
this town had ever seen.
So, it was right after the township of Wasco
was incorporated, and the circus came to town.
Well, not really a circus but more like
a shitty carnival with bad freak show
and snake oil peddlers, and you know, clowns.
Well, apparently
three of these clowns were bad men.
Real bad men.
When they came to town, they had their way
with the mayor's teenage daughter.
- Why do you know all this?
- It's a legend. Everybody knows this.
Now, shut up.
So, legend goes that they had their
way with her, or you hear it from other people,
they say she might've been a bit of a harlot.
The sheriff being a friend of the mayor,
and not being a friend of due process,
formed himself a little lynching party.
And once he found those clowns,
he hung, burned, and drowned them.
And so these three clowns with their
last dying breaths, they cursed those who killed them
and vowed they would come back to seek their vengeance
on the town that claimed their lives.
- That's it?
- Yeah, that's it.
- Really, so it's just all hocus pocus,
I'm going to return and have vengeance.
That's all.
- Dude, it's a story about three killer clowns.
I said it was cool, I never said it was believable.
- It's also dumb.
- Just let me finish this.
- Whoa.
- I know.
- This is...
It's ghoulish.
- Right man, frickin' killer.
- This is like some five-year-old's worst nightmare.
- Dude, this is like some 35-year-old's worst nightmare.
I have an idea.
- No.
- Hey, sis!
- No.
- Christy, can you come up here for a minute?!
- Dude, no.
- Yes.
- No - Get her.
- She will kill me.
- I know.
Yes.
- No, no. - Yes.
- Dude, no I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it. I'm not getting up.
- Yes, yes.
- Hi.
- Oh, you guys are so mean.
- He did this to me.
- You two deserve each other.
- Oh lighten up. Doesn't he look good?
- You do boy things, I'm gonna go take a bath.
- I wanna go take a bath with her.
- I'm sorry?
- I want to take this clown makeup off.
- No, no you're not taking that clown makeup off.
We got work to do.
- What?
- Dude, I didn't get you all studded up,
so you could just take it off.
We're going out.
- I am not going anywhere.
- Dude, we gotta take some pictures.
There's that old elementary not far, lets' go.
- I am not going to an elementary school with you.
- Dude, we're not going in the elementary.
To the playground! C'mon!
- Nope.
- C'mon.
Dude, you're supposed to be bonding with me.
And you're gonna say yes.
C'mon let's go.
- Fine.
So, now what?
- Well, now you look menacing.
- I look menacing.
- You convey menacing with some sort of look.
A pose, you know, give me something.
Get it?
- Okay, I got it.
What was the Army like?
- Boring.
Pretty boring.
And it smelled bad.
Dude, pose. C'mon.
- So, do you miss it?
- What?
- Do you miss it?
- I don't know, man. Worse mistake of my life joining up.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
Dude, menacing.
- I'm doing menacing.
- We're going to be brothers, right?
- I hope so.
- Well, I'm gonna tell you something,
but if you ever tell Christy.
- Seriously, that's not my business all right.
Unless, you're gonna tell me that you killed a guy
before you joined the Army, we're good.
You didn't kill a guy before the Army, right?
- I lost the scholarship.
I got a DUI right after football season,
and it was a couple towns over.
The school had a no tolerance policy.
So, I joined the Army make it look
like I saved face.
It's cool though, I mean I'm out now right,
and no one's worse off for it.
Dude, these pictures look sick.
Are you ready to get out of here, head home?
- Yeah.
Yes, I am.
You sure you're good?
- Yeah, me? I'm fine, man.
Let's go.
(maniacal laughing)
- Where did you get those keys?
- Don't ask.
After you.
- Eww, tell me why we're here again?
- I told you this is where Billy brought
that little slut Kelly Sue when he told
me he was going out with the guys.
And I wanna see if there's any evidence.
- Eww, that is so gross.
She is such a slut.
I can't believe she let him bring her here.
- Yeah.
It's kind of sad actually,
I wish he would've brought me here.
- Eww, you're a slut.
- Whatever. Takes one to know one, bitch.
You'll never get me.
- I don't want to.
Hey.
Hey, I was just kidding.
Hey!
What a bitch.
What in the hell?
Real cute Jared, real cute.
Is the cue that the show's about to start?
(gibberish)
All right, I'll play along.
It's showtime.
(circus music)
(gibberish)
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes. I'll get ya.
- No, no, no. Please, no. No, stay away.
- Hey, this isn't funny.
Can you stop now?
No.
Stop it! Just stop it!
Oh shit.
(moaning)
- Andy.
(screaming)
(laughing)
- Morning, Peanut.
- Good morning.
- How did you sleep?
- Oh, like the dead.
I'm not used to having that much wine with dinner.
- You got real giggly last night.
- It was really great catching up with Byron.
I didn't realize how much I missed him.
Did you guys have fun last night?
- I guess so.
I mean, I wouldn't call being paraded as some
kid's circus nightmare a good time,
but it was okay.
- So, you wouldn't mind hanging out
with him while I go to work?
- It'll be fine.
- So, did you guys talk about anything?
Get to know each other.
- Well, we didn't stand around in silence
while I was dressed up as Slappy the psychotic clown.
- What did you talk about?
- Just guy stuff.
- Oh, guy stuff. I get it.
- Stop.
- No, I understand.
Wouldn't want to break the first rule
of the He-Man woman haters club.
I get it.
- You are trouble.
- Well, compared to my silly fiancé
and my crazy brother, I think I'm doing all right.
(loud yawning)
- What's all this talk about a crazy brother?
- Morning, big bro. You need coffee?
- Coffee, bacon, anything really.
- You bet.
- Byron butterfly, good morning.
- Dude, just no.
- I felt good about it.
Cereal?
- So, what are you guys gonna do today?
- I have no idea.
What do you wanna do?
Byron?
- Holy shit.
- What is it?
- What?
- Dude, you're famous.
- What?
- You're famous, dude. The photos we took last night,
they're going viral.
- What? What do you mean?
- The pictures. The pictures we took last night.
I uploaded them before I went to bed,
and they've gone viral. Look.
This is getting a lot of attention.
- I can see that.
- Isn't it great? Dude, we got a lot of work to do.
- What does that mean?
- Dude, we gotta go out again, tonight.
- No, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
- Tonight.
- I'm gonna go and watch some TV,
get ready for work.
Boys, play nice.
Be good.
- Yeah.
- No, that's humiliating.
- Seriously?
- Yes,
- This is humiliating.
So, dressing up like some silly regular ass clown
you know, for kids to laugh at you,
isn't humiliating,
but dressing up like a badass scary clown
to like scare the crap out of people, that is?
- Fine.
- Yes. I knew you'd be onboard.
Now, just gotta find a good spot to go.
- [Christy] Oh my god.
- Baby, you okay?
- [Christy] You need to see this Tyler.
- [Voiceover] The groundskeeper found the body
of two young women while he was doing his nightly rounds.
There are no suspects as of yet,
but the police are investigating this as a homicide.
We'll have more on this story as details unfold.
- Weren't you guys there last night?
I can't believe this.
- Look, this has gotta be some kind of mistake.
I mean, yeah we were at the same school,
but this is just some kind of messed up coincidence.
- I don't know, dude.
- What? We didn't do anything wrong.
This isn't our problem.
- We were there.
- Yeah, we were there. We took some pictures.
We left. We didn't see anything.
- Then you can just call the police, right?
- And tell them what?
That we were there and took some pictures.
How's that gonna help anything?
- You're not wrong. He's not wrong.
- Are you serious?
- I really expected a lot more from both of you.
- Christy, we did not do anything wrong.
- Well, you're not exactly doing the right thing either.
- You know, I thought I was done hearing
that kind of bullshit now that I'm out of the Army.
- Can you please talk to him?
- I don't know what you expect me to say.
All right, I'll try.
- Promise me you won't go out again tonight.
- I don't think that's gonna be an issue.
- You don't know Byron.
When he sets his mind to something,
he is going to do it.
So, promise me you won't go out again.
Okay?
Promise.
- I promise.
(punk rock music)
♪ Take a ride Take a ride Take a ride
♪ Let's go Let's go Let's go
♪ Take a ride Take a ride Take a ride
♪ Take a ride to the other side
♪ Take a ride Take a ride Take a ride
♪ I wanna go I wanna go I wanna go
♪ Take a ride Take a ride Take a ride
♪ Take a ride to the other side
(rock guitar solo)
♪ Take a ride Take a ride Take a ride
♪ Let's go Let's go Let's go
♪ Take a ride Take a ride Take a ride
♪ Take a ride to the other side ♪
- How was work, man?
- It wasn't bad.
- Running the car wash is a hell of a lot easier
than being a damn clown all day.
I don't like second shift that much,
but I had a co-worker
I needed to cover for,
so he could go out on a hot date.
- Nice, blowing off work to get laid. Classic.
- Yeah, he said he was gonna to take her to the woods
for some old fashioned parking.
Whatever floats your boat.
- You mean balloon.
- C'mon man, no more clown jokes, all right.
It's enough that you already got me going
against anything that Christy wants.
I don't need to be tortured with clown puns.
- Dude, lighten up she'll be fine.
- That's easy for you to say.
All you have to do is be her brother,
I have to make her happy.
- Shit dude, I'm sorry. You're right.
I mean, I shouldn't be making you go
against her like that.
- No, man it's all right. I just don't wanna rock the boat.
You know, things are good.
- Yeah, and I can see that.
You take good care of my sister.
It's just these photos going viral it feels cool, you know.
- No man, I totally get it.
I think it's awesome that things
are actually getting out there.
- I mean, it's not a lot but it's something.
- What do you mean?
- Well, it's just, it's nice to have an impact,
to do something significant.
I never really thought I'd take pride
in much else after I lost that scholarship,
and then this whole army thing now.
- What army thing?
- What?
- This army thing, what army thing?
- Oh, dude don't worry about it.
Ain't no thing.
- You sure you good?
- Yeah man, I'm fine.
Let's not let anything ruin an awesome night, all right?
- It's true.
It's not every night that a horny co-worker
gets you the night off right?
- No, it is not.
(doo woop music)
- Stop it you jerk.
- I mean it, stop.
Dammit! You almost smeared my makeup.
- Well, it's a good thing that you don't need it baby.
- [Voiceover] Hey kids, it's me your be-boppin' daddy,
your rockin' buddy with those sweet, sweet tunes.
That's right, the hawk that talks, Big Don Hawkins.
Now, we just heard a track from Tim Bowen and the Raiders.
Man, I remember those guys from the '70s.
Anyway, we have more hits coming your way
in the next hour.
But first, the Wasco County sheriff's office
has issued a statement regarding the recent rash of calls --
- Hang on baby, I wanna listen to this.
- [Voiceover] Regarding acts of mischief
and vandalism reported to have been committed
by individuals dressed as clowns.
Due to these incidents, the sheriff's office
is issuing a city wide curfew for anyone
18 or younger.
Persons over 18 are urged to use caution,
and to carry identification with them at --
- That is such bullshit.
Cops are always ruining everything.
- Sounds like some kids are ruining it for everyone.
- Oh yeah? And when did you start behaving so well?
- Hey, I behave.
- Whatever.
I had to blow off work so we could
come and mess around here.
That doesn't sound like very good behavior to me.
- Oh, such a rebel.
I'm in the prime of my life.
It's natural for young people
to explore their sexuality.
Besides, how do I know I'll ever
have a chance to get lucky in the woods again.
- You make a good point.
But I gotta take a piss.
Don't you go anywhere.
- And just where am I gonna go?
- I don't know you little minx,
but you aren't getting away.
- You're waisting time. Go.
(giggling)
(laughing)
- Kev?
(yelling)
(screaming)
That isn't funny, you shit!
It isn't.
- Sorry.
So, you ready for this?
What the hell?!
- What happened?
- What do you mean, what happened?
Somebody's outside shaking the car.
- You're crazy.
- I'm not crazy, baby.
I know what it feels like.
- Well, I mean we were shaking it pretty hard.
- No, no baby. No, it wasn't us.
- Then who was it?
- I don't know.
I bet it was Tyler, that shit.
- Why would it be Tyler?
- He knows we're out here.
He picked up my shift,
and I bet he got off early so he could
come out here and mess with us.
- Yeah, well your friends suck.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
Tyler!
Come out, come out wherever you are
you cock-blocking piece of...
I think we gotta get out of here, babe.
There's something going on. I don't...
Oh my god!
(maniacal laughing)
(screams)
Oh god!
(laughing)
(honking)
(maniacal laughing)
- Tyler?
Tyler, wake up.
Tyler.
- Uh-uh.
- Tyler look.
(moaning)
Tyler, wake up you need to see this.
- What?
- Look.
- So?
- So? Look at it.
- Police say the newest victims were found
up in an area known to locals as Lover's Lane.
I just worked for a guy who was going to Lover's Lane.
Is that Kevin?
- Tyler, I don't know what's happening,
but I don't want you guys going out at night
until all this stuff is over.
- I don't know how one relates to the other.
- Are you high?
I don't want you guys out late.
There's a serial killer running around.
- I get it.
But I think Byron and I can handle ourselves.
- Oh, I'm sure what those poor people
in the woods thought.
(doorbell ringing)
- Who is it?
- It's the cops.
- Oh shit.
- I'd appreciate it if you give us a heads up
if you decide to leave town,
we might want to talk to you again later.
Thanks for your time.
- Dude, they got nothing on us.
They're blowing smoke. We didn't do anything.
- People died, okay?
A guy that I work with at the car wash died,
his girlfriend died.
How do you not get that?
- Dude, so what people die everyday
it doesn't mean we have to stop
doing what we're doing.
- That's exactly what it means!
- We can't stop now we're blowin' up.
- Byron, you have to stop.
I'm worried about you guys.
For Christ's sake, the cops just showed up here!
- Christy, you don't understand. We can't stop now.
- We have to stop. How are you not getting this?
- Dude, this is bullshit.
You're just gonna let some cops
walk in here, some flat foots,
and tell us what to do when we did nothing wrong.
- Byron, you have to stop.
- And why the hell should I?!
(loud knocking)
- What now?
- It's probably just the detectives again.
- Can I help you?
- No, but I think I can help you.
Are you the clown?
- Excuse me?
- The clown. The clown on the instaweb.
- No.
- Are you this clown?
- Yeah, so?
- You are in danger.
You are in grave danger.
You're also endangering the lives
of the people you love,
and possibly the people of Wasco.
- What is this?
- You need to stop what you're doing,
and you need to stop now.
- Hey, wait a minute.
- Are you this clown?!
- No.
- Well, then shut up.
You are playing with things you don't understand.
You are going to bring death on
everyone you're close to,
and pretty soon that death is going
to spill out over everyone else.
- I don't know what the hell it is --
- Wasco!
- You're dressing up as the Wasco clown, yes?
- Yeah, and?
- And?
Do you think this is a game?
You're bringing them back,
you're bringing them into existence.
- Okay, wow.
You know what, I see that you're really busy
being batshit crazy and all, do you just wanna...
- Listen, young man!
I might be weird, and I might be old,
but you're the one that's batshit crazy
if you don't listen to me.
Do you want her to end up like
those poor girls or that couple at the lake?
- No.
- You've all heard the legends about
these three hell-bound clowns had
a pact with Old Scratch.
These things, they're not of this earth.
They may have been once,
but now they're the stuff of legends
and some legends can come true.
(sighs)
Hey, can it jarhead!
I've kept this journal for years,
and I was always fascinated with
these stories as a young girl.
And as a boy, my grandfather always went
to the circus when it came to Wasco.
He knew about the dark forces here.
He told me about them,
and he taught me the truth behind the fiction.
And from then on, I've been keeping my eye out.
- For what?
- For some fool to bring them back into existence.
What you're doing? What you're both doing?
- Oh for shit's sake.
Are we seriously going to sit here
and listen to this nut?
Sorry, this sweet kindly crazy old nut
tell us some story that was probably
made during the Civil War to scare kids?
- Bry!
- What? I mean, okay you guys may believe this,
but sorry I'm not buying what you're selling.
- Your friend there is going to get himself
and a lot of other people killed if he doesn't
stop this nonsense.
And you too, for your own safety,
for her sake.
- All right, let's just say I believe you.
Okay, how can these things be sent back
to wherever the hell they come from?
- They can't be driven back once they've been brought forth.
But once they're back they may be mortal again,
and if you get the upper hand you could kill them.
You could stab them with this.
Legends say this dagger was forged
in hell, and it's the only thing that
has the power that you need to send them back.
(screaming)
- Oh gosh. The look on all three of your faces,
that was priceless.
Lady, relax. It's not that serious.
- How would you like 100,000 watts
of giggle juice right up your keister, you smart ass!
Is that serious enough for you?!
- Okay, all right. Look, it was a joke, okay?
He was just kidding.
It was stupid. It was stupid, but it was just a joke.
I think we're all just a little too worked up right now.
- Too worked up?
Listen to me, son, and listen well.
I'm putting my life in jeopardy,
so that you and your sweet little lady here
and that blithering idiot would all be spared,
and possibly the whole town of Wasco.
You need to heed my advice,
or you're all doomed.
I'm going to leave you this dagger,
'cause it's the only thing that has the power
that can send them back.
Good luck.
And you're gonna need it.
- Wait, so Bryon gets a dagger,
and all we get is good luck?!
(screaming)
- Don't you see?! Don't you see now it's too late!
They're here!
And they know I'm here.
They know and they're going to find me.
You stop. You better stop right now,
or you're gonna have some much blood on your hands.
- You know guys, I'm trying.
I'm just not scared yet.
They're just balloons.
You guys? You scared yet?
- What?
- Chris.
Chris. Christy.
I need those for work, Christy.
- I don't know what's going on.
I don't know what I think about these
demon clowns, or insane amateur folklores,
but I do know that people are dying.
And I know that the police have talked to us.
Please, you guys have to stop whatever...
project photography thing you're doing.
- What? No, we don't have to stop whatever we're doing.
Just because the clown whisper shows up,
and you two start buying her bullshit story
about how photos we're taking are
bringing clowns back to life.
- By, it's not about that.
- It's not the lady, okay. People are dying.
We had nothing to do with it,
but I don't want to put us at risk
when there's a murderer out there.
- Dude, we can't stop what we're doing now.
People are digging this, we are blowing up right now.
- By, why is this so important to you?!
- Oh what, I can't be proud of something I've done?
- You have a lot of things to be proud of.
- No, I don't at all.
- You just came back from a tour with the Army,
that's something.
- Don't worry about the Army.
Just forget about that.
- Forget about it?
You just came back from overseas,
how could I forget that?
- Because I got kicked out! All right?!
- What?!
- I got discharged, and not in an honorable way.
- Byron, what happened?
- I went AWOL, and they caught me
at a bar three days later.
And I haven't told anyone.
Mom and Dad, they don't know.
I spent the last few weeks, and months,
going through all the proceedings.
It was a nightmare.
I just let everybody down.
- Byron, that's not true.
I have no clue what it was like for you out there,
but I don't think I could handle it.
People are gonna understand.
- Understand? Understand what that I'm a deserter
that I couldn't take the heat,
that it was just like it was in high school.
- That's not true you were great in high school.
You were a star. You got that scholarship.
- Chris, I lost that scholarship.
- What?
- Yeah, I never told anybody.
Nobody knew, except for the first time I
told somebody the other night.
But yeah, I lost it.
- I don't understand. You gave up that.
- No, I got a DUI
right after the season ended.
The school wouldn't take me.
So, I joined the Army.
Nobody knew.
God, I just...
I just...
I've been such a shit big brother to you,
and you shouldn't have such a screw up
for an older brother.
I should be like taking care of you.
- Byron, no.
You've always been there for me.
That's all I need.
I don't need you to be a football star,
or a soldier,
or a viral clown photographer.
Just be you.
- Thanks.
And thanks to you too, man. I'm sorry.
You know, too much too soon.
- It's fine. I had fun,
but considering all things I think
maybe there should be no more funny business,
you know, no more clowning around.
- Clowning around. You.
This dagger was forged in hell.
Ten bucks says she bought that at a thrift store.
I mean, were you guys really buying what she was saying?
- No, of course not,
but you know with the cops and the murders.
- That's more than enough.
I don't know what the deal with those balloons are
that's a little weird.
- Probably just the neighbors,
I mean they were giving us some crazy
looks last night.
- I bet it was that old Wasco witch herself.
- She was pretty odd.
- Dude, she was a psycho.
I mean she really believed that us
taking pictures and putting them up online
was resurrecting demon zombie clowns from hell.
- Crazy lady. My little peanut, you feel better?
- Whoa! Whoa! Bad touch, bad touch.
- Well, you wanted to bond didn't you?
- I mean, that's a little much.
- I love you guys.
I hate clowns though.
- The identities of the two women are being
withheld tonight but the Wasco police department's
statement that they are not explicitly looking
for a serial killer but Sheriff Wash
had this to say, "We are dealing with some
"very sick individuals."
- Sick individuals.
Yeah, they're sick individuals all right.
(honking)
(screaming)
(maniacal laughing)
(buzzing)
(maniacal laughing)
(screaming)
- Please, tell me you guys are messing with me.
Just tell me now and I won't be mad,
just tell me.
- Baby, we had nothing to do with this, I swear to god.
As soon as Byron and I got back from the bar
last night, I was in bed with you.
- Yeah sis, we had nothing to do with this.
- What's going on?
I can't deal with this.
Are you sure? Neither of you are messing with me?
- No.
- You have to tell me.
- Babe, it's okay. Okay?
We didn't do it, okay?
- Look, I already said I didn't do it.
(knocking)
- Now, what?
What can I do for you now, officers?
- We got a few questions for you
and your brother-in-law.
- Future brother-in-law.
- What do you need?
- Why did Nancy Benson have your name and address?
- She came over yesterday,
right after you two left.
Ranting about some stupid clown legend.
Why?
- She's dead. Murdered.
- What happened?
- Apparently, she was attacked last night.
Tried to hide in her closet.
- Didn't work.
- So, I have to ask Mr. Bell, where were you last night?
- Am I under arrest?
- Just answer my question.
- We were at a bar.
- I don't think that my partner asked you anything.
- Well, I offered it anyway.
- And what bar was this?
- It was?
- We were at Spinelli's last night on Baxter.
We were there until close.
- Is there anyone that can confirm you were there?
- Actually, yes there is.
- All right, smart ass who is it?
- The bartender.
- You expect me to believe that
the bartender's gonna remember the two of you
on a busy night like last night?
- Tyler?
- He banged her.
- Byron.
- What?
- So, if you go, just ask for the rocker-looking chick
with the black hair and tattoos.
Yeah, like on the neck and she had a piercing on the lip.
Yeah, ask for her and she'll confirm it.
- You telling me that if we go talk to this bartender
she's gonna confirm you were there last night?
- Yeah, she can confirm it. I was there.
Twice.
- All right, all right. Look, we answered your questions.
Okay, go to the bar if it doesn't pan out, we'll be here.
- Oh, I'm sure we'll be back.
- You can count on it.
- Oh, and one last thing,
what's with all of these balloons?
- Those are for me.
Last night was my official welcome home party
from the Army.
- Welcome home, soldier.
Stay put, we're gonna want to talk to you again.
- What the hell was that?
- That poor woman.
- Why did you lie to him about the balloons?
- Dude, would you have believed that these
balloons were just here when we woke up this morning?
- My own sister hardly believed us,
Cagney and Lacey would've hauled us off on the spot.
You know, you should really be thanking me.
- Why?
- For banging that bartender.
I never thought establishing an alibi
could be so much fun, or degrading.
- Okay, that's good. Don't need that.
- Dude. Dude.
This is so stupid.
- Byro-maniac
- Ow!
- Byron lung.
- Ow, man.
- Byron drunk, that's all I got.
- What the hell happened?
- You all right?
- All right's a relative term.
- You shouldn't drink.
- Dude, you think I did this to myself?
I got smacked in the head with a pipe.
- Doesn't make any sense.
- I don't think we're in the house alone.
- What do you mean we're not alone?
- Dude, look at the door.
- Oh shit.
Chris?!
Christy!
- What's wrong, Peanut?
- It's all right.
Move, move, move!
(screaming)
Christy?
Christy!
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
(maniacal laughing)
- What the hell is this?
Bryon. Byron.
- Clowns! - Shh!
- Freakin' clowns, man! - Shh! Shh! Shh!
- Where's Christy?
- I don't know. I think we follow that clown we'll find her.
- Follow the clown, that's your plan?
- Yeah.
- Well, can you get out of these lights?
- It's funny but I think I can.
- Untie me. Quit clowning around,
I'm tied up like a Christmas tree.
- Shh!
- Quit clowning around.
- Seriously? You just had to say that?
- Have you seen yourself?
You go first.
You have clown makeup on.
- All right, what's the plan?
- We find Christy.
- Totally, I'm with you. How?
- After you.
- Gee, thanks.
Is every building in this damn town abandoned?
- Pretty much.
Christy.
- Why the hell did clowns kidnap us?
- Clowns from hell.
- Sorry, clowns from hell.
- Christy.
(door slams)
Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
Can we talk about this?
Suck on this, Bozo!
C'mon!
Byron!
The clown's kicking my ass!
Byron!
I hate clowns.
(gagging)
- So yeah, dagger forged in hell.
- That's awesome.
Let's go find Christy.
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Tastes like black licorice.
- Well, don't put clowns in your mouth
they taste funny.
Guess there's only one way to go.
(screaming)
Hey, big top!
Let her go.
You untie her, I'll take care of tiny.
- What's taking so long?
- I got clown shit on my hands,
just give me a break!
- C'mon! C'mon! Hit me big boy!
(yells)
I could use a little help here!
- Help him. Go help him.
- Get the knife! Get the knife, man!
What are you waiting for? Stab him!
Stab him, dude!
(wheezing)
I think we found the bad witch.
- Wait, wait.
Not another one!
- Guys?!
- Hey you, get your clown hands off of her!
(laughing)
(circus music)
What the hell?
I think he got me.
- I got him. Now c'mon, let's get Christy.
Let's go.
(screaming)
- Christy!
C'mon dude, let's go!
- Go get her, man. I'm fine. I'm fine.
- I can't just leave you, man.
- Dude, really give me like five minutes.
Go get her.
- Byron.
Go get my sister!
- Christy.
(laughing)
- Hey, are you okay?
- I've been better. You look good.
Let's go.
- Yeah.
Where's Byron?
I don't think he made it.
(balloon pops)
Let's go.
Are you okay?
- We have to go back for Byron.
- I will okay. I will.
- No. - You'll have to stay here.
- You can't go back by yourself.
- You stay here. I will find him, okay?
- What? You guys leaving without me?
That's rude.
Hi. Hi. Hi.
- Oh, I should smack you.
- What? Did I scare you?
- No, your face just looks stupid.
- Somethings don't change.
- Are you okay?
- I'll live.
- Can we just...
- Yeah, let's go.
- Okay.
I think I...
Thank you. I think I bruised my liver.
Can you bruise your liver?
- I don't think you can, Peanut.
- [Byron] Peanut? Did she just call you peanut?
- [Tyler] Oh my god.
- [Byron] Peanut, peanut.
- [Voiceover] That's right ladies and gentlemen
a clown in Central Park.
- [Voiceover] Residents in a Kansas City neighborhood
have reported seeing a clown hanging out
in the public park in the middle of the night.
- [Voiceover] With dark eyes and is almost
always seen with a red balloon.
I don't know about you
but I'd be moving away from that place.